#{ solo ; ngs1p5 }

[bejun]

𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓 𝐆𝐄𝐍  ! 𝚁𝙴𝙵𝙻𝙴𝙲𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽 𝚂𝙾𝙻𝙾

𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐋, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 Jun reflects on the sports day… 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 562 words

Another interview, another chance to think back on what had occurred. Jun’s beginning to like these interviews. Thinking back over everything makes it easier to remember later on, when he wants to recall fond memories. He’s ready, and he thinks he might be getting better at this—more relaxed as time goes on and figures out how best to word what he wants to say. He’s not got much to say that could be misconstrued this time, anyway. Not when he enjoyed the sports day more than anyone else, probably. Jun readies himself, straightening his posture and looks at the interviewer beside the camera, watching as she shuffles papers and takes a sip of water. He does the same, just to make sure his voice sounds clear. Then, they begin.

“So, did you enjoy the sports day? What game was the most fun?” 

Easy. “I think I enjoyed it more than anyone else, frankly. I love sports. I love keeping active and staying on the move. The more I tire myself out in a day, the better I sleep, and I love a good nights sleep. Who doesn’t, right? As for my favourite game... I think dodgeball. I’ve always loved it, and I’m good at it. Name tag was great fun, but I’m loyal to my favourite game, and I think I showed my skills off quite nicely.” He’d enjoyed every second their relaxation day, running and jumping and leaping and bending, not to mention all the laughing he’d done during Name Tag. 

“What part of today was most relaxing as you head toward the finale?”

“Honestly, spending more time just having fun with people I’ve grown really close to over the past few weeks. Not everyone is still here, and I’m still dealing with that, missing them, feeling guilt over not doing more for them. It’s tough, but this sports day helped me take my mind off all the burdensome aspects of the show, and how anxious I am about the finale, and what it may hold. Being able to just spend one day really just having fun all together was exactly what I needed.”

"Are you worried about the finale?”

“Of course I am, I think everyone is. Obviously I want to do well. I want my ranking to go back up. I’ve been steadily dropping in the past couple weeks... and it’s hard to watch that and keep my morale up. But this is the last chance to show I can do it, that I can get back that number one spot. I got there once, so I can do it again.”

“When you wrote your letter, did you have anyone else in mind that you thought about writing to?”

“I decided to write to myself because, while I have some people I’d have liked to write to, like my best friend, the things I would say to him are probably a bit too soppy to air on television. I didn’t want to ruin my tough-guy image with the kind of things I’d write to him. He’s my rock, though, and I couldn’t have made it through this show without him. But yeah, I wrote to myself because I think I needed to talk to myself and recenter myself for the finale. To remind myself of my goals and what I need to focus on. Now that I’m so close.”

[bejun]

𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓 𝐆𝐄𝐍  ! 𝙹𝚄𝙽'𝚂 𝙻𝙴𝚃𝚃𝙴𝚁

𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐋, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 Jun writes a letter to himself… 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 466 words

Jun considered, for a while, writing a letter to his best friend, Ollie. But if he’s going to write something for someone so special, he’d rather the letter be private. So, he settles on the next best thing—a letter to himself. He’s sure a lot of other contestants will write to their family members, but Jun’s pretty sure his parents don’t even know he’s on the show. There’s so much he could say to himself though, so much ugliness to lay out on the page, and yet he’s not willing to let the world see his uglier parts. He does a lot of scribbling, crossing out, ripping out pages and scrunching them into balls, tossing them across the room and then wondering why he’s wasting paper when he could’ve just crossed out what he didn’t like—it also felt much more dramatic in the movies. 

But, he has to find a place to start...

Dear Jun, 

I’m sure you’re surprised you made it this far, right? After so many rejections, this feels like a dream. At any minute, you’re going to wake up, and it’ll all have been snatched away. You wouldn’t be surprised at that, though. You’ve put more of yourself into what you’ve done in the past couple months than you’ve ever put into anything in your entire life, and I know how much this means to you. But if it all comes crumbling down, keep your chin up. Remember what we always say? Never give up, never back down. 

We both know how much you want this, but we also both know your flaws. We both know how much more room there is to grow. But I believe in you. I believe you can do it this time. You’ve got to. This is your last chance, Junho. This is it. This is all you ever wanted, from the moment you can remember wanting anything. You’re so close, just keep pushing. Stay focused. Be the best you that you can be, because we both know you struggle with that. There are parts of you that aren’t perfect, and maybe never will be, but that’s okay as long as you’re trying. I know it’s hard to remember that, because you tend to be hard on yourself about pretty much everything, but if it doesn’t work out at least you know you tried your absolute best. 

Remember that little boy who’d sneakily watch kpop music videos while mom wasn’t watching? You’re so close to making that boy proud. To making his dreams come true. you’ve gotten further this time than you’ve ever gotten before. To me, that’s a sign that this either the moment you’ve been waiting for, or it’s your last hurrah. Whichever it is, make sure it’s memorable. Make sure people always remember Seo Junho.