#{ i brought my words to a fist fight || convo. }

[deadpige0n]

Pinkie Promise

summary- hot cocoa and heavy hearts cry for one another's pain

warnings: deep convos, peter crying, rain, hot cocoa, bruises, crisis, gwen 💀, sad, unbetaed and read twice sorry 😔✋

word count: 0.6k ♡

Masterlist

an: idek what came over me my dudes. one moment i was listening to One For The Road by Arctic Monkeys and the next minute i had this in my notes 😵‍💫😵‍💫. welp i hope u besties enjoy <3 in my tasm!peter era 🤩 this is a repost from my main @writingquillsandpainpills bc i feel like that accounts shadowbanned lmfao

∆

the rain hit the windows harshly, loud and angry and quick like an erratic heartbeat. I was lying down on peters floor, feeling the cold marble on my back through the fabric of my loose tee.

"do you ever feel like..." peter started as he sat down, two mugs of hot cocoa in his hands. I sit up and cross my legs as he hands me my mug, eyeing his bruised knuckles, where yellow and purple speckled his skin.

I hummed in response, intrigued by his question and wanting him to go on. his eyebrows raised lightly as I sipped the cocoa, as if asking is it good? I nodded in his direction lightly and waited for him to finish his sip so he'd speak.

"like the worlds moving so fast and i-its like you don't have any way of catching up?" he continued, eyes dazed and far away. I stared, worried.

"I didn't know you felt like that, pete. yea sometimes....sometimes it feels like i'm losing track of everything, but i don't worry much about it.'' I reply, fiddling with the hem of my jeans. his eyes focused on me again and he opened his mouth as if to say something. he hesitated for a beat and then took a sip.

"i jus-i feel like with the whole spiderman thing, i jus don't have enough time to live my own life. after everything with gwen-'' he gulped, choking back tears, "i'm just so scared that-that it'll happen again to you..or-or may and i just can't have that happen to either of you, y'know." he finished, fat tears falling down the his cheeks.

I stared at him, his brown eyes squinty and drowning in tears, his hair mussed and falling everywhere in spikes, his stubble starting to come through. he looked so tired.

I scooted closer, putting my mug down and gently prying his from his hands and putting his mug down next to mine. I tugged him towards me and he fell into me, his forehead on my shoulder and his tears dropping down on my ankles.

"how long have you felt like this?" I whispered, tears of my own flooding my eyes making me blink them back.

"jus a few months or so" he whispered back, sniffling slightly. he wrapped his arms around my back as he pulled me closer towards him, till I was nestled in his chest.

"I wanted to tell you, but I jus...couldn't. i'm sorry." he apologised, his chin resting on my head.

I pulled back slightly and looked into his eyes, looking at the thinly veiled regret and sadness he was fighting back.

"pete, you don't ever have to apologize, okay? jus tell me when you feel ready. don't force yourself to do anything before you're ready, okay?" I said softly. he nodded and brought up a hand, his fist closed tightly, his veins bulging and his pinkie pointing towards me.

"pinkie promise?" he said, a sad, sideways smile tugging his lips and making his left eye squint slightly.

i chuckled at the sweet, adolescent gesture, nostalgia flooding in my heart as I brought my pinkie up to interlock mine with his.

"pinkie promise." I returned, with a similar smile.

he kissed my forehead, a light peck so gentle i barely felt it. I leaned into him further, my ear on his heart, our pinkies still interlocked.

the rain continued to thrash against his windows outside, still loud, still angry, still quickly and still like an erratic heartbeat. but inside his apartment, in his arms i heard his heartbeat, slow and steady and calm. we sat like that till our hot cocoa got cold and our eyes became drowsy.

"what kind of name is peter?"

"oh, shut up"

∆

tags!: @gay-prentiss @sadgirlml @will-on-the-internet @lil-stark @gold-onthe-inside @fightingdragonswithreid @ssabelova @broken-stardust ik ive alr tagged you but 🧍🏻‍♀️i had to repost ♡

[sableflynn]

Out unseen - ch. 4

first | previous | next

Now presenting Marcus angst plus a casual convo between Felicia and Volkan 😈 yeah uh if you’re here for the spicy whump that’ll be back next chapter

cw: kidnapping, noncon touch, references/threat of noncon, captivity, just uhh overall dread? people having a bad time

Also on Ao3

---

She was gone.

Marcus had circled around as soon as he could, weaving through the maze of shipping crates, desperate to lose the guards tailing him. It might have been a few minutes or it might have been hours; when he made his way back to the meeting point, it was deserted. Even the dead man’s blood had been cleaned up. It was as if no one had ever been there at all.

And Felicia was gone.

And Marcus had let her get taken because he had turned tail and run like a coward, because he wasn’t brave enough to break his promise to her and fight for her. He should’ve thrown himself at them and done whatever it took to get her to safety. Instead, he ran.

He didn’t head straight home. He walked the city, scouring the streets for the tiniest fragment of something to point him in the right direction. Eventually he ended up at Volkan’s mansion, a luxurious estate in the heart of the upper-west side. For hours, he cased the outer grounds, shivered in the hedges, waiting for a car to return or a light to turn on or some indication that someone was home.

No one ever showed up. And if Volkan wasn’t bringing her to his house, where were they? Visions flashed through his mind of Felicia tied up in some secluded warehouse, or dumped in a shallow grave in the middle of the woods, or—

No. He would find her. They would all find her, together.

The sky was lightening with the faintest glow of dawn as Marcus finally made his way home on legs that barely worked. He was going to walk into their house alone, and the others would see him alone and immediately know.

As he approached the front door with its peeling paint and worn knocker, he was brought back to that night the week before, returning home after the dance had changed everything. And now he had left Felicia with the same man who had forced that change on them, fuck.

Elyse was waiting for him as he stepped through the threshold. She greeted him with a hug, and he said nothing as her eyes moved from his face to look over his shoulder. Looking for Felicia, he knew. Her brow furrowed almost imperceptibly, and Marcus shattered.

“She’s gone,” he managed to gasp out. “He took her, she’s gone, she’s with him, and I just—I—”

“Hey. Come sit.” Anna was at his side, one warm hand on his shoulder, guiding him to the table. Elyse was frozen, still staring at the door as if she was waiting for Felicia to walk in. Marcus felt like he was moving in slow motion as he allowed himself to be sat down at the table. He was faintly aware of the others around him, Kailo and Darya pulling some extra chairs up to the table and Elyse finally, finally coming to join them with that distant, lost look in her eye.

“It was my fault,” he said at last. “We were—I let him take her, and I couldn’t save her, I fucked up and now—”

“Marcus.” He couldn’t help but look up at the bite to Anna’s voice; her expression softened as their eyes met. “We need to know what happened if we’re going to do anything about it.”

We can still do something about it. He wasn’t alone. He let out a slow, shaking breath and forced himself to look at the others.

“He was buying a person,” he said. “That was the trade deal. It wasn’t weapons or drugs or whatever, it was a fucking person.” He clenched his fists on the table till his nails dug into his palms. “And we just...god, it was so stupid but we just couldn’t leave this guy there, we had to try…”

“I don’t blame you,” Darya said, and there was a cold fury in her voice that Marcus had never heard before.

“Volkan caught her.” Marcus squeezed his eyes shut, fighting back the images flashing through his mind—Felicia dragged to Volkan, his hand on her face while a man bled out and died behind him. “And then he killed the man he was buying. Like he was nothing. And then I—I ran.” The last word came out as a sob.

“Marcus, you…” Kailo was hesitant, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. “If you both got caught, we never would’ve known what happened. But you came back, and now we can find her—”

“Or she’s already dead.” Terror clutched at Marcus’s chest as he said it, but he had to voice the thought that had been consuming him since Felicia had vanished. “He took her and shot her and dumped her body in a shallow grave somewhere. Got rid of one more thorn in his side.”

Elyse spoke for the first time since Marcus had gotten home. “He isn’t going to kill her.” Beneath her exhaustion, her eyes blazed. “Not right away, anyway. He was clearly...buying that person for a reason.” Her voice dripped with disgust. “And he just...decided Felicia would work better. For whatever god-awful fucked up thing he’s planning.” She swallowed, took a deep breath that almost sounded of a sob. “She has to still be alive.”

Marcus clung to the tiny tendril of hope Elyse gave him. She had to be alive.

They just had to find her and get her out while there was still something of her to save.

“He wasn’t at his house.” Marcus thought back on the manor, silent as a tomb in the night. “I went and searched and waited there all night. I was sure they’d come back eventually, but...I don’t know where else he could’ve taken her.”

“We’ll find her.” Anna’s voice was steel. “There has to be something we can follow. Who was there? What else did you see?”

He didn’t want to revisit the scene in his mind. He didn’t want to remember anything about this night. But he forced himself to think back, the secluded docks filtering into his mind, Volkan and Becker chatting under the dim lamplight while a man shivered beside them. “It was the docks, the southern port. Volkan and Becker, and a few guards, and the...the man they were selling.”

“Becker? That businessman?” Elyse tilted her head, then turned to Anna, half-lost in her own thoughts. “Anna, I think…”

Anna was already nodding. “I’m on it.”

“Who was the man?” Kailo’s voice was small. “The one they were...the one they…”

The one Volkan murdered. The one who would still be alive, if Marcus and Felicia had done what they had gone there to do and haven’t stuck their noses in. “I don’t know.” He hated saying it. He never would know, now. “His face was covered the entire time. And then he died.”

“They’re fucked up.” Darya’s fists were clenched.

“And if we—” Marcus buried his face in his hands, overcome, and then forced himself to continue. “If we had just gotten the fucking pictures and gotten out of there, we could take them down, and Felicia would be fine, she’d be here with us—”

Elyse stopped him. “We’ll get her back.”

“How?”

“We will.” She reached across the table and took his hand. “We’re not leaving her. Not for an instant. We’ll find her. We’ll talk to people—”

“We can’t go to the police,” Anna cut in. “They’re in his pocket.”

“Not the police,” Elyse agreed. “People we trust. We have to move carefully. But we won’t stop until we have her back.”  

A wave of exhaustion washed over Marcus as he looked between his friends’ faces: Darya simmering with anger just below the surface, Kailo heartbroken, determined, Anna already planning her next steps, and Elyse…

“We should get some sleep,” Elyse said, her eyes red and lined with weariness. “We need to be able to think clearly about this. We...we can’t rush into things.” Rubbing at her face, she stood to leave the table.

“Elyse—” Marcus couldn’t stop himself from grabbing her hand. “I just—all of you, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I…” He struggled to find the words. I fucked up. I lost her. She’s gone.

Elyse opened her mouth to speak, shut it with a sad smile, and paused before finally saying, “We’ll find her.” She slipped her hand from Marcus’s and left the room, the solid wooden door shutting behind her. Through the door, he could hear the faintest sound of sobbing.

***

The first thing Felicia was aware of was a soft, persistent scratching noise.

A pen on paper, she realized belatedly. Then at all once, the floodgate burst open, and she was struck with all of the other sensations around her—the firm cushioning of the chair she sat in, her bare feet on a hardwood floor, coarse bindings tight against her arms and legs. The scent of leather and old books. Tendrils of magic in the air, the faintest trace, but enough to set her teeth on edge with the ghost of pain.

His touch sent magic coursing through her like a bolt of electricity, lighting all her nerves on fire, and then he’d held her and whispered in her ear as he slipped a needle in her vein and ushered her into darkness.

Her stomach churned at the memory. Pushing it down, she opened her eyes the thinnest crack.

She was in a stately office, with dark walls lined with bookshelves and a gleaming mahogany desk. Sitting at the desk, studying some papers and scratching notes in the margin, was Volkan—

She slammed her eyes shut at the sight of him, her mind flooded with the memories she had forced down. Volkan’s hands caressing her cheek, Marcus vanishing into the night, a man bleeding out from his slit throat—

She let out the smallest gasp at the memory, and the scratch of pen on paper was silenced. Then the scrape of a chair against the floor sent a shiver through her and, defeated, she opened her eyes once again.

Volkan sauntered towards her, savoring. She flexed instinctively against the rough ropes holding her, and his lips twitched in a smile. He had killed someone and kidnapped her and tied her up and now he was walking towards her with that smile on his face and she couldn’t do a thing about it.

He pulled up a chair and sat across from her. Posture relaxed, he said nothing for several heartbeats, his gaze exploring her body. She swallowed and suppressed a shudder.

He broke the silence first. “You’re awake.”

“You’re observant,” she snapped.

“You don’t have to worry.” He leaned forward to wrap one hand loosely around her throat and rest his thumb along her windpipe. Her pulse jumped under his touch. “I just want to talk. I don’t have to hurt you yet.”

Felicia refused to allow herself to dwell on the yet. “If you just want to talk,” she said instead, “why am I tied to a chair?”

His eyes trailed over her again, lingering over the ropes digging into her soft skin, and he said nothing. She was still clothed, but had never felt so exposed.

Then he shrugged. “Fair enough.” He crouched at her feet and began undoing the ropes binding her ankles to the chair.

As the first ropes fell away, she suppressed the urge to lash out and kick his face. He was so close, so intent on undoing the knots...and her boots were gone and her wrists were still tied, and she knew he would pay back anything she did to him in triple.

If she was going to get out of here alive, she needed to be strategic. Stall him and placate him, and move very carefully when the opportunity presented itself. And survive whatever he had planned for her.

Then he untied her wrists, his warm skin brushing hers, and she couldn’t help it—she knew he was watching her, waiting, but she couldn’t help but twist around in her chair and look at the door behind her.

She could make a move right now. She could leap over the back of the chair, throw herself at the door, pray it wasn’t locked—pray whatever he’d drugged her with didn’t make her clumsy and slow—and if she fell he’d catch up to her and tower over her while she lay vulnerable on the ground, and he would—he’d—

Swallowing down bile, clenching her fists, she turned back to face Volkan again. He was grinning, taking in every twitch of her fingers, every flicker of her eyes.

Holding her chin high, she said, “Talk, then.”

“I just want to know more about you.” Volkan studied her as he lounged against one arm of the chair, as if they were two acquaintances catching up over coffee. “You’re so clearly out of your depth. How does some no-name healer from the east side end up embroiled in investigating the most powerful man in the city?”

Something in his question prickled at her. “I’m not a—”

“Not a healer? You’re not Felicia Haywood, graduate of Trisgate University, working as a healer at Gentle Care Clinic up on South Hill?” Her stomach dropped with each word, and he laughed mirthlessly. “For god’s sake, Felicia, you interned at a hospital I own. It’s easy to learn anything I want about you.” His smile broadened. “And your friend Marcus, too.”

The mention of Marcus, hearing his name from this man’s lips, jolted through her awareness, and she gripped the arms of the chair with white knuckles. “Where is he? If you hurt him—”

“Wouldn’t that be something? To have you both here, play you off of each other…” Volkan gave a wistful sigh. “He managed to slip my guards last night. I’m sure he’ll turn up sooner or later.”

Felicia exhaled, nearly sagging with relief, but Volkan pushed further. “You didn’t answer my question. Why did you suspect me?”

How much does he really know? She studied his face, trying to gauge what would be safe to tell him, and what would reveal too much. “Maybe you don’t have quite the flawless public image you think you do,” she began slowly.

He laughed. “We both know that isn’t true. My image is spotless.” He placed one hand on her knee, and even that tiny touch sent a tremor of fear through her. “Try again,” he said, “and remember, the longer you talk, the longer it’ll be before I drag you upstairs and give you exactly what you’ve deserved ever since you threw yourself into my arms at that dance.”

Her breath caught in her throat, and his hand on her knee was fire, burning her body, lighting up every place he had ever touched her. She swallowed down a sob, and one thought arose in her mind: stall him. Marcus had escaped, and her friends knew where she was. She just had to hold out until they were able to rescue her.

Breathing deeply, she gathered her thoughts, gently probing at and untangling painful memories buried deep within her mind. “It was a few years ago, when I interned at Greater Mercy Hospital. Your hospital,” she added, the faintest trace of bitterness in her voice. “I had a patient there, and one day I went into work and he was...gone. No records, no trace of him at all. Like he had never existed.”

She still remembered how lost she had felt that day. No one else would even acknowledge that the patient had ever existed. She’d worried she was imagining things, losing her grip from the constant stress of her schooling...and then Dr. Sousa had pulled her aside to talk. “My supervisor met with me privately. He said it had happened before. And he...he was so secretive, he didn’t trust anyone, but he just...he pointed me down a trail.” She swallowed. “And then he vanished too. And I followed the trail he’d shown me.” And here I am.

“Your supervisor was Victor Sousa, yes? I remember him.” Volkan’s voice brought her out of the fog of memory, and she was staring into his cold eyes once again. “If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t kill him. The starvation did.”

He was so matter-of-fact, and for a moment she couldn’t speak. She’d known by now he must be dead, but for Volkan to be so casual about it—and here she was with him now, trapped in his house, completely at his mercy—

No. My friends will find me. They had to.

Volkan stood then and paced around her, a predator circling his prey, and she was frozen in her seat. Trembling, she breathed, “Why are you doing this?”

“How many people are you working with?”

His voice was behind her now, above, and he was leaning on the back of her chair. She couldn’t bring herself to look up at him. “What?”

“You heard me.” She could feel him looming over her, simmering with tension. “Is it just you and Marcus? Or are there more friends I should be worried about?”

Was this a test? How much information did he already have? Was he toying with her? All she knew, with a bone-deep determination, was that she couldn’t let him find the others. She would stall, lie, take anything to keep them safe. Desperate to buy time, she allowed fear to soften her voice. “Please don’t...I can’t.”

The click of his shoes on the hardwood was deafening to her ear. He was in front of her again, towering at full height above her, and he took her chin in a rough hand. “Don’t make me ask again.”

He wasn’t going to let her stay silent; she had to give him something, just enough to point him in the wrong direction, get him off their trail. Mind racing, she took a deep breath and forced herself to speak. “We...we’re a team. There’s around twenty of us. It—It’s an underground network, investigating—” She jerked her chin from his hand, scowling. “Fighting against you and your corrupt friends that think they can own this city.”

For a long moment he said nothing, studying her face. Her heart was hammering. She didn’t breathe. Please, please. “You’re a terrible liar,” he said at last, and he smiled. “So it really is just the two of you, then. Good. That makes my life easier.” He settled back into his chair.

She held her breath to avoid revealing herself with a sigh of relief. He’d taken her decoy—for now—but he was still watching her like a hawk, appraising. A shiver ran through her at his piercing gaze. “Other people will be looking for me,” she finally managed to say. “My job will notice I’m missing. You can’t just—you can’t keep me here!”

“I’ll admit it was a bit impulsive, what I did last night.” Volkan lounged in his chair, once again perfectly at ease, completely in control of the conversation. “That boy had no one, and no one will miss him now that he’s dead. He was no one.” Bitter grief struck Felicia then, at the thought of that man dying alone and unknown. Volkan didn’t give him another moment’s consideration. “But you, Felicia...you have a job, and friends. People know you. It was a risk, taking you.” He leaned forward, completely boxing her into her seat with his body. “But the things I’m going to do to you...I think it’ll be worth it.”

The cruel hunger in his smile left her speechless. Overcome with dread, she pressed herself into the back of the seat, her breath quickening, her hands clutching the arms of the chair. His eyes tracked each movement with a lazy appreciation.

“Don’t worry about your job,” he said, placing a mock-comforting hand on her thigh, one thumb caressing. “They’ll be getting a letter from you this morning, letting them know you had to leave town for a family emergency. You don’t know when you’ll be back.” His touch deepened, still burning into her skin through her clothes. “And if they decide to dig too deeply into things, it’ll be easy enough to shut them down forever.”

Gritting her teeth, she shoved his hand off of her, and he let her with a grin. “You can’t just do this forever,” she hissed. “You can’t just crush everyone who inconveniences you. At some point you’re going to fall.” She needed to believe it was true.

“Then I might as well enjoy everything I have while I can.” Volkan stood again, and his eyes slid down her body with a barely-concealed hunger. “Now, why don’t I show you to your new room?”

“No!” Panic seized Felicia like a vice gripping her chest. She pressed herself against the chair, unable to take a deep breath, throwing another desperate glance at the door behind her. It was too much, all at once—the knowledge of where she was, who she was with, what he would do to her.

“It’s happening either way,” he said, pulling her up by the arm as if she weighed nothing, “and it’ll hurt less if you don’t fight.” With rough hands on her shoulders, he shoved her out of the office and forced her down the hallway.

She couldn’t do it. She wouldn’t. He was going to walk her upstairs and rape her and probably kill her after, because she was some rat who dared to stand against him, and she couldn’t let it happen while she waited for her friends to find her. All thoughts of enduring until the moment was right fled her mind. She needed to get out now.

He hasn’t tied my hands, she realized dimly as she was forced along the hallway. He hadn’t tied her hands, and he was relying on her fear and his strength to keep her there. This was her last chance to take him by surprise.

Her bare feet caught on the rug underneath and she allowed herself to stumble, falling to one knee. A soft sob escaped her, and she thought, he loves to get close. Let him get close...

His breath was at her ear, one hand on the back of her neck. “You must be exhausted,” he murmured. “You poor—”

She slammed her head back into his face as she shot to her feet, skull colliding with his nose. He grunted in pain and his hands were off her and she ran, throwing herself down the hallway, adrenaline coursing through her.

Scrambling around the corner, she saw the ornate oak door of the front hall. I just need to get out to the street. Volkan’s mansion was surrounded by the bustle of the city. If she could just make it outside, someone would have to hear her, help her. Even he can’t explain away someone running screaming from his house—

She threw the door open and stopped short at the threshold.

The grounds were neatly manicured, a single road leading away from the mansion. A thicket of woods sprawled as far as her eyes could see, and to one side—a lake, morning mist swirling about the surface. The sky was blush with the light of dawn, and she could just barely make out mountains in the distance. No streets, no buildings. No other people.

They weren’t in Trisgate at all.

Volkan stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her chest, pulling her close to his body. Stunned, she didn’t fight him. “Where are we?”

He pressed a gentle kiss into her hair. “Somewhere no one will ever look for you.”

[shadow--writer]

That's Not How You Spell Circle

In which Maeve attempts to teach her dumbass (ᵈᵘᵐᵇᵃˢˢ ᵇᵉᶦⁿᵍ ᵃᶠᶠᵉᶜᵗᶦᵒⁿᵃᵗᵉ ᵒᶠ ᶜᵒᵘʳˢᵉ) boyfriend how to spell circle.

@dela-png encourages my brain rot part TWO. We had this long convo on how Lucas can’t spell circle and how Maeve would try and help (and it uhh...goes somewhere)

Hi it’s fic recs with Shade. If you want to read another fic with one of Dela’s amazing oc’s and a super fun apprentice check out @arcanecadenza ‘s (if you don’t want me pinging you please let me know! ^^) fic with Donovan here (it’s super cute and well written but be warned her blog gets pretty spicy and she does have another fic with Donny out now too ᶦᵗ'ˢ ˢᵐᵘᵗᵗʸ *ᶜᵒᵘᵍʰ ᶜᵒᵘᵍʰ*)

Maeve x Lucas, fluff (actual fluff this time guys my first fluffy fic in this fandom are you proud?), humour, 3.8k words (I CANNOT shut the fuck up OMFG)

TW: none! Tags: fluff, humour, lawd I hope I got Lucas right™️, a little spicy at times but nothing smutty, suggestive, spicy suggestive end, language there is quite a bit of uhh harsh language lol

~~~~

It took her nearly a month to convince Lucas to let her help him learn to write and spell. To say he was stubborn about it would be the understatement of the millennia. Every time she brought it up she would be shut down faster then she could get the words out. 

So she resorted to pestering him. 

A lot.

Everywhere. Anytime. Anyplace. 

In the mornings when they were trying to grasp the last remnants of sleep especially. Usually she could squeak a yes out of him for anything during that time. This time it was always a hard and fast no followed by sweet lingering kisses. While she would not turn her nose up at well placed kisses (good gods Lucas was good with that mouth of his when he wasn’t running it off) she was determined to convince him to let her at least help with spelling.

Once he saw how absolutely serious she was about this whole ordeal he finally broke down and allowed her to help. Granted, she was sure Amani being Amani also had him cracking. Amani was a darling and Maeve was glad they were friends but uhh…

Not much filter on her especially when it came to Lucas. Oooh boy. She would never forget the ‘congrats’ cake Amani baked. It was delicious, sure, but Maeve was sure you could see her and Lucas’s blushing faces from another country. 

The point being she finally broke him down and so there they sat in the kitchen, a little bit of fading sunlight leaking through the cracked curtains.

She tried to hide how happy this made her, starting off their lesson. “Okay so I’m going to need to see an example of something you have so I know where we can start,” she started off, sitting across from him.

He blushed a little, fidgeting. She let out a little sigh, fingers tapping on the table lightly. “Mo shíorghrá I can’t do much based on nothing. Do you know the alphabet?”

His face turned redder. “Y-Yes of course I know the alphabet!” he sputtered. 

She chuckled, resting her cheek on her fist. “Don’t get testy with me, you haven’t given me much to work off of. Now do you have anything you’ve written?”

“I...uhh have a practice sheet of a menu,” he muttered, not quite meeting her eyes. She could tell where this was going.

“...can you give it to me?”

She could see the paper in his hands, did he have that the entire time? It didn't matter since he had it.

“Promise you won’t laugh?” he asked, eyes flicking up to meet hers. 

“Amani has ruined you,” she said with a low sigh, looking at him. “I won’t laugh.” He didn’t seem convinced. She stood, leaning over the table holding out her pinky. “Pinky swear.”

He hooked his pinky through hers, bringing their hands up to his lips. She had to lean a little farther, one of her legs lifting off the ground as he kissed her hand, amused. 

“Oh don’t give me that, giant.” There was a low scoff in her voice, he bit her hand gently at the nickname. She knew he hated it. It’s why she used it. “Now hand over the menu idea, the light is wasting away!”

She grabbed the paper he set on the table, falling back into her chair as their pinkies unwrapped from one another. Sometimes she’d forget how big he was in comparison to her. It was always a little shock when they held hands and his enveloped hers. 

He always did comment on how cold her hands were. Her response back was usually about how she was the cold one to balance his human heater tendencies (and she didn’t mind him warming her up.)

Relaxing into her chair she looked over the paper.

She had to fight to keep her jaw firmly locked in place. 

Good stars above his handwriting. It wasn’t the worst thing she had ever seen in the world, at least it was legible but…

“This is basically chicken-scratch,” she said, voice flat. 

The blush fled to the tips of his ears. “I-I know that!”

She inspected the little notes around the paper. His mouth hung open when he saw what she was doing. 

One note had her smiling a little to herself. ‘Can I try imitating Maeve’s handwriting? That’s appealing and nice to look at. It’s very pretty.’

“You like my handwriting?” she asked, looking up at him. Looking at the menu ideas closer she could see remnants of her loopy ‘y’s and how she dotted her ‘i’s in the paper. She felt almost honoured in a way. 

Of course it needed a bit of work, but it was still sweet.

He coughed, looking away from her. If his face could get any redder it did. “D-Don’t read too much into it.”

She grinned. “Ah I see. You think it’s super pretty but don’t want to say.” His ears grew redder. She took it as a yes. “Okay okay I’ll stop teasing. For now we can focus on some words you’re struggling with spelling and your penmanship.” 

She inspected the paper closer. She could tell Amani helped, there weren’t many spelling mistakes. It made her job easier. 

Though one stood out to her. 

How he spelled ‘circle’. 

Sikerl. 

“...you spelled ‘circle’ wrong.”

“I did?!”

“It’s umm...not the worst spelling I have ever seen, but we uhh...are gonna have to work on that one.”

He sulked, crossing his arms. She giggled, scooting a sheet of paper in front of him. He took it along with a pen, their fingers brushing. She pulled her hand away before he could lace their hands together and try to get out of it.

She knew his tactics. Not today mister. 

“So first off I’m going to show you how to spell it and hopefully you can remember. If not, that’s okay we have all night.” She got to her feet to stretch her arms. It was going to be a while.

He seemed to wilt. “All night?”

“Well unless you have other plans?”

He looked at her, quirking an eyebrow with a little smirk. She narrowed her eyes, setting her hands on her hips.

“Nah ah. Don’t even think about it. You need to spell circle right first. Then we’ll talk.”

He fell back into his chair with a pout. 

~~

To say this was going to be a long process would be another understatement. 

She stared at the paper in front of her, leaning over his shoulder to give it a once over. “I have never seen ‘circle’ spelled wrong so many times on the same sheet of paper,” she said, dumbfounded. “This has got to be some kind of record.”

She rubbed her eyes, looking over at him. It was getting pretty late.

Lucas, of course, was sulking again. She knew his moods, and sometimes sulking could mean anger. 

This was not anger but frustration. Both at circles and her. Probably because she hasn’t let him leave the table other than for bathroom breaks and a little stretch break. 

“Can we just end the lesson here and go to bed?” he asked, eyes pleading with her. 

She shot him a low glare with no heat. “I know exactly what you’re going to do if I agree and it isn’t sleep.” His face fell, she knew it. “And we aren’t leaving this table until you spell it right at least once. Try again.”

He grumbled to himself as she stood back up. It felt strange having to hunch over to be at eye level with him. Usually it was the other way around. 

She still remained over his shoulder, leaning into him a little. She rested her cheek against his back just below his neck, arms wrapping around him. He let out a little grunt at her touch, she smiled a little at the noise. “Oh? Am I being a nuisance?” she asked, voice a little muffled as she shifted her face to bury her nose in his back. 

He said nothing in return, but the way he tensed around her was indication enough. If he was going to be grumpy with her she was going to torture him. 

When he put his pencil down she looked up, and back at the paper. Her arms remained around his chest, fingers tapping lightly. Driving him up a wall might not be the smartest thing she could do in that very moment but damn was it fun.

“Hm…” she hummed, letting him go to get a better look at the paper. Just by looking at the first few spellings she knew he didn’t get it again.

He noticed her disappointed humming and started moving closer to her, pressing light kisses down the side of her neck. 

She almost leaned into the touch. Almost. 

As much as she craved the release and his touch she had a job to do. And the number one priority was getting the damn word spelled right. 

She shifted away from him, a low whine coming from his throat. “After you spell this right then you can maybe have a treat,” she said with a wink.

He glowered at her, shifting closer. “But you’ve done so much already! Worked yourself to death today, don’t you deserve a break?”

Oh no he was going to compliment her into giving in. Little conniving bastard. 

He kissed her neck again, trailing up her skin to her cheek. He kissed the sweet spot behind her ear, tucking her hair behind it as well. She almost melted into him, hands curling into fists. 

She turned her head, capturing his lips before he could do any more damage to her resolve. He took it as a victory, surging up to meet her, rising up out of his chair. 

She pulled away a moment before, placing her hands on his chest and gently pushing him back down. A little smirk flirted across her lips. “Now that you’ve gotten an idea of what’s planned for you if you get this word spelled right, get back to work.”

He whined, looking back at the paper of mistakes. She giggled, pressing a soft kiss to his temple. “You have some time, and if you don’t get it today there’s always tomorrow.”

He groaned but got back to work. 

She waited a bit, walking away to go do something else while she waited. She was in the middle of putting dishes away when he called her back over to check his spelling. 

She wouldn’t be embarrassed to admit there was a little extra sway in her step as she walked back over to him. 

His arms immediately went around her waist, burying his face in her chest. She sighed, petting his hair. 

This was going to take a while.

“Once I look these over we can go to bed.” He unburied his face to give her a look of pure joy. “To sleep.” The look fell and it was back to lip jutting out childish pouting. Sometimes she wondered who was the influence. The kids on the dock or him. 

She chuckled, looking at the paper. 

“Still no, but we can work on it tomorrow,” she said, scratching his scalp a little. She felt a little bad. She pushed him a little too far. She just wanted to help him but she was starting to get frustrated as well. 

Without another word he bundled her into his arms, scooping her off the ground and carried her into their room. She laughed all the while. 

It was like he needed to get as far away from the paper as possible, and she didn’t blame him. Spelling was hard, but she was still in disbelief he was struggling this badly with how to spell circle. She had shown him four times.

That night she didn’t let them go farther than a few kisses (much to his dismay, she was going through with the punishment. Until he spelled ‘circle’ right he was getting squat.)

~~

Day two did not go any better than day one.

She sat across the table from him this time. After he muttered about how distracting she was with how she smelled good enough to eat she decided to eliminate that..distraction. 

And sat as far away from him as she could.

Well that still flopped because he kept sending her puppy dog eyes from across the table. Not doing anything. 

She sighed. “Get four spellings down and I’ll come back over.”

The way he got back to work so quickly reminded her of a dog. She giggled to herself. If she focused hard enough she could almost see the tail wagging behind him. 

His eyes flicked up to meet hers. “What?”

She waved him off, smiling to herself. “Oh nothing.”

He squinted at her for a moment before looking back at his paper. When he was done he crooked a finger at her. 

She didn’t move from her spot, glaring at him. Oh he was not going to do that to her. “Unless you spelled ‘circle’ right you have no right calling me over like a dog,” she sniffed, getting to her feet. 

He set a hand on her knee as she bent over to look at the paper, whispering in her ear. His breath warmed her skin. “Well, for all your whining you sure came to me like one.” She looked at him, offended. 

He smirked. Her brows creased with her annoyance. “Well you look like one,” she replied.

His eyebrows shot straight up into his hairline. She turned to go over his paper again. He leaned in closer to her again, kissing the shell of her ear. She had to suppress a shiver. 

Bastard.

“And you sound like one.”

She was going to strangle him but first...maybe she’d play his game. Ignoring the paper (with no right spellings, once again. She’d have to show him. Again.) she tilted his head up with one finger. Kissing the side of his face up to his ear she let him sigh. 

Trying not to smirk she nibbled on his earlobe. His hand tightened on her leg. She released his earlobe, whispering something with a little extra growl in her voice. “Woof.” 

She moved away from him, smiling to herself. He sat there for a moment, with the most dumbstruck expression on his face. Ha, victory. 

The moment she looked at his paper though, his arms were around her again and he was tugging her into his lap. She let out a little yelp, arms going around his neck to keep from tipping over off the chair. “That’s not fair,” he muttered to her neck. 

She snorted, trying to move to see his paper again. He didn’t budge, so she was as good as stuck for a while. “I don’t play fair, you know this.”

“Yeah but won’t you take mercy on your poor, tired, love-of-your-life?” he asked, the puppy dog eyes making a return. When he leaned in to kiss her again she placed her hands over his mouth. 

“And you call me a dog,” she scoffed, wiggling a little in his grasp. His thigh jerked under her. “Now lemme go you big lug. You’ve still got to spell ‘circle’ right.”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes!” she wheezed, pushing his face as she tried to break free of his grip. He wasn’t going to let her go that easily. She let out a ‘hmph’ and twisted around. “Fine. If you won’t let me go I’ll just check from here.”

He didn’t argue with her from there, a small victory on her part. Maybe it was better if Amani taught him. At least then he wouldn’t have any distractions. 

Granted he might be dead by the time she was done. Hmmm...there were pros and cons to having Amani help. Her eyes flicked over each of the spellings. None were right. But one was close at least.

Sirkel 

Serkol 

Sickle 

Circel

“Hmm wow the last one is close!” she said with a smile, looking at him over her shoulder. His eyes lit up. “You just got to switch two of the letters. And let me go.” She wiggled again, pushing at his arms. 

“So I just switch two letters and I’m free to go?”

“Mmhmm! If they’re the right ones of course.”

He looked determined and finally released her. She scrambled away before he could draw her back into him. As much as she appreciated sitting on his lap now was not the time. 

“Two letters! Got it!” he said, scrawling out the word on the paper. 

He pushed it over to her, pride seeping into his face. She smiled, humming a little looking at the paper again.

“...uhh…”

Cricel 

“It’s worse.”

“What do you mean it’s worse?! I did what you told me to!”

“Yeah but you swapped the wrong letters!”

“You told me to swap two of the letters!”

“Yeah not the wrong ones! I told you not to swap the wrong ones!”

He grumbled. “This is stupid. Circles are stupid. Writing is stupid.”

“Next up we work on your vocabulary.”

He shot her a low glare. It held no heat but it made her giggle. 

“Shaddup,” he muttered. She kissed his cheek, still giggling to herself. 

“Here I’ll show you how to spell it again and then you can go.” She leaned over again, not paying attention to where she was leaning and what was in his direct line of sight. 

She kept her pen work neat (sometimes when moving fast her handwriting looked nothing more than scribbles), keeping all the loops she now knew he liked. When she looked over at him again she realized her mistake. 

Quickly (quicker than she thought he could move) he scooped her up again, kissing her face. She let out a squeal, trying to get out of his grip again.

“L-L-L-L-LUCAS!” she gasped through her laughter, trying to escape again. 

“Mmmfph no I’m done,” he said, voice muffled. “No more circles. They’re evil.”

She snorted, putting her palms on his cheeks to push him away. His lips puckered as she pressed his face together. She leaned in closer. “I spelled it on the paper. I showed you how to spell it. I can try and help you remember it so I’m gonna need you to try again.”

His brows creased. She sighed. “Please.”

“Fwmine.” He couldn’t really talk with her hands on his face. 

“And let me go.”

“Nwo.”

She rolled her eyes, releasing his face and resigned to her fate. He wrote out ‘circle’ so fast she could barely comprehend what was happening before he lifted her up off the chair. “There. Now I’m done.”

“But I need to-”

“Done. I am done.”

He kissed her neck, lifting her up with his hands on her upper thighs. She sighed, wrapping her arms around his neck as she got used to being carried. “You do know we have to do this all over again tomorrow to make sure you remember how to spell it, right?”

He howled in pain. 

~~

Day three at the very least, went better than day two and day one. 

Mostly because she gave him the proper motivation after cock-blocking him again the night before. 

She rubbed her temples. “So now, what did we learn yesterday?” she asked, sitting on the table next to him. 

“Um the tub is too small for the both of us?”

She cracked an eye open. He wasn’t wrong. Most of the water ended up on the floor. It was a mess to clean up. “Yes that and you should learn to keep your hands to yourself. You haven’t earned anything just yet mister struggling to spell circle on day three. But that’s not what I meant.”

His lip jutted out again as he pouted. “Yeah yeah. Circle is not spelled how I’ve been spelling it. I get it.”

“Mmmhmm.” She hummed, stretching her arms above her head. “But that’s okay circle is spelled really stupidly, but!” she started, dropping her hands to braid her hair over her shoulder as she spoke. “I’m going to give you proper motivation so we can finally move on to something different.”

Curiosity sparked in his eyes. She smiled, humming a little as she swung her legs. “I’m going to give you a few tries to spell it. Five tries to be exact. Spell it wrong every time and you’re sleeping on the floor.”

“What?! That’s not fair!”

She tsked. “Motivation M’fhíorghrá, motivation.”

“...and if I spell it right?”

She looked up. “Hmm...haven’t thought that far.”

“...such confidence in me, I’m honoured.”

She snorted. “I haven’t thought of something you’d want.”

His eyes flicked over her form. She felt her cheeks warm.“I can think of something.”

She stuck her tongue out. “Oh hush you. Get to work now.”

He grumbled, but looked back down at the paper. The first few times he got it wrong. When he was on his fourth try she started to get exasperated. 

He kept looking at her hair. “You know that’s an invitation to ruin, right?” he asked. She touched the braid snaking around her shoulder, letting out a raspberry like sigh. 

“Yes I do. And if you don’t fucking spell ‘circle’ right you’re gonna suffer knowing you couldn’t ruin it while sleeping on the floor.” She mostly muttered it to herself, it slipping out with her frustration. 

He spelled it wrong again. 

She let out a low sigh, rubbing the bridge of her nose. Three days. Maybe she wasn’t as good as a teacher as she thought? Or maybe it was just them goofing around. 

Even so she was tired and she knew he was as well. “Lucas I swear to the goddess above I will let you fuck me on this table if you can spell it right once. I know we both hate this, because circles are dumb. But we really should be doing other things.”

He froze in place, slowly turning his head to look at her. His voice was low and husky. “Is that a promise?”

She rolled her eyes, leaning back a little keeping her balance by hooking her hands under the table. She kicked her legs a little, looking up at the ceiling. “I swear I will, just spell it right!”

He moved fast, pausing to think for a moment. When he finished, she checked over the page with a flourish. He groaned as she took her sweet time, fearing for the worst.

She was going to draw it out for a while but… “You spelled it right!” she said with a cheer, forgetting her filter. Dang it. 

There were many emotions flying across his face at once. 

From relief, to joy, to something else. 

She swallowed a little as his eyes darkened a little and he smiled. “I do remember a promise,” he said, getting to his feet. Even when she was standing he towered over her. 

But since she was sitting on their kitchen table, he was like a colossus. He nudged her legs apart, standing between them. He leaned in closer and she leaned back away from him, falling onto the table. He placed his hands on either side of her face. 

“You promised,” he reminded her once again, a little song seeping into his voice. 

She swallowed again, knowing her freckles were glowing brighter at those two words. Heat sparked in her stomach, a blush dusting her cheeks. He knew what those meant and his smile grew absolutely wolfish.

After a moment she smiled as well, running her hands through his hair. It was soft and messy. She tugged on a knot, making him sink into her touch. She lifted her hips to brush his. 

“I do go through with my promises.”

[musicmyloves15]

Why I believe that Harry was the fish...

So Harry Lambert engaged in this convo on twitter about the Grammy nomination for the Adore You video and it reminded me of my theory on the fish. 

I feel like this feeds right into my theory that Harry was the fish, and Louis was the boy.  From the first time I saw the music video i thought that Louis seemed to be the boy and Harry was the fish.  Here is my thoughts on the video... (my thoughts will be in italics) 

The boy was peculiar from the moment he entered the world.

Louis didn't ever seem to question himself before he was forced to with media training; he referred to himself as flamboyant, he was self confident in his fashion choices and words before they started to change him.

The town was used to the way things were and weren’t used to someone being different

He said his teachers never really knew what to do with him. In a working class town being a gay kid wouldn’t have been easy or the norm.

He had lost his smile and without it the world grew darker.

Everyone was telling him there was something wrong with him because of his sexuality. His teachers, maybe people from Doncaster, the x factor people, Simon and modest, the record label, etc…

The boy tried to ignore the fish but he was not alone in his melancholy

Louis tried to fight things on his own but harry understood what he was feeling. He might have had people that didn't understand him as well.

Loneliness is an ocean full of travelers trying to find their place in this world.

They just wanted to make it and everyone (Simon and his gang) were telling the boys they couldn't be themselves. They couldn't be open and they had to hide who they were.

But without friendship we are all lost and left with no hope.

Together they were able to survive. Because they had each other they could get through the pain of being told they couldn't be who they were.

No home no harbor.

I feel like this is talking about being on the move constantly and being worked to the bone.

He wondered what cruel twist of fate brought them together and if fate was involved what did she have in store.

This screams to me that they were shaking their fist at fate in those early years and screaming I finally found my best friend and soulmate and we can't even fully be together. We can but we are still being pulled apart. We can love but only behind closed doors. We can hold each others words and secrets but only if our voices are silenced.

The first verse of the song we see the boy trying to protect the fish.

Louis tried to protect harry so much especially at the beginning. You can see him being the one harry looked to on stage and in interviews especially at the beginning. The boy flashes his bright smile at the women when he puts the fish in the coffee pot to keep him alive. I feel like this is symbolic of Louis being so loud and silly to have everyone’s attention on him in the beginning so harry could find his feet.

When the fish outgrows the coffee pot, the boy moves him to a bigger space.  

I feel like this is Louis stepping back a bit when harry got more confident and comfortable. He still was right there by Harrys side but he didn't try to steal the show as much as he had at the beginning of 1D. Everything Louis did was to support harry. There are so many receipts of Louis staying off to the side while harry is working if they were shooting something or recording something. He could have gone off and done his own thing like Liam, Niall, and Zayn, but he didn’t. He was always right there for harry if he needed him.

Then comes the part when they’re up on the hill together and they look through the binoculars and see someone with the metal detector

I feel like this is symbolic of where they start to plan their future together. They share the exciting thought of getting their treasure someday and being happy. (The dancing and the fish matching the boys spinning dance moves)

Then the boy makes the fish an outfit. (He’s sitting at the desk)

I feel like this is Louis encouraging harry to dress the way he wants to and to feel comfortable in his own skin.

Then the news alert and the fish tries to escape from the bag on the dresser.

I feel like this symbolic of harry realizing that he can't be himself while still trapped in the bubble of 1D. He needs more space and more freedom.  

The boy moves him to an even bigger space in the tank on the bike.

This feels like the end of 1d where long hair harry was more free and open. Especially the interviews and his gender neutral answers and his clothing choices. This screams 2015 harry to me.

People in the town start noticing the fish.

This is showing how even though Louis was still by his side, people began to see harry for who he might want to be instead of how he’d been. People at this point were noticing Harrys new bold wardrobe choices (the first pattered suit?) and vocabulary. (Not that important?)

The boy standing inside watching the news with the fish and he studies the fish. Seeing the look the fish gives him and he is thinking hard.

I feel like this is when Louis realized he was going to have to let Harry go his own way at some point in the future. (I mean musically not their personal relationship)  He knows that harry needed more than what he could get from the band. He might not have been ready for 1d to take a break but I think Louis did know that harry could be bigger than he was in 1d.

The fish is almost too big for the tank as the boy starts  leading  him to the water.

Louis knew that the time was getting closer to harry trying some solo work. He was still there trying to protect him but he had accepted at this point it was going to happen.

The fish freaks out when he sees the man chop off a different fish’s head.  

I feel like going solo was terrifying for harry. I feel like there would have been moments where he panicked and needed Louis to remind him that he could do this. Louis has always been harry’s biggest fan. And Louis would have been right there calming him down and telling him how amazing he is and he could do this.

The fish breaks the tank.

This seems like the moment when shit hit the fan and they knew it was time to call the hiatus.

The boy tries and fails to move the fish on his own but then the townspeople step in to help get the fish to water.

I feel like this is when Louis and harry started to surround themselves  with people in the industry who would help harry be the harry he wanted to become. Working with harry Lambert and Harris reed, and others who started to help him stand up and show the person he was and not who he had been.

Then the boy pushes the fish into the water.

Louis knew that harry needed to have a chance to be harry and not harry from one direction to accomplish his dreams. I feel like this moment in the video is Louis coming to terms with the hiatus and knowing it was what was best for harry.  

The boy standing on the cliff watching the fish swim away.

Louis wasn’t going to get the same opportunities as harry. He knew that. Simon screwed him over and he accepted that by taking the brunt of it he had protected harry as best he could. He watched harry soar as a solo artist but he had to do so from the sidelines.

The entire town helped put the fish back in the ocean, the sun broke and the sun shined down on eroda melting every frown.  

I feel like this shows how much a weight was lifted off of their shoulders when they were finished with the stress they’d faced over the years of 1d. Everyone in their family and their circle of close friends had to have been relieved that the boys were going to get a reprieve form the machine that had almost broken them.  

Then we see the boy smile.

Louis had to have been so proud of harry. Watching him flourish and thrive as a solo artist had to have melted his heart and made him burst with pride for harry.

The boy sails away at the end using the screams he had stored in jars. 

This seems symbolic of Louis leaving syco and using the pain that they’ve gone through over the years to learn and grow from for the future. 

[shannygoatgruff]

My Brother’s Keep - Chapter XV

Genre: Psychological Thriller

Modern Ivar X Modern Hvitserk

Rating: MA+18

Overall Warning:  Dark story told from an emotionally distributed person’s POV with graphic and sadistic material including rape, terror, torture, kidnapping, drug use, slash, implied incest, necrophilia, and insecurity. Heavy trigger warnings.  

Chapter Warning: Nervous breakdown. Sexual assault, rape, beating. Captive/prisoner. Heavy trigger warning. I also added a pic at the end of the victim looking battered (I usually just add nice photos of them but I found one that worked perfectly).

Summary: Mama always said to be their brothers’ keeper. Now there is absolutely nothing these two won’t do for each other.  Boys will be boys…

A/N: This chapter contains a sexual assault - as always I tried to make it more about what the aggressor was feeling than what was happening and as tactful as possible. The next couple of chapters are becoming more intense as our boy is devolving and Ivar is ramping up...As always I love your theories and convos about our boys. 

I have taken the suggestion to write something from Ivar’s POV. I will, but it will come later.

Chapter XV

I can’t do anything but watch him move around the kitchen. As he opens the refrigerator door and starts to sing this damn song from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, I wonder how in the hell can he just break out in show tunes right now? This isn’t the fucking place or time for a musical sing-along.

Everything about this moment is surreal. From the way he places the lunch meat on the counter to the way he walks over to those stupid ass glass-front cabinets to grab a saucer, it feels like I’m not really here seeing it. It feels more like I’m watching myself watch him than actually sitting here. I’m so alone, even though he’s right here in the room with me. 

He grabs the loaf of bread and sits it next to everything else he needs before he suddenly spins on the ball of his foot and puts his fist up to his mouth like a microphone, “It’s beyond me, help me, mommy. I’ll be good, you will see. Just take these dreams away...” 

Is he really performing a musical right now? I’m in the middle of a fucking nervous breakdown because there’s a woman in a cage in our basement and he’s singing show tunes? Did I miss something?  

Ivar is upset with me, but he would never be cruel. He would never deliberately try to break me. How in the hell can he be so happy right now when I’m falling apart? Doesn’t he see what this is doing to me? Doesn’t he care or have I just become so insignificant to him that he doesn’t realize that I’m here anymore?

"Mustard,” he says to the room and walks over to the fridge to retrieve the condiment. 

I’m invisible now. That must be it. My insecurities have finally get the better of me and swallowed me up whole. I always knew that I wouldn’t be able to keep living on the edge of just being able to be seen. I’ll admit, it was comfortable there, but I know it couldn’t be permanent. Being on the edge of being seen meant that I was never going to be someone that anyone would pay attention to, but I would never truly invisible. I liked being extremely ordinary. But, I guess it came at too high a price. The more time I spent in my head the more I drifted from being ordinary to becoming forgettable. 

There’s a difference between someone that blends into a crowd and someone that no one in the crowd ever remembers seeing. The guy that doesn’t ever get seen is the one that everyone starts to wonder if he ever existed in the first place. 

All of this going back and forth with myself, not being able to fight the hunger, always wondering if Ivar is mad at me…doubting every fucking thing I do…it’s made me disappear. I’m becoming forgettable. 

Ivar’s fucking forgotten about me. Just that quickly, he was able to make it so I didn’t exist. It was probably because I never meant as much to him as he meant to me. Why the fuck would I think otherwise? People want to surround themselves with representations of themselves. They don’t want to be around sniveling, basket cases, who can’t make up their minds, and sit on kitchen floors because they’re too scared to go downstairs and face the woman in a cage or go to my room. I should be able to stand up or give in to the hunger and not feel guilty either way. 

He steps over my legs to get to the pantry and grabs a soda before returning to the counter to finish his culinary masterpiece. The precision in which he prepares his meal is almost poetic. Mustard on one side of the bread, mayonnaise on the other, he even neatly tucks the ends of the meat in so that nothing hangs over. He’s so meticulous. I never noticed how careful and thoughtful out everything Ivar does. 

"Would you like a sandwich?" Ivar’s nonplussed tone pulls me out of my head.

Oh, thank God, he sees me! I haven't disappeared after all. I want to tell him I’m sorry and not to forget me. I want to tell him that I need him and I’m slowly disappearing. But when I open my mouth the words won’t come out, "Why is there someone downstairs?" I don't want to know why I really want to know if I can have her. 

With a shrug, Ivar takes his saucer to the table and pulls out the chair. He sits, folds a napkin in his lap, and cracks open his canned soda before he bites into his sandwich. Counting the twelve times his jaw moves before he swallows, I feel myself growing impatient. I need answers. "She was a present for you. But, seeing as how you don’t ‘need this anymore’, she's my project now."

I don't say anything because I have the overwhelming urge to run to him and thank him. This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. But, I can't accept his gift. We shouldn’t give each other people in cages as presents. Other people don’t do this, do they? 

"You can't keep her here." Every part of me wants her to stay, even if saying she can’t stay seems like what I’m supposed to say. There's a safety net knowing that she's here if I ever need her, but the temptation is too great. She has to leave.

"Calm down, Hvitserk. I know that." He laughs and shakes his head before wiping crumbs that have fallen onto the table into his hand. "I don't plan on keeping her here. I had big plans for that one. But now," he shrugs his shoulders and takes another sip from the can, "she'll leave when she dies."

"Ivar…"

"It just doesn't feel right partying without you. So instead of the usual, I'm going to conduct a little experiment. I want to see how long she can last on her own. I won't help her, even if she begs me too. I'll make her do it herself." He still won't turn to look at me, but at least he's talking to me. He's not showing one iota of being unhappy with me, yet he won't make eye contact. I'm afraid that I've hurt him more than I can ever make up for. "I feed her. Let her out to go to the bathroom, twice a day. Punish her when she doesn't piss on the paper. You know, treat her like the bitch that she is." He laughs at the analogy before picking up his sandwich and taking another bite, "I'll see how long she can take it before I tell her her options."

Without him explaining them I already understand her options. Ivar is either going to keep her just barely alive for an eternity or he's going to drive her so crazy that she kills herself. He is so innovative. A part of me hopes that she holds on because knowing that she's here has started my adrenaline pumping. "How long have you had her?"

He looks at the ceiling as if the timeline is written there, "Since she pissed you off."

"Me? Who is it?" It dawns on me. That's why she wasn't on the fucking news. He offered to kill her if it would make me happy and I didn't tell him not to. He found her and brought her to me as a gift? And here I thought he was forgetting about me, but he was really showing me that he loves most of all. I can’t believe he did this for me, "Why?" I can barely squeak out the question because of the sob I’m trying to hold back.

He shrugs his shoulders and eyebrows simultaneously making him look like an exaggerated child, "Because I know that you wanted her the most."

That's not true. I go for the ones with the vibe, the ones that taunt me with their charisma. Never once have I been with someone out of spite. He does that, not me. "No…" My head shakes violently and I feel the tears start to well in my eyes. I don't want to believe him. But, I can feel myself wanting her more knowing how much I hate her. I can do whatever I want and not feel guilty about it because that bitch deserves it. But, I know her name. That should make me not want her, right? But I do. God, I want her so bad. "I didn't ask you to do this."

"You didn't have to, Hvitserk. I know what you need." He stands from the table and walks over to the sink. "You don't want to need her, but you do." There's a pause while he rinses his dishes and stacks them neatly in the drying rack. He starts singing again, fully enveloped in his task. Only after he has the sink cleared and the can of soda thrown in the recycling bin, does he turn to me with a pout on his lips. 

Shaking his head as if watching a child, Ivar walks over to me and squats. "I know you," he whispers, pushing the hair that has escaped from my ponytail behind my ear. "Just like, I know that you'll go upstairs and try to convince yourself that I'm wrong. You'll find every reason why you shouldn't but only one why you should. And do you know what that reason is?" I shake my head no, but I’m afraid I might know what the reason is, "Because you need it."

The tears in my eyes blur his face, but I can still see those beautiful blue eyes full of concern for me. "I don't want to need it," I whisper, trying like hell to convince myself more than him. I don't want to be like this. Not anymore.

"But you do, and it’s okay. It time that you accept it, honey," I can tell by his tone of voice that this is just as hard for him as it is for me.

There are so many things that I want to say to him. But only one thing comes to mind, "Why are you doing this to me?" I want to be mad at him for giving me this choice. I want to hate him for allowing me to take comfort in the monster inside of me. But the truth of the matter is, I don't. 

Deep down I know he's right. Shit, who am I kidding? I don’t have to go dig down deep, Ivar is right on the surface. I need this. I want him to be wrong. Everything in me wants him to be wrong. But he’s not.

Why can't I be strong, just once?

Ivar smiles, sits beside me, and pulls my head onto his shoulder. I've been aching for him to hold me for so long that the only thing I can do is break down in his arms. This is the side of me that Thora will never understand. I don't even understand it. Only Ivar does and he never seems to get tired of it. 

"Oh, baby. I would never do anything to hurt you. Don’t you know that? Everything I do is to try to help you. Do you think I enjoy watching you like this? It fucking tears me up inside. I hate that bitch for making you feel you feel like this when all I want is for you to be happy." He squeezes me tighter, rocking with me on the floor. "Right now, the only thing that can make you happy is locked up in a cage in the basement. Take her. That's what she's there for."

"I'm scared," my voice is so small and I feel so helpless. I don't want to be like this, but it makes so much sense. Everything has a way of making sense when he says it. That's why I need him so much. He never lies to me. He only has my best interests at heart. He loves me, even with this side of me that is never fucking satisfied. But he sees past all that shit. He knows that I just have this thing inside of me that needs to feed. And that doesn't make me a bad person. 

It's the act that's bad, not me.

Pulling away he wipes my tears with his thumb and holds my chin in his hand. "How can I make this easier for you? Do you want me to hold your hand and wait with you downstairs like I always do?" He's still so gentle with me. Even after all of this. "Or would you rather me take her up to your bedroom?"

My head shakes vehemently at that suggestion. That's the bed that I share with Thora. I'll be damned if that slut is going to taint it, "The foldout cot is fine."

"Give me a few minutes. I'll come back up and get you when everything is ready." With a gentle kiss to my lips he stands up and I slide out of the way of the basement door. 

I don’t even turn around as I hear him go down the stairs singing again. 

I hate myself for being like this. I hate Ivar for loving this thing in me. And I hate this bitch for being here and making me do this.

Every ounce of hatred I have in me I take out on her. She's getting almost two weeks’ worth of pent up aggression, anger, fear, and starvation. My hunger won't subside until it feasts on her completely and feeding never felt so good. If only this bitch would stop fucking screaming, I could enjoy it. 

I push her face further into the mattress to shut her up.

Her screams turn my anger into this shade of red that is changing the color of everything around me. I’m so busy looking at these strange new colors that I hardly feel Ivar's hand close around mine, "Not so hard, baby." He increases the grip on my hand and pulls it upward to release her face. "If you suffocate her she won't be here whenever you need her."

I'm not sure that I want her here, though. I don't want this kind of temptation looming over me every day. As long as she's here, I'm going to think about her. Whenever I'm in the home I'm going to have the urge to see what she’s doing, to listen to her beg me to take her. She doesn’t leave me much choice. If she doesn't kill herself, I have to.

I'll think about playing the hero after I get my fill of her. At the rate I'm going, that won't be for a very long time. From this position, I can't see her face. I thought taking her from behind would give me open access for whatever I want to do to her, but this isn't about what part of her I want to rip open, it's about seeing her reaction to it. 

I flip her over and push her legs back so far that I hear her hip pop. She's getting off easy that it's me doing this to her and not Ivar. I'm doing her favor, and she's too fucking ungrateful to notice it. 

"Fight back, you bitch!" Damn her for not cooperating. Doesn't she know that I need this to be over, so I can go back to trying to pick up the pieces of my life?  She won't cry. I can hear her whimpering, but there aren't any tears. Damn her. "Shut the fuck up." She's fucking it up and it’s pissing me off.

I'm sick of being nice. I tried to make her understand that I didn't want to hurt her, but she's asking me to. She must want it rough or she would do what I need her to do. Why else would she be looking right at me? Her eyes are fucking calling me, wanting more. Fuck. Now, I have to give her more.

I grip her hair to pull her into a seated position on the cot in front of me. This fucking gag is in the way. Before anything else happens, I still feel the need to explain to her the rules. With one hand tightly around her throat and my other in her hair, I pull her head back until her eyes meet mine. "You're gonna suck my cock and if you scream or try to bite me, I will kill you." I don't even recognize my voice. It sounds more like Ivar's than my own.

I have never threatened to kill anyone before but I mean it with her. I feel myself losing control, but it's not like how it normally is. Usually, when I lose it, I feel out of place, like something is wrong. But this is different. I'm so angry. I can't stop it. It's scary but it's comforting at the same time. This anger is making my hands shake as the grip around her neck gets tighter. I could choke her to death with one hand and be amused by it.

"You're doing great, baby." Ivar's voice forces me to look up at him. He's made himself a seat on top of the washing machine and he's eating chips like he's watching a movie.

I know I should feel like this is wrong, but right now I can't. Right now, the hunger has found a companion in my anger and those are the only two emotions that I can allow myself. But once they stop, I know the guilt will be worse than it has ever been before. After all, I don't want to do this. I have to.

There's something about her face without the gag that forces the rage out of me. I hate this bitch more than anybody I've ever met. And just looking at her forces me to punch her repeatedly. She bleeds too much. I don't like the smell of blood and this bitch is bleeding all over me. "You lying bitch! You like making shit up about us? Fuck you." I hit her with such force that she falls to the cement floor, choking and sputtering on blood.

"He didn't give you permission to move." Ivar's voice holds such amusement as he speaks to her frightened eyes that are looking in his direction. "Tsk, tsk, tsk." I shoot a look in his direction, suddenly resenting the fact that he's trying to intimidate her. This is about me and my anger toward her. Ivar puts his finger up to lips to signal that he'll stay quiet. He knows that I need to do this on my own. I need to feed off of her fear of me, without his help.

Listening to her whimper forces me to keep her quiet. She won't scream, so I can't kill her, but I have to shut her up some way. I bang her head against the cold floor and before she can recover, I pin her shoulders down with my legs. I don't care if I'm hurting or if I'm her ripping her hair out while holding her head off of the floor. She needs to finish what she started. If she didn't ask for this, she wouldn't be in this situation now.

With each wave of my orgasm, a larger wave of guilt crashes against me. This is what I was afraid of. It's going to swallow me whole. I hate her, but I need her. I don't want her to leave, but she can't stay here. I'm afraid of what I could have done to her if Ivar hadn't have been here to stop me.

"It's okay, baby. You were amazing," Ivar helps me to stand hands my shorts to me. I can't even put them on, I'm crying too hard. I can just barely make out his body kneeling in front of me when I feel my shorts being pulled up my legs. "You go on upstairs and get yourself together. I'll clean up this mess that Judith made."

She's covered in her blood and squirming on the floor. "What are you gonna do?" My voice is so weak that it's barely audible.

A brilliant smile lights Ivar's face as he reaches over to the table next to the washer and grabs the bottle of bleach. "I'm going to destroy evidence." He chuckles while unscrewing the bottle and pouring it haphazardly over her body.

I can't watch this. Not anymore. I have to get out of here. My legs won't carry me up the stairs fast enough and just as I reach the top, I hear the metal bars of the cage close. She's back in her new home. Safe and sound until the next time I need her.

I notice that Ivar has left a joint for me in the ashtray on the kitchen table. Taking a seat, I light it and close my eyes as I choke back the aroma. I can't do this anymore. I can't live with the consequences. I know what I need to do and I'm taking the first step, right now.

As soon as I see Ivar's smiling face emerging from the basement, I flick the ashes aside and look at him sternly. "I'm moving out of the house and marrying Thora, whether you like it or not."

Ivar's eyes turn cold almost immediately and the calmness in his voice scares me. "That's what you think." A sick smile dances on his lips and that laugh…

Dear God, what have I done?

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[cutegirlmayra]

Prompt Idea - What would happen if Amy is a boy instead of a girl in the series?

I’m trying to find all the times I’ve done this -so I don’t repeat myself!- (x) and I know I made a Sonic Boom prompt about Amy turning into a boy and being comforted by Sonic, but I can’t seem to find it? (If you wonderful Cuties do find it, please let me know and send me the link!)

PROMPTS ARE ON SHUTDOWN! Do not send me any prompts, but do look forward to the grand re-opening!

Also, thanks for minding the rules!

Gonna combine this with Valentine’s day, is that okay, Precious Anon?

Prompt:

After successfully fighting off evil and robotnik’s annoying schemes, Amil and Sonic waved goodbye to Tails and Knuckles, deciding to take the scenic route to Amil’s home.

Amil placed his hands behind his head, looking up at the clouds. “Man… It’s gonna be Valentine’s day soon…” He longingly lingered his eyes on a couple as they entered the city, cuddling on a bench.

“You’re still on about that?” Sonic joked, laughing at his sentimentality.

Amil puckered his lips in a pout, glaring a bit at Sonic, “Is it so wrong to want to be loved and love in return?”

“Pfft! It’s just funny you think about it.” Sonic scratched his nose, smirking. “What kind of girl would you be into, anyway?” he nudged him, winking. “I could see you with a strong-willed girl as a contender!”

Amil looked away a bit, turning slightly shy. “Actually… I wouldn’t mind if I found a girl a lot like you, Sonic.”

Sonic flinched a moment, but gave Amil a weird look, “I’m not following that…”

Amil took some courage and huffed out his nose, placing his hands on his hips. “Look, I’ve got a mean swing and a knack for destruction. But deep down, I’d liked to chase after something a little more lasting… Your way of life,” He turned to him, turning sincere. “The confident way you hold yourself,… Do you happen to have a sister by chance?”

Sonic punched him in the face.

“Offph!”

“Quit that. You’re sounding weird.”

Amil rubbed his face and raced back to Sonic’s side, “Hey! Come on! If I was a girl, you’d be head-over-heels for me!” he pointed accusingly. “I would be the cutest, strongest, most confident person there ever was!”

“You already are.” Sonic rolled his eyes, “I think I get what you mean, though. You want someone who would follow your way of life, a companion and partner who wouldn’t mind who you are and what you do.”

“A best friend! Kinda like you, I guess.” Amil blushed slightly and looked away, “Is it wrong to say that?”

Sonic remained silent but stopped a moment to look towards the sun lighting up City Square. “You really consider me someone who would be a good companion?”

Amil stopped too, staring at Sonic, intrigued. “I mean… You wouldn’t really marry though, right? I can’t see you as that type.” Amil joked, rubbing his head. “Shame, I think you could be someone’s shining knight, so to speak.” He then sighed, relaxing a bit. “Sorry for the weird convo. I just was thinking, wouldn’t it be cool to have someone like your best friend? But reversed? Just a thought, I suppose.” He scratched his own nose.

Suddenly, an explosion went off and the two turned to the building.

“Eggman?”

“Can’t be… Come on, let’s check it out!”

The team didn’t really know how to address or talk to girls,… so when the girl in the building reached for Sonic, Amil accidentally took hold of her too.

The building burnt a bit but the fires were quickly put out and no one was injured, Sonic and Amil fist-pumped as the girl came up to them.

“Thank you both so much! You’re my heroes!”

Amil blushed a little, “Ah, it was nothing.” But before he could continue, Sonic shoved him behind him.

“Yeah, it was my treat!” Sonic smirked behind himself, seeming to challenge Amil for the girl.

Sonic was only playing but Amil fought back, and the girl retreated a little creeped out by their antics.

Going back home, Amil admitted it. “Is it weird that I’d rather be with someone I could call my hero than just being said hero?”

“You’re a hopeless romantic, Amil.” Was all Sonic commented with.

“But you stopped me from getting her number! What’s with that? Bro-code, dude! I grabbed her hand first!” Amil raced up in front of him but Sonic grabbed his head into a noggie.

“Who do you think I am? Letting my best friend get tangled up with a girl? No way!” he let Amil go and dashed off, seeing his house wasn’t too far now.

“I can cook!” Amil cried out, “I’m the perfect picture of a future husband!”

“Snoooorree!!!”

“You’re just jealous of my good looks!”

“You look like the underside of Eggman’s toosh!”

“TAKE IT BACK!”

The two bantered until Amil finally got inside his home, where he fell on his couch and seemed regretful of even talking about romance with Sonic.

“He’ll never get it.” He admitted, and pulled out his hammer, looking it over a moment and stroking its sides. “He never gets lonely… never needs anyone by his side… How would he get it? Even Tails and Knuckles… no one thinks about love.”

He then grinned and blushed, pulling his hammer into his chest. “But that would be kinda interesting… finding a girl like Sonic? Or him finding a girl like me? I bet he would bite his tongue then, hahaha!”

Several days later, Metal Sonic attacked and the gang appeared to fight.

Amil was strong, but was quickly thrown off balance, his arms waving around before Metal Sonic kicked him off the cliffside.

“AHHH!!!” Amil cried out, but Sonic dashed down after him.

Grabbing him, the two started falling.

“Dude, what are you doing!?” Amil cried out, trying to push him towards the cliff wall to safety.

Sonic just gritted his teeth, pulling Amil to his side and taking the blunt of the hit as they crashed into the water below.

Sonic was knocked out, but Amil was able to blink his eyes open and gasp at seeing Sonic sink and get moved downstream.

‘No! Why would he do that!? He can’t swim!’ Amil quickly summoned the rest of his strength to swim with the tide, getting to Sonic quickly and fought it the rest of the way to get to the shoreline.

Gasping for air, he dragged Sonic up to the rocky base of the cliff and pumped on his chest. “Come on, dude, come on! Sonic!”

Sonic spat out water and slowly got up, hacking before lightly whacking a worried Amil away. “I’m fine, I’m fine…”

“That was crazy!” Amil, pumped with adrenaline, bundled his fist. “You could have killed yourself trying to save me…”

“I… couldn’t let a friend down… now, could I?” Sonic smiled, that usual comforting grin to let his friend know it was all going to be okay.

Amil narrowed his glare, “That’s not good enough. If you had died because of me… I-… Sonic, you can’t just jump off cliffs for people!” he closed his eyes, pushing away his admiration for Sonic.

“You can if you care about them.” Sonic got up, a little wobbly as Amil’s eyes shook at his words.

He hadn’t heard something so kind all his life.

He gazed up at Sonic, almost fixed on in the moment he had created.

“What… did you say?”

Sonic just shook the water off of him, and as droplets coursed down still, he gave Amil a thumbs up, outlined by the sun on the tip of the cliff above him. “Let’s get back up there, into the thick of it.”

He offered him his hand.

Amil felt helpless again. It was something he had always struggled with.

No matter how powerful he was, his heart was always weak to things like this.

He shook his head, “No. I’ll only weigh you down.”

“But you won’t slow me down, and that’s all I care about.” Sonic took his unwilling hand and pulled his friend up, surprising Amil. “You’re not as delicate as you make yourself out to be. The thoughts and feelings you have? That’s you, Amil. So stop wasting time thinking you need someone when you can be that for yourself. I’ll be here until that day comes.”

‘Then I never want it to come.’ Amil silently resounded that thought throughout his being. “I… I want to always be with you… Sonic.” he looked down, “I don’t… want to be someone who doesn’t need you anymore.”

Sonic paused a moment, watching him closely.

“If I can just…” Amil began, his hand that Sonic was holding by the wrist twitched a moment… as though wanting to reach but bundled itself into a fist first. “If I can be strong enough to stand by your side… then nothing could phase me ever again!”

“…Amil…” Sonic watched his friend’s inner torment but said nothing.

He just waited and listened, like a true friend.

“Let me… be your hero then, Amil.”

Amil now had slight tears forming on the sides of his eyes, looking hopelessly to Sonic.

Sonic smiled kindly, more tender than Amil had ever seen from him.

“If you need me to be, I’ll be it.” He then winked and brought Amil up to piggie-back ride as he raced up the cliffside to return to the fight.

“…Sonic…” Amil closed his eyes and held on.

‘If I can’t be a hero in this life… then at least let me be selfish and aspire to be your ultimate friend.’

Amil has never left Sonic’s side sense, always believing in him, and never thought about love much sense.

(…Did I… just write a buddy fic?)

PART 2: (x)

[isakvaltersmut]

Going of your recent twitter soul mate AU, when isak finds out he becomes more timid around even, he stops picking fights with him and avoids him all together. Even things it’s weird and it makes him mad. Then one day he over hears a convo between isak and Jonas and isak is crying and telling Jonas that even is his soul mate and even gets upset and isak and even get in another fight and then isak starts to cry and it breaks evens heart so he runs away.

just saw this and omg i remember how much i liked that hc

for anyone that doesn’t remember/hasn’t seen it, this is what i posted on twitter:

“every mark on a characters skin appearing on their soulmate’s skin too, and in person they hate each other, they can barely even look at each other, they get into fights, they yell and they scream, they’ve had to be separated multiple times,and then they go home and write to their soulmate about ‘this stupid fucking idiot i hate him’ ‘im so sorry to hear that darling, i wish i was there to comfort you’when isak finds out even is his soulmate he’s angry at first, mad at the universe and the soulmate system, but eventually he goes home and gets in bed and cries for days because his soulmate hates him already and he’d always wanted a soulmate to love him and be there for him.”

But yeah.

The moment Isak realizes it’s him, the moment he sees his own words written on Even’s arm when the older boy seemed to have forgotten to pull his sleeve down, his world crumbled. He couldn’t handle the fact that he was his soulmate, the guy he considered to be the biggest asshole in the entire school, and at first he was angry, he was pissed off with his own life and the fact that nothing ever seemed to go his way but after a few days had passed he woke up, looking down at his arm to see the words ‘hey, everything alright?’ written on his forearm, and he pushed his face into his pillow and started to sob.

His chest hurt, his throat was aching, his cheeks were covered in tears and he couldn’t stop. It hurt far too much.

He wanted a soulmate, he wanted one so badly. He wanted the reassurance that there was someone out there that was meant to love him no matter what, take care of him for the rest of his life and be there for him, but it seemed as if he wouldn’t even get that, his soulmate hated him already, just like everyone else in his life did.

But he had to move on.

What he didn’t expect was for the mere sight of Even to bring tears to his eyes. Before he would’ve made snarky remarks, told him to fuck off when he teased him in the hallway, but he couldn’t do it anymore, he could barely stand to listen to his voice.

He became jumpy, nervous and shy, a complete opposite of the way he used to be, and Even noticed straight away, how could he not?

And he couldn’t fucking stand it.

He couldn’t believe that Isak was basically ignoring him, not responding to anything he was saying to him, it wasn’t like him to do that, and it pissed him off.

Eventually Isak wasn’t even just ignoring his remarks, he was avoiding him all together. Every time Even would be walking down the hall and Isak would look up at him the younger boy would turn around and walk the other way, leaving Even even more pissed off than before.

And if that wasn’t enough he knew there was something wrong with his soulmate too.

Before they would’ve talked almost every day, leaving each other small notes of things they’re thinking about or just asking each other how they are or ranting about whatever it was that annoyed them that day, but they haven’t been talking at all, and Even didn’t know what it was that he did wrong, how he managed to fuck it up.

But it didn’t take long for him to find out.

He was on his way home, walking through the empty hallway of the school after he stayed behind to talk to a professor, and just as he was about to walk past the slightly ajar door to the locker room he heard hushed voices, and he would’ve ignored it had he not heard his own name being spoken.

“What?”

Someone said, shock clear in their tone.

“It’s Even,” He knew that voice. It was Isak. “He’s my soulmate.”

He couldn’t even hear the rest of the conversation, his entire body tensed up at the realization, distantly he noticed the sound of sobs coming from the room, and he couldn’t listen to them anymore. He turned around, practically running home until he could get in his room, climbing into his bed straight away and ignoring the rising sense of guilt within his body.

After a few days of feeling numb Even finally started to feel something, and he knew that usually he’d feel angry about Isak hiding this from him but all he felt was sadness. He couldn’t believe that him and his soulmate had spent so long hating each other.

So, as soon as he could he tried to talk to Isak.

He grabbed his arm, ignoring the boy’s protests as he dragged him into the empty bathroom, and he couldn’t stop the words from spilling past his lips.

“I know you’re my soulmate.”

Straight away Isak’s eyes filled with tears, the boy’s hands shaking as he took a step back from Even.

“S-so what? You brought me here to tell me how much you hate me and that you couldn’t possibly wish for a worst soulmate, huh?”

“No, I just want to know why you didn’t tell me.”

Isak looked to the side, tears streaming down his cheeks and Even had to force himself to keep his eyes on him.

“What do you mean why didn’t I tell you?” Isak said, choking on a sob as he clenched his fists by his side, “You fucking hate me, and I hate you. If I had told you you would’ve told me to fuck off straight away, I’m sorry for not wanting to deal with that shit, I’m sorry I didn’t want to get told I’m not wanted by my own soulmate. All I wanted was a normal fucking soulmate who would love me and I couldn’t even get that.”

Isak took in a deep breath, still crying as Even tried to calm his breathing, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Isak, off of his face, but looking at him hurt. It hurt to be reminded that they had fucked everything up before it even started.

So, he turned around, leaving the room and ignoring the sob he heard behind the closed door.

He spent the day in bed. Thinking. Trying to sort out his own thoughts and get over himself.

But he couldn’t get the thought of Isak out of his head. The boy’s tears and sobs still palpable in his mind.

He couldn’t deny that when he had first seen him he was interested, he was intrigued by the boy’s beauty and attitude, but it didn’t take long for things to turn volatile between them, and so it lead to the fuck up that was their relationship.

But he knew Isak deserved better. He didn’t deserve a stupid soulmate that couldn’t even comfort him when he was clearly suffering.

He grabbed a pen from his nightstand, leaning up on his elbow and drawing a heart on the inside of his wrist.

Isak looked at the mark. He smiled and fell asleep.

[keepcalm-and-beyou]

Machine Gun Kelly(Colson Baker)

Telling Rook The News (PART2 being rooks ex & Pregnant with Kells baby):

Part 1 here

It sucks. All I could manage to think first thing this morning. Sitting on my bed feeling anxious repeating words in my head it sucks. It sucks I had to wake up, it sucks I am in this situation, it sucks I have to leave my house, it sucks I have to tell Rook. What doesn’t suck is Colson will be there with me to tell him. I honestly doubt I’d be able to do it my self but like Colson said he’d help with this former issue we called it but now simply it is our Baby, So he will be there for this dreadful conversation to come. I don’t want to hurt Rook but it’s not like we can hide it. Pretty classy I feel best friend of the boyfriend we’ll EX boyfriend. I’m hoping Colson takes charge on the topic while I try not to die of embarrassment and stress.

I definitely gotta try not to stress so much Colson is right it’s not good for the baby and first three months are most critical for miscarrying. I don’t want that to happen I may be freaked about the Rook part of the situation but other than that I’m happy I’ll be a mother with the most beautiful baby sense Colson is the father and how excited Casie will be just melts my heart. Casie will be the best big sister anyone could ask for, she’s so kind, helpful, independent and crazy smart for her age. Mine and Colson baby boy or girl can learn a lot from her as they grow.

Colson is such a great Dad no matter what the public sees of him in his party pictures and smoking dope. He truly is a great dad to his daughter and no doubt with our baby. I feel a little better now thinking of Casie and Colson it turns plenty stress into positivity.

It’s decently early doubt the boys have had breakfast or even coffee heck doubt any are awake right now knowing those crazy boys. But Colson better be up I don’t wanna show up having to wake Colson and Rook up. To be nice and ease the blow I shall pick up breakfast for everyone. So that’s what I’m doing as of now driving to Denny’s grabbing food and coffee. I decide to play the radio game while driving to the guys house. I ask the radio a question “how will today go?” I speak out loud. And turn the station to whatever hearing the song Everything Sucks playing. Oh how ironic. My nerves slightly climb back up as I near the guys house, I sigh as I stop my car in front of the house.

(Kells P.O.V)

I sat hands together alsmot like I was praying for this shit to go smooth. How the actual fuck will this go smooth though! If it was me dining this shit out what Rook is about to today I’d be flipping shit. I haven’t even slept much yo this all been keeping me up worrying about losing my bro and band mate, not like I can replace him so easily fuck.

I need to get high like right now I can’t deal with everything sober. Few puffs of my joint and I’m feeling better for now. I put out the roach of my joint in time to see Y/N outside looking like she grabbing some shit out her car. I hurried to the door basically running to her to help grab what apparently is take out food and oh fuck yes coffee. “Hey” she spoke slightly dragging it out. I broke a small smile at her “Hey yo thanks for bringing coffee girl” she shut her car door and said “of course how can I not die the coffee lover” she smiles.

Ah that smile is helping for sure with my nerves. We walked quietly into my house and straight for the kitchen where I sat down the food and drinks. “Is he up?” Y/N asked me speaking in a whispering tone clear as day nervous and looked around. “I don’t think so” i shrug. She let out a big fucking sigh and part of me hurt formher having to do this to deal with this but fuck what else we gonna do right. “Hey girl it’s going to be okay I gotchu” I told her and wrapped my arms around her shirt figure. It almost felt hella awkward until she put her arms around me to. I rested my chin on to her head for a moment then pulled away. “Let’s eat just us we’ll wake Rook after if we have to” i Nodded to the food starting to pull items out of the bags. “I don’t know if I can eat right now Kells” Y/N admitted. But I wasn’t gonna listen to that “yo you need to eat ain’t starving my kid” i whisper to her. “Your right I’m sorry I gotta focus on the whole me and baby’s health” she nodded at her own words. “And you unfortunately shouldn’t drink coffee” I spoke up in facts which I learnt many when Casie wasn’t born yet. Her eyes went wide it was adorable “aw just this last cup and I’ll switch to herbal teas” she chuckled. “Ight deal” I handed her a coffee.

“So as his best friend and band mate you should take the lead on telling him” she smiles widely to me. That girls smile gonna be the death of me. “Oh I see just throw me under the bus first” I laugh. And then take a bite of my food watching her do the same. “you said don’t stress and talking lots might meake me stressed” again she smiles at me. Fucking chick. “Yaya I gotcha girl, always will” I assured her taking her much smaller hand in mine.

We cleaned up our little mess and sat on one of the couches in the living room. “I guess we should wake him up” Y/N tells me. I turn my head to her “Wake who up me?” Rooks voice comes from behind us both our heads snap to him. “Hey dude morning” I greet him. “Morning. Hey Y/N what you doing here?” Rook asks her. “Just visiting I brought breakfast and coffee, go eat we’ll catch up when your done” Y/N tried her best to be cool I can see it in her eyes being this close to her on the couch she’s feeling freaked.

We all sat at the kitchen table Rook just finishing his food and sipping on his coffee. “Thanks for the food Y/N” Rook smiles to her. “It’s the least I could do” Y/N spoke softly to him. Then gave me a sad look. “So your here to visit me?” Rook asks her “and to talk” she adds quickly. “About what?” “Oh okay right um well I love you and care about you” Y/N starts off “why does it sound like your dumping me in front of Colson?” Rook looked worried and Y/N looked panicked. “Dude it’s kinda important I’m here for this convo” I told him. “Why bro what’s going on?”. “Please listen best as you can and calmly as you can to us” Y/N spoke up. “Okay what the fuck” he responds. “When we broke up” Y/N began but Rook cut her off “when we broke up what?!” He angrily asked looking between her and I. Y/N looked defeated and like she was going to cry. “Look dude I’m fucking sorry for this you know I care about her and you man, we got shitfaced like the whole fucking weekend and ya know shit happens” I told him. “What what shit happened?!” He demands and bits his bottom lip.

“Please clam down” Y/N says calmly and out her hand on his clenched fist. But he abruptly moves pushing her hand away aggressively. “Hey man clam down!” I told him strongly. “Just tell me what happened” Rook demands again. “I was upset and Kells was there for me like always he’s a good friend. Don’t forget that don’t forget his love for you no matter” Y/N tried to speak as calmly as she can like rooks a bomb gonna go off which I can see that happening. “No matter what?” He yells causing Y/N to jump frightened. “We hooked up when you broke up” I finally admitted to him.

Rook stands up enraged which makes Y/N stand fast moving to my side as rook now is coming closer to me. “Yo dude chill just hold up” I spoke hands up not wanting to fight my bro. But he swung and doing so I moved Y/N out of the way best I could. Lucky he missed but grabbed my shirt and swung again hitting me near my right eye. We bumped into Y/N knocking her over on to the floor. “Dude wait stop!” I shrieked. And helped y/n off the floor isntslty my hand hands on her face holding her head looking at her as if she was injured “you okay” i ask her worriedly. “Yes I’m fine” she assures me. “Awe look at the love birds” Rook snarks To us. “Dude I love you bro I’m sorry Kay like fuck y’all were broken up I’d never go there if that was the case” “that doesn’t make it much better” Rook says now less mad and sounding hurt. “Rook I’m sorry nothing was intended I know we were trying to work on us but that’s over and wasn’t going anywhere it seeemd and also the fact is to that I’m Pregnant” Y/n spoke moving closer to him.

Rook looked almost confused. “It’s mine if it wasn’t obvious man we having a baby, we are not a couple, we are focusing on Y/N and the babies health and needs” rook stood silent maybe in ducking shock. “And I’m not gonna lie I do have feelings for her dude always felt something so if by chance we also become in a relationship other than parents to our child, I hope you don’t hate me for it if it happens and hate me now for what is going on but I wish you wouldn’t bro fuck I need you man not only as a fucking awesome band mate but as my brother and future uncle to my kid yo ya know if you wanted to be” I rant out to my best friend.

“You guys should talk this through I’ll go I’m so sorry Rook, I wish you this best in love and life” Y/N said to rook with a weak smile. “No no stay I don’t care, I need time to like think about shit, like a part of me wanna say congrats on the baby yet that seems fucked yo cuz I’m hurt, I lose my girl or ex whatever fuck, I can see it now to though y/n was right us working through shit wasn’t going as it was suppose to. I just gotta get out this house” Rook shares with us and walks towards the stairs. “but bro you coming back right?” I ask in high hopes as he takes a step up the stairs Y/N standing beside me. “Yeah man I’ll be back later” and with that he was upstairs.

“That didn’t go to terrible” Y/N tires to sound positive and puts her hand on my shoulder. “Yeah I guess he could of really beat the fuck outta me if I let him and not stop” we both smile lightly to each other. “I think I should go to, let us all have alone time we need” she says to me. I grab her hand “What if I don’t want you to go?” I ask her more of a statement though. She shakes her head “no it’s what’s best trust me and I need a nap” she chuckles. “Okay only cuz a nap would do you both good” i smile at her not showing stomach. “You really are gonna be an amazing dad to our baby, heck Kells you already are” Y/N smiles big. That big beautiful smile. That smile that makes me wanna smile, the smile that will make me fucking do anything for her, and now I’ll do anything for our baby, our future family.

[halfgclden]

Catch You on the Flip Side | Jordan&Devin

date: May 8th

summary: fight night, hot chip, weird bosses, big apples

Jordan opened his laptop, tucked his hair behind his ears, and then mussed his hair up again so it looked shaggy. He sent a quick confirmation message and clicked the call button on the Discord chat. He smiled as the call was answered, and rested his chin in his hand. “Hey. What’s going on?”

Devin flopped back on her bed and held the phone over her face as she answered the call. “Hey!” She grinned back at him and rolled onto her stomach. “What’s up? How’s your freaky delinquent camp?”

Jordan gave a small wave and raised his eyebrows at her. “I mean, same old, same old, I guess.” He wasn’t really sure what he could tell her that would interest her of the affairs at camp. “There’s this fight night thing going on in a few.”

“Fight night? The fuck is that?” Devin’s interest was peaked. “Say more right now.”

Jordan rolled his eyes but looked more amused than annoyed. “Man, it’s some shit you’d be really into, honestly. People are just going to some place called the ‘Rat Cage’ which is some creepy, unlit basement, and they’re just totally brawling it out.” He sighed. “My roommate’s going, and he’s this jacked dude, but I’m still kinda scared he’s gonna get brained and I’ll have to inherit two tiny birds and a giant raccoon.”

“Ugh, I want your life. The Rat Cage? The fucking Rat Cage? I’d kill for a good murder basement right now.” Devin turned her phone to show the sunlight streaming in through her bedroom window. “Literally kill, look at this shit. The walls are painted yellow like I’m a genderless baby and the only food Gene buys is like, fucking carrots and protein shakes.” She shook her head and turned the camera back to her. “Roll it back though. Giant raccoon?”

Jordan clasped his hands below his chin and looked at the room that seemed very warm and appealing. “And here I was thinking I was talking to a genderless baby this whole time. You’re telling me I’m wrong? False advertisement.” He exhaled a small laugh and nodded. “Big Spenca,” he said in his best mock-Australian accent. “He’s this big raccoon statue that my roommate got… somewhere? I dunno, I like to keep the mystery going. I think Tai’s working on a whole hat collection for him now. I’ll take a pic for you once I’m his father.”

Devin snorted. “RIP to your roommate and all but when he bites it can we take joint custody of this fuckin’, uhh, Aussie raccoon?”

Jordan raised an eyebrow. “Are you seriously asking if you can help raise a big ass raccoon statue with me, A) without seeing him, and B) without even being here? You don’t even have to go out to get cigarettes, you can just stop answering my calls.”

“Yeah? Duh?” Devin grinned at him. “You trying to tell me I’d be a shit raccoon mom? Asshole.”

“Um, yeah, duh?” Jordan made the Gavin Face™️. “For one, you’re a human.”

“Bigot.” Devin rolled onto her side. “I can be whatever I put my mind to.”

Jordan snorted and shook his head, covering his mouth with his hand as he smiled. “Fuck you. What’s up there? Just had your protein shake-and-carrot soup for lunch?”

Devin groaned. “Fuck, literally. There were so many peas in it. And kale, Gene’s trying to kill me.”

“Peas and kale, damn, dude.” He shook his head and grinned impishly at her. “You guys are like modern Popeyes.”

Devin shifted the phone to just one hand so she could flip him off. Immediately afterwards, she slapped her forehead and groaned again. “We are. I need to go get a burger the second this convo is over. Chop chop, let’s get it moving.”

“Damn, alright, asshole. I’ll hang up then?” Jordan raised his eyebrows but didn’t move to hang up the call.

“Do it.” Devin didn’t move to hang up either. “Been up to much lately or do people think you’re too weird?”

“You already asked that.” Jordan leaned back on his hands and watched his screen. “I went looking for shit in some tide pools recently. I found a crab and dangled it it from my sweater sleeve. It was pretty cool.” He tilted his head back and forth. “I went chasing rabbits the other day too.”

“Okay, fuck off, you gave me new answers this time.” Devin blew a piece of hair out of her face. “Sweet, I’d kill for crabs. Not the STD, shut up, I heard it when I said it. Chasing rabbits? They don’t feed you anymore?”

Jordan had already been opening his mouth for a retort when he was told to fuck off, so her just grinned at her. “Nah, they never did. I’m withering away to dust.” He pat his stomach and shrugged one shoulder. “We don’t kill the rabbits, we just chase them, but not too much, so we don’t ’anger the spirits’.” He did air quotes at the last words.

“They say the camera adds ten pounds but you’re still a twig on video.” Devin pointed her finger at the screen. “Hippie man.”

Jordan flipped off the camera pointedly and then shrugged. “You never answered what you’ve been up to. Your life that boring?”

“Ugh, literally.” Devin climbed off her bed and stuck her head out of her room to double check the coast was clear before starting towards the kitchen. “All I do is work out, fight with Gene, eat hot chip and lie.” She opened the fridge. “Got a job working at the mall. The fucking mall, I shit you not. What should I eat?”

“Oh my god, does he have you on lockdown or something? Not allowed out of your bedroom for a snack? Since when do you let people control you, Dev?” Jordan flashed a teasing smile as his eyebrows shot up. “The fucking mall? What do you do? Please tell me it involves a dorky hat.” He smirked at her. “Eat hot chip.”

Devin rolled her eyes and put her phone face down on the counter. “Whatever, asshole, I didn’t want him to try and argue with you.” She pulled out the ingredients to start making a sandwich, then propped her phone up so she was visible on the screen again. She pointed the knife she was buttering the bread with towards him. “Selling sunglasses. I have to wear a polo shirt.”

Jordan watched the screen go dark with his cheek leant against his fist. “With me? Don’t you mean you don’t want him to argue with you while I put my computer on mute and watch you tackle your brother?” He snorted and shook his head at her. “Sunglasses? Desgostang. What colour polo?”

“Exactly.” Devin snapped at the screen and went back to making her sandwich. “Pink and blue. Like, both colours at once. I want to eat it it’s so gross.”

Jordan snorted. “Why would you eat it if it was gross, freak?”

“Fuck you, that’s why. Creative license.” Devin put the sandwich in her mouth to carry back to her room and picked the phone back up. “Mmf mm hmm mmf.”

Jordan rested his hand on his stomach as he laughed at her and shook his head. “Come again?"

"Devin, are you up for a game of screw your neighbor?” Gene’s voice came before he did, and he gave her a smile. “Oh, who’re you talking to?”

Devin stopped before her brother. She took the sandwich out of her mouth and held up her hand until she stopped chewing. “Jordan.”

Jordan sighed and got ready to mute his computer as Gene tensed. Why didn’t you just lie, Dev, Jordan thought with an eye roll.

“Oh.” Gene frowned. “Why? Isn’t it, like, Friday night for him? Doesn’t he have some camp stuff?”

Devin shrugged. “I dunno, I’m not his mom.”

“Yeah, that’d be weird, since you have such a big crush on him.” Gene rolled his eyes at Devin, then stepped back to avoid getting slapped. “So no cards?"

Jordan laid back in his bed and willed himself to die.

"Oh my god, Gene, fuck!” Devin hurled her phone at him. “Fuck off, no, leave me alone!”

Gene sidestepped out of the way of the phone and braced himself for if she came barreling after it. “Fine, whatever. Don’t be so dramatic. And maybe give Eli a call while you’re at it.” He turned and disappeared back into his room.

Jordan heard a crash on screen and then yelling, and propped himself up so that he could see. The call hadn’t yet disconnected, and he heard a door closing, so he thought the call might continue, and gave Devin a few minutes to decide.

“Jesus Christ,” Devin muttered to herself as she picked her phone back up. “He’s a fucking dick, sorry for yeeting you. I was aiming for the face. Fuck his fucking reflexes.” Her cheeks were red, so she scowled and flipped the camera so it was showing the hallway instead of her.

Jordan shook his head, smirking a bit as he sat up fully. “I’m really hurt, being yote. The bruises are gonna last for weeks now.”

“Shut up,” Devin laughed, slamming her door behind her so Gene would be able to hear it. “How’s school?”

Jordan shrugged. “I mean, dope, obviously, but also, I have so many fucking assignments. My profs are just like 'oh yeah, you totally have enough time to write thousands of words in this language, also watch this soap opera that’s mind numbingly boring’.” He rolled his eyes. “Also, have you ever watched Spanish shit? It’s literally all soft porn.”

Devin turned the camera back on herself once she had gotten her blush under control. “Nah, never have, but that’s a convincing argument for me to start.”

Jordan rolled his eyes in an exaggerated way. “God, I should have never brought that up. Actually, can you watch it all for me and then tell me what it’s about so I don’t have to sit through it? Then I can get through my assignments twice as fast.”

“Do I have to comprender el español? 'Cause Duolingo’s only taking me so far, dude.”

Jordan snorted. “Um, subtitles? Can you read, or is that past your level of education?”

Devin laughed. “I swear I’m gonna hang up on you. Sorry I didn’t realize your Spanish prof holds your hand and gives you the translations so you don’t have to learn.”

Jordan flipped off the camera. “Do it, you won’t.” He grinned. “Look, you watch one movie, I send you the questions, you answer them, I translate. Then I can watch another movie and do the same shit myself at the same time. Sounds like a great plan to me.”

“Fine, fuck. Only ‘cause you’re begging me on hands and knees.” Devin pressed her cheek into her shoulder. “Desperation is a sad look for you.”

“Thanks, I borrowed it from a friend in Victoria.” He smirked at her.

Before she could reply, the Discord call was interrupted by an incoming phone call. She pressed the decline button immediately and scowled at the screen as Jordan’s video returned. “My creepy fucking boss won’t leave me alone.”

Jordan snorted and shook his head. “They’re that taken with you? I bet you’re saying this and they’re just calling you like 'hey… so your shift started four hours ago’ and you’re like 'fuck off, Meg’.”

“Maybe I’m just that good at selling polo shirts. Fuck, I mean sunglasses.” Devin shook her head. “Nah, it’s like, weird shit. Saying I smell good and staring like she wants to eat me. I swear she licked her lips the other day, like, full cannibal.”

“Oh? Tell me more about how you’re great at selling…” Jordan trailed off, furrowing his eyebrows at her. “Your boss said she wanted to eat you? And you’re still working there? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“She didn’t say that, she’s just a fucking freak. She could grow six more eyes and a tail and I wouldn’t be surprised for a fucking second.”

Jordan hummed in thought. “Weird. Maybe you guys are like, meant to be.”

Devin gagged. “I fucking hate you.” She rolled her eyes and flopped onto her back. “But I miss you or whatever at the same time.”

Jordan shrugged, looking away from the screen as she got sentimental, however faintly. “Eh, we’ve been apart longer than we’ve been together.”

“You’re a dick.” Devin frowned at the screen. “I’m just saying I miss you.”

“Okay.” Jordan shrugged, not really sure why she brought it up at all. “And that you hate me, which evens it out.”

Devin ran her tongue over her teeth and considered throwing her phone again. “You don’t miss me?”

“What?” Jordan made a face. “I didn’t say that.”

“Didn’t say you did either.”

Jordan rolled his eyes. “Oh my god. Are you serious?”

“Am I– fuck you.” Devin tossed her phone to the side on her bed. “Sorry your new friends are so much better than me. Whatever.”

“Oh my god, Devin.” Jordan ran a hand down his face as he looked at her ceiling. “Are you being this annoying on purpose?”

Devin glared at a spot on her wall as she talked herself out of just hanging up on the call. “Fine, whatever, I take it back. Thanks for the reminder, it’s great you’re gone, I don’t miss you at all. Since that’s so fucking embarrassing.”

“Fuck off.” Jordan was still looking at her ceiling, but he could tell what her expression was. “Whatever. Obviously I miss you. Who the fuck else is gonna annoy me this much? Self flagellation, bitch.”

Devin pressed her lips together and, after a few seconds, picked the phone back up. “You’re so weird. Did you just call me a bitch?”

Jordan raised his eyebrows at her. “Bitch is inflection used at the end of a sentence. But also, you are kind of a bitch, so it’s up to you.”

“Bitch is an inflection,” she mimicked back to him and rolled her eyes, slumping back against the wall beside her bed. “Fucker. I’m a ray of sunshine. ”

“And I’m the goddamn Queen of England.” Jordan snorted and pursed his lips. “So, like, are you ever coming to New York, since you miss me so much?”

“Buy me a plane ticket and I’ll think about it.” Devin brushed some hair off her face, focusing on the smaller video of herself. “Or say please. Maybe even please, Devin, I miss you so much I’m drowning in my own emotions or something.”

“Ew. Like I have money for a plane ticket. Okay, alright. Devin, please come here so that I have someone else to make fun of. Please come so that I’m surrounded not only by the freaks at this camp, but the special kind of freakazoid you are. Come here and break my stupid bones so I don’t have to listen to another fucking campfire song.”

Devin threw back her head as she laughed and whacked it against the wall. “Fuck, ow, fuck.” She pressed a hand to the back of her head. “I’m gonna sue. Also fucking rude, I only broke like, two of your ribs. By accident. Or was it?” She paused and raised an eyebrow, then laughed again. “You’re so skinny your ribs are like little chicken bones. They seriously make you do campfire songs? Are you twelve? Do you get badges to sew onto your scout uniform if you sing real good?”

“You’re gonna sue yourself for being a dumbass and losing more braincells?” Jordan laughed as Devin banged her head against the wall. “Fuck off, asshole, maybe I’ll hang up on you. I didn’t call to get bullied.”

“You expected anything else? That makes you the dumbass here.” Devin grinned. “Fine, hang up. I gotta go meet Eli in like five minutes anyway for– get this– pilates. I’m my own worst nightmare.”

“You know, you’re right. I call you so much, you’re rubbing off on me.” Jordan snorted. “Desgostang. You’re into that shit?”

“You rubbing off on me, or pilates?” Devin snorted. “It wasn’t my idea, I’ll tell you that.”

Jordan rolled his eyes exaggeratedly and shrugged. “You’re gonna end up living in one of the yoga studios there next I hear.”

“Maybe I’ll move to New York so I can bother you 24/7. Should I bring a tent or do you have buildings there?”

“Ew, no, leave me alone.” Jordan was grinning at the camera. “Buildings? In New York? Nah, that’s a myth.”

“Yeah, thought so, all this fucking media propaganda.” Devin’s phone buzzed and she swiped the notification away. “Fuck, 'kay, I gotta dip. I’ll look up flight info, yeah? I’ll gut my boss with a shovel to get the time off.”

"Yeah, you know, there’s not a single fucking apple here? Let alone a big one. Fucking waste of time if you ask me.” He ran a hand through his hair and smiled at the mention of her actually looking into flight information. “Nice job admitting that to the NSA, bro. Catch ya on the flip side.”

“Hey, they gotta catch me first. Talk to you later, bro.” Devin flashed a peace sign at the camera and hung up.

Jordan closed his laptop, threw himself back on the bed, and pressed his hands into his face. “Okay, cool,” he said to nobody at all. “Fucking... awesome.” He sighed and got up, sat at his desk, and opened a book.

[echelongaga]

My feeling... My problems (you don't have to read it)

Is it possible that a person can be hated by everyone around him/her?

I have been asking myself that a lot lately, as I started feeling alone, like an alone wolf who must survive alone while the whole pack is continuing their live normally, not noticing that this young wolf is suffering.

I am not quite sure if it was me or was the type of people I walk with, but I think that I did something wrong that just clicked to them: she is no longer a good friend. And I myself not sure what I did.

I try tell a story to myself, that they are just upset now, but after a week or so, they will go back normally.... But it's been 5 months and none of them even notice my existence...

I sometimes feel like I'm always out of place, not able to fit in this piece of puzzle called society, why is it so hard to be normal? Or to specific, like them?

I have a huge problem communicating, I am socially awkward, so making new friends was always a mission to me, so sticking with those who I called friends was the only thing I can do.

I guess when I finally started becoming myself around me they didn't like the real me?! And decided to leave me alone. And to be frankly... It's not the first time this has happened to me.

When I was in pre-school, I was around girls who always talked about gossip and made troubles, I fit in there not because I was like them, but because they thought as long as I don't tell anyone, I can stay in their group.

But when we were in 6th grade, and I finally decided to open up, to be me, they got shocked. But later on, they moved on with it. But there was this girl who liked the new me, and kept in a close relationship with me... Sweet isn't it?

Well... At 8th grade, she introduced me to this guy she was talking to online, and she forced me to talk to his brother, thinking that when we grow older, they will marry us and we can still be friends living under the same roof, and funny enough, I believed her, more like followed her. She was my only after all.

As soon as I talked to him, I noticed he was not normal, he was always talking about sex and how he wants to fuck me till I can't breath no more. I immediately stopped talking to him after three horrible long days. But kept telling my friend we talk, but not a lot.

In 9th grade, the first semester, we had a fight, and it was such a stupid fight that I hardly can remember it, but it ended on making her go all around the school, showing them the texts messages between me and that pervert.

Now the problem is.... That wasn't me. It was her other close friend, talking to that creep. She planned this with the group of girls I used to walk with in 6th grade and even decided to send it to my mother, saying that they kept on telling me to stop but I was too horny to listen.

I know.... Sounds too much for a girl in 9th grade, but I wish I was lying. In fact, if that incident didn't happen, I wouldn't be so closed to people, I wouldn't have kept my feelings and the things I love to people, or in another word, "communicating" having a conversation.

Long story short, my mom lost her trust in me, so is my dad, and my siblings. Everything was taken away from me, and I saw my old phone being crashed in front of me... Frankly, that phone was bought the same very year, it only lived 3 months.

Imagine the amount bulling from the students, disgrace looks from the teachers, and disappointed looks from my family. That year was hell to me... Nothing helped, at all. I reached the point where I thought suicide was my only option.

My mom realized that I got sick, physically and mentally, so she decided to move me to another school on the second semester, and to be honest. Life there wasn't that hard, the problem was just me not being able to trust or talk to anyone, but other than that... Things were fine.

I stayed the whole year alone, till I reached high school, and I moved to a new school, new class, new people. I remember everyone was talking to each other in groups, and I was the only new girl in the class, so making friends was already a zero option.

But in the middle of the semester, they started trying to make me talk, and I won't lie to you, I was talking with them, I was laughing at what made them laugh, but that only to show that I'm normal like them. Cause at home, I only study, I don't watch TV, nothing. Not because my parents still mad at me or something, but because after what happened, I felt like I owe my parents something, I need to succeed in my life in order to make them feel proud of me. So understanding all that gossip was not an option.

In my last 10th grade year, I brought 98% and was the 5th highest scorer in the whole school. I was happy, although I was streesed and still alone, but when I saw my parents smiling and giving me those words, words that meant they were proud, it made me forget all the stress.

And guess what was my graduation gift? It was a new phone, a phone that I love so much and it is what I'm using now to write this rant or story to you.

I found myself getting healed by Lady gaga's supporting words, and Jared Leto's meaningful words of fighting. Those two brought life to my soulless body. And I finally were able to speak to people... But, online people, people that no way on earth I can meet them in real life, which was fine with me, cause to be honest with you, the friends you make online can be more loyal than those in real life.

Anyway, back to the new beginning of the 11th grade, which is now. I found myself surrounded by people that I adored and loved so much, people that had my flaws, understood it, and accepted it. I loved them dearly and will never hate them.

But with new beginning of school, a new strees and anxiety is being developed, which is working in groups, and it is the worst thing ever.

Because they all don't know how to hold a responsibility they left me for charge, and it was like hell, I had to chase them like a car chasing a mice, almost kissing their feet to work this fucking project and get it over with. But they never did, some did commit, others were just either too dumb or either doesn't give a shit, and expected me to help them.

But there was this one girl... Her name is Doha (it's in Arabic so you will find it difficult to pronounce) is the worst. As a friend, and as a student. This girl neve did a thing, and always complained about not getting the full mark, I get too pissed when she says that.

But one time... She crossed the line, like... Really crossed it.

We had this project that we have to do a presentation of in front of the teachers and the principal, and she had to begin the presentation, but oddly enough she didn't come to the presentation room, so me and another friend had to go all around school looking for her. And when we couldn't find her, we went back to the presentation room, and I found her sitting with punch of girls, talking and laughing like she doesn't have anything important to do.

That moment I got pissed, and decided to explode. I exploded, literally, screaming at her and all, and she screamed back, we kept screaming and almost had a fist fight, but we saw the principle enters the presentation room and decided to cool it off. She and my other friend looked at me angerly. Never thought I would explode like that.

Why would I explode you ask? Well, imagine your a huge Ballon, full of air. And then, a bird comes and sits on you, then another bird comes, and more and more and more, till they create a burden on you, they all became too heavy on you, that you ended up exploding, causing them to fly away, looking for a better place to sit at.

I was the balloon, and the birds were the burdens I had to carry, staying normal, doing no homework, studying for exams, bringing great marks, eat, sleep, do projects. But lately, these all became to heavy, and my grades were getting lower, and when I tried talking to my mom, she was mad. And every time I tried saying that I'm stressed to them, they immediately change the subject.

So me being me. Kept it to myself, till it all gathered in one single blow. Creating a disaster... A complete disaster.

The next day after the fight, they all started to slightly stop talking to me. They keep secrets, they have their own convos in a separate group so I won't see it. And, doing projects without me.

I thought It was okay, maybe they don't want their Doha to hate them all so I'll just let them till they cool down. But after two weeks, all meaning of communication stopped, and in that point I was so broke, I needed someone to pick me up and fix me.

No one cared to listen to me... Or at least that's what I kept telling myself, cause when I come to think of it, I never made that many of friends so I can go easily to anyone I know and started speaking my heart to.

Why am I telling you this? Well, I am not telling you this to show you how miserable I am, but because I know that.... No one would find this, and no one would read it. And even if you did find it, you won't like, waste half of your valuable time reading a teenager girl talking about how she suffers from social problems and can't trust people and that she needs help.

You will evantually scroll this down and never read it, but If you did read all of this, than thank you, I appreciate it..

Now excuse me, I have to find another reason for me to stay in this place called earth, rather than going to mars.