#{ TST.TASK1 }

[stylesp1-blog1]

(I have a problem.)

Allen had lived a completely normal life, nothing was ever out of the ordinary for me, especially when it came to his health but everything was about to change for the 39 year old. Getting a call from his doctor that he would need to be tested for a heart condition called HCM, he was feeling confident, he had no prior knowledge of the condition but knew he had absolutely nothing to worry about, after all, it was something he’d never been tested for or had known about before this occasion. Going in, he had been extremely confident, of course he didn’t have this condition. How could he? He had been perfectly normally, perfectly healthy his entire life. Until, just like that he wasn’t anymore. Getting the call a week later, verifying his results were indeed positive and that he did indeed have a heart condition, nearly caused his heart to fall out of his chest. “How could this possibly happen??” Was all he kept repeating, he couldn’t manage any other words. His doctors gave him a list of medications he’d need in order to literally survive and all of the physical activities that could physically hurt him or damage his heart even worse than it already was. Wrestling had been his entire life and it was all he ever wanted, he couldn’t possibly give that up. Not yet, it was too much to bare to think of having to give up something he had cared so deeply for, for so long. He had been taking his medication for awhile, it helped him survive of course but he was getting comments about sluggish performance, and how he needed to get back into shape. As hard as he tried while taking his hcm medication it really did slow him down and made it nearly impossible for him to survive. At this point, it was his dream, his life, his job, or medication. Eventually, he stopped taking his medication before and after matches. It just seemed like the most logical thing to do, of course, it really was anything but. His medication may have made him sluggish but it also kept him alive. He was just too far gone in his mind with wrestling and it being his life, that he forgot about his actual life outside of wrestling. He had informed no one of his current condition and he wouldn’t, not now and most likely never. This wasn’t just a job he was talking about, this was his life, his everything, his only way of making money. He couldn’t risk that, he was too young, he still had thing’s he wanted to accomplish in the WWE. 

[princeprettyshere]

Secret: Wasn't Worth It

Trigger warnings: This will definitely include emotional/mental/ and partly physical abuse, alcoholism, mention of non-con ( aka very much unsure but finally “convinced” and “talked” into sex. ) Also it’s really long, sorry about that. I just kept going.

There was one relationship Mattias could tell you all about, if he ever wanted to. The relationship where he first fell hard as a little lovesick teen. The relationship where he allowed himself to lose who he was. The relationship that ultimately showed him. The relationship that said ‘Maybe all of this “relationship” shit wasn’t nearly as nice and good as it was all cracked up to be.’

He had just turned 18, he was in a relationship with another guy, Elijah Taylor. He had met him after a workout at the gym, at the little cafe nearby. They had talked a bit, there was flirting, and the next thing he knew, he had a date for that night. Elijah was 24. He had the kind of face of a man you expect to see from one of this romantic, dumb and cheesy chick-flicks. Clean shave, short brown hair, eyes of amber brown with gold and green flecks in them. He had a slightly larger build than the younger. He was easily the kindest guys he’s met in a while. Why not give him the chance?

The first few months were full of laughter, companionship, night calls that lasted until the early morning hours of 2 or 3 am, surprise gifts of roses or tulips ( especially after Matt mentioned tulips being his favorite for the meaning of them ), and a strong connection. There was just one little flaw… one flaw that should have been Matt’s big red flag…

“You know, you could only get away with ______ because of how absolutely gorgeous you are.”

It had put the younger blond off at first, shocked him to hear. But right after came the laughter, that charismatic, loving kind of sound that was suppose to say “I didn’t mean any harm by it. I’m teasing cause I adore you.” That’s why Mattias brushed it off and laughed too. Because he was pretty…. what did he mean by that?

More months passed, and there were faint changes that began the closer they got…

Elijah started expressing when he didn’t think Matt should hang out with certain guys or girls that were his friends. Now that off put Matt immediately, what did Elijah have against his friends? The older male backtracked and explained, “I didn’t mean it like that. But you seem to hang out with them a little more than you do me…. I’m sorry, did I get a little jealous? You’re just so amazing, I can’t resist.” Oh. That made sense. Well, he had been with them a lot of times out of the week, maybe he had neglected his boyfriend a bit? The teen cut each of his friends out, little by little.

Elijah didn’t like seeing Mattias take control. What did he mean?! Being the eldest child, having a little sister he helped to take care of, he’s always had control! He had to be his own boss, make his own decisions, especially an executive one had the parents not been home. “No, no! I just mean I feel a little like maybe you don’t trust me to help you make a decision… I’m sorry, you just do so much already! I feel like I should help more, if you’ll let me.” Oh… that made sense. The teen always did have a bit of a control issue… he was just so careful in his planning, everything had to be perfect! Okay, okay… he did less, and less, as he included Elijah in his decisions…. Now he made none.

Elijah preferred this. He hated that. Every thing he said, he had a clever reason. Tyler had no idea, as he turned 19, 20, that Elijah had slowly but surely turned the pretty little blond into his own little dream. The older man had a perfect mold for the younger, and slowly he was pushing him to fit into that exact mold.

Two years had passed, Mattias was always assuring he was happy and gleeful, loving every moment of his relationship. His parents were worried, his younger sister was always questioning him. “Why did you do this? Why did you do that? Why don’t you talk to Erica/Marc/Anthony/Maggie/Livie/Julia/Jason/etc.?” It was becoming too much. He decided to move out completely. When he told Elijah that, the older man was quick to jump.

“Why don’t you just live with me? I love you, Mattie, you know I do. Let me take care of you.” Okay.

He moved into Elijah’s new home, three bedroom ( one master ), two bathroom, finished basement, an office space, open concept, hardwood floors… it felt perfect. This was exactly the kind of place Mattias had wanted, after all, his boyfriend knew that. That night, their first time together in the new home, the older male had wanted to take the next step. Matt wasn’t so sure.

“We’ve been together almost three years, babe! I just want to take the time to worship every part of you, make you feel good. I promise you won’t regret it.” Okay.

A few months after just moving in, Mattias was just turning 21, that’s when Elijah’s true colors really showed. That was when the drinking really started. The fights were out of control. The screaming, the yelling, the slamming of doors.

“Don’t you ever use that tone with me!”

“Shut the fuck up, Mattias, you have no idea what you’re talking about!”

“Don’t forget who pays for 90% of everything here!”

“You’re 21, I’m 27. Who do you think knows better?”

“Quit making my drinking out to be a damn problem. I can take care of myself.”

“QUIT ACTING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH!”

There were too many nights Matt had gone to the opposite end of the house, trying not to cry in front of Elijah. The older male found him. He always did. He always would. He’d hug him close and run his fingers through his hair.

“I’m sorry, babe. Never again. I promise. You know I love you so much. Work gets me so stressed out, but I have no right taking it out on you… please forgive me.” …..Okay.

It never stopped. It was just a vicious cycle. A few more months, and things got worse.

“Are you trying to be smart? Matt, you’re beautiful. A pretty face. Stick to that.” Wait…

“Sure hope no one busts up your face in the ring, what a tragedy that would be.” ’Just pretty’ right?

“You know, you never complain this much when I have you pinned against the bed/wall/counter/shower/etc. You should take to that side of you more.” Just… someone to fuck then? I’m more than that…. maybe I’m not.

“Do you ever shut the fuck up?” Just be quiet, and submissive…. stay out of his way…

Where was this in Relationships 101? What are all these rules now?

No plan ever goes right. And it’s always my fault.

If we’re late, it’s my fault. If a hotel room wasn’t booked properly, it was my fault. Cleaning wasn’t done? My fault. Anything between ABC-XYZ? My fault.

“You couldn’t leave if you wanted to. I’m the only one who gives a damn about you, Matt. You’re stuck with me. You’d never get out on your own.” …..Maybe he’s right.

The moment that woke him up came as simple as this. A fight that went too far. A fight that took that last step of escalation. The fight got physical. And after a sharp edge sliced across his left side, by his hip… That was the moment that finally made him realize… All of his ‘I love you’s were really 'I own you.’ ….No one. Owns. Me.

That night, after he knew for sure Elijah was completely asleep, he quietly grabbed a few things, his phone, made sure his side was bandaged properly… He called his parents, asking what he should do first. And he was sorry for not listening to them when they told him to be careful. They met with him, went to the police with him.

Elijah was taken in.

That was the end of their “story”, more like their war. And Matt won.

Not without leaving marks that last forever. Physical, like the scar on his side he covers with makeup to avoid all questions, and mental. Not without making it to where all Mattias could think about was this. Relationships may not even be worth my time. Don’t ever let them say 'I love you’…. it only means they want to own me. And I can’t do that again.

There’s really no one that knows. No one who knows that whole “Don’t touch me!” gimmick is more than just the supermodel look, but a real “If I don’t know you, you’re not my friend or a fan, keep your hands off me.” No one knows how deep his trust issues, his control issues actually go. Lie to him once, you almost never get him back. Try to change him, you will fail and you will be removed. Force him to tell….

You won’t see it coming.

[pvisonous-blog]

Hurtful Motions || Secrets Drabble

“You’re nothing but an idiot. I don’t understand what you were thinking.”

The summer of 2015, Cassie was packing. She was off to the states because she had just signed her developmental contract with WWE. She couldn’t have been more excited, her parents were on her side and even her best friend was on her side for the simple fact that, she was getting signed to. It was always a dream of Cassie and Jessie’s to be in the WWE and look at how far they made it. There was one person who wasn’t on Cassie’s side though and it was her boyfriend.

He couldn’t let her go to the states without him, hell he didn’t like when she went anywhere without letting him know or taking him with him. Cassie knew things were going to be hard seeing as she was going to be on the other side of the world and he was going to be stuck back in Australia. Today was her last day home and she was sad because she had to leave her friends and family behind, but more importantly she was leaving her first love behind and she couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to him.

The two had agreed earlier on in the day that they were going to meet up and spend the last night they had with each other together, and not letting anything or anyone interrupt. A knock on her door signaled that he had arrived. Getting up from her couch, Cassie went to open the door and she smiled, looking up at the taller man. She was happy to see him but saddened at the fact that this could possibly be the last time she saw him. Little did she know this last night would be the worst night ever.

The drinks were flowing that night, at least for him of course. A simple two bottles of beer were good enough for Cassie seeing as she wasn’t the type to get drunk off her ass. The two had began to start talking about her going away. “Y'know I’m really going to miss you. I’m going to be all the way in the states and you’re going to be back here. I hope you don’t get yourself into any trouble while I’m gone.” She had spoke to her boyfriend, poking his cheek gently.

When he moved after she touched him, she felt a little confused. Usually when they played around he was perfectly fine with it but all of a sudden there was a problem? “Yeah, you’re going to be in the states doing that stupid bullshit you call wrestling. Don’t even know what you were thinking when you decided to get into that.” His comment didn’t sit well with Cassie, in fact it had angered her because she was finally going to be able to showcase her talent in front of people who would enjoy it, that was always a dream of hers.

“What are you even talking about? Yesterday there was no problem with me going away and now all of a sudden it’s a problem? What’s your problem?” The tall, muscular man had stood up from the couch with his beer bottle in his hand, he took a sip of it and looked at her with the type of look that she had never seen before. “You heard what I said. Look, yesterday was yesterday, I was okay with you leaving to do what you do but now, I’m not okay with you going anywhere. You don’t need to be that stupid wrestling, you need to get a real job like the rest of us back here.” That just made Cassie’s blood boil. It was one thing for him to be mad about her leaving but to belittle what she did? That was not okay at all. Getting up from the couch she moved closer to him with a mad look on her face. She didn’t want to hear anything else that he had to say and unfortunately her voice had started to get a little loud.

“Look, that is the last time you’re going to talk down on me and what I do. Wrestling is a real damn job. I go out there and I put my body on the line all the time. It’s what I love to do and you and no one else are going to tell me a damn thing about what I do–.” No other words could be spoken from her before she found a big hand coming across her face. He just….slapped her and she was in utter shock. A man had never put his hands on her and she didn’t know what she did to deserve what just happened. She was more hurt than anything, confused as well. “Did you just hit….you gotta go.” She told him. Tears started to fall out of her eyes. She couldn’t believe what just happened. “I’m not going anywhere.” Were the words that had came out of his mouth as he pushed her down onto the couch. What was going on in that moment? Was the alcohol getting to him or was he holding all of this bad energy in since the beginning. His hands grabbing both of her wrists as he climbed onto of her. Something she didn’t want but couldn’t stop because he was bigger than her and she feared for what would happen. But what did happen at this moment….it was something that she never could forget. Something that would scar her for the rest of her life.