#{ Icon art by: lobolobo2010 }

[chounaifu]

" IT'S FRIDAY! FIST FIGHT YOUR BOSS! I WON'T DO THAT EVEN THOUGH I HAVE THE TYPE ADVANTAGE OVER MY BOSS THOUGH! "

<- Actually likes his boss.

[chounaifu]

" Oh my god are you BLUSHING? In PUBLIC? "

On MAIN?

[chounaifu]

" Happy Pride to the gayest person I know:

My WIFE. "

[chounaifu]

" Everybody shut the fuck up and say HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAILOR MOON. "

[chounaifu]

Oh. O o O o O o H. ᴿᶦᵍʰᵗ.

With a brain running on abandonware, his memory was not something worth toting. Hadn't he been the one who just helped Grusha bandage up their jammed fingers? It had been tossed into the back of his mind in an instant, perhaps at the same time when his need to speak Paldean was purged. Fortunately, he could blame his now embarrassed, red cheeks on the chilly bite of the mountain air.

Oh.

They also forgot. A small victory for the way he has fumbled this social interaction. Now, he is far LESS embarrassed, and trots after Grusha as they are ushered to a more secluded part of the dining establishment. It's for the best, really, that they be isolated from the rest of the diners. Proton's penchant for weird conversations was real, and even though most of the patrons couldn't understand Kantonian, his body language was universally understood.

" At least BOTH of your hands aren't busted up, would make eating difficult, then I'd have to be holding food out to you on my fork, like you were a baby Pidgey, " Proton thinks out loud.

A normal comment. So normal.

It's a good day to not be a Route One bird.

" Man. Gettin' around these parts must be a pain in the ass, " he states, noticing the way that Grusha's body seemed to hesitate, the weight of their body shifting with purpose as they sat down.

" Ya look beat. "

an expression unmistakably one of mild embarrassment passes over his face, eyebrows knitting as disbelief in his own lack of thought settles upon him. for a moment grusha looks as though he wishes he'd simply walked into the door instead, ( how lame... ), and for a split second he considers that to be preferable. with a muted groan, admittance: "nope... i just --" grusha's uninjured hand lifts / mitten folding over itself as fingers within bend all at once. the motion is indicative of what he'd intended with the other / awoken hurt within his own digits from. "-- grabbing handle. jammed fingers. unwise combination."

( shove me into the bushes, actually. )

the gym leader sighs, swallowing down his humiliation with the shake of head before he passes through the door proton's decent enough to hold open. "thanks man," upon entry he's greeted by name / enthusiasm by a couple of the staff. a hand lifts in greeting & in paldean, "two. quiet place." it takes a moment before they're guided to a small room, empty tables all 'round & no other patrons in sight... simply the crackling fireplace for company besides one another.

it's with a sigh that he sits, lower back / hips / sound side aching as weight borne upon them is finally alleviated. as menus & water are left for their indulgence, grusha speaks again / sinnoh dialect once more upon his tongue. "i'm inclined to agree, though -- anything with rice makes for a good meal." scarf removed & folded, mittens are removed ( those of the hand with jammed fingers most carefully as it slides over fresh-taped digits ) before they're set to rest upon the knit accessory on the hearth beside him. "feel free t'go for whatever looks most enjoyable," a small shrug's given, "after wandering around in the cold, anything's better than nothing. i'm curious to know what piques your interest --"

[chounaifu]

Proton's stats on his DnD sheet are purposefully designed to reflect his physical and mental struggles caused by his chronic illness, so playing him can be difficult when it comes to saving throws and checks. But, he always rolls EXCEPTIONALLY well when the situation matters and MAN HE ROLLED SO GOOD TONIGHT, I AM EMOTIONAL.

[chounaifu]

" I would win ANY video game! EVERY game. Put me in coach. No literally. Put me IN the game. I'm built different. I'd win. "

He would win The Stanley Parable by getting The Narrator to quit.

He would win Breathe of the Wild by full speed sprinting to Ganon as soon as he woke up.

He would win Tetris by being good at Tetris.

He would win Bloodborne by simply annoying the gods, and Gehrman so much, that they remove him from the game.

He would win Animal Crossing because he's so cute.

[chounaifu]

"My PERFECT guide to dating! Here we go."

Assume they already like you, walk up to them, and

Declare that you're best friends.

Move into their house.

?????

Now you're dating!

[chounaifu]

" Everything worth doing has a risk! Don't you know? Hiring someone to get rid of another person is one of the oldest professions in human history! It's more a part of us than most other things, " Proton chuckles sweetly, his comedic demeanor and twinkling expression cutting through the acidity of the topic. Even so, the longer the repo man was allowed to talk, the more obvious it became that he was extremely comfortable with this topic.

" Gets rid of problems, someone gets paid, and someone lives a little easier. It's a great deal! " Fingernails drum against his whimsical drawing as Proton takes a seat on the back of the park bench where they had crossed paths during this strange conversation.

" So, if someone's actually causing you trouble or putting your life at risk, " his voice shifts, and he reaches into his pocket, to then present a shiny, black business card to his conversational partner.

" You can make 'em go away, and they'll never know you had say in it. "

There was a slight inkling that maybe this guy was serious. But maybe not, with the cartoonish drawing he had shown her. Surely, surely he was just joking. Well... it wasn't like she had anything better to do than talk and indulge in some comedic fantasies with someone who didn't know her personally (and also it was just nice to talk to a stranger who wasn't interested in an autograph or something).

How bad could it possibly be?

"Haha, that drawing--! Perfection! I'd be insane to not be sold on the dumpster fire option now." She snickered in delight at Proton's drawing, a hand to her mouth to stifle the noise.

"Although, hiring someone... that sounds risky. There's a lot of things to think about when you involve a third party, especially if you're inexperienced in that kind of thing! Like, how do you know who to hire that won't rat you out or use it as blackmail? I don't think 'dark web' hitmen have yelp reviews, though it is funny to think that they might." She should really just be enjoying the absurdity of the conversation instead of thinking too hard about logistics and practicality.

[chounaifu]

@shayochism asked:

"I 'ad a dream you exploded."

" But did I explode in a COOL WAY at least? Like an action anime way? Did I win something? Was it a dramatic death kinda situation? Or did I just fuckin' detonate and turn into a pile of goo? You gotta tell me the context if your brain is just gonna imagine up stuff about me, " Proton rambles.

[chounaifu]

dude i met superman and he really doesn't like swear words,

" Fuck Superman. "

Who even LIKES Superman???? Nobody.

[chounaifu]

@reiketsui: " is it that much of a daunting task to keep your office in a presentable condition, executive? " the words are as stoic as one would've gotten accustomed to. he picks up yet another paper from the floor, skimming through it and placing it on one of the neat stacks on the desk. it's one way to spend a break – of course he has to add these occasional snarky comments to avoid having his generous help questioned. " you'd be spared from all this if you did some daily organizing. imagine that. "

" Imagine being nice to me, is it THAT much of a challenge to turn that frown upside down, e x e c u t i v e ? " Proton mocks back playfully, leaning up from the ground with a box of his belongings, setting it on the heavy cypress desk. He couldn't remember the last time he did a full clean out of his office space. Who had time to do that when there was a multitude of tasks to handle on a daily basis? He could exist in his personal clutter.

" Y'know what they say-- looks don't matter! And they SURE DON'T MATTER in here! 'Long as I get the job done! " He announces, leaning down to grab another box, a struggling 'hnnng' sound audible as he hoists it up onto the desk. As he does so, several belongings fall from the box, dispersing onto the ground.

Of the odds and ends, an in-patient bracelet rolls across the floor, and falls flat. It must be many, many years old from how it had yellowed and curled up. Proton doesn't seem to notice at all, far too focused on sorting through some of the more interesting objects on his desk.

" Man, " he cringes and winces as he picks up old devices, outdated cellphones, and all sorts of other things, " maybe it HAS been too long. Just look at all this junk! "

[chounaifu]

@pr0tur0 ❝ go on. stab me. do it. ❞

" Wow, so suddenly? Oh my gosh this is all moving so fast, got my heart racing and all that-- " Knife twirl, " do you REALLY want me to? Really really? ❤️"

[chounaifu]

"Are you an' Archer a thing???????????????"

" HUH WHY, WHY DO YOU ASK, I HAVE NO IDEA WHY YOU'D EVER SUGGEST THAT-- "

[chounaifu]

@crueliste asked:

" bestie let's do another podcast episode, they LOVED the previous :) "

" SO TRUE! " Here he comes, zooming across the floor in his rolling office chair. He BANGS his fists onto the desk, pens and markers go flying.

" Our 6 hour discussion about living meat was an INSTANT CLASSIC. We gotta think BIGGER! We gotta think CRAZIER! We gotta GET CREATIVE. "

[chounaifu]

" Yeah, tourism, " Proton mimics back, nudging the pan with kitchen chopsticks before he stops, turns around, and leans back against the counter to talk to the disgruntled guy. When Guzma wasn't attempting to cave his face in with his fists, he's not difficult to speak with.

" Tough to keep up with outsiders who decide what your home's worth, " he's very purposeful with the words he chose.

" If it ain't tourists it's big businesses. I wouldn't be able to afford shit back home if I didn't have my connections, " he reveals. " Can't work a normal job either. Not legal. I ain't allowed to. "

There's a gesture to his appearance specifically. The tattoos. The complexion.

And then there's a pause.

" -- How'd you get out here anyway? " Out here could mean many things: Po Town specifically, or an unlawful lifestyle.

"...huh. Coolio."

Yeah. He's about to comment that you can make yourself food in every convenience store if you're not a pussy, but. This might go beyond his usual bullshittery, actually.

"But I know right? The economy's in fuckin' shambles." a groan "Blamin' it on all the kids gettin' millions by winnin' random Pokèmon battles. I swear some o' them could buy half the Region at this point."

He's just half joking.

"...and tourists. They would pay anything to get some Authentic Alolan Experience, so."

He's not joking at all with this one.