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queer-auntie · 1 year ago

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AEW Full Gear 2023... puzzles of mismatched pieces?

There are few things that are inevitable in life: Death, Taxes, and the Internet Wrestling Twitter bitching about wrestling.

Last night was AEW’s Full Gear PPV. While some spent it in the comfort of their own home, struggling with the BR Live app, I went to a wrestling viewing party with a handful of friends to watch. We typically go to the movie theater to view AEW PPV but we combined friendsgiving so here we were. (I highly suggest viewing a PPV in a theater at least once)

The best part of a viewing party is the friends part. This requires you to have friends, which I definitely recommend some of you get some friends (and some deodorant), YOU NERD.

*** cue the laugh track ***

All jokes aside, I felt it was important to be IN THE MOMENT with my friends. I love viewing parties with friends. These friends can be of all different levels of knowledge and experience with wrestling. Some have been wrestlers themselves.

My fiance, who has been watching wrestling since the 80s/90s was sitting next to someone who had never watched a wrestling program in their life last night. The varied levels of knowledge and experience made the viewing party exciting. While I am usually sucked into my phone watching my twitter feed, it felt necessary to experience it with my friends.

Here is what I experienced, from memory, complete with quotes and inner thoughts of a person on the spectrum. ENJOY.

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I won’t be talking about the pre show as much because we arrived late. I know. There was traffic and I was cooking Buffalo Chicken Dip. I heard Eddie Kingston won and the preshow was very exciting. I love that for them.

The main show started with the six-man tag team match of Darby Allin, Sting, & Adam Copeland versus The Patriary. The lights went up… and there are children in turtlenecks being forced to acapella sing Christian Cage’s theme…. Were these fatherless children? Should we be supporting them monetarily? That’s when I heard one of the friends at the party who has never watched the wrestling show go…

MR CHOW DOES NOT APPROVE!

(Celebrity sightings literally doing their job here.)

I think Entrances (and I mean to capitalize it) are very special for the casual as well as the expert viewer. They are special, they showcase the wrestlers creativity, and are also COOL AS FUCK.

OH LOOk, STEVE-O!

Hearing the crowd sing “Metalingus” after the music cut is where I started to cry. This match is a special moment and rightfully so to start the show. This is Sting’s last time wrestling in the state of California. He announced his retirement from in-ring activity at AEW Revolution in 2024, five months from now. While I mourn the ending of Sting’s wrestling career, I need reminding that this man is 64 years old WRESTLING ACTIVELY week after week. He deserves the time off and time away. We learn at the end of this match that Sting’s son is ringside which is truly special.

Something I love about AEW PPV is that each show gives you a match style and type for everyone. You like tag matches full of story and emotion, watch the six-man tag team match that starts the show. You want a match stipulation you know will be violent? Stay tuned because we have a Texas Deathmatch to enjoy. You love watching OSHA Violation videos? We have a four-way ladder match to fill that void. Wrestling is truly FOR everyone.

Opening with the six-man tag match full of layers upon layers of storytelling was a great starting point for this PPV. There is the layer of Sting’s last match in California, second to the last big PPV for Sting. There is the layer of Darby being betrayed by his mentee Nick Wayne, whom he trained at his father’s wrestling academy when he was just starting out. You have the layer of Christian Cage and Adam Copeland, real life friends and seven-time tag team champions, on opposite sides of the ring. You have Luchasaurus, trapped under the spell of Christian Cage’s spell. And then for some reason, Ric Flair is here… because everyone loves a good nostalgia pop.

And layers like an onion, this match started with tears and ended in tears.

After back and forth, in and out of the ring, Christian Cage showed how cowardly he was… The Patriary lost as Adam Copeland covered Luchasaurus for the 1-2-3!

The next segment of this show happened to be Tony Schiavone, the National Treasure, announcing that MJF could not compete in tonight’s main event for the AEW World Heavyweight Championship. As Tony was announcing everyone’s worst nightmare, Adam Cole’s music hit… and on crutches, he hobbled to fight in MJF’s place. This brochacho-ship… an unlikely friendship… has truly captured the viewers hearts, a bromance to last a lifetime. This main event match should be an easy win for Jay White, but we’ll talk about that in due time.

The AEW International Championship match is next, Orange Cassidy, accompanied by Hook, defending against the FORMER champion who is out for Blood, Jon Moxley. The promo segment beforehand had Mox’s wife, Renee, say he will do ANYTHING to get that championship and no one will stand in his way.

I turned to my fiance and said, if I ever acted like this to PLEASE stand in my way. He laughed… Am I the Jon Moxley of my relationship? Will I risk it all, concussion and all, for what I want and thirst for the taste of another man’s blood? Honestly, I can see it… but I digress…

The match started with Moxley exploding with energy to gain the advantage over the casual Orange Cassidy. The friends who had never watched wrestling recognize Orange Cassidy from the show “The Floor is Lava” which everyone should watch as well. The brutality juxtaposed to Moxley’s brutality may seem like dirty mismatched socks… but this match truly brought out the intensity and focus each wrestler initially lacked. The usual feral nature of Moxley seemed focused tonight while Orange’s demeanor seemed to be far more serious and violent. Between suicide drives to the ring announcers desk to scratching backs & biting noses, the play by play of this match told the story of changed men willing to do anything for a championship. This championship means something to both men… and with the title of international means either men could defend this championship ANYWHERE to further their dominance.

The friends in the room who participated in the predictions chatted back and forth on who would win this match. With the NJPW WrestleKingdom, their Wrestlemania, on the horizon, my friends argued that Moxley would win as to take this title to Japan and defend it there, a place he’s been before. However, I argued that Orange has been showing a more focused intense side of him we’ve only begun to see.

Moxley’s fighting like he’s the final boss… and Orange, after FIVE Orange Punches, finally brought the monster to his knees. After the three count, and still your AEW International Champion, Orange Cassidy.

This show fifty minutes in this PPV, has started off with thunder and lightning. Full Gear has been the event to sign off the wrestling year. It’s the final test, the crossed T’s and dotted I’s… this event has been known for title changes, surprise debuts, and unforgettable moments.

Timeless Toni Storm’s music hits… and the screen goes to black and white.

This match up is between Hikaru Shida, a three time AEW Women’s Champion, versus Timeless Toni Storm, a two time AEW Women’s Champion. Both women have trained in Japan. Both women have gone through changes and progressions throughout the years. Toni Storm a 28 year old NewZealander faces Hikaru Shida, a 35 year old Japanese wrestler. Both women started wrestling at the end of the 2000s. Both women are from each other’s Roman Empire. (photo credit: AEW)

This character for Toni Storm has been my favorite. She combines that old Hollywood charm, the looks of Marilyn Monroe with the psychosis of Joan Crowford. The smeared lipstick, the dramatic robe, all the way down to the tray where she places her golden shoe. This is the same shoe she uses behind the referee’s back to take down her opponent. She truly is a star.

The match is a war of blows. Toni Storm emptied her arsenal and couldn’t get the advantage over Shida. Shida emptied her arsenal as well but came up short. What would it take to end this battle of forces? Well, a steel plate aptly placed on the hip of Toni Storm is what would end this battle crowning Timeless Toni Storm a three-time AEW Women’s World Champion.

I really enjoy how new signee Maria Mae has interwoven herself into this storyline. This just makes me excited to see this admiration-ship of Maria with Toni unfold week after week, which is a different tone from a few months ago with the AEW Women’s Championship scene.

Here we are… the AEW World Tag Team Championship Ladder match. Four teams participated in this tag team match. The moment the bell rang, everyone squared up, including the big meaty men. I am simply a human who lusts after big wrestling meaty men slapping meat.

La Facción Ingobernable are high risk, high reward wrestlers willing to put their bodies into the match. FTR, in the last two years with AEW< has proven they are all fists no flips in their search for gold once again. The House of the Dark recently dropped the trio's titles and have shown no mercy to their opponents. These opponents would not make this first title defense on a PPV easy for Rikcy and Big Bill.

“Why are there ladders in this match? They have to climb those to get the ....”

“Yeah, they have to climb it to get the belts. That’s how they win.” “Why are there different size ladders?” “They need options.” :”Okay, but why are there so many? Isn’t that setting them up?” “Exactly” *looks nervous* “Okay….”

Watch a ladder match with a new wrestling fan. It feels special again, I promise.

I am a gimmick girlie, as they say. Anyone can be a gimmick girlie. I bet you are a gimmick girlie. You like a stipulation, an elevation, upping the stakes kind-of-thing. I bet you do… and if you don’t, I think you’re lying. Have you ever said, “It’s so easy, I can do this with my eyes closed?” Well, most people aren’t usually referring to defending their title belts in a wrestling match, something that would be actually VERY HARD and more DANGEROUS given most of us aren’t trained wrestlers. Well, Ricky and Big Bill have solidified they can defend their new titles anywhere… and to up the stakes, they can *metaphorically* do it with their eyes closed. (OH GOD, WE ARE NOT DOING A BLINDFOLD MATCH… no matter how loud your TNA chants are….)

This ladder match had so much going on, I had to watch it THREE TIMES. No joke, something new popped up in this match every time. The crowd is heavily behind Rush. He’s been a highlight of AEW’s saturday night “Collision” programming… Yet, overwhelmingly, in the middle of the match, “MEAT!” chants are overpowering as Big Bill, who stands at almost 7 feet tall, goes toe to toe with Brodie King, who stands at a slightly smaller six feet five inches. These boys are big meaty sons of bitches.

Every wrestler in each team was insanely over in this match. And each wrestler would have been fined by OSHA for how they all used ladders as weapons. There was a sequence between Cash Wheeler and Maliki Black used a ladder leading against the top rope as a slingshot against a moving Cash Wheeler as he bounced off the ladder and into the floor… which precariously transitioned into a piledriver on another ladder leading into the corner square on his head. The crowd cheered “HOLY SHIT!” (you'll see what I mean here)

The ending of this ladder match saw every wrestler on one side of a ladder, three in a row, fighting to get to the title belts above. This match felt like a BIG DEAL. It felt important. And the weighted cost of each move, each bump, each impact was felt in every fan watching on. Ladder matches are for everyone. If you don’t agree… you are a liar. (Photo credit: AEW)

I haven’t seen enough love for this ladder match so please go back, watch it if you can… better yet, play it on a loop at my funeral and invite everybody.

We transitioned into the AEW TBS Championship three way match between the champion Kris Statlander, Julia Hart, and SKye Blue. In the last few months, both Julia Hart and Skye Blue have had more character and in-ring development than I have seen of any other women’s wrestler. Julia Hart, once a bubbly cheerleader valeting for the Varsity Blondes, now channeled into her spooky bitch era. She’s focused with a killer moonsault. Skye Blue has blossomed into a spunky yet moody wrestler. “She might be Skye Blue but the skies are certainly in for a storm.”

Kris Statlander out wrestles, outweighs, and could bench BOTH Julia and Skye on her shoulders. Yet, the three of these women put on one hell of a showdown. Nearfall after nearfall, each woman unloaded everything they had. There was a great moment where Kris and Julia were on the outside of the ring. Kris baited Julia to bring it, but Julia got sucked into the most gnarly powerslam. Kris’ power is absolutely unmatched here but Julia and Skye have to use her power SOMEHOW against her. While Julia had Skye in a submission hold, Kris picked up Julia from the ground into a German suplex.

She did this FOUR times in a row with Julia and Skye.

As Kris landed a piledriver on Skye, Julia came in with a closeline, picking up the scraps… and stole the victory. Julia Hart became the youngest champion in AEW at the age of 22. (photo credit: AEW)

I really enjoy the hype over the new AEW Signing. It felt very important for AEW as a company. After the firing of CM Punk, many online voices have voiced their concerns on AEW being a comparable alternative to the mainstream WWE. It’s important to remember that AEW is not going to be LIKE or the same flavor as WWE. They are there to provide the alternative. They exist to showcase all different types of wrestling and wrestlers. That is important. While some could describe it as bad patchwork, I feel this promotion is more like those pictures that, as a whole, is one image… but are composed of a bunch of little images. As we slide right into the next match, I want to preface that this match could be its own article. It stands alone as a masterpiece. It is the blueprint for all deathmatches in AEW Hall of Fame. (There isn’t one, but there should be… it’s been three years already.) Texas Deathmatch existed long before November 18th, 2023. A little google search could not confirm the origin of the wrestling Deathmatch (capital D!). However, the 1980s really captured the Deathmatch art in Abdullah the Butcher, The Sheik, Atsushi Onita, and Terry Funk. These wrestlers match after match put their whole bodies on the line in the name of violence. (There is a whole episode of Dark Side of the Ring about FMW where Onita started these Deathmatches…. Absolutely brutal)

AEW has had a few Texas Deathmatches since its inception. The first AEW Texas Deathmatch was July 21st, 2021 with Lance Archer vs. Jon Moxley. The two had fought previously in a Texas Deathmatch at Wrestle Kingdom 14 where Moxley defeated Archer. The last two Texas Deathmatches have involved “Hangman” Adam Page, one against Adam Cole in 2022 and one against Jon Moxley in 2023. With two Texas Deathmatches under his belt but a loss at Wrestledream against Swerve, “Hangman” already had a taste for brutality. So, in the middle of Swerve asking the audience WHOSE HOUSE it was, Adam Page attacked him before the bell rang.

(Also, side note, it is surreal hearing an arena with 13k fans chant “SWERVE HOUSE” after hearing a room of a few hundred chant it not a few years back… Simply wild.)

The story between “Hangman” and Swerve is personal. This feud has changed both wrestlers, and especially after this match, it has changed both men to their core.

Weapons, in this match, come out early as “Hangman” initiates with duct taping Swerve’s wrists and using an industrial stapler on his chest. Staple after staple into Swerve, the crowd gasps at the flood dripping from Swerve as “Hangman” staples his son’s artwork onto Swerve’s face… and then drops the blood off Swerve’s INTO HIS MOUTH. Hangman spits into the sky as the crowd chants “YOU SICK FUCK.”

Deathmatches are for SICK FUCKS. And Hangman? He’s won TWO of them.

The continued staples, chairs, barbed wire plywood boards (even a piece of barbed wire that clips Hangman's lip from above) unlock brutality needed in this personal feud. Both of these men showcase how they will do anything to settle the match in their favor, a true fight vs. flight scenario. These men are not scared to face their demons… but only one can be victorious tonight. (photo: AEW)

I believe this is one of the bloodiest matches I’ve seen in AEW. The bright red blood flowing down Swerve’s forehead… to Hangman’s crimson blood congealing into his hair like a gelatin.

It was believable, credible, and a candidate for Match of the Year. This was real to me, damnnit.

The camera with blood splattered on the lens. The ring canvas dripped with these men’s blood like an art piece you’d hang in your house.

The image of Swerve dumping glass on the back of Hangman, climbing to the top rope, doing a 450 splash, and then a JML Driver (thanks Excalibur) will live rent free in my mind. I see it when my eyes are closed. (photo: AEW)

This match was a masterpiece. And Swerve coming up on top, the look to the crowd, this was magic. If you got to see this live in person, I am incredibly jealous of you.

The show could have stopped there. I honestly forgot about the last two matches left on the card. I could have done without the next match.

I wish I was more invested as Kenny Omega is one of my favorite wrestlers.

Alas, the Texas Deathmatch was such an emotional high that dropped the moment this match came on. Was this match on its own great? Sure! Kenny, Matt, Nick, and Jericho could wrestle a paper bag and it’d be great. I just wasn’t as interested until the last 3 minutes of the match. Kenny pinning Matt was absolutely the right call and having the Bucks continue their little tantrums added to the story. I just want Kenny out of a Jericho angle. That’s all.

The main event seems to be where the discourse lies. It is the AEW World Heavyweight Championship. I get it. However, the story they are telling really mirrored what they were telling at All In just a few months ago. Jay White thought he had it in the bag facing Adam Cole, still recovering from surgery… with MJF out of action and a crippled Adam Cole, he should have been able to win the triple B…. but he just wasn’t able to beat him.

MJF risked a FELONY to defend the title he rightfully won.

Once MJF entered the match, Jay White singled out his hurt leg. That would be the logical thing to do, find the area of weakness and get your opponent off their feet.

Every time Jay White did something to get the advantage, MJF did squeeze his way out of the situation. MJF was taking risks he hadn't taken before in a match. Defending his title with such a difficult injury put MJF task, so to speak. He had less of an advantage than starting the match healthy. In my opinion, having the AEW World Heavyweight Champion ALSO holding the ROH World Tag Team Championships seems to cheapen the AEW World Heavyweight Championship's prestigious nature. It’s not that I think the champion should not defend the title but it puts the champion at a disadvantage so his competitors don’t have the option they should get to a fair fight with MJF. If I am going to fight and become the new champion, I want to prove I don’t need to win by taking advantage of an injured wrestler. To me, that cheapens the match for me.

This match did nothing but just make MJF look risky working hurt, and in kayfabe, putting other wrestlers at risk by not being 100% healthy. Jay White (and Bullet Club Gold) looked silly and weak, not being able to capitalize on an injured wrestler. And MJF had to rely on the diamond ring once again to take the advantage.

I get that they are telling a story. Maybe that is the point… MJF is SO strong that he could not merely be taken down like a regular man. No, he is superior. He is our scumbag. (photo: AEW)

Whatever the case, not seeing a final shot or even reference to the Devil seemed like… incomplete. The last two matches are fine on their own but seem a little misplaced in such a great show. Full Gear 2023 lived up to the hype promised yet… I’m waiting for the metaphorical fat lady to sing. I am waiting for the final number. I am waiting to finish… and feel a little�� regular. The ending was just… regular. And that kind of sucks after such a great show with a Match of the Year candidate of Swerve vs. Hangman. But that’s the beauty of an opinion… the beauty of having likes and dislikes. That’s the beauty of the alternative. Each match doesn’t have to complete the set to be worthwhile. Many of those matches in Full Gear 2023 PPV can be their own hit single… performing better than the main event. That is alright. I liked it.

But, I felt like it was a show full of great puzzle pieces that seemed to not fit in the order presented… all great storylines, great talent, great momentum… they just, didn’t come out with a crystal clear picture needed to be a Show of the Year contender. What did you think of Full Gear 2023? Did it live up to the hype or did you feel it fall out of sync? Let me know!

I love you. You’re wonderful.

#AEW #aew full gear #All Elite Wrestling #Wrestling #PPV #MJF #Moxley #Texas Deathmatch

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