#^ okay ive well and truly lost it LMFAO

[skitskatdacat63]

this is life footage of nando signing in fernando docu btw

His cat ears and tail were edited out of the doc just so you know 🤫

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[scrambledd3ggss]

okay so here are my thoughts on the Ithaca saga! I would’ve made this post earlier but I fell asleep watching the cast play mafia on TikTok live lmfao 😭, anyway here we go!

(please forgive any spelling answers- I wrote this as I was listening the first time and am too lazy to check that I spelt everything right)

Challenge: 

oh em gee Anna’s voice?? It’s so clear and sorrowful and beautiful

I really love this song, Penelope we’ve missed you

The good news is I know all the lyrics to this song already 😼

Fav lyric-“ though I’d never thought this would be the lengths we’d go for love, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Fuck this song is so sweet/sad 

new audition song just dropped 😼

hold them down

RAHHHH

why’s he sound so sassy/j (love you Ayron)

SIDE NOTE I LOVE WHEN AYRON GETS RASPY

Antinous when I find your ass.

I hate how this song is so catchy 😔

I’m expecting some good animations

YES GET MIRKED BITCHHH

Odysseus 

omg Ody’s monster song

Okay everyone stay calm

“Worst of all I hear you dare to touch my wife and hurt my boy. I have had enough.” WHATTTTGGGSHHSHSHS

ARE THE CHANTING VOICES SAYING ODYSSEUS???

get their asses Ody

Never before have I rooted for this much death before

“Let’s have open arms instead!” “…no” WE LOST HIM ☹️

TELEMACHUS

OH MY FUCKKKKK

bro I love mico’s voice

TELEMACHUS AND ODYSSEUS BEST DUO???

(Telemachus’s part may very well be my favorite part of this song?)

NO GET OFF TELEMACHUS 😨

Odysseus 😨

wow this saga is much darker, definitely recommend listening to jay’s TW (for things like violence that you can hear very clearly and sa specifically but I’m sure people have posted about more things to look out for)

I cant help but Wonder

don’t make me cry/emotional

Telemachus’s verse oh my godddd 😭😭😭

“Oh my boy look how much you’ve grown” take the knife out of my chest please

I know most of these lyrics so far as well!!

“MY SON IM FINALLY HOME!” HES HOME GUYS

HE DID IT

HES HOME!!!

FUCK ATHENA AND ODY REUNITE??

DONT MAKE ME CRY RIGHT NOW

“I can’t help but feel Ive led you astray” goodnight.

“There’s a girl I have to see” LIKE THEYRE KIDS AGAIN OH MY GOD 😨☹️

Would you fall in love with me again

YES YOUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED

“Your eyes look tired, your frame looks lighter” sigh ☹️

“I am not the man you fell in love with” SIGH ☹️☹️

OF COURSE SHE WILL FALL IN LOVE AGAIN

oh my god he’s confessing his wrong doings to her 😟 

I FORGOT HE DOESNT LOOK THE SAME PLEASE 😭

“I will fall in love with you again” this whole part is actually gonna make me crash out ☹️☹️😟😭

THEY BOTH SOIND SO DESPERATE FOR EACH OTHER

I feel like I should count the ending music as it’s own song

I mean it’s as powerful to me

Ending the ENTIRE MUSICAL WITH I love you

Don’t make me crash out rn

Epic has been one of the best things in my life and will continue to be so (seriously- when I have a shit day I just put in my earbuds and imagine how the songs would look as my own animations lol). It’s truly a magical thing that Jorge and the entire Epic crew (cast, crew, animators) have created and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. So while I know they probably won’t see this, thank you. Thank you all so much. I am forever grateful to you and so freaking HYPED to see what Epic turns into next.

lots of love, Ruby :) <3

[intergalactic-chameleon]

gender thoughts: friendships with straight boys + girls

i've sort of talked about this before but god being able to make friends or just silly conversation with boys, especially straight boys, really is something that is fun for me. in general, i dont really care about straight men -- i far prefer queer men, and i look up to them way more that i would a straight man (excluding celebrity actor men that i like lol). but regardless, sometimes, having some silly goose banter with another straight guy that i deem Okay enough to enable myself to talk to can be such a special little treat for me. i grew up loving being friends with boys, and had many successful friendships with them, but especially as i went into middle school, rarely did the majority ever truly want to be my friend back. either they had feelings for me that were unwanted/not reciprocated OR more often than not, they just... didn't care. they didn't see me as a Real friend probably bc didn't see me as a viable dating candidate AND i would not dumb myself or my morals down for them to see me as "one of the good ones." and it fucking sucked!! guys in high school were absolutely atrocious when it came to feminism/LGBT stuff which was super disheartening.

but now that im in college (even tho it's ending soon), i feel a lot more... respected as a human being than before. which isn't saying a lot lol, straight men still are misogynist and bigoted in various other ways which make them unappealing to me. but i noticed as soon as i transferred to art school last year, men and women were far more integrated than what i had seen in high school. and seeing that really renewed my faith in making friends with another man, even tho i still probably will stick with queer men as my buddies for my sanity's sake.

in the perspective of my genderqueer identity, getting to positively interact with other masculine people (including men of course) feels so EUPHORIC... even if the other person only sees me as a Girl, i still express myself pretty openly and authentically if given the chance and i feel like they respond well to it. i've noticed a couple guys that ive interacted with once or a few times before that give me a glance while walking past me every now and then, as if to say "i think you're cool. im probably not gonna try and talk to you cuz im shy and unsure if i actually wanna be friends or not, but you intrigue me." of course, i may just be projecting what i Want them to think hahaha. but i swear, when i talk to straight boys like they're my equal, i think that genuinely makes an impression on them. and so they wonder about me. straight boys wanna be my friend but they're emotionally repressed and/or dont deserve my friendship!! and honestly? i kinda... dig that. lmfao. feels like i have the upper hand for once in my life. i swear im not being delusional HAHA.

but yea, anyway... i was just thinking about this because masculinity is weirdly important for me. being able to express it while in camaraderie with someone else is !!! so exciting! feels like im making up for lost time all those years that my male peers rejected me, forcing me to only really interact with girls. and just to be clear, i didn't have a problem with girls at all. they were a far better option than the boys so ofc p much all of my friends were girls for a very long time and expressing myself femininely wasn't like, totally inauthentic. but since i felt like girls were my only choice back in the day, that lead me to sort of repress any masculinity i wanted to express because i knew a lot of girls wouldn't "get" it. i've always felt different from most girls in general - being queer and neurodivergent and all - and trying to fit in with any of them who had any semblance of popularity (and who were usually very pretty + feminine) just... never really worked. to this day, i just dont feel feminine enough to really connect to the vast range of girls i've come in to contact with. a lot of them have access to a certain kind of social capital that i just never will be able to access simply by being more feminine that me. which is ok, i like spending my time exclusively with queer, trans, gnc, neurodivergent people. but yea, i've always kind of felt like an outsider to the womanhood that a lot of my cis female peers seem to experience, yet i don't exactly feel explicitly left out. this outsider experience is voluntary in a lot of ways because i know this experience just isnt exactly for me. womanhood as i know it is very informed by heterosexual dynamics and compulsory femininity and that just isn't my vibe at all!

[chanluster]

— check in tag!

tagged by @healinghyunjin and @kookings thank u sm!!! except for sunny go fuck urself 

1) why did you choose your url?

oh my fucking god basically you know like ‘lustre’? like sparkles and shit? i thought chan + lustre would be cool cause chan is a glowing boy but i used the british spelling instead and now i sound like a total horndog 💀💀 its the way i didn’t even realise till my friends pointed it out and now i can’t change it yfm but yeh clearly lacking brain cells

2) any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them!

okay so 

gyuluster — my txt account!! ive had it for a while but ive been so dead on there 😭😭 tho i did promise myself that this summer i want to write more content about them so skz im sorry but 💨💨

amorlix — my giffing account!! ive recently gotten into giffing and i love it sm tho i admit it takes up sm of my time 😭 i will try using it more often

i have more but i’m gonna keep them a secret for now 😼😼 most of them are just made to gatekeep usernames LMDOAAO

3) how long have you been on tumblr?

i think it’s defo been more than a year now!! ngl hate it hate tumblr but i love writing too much to let it go so i guess we stuck 😃

4) do you have a queued tag?

no i don’t actually tho i think i should start using it sometime soon

5) why did you start your blog?

i really wanted to get away from wattpad 💀 after writing for bts for so long on there and then completely abandoning them for stray kids it made me realise i needed a fresh start away from there + the writing here is a lot better than i found on wattpad so that’s a huge plus

6) why did you choose your icon?

because felix in that fit is so fine i don’t think i’ll ever recover THE NET THE FUCKING RED NET

7) why did you choose your header?

because jake from enhypen owns me body and soul this man could call me a currymuncher and i’d happily comply ‼️ also him in drunk-dazed studio choom was an 8th wonder of the world

8) what’s your post with most notes?

my 10/10 fic !! my chan fic racked up over 1500 notes and i still haven’t recovered 👁💧👄💧👁 thank you so much for the support guys ❤️❤️

9) how many mutuals do you have?

literally 15 and half of them don’t use tumblr anymore 💀💀 i would love to make friends here but i have major trust issues cause of past experiences LMFAO

10) how many followers do you have?

1750+!! thank you homies omg

11) how many blogs do you follow?

34

12) how often do you use tumblr each day?

way too much fr like i’m genuinely thinking about writing offline, post and fuck off i’m way too addicted to this hellsite 💀💀

13) did you have a fight/ start another argument with a blog once? who won?

LMAO that shit is so childish if i don’t like someone i just block, unfollow, or keep the grudge stewing within me for months cause i fucking hate confrontation

14) how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this post?’

if you mean the “reblog this in 10 seconds or spongebob would make a krabby patty out of you” posts then they’re annoying as hell 11 year old me truly thought my mum would die at one point cause i didn’t like them on facebook

15) do you like tag games?

yes i do! they’re really cute but i’m so shit at responding to them so if you do tag me i love u i’m not ignoring u i promise

16) do you like ask games?

yes yes yes!! don’t hesitate to ask me shit i feel like i’m hella isolated on stayblr 💔💔

17) which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i mean tumblr fame is a scam but i know my desi degen @tyonfs is well known on nct (and well enough to be slandered on a youtube video!! congrats on ur downfall whore😻‼️)

18) do you have a crush on a mutual?

@mocimori i love u ur art and ur lost boy! skz ramblings please know i enjoy listening to ur ideas and would 100% buy ur lip balm if u pitched it to me also ive never gotten over the paris fanart i love u sm

tagging: anyone who wants to do this!!

[fairycosmos]

ive deleted this sm times,i need some1 to talk to..i hope it's not weird im coming to u... basically me n my gf have been together a year, very in love, n make eachother the happiest we've ever been. but we r kinda mentally ill n when we get into fights (ovr jealousy or stupid stuff) we go VERY low n it impacts us sm. lockdown is keeping us apart n hurting us a lot rn too:( idk what to do, how to reassure her this cycle can b broken so we can b together... bcus we need change n rn i cry too much

:(( i’m so sorry for the late response to this, i hope you’re still open to hearing some of my thoughts. and it’s not weird at all, don’t worry for a moment about that. my initial response is to ask if it’s possible to put the relationship on (for lack of a better phrase) pause for a bit, while you both work on your mental health?  when the quarantine is over, of course. i know it’s not ideal, and it’s very painful to have to choose between looking after yourself and the one you love but......when both people are in a bad place, it’s really hard to make healthy judgements and to approach the relationship from a place of rationality and clear headed thinking. it’s a domino effect of sorts, where one person gets (maybe irrationally) jealous and the other feels intensely attacked and there’s a spiral of tension and fighting that doesn’t get resolved, because you can’t see from each other’s point of view. honestly, i feel like the more you guys push off getting help, the worse it’s going to be.  and then it’s going to end the same way any way. of course, it’s no ones ‘fault’. it’s important to stress that. and it’s okay to be upset by how frustrating it is to have to take a step back from dating. like you’re absolutely allowed to be mad, hurt, to not want to have to deal with it......but i really think making the right decision for your own well being is important if you want to break out of the cycle. like you said, change is necessary and though it’s scary and uncomfortable, it’s not always bad. there will be ample opportunity for reconnection in the future and you can still be a big part of each other lives, but it doesn’t have to be as intense as it is right now if you want to start putting yourselves first.  your mental health is the basis for which everything on your life hinges on. you have to take care of yourself so that someday, sooner than you realize, you can begin to take care of each other in the right way. if you’re not seeking the support you need, even in indirect forms such as calling a hotline or researching and implementing positive coping mechanisms into your daily routine, then other areas of your life will begin to feel the strain of that weight. it’s inevitable, so it’s better to nip it in the bud instead of continuing to let it snowball. it’s absolutely possible for people who struggle with mental illnesses to maintain healthy and safe relationships with others, and it truly is for you too, but it just seems to me that right now you both have to prioritize yourselves in order to be able to achieve that. if you have a therapist or a counselor, or any sort of care worker, i’d really urge you to talk to the (obviously through phone call or skype) to see what they recommend. if not, there are a lot of mental health support lines available, and mental health professionals are still looking for clients they can work with remotely - there are still resources out there and you, and your relationship are not a lost cause. i promise. it’s just a matter of knowing what you need to do right now in order to ensure that your future matches up with a healthy relationship. which is a lot easier said than done, and you don’t have to have it all figured out rn. but baby steps are vital. i really think you should talk to your gf about what you both realistically need to do in order to find peace, to heal and to be able to begin building a foundation of trust and mutual support. even if she’s not happy about it, she should want to see you do well, and i’m sure you want that for her. if you can get on the same page about where to go from here, and about looking for the help you both need, then i truly think it could work out in the long run. with some patience, some time and some self care. anyway this is just my opinion and definitely not like.......solidified advice, but i hope you’re ok and that you know i’ll be here if you need someone. i thought i already replied to this, but i guess it was only in my head lmfao. i’m rooting for you. stay safe and take it easy ok 💞

[survivekohsai]

Episode 5 - I Just Want To Go Chill On The Beach With My Friends ~ Quillynn

THIS TRIBE IS FUCKING UGLY OH MY GOD  IM GONNA SCREAM. *screams* dana Im going to kill you and yes I blame dana for everything. Anyone, putting me on a tribe IN THE MINORITY  and on a tribe with ryan of all people... well might as well just dig my grave now. Like rest in peace regan. May 28th, 1998- October 2nd 2017 rip

I'm glad this is happening. We have the comp beasts besides Regan on our side, AND we also have Akito. So it's tit for tat. Hopefully we can have some Yala tribe alliance going. However, I like Jackson. He's seems really nice. Also Jordan can go because he hates us all so bye. And why did Ry block Akito? I now love that they mutinied.

wow i mutiny'd, blocked this whole tribe, didn't use my idol and still stayed during tribal. lol 

So I talked big during the voting confessionals. AND GUESS WHO JOINS!!! Bryce... AINT THAT NICE but tbh i talk big yet i cant help myself but now I have to lie about certain people because i need to build trust and relationships.

I swear to god if they send Jordan Means to Exile im quitting because people should want him gone ASAP!!!! He's a target in everyone's radar and if he makes it to the end like god almighty it's like Drew All over again.

*clap* I hope we win!

Okay havent done one of these since the swap but here goes. I am not happy with this swap because even tho i have raf as an ally im not really liking not being with richie and regan seeing as how they actually do well in challenges. Luckily the other tribe still has a bunch of inactives but regan and richie have shown in the past that they can solo carry a chalenge so im worried. Especially since trixie wanted to go to exile and then wouldnt let us send regan. i was away at the time and it sucks because i really think we should have sent regan or richie so they couldnt compete instead of quinlynn who idk if they are really playing. Luckily the challenge is something im not bad at so maybe I'll do well. Plus we did  win reward by a landslide so maybe the other tribe will bring regan and richie down. speaking of the reward i think some people like erased their names last minute which is sus but w/e!! We still won. But im looking to make something with jackson and raf because i like them both and maybe rtp but i feel like raf and him wont work together idk?

Im going to miss kelsey and linus but fuck regan and jordan lol! I don’t even care game wise i just want to go chill on the beach with my friends~

The curse is broken!!!! Final 13 and possible Merge is coming!!

Hi I'm Jackson and this is my fifth confessional.

I'm not going to to tribal!! Thanks to a tribe swap that basically gutted old Rayong (leaving only me and Akito left), new Rayong won reward AND immunity and THEN we gained Quillynn from a mutiny! this is the best shit ever because now Ryan and Jordan (who i don't want to play with) are stuck on a losing tribe with Regan (who I've heard can be temperamental) and it's going to drive them up the wall. Hopefully Jordan's wasted idol play will come back to bite him and he'll get voted out because I would still prefer that Kelsey and Linus survive. Anyway I've gotten to know pretty much everyone on the new tribe except for Eric and Ryan T., who seem nice but haven't really been responsive to me except for in the group chat. If we lose, I'd kinda like to see one of them go but to be honest I'd be fine with riding a series of wins until the merge. Okay bye I'm procrastinating too much

i hate..... everything i was on a tribe that didnt lose a single challenge, i didnt have any 1 on 1 private conversations or relationships with anyone on the tribe but we all got along well and had worked well as a group so i was satisfied.... then yall swap and now im on a tribe of 7 where 5 of the people were from the flop tribe so not only am i in the minority but i'm in the minority where the majority was on a tribe that couldnt win a challenge to save their lives so unsurprisingly we lost this immunity and now its time for tribal with people who ive never talked to :) :) :) quillynn mutinied so thats one less person to have to worry about but still it could easily be a 4 vs 2 vote and the 1 person from my original tribe is regan who i love dearly shes truly one of the most iconic people of all time but in my list of people who are reliable game strategists i can count on to come up with plans and bounce ideas off of shes not necessarily someone i can do that with...... i did talk to Ryan a little bc we were on the same starting tribe before he mutinied so i got some light tea from him regarding the dynamics of the other tribe and he said that the alliances on the pther side were a 5 person alliance of akito, Jackson, quillynn, Kelsey and linus versus tyler, isaac and jordan.... tyler and isaac are gone so jordan stands alone from that minority group + its kinda weird that quillyn mutinied onto a tribe where original yala has the numbers especially since she was on a tribe with linus and kelsey who ryan said she was in an alliance with????  but maybe shes closer to akito and jackson + the other tribe is full of the people who kept winning challenges so idk but regardless idk whats going to go down for this vote but im annoyed that im on a tribe with a bunch of people who suck and im miserable

I AM A CHALLENGE GOD!! NO MATTER WHAT TRIBE IM ON I WILL BE INVINCIBLE BET EVERYONE WANTS TO BE ME HUH. jk omg im so glad to be on this tribe thats winning. people joining this tribe? not cool.... hope Q is nice tho. I feel like jackson is a threat tbh but like im gonna idol myself and vote him when we lose so watch out

I don't even know what to say. Tribe swap, sure, now that Akito and Jackson are both gone, I'm stuck with an angry Jordan, an unsure Linus, Quill who's just...THERE and these new people. Richie seems very close to me and I do feel confident talking with him and then there's Regan...girl. I feel very shaky around Regan. She's hit or miss, and when she misses, she misses pretty badly...but eh, I'll work with what I've got. Now, going into the tribal, it would be spectacularly easy to vote out Quill because of her absences but I'm the LAST person to judge on that area so...it's hard. Now that Jordan is rather distant from me, I could easily vote him out but I really do want to be in the end of the game with him and I want us to do as swell as possible. Out of everyone...I don't know. I'd rather vote for Ryan. But GOD. I have been to FIVE. BLOODY. ELIMINATIONS. IN A ROW. Geez LOUISE, I hate that this is happening. Girl, I'll do whatever it takes to get the crown, don't get me wrong...but WHY is this HAPPENING?!? I can't keep doing this...I really can't. My tribe has GOT to pull it together. It's testing me, I'm really ready to just go off on everyone for their lack of trying. I know that I TURNED this last immunity out so...WHAT'S the tea??? I just hope that I will just get a week to SIT and RELAX with these people. Because currently, there's no time to talk about life, we have to cut hookers WEEK after WEEK and it's...tiring. Girl, I can't even tell you where I'm going this week. Hopefully, straight back to camp. Let's give it everything we got.... *sigh* And THAT'S all there is to it~! W-We've got to win eventually...right? -Kelsey V Mikaelson

I am glad we won the challenge because honestly, I didn't really know my position in the tribe and whether or not I could be a target. Everyone seems so social and I wouldn't be surprised that most of them are in alliances without me.

I am happy Quillynn is back with us? But also I feel like I have to stick with Jackson's Alliance... despite me wanting to make moves but looking at how this game goes on forward. Trixie/Regan alliance is far more powerful then us. So if Linus and Kelsey are still here to the end, I may have to betray Quillynn and Jackson at that time. I hope I can make it through. 

hi im happy to be on a tribe with jackson and quil. boba tea + fish has arrived!!

So what the fuck do i even have to talk about...havent lost a fucking challenge yet which is awesome...and now ppl are mutinying to us...its getting interesting...im still being the old gramps and no one is even talking to me...but we will see how this goes lmfao

I hope these people vote me out because I don't like them and I threw the challenge because I don't like them.

Here's your confessional stop blowing up my inbox!!

Voting Confessionals

Meh whatever, I vote for Jordan

Kelsey was medevaced

[survivingjapan]

EPISODE 4 “The World Doesn't Revolve Around Jaiden Hantz” Jaiden

I voted for Jonathan because I thought that's what people were doing. Ashley went home.... Jonathan called out Alex after tribal who is my ONLY ally in this game.... I did the duel and lost so now we have to go straight back to tribal after a fucked up messy vote........ do i want to be alive???????

NGRJKDLANVJKADFLNJVKAVFDNAJNVADNVJ;ANEFUBNVAUDBNFJBNAVJKBNDAVJADSNBJVADSVNJKLADVNS I CAN'T BELIEVE I WON LMFAO SHOUTOUT TO MY ROOMMATE FOR HEARING ME BE THE RUDEST I'VE EVER BEEN TO HIM! I'M SORRY RYAN! SHOUTOUT TO Ruthie/Kendall/Alex/Drew (whichever one I decided upon) for saving your life in this game an extra round. I was about to vote you out, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Tbh I was kinda looking forward to losing this round and dedicating tonight to plotting someone's life being destroyed, but I guess winning is okay too. Now my tribe likely won't vote me out because I saved their asses because everyone was fucking PRAISING Ashton for winning last time, so now I guess I'm in the same boat, but he did his for 5 hours and I did mine for 12 minutes, but oh well. Sorry Richie, I hope you don't go home because you gave it your all! I also totally probably wouldn't have won that duel if it wasn't Survivor Trivia considering it's one of the only things in life I'm actually good at. Time to get high now :)

Why haven't they exiled Jaiden, who says that the reason the word "SOMEONE" was capitalized was because it had to be a fat person. Jaiden ur dumb bye

So after Brian was rescued and Pat sent home, I knew I might have put myself out there a little far.....so knowing that we're going to tribal again, I want to pull back the reigns and slide back into the shadows.

The three names that are coming up most often are Jonathan, Ashley, and Kage. Jonathan's name seemed the most rampant in the earlier part of the round until he came online to form a power alliance between himself, Sarah, Brian, Tommy, Junior, Jaiden, and myself. This changed the minds of the people in the alliance to targeting Ashley instead (given that she was semi-inact and on the outer)

Side-Note: Brian, Sarah, and I have an alliance so it works perfectly for us to camouflage.

And Kage, oh silly Kage, thinking that Ashley was somehow the right person to go after for his game....basically campaigned against her too despite her campaigning against Jonathan, thus helping both of them. Classic Kage.

Anyways. I was going to tell Alex about it considering I still had allegiance to him (as Junior did to Linus and Richie), but then I come to find out that he was co-leading an alliance with Kage that included the two of them, Tommy, Linus, and Ashley. Tommy claimed it had been made the first round and had halfway dissolved but thought I should know since we are so "close" and since they flipped on him in the first vote...

Now, although I'm not sure I believe it entirely yet, I didn't tell Alex about the vote going against Ashley because A) I kinda thought he knew B) In the case that Tommy is telling the truth, I don't want to be the idiot that caused a correct idol play to occur and have Jonathan go home. I can mend my bridge with Alex despite what the truth is, but I can't mend the bridge with my alliance if I were the reason one of them went home.

So although Ashley seemed like a gem, she had to go....now let's hope I can stay in the safe-zone and stay alive at our next tribal...

Kage is such a sweet guy and I know he means no harm but girl... you're going home.  It was inevitable that his target was going to be front and center and it seems like this round is his unless he pulls out an idol.  I do think that he would vote another direction, say Richie or Jonathan, but I'm not 100% sure.  He thinks it would be iconic if we went from enemies to allies, as do I, but I'm not sure if that's in my best interest.

I told Richie a lot of stuff this round so far because I want him to trust me.  We didn't have any layer of trust built up yet, so I needed to do that quick, and I think I have successfully done that.

Also, Jonathan tried to pull a big move and mentioned maybe actually targeting Richie like Kage suggested to him, but I shut that shit down real quick.  I don't think it's a good move to save someone who we could work with in the future and is trustworthy as of yet compared to someone who is a complete mess and has thrown so many names out there to be targeted. So all-in-all, I'm not playing a huge game, but I do want to toot my own horn and say that I think I'm playing this game much better now. ^~^

so yeah voted in minority and lost duel but today brian tells me that people have been saying my name for this vote so i turned up my social game and have been talking to people all day and then now tommy just confronted me saying that ashley told tommy that i told ashley that tommy was voting for ashley last night... which is complete bullshit because i didnt tell ashley shit and i was the only person to not vote her out so why the fuck would i be throwing shit around and why would she be throwing me under the bus when i was the only person on her side??? but then tommy told me that ashley told him that alex told ashley that i told alex that tommy was voting ashley... which i DID tell alex that tommy was voting ashley so thats possibly true but of course i told tommy i didnt say shit lmao and then tommy was trying to be like "so alex is the one trying to stir shit?" and i know i need to save myself but i cant throw alex under the bus to save myself because hes the only person in this game that i trust even though his stupid ass dumb fucking mouth got me in trouble in the first place but if he leaves then i'm alone and fucked anyway and i just hate everyone.....

i've been on a bit of a campaign trail trying to talk about the fact that its heroes vs villains and the hosts are going to play up the theme and keep the tribes this way for a while without a swap so keep me around because im an asset in challenges i made the flag i particiapted in the scavenger hunt and i stepped up for the duel( even though i floppped) and that im alone in the game so use me as a number im out of the loop strategically so just keep me around.... idk whats going to happen

i hope and feel like im good with brian alex junior and jaiden + myself thats 5 people and majority is 6 so if i can figure out a way to defuse and deescalate the situation and maybe just make people like me enough they dont want to vote me out i'll be able to stick around but i dont have high hopes because this tribe is a fucking mess where one name gets thrown out then everyone jumps on it and waffles back and forth for hours on what to do until its the last second and they just decide to go with the most prominent name so they keep themselves safe this is the most usless group of people ive ever seen but wish me luck!

Okay, so because Queen Jonathan wants to vote out Alex, we're apparently voting Alex out?  I don't really like this.  I really don't.  I don't have a strong relationship with Alex, but I also just don't see the necessity to make this tribe look messier and messier.  It outs a big alliance, shows Kage and Richie they're on the bottom... like... why?  And it also outs Linus as a solo man.  I really just am scared.  This move seems like too much too soon.  I don't like it.

What I told Jaiden: >>Okay my issue with this big move against Alex is not anything to do with like Alex.  I don't have a good relationship with him at all bc we don't really click, so I don't care if we send him out the door, but we're not only putting Richie, Kage, and Linus on the outs if this move works, it's outing a now obvious group.  If we just vote Kage, it's a united front.  Kage isn't going to help us and although Alex and Richie might flip in the future anyway, we're villains for a reason.  And Jonathan pushing his agenda is not making me feel any better.  I don't want to look back and be like, "Why did we let jonathan do whatever the fuck he wanted?"

Trying to figure out the game like

Also god bless Johnny and his Survivor knowledge

havent done of these in a while. so anyways, here's where i'm at. i've got a seven person alliance, i hate kage and alex, linus is suspect af, and i could probably get screwed tonight because i'm being really strategical.

tonight is the night i do NOT want to go home at, so i'm making a master plan to avoid that happening. i cracked a plan to rid this game of alex s forever, but i am almost certain that alex KNOWS about this plan and is coming for me hardcore. i blame crow or junior, maybe sarah. who knows, truly.

anyways... i told brian to vote for kage with me and hopefully richie. i'll talk to richie and be like hi pls make sure you vote for K A G E. this way, if alex has an idol, the votes at best go 3-2-1 (kage/me probs/richie) and at worst tie 3-3 (kage/me probs) and everyone else draws rocks... lmao

idk why i'm making this all about me, but the universe doesn't revolve around jaiden hantz for nothing. if i go home this fucking early after playing this fucking good... yikes.

HOWEVER: here is where the big risk comes in.

brian and i both have voted for kage. this could take the vote to 5-5-1 depending on where kage votes... which means rocks. LOL. i'm a messy bitch, this is why i'm on the villains tribe. i don't really care if we go to rocks tbh as long as its not me, brian, or tommy... because like i dont necessarily like anyone on this tribe all that much. even if it is me, that's a fucking ICONIC way to go and it's all my fault LOOOOOL. premerge king, tru!

IF this somehow happens to be the last confessional i ever write, at least i looked good writing it. i'm in such a cute position -- got people wrapped around my finger to the point where they went against their hatred of kage to do my bidding and get rid of alex. i am extremely close to people i came into this game HATING (junior and sarah for example), people i didn't even know (jonathan and brian), and people I needed to work with again (tommy and crow). not only that, but kage probably likes me. linus complimented me for being in a good position. alex... can choke idc what his opinion of me is, no offense alex!! (ur a nice guy and a good player, but GOD u intimidate the shit out of me and you have every reason to hate me). richie is aight, just quiet idk.

also, if i go home, this season was the ultimate testament to the player that i am. i take risks, big fucking risks. i have balls, and even though it's premerge, i'm not afraid to flex those muscles and pull some shit out of my ass to make things #happen. it's been fun yall! no bitterness from me here. unless i actually get voted out by the majority of the tribe, i'll rly scream then lmfao

15 minutes until tribal and im going to vomit... i feel a lot more safe now than i did earlier today but its been rough im SUCH a control freak like i want to always be in charge and know whats going on and be the one calling the shots and i know im not in that position so ive taken the back seat and turned up my social game and let everyone else do the work to save me so i wasnt putting myself in the front of the plans where it could come back on me and if it doesnt work out then im never going to forgive myself for not doing more to save myself but if i'm still here then im going to make sure that things change i'm ready to slit some metaphorical throats

*chicken voice* DAMN. I played myself! I'm like, not surprised that I went out premerge...for the fourth time... but to go out by rocks? iconic. inspiring.

other than the obvious sadness that comes with going home, i can't say that i'm really all that upset. i clearly came here to win and i was playing the type of game that could easily get me to that point, but i don't take back any of the moves i made this season... not even that one vote flip that happened. i really thought that alex had an idol! he was being really cocky last minute so i KNEW something was up... it's just disappointing to know that i couldn't have gone all the way with this this season.

my tumblr survivor story is such a mixed bag. i've had many, many failures. today is included. i didn't even make it to single digits this game, one of the most simple goals i set out for me to achieve on this attempt. while we can look at my records, my terrible placements, and all of that garbage, there is absolutely nothing that compares to the gameplay that went into this season to make things happen for me.

for once, i can say that i was not voted out early. not one person put my name down on parchment tonight, not yesterday, and not last week. i have nothing bad to say about a single person i competed against on my tribe this season (except kage sometimes), and maybe they have nothing negative to say about me, either.

i played probably the best game i've ever played in tumblr survivor. i took control, but i still listened to everyone's concerns. i calmed my anxiety from causing me to lose control of the situation. not once did i personally attack a person this season (sad to admit that this is a record for me). but most of all... i'm walking out of here, eleven days later, a changed person. now i know that i have the ability to play well, the doors are wide open for me.

i leave japan with a considerable amount of lessons learned in such a short amount of time. i leave with the strongest friendships i've ever had, new and old. but most of all? i leave overwhelming proud of the change i set forth within myself. i came here a villain and i'd like to say i'm leaving a hero. nothing can take away from the experiences i've had in this milestone game... i am so happy i did this.