#[it was also weird doing fanart of myself…? +someone i saw literally a few hours ago]

[jawn-is-bbg]

JOIN THEIR CULT!

I promise they wont bite!(lying)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #314

“as above, so below  /  what you reap is what you sow  /  what you give comes back threefold  /  as above, so below”

What do you do for work? I'm currently unemployed. I only get paid now and again to do pictures for people. What would you ideally like to do for work? I'd love if I could just be a photographer. What are you doing in order to achieve this? Practice and shoving my extreme discomfort about it aside and trying to promote myself where possible and not in an overbearing manner. What do you think is the worst being on the planet? "Rapists, pedophiles, abusive people in general." <<<< This. Anyone who disrespects the existence of other and equal people. Have you ever been arrested? If so, what for? No. How big an age gap is between you and your siblings? My immediate sisters and I are two years apart. My half-siblings, I don't know. I don't have their ages memorized, but I do know 5+ years, some even 10. Do/did your siblings cause trouble? Not really, we were good kids. What's your dream vehicle? I don't really have one. Are you good at taking care of your finances? What finances? And I don't mean that happily. What's your favorite comic strip? I don't have one. How many people have you texted today? Zero. Someone cheats. Second chance? Nope, byyyyeeeee. Thoughts on kids? Clay that I'm not playing with. Are you a risk taker? No. What are you listening to? I'm currently going through a phase of playing The Evil Within 2's theme nonstop, jc. Is/Was your high schools dress code strict? Not like, mega strict, but it still was overboard. No spaghetti strap shirts, and I even once got in trouble for wearing a floral mesh shirt, despite having a normal tanktop underneath it. It was weird, like no one had ever had a problem with it before, it was just this one teacher that I passed in the hall. Who was the last person to request you on a social media network - and did you accept? Someone I didn't know, so obviously not. Who was the last person’s vehicle that you rode in? Mom's. Who was the last person to make you laugh or smile, and why? Another current obsession of mine: John Wolfe, another let's player who I think is super funny. He said something that made me snicker before I turned on music and started this. Who was the last person that you took a photo with? My half-sister while she was visiting. Who was the last person to pay you a compliment, and what did they say? In group therapy the other day, one of the other women told me that even if I don't believe it, I bring so much positivity to group and she was really happy to be there while I am. I was so so super flustered but flattered, too. Who’s the last person that you visited in the hospital? My mom, following her surgery. Who is the last person that you lent money to? Actually today to Mom. What was the last food that you ate? I warmed up a burger for dinner. What did the last pair of footwear that you wore look like? They're just black flipflops. What was the last kind of bread that you ate? Just plain white bread. What was the last app that you downloaded to your phone? Oh wow, I never do this. I want to say it was a game for my niece. When was your last work shift? I haven't worked in a long time, so idk. When is the last time that you had trouble falling asleep? This is literally every single night. When was the last time you saw a significant other? I ain't got one'a those. When’s the last time that you took a risk? What was the risk? Well, I did say I'm not a risk-taker... Where was the last place that you went on vacation to? You know, how long does it have to be to be considered a "vacation?" I would say not since I went to the beach with an old friend, but it was literally a day. Where was the last place you got lost? uhhhhhhh Why did your last relationship fail? We need to work on ourselves before we could properly support each other and stay in a healthy mindset. Why did you leave your last job? I couldn't handle the stress of serving people and having so many responsibilities at once. How long has it been since you last visited a doctor? How about a dentist? I literally went to the doctor today because I had a follow-up appointment about my weight gain again. I haven't been to the dentist in a few months; I had a normal cleaning my last visit. How big was the last fish you caught? Oh boy, this is stretching years back. It was probably something small, idr at all. Give me the first initial of your last name? D. Something in your home that’s on its last leg(s)? We just moved here, so nothing that's a part of the house itself. As far as items we actually own, idk. Where do you purchase most of your clothes? I haven't gotten new clothes in so long, idk. I would probably say Hot Topic. Describe your skincare routine. I don't have one, if I'm being honest. I just shower. What’s your typical morning routine look like? I don't have one of those, either. The only thing that's consistent is going to the bathroom, eating, and taking my meds. Even brushing my teeth, the time of day when I do that (if I'm not leaving the house) varies. Then it's time to just binge stuff on YouTube and do whatever on the laptop... Are you still playing Animal Crossing? I've never played it, actually. How has the pandemic specifically affected you? It's caused a lot of stress worrying about my mom falling ill, given her being immunocompromised. It's also held me back from searching for another job (even though I don't know what I'd go for, anyway...), because I absolutely refuse to risk bringing Covid into this house by leaving it daily or whatever. What is your main source of anxiety? Being mentally ill, really. It just affects a lot. Any bands or artists you’ve recently discovered? Not very recently, no. What kind of games do you play on your phone? Just Pokemon GO nowadays. Do you have a specific aesthetic? It varies. I love dark, gothic, and gory stuff, but then I also love everything pink and pastel?????? Pastel gore is especially where it's at. Describe the moment you realized you were falling in love with someone. I'd rather not. What’s your favorite sparkling water brand/flavor? I've never even tried it before. What’s your favorite makeup brand/brands? I don't wear nearly enough makeup to be even remotely familiar with any. What’s your all-time favorite movie? It'll probably always be The Lion King. Do you have any subscription boxes? No, but they're cool. What fictional creature would you like as a pet? On deviantART today I actually discovered a fantastic artist who does a lot of HTTYD fanart, and I would say as a dragon lover, Toothless would be soooo great. Have any local businesses closed that you’re sad about? I'm certain tons have closed, but none come to mind. How do you feel about TikTok? I don't feel anything about it. Did you/do you still have a Neopets account? Haha I've had like... two or three at different stages in my life. What were you doing at 9 o'clock this morning? That's actually when (virtual) group therapy starts. Are you wearing any jewelry? Yeah; my piercings (if you count them) and then two rings that I always have on. Are you good at hiding disappointment? No. I'm bad at hiding my emotions because they're so strong. What happened the last time you cried? lmaooo I was finishing watching a The Evil Within 2 LP yesterday, and like, the last hour or so of the game just rips me apart. I was hoping so bad that my mom didn't pass by and ask what the problem was. What would your parents be surprised to learn about you? Both would be stunned to know the situation I had with Joel/my former best friend's boyfriend when I was around 12. What fictional character do you have the biggest crush on? dARKIPLIER Where would you live if you could live anywhere in the world? When all things are considered, like laws, seeing family, etc., somewhere in Canada, or maybe Alaska. Actually, Alaska would be really cool. What after school activities did you do in high school? I didn't have any, if you mean like, school sports and clubs. I did do dance once or twice a week, but it wasn't tied to my school. What’s the last book you really loved? I positively adored The Handmaid's Tale. If you could have been a child prodigy what would you have wanted to be skilled at? My writing was seen as very exceptional for my age as a kid, but it still would've been awesome if it was even better. If earth could only have one condiment for the rest of time, what would you pick to keep around? Uhhh I guess ketchup. I use that the most of all options. What is the scariest experience you have ever had? The night of the breakup. It was such an impossible concept to me that I genuinely thought my life was over, that I'd pull the plug at any moment. Who is a non-politician you wish would run for office? Oh, hunny, Markiplier lmao. Call it a bias all ya want, but he's just a genuinely incredible person that cares so much for everyone and is so serious about equality and just being a good person. Do you think it’s important to stay up to date with the news? It's very hypocritical of me to say, but yes, regardless. Do you own plants? If so, what kind of plants? If not, would you like to grow any? I've never been into growing plants, honestly. Is there a city that you have a particular fondness for? If so, what city is it and why? No, not really. When was the last time that you acted impulsively? Is this a common behavior for you? I dunno, I've gotten better at this. I probably said something I shouldn't have. If you received an allowance as a kid, what kinds of things would you buy with it? Were you more the type to save up for something big, or spend it on little things? I didn't get one. When you cuddle with someone, how do you prefer to position yourself? Would you rather be held, or do the holding? Or both? Are we sitting or lying down? Either way I think I have a tendency to lay my head on their chest while hugging them, and my legs generally curl up. If I'm upset, I definitely feel better and just a greater sense of safety if I'm the one being held, but if the roles are swapped, then I like to be the one doing the holding because I know that's what I want when I'm upset, so treat others how you wanna be treated, y'know. When you woke up today, did you find unread messages from anyone? No. Have you recently told anyone that you miss them? Yes. Can you recall the last time you turned down an offer, of any kind? Mom asked if I wanted to come with her to Ashley's a few days ago, but I said no. I wasn't in a social mood at all. Is there anyone you interact with every day on social media? No. What was the main character's name in the last fictional book you read? Sunny. Have you ever been rejected by a church? No. Is your family nice to you? Yeah. Are you comfortable with your gender? Yeah. What was your favorite Mary-Kate and Ashley film? I don't remember; we had a couple, though. What was your favorite book you had to read for school? The Outsiders. What was your favorite Nickelodeon show? ngl, I don't remember a lot of them and don't feel like looking up a list. Do you still live in the house you grew up in? No. Which Spice Girl was your favorite? I don't remember their names. Do you think you look the best you've ever looked? Oh hell no. Have you been hurt by religion? Yes, honestly. In Truth or Dare, would you rather choose Truth or Dare? I always choose "truth." Have you ever had more than one crush at once? Yeah, I think that's perfectly normal to feel, even for someone monogamous like myself. Just when you establish a relationship, then it's time to make a choice. What social issue do you care about most? This is hard to say with how passionately I hold my opinions, but probably LGBTQ+ rights. It's just... so disgusting to me that I was once homophobic. It's like I want to make up for it. Just the idea of being repulsed by love just because someone has "the wrong thing" in their pants is just... appalling. When was the last time you read a Bible? Many, maaaany years ago I started reading it, but I didn't get very far at all. Do you own a Bible? I personally don't, but I know Mom has one, maybe multiple. Do you discover new music regularly? No; I very much stick to what I know. It's great when I do, though, given that that's how I find new songs to repeat to the grave. What does your first name mean? "Of Britain" or something like that. What country do you live in? U.S.A. Do you believe that gays are born that way? Uh, yes? Who honestly believes a homosexual would *choose* to be in the discriminated minority? People are murdered and abused for simply their sexuality; no sane person would "choose" to risk that torture.

[unrivaled-super-hottie]

QZGS Masquerade 2019 Reveals

The guesses are in for Masquerade and now it’s time to reveal everyone! There were 22 guesses (+1 late guess I tossed in for fun), and one author remained unguessed throughout the whole event!

(Please note the collection will be de-anoned by 11/15 at 11:59 pm EST so if you still want to keep your fic on anonymous to the general public who doesn’t know about masquerade, please add it to the general anonymous connection on AO3 in addition to the masquerade collection)

Read below to see results/statistics for all the fics

(later on i realized i forgot to ask for a discord ID/ao3 name on the form but luckily I knew the first place at least)

First off for the guessers:

The one who guessed the most authors correctly: TheDefenestrator [ni(redacted)@gmail.com] with 16/21 correct guesses

Honorable Mention:  Dayadhvam [da(redacted)@gmail.com] with 13/21 correct guesses

The average number of correct guesses was: 4.826086957

Median number of correct guesses: 4

Both of them left cool deductions so please check out the raw spreadsheet at the end of this post!

Now for the fic which will be revealed in order of most to least guessed

disclaimer: In my comments, when I said I guessed someone, I’m referring to my active speculation I made as I read a fic before I checked the form submissions. I did not actually make an official guess that was part of the statistics

Number of Correct Guesses: 9/21 (43%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as: Lauchis and eloboosting (2 guesses each)

Correct Author:  Battle_god_Ye_Xiu

Host Comments: Look i guessed this was you almost immediately because  I saw Zheng Xuan tag + the words “soft family” (you like using soft a lot, with ur “uwu soft angst” )

Number of Correct Guesses: 9/22 (41%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as: Autumn_Rain, DesertRain, Syncogon (2 guesses each)

Correct Author: desikauwa

Host Comments: Everyone said you have a really distinctive style and I agree, especially the paragraph length + dialogue. I enjoyed the rarer Fang Rui content!

Number of Correct Guesses: 8/22 (36%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:  swanfrost (3 guesses)

Correct Author:  Shirou_UOHS

Host Comments: Shirou I think your writing is really distinctive and I guessed you right away because you love sibling stuff and YOU LITERALLY DREW FANART OF THIS AND POSTED IT ON THE SERVER. SO SUSPICIOUS. I think you would have been guessed more, but kiri (desertrain) gave you some cover because both of you use “gege” in your fics and you were guessed a lot for the other fic. 

(Also for the swan as most incorrectly guessed, RNG was 2/3 of those guesses so not as accurate..)

Number of Correct Guesses: 7/21 (33%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:  fayah (4 guesses)

Correct Author: sakuchii

Host Comments: So many people guessed me for this one! Probably because Su Muqiu/Ye Xiu, jokes on you all I wouldn’t be that obvious. I didn’t guess this one to be you off the bat but apparently you had something stylistically distinct because a lot of people did correctly guess!

Number of Correct Guesses: 7/21 (33%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:  syncogon (4 guesses)

Correct Author: Dayadhvam

Host Comments: Most people concluded that this fic was written by someone familiar with Chinese because of the references so I’m not surprised Synco was the most guessed. This was one of the fics I knew who wrote it almost immediately as I read it because Journey to the West references!! I remember one of the first posts I saw from you in the server was you explaining LJY’s old username. I laughed that your profile pic on discord this whole event was Innocent Eye Fang Rui, I wonder if that helped anyone guess/suspect? 

Also can I say the dialogue for this was great and this was my favorite fic out of the masquerade

Number of Correct Guesses: 6/21 (29%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:  Shirou_UOHS (5 guesses)

Correct Author:  DesertRain

Host Comments: So many people guessed this off the usage of “gege” which was why Shirou was guessed so often! (Also Shirou under suspicion for Ye Twin fic I’m guessing) For the first 4 guesses you had a 100% guess rate even by RNG and it made me laugh a lot, congrats on not ending up as most guessed despite your early lead!. Also “no beta we die like su muqiu�� is the best tag you win just for that

Number of Correct Guesses: 6/21 (29%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:   Missing_Ninja_History (4 guesses)

Correct Author:    eloboosting

Host Comments: I think this was one of the easier fics to guess because so few people in the fandom write porn. Gma (Missing_Ninja_History) was probably guessed the most because she recently posted TKA nsfw rare pair fic lmao. Also Tread (havingonlydreams) was guessed twice since she wrote nsfw hanzhang before. Zoe ( Battle_god_Ye_Xiu) tried to convince everyone this was possibly her fic but absolutely no one believed this except 1 random rng guess.

I may or may not have been converted to HanZhang by this fic.

Number of Correct Guesses: 5/21 (24%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:  senata_isivelia (3 guesses)

Correct Author:    qyff

Host Comments: I think your style was somewhat distinct but SO MANY people guessed you for another fic! Not one of the ones I was 100% sure of off the bat, but is it weird that I suspected you just for the triple question marks? haha

Number of Correct Guesses: 5/21 (24%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:  Dayadhvam,  qyff, and  rimenorreason (2 guesses)

Correct Author:  Swanfrost

Host Comments: I thought your summary style should have given you away so much more! The block quote + one line zinger is so you. Also I was happy to see so many good gen pieces for masquerade! The fluffy feelings here also vaguely reminded me of your other fic, I guessed you pretty much off the bat when entries were coming in

[From this point onward, we’ve reached the top 50% of well-hidden authors!!]

Number of Correct Guesses: 4/21 (19%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:   DesertRain (4 guesses)

Correct Author:   Missing_Ninja_History

Host Comments: This was another one of those fics I guessed off the bat because of your copious use of dashes and the “Happy birthday, Qiu.” near the end. That last part basically ruled out most of the more Chinese-knowledgeable writers. I also felt under 2k words would be a breeze for you so the early submission just gave me the strongest gut-feeling this was you. Felt so validated when I checked the forms and was correct haha 

This was also a somewhat popular guess for the two authors that didn’t have previous fic history

Number of Correct Guesses: 4/21 (19%) 

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:  qyff (10 guesses)

Correct Author:   qq_riri

Host Comments: So this was THE most successful fake-out fic out of the bunch, because qyff is so well known for liking MF + QYF. I just read from you that you did this on purpose and it worked so, so well /slow clap

Number of Correct Guesses: 4/21 (19%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:   jellysunfish (4 guesses)

Correct Author:   DancingBloomTKA

Host Comments: The way you formatted BOLDED poetic lines in between your storytelling was really obvious, even if you tried to hide it with adding the spacing lines. I think Jelly was guessed because they also do this, but you do single lines so I immediately suspected you!! I just didn’t expect you would join the event with IRL and stuff keeping you busy, I’m glad you did! 

Also I totally noticed in the server you asked “Who’s the “Time to let my inner demons out” in Dying Flame? Li Xuan?” How shameless, asking about your own fic. I feel this should have made more people suspect you rather than throw them off, but alas I don’t think many people noticed this except me.

Number of Correct Guesses: 3/21 (14%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:   swanfrost (3 guesses)

Correct Author:   wackernagel

Host Comments: This was a really cool rarepair! Unfortunately it also was one of the things that outed you haha. That and you accidentally kinda said when you finished your fic and your wordcount woes and tried to bluff it off with editting but apparently some people remembered

Number of Correct Guesses: 3/21 (14%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:    Missing_Ninja_History (6 guesses)

Correct Author:  Lauchis

Host Comments: This was the third most misdirected fic. Maybe because Gma (Missing_Ninja_history) wrote Wu Xuefeng rarepair before? I like how you stole Tread’s headcannon post but Tread (havingonlydreams) was suspected for so many other fic instead that everyone just chose to blame Gma. Also thank you for using the title I was trying to bait people into using!!  Unfortunately we only fooled one person with this :(

Number of Correct Guesses: 3/21 (14%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:   senata_isivelia  and DancingBloomTKA (4 guesses)

Correct Author: rimenorreason

Host Comments: Since you and Senata both had no fic history, a lot of people actually did tend to guess which two fics you two wrote but mixed up the correct order haha. I didn’t guess this one right at all tbh :’D

[From this point onward, we have the top 25% most well hidden authors]

Number of Correct Guesses: 2/21 (10%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:  lauchis (4 guesses)

Correct Author: Fayah

Host Comments: This was mine! I did a few things to throw people off - I never wrote Tang Rou before so I picked her as a subject. I just rushed this in 24 hours and hoped that was enough to make my writing not sound so much like myself. I also never use long (parenthesis) lowercase titles so I hoped that it helped throw some people off too. Vaguely I tried to implicate Syncogon because she wrote WangRou before and the lyrics were from the TKA live action which I haven’t watched but she has posted about listening to the OST repeatedly.

I never expected lauchis (who also ships wangrou) to join the event and give me even MORE cover. Thanks lauchis :)

Number of Correct Guesses: 2/21 (10%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:   Fayah and Autumn_Rain (3 guesses)

Correct Author: Syncogon

Host Comments: This was really obvious to me and I was surprised it wasn’t guessed more because you’ve actually written fem!YX fic?? And talked about this fic in the server. YOU’VE ALSO LITERALLY USED THE “Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex“ TAG BEFORE!!!!!! This guess rate is a true miracle, this wins the “most surprised that it wasn’t guessed more.” Maybe because you have 41 fic and people gave up before going to page 3 and seeing your very first fic that was fem!YX 

Number of Correct Guesses: 2/21 (10%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:   Battle_god_Ye_Xiu, qq_riri, sakuchii  (3 guesses)

Correct Author: senata_isivelia

Host Comments: I figured you would do well since you had no other fic. I also helped secretly beta this fic though I don’t know if that actually would have affected people’s guesses. Not surprised that Zoe (Battle_god_Ye_Xiu) got guessed frequently for this because YuHuang. One of the times you got correctly guessed was from RNG but I’m really surprised someone did guess you accurately!

Number of Correct Guesses: 1/21 (4.8%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as: fayah (4 guesses)

Correct Author: havingonlydreams

Host Comments: I’m so surprised everyone thought I wrote Liu Hao fic??? I’m honored because I enjoyed the perspective, but still baffled. Tread, I’m really disappointed you weren’t 2nd place because you really deserve it - you had some Zhang Jiale level luck in this event. The one person who guessed you cited RNG as their reason. 

Number of Correct Guesses: 1/22 (4.5%)

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:   havingonlydreams  (8 guesses)

Correct Author: Autumn_Rain

Host Comments: This is probably the strongest accidental masquerade misdirection that happened because I know you had no clue Tread (havingonlydreams, who is strongly associated with Thunderclap) would participate. I did not expect to see/read this pairing but it was a really fun fic!

Only one person (Fenes/The Defenestrator) guessed correctly and saved my ass from having a two-way tie for first. Congrats on the Zhang Jiale award!  

Number of Correct Guesses: 0/22 

Most Incorrectly Guessed as:   Autumn_Rain (5 guesses)

Correct Author: jellysunfish

Host Comments: Our masquerade winner! I think your spacing made people think Autumn_Rain. I definitely couldn’t pin you down either, so congrats! I’ll DM you when I start working on the art :)

[Raw Data Spreadsheet + Deductions if guesser chose to include]

[Raffle Ticket List]

And the winner of free Nitro is Syncogon!

Thank you so much to everyone who participated! I hope you had fun. Also feel free to slide me your feedback/suggestions/if you would be interested in doing this again next year :)

[bobbyischill]

My Relationship With Andi Mack

Two years ago, when I was in 10th grade, my GSA advisor was telling me and a friend about a Disney Channel show. She hadn’t watched it yet, but apparently one of the main characters had just come out as gay! I was really happy for Disney and glad that queer kids all over the world had someone like them to look up to. However, I, a 15 year old, a mature teenager, wouldn’t really enjoy a kids show, right? So I went about the rest of my day without giving it a second thought....

Until I went home and opened up Tumblr. One of the first posts I saw was someone giving props to Disney for making such a diverse, inclusive show that was actually GOOD. They said it reminded them of Girl Meets World, except it was a million times better and diverse. Okay fine, I thought. I guess I’ll check out Andi Mack. (BOOYY I HAD A BIG STORM COMING)

I opened up my iPad around 10:30pm and decided to watch an episode or two, depending on how tired I was. After the very first episode, I recognized that this show was special. Like, REALLY special. The characters were fleshed out and unique. There was the “twist” about Bex being Andi’s mom. The friendships and relationships felt real. I knew I was going to binge the whole show that night.

That night, as I continued on with the show, I fell in love with each one of them. They all had their own quirks, they were all nuanced. I fell in love with how competitive, protective to a fault, and caring Buffy was. I fell in love with how awkward and goofy and relatable Cyrus was. I fell in love with how kind and oblivious Jonah was. I fell in love with how hard-working and funny Andi was, and how much she cared about certain things and the people around her. I fell in love with the dynamics between certain characters and how they were always changing. I loved how it tackled racism in school (Buffy had to change her hair or be sent home), how unfair dress codes are to students (especially girls), how you need to take a stand for what you believe in (the prison uniforms), and how stepping out of your comfort zone is a good thing, even if you get hurt (Andi watching a horror movie and being terrified, but not regretting it). This was all in the first season.

This show already meant so much to me. And then Cyrus looked back at Jonah. In the words of Jonah Beck, “I cried”. Just that hint of representation was more than I had ever scene on Disney or any other show marketed to kids.

And then Cyrus came out to Buffy. I, a pansexual who was out to my friends but not any of my family and who still struggled with intense internalized homophobia, burst into tears. I related to how ashamed and afraid Cyrus looked. I needed to hear Buffy’s heartfelt response. “You may be weird, but you’re no different.” That phrase was constantly bouncing through my head for at least the next few days (and if I’m being honest, it still is). I wrote it all over my notes and assignments because it was literally all I could think about for such a long time. I saw the sign on the wall that said “G: for General Audiences.” That showed me that Disney (or at least Terri Minsky, my queen) truly felt that I wasn’t a freak. I didn’t need to hide my identity from anyone if I didn’t want to. My identity wasn’t a mature subject; it was for general audiences. (Also, I just want to add that Sofia and Josh’s acting in this scene was absolutely fantastic. It was so raw and emotional, and it still makes me cry every time I see it.)

And then in that same episode Cyrus and Buffy talked about his crush on Jonah. They did it so casually, and my mind was blown. At this point, I had honestly never seen so much gay representation in a show as this.

That night, I stayed up until 5am. I was rewatched Cyrus’s coming out scene about 10 times. I fangirled about it on Tumblr. I added “Tomorrow Starts Today” to my Spotify playlist. I even wrote a diary entry about it. (I only write in my diary when I’m feeling very intense emotions that I need to write down in order to figure out.)

The next day at school, I told all my Gay Friends about Andi Mack and how amazing it was. A few of them got into it, and it was fun talking to them about it, but after a while I was pretty heavily hyperfixated on it and I needed more. And I felt like I was bothering my followers with constant posts about how much I loved Andi Mack. So I made this blog. @cyrus-made-tshirts. I haven’t changed the name since. That’s how I became an official part of the friendom.

I love this fandom. I don’t even know many people personally or have made many friends through it, but this fandom was everything to me. I loved the posts, the crackhead theories, josh’s account. I loved the crackships, the real ships, the overanalyzing of every line, of every movement, of every promo. I loved watching the reactions on YouTube. I loved making posts about the show and having hundreds of people relate to it or find it funny, especially the gay ones. My very first post to get more than 50 notes was one about how Miranda and Bex would make a cute couple (this was before Miranda was revealed to be a snake.)

For the past year and a half, Andi Mack has been my life. I have survived the many ship wars. I have survived the months-long hiatuses. I have survived the ominous tweets and posts Josh has made and the frenzy of panicking everywhere that followed it. And I have loved every minute of it.

I’ve seen these characters I love grow up before my eyes. They’ve all changed and evolved and matured so much. There’s so much more representation since I started watching the show. There’s a character with a learning disability, characters with anxiety, a homeless character, a deaf character. There’s been multiple episodes celebrating Jewish and Chinese culture. I’ve seen Cyrus go from nervously nodding in agreement that he liked a boy to unprovokingly telling his friend he liked that boy to flat-out telling his ex-crush he is gay to holding hands with his crush in public. I’ve seen all of Cyrus’s friends support him unconditionally. I’ve seen him find his happily ever after (for middle school, at least).

And then the last episode aired. I knew I was never going to be prepared for it, but HOLY SHIT, it’s over. And the finale was like a fanfiction it was so good. I watched it live on Thursday night at midnight. I freaked out about it online for three hours, then watched it on Disney Now. I pulled an all-nighter because I just kept rewatching it online until Friday night, when I watched it air on Disney. The way Cyrus and TJ sang Born This Way with the rest of the characters cured my depression, cleared my skin, and watered my crops. The bench scene was so fucking beautiful and romantic it caused me to hyperventilate. The acting from both Luke and Josh was incredible. Honestly, Luke crushed it the entire time as TJ and the bench scene was the icing on top. This scene meant more to met than some people could ever know.

A couple months ago, I was in a pretty shit place emotionally and mentally. Literally the only thing stopping me from killing myself was the guilt of leaving my friends and family behind. I needed another reason to stay, something to keep me grounded. And that reason became Andi Mack. I promised myself I would live to see the day Tyrus became canon. And I did it. I’m in a much better place now, and I’m not going to do anything stupid now that Tyrus has become canon (TYRUS HAS BECOME CANON!!! AAKDBEISSHSB I STILL HAVENT PROCESSED THAT YET!!!!). But at the time, I really needed Andi Mack to help me keep fighting. And it was there for me. And I will always be indebted to it for my life.

This show has helped me in so many other ways. It’s helped me drastically reduce my internalized homophobia. It’s given me a community of people that understand me. It’s created so many characters that I love. So thank you to Terri Minsky for creating this show and amazing characters that I will love forever. Thank you to Disney for funding it and not completely censoring it. Thank you to the crew for working tirelessly to make this happen. Thank you to Peyton, Emily, Asher, Josh, Luke, Lilan, Trent, Garren, Sofia, and every other actor for pouring their heart into this show. A special thank you to Josh and Luke for making me feel safe and loved and for caring so much about their story arcs. (And their political activism is pretty awesome, too.)

I’m really going to miss screaming about this show with you guys. I really hope that some people keep creating fanart and fanfics and keep making memes and crackships. I hope the friendom never dies. Because every one of you is so special and fun to hang out with online. And I’m really gonna miss it. And now I’m crying, and this is getting WAYYY too long, so I’m gonna stop talking now lmao. But I want to say this show has changed me in so many ways and I’m grateful to every single person involved, including the amazing friendom. I’ll love you all forever. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[runningwolf62]

SURPRISE IT’S UPDATE TIME! It’s so bizarre being writing this at the same time Larry is because there’s like this weird overlap, we’re like ships passing in the night he’s finally caught up to my time and now is about to pass me.

Anyway, there’s some lovely art in here and a reference to a blog that actually exists, @ask-potoo-firestar. Art belongs to @lavendersongs, thank you for your amazing contribution to the Warrior Cats fandom and for giving me permission to include references to it in this fanfic.

Beep.

Larry curls up deeper under his blankets.

Beep.

He covers his head with his pillow.

Beep.

Fine, he’ll crawl out of his nest and see what had happened, maybe Nick was in trouble again, that Godot guy seemed to have a grudge against him for something.

u ok?

Only Nick texts like that.

haven’t seen u in few days

u alive?

Larry almost fires something back before thinking better of it, Nick had far too many people around him die to joke about that.

Yeah I’m fine, and you usually don’t see me for awhile.

yeah but u had a rough time

Larry hesitates before deciding to just call Nick. The phone rings a few times before Nick answers.

“Hey Larry,” he greets him, Larry can hear voices in the background, he thinks one is Maya, the other is young and high so probably Pearl.

“Hey Nick,” Larry runs a hand over his jaw, aw gross he’d ended up with that scraggly beard, he never looked good with that, he needed to go shave, “you in a crisis?”

“No?” Nick has the gall to sound offended, “I do not only call you during crisises!”

“Mmm might wanna check you phone bill there Nicky Boy,” Larry teases him, his voice is rough, he should haul himself out of bed and start putting himself back together.

“You want to talk about having a crisis you sound like you’ve been on a bender,” Nick fires back, Larry frowned and groused at him.

“Don’t be an ass Nick, I’ve been taking a week off, chilling and relaxing before I remake myself! You called while I’m still in the cocoon man!”

“That metaphor started strong but you took it somewhere very weird,” Nick replies, Larry laughs roughly.

“Alright, alright, you’re the one who texted me,” Larry points out, wrapping his blanket around him like a cloak to hide his shame from the world and stay warm from the chillier October day. He crossed to his laptop to open his resume, he’d need to update it and he might as well do that while chatting with Nick rather than sit around feeling shitty about it.

He chats with Nick, and Maya and Pearl when they demand a chance to chat with him. He interrogate Nick, or tries, but he doesn’t know what’s up with Godot either, other than he’s got one hell of a caffeine addiction, came out of nowhere and claims to be from hell.

Given half the stories Larry’s heard about Nick’s cases he’s tempted to believe it.

“Maybe you ought to have an exorcism performed,” he teases, he’s on speaker phone now and he’s sure they can hear him typing away as he adds his latest job to the long master list of jobs he’s held, “Maya, Pearl, can you do that?”

“I’d have to exorcise the entire Prosocution’s office!” Maya bemoans, Larry grins as she outlines everything she’d need to do to Nick.

“Maybe you should, it sounds like it has a few too many demons over there even before this guy,” Larry muses, saving his resume and opening Fanfiction.net. His stomach drops and his jokes trail off. There’s several messages from XxWolfDragonxX. Shit, he’d just dropped off the map after talking to the guy daily.

He immediately types a response, assuring the guy some stuff just came up, he got fired from work, etc. but he’s doing alright. He misses a question Nick asked him until he repeats his name.

“Larry.”

“Sorry, what?” He tosses the message to WolfDragon off, his friend is probably off work it’s well after six for him.

“I asked what were you typing?”

Larry glances at his messages and then at his minimized programs. “My resume.”

He refreshed FF.net and got a message from WolfDragon.

Man it’s fine, life happens! It’s just good to hear from you again. I’m sorry for all the shit that keeps happening to you.

Again I’m so sorry, and yeah, it’s just been that kind of year.

Do you have a discord? I have something to show you but I don’t think ff.net will send it.

Oh? Uh yeah actually, one second let me find my ID number.

It takes him longer than he should be tosses the information to Wolfdragon. After a moment he gets a friend request on Discord, from a XxWolfDrgonxX surprising absolutely no one. The avatar is a gray anime wolf with yellow eyes snarling, which also doesn’t surprise Larry though he wonders where it’s from.

However he’s still on the phone with Nick, so he accepts it and turns away from the computer, “so what are you all up to asides from calling me?” He hears Pearl giggle and Maya’s voice in the background, they’re moving away, “how are they Nick?”

“They’re good,” Nick sounds happy and Larry can’t help but hurt even as he’s happy for him.

“We’re probably going to do a few things today before they have to head back,” Nick’s chair creaks audibly, “do you have plans for Halloween?”

“Uh, not really?”

“Do you want to come over to the office and hand out candy with me?”

“People come to your office for candy?”

“Surprisingly yes,” Nick sounds equally baffled by this fact, “so, are you in?”

“Do you want me to bring anything?” Larry asks, glancing at his Discord occasionally, where he can see WolfDragon typing. “Beer, Soda, popcorn and terrible horror movies?”

“Popcorn and let’s go with lighthearted movies,” Nick suggests, and Larry wonders if Pearl will be there. He’ll bring soda then, just in case. That or Nick’s gotten to be more of a scaredy-cat since their last Halloween movie festival.

“Have you seen that one cartoon thing that everyone raves about?” Larry’s seen so much art for it for Inktober so he needs to actually sit down and watch the show obviously is what that means.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Okay, I’ll find it, it’s some kids show but everyone who’s seen it loved it,” Larry sends a quick message to WolfDragon while Nick talks.

You sure are dedicated to your brand.

It’s who I am

Furry.

WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS THAT?!?

That’s Potoo Firestar you fool

I want to hate it but I’m laughing too hard, it’s amazing.

“Larry are you okay?” Nick asks, and Larry can’t answer, he’s wheezing at the damn Potoo Firestar, he cannot believe WolfDragon got his discord just to send him this, and that it’s somehow made him feel so much better.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” he wheezes, and clicks the link that WolfDragon sends him to this person’s blog, “just saw something funny.”

He hops off the phone with Nick promising to see him on Halloween and bring candy and popcorn and the cartoon he’s seen everyone drawing if he could just remember the name.

He spends the next hour teasing WolfDragon on Discord for his avatar and username, all the while scrolling through this blog, which WolfDragon has dubbed “the only pure Warrior Cats blog”.

It doesn’t take long for him to agree though he does have a few questions.

So I miss all the discourse but I also miss blogs like this?

Listen man, some people are still stuck in the can cats be gay discourse?

Seriously?

Yeah, like sure the Erins just made a mistake making some tortoiseshell cats toms. OR they made several trans icons.

I can’t believe Tigerstar was transphobic.

Firestar made the first call out post

“OP is literally a Transphobe and murderer but go off I guess.”

Scourge: *goes the fuck off *

Listen, he wear dog teeth on his collar he can do what he likes, I’m not gonna be the guy to try and stop him.

Oh you do know they made Scourge and Firestar half-brothers right?

THEY WHAT

Yeah they have the same Dad

Oh shit I’d heard that theory but I thought it was just a fan theory

Nah they confirmed it. Also Tallstar was super gay for him

Like canonly gay or the fandom has shipping goggles glued on

Like so canonly gay that the publisher calls them good friends

What?

One of the authors says Tallstar’s heart always belonged to his Jake, but the publishers say they’re just good friends

What’s better than this, guys being dudes.

You’d probably like Tallstar’s Revenge actually, there’s a lot of your fic in it

Seriously?

Yeah man, like leaving the Clans to discover yourself the themes of forgiveness and parents and family there’s a lot of good stuff in there

I guess I’ll have to read it then.

Yeah, that blog I linked you even did fanart of Jake and Tallstar

Oh my god.

Did you find it?

Not yet, but I’m looking.

FOUND IT!

THAT’S IT

Okay that is gay.

Much like my fic.

Now I gotta man.

He did just lose his job but Larry’s got some money saved from his last paycheck and the commissions. What the hell. He makes a note to buy Tallstar’s Revenge next time he’s at the book store, and gets up.

Thanks for this.

Of course!

Is this the best way to contact you, or should I howl out the window?

Haha

FF.net or Discord works I’ll probably review your fics on FF.net still but we can chat here

Larry grins and tells him he hopes he has a good evening. He needs to clean himself up and try and rejoin society.

He showers, shaves, and pulls himself together. He also draws Wolf as a Potoo and sends that back to WolfDragon which is obviously loved, if the fact he turns his avatar into it was any indication.

-

Larry spends Halloween crashing on Nick’s couch, Maya and Nick fighting over candy while he snags some and occasionally slips a piece or two to Pearl. The kid’s clever and smiles shyly at him every time he does so.

They do settle down to watch the cartoon though Maya grumbles at points about how she wanted to watch the Steel Samurai Halloween Special.

They enjoy Over the Garden Wall though, even if it sends the girls diving to hide behind Nick at one point from the Beast. He lets Nick comfort, while he cleans up some of the trash into the popcorn bowl which he sets to the side, making sure it will not be grabbed by mistake by someone hurrying to give candy to trick-or-treaters.

He’s honestly astonished at the number that turn up at the office, until Nick says he thinks Mia used to hand the candy out, which makes sense. It’s tradition now. And Nick must’ve gotten paid because he’s got the good candy and he’s letting kids take handfuls.

He doesn’t touch that stuff only the bag Nick bought for them to share and the stuff he traded Pearl for because she didn’t like nuts in her candy. Said they got stuck in her teeth which Larry felt was a valid reason to not like them.

He tells himself that means they have protein as he pops a handful in his mouth. While Nick’s busy with some teens at the door and Maya’s tucking Pearl in on the couch he sends a message to WolfDragon.

Happy Halloween.

Technically it’s November, and I didn’t grow up in America

Spoilsport.

WHY ARE YOU AWAKE?

Work

Work can suck my dick, it’s what- oh

It’s six in the morning

You’re going to work

Yup

Listen, I don’t need your sass

It’s not sass I just woke up Writer boy

Don’t you sass Wolfman

Tell me you at least watched terrible werewolf movies in my honor

I did not.

Watched kids cartoons instead.

Warrior Cats Authors

There was an actual child in the room!

Ah what’s being introduced to fear at a young age?

Trauma I believe, and the kid’s had enough of that

You’re a good guy you know that, don’t let people tell you otherwise

“Texting a girlfriend?” Maya’s teasing voice made him jump, she wasn’t peering over his shoulder yet but she might’ve been. She might’ve seen the teasing and… no, she was looking at his face.

“Nah, just a friend,” he shoves his phone back into his pocket, she and Nick are both staring at him intensely now, he’s not sure why but they are.

He swears he sees Nick counting to three but he’s not sure why that happens either. He and Maya share a look, and Larry feels himself tense more.

He looks to Nick, whose eyes pierce him as he looks at Larry, “I thought you said you were taking a break from dating.”

“I am!” Larry insists, careful to keep his voice low, glancing to Pearl because however much they want to interrogate him he knows they’ll kill him if he wakes her.

Nick and Maya look confused again but it’s not his fault they can’t accept that he’s just friends with some people. He’s not even into guys anyway!

He shakes his head and grins at them, “glad to hear you think I have that much game though Nick.”

Maya smothers a laugh, while the edge flows out of Nick’s eyes and a smile takes its place, “you keep getting girls to date you somehow.”

“It’s that I have an artist’s soul,” Larry pulls himself up and rests his hand over his chest, grinning at the two of them.

“I went to art school too you know,” Nick points out, relaxing and smiling.

“And who taught you all those tricks for backgrounds?” Larry fires back, he’s always been the better artist for backgrounds and forms, Nick just had more practice with human anatomy. Nick huffs and shakes his head.

“I showed you how to draw men’s jawlines, ‘cause you only paid attention when the model was female-”

“Nick I’ve accepted my heterosexuality and horndog ways will be my downfall,” he fires back which obviously takes his friend by surprise, Maya too, “hey, I can have some self-awareness you know.” He glances over at Maya, “Nick, Edgey and I are allowed the common sense of one person but we have to share and Edgey came back and took it all from Nick.”

“Excuse me?” Nick looks so genuinely offended and Larry laughs, shoulders shaking.

“You took some back, TSA wouldn’t let him take it all with him.”

Maya’s grinning and apparently not taking sides as he and Nick begin to playfully jab at each other about who has more common sense, and it’s nice to be able to talk about Edgey again without Nick’s anger, to have him laugh as he talks and recounts stories from elementary school to Maya is worth the few bits of his dirty laundry that Nick airs.

They end up on the other couch, Maya curled up on Nick’s one side, Larry on the other; with jackets draped over themselves as make shift blankets.

“Larry?”

“Yeah Nick?”

“Who were you texting earlier,” Nick’s not judgmental now but he is obviously curious, maybe hoping that in his exhaustion Larry will let something slip.

And he does.

“He’s a guy I met online, we talk about like books and stuff. You wouldn’t understand, you nerdy lawyer.”

Nick laughs softly as Larry slumps against him, “that so?”

“It is,” Larry lays his head back against Nick’s shoulder, “very so.”

-

They wake up in various states of aching and trying to hide it, all of them trying to deny they’re getting old while Pearl buzzes around the office. Larry wonders briefly if she’s gotten into the Halloween candy for breakfast.

He checks his phone and there’s a few messages from WolfDragon.

You still there?

Don’t eat too much candy, aren’t you doing NaNoWriMo this year?

Larry only barely manages not to curse in front of Pearl as he realizes that he’s going to have to write his first 1667 words with one hell of a crick in his neck.

[mariamuses]

Tumblr Friends

Chapter 3 ~ It’s a HE

I woke up tucked in my bed like a burrito, which could only mean one thing: Elain had come home late from her date with Azriel and had found me asleep sitting in the bed with the computer on, and had shut it off, only to wrap me up with my comforter and leave me that.

I fought for a good minute, trying to get out of what felt like a straitjacket. When I was finally out, I picked up my laptop and turned it on. Or tried.

Oh, come on!

I tried for the hundredth time, but it didn’t turn on, so I figured that Elain had just closed it without shutting it off, so the battery was dead.

Great.

That meant that until I plugged it in and left it for a good half an hour, I wouldn’t be able to use it.

So, I decided to download Tumblr on my phone, so I could see how my drawings were doing. I didn’t expect them to have many notes or likes, because my account was made less than a week ago and I literally had zero followers, but maybe the tags had helped people to find them.

I logged in and accepted to get the notifications. A second later, I regretted it. My phone started beeping and making weird noises, only to shut down instantly.

What. The actual. Fuck? Did tumblr put a virus on my phone or did I just get so many notifications that my phone went berserk?

I stared my phone up again, and… Yup, there were exactly 394 notes on the drawings. Most of them were from people with usernames related to Brandon Sanderson (as I predicted), and they had also reblogged with very nice and encouraging messages. I had, as well, a few messages from people suggesting more characters to sketch and sharing their reactions to the fanart. There even was one girl who told me that my drawing of KaIadin and Syl had made her day. I answered every single one of them, trying to give good advice when they asked for it, and thanking all for sharing it. It was Sunday, so I took my sweet time with it.

However, there was a message I ignored until I was done. I wasn’t being mean, I just was on full fangirl mode because stormblessed-radiant had contacted me. When I saw the name on my inbox I squealed so loud I scared myself.

At long last, I opened it and read:

stormblessed-radiant: Hello! I just saw the three drawings you posted last night. I loved them all, but I’m exceptionally honored for the Aadya one. I don’t know how you managed it, but it’s exactly the way I picture her... I would be very grateful if you tagged me on every piece you uploaded from now on.

I gawked at the message for a long time until the noise of my computer returning to life from the dead startled me into motion. I decided to write him back, and not to worry myself too much.

Also, turn the fangirling down a few notches.

I started typing:

fey-oathbringer: OMG! Hi!!!! Sorry for not answering sooner, I fell asleep. I can’t actually believe you saw the drawings!!! It was actually my pleasure to draw Aadya. I fell in love with her the minute she appeared in your fics (which btw are fantastic and helped me get through a lot this past week) and couldn’t help myself but to draw her. I will absolutely tag you.

I pressed sent. And then I horrified myself.

Great work keeping the fangirling down, Feyre. Great work.

As I was chastising myself, he wrote another message.

stormblessed-radiant: Hello, darling. No worries, I just woke up too. We must be in similar time zones ;) I’m glad it helped you through tough times, bc I wrote it so it would help me through some. 

fey-oathbringer: Wait, where do you live?? Shit, no, don’t tell me personal information through here. What time zone are you in? And I’m NOT your darling.

stormblessed-radiant: Hahahahahaha, you are hilarious, darling. I live in Prythian. It’s a pretty big city, so no real danger in someone suddenly finding me and selling my address to tumblr-papparazzis ;)

fey-oathbringer: You are a snarky little thing, aren’t you? Well, for your information I also live in Prythian. Now, I am trusting you not to sell my information yeah?

The conversation went on and on, and our knowledge of each other grew with it. We started asking simple but quirky, questions, such as our favorite color, favorite Brandon Sanderson book, favorite music artist... Only to move on to deeper territory. Everything with Tamlin came up, my parents, his parents...

Yes, he’s a HE. Just like I told you. 

Why would that matter, though? It’s not like he’s going to be my boyfriend, is he?

Nope, definitely not a boyfriend.

Altough we DO live in the same city... 

STOP! Too fast Feyre, too fast.

We only stopped messaging the right amount of time for me to go from my phone to my computer after breakfast, and to make and eat lunch and dinner.

My sisters weren’t home, again, because they went on a double dinner date (yuck!) with Cassian and Azriel, and at lunch the had a normal date with them. So, I didn’t have to worry about keeping the appearances of being a sane person not hooked up to the computer talking to a stranger about the darkest secrets of her life.

As the night was closing in, I said goodbye to my Tumblr friend (we hadn’t exchanged names just yet, because we wanted to leave that, in case we met in person) and went downstairs with a blanket around my body as if I were a superhero. Then I went to the kitchen, made myself some popcorn and hooked myself to Netflix. I browsed for Stranger Things, their latest show, which was making a breakthrough, and started Chapter One: The Vanishing of Will Byers.

Only when the third chapter was at the beginning did my eyes get heavy and I fell asleep on the couch.

There’s a hazy feeling about that night. I remember voices, deep voices, which weren’t my sisters’, and then I was flying, and then on very soft clouds... And out again.

Okay, we’re getting to the good part guys!!! Thank you for reading ;)

I’m tagging these magnificent people @songbirdsbooks @kaliejane26 @personpersonper @turtlesnook @highladyfxyre . If you want to get tagged, message me!!

Read it on AO3

[abandonedblog980]

30 Questions for Artists

I saw @saawek doing this and I didn’t get tagged but god I love these so much so i’m busting in and doing this

Rules: there are no rules! Tag whomever you want if you choose to answer the questions

Do you prefer traditional drawing, or digital? I feel like I get a more polished product out of digital, and it tends to look more like what I’m going for. So I’ll say digital : )

How long have you been drawing? basically always as a kid but you know, everyone scribbles when they’re a kid. I guess I started getting serious about art around 4th or 5th grade.

How many classes have you taken? required elementary ones, one optional middle school one, and two college courses (2D design and drawing I)

Do you have a DeviantArt, personal website, or art blog? right here : )

What’s your favorite thing to draw? probably Castiel.

What’s your least favorite thing to draw? uhhhhh feet

How often do you use references? basically every single day

Do you draw professionally, or just for fun? i’m actually just starting to come back to my (very casual) concept art job. it’s very rough but yeah

How much time do you spend drawing on an average day? maybe two hours or less? unless it’s a special occasion. i’ve been super busy with school.

Are you confident about your art? i’m the most confident with my art i’ve ever been. I still want to loosen up my painting and do more creative things but i’m slowly getting to it as it’s not too much of a priority now.

How many art-related blogs do you follow? I follow a lot of artists (especially of the supernatural type), but I follow a few ref and misc art blogs too

Is it okay for people to ask you about your process? I literally love posting process shots with portraits and if you ask me how I draw things it is the utmost honor.

Do you prefer to keep your art personal, or do you like drawing things for other people? if I think it’s kinda ugly, I might keep it to myself or just show it to my close friends in person. usually though, I absolutely love attention. oddly though i get uncomfortable when people gush over my art like it’s weird

Do you ever collaborate with others? i wish : (

How long does an average piece take you to complete? my digital portraits (or realistic busts or whatever) almost always take me 10+ hours. on paper though, 

Do you draw more today than you did in the past, or do you draw less? definitely less. I used to doodle a lot in middle school, so now that I actually have to pay good attention, that’s gone. 

Do you think you’re justified in giving other people art advice? i’ve taken a few art courses at college so kinda? I still feel like i’m presenting a pompous attitude when I give people my age/older than me advice.

What are you currently trying to improve on? being more creative, thinking outside the box, experimenting

What is the most difficult thing for you to draw? abstraction and legs

What is the easiest thing for you to draw? profile busts or front facing busts 😂

Do you like to challenge yourself? uhhhhh it’s really hard but it pays off so sure

Are you confident that you’re improving steadily? I hit a rut of no improvement or enjoyment after january that went on and off in february, and hit full force the first half of march, but now i’m finally starting to get consistent again.

Do you draw more fanart, or more original art? probably more art of my original characters lately. i haven’t shown it much though because they’re just small sketches.

Do you feel jealous when you see other people’s art, or inspired? (Be honest!) absolutely of course both. more inspired, but i’m lazy and barely ever act on it.

Do you like to draw in silence, or with music? I like music on as a lot of my actual drawings are inspired by songs, but I get distracted really easily. I also listen to a lot of YouTube but that’s even worse as you gotta keep clicking on new vids.

For digital artists: what program(s) do you use? Paint Tool Sai

For digital artists: how many layers does a typical piece require? hmmm on my last digital piece, I had one main layer and mostly drew on that, but when the brushes weren’t being cooperative or I wanted to ensure that I wouldn’t screw up the whole thing, I added a new layer on top and merged them later. probably less than 20 in the end?

For traditional artists: what medium do you like most? (Pencil,     charcoals, etc) visually I love the look of oil paints and gouache, but i’ve never tried them out. of what I have, probably copic markers.

For traditional artists: How do you usually start on a big piece?     (Light sketch, colored lead, sketchpaper, etc) I jump head first into it and pray

What inspires you to not just make art, but to be a better artist? absolutely my job as a concept artist. not sure how much I can say about that, but as someone who is the youngest in the company and one of the youngest in the industry, I’m constantly seeing my coworkers and others’ art. they’re all adults and they more about how art and the world works. and i wanna be up to par and speed with them.

i’m not really sure of which of my mutuals/followers are artists so just do this if you want!

[high5nerd]

Alone Together---Chap. Twenty

FYI Sadie is now in her teens, in case that left any previous confusion. Sandy also looks more like pilot!Sanderson, which was a fanart piece I saw and really enjoyed someone make.

Sadie came in with a dazed expression on, her eyes focused off in another world as she closed the door behind her and stood there, unmoving. Alice and I looked up from our conversation, waiting for her to say something.

Alice glanced at me, and after I shrugged, she asked her sister, "Hey. You okay?"

"Yeah…" she sighed.

"You sure? You look a little off."

"Nah. I'm fine." she finally smiled, walking towards her room, still dazed and her body swaying as if she was a ghost.

Alice and I watched her go down the hallway, her being genuinely curious and I being wary.

"That's just freaky." I said once her door was firmly shut closed.

Alice shrugged lightheartedly, "Ah, she's full of surprises and weirdness. Nothing unusual. Kind of like you!" she smiled at her jab.

I smirked at her before flicking her shoulder, and she laughed, trying to grab my hand before I could flick her again.

Sadie continued to be all dreamy and...ghostlike, in a sense, for the following week. But she finally snapped out of it when the heatwave came that June. Oh. My. God. It was like being at the foot of an active volcano. That's how hot it was. You could literally see heat waves sizzling on the pavement outside and on the roof of Alice's car, and anything metal outside you better avoid, or be prepared for burning. If you wanted cool air as well as be outside, you had to stand completely still, not even breathe, and wait for a gust of calming wind to swirl through the backyard.

I have never been so bothered by temperature before. I didn't know I could, but the heat caused me to shed off the robe and just walk around in my pants. Even Alice changed into a breezy beach dress so her clothing wouldn't stick to her body. Sadie would not stop complaining, and was lazy as ever.

"Ugh! How hot is it outside again?" she moaned, wiping sweat off her upper lip as she hung upside down on the couch. Her woven sandals nearly fell off her feet as she lazily swung them.

"Almost a hundred and seventeen degrees Fahrenheit," Alice said with her head buried in the freezer, her voice slightly echoing, "that's the record this month."

"You've got to be shitting me." Sadie griped as she tried reaching for her glass of water.

"Language, young lady." I scolded.

"Sorry."

Alice finally made some sort of of frozen treat with orange juice and cups by sticking a popsicle stick into the middle and leaving it in the freezer. Thankfully, that quieted down Sadie for a while, but once that was gone the now fifteen year old was face down, flat on the floor with her music in her ears, absentmindedly flipping through songs until something reminded her of winter.

"Why is she complaining, there's worse things than a heat wave." I muttered, folding my arms.

Alice closed the freezer and looked at me. I stared back, still unamused.

"What?"

"At least you're somewhat resistant to temperature. You can control that." she chided gently.

I rolled my eyes. Yeah, I get testy when it's hot like this. Why wouldn't I? Anyone would, even an age old spirit like me.

Alice and I moved outside a few hours later, tired of the indoors when it was truly a nice day outside. One thing I did like about hot weather was that there was no way I would see Frost around. I wasn't sure if he would melt or get sick or something, but knowing that he can't be around during then felt like Mother Nature was allowing me vacation from him. First his immense hate when I first met him, and now the loser would not stop talking to me. Annoying brat.

Alice's voice shook me out of my thoughts, and I looked over at her. She was lying on the grass with her eyes closed shut, the wind blowing through her hair gently. Blades of grass somehow wove into her now bright, blood red hair. She looked like a summer elf.

"Sorry?"

"I was wondering if you knew any place we could go to that would be cooler. Like a pond or something?" she looked at me through squinted eyes.

I thought for a while. Ponds weren't usually the best place to swim in. Not only was it mucky and gross if you touched the bottom, but some sprites like to live there, and if humans happen to come across them and their nests, they're most likely to cause trouble. The last time I wandered into their territory I nearly lost my sanity from their incessant laughter.

"There's a quarry I've found a long time ago...Is that something that strikes your interest?"

Alice's soft smile told me indeed. Sure enough when Sadie was informed to get her bathing suit and whatever she needed for swimming, she was ecstatic. Nearly bouncing around the house finding her sketchbook and her sunhat. If anything she was the one bringing all her stuff while Alice had nothing besides the bathing suit she had on and her hat.

I had forgotten exactly what the quarry looked like over time, and I could tell Alice and Sadie loved it when we got there. The water was as blue as the Caribbean sea, the skies clear without a single cloud in sight. There was a nice patch of trees that shaded one part of the sandy side that Sadie made a beeline to, as well. The quarry was of almost a square shape, nearly half a mile long and about two thirds of a mile wide. On three sides of the quarry was solid rock, like a wall that touched the sky. Flora guarded the entire place, whether it'd be trees, bushes or overgrowth of flowery vines. It almost gave off a tropical feel.

Alice cheered as she took off her dress and ran towards the water. I smiled as she jumped head first into the water, and she resurfaced a moment later with a happy sigh. I looked over at Sadie and noticed she was focused incredibly hard on her drawing, her music in her ears again.

I made my way over to her casually, my hands behind my back. I bent over to look at her drawing. For the time being it was just lines and shapes, some darker than others.

Sadie noticed my presence and stopped her music, looking up with a smile, "Hi, Pitch!"

"Hello. What are you drawing? You look so engrossed in it."

She pointed to the quarry itself, right where the rock grew into the sky and one could barely see the green on the surface.

"I'm drawing that, but I'm going to be putting a face in the rock once I'm done. I'm going for something surreal...ish."

"Well, I'm glad you have a heightened interest in art," I ruffled her hair, "it's very nice seeing it in you."

Sadie smiled and turned back to her drawing, sketching in more lines and ovals in the center of the rock wall.

"Hey, Pitch!"

Alice was jumping up and down in the water, "Come on! The water's nice!"

I shook my head at first, but Alice gave that puppy look that always was capable of getting me to do things for her. With a sigh, I waded in, sucking in my chest at how chilly the water is.

"God! This is not what I had in mind." I grumbled, not liking the feel of my pants becoming heavy with water.

This is not what a Boogeyman would be doing. Good God, this water was cold at first! But after dunking my head under and meeting up with Alice in the sunlit part of the quarry, the water was much warmer than the shaded area. She laughed and floated on her back, watching me tread water.

"I take it you're not that into swimming." she grinned.

"Look at me!" I gestured to myself, "Do I look like the summer spirit or the Boogeyman? I'm like a shark in this water."

"Ooh, scary," she laughed, twisting herself around until she floated on her stomach and stared into the water like a dead man.

That gave me time to roll my eyes before she surfaced. Out of nowhere, she splashed me right in the face, causing me to splutter and cough. Once I wiped the water from my face, I saw Alice stifling a laugh. I gave her a wide grin, making her eyes widen.

"You're going to regret that."

I felt younger. I felt like I was human again when we were swimming around avoiding splash attacks. With anyone else I would never even think of sticking a toe into water, but Alice was an exception. She swam as if she was meant to have fins rather than legs, and our splashing stopped after we just swam around underwater. I had fun watching her move so elegantly through the water. Her slender legs bent back and forth as she curved in circles, arching her back as she shot around a rock and through underwater grass. Her hair swirled around her like a halo, contrasting against her basic blue bathing suit.

She looked over at me, her eyes open underwater. Noticing I was watching, she smiled, little bubbles floated up to the surface from her closed teeth. I grinned back, watching her swim around me like she was a dolphin.

I floated back up to the surface, needing to refill my lungs with air. Never before have I felt so calm from swimming before. Underwater was like another world, more blue and lively than above the surface.

But Alice didn't resurface along with me.

I peered down, waiting to see even bubbles rise up, but nothing met my eye. I glanced over to Sadie, who was now in the sunlight with her belly on the ground, getting a tan on her back. She wasn't worried where her sister was.

"Alice?" I called out.

Almost immediately, she popped out with a gasp, way beyond where she was before. She treaded water near the rock wall, waving a hand over to me.

"Pitch! Come here! I found something!"

Diving underwater, I followed her voice. I resurfaced close to her, and she smiled in greeting. She pointed a finger to a cave at the floor of the quarry, right into the rock wall we were near.

"I found an air pocket through there. You want to check it out?"

Sure enough, we did. I followed her through the tunnel that slowly arched upward into the air pocket she told me was there, and it wasn't like any other air pocket people would think.

There was nowhere to get onto dry land, so we had to tread water in order to keep our heads above the surface. The light from outside seeped through and made the water seem to glow, reflecting off of the dark rock ceiling. But within the cracks of the ceiling, were glittering rocks, unidentifiable to see whether they'd be precious stones or not. But what was more breathtaking was the drawings on the ceiling. They were etched into it, deep enough to feel against your fingers. Changing from geometric patterns to pictures of constellation beings, like Orion and Gemini, it covered the entire surface until it was two inches below the waterline.

"Isn't it cool? It's almost like temple engravings." Alice sighed, craning her neck up to see the giant star in the center of the ceiling.

"Romantic, too." I grinned at her, making her blush, "Is that why you brought me here? For privacy along with this?"

Alice laughed shyly, "Fine, you caught me."

I gently kissed her, holding her close so she could take a break from treading water. Her legs wrapped around my hips, her hands weaved into my hair and pulling gently.

I pulled away, breathless, "We should go back. Sadie might get suspicious."

Alice moaned into my neck, causing a hungry growl to rumble in my chest. "Let her wait. We're finally alone."

And who was I to not grant her that pleasure?

[faygosmayhem]

Story time #1- Final Fantasy & Me

At the time of this writing, the people following this sad little blog will all know me from the Final Fantasy XV community. For my first story session, I’ve decided to recount my history with the series and touch on what each game meant to me in the order that I played them. I’ll try to keep it as brief as possible, and restrict it to only the main games in the series, but I can rant for hours.

Note: I utterly failed at keeping this brief, I should have known better than to even try. To keep myself from writing a full novel in one post I’ve decided to split the story into parts. Below is the intro and memories from 7,8 and 9.

                                                  Part One

A Fangirl In The Making:

I’ve been into video games since the age of about 5 when my dad would regularly challenge me to competitive rounds of Super Mario Bros 3 for the NES. In the beginning I stuck mostly to NES, Gameboy, and N64 until Christmas of 02′ when all my begging and pouting finally came through and I was gifted with a PlayStation 2 and enough cash to purchase one game of my choice.

Oh how my parents would come to regret this decision.

The game I bought two days later was Kingdom Hearts. I’ll save my thoughts on that series for another time, but hands down this game can be pinpointed as one that permanently changed my life. What part of it changed my life? The journal, of all things. Prior to KH, I had no idea the Final Fantasy series even existed so when I encountered the Kingdom Hearts versions of FF characters, I initially started internally complaining because they were all so interesting and the game did almost nothing with them.  

Then I went back about mid-way through the game and read every character entry in the journal, and was met with two obsession worthy revelations. One: All these characters were also in other games, as part of the same series no less, and two: you could make them dance by choosing to view their full models and rotating the joystick around in circles (I am very easily amused, and doing this actually spawned my first work of Fanfiction).

“So, you mean to tell me that this weird dude with gravity defying hair, one random- mostly useless-wing, and giant sword that must weigh about three times as much as he does when naked and soaking wet who won’t stop emo rambling about Darkness is in another game and I can find out more??? Sign me the fuck up!”

The Gateway Drug:

Immediately after finishing Kingdom Hearts, I took myself down to a local mall where my go-to all encompassing general entertainment store was located. While browsing the shelves for anything that caught my eye, I saw a ‘Greatest Hits’ copy of Final Fantasy VII innocently sitting there, waiting patiently for the right person to walk by so it could take them willingly down the elevator into fandom hell. I didn’t just ride that elevator, I dove headfirst down the shaft.

I shit you not, when I saw that game there I picked it up like a baby and fell to my knees, hugging it to my chest. The video games were located near the cashier counter at the front of the store, and one of the employees who had been eyeing me suspiciously since I walked in started laughing like crazy, jokingly asking if I was OK. I was still dazed and euphoric, and also completely oblivious to the fact that I was causing a bit of scene in the store. The front was plate glass, and everyone walking by also saw and a few people were starting to look concerned. Now a bit embarrassed, I sheepishly walked to the counter and set the game down. After causing a commotion I couldn’t just not buy that game now- as if I would’ve left without it anyway. The guy at the counter was still laughing as he served me. Our exchange went as follows:

“I take it you found what you were looking for”

“Dude, you have no idea”

“You won’t be disappointed. Just, a pro-tip, when you get to the part with the water and the snake, don’t waste too much time trying to fight it, get a Chocobo instead. Also, avoid the things that look like houses in sector 6, they’ll kick your ass.”

I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about, but I filed the information away, paid my 14.95 (Ah, 2003), and walked out of the store cradling the bag like someone was going to steal it from me. When I got home later I tacked the receipt on my wall to immortalize the day forever. I eventually ended up losing it (a story for another time) but I still remember the date. 05/26/03.

I loaded the game and was immediately in awe ( “It’s three discs? No wonder the case is so freaking huge!”). The opening cinematic had me from the first note of the theme, and I remember laughing SO HARD when Cloud flipped off the train and suddenly everyone was a Lego character. It took an embarrassing amount of time for me figure out how to advance the text because it was set to use the circle button for confirm instead of ‘x’, and even longer to figure out how to move because I didn’t realize you actually had to use the D-pad.

Control struggles aside, I was so enraptured by the game I didn’t stop playing that first night until the Sector 7 plate fell and yeah, those damn houses did kick my ass. When I finally got out of Midgar about two days later (I spent an excessive amount of time in the Shinra building and on the Motorcycle mini-game), I couldn’t believe that everything I just did was basically the game’s intro, and that there was still so much more to explore.

I have so many fond memories of VII that  it would be almost impossible to write them all down. Down the road it ended up pretty far from my favorite game in the series, but as the first it will always hold a special place.

You’re Hooked Now Honey, Strap In:

Between the mixed obsession of Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy VII, video games quickly became one of the only things I talked about. I had thought I was obsessed before, but this took it to a whole new level of crazy. I started writing weird crack outtake reels from the games in the middle of classes, and would post little screen caps and fanart over literally everything I owned.

One day, I had out my handy outtake notebook during a bit of downtime in Honor Band (yeah, I’m a geek to the extreme), and one of my fellow trombonist’s decided it would be a jolly time to snatch the notebook out of my hands,run away with it and, start ripping the pages out and throwing them around the band room. Fortunately I had some pretty awesome friends, and they not only helped me to secure the notebook but also helped recover the missing pages. After class that day, a boy who played the trumpet shyly walked over to me and handed me back one of the pages that was still missing. He was obviously very nervous, and after handing the page back and accepting my very relieved and excited  ‘thanks dude!’ (I admit to not knowing his name at the time) he stood there awkwardly while I put away my instrument like he had something else to say but didn’t know how. I gave him a questioning look after noticing he hadn’t walked out yet and as I picked up my bag he followed after me into the hall. After a little while he finally fell into step beside me and asked, “so, you like Final Fantasy huh?” 

I don’t care how long I’ve known you, if you ask me about Final Fantasy you better be prepared to a.) Become my new best friend and b.) let me talk your ear off about for as long as you’re willing to sit and listen. I talked with my new friend until we had to part ways for different classes, and then later at lunch when he asked to join me and continue the conversation. I tell this story because a few months later, this same boy bought me a copy of Final Fantasy VIII and asked me to be his girlfriend. A damn diamond wouldn’t have worked better. 

Final Fantasy VIII was a bit of a mixed bag for me. Once again I was already hooked by the game’s opening, and the cinematic introductions of all the characters gave it an unexpected charm right from the start. That game eventually got very, very, veeeery, strange and I eventually stopped trying to make any sort of sense of the plot line and just sat back and enjoyed the ride. 

That is, until I got to the end of disk 3. I found myself horribly stuck on the battle with Adle where she has Rinoa captured. No matter how many times I tried it, I would get her down to the final phase and she would either Ultima wipe the party or Rinoa would die. I gave up on the game for a while, sick of the frustration, until I came across a Prima Strategy Guide for it while browsing a used bookstore. I normally refuse to touch any sort of guide book until after I’ve already been through the game once on my own, but I figured it wouldn’t be much harm since I was already more or less at what I thought was the end of the game (I was wrong). In flipping through the guide, I not only learned how to beat the boss, but discovered I had been playing the entire game using the combat system completely wrong. 

Somehow, I had managed to get that far in the game using only the Guardian Forces given to you at the start of the game and 2 others that you can encounter in the overworld and without stocking up on magic at all. To those familiar with VIII’s train-wreck of a combat system, you know that pairing GF’s and magic together directly effect a character’s stats- and no matter how leveled the characters are,if you don’t have the right combos of magic you have more or less no hope at most of the harder sections of the game. 

So, now I had the boss strategy, but still would have been unable to beat it because I didn’t have the magic required (the strategy was to cast Regen on Rinoa to ensure she stays alive). In the end I bought the guide, scrapped the file I had been playing on and started over from scratch,this time doing all the sidequests and such in the proper order. When I got to that boss again I wiped the floor with her, and was rewarded with the game getting even weirder. 

I still look back to the ending of FFVIII as one of my favorite ‘Ok WTF Just happened?!?!?!?!’ moments in media. Usually I piece together crazy stories pretty well, but even though I came to enjoy the game, I can’t say with any real confidence that I understand it at all. 

Forever Touched:

There was a pause in Final Fantasy games after I finished VIII at the start of ‘04. It wasn’t until almost a year later that I received IX as a Christmas gift. I had been passing on it because I was confused and unimpressed with the cover art, but now that I wasn’t the one paying for it I was willing to give it a chance. I held off starting until New Years, because my parents were letting me have a few friends over and I wanted to have the new experience surrounded for the first time with people just as obsessed with the series as I was. Even though it didn’t have a fancy opening, it wasn’t hard to fall in love with that game. I knew from the first few lines of dialog that my heart was gone, lost forever to endearing charm of that world and it’s characters. 

My friends and I were up all night with it. We had so much fun naming the characters and reading the text out loud ("Princess! It is I! The noble Betty!”).Then we all got so upset when Blank got petrified in the forest that we had to stop for the night. Right from the start, that game hit so hard in the feels. 

IX became not only my favorite game in the series, but my favorite game in general. There is so much emotion, charm, and soul in that game, and it touches on so many issues that hit so close to home that I tear up just thinking about it, Back in May of this year there was a mental health awareness speed run marathon fundraiser called RPG limit break  being held on Twitch.TV, and Final Fantasy IX was the closing game. I couldn’t think of any better way to spend about nine hours in the middle of the night than to re-live the best moments of my favorite game sitting on a couch with my best friend. 

Seeing everyone in the audience tearing up at crucial sections; the Black Mage Village, You Are Not Alone, the ending- made me feel less like an idiot for getting all emotional myself and my friend got to laugh at me freaking out over my favorite game cut-scene ever (The one where Alexander protects the city from Bahamut). When the game was over, the marathon had raised enough money for the runners to stand up and sing the ending theme of the game as a filled donation incentive. When the time came, not only the runners, but everyone in the room stood up to sing along. Melodies of Life, the ending theme, holds a very special place in my heart. Seeing all those people singing along, likely feeling similar things, turned me into a pathetic ball of mush. My friend laughed with me as I sang along with more tears than I think I’ve ever cried streaming down my face, and then I cried again when everyone went around saying their ‘thank yous’ to the people volunteering for the marathon and stood in lines to give each other hugs. 

It was one of the most touching moments of my life; and this game was at it’s center. 

Phew. Well I failed pretty hard at keeping that brief. Looks like this will end up as a series of sorts.  Tune in next time for adventures with Final Fantasy 6/3, X, X-2, and XII

[huacheng-zhu]

The Ultimate BATB Tag

I was tagged by @gastonsbiceps​ and @remuslupinsmiled​, thank you so much to you both!! <33

Rules:

Always include the rules.

Answer the questions as truthfully as you can.

Tag at least 3 people at the end of the tag.

You don’t have to be tagged to paticipate, you can do the tag even without being tagged.

Tag the post “#BATB Tag” so we can keep up with the tags.

That’s literally all there is to it! Have fun!

When did you start your blog, and why?

I started this one a bit less than a year ago. I’d had another blog for almost two years and I wanted a fresh start. So I gave up on all my sideblogs (I had four blogs in total - a Luke Evans one, a Barduil one, and Tolkien one, along with my main blog) and created this one! It’s funny because I wanted to have only one blog, then I got my Luke Evans sideblog back because I couldn’t live without it, then I created a writing blog to use as an archive for things related to my writing, and then a blog for shipping. So I have four blogs again haha. I’m happy with how things are now though! :)

Where did you get the idea for your url?

Luke Evans blessing us all with his existence.

Where did you get the idea for your icon?

Same as above :p also it’s one of my favourite photoshoots of Luke.

What was your first choice of url?

‘barduil’! I used it on this blog since pretty much the beginning (my first one was ‘acebard’), and I’ll use it again one day or another, I don’t plan on keeping my ‘gafou’ one forever.

What was your first icon, or the oldest you can remember? And if you can, post it.

I used that one for about two years.

Would you die for the person on your icon?

maybe not die but I’d do a lot for him yes like going to London for the Beauty and the Beast premiere and waiting a total of 14-15 hours in the cold while there was a storm for pretty much nothing

Which url of your mutuals are you most jealous of?

none, I have both my dream urls so... :p (though for years I wanted ‘lukeevans’, but the owner isn’t answering so I gave up on it. I've always been bothered by the double ‘e’ anyway, so I’m extremely happy with my current url! :D I wouldn’t trade it for ‘lukeevans’ even if I could.)

Which icon of your mutuals are you most jealous of?

mmh... I’m in love with my icon on my shipping blog... so I’m not really jealous of anyone’s icon, but sometimes I see great ones and I’m like ‘woah, neat pls teach me’

Do you have any sideblogs? And if you do, what are they about? And if you don’t, what would your sideblog be about?

yes :p @lukevanski​ for everything Luke Evans, @gafou​ for everything shipping, and @bereniceofdale​ where I keep all the aesthetics/fanart/etc about my writing!

Are you satisfied with your blog currently? If not, what would you change?

Pretty much, yes! I try to have a good tagging system but I’m terrible at remembering some tags awbxsdfyge so sometimes I have to go check and I annoy myself and I still manage to get some of them wrong

If you weren’t in the BATB fandom, what would you post about?

As usual, a little bit of everything I like!

What fandom(s) did you belong to before BATB?

Tolkien fandom! Still in it, I’m just quieter.

Which blogs do you regularly check up on?

None, because I always scroll down my whole dash. Though I’m often a bit too tired so I don’t pay enough attention and I miss things.

What would you say is your most common tag?

‘nice!’ and its variants... but I always mean it!

How many people are you following, and how many people follow you?

I follow 151 people! 1177 people follow me on this blog (bless y’all), 44 on my writing blog, 237 on my shipping blog, and 1577 on my Luke Evans blog.

Who are your current top three fans on Tumblr (for this month)?

one of them is myself how sad is that

What is your top post (for this month)?

the LeFou gifset I made <3

Which post are you most proud of?

ouch, I don’t know? I’ve made quite a few over the months/years so... maybe this Bard gifset? (I also love this Dracula Untold one a lot) I love two or three of my text posts as well but I can’t be bothered to look for them right now, they’re harder to find since I make a lot of text posts xD

Which post are you most embarassed by?

probably some of my personal posts haha

Weirdest message someone ever sent you?

mmh I can’t think of any but I probably got some nice stuff in the past lmao

Weirdest message you ever sent someone?

I... don’t think I’ve ever send weird stuff to people, but maybe I’m weird when I barge into someone’s askbox yelling that I love their stuff?

Have you ever received anon hate? And if so, for what?

lmao do we really have to talk about that. I got anon hate, once. on my old blog. and then on this blog. always by the same person from a groupchat I was in. the funny thing the second time is that I knew it was them. I confronted them about it and they apologised. but then they sent hate again not long before BatB came out, I don’t know why I didn’t block them yet :’)

Do you have any blogs blocked, and if so, which?

mostly porn blogs, and two other people.

Have you ever thought about quitting Tumblr? If so, why?

Yes, particularly before BATB. I could feel my fandom going quieter everyday and I felt like I was losing my time when I could have been doing ‘important’ stuff, and all I did here didn’t matter anyway. So I thought about taking a break, but in the end I didn’t, and BatB happened!

What device do you use Tumblr the most? (e.g. Laptop, Tablet, Phone, etc.)

Laptop, but I use the app on my phone in the early morning.

What was the last thing you searched on Google?

What time is it currently as you make this post?

1:43 pm! (I’m re-reading it’s no 2:21 pm) (now 2:51 pm, save me)

What are you wearing currently?

Jeans, a Doctor Who teeshirt and a sweatshirt.

If you had to legally change your name (in real life) permanently, what would it be and why?

I’d keep my name but I’d add another one. Maybe Aaron. (for a while I wanted ‘Bard’ but everyone knows I’m a fan so it’d be weird... right?)

What kind of characters and/or pairings do you tend to turn to? Is there a recurring theme to it?

When it comes to pairings, one of them ends up dead at some point or another. Barduil? Bard dies of old age, Thranduil doesn’t. Angsty af. Russingon? Fingon dies in an awful way and later Maedhros kills himself. Angsty af. Gafou? Gaston falls to his death. Aouch. I guess I like to suffer.

Tell us a favorite of yours and why? (Literally any favorite, something that touches you and you’re passionate about.)

Everyone knows that but Luke Evans is my favourite person I-don’t-personally-know in the whole world. His existence makes my life just a little brighter for some reason. I’ve lost count of how many times I felt down and ‘whoop’ he posted a selfie or I saw a picture of him on my dash and it was enough to make me smile again. The one time he smiled at me is always the moment I go back to to feel better. He’s such a ray of sunshine, I wish him all the happiness in the world, he deserves it ;w;

Tag 3 or more blogs to do this tag, and also add what you associate them with and tell them what you truly think about them.

You’ve already done it but I wanted to tag you and you made me emotional in your posts so I’m going to do the thing anyway :p

so, @remuslupinsmiled​... I associate you with cool smol looks, fanfiction, LeFou, pets, wild sleep schedules and cheap noodles. I love your interpretation of Gafou so much I wrote this tweet about you on twitter 20 days ago

I might have exaggerated the gushing bUT STILL took me ten more days to actually send you something aqxjsdifhe ;w; anyway, I think you’re super cool and sweet and funny and talented and we should definitely chat more!! (I’m bad at it though that’s why I don’t talk that much in the chat except when it’s about subjects I’m invested in azhsdgsdftr)

and @gastonsbiceps​... I associate you with Luke Evans, enthusiastic tags, ‘omF’, and for some reason, flowers?? You’re such a lovely and funny person and as I’ve said before, your tags on my posts give me life because you’re pretty much always yelling in them and it’s the most entertaining thing ever. I’d love to know you more! <3 also you’re amazing and I’m adopting the word ‘lukeski’ (I feel bad for being bad at this kind of stuff so I’ll make any gifset u’ll ask me to do)

tagging anyone who wants to do this as well, I’d do more but I’ve been working on this post for over an hour and I need to go pick up my new glasses!! :D Congrats if you managed to read all this thing!