#[i'll work on drafts soon i just needed to get this out of my system]

[norman-fucking-reedus]

I read something that you said Scud liked to be recorded and I’m actually foaming at the mouth at the idea of that because it’s so real. I NEED a fic for that. So glad I found someone with a Scud obsession as bad as mine

LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION

THE GOOD GOOD: FemDom!Reader x Sub!Scud, recording during sex, lots of teasing, and edging, bit of bondage, your much needed dose of pegging, and scud crying during sex, don't forget the hair pulling

GUYS I LOVE SCUD SO MUCH I ABSOLUTELY ADORE HIM MY PRECIOUS LITTLE ANGEL

I'm really trying to get my drafts cleared out LOL hopefully sometime soon I'll have a big major posting spree and then I can start working on my inbox

I HAVE SO MANY REQUESTS AUUUGH IDK WHY I LET THEM ALL PILE UP SOMEONE KILL ME

The idea of Scud being recorded is still my favorite because I feel like he'd be so nervous under the lens, trying to hide from it and not be seen but he'd still end up looking like a slutty pornstar (my precious pornstar)

also scud in lace. its been on my mind for I don't even know how long at this point.

You sighed as you walked down your complex's dingy, dimly lit hallway, silently hoping that Scud wouldn't be too mad at you for coming home so late into the night. After all, you had told him that you would only be about ten more minutes, but that had been almost an hour ago.

Things got a little out of hand, nothing you couldn't deal with sure but it was quite an inconvenience. A short, fifteen-minute task had easily turned into a full job, one that included running around the shop looking for spare parts. With what you had learned from Blade and Scud, it didn't take long to find all the little pieces you needed, and even a reward for yourself.

"Scud! I'm back! Look at what was in the shop" You called out to him when you jingled your keys in the lock and swung the front door to your apartment open, eagerly kicking off your shoes as you toyed with the little camcorder you had come across, flipping through the random pictures on it. There was no clear indicator of who's camera exactly, but you had always loved photography, so just one day with it wouldn't hurt anyone.

There was no response to your voice, the apartment barely lit and quiet, soft thumping coming from you and Scud's shared bedroom. He was probably playing on his PS2 with his headphones in, loud music blasting at levels you’ve already scolded him for.

As you padded through the cozy living room, you pointed your camera at random things and took little cameos of them, making your way down the short and narrow hall towards the room where you could see some of the orange lighting spilling out through a crack in the door.

You approached, about to call out Scud’s name once again as the soft thumping faded into a rhythmic beat, a Lady Gaga track when you finally stopped short in front of the door, pushing it open a bit and poking your head through, combing hair out your eyes as your mind drew a blank, greedily taking in the sight in front of you.

Scud was in fact not playing on his game system, but rather prancing around the cozy room what he didn’t know was your very expensive lingerie set. An all-white, delicate full ‘angelic’ lingerie set. A satin ruffle top with a waist-high lace garter belt that clipped onto the white mesh fishnets, all paired with lacy underwear that had a large bow on the back, topped with a fair-sized opening that revealed a large portion of his dumb butt.

You had originally bought it to surprise your boyfriend a few months back, but you had both gotten so overcrowded with work that it slipped your mind, collecting a thin layer of dust somewhere you weren’t even sure where you had put it. Scud always got curious about your things when he was rocket-high, digging through things and asking a million and one questions. Now here he was, looking pretty as ever swaying his hips around in the bedroom, mumbling along to the current track playing.

You found yourself flipping the camcorder's small screen open and resting against the door frame as the device started to record, capturing Scud’s fluid movements as he obliviously danced around, brown curls falling sweetly in his face, and skin glowing orange from the multiple sources of warm light in the room.

He really did look like an angel, his broad body looking much more supple and soft, legs long and lean, hips wide and divine. A walking, talking piece of pure eye candy, reserved for your eyes and only your eyes. Guess this camera just found itself a new owner.

Scud spun around on his heels and toes, once, twice, before he stopped, eyes focusing on the small little red dot, flickering up to meet your gaze and feeling his entire exposed body heat up in embarrassment.

“W– Wha– How– How long– Hello– ” Scud sputtered, completely frozen in place as he stared at you.

You, who was now fully entering the bedroom, “Don’t stop now, I barely got any footage” placing your free hand on his small waist and dipping fingers under the fabric of the garter. A smile tugged your lips as you started taking in the entirety of your boyfriend's body up close, his skin soft and hot under the tips of your fingers. “Y– You’re re-recording me?” He knew the answer, but hearing it from you verbally just made a chill run down his spine, and his cock twitch.

“Does that make you nervous love?” Your fingers trailed up his scarred chest, brushing across the lose ruffled top and grazing his nipples, a small whine coming from Scud as he dipped down in order to hide his face, but you wouldn’t let him. “Look at me” You said as you lifted his head up by the chin, forcing his gaze onto yours.

Scud lightly whimpered, desire burning in his gut as you brushed hair out his face, fingers dancing along his skin. He felt exposed under the camera’s lens, so much of his raw and bare skin visible to the naked eye. Your gaze on his body made his cock throb.

“What do I always tell you about playing in my stuff?” You said in a condescending tone, teasing the tips of your fingers down his textured belly.

Scud shivered at your touch as goosebumps prickled his skin, a strained grunt coming from him as his face flushed. “N– not without mommy’s permission”

You slowly walk around him, taking in his full body in the set. “Don’t touch mommy’s things without permission. That’s a rule, right?” You murmur as you stop recording to take a picture of Scud’s ass, definitely filling out the panties better than you could.

“Yes…” He mumbles, and it almost comes out like a squeak. His cock aching with need and his stomach with embarrassment, heart pounding from a combination of nerves and weed.

You brush your lips against the skin of his shoulder, slipping fingers under the waistline of the lace undies. “So can you explain to me why said rule is broken?”

A whimper broke past Scud's lips as your fingers teased and explored his exposed skin, squeezing his hips and tracing scars. "I just– I just found it under the bed and didn't know what it was" Scud stumbled out, heart thumping in his chest as your hands covered more ground on his body, circling around to his back.

"Mhm?" You hummed, tracing your finger up his spine. He let out a moan as chills ran through his core, trembling under your touch as he could feel goosebumps explode across his skin. "Well, do you know what it is now?"

Scud nodded frantically at your words, "Yes! Yes– I know now" quivering as he spoke.

With one hand on his waist, the other still holding the camera, you guided him to the edge of the bed and pushed his upper half down onto the mattress, smiling softly to yourself as you eyed Scud's new position through the lens.

Click! Click!

The electric snap of the camera made Scud feel fuzzy and warm, slightly embarrassed, and very exposed. His skin was flushed a light red, some areas more blushed than the others. From where his cock was confined in the small panties, he was completely pulsing, throbbing with pure need in his gut.

"Do you also know not to break the rules?" You questioned, flipping through the few shots you had taken before moving your attention to the small walk-in closet, crouching down and reaching inside a box.

Scud whined into the soft comforter when you returned behind him, his socked feet barely reaching the rug between them. He could hear the small beep of the camera as you pressed your front to his bottom, a yelp coming from him when your palm made contact with his exposed cheek. "I asked, so answer"

"Y– Yes! Not breaking the rules is a rule" He whimpered, a shudder running through him as his skin tingled.

You smiled at his words as you caressed his side, squeezing his waist and hip slightly. "Good. Very good. So don't you think you deserve a punishment?"

Scud didn't respond, but he nodded his head, hiding his face the best he could behind his hair. You pushed the strands back and cooed at his cherry-red face, tiny whines coming from him as he squirmed under the camera's lens, jerking his hips slightly as he rutted against the edge of the bed.

Your hand made contact with his cheek again, a choked-off groan coming from his throat at your palm. "Words."

"Y– yes ma– ma'am..." He stuttered, trembling slightly with anticipation. It wasn't often that Scud got punished, even with as bratty as he was, so his cock was totally aching just thinking about whatever vile shit it was you were thinking about doing to him.

And you were thinking of doing some quite horrid things.

Teasingly, you ran your hand over the opening in his panties, prodding your finger at his puffy rim. A suppressed shudder traveled through him as his cock twitched, his hole fluttering at your air-light touch. You softly cooed at how needy he was, smiling to yourself as you single-handedly took off your shirt and tossed it on the floor somewhere to be picked up later.

From the box in your closet, you had pulled your strap set, a pair of cuffs, and a long vibrator that you had been wanting to test out for a little while.

Cuffing Scud's hands behind his back with only five fingers was a bit of a challenge, but an easy one. He squirmed a little as you did it, wiggling his fingers as his wrists adjusted to the new sensation of the cuffs.

You shuffled around behind him, cursing softly as you knocked a few things over before tossing a bottle of lube along with the rest of your toys, pressing yourself against Scud as you leaned down near his ear, breath feather-light and hair tickling his skin. His heart pounded in his chest, and you could hear his pulse in his neck thumping.

“Just how should I punish you?” You murmur, trailing your lips against his ear lobe and teasing the skin with the very tip of your tongue.

“Maybe I should spank you ‘til it hurts to sit,” You run your free hand down to his ass and give it a slap for emphasis, followed by a squeeze just cause.

“Or maybe I could tie up those cute balls and see just how long it takes for you to pop” You hum, nibbling on Scud’s ear and tugging it with your teeth until you dropped it with an idea lingering in mind.

“Or," You said as you pulled away from him. "I could just leave you here by yourself” You smirked, watching Scud’s face twist in horror.

“No! No– please no” He pleaded as he squirmed on the bed, hips jerking in a desperate search for relief, cock painfully hard and throbbing. “Need a punishment, need mommy to punish me” Scud blabbed, his body trembling as his eyes darted from your face to the camera's lens, his body coated in a thin sheen of sweat.

“But how should I punish you?” You teasingly coo, combing some of a Scud’s bangs out one of his eyes as you smiled softly at him. “I could smoke our whole stash right in your face”

Scud groaned, “Please don’t” squeezing his legs as arousal burned hot in his gut. “I’m really sorry mommy, I– I’ll do anything”

“Oh, I know you will. Just stay still for me ‘kay?” You pushed yourself back up to your full height, pausing your recording to swap out the camera for the bottle of lube, shaking it slightly before uncapping it and squeezing out more than enough of the clear liquid onto Scud's puffy rim, watching the shiver that ran through him as the cold sensation rolled down to his sensitive balls.

You scooped it up with your two fingers and easily slid them inside Scud, a soft moan coming from him as he clenched around you, almost instantly pushing back in search of more. "Such a greedy little hole, you just wanna be fucked so badly don't you?"

Scud whined and squeezed his slick walls around your digits, "Yes! Want mommy to fill me up so bad, need her so bad" rubbing his face against the soft comforter as he could feel it burning hot.

"Don't worry baby boy, we're gonna get you all nice 'nd full right now" You spoke sweetly to him as you picked up the camera with one hand and the vibrator with the other, resuming your recording as the toy harshly rumbled to life after the click of a button. Without wasting a second, you watched as the buzzing wand glided into Scud with zero resistance, pressing it directly against his sweet spot and causing him to loudly sputter, blabble, and cry out nonsense as the sudden vibration traveled through his entire nervous system, cock throbbing with the uncontrollable urge to cum.

Scud sobbed around his loud moans, choking out gasps when you started to quickly thrust the toy in and out, each hard bump to his now very sensitive prostrate only sent him closer to the edge, hands twitching and pulling where they were restrained as his body spasmed, heaving as his heart started to pound in his chest the harder and harder you fucked him, hips jerking down into the mattress as he tried to pathetically chase his rapidly building orgasm, a burning pleasure coursing through the entirety of his body before–

You swiftly pulled the toy out of him right as he was about to topple over the edge, a confused, strangled whimper tearing from his throat as his poor hole needily clenched around nothing, so full and pleased just a split second ago and now suddenly empty and crashing down from the way you abruptly ruined his orgasm.

“Sorry, my hand slipped” You mumbled, obviously not sorry at all as you teased his fluttering hole with the toy, capturing all your torturous movements through the little camera lens.

The cuffs rattled as Scud whined and squirmed at the contact against his sensitive skin, trying his hardest to push back onto the vibrator while also jerking his hips away from it. He was so high, so hot and sweaty as he heaved from where he was on the bed, shaking as you tauntingly dragged the toy up from his slick balls to his drenched rim, only ever applying the slightest amount of pressure.

It made him push his hips back in desperation, letting out a surprised yelp when you smacked him with the toy, tutting your lips as you shook your head, placing the camera down and positioning it to capture Scud's hidden face, forcing his head up by roughly yanking a fistful of hair.

He whined as a shiver ran down his spine, trembling as his eyes nervously darted away from the lens, feeling his cheeks heat up in embarrassment at being recorded in such an exposed state. His cock was still painfully aching, whole body throbbing uncontrollably from your early treatment.

Scud made tiny little whimpers when you started to tease his hole again with the toy, his hips twitching as he tried not to jerk them back, desperate and craving to be filled up again. His gut ached with arousal, cock leaking painfully where it was confined in the small panties.

"P– Please fuck me, please mommy" He begged as you dipped your head down and started nibbling at his bare shoulder, teasing the skin of his hip with your fingers.

You blew on his ear as you ran the length of the vibrator up his slick crack, a keen noise pulling out his throat as his hole fluttered in anticipation. "Is this what you want pretty boy? To be stuffed like a dumb slut?"

Scud whined at your words, nodding his head and hiding his face shyly behind his hair, jumping slightly when you tightly gripped his jaw, lifting his head once more and dropping it to pick up your camera.

"You're so cute when you're nervous" You said to him as you smooshed your cheek against his, pointing the lens at the both of you and snapping a few pictures, Scud's face red and embarrassed as the flash flickered, electric shutter ringing in his ears.

Scud huffed slightly as his socked toes brushed the rug beneath him, kicking his feet impatiently as need and heat burned through his veins. He whined softly when you pulled away from him entirely, leaving the camcorder pointed at him to capture his facial expressions when you suddenly shoved the entirety of the vibrator back into him, a loud and shaky moan tearing from Scud's throat as the toy easily slid into him, almost yelling when it buzzed to life against his sensitive walls.

His hands curled into one another where his arms were stretched behind his back, yet immediately scrambled to wrap around your wrist when you trailed fingers up his spine, his fingers twitching and trembling as they latched onto you, incoherent mumbles leaving Scud's lips.

As you started to properly fuck him with the toy, quickly thrusting it in and out as he tensed up at the sensation, shuddering as his jaw went slack and he started to desperately yet sloppy push back against your movements, toes curling into the carpet as you shoved the vibrator right into his sweet spot, stars dancing in his eyes and coursing through his body.

"I bet that feels so good huh pretty boy? Gonna cum aren't you?" You taunted as you fucked him quicker with the silicone toy, watching the way he had started to twitch and squirm, his whimpers and cries starting to increase in volume. Scud tried to respond to your questions, but his words only came out as a garbled mess.

It earned a small laugh from you, pressing yourself up against him and dipping your head down to attack his neck, running your tongue over his pulse, and feeling his heart race under the muscle. "Didn't quite catch that" You murmured into his ear, slowing down your movements as you searched for Scud's sweet spot, a broken sob tearing from his lips when you found it. "Yes," He gasped, trembling underneath you as he heaved for air, clumsily stuttering out his words. "Wanna cum so bad, want mommy to make me cum"

Scud tugged and pulled at his restraints as he choked back cries, clumsily pushing back against your movements desperately as he chased after his rapidly building orgasm, babbling brainlessly. He could feel the buzzing sensation in his toes, all the way up to his teeth, it made his head foggy and his jaw go slack, not sure if the high he was greedily riding was from the weed or sheer pleasure, but it had him on cloud nine either way.

Each thrust brought him closer and closer, so close he could practically taste it. A needy, broken whimper came from his chest as his body twitched against you, small pleas starting to fall from his lips as his untouched cock throbbed from his burning climax, lungs running out of air as his body started to tense up, standing right on the edge and about to fall down face first when you yanked the toy right out of him again, Scud whining and basically sobbing in protest as his hole uncontrollably clenched down around nothing, heavy groans leaving him as his body struggled to recover from the way you completely denied him again.

"Oh Please, please mommy, please" Scud sobbed as his body felt so empty and used, desperately craving the relief that he needed so badly.

You shut the toy off and tossed it down on the bed, taking hold of the camcorder and stopping your recording, snapping a few pictures of how utterly destroyed Scud was, face soaked with his tears and drool as he weakly rutted his hips in search of any type of pleasure. He whimpered softly at the flash of light, feeling exposed and nude under the lens.

"It's okay Scud, you've been doing so well for me. Momma's gonna make you feel so good" You murmured comfortingly into his ears as you pressed a kiss to his cheek, pushing your body up off his and leaving the camera on the bed. Scud still whined out in protest as your body heat left his, leaving him cold and lonely. His heart started to soar and quickly pick up speed when he heard the familiar sound of your strap buckling together, small mutters and curses coming from you as there was a slight struggle.

It wasn't long before you reappeared behind Scud, this time pressing your cock against him. Anticipation sparked to life in his tummy as you dragged the silicone through his slick, unable to help himself from pushing back against you with tiny little sounds. He needed it so bad that his body was practically begging for release, involuntarily twitching.

Scud was so close to an absolute breakdown, whimpering and mumbling incoherently as you finally started to push in at a tauntingly slow pace, the lube helping to make it an easy glide and blissful stretch. His head dropped down onto the mattress as sparks flew up his spine, so understimulated that even the slightest of touch would probably send him tipping over the edge.

You readjusted your camcorder with one hand and the tightly tangled the other in his hair, yanking his head back up to be captured in the lens, giggling at the groan that left Scud’s lips. “Come on pretty boy, keep your head up for momma”

“Need– Need it–“ Scud started to babble, head totally clouded and overworked as he desperately jerked his hips, rocking them back and forth to get any type of stimulation at all, trembling like a leaf on a branch when he felt the tip of your strap finally, finally jab right into his tender and used sweet spot, knees buckling between him as he involuntarily squeezed your wrist tightly, nails digging into the flesh as the orgasm his body had been begging for completely took over, loud and broken sobs leaving Scud’s lips as his untouched cock throbbed and pulsated, cumming right in the lace panties of the lingerie set.

The fact that you captured that on camera almost made your mouth water, and you cooed at Scud when he went ragdoll in your hold, stroking his side to give him some comfort as he slowly came back down to earth. “Oh, you poor little thing. Did I tease too much?”

Scud could barely even muster out words, breathing into the mattress as his body twitched, small grunts and whimpers coming from him your hand in his hair kept his head upright and his face vulnerable, tears streaming down his reddened cheeks.

“Or, did I not tease you enough?” You murmured the question softly in his ear, moving to grab a fist full of hair from the front and gripping his cuffed wrists, yanking both backward as you took a step forward to shove the entirety of your cock into Scud, who could almost taste the pleasure coursing through him. A choked sob tore itself from his throat, eyes darting frantically between the wall and camera lens as it felt like pure heaven burned it’s way up his spine, hands twitching and curling in on themselves under your grip.

It was arguably the best he’s ever felt in days, weeks even. When you started to relentlessly and mercilessly slam into him, each thrust going right to his core and sending his eyes rolling into the back of his head, lips glossy and slick with spit as he drooled from the mouthwatering pleasure.

“You’re just so, so cute Scud. I can’t wait to watch our little movie over and over and over again” You said as you tilted his head to the side by his hair, biting down harshly on the flesh of his already bruised and marked neck, a shriek pulling its way out his chest as all five of his senses were at a complete overload, skin flushing a deep red when he felt your teeth blissfully break skin. It was all so overwhelming, the wet glide of your cock slipping in and out against his tender velvety walls was simply too much for his mind to be able to comprehend, hips jerking as his second orgasm built up rapidly, like a can of soda that had been shaken up and was just waiting for someone to pop the tap.

He heard the sound of the cuffs clicking off before he felt the fuzzy material sliding off his wrists, your hands finding his and intertwining your fingers together, pinning his hands down on the mattress to fuck him with all the womanly strength left in you, sending the silicone as deep and hard into your angelic boyfriend as your body would possibly allow for. Scud’s head involuntarily dropped right down onto the blankets, whimpers and broken moans tumbling past his lips as he tightly squeezed your fingers, so close to the edge that this time he really could taste it.

“Please momma, please, please– fuuck, please” Scud helplessly babbled, needily pushing back to meet your thrusts as he was so fucking close, so close that he’d almost do anything just to cum, not that there was much to do considering he was already crashing down the hill, just needing a few more rough thrusts of your hips before his tap was finally popped, an explosion of fizzy stickiness exploding right in his gut, his second orgasm spilling right into the already soiled underwear, seeping through and dripping down onto the floor.

Scud went totally limp where he laid face down on the bed, breathing heavily as he twitched and tried to come down from such an earth shattering high, whining softly when you pulled out.

Tiny kisses were planted all over his face, neck, and shoulders, you gently brushing his hair out his face and unsticking it from his sweaty forehead. “You okay?”

Scud nodded, with his eyes half-lidded and a content smile tugging at his lips. “Mhmm”

“Did you learn your lesson?” You asked, pulling the bra strap and letting it snap against Scud’s flesh, a small grunt leaving him as his skin burned. “Yes ma’am…” He grumbled out, feet dangling off the bed.

You smiled softly, kissing him right below his eye. “Good baby. Now let’s get you all squeaky clean and cozy for bed, then we can find a way to put our special show on the TV for only our eyes to see” You said with a hint of mischief in your tone, reaching for the camcorder and stopping your recording once and for all.

Whoa. Did Norman fucking reedus just fucking finish something. Did Normam fucking reedus just post something. Whoa. How crazy even is that.

ANYWAYS 😝 yes guys I still love Scud he's still my angel boy and be always will be I love the part of the fic where my peenar goes inside his body thats the best part hands down I love to fuck men with my lady peenar

One fic at a time guys 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ I have a few others that eeerm should get posted soon… dont get your hopes up (because mine are already up and that's a problem)

IF YOU SEE TYPOS NO UOU DONNNT 😭 MY GRAMMARLY IS ON MY COMPUTER AND THE APP IS GARBAGE ON MY PHONE PLEASE STOP THIS MADNESS

I was gonna end this with the cam corder MaGiCaLlYy disappearing 👁️ but that's for another fic 🙂‍↕️ (that ill end up never writing)

[ashen-vulture]

A Vulture In Therapy (wip)

It's been a while since I've posted anything because the next pages of The Appointment are taking a while, so have a sneak peak of some planned future events in the meantime

--- THE FUTURE FLYER'S CLUB ---

"Maybe it's just because I'm going back through the hormonal teenage phase," I sighed. I looked at myself in the mirror. The changes were happening, but very slowly. My body was covered in puffy white down feathers, and my skin had gone grey. The bone morphics were coming along nicely.

"I don't regret it, but there is this hollowness in me, some new need that isn't being fulfilled. Even though I have friends, a partner, a support system, I still feel so heavy and alone."

"Perhaps it would help you to meet more therians of your 'theriotype'?" The mirror said.

"You know I'm bad at meeting people..."

"~That's bullshit~ <3"

"W-"

"Middle school. You joined band even though you were afraid. You gathered a group of outcasts and made them friends. Highschool, you put together an Acapella group to perform in the talent show. You gathered more outcasts and made more friends. Online, you took risks with a bunch of strangers and made friends for life. College you opened up again and again to people you never met. You are not bad at meeting people, you're scared and one day soon you will decide you want it more than you fear it."

... I walked away from the mirror. She was right. Maybe. Maybe I needed to create my own happiness. Maybe I was ready to take the initiative. I went to my tablet and drafted my first sketch of a club poster.

"Future... Flyer's... Club. A club for bird Therians (or any winged creature) that wants to work together to teach each other how to fly. Yeah. I think this is something we need. But am I good enough to make it? I don't know."

"But you want it more than you fear it. So take the leap."

Maybe I'll print a few test copies tomorrow. Maybe I'll bring them to my check-in with Erian next month and ask if I can leave some in his office. Maybe I'll ask Madam Mabel if I can leave a couple at The Roost.

Maybe it'll start small, and maybe it'll grow from there. My flock.

Flight isn't just an instinct, it's a skill.

No mother bird to show us how.

Lets show each other.

Welcome to the Future Flyers' Club! We have Posture Practice, which is just a scaffolding with a harness rig and a large fan (it took so many extension cords to get that fan all the way out here) but hey, it'll get you used to flapping and to the soaring position!

And if your legs are feeling stable, you might try out our long jump launch! It's a bunch of haybales stacked up with some distance markers on the ground.

I've also got a tape measure in my pocket if you want to check your wingspan or tail length!

I know it's not much to look at yet, but it'll get there. Just like us!

[didyoulookforme]

hi friends, just wanted to give an update here.

i wanted to let you know that i'll be taking a step back from this blog for the foreseeable future. at the current moment, i'm not able to engage as much due to a mix of being super busy with my personal life and work, as well as my mental health just not being in the best place unfortunately. because my job largely consists of social media itself, i'm currently finding it difficult to navigate both work and personal platforms without getting burn out which honestly sucks because i love everyone that i've met here dearly and the 75blr community as a whole. but i basically have to slow down and let my nervous system recalibrate to deal with my anxiety and scrolling endlessly is not the best for it.

i won't deactivate this space as i still want to interact from time to time because i genuinely love chatting with you all and seeing your amazing work. plus, i need a place to freak out about matty and the boys and share photos that live rent free in my head. my hope is that i can eventually come back and be more present and share with you work that's sitting in my drafts.

if you want to keep in touch, let me know and i can share my personal blog or discord so we can chat outside of here :)

thank you so much everyone. you've been nothing but kind and sweet to me and i appreciate it more than i could ever say. sending so many hugs to everyone.

see you soon :)

[characterassassination-at-9am]

WIP Wednesday on a Thursday

Thanks for the tag @a-noble-dragon

I usually post stuff as soon as I write it, so don't participate in these often. However, I am working on something else right now even though I promised myself a break after finishing my 39 chapter fic.... This is way different than what I normally write and will probably never see the light of day. I've had the idea for awhile, but thought I probably wouldn't write it. But then I sat down yesterday and wrote 3K words just to get it out of my system. And it's not done. I honestly don't know if I'll ever post it. It's pretty personal and it's about religion, which tends to rile people up. Right now I'm just writing it as a bit of catharsis for myself.

“I haven’t said much to you about it because I didn’t know if I was making too big of a deal out of it.”

“I’d say you're not making it a big enough deal.”

“Really?”

“Yes.  If you’re hurt, you should let them know how you feel, Patrick.  They’re your parents, they’d want to know.  Maybe they don’t realize what’s really going on, or see the bigger picture.”

“How could they not?!”

“Well, sometimes when you’re in it, you don’t see the red flags.  Kind of like being in a bad relationship?  Maybe they need an outside perspective.”

“I don’t know.  I don’t want to tell them what to do.  I can’t force them to leave a church they’ve been a part of for decades.”

“I’m not telling you to do that.  I’m just saying that you should talk to them about it.”

There ya have it. It's a very rough draft at this point. I don't ever know who to tag in these things...so if you're reading this and want to join, you should ;)

[majesticwren]

this is part II of this previous smutty one-shot. That one is still a stand-alone but, after this point, it is officially a multichaper. part III to come soon. edit: part III is done. be advised, this entire project is done solely for my pleasure, I am indulging myself so much with this. the angst that it carries (because yes there will be more coming - I am very good very evil) it's the energy I crave please don't come for me and trust the process I'll feed you smut. it is edited but not proofread. enjoy. a/n: hi :) me again back at it. I didn't like the first draft of this so I finally went back in and made it a little extra poly/gay with some more chemistry between kyle and will because I needed it. thank you bye 💕

trigger warning/s: angst angst angst, poly relationship dynamics, reference to sex, reference to threesome, smut, oral f receiving, shit loads of misunderstandings and miscommunication, swearing, OFC is unhinged and is her own trigger warning.

<- part I | part III -> prequel part I -> | part II -> | part III -> | part IV -> Masterlist

Erika sat still and collected. She had already been told off a few times because she was too fidgety so, now, it became a game of control on her own subconscious and nervous system. She was releasing her frustration on biting the inside of her cheek and lips instead. It was just as bad as bouncing her knee or just generally being unable to sit still and empty handed for longer than thirty seconds, but it was better manageable when her nail technician required her absolute stillness to work.

Not that she was winning. Not at all. Her mind was too busy. But, at least, it was fun to pretend she had everything under control. Everything was fine. Erika kept repeating it to herself like a prayer. She truly believed if she did it for long enough it would have become true. Because the alternative was heaving a breakdown, and she couldn’t afford one of those. Not when it risked to jeopardize the precarious balance her life had.

She was happy. She had been happy for a very long time. She had no right to suddenly feel like her very lucky, very privileged life could be somehow tight. And yet, she couldn’t shake her the claustrophobic feeling of being trapped in a small box. Which was exactly why she spent every waking second feeling guilty and every sleeping moment being tormented by her subconscious painfully reminding her about everything she didn’t have.

It wasn’t fair. And not because she thought the universe was torturing her, but because she was aware she was the problem. 

She was a wild card; which was all fun and games until she got to moments of her life like that one when she decided she needed a revolution. 

When she was younger, she tended to act out. Sometimes she thought her family was too nice, so she went and created problems. Sometimes she hated being pretty and how easy life seemed to be, so she would become nasty. Sometimes people would assume she was nothing more than a pretty face, and she would think about the smartest, cruellest way to get revenge. Sometimes all Erika craved was attention and would indulge in sex, alcohol or drugs abuse to get what she wanted. It started when she was very young, some may say too young to understand the consequences of her actions. Her brother helped her out of most of the shit she found herself drowning into even before she was eighteen.

And then she met Kyle.

He had been different from any other guy or girl she had ever interacted with. She knew since the very beginning he was special to her; she was attracted to him like a moth to light. It was impossible for her to stay away. But he too became a rebellious act she did in spite of Mark when her brother noticed her interest, assumed wrong of her intentions and suggested her to stay away from Kyle because he had no intention of seeing her breaking his heart. So, she took him literally and proceeded to do exactly what Mark had asked her not to. She broke Kyle’s heart. And it took her time to understand her mistake and fix it. 

Thing was, she wasn’t a teenager anymore. She hadn’t allowed herself to act on a whim in a very long time and she wasn’t about to justify herself to risk to ruin her perfect fairytale life. 

She got to do the job of her dreams, having a career many would kill for, not only that but she was also making good money for her skill. And she got to travel the world side by side with her amazing, beautiful and talented boyfriend, making many friends along the way. It felt nothing but privilege to her. Some may had been deserved, but privilege all the same. 

The idea that she was going to possibly ruin it all was terrifying.

But, everything was fine, she reminded herself.

“So,” Regina, the girl working on her nails, sent her a curious look from the other side of the table. “You look very pretty today. I see you had your lashes done?”

“Just this morning,” Erika nodded, “and my hair too.”

“I see,” the girl’s look became suddenly cheeky. She was a proper chatter-box who lived for the scandalous gossip her clients brought to the salon. They all were. There and at the hair salon just across the way. Which was mostly pleasant and harmless, but Erika had a feeling of what was coming and didn’t have the patience to hold a conversation. “Any special occasion?”

She shrugged. “Just a little party between friends.”

“Oh?”

“My brother is coming back from Australia after a month,” Erika decided to give in a little, “we organised a small gathering for him.” 

“You are an awful lot beautiful for just a casual event.”

“Can’t change perfection, sorry darling,” Erika giggled, finding some soothe in the distraction that conversation brought.

Regina chuckled too. “And what about your dashing boyfriend? Is he gonna be there?”

Erika grinned proudly, knowing very well how pretty Kyle was and how much attention he always got. Thankfully she wasn’t the jealous type. “Of course. You might be in for a treat actually,” Erika raised her chin, basking into her own bragging. “He is around and will pick me up when I’m done.”

“Oh,” Regina shook her shoulders, all excited, “You just made my day. Girls!” she called referring to the rest of the salon, “Erika’s boyfriend is popping by!” A small burst of celebrations occurred between the girls present, someone clapped, someone tapped the work surface and a few howled, just for everyone to then cheer joyfully. Erika too, giggled to herself allowing herself to let go of some of her concerns.

Thinking about Kyle made it better. Mostly.

“You will understand what we mean as soon as you see him,” Regina hinted to the girl sitting next to Erika, who was giving everyone very suspicious looks. “I tell you these Australians are something else.”

Erika shook her head, rolling her eyes. “What can I say, eh? We are the best country in the world, after all.”

“Well, tell me about this party, girlie,” Regina continued, focusing back on the final details her nails. “Are all your famous friends going to be there?”

“No,” any trace of joy left Erika. She huffed as enthusiasm washed off her. She was just exhausted. “Just a couple,”

“Well? Cheer up, love, what’s that sudden long face for? You can’t be all done up like this and be sad. Not on my nails.”

“I’m sorry Regina,” Erika sighed, “I am just tired, it’s been a long day and I haven’t slept at all well.”

“I bet. With a guy like your boy, I’d struggle to sleep every night too.”

Erika chuckled. She knew exactly how to respond to keep that little chitchat going, just to occupy time, but she didn’t say it. She was done talking. Not because she didn’t enjoy it, only because she was done holding up a mask. Her social battery was running out so quickly and she still had to deal with the last bits to get ready for the party and the event itself.

It wasn’t like she wasn’t looking forward seeing her brother after so long. She was so happy he was coming back to the UK; she missed him so much. But the idea of a party with all their close friends was enough to make her feel exhausted already. To be precise, it was the idea of a party with Will present that made her feel completely overwhelmed. 

Will was her problem.

Her chest still ached thinking about how cold and awkward it had been between them ever since the night they spent together. He didn’t seem to have any problem with Kyle, they kept spending as much time together as they could. Which wasn’t a surprise. But with her he was a completely different guy.

They hadn’t talked since the morning after. And ever since, Will had been plainly avoiding her. If they were so unlucky to cross paths, the words they exchanged were brief and distant. No eye contact.

Saying she was heartbroken wasn’t enough. 

Erika was aware they only had sex once and no one had talked about feelings. Yet, she wasn’t prepared to be treated so awkwardly. Especially after what they had. It meant something to her. It meant something Will stayed that night and they all slept snuggled on each other. It meant something that she now knew the scent of his skin or how he snored when he was on his right side. 

Being aware of what they shared and that Will now took part of her away, even if he wasn’t willing to accept it, was the only thing she had been able to think about. And it was her burden to carry. Every time she had to remind herself how things were going to be carved a deeper hole into her chest. And at the same time there was a need, a hunger, gnawing at her bones, leaving her feeling cold. And alone.

The most shameful part of it was that she didn’t have the heart to open up with Kyle about it. For the first time, she found herself keeping secrets from him. 

She felt dirty every second and she knew Kyle was trying his best to understand her and leaving her space, although she also knew he was hurting knowing something was happening. It was a price she was willing to pay, though. She had no intention of being the reason to slip any doubt in between him and Will. 

Erika had tried to soothe whatever was going on between them in the second-best way she knew how to be close to Kyle, since she had decided not to talk with him, and that was through sex. They had a way of always finding each other when they were intimate. It created a connection that was able to reassure her and take away some of her pain. Although the thought of Will was never gone for long.

She had thought about it long and hard. For some time, she had even started to get extremely concerned, wandering whether or not she had made the biggest mistake of her life and had cheated on Kyle right in front of him. But then she pretty quickly realised that wasn’t the case. The worth Kyle had to her was unchanged, Kyle still owned her heart. Only now it also ached for someone else too. 

“Oh,” Regina cooed, “heads up,” the moment she hinted to the entrance door, the bell ringed, announcing someone’s arrival. 

Erika followed Regina’s gaze and immediately melted into a warm smile as she recognised Kyle. Her body relaxed, her skin warmed up and her spirit shone a little brighter for him. 

“Hey,” she chirped.

The salon seemed to fall into an awe. Erika was hoping it was only her impression, although she didn’t miss the awkward, timid look Kyle sent all around. The more eyes set on him he found, the more his cheeks blushed. 

He held his half empty gym bag in one hand and was still wearing his gym gear, which was composed of baggy shorts and an unmatching old hoodie he had ripped the sleeves off only so he could show his arms. It was incredible how effortless his prettiness was. He could still look so attractive even in the lowest maintenance circumstances. It was mind blowing.

“Hey baby,” his voice broke her train of thought, “you ok?”

“Your girlie here seems to be very tired,” Regina looked directly at him, sending him a challenging look, “she said you keep her up all night.”

“Pardon?” Kyle blushed violently. His pale eyes glimmered of interest as he looked back at Erika, puzzled but amused as a timid smile peeked on his lips. 

“Nothing. Ignore her, please,” Erika sent a warning glare to Regina, hoping she could behave herself.

Kyle cleared his voice and nodded, “Right. Are you almost done?” He wondered leaning in to give her a quick kiss on the lips.

Erika looked back at Regina who nodded, looking at her own work on her nails. “Almost. Ten, fifteen minutes?”

Kyle’s attention didn’t move from Erika. “Do you want me to come back?”

“No,” Regina replied instead, offering a kiss-ass grin, “stay, have a seat on out booth, we got lovely colourful magazines and fresh cucumber water! Just ask.”

To his sudden confusion, Erika chuckled, leaning her head back as she looked up at him. “You are very popular in this establishment baby, you might want to consider switching career.”

“Oh, yeah?” he wondered leaning in for another kiss, causing some of the women around them to ooh them. “And what would you have me do, ladies?”

“Just stand there and be pretty. That’s more than enough.” Erika explained. 

Kyle offered a large smile to everyone present. “I see. Well, I’ll be sitting over there where everyone can easily look at me while you finish up.”

“Thank you,” Erika cooed and looked at him as he crossed the small salon and dropped himself on the small booth by the door. 

“Will says hi, by the way,” he casually began, opening up a random magazine. 

Erika choked. 

She turned towards Regina, as if hiding away could somehow shoo off the feelings that hit her like a landslide of heavy boulders rolling above her chest. So many questions crowded her mind, but, above anything, she was outraged.

What did it mean that Will said hi? Just like that? Casually? Like nothing happened? Was that the next step? From the awkwardness of knowing they saw each other naked and had sex to the complete denial it even ever happened? Was she that forgettable? And why would Kyle just say it like that? Like it was the most normal thing in the world? Did he think nothing happened too? That night meant nothing to him? Was he truly so blind not to notice how she was hurting and how Will hadn’t talked to her in a week? 

Or did they simply just decided to continue hang out with each other without her?

The room around her felt suddenly too small to breathe. The low murmur surrounding her and the ambiance music became too loud to bear. She felt like she was falling into a black void and sit there, unable to move, was unthinkable.

“Are you ok?”

Erika ignored Regina, shaking her words with a shrug. “Yes. Can you hurry up?”

“I mean I have the last layer of polish to do,” Regina frowned, “are you not feeling well?”

“No, I am ok, thank you. Just finish up, I just remembered I have something urgent I need to do.”

Erika barely managed to sit after that. She felt uncomfortable in her clothes, under her own skin. When her nails were finally done, she had never bolted out of that place as quickly as she did. Generally, she’d indulge in some small chit-chat and a drink or their flavoured water, just as courtesy. Not that time. She didn’t even stop to give Kyle the time to get up.

“Hey,” he shouted at her as she went through the door, “Hey, Erika, hold on,” he continued and when she didn’t stop for him, he grabbed her arm, bringing her to a hold. “Baby, what’s wrong?

She hissed, shaking her head. “Nothing is wrong. Let’s just go. Mark will land in a few hours,” 

“Yes. I know. I am the one who needs to go pick him up.” Erika tried to escape his hold, but Kyle held on, his grab was gentle but solid. “Will you stop one second? What happened? What did I do?”

Her heart was squeezed between guilt and regret. Erika raised a hand to him, cupping his cheek. “Nothing.” God, she wished she could pick him up and press him into her chest, “You had done nothing wrong; I just want to go home.”

How much she wished that could be enough. She wanted to drown into his eyes and disappear.

Kyle hesitated. His eyes cruised on her face, trying to read the answers he wanted from her features. And still, he kept his tongue tied.

He knew. She was aware Kyle knew something was up. He had known since the very beginning and she knew he was smart enough to connect the dots, only he never dared to overstep. Even though she desperately needed him to shake some sense into her.

He let her go, releasing a soft huff. “Ok.” He raised his hands peacefully, “Let’s take you home.”

“I’m gonna be late,” Kyle pushed his face in the crook of her neck, brushing his lips on her collarbones. 

She released a soft giggle, bending underneath him. “Passport control always takes ages,” Erika argued, wrapping her legs around his waist and keeping him exactly where he was standing in response. “Mark can wait,” she purred, her hands were all over Kyle as she sat back on her vanity table surface, pulling him closer.

He caught her lips in a heated kiss, unable to deny her. His big hands moved on her sides and down to her thighs. As soon as his palms touched her skin, Erika purred, melting under him. He easily lifted up the soft material of the silk shift she was wearing, exposing her.

“You are so bad,” Kyle pressed his smile on her chin, “you’d let your own brother wait all alone in the airport after the longest flight ever just to have some more sex.”

“Yes,” she pouted, ready to beg if necessary, “you should take it as a compliment.”

They had been going at it ever since they came home. Everything that was supposed to be said, everything that they were supposed to talk about, that Kyle wanted to ask and Erika needed to say, was forgotten once more just so they could find their connection skin on skin. 

It was blissful. Selfish, maybe, from both parts. And yet tremendously sweet. When she was between Kyle’s arms her mind was quiet and she felt safe. There was nothing threatening to hurt them. Nothing wrong.

And she simply couldn’t let go.

They had sex already twice in the midst of getting ready but it didn’t seem like they were done. It was easy for her to forget she was supposed to concentrate on doing her makeup and let him finish to dress up to go and pick up Mark. 

Kyle followed her neck, down to her chest, kissing, licking and nibbling on her soft, sensitive skin. When he continued down her sternum, unbothered by the thin material dividing him from her direct skin, Erika understood his intention and encouraged him with a soft whimper. 

He kneeled in front of her throwing her legs over his shoulders. His hands traced to her waist, surrounding her like a belt and holding her steady. His attention was only for her as he looked up, pale blue eyes glimmering with hot lust. 

“I do not have time,” he reminded her, bending his head and pressing his lips against the inside of her thigh, “but I can’t leave you knowing you are so needy.”

“No, you can’t,” her breath was hot and heavy as she looked at him move. “God,” she dared to chuckle, pushing a hand into his hair and keeping balance with the other. “You are so pretty in between my thighs it fucking hurts.”

“Yeah?” He wondered, only pretending not to be aware of the effect he had on her. The smirk he pulled gave her a shiver. He kissed higher up on her thigh. His lips were close to her core she felt his hot breath on her exposed flesh, and yet not giving her the satisfaction yet. 

She whimpered, nodding and stretching, feeling her need to find pleasure becoming an inconvenient ache pressing on her abdomen. “Please, Kyle,”

He didn’t let her waste anymore breath. Holding her steady, he pushed his face into her, and ate her up like she was made of honey. Erika almost lost every faculty as soon as his tongue caressed her folds, and she was completely gone by the time he started sucking her flesh. A moan vibrated through his chest, sending her to another planet.

The air soon filled by the obscene noises of Kyle’s mouth wrapped around her sex, accompanied by her moans. She wasn’t even trying to keep quiet by then. 

Pleasure started to build up inside of her stomach, sending electric shivers all across her limbs. Erika barely managed to balance herself up with an arm, but she didn’t care, she craved to push her fingers deeper between his hair just to hold him. In response, he looked straight up at her. His blue eyes were astonishingly beautiful. Making eye contact in such a moment was ravaging, so powerful her skin crawled with goosebumps, as pleasure only built. 

Erika didn’t take long to reach her edge and didn’t do anything to try and hold herself. She let herself go as her pleasure took over, growing through her, tensing her muscles as shivers crawled on her skin. Kyle skilfully guided her through her pleasure, following the movement of her hips and the quickness of her breath to know when she got close reaching her orgasm and then, he gave her exactly what she wanted, exactly what she needed, accompanying her through her release. She unravelled against him, her body shaking uncontrollably between his arms, as she called his name, lost in yet again another wave of pure bliss.

She then watched him rising to his feet. They were both out of breath. Erika felt pure electricity flowing in between them and under her skin and when he cleaned his chin and mouth up with his hand, she quivered, biting down on her lower lip not to beg him for more.

She needed another shower. A freezing cold one.

Erika slid her hands across his bare chest, looking at the scratch marks she left on his skin with extreme pride. “I wish we could just be like this all the time.”

“What? Having sex instead of being responsible and do adult things?”

“Precisely.” She looked away hiding from him, herself and everything else. The moment he’d leave her she would have only gone back to go insane again.

Kyle smiled softly. It was like he caught a glimpse of her sadness and, cupping her face, he made her look back at him. “I wish you talked to me,” his sweet request hit her right in the middle of the chest and ripped her apart. “You know I am here for you and I will always give you what you want. But I wish you’d tell me what’s wrong.”

She froze. Erika wished she could quit being that way. She wished it was just easier; she wished she let herself accept it could be easier. Instead, she pushed him away. “Yes,” she murmured sadly, “I know.” Erika attentively got back on her feet, still feeling her legs weak underneath her.

Kyle nodded. Her closing up to him once more was clearly something that hurt him. She saw it, she knew him well enough, and just wished she could be different.

She tried. For a moment they looked at each other and she truly tried to make her thoughts and emotions into words, but the knot in her throat silenced her. Her hesitation costed her their moment because Kyle was the one who broke eye contact and let her go.

He moved across the room and in the bathroom, quickly making himself presentable before slipping into the clean t-shirt he had already put on twice before and that had been promptly removed and thrown on the floor twice over. Then, he quietly picked a pair of white sketchers and sat on the edge of the bed to put them on.

Erika wanted so bad to pretend everything was ok. They just spent a couple of hours having fun, ignoring responsibilities to just fool around with each other, yet the air between them was suddenly frosty. She still faked it. She was so good at it. She pulled her stool back in front of the table and sat back down, looking at herself in the mirror. 

She was a mess. Her makeup needed to be re-done. She needed a thick mask to cover up all the hurt showing in her eyes.

“Is it Will?” Kyle finally broke the silence. “Actually, don’t answer to that. I know whatever is going on with you is connected to Will. I am not stupid.”

Erika closed her eyes and looked away, hiding from her own reflection and Kyle’s gaze in the mirror. “We don’t have time for this.”

“We do. Passport control takes ages,” Kyle reminded her. “Erika, please, it’s me. Tell me. I need to know if I did something wrong, somehow?”

“You didn’t. You never would,” Erika turned over to him, “But please, I am begging you, I can’t deal to talk about Will.”

“Did he hurt you?” His voice was suddenly so severe it scared her.

“What!?” She shook her head, “No! Of course, not.” Despite the fact that he hadn’t acknowledged her for days now and that distance between them was hurting more than she could ever say.

“Then what? What happened the other night that made you have such a change of heart? I thought you enjoyed yourself.”

“I did,” Erika needed to reassure him. Now more than ever she noticed the frustration he felt in his inability to reach her. There was something tormenting him in and now he wasn’t hiding how desperately he wanted to fix whatever was hurting her.

Erika got up and quickly moved to him. Her hands moved around his face without her even thinking about it, she needed to touch him to make contact. “I did enjoy myself. I wanted it.” Erika had to fight not to let memories flood into her mind.

“Then what is it? I left you your space and I don’t mean to overstep, but I thought you’d take a moment and then you’d look for me. But you haven’t. You are shutting me out.”

“I am not,” she knew he was right and still proceeded to deny it, “I did look for you.”

“When? You are over there and I am over here, I feel you slip away through my fingers.”

Erika took his hand and pressed it against her own chest, letting him feel her taking a deep breath. “I just did. I do it all the time.”

Kyle shook his head. “Sex isn’t enough anymore, Erika. I need to know what’s going on in your head. In your heart. I can’t take it anymore, please tell me what’s wrong. Tell me how to fix it.”

“You can’t fix it,” she shook her head, “It will pass. It doesn’t matter.”

“It clearly matters. It matters to you. It matters to me. And it matters to Will.”

Erika chuckled sarcastically, shaking her head. “Well about that I doubt.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means nothing. Kyle, please,” she huffed, trying to regulate her emotions in a way that wasn’t falling into an argument with the only person who didn’t deserve any of what she was throwing at him. “Go and pick up Mark. Let’s get through the party and then,”

“Then what? Will you talk to me then?”

“If I say yes?”

“I want to believe you.” Kyle looked up at her, defeated, “I need to believe you. But I don’t.”

“Ok, I can deal with that. What I can’t deal with is talking about Will now.”

“You will have to deal with him sooner or later, he is going to come over.”

“Yes, I am aware.”

“I just don’t understand what happened. You just shut both of us out.”

“Kyle,” Erika shook her head, “please, I am begging you.”

He looked so hurt. And so precious. Erika felt the need to scream and break something. It wasn’t fair, he didn’t deserve being treated that way. And yet she couldn’t bring herself to do anything different. In her chest guilt and shame vibrated, twisting her stomach painfully.

“Right,” Kyle dropped it, “fine.” He got up and leaned in, softly kissing her forehead. 

“I am so sorry,” she whispered, looking away, trying to fight her tears and her own pain. She hated to put more weight on Kyle’s shoulders, especially since she had the impression he felt somehow responsible.

“When you are ready, I’ll be there,” he left her. “Get ready. I’ll be back soon.”

“Ok,” she whispered and watched him leave the bedroom feeling suddenly so lonely and lost.

She hated herself sometimes. She knew why she acted the way she did. She understood her ways and yet she wished she could snap her fingers and just stop being a prick. Especially with Kyle.

He left without saying goodbye and when she was left completely alone, Erika stood in the middle of her bedroom for an ungodly amount of time, just looking at nothing, spacing out into her own doubts and despair.

When she realised she was so cold she was shivering painfully, she decided it was time to get a grip. To not let her brain take over and ruin her completely, she put some music on letting the living room speakers play loud, as she hopped in the shower, hoping to wash her problems off her skin.

An hour later she had all the arrogance to lie even to herself and think she was stronger than ever. Able to tackle anything. Everything was fine. It was still her favourite prayer. 

She had decided to melt her nerves helped by a shot of tequila to get her going. Her make up was done. Her hair fixed. She looked pretty, expensive and unbothered, just like she wanted. A perfectly executed mask. She only pretended she was wearing a cute outfit she casually picked, when she had the specific plan to be looked at.

Will was going to be there and she had every intention of getting his attention, one way or the other. It became a matter of pride. If he was doing everything in his power to ignore her and pretend nothing happened, she was set to make it as difficult as humanly possible for him. She needed to win. It was easier to think it that way than sulk. She was done being passive to her own pain. She wanted answers and she would have got them by the end of the evening. 

She even had the time to get the ambiance around the apartment just right to host a small gathering and just double checked with the catering that they’d be on time to set up before their friends arrived. 

When the doorbell went off, she gasped with surprise, fooling herself she could act completely cool. Everything was fine.

She hopped across her apartment on her tippytoes, still not wearing shoes. She was hoping it could be Kyle and Mark already even though she knew it was way too early. After picking Mark up from the airport, which was a potential forty-five minutes’ drive in traffic, Kyle was supposed to drop Mark back at his own place before driving him back there. It couldn’t be them. Plus, Kyle had the keys to get in the house. But she still answered the door with the same enthusiasm and expectations. 

“Hello,” she chirped, “come on up. Fifth floor,” she explained, realising it was probably the much less exciting catering guys coming in to set up.

Erika was still fiddling with her golden hoop earrings when she opened the door, ready to welcome their hired employees with a big smile. In the background played Rich Girl, by Daryll Hall and John Oates. “Hi, welcome,” as soon as her eyes set on the person standing by the entrance, she choked. Her smile hanged on her lips, and slowly froze when she realised, she wasn’t going to welcome Kyle or her brother and neither it was the catering. 

“Will,” she frowned, her throat sealed shut. It was the first time she saw him in days. She hid behind the door, trying to hold herself up. She had been doing such a good job, she couldn’t crumble the first second they interacted. “What are you doing here?”

He had his hands dug deep into his trousers and was looking straight at the floor, doing everything in his power to avoid eye contact. “Mark’s party. I was invited, remember?” 

The monotone in his deep voice drove her insane, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to slam the door in his face or choke him out more.

She rolled her eyes. “Yes. I know. I mean this early.”

He shrugged. “I can come back if you prefer,”

Erika widened the door, sliding to the side and signing him to come in. “Don’t be stupid. Kyle and Mark aren’t here yet though.” 

She did everything in her power to maintain her decorum. If she wanted to survive that evening, she needed to rise above. And yet, she already couldn’t think clearly. 

As Will entered her home, awkwardly looking around, she inhaled deeply his scent. She was taken by a primal need for her to know what perfume he was wearing. But it went deeper than that as she realised what she was looking for was the smell of his skin, bare, sweaty and marked by sex.

It was beyond her. Memories hit her stronger than ever. She felt his callous hands on her skin, his ghostly fingers traced her body, making her doubt what was reality and what was dream. She could still taste his mouth on her tongue just as clearly as she could feel his curly hair in between her fingers. Just like she was still in his arms, she could feel the pressure of his hold, or the weight of his body on hers.

It was excruciating. Unbearable. Made her want to rip her hair out and run away, never to come back. But mostly, it made her feel so small and insignificant. She wouldn’t have made it. 

She wanted him so bad it hurt in places she wasn’t aware could hurt for a person.

Will still didn’t look at her. “Do you have any booze?”

“Fridge for beer or wine, and mixers, don’t touch the bubbly. Freezer for vodka. Wine rack for more wine and tequila. Knock yourself out.” She turned around, pretending she didn’t care. Maybe she could have hidden in the bedroom until someone else arrived? 

No.

She had promised herself she’d stop being a coward and a prick and would handle the situation. And that was actually the perfect occasion to get what she wanted.

“I’m gonna finish getting ready. Mind letting the catering people in when they arrive?”

“Sure.” She heard him pop a beer open.

She wondered if he was looking at her then. She hoped he was. She was ready for a fight. She was ready to get it over with because she couldn’t take to have that awful, awkward situation hanging above her life, shaving off happiness from her current relationship. But, deep down, she was still naively hoping to get what she wanted. Which was Will.

She turned around, deciding to get to her best weapons immediately. First artillery fire. She leaned against the bedroom doorframe, looking directly at Will, ignoring how intensely he was studying every title in Kyle’s collection of pop-punk vinyl CDs. She didn’t know him to have ever been that interested in that music genre before.

“Do you like my dress, Will?” She wondered casually and watched his reaction with a dangerous, magnetic smile printed on her lips.

She watched avidly how he stiffened, raising his head and widening his shoulders, which only made her ego grow. Will didn’t move for the longest couple of seconds as his eyes traced up on the wall in front of him. He didn’t dare to look back but his eyes did move on the dozen frames patching up the wall retracting professional pictures of wrestling matches. Only the best of her work, exposed like in a gallery. Will had more than one spot on her wall. Now she was starting to understand why she liked to portray him so much.

“Don’t ignore me.”

He hissed, clearly bothered by her voice. “I am not.”

“So?”

“I dunno. Doesn’t matter what I think, does it?”

“It does if I am asking.”

He huffed and then hid behind his beer, taking two good gulps of it before just shaking his head. “Sure. You look very nice. But you know that. So, why bothering asking me?”

“How would you know? You haven’t even looked at me once.”

Will tutted and let his head fall back, releasing some of his frustration in a huff. He was still not facing her. “I am not playing your game, Erika.”

“Look at me, Will.” She ordered, summoning all her strength not to let any of her desperation show. She wanted to sound authoritative and not like a little scared girl who just wanted to be held. Somehow it made sense in her mind that that could be her best plan.

It seemed like he was willing to fight her. For a split second he held his position, without daring to move. He was holding his breath. But then, something gave in and he did turn. Not completely, as if he was still trying not to expose himself to her. But he did. And when he did, his eyes sliced through her like daggers, severe and detached. She didn’t recognise the cold in his gaze and kept stumbling in the fear that she was continuing to make mistakes.

That moment was the first that Erika realised it wasn’t only about the sex anymore. She wasn’t only looking at a man that couldn’t recognise being the same who held her so tenderly. But she also couldn’t recognise the Will she had liked and respected for so long from before. Before everything, they had been friends for a long time. Years. They shared trips, work, holidays, accommodations, moments of their lives that will always connect them. And yet, she was now cut out of it.

She was hurting so bad.

But, for the life of her, Erika didn’t dare to show an inch of it. He didn’t deserve it.

If that’s how it had to be, then she was determined to make him regret his choices.

Will shrugged. “So? What am I supposed to look at?” She was the one who was hit. But Will wasn’t done. “Let’s do this like civil adults, shall we? I am here for Kyle and Mark, let’s get through this. In a couple of days, I’ll be on the road again in Japan.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Knowing he was going to be gone fairly soon disheartened her. It didn’t seem like she was going to prove any point, let alone win at anything. And he was going away soon, maybe that was it, that was her answer. Let it go, for everyone’s sake. 

“You know what I mean.”

“No.” Erika crossed her arms, willing to appear as defensive as possible, “I do not know what you mean, William.”

The smile he whipped out was pure scorn. He took her words like a cheap shot, shaking his head. “My, my, you must be very upset. I rattle you pretty bad, don’t I? Don’t worry. You stay out of my way and I’ll stay out of yours and everyone lives happily ever after.”

“You are such a cunt.” Erika scoffed, raising her chin high, “I wish I never met you.”

“Oh, don’t you worry darling, the wish is mutual.” 

He went right to the jugular. His words slipped her throat. She felt something severing inside of her. Her chest was empty and squeezed, she was unable to breathe.

She closed herself in her bedroom, leaving Will alone. 

What was she supposed to do now? 

That was answer enough. Will gave her exactly what she thought she wanted, and in the meanest way he could possibly think to clear any doubt she may have had. Only, it was nothing like what she had hoped for.

She wanted a drink so bad. Somehow, she thought alcohol could fuzz her rational thoughts and soothe her. The only problem was that Will stood between her and her booze and she had no intention to look at him ever again.

Damn it. Damn him.

Erika cried in silence, huddled on the floor like a desperate little girl who couldn’t even take rejection on the chin like a champ.

She had ignored hearing Will moving around her apartment, turning on the tv and even talk loudly on the phone. It didn’t matter what he was talking about, to her it mattered the way he laughed and chattered like nothing bothered him. Then, when the catering showed up, she still ignored him when he tried to ask for direction – again acting like nothing happened between them. He even knocked on her door a couple of times, and she still didn’t respond.

By that point, Erika's only concern was to pick herself back up, fix what Will had just broken and keep pretending. For Mark. For Kyle. For herself.

By the time she had fixed her makeup for the nth time that evening, the first guests started to arrive and that was her queue to waltz out of the bedroom and be the perfect, prettiest host. She could only hope Kyle and her brother would arrive soon.

[howdy-folks-its-showtime]

It's Showtime! - June 2024 Devlog

Howdy! Cobalt here, for another devlog over It's Showtime. This month was actually really swell, especially since I got more of my adhd meds recently. So I should be getting way more done in the coming months, yippee!

Programming wise, not a lot was done this month I've mostly spent it changing a few things about the way the map is built. Particularly I'm gonna need to rebuild most of the first floor. However in the long run it should be for the better, for stuff like performance and making it easier to add more to it. I also just needed a break after all I did last month. I have created things like the base for the main menu, a proper testing room and a lot of coding for the cut scene system though!

Writing wise, a ton of progress was made. Most of the major writing for Chapter 1 is done! Or at least on a great first draft. So very soon Chapter 1 will be done writing wise. [For the record currently the in depth writing for Chapter 1 is 7,122 words long] Chapter 2 also had a significant amount of its in depth writing done, almost all of the 'intro' is written out but obviously I'm trying to focus more on Chapter 1 right now. Speaking of the other chapters and such. Chapter 2's summary is almost done, with some things just needing some elaborating or bridging with other parts of it. Chapter 3 has 3 thousand words written in its summary currently, so a lot of what goes on in that chapter has been written out. I recently had a ton of revelations about what is going to happen in Chapter 4 and Chapter 5 has also had a lot added to its summary. Sadly, writing wise, I simply cannot reveal much more without getting into spoilers.

I've also been learning Blender a lot lately. I'm working on a few models, none of them for It's Showtime quite yet. [well besides the walls and floors for the first floor] However soon I'm gonna be trying to make Henry's first model and animations for the game. Probably won't be the final one used for the project, or even the one you'll see upon chapter 1's release, but we'll see. Sadly, a lot of this process is simply tutorials and looking things up, then double checking those things to make sure they can be used in Unity, aren't performance heavy and will work with the systems I've already got in place. Art wise, me and my partner have gotten a lot of fun concept art done.

We've also started a sketchbook purely for Encore! related drawings. We've got so much fun stuff to show you guys when more is done, but for now, I'd love to show off a proper look at Henry's design.

Here we have Henry's reference, specifically for his in-game appearance.

The sketchy reference made for modeling him out. Yes, he is tastefully nude in this appearance. That's just the way it has to be.

Then finally a rough run cycle I animated to show off his character and as practice for when the proper 3D gets made. I'm really proud of how this came out and I hope it gives you guys a good idea for what to expect from him character-wise. As always, feel free to ask any questions about this project and its story if you'd like. I'll do my best to answer them without giving too much away! See you next month!

[kiryoutann]

# I'M ALIVE and back!

I'M ALIVE. and back! i'm so SORRY for being inactive and not posting anything AND not producing any fics. I JUST GOT MY NEW LAPTOP YAY! and here's a few updates what i deleted and what i'm trying to work on:

i deleted: SALVATORE. and THE WORLD OF THE RICH. because. . . the ideas isn't there anymore. it's a shame that i have to not just abandon it, but also delete it after i re-read it again and it doesn't match my standards.

i'm doubting on: EX-PROBLEM. i wrote two chapters and it's still on draft. i don't know how to move forward.

i'm trying to work on: "the love i seek in everything," but, this one's gonna be unfamiliar with my genshin lovelies cause it's gonna be a fanfic about Simon "Ghost" Riley from Call of Duty. i really need to get it OUT of my system, take all of this self-deprecation and pour it there.

AND! i'm working on a new Tartaglia fic! remember this idea??? i'm trying to find ideas n write down some outlines guys, i swear. and i hope i'll be able to post it soon. I KNOW it's probably best to keep it hidden cause who knows, maybe i'll abandon it again like TWOTR and disappoint more people, but i just made a cover for it and i really want to share.

ANYWAY. pls pray for me. i'm trying to crawl out from this weird phase of my writer's block. i really wanna write for everyone again!!

have a great day, loves!

[corpupine]

A Long-Awaited Update

I’ve been putting off writing this update for a while now. Not because I’m suffering or struggling at all—life is actually really good! It’s had some truly awful, crappy stuff mixed in, but for the most part my life is very happy. The reason I’ve been putting this off is that I really don’t know where to start. Most of you will have noticed that I stopped posting updates of NemaTale on here sometime last year. There are a couple of reasons for that that I want to explain, then I want to move on to life updates and what’s coming next for NemaTale.

First: Why did I stop posting on Deviantart?

There’s no special reason or controversy here. I post on three sites: Deviantart, Tumblr, and Tapas. Both Tumblr and Tapas offer a scheduling system so that posts can be queued in advance. I was able to schedule posts on those two sites, but Deviantart doesn’t have that function, so each time there was an update I had to go in and manually enter all the information. As my life got more and more hectic (which will be explained a little bit more in the life updates section), I found that I was forgetting to update on Deviantart. I kept on putting it off, figuring I’d get around to it eventually. But uh, whoops—the end of Chapter 4 has been posted everywhere but on Deviantart! I’ll get those last pages up and running soon, but I wanted to offer some sort of explanation before I did so.

(As a side note: I haven't been keeping up with updating the links between pages on Tumblr, for a similar reason. I'll hopefully get those up and going soon so you guys can read the comic more easily on here.)

Second: What’s going on with Corpupine?

So much, you guys. Soooo much, and most of it is—like I said—truly wonderful. I haven’t been posting updates about my life hardly at all, and I want to maintain privacy, but here’s a few fun things I wanted to tell you about:

-Got a big girl job working for a local publishing company (I’m an editor by day and I love it, but it’s very time and energy consuming)

-Helped my wonderful husband self publish a book (that I edited, naturally)

-Moved to a different city

-Finally, finally finished a draft for a novel I’ve been tinkering with for 9 years

Oh, and also, this:

Yes, in what may be the best (accidentally) kept secret ever, I’m a few months away from giving birth to a baby girl. That has been the main reason for my absence online as my husband and I have been preparing for her arrival. This baby has been very much something we have hoped for, and it took longer than we expected to get this far, so we are very happy. We are over the moon excited, a little freaked out, and ready to snuggle her sooo good.

So with that bombshell dropped, let’s talk a little bit more about the stuff you’re all really here for.

What’s next for NemaTale?

Months before I got pregnant, I had already finished Chapter 5. The script for chapter 6 is about 50% written—the broad strokes are there, I just need to nail down the dialogue. Then I started my big-girl job, and life started to get a little out of control. I was incredibly busy all the time with my job, and helping my husband with his book, and I really wanted to start using any free time just to rest and recuperate. I think that was the best choice for me; too much on my plate would have probably led me to have a nervous breakdown, haha. As it is, I’m doing well emotionally, but . . . I haven’t drawn anything since about June of last year. So we’ve got Chapter 5, totally finished and just waiting to be queued up; chapter 6, partially written; aaaaand then a big black void in front of me. (Why does that word feel so . . . familiar?) That should be scary to me, but it’s not. I’ve accomplished a lot, even if I haven’t progressed on the comic. I’m proud of myself and how far I’ve come. But what does that mean for you guys?

Here's the lowdown: I’m giving birth soon. I’m not going to be able to commit to any sort of comic goals in the near future. I’m not even sure what the future of NemaTale looks like, but I do know this: I still love this story. I don’t want to stop creating it, but now’s not the right time for me to be focusing on that. Sometimes life just gets too full to do everything on the list. I just can’t keep this at the top of my list for now.

Chapter 5 is, as I’ve said, completely ready to go (except for the chapter cover, which I haven’t made yet.) So I’m going to put this choice out to you guys. What do you want? Do you want me to go ahead and post chapter 5 over the next few months and then I’ll just see you all when I see you, somewhere down the line? Or do you want me to wait to post chapter 5 until there is also a chapter 6 officially on the way? That could take many, many months, so be aware of that.

I love the interactions I have with all of you. I’d love to keep having them, even if I won’t be able to post new stuff beyond chapter 5 for a while. But I really am okay doing whatever you guys think is best with regards to posting chapter 5. Just let me know in the comments below.

All right, I think that’s everything. I appreciate your patience with me in all this. In the past year, so much has happened. My husband and I have gone on adventures. I turned twenty-five and I’m finally starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin. I tragically lost one dear relative and for a while we thought we were going to lose another one—which, miraculously, we haven’t. Spring is here, and there’s a little girl kicking me in the ribs as I write this. Life is good.

[madame-ellunas-moonlit-readings]

Woops - Blog/Reactions Status Update

So, life happened. Lots and lots of it. Just.....so much. You know how it can get. So I got completely distracted from all of my reading reactions. Ah well.

Out of respect for anyone who has been following along with me and to help keep myself on track, I'll explain what's going on with my readings in a general status update here.

ReDracula - audio drama of Dracula Daily - (Hiatus)

I'll be stopping my reactions to it for now, but it's more of a hiatus than an end. I'll be continuing my reactions where I left off in the next round. If there isn't one I'll do it myself with calendar updates.

Good thing I kept those email updates huh? XD

I considered trying to catch up on the current round of updates but I'm behind by nearly 5 months now so...yup. Even ignoring work ethic and time available it just wouldn't feel the same having all that squished together, y'know.

So yep, Re Dracula Reactions are on hiatus until the next time. See you then. Thank you for sticking with me so far.

Scumbag Self-Saving System - (In The Works)

This one will be continuing soon! The next update is already partially drafted. I just need more time to finish the chapter.

Thank you for waiting. You won't be waiting for much longer.

New Reactions

I'll be reacting to one or two stories on the side. I haven't decided what to do next but I have some I'll definitely be doing at some point as well as some undecided. I'm thinking one podcast and a lighter standalone book but I'm open to suggestions,

Definitely Will At Some Point

The Martian by Andy Weir (novel - sci-fi)

The Prince and The Dressmaker by Jen Wang (graphic novel - fairytale/historical)

Maybe

Arabian Nights (novel - classics/folklore)

Welcome to Night Vale (podcast - horror/mystery/supernatural/paranormal/surreal)

The Magnus Archives (podcast - drama/horror/mystery)

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas & Auguste Maquet (novel - classics/fantasy/adventure)

The Lady with the Gun Asks the Questions by Kerry Greenwood (novel/short story collection - detective/mystery)

Again, recs are appreciated! Thank for following along. See you later!

[thatndginger]

Writer Tag Game

Thank you @ceph-the-ghost-writer for the tag!

I'll pass this along (no pressure!) to @moonscribbler @wisteriasadprose @thetruearchmagos @cryptidsandqueers

The questions: Do you write in order? Do you start with something particular? How fully formed does your writing come out the first try? How many drafts do you go through? Tell me about your process?

Do you write in order?

Eh, it depends? When I’m in the ‘ideas’ stage, I kinda just write whatever pops into my head so I can throw it on the pile. But when I’m in the ‘trying to get a draft down’ stage, I try to write everything chronologically. I might skip a scene or two, but for how intricate something like Shapeshifter has become, I feel like I kinda have to write everything chronologically. When I have ideas for later scenes, I jot it down onto a stickynote and slap it on the wall next to my desk for later.

Do you start with something particular?

So far, every single wip I’ve got has started with a character. Shapeshifter started with Kerr springing fully formed from my subconscious, like Dionysus from Zeus’ thigh. War Witch came about when I was getting really into WWI and witchcraft at the same time and wondered what a witch in a technological war would be like. If I were of a psychoanalyzing persuasion, I might blame my early start in mid-2000’s roleplay forums.

How fully formed does your writing come out the first try?

0.5%. Maybe. Call it a byproduct of a brain ruled by ADHD, but most of my writing starts out as half a sentence thrown on a google doc or sticky note, and then I spend the next 4-6 years slowly expanding upon that half sentence until it resembles something almost book-ish. I have the amazing ability to forget things almost as soon as I think them, so it’s really a matter of luck if I remember to put all the words in a sentence the first try. 

How many drafts do you go through?

So, so many. As many as I need to figure out where I’m even going, and as many after that as I need to tell the story once I’ve figured it out.

Tell me about your process?

Roughly? I wing it. In slightly more detail:

- Have the smallest nugget of an idea.

- Let idea nugget sit in a corner for a while and let it Grow.

- Once idea nugget has gained some mass - or bullied its way into the forefront of my mind - I poke and prod and generally explore the idea without doing much actual writing.

- After I’ve satisfied myself with a preliminary examination, I sit down with the nugget and start asking questions. What does it want to be? What story does it want to tell? Why is it insisting I make everyone a werewolf? Is it ready for more work, or does it want to go back into the corner for a while?

- Once these questions are answered, I usually start the process of compiling resources. Images for inspiration, research documents, lists of possible scenes, character sheets, the works.��Anything interesting to feed to the idea nugget and help it Grow. Another appropriate nugget-food is little scenes that go nowhere but explore characters or worldbuilding concepts.

- Once the idea nugget has reached an appropriate mass and gained rudimentary sentience, we start in on the hardcore stuff. Story outlines, character arcs, governments, actually writing out the magic system instead of insisting we can ‘run on vibes’... This is also generally the time where I will rope others into poking at the idea nugget and asking their advice - before now, the nugget has been too delicate and shy to handle Outside Eyes. This is also the stage where I start trying to compile a first draft.

There is a great deal of trial-and-error throughout this process. I am of the school of thought that one learns better if they fail a couple times (or a couple dozen). In the wise words of a stretchy yellow dog, “Sucking at something is the first step to being kind of good at something.” It might be a bit disheartening at first to take a running start at a story only to fizzle out three chapters in because something’s not working, but it just means I’ve now figured out how *not* to start my story. Maybe next time will be the version that works, maybe it won’t. But I’ll learn something new and come out better for it either way. 

[leslyepenelope]

Creativity is just connecting things

Listening to Andrew Huberman's podcast about the science of creativity yields some interesting thoughts. According to him, a creative act must be something novel that reveals something fundamental about the world or how we (humans) work.

It includes combining or recombining things in the world in a way that appears novel to us and other people. I posted an article in this week's Footnotes newsletter which mentioned how creativity is just connecting the dots, and the way to be more creative is to accumulate more dots and more practice connecting them.

Today's writing session brought that to the forefront. I've spent over a year on this book. I got the idea in October 2021, started drafting in April of 2022, and soon, in April 2023, I'll be turning in a draft for line edits.

This draft has been built up over again almost from scratch. I've salvaged maybe 10-20% of the original words. So going in to today's writing session, I had no idea what I was going to write. I had a basic framework that I'd arrived at yesterday via brainstorming, but I just set my hands on the keyboard with the timer on and started writing. I was connecting the dots, though. In the middle, I paused to research, to answer a question I had about one of the cultural bases of the story.

This book's magic system and worldbuilding pull a lot from West African culture, and so I needed to check something. In the few short hours of my writing session, I'd made some amazing discoveries about the story, which flesh out aspects that were in there that I didn't exactly know why they were there. It's fascinating how that works!

It's been happening for the past few weeks though, as I approach the blank page and scenes that need to be completely reconstructed from the ground up, I've been getting these gifts. Ideas and snatches of inspiration. Terms to search which lead to fantastic and unpredictable results. All of which fit the theme and the world and the characters I've been creating.

So, putting in the work up front for months or years can lead to moments when all that work coalesces into a flood of inspiration, and all you need to do is catch and harness it. Creativity at work!

As to whether it's novel or reveals something fundamental about the world or us as people, I think it has to. I think, by nature, the creative act does that, even if the creator had no intention or no idea of the revelation at the outset.

[paperstarwriters]

Writing update

Soooo.....I've failed Nanowrimo. I know there's technically a day left but I'm not going to be able to close the gap in a day.

Not in that bad of a way, I liked the writing tracker system that encouraged me to just write every day (if someone knows a website I could use to carry on the tracking after nanowrimo It'd be greatly appreciated!) but for the word count I was only able to get 10k out of the needed 50k words for the fic churned out in between classes 😅. I'm not really particularly upset about that tho lol. The scene is a pretty slow one to me and It'll probably need a lot of editing later on but the sooner I get at least one draft done the sooner I can work on improving it.

So yeah, The Hermit's route will take MUCH longer than anticipated. But, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised about that lol. Artists and writers are apparently notorious for their inability to predict when the project will be finished so yeah :/

Anyways, whatever happens I might try and throw out a oneshot for muriel here or there, and I am DEFINITELY re-writing for whatever crud Dorian spits out for Muriel. If it's the one singular good story out of all of them then maybe not but if it's bad I'll try to squeeze some writing time in between my classes or whatever I'm doing when it releases.

Concerning transformers... I do have a fic in the works but I'm still trying to figure out how to end it so idk when that'll come out. Multiverse Martyr will probably get it's next chapter soon tho so yeah at least there's that :)

[howdy-folks-its-showtime]

It's Showtime! - September 2024 Devlog

Howdy! Cobalt here, this month was a very busy month for me irl. I've been working on stuff like an Ebay I run with my mom, cleaning up our side yard and generally trying to give our house a deep clean since we want to be able to babysit kids for a source of income. That and a lot of driving practice since hopefully soon, I'll be taking my test. So I haven't been focused on game development, however I did get a ton done!

I've both added quite a few important scripts and cleaned up a few existing ones, to try and keep this simple here's a list:

Changed up how the ProgressManager keeps track of which character you are playing as. Mostly so that it can more accurately detect who you should be playing as currently, but also so I can customize freely the possible options of who you're playing as. With this new system it's very easy to add which points in the current level and/or chapter your character is changing.

ProgressManager script is no longer responsible for placing the right items in your inventory according to who you are playing as, that has been moved to be the function of the PauseManager.

Made a script for checking where the player is looking, I can change how close or far it detects the players gaze as well, which is gonna be super helpful for various things. There is another script called VisionManager that turns that one on and off, to make sure it's not running when not necessary.

Made a script for playing audio upon being interacted with and one for playing audio upon being looked at. These have been added to a few objects already and so Henry now has a few placeholder voice lines implemented in the game. With this I also added a function to the ProgressManager to keep track of which voice lines have been played and to make sure the same voice line isn't activated twice.

Tapes are now almost fully implemented programming wise. Upon picking one up, it plays the tape, shows you the name and description and the audioclip is stored in your tape menu. You can't play them from the menu yet and there's a few other things I'd love to implement, but for now I'm very happy to say they're working well.

I've rewritten how both objects that do something upon being interacted with and objects that do something upon being seen work. This method has removed the need for two scripts that made everything more complicated than it had to be and now if I want to add the ability to be interacted with, all I need is to add a word to it's inherited methods and a line of code saying what it does when it's interacted with/in sight. This makes the code much more readable and more simple.

Made the ProgressManager easier to access across different scripts due to how often it has to be accessed. Once again this makes the code more simple and easy to read.

simple door function for closing and opening a door, the animations are acting strangely but currently it is nothing more than a big placeholder rectangle so it works for now.

There's now an AudioManager script that makes sure voice lines and tapes won't play at the same time, it just makes all the objects that would normally play audio pause to let the current audio clip finish. So no overlapping voice lines or Henry speaking over the tapes.

Not a lot here to note honestly, just more drafts of important dialogue to put together and more progress on getting chapter 1 fully written. I've been focused on 3D art and programming way more than writing this month. I'm sure I'll get back to it next month.

A lot of the basic more generic 3D assets are being made currently, here's how a few of them for the first floor are looking;

And here's some for the Music Department.

2D Wise mostly just more Character Designs have been done, hence why most of these assets aren't textured. But soon the studio should be looking a lot more swell and full of props.

Made a really exciting development in terms of figuring out character rigging. Got in contact with someone who has a really swell system for 2D facial animation and if we can work together to figure it out, I'm sure soon I'll have some of the major characters first models done. I've told them a lot of features that would help me if they could figure them out and what I'd like the rig to be capable of and they said they are fairly sure it should be possible and they'd look into it. They have been very kind and helpful for this entire project and I would love if any of you gave them support on their YT Channel and the videos showing off this awesome rig. If they could make a general rig for this sort of thing I'm sure it'd be super helpful to so so many people who make stylized characters in Blender for games. https://youtu.be/0hcZfr4f5cA?si=gb6VYNXi7G12a5iI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_knSIhLEGlw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2rMoFWwYTc

For now, that's all, lots of exciting stuff going on! See you guys next month!

[marshfirc]

lays face down on the floor

i want a mercer to write an irkngthand-based thread with me where elona tries to talk him down from taking the eyes and tries to convince him to hand over the key so they can take it back to the sepulcher where it belongs without a fight.

alternatively, elona being forced to fight mercer because he won’t see reason + brynjolf and karliah think it’s only fitting that the one person closest to him should be the one to kill him.

[watermelonlovershigh]

You Get Sick in the Back of an Uber

AN: so this was a story i have had in my drafts for like three months and just never found motivation to finish it. i decided to finish this first out of my drafts because it was one of the ones that had the most already written for it. unlike some of my others that don't have much written yet. and this was supposed to be longer but i got lazy and ended the end with no dialogue and shorted the story. but i guess that's fine because the main part of this was the uber incident and not necessary the aftercare. (i just love to always include aftercare whether its with sex or getting sick. unless its a blurb) @harryhoney-bee suggested number 1. on my voting post so thank you for requesting i finish this one shot idea that was in my drafts.

This story contains: puke, drunken person, caring husband

{ husband!harry - dad!harry - Grammys 2021 Harry - 4 kids (any age you imagine) }

word count: 1765

When you drink too much at the Grammys, you end up having to get sick in the uber ride home and Harry cares for you.

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Back Story-

After the Grammys, Harry and I decided to go to the little after party that was being held for the Grammy attendees. We knew we couldn't stay too long because we had to get back home to our kids. They were currently with our babysitter but she couldn't stay all night. She has to go home at some point. So we made sure to watch the time.

At the afterparty, drinks were flowing. I haven't drank in a while due to the fact I had been pregnant not too long ago. This was the first night I was allowed to drink and I decided to do just that. Harry was aware of me drinking and promised to watch and take care of me. Though we were at this afterparty for him, he wanted me to let loose and have some fun as well.

But what he wasn't expecting was for me to drink the amount I did. I didn't mean to go over board. It just kind of happened. People handing out drinks left and right and next thing I knew, I was drunk. Not tipsy, drunk. When Harry noticed how drunk I was, he decided it's best to go home.

And because Harry also had drank some alcohol, he wasn't in a state to drive either. By no means was he as drunk as me though. Maybe just tipsy but he didn't want to risk it. So he decided to call an uber for us.

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Current-

We're sitting in the back of the uber on our way home. It's about an hour drive since the city is crowded with traffic due to the Grammys. Right about now is when I regret drinking any alcohol tonight. Because I haven't drank in over a year, my body isn't use to the poison running through my veins. So you could say I'm a lightweight now. My head is throbbing. My vision is blurry. My stomach is turning. Lets just say I regret all my decisions tonight that lead to me feeling this way.

"Harrrrry I don't feel good." I manage to slur out.

"You probably should have stuck to champagne instead of vodka my love." Harry responds, while stroking my hair out of my face in a gentle manner.

Another 10 minutes pass and I'm feeling very nauseous. I'm trying to focus on my breathing but it's not working.

"Harry my stomach hurts." I whisper with hooded eyes.

"Like you're gonna be sick?" Harry questions with panic.

I nod my head and hear Harry asking the driver if he can pull over.

"Can you pull over? My wife is feeling ill." Harry frantically questions the uber driver up front.

"I'm sorry sir but this freeway is packed and there is no way I can get to the side of the road right now." the driver says with a bit of an attitude.

Hearing that made me and Harry both start to panic.

"Well do you have any sick bags in here?" my husband asks.

"Sorry I don't." the driver retorts in a uncaring tone. What kind of uber driver doesn't carry sick bags for when drunks potentially need a ride but feel like they are going to be sick?

I just barley hear Harry let out a frustrated sigh and turn to me.

"Try and relax love. Take deep breaths for me, alright." Harry whispers while rubbing my back as I'm slumped over his body, too disoriented to even hold my head up.

About 3 minutes later, I feel vomit rise up my throat. There isn't much I can to do. The driver already said he couldn't pull over, nor does he have sick bags. I sit up from my slouched position and clasp a hand over my mouth. My legs are bouncing up and down. I'm trying desperately not to puke but I'm doing a poor job. Harry is sitting up with me, trying to comfort me but his words are all a blur at this point.

"If you have to be sick darling, let it out. I'll pay to get this uber cleaned, okay." Harry states in my ear. I know he'd rather not have me puke on the floor of the uber, right beside him, but he can tell I'm struggling and in discomfort.

Hearing those words was all the conformation I needed. I remove my hand from my mouth and let out a gush of alcoholic bile spew from my mouth and onto the backseat floor board. Harry gathers my hair in his hands so it's not in my face. My vomit splatters all over my legs and on the bottom of Harry's Gucci suit. I'd feel terrible about that if I wasn't so out of it, but my mind is a mushed up blur.

"Shhh, that's it. You're alright." Harry reassures me. The uber driver lets out a sigh of disgust, but this is truly his fault that I'm throwing up in his uber right now anyways.

Heave after heave, I let out more of the alcohol that was poisoning my system, right onto the floor. It's not a pretty sight. I'm having a cold sweat and my body is trembling. Though Harry has a weak stomach, when it comes to his wife (me) or his kids, he can always handle a bit of throw up. Or a lot like currently. It's like a fatherly/husband instinct that comes over him and he feels only adrenaline, not yuck.

Finally I feel my stomach relax and I sit up, breathing heavy with vomit dripping down my chin. Without thinking, I wipe it off with the back of my hand and smear it on my already ruined dress. "Feeling better?" Harry asks in a low tone.

"Mhmm." I hum, not really feeling like talking. My drunken brain has cleared up some from the majority of the alcohol being out of my system, but I still feel the after affects drinking brings. I just lean my head on Harry's shoulder for the rest of the ride home and allow the cool breeze to blow on my face. The uber driver did us all a favor by rolling the windows down so we didn't suffocate on the nasty smell of my sick.

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After-

When we arrived home, Harry payed the uber driver, not giving much of a tip and told him that he'd have someone clean his car out in the morning. As well as a half assed apology for my incident beings it could have been prevented. Then carefully, Harry lifted me out the uber and carried me into our Los Angeles home. Good thing our kids were all asleep because they shouldn't have to see their mother like this. Covered in puke and half drunk.

Harry took me to our bathroom and quickly ran down stairs to pay our babysitter, hoping she didn't question my appearance when she saw my state as we came through the front door. She didn't thankfully and left soon after her check was handed to her. Harry came back up to where he left me and helped me clean up and get ready for bed.

He stripped us of our vomit covered clothes and helped me into the big walk-in shower we have in our master bathroom. Then after he delicately washed our bodies along with my hair, he helped us out and dried us off. We brushed our teeth, me with the help of my husband because I was still a bit dizzy. After we're clean of sick and smelt fresh, he helped me put some panties and a t-shirt over my nude body and boxers on himself; just incase our kids woke up and needed us for whatever reason.

Harry helped me into our large bed and tucked me in, bending down to kiss my forehead. Then he walked down to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water and a bucket incase I needed to be sick again at some point through-out the rest of the early morning. When he had all the items he intended to grab, Harry came back to our bedroom where I was already passed out with sleep.

So he just set the water on my night stand and the bucket on the floor, beside my side of the bed. Then Harry quietly exited our room and went to each of our child's bedrooms to make sure they were fine and still asleep like they should be, which they thankfully were.

When everything was done and taken care of, Harry turned the bedroom lights out and slipped in the covers with me. He helped my body scoot over and I cuddled into his warm body. I didn't realize it in my state of sleep but I knew when I awoke, I'll be thinking about how grateful I am to have a wonderful husband like Harry.

He takes such good care of me. He didn't get upset that I drank too much on his special night and accidently got wasted. He never once got upset that I basically got throw up on his expensive suit tonight in the uber. He didn't get annoyed that he had to shower both me and him past midnight, though he was exhausted. Harry loves taking care of me (and our kids) and wouldn't wish for any other life. Even when his life becomes chaotic and stressful. Harry loves his family dearly and his family love him just as much or more.

Masterlist (regular smut, fluff & sicfics)

My Favorite Harry Styles Fics MASTERLIST

Harry Styles Series - One Shots & Blurbs Masterlist

Harry Styles blurbs, concepts, & short stories Masterlist- (short writing with little to no dialog)

[mxxnlightwriting]

Okay, so I tend to work on multiple WIPs at the same time, so I'll answer your questions one by one and then add some final thoughts at the end!

Q: Do you focus on one before you start another?

Yes and no. I found that to have multiple WIPs, they need to be at different stages of the writing process. For me, usually, if I am drafting something, then I am brainstorming another WIP while another one is on rest. So while I do focus on one for the majority of the drafting stage, I am almost always brainstorming the one I will be outlining next.

Q: If not, how do you balance them out?

As I said previously, I don't have two WIPs at the same writing stage because that makes me confused and then it gets messy. Usually, I have one WIP in the brainstorming/outlining stage, another one in the drafting/editing stage and one in the resting stage. I consider drafting/editing to be similar stages because they require my full undivided attention. So, if I am editing a WIP, that means I am not drafting something.

Q: Do you write to that project you got inspo for or you strictly focus on one, and just jot down the ideas when they strike for the others?

I tend to save my ideas as they appear to me. I have a file dedicated to it. Sometimes, those ideas become the ones I end up brainstorming, the stage in which they enter my writing rotation. I don't work on an idea as soon as I have it (which I used to, but I have learned to control my shiny object syndrome), but I write it down and let it grow if I feel like it. Other times it just sits there, waiting for a chance to consume my life.

Q: If your focus diverted from one WIP, how do you lure back to it?

If my focus is diverted from a WIP that I am drafting, I take a step back and try to understand what caused that. Was it my outline? My lack of foundation/understanding of the characters? Do I need more time to figure out the small details? If I answer yes to any of these questions, then I put the WIP on rest/pause and pick another one up. After a while (usually when I feel myself wanting to work on it again), I pull it out of its rest/pause stage and go over what I had and try to improve/rework it. I don't force myself to go back into a WIP if I don't feel like it. I allow myself to write other things and jump back in when I feel like it.

TLDR: I manage different WIPs by having them in different writing stages: one in brainstorming/outlining, one in drafting/editing and another in resting/pause. If I have ideas for other writing projects, I save them for later in a file. I allow myself to step back from a WIP if I feel like it's not working for me. Still, I always have a rotation system because I can't be still for too long and I need to constantly be writing something.

I hope this wasn't too much rambling and that it can be useful to some! I had fun sharing this!

Hey multiple WIP babes, I have some questions.

Do you focus on one before you start another?

If not, how do you balance them out?

Do you write to that project you got inspo for or you strictly focus on one, and just jot down the ideas when they strike for the others?

If your focus diverted from one WIP, how do you lure back to it?

Please go off, I’m curious.