#[cause i think some part of Rachel's inner monologue mentions this]

[blessyourheartdharps]

Fried Dough and Half Truths || Dani&Rachel

Who: Dani Harper & Rachel Berry @broadwayberryforever

When: Thursday, 7/26/18 - after 9 am

Where: Rachel’s Hotel Room

What: Dani and Rachel catch up over beignets

Notes: there’s a lot of implied things (depression, abuse, etc), mentions of alcohol/drinking

Dani was more playing with the beignet in her hand than actually eating it. In truth, she'd barely touched most of her food, having forgotten how much effort eating breakfast was when she was tired. Pulling apart the fried dough she stuffed a piece in her mouth, hoping the conversation that was coming was going to be less draining than the one she had with Santana the day before. "So, you want answers, yeah?"

Rachel looked up from her own beignet--her second--and the knife she was using to spread a generous layer of strawberry jam across to top of it. She rolled her lips over her teeth, Dani's phrasing reminding her of the truth she still owed several people, then nodded. "Yes." She put her knife aside, then tore a chunk of her own beignet. "Starting with why you left."

Dani nodded a bit, sighing. She'd been expecting this, so why was it always hard? It's not like she was having to talk about Angela, like she had with Santana. "I took Santana breaking up with me harder than I thought I would. Something about it made me realize I'd lost myself. It made me mad, that I'd gotten so bent out of shape over something like that. I'd never been that girl. So, I decided to head south. I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want people trying to talk me out of it. It's why I changed my number, it's why I abandoned my social media, all of it. I just needed to get away. I needed to slow down and being down south, being out in the middle of bumfuck, nowhere, I got what I wanted." She shrugged, tearing off another bite of her beignet.

Rachel pieced her torn chunk back into place, then licked a spot of jam from the side of her finger. She'd felt much the same way over the last few weeks and if she hadn't had work or Quinn or Jesse to keep her here, she might have done the same. Taking a deep breath, she plucked her torn mouthful free again and brought it to her mouth, pausing long enough to ask, "No regrets?" before popping it between her lips.

Dani sighed at Rachel's question, shrugging a bit. Did she have regrets about it? She'd left the city, swearing to herself that she didn't. That she was doing what needed doing, that being alone was easier than keeping her friends and working through what she felt with their help. There were regrets, about Mississippi, about the people she'd hurt, the things that happened, but they all linked together. "I don't know. I did what I thought I needed to at the time and looking back... the regrets I have don't exactly fit a time period anymore."

Rachel nodded, tearing off another piece of beignet as she stared at the table containing the remains of their breakfast. "Regrets are like that." She said softly before she looked up at Dani. "Was it worth it? Did you find yourself?"

Dani looked down as Rachel asked her question. She'd been so sure of herself before yesterday, before Santana. Now, she didn't know. She wanted to say she did, that she found herself, that it was worth it. But was four years of regrets drowned at the bottom of bottles really worth what she found? "I found myself." She stuffed the rest of the beignet in her mouth to keep herself from saying something else, as if her silence didn't speak volumes.

Rachel washed down her mouthful of jam covered doughnut with a gulp of orange juice before tearing the remaining beignet in half, one part put aside as she picked up her knife to slather the exposed interior with more jam and a slice of the remaining cheese. "And who are you now?" she asked as she settled back in her seat.

Dani shrugged, thinking for a moment. She was a woman who had fallen in love with a devil named after an angel. Let herself been torn apart. Always just drunk enough to believe what was told her. But she was also a woman who took a stand for herself on the edge of self destruction and chose not to see the way blood could still pour from her body when she wanted it to. Chose to fight back against the force that had drove her there. Chose to leave when everything in her still wanted her to stay, as if loving someone else was worth learning to unlove herself. How did one put that into words? Put into words the pain it took. The process of finding oneself just to lose it again, and then once again be found. "Someone who knows that even the sweetest of people are sometimes the cruelest and that nothing is worth hating yourself, but especially not love."

Rachel cocked an eyebrow at Dani's reply. She hadn't been expecting anything that deep or that dark or that begged for so many more questions to be asked. She also couldn't help but feel a connection to Dani's answer that caused her to look down at the table again after only a moment. Her lips rolled over her teeth again before parting with a faint *pop*. "... I'm sorry you went through that alone..."

Dani shook her head, a dark chuckle falling from her lips. "You don't learn a lesson like that alone, hun. I'd have been better off on my own." Ever since her conversation with Santana, she wanted so badly to talk about, even as much as she didn't. She wanted to yell and scream and be angry over how stupid she felt she had been. She wanted to be angry about the fact she still couldn't sleep alone. That she woke up in cold sweats, terrified she'd never made it out of Mississippi. Her muscles tensed and she breathed out slowly, eyes closing for a moment. "Sometimes to find yourself you have to lose even more."

Rachel nodded. That's what she was afraid of most, of losing more than she already had. Losing any chance of her and Jesse maintaining any sort of relationship, or at least a cordial one. Losing Quinn. Losing her friends, her job, her career. The only thing she knew she was going to gain from all of this was a baby and even that... Rachel shook the thought off, the remains of her beignet tossed haphazardly onto her empty plate as she shifted in her seat, arms tucked tight around her waist. "I won't accept that."

Dani watched Rachel's reaction, head tilting in confusion, an eyebrow raised. None of it made sense, given the conversation. Even with how exhausted she was, Dani could tell something was wrong. "Won't accept what? Cause I feel like you're havin' a conversation in that head of yours that doesn't entirely have to do with me." She sighed. "Not that it's my place or anythin' but if you wanna talk about whatever's eatin you..."

Rachel wanted to say yes, to tell Dani everything that had been building up inside her for weeks, months even. And unlike everyone else in her life, Dani was safe. Rachel had gone years without Dani, she could survive losing her now. But what she couldn't survive was the guilt of knowing that she'd told Dani before she'd told Jesse or Quinn or her Fathers or even Santana. Shelby had been an exception born out of desperation and panic but one that could, hopefully, but understood once the truth got out, once the people she should be telling found out they weren't the first to be told, or even the second. But Dani- Rachel shook her head. "It's nothing." A smile forced her lips apart. "Just the actress in me getting riled up. You know me and drama." A too sharp laugh briefly bubbled from Rachel's throat before she drowned it with another mouthful of juice. "So," She said, not quite looking at Dani as she spoke, "speaking of your place, have you found one yet?"

Dani simply nodded, not really surprised at the way Rachel reacted. She'd been gone, they didn't know each other like that, and Dani certainly wasn't going to push the matter. If it meant anything, it'd come around again, provided this didn't end in disaster, which, Dani still wasn't sure it wouldn't. She wasn't sure of much anymore. "I have not. Abel and I have plans to go looking here soon, but between him just getting back in Tuesday and the slight chaos I've inflicted on myself since he got back... we haven't exactly found the time. It's hard finding places in the middle of the year, since most people sign year long leases. Worse comes to worst, and the whole couch living thing starts to bug me, I take Hunter up on his offer of his spare room."

Rachel tilted her head to the side as she tried to tie the name to a face. Abel... Abel... oh, yes. From online. A small shot of irrational jealousy shot through Rachel as she made the connection; Dani had been away for years and the person she asks to help her house hunt was some complete stranger. But as soon as the emotion hit, it was gone and Rachel could understand why Dani had sought out someone less connected to her past, or at least to Santana. Wasn't that the same reason she'd been so tempted to tell Dani about everything? "Wait-" Rachel's head jerked upright as her ears called her out of her thoughts. "Hunter? As in Smythe's Hunter?"

Dani raised an eyebrow at Rachel's response. They then knitted together. Was that his boyfriend's last name? She'd been so caught up in her own drama that she'd lost track of his life, which she made a mental note to catch up when he got back from Europe. "Currently gallivanting around Europe with his boyfriend?"

Rachel sighed, nodding her head. "That would be the one." She looked around her hotel room, knowing even as she did that she couldn't offer Dani an alternative even if she thought the other woman might accept one if she could. Sooner or later she'd have to move on herself; she was not going to raise her baby in a hotel. Rachel shook her head, another, heavier sigh escaping before she turned back to Dani. "How do you know him?"

Dani nodded. She really did need to connect the dots more, cause it was far more obvious and she hadn't connected the dots. Sure, she'd been in sparse contact with Hunter recently, before she left Mississippi, but she'd grown tired of hearing him mention needing to leave Angela. It's why she'd asked Abel and not Hunter for a place to live, despite everything going on in Abel's life. "Met him down in Mississippi. We've been friends since. Even when he said things I wanted no part in hearin, over and over again."

Rachel let out a short snort of laughter, followed almost immediately by an apology as she slapped a hand over her mouth. "Sorry it's just-" Rachel lowered her hand to her chin, "-I feel the same way about Smythe." Rachel cocked her head to the side, then added, "Except for the being friends portion. I'm not surprised you weren't introduced to him."

Dani shook her head, laughing a bit. "Totally fine, dear." She shrugged. "I was... preoccupied with personal things up until I left Mississippi, I'm sure he would have if I hadn't started distancing myself from him. He didn't even know I left Mississippi til I'd gotten back to New York. Didn't know I finally did what he'd been tellin me to for years. Think I'm lucky he stuck around as my friend through all that, honestly." Dani hated it. He'd had such an I told you so attitude about it, but he'd also been kind. He recognized that she had struggled because it really was easier said than done. At the end of the day she was thankful for his friendship and his stubborn ways. She just needed to get around to making it up to him, at least a little.

Rachel gave Dani a small, self-conscious smile. Between the significant pause and the vague phrasing, Rachel guessed they were skirting closer to the real reason Dani had come back, the sweetest of people who could be the cruelest, as Dani had put it and while Rachel felt that this was the sort of thing a friend should as about, and wanted to ask about, she also knew that she wasn't in the best position to start prying to other peoples secrets. "It's always nice to have someone you can count on." She said instead, her smile growing a hair for a few seconds before fading to half strength.

Dani nodded a bit, finally relaxing into the chair. She was glad Rachel hadn't pried, just because she wasn't sure she could have handled it. It was bad enough Santana knew about Angela, knew just how much she'd damaged her. Rachel didn't need to know that. Didn't need to know the way Dani had drowned parts of herself at the bottoms of bottles, that she'd lost so much more of herself in Mississippi and when she found herself again, she wasn't who she ever thought she would be. "Yeah, I'm lucky to have people like him and Abel, they kept me going, especially..." She rubbed the back of her neck nervously. Why did she getting so close to mentioning Angela? What did she think she'd accomplish by trying to talk about her? All she ever did was skirt the subject, mentioning bits and pieces, even when she didn't want to talk about it, she never wanted to talk about. Not with Abel, only sometimes with Hunter, and never with anyone else. Santana had forced her hand, the consequences Dani had to pay for drunk texting her. Trying to skirt the subject, talk of it without talking of it wasn't helping anything, yet she did it anyway.

Rachel flexed her jaw. There it was again, that significant pause. She pulled at her bottom lip, internally debating a second time whether she should ask or not. In the end she decided not to and forced herself to follow her decision by grabbing her discarded beignet pieces from her plate and stuffing one of them into her mouth.

Dani sighed, grabbing another beignet from the plate she'd brought. Her eyes wandered the room. When she'd been sent the address for a hotel, she'd been confused. It didn't really make sense to her. However, she didn't feel it right to ask. For all the she knew Rachel just did it for certain shows, even if it definitely looked like Rachel was living there. "Y'know, I usually make a bourbon caramel sauce to go with these and I seriously think I forgot what they tasted like plain." She couldn't handle the silence and she figured the easiest way to not keep accidentally half bringing up Angela was to change the subject completely.

Rachel bobbed her head in a semblance of a nod, not really agreeing with Dani's statement--though the mention of caramel now had her craving that, the bourbon she could do without... and for several more months, would have to do without--but not really sure what else to do while she chewed. Had this been a mistake? She'd been so desperate for a distraction that she may have rushed into this reunion without thinking the realities of it through; as the awkward lask of conversation could attest. After taking another mouthful of juice, Rachel said the first thing that popped into her head just to end the drawn out silence. "Have you talked to Santana?"

Dani let out an involuntary groan at Rachel's question. "I have done quite a bit more than talk to her. I drunk texted her Tuesday night. And then got talked into meeting her for lunch yesterday. She wanted answers and she got them... More than I was expecting to give, because she's Santana and such is my life." She ran a hand through her hair, pulling at it ever so slightly. "Worst part is, I'd take everything I had to explain to her, because I drunk texted her, than even the thought of drunk texting the last ex." And there it was.

Rachel held back a sigh. So much for avoiding awkwardness. "She does have an annoying habit of getting her way." Rachel said, trying to salvage herself with an attempt at humour. "Sometimes I wonder if I hired her or she signed me."

Dani rolled her eyes, laughing a bit at Rachel's attempt at humor. "She certainly does, though I wouldn't have had to deal with it quite as heavily if I'd done the smart thing and just not texted anyone and gone to sleep." She shrugged. "The world may never know, cause we both know she'd deny it from now until forever and say it was all on you." She laughed a bit, looking down at the table. "Though, I think I'm glad I got it over with, talking with her. Even if I hate how it came about. I hadn't talked about a lot of what I told her since leaving Mississippi, or even really before that, either."

Rachel smiled at her at least partial success but the smile lasted only a few moments before slowly fading as she listened to Dani. Would that be how she felt once she told everyone, glad to be done with it? Or would she be left wishing she'd held her silence a little longer, hating what the truth had cost her. After a few seconds--it had been seconds, hadn't it--of staring at her empty plate, Rachel shook herself out of her reverie and flashed Dani a quick smile. "At least you didn't show up at the old apartment. I don't even know who's living there now."

Dani watched Rachel quietly, wondering just how much had changed for the brunette over the years. Sure, she'd seen bits and pieces on the internet when she'd google various shows she was curious about. But even she knew that was never close to the truth of the matter. It never was. She smiled, laughing a bit. "I wouldn't dare, don't like being surprised, certainly ain't gonna try that on someone else. I actually know who lives in my old apartment, but that's because he keeps getting my mail, even now. I swear, I have tried everything to get the mail to not show up there, but it never worked. I may also be sleeping on his couch. I think we almost gave Gunther a heart attack when we showed up for lunch yesterday, though. Looked like he'd seen a ghost or something."

Rachel tilted her head in curiosity. Now this was the sort of distraction she'd been hoping for. "Gunther?" She asked, leaning forward in her seat. "Who is Gunther, and perhaps more importantly, who is 'we'?"

[spaceorphan18]

Finding Kurt Hummel: Goodbye

Masterpost

3x22: Goodbye

On the flip side of things - we have an episode that a lot of people really don’t like, and I kind of enjoy, actually.  Sure the last ten minutes are super frustrating, and yet, like five minutes are spent with Finchel discussing chair choices for their wedding, but I think it’s nice, and far more entertaining than a lot of what’s been coming before it recently.  It gives all the seniors a moment to shine, and closes up the first half of the show in a way that really does seem adequate for the first half of the show.  

Forever Young

It seems a little weird for a show that’s only been on the air for three years to be this nostalgic about itself.  But the sentimentality, which I realize is only found on TV - as most people are more than happy to leave their high school years behind, seems appropriate for this episode.  It’s not just about the seniors leaving, it’s the fact that the show is really a different show after this, as we move on to what is essentially a mash-up of Glee: The Next Generation and Glee: The College Years.  So, bring on the flash backs of the pilot.  

There’s really no reason for them to be singing this again -- but it’s adorable, and if anything, we get to see how much taller Kurt has grown! And to think, this really is only the half way point of the series. 

So -- even though this episode feels and functions a lot like a series finale (Glee had a handful of episodes that do this from here until the actual series finale), there are some plot lines that don’t have a steadfast resolution -- and one of them is Klaine.  There’s a dangling thread of worry placed over this episode, mostly coming from Blaine’s direction, as every time the word senior is mentioned, he freaks out.  

And dear Kurt, look at him, he just adores Blaine to pieces, and really isn’t worried about their upcoming separation as well.  Which are the seeds, that have been really planted all year when you look for them, of the upcoming breakup we’re gonna get in season 4.  Cause here’s me overly simplifying the situation.  Blaine, at this point, has too little faith that his relationship is going to work out.  Kurt, on the other hand, has too much faith.  They have so, so much growing from this point, so much to learn about love and relationships and growing up, but we’re on the edge here of a lot of messiness that makes their relationship all the more meaningful once we get on the other side of it.  

As for this particular scene itself -- I think Will has some letting go issues he might need to work on as he over romanticizes this particular group, lol.  But no -- it’s a nice moment, and it’s interesting that this kind of set up is going to come back in the actual series finale.  Everyone is wistful because yes, things are going to change, and you never do go back to what you once were. 

Kurt’s Vignette

Kurt:  When I first got to McKinley, I was afraid to make eye contact. I didn't talk about my politics, I didn't share what was in my heart I oh, let's just call the Cadillac pink and be done with it. I was in the closet. And most days, I was also in the Dumpster. But McKinley has made me a stronger, more socially conscious, fashion-forward person. And perhaps I played some small part in making it possible for tadpole gays all over Lima to be themselves in public. Not a bad legacy for someone who once pretended to be in lust with Rachel Berry so I wouldn't have to date Mercedes Jones. Now if can just get through the next few days without turning into a hot mess teary train wreck.

Something that I think is neat about this episode is that each of the seniors get their own little segment and Kurt gets to kick the whole thing off.  As he glides down the hallway (literally -- they have him on a moving track or something), we get his inner monologue about how far he’s coming from when he started high school: he was getting thrown in dumpsters, he was really in the closet, and he was pretending to have a crush on Rachel to get out of dating Mercedes.  And look how far this bb has come.  

I mean, he waves at a basketball player as he walks by, a neat little touch, that Kurt’s much more accepted than he ever was at McKinley.  He’s even grateful for all his luck because he can even inspire those McKinley tadpole gays.  (And how cute that they actually show the tadpoles.) 

Kurt’s sentimentality is interesting to me.  Because right in the moment, I can see where he’s feeling it -- reflective that high school sucked for most of the time he’s been there, but his senior was actually really good.  And I mean, think about it as someone who does not know what’s coming up -- during Kurt’s senior year he’s not getting beaten up, he has a good relationship with his dad, he has a boyfriend, whom he spends a majority of his time with, whom he loves, and whom he has sex with, he has a great group of friends (especially Mercedes and Rachel), and a brother whom he adores, his show choir just won nationals, and he feels he has good future prospects ahead.  In a way -- he’s in a better place then the end of season 2 (but why did that feel more hopeful?).  

Interesting, though, that I think the sentimentality is in the moment.  There’s an interview done by Chris Colfer where when asked about Kurt and future high school reunions Chris stated explicitly that Kurt would be no where to found.  And I do feel that to be generally true.  He’s feeling love for this place because change and growth and optimism, but down the line, I think the moment passes. 

So -- Burt is waiting for Kurt in the auditorium.  And I love the little exchange at the beginning about what Burt can give Kurt as gifts -- because it shows that Burt still doesn’t get his son a lot of the time, but they’re different people than they were, and love each other despite those differences.  

And we get this nice little moment of reflection -- where Burt talks about raising Kurt as a kid, and how it can be hard for a parent when that kid stops being generic kid and starts being themselves.  But the cool thing is they were able to figure it out.  (And how adoring Kurt is -- he loves his dad so much.  I’m not usually one for family stories, but I love this one.) 

So Burt has a unique way of gift giving as we’ll see....  

Oh, the looks on Kurt’s face as he realizes what his dad is doing -- a recreation of the Single Ladies dance, completely with Tina and Brittany.  And it is pretty priceless.  I’m guess they didn’t tell (or show) Chris before filming -- because this seems like pretty genuine laughter from Kurt throughout this whole thing.  

We also get lots of flashbacks to the original Single Ladies dance, as a fun reminder, and a way to show just how much Kurt has come.  But it’s interesting, this is only the half way mark.  We still have a lot more Kurt story, and a lot more growing up for him to do.  

Looking to the Future while Missing the Present

So, next we get our only real Klaine scene in the episode.  And I remember at the time that it felt a little frustrating that we didn’t get, well, more.  And -- I mean after a season of looks and glances and not a whole lot of promise, it’s hard to take.  But -- as I look back at the whole picture, I do understand more of what the writers were going with here.  Because this particular episode is about endings, and changes.  And while Klaine is definitely going to get it’s own change (and more Klaine thoughts in a second), their story isn’t ending - not by a long shot.  In fact, I’d argue we’re right in the middle of it, where the fairy tale is going to turn into a story about growing up and becoming a real couple.  

So -- First of all, we get Kurt talking about how awesome his dad’s gift was -- and Blaine’s reminds him that he, too, got Kurt a gift, which Kurt dismisses.  So, there’s a clue... Blaine wants to then talk about the future, because they haven’t been talking about /that/.  And Kurt’s pretty dismissive about that, too.  But here’s where Kurt’s just not paying attention -- because Blaine is pretty much bracing himself for the fact that his relationship is over.  He’s been incredibly insecure, arguably, since the beginning of the second semester, and considers the end of the relationship inevitable.  (Hence my earlier comment that Blaine doesn’t have enough faith in his own relationship.  There are other Blainey elements in this, too, but that’s for another discussion.) 

Meanwhile, Kurt just doesn’t really get it.  He doesn’t even want to get it.  To him, he’s got his entire future planned out -- they’ll eventually both be in New York, they’ll have careers and eventual marriage (at age 30) and grow old together and live in a home where they’ll bicker like the old married couple that they are.  He has no worries about the state of their relationship.  And /that/ is the problem.  He is kind of blind to the fact that Blaine’s kinda downward spiraling (or I may argue, intentionally ignoring the signs).  

And all those promises he keeps making -- that they’ll be fine, that they’ll be together forever, that Kurt’s always going to love him -- may be a band-aide for the moment, but aren’t going to stop the bad things from happening to his relationship.  Because relationships are hard work, yo, and Kurt’s not putting in the time right now.  And in a way that is understandable.  There are things in life going on that take his attention away like college and moving and it’s nice to cling onto something supposedly stable.  But you know, talk to your boyfriend, Kurt! 

Meanwhile -- something I’d like to address going into season 4.  Both Kurt and Blaine, being characters who are coming from this fairy tale romance stage, throughout the next few seasons have an issue of idealizing the other one.  Blaine holds onto Kurt as this kid whom he saved, and as someone who in turn saved him.  Kurt holds on to Blaine as this picture perfect boyfriend, the white knight he met at the foot of the stairs.  The problem is, despite being fictional characters, Kurt and Blaine are real people and not living in a fairy tale, (though they are in a happily ever after musical, lol, I’m digressing.)  The neat thing is that I think by the time we get to season 6, and get through most of this mess, the two of them like each other for their faults and all -- and I think that’s pretty cool. 

And that’s not to discredit the foundation they have at this point (something that gets them through all those hard times).  They are two kids who genuinely like each other as well as love each other.  They do understand each other, even if they have the worst communication problems.  And their love is very much real, even if some times relying on just love to get them through is a pratfall that befalls on them.  

I also want to give a shout-out to the ‘Never Say Goodbye’ moment.  It’s the one promise Kurt never breaks, and while it is an intentional throwback to another iconic Klaine moment (a Klaine moment about change, interestingly), I kind of love this one.  Glee v.1 might be nearing it’s end, but Klaine is never over. 

All of this reminds me -- I always wanted to write an Old Man Klaine fanfic about Kurt chattering away to some caretaker about Blaine, as Blaine yells about J-Lo in the background, lol. 

I’ll Remember

So. Okay.  We get into what may be my least favorite Kurt solo.  And, it’s partly because I’m just not a fan of the Madonna song (though, ha Madonna seems such a good Kurt choice).  But the context here bugs me a little. 

Kurt dedicates this song to all the men in this room.  And you know what -- seriously? This feels like just another moment for the writers to throw in their commentary on masculinity instead of giving Kurt a real character moment.  Yes, the part of the line that says: it doesn’t matter that we’re gay or straight, it matters that you saw me as the same -- is a poignant piece of writer, especially as Chris cries those pretty tears.  

But the whole thing seems incredibly hollow.  Sure, Finn has made an impact, and that is important.  I’ll even give minor credit to Sam for not being an asshole, and even lesser credit to Mike, even though they have no relationship.  But Artie? Joe? Rory? Really? And then Puck?  Kurt’s never had a good relationship with Puck.  Not to mention the last few episode Puck has bonding with Blaine, and still making vaguely homophobic comments.  So, I don’t buy this moment Glee, I don’t.  

Wait -- does Will count in this? God I hope not. 

Meanwhile -- those in that room who’ve supported him a lot? (Blaine seems really excluded during this) Those are the girls -- Mercedes, Rachel, Tina, Brittany, eventually Santana.  I mean, even he and Quinn have shared some nice background moments.  I can go for giving the whole Glee club a sentimental speech, but singling out the guys? Ug, whatever Glee. 

Okay -- for the song itself.  I may not be a fan of the aesthetics of the actual song, I do think it’s an appropriate choice for Kurt here -- and Chris sounds lovely as he always does on it. 

And I'll remember the love that you gave me Now that I'm standing on my own I'll remember the way that you changed me I'll remember

I like this -- I like the acknowledgement of growing up, and how Kurt’s changed, but he knows he’s a better person because he’s had this group of friends.  It’s a really nice thought.  

Inside I was a child That could not mend a broken wing Outside I looked for a way To teach my heart to sing

OMG! I never knew there was bird analogy in this! What’s our Klaine-bird score now? Lol.  But, yeah, wow Kurt -- feeling broken inside, and how long did it take Kurt to let people in, to let other people help heal him?

No I've never been afraid to cry Now I finally have a reason why I'll remember (I'll remember)

Ha! How very Kurt.  But also -- this is very much Kurt saying goodbye, too (as insinuated by the earlier Klaine scene).  And while it’s sad -- Kurt’s going to look back fondly, and dare I say, pretty okay with moving forward in his life. 

The Pact

Hey Kurt and Finn are talking to each other by the lockers.  I don’t think they’ve had any kind of conversation since The Spanish Teacher.  It’s a little bit a shame they didn’t do more with the brotherly aspect of their relationship. 

So, Rachel bops along to let them know their college letters will be there soon.  (I’m going to skip over the fact that this is not how college acceptance letters work, since most people have replies by January, but whatever, Glee.)  They make a pact to go open them in the choirvroom.  They even pinky swear!

Now that I think about it, this scene is kind of unnecessary narratively, but I’ll take it over the cut yearbook scene where Rachel claims Kurt as her soul mate.  (Ug, don’t get me started.) 

FWIW -- there’s a deleted scene featuring Mike Chang, too - cause he doesn’t really get a vignette in this.  Check it out on youtube, it’s nice. 

And Other Stories

So -- the seniors all take a moment and sing You Give What You Get to the underclassmen.  And, it’s kind of a bittersweet moment as each of them take a moment to say goodbye to their friends.  Like -- all of the friendships/relationships between senior and non-senior are non-verbally touched upon here, and it’s kind of neat. 

Klaine is very much a background entity at this point.  I mean, there’s the cute moment where Kurt mimes reeling in Blaine like a fish, and they dance together a little bit, and kind of half hug and whatnot.  

But then there’s this moment -- and it’s so blink and you’ll miss but I think it’s a little fascinating.  By the end of the song, the seniors have all traded places with the underclassmen, and Kurt and Blaine exchange this look.  It’s this kind of wistful, okay here we go, we have to do this now look.  It’s a little heartbreaking, cause now it’s not just Blaine who’s sad, Kurt’s feeling it a little, too. 

Aaaand then we get Finchel arguing about chairs, lol.  Oh this episode....

I completely forgot that In My Life was a dedication to Finn.  C’mon, writers, stop, it’s a little gratuitous at this point. 

Meanwhile, my god, there are a lot of shared looks between Kurt and Blaine this episode.  I mean, I’ll take them all, but this might be the episode with most shared across the room looks.  And, oh Blaine, he’s just about to lose it.  Kurt’s all smiling and loving at him, though. 

And note, it’s a nice touch that they do the whole Klaine thing when they’re singing this line: 

But of all these friends and lovers There is no one compares with you

So -- this is Quinn’s sequence, which I won’t be talking much about -- just that she considers this group of people friends! And that includes Kurt, who pleasantly waves at her as she passes.  Man, there’s a whole lot of untapped Kurt/Quinn friendship stories to be told. 

Also, things that strike me as kinda weird -- during the Quinn/Puck hook up scene, the Klaine scene plays in the background.  Weird - did they not have other music to put there? Because that’s most definitely Klaine’s theme -- you played it earlier in the episode.  Give it back!

It’s a little weird to me, but not to Glee because Glee logic says it makes sense, that all the seniors are waiting for Puck’s test to see if he passed.  And he did.  And Kurt goes and hugs the teacher, lol.  I wonder if that was a Chris idea.  That feels like a Chris idea. 

Graduation

It’s now time for that graduation photo op! 

So the graduation pecking order is from least important to most important according to Glee logic.  Sorry Mike Chang :/ 

Oh Kurt, and your glorious high kick entrance.  <3 

So this is, like, a spouse moment.  I mean, c’mon, it so is.  Kurt’s a mess, and Blaine hands him a handkerchief, and has him dry his eyes before his moment.  I mean -- yeah.  I love it so much.  

Aww, I love Kurt and his little bow once he graduates.  And Burt’s in the audience being a proud papa.  What a sweet little moment. 

Coda

So -- you know how all throughout season 3 I’ve been whining about the NYADA story line? It’s because of this moment right here -- the moment that Kurt does NOT get into NYADA.  

The thing that really infuriates me about it, the reason they kept giving Kurt all of those highs, that moment with dad when he gets his acceptance letter, that awesome audition sequence, was because knew they were doing this.  And they did this so that Rachel could go to New York by herself. KURT’S ENTIRE COLLEGE STORY LINE WAS SET UP SO THAT RACHEL COULD WIN!!! And that is why I have issues with the writing of Hummelberry during this season (and next).  

Cause I mean yeah, while it’s shody a bit, Kurt is going to get the /better/ story line overall, where he gets to be a complete character and not have everything handed to him.  But yeah - I remember how pissed everyone was at this moment.  And I can still feel it.  Because it’s not just the sting of not getting in.  It’s the sting of feeling like we were set up.  And it is infuriating.  Sorry bb, you’re a sidekick in someone else’s show.  At least the next three seasons do untangle this knot a little. 

So, Rachel gets into NYADA -- and Finn can at least feign his happiness.  Kurt’s a little: well fuck this shit.  Yup, I’m with ya, kiddo. 

The Rachel vignette though is seriously the worst.  Oh no, all my dreams have come true but I shall martyr myself because my boyfriend and my best friend aren’t as wonderful as I am. God, shut up Rachel. 

(I don’t hate Rachel -- but I’m not going to like her for a while.) 

The Unbearable Heaviness of Finchel. 

I am going to take a quick second and talk about Finchel.  Yes, I know this car scene is problematic -- and yes, Finn should not be making choices for Rachel.  I’m totally agreed with that criticism.  But man, there is something vindicating to seeing her actually have to confront an issue she has no control over.  It’s frustrating that Rachel’s good things often times are handed to her by the writers -- so I’m kind of welcoming of this little scene, tbh. 

You know what, now that I think of it, I’m guessing the original ending of the series was the inverse of this scene, where they finally get back together for good.  Huh.  Anyway -- despite the fact that the ten minute Finchel end of this episode is irritating, and kind of dismissive of all the rest of the characters, it is pretty well acted. 

Anyway -- here we are at the end -- and while I’m totally on team group song, I can see why the writers went this way.  Rachel’s saying goodbye and going off to New York, and this chapter of the show has ended.  So, it’s one last goodbye at the train station as everything spins in, well pardon my expression, new directions. 

Idk -- it seemed like a good shot, tbh.  So yeah, while there’s nothing else for Kurt here, except trying his best to be a good friend to Rachel, we leave Kurt here in Lima for, what is probably, a kind of hard summer.  

And so ends season 3, and the show as we know it - for better and worse I suppose.  Because yeah, everything after this is different as the series really won’t be the same one after this.  

So -- goodbye season 3. It’s been fun.  I would say I’m going to miss you, but no.  I really won’t.