#[Isabeau:kaan]

[theartofruling]

Who: Isabeau + Kaan (Ft Zinnia & Lucky) @gvldntrbl

Where: Camping Settling into the Eco-Cabin

Hiking was fun. While it wouldn't seem like it, she loved the outdoors. She enjoyed and marveled at how the world could be so damn beautiful and yet so fucked up all at the same time. Her favorite thing about the outdoors and camping was probably the serenity. The only thing she wouldn't really like would be if someone went fishing and brought it back to camp. Being an empath to aquatic life made it hard to consume them. So she didn't eat seafood of any sort. Beau put her things down in the cabin she was sharing with Kaan as Zinnia plopped onto their bed kicking off her shoes. She squealed. "I can't believe you two actually agreed to share a cabin! My plan actually worked. The student of manipulation became the master." She winked at her mother.

Beau rolled her eyes. "Well, we're friends, and who better to share a cabin with than the person I've gone camping with countless times? Plus I'm certain Lucky wouldn't have it any other way. It's just sharing a cabin for one day and night, and we all needed some time together. Things were tense for a while." She looked at Kaan after she was all out of explanations. "Temper her expectations, please? I know what she's thinking. You know what she's thinking." Even though as she passed him to put her bag away and her snacks in the mini-fridge, she leaned into him for a hug. What she said was true. They were friends again, and she was so damn thankful for that. She missed the normalcy that came with being able to be around him and Zinnia and feel okay, rather than on edge that she wasn't supposed to be there or was encroaching. She looked up at Kaan during the embrace, "We're going to have some fun, right? We let her talk us into this cabin buddy's situation."

[theartofruling]

“You hang the moon and stars to her. I couldn’t bear to take that from her.” And Beau wouldn’t do that. Zinnia deserved something good. Even if it meant her seeing Beau as the villain. It was fine. It hurt, but it was the burden of being a single mother. She always had to explain the bad news. “It’s okay.” His apologies were appreciated. “You don’t have to keep apologizing.” She snorted. “A book. When would I have the time? I’m trying to build a sex empire. There’s no rest when there’s sexual liberation to be had.” 

Beau smiled, before eating as she listened to his words. She focused on her food as his words hit her hard. “The little moments are probably the hardest. The unplanned things that just made us…us. I miss it all. It’s why it was so hard to shake. Why I kept coming back. I didn’t know where to go or what to do. It was almost how I imagine life if I reset again. Wandering without purpose where everything is similar but nothing is the same. I was so used to running to you when I had a problem I just did it without thought. You were my muscle memory. So I know I’ve said it but I’m sorry I didn’t give you the time you needed. I wasn’t trying to be insensitive I was just lost.” She shrugged before draining her glass of wine.  “This is…” she gestured between them and took a breath, letting it out in a heavy sigh. “I don’t know how to describe it. Someone could cut me open today and see you’re still written into my DNA. Named carved into my veins down through the muscle and into the bone. I suppose love isn’t always enough. I’ve been on this earth and lived three lives and I should have learned that. I guess I thought maybe this time, I was just so desperate to hold onto it. To you. I made you hate me in the process. If I could do that over. If a breakup was inevitable, I would have just given you the space in hopes of civility, I guess.” She knew they couldn’t do any of it over and the scars of what was were evident. 

Beau shook her head. “No matter what I wanted, a curse was broken and I saw past lives. I saw my death twice. I looked at Deanna Olsen’s brother daily in the news and he was nobody to me until I remembered. I found Nik and I saw what being what we are did to him, how he could look past me. How he could shrink away and say he’d never had a daughter and it was very real to me that it could happen to me. How I could lose you and Zinnia and look past you and besides being afraid that I could lose you, I was afraid of what I would be sentencing you to with me. Even if I wanted it, or could be open to it, that would have changed when I remembered. Because I was scared of looking through you one day. Of building a life and running away from it unintentionally.” She was growing more okay with the possibility of her death, and it was better by the fact that her brother planned to set up a guard for her. It was harder at first remembering. Beau nodded. “Be gentle when you talk to her. Sugarcoat what you can. She’s an adult but you’re her chosen dad and I need her world to remain as happy as possible.” 

When he mentioned thinking he would be sleeping on the couch, Beau didn’t respond. She was too busy rushing up the stairs to keep her tears in until he was out of earshot. When she was back from a failed attempt at self-care, and he joined her back inside, she nodded. “The couch is great for me to sleep on, but I wouldn’t recommend it for someone your height. Not for a night. You can sleep with me or in any other room in the house. Your choice of beds. You want to talk upstairs? Or on the couch?” She raised her hands like she was surrendering. "I promise, I'm not trying anything. I have no agenda. I even put on something to sleep in when you know my preferred attire for sleep."

-🔥-

Kaan sighed, the sound weighted with the regret that only hindsight could bring. "Maybe we should've told her more about our breakup." He replied, despite knowing that most of that burden had been placed on Beau's shoulders once he officially called it quits. The actual end of their relationship felt like a failure to Kaan. It was even worse trying to navigate how to tell their adult child that her parents were in fact no longer together. And not for a short break. But for a firm, decisive unknown period. Otherwise assumed to be forever. "I'm sorry for that," He apologized to Beau. Hell, Kaan Altun was sorry for many things. Most of the important ones were connected to Isabeau Olsen. "Don't tell me you're writing a book?" Kaan mused in response to Beau's comment on relearning herself again.

The silverware in Kaan's hold fell onto the plate beneath them with an audible clank when she asked him what, exactly, did he miss about her. The same hand reached up and sank its fingertips into the edges of Kaan's hairline as his head lowered. Moments later, the witch sighed again. "How much time you got?" He murmured aloud to his ex, the corner of his mouth upturning in a morose partial smile. "I missed your laugh. Your voice. Your smile. The quick little quips you say back 'cause you're so much more clever than me." Kaan paused, one of his hands moving to emphasize his next words. "I missed how you felt next to me. How you do that thing where a part of you always has to be touching me." A soft chuckle, full of memory, escaped Kaan. "I missed you running your fingers through my hair. That pout you make when I have to cut it." For business, usually. "I missed your cooking. Especially after a long day." Kaan confessed. "I missed the way you are with Lucky. How you'd play with him. How you're his favorite. Hell, I even missed those stupid, little jokes you do when I'm too far in my head and you're trying to make me laugh." The witch reached out and grabbed his drink, taking a nice sip before speaking again. "I didn't go about it right." He said, meaning how he treated Beau after their breakup. Of how it was clear that her literal presence was a problem for him. Contention, she'd called it. "I didn't know how to get out of my own way after..." The phrase 'ruining us' almost passed his lips. The ending of their relationship to hell beyond civility was Kaan's own doing. "...being my own worst enemy. I don't know how to say but my bullshit contention was because I missed you and knew that I'd fucked this all up and I didn't know how to tell you that." A fraction of his comment hadn't left his mouth, '...before now', but a part of Kaan wondered if Beau heard him say it anyways. He wouldn't be surprised if, by the ancestors, somehow she still had. By habit of having something to do, Kaan ate another shovelful of food. Although, truthfully, he didn't taste any of it.

"It's not your fault. It was mine." He said with a shake of his head. "And you caught more than you needed of my anger about it. I'm sorry." Kaan apologized, his tone sincere. Hindsight was twenty-twenty, as went the saying. "I should've-" He paused to fill more of his glass. "I should've asked you what you wanted. What you saw, in your future, with me." Kaan took a healthy drink, still somehow annoyed with his foolish assumptions of the life he thought Beau wanted with him. "I shouldn't have assumed." He paused. "Still, I can't let her think that you're the villain in all of this. There is no villain. Our time together is..." Dark brows lowered on Kaan's forehead as he spoke, obviously thinking aloud on how to formally, re-address their daughter about this. "She's still our daughter. I'll always want her as mine. We're still a family. We just look different than we thought we would, is all." He nodded, glad for a verbal reprieve, however slight, when Beau mentioned ground rules. "You want to start 'em? I don't have any that I can think of, right now." Kaan drank again from his glass, enjoying as the alcohol warmed his belly and somewhat calmed him. It helped greatly as Beau spoke of her tried and true self-relaxation method during her bubble bath after dinner. A routine Kaan was more than aware of. "I'll be... outside." He could more than use the fresh air and the quiet but somewhat comforting presence of his appointed bodyguard. Silently, he sent an ancestral thanks for his predecessor Zhao. Who had the foresight to arrange such protection for Kaan. "You can get me when you're done." When Beau asked him, sounding almost confused, about his blanket request; Kaan paused. "Oh, I... I thought that I'd be on the couch." He shared as she placed her plate in the sink. Dark brown eyes blinked at the familiar sight of Beau's head as it disappeared from the kitchen, only to hear the bounding of her footsteps ascending the stairs. With a sigh, Kaan placed his food away and sat his empty plate in the sink as well. He'd wash the dishes after she...finished. Whatever happened, Kaan didn't want to hear it. He wanted to give Beau privacy in her own house, at least. The sound of the backdoor creaked and Kaan muttered loud enough over his shoulder for his guard to hear, knowing they had super hearing, and then join him in the backyard. As he walked down the steps and onto the yard, grass crunching beneath his feet. He looked up at the dark, endless night and hoped that he wasn't making yet another fuck up in his life.

While Kaan's bodyguard never told him exactly what Beau was doing, Kaan had been alerted when it was 'safe' to sit on the back porch stairs. He'd sat there waiting, muttering charms under his breath that pointedly illuminated constellations visible from his position. His mother taught him that charm. It'd been a favorite of Zinnia's growing up. Even when she was 'too cool' for constellations and star-gazing with Kaan, sometimes if he caught her on a good evening, when the air was right and her hormones were just so, she'd still curl into his side and ask for one more light show. Fuck, he missed the life he once had here. The latest constellation he'd highlighted flickered against the night sky when Beau returned. With a wordless nod, he joined her inside. Kaan cleared his throat. "...You said something about no blankets?"

[theartofruling]

Who: Beau + Kaan @gvldntrbl

Where: Secret Garden in the Divine Forest 

She wasn’t surprised to see Kaan come in. The group was from Kings Hill where he now resided. She debated whether she should say hi, but considering that they agreed to friendship, it would be rude not to say hello. She walked over. “Hey! You here for the bachelor party? How have you been? I hope it’s not weird, me coming over here. I figured us agreeing to be friends it would be weird not to say hello.” 

[theartofruling]

Who: Beau + Kaan (@gvldntrbl)

Where: Welcome dinner

After food, everyone got up to mingle, Beau got stuck in a small traffic jam of people. She was trying to slide by someone on her left, but hadn't actually looked up to see who it was at first. When she neared, she realized it was the man who had made it very clear last time they encountered that he wanted nothing to do with her. So instead of speaking she attempted to slide by. But those around were so close on the other side that she hand to turn to face him, her body almost flush against his as she attempted to move past. Just as she looked up someone blocked her way as they were holding a conversation with someone else. "I'm sorry. I was just trying to get by. Now I'm sort of in a deadlock here. I know I'm the last person you want to see, so I'll move as soon as they let me get by." Beau tried not to hold his gaze long because she didn't want to think about how good he looked tonight or how the last time they spoke they ended up giving in to physical attraction before awkwardly parting ways afterward.

[theartofruling]

Sweet just like sugarcane 

Want more that can be arranged

I can be your peace Not your therapy

Gotta rush of serotonin

What's gotten into me

I just might do whatever you like

[theartofruling]

Kaan

“Why would I ask for a damn discount at my ex’s brothel?” He asked, dark eyes narrowing at the unseeing back of said ex’s (Beau’s) head as she remained on his lap. Those same eyes spun in their sockets at her next words. “Of course my feelings changed. You didn’t want to marry me.” The emotional turmoil that plagued Kaan had yet to stop. The hurt may have stopped being as noticeable and consistent but it still lingered, matching the rhythm of his footfalls as he followed. Ever so slightly, in the shadows, it fucking taunted him. The knowledge that the woman he wanted to spend his life with... how she didn’t want that with him. And yet, there he sat, with her grinding on his lap, his blood boiling, and skin flushing from the contact where their bare skin met. ...Like a fucking, brokenhearted fool.

He could taste the very faint echoes of this, of the life he wanted with her. Of the one he had but was severed from his grasp before he could react. Kaan could smell the waft of Beau’s familiar scent, it caused memories to unlock and tickle along the edges of his subconscious as his frame supported her weight. “...Considerate?” The word almost jumped from his mouth, in clear disbelief. If there was one thing Kaan felt, when it came to the tail end of things between them, it was that she had not done so - considered him.

It certainly didn’t feel that consideration was taken when Beau stood, only to turn and face him as she straddled him, once more. The pads of her fingers pressed against his beard when she lifted his face, wordlessly forcing their eyes to meet, and Kaan stubbornly willed his body to not react. Despite the barrage of memories that assaulted his mind’s eye, of the sounds Beau’s made in this very position, of the expression her face offered, and how she would cling to him - all while seeming to drown and resuscitate Kaan in those intimate moments. It was easy, back then, to lose himself in the essence that was Isabeau.

“Eh. Feels... empty.” Kaan critiqued. “Like your heart’s not in this. Maybe this isn’t for you, anymore. That’s okay.” He ignored the whisper of a thought that he was chasing echoes and ghosts for even entertaining this - the illusion of offering Beau advice.

Beau

"I respect that your feelings changed. For you, marriage is a must. For me, I just wanted you. I just love you." The sheer thoughts of marriage caused a panic within Beau that she couldn't describe. It wasn't that she didn't love Kaan, nor was it that he wasn't enough, but more she'd been through the heart wrench of losing a husband as well as the possibility of losing herself. She felt guilty for even thinking of offering this man the promise of being his wife only to end up one day losing herself or forgetting him as she'd had happened to her. Her other fear, the one that crippled her was the fear of losing him. Being a widow again, having the promise of forever only for that promise not to be upheld soured her to marriage.

Beau ignored his quip about her saying she was being considerate, yet the words bounced around in her head while she danced, not allowing her to let it slide. "Yes, considerate. Do you believe I've not been considerate with you?" she asked, knowing it would open a door for them she might not want opened.

His words cut deep considering this was her livelihood, and it was a pretty standard lapdance most got but only her eyes betrayed her. Her face remained a mask of indifference. She reached up to caress his cheek. "If I put any more of my heart into it, this would cease to be a dance, Kingy. If I put my heart into it, I would make love to you right here. Cling to you and tell you how much I still fucking love you and miss you. If I'm putting my heart into it, I would take your hand." She took his hand gliding it along her exposed thighs and under her skirt. "And tell you that there has been no man after you. It's still yours. Now tell me if you still want me to put my heart into it."

Isabeau

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[theartofruling]

“So you mean to tell me you accept invites out from Superman, but not Catwoman?” She was only teasing. But the thought of a Batman, Catwoman role-play did cross her mind. “Ah, okay. So you two have a camaraderie in that respect. I like it when I see you out with friends. It looks good on you. I’d like it more if I could see you more, maybe? If you were up for it.” She knew that it was a dangerous line they toed, but they had agreed to be friends or at least try to be. So she did want to see him more. More than just when it involved Z. 

She felt herself melt against him when his arms wrapped around her. Her body’s reaction to him never ceased to remain the same no matter their history. Beau’s back arching to give him full reign in one of his favorite places to be. Her hand tangled in his hair, gently massaging his scalp. She laughed when she heard his old nickname for them in greeting. “It wasn’t rude at all.” She lifted his gaze to hers so she could lean in to kiss him. Her hand was still in his hair. The other roamed up and down his chest. “You don’t have to be that polite. But lucky for you, I know you well,” she said when she pulled away. Beau pulled the top up and over her head. “So you can have a proper greeting with the twins.” Beau took his free hand, guiding it to her breast. “If you need more room, we have bedrooms. I just didn’t know how polite you planned to be.” Her own hand round its way under his shirt, roaming over his abs. “You aren’t the only one needing a reunion,” she said as she smirked, greeting each one of his abs as her fingertips glided over them. 

-🔥-

"Yeah, I uh..." Kaan trailed off, his vision noticeably returning below Beau's face and onto her chest, specifically. He realized that he hadn't finished his train of thought. "Um, Alden got me out of the house. Or the bat cave as other people might call it." The new noble almost joked with a light chuckle. Moments before, once again, his attention drifted back to Beau's very distracting...top. "It's a great top." He replied, not so subtly complimenting his ex. "We got our new jobs at the same time, me and Alden." Kaan belated explained, glad to have his words fail him once more as Beau twirled and his gaze lingered on her too long legs for her petite form.

A faint smile tugged at the corners of Kaan's mouth when she leaned up, his eyes of course returning to Beau's top yet again, and brushed some of his hair behind his ear. It was an old habit. But Kaan welcomed it. Even as the palms of his fingertips nearly twitched in habitual reaction to sit at Beau's waist when she stood on the tips of her toes to do so. An expression tinted with subconscious relief and desire touched Kaan's features when Beau took his hand and led them elsewhere. To someplace upstairs that was far more quiet and empty for the pair. Kaan sighed aloud when she sat on his lap and his arms moved, freely, to wrap around Beau's waist. One of his palms pressed snug against her back as Kaan's eyes returned once more to her ever distracting chest. Not even ashamed, he still had the good sense to feel something and chuckled at the even more distracting shimmy right in front of his face. All while Kaan's cheeks and the tips of his ears turned noticeably pink. "Tia," He greeted one breast. "Tamera," He greeted the other. "I've missed you, girls." Kaan confessed before leaning forward and pressing his face into her bosom.

With one hand, Kaan took one of Beau's hand and buried it into his lowered head as he pressed kisses to the sides and tops of said girls. "Thank you," He mumured in Turkish, face still not away from her chest but glancing up at her. "I wasn't trying to be rude. But, ancestors, you're distracting as hell. It was hard to focus and be polite with you standing there, looking like this."

[theartofruling]

“Oh, I do blame you. Anytime she’s acting on behalf of her dad, I blame dad, not her. Because she never lets me forget that things weren’t like they are now. She’s always bringing up a fun time or a sweet romantic gesture.” Beau rolled her eyes. While it was great that Zinnia and Kaan had a great relationship,  her daughter still didn’t seem to understand that it wasn’t easy to just go back to that. People with differing views on what life look like practically had no life left together. Beau shrugged. “It’s how you felt. Everyone’s been a villain in someone else’s story before I’m sure.” It was a hard truth for her, but she understood now and harbored no hard feelings for him. She doubted she ever could. “I’m glad it’s helped. In a way, my work has been helping me disassociate. I’m relearning myself more than I ever had before.” 

  It was weird commiserating over heartbreak with the man who broke her heart. Beau never felt like she was allowed to be broken hearted in his presence. Because her view of their life didn’t match his and he broke up with her because of it. But it was all her fault. As if her heart didn’t break because she felt like less than enough. Like her and Zinnia’s love wouldn’t be enough. Now that man was here claiming he missed her. “What exactly did you miss? I thought my mere presence was a source of contention for you.” Beau nodded when he mentioned Zinnia. She never truly spoke badly about Kaan with her. She only told her the need to know details of them just not working out and she spared her many of the ugly bits that came after. Truth be told she put the blame on herself mostly in the eyes of Zinnia. Her daughter thought she fucked up the relationship. There was even a time where she got angry and told Beau it was typical of her to do so, but it was only because she was scared that she would be rejected by Kaan. When that never happened she calmed down. “We do. And I do my best to shield her from most of it. She doesn’t know the uglier bits. For the most part she believes it’s my fault and not just a difference of what we wanted. I won’t ever let her think of you as anything but the dad that wanted her.” It was why Beau supported Zinnia’s desire to share his last name to officially be an Altun. She had wanted to change her name and surprise him on Father’s Day one year.

She focused on her plate for a while. The food was incredible and the wine was helping to numb her heart. The want to be better, the need to just be in his life no matter the capacity had been something she craved until she realized he didn’t want the same. “I can agree to that. For the sake of Z. We probably should have some ground rules on what it would mean though. I don’t want to overstep or be anywhere you don’t want me to be.” 

Beau forced a smile onto her features. “Of course. You know me, I’m very outspoken. I’ll tell you.” Except she wouldn’t because there was a warped part of her that would rather be in his presence with the pain than not at all. She didn’t even tell him how much his antics post break up hurt. She didn’t even tell him how hurt she was by the break up. In fact, when he was done she just said okay. It was for the best. And she wasn’t right for him. Whatever he wanted. “No no. It’s fine. Whatever you want to do. I won’t need long. Ten minutes tops. New things with new settings doesn’t take as long.”  Beau frowned. “Why do you need a blanket? All the beds in the house have them.    But I’ll see you back in a bit,” she said as she finished the rest of her food and put her plate in the sink. Muscle memory almost had her leaning in to kiss him goodbye before she headed up the stairs but she leaned away, mumbling a sorry before running up the stairs. 

After getting her bubble bath ready, she didn’t actually complete any self care. She simply stared up at the ceiling as tears rolled down her cheeks realizing just how much unhealed hurt and heartbreak she still had. Sure, she was functional and living her life now. But avoidance and now being faced with the man who broke her heart wanting the things he rejected before like friendship and being in each other’s lives sent her on a tailspin. She didn’t know how long she spent with tears running in a constant stream down her cheeks. But she did remember the need to wrap up the pity party and surprise emotional onslaught  to tell Kaan it was okay to come back inside. She already had her lie ready if he could tell she had been crying. She dressed in one of the few silk chemises she had there, threw her hair up in a messy bun and headed down stairs to poke her head out the door. “Hey, I’m all done you can come back in when you’re ready.” 

-🔥-

"Blame me for this, not Zinnia. I didn't give her much of a choice." When she retorted that wanting to see her was new, Kaan's face had the decency to scrunch as it was true. He watched as she frowned. "It is. And I'm sorry again, for that. For making you public enemy one." Especially when all Beau had done was share that they didn't envision the same future. It'd been a hard truth for Kaan to accept. As Beau continued to speak, Kaan moved towards her home bar. At least, he had permission to have more than the wine Beau was currently sipping as she spoke. Not that his new drink would make hearing the truth of how much of a dick he'd been to hear would make it easier to hear. Or stomach. It did, however, give Kaan's hands and feet something to do as he moved to fetch what he needed. "I tried pretending." He replied, eyes falling back onto Beau and his drink in a hand. A healthy pour of liquor on the rocks in a glass. "Pretending made me even more of an asshole to you." Hell, even to certain family members who pointedly ignored his hurt and all but demanded he resume dating Beau. "As for the rest of that? Yeah no, I've not been losing myself in fun. Work's been my focus. And getting the duchy... in some fucked up way, it's helped with that. My focus."

"Constant hole in your heart?" Brown eyes met hers from across the room. Moments later, Kaan raised his glass towards Beau. "Mine too." A faint, sad smile disappeared from his lips when he took a deep sip, emptying the glass. Seconds later, he poured another. "So yeah, I've missed you and I wanted to see you." He repeated because it bore repeating. Drink in one hand and the bottle of alcohol in the other, Kaan crossed the room to join Beau to eat, sitting the bottle on the dining table before going into the kitchen for a knife and a plate of his own. As he moved in Beau's home, trying to not disturb her space any more than he had with his arrival, he still noticed when she quickly downed her first glass before she poured another and went to warm her leftovers. "Teşekkür," Kaan muttered thanks in Turkish, after plopping down in the other chair and raised his fork for his first bite. "You're right. But it doesn't mean that I don't regret it. And we have Zinnia." Dark brows knit in quiet thought before Kaan spoke again, his tongue loosened with alcohol and now Beau's favorite foods. "I don't know. About not having a future part." His eyebrows still burrowed on his forehead, Kaan looked her way and continued. "But you used to want us to be... better." Friends even, after they broke up. "I want that, if you still do. I don't like not having you in my life. Of you not being a part of my future." Brown eyes fell briefly. "But if you don't, I respect it." He made himself eat some more food.

Kaan saw it, her reaction when he called her that and he remembered her words, moments earlier of how he wasn't hurting her. ...They felt like a lie. He drank more of his alcohol. "You'll tell me, right? If I do? Hurt you or make you feel like shit?" He asked Beau instead, eyes meeting hers once again. Despite himself, at Beau's wording for her evening plans, Kaan huffed a fractured laugh. Genuine but not exactly out of place. "Are you sure that you don't want me to go outside for that, at least? You tend to... need a while... for your round of self care." Meaning time in the double digits. He paused, considering the offer. "Çok Naziksin," Kaan replied, saying how kind it was of Beau in Turkish, while he refrained with actual effort to not call her by her old nickname again. "I can go outside after dinner. And when you're done, just let me know. Plus, I need a blanket anyways. And I'd like to talk, afterwards, if you want." He suggested, scratching at the side of his neck and actively trying to ignore just what self care meant for Beau.

[theartofruling]

Beau heard Kaan repeat what Zinnia said, but before she could say anything, Lucky was at her side. “My big boy,” she greeted as she gave him ear scratches. “Mommy missed you.” She did miss Lucky more than she let on. She would have to talk Kaan about visitation. Because she didn’t want to go back to not seeing him. She knelt down to give him a hug. “Did you grow Lucky? Because it feels like you’re growing.” 

When she released him to resume her place next to Kaan, she heard the firm tone he used with their daughter. His words made her swoon a little even though the situation of Zinnia feeling like she could make snarky quips was anything but a good time. It made Beau feel horrible, but she felt like there was some truth to Z’s belief that this was her fault, so she allowed it. She watched Zinnia’s happy demeanor switch to one of remorse. Beau wanted to bury her face in his chest because it meant so much to her that he spoke up for us. Instead, she rubbed his chest soothingly. “It’s o-“ she started to say, but Kaan told Zinnia to apologize so she cut the sentence off, to stay united. She met Beau’s eyes. “I’m sorry, mom. I’ll watch my words, I promise, Dad.” Beau nodded. “Thank you, Z. I want us to enjoy this time. So don’t get in your head about it. I’m not upset.” She watched Zinnia give Lucky the attention he wanted after she apologized to them both. 

Beau playfully rolled her eyes at Kaan. “We’re cute, so doesn’t mean we don’t try. Z likes to think her cuteness can get you to do what she requests.” Zinnia laughed. “That’s because I try the puppy dog eyes on Dad. It’s effective eighty percent of the time,” Zinnia smiled innocently. “Now, you know it’s more like fifty percent of the time. He can say no, I just say no more than he does.” The playful banter of them teasing each other made her who can get Kaan to cave definitely reminded her of how much more whole she used to feel. 

Beau’s jaw clenched when Kaan started discussing what really happened between them. Her eyes were downcast. “I don’t understand how it can’t be her fault. She never allows herself to be happy. She always has to get in her own way, and you’re…you’re you. You’ve always been amazing to me, and her. And yes, she’s my mom and she’s had to do this alone so I know I’m not being very fair but I also know she denies herself happiness. You made her happy, and she didn’t deny that it was her fault.” Her words cut Beau like a knife. Death by a thousand cuts really. Beau’s arm fell away from Kaan to wring her hands together. She didn’t really want to say anything. She didn’t know what to say in response to her daughter thinking of her this way. “Zinnia, I don’t purposely deny myself happiness. That’s not what happened here.”

-🔥-

Kaan sat outside on the eco-cabin's front deck, wiping Lucky's paws clean after their family hike with a wet and lightly soapy rag as his Nemean Lion laid, grooming himself and purring. At least Lucky was obviously content. The mythical animal paused in his self-grooming and let out a wide yawn as Kaan finished, returning to his feet with the rag in one of the bowls and Lucky standing up to follow him inside of the cabin. Lightly, Kaan shook his head at the sight of Zinnia propped up on the lone bed. He poured the dirty water into the sink near the mini-fridge. "Student of manipulation?" Kaan muttered under his breath, watching as Lucky bypassed him to trot over to Beau. The lion nuzzled his nose against the back of her nearest hand, clearly demanding her attention as she spoke to Zinnia. After all, she even said Lucky's name. In his defense, his mother had definitely called him over. A loud low rumble of his purring was heard in the cabin when he received the scratches he so desired.

"Zinnia," Kaan let out in a firm voice, lightly chiding their daughter at her not so subtle dig to Beau. "Be respectful." He cast her a look from where she laid on their bed. "I won't let anyone disrespect you or your mom. Not even you. ...Apologize to your mom, Z." Adult or not, the young vampire at least had the sense to look away, remorse in her posture. Thank the ancestors, he mused with a sigh. "Minnoş," Kaan began calling out to Zinnia by his nickname for her as Beau stayed, tucked warm against his side, big brown eyes looking up at him. He felt as though his words would contradict the sight they were giving their daughter as the former couple stood, embracing each other. Like nothing happened. Like their breakup had been one, collective bad dream. Talk about getting their charms crossed. Lucky, able to read the gauge the emotional temperature, went to Zinnia. Looking for more scratches and attention from the vampire. Since his paws were clean and his fur and mane groomed, Kaan didn't chastise him when Lucky joined Zinnia on the bed. He laid down next to her, poking his nose at her thigh before sitting his head on the limb. Clearly not wanting to be ignored by his sister. "We're not back together. But we're co-parents, friends. And we love you. We always will. Hell, we're still a family. But no, you didn't talk me into this cabin buddy thing with your mom." A rueful chuckle left him. "When has anyone been able to get me to do anything that I didn't want to do?" He asked them both.

"But-" Kaan sighed. "It was about time that I settled things with your mom. And you do too. And it's time that I clear things up for you. About this. Minnoş, you know that it wasn't her fault that we didn't work out. Tell me you know that? Sometimes, people who love each other very much... they... they don't always work out. That's the risk of being in love."

[theartofruling]

“A friend to the crown.” Beau knew the best thing they could do for one another was just walk away. But neither made the move to leave the other standing there. She wanted to reach up and push the lock of hair out of his face but she refrained. “People,” she finished his sentence. “Yeah.” Her heart ached with how awkward they were with each other now. She tried to avert her eyes but failed as she watched his lips touch his glass. She remembered just how tender their touch used to be. 

“When I’m here to help maintain the alliance the Falls and Kings Hill had previously and nurture what they currently have. Markus has two realms to look after now so I’m helping in whatever capacity he needs. Other than this just run from realm to realm checking on the businesses. I’m an Aunt now so I sometimes babysit but that’s a free service. How is your family?” She wondered how long they would continue this small talk. Which one of them would cave first, ultimately giving up and walking away. Then again Kaan did that to her already, so she was betting he would. “I didn’t get to see your new place, but Zinnia tells me it’s nice.”

-🔥-

"So you're here on official capacity." Kaan surmised. "Or a friend to the crown." He added in a low voice and his head bowing with a small series of nods. Kaan fought with his own mind at the thought that it would be wiser for him to take a step back - to literally remove himself from the gravitation that was Beau's orbit. It was something he'd always felt whenever she was around. ...His feet remained rooted to the floor and instead Kaan tried to pay attention to Beau's comments as she spoke. "I always miss the animals. They're easier to deal with, to understand, than..." Kaan trailed off before his chest lowered with a sigh. Moments later, he dragged his glass up to his mouth for another drink. The ice clinked against the sides of the glass after he finished the liquor that had been half full seconds earlier.

Kaan sighed again before clearing his throat, already wanting another drink. "Anyways, liaison? What does that mean? What else do you do now? Besides The Secret Gardens." ...Work. He figured that was a safe topic.

[theartofruling]

“Technically, she was omitting she was toeing a fine line with lying.” She knew Zinnia wasn’t fully lying, but she was slightly annoyed she didn’t let her prepare for this moment or have her guard up. Surprising her like this with her guard down allowed for her heart to be unguarded. Beau frowned when he said he wanted to see her. “That’s new. Wanting to see me. Definitely a change from me being public enemy number one to you.” 

Beau shrugged at the observation. “It only took a time or two and I got the message. We haven’t seen each other in quite a while. I try not to be around your family much anymore, and I don’t hang around Kings Hill much anymore since you’re there more frequently. Even if you had personally called and asked I wouldn’t have shown up. Because I need to be the person who can move on and learn when they aren’t wanted instead of chasing something that only I wanted.” It was hard lesson to look in the mirror and realize she was a clown. He broke up with her she should have simply let it go then, but she kept trying when he didn’t want her around him in any way. 

She kept her face neutral when he mentioned missing her, ignoring how her heart ached with each word he spoke. “The missing a person doesn’t stop. The trick is to pretend it does and just move on. Ignore the way your heart feels as though it’s going to shatter and keep moving. Find some fun and have that until you can’t possibly think straight. Doesn’t make missing a person go away, just distracts from the constant hole in your heart.” That was her approach, and it was working for her. She was enjoying life again. She knew he probably wanted to hear something else, maybe that she missed him too, but she wasn’t falling into the hole to be swallowed up by his missing her now hating her later back and forth. She nodded. “Yes, my bar is still in the same place.” She pointed over to her smaller version of a bar from the  Secret Garden. She had just about any alcoholic beverage one could think of there behind the actual bar and on the shelved wall behind the bar. 

“You aren’t hurting me,” she lied. Beau downed the glass of wine she poured in one go, and poured another glass before plating and heating up her food. “I know you were there but do you want some? Or you can grab a fork and have some of mine.” When the food was warmed, she took it, the glass and bottle of wine over to the dining room table to sit and eat. She heaved a sigh before eating. “I accept your apology. The past is the past. I’m aware that we don’t have a future.” When he offered to leave she shook her head. “You can crash here. You’ve got your guard but I wouldn’t feel right sending you back out after you’ve been drinking.” She bit the inside of her cheek hearing the name he used to call her. It was a lifetime ago and a future they would never have. Probably muscle memory at best. “You’re not making me feel like shit. I stopped letting you do that when I stopped coming around. Plus, after this food, I’m going to have a bubble bath, and a round of self care, so you can hang out or whatever you’d like to do until I’m done. If you want to talk we can talk. I don’t know what about but whatever you want to do you came all this way.”  

-🔥-

When Beau actually spoke, her voice anchored him to the reality that this moment wasn't a dream. That his subconscious hadn't brutally created this in his slumber so that his heart would ache less, no matter how brief, under the cloak of sleep. She was real, standing before him, as he stood feet flat on the porch of her home in Southland. "You're welcome," Fell from his mouth in a hush of a breath as dark brown eyes washed over Beau in her doorway. "She wasn't lying." The 'today' or 'about this' portion of his words went unsaid. When Beau asked, indirectly it felt, why he'd appeared at her home when, for all purposes, Kaan should still be at his new estate and celebrating his new duties, the new Duke looked over his shoulders. Behind him, on the very edge of Beau's property at the mouth of the walkway up to the porch, stood an unnamed form. A requirement of his acceptance was his bodyguard. At least one should be visible and nearby the Kaan at all times. "I've celebrated enough tonight." He replied, turning his attention back onto Beau. "I'm here..." He trailed off and sighed. "I'm here 'cause I wanted to see you." Kaan paused, knowing how he acted, how he'd spoken to her the last time they interacted.

"The one time I invited you, you didn't show." Not that he blamed her. "And so, I'm here. With your food. Don't blame Minnoş. It's not her fault that I showed up." Kaan had the decency to lower his gaze, look away in shame, when she asked him why. Dark brows knit on the guardian witch's forehead as he thought over her question. "I don't know. Maybe a part of me thought that you were still not listening to me and would show up." He offered honestly. Which, did not happen. Beau's invitation was sent and received and yet she didn't show. Not that he'd made a strong attempt for her to be there. For her to know that he'd personally invited her. Moments later, she'd taken a step back and wordlessly welcomed her into the house. He blinked and after tossing another look towards his silent shadow several feet away, he joined Beau inside. The guard closed the distance and stood on Beau's porch, still offering the exes their privacy, back to her front door and eyes closely watching their environment.

A look of discomfort danced across Kaan's features as Beau spoke. As she began to share her part of their mutual heartbreak. "Nothing!" His voice serious to emphasize his point. "You've done nothing, Isabeau." He answered honestly with a sigh, watching as her emotion grew in her tone while she spoke. It, in all truth, made Kaan feel like shit - knowing that he was bringing back buried things from the graveyard of their relationship into the woman's living room with barely a word. "You did what I wanted, yeah. But it didn't stop-" He cut himself off and sighed before continuing. "-it hasn't stopped me from missing you." Kaan's long legs crossed the short distance to join Beau in her kitchen. "You got anything stronger than wine?" He asked her before sighing, once more.

"I didn't come here to hurt you. Ancestors know, I'm tired of hurting you. Of that being the only fucking thing I do now. That I hate that this is who I've let myself become." Kaan made sure to meet Beau's gaze as he continue, his tone sincere. "And I'm sorry. Sorry for being a shit person. An even shittier ex since we broke up. I'm sorry for constantly hurting you." He sighed heavily. "But I'm not here for that. I just wanted to see you. You've got your food. All your favorites are there too. Packed you a couple plates." One of Kaan's thumb pointed over his shoulders and towards the front door. "I can leave if you want, Ece." It was instinctual, the old petname he used to call Beau was yet familiar in his inebriated state as it rolled off his tongue. ...My Queen in Turkish. "I won't make you feel like shit in your own home."

[theartofruling]

Yeah, it’s a high profile event. NDAs had to be signed and lots of high profile guests at once. Me and Kat both wanted to oversee tonight. I’m more surprised to see you here celebrating with the groom to be.” She watched his gaze lower and she knew he didn’t fully hear her words. Beau’s lip fell captive between her teeth, knowing his thoughts were definitely not wholesome. “I said I didn’t know you knew Alden.” 

She looked down at her top. “This yeah. I bought it and the skirt for tonight.” The top left little to the imagination and the skirt was short and tight. She did a spin. “You like it?” She smiled brightly when he said she looked good. “You do too.” She reached up, standing on her toes to brush his hair behind his ear. He knew how much she loved his hair longer like this. Her fingers craved to curl around the tendrils and bring him down for a kiss. But that was muscle memory from times past, not current day. “I’ve been good. Tonight’s been good. I’ve been selectively giving lap dances. It’s a bit loud in here, do you want to go somewhere quieter?” She was already reaching for his hand to guide him to the upstairs area. It was a ghost town since the fun and drinks were downstairs. She guided him to sit and she sat in his lap. “Better? Because now you can be distracted in peace, the girls are right in your face now.” Beau gave him a shimmy to make her point. “If you want to greet them, feel free.” 

-🔥-

For some odd reason, seeing Beau tonight hadn't crossed Kaan's mind. Despite the bachelor party being held at one of her brothel's location. The Secret Garden had multiple locations, after all. Including a damn riverboat casino cruise line. Isabeau Olsen was a busy woman, that much Kaan knew, and was the reason why he hadn't considered running into his ex. At least the pair were on better terms. "I didn't know you were working here tonight." He answered in lieu of an actual greeting. "Which, hey." Kaan course corrected, his eyes widening briefly to literally show his surprise. The expression he wore morphed as his gaze lowered while taking in her appearance. "Huh?" The filler question left his lips before Kaan's mind realized, his gaze taking its time to return to Beau's face. ...It did, eventually.

"You look, uh..." Kaan trailed off, before one of his hands raised and its index finger pointed in the direction of her chest. "...is that new?" He asked, meaning the very distracting top she wore. Kaan cleared his throat while, belatedly, his mind processed her questions. "Oh, yeah. Shit, I'm sorry. I'm with Alden's bachelor party." He shared. "I'm alright. Good. And no, it's not weird. It's good to see you. You look..." The witch's words failed him again. "You look nice." He replied with a nod, his mind finally deciding on that neutral compliment. "What about you? How've you been? How's tonight going for you?"

[theartofruling]

There was almost a sadness associated with Kaan's hand leaving her waist. The familiarity of it produced a warmth that spread through her entire body. When he snatched it away, it was as though the warmth of the brief moment with it. Beau knew why he didn't think she would show up. It was because she didn't show up to his ceremony. Zinnia went, but she didn't think she would have been welcomed. So she stayed home. "I'm friends with the princess, and I am a liaison between Kings Hill and Northland Falls on occasion." An awkward silence fell over them for a moment as she didn't know what else to say. "I figured you would be here now with your new position. Do you miss the animals? Being nobility is a stark change to that."

-🔥-

The freshly promoted commoner turned noble felt awkward and odd as he stood, technically operating in the capacity of his new role. But it was the coronation weekend for King Sebastian, and Kaan who was Kings Hill newest duke had to fulfill his duty. Thankfully, for the most part, the emotions Kaan felt were in his mind. Which meant that it was more likely that no one else, aside from telepaths and nymphs, knew how the guardian witch felt. But that was a risk for anyone, anywhere in Lume no matter the realm.

Kaan's attention was on the drink in his hand, the dark ember liquid on the rocks in a glass, when he heard the familiar voice of his ex. Seconds later, he felt her. Literally. As she pressed against him. Dark brown eyes moved, lowering to meet hers, while Kaan's free hand, the one that was liquor free, grasped at the curve of her waist in a thoughtless reaction to keep Beau upright. Subconsciously, Kaan was glad that the woman wasn't an air nymph with the manner of how she literally took his breath away. He blinked, his mind belatedly realizing Beau's words.

"Shit," He murmured and snatched his hand away from the warmth of her form. "I um-" Kaan cleared his throat while ignoring the urge to scratch at the back of his neck. The longer, rebellious strands of his hair fell into his face and briefly obscured Kaan's view of Beau before him. With his free hand, he dragged a hand through the locks in an attempt to both tame them and clear his path of sight. "I didn't think you'd show up." He paused. "For the King's coronation." After all, although invited to Kaan's inaugural ceremony of his duchy and bestowing of his title, Isabeau did not attend.

[theartofruling]

Beau had been awaiting a to go plate from her ex’s function as her daughter had promised to bring it by. There wasn’t a chance Beau would step foot into the function of her own accord. Not when she had been given the firm signal of staying away from Kaan. Their break up hadn’t been her decision but she understood. Their futures didn’t align and for a while, she couldn’t see herself married or having any more children. Beau had been stupid to think even friendship was possible. The more she tried the more evident it was that she would have to completely learn to live without Kaan. After they slept together after running into him at her brothel, it was evident there was nothing between them. Or rather he wanted there to be nothing but space. 

She gave him that. She gave him space and she learned to live again without him being the first person she called when she needed help, or when she had exciting news. She learned to mend her heart and live in the moment. Beau learned how to enjoy life and cope with heartbreak once again. Her heart was resilient, she’d give it that. But she had suffered her last devastating heartbreak this lifetime. Self care became her focus. In many forms, some her daughter didn’t approve of. 

Beau heaved a sigh, she had drunk more wine than intended, a bit tipsy since she never got her food. She would make something quick, then get to her alone time and her bubble bath. Just as she stood to make something, a knock sounded on the door. She knew it wasn’t Zinnia because she had a key. It wasn’t Torben because he was busy tonight. Kat also had a key, and so did Markus. Her brows furrowed before she answered. Beau bit the inside of her cheek as the ache in her heart started up. Her brow rose when a curse slipped from him and an admission to missing her. 

Her chest rose and fell with a heavy sigh. After essentially cutting him out of her heart and out of her system he stood on her doorstep. Beau kept her mouth shut for fear of all her progress falling by the wayside. Her eyes followed his movements, taking the plate from his hold. “Thank you. She said it was on the way but I didn’t believe her. Shouldn’t you still be celebrating? It was a night in your honor and you’re…here.” She nodded at his question. “Yes. I figured it was sent in error or everyone was invited. In which case, I knew I wasn’t wanted there.” 

The ache felt as though it spread from her heart throughout her whole chest, festering and throbbing the longer she was in his presence. She hadn’t cried over him in months. And here he was ripping open healing wounds. “Why? You’ve made it clear several times you don’t want me around. Why would I go?” She stepped back silently inviting him in. “I worked so hard to learn how to live without you. To move on from that part of my life. I finally got the hint. Loud and clear. To leave you alone. And when I do, you’re here. I don’t know what else to do here, Kaan, I really don’t.” She put her plate on the kitchen counter in favor of pouring herself another glass of wine. “What have I done this time? Because I thought I was doing what you wanted.”

Kaan + Beau @theartofruling

Location: Beau's home in Southland (or whatever she lives on this day)

-🔥 Flashback 🔥-

Kaan exited the portal station closest to a home in Southland he'd once considered one of his own. Even as a witch, he understood the draw that the faerie realm had on others. Especially those that connected intimately with nature. However, it wasn't the realm that drew Kaan in the realm. Nor in the familiar neighborhood that seemed to blur past him as he made his way to the one place that with a sober mind, he fought stubbornly to resist. Except Kaan wasn't sober.

The evening had been joyous. A literal celebration of his newly bestowed responsibilities and the acceptance of those within his duchy as tonight, Kaan had been the official bestowing, a coronation of sorts, to being a Duke. It was night one and after saying goodbye to his departing loved ones and guests, Kaan's hands found themselves with a bagged plate of a familiar set of favorite foods and his feet made for the nearest portal station. Until, he remembered with his new title came a private, entrance connected to his own duchy to said station. Zinnia's final words rang in Kaan's ear as she prepared her mother's plate that he usurped from her and offered to bring Beau instead. He'd drank quite a bit by then. Kaan indulged in a few more before leaving.

The guardian witch's coordination and enough wits still remained as he reached Beau's door. After closing his eyes and taking a deep inhale along with a silent plea to the ancestors for guidance, he knocked on the door. Moments later, after he'd opened them, there was Beau. While he not drunk, Kaan's buzz helped to drop his guard. More than. "Fuck." He exhaled, brown eyes taking in the sight of her and he met Beau's gaze. The quiet, constant ache he grew to ignore when it came to her flared, viciously, in his chest. "Fuck, if I don't miss you." The confession left his mouth of its own accord and strength. He wiped at his face and the tips of his fingers mussed the front of his hair and blood flushed his his skin before he continued. "I'm sorry." Kaan held up the bag in wordless offering. "Minnoş," His nickname for Zinnia. "She told me she was bringing you this. I offered instead." He held it out towards Beau. "I-" The words caught in Kaan's throat before he cleared it and nervously powered on. "I sent you an invitation for tonight. Did you get it?" He paused, scanning across Beau's face.

"All the faces I saw. Everybody who came. And I just kept looking for you." Kaan thought, unaware that he'd actually uttered those words. "All I wanted was you. And I'm so fucking tired of acting like I don't." The sound of his own voice ringing in his ears, and not in his mind, made him realize she'd heard him. Kaan's eyes widened. "...Fuck."