#[-- rest assured that I made a conscious attempt to analyze him for you while trying not to let my bias get in the way]

[crystalkleure]

Do you really think that Valt is a bad friend to Shu? Because I’ve seen every instance where he tries his absolute hardest to be there for his friend without being too overbearing. And what you said about Valt screaming at Shu to to snap him out of his brainwashing? I don’t think that was the case. It seemed more like the shock of losing to Valt was what snapped him out of it. And Valt did try talking to Shu before hand. Besides, don’t Bladers usually scream and shout more during battles anyway?

[This is going to be a truly impressively massive amount of text, because of course this is the Main Character and the Main Rival we’re talking about, so there’s a lot to unpack here – This is probably the most detailed/complicated relationship in the show, naturally. I apologize in advance for the obtrusive text wall…which I am only making larger by prepending it with this apology (;x_x)]

I don’t think Valt was intentionally a bad friend, but I do think he and Shuu are bad for eachother, yeah. And I have several different reasons for saying that; But first [and this might be a surprise], all of this is actually not why I don’t like Valt [so I don’t think it’s my bias talking when I say he’s a bad friend, ahaha]; I mean, Lui was of course way, WAAAAY more awful to Shuu than Valt was and I love Lui. [If they’re written well, I generally find complicated relationships really interesting, whether they’re healthy relationships or not.] I actually don’t like Valt specifically because I couldn’t stand the way he was written in s2 – He ended up harping on a lot of tropes that happen to annoy me [So it’s an entirely separate thing that basically just boils down to shallow personal taste jhgfhdkl OTL]. I actually didn’t particularly dislike Valt at all in s1 [though I also didn’t particularly like him, and I found his voice got on my nerves a bit sometimes], and I’m more than willing to STOP hating him in s3 if, when we actually see more of him, it becomes apparent that the writing team isn’t still puppeteering him with Bad Cliches for the sake of the plot. /end disclaimer

Now, here’s my actual answer under a cut, because it’s just…so much…:

I don’t think Valt was “trying to support Shuu without being overbearing” for the most part at all; Valt was just completely oblivious to the fact that there was something seriously wrong with Shuu until Shuu had already gone totally off the deep end. I think what you’re reading as “support” is maybe just how Valt was always so cheerful and happy towards Shuu? But that’s not actual support, that’s just…basic enthusiastic friendliness. Valt didn’t try to address any of Shuu’s bad ideas or unhealthy thought patterns, and try to steer him away from them; like, think of how 1) Shuu helped Dyna decide against quitting beyblade, or 2) how Hoji physically stopped Wakiya from beating his fists against the wall after a loss, and then convinced him that there was no shame in losing and this was actually just a chance to learn from the mistake and try again later, or even 3) how at the end of s2 Wakiya told Shuu something along the lines of “Hey what you did was fucking dumb dude, don’t do that again” but also forgave him for it because ofc they’re still friends even after the Red Eye fiasco, etc. THAT’S support. “Support” is “trying to help somebody through a problem{*}”. And Valt…obviously couldn’t do that if he wasn’t aware of Shuu’s problems in the first place.

Hell, Valt somehow wasn’t even aware of how Shuu got his scar. Near the end of s1, when Shuu told the team about how Lui tried to gouge out his eye, Valt was as surprised as everybody else. That’s always been a major “What the fuck” moment for me; did Valt not even watch that battle? His “best friend” was fighting Lui Shirasagijo, and I’m sure that was televised? Why was Valt not aware of that major trauma Shuu went through until then?? What? Did he just…not even ask about the scar? Did Shuu tell him it was an “accident” and he just accepted that and proceeded to ignore it? How could Shuu’s best friend not know anything about that battle?

And when Valt WAS aware of an Obvious Problem that Shuu had – the injured arm – he didn’t prevent Shuu from making it worse when he could have. Valt ACKNOWLEDGED that he could have kept Shuu from hurting himself further, because Valt WANTED to back out of that battle and not let Shuu fight him. And Valt does get some “Good Friend points” for that imo, but he also loses those points immediately because he folded and DIDN’T call off that battle…just because Shuu didn’t want him to. It shouldn’t have mattered that Shuu didn’t want him to refuse to battle him. It shouldn’t have mattered that Shuu got angry. The bottom line was that Shuu was hurting himself and was going to make it worse. [Like…would you let your best friend play in traffic just because they wanted to and got mad when you tried to stop them? Looks like maybe Valt would ._.] Valt enables Shuu’s self-destructive tendencies. The things that Shuu wants are DEFINITELY not necessarily things that will be good for Shuu, as Shuu proves by making bad [dangerous] decisions again and again.

Ah, and at this point I realize I need to explicitly clarify something because I’m noticing I keep wording it a little wrong: I’m saying Valt doesn’t realize when Shuu has a problem, but that’s actually nnnnot quite right? More accurately, it’s like Valt notices when something is bothering Shuu, but has NO IDEA how bad the problem actually is, because Valt 100% falls for it when Shuu tries to downplay his issues. When Shuu insists that he’s fine, Valt believes him and just thinks “Well, whatever’s wrong, Shuu can handle it”. So Valt knows that Shuu is agitated by things sometimes, but he is mistaking Shuu’s rapidly mounting Severe Emotional Trauma for just some relatively minor inconvenience that Shuu will probably get over fairly quickly. Valt doesn’t realize that things are FAR worse than Shuu is pretending they are. He doesn’t realize that Shuu is lying to him to minimize something that is actually overwhelmingly significant.

But…I think maybe, to a certain extent, Shuu likes that about Valt; how Valt doesn’t really try to stop him from making his bad decisions. Valt doesn’t try to talk to him about his problems. Valt is just like Shuu’s shitty absent parents in how he’ll just believe that Shuu’s got everything under control if Shuu SAYS he does. Shuu likes to pretend he’s fine when he’s actually suffering, and Valt makes that easy. It’s…almost like Valt will WILLFULLY IGNORE Shuu’s suffering so he doesn’t have to deal with it, presumably because he believes Shuu can deal with whatever it is just fine by himself. Because even when Valt CAN tell that something’s maybe Very Wrong, if Shuu says “It’s fine” then Valt will just accept that bullshit and stop worrying about it. Even in the rare instances when Valt IS aware that “I’m fine” is a lie, he still trusts Shuu to handle whatever the problem is anyway. It’s like looking at a person who is drowning and thinking “Nah, they must be fine” because they told you they know how to swim.

So this just creates, like…a snowball of toxic buildup. Shuu wants people to believe he is Strong and Independent and is always in control of things all the time, and Valt feeds into that unhealthy facade by totally going along with it. Valt doesn’t worry about Shuu enough, because Shuu doesn’t want him to. But Shuu NEEDS someone to worry about him. Valt’s not “trying not to be overbearing”, he’s just…flat-out not doing anything.

[Finally getting to that asterisk from way above…] {*}There are different ways to support someone; for example, passively supporting them without being “overbearing” could be just letting them vent to you, and then telling them you understand them and their feelings are valid [yeah, it’s cheesy but just letting someone know you don’t think they’re overreacting can be exactly what they need to hear more often than you’d think]. Valt actually had opportunities to do this…multiple times. The biggest example would be after Spriggan was broken by Lui; when Shuu and Valt were on the beach. That’s an awful scene.

…Alright, That Is Not Helpful. In fact, that’s gonna make Shuu feel WORSE. Valt totally just trivialized the way Shuu was feeling, he just moved on and continued being happy and cheerful. Like…imagine if your pet died, and you’re at your best friend’s house, you’re sitting in their room crying and grieving, and they’re cheerfully playing video games or something and not even listening to you [except to maybe occasionally turn around and ask “You done being sad yet? No? K, lmk when you get over it so you can come be player 2 and have fun with me over here”]

Now, this:

NO. Valt shouldn’t have let Shuu brush it off like that, but instead he gleefully allowed him to. Shuu needed to talk about that, or at the very least Valt needed to firmly state that it would be okay to talk to him if Shuu ever did want to talk about it [not ideal because Shuu would ofc probably reject the offer, but dammit it would’ve been something, instead of just “Oh, okay nvm he’s fine lol”. As soon as Shuu even slightly tried to play it off, Valt completely dropped the subject for good.]{**}.

Also, somewhat minorly:

…Meticulously fussing over taking care of Valkyrie while Shuu is holding his broken Spriggan in his pocket. After Shuu made it obvious that he feels like Spriggan breaking was his fault because he didn’t take better care of it. Aaaaand then in a minute Valt asks Shuu to hold Valkyrie…so he can run back out to play in the water again. Oh yeah, that totally wouldn’t sting at all. That’s not rubbing salt in the wound or anything. Man, this scene made me cringe. […Actually, this scene deserves its own entirely separate dissection post. I’ll work on that in a bit.]

{**}The thing is, I think Shuu does WANT to talk about his problems, naturally, but at the same time he doesn’t want to admit that he even HAS problems in the first place, and talking to people about them would of course be admitting to those people that those problems exist. So therefore he avoids talking about them. But there are brief moments, when Shuu is feeling particularly overwhelmed, that I think all of the pent-up frustration would just pour out if someone would only prod him about it a bit. When he is alone with somebody he trusts, and they don’t accept his lies about being “fine”, he would probably give in and spill his guts very quickly. [Dyna or Wakiya would probably be the most ideal for this, or possibly even Kensuke. Valt is too easy to lie to.]

Like, look at this. That’s a longing look. That’s a “I’m overwhelmed and overflowing with so many negative emotions right now that they are physically leaking out of my eyes” look. Shuu has things he does want to say. And Valt left him standing there alone.

Moving on to season 2 now…by the time Valt FINALLY realized that something was REALLY REALLY WRONG with Shuu, and that maybe Shuu couldn’t handle it, it was, uh, a little too late. Or a lot too late. Shuu Has Had Enough. Shuu’s so frustrated and angry that now Valt can’t just talk to him, because he’s so fixated on taking Direct Action against failing again that he won’t slow down long enough to listen. Shuu is also actively avoiding Valt now, for a reason that I’ve mentioned in another post {X}. [I won’t re-type that entire post here {parts of it were also purely hypothetical and thus irrelevant to this post}, but TL;DR, Shuu actually seemed to have a lot of pent-up resentment towards Valt for constantly outshining him. Valt did not notice this problem building up in time, due to his lack of proper communication with Shuu. Now, Shuu sees Valt as an obstacle that needs to be overcome, more than he sees him as a friend.]

So yeah, NOW Valt’s trying a little more earnestly to actually talk to Shuu. And I actually think I can gloss over a good amount of s2 [and thank god, because this post is already waaaay too long] and skip straight to the end of the season;

Regarding that final battle, [I don’t say this clearly enough sometimes because I keep mentioning it kind of offhandedly, but] I don’t think Valt simply yelling at him alone WAS what woke Shuu up, but I also don’t think it was the loss that did it either – I think it was a combination of both the iNCREDIBLE VOLUME and also what Valt was saying. Because people certainly do shout a lot during beybattles, but there seemed to be an ESPECIALLY prominent focus on the dialogue this time? Which is part of why I keep saying I’m a little confused by the final battle; because it’s not subbed yet and I don’t KNOW exactly what Valt was saying. But based on the couple of words I could pick out, and Valt’s facial expressions/body language, what I THINK he was saying was probably Generic Power-Of-Friendship Trope Stuff? Something like “I know you’re still in there somewhere!” or “I don’t know what happened to you but we’re still friends so calm down and let’s just be happy again! I forgive you and I believe in you!” And THAT’S what I don’t think should have worked. Because people tried repeatedly to throw Love And Friendship at Brainwashed Shuu, and he just tuned them out completely. Just turning up the volume shouldn’t have made quite such a dramatic difference, I think?

I think, realistically, the Magic Words that could have snapped Shuu out of it would’ve had to be something like…telling him that what he went through with Ashram was not worth it because it’s just okay to fail. It’s okay to fail, to learn from that mistake, and then just keep trying again until you understand the problem well enough to figure out how to get past it. Shuu didn’t need to go berserk and put himself through hell in the Snake Pit to make himself stronger, trying to ensure that he would never lose a battle again. It’s okay to lose and it doesn’t make him weak. Like…getting back up and persistently trying again after getting knocked down is what makes somebody strong. Tenacity. Refusal to fold and give up when faced with a challenge. NOT to try to make sure you will never have to feel challenged again at all. [Wakiya got over nearly this exact mindset. That’s why I say I think he’d be one of the best people to talk to Shuu about it {if Shuu would even let him}]

And I don’t think any of that is even remotely what Valt was shouting at Shuu, because I don’t think it was possible for Valt to say those things. Valt doesn’t have the faintest idea of what happened to Shuu in the Snake Pit, and, even further back than that, Valt doesn’t understand WHY Shuu went to the Snake Pit in the first place. So, not knowing what Valt said from behind the language barrier here, I’m just figuring whatever it was just Wasn’t Enough [or, shouldn’t have been enough]. [The whole finale felt a little rushed to me imo? The pacing in God was terrible overall and there were a lot of loose threads left hanging that will apparently never be addressed again :/ Well, at least the season sort of made up for the dodgy plot by introducing so many amazing characters]

And to cap off the post: I do think that, overall, Valt really does mean well. It’s just that he’s incredibly immature [even amongst his friends who are all also 11-13ish, Valt is still like “the baby” of the group] and is thus ultimately pretty self-centered. He’s not actively trying to hurt anybody though, he’d just prefer to not worry with the messier, more depressing parts of a friendship [bc he obviously doesn’t know HOW]. Unfortunately, Emotional Baggage is a package deal with Shuu, and it can’t be ignored without catastrophic results. And I’ve said that Valt and Shuu’s friendship is toxic, but it actually got that way because of Shuu, mostly; Shuu’s emotional state is a burning garbage fire, and Valt just carelessly fanned the flames instead of grabbing a water hose, if that makes sense. These two got fucked up mainly because of emotional issues that Shuu let fester for too long. And Shuu is likely as fucked up as he is primarily because of his neglectful parents, so, ultimately, I blame Shuu’s parents for this mess. [Well, I blame Lui too to some degree, but Lui’s torment wouldn’t have had such a profound effect on Shuu if Shuu had people to support him after it happened.]

[Also, have you read these yet? {X} {X} I glossed over a lot of pretty important details regarding Shuu’s characterization in this post, because I had already written those two essays before – they are still Highly Relevant.]

[adenei]

Untitled (no really, that’s the title)

Hello Romione lovers! 

I’ve been waiting about a month to post this fic. It was written for the 2020 HPRomione Discord Secret Santa Exchange for @gurinpotte​ ! I really enjoyed writing this Shell Cottage fic that explores where Ron and Hermione’s relationship stands. I know it’s not Christmas related, but I hope you enjoy this fic filled with nightmares, pining, angst, and fluff (with a teensy bit of some side hinny as well). I promise the title will make sense once you get to the end!

Please like and reblog/leave kudos on Ao3

Also stay tuned for my Hinny Incognito Elf fic that will be posted soon, too!

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Hermione assured him she was fine. That he could go take a break. Eat something, have a shower. Get some sleep of his own. Fleur had just given her a new dose of potions, and had changed her bandages, and Luna would be sleeping in the extra bed. So at her insistence, Ron gave her some space when he saw Luna come into the room to settle in for the night. 

He turned back to Hermione, who smiled and gave him a firm, “go,” and he turned to exit the room, swapping places with Luna. But Luna didn’t enter right away. Instead she shut the door and looked at him pensively. 

“You truly care for her, don’t you?” she asked.

“I- yeah,” responded Ron, a bit taken aback.

“She cares for you, too. And I don’t think she really wants you to go, but she’s worried about you just as much as you are for her.”

Ron looked at Luna in confusion. “She doesn’t need to be worried about me. I’m fine, I’m not the one who was tortured,” he said low in his voice.

“No, but you haven’t slept, you’ve barely eaten and no offense, Ron, you do have a smell to you. Hermione probably feels guilty that you’re so focused on taking care of her that you are forgetting about yourself. You will make her feel better if you take some time for you. I’ll keep an eye on her, and if she needs you, I’ll come find you,” Luna told him.

She really was brilliantly insightful, even if she came off as rather aloof much of the time. “Thank you, Luna,” Ron said sincerely. “I’ll be-”

“Downstairs. Now go on, so I can tell Hermione all about the plimpies in the pond near my house.” Luna smiled happily as she turned to enter the room.

Ron found himself wandering into the bathroom first to take a long, hot shower. He didn’t entirely believe Luna when she said he smelled, but just in case. He turned on the faucet, undressed and stepped into the hot water, which admittedly felt good against his skin. Ron began thinking about what Luna said. That Hermione was just as worried about him. She didn’t need to be! He could take care of himself just fine. It was her who needed the attention. 

He’d never admit it, but he was afraid that something would happen and she would relapse into unconsciousness again if he was gone for too long. Plus, he wanted to care for her, show her how much she meant to him. He needed to tell her how he felt. Time was proving much too short, what with his close call running into the snatchers after he’d left, and now their capture and her subsequent torture. The likelihood that they were going to make it out of this alive seemed to become slimmer with each passing day.

Ron turned the water off and stepped out with a new resolve. He’d figure it out. He’d find a way to tell her. Maybe tomorrow, when they both were fresh off of a steady sleep. He couldn’t say good, not when the nightmares of her screams taunted his mind. After he’d toweled off, he’d summoned a fresh outfit, and got dressed. He went downstairs and attempted to eat some more of the leftover supper Fleur had made earlier, and then tidied up so she didn’t have to worry about it.

 Dean and Harry were laying on their respective sleeping bags as Ron grabbed a blanket and flopped onto the sofa. “How’s Hermione doing?” Dean asked.

“She’s okay. Insisted I leave, so here I am,” Ron sulked slightly.

“Everyone likes their space now and then, I reckon,” Dean offered. 

Dean had a point, and maybe Hermione just needed some space. Maybe he was smothering her a bit. Not that he cared. He made a vow that he’d never leave her again, and he wanted to be there for her, especially right now. Ron still felt guilty about his abandonment, even though she told him she’d forgiven him. He figured he’d never make it up to himself for doing that to her, and wasn’t everyone their own worst critic?

Ron looked at Harry, who was laying there quietly, staring at the Marauder’s Map. “Harry…” Ron said slowly.

“I know. It’s just a habit,” he said as he tapped it and put it back in his mokeskin pouch silently. “Are you staying down here, then?” he asked.

Ron felt slightly guilty. He’d been spending so much time at Hermione’s side that he’d neglected his best friend. Sure, he’d gone out for Dobby’s burial, but his mind had been distracted. Hermione hadn’t woken up yet, and he kept looking up at her window, half expecting Fleur to come open it and summon him in. 

“Yeah,” Ron said slowly. “Listen, Harry, I’m sorry I’ve-”

“You don’t need to apologize, Ron. I get it. I’d have done the same thing,” Harry said, giving him a hard look. They didn’t talk much about Ginny, but he knew that’s what Harry meant. “Just, when Hermione is well enough, we should discuss next steps.”

Ron gave Harry a curt nod. “Yeah, alright.” 

Harry then waved his wand to extinguish the lights, which meant he didn’t want to talk anymore. Ron was perfectly fine with that as he rolled over and figured he should at least try and get some sleep. He chanted the same mantra in his head to help him relax. Hermione’s safe now. No one is going to hurt her here. She’s safe upstairs…

Ron wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but he was awoken to the sounds of blood curdling screams. He wasn’t sure if he was even conscious as he found himself running up the stairs. Luna was on her way down to get him and he almost bowled her over. “What happened,” he said in a panicked voice.

“She’s having a nightmare. I can’t get her to wake up,” Luna called after him since he didn’t bother to stop. 

Ron tore into the small bedroom to find Hermione thrashing wildly in the bed. As soon as he’d broken the barrier of the silencing charm Fleur must have cast seconds ago to keep the rest of the house quiet, Hermione’s shouts of terror and screams hit his ears.

“I don’t know anything! Please, no! I don’t know anything!” More screaming ensued as Ron went over to her. 

Ron let his instinct take over, and sat on the side of the bed. He placed his hands firmly on her shoulders to help steady her and stop the wild movement. He began speaking softly to her.

“Hermione, it’s okay. It’s just a nightmare. It’s not real. Not anymore. Please wake up.” Her screaming dulled to a whimper, and he watched her eyes scrunch tighter than before. “Hermione, wake up. It’s alright, you’re alright,” he reassured her until finally he saw her eyes open. 

Ron watched as it took her a moment for her vision to adjust. The look on her face said it all as he helped her sit up. “It was a nightmare, that’s all. She’s not here, she can’t hurt you.” 

Hermione nodded as understanding began to flood her system. She looked around the room and noticed Bill, Fleur and Luna looking on in concern. That’s when the tears started to flow down her face. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I probably woke the entire house up.” She placed her head in her hands.

“Hermione, you don’t need to be sorry,” Bill said immediately. “You just went through a terrible trauma. It’s normal. I’ll admit I had nightmares for a spell after Greyback attacked me. I’d turn into a full on werewolf at the full moon and I didn’t know.” Bill shuddered at the reminiscent thought as Fleur rubbed his back consolingly.

“ ‘Ermione, are you sure I cannot give you dreamless sleep? It eez no trouble,” Fleur offered.

“You didn’t take any tonight?” Ron asked her.

“No. I’m trying to wean off the potions. I don’t want to become reliant on it,” Hermione told him.

“But-”

“No, Ron.” Hermione then looked at Fleur. “I’ll be okay.”’

Fleur nodded reluctantly. “Let us know if you need anyzing,” she said as let herself and Bill out of the room.

“I’m going to go downstairs for a bit,” Luna said, wanting to give Ron and Hermione some privacy. 

Ron was just realizing as Luna shut the door that his arm was still around her shoulders, and she was leaning into his side. “What do you want me to do, Hermione? I’ll stay if you want. I can sleep in the chair again. It’ll be fine. Please let me-”

“Ron, you’re not sleeping in the chair,” Hermione started.

“Fine! The floor then-”

“Will you let me finish?” Hermione interrupted him again. Ron stopped and looked at her. “I want you to stay. I was stupid to think I didn’t need you here.” She turned her head away from him.

“So the floor, then?” Ron asked.

“N-no. I was hoping that you’d...that you’d…” Hermione’s face turned pink at her cheeks.

“Where do you want me, Hermione?” 

“Next to me.” Ron didn’t need her to gesture to the bed to know what she meant.

“Yeah, of course,” he said without thinking. He gently released her as he stood up while Hermione moved over and held back the blankets for him. Ron climbed in, hardly believing that he was about to spend the night in a bed with her. It didn’t even matter that it was only because he wanted to provide some comfort for her if the nightmares started again.

“Thank you,” Hermione said as Ron lifted his arm up and she gladly settled into his side. She felt so right there, almost as if she fit like a perfect puzzle piece. He breathed in the scent of her hair as he committed this very moment to memory. 

You should tell her, he heard his brain murmur. Maybe it would help comfort her to think about something happy. Well, he hoped it would be a happy and welcome thought. He really needed to stop over analyzing things and just go for it.

“Hermione, I’ve been so stupid,” Ron heard his voice say. What the hell was that? That’s how you’re choosing to start your profession of love to her?

And yet, her response surprised him more than he surprised himself. “So have I.”

“I should have been more obvious-”

“Me too,” she agreed.

This was going to be harder than he thought, not that he was complaining about her interjections. But he kept going. “I promise I’m always going to be there from now on. You’ll have to hex me away. I shouldn’t have even left you tonight-”

“I’d never hex you away,” she said. Hermione adjusted her body as she turned on her side to face him. He rolled over to meet her.

“Er, Hermione, I hate to break it to you, but you have done before,” Ron smirked, flashing his famous lopsided grin.

“I won’t anymore, how’s that?” She smiled shyly back at him.

“I suppose that works. Hermione, I’ll- I’ll respect whatever you want, but I need to be honest with you and- I don’t want to waste any more time. I know we’re in the middle of the war, and helping Harry is our main focus, but I can’t let this go any longer without telling you-”

Hermione raised a finger to his lips to stop him. “I don’t either, but Ron….”

Ron kissed her finger as he lifted up his own hand to gently move hers away. “Don’t. Don’t think of all the reasons it’s not the right time. Feels like we’ve done enough of that already.”

“I know…”

Ron could tell Hermione was thinking intently about something. He was holding his breath, waiting for her to go on. Maybe he hadn’t outright said it, but he knew deep down that she understood him, so the quaffle was on her side of the pitch now.

“I want this. I really do,” her eyes were pleading with him. “But I’m scared. Scared of losing this before we’ve even had a chance…”

He knew what she meant. He feared the same thing.  “Me too,” he admitted. Then he had an idea. “So, what if we don’t give it a title. At least not until the war’s over. Y’know, so it doesn’t feel like we’d be losing anything if...if…” Ron couldn’t bring himself to say it. 

Hermione nodded slightly. “O-okay,” she said.

Whether they decided to put a title to it or not, it was clear they were past the point of ‘just friends,’ what with the fact that they were about to fall asleep in the same bed. Without thinking, Ron leaned in and kissed her on her forehead. They lay there quietly for a while before Hermione reluctantly turned over to make herself more comfortable. Ron kept his arms around her as his fingers interlaced with hers. He closed his eyes and listened to the steady sound of Hermione’s breathing as he fell asleep. 

When he woke up again, the sun was shining brightly into the window. For a moment, he forgot where he was. It took a moment to realize he was lying in bed, his arms still wrapped around Hermione, who had shifted at some point in the middle night. Her head was nestled in the crook of his shoulder and her arm was draped around his stomach, her legs tangled with his. He smiled at the sight of her there. He turned to check the watch on the bedside table. It was 8:00. He’d slept through the night. She’d slept through the night. As he adjusted himself to sit up a bit, he must have disturbed her. 

He felt her stretch out, and her eyes opened lazily. It took her a moment to realize he was there. “Morning,” he said, his voice deeper than usual from sleep.

“Morning,” she returned. “What time is it?”

“Eight,” he said. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Y-yeah, actually, I did,” she said surprised.

“So did I.”

Hermione sat up in bed. “So...it appears sleeping together keeps the nightmares away.”

“Yeah,” Ron agreed. “Or maybe it’s just a fluke?”

“Maybe.” Hermione pursed her lips as she thought for a moment. And then a smile crossed her lips. “But we should definitely try again tonight to see.”

“That sounds like a brilliant plan,” Ron grinned back at her as he heard Luna call for them on the other side of the door. For the first time in a long while, Ron had something to look forward to.

*******************

Looking for more great romione SS fics? Check these out and give them a like/reblog, too!

@avatarvader for be11atrixthtestrange

@be11atrixthestrange for smjl

@accio-broom for roy of the ballerina type

[nitaescence]

x. reminiscence | final part

genre : DDLG!au word count : 7.7 k warnings — nothing really crazy ;)

sweetpea masterlist

One month later

Jungkook woke up at the feeling of an arm circling his waist. Eyes closed, he smiled lazily and slowly rolled over in his bed. The sunray light coming through the window intensified gradually, warming up the hand he had draped over. His lips stretched even more when they got kissed and he eventually opened his eyes still heavy with sleep to gaze down at you.

The sun framed your hair in a gorgeous, warm toned halo of light and for a second he thought he was still dreaming. You smiled back, bedazzling him.

“Baby,” he slurred while sliding his hand up your back to cup your cheek. He found you ravishing in the morning, always had. He didn’t look tired anymore. “I missed you so much.”

You grabbed his hand and pressed it harder against your face and you pecked his palm, tickling the skin there.

His smile faltered when he noticed an arm snaking around your hips to pull you away from him and to get you to lie on your back, revealing a bare-chested Taehyung lying on top of you.

Powerless, Jungkook watched him sloppily making out with you while you welcomed him between your legs. Suddenly, he had the feeling the mattress was stretching and parting him away from you and Taehyung while he was unable to react.

His irritation stirred him awake.

He wasn’t in his bedroom but back in the hotel room he had been occupying for the past weeks. You weren’t lying next to him anymore and were replaced by one of the pillows. The only thing Jungkook had kept from his dream was the unpleasant feeling seeing Taehyung had roused and settled within him, making his head pound painfully when he wasn’t even fully awake yet.

He sat up on the edge of the bed and took his head in his hand. It seemed like his attempts at taking time for himself away from his friend didn’t make any good like he had hope it would. He tried to summon that vision of you as a way to help himself feel better but it wasn’t enough, that image of you, as soothing as it could be, was outweighed by the reality he had been attempting to make do with and had yet to succeed in doing so.

****************************************************

There were only a few people inside the coffeeshop, still a lot more than what Taehyung would have expected given the late hour in the morning. It took him a couple of minutes to decide on what to order. He let himself lean against the countertop while waiting and stared into space.

His eyes quickly scanned the quiet clients around. He paused and kept gazing at one of them at the other side of the room, sitting on one of the stools facing the storefront which overlooked the busy street.

The sudden call of his name snapped him out of his daze and he kindly thanked the staff member. He brought the scalding hot drink to his lips, cupping it to warm his hands reddened by the cold.

He looked back at the female stranger who had earned his interest while calmly walking towards the stools. He let two seats between him and her and sat down. He tried to take a discreet and quick peek without looking too suspicious.

She was resting her head in her palm, her hair was covering her face, right in front of her sat her cup of coffee she had barely started on; her other hand was making sure to keep her thighs covered with the skirt she was wearing to protect herself from the chilly wind the entrance door let in. He frowned at that. A plastic bag hung around her wrist, surely containing a recent purchase.

She didn’t seem like she had taken notice of Taehyung’s presence and he took the opportunity to analyze her a little bit more.

His phone rang out of the blue, making an awful sound against the wooden counter and he clumsily hurried to turn it off not to disturb the young woman.

Just as he was about to check on her, one of the clients who had decided to leave the place, walked their way and gruffly shoved her on his way out. It didn’t seem intentional but Taehyung didn’t miss the opportunity to slur an insult. He didn’t spare him a glance and favored rushing to prevent the female stranger from losing balance.  

He stood up and firmly held her arm and shoulder. She frowned, confused, brushed her hair away from her face and slowly looked up.

“You-”

Taehyung froze when he recognized you. Your brows furrowed a little more as you also took it in.

“_________...”

Your name escaped his lips in an inaudible voice. You looked away and tried to stir when your back hurt a little from your posture. He slowly let go of you but didn’t make another move, still stunned.

You let out a light giggle, running your fingers in your hair and kept your eyes down on your lap. “This- this is a little embarrassing…”

You eventually looked up worriedly when he still didn’t budge.

“You okay?”

Taehyung blinked and finally seemed to take a hold of himself. “Are you? That a-... brute almost knocked you over and…”

“Oh, no… I must have fallen asleep,” you trailed slowly and looked at the bag you were adjusting around your hand.

Taehyung was still staring at you. “I can’t believe it’s you... Can I sit ?”

“Yes, of course.” You hurried to answer back. You looked as he took the seat next to yours and offered a shy smile.

He faintly drew his brows together.

Were you... ?

Questions jostled one another in his head. “What- what are you doing here?” A sudden thought made his stomach knot. “Are… Are you with someone right now?”

The smile never left your lips as you shook your head. “I actually quit the company.”

“Really?”

“Hm-mm… It was a little complicated but I managed to find a place... where to live until I find something better.”

“Something better?”

“Yes…” You bit your lip, looking away when his gaze felt too insistent and made you feel self-conscious. “The people there, they’re… different.”

Taehyung’s frown remained after he noticed the shadows under your eyes. He pointed at your legs. “Did they do those to you?”

Your hand tightened around your skirt and goosebumps covered your bruised thighs. You denied it, unconvincing and he kept observing you grimly as you slightly curled up.

“Why did you leave?” He didn’t intend to but he almost sounded like he was scolding you.

“Because I felt out of place… It was suffocating and... because... I wanted to feel good again.”

“I- I thought they treated you right.”

“They did. They gave me a roof over my head but privileges only came when I was under contract. When you’re profitable. Honestly, when you’re not it feels like you’re caged. You don’t have clothes of your own.You can’t buy yourself anything except food.”

Taehyung listened silently.

“You know before you, I never had the chance to live the way you allowed me to. To get to spend so many days in a row outhere,” you revealed in a small voice as you looked up in front of you. “You have no idea how much it did me good. I couldn’t go back to those never-ending days, patiently waiting to finally be someone’s liking again and even then, nothing assured me I’d get out. So I decided to put, as small as it might seem like, my happiness before comfort.”

“I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

You frowned and rushed to wipe your eyes, flustered. “Oh- uhm, don’t worry about it… I’m just a little tired.”

A silence fell. He didn’t want the atmosphere to get awkward and promptly stood up from the stool.

“Let’s go out.”

You sniffled softly and looked up at him confused, still a little teary-eyed.

“Where?”

He grinned a comforting tight-lipped smile, “I’m getting hungry, aren’t you?”

You smiled back weakly, lightly nodding as you took his outstretched hand.

****************************************************

You stepped out of his car and heard him telling you he wouldn’t mind if you left your bag inside.

You shut the door and waited for him to lead the way, clutching the light jacket you were wearing to yourself as the wind blew harder.

“Let’s hurry inside,” he breathed, his palm hovering the small of your back.

When you had noticed the name of the restoration chain, you wanted to stop yourself from going any further but you kept on walking; you understood he was treating you and as much as it made you a little uncomfortable, you didn’t try to oppose his plans, you didn’t have the strength to. You didn’t have the strength for anything at that moment.

You kept your head low and avoided catching anybody’s eyes while Taehyung took things in hand.

You sat down quietly and chose not to remove your coat. Taehyung took one of the menus given. He kept looking back and forth between the writing inside and you looking outside the window.

He softly cleared his throat in hope to get your attention, “what are you having?”

It looked like he interrupted you while you were deep in thought. When you locked eyes, he still had that same comforting look. You inhaled and tried to empty your mind.

“What you’re having,” you smiled.

Taehyung grinned back and didn’t argue.

He felt pleased when he noticed your face beaming a little after lunch.

“Well, I hope I didn’t annoy you,” he joked as he held the door open for you.

“What?” You frowned while walking back to his car. “What do you mean?”

Shoving his hands in his dress pants pockets, he was the one fleeing your gaze now. “I was just surprised to run into you and…”

“I was happy to see you too, Taehyung.”  You said promptly.

He craned his head back up quickly, “really?”

You nodded, smiling. He stood still, staring back at you without a word and you didn’t know how to bring him back.

“Uhm- I, uh…” You hesitated, pointing at the bad inside his car.

He snapped out of his reverie and went to fetch it for you. You thanked him and took it from his hand. He seemed not to want to let go.

“Are you going to be okay?”

“I think so,” you looked down at your hands and focused on not to get teary-eyed again when familiar and unpleasant thoughts filled your head in response to his question. “I’ll figure out things.” You gazed up at him, blinking rapidly, before you trailed in a small voice, “I have to.”  

He observed you silently and you decided to take your leave before he’d see your tears.

You half-smiled, “good bye, Tae.”

He didn’t even bother to pretend he was the slightest joyful at the thought of you leaving. He didn’t answer back. While the distance between the two of you extended, he attempted to unravel the mystery you had been and still were to him.

What had you done to get him so enamored when you hadn’t even been yourself ? And now that he got to see the real you, he also saw his mistake, the one that almost cost him a friendship. And he could still make amends to Jungkook. You weren’t too far yet. What was he waiting for?

While holding himself upright, his fist tightened around the car key in his pocket at the same time he felt his heart beginning to clench in his chest as he watched you, shivering, asking for directions.

You kindly thanked the passerby when you felt something tugging at your wrist. You frowned and turned around to see Taehyung, not quite breathless, holding your arm, resolute.

“Tae-”

“Let me drive you.”

****************************************************

The sound of the engine of the expensive vehicle was purring when you were drawing close to the building of the address you had given him. He parked the car and looked at the place askance.

You thanked him. You didn’t remember how many times you had done it that day. You were about to reach for the handle when-

“I’m going up with you.”

“No, Tae-” You shook your head and mentally prayed he wouldn’t come out of the car. You weren’t ready to embarrass yourself again. “Don’t bother yourself. I’m okay… I promise.”

“Wait,” he interrupted you, frowning. “I don’t understand…”

You looked at him confused.

“Didn’t they pay you ? The people you worked for?”

You bit your lip. It seemed you wouldn’t escape it. “They did.”

“Then why are you living somewhere… like this ?”

You kept your eyes locked on your lap. “I… can’t use that money right now.”

“Why not?”

“Because I have no bank account where the money can be transferred to and that having that much money cash isn’t safe.”

Taehyung sounded genuinely worried. “You still don’t have one?”

You shook your head, “I don’t know how to make one. I don’t know anyone who could have helped me.”

He ran a hand over his face.

“What did you do to handle things the past weeks?”

“What I had to.” You simply stated and Taehyung followed your eyes to your thighs.

When the silence that had fallen felt a little too long, you took it as your signal to finally step outside.

You froze when he gently held your knee in his hand. You glanced at him without a word while he seemed to be thinking.

“_______,” he met your rueful look. “Do you… still trust me?”

You stared at him as long as needed to grasp his meaning but you couldn’t so you answered regardless of anything else. Yes, you did. You’d always will.

A heavy breath escaped him. This question held so much meaning to him.

“Then, listen to me.” The tone of his voice became slightly firm. “Go take your stuff and come back down.”

“But,” you furrowed your brows a little. “ Where will I go?”

“You do trust me?” He asked to make sure and you nodded. “Just do as I say… Unless you want me to go up with you.”

You shook your head promptly and listened to him.

The whole time you were absent, Taehyung pondered texting Jungkook and before he could make up his mind, you appeared again with a backpack around your shoulder and the tiniest of smiles crooking your lips in his direction.

He knew he had done one right thing. Maybe this was the opportunity he didn’t know he was waiting for to redeem himself.

“Did you get everything?” He chirped when you sat inside.

You nodded and clutched your backpack on your lap. The following second, he made the engine roar obnoxiously loudly and drove away to leave the forsaken street behind.

****************************************************

You recognized the vicinity all too well the longer Taehyung rode along the elegant boulevard framed by the high and magnificent buildings. He steered the car inside the parking.

He cut off the contact and you slowly stepped out. Although you knew by heart the way to the apartment, you waited until he reached you to start walking behind him.

Taehyung wondered how it made you feel to be back home but as you, knowing Jungkook wouldn’t be there. He felt reassured to know you’d be in its safety and not in that desolate place doing God only knew what.

He unlocked the door and let you in before closing it behind him. Your eyes smiled at the familiar sight. Nothing much had changed. It smelled nice and felt warm and once again you felt your throat tightening.

You decided to linger next to the entrance after you had removed your shoes while Taehyung got rid of his coat and dropped his keys on the buffet.

He gazed down at you sweetly as you looked around and shared a smile when you made eye contact.

“Uhm, do you want to shower? Or rest?”

You chose to point your finger when you felt your voice too weak.

“Shower first? Okay. Come.” You followed him. He looked at you over his shoulder. “You can leave your things in Kook’s room if you want since he’ll be away for a while.” You didn’t comment. “Go ahead, while I get it ready for you.”  

He turned on the light and entered the bathroom. You walked down the corridor to the unoccupied room. You dropped your bag on the floor as you looked around.

It wasn’t empty, at least it didn’t come across as if he had definitely moved out. His video games and movies were stacked on the shelves, his desk was covered with dozens of pieces of paper and pens and a jacket was draped over his chair. The mattress had been lifted and tilted against the wall and was bereft of sheets.

You walked out when Taehyung shouted your name and went to join him. You gently pushed the door open, letting some of the steam out.

“Here you go.” He smiled when he saw you. “I didn’t know if you wanted to shower or take a bath. Your choice.” You nodded. He turned around and raised a hand towards the products displayed on the shelves stuck to the wall. “There’s just my stuff here… I- ”

“It’s okay. It’s… more than enough. Thank you.”  

He stared into space for a couple of seconds. “You should be good, now… If you need anything, just shout.”

You smiled reassuringly and watched him as he closed the door. You turned toward the water pouring down next to you and stretched your arm to feel the temperature of it. You closed your eyes and exhaled at the thought of a warm shower.

You took off your jacket and folded on the counter made out of marble. You took your sweater off and right after, you heard knocking on the door.

“Can I come in?” Taehyung asked behind the door. “I promise I won’t be looking.”

“You can. I’m not fully undressed yet.” You smiled while folding the cloth.

“I brought clean towels from the dri-”

You looked at his reflection in the mirror in front of you and noticed he was staring at your back. You froze as well when you directly remembered the bruises there. You couldn’t feel them anymore but the sight they offered would send shivers down to anyone’s spine.

You turned around before realizing he would still be able to see them in the mirror and simply looked down. You accepted the towels, clutching them snug to your chest and thanked him quietly.

Aware that he would soon make you uncomfortable, he forced his eyes off your back and smiled softly at you to make up for his staring.

“I can wash your clothes. I’m putting a load on.” You didn’t look up and remained quiet. He cursed mentally. “Just leave them there when you’re done. I’ll take care of it. I brought some of mine. They’re big but they’ll keep you warm.”

He put them next to the pile you made and gently closed the door again.

Later, you came out with a towel wrapped around your head. You could hear Taehyung speaking, you guessed, to somebody on the phone.

You headed towards Jungkook’s room. You came to a halt when you noticed the bed had been laid down and entirely made. You didn’t immediately notice Taehyung when he stood still behind you.

“_______,” he called again. You looked up over your shoulder a little startled. “I brought you these.” He lifted his hand that held a pair of slippers.

“Oh!” You kneeled and opened your backpack laying at your feet. “I have mine.” You smiled showing him your pair.

He raised his brows and grinned at your adorable self swaddled in his clothes, “perfect! I… I’ll go shower too and then we’ll discuss quietly.”    

****************************************************

It was taking all of the little energy you had left not to fall asleep the longer you remained seated on the bed so you left to go to the living-room. You took a chair and moved it closer to the picture window to stare down at the busy streets to clear your mind.

Taehyung reappeared half an hour later. You followed him with your eyes as he walked inside the kitchen.

“You want to eat something?” You shook your head. “You sure?” You grinned at the funny face he pulled. “C’mere.”

You stood up, got rid of the towel on your head to lay it atop the chair and went to sit next to him on the couch after he was done making his cup of tea. He took a sip and frowned when the drink burned his tongue. He let it sit on the coffee table.

“So, while you were showering, I made an appointment with my bank to sort out your issue with the company. It’s set thursday next week, so we’ll have time to gather every piece of information they need.”

You listened quietly and nodded with every pause he made.

“If you’re thinking of getting a new place to live in, I can settle another appointment with a friend of mine. He’s a realtor and he agreed to save a couple of apartments for you to visit.”

Taehyung went silent again and you didn’t know what to say back.

“That is if you don’t want to stay here… Cause, you totally could... if you want to.” He continued with a somewhat serious tone. “But you can take a look at the apartments first, at least the pictures posted on the website. They all look very interesting.” He smiled while handing you his phone unlocked. “You just have to select one and swipe your finger to look at them.”

You took the device but froze when you saw the different prices. For a second you thought your tiredness made you see double but it had nothing to do with that. You looked up from the screen and frowned at Taehyung as he leant to take his cup.

“Uh- I can’t afford them, Tae.” You shook your head a little, handing him his phone back. “Even with the money I earned I-”

“Don’t worry about the cost. I’m taking care of it. You just have to choose.” He smiled and finally managed to take a sip of his tea.

His expression faltered a bit when you still refused to take another look at the phone.

“______, there’s no way I’m letting you go back to that place. Out of question. I can’t even begin to imagine what would Jungkook’s reaction be if I told him that after luckily finding you, I abandoned you back there.” The tea made his hand warm and you felt it heating up yours when he took it in his. He lifted your chin to catch your eyes. “It’s too late... I know too much to let go of you... And-”

His gaze dropped down on his hand cradling your much smaller one.

“It’ll be my way of making up. I really wanna do that.”

You frowned, “you... owe me… nothing.”

He still refused to look back up, “I’m the one who ended the contract.”

You relaxed, “you don’t have to feel bad about this. I knew it was bound to happen. That’s what we were constantly told at the company. I don’t blame you for that. I never will. Whether you or Jungkook did it... I’d never blame anyone.”

“But,” Taehyung raised his head, “you didn’t get any explanation and-”

“It happens all the time,” you calmly explained. “Clients are never required to justify their choices. On the other hand, we have to accept them without discussion. Whatever they may be.”

“I’m not forcing you into anything,” he continued after a while, “but I really want to give you that. Not because it’ll help me sleep better at night or Jungkook would maybe stop blaming me for what I did but just because I do.”

You smiled tiredly at your hands still holding each other, “is it a habit of yours to gift apartments to anyone you know?”

“No, but-” He licked his lips slowly, “I’m just trying to find ways to give back some of the happiness you brought here, because you deserve it... Please say yes.”  

You knew you didn’t have to think about it twice, you’d never want to return to that awful building and even less so to that workplace but Taehyung had done so much more than what you could have ever imagined. Just the fact that you came across each other made you consider yourself quite lucky, what was he even supposed to do that day? You weren’t in a position where you could ponder things over, although you were sure Taehyung would surely give you all the time you would have required, you hated the thought of ending up becoming a burden in spite of what he had said.  

“Okay,” you sighed after what seemed to him an eternity. “Let’s do this.”  He let out a deep breath of content.

He stood up, cleared the table and told you to keep his phone to make up your mind while he went to tend to things he had put on hold. You allowed yourself to lay down a bit and lazily swiped through the different property advertisements.

“Did you find the rare gem ?”

He reappeared a long while after, showing an enthusiastic smile as he made a detour to the kitchen.

“Are you hungry? I’m going to cook something.” He froze, looking over where you were although he couldn’t see you.

He walked towards the couch he left you on and was surprised to see you curled up and fast asleep. He quietly remained there, completely still as he tried to come up with ways to bring you to bed with a small smile.

He left and came back to you again. He carefully took his phone away from your hand and discarded it somewhere. He squatted and gently slid his hand under your neck to circly your shoulder while the other snaked underneath your bent knees. He slowly stood up, immobilising when he realized how much you had lost weight.

He pressed his mouth to your forehead and shortly nuzzled your hair as he took his time to go to Jungkook’s bedroom. There, he laid you down where he had previously taken the covers off as carefully as possible. You stirred a little in your new position but you didn’t wake up, you seemed too far gone and it made Taehyung quietly coo over your sleepy figure.

He kneeled next to your face and caught a glimpse of your naked ribs beneath his sweater that had rid up and noticed a large purplish mark. His fingers clutched on the hem to cover you and his eyes lightly welled up with angry tears as he gazed back at your face. He caressed your head, kissed your forehead and pulled the thick blanket over your body leaving solely part of your face uncovered.

He walked out and left the door ajar.

****************************************************

You rolled over and rubbed your eyes, slowly waking up from your dreamless slumber. You remained motionless for a while wrapped in the thick covers as you took in your not so new environments. The sun was already high in the sky and for the first time in several weeks you felt rested and content.

The air outside the room was filled with the smell of cooking food, earning an eager response from your empty stomach. After you had finished washing yourself, you shyly walked towards the kitchen where Taehyung was.

He seemed really joyful at your sight. “Finally awake?”

You brought a sweater paw to your face, bashful. You walked to the other side of the kitchen island and watched him stirring ingredients together in a pan. “How long did I sleep?”  

“Uh, fourteen hours? Something like that…” he half-smiled at you.

You pressed your chin to your chest until he would stop looking at you. You slowly made your way closer to him. “Do you need help?”

He looked at the side of your face and his immediate answer would have been to tell you to go sit and let him be in charge of everything but he also remembered the forlorn look on your face every time you would get lost in your thoughts. If it helped you not to think of unpleasant memories you preferred to keep quiet for the moment then-

“Yes. I actually do.”  

****************************************************

Taehyung was greatly helpful, knew when not to overstep and showed respect. While making sure you would never feel uncomfortable during the different tasks at hand, he did his best to assure you wouldn’t regret the choices you were making at the dawn of your new life.

The apartment you had settled for was a fifteen-minute walk from his and brand new, decorated to your liking and with your own money like you had made it clear to him because it had this much importance that you could be able to contribute to what was now your first own place. It reminded him of you according to his words, simple and lovely.

You enjoyed assembling the pieces of furniture together, you missed sharing something new. You had spent those past weeks doing typical activities that had felt like anything but usual and having Taehyung by your sides helped lessen the overwhelming feeling of it. Although, you made sure he wouldn’t be involved in helping you find a new job because you wanted to be able to accomplish that on your own as well; in some way you hoped it would help him stop thinking you were that fragile, dependent girl he had always known you as.

You eventually found a position as a florist assistant in a small flower shop two stations away from your home. The owner, who was around Taehyung’s age, was willing to allow you a trial period and advised you to take online classes, offered by the same institute he trained by, to get familiar with floral composition and styling, the different design tools and the mechanics of running a floral business. You promised him to put your heart and soul into it.

****************************************************

It was late in the evening when Taehyung went to open the door for the delivery people to get your mattress inside. When the thick cushion appeared sliding through the doorway, you had made your decision on the final position you wanted to give the bed.

You helped him hold and place it correctly, it fitted perfectly.

“I’ll go get the sheets,” you informed him while heading out.

A few minutes later and your bedroom was finally complete and ready to use.

He dropped heavily on his back and looked up at you upside down. The sight made you smile.

“Don’t wanna give it a try?”

You slowly sat down not too close to his face, grabbing the mattress through the blanket in small squeezes. “If I do, I’ll never get up again…” Your smile grew fainter when his fingers traced along your thighs. You exhaled softly and stood up. “I’ll shower first.”

You closed the door after you, turned on the faucet to let it get to the ideal temperature and got undressed quickly. You stared at your naked reflection for a while and suddenly felt yourself overflowing with all sorts of emotions, not the bad kind. You simply felt incredibly grateful for the chance you were gifted to start over.

At first, you thought Taehyung had left when you stepped out of the bathroom and noticed his absence in your bedroom. You heard his feet shuffling back to where you were tidying your clothes in the wardrobe. He stood still, leaning against the doorframe and observed you quietly.

“You know you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I think I can handle things from now on.” You smiled apologetically.

He tongued the inside of his cheek, “you want me to leave?”

“That’s not what I meant,” you looked away, feeling your face getting hot and focused on the pile in front of you. “I don’t want you to put me before yourself anymore... I’ll never be able to thank you enough for what you did…”

You stood up and began fiddling with the soft pullover you chose to wear. He shortened the space between and combed your hair behind your ear. His voice came out soft and comforting, “if you tell me you’re happy now. It’ll be enough.”

You raised your face and turned around right in front of him, staring up right into his half opened eyes. “You made me happy for a long time and all those past days, when I thought I never would be again. Thank you Tae.”

His large hands came to grab softly on each side of your face when he noticed you getting moved. His dark hair slid past his eyes when he craned his head down towards yours that was only a few inches away. His natural scent pleasantly pervaded the air around you and made you feel comforted.

His thumb wiped the tear sliding down your cheek. “No more tears. I don’t wanna see that cute face of yours sad again.”

A small giggle escaped you followed by a tight lipped smile , “you won’t.”

Taehyung came to the conclusion he was hopeless, he had had plenty of time in your company with no one else around and the thought of you out there not requiring him by your sides anymore or that your relation wouldn’t go beyond what you were at that moment made him fight a war with himself you had no idea of.

He didn’t own you, not anymore, not in the way he used to and his feelings had ruined things with the people he cared the most about. He was trying to redeem himself, he couldn’t indulge in them anymore.

He pressed you snug in his chest and wrapped his arms to keep you the closest possible, the long while you both needed to put each other’s minds at rest.

He lingered longer, the time for food to get delivered and to share one last dinner together. He didn’t hurry when you were getting ready to go to bed, postponing the moment he would have to let you stand on your own two feet, so naturally he didn’t reject you when you wondered if he wouldn’t mind staying overnight to put you at ease.

You watched him from the bed where you were already curled up under the blankets as he got rid of his clothes. It was wide enough to fit three grown adults in it but you both favored lying face to face right in the middle of it.

Taehyung made sure you were fully covered while you simply gazed up at him in the darkness.

Smirking, air rushed out of his nose after he looked down at you, “stop fighting it.” He lightly hit the tip of your nose with his finger. “Everything’s okay... Go to sleep.”

You didn’t listen, looking back at him the longest you could, with tired eyes blinking non stop. He lightly scooted closer, sliding a patting hand on your back as hot air fanned your face while he whispered again, “sleep sweetheart.”

His eyes grew heavy as well but he wanted to wait for you. Laying there together filled his mind with pleasant memories of the quiet nights you had shared.

“It’s still you,” he spoke softly right before you slipped away, choosing that moment to close entirely the tiny, remaining space between your faces and to seal your lips in a short, loving kiss.

****************************************************

The remnants of last night were nothing but a blur. You frowned when you didn’t feel Taehyung next to you. You sat up in bed and looked for your newly purchased phone when you heard the message notification sound.

You rubbed your eyes quickly when you made out Taehyung’s name. You swiped right.

Taehyung [06:18 am] Hey! Sorry I left early this morning,, have quite some stuff to catch up on for work :((

Taehyung [06:18 am] I’m expecting you to tell me about your first day at work hahha I’m sure it’ll be fun!

Taehyung [06:18 am] You can text me laterand tell me how it went :))

Taehyung [06:24 am] Also I kept this to mysefl but last week Kook tried to get in touch with me… I didn’t say anything abut you cause i didn’t know your take on that but i’m givin you his number just in case (insert JK number)

Taehyung [06:25 am] I’m sure he’ll appreciate it!

You read all the messages twice.

Jungkook.

You hadn’t had the time to think of him those past days. You really wanted to talk to him again, at least once, to get some sort of closure. You’d understand if he didn’t want you in his life anymore. He had left Taehyung, temporarily, but by now he surely had moved on. The thought hurt but you were ready to accept it. You had time to get used to that reality. Meeting Taehyung and getting to where you were right now was pure luck.

You got ready for the day and made sure to keep your phone close by. You were only beginning to become familiar with the device. You couldn’t take any chances on your first day at work but the messages lingered on your mind hours long. Even if you wanted to call or text him, what would you say? Would he even respond? Taehyung had told you he’d appreciate the gesture but he wasn’t in his head and the last time they talked he wasn’t on good terms with Jungkook.

You grinned and bore it until you got time for yourself and a clear mind. You didn’t know for how long you had been staring at the rectangular object sitting in front of you next to your glass of water on your dining table. The sun had long set and the sole light inside your kitchen was a small table lamp positioned in one corner of it. You decide to get yourself something to eat first.

A few streets down, people were rushing at the entrance of a trendy bar. Jungkook was already inside, sitting on one of the stools and about to order his second drink when an alluring female stranger approached him, walking right next to him.

Leaning on his arms, he glanced at the side of her face before giving her the once-over. She was to die for, a red skin-tight dress hugged her curves so enticingly she had surely turned every person’s heads she had passed on her way to him. Her voice barely reached his ears, snapping him out of his thoughts. Her glossy lips indirectly pleaded to be kissed while they repeated his name after he’d answered her.

She eventually turned herself to him and he half-mimicked her, stretching one leg and nudging hers between his. Her fingers ran through her soft hair, allowing him a full view of the lacy black bra peeking beneath her cleavage. If he still had doubts about her intention, she had taken them away. She offered him a lusty look, he almost broke into a smirk but drank his glass down in one go instead.  

He didn’t move when she leant forward to whisper in his ears about her plans involving him, didn’t react when her nails dragged along his taut thigh muscle straining in his pants, bearing in mind to trace his crotch. He felt his cock twitching when her lips brushed his ear, almost moaning in it.

You turned off the faucet of the sink and dried your hands, heavily exhaled and took your phone on your way to your bedroom. You were going to do it, you were going to. You kept talking to yourself as a way not to slip away. You unlocked the device and opened the app.  

It didn’t take more for him to eventually leave the place with his new partner. She got even more turned on when she realized he was bringing her to a hotel, it had always been something she had wanted to try. They kissed in the elevator unrestrainedly, discouraging any other clients they met from entering on their way up to his floor.

You wrote and deleted and wrote again and deleted again, not being able to come up with the right words. What if he didn’t answer back? You tried again.

Jungkook got lost in the feeling of her body against his, opening herself to him wholeheartedly, she was his to take and to relish and it had been so long since he got to feel that way, since he had someone in his arms to love, since the last time he had you. And he missed you. So, so much.

He rushed to open the door, they crossed over the threshold and let it fall shut behind. She discarded her shoes and his jacket, then put her hands on his hips and untucked his shirt to open it with a harsh pull revealing the sinful sight of his heaving torso. She cursed out loud making them both laugh. He let her press his hands to her breast, stimulating her nipples with his thumbs.

“Okay,” you breathed once you had finally, finally sent your text and threw the phone away right after.

She made him walk backwards to the bed until his knees bent at the touch and he collapsed down. She took off her dress and let it drop down her body, grinning satisfyingly at the look he was giving her. She crawled on top him with a vixen smile, kissed his lips and licked her way down his pectoral and abs while her hands undid his fly. His brain was on fire. She let out a surprised giggle when she finally caught sight of his erection beneath his boxers. Jungkook laid there impatient and frowned down when he couldn’t feel her hands anymore, flexing his core to sit up.

She pushed on her legs and bent towards him, biting her lips, “I’ll get the water ready.”

He watched her walking away towards the bathroom, expertly unclasping her bra while swaying her hips although she didn’t need to do that to have him ogling her ass. His attention was drawn to the other room of the suite from where he could then hear some buzzing. He stood up to get rid of his pants but still decided to pay no mind to his phone until he realised his condoms were in his jacket pockets. He figured out he might as well check while getting them.

He picked his leather jacket from the floor and blindly looked for the condoms and his phone at the same time he heard her calling his name.

“Comin’,” he exclaimed in her direction before holding his phone out and squinting his eyes at the lit screen.

You got startled a bit when the notification sound rang in the quietness of your room and hurried to find your phone back, a shaking finger swiping the text you had just received.

Taehyung [23:37 pm] Hey :)) I hope your day went okay!

You weren’t expecting Taehyung to message you but immediately got reminded of his previous texts. You smiled while typing out your response. You sent it and barely had the time to notice Jungkook had read your text that your screen turned dark because of the incoming call. You answered, a little nervous.

For a couple of seconds, you couldn’t hear anything or rather heard silence, the type there was when someone held their breath, expectant.

You tried, “yes?”

“Is it really you?”

****************************************************

Jungkook had sent the unknown female away after offering her a ride service to her home but hadn’t been able to find any kind of rest since that phone call with you when dozens of questions were messing with his mind.

You were out there and managed to get back in touch with him. You barely said anything to each other. He understood before you told him that Taehyung had something to do with it but it didn’t matter because it reassured him in his initial thought and suddenly, he felt like it lifted a weight off his mind.

The next day, he came out running from the subway entrance, checking his phone an umteenth time to discover that the address of the flower shop you had given him during your call was only a few meters away. He went straight away, avoiding people in his way while tightening his grip around the device. He was this close now. The virtual voice announced he had reached the destination but when he scanned the shops along the sidewalk, none of them seemed to be selling flowers. He took another look at his phone and realised it was on the other side of the road.

He raised his face and was now able to situate the shop. The entrance was framed by sets of shelves brimming with different colors and green plants, rendering a quite charming sight in comparison to the dull buildings right next to it.

Jungkook remained staring at it, proceeded to step forward but froze when he saw people coming out and noticed you among them, holding different kinds of bouquets as you followed the clients around and picked the flowers they sedulously selected.

You were there, right in front of him. If he yelled your name, you’d hear him easily. He chose to remain quiet and observe you. You looked radiant and happy and so adorable in your apron it drew a faint smile to his lips. His chest tightened with nostalgia and his hands were trembling lightly. He had been waiting for a moment like this for a long time but he couldn’t bring himself to do anything.

A couple meters from his spot, you kept your distance while the clients entered back inside the shop to pay, following your boss, who had taken the arrangement you had made. You were carefully putting the flowers in order when you felt eyes on you. You stood up straight and looked to your side where you were thinking someone was looking at you, across the street.

                                                     Fin.

_____________________________________

:(( SWEETPEA is over and I'm sad about it! I hope you don’t mind the open ending I chose to write,, I thought it was a good compromise so you could in some way have the ending you might have thought of — did JK stay long enough for her to notice him? Is she going to keep in touch with him ? Will she prefer to develop things with Taehyung ? 

Thank you so much for the love and support you showed that fic,, it was more than I could have ever imagined :)) I love you all :*

[i-write-sometimes-blog]

Empress' heart (Empress!Rey x Reader)

Request: I really love your work and I was wanting to make a request for Empress!Rey if that’s okay! I was thinking of something for a second part to “You Matter to Me” but in this one, she is working on winning the reader’s trust back since the incident and she wins it in the end after she finds the reader badly injured in the snowy forest and rescues her as she helps to heal her injury.

Words: 1,745

A/N: I've been trying to finish my drafts but things get in the way. Anyway, thanks for requesting I hope you enjoy this little thing.

The weather was cold, the air hitting your skin made you shiver but it was worthy, the view had no comparison: high snowy mountains in the distance, a dense forest below them, the bright fresh snow contrasting with the deep green of the tall trees. It was a really breathtaking landscape and the new Empress palace had the perfect location to observe it.

“You’ll freeze out here.” you heard her soft voice as she stood next to you on the balcony. Rey gave you a smile.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” you asked her contemplating the snow falling, moving in rhythm with the wind.

“It is.” she told you catching some snowflakes with her hand “Such a shame they melt away so soon.” she said. "What you think about this place, Y/N? You like it?" She asked a bit serious.

"It certainly better than the old one." you told her, Rey analyzed your words and features carefully as she did ever after the incident, she didn't want to hurt you in anyway so she was carefully with both her words and her actions. "It's a beautiful palace, Rey" you said sincerely.

She gave you a tiny smile and nodded.

"Consider it you're new home." She said. You looked at her for a moment, you could get used to that place and this softer side of her.

"I'm supervising some things on the other side of that mountain today" she said gesturing over the nearest mountain. "I want you to come with me, Y/N." She said in a rather imperative way but corrected herself instantly "I mean, would you like to come with me?" She gazed at you waiting for an answer, begging you with her beautiful eyes to accept.

You chuckled at the sight of the powerful Empress Palpatine begging you to accompanying her, only when she was around you she was this soft, this humble and this authentic.

After the incident she tried to be careful, gentle. Afraid to ruin things between you again. Despite her best attempts to hide it you noticed her doubting every time she reached to take your hand and pulled you closer, small little actions that meant so much.

"Yes" you finally said "I'd like to see more of this place." A wide smile curved her lips.

"Great!" She said "I will order to prepare everything for our departure as soon as possible." she told you already walking back to the inside of the room leaving you alone in the small balcony.

Moments like this with her reminded you why you fell for her, for the vulnerability she showed you and the kind side of her that no one else had ever seen. And though she did everything to win your forgiveness, the memory of that day warned you maybe you should trust her completely, as much as you wanted she was still a dangerous woman.

****

The flight was short but the windows of the small ship let you admire the vast forest of the planet, you even discover some frozen lakes that would be a perfect place to swim in warmer season, Rey agreed with you sitting in her throne like seat in the small ship, she assured you the weather was warmer in different times of the year so and she insisted to take you to the most beautiful lake once the snow melt away. It was still weird that this whole planet was hers.

The pilot landed gracefully on a platform in the side the mountain and as soon as you arrived a troop escorted you and the Grand Empress Palpatine inside. A general bowed his head when she saw her.

“Imperial Highness” he greeted “We’re delighted with your presence, I’m in charge of this facilities. You arrive just in time for my weekly report, I’m sure you’ll be satisfied with our advances.”

“Well then, general” she said “Lead the way” She started walking behind the man and noticed you standing in your place. “Y/N, you coming?”

You were amazed with the place, a base built inside a mountain with only a platform to land a few ships. You had to admit whoever built this was good doing the work, an impenetrable base within this big mountain. And yet, your favorite part was the platform, suspended in the air just held by a few beams, it had the most breathtaking view at both the frozen landscape and the abyss under it.

“You wanna stay” she said when she found the way your face seemed to shine with excitement the more you looked around. “Fine, I’ll be back soon.” she said.

“Thank you” you said giving her a brief hug.

“I want an escort looking after her” Rey ordered the general and with a move of his head four troopers stepped closer to you. “Proceed now. general.” she said finally follow him as he guided her through the place.

While the ruler of the new growing Empire was gone inside the building you stayed in the platform contemplating the horizon and enjoying the way the cold wind hitted your face.

“Ma’am, careful. You’re too close to the edge” a kind soldier told you only then you realized you were in fact a few feets away from the end of it. You took a last look at the precious picture in front of you.

“You’re right” you said walking towards him and the rest of the stormtroopers custodying you. You sighed. “Better get inside. Is there a warm place where I can wait for the Empress?” you asked.

“Yes, ma’am” He nodded “You’ll be comfortable in level 23. We´ll take you there.” he said.

Nodding you started your way inside the mountain. You haven’t even left the platform when a small ship emerged from the abyss and opened fire aiming directly at the only visible entrance. Instinctively you dropped to the floor in a desperate act to protect yourself from the blasters.

The stormtroopers that were protecting you shot their own blasters towards the enemy’s ship as they kept calling for reinforcements. A hatch opened revealing a whole battalion of troopers ready to run into the battle and you smiled when you notice Rey was leading them. Her concerned gaze met yours for a moment but then the first bomb dropped shaking the ground beneath you.

“Y/N!” she rushed to help you.

The second bomb hitted the metal beams that barely held the floor still to the side of the mountain. You met Rey’s terrified gaze as she ran has fast as she could to rescue you but it was too late, within a second the platform dropped to the abyss.

******

Slowly your eyes flutter open as you felt yourself becoming conscious again lying on the snow covered ground of this ancient forest, between the tall trees you glanced at the top of the mountain where just minutes before you stood, it was a long fall.

Trying to move you felt your body aching in pain, weak and sore. You noticed then the pain in the side of your ribcage, taking a look you saw the open flesh and the blood running, the crimson liquid staining the bright white snow. If the fall hadn’t kill you this big wound sure would.

The pain in your body got replaced with a terrible sensation of coldness that spreaded from your wound to all your body, the snow falling over you made you only shiver more in pain. Then there was warmth, a pair of warm familiar arms wrapping around your body and pulling you into her embrace.

"Rey" you mumbled recognizing her touch, her scent, her warmth.

"I’m here” she murmured “I’m here, Y/N. Hold on." she said with a deep concern in her voice "You'll be fine" she told you "just hold on."

You looked up at her, Rey had her eyes closed as some strands of dark hair fell over her concentrated face, a solitary tear running over her face as she kept you close to her. She sighed one last time before placing her hand over your hurted skin and after a few seconds you felt something happening in your body, an energy flowing through every inch of you that slowly calmed your pain and provided you warm when you felt your body freezing completely. An unknown yet familiar sensation, the Force.

Rey stayed focused on her task, eyes closed all the time until the moment your wound started to close for your surprise, the running blood ceased and the open flesh seemed to reconnect itself coming back together and then it was completely closed leaving no mark behind.

After staring amazed at the side of your body you finally met Rey’s warm loving eyes, unable to talk she just gave you a slight smile as the tears pooled on her eyes.

"Y-you came to save me" you murmured, you felt a lot of emotions, confusion mostly, why would her even care to save a girl she had stated before was useless to her, the Empress on the new order. "Why?"

"Because I've discovered how much you mean to me” she murmured “I love you, Y/N" she silently cried caressing your face and holding you in her embrace.

"When did you discovered this?" you asked.

"Since all my decision started to revolve around you" she told you. So it was truth, after all those times suspecting she was in love with you, spending time with her and knowing the girl behind the intimidating ruler of the Empire "Since I couldn't think of life without you in it, Y/N”

And you loved her too, more than you could possible say. This, her final act of devotion and affection, meant the world to you, allowed you to fully trust in her now and finally let you completely fell for her.

Finding not enough words to express her the way you felt about her you propped up a little and gently guided her to meet you lips.

“I love you, Rey" you murmured on her lips once the kiss was over, delighted with the feeling of her soft lips on yours.

She looked at you with such tenderness before leaning again to capture your lips in a loving kiss. There was not need of words, just the two of you holding each other close, you felt her emotions, her feeling for you. She really cared about you. You had a place in the Empress' heart.

Tagging: @1-800-depressedlesbian , @xgaygremlinx

(In case you want to be tagged for specific things or everything I write, just let me know)

[deadpanprincess]

Sins of Believing Chap 3

Gluttony 

Read on AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12510504

His hand rests between her shoulder blades, the touch so light that Jyn feels energy radiating from his fingers rather than the physical weight of the limb. She keeps her shoulders lowered and neutral. They try to crawl up towards her ears.

It is just that, Cassian touches her more, now. Not enough to catch anyone's attention, but certainly more frequently than their previous playact as strict Captain and Sergeant. Jyn attempts to relax into the simple physicality, but she only knows touch as aggression. Contact means that they found her, that they have her, that they can hold her.

The raucous noise of the mess hall does not help. Forks clatter, spoons tap, knives jolt against duraplastic plates. Every sound makes her jump further into the hand at her back. She hunches forward over her own mush, but Cassian’s hand follows her. The length of his body presses against her side. Jyn cannot escape the heat of him.

Even sex--before Cassian--was an unpassionate coupling where two people grinded against each other for a brief release. With Cassian, Jyn still has to steal private moments. She grabs him by the back of his jacket and yanks him into an empty hanger, or sends him urgent messages so he rushes to their room. Then he spans her ribs with his palms, his breath hot and damp against her neck, his stomach rigid as he moves under her. Touch is a critical piece of their tactile vocabulary, yea, but Jyn wants to keep his touches for herself. Cassian loudly proclaims them with his small, possessive gestures while she fights to keep something out of the Rebellion's grasp.

She still shares his quarters, though. Jyn still lists him as her next of kin. Their relationship is so tied into the Rebellion that distance cannot exist. It does not stop her wanting.

They separate as they leave the mess hall. Cassian turns one way, Jyn another. His hand lowers and lingers at the small of her back, still too faint to truly feel. He has a meeting with some fancy named officer she has not bothered to memorize. She has to teach the fresh-off-the-ships how to not die. It is just another too-quick moment between responsibilities that she accepted but never asked for. Reconciling their time together and apart gives her a headache. The Rebellion controls that too.

Jyn punches her need into her current recruit. The private dodges well, but drops her hands as she weaves. Jyn flows through the movement. Her hips twist for added power. She slams her fist into the private's cheek and the woman drops to the ground in a heap. The other recruits eye each other. It has been at least a month since Sergeant Erso laid someone out so fully. The last time was when Bodhi Rook was MIA after the destruction of the Death Star.

"M'am?" A private asks. All of the recruits line up against the wall, waiting for their turn to spar with the Sergeant. Each of them have damp spots of sweat on their new uniforms. She has run them through their paces before kicking the bantha shit out of them. Not unusual, but certainly not following the protocol that has been instilled into them since landing on Hoth.

Jyn grunts an encouragement for the private to continue. She does not turn towards him or help up the recruit she knocked out. Her fingers waggle to release the tension of her fist.

"Ma’am, maybe we could--" Another bead of sweat runs down Private Prashik’s face.

"Sergeant Erso, your presence is requested," K2 interrupts. Jyn's trainees exhale with relief for the interruption. Jyn turns on her heel to meet Kay's dark blue lenses. The droid stands straight and firm before the open training room door. It makes conscious the effort to stand apart from the new recruits.

"By who?" She demands.

"Captain Andor," K2 says. It and Jyn stare each other down. The recruits go back to holding their breath.

"Tell him I'll be there in an hour," she says.

"He says it is urgent."

Jyn eyes the droid for another moment. She could take it in its new body. K2--K4-PN if she wants to be specific (but it is more bothered when she is not)--no longer stands at seven feet with an impenetrable chassis. It currently resides in a smaller protocol droid, made for diplomacy over warfare. Yea, Jyn could definitely rip out a few wires before it dragged her to Cassian.

Kay balances its weight more firmly into the ground. A few quick calculations and it assures itself of Jyn Erso's three most common engagement moves and their statistically successful rebuttals. Jyn takes a step towards it. Then another. One more step, her jaw tense, and then she walks straight past K2 with only a mock jab at its metallic arm. K2 swerves too hard for the light tab and almost falls, optical-sensor side down, as he hustles to follow her. Laughter and relieved chatter from the recruits reverberates against the durasteel door as it slides closed behind them.

"That display was not necessary," Kay scolds from her side. It may not be a giant any more, but its stride is still long enough to make up any head start she may have. The added length lets it cock its head as if curious, and still catch her eye. "Did you engage in such an activity to prove your dominance to the other organics?" It asks.

"Nope," Jyn sing-songs. "That was just an added benefit."

"Then the primary objective was to irritate me?" Kay queries.

"Isn't it always?" Jyn goads. Kay's new hardware rattles and clanks in a cadence similar to Cassian's amused sigh. It then speeds up its pace in retaliation. The droid quickly directs her down one corridor after another, its arm outstretched with beleaguered patience. Jyn could jog to keep up, but she prefers to stroll a few feet behind Kay and cause it to approximate a sigh again.

After the third turn, Jyn recognizes the blank durasteel of command quarters. Unlike the areas occupied by the lower ranking rebels, command has no flyers or pictures or color. The hallways are cleaned to a spit shine and the only wall adornment is the first initial and family name or affiliation of each officer. Kay leads her into the bare quarters that serve as Intelligence's meeting room. Only a thick, too wide table and two chairs fill the space. Intelligence does not even bother with a holoscreen. All communication is to be passed by flimsi and then destroyed. Jyn has had a few warm nights on Hoth burning Cassian's latest brief.

"I thought he had a Council meeting," she says. Kay pulls out a chair for her, though Jyn refuses to sit.

"He does." Its lenses flash bright blue with the response. A surprising tell for the droid, one that informs Jyn instantly.

"Cassian told you to come get me."  

"The direct order was to, and I quote: 'keep you from breaking any new soldiers.' Apparently, it is due to your recent foul mood. I have analyzed your latest social interactions and do not see the difference he seems to find."

Jyn slams her fist on the conference table. K2 does not react. It is too similar to how Cassian handles her outbursts.

"He doesn’t get to tell me how to train my recruits!" She says.

"Captain Andor is your commanding officer," Kay taunts, though its tone stays level.

"We'll see about that." Jyn cracks her knuckles sharply. K2 steps easily in front of the singular door. They evaluate each other, and this time Jyn has a hand on the blaster at her thigh.

"I would not recommend this path of action, Jyn Erso." Kay is just egging her on now.  

Jyn sneers. Her upper lip curls back from her teeth with a barely contained snarl. She will not be told what to do. With a flick of her wrist, Jyn draws her blaster and fires. Kay defends its function operations with its arms crossed in a wide x over its mainframe. No bolt comes. K2 lowers its arms and mocks, "You have missed."

There is nothing but empty space in front of Kay. Its aural sensors pick up the clank of Jyn's boots in the hallway, and its olfactory sensors receive chemical compounds that register as smoke from the damaged control panel next to the door it guards.  

Jyn walks swiftly through the corridors. Turning, turning, turning through the soft memory she has of the base. She did not bother to memorize the layout. They had not expected to be on Hoth so long.

She reaches the farthest ship terminal. A softly hummed song leads her past one x-wing after another until she finds the source of the music. Black Imperial boots wiggle in rhythm as he sings. He has wedged himself sideways so that his toes and the top of his head peek out on either side of the dilapidated ship. Grease smears across Bodhi's goggles and the ends of his newly shorn hair. Jyn can no longer pull him out from under a ship by the silk of his ponytail.

Everything changes like that.

Jyn enjoys the calm before kneeling carefully to where she knows he has his face jammed into a hyperdrive. She flicks his ear. His toes wave in greeting.

"Bodhi," she says. "I need the ship."

He pops out from underneath the hull. Behind the oil stains and the lenses, excitement mixes with apprehension.

"We have a mission?" He asks.

"No," Jyn answers hard and cold. Bodhi only tilts his head. His goggles slip down past his right eye. Jyn recognizes the question in the slant, but she does not have to answer.

"Are you leaving?" Bodhi tries again.

She had considered it. Running is the only familiar action; but Jyn cannot disappear anymore. There are people she loves and who she will not leave--not completely.

"No," Jyn says again.

Bodhi studies the angry press of her lips. The expression she once wore on Jedha looks wrong on the post-Scarif Jyn. Her mouth does not form righteous selfishness in the same way. She can no longer pretend to afford the luxury of apathy, though she still tries. The only tell is the quiver that lurks in her chin.

So Bodhi leaves the rest of his questions because he cannot stand to see her cry. If Jyn says she is not leaving, then she is escaping. He remembers the claustrophobia of responsibility and commitment, and a promise made to the only man he could trust. Jyn has never known that kind of security. Bodhi will not begrudge her the freedom to find it.

"Do you want me to come?" He swears to himself that it is his last question.

"Yes," Jyn laughs. The sound hollows in the middle. Bodhi gets that too. She claps her hand on his shoulder, a bland goodbye that he does not accept. Bodhi shimmies out completely from under the ship and pulls them both to standing. He throws his arms around her waist. Bodhi inhales cold sweat and fear, strength and sterility of the sonic 'fresher from the crook of her neck. He promises himself that he will not forget how she smells. A small detail that only few are privileged to know.

"I'm going to miss you," he says into her jacket collar. Cassian's jacket collar, actually. For a split second, Bodhi worries about his captain. The moment passes as Jyn releases him. She busses a soft peck and a quiet, "Me too," against Bodhi's cheek.

He steps back and watches as Jyn vaults into the x wing's open cockpit. At least she takes one of the ships he has worked on himself. It will definitely get her wherever she needs to go.

Repulsor engines warm the cold Hoth hangar. Bodhi stays as the roof opens, as Jyn poorly pilots out, as the ship disappears.

Cassian only receives a message on his datapad. It reads:

      I don't belong to you.