#[[and im behind on school. its so tough right now.

[silentchamp]

[[UPDATE: I am going on hiatus until I can resolve whatever health issues I am currently having. Went to a specialist and they're working on helping me. I hate the idea of doing this but half the time I'm left bed ridden or with brain fog so...I need to go on a break. the "h" word is a scary one but it's time.

thanks for being patient with me.

I'll be back soon, I hope.

[zooone]

NEW FRIEND REQUEST FROM: SATORU GOJO ?!

in which ?! - your annoying neighbor messes up your study plans. and it just so happens that the rich boy next to you in class is also annoying. when you fail a test one day, he's there to help.

words ?! - 4.5k

warnings and content ?! - fluff, swearing, a couple of tiny innuendos if you squint, satoru is a BITCH!, you have a bit of a mental breakdown, 2010 au, satoru calls reader "sweets", no curses au

an ?! - WE ARE SOOOO BACK!!!! its been a year since ive written, and this one was definitely quite the warm up but im so excited to be back ^w^ thanks to @melancholiaincarnate for beta reading!!!

masterlist ?!

she bounced her leg. she looked around. she took a whiff of her candle. she flipped a page.

anything, anything to void the terribly loud sounds of the tv next door.

what an absolutely prime time to be watching tv at max volume, at 11 pm the day before a crucial test. it was terrible. and worse of all, it sounded like digimon. who the fuck watches digimon in college?

it sounded like he had people over too, and though she could only hear a couple voices, they were loud as hell.

turning back to her work, she put her palms against her temples. none of it made sense. none of it. everything always made sense to her. and this pissed her off.

"oh come on!" she could hear through the walls, a man with a whiny voice. watching digimon. rather than her notes, all she could think of was how immature her neighbor was.

she took her textbook, slamming it against the thin walls so hard she thought there'd be a hole. then she'd really have to hear them.

the other side grew quiet, all except for a "whoooooopsie daisy" from the same whiny voice.

was he 13?

meanwhile, the three lounged on the couch. popcorn was spilled all over the floor (due to satoru's inability to sit still), but they all knew that satoru would have to be the one to ultimately clean it. it was his place, after all.

"maybe you should turn the tv down," suguru sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"no way! this is the best part of the episode!" satoru whined, gesturing a hand to the thick tv.

"you say that about every scene. just turn it down before your neighbor sends a noise complaint."

"psh. no way dude. she'd never." he snorts, laying back on the couch. manspreading. like two other people aren't next to him.

shoko chimes in, "what, do you know her or something?"

"nah, no clue what she looks like. but i hear those informational tv shows coming from her dorm every once in a while." he shakes his head like its funny. "anyone who watches those kinds of things won't have the balls to tattle."

"what, as opposed to tough guys like you who watch digimon in college?" suguru scoffs. his legs are actually together like a gentleman. wether or not that was due to the lack of space.

"exactly." and satoru yawns with a frown. he's gotten in trouble with his neighbors so many times that he didn't care anymore. he probably should've been kicked out, but instead they moved him around. which is why he was here now. tv blasting digimon right next to his studying classmate.

the same classmate who'll come to school looking like a tornado flew by, dropping her books down on the desk with a hefty sigh like they weighed as much as her.

"sheesh. you look like a mess." satoru chimes, gazing her figure up and down slowly behind his tinted glasses. however, she could sense his bright eyes without even having to look. "rough night, huh? what's the guy's name?"

"shut up," she scowls, knocking his arm out from behind her chair. he lets out a small pout.

"ouch. that hurt." he shakes his hand, pretending to soothe the pain of his imaginary bruise. "i was just asking a genuine question."

"i wasn't with anyone, satoru, i was studying." she sighs, picking at the skin on her lips. a bad habit she's had since she was little.

"lame." he whined, stretching the 'a' out.

"we have a test today!"

"oh, do we? shucks."

of course satoru gojo didn't have to study. of course satoru gojo spent his night with a woman (probably). of course satoru gojo yawned when the test was being passed out. because he didn't need to study. he was one of the many, many people who was able to get into the college because of status and money. the direct counterpart of her.

she got in through scholarships and grades after having come from a lesser background. she worked hard to be there, unlike satoru and the rest of the school. everyone around her had a stench of expensive cologne. thank goodness for uniforms, otherwise her lower status would be immediately revealed.

not like it wasn't obvious already. everyone was already in their own separate group, leaving her in the dust. which is why she allowed satoru gojo to bother her in class. without him, the only time she would talk was to answer questions.

she was so lost in thought she didn't realize she was staring at him.

"what, d'ya need the answers or something?" satoru giggled in a whisper. the smirk on his face was absolutely unbelievable.

she knitted her eyebrows, turning herself towards her paper. "n-no, just thinking."

"all that studying just for you to think. what a shame."

even through his fucking whisper she could hear the cockiness in his voice. it was so natural for him to just think of things to piss her off. if there wasn't a test, she would be imagining all the ways she would kill satoru gojo.

he was so smug. too smug. and even after the test is over, he would still be,

outright smug.

he stretched his legs out over the desk, shoe almost touching her pencil. his shoe alone probably costed more than she makes in a year. "that was pretty easy, huh?"

no, no it wasn't.

"yeah, for sure." she lied through her teeth. no. she wanted to take her pencil and gouge her eyes out. she wanted to rip all her hair off and eat it. satoru better have been lying.

"i don't get why you studied so much. that was easy as hell." he pouted, twirling his pencil in his hands like it was a graceful ribbon. "besides, why were you studying that late?"

"because i actually care about my grades!" she argued, scowling at him through narrow eyes. she wanted nothing more than to pass that test and slap the stupid grin off his face.

"i know that," he whined. "i meant why were you studying late?"

"i-i don't follow."

satoru laughed, muttering something under his breath about how clueless she was before shaking his head. "i mean, you're a good girl. you don't go out, you have a list and schedule for everything, you make sure you get tons of sleep. so what was wrong with last night?"

what?

was he being nice? and how did he catch all that?

she faltered from responding for a little bit, waiting for the usual punchline to hit. but it never did. he just sat there, genuinely asking.

"u-uh, my neighbor." she spoke slowly, as if anticipating his snarky reply. nothing. "for some reason he thinks its funny to watch digimon on full blast at night."

satoru's eyes widened before he let out a guilty chuckle. she didn't understand what was so humorous to him, but he could make a joke out of anything.

"oh," he giggled. "what an idiot, heh."

"yeah." she looked at him skeptically. no punchline yet. but he looked like he knew something she didn't. surely (hopefully) it wasn't the answers to that test.

later that night, she would go to her dorm, bringing out her keys labeled "365". she pushed the door open and dove face first into her couch. curling up against one of her throw pillows, she lazily grabbed the remote.

looks like it'll be another informational tv show tonight. just something to fill the room and make things seem less lonely. sometimes she envied her loud, annoying neighbor because at least he had friends to be loud with. and she was simply just lonely.

the sounds of the tv show bounced off the walls of her empty dorm. there was a bit of furniture, but definitely not the stuff that she'd dreamed about ever since she was little. this was her dream college, something that motivated her ever since she had the realization she could pick any college throughout the whole world. but,

picking and dreaming was easy. earning the right to go there was not.

one of the terms of her scholarships was to keep up her good grades. and although that was a habit of hers throughout the years, the burnout was reaching her. slowly but surely,

until it all crashed down.

she hadn't even noticed she was crying until she realized the dark tear stains on the throw pillow. the tv show still played, something about some sort of rare animal in its habitat, but she paid no mind. it was just noise to drown out her tears.

she would end up falling asleep on the couch. waking up the next morning, late due to her phone's alarm being buried and muffled in her bag.

and for the second time in a row, she would come to class looking like a mess. an utter mess.

"woah girl," satoru spoke, putting his hands up in a sort of surrender as she slammed her belongings down. "you okay?

she wasn't prepared for this. for the tests to be handed back, for satoru's annoying fucking voice, none of it.

"im fine, satoru!" it accidentally came out worse than intended.

"bad sleep again?" he asked, with genuine worry and confusion in his tone. he wasn't even watching tv that night.

"its none of your business." she set her head down, tears already beginning to swell in her eyes. no. not here, not now, please.

instead of a reply, satoru put his hand on her back. he didn't force it, he did it slow enough to the point that she could shake his hand off if she wanted to. but she didn't. she stayed still.

he took that as permission to pat her back, and his touch surprisingly gentle. in any other circumstance she would be flipping out, screaming right at his face to leave her alone (despite wanting the opposite), but that didn't happen. she welcomed his touch,

his strangely familiar, natural touch.

as if on cue, the papers were passed back. and satoru's face scrunched up when he saw multiple red marks bleed through to the other side of her paper.

"hey, maybe you should-" but it was too late. she lifted her head, turning the paper over and,

she failed.

she failed.

and suddenly the dam holding her raging emotions had fully, fully cracked. all she could do was cry.

the red marks immediately bled throughout the paper as her tears weakened into the test. she crumpled it in her hands, feeling her nails pierce through the paper and into her palms- crescent shaped marks going through both of them.

and the worst part? she looked up. she looked up at satoru's flawless paper and saw he passed.

he passed.

she failed.

he swallowed his saliva, feeling his mouth go dry. a juxtaposition to her drenched paper. "hey, i - you-"

"i know-" she sniffled, "excuse me."

and even through shameful tears, she still showed manners. she stood up and left the classroom. she didn't know where she was going at all. she just wanted to leave.

leave the building, leave the school.

but her legs betrayed her, buckling underneath her as her lungs tried to catch up to her. it felt like her insides were scratching out her throat. and as if on perfect arrival, satoru tried to catch her.

key word; tried.

the sheer force of her fall made him tumble back as well, and she ended up on top of him. and on complete instinct, she curled up in his arms.

"oh, sweets - 's okay -"

"its not - its not -" she repeated, through heaving breaths.

but he wrapped his arms around her as tight as he could, rocking back and forth on the gross school floor as if a mother rocking a child. he pressed her ear right against his heart, where she heard a soft drumbeat. something to fill the space.

"its all okay, sweets. its all okay." he whispered, careful not to startle her. "y'hear me?"

"y-yeah-"

"no, d'you hear my heartbeat? listen." and she did, absentmindedly copying his deep breaths. her lips tingled with how dry her mouth was, but she was now able to think.

she was tired. she was just so immensely tired. she nearly fell asleep in his arms with his heartbeat.

"thats it, sweets, thats it." he looked down, sweeping hair from her heavy eyes. he wiped a tear from her cheek.

"i-i messed up your uniform -" was all she could say, being in the arms of the last person she expected. even through tears, all she could think of was the expensive uniform.

"thats okay. i have plenty more."

of course. of course, satoru gojo could just buy a new uniform. of course satoru gojo just had to be smart and rich. he didn't have to study at all. and he still did better-

"whatcha thinking about?" he snapped her from her thoughts. and looking up at his hypnotizing blue eyes, she couldn't feel any more rage in her system. she was tired.

"nothing." she wiped another tear, sadly laughing at how pathetic she felt.

"how about we take a little walk?" he smiled, his canines showing.

on the other hand, she frowned. "what about th-the lesson?"

"oh, nonsense, sweets." he laughed with such confidence. but his voice lacked a mocking tone to it. "y'already know all of it. i'm sure. you're a smart girl."

and before she could sit and ponder that, he stood up. he lifted her up with such ease, adding a little "upsie daisy" to his action. in fact, he did it with such force that she crashed into his chest.

"easy, girl," he giggled softly, looking at her with such tenderness (despite lifting her like a feather). she glared up at him. "there she is. c'mon, lets go."

their "little walk" would turn into a walk around the entire city. she barely had both the time and energy to have a big long walk, but satoru made it possible.

"oh jeez, walk fast, walk fast," he giggled, a hand on her back as he speed-walked past multiple stores.

"what, do you get nervous around kfc or something?" she found it hard to walk at his rate, her legs still a little wobbly and her eyes still puffy. but she smiled.

"what? nah.. why would i be.." he pouted. at this time, she would be sitting on her couch with an informational tv show playing. but now, she was sleepily smiling alongside satoru gojo. who knew.

"i don't know, maybe you're scared of colonel sanders." she snickered. the thought of it was funny.

"y-yeah. totally."

they had passed multiple stores, the lights in them illuminating the night. she had refrained from window shopping too much, as she knew she wouldn't be able to afford any of it. but one of them was just irresistible.

"look at that dress," she whispered. and even though it was to herself, satoru saw the stars in her eyes as she gazed at it through the window. by the time she could look back at him, he was already in the store, smiling and gesturing at her to follow.

and she did, reluctantly.

"this one?" he picked up the dress from the hanger, taking a look at the fabric and pattern to it. "it is pretty. you have good taste, sweets."

her face went oddly warm at that one.

"and its perfect in time for fall," he continued analyzing the dress, putting it up to her body trying to imagine how she'd look. "go try it on."

"w-what? but -" she tried to grab the dress to look at the price tag. "how much -"

"c'mon, less talking and more changing!" he put his hand on her back again, leading her towards the changing rooms. a smile rested on his face like it was his default. "hey, could'ya do me a favor, sweets?"

"yeah, whats up?" she looked at the dress in her hands. and he slowly, slowly leaned down towards her, his breath close to her neck. it sent dangerous shivers down her spine.

"don't look at the price tag, alright? thats my only rule, heh."

she did as told, entering the changing room and avoiding the price hesitantly. part of her instincts wanted to check, but she refrained.

god, had she really cried that hard? her eyes were still red and puffy and her lips were still slightly plump. she didn't know how she managed to make it throughout the whole city without being judged by everyone. maybe she could blame it on allergies if someone asked.

yet, she turned around and looked into the mirror with the dress on.

the dress' color complimented her features perfectly, making it look like she was glowing as if she hadn't previously cried her eyes out. it was the perfect shape for her figure, but most importantly, it brought a smile to her face. a smile that hadn't shown itself since the college acceptance letter came in the mail.

she burst through the changing room, instantly getting satoru's (who was mindlessly scrolling on facebook) attention.

"oh my-" and the words were stolen from his lips, making satoru gojo speechless for the first time ever. she marked it down in her head as a famous moment in history. "you - you look -"

"its so pretty, satoru!" she smiled, spinning around to see the ruffles of the dress flow with her movements. "and look! its got pockets!"

"its perfect, sweets." he looked at her with lidded eyes, a goofy smile on his face. not the sort of smile that would make her want to slap him, but the kind of smile that made her warm. "but did you follow my rule?"

"yes, i did not look at all." she couldn't keep the smile off her face. fluttering her hands in the pockets of the dress.

"perfect." he grinned. and when she went to go put her uniform back on, her smile faded. she knew she had to put it back on the shelf.

she exited the fitting room, a longing frown on her face. yet, satoru still beamed. "alright, you ready? lets go pay up."

"what?" and he was already towards the cash registers. "but - i don't have-"

"relax, sweets, i got it." he pulled out his card, waving it in the air like it was the key to the pearly gates.

"no - satoru - you don't have to -"

"i said, i got it." he playfully, yet dramatically, rolled his eyes. he was already walking up to one of the registers, somehow with the dress in his hands. did he take it sometime when she wasn't looking?

"thank you, sir." he nodded to the cashier, bag in hand. it happened so fast, too fast for her to comprehend.

and her face was red with shame as they walked out.

"you didn't have to do all that!" she elbowed him. he even insisted on carrying the bag as well.

"oh my, i walk you around the city and buy you something and that's my thanks?" he whined, his bottom lip peaking out to taunt her.

"i didn't ask you to!-"

"im joking," he straightened up again, laughing a the look on her face. "its all on me, i promise. you owe me nothing."

"thats - thats not fair to you, though!" she yelled, a frown on her reddened face. again, it was just allergies.

“so?” he shrugged. it was fair to him. he spent a little bit (a lot) and he got to see the smile on her face. that was fine by him. “i don’t care.”

she didn’t have a response for him. she just continued walking, only a hazy silence separating them. it wasn’t like the silence in her dorm- it was warm and welcoming. perhaps it was the fogginess in her head as sleepiness was slowly overcoming her. but no matter what it was, she felt safe with him.

all she muttered was, “thank you, satoru.” under her breath. and he chuckled.

her breaths were starting to get more shallow, as her strides shortened. “you feel tired?”

she was so tired. she’s been tired,

but she didn’t want this to end just yet.

“could we - uh,” she mentally cringed at herself. what was she doing? “can we go to your place?”

“huh?” he smiled, and it didn’t look like a single thought was behind his eyes. she didn’t want to have to repeat herself. “i mean- sure, if you’re okay with it.”

she didn’t want to do anything, and he knew that. but with the way he slung his arm across her shoulder, she felt a sudden buzzing throughout her joints. she rested her head on his chest as her legs essentially dragged behind her.

“our - my buildings close by. it won’t be long, sweets.” he giggled, and all she could do was nod her heavy head.

the next thing she knew, he was carrying her bridal style in the elevator. the bumps of the elevator car felt oddly familiar, but she was too tired to process all of it. he carried her so tenderly, humming softly as the doors opened. the low vibrations in his chest were a gentle lullaby.

after struggling and stumbling a little, he brought out his keys labeled “367” and he chuckled softly. opening the door, he let out a soft breath. popcorn kernels still cluttered the floor, some smooshed, but he still smiled at the amount of decorations around.

he laid her down gently on the couch, pausing briefly when she stirred, and sat down next to her. he grabbed his remote, manspreading yet again as he scrolled through channels. his free hand idly played with her hair, a gentleness to his touch.

“should i turn on some sorta informational tv show for you?” he whispered, looking over at her like she would respond. and of course, when she didn’t, he just chuckled. “i think i’ll play some digimon. i think you’d like this episode.”

she burst from her bedsheets with such force, her vision nearly went black. the scent around her was familiar as she stared ahead (once her vision was back to normal). how did she end up in her dorm? she could’ve sworn she was..

where was she last night?

as she looked around herself, everything was normal. not a single bit of her desk was out of place, and all her papers were safely tucked away in her bag. she put her head in her hands, wiping her eyes of her sleepiness. thank goodness it was a saturday.

a small ding came from her blocky phone. she swept her feet onto the floor, groaning a little bit when she made contact with the rug. her head hurt. she vaguely remembered bits and pieces of the show she was watching last night. something about monsters maybe?

idly, she picked up her phone. it was already past noon.

NEW NOTIFICATION

facebook? she barely used facebook.

NEW FRIEND REQUEST FROM: SATORU GOJO

she opened up his profile.

Satoru Gojo

is excited about: Digimon.

oh.

now she remembered everything. and that would make sense why she woke up in her own bed.

she scrambled out of her bedroom, hastily putting on her slippers and leaving her dorm with such urgency, her breath was left behind.

“hey! open up!” she banged her fists on door 367. although the time was not obscene, someone looked at her suspiciously across the hallway. “u-um - package for gojo?”

what was she doing? clearly she didn’t look like a delivery woman. all she cared about was getting an answer.

she heard shuffling from behind the door, and as the handle turned, satoru gojo showed himself in nothing more than a tank top and gray sweatpants. the tank top showed off his shoulders and his oddly defined collarbones. it stuck to his tummy, showing the outline of his flexed abs. she was in such haste that when she stopped to stare, a buzzing played in her head.

“oh,” satoru smiled, leaning against the doorframe as he crossed his arms. he just looked so smug. “quite the package you are, sweets. heh.”

“satoru?!” she whisper-yelled once she finally got a grip on her staring problem. “you- you’re my -”

“did you get my friend request?” he frowned, though it was more of a pout. his hand ruffled through his snowy white hair.

“satoru gojo is excited about digimon?!” she recalled from his profile, her mind a haze. she could remember his silly profile picture.

“‘cause i am.” he whined, like it was some sort of obvious statement. his carelessness about this made her brows knit.

then, a softer voice showed itself. “satoru, who’s that?”

a man with his hair tied up (apart from hair in the front) came up behind him. and suddenly, her face went even more red than before, realizing she embarrassed herself by freaking out in front of his company.

“o-oh, you - sorry, sorry, i-”

“you wanna join us? i’m making some popcorn,” satoru giggled, still not answering his friend’s question. “we aren’t watching any informational thing, but i think you’d still like it.”

“is - is this your neighbor?” the black hair man spoke again.

“yup.”

“the one who you -”

“yup.”

she stood there, her pulse in her cheeks, unable to speak. however, he gestured to invite her in. she couldn’t tell if his offer was a joke, but she walked in regardless. as she introduced herself to his company, learning that the man’s name was suguru, and she also noticed a girl with short hair on the couch by the name of shoko.

satoru grabbed the popcorn, a small grin on his face as he walked to sit on the couch. he patted the space next to him. “c’mon, sweets. sit next to me.” he snorted, “i dunno if there’ll be enough room for you, but suguru can stand.”

“there would probably be more room if you stopped manspreading.” suguru scoffed.

nonetheless, she sat down next to satoru, letting him sling his arm around her shoulder again. like last night. “how’d you sleep? did’ya finally get a good night?”

“yeah,” she spoke. when she relaxed her eyebrows, she felt a soothingness to her forehead. she could smell his cologne, being forced to smush up against him when suguru forced himself on the couch. “it - it was good.”

“that’s good, sweets.” he chuckled, shoving a bit of popcorn in his mouth with a grin. his hand rested idly on her thigh, his touch familiar to her. “you looked real tired.”

and she felt it was mandatory to look at him, a sort of desperation in her eyes. “hey, satoru i wanted to - um - thank you-”

“huh? for what?” he shrugged, resting his head on his free hand.

“for, y’know, all you did for me.” she was quiet, and she could feel suguru and shoko’s eyes on them. “i still don’t appreciate how loud your tv is, but - i just- thank you. really.”

“its no problem.” he laughed, taking the hand on her thigh and placing it around her shoulders again. “and i promise i’ll turn it down from now on.”

“thank god.” she snickered. meanwhile, suguru and shoko looked at each other skeptically.

“by the way, i put the dress on your counter,” satoru added, pushing his tinted glasses up. “you should wear it the next time we go out, sweets.”

“next time?” she asked, putting one eyebrow up.

“yeah, next time. i think i’m free tomorrow, actually.”

8.1.24 - WE ARE SO BACK!!!

masterlist ?!

[y3ager]

RODEO NIGHT

— a weekend visit back home leads you to the annual blueforest rodeo, where a certain man in red is competing.

jean k. x black!fem!reader

tags: modern au, cowboy au, fluff.

YOUR LEMONADE JOSTLES in the translucent plastic cup, crushed ice knocking against itself and fresh lemons releasing more of their sour juice as you roll your wrist in a lazy circle. your glossed lips wrap around the bright red tip of the straw, sucking absentmindedly as your dark eyes scan the rodeo arena.

rodeo-goers like yourself file into the stands, boots and tennis shoes clanking against the metal as they seat themselves after purchasing their concessions of cheesy nachos and sour green pickles, excited chatter filling the air around you.

itching to get away from the hustle and bustle of the big city, you decided to escape to your hometown of blueforest, a quaint and quiet town tucked off in the corner of the state. you left soon after graduating high school, a full ride paying you to attend the big university of your dreams. you didn’t really appreciate blueforest’s peacefulness then, but wiser and older you love its predictability, its peacefulness.

the mounted speakers crackle as the host begins to speak, his drawl thick and country as ever. “ladies and gentlemen that was our bull ridin’ event. please give those boys a hand! they put on quite a show and gave our judges a tough time!”

the crowd erupted in cheers and hoots, shoes stomping against the stands. it really was a good show, with the win being determined by mere fractions of seconds.

“with that let’s move on to the next category, yeah?” the announcer’s voice called over the sound system, his voice reverberating all around the ring. “up next we got seven talented boys competing in our tie ropin’ game. a little calf is gonna run out into this ring, and these boys gotta catch ‘im and tie ‘im up. his horse gotta be well trained too, because he better come to a stop once that calf is caught and he better not drag the poor thing along when he’s all tied up! now, let’s give it up for ‘em!”

the crowd cheered in excitement again, the audience giddy for arguably the most popular event in the blueforest rodeo. from your seat in the stands, you could see the men lining up on their horses. their shiny, healthy coats gleamed and glistened in the slowly setting sun. anyone with sense could tell that these were prized beasts, they were huge with healthy fat. they snuffed and nickered quietly as they rode in, their tails swishing as them and their rides waited patiently for their turn.

one particularly gorgeous mare stood close to wear you sat. fitted with some expensive looking tackle, her coat was a black so stunning you could almost see your reflection in it. your eyes roved over her appreciatively, recalling the horses your grandfather used to care for when you were a little girl living in this town. on her behind, J. K. was imprinted into her otherwise blemish free flesh. your eyes finally trailed over to the horse’s tall rider, where his golden eyes stared back into your own.

“oh, i’m so sorry for staring.” you gently raise your hands in surrender, suddenly feeling a bit sheepish as you took in the rider. he was tall, probably a bit over six foot. his light brown was long, a mullet that tickled the back of his neck. “your girl was just so pretty.” the light of the sun catching your glossed up lips as they break into a polite smile. “she’ll do you right.”

the rider smiled back at you, his light eyes flicking to your lips before quickly snapping back up to your brown eyes. “means a lot, hun,” his deep voice rumbled out, his position on his mare shifting a little to get comfortable. “she not quite pretty as you are, though.”

you laugh, your head tilting to side slightly as you study the man before you. “aw, you tell all the girls in the stand that, huh?”

“no, never, ma’am,” he affirms earnestly, his eyes widened slightly as he placed a hand over his heart. you chuckle again at his antics, and his smile widens. “i only say a girl’s pretty if she really is. and you’re downright stunning.”

“mmhmm, i bet.” you feel like some lovesick teenager, giggling and making goo-goo eyes at this man, and right before he’s up to compete, no less! out of the corner of your eye, you see the horses in front of jean marching forward, their thick tails flicking and twitching. “ah, you’re up soon. i won’t distract you any more.”

“ah, no, you’re doin nothin of the sort, ma’am.” the rider shakes his head, his horse pawing lightly at the ground as if she’s eager to start too. his smile shifts into more of a self assured grin, as he straightens up in his saddle. “matter fact i just might do a little better now that i know you got your eyes on me. can’t come off as a fool now, can i?”

the speakers overhead crackle again as you watched as the rider you were flirting unabashedly stepped up the box. “and now for our final contestant for the tie-down, a mr. jean kirschtein! don’t let his pretty-boy looks fool you, this is a born and bred cowboy right here! time to beat, ladies and gentlemen, is 9.3 seconds. can he do it?”

the crowd erupted again cheers and applause, and you find yourself sitting up straighter in your seat to get a really good look at jean and his performance. 9.3 seconds was a pretty tough time to beat.

down in the box, jean shifted anxiously in his leather brown saddle. pre-performance jitters. he was confident enough in his abilities, but knowing that that pretty girl in the stands had her eyes on him made his heart throb in his chest under his dark red shirt. bijou, the black beauty underneath him, pawed at the dirt again, her head bobbing up and down in excitement and making her mane tickle the bright white diamond adorning the front of her head.

“easy there, bijou,” jean hummed, adjusting his grasp on his loop, the rope scratching his calloused hands. “we’re almost up. gon’ give that doll up there a good show, eh?” reaching down, he procured his pigging string and clenched it tight between his teeth. he had to focus. any minute now, that calf would burst from that chute.

once the calf reached had his head start and the barrier was dropped, jean flicked his heel against bijou’s side, the mare shooting out like a hot bullet, kicking up dirt and dust alike in her wake. jean’s rope was like an extension of his arm, easily encircling the calf’s neck. as trained, bijou skidded to a stop immediately, her hooves digging in the brown earth.

jean moved on instinct, his body moving before his brain. his hands were on that calf almost instantly, picking up the small beast and dropping him back first to the ground. holding his legs still, jean yanked the pigging strip out of his mouth. “easy, kid, easy,” he muttered, tying the string around three of the calf’s legs. the second the knot was tightened around his ankles, he flung his hands high into the sky.

his heart thrummed in his ears as he made his way back to bijou, who waited patiently for her master. she huffed, her breath a cloud that cut through the humid arena air, as jean remounted her with a slight grunt. the next 6 seconds were like agony, ticking along slowly as a bead a sweat ran down his hot neck. the calf shifted slightly on the ground, but didn’t break the rope that held his legs together.

“and that’s time!” the announcer cheered. “the time to beat was 9.3 and that there jean kirschtein did an astonishin’ 8.8! 8.8, why, that’s a blueforest record! ladies and gentlemen, give that man a round of applause!”

the crowd broke out in raucous cheers and applause to congratulate jean’s stellar performance. atop bijou, jean waved, his slightly sweaty face broken in half with a wide grin. “y’hear that, bijou? we did amazin’, little lady.” his hand came down to pat her shoulder affectionately as she began to exit the arena. jean’s eyes scanned the stands for any sight of you, that beautiful brown face in a sea of people. when his eyes met yours, his heart thrummed in his chest again and his breath caught in his throat. he smiled sheepishly, raising his hand in greeting before turning forward, guiding bijou along. ‘god,’ he thought to himself. ‘what a woman.’

the rodeo went on as planned. you enjoyed the rest of the categories, but you couldn’t help but crane your neck for another glimpse of jean kirschtein. the name didn’t sound too familiar, he had to have been someone visiting just for the rodeo. if that was the case, your chances of seeing him again were pretty slim. you were anxious, picking at your nails, and you were embarrassed about it. you and that man exchanged about five sentences, and here you were breaking your neck trying to find him! you groaned quietly to yourself. ‘girl, get it together…’

the summer sun is setting by the time the rodeo finishes, the sky painted in a myriad of dark oranges, reds, and purples. you shuffle behind the rest of the audience as they make their way down the stands and out of the arena, trying to accept the fact that you won’t see that jean kirschtein again, at least not anytime soon.

you’re following the rest of the crowd towards the parking lot, narrowly avoiding horse droppings from messing up your boots or the hems of your flared jeans. people are buying last minute treats from the stands as they excitedly reminisce on their favorite scenes from the rodeo.

unbeknownst to you, jean weaves in and out the thicket of the crowd. his light brown eyes are trained hard on the back of your head as he tries to get close to you. as soon as the rodeo was over and he received his award money, he practically threw bijou’s reins into his buddy marco’s hands and ran off, promising that he’d be right back, he had something really important to do.

as he’s sliding past guests, he wishes that you just turn around, look over your shoulder something. he groans internally. he was so busy ogling you he didn’t think to catch your name before he rode up to the box. he clears his throat, his hand held out slightly ahead of him. “ma’am,” he calls softly. ‘cuse me, ma’am!”

you’re not sure what, but the sound of someone calling out behind you makes you turn your head to peek over your shoulder. your eyes widen slightly as you watch jean pace up towards you. “oh, it’s you!” you stop your determined stride, allowing jean to finally catch up. his red shirt has the first three buttons undone, and your eyes can’t help but rove downwards towards his tanned, exposed chest before snapping back up to his face. “you were amazing out there.”

jean laughs breathlessly, giddy to be in your presence again. the crowd mingling around her fades into the background. right now, with the sun setting and the summer breeze gently stirring the around him, it’s only you two in this moment. his grin is slightly crooked as he sticks out his hand towards you. “only because i had my good luck charm out there cheerin’ me on. i’m jean.”

“…,” you greet back, sliding your soft hand into his. his large, calloused fingers easily envelope yours, shaking it firmly but politely. his grip lingers for a bit, sending sparks through your body before he finally pulls away. your lips break away into another grin, one that sends butterflies careening in jean’s stomach. “a pleasure to meet you, sir.” the lilt of your voice, the accent decorating each of your words, its music to jean’s ears.

“pleasure’s all mine, ….” jean slides his slightly sweaty hands in his jean pockets, his thumbs sticking out and rubbing against the stitching. “i hope i’m not bein’ too forward when i say i’d love to take you out while i’m still here in blueforest.” he pulls one hand out and dusts away a dirt spot on his jeans, smiling nervously. “i clean up rather nice, i assure you.”

you laugh again, clear and melodic as a bell. “well,” you muse, tilting your head to the side as if you’re giving it some serious thought. “i am in town for a while. i think i’d enjoy getting to know you more, mr. kirschtein.” you slide your handbag off your shoulder, rooting around for your phone. you quickly procure it, opening it up to your contacts for jean to add himself in. “i think we’d have a grand time.”

jean bristles with excitement, his fingers a blur as he types in his number. “oh, i’ll make sure of it, .... don’t you worry.”

when he’s done you slide your phone back into your bag. “i don’t wanna keep you.” turning on the heel of your brown boots, you wave back at jean, the gold rings adorning your manicured fingers twinkling against each other teasingly. “til then, jean.” you don’t want to come across as too giddy just yet, but deep inside you’re practically bouncing with excitement. a date with him? you might not even be able to sleep later that night.

jean tips his head at you, his own hand raising in farewell. “til then, ….” aw man, just wait til marco heard about this!

*quick lil ting inspired by my visit to the rodeo. if i got anything wrong i apologize. 😖 hope y’all enjoy!

[mamawasatesttube]

So i was just rotating your "Jack drake lives au" in my mind and at the same time remembered those panels of superman shaking hands with Some Fucking Guy (i think he was being a bitch to Lois or smth) and he makes direct unflinching eye contact with the tight lipped smile and his grip is a little too tight to be friendly

Anyways im not saying he hates Jack but i do think Kon off-handedly mentioned the "joke" about his nail polish and Clark went "oh really now?" And didnt forget

So rip Jack at that family dinner night bc not only is Lois waiting for an excuse to obliterate him but Clark is right there with her and if jack thinks that Good Ol Country folk Ma and Pa will back him up then hes in for a surprise lol

oh yeah absolutely!!!! the thing is. literally Nobody likes jack in this au ksjdhfkd like kon and dick absolutely have texted each other to bitch about him, ma openly shakes her head when she hears about how he treats tim (and she WILL speak her mind if he ever tries to shut that sweet boy down in front of her!), cass literally won't speak to him bc he failed the vibe check so bad, etc...

and like. no one is telling tim this. they Know it'll make him feel like he has to defend his dad bc he loves him! but sometimes tim mentions oh he can't join for games this friday night, he and his dad are going on an early morning fishing trip. and cass just meets kon's eyes across the room behind tim's back and rolls her eyes so hard.

but yeah. clark will mostly let lois handle the obliteration with ma's backup as needed bc he knows she's got this. his form of expressing his severe disapproval of jack, his views, and his parenting? supporting tim. thanking him for doing the dishes after dinner, praising his work ethic, ruffling his hair and telling him he did a great job with that case he wrapped up last week, etc. it makes tim go "!!! :D!!!" like that pic of the cat getting patted. tim has always craved approval and affirmation and affection from people around him and he gets it in spades from the kents. and jack sees his son light up and open up around these people way more than he does with him. it's not a good feeling.

it's just tough bc like, tim doesn't want anyone getting mad at jack. but the idea of anyone getting mad at jack on his behalf is also just such a shock to him. he's not used to that. he feels like he has to manage jack and be responsible for him in a lot of ways (if jack says something shitty in front of lois, tim cringes because now jack is gonna get his ass handed to him and feel humiliated, and that's his dad and he was trying to help, and also he feels like it's on him that his dad is being like that. why? oh you know.) (its the unnamed emotional abuse, thats why.)

but also clark and kon watch lois ask tim how his degree is going now that he's in engineering school, and lightly rib him and ask if she can't poach him into investigative journalism instead, because she doesn't usually take interns but she'd make an exception! and tim cocks his head like a dog and says well, maaaybe he'd be down to consider an internship if she's serious? it does sound cool. what are the details? and jack, who barely gets more than one-word answers when he talks to tim about his future, is just kinda seething. heart rate goin up bc hes mad. and kon and clark just exchange extremely amused glances across the kitchen and sip their hot chocolates.

like the tim and jack dynamic is complicated; it'd be a lot easier if the love wasn't so real but it is present. its just that jack is soooo emotionally immature and grounded in Classic American Manhood and ideas of fatherhood. and the fact that tim is growing beyond that and not fitting in the mold he's "supposed" to eats at him. its a tragedy but also we are all pointing and laughing at jack every time superfam make him grind his teeth.

[bluewinnerangel]

(This would probably do very well in gif form but here's a block of text instead lol) Ok so the visuals in the Daylight music video that go with the lyrics are really fun, and I wanted to post a bit of a thing of it here.. i probably miss some maybe obvious ones or nods/metaphors an whatever, and there are things shown that relate to the lyrics but not exactly at the time he's singing it that I don't mention, but basically almost every lyric and visual directly relate. And that's really cool so I'm gonna list what I seem. I am failing to come up with a word for it that most likely exists but as @theirloveisgross said "My art school ass loves this" so we're calling it the myartschoolasslovesthis overview for now for now:

Ok so Lyric + visual shown while he's singing it that relates:

I'm on the roof - hes on a roof

You're in your airplane seat - he crouches like as if he sits down on a chair (in the air)

I was nose-bleedin' looking for life out there - he walks out of the celeste venus shes expert not novice camper thing

Readin' your horoscope - girlie in the back reading bigass book she's holding up in the air

You were just doing cocaine - walks by white powdered face bunny girlie

in my kitchen You never listen - stands in front of knife'd daggered wall and shows angrywrittenalloverherface devil girlie wanting to throw more

I hope you're missing me by now - she throws another and misses

If I was a bluebird, I would fly to you - walks past more circusmembers who are up in the air and he does a lil fly dancemove

You'd be the spoon Dip you in honey so I could be sticking to you - lil dip dancemoves, the others up in the air are now hanging face down also both with orangey head thingies very honey very dippy (also most headdresses and accessoiries are honey-ish colored like theyre all dipped in it)

(here its a bit thats not that much directly doing something with the lyrics but ill keep up vaguedescribing whats shown, basically every line he finds a new circus-person he interacts with/mimics:) Daylight, you got me cursing the daylight (Ooh) - me the annoying bluegreen clown stops him

Daylight, you got me cursing the daylight (Ooh) - weightlifting stongwoman and hes acting tough showing his muscles

Daylight, you got me calling at all times (Ooh) - screaming through a thing with someone on the other end who is annoyed on the other hand covering her ears

Ain't gonna sleep till the daylight (Ooh) - gets into a box covered in sky and clouds and pretends to sleep in it - then bambamchaos till the next verse-

Out of New York - he's also waving to a girl in a marching band costume on stilts above him and you see the "a prize every time" sign behind them i have thoughts about this none are remotely direct and obvious anyways

I'm on the comedown speed We're on bicycles - well. hes on a bicycle.

Saying, "There's life out therе" - points to the sky

You've got the antidote - circusact with a snake wee venom

I'll take one to go, go, please - ?looks in distorted mirrors

Get the picture, cut out my middle - crawls at like.. middle-length.. like he cuts himself im half in length.. in between people hoolahooping on their middles

You ain't got time for me right now - there's the sign again behind him that says "a prize every time" (and then past "cleanliness(?) and "peep show" idk bro)

If I was a bluebird - view of a girl in blue with feathers shot from below so the background is just sky

I would fly to you - idk some dance of the bluebird trying to get to harry and being held back by the other blue birds

You'd be the spoon, Dip you in honey so I could be sticking to you - theyre dancing around him and he seems confused and then he starts running away past the mirrors and theyre going after him.. its kinda like the bluebird wants to fly and stick to harry and harrys running away?

Yeap. cool. that was it for the lyrics and the matching visuals and from there it just turns to chaos (what a music video tends to do at that point). coolcoolcool

[dustyolddollhouse]

hey so i was reading up on trumps policies and promises on his website and WHAT THE FUCK??? DID THE PEOPLE WHO VOTED HIM ACTUALLY READ THAT SHIT AND GO YEAH WOW GREAT 😃😃😃😃???????? IM BAFFLED. he comes off as an insane extremist lunatic, he puts radical left or marxist behind everything he criticizes even if it has NOTHING TO DO WITH IT and he's so BLATANTLY RACIST?? THE 'CHINA VIRUS'??? ILLEGAL ALIENS??? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. and a few of the agenda47 videos were just him victimizing STRAIGHT WHITE MEN. STRAIGHT WHITE MEN ARE ACTUALLY NOT FACING JOB DISCRIMINATION. I DIDNT THINK THAT WAS AN ARGUMENT???

and WHAT IS WITH THE HOMELESS THING????????? THE SCOURGE OF HOMELESSNESS? he's treating them like an unsightly rash!!! and what is with the quote "we are making the many suffer for the whims of the deeply deranged few" WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE WHIMS??? HOMELESSNESS??? POVERTY??? OH MY GOD. and NOT EVERY HOMELESS PERSON IS A DRUG ADDICT, SO WHY IS HE GOING ON ABOUT STICKING THEM IN FUCKING CAMPS AND "GIVING THEM THE HELP THEY NEED" BECAUSE I KNOW HES NOT GOING TO GIVE THEM HOUSING? AND THE ALTERNATIVE IS PRISON??? so his great plan for ERADICATING HOMELESSNESS is to ship them away to the middle of fucking nowhere, away from any family, any friends, any work they might have, to receive "treatment", or go to prison. poverty is illegal now. not having a home means prison time. AND HES TREATING IT LIKE ITS THEIR FAULT NOT THE USA'S. "THEY HAVE NO RIGHT TO TURN EVERY PARK AND SIDEWALK INTO A PLACE FOR THEM TO SQUAT" WHAT???? WHERE DO YOU WANT THEM TO GO THEY'RE HOMELESS. IM SORRY YOU THINK THAT THEYRE UNSIGHTLY AND NEED TO BE PUT OUT OF SIGHT BUT A LOT OF HOMELESS PEOPLE ARE NOT AT FAULT FOR THEIR SITUATION?

AND AND AND THE CLIMATE CHANGE THING. HE WANTS TO JUST SCREW THE PLANET AND DRILL ALL THE OIL. AND BURN THE COAL AND THE GAS AND THE ICE CAPS TOO? I DIDNT THINK CLIMATE CHANGE WAS STILL A CONTESTED ISSUE? and the impenetrable defense thing? how is he that stupid. what is it with him and walls??? his big plan to not getting into conflicts is to burn international relationships and just get so big and tough that no one wants to mess with you, and also build a thing to shoot short range missiles out of the sky. so foolproof. works 100%. definitely fits in with the whole message about not wasting taxpayers money and funding the right things, because Israels Iron Dome spends hundreds of thousands of dollars every time it actually does anything. that's not an insane solution at all.

and that's not even touching on the insane transphobia, science denial, sexism, the crazy shit he's trying to pull in schools (which actually i am going to touch on. there's a bit where he says something about how school is not for indoctrination so patriotic teachers will be rewarded. does he not see the irony there. what happened to free fucking speech), and how he's trying to get rid of press freedom (jesus). my point here is that trump is a felon who wouldn't be allowed to vote ordinarily, and yet was elected twice as the damn president. trump is a madman. trump is an idiot. half of america just sacrificed the rights of their children and themselves, and the lives of millions of people for better grocery prices that probably won't happen considering trumps insane spending plan and no more immigrants. what the actual fuck.

[shojislady]

2. PISSBABY TSUKISHIMA

"BYE MA!! LOVE YOU TOO! SEE YOU AFTER SCHOOL!" y/n screamed out as she shut the door behind her. today was the day that y/n started school at karasuno high. she wasn't nervous, not at all. y/n never had any trouble making friends. she was an outgoing person and was easy to get along with.

(lol imagine)

beginning her walk to school, she decided to text the group chat to see how everyone was doing. the gc was originally made by the twins and y/n for chaotic reasons, but sooner or later they actually used the group chat for important reasons like planning or just occasionally checking up on each other.

'i miss them, but I'm gon beat them up when i see them. wanna act all tough cuz I'm 10 ½ hours away. just wait till i visit them.' y/n thought.

this is basically the format for each conversation that happens. y/n going into the group chat to check up on everyone to make sure they're okay, then the twins start ganging up on her until kyoya gets annoyed and tells them to stfu because he's trying to relax and he can't silence his phone. it was funny because when they got back to school, she would pretend like nothing ever happened and continued to flirt with kyoya.

"oh, there's the school!" she pointed out to literally no one. there were a bunch of students flooding in the gate. "gauh LEE.. that's a lot of damn people.”

she continued her slow pace to the school, not really caring about what time she got there, as long as she was before lunch. she was gonna be a bit late, either way, seeing as she had to go to the front office for her schedule.

"well, time to go beast mode." #alpha

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

"All right Ms. l/n, welcome to our class! go sit behind yamaguchi. Yamaguchi! raise ur hand!" the teacher yelled out. y/n had gotten to school on time, but joined the rest of the students during their third class, since the VP took her on a small tour of the school after giving her the schedule.

she scanned through the sea of students to see a timid-looking boy raising his hand. he was cute, and looked to be a few inches taller than her. he had freckles and a nice mop of green hair standing on top of his head. if his face was red, he'd be a human strawberry.

with her black and blonde faux locs swaying behind her, she went to sit in her newly designated seat behind the boy who was now known as yamaguchi. she pulled out a notebook and opened it to a blank page, which was deemed useless seeing that she had already learned what was being taught.

bored, she pulled out her headphones, opening spotify, she pulled up her chill playlist, she clicked shuffle play, smiled, and relaxed a bit seeing the first song that came up. it was ' Big Poppa - the notorious b.i.g'. it was one of her favorite songs to chill to.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

"hey, it's time for science.!" was what y/n heard as she removed her headphones. it was yamaguchi, telling her that it's time for the next subject.

now that she had the slight chance to talk to him, she decided to say what had been on her mind for when she saw him.

"thanks. y'know, you're really cute by the way. you look like someone i'd accidentally bump into and you'd apologize and i'd say "no really its all my fault" then start talking to much cuz i got nervous. that's a compliment by the way."

'...huh?' yams was shocked yet confused. he wasn't used to out of the blue compliments like that, or really at all. especially not from girls, and a really attractive one at that. but aside from the initial shock, why the fuck was it so specific and detailed?

"oh! uhm- thank you! you're really pretty yourself!"

"thank you! and thanks for waking me up! wanna be friends?"

"oh, no problem. and sure!! "

'that was odd...' tadashi thought to himself as he turned to face front. "damn, that was quick, yamaguchi" his childhood friend, tsukishima, teased. "im surprised you didn't stutter ur ass off.”

tsukishima kei was a very tall individual. he had short, blonde hair and was more on the thinner, lanky side.

"oh piss off tsuki, ur just mad that i talked to the pretty new girl before you, loser." yams shot back.

(bozo😹👎🏽 take this L tsuki🤡 )

"whatever😒😒"

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

"hi yama! hi yama's friend! what are we doing now?" y/n asked. the bell had just rung, and y/n was too lazy to pull out her schedule.

"hi l/n! this is tsukishima! its lunchtime right now so we're heading to the cafeteria!!" he replied with a small smile on his face.

"BOOO!! the cafeteria sucks ass. that's why I always ate in the club room." y/n complained with a big ole thumbs down.

although she was pretty extroverted, she didn't like all the extra loud noise and nosy people. there are some hating ass hoes back at Ouran, but she couldn't give less of a fuck. all they ever did was talk shit because they were jealous of her relationship with the hosts, but she knew it was part of the deal when she became friends with them.

"wah wah, cry me a river. either sit with us or not, jeez." blabbered smart-ass tsuki.

"actually, you're in luck! we and a few others are all going to meet and eat lunch in the gym to go over some stuff for our club, you can join if you want!" yams offered.

she happily accepted the offer and continued to walk along with them to the cafeteria, then to the gym where they would eat. they stopped by the vending machine for y/n, because her thirsty ass drank all her water before lunch, now craving a nice refreshing beverage to wash down the curry she's about to fuck up.

after a few more short minutes of walking, they had finally reached the gym and heard arguing coming from the inside, not knowing that the moment she steps into that gym, she'd be going on a wild trip.

taglist: open and empty

guys.. dont be mad at me ik i missed my deadline☹️☹️

but im thinkin..

should i still write the beach episode for ouran? i have a few ideas for it but idk..

LEMME GO UPDATE THE OTHER BOOK

[slytherinshua]

He's just precious. I definitely need to watch some of his live performances! I love it when artists really get into the music. Yechan is quite fun to watch, he seems to get quite into it. And Wonsang!! I love it when he is making faces while playing bass (generally I'm reacting the same way to his parts ahaha)

People are honestly so tough to deal with sometimes lol. I'd become a recluse if I could ahaha. I was talking about this with my brother once, when I finally have enough money to move out (not anytime soon 😭) I NEED to live with someone else. Partly for safety, but also because if I don't I'll become a hermit and never leave ahaha (also because I despise cooking and there is a very real possibility that I'll just starve instead lol). I'm glad you enjoy talking to me, I do too! (Feel free to message me anytime too!)

That's exciting, I hope it goes well!! Are you working towards grades or anything? Or do you just go along with music that you want to learn? Lessons on zoom seems interesting, online classes were hard enough sometimes so music lessons must have been something else. It is literally so hard to find motivation to practice! Like I want to be better, but I don't want to practice ahaha. Although I use to really have to practice because my mum taught me for a while so she'd definitely know if I didn't 😭

Oh wow you were so close to them!! I'd probably forget to how to pose as well, although I can't really pose in general without it being awkward lol. That's really cute that he was telling you what he was going to do

i remember my favourite hyunsang song (or maybe favourite song of all time in general) is snowflake and i watched the live of it and there's this one part where he looks back at his band/orchestra behind him and just smiles so widely before he goes up onto the lifted platform to do his guitar solo AND IDK IT MADE ME EMO CAUSE I NEVER SEE THAT BIG SMILE FROM HIM HES SO CUTE (here if u wanna see it btw)

yechan is always so mesmerizing to watch he gets SO into the music and playing you just can't take your eyes off of him!! wonsang always has fun with it and dances, smiles so wide, or focuses really hard when hes doing hard parts on the bass i just love him i could talk about him all day

yeah and its pretty bad i don't have like any interaction irl its all online and im kinda thankful for that because its a lot easier to deal with interactions online than in person its a lot less stressful 😭😭 but i never go outside i swear 😭😭 i feel like i would get so lonely if i was living alone even though i don't tend to think of myself as someone who needs in person social interaction... but i think it would build up and hit hard if i no longer had people around me to talk to even a little every day like my family.... hehe i will its so fun to talk to you ^^

rn i do plan to take another music exam probably grade 6 since that'll be the easiest to do. i need it for a high school credit so we'll see how it goes. i've done grade 3 and grade 5 in the past and got first class honors both times i think but it's still extremely stressful i think i cried both times lmao 😭😭 technically im more grade 8 or 9 piano but i don't want to do a higher level when i don't need to and haven't been playing for a year so we'll see how grade 6 stuff goes.... online lessons for piano were interesting for sure 😭😭 it was harder to do stuff like ear training and having the teacher not like exactly there with you made it harder to progress... i also forgot abt my piano lesson times a lot and would oversleep 💀 i really lost motivation to practice around the same time i was getting burned out because of school idk... back in 2020 i was so motivated with piano i would practice so much and that's actually why after i finished my grade 5 exam i progressed like 3 levels right after. i remember getting the grade 6-7 books but all the pieces were so easy in them all of sudden just cause of how much i practiced lol. but now i think i'm gonna struggle a bit to pick things back up before it gets easy again. damn having your mom as your teacher must've been hard but also nice in a way i assume?? i remember my mom used to bribe me with stuff to get me to practice, and one time i wanted to quit and she would not let me which was good cause i would've regretted it so hard but at the time i was not happy that i couldn't quit 😭😭

i remembered a pose for the second pic we took but for the first one my mind was just so blank, party cause i didn't know we were gonna do group photo immediately and also cause sangyeop was RIGHT there talking to ME. like he literally told me to sit i prob would've been fine if he hadn't spoken but like he did so ITS HIS FAULT FR 😭 i wanted to follow the pose he said he was gonna do and i did for the second pic since he said a heart pose but like damn my brain didn't want to understand what a flower pose was....

[4kominato]

A/N: OMG SORRY I TOOK SO LOOOONG TT-TT .. i hope you enjoy this! i tried my best to create a plot that included quality fluff AND smut (youre also my first daiya request ever on this blog so i feel totally sh*tty that im so late erghshshd) also, sorry if the aftercare is too realistic that its not cute anymore :') ~kuri

@cxffeeshxts Request: May I request fluff/smut scenario of kawakami norifumi :0 If so, thank you very much! 

Pairing: Kawakami Norifumi x F!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Smut (M) - SEXUAL CONTENT

Word Count: 2.1 K

It's a beautiful day out. The winter air is dry and cold, but the bright sun in the sky and thin layer of clouds helped to comfortably balance out the potentially frigid weather. Despite being home for the first time after a long semester of university in America, you told your parents you would be seeing Nori first, since you didn’t get to spend a whole lot of time with him in the summer before you left, due to Seido’s advancement to the summer tournament.

Nori is your boyfriend of three years, the two of you having met in junior high when you were a third year and he was a second year. Despite his shyness and insecurity, he was always so sweet and caring toward you, and the more you talked, it felt like you guys just… clicked, so it came as no surprise when you found yourself falling head over heels for him. Knowing he probably wouldn’t make the first move and that you couldn’t let someone like him just slip away, you asked him to be your boyfriend at your junior high graduation so that you guys could make things official before you went off to high school. You refused to tell him which high school you would be attending because you wanted him to choose for himself where he wanted to go, but somehow fate brought the two of you back together, Nori having picked Seido to join their prestigious baseball team.

With Nori being on the first string, you got to know some of the others in his grade as well, and you’d gotten them on board with helping you surprise Nori at the dorms. After catching the train to your house to drop off your luggage, you walk to the school to meet Kuramochi at the entrance so he can lead you to the retired third year dorms, where Shirasu is keeping Nori occupied until your arrival.

“Do you think Nori will follow you to university in America too?” Kuramochi jokes, as the two of you walk down the hall toward Nori’s room.

“I’m not sure. He hasn’t really mentioned it much to be honest,” you start, taking a moment to think before continuing. “I think I’m not as reluctant to the idea of him going to the same university though, because doing long distance from a different country was pretty tough with the time differences and all.”

“Yeah, and you guys can’t get all lovey dovey,” he snickers.

“I mean yeah… that too.”

You’re about to keep walking when Kuramochi stops in front of one of the doors and whips his index finger up over his lips, gesturing for you to be quiet. Then he proceeds to knock on the door.

A soft, “Come in,” sounds from the other side of the door, cueing Kuramochi to open the door.

“What’s up?” Nori asks curiously as Kuramochi enters the small room, simply standing right in front of the doorway.

“I have a surprise for you,” he replies before turning towards you and gesturing for you to come in. You can’t wipe the dumb grin off your face when you walk up to the doorway and see Nori’s face light up.

“Oh my god!” he exclaims, sitting up from his bed and running up to you, “What are you doing here?!”

“Surprising you, obviously,” you laugh as he lifts you up in his arms and spins you around.

“I missed you so much.”

“But I missed you more–”

“Aaand we’re leaving now,” Kuramochi interrupts and heads toward the door with Shirasu following suit. “Use protection! Hyaha!”

“And don’t forget to lock the door,” Shirasu adds, and with that they exit the room, shutting the door behind them. Finally alone, the sexual tension between the two of you multiplies tenfold. It’d been nearly half a year since the two of you had gotten to be intimate with each other, so even just the initial hug you shared  upon your arrival had your gut churning with desire.

“So…” you draw out suggestively, simultaneously taking Shirasu’s advice and locking the door.

“So…” he responds in a similar fashion, the two of you obviously having the same thing in mind despite both of your reluctance to say it. Instead, you walk up to Nori, reaching for his hands as you press your forehead to his, then your nose, and finally your lips, at which point he resorts to slipping his hands around your waist.

The feeling of him growing hard against your thigh sends heat rushing downward, and in no time, you can feel your arousal drenching your panties. Nori’s hand moves up to your neck, pushing your hair out of the way to place his lips there and gently trail kisses along its length and down to your collarbone.

“May I?” Nori nearly whispers, tugging at the hem of your top.

“Of course,” you reply with a smirk before assisting him in removing the garment. You can see his hungry eyes dilate at the sight of your lace adorned breasts, and just as he reaches up to cup them, you decide to throw him a reverse uno card, cupping the bulge in his pants and gently massaging it before he gets the chance to do anything to you.

He gasps in half surprise, half pleasure as you continue to palm him over his sweats, his hands faltering on your breasts at the feeling. You take the opportunity to capture his lips once more, and slowly guide him to the bed where you proceed to straddle him.

“I want you so bad already,” you whine, rolling your hips on his now fully hard member, eagerly seeking any friction you could get against your aching clit. “I’m soaking.”

“God, you’re so hot,” he moans breathily, his eyes fluttering shut as you continue to grind against his needy cock. “I want you too… but it's been a while. Are you sure you’ll be okay?”

“I’ll be fine. I need you,” you demand as you rip off your bottoms and fling them aside. “Don’t finish too quickly, okay?” you tease as you pull down the waistband of his sweats and briefs in one go to free his throbbing erection.

“Wait–” he barely manages to say before you take him, “Use a condom.”

“Nori…” you whine. Normally it wouldn’t have bothered you, but with how deprived you’d been the past four months, your patience is running extremely thin.

“Especially since it’s been so long I might not be able to pull out in time. I don’t wanna take any chances.”

“Ugh, fine…” you give in with a frustrated groan, but he did bring up a valid point, so you couldn’t really argue further. You return to the bed after fetching one of the foil packages from his dresser and tearing it open. Climbing back on top of him, you quickly pinch the tip of the thin rubber disk and roll it down his firm length, eliciting a soft moan from him that further tested your patience. “Are you ready now?” you ask almost aggressively as you position him to your entrance.

“Ye–” he barely starts to say, but before he can finish, you lower yourself onto him, easing him into your wetness and completely interrupting his train of thought. “Oh, god–” he groans, throwing his head back at the feeling of your wet walls encompassing his girth.

“Ah, Nori, you feel even better than I remembered,” you sigh in relief at the feeling of finally having him inside of you. As much as you would’ve loved to draw it out and take your time with him like you normally do, you don’t have the self control to do so this time; for the duration of your three year relationship with him, this is the longest you’d ever been abstinent and obviously, it’s taking a huge toll on you.

Placing your palms flush against his chest, you stabilize yourself enough to rhythmically drive your hips up and down, riding him to your heart’s content. The way he fills you up so perfectly gives you unfathomable gratification, his thickness rubbing up against your tender walls while his length hits just the right spot deep in your core. You don’t remember it feeling this amazing, but maybe the waiting and anticipation that had built up over the past few months was enough to amplify the blissful sensation tenfold.

“Nori, I’m already close,” you pant, forcing yourself to maintain your rigorous pace despite the rapidly escalating tension accumulating in your lower half.

“So am I,” he barely manages to say.

“Fuck…” you whine under your breath as you abruptly accelerate your movements in an eager attempt to chase your high, albeit extremely sporadically.

“Baby, I–” Nori moans through labored breaths, his grip on your hips substantially tightening as he finally succumbs to euphoria, his eyes rolling back whilst his manhood pulsates within you. Wanting nothing more than to reach ecstasy together with him, you begin bouncing on top of him even more erratically, feral almost, until his swollen head is kissing the lip of your cervix, expediting the tingly feeling accumulating in your gut.

After what feels like hours of edging, you’re finally enraptured, sheer pleasure erupting from the heat between your legs and radiating throughout the entirety of your body. You’d been doing a remarkable job keeping the sounds to a minimum… that is until the breathtaking feeling of climax sends you over the edge enough to force a cry out of you. You’re sure whoever is in the room next door can hear you loud and clear, but there's no way you could’ve prevented it.

As you slowly come down from your high, your shaky arms give out and you collapse forward onto Nori’s chest completely winded.

“God, that was so good…” you mumble weakly. “Sorry I got loud at the end though. Your neighbors probably heard me.”

“It’s fine,” he answers breathily, combing his fingers through your hair, “After Christmas, I only have one more term with them anyways.”

“Mm,” you hum, unable to answer in words with how weary you’d become.

“Before you fall asleep, let me clean up,” Nori requests, gently rolling you off of him to get off the bed, “And you should pee first.”

“You’re too responsible, Nori,” you grumble with your face buried into his pillow.

“It’s for your health.”

“Mrgh…”

With your eyes still closed, you hear some shuffling and some tissues being pulled before the bed sinks next to you, followed by the feeling of fingers brushing your hair out of your face.

“C’mon, babe, get up. I’ll take you to the restroom and then you can sleep. Won’t it be worse if you end up getting a UTI?”

“Yeah, I know…” you groan, finally sitting up and wrapping your arms around his waist. With a soft smile, he returns your embrace and leans in to place a chaste kiss to the top of your head.

“I love you,” he whispers.

“I love you, too.”

He only allows a moment more of sitting in silence before he fills the void again. “Okay, now get dressed before you actually fall asleep,” he demands as he retrieves your clothing from the floor.

“Mrgh,” you respond groggily, still reluctant to get out of bed, but regardless, you do as he says. After he shows you to the restroom, he walks you back to his room and tucks you comfortably into his bed.

“You must be tired and hungry from the long flight, huh?” he asks as he kneels at the bedside.

“Mhm,” you mumble, starting to succumb to slumber with how comfortable you are in Nori’s bed, intoxicated by his sweet scent that you missed so much while you were away.

“Well, I’m gonna go meet Miyuki to get some pitching practice in this evening and then I’ll bring you back some food from the cafeteria for when you wake up, okay?” he speaks gently, and though your eyes are closed and you can’t see him, you can feel his loving gaze upon you.

“Mm,” you mumble once more, softer this time but still loud enough that Nori knows you’ve acknowledged his statement.

“Alright,” he responds as he leans in to press a tender kiss to your forehead. “Sleep tight. I love you so much. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

Though you can’t bring yourself to answer in your now very somnolent state, hearing his words fill you with warmth, receiving the affection you’d been deprived of this past semester. You couldn’t have asked for a better welcome home than spending time with the love of your life, and even though he isn’t with you right now, you know he’ll be back soon to share more memories with throughout the remainder of the holiday season.

[taromilksnake]

8:52pm not a bad day all together

though the weekend kind of blurred together

changes / stressors (for better and for worse):

moved apartments and not feeling at ease until the house feels like me, having to make executive decisions on taste and aesthetics, not to mention coordinating moving stuff and deciding if the price is worth it, if i’m “settling” etc (on the forefront: bed, bedframe, curtains, couch, table, rug)

having not sold/donated stuff i don’t need anymore, like the bedframe and other stuff. my sewing machine weighs heavy on me, and not having much to do at home beyond eat and sleep (because my art stuff is all put away) i think is also not helping

experiencing loneliness in a slightly new way, now that anthony is part of my life. its really nice, its honestly "successful" at a pace beyond what i even imagined, and maybe that is part of what unsettles me. when you suddenly reach your dreams, you dont know how to live them…

more seriously considering therapy means its no longer just a hypothetical, but also something that is actionable and therefore a directive. that one comic about being bombarded by “i should…” sure is right, though i’ve gotten a lot better about it

creeping on the horizon — adhd diagnosis, medication, top surgery. i want to have my supports already without having to go through that process. lito is a model at least. the adhd piece is it’s own can of worms, as in the fear of being disbelieved, uncertainty myself, being too good at masking to be helped, etc

dental care, and navigating health insurance in general (re: HRT, top surgery, therapy, adhd diagnosis and medication, dentist visits for cavities)

lonely lonely time!! disconnected from friends, i can hit up lanchi, or even dean, but i don’t know how. or, i’m afraid to. lito and teresa are also there too, though the lack of consistency is a little intimidating and disheartening. 2 way street for everyone, so i guess it’s ok either way. it would be a good idea to just do it when you want, never mind trying to make a habit of it. you can just do it and then stop

relatedly, seeing maggie and mariam and kelly on their various vacations and activities with their family and friends just make me feel like im behind in life. anthony too, more so for him b/c it’s like, confirmed that he has so, so many friends. it’s a common feeling i know, and dave and sherry and julia are right there with me, but it still is not easy. the insecurity of being unneeded is also tough, though i try not to dwell on that

not being so solution-oriented in general? which is tricky, because it can turn recursive real fast. how do i find the solution to the problem of me being too solution-oriented? 😵‍💫 it’s kinda silly, but it’s not fun or funny. mediating and letting myself feel and think whatever i do is hard, i’m realizing this now. i keep wanting to run away, into media, into distractions, into romance and intimacy and sex, all of which makes me feel bad and ashamed

as an aside, being able to sit in the bath whenever i want is nice. this is the second time now today

overall, i think i’m on the cusp of life becoming a lot, lot better. thinking it as a possibility is hard, because realizing i have to make it happen is hard. work feels strange and confusing and hard, probably because i’m getting more clarity and so becoming more aware of my incompetencies (and experiencing some paralysis because of that).

there’s been a lot of change in my life, and lanchis wedding feels like a lifetime ago. thinking of that though, i remember us in high school talking about all living around LA area, and visiting and keeping in touch…it can still happen. anthony can meet lanchi and dean, even. i want to remember that everything mattered because everything lead me to here, and here will only lead me to a better and happier life, too. a part of me feels it, no matter what happens. teaching will get easier too, there’s lots of examples of that. don’t forget that i love you and i’m rooting for you, always always always. things will turn up soon enough, and you will have a wonderful house to live in and you will host your friends and everyone will have a great time. just be patient with yourself and take your time. today you had fun out in the grass, and you were brave and took the plunge to get your work done too. be proud of that. once you think it, it will eventually happen, so don’t worry too much about it as everything will work out. go relax and have fun, do things on impulse :)

[pastramimommy]

9/13/2024

Alrighty you can see how well im doing with my habits since im writing this halfway through the month lmao so here we are in september, balls deep into a doctoral program and I got the VA job but dont start till october. I have been absolutely BLESSED that I have a whole month of doing school without a job because I would be absolutely fucked adjusting to both at the same time. I basically started school already behind, trying to catch up and not really sure the best way to approach my classes. I was studying all day without any other real commitments and it freaked me tf out that I will soon be expected to do this while working 40 hours a week. but alas, I am officially back on top of things and need to find a system that works for me while I am in school.

I spent 2 weeks in LA so that threw me off my habit game a bit, but thats just an excuse bc I've still been doing a shitty job while at home. I will give myself some grace about attending church in person, and be satisfied with watching online since I am not committed to a community here yet. My morning routine I worked so hard to build is looking pretty pitiful right now LOL I am now trying to work myself back up to waking up at 5-5:30am but am struggling and need to get my ass in bed before 10. Meal prepping breakfast helped me get things moving faster, but I need to let myself take a moment for Bible app and set the days intentions before i jump into studying. I have been working out like mf beast and am in the greatest shape of my life, achieving new flexibility/strength goals, but i am getting so stagnant with pole, i need lessons again!!

Living at home has been truly interesting lol seeing my sisters as potential roommates has revealed a lot. and the constant proximity is testing maya and I's relationship but for the better, imo. there is a lot of unaddressed issues there so no better time than now to let it all out. I am not having a bad time living at home by any means, its just hard to get into a routine when a lot of my day is dependent on others' schedules. I am very excited for the future house, but i am a lot less excited for the move.

Now for the tea!! Dating is crazy bro. I've had some incredible dates and met some incredible people. Most of the people I would be remotely interested in live at least 30 minutes away so that has been tough. I've made some solid connections with people but I am fr trying to learn from my mistakes with Chris and not go 0 to 100 with anyone. And it's funny I really gotta hold back sometimes. The biggest struggle is still wanting to be out there and meeting new people when someone is set on me. And it really makes me feel like shit because that is the roles were reversed when I was with Chris. But I can confidently tell myself at the end of the day, I am not doing anything wrong because I am being transparent about where I stand. I am proud of myself for my intentionality with going about things ethically. I am here to meet all the people but not break any hearts!! It really freaks me out that I have to try to balance dating and school and work. Like I can't put it off because otherwise I start looking at 30 years old? nah. i crunched the numbers, I need to put in work asap because i won't be able to hang out with anyone frequently enough to start officially dating anyone at a regular pace. so here I will be, bulldozing through this new phase trying to do all the mf things at once. The main goal is being gentle with myself and holding onto my habits, routines and coping mechanisms i worked so hard to build.

[husbandhoshi]

me booping you as a monthly checkup (which is smth im doing frm today onwards) :D

HOWS LIFE LILY???? HOWS SCHOOL???? WHICH YEAR OF MED ARE YOU IN NOW???? - okay too many caps locks, anyways-

idk if you celebrate but how was good friday and easter? did you have fun? how was your weekend? have you been busy at the hospital a lot? HAVE YOU DRUNK WATER TODAY POOKIE 👹👹

any gossip around you we (or i) should know about? dame im starting my 3rd year in a bit and im STRESSED. med school is tough man 😭😭

ive been so fucking busy, i didnt even know there was a follow to incheon the past weekend 😭

OH AND OMG I HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS

remember the two girls and their boyfriends (from my uni) i told you about some time ago? the one where the boyfriends grab hold of the other girl instead of their girlfriends? IT HAS FUCKING ESCALATED

apparantly - im renaming them as olivia (ex boyfriend justin) and jane (ex boyfriend mathew) - olivia and justin were "engaged" since they were younger?? its like a tradition of sorts in their caste to betroth the girl to someone once they start menstruating. so like olivia got betrothed to justin when she was like 14? i think. justin did like olivia A LOT like he was booktok smitten in love with her. and then like when the two of them started university with like a bunch of other people, justin met jane in his freshman orientation. they sat beside each other and they hit off.

jane met mathew in one of her classes and it seemed like she shared multiple of her classes with mathew so they kept on talking and then eventually got into a relationship. and then mathew saw olivia in the garden once and found her "pretty" and started making conversations with her (mind you mathew was already well into the relationship with jane) and so they started conversing and now olivia starts gaining feelings for the guy and becomes confused because "how can i have feelings for two people at once?" so this went on for like a good year. olivia and justin being in a relationship with jane and mathew are in a relationship. all while jane and justin were hanging around each other a lot and olivia would still be very fucking confused about her feelings because of the CONSTANT FLIRTING from mathew.

and then second term of sophomore started (post winter break), sophomores were planning to get drunk somewhere and olivia didnt want to go. shes not really big on alcohol and parties. jane, justin and mathew went (all of them went separately). fast forward to i think a few hours later, all three of them are piss drunk and someone spikes their drinks. jane and justin go to one of the private rooms to have sex and mathew continues getting piss drunk. drunk mathew misses olivia so he goes to her dorm, she lets him in, he has a bit of water, they have sex.

i dont think i mentioned something.

olivia doesnt know mathew is in a relationship with someone.

mathew doesnt know olivia is in a relationship with someone.

jane doesnt know justin is in a relationship with someone.

justin doesnt know jane is in a relationship with someone.

olivia is entirely SOBER when she lets mathew have sex with her.

this going behind each others back goes on for months until the fist fight thingy that happened.

and then, olivia and justin go home from uni on a break and yk how word spreads FAST right? their parents already knew about their infidelity before they even reached home. the engagement is called off. olivia is transferring to another uni in a different continent entirely. justin still goes to my uni. about jane and mathew? no one knows where they vanished actually. like they're no where to be found after the fist fight fiasco.

thenkiu for reading my tedtalk lily 🤓

~ rai 😘

RAIIIIII hello babe i am so sorry i took forever to answer this 😭😭😭😭 i had to dig in and pull out my actual computer to dissect this TEA…

im good!!! im starting my third year at the end of the month :) just waiting for the results of my big test to come in bc that will determine whether or not i get to start 😬 we’ve been studying for this exam for quite some time so no gossip or hospital stories to share :(( literally my life has been waking up studying and then going to sleep. but i just came back from a trip to nyc which was super fun !

and yes i did celebrate easter w my family!!! we did a seafood boil which was SOO good! what did you do?

ok ok after reading the drama update i am SEATED. first i know there r cultural reasons for getting betrothed / engaged etc so early but i think this is just confirmation that No One was ready 😭😭 honestly it breaks my heart bc it sounds like there were really Real feelings involved in all of this but the fact that no one could keep their hands to themselves 😬 Telling! plus the like 0 communication KILLS ME!!! please don’t stay together then!!!! also i’m side eyeing mathew bc he sounds selfish and from what i understand initiated a lot of the drama???? idk but transferring schools and disappearing is CRAZY too…… sheesh

i had a similar situation happen to my friends in high school where friend A had been on/off dating boy A for years and years (on/off bc her parents didn’t approve). her best friend B had been crushing on boy B for years but didn’t move in on it bc she was scared he didn’t reciprocate. so friend A and boy A are on a break and allegedly friend A invites boy B to her place and they sleep together. friend B finds out and to retaliate sleeps with boy A at her bday party. then they both mutually blocked each other after not saying a WORD abt it to each other & just hearing ab things thru word of mouth. crazy how people can just turn on each other like that

drama ASIDE. how are you?? i know you’re busy but is it a good busy??? i hope you have time to enjoy urself!!

[re-bee-key]

Im a very depressed person. I have been for a very long time. I go through spells where i quit my job and dont leave my room for weeks at a time.

When I moved to Arizona, i struggled really bad. The lack of greenery. Hard to make friends. Hard to hold down a job for my anxiety. I was in my room more often than not. I was already in my own little quarantine. For like 3 years before 2020.

At the end of 2019. I got a little better. I enrolled back in school for my Associates and was in a dnd group again. And early 2020, February, I had saved up enough to fly myself to NYC to see two broadway shows. I was walking all the time. Having healthy habits. Finally doing ok.

And then Quarantine hit. (I will note that I was actually sick with Covid before my trip and had no idea. Because we were all told Covid hadnt come to the states yet. I literally asked my science proff if I had covid. He said there was no way. I was like, i for sure got covid here at school. I went home and the next day got an email that school was going digital.

Everything changed. For the worse.

My grades slipped. Not to toot my own horn, but i was sitting at a 4.0 gpa. And it went down hard. I had to drop so many classes. Go minimum time.

My health was terrible.

We weren't sure if we could walk the neighborhood. Cause of the curfews. So we didnt leave the house. I didnt leave my room. Long covid had set in.

My days were spent scrolling the news. That got progressively worse with each month. I took less showers and got infections. I was always tired.

I didnt have a period for 8 months because of the stress. (And long covid probably.)

I shaved my head bald after a mental breakdown. My mom found me crying in the bathroom at 3am.

I played a lot of minecraft. Listened to a lot of podcasts. Didnt talk to friends. But I knew I was lucky. I was safe at home with mom. And felt guilty and sick and miserable the whole time.

For me. Quarantine wasnt 1 year. Or 2 years. Or even 3 years. I had already been inside for so long. It was just... worse. I figure with my depression... its been a long time.

Im in Missouri now. And better than I was even a year ago. But Im still so bad off. Ive been to the psych ward. I'll probably go again soon.

Its... so so frustrating to see the BBC article saying mental health wasnt affected.

I almost died. So many times. To suicide. I know thats tough to talk about to hear. But its true. And I know my story isnt that tragic or hard. I had it easy. Im lucky. But also. Im so broken. And covid made my life so much worse. And I hate everyone that is trying to act like it wasnt that bad. Fuck those people

Anyways, made myself cry. So ill end this here. Sorry for rambling. Its upsetting to think about and get it all coherent. I just wanted to add my story too.

(Also during this time two of my cats died. And a cop shot and killed a guy right behind my moms car in the grocery store parking lot. And we were detained for six hours because they wanted to wear down all the witnesses so we would say the killing was justified. None of us would say it was.)

[fraener]

1/19/23

what to say first....cried a lot about my grandmother. some part of me hasn’t caught up to the fact that she didn’t die that winter she told me she was sick. i was thinking about her mother’s coat. i miss her so much, i miss sleeping in her house and hearing her speaking quietly in the morning through the wall or downstairs. i am feeling rather low lately. my life is very empty. her advice is to always be moving, always be doing something new. but even in the hours on hours i lose in the studio thoughts find me. reina talks about me and hans nearly nonstop through the school days always just a few feet away from me. i can tell shes afraid to get grouped with me for activities or anything like that. she makes a large display of pretending im not there. i had two dreams where she made up with me and we were closer than ever, and then one where she was cursing me and i could hear her speaking the spell aloud. el is still in nz, shes not getting back till mid february at the soonest. a moment ago i saw a picture of simon and almost cried. i miss him so much. my heart is still broken from that. that, over and over, that forever. i havent been talking to o. even though im so lonely and isolated and tired i hardly have time for anything but school anyways. i often wonder what i am bringing with me from this part of my life. what will i leave with? what skills, friends, lovers? what belongings? i wish i could see ahead and know what i would discern later as the important parts and the unimportant parts. my heart feels terribly weak these days. aching, washed out. is there anything now that will mend me? i miss gardening. i love hans but its different to how i love simon. i feel like hans is a wonderful beautiful companion on a similar path to mine, i feel like he understands and can hold so much more of me than anyone. ive been able to explore so much because of him. everything feels temporary these days. the only deeprooted constants are far and hard to find under the mud of eclipsing moments...im tired of writing about interpersonal relationships/other people in my journal. today i ate lunch behind the campus police precinct. i pulled handles that were good enough off of the bc6 which is a much easier clay to work with in general than the recycled stuff. i threw 8 times with the same hunk of recycled clay. i threw two halves of a vessel with the bc6 as a test for size, both just under 3lbs of clay. the fog was creeping around when i left for school this morning and i was in a bad mood. the moss is rich and reaching. had a hard time deciding what to eat for breakfast so i had a banana with nutella because the milk claims to be off. been having heart palpitations and i read a quick poem i wrote in class. my legs got very sore from throwing today, way more than anything else. also my left pointer finger, first joint, outside edge of right hand, right bicep, and dear god my knees. especially the foot i keep on the pedal, im straining so hard to keep still when i pull the clay up that its causing a weird torque in my shin. i made a whistle last night that works from looking at the mouthpart of a different whistle. i wish we had more time for these projects, theres so much i want to make and work on for a long time and see through slowly. i want to do an ilc with evan some time, maybe next quarter ill be able to plan my own project and work through it quietly and at my own pace. i hope by then my relationship to the studio will be less strained. i almost want to start wearing headphones in there but i use the sound of the wheel to know the right speed to be at so its a tough decision. theres a lot i need to disengage with right now so i can have the space to breathe and practice the activities that are fulfilling to me

[eddiesbigolepp]

i think were alone now

synopsis: eddie has to sneak around to his sweet little girlfriend, not that he minds anyway.

pairing: eddie munson x cheerleader!reader

warnings: swearing, cigarettes, eddie being a total corn dog.

word count: 749

a/n: heavily inspired by the song, i think were alone now by tiffany

the quick glances, and small smiles you sent each other were barely enough to get you through the day. keeping your relationship secret was tough, but the two of you agreed its what you wanted. it kept the eyes of the nosy hawkins high girls out of your life and the meddling hawkins high boys out of his. it was a win win.

today was odd though, you felt his eyes linger on you longer than usual and when you passed him in the hall he looked sad and a little lonely. lunch time was no better. as you pushed around the food on your plate, listening to chrissy ramble about what cheers to do at tomorrows game you saw him. looking at you. every few seconds you’d see his eyes flash over to yours through the sea of heads.

even his friends knew something was off when he didn’t yell once all lunch. they tried to engage in conversation with him, but all he would do is nod or stuff another fry into his mouth. he smiled once, when he saw you laugh at a joke the girls had made but thats about it. he left early, lunch box in tow as he busted through the doors of the cafeteria.

once the school bell rang, you bee-lined straight for your locker. ready to drop off your calculus text book and pick up your history one. when you open the door a piece of paper flutters out.

“meet me at my van. i know its sixth period and you really have to keep your grade up in history but, i miss you.

please come sweetheart im dyin’ here..

-eddie”

you giggle to yourself, folding the ripped page and holding it to your chest as you look around. the door to the lot was right there, no one would notice if you slipped away.

so you did.

you leave the building and start looking for that familiar van. its all the way at the end of the parking lot, and you roll your eyes knowing that he used it as bid excuse for being late this morning. by the time you make it, you see the back door of the van pulled open and him sitting on the ledge.

“oh thank god you made it,” he says standing up quickly to pull you into a hug. “if you didn’t come i don’t know what i would’ve done.” he mumbles into your hair.

“hello to you too!” you laugh, wrapping your arms around his neck. “what’s up with you today, eddie? is everything okay?” you question, pulling your head back to look at his face.

“its nuthin’, i just missed my girlfriend.” he mutters, leaning in to kiss you, before you guys hear doors opening in the distance.

“sixth period gym,” you say, and he groans pulling away from your embrace. “they’ll see us if we stay here.” you frown, flattening the front of your cheer skirt.

“get in, lets go, hurry up, chop-chop,” he laughs pulling your door open and helping you into the passenger side seat. he walks around the front after closing both doors and hops in. “lets get out of here yeah?” he smiles and you lean over to kiss his cheek before he takes off.

when he puts the van in park, you’re confused. he parked on a dirt patch on the side of the road. “where are we?” you ask, hopping out of the van.

“somewhere special..” he smiles, grabbing your hand and guiding you through the forest into a clearing.

“whoa, thats huge!” you laugh running up to the large rock that sat at the middle of the clearing. you look back at him with the widest smile and it makes his heart melt.

“it’s skull rock, come here to smoke sometimes,” he says and you turn to him, “other people come here to make out,” he smirks and watches a blush rise on your face. theres a snap and your head whips around toward the noise.

“doll,” he says coming up behind you and grabbing your hand, “i think were alone now,” he chuckles pointing toward the rabbit that jumped out from behind the bushes.

“shutup,” you laugh, “i just don’t want anyone bothering us.” you mumble as he turns your body around to face his again.

“now where were we?” he says, holding your face with his right hand and holding your waist with his left and pulling you in for a kiss.

[im-in-vin-ci-ble]

Hello~ Can I request a Mark x fem reader who’s a lot like starfire and is very Powerful close to omni man and is also an alien princess but she lives on earth and they go to the same school and she’s also a solo hero who one day sees invincible fighting off a tough villain with the teenteam but is losing so she steps in to help and he recognizes her and starts getting all nervous since he has a crush on her and then after that they introduce themselves get to know each other and eventually work they’re way up to mark confessing and she says yes :3

(If possible can it be a slow burn im a sucker for slow burn tropes and stuff 😤)

A/N: I gotchu, this bout to be a lil long 😮‍💨 making the fem!reader a little more human, figured since she’s in an actual school for humans she’d need to adapt to the humor/culture so she doesn’t get suspicious

Pairing: Mark Grayson x Fem!Reader

Rating: M, some swearing and gross monster guts

Warnings: N/A

Summary: Mark is finally joined in battle by an alien princess who has caught his attention. Turns out she goes to the same high school, and if he can throw around 150-pound monsters across the street, surely he can confess his true feelings to a girl... right?

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?!" Rex Splode yelled as he wobbled up off the ground. "We've been on this thing for hours and it only has one damn cut!"

"Calm down Rex," Atom Eve said from behind, "You're gonna get even more tired from yelling."

The two watched as Dupli-Kate attempted to distract the scaly kaiju, replicating herself second after second to give space for Invincible to hit the monster by surprise. The kaiju's screech echoed throughout the city and shook the foundations of the surrounding buildings, forcing Rex, Atom Eve and Robot to move aside and save however many civilians they could.

"Invincible," Dupli-Kate shouted, "I can't keep up much longer!"

A sonic boom overcame the surrounding noise and Invincible appeared from the clouds. Dropping in at maximum speed, the young superhero balled his hand into a fist and took a deep breath. A loud battle cry escaped his mouth but it was cut short as the kaiju's heavy arm slapped him away just in time, throwing him through destroyed buildings until he landed on the pavement.

Out of breath, dizzy, and in a serious amount of pain, Invincible laid on the broken road for a second to regain his strength. The wind softly blew down on him as he focused his sight on a contrail leading towards him, and he watched as a girl in purple land right next to him.

She bent down and held him upright, "Invincible, are you okay?"

"Mmhmm," Invincible croaked with a defeated smile, "Totally fine."

His sight reverted back to normal and the first face he saw shocked him alive. It was her. They never talked in school and he was almost sure she didn't know his real name, but here she was, basically cradling him in her arms and calling him Invincible.

So she knows who I am. At least with the suit.

"Come on, that kaiju is about to be destroy the entire city," she said, helping him get back on his feet and flying away to the seemingly unbeatable figure.

He huffed, "Stay cool, Mark. She's here to help," and he followed suit.

This marked the first time he really interacted with the new superhero; he'd only ever see her on TV or read about how she saved people on the newspaper. He'd be lying if he said he didn't find her attractive — as do most guys his age — but watching her blast the kaiju with the green bursts of energy from her hands made her only even more appealing.

Invincible regrouped with the rest of the Teen Team. "I don't know what else we can do to this thing," Atom Eve admitted.

"I do," the girl spoke up. "Distract it as best as you can but stay far away from the stomach. When I tell you to take cover, make a run for it."

Robot replied, "That seems highly dangerous."

"Let's do it," Invincible quickly replied in a high-pitched voice.

Everyone looked over at him, surprised at the sudden change in his voice and just how fast he reacted in agreement. 

"Uh, it's a good plan," he nodded, causing the girl to shoot a warm smile his way. "I definitely think we should do it... if all of you... uh, think, we should."

Exhausted and out of options, the rest of the group followed her orders and took different corners of the monster. Dupli-Kate handled one leg, Rex Splode handled the other, Robot and Atom Eve took the arms, and Invincible went back to the head. The kaiju struggled to keep its focus on just one of the heroes, and while it remained preoccupied, the girl absorbed all the energy she could muster and flew straight for the stomach.

"Take cover, now!"

Invincible and the Teen Team moved away and they watched as the flying hero's eyes opened in a bright shade of neon green, both her arms extended out as a large ball of green formed around her hands. The rays exploded right through the kaiju and it shrieked in pain as she briefly disappeared into the stomach. The kaiju lost balance and slowly fell forward as the girl, her eyes still green, appeared on the other side and harshly fell down on the ground.

The kaiju landed on the street with a loud boom and the group ran towards the girl who was now covered in parts of the kaiju's digestive system.

"Okay, that's kinda gross," Rex Splode commented, to which Dupli-Kate quickly responded, "Shut up."

Invincible dropped down on his knees and wiped the blood and guts off her face. Subtly admiring her facial features up close, he couldn't believe (and almost felt stupid) that he never recognized her despite the fact that he almost saw her everyday.

The girl groaned in agony softly shook her head, her eyes fluttering open to the sight of Invincible's dark hair, goggles and yellow mask.

"Hey, hey," he whispered, "Are you alright?"

She sat up and hissed at her injuries, holding her head with her bloody hand. "Mmhmm," she gently nodded with a half smile, her eye one still shut. "Totally fine."

---

Mark had a hard time focusing on school. His body ached from yesterday's injuries and he suffered a few bruises from literally tearing through buildings. He made his way to his locker and rested his head on the metal door, dreading the fact that he still has an entire afternoon of classes to go. Closing his eyes in hopes to quickly recharge, his moment of peace was disrupted when a shoulder rammed into his chest and several books landed right on his toe.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry," a voice exclaimed.

Mark's head snapped up at the sound of the voice. It's her. He momentarily froze and watched the girl bend down to pick up her things, and when he finally regained movement a split second later, he also bent down to help her out. He kept quiet as he tried to think of the coolest possible response to make her think that he was actually the coolest guy in school, but all he could think of was how heavenly and badass she looked yesterday.

"Thanks," she said as he handed her the book. "I hope your foot doesn't bruise."

They both stood up and he shot her a nervous smile. "T-totally fine," he replied, clearing his throat afterwards.

She crossed her brows at his response and nodded, and a look of suspicion replaced her worried demeanor.

"I'm Mark, by the way," he cleared his throat again and reached out his hand, "Grayson."

"Mark... Grayson, huh?" she responded, scanning his face as her suspicion grew. Her eyes finally landed on the hand that was waiting, and she took one last look into his eyes before deciding to shake it. "I'm Y/N," she introduced herself with a skeptical smile, feeling his sweaty palm wrapped around hers. "I'll see you around, Mark Grayson."

She walked away and Mark's eyes followed her trail as far as he could see. He quickly pulled out his phone to send a text to Eve, who was actually watching their interaction a few classrooms down.

"Mark," Eve called out as she moved towards him. “So I’m assuming...”

"You knew?” he asked her in disbelief. “Why didn't you tell me Y/N was a superhero? I just introduced myself to her as Mark Grayson and I'm almost positive she knows I'm Invincible."

"First off, it's not my secret tell," she answered with a shrug. "Second, you guys didn’t trade secrets or whatever?”

Mark shook his head in a panic, "No, but I'm guessing she also knows that I know her secret the same way I know she knows my secret." He rested his forehead on the locker door once again and groaned, "Ugh, I'm so into her, it isn't even funny. And this whole superhero thing just made it even more awkward."

Eve laughed, "Look, I'm not going to force her to tell you if she isn't up for it, but if you want, I can ask her to hang out with us later. Maybe — emphasis on maybe — my presence will make her comfortable enough to admit who she is."

"Okay, okay," he sighed, turning around to rest the back of his head. "My insides are dying."

"After the kaiju yesterday, be thankful you don't mean that in a literal sense."

---

Where in the hell is Eve?

Mark pulled out his phone for the third time in 10 minutes. Still no call or response from Eve to his text. He was getting evidently nervous; his palms were sweaty again and it felt like someone turned up the heat in Burger Mart. His left leg jerked up and down in anxiety as he stared at his phone, looking at the seconds on the clock icon tick by. If he were left alone with Y/N, he'd have no idea what to say. What does she like? Should I bring up the kaiju yesterday and praise Invincible? No, she'll just think I'm full of myself.

"Hey Mark."

He jolted and saw Y/N standing by the corner of the booth. "Hi!" he replied in that irritatingly high-pitched voice. Mark's heart began to race and the thoughts in his head ran wild. "Um... Have a seat. Sorry Eve isn't here yet, she actually hasn't answered my calls or my messages. Teenage girls, huh? What can you do?"

She crossed her brows again and chuckled, "That's fine, we can wait for Eve. But I think I'm more concerned about you."

"What do you mean?"

Y/N chuckled again, "You seem... nervous.”

He faked an obnoxiously loud laugh, “Me? Nervous?”

She watched him from across the table in silence, waiting for him to regain his composure.

When Mark couldn’t hear Y/N laughing with him, he finally shut up and shook his head. “Yeah, I am nervous, sorry,” he admitted, shutting his eyes tight. 

She giggled, “Totally fine.”

Hearing her say those two words calmed his racing heartbeat. A smile crept on his face and she reciprocated, their eyes locking for a few seconds before both their phones buzzed.

“Oh, I just got a text from Eve,” Mark said. 

“Me too.” She opened the message and began to read it out loud, “Sorry, can’t make it tonight. Something came up.”

“Have fun, you two,” he followed, his voice faltering. He placed his phone, screen down this time, back on the table and sighed, “Sorry, guess you’re stuck with me. That is, if you do want to stay and... hang out, and stuff.”

"Why wouldn’t I?” she replied, her warm smile easing Mark back into a relaxed state. “It’s nice to have a friend who...” she trailed off, “understands.”

“Understands what?” he asked.

“This thing people like us call life,” she answered. “You know, it took me a long time to acclimate here. I didn’t think I ever would, then I met friends who made this place feel like home. And home is a feeling I hadn’t felt in a really long time.”

Mark rested his elbows on the table and leaned in closer, “Well, I’m always here. You know, a-as a friend... or an acquaintance, even. I don’t, I don’t want to push it.”

Y/N giggled again, “You’re a funny man, Mark Grayson. This planet is lucky to have someone like you.” She reached out and held his hand, “And I’m even luckier to have you as a friend, or an acquaintance.” 

He felt the heat rush to his face and he could swear his heart nearly jumped out of his chest. The afternoon flew by in a hurry as they engaged in lengthy conversations, fatty fast food, and childhood stories. While Mark was open to sharing every tiny detail — down to the color of the bleachers at the park where he played little league — Y/N kept hers pretty vague, leaving out descriptions of family members and even the places where these stories happened. 

Mark’s phone buzzed again, but the vibrating pattern indicated it was a phone call. He turned the screen over and saw the unknown number; it was time to suit up.

“Shit, I’m sorry Y/N, but I need to go,” he said in a rush. “I have a... uh, an emergency.”

You couldn’t have thought of anything more specific?

“It’s cool. Um, don’t worry about it,” she said, shaking her head with her eyes glued to the vibrating phone. 

Mark’s one leg was already out the booth before he decided to finally just go for it. Sitting back down with his now quiet phone in his hands, he took a deep breath.

“Y/N, I think you’re really cool. Can I maybe, like, call you sometime, or something?”

Her lips formed into smile that extended to her eyes, and it was enough for Mark to melt a little. “Of course. Yeah, sure,” she replied in excitement and typed down her number on his phone. She handed it back, “Now you know how to reach me if you’re getting your ass whooped again.”

His mouth fell open as his shaky hands grabbed his phone. “Wait—”

She smoothly slid out of the booth, “See you later, Invincible,” she winked, “Don’t get killed today.”

---

Luckily for Mark, no one got killed today. Maybe a few wounds here and there, but nothing painful enough that will land him in the GDA hospital. After spending an hour in the shower, he finally managed to lie down on his bed and rest his body. He sank into the mattress and closed his eyes, taking in the seconds of undisturbed peace that have become rare moments since he got his powers. 

As he replayed the events of today��s fights in his head, his mind drifted off to the hours he spent with Y/N. He pulled out his phone and mustered the courage to press the dial button, and the repeating sound of the ringing was making his pulse race. 

“Hello?”

“Oh good, you didn’t die today.”

Mark chuckled and sandwiched his hand between his head and the pillow. “It wasn’t that bad today, just took a few hits,” he explained. “So listen, Y/N, I was wondering, uh—”

She cut him off, “What are you doing right now?”

“What?”

“What are you doing right now?” she repeated.

“Um, nothing, just getting some rest” he sat up and looked around. “Why?”

“If you’re not too tired, do you maybe...”

Mark smiled, “Maybe...?”

“I don’t know, sneak out? My roof is pretty comfortable.”

Silently fist pumping, he fully stood up and nodded, “Text me the address.”

Just as quietly as he exited his room via the window, he softly landed on Y/N’s roof. Swiftly flying up and greeting him, she took the place next to him and crossed her legs. 

“You’re right, your roof is pretty comfortable,” Mark said.

She chuckled at his remark then noticed a gash by his right temple. Her brows furrowed in worry, “You have a wound,” she said, making sure not to touch it.

“Don’t worry about it,” he replied, softly holding her hand and placing it back down with his. “Totally fine.”

Those words brought her some sense of comfort as her eyes softened, causing her to unconsciously squeeze his hand. Mark’s eyes widened and he looked down at their tangled fingers, frozen for a moment.

“Is this... okay with you?” he asked.

She nodded. “Wanna lie down? Since my roof is so comfortable?” she asked with a smirk.

“Sure,” Mark chuckled, removing his hand from her’s and stretching his arm out as they lied down. Y/N rested her head on his shoulder, keeping her eyes up at the stars.

“Hey Mark?”

“Yeah?”

A moment of silence.

“Thank you for coming.”

He looked down at her as she met his eyes, “You’re welcome.” 

The two shared a smile, and Mark took a deep breath as he prepared himself for the words that were about to come out of his mouth.

It’s now or never, Mark. Now or never.

“Watching you kick ass yesterday was... really a sight to see,” he began. “You’re powerful and strong, but more importantly, brave. And you’re so fucking beautiful and kind and smart and...” Mark trailed off, sighing, “I never thought I would be in this position — with you next to me in a very comfortable rooftop under the stars.”

“Mark...”

“And I really like you. Like, really, really like you.”

“Mark.”

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, but I just wanted to let you know. It’s important that you know—”

“Mark,” she cut him off. “I like you too. A lot.”

He breathed a sigh of relief and covered his eyes with his free hand. “Oh thank god. Thank god!” he exclaimed.

Y/N shushed him, “You’re gonna wake up the neighborhood, Invincible.”

“Sorry,” he giggled quietly, “I got excited.”

She laughed and faced her body towards him. They locked eyes again, and Mark didn’t know if it was gravity or just the adrenaline that pushed him, but he finally leaned down and met her lips. Static ran through his body as he deepened the kiss, and he felt an excitement that was even more exhilarating than the first time he flew.

She pulled away and Mark ran his hand through her hair, resting his hand on her cheek. “How was that?” he asked.

She smiled gently and placed her hand over his, “Totally fine.”