#[[ and then when he recovered he didn't know what to do xDD ]]

[countlessrealities]

@mcltiples sent:

Midnight rolled around making it so that it wasn't Thanksgiving anymore. However, Rick still found it appropriate to portal into the other's hideout. Wobbling in every step that he took, almost tripping over himself. Though, he made his way over to his counterpart. From there, he basically sat down on the other's lap, forehead pressed against forehead.

"Th-There you are," He spoke, obviously drunk off his ass. "I need to tell ya somethin',"

The accent that he concealed usually was out in full force. A side effect from the alcohol in his system and a sign of where he had been all day. If anyone knew him well enough to figure it out.

He curled his fingers against the back of his counterpart's neck, grazing the skin gently with his fingernails, igniting a pleasant abrasion. "Ya know what day it is, so I'm gonna come out right with it, I'm thankful to have met you, I don't care if we started out hatin' each other, yer the best thing that's happened in a while,"

Bright blue eyes were glossed over, tilting his head to the side. In a way that looked as if he were about to kiss his counterpart, but he didn't. Instead, he kept on talking.

"And maybe I like you or somethin', I don't know, I don't give a shit about what I wanna call it right now," He chuckled at that. "But, what I do know is I wanna just drink lots of liquor, put on a movie, and share a tub of ice cream with ya,"

Without a second thought, he pressed his lips softly against the other's ones. A delicate peck. Unlike anything they've ever done before. No heat, no passion. Just simple, loving, and casual.

Then came a soft hum, clearing his throat. "But, you're gonna have to carry me to the couch, I'm too drunk to stand on my own, love~" His accent had somewhat diminished, replaced by his usual tone, mixed with something more lighthearted.

{ To your Weird Rick from my Weird Rick 🤭 // a small confession perhaps ? xD }

Saying that Rick disliked the holidays would have been a gross understatement. He had never understood them, their so-called "spirit". For his younger self, they had always been just another day of misery, torment and anger. He used to force himself to celebrate, or at least to pretend to, because it was what was demanded from his family and later, with Diane, expected.

The moment the choice had been his and his alone, he had decided to never bother with them again. Why should he have? There had never been any happiness or enjoyment for him to be found in festivities. They were all a pretty lie to cover up the horrifying truth. Just as everything else.

From the outside, one couldn't have guessed his despise for them, especially seeing how much fun he had building themed explosives and other kind of weapons so he could use them on each recurrence. You could have easily assumed that it was his fucked up way of celebrating, but instead it was all out of spite.

And that was how he spent his Thanksgiving too that year, ruining it for anyone who was so unlucky to cross his path. Being thankful? For what? To whom? He was the one who made things happen. He pulled all the strings, created all the stages. A god didn't say "thank you", didn't owe shit to anyone.

And yet, at times, he failed at ignoring it. The emptiness, the ache, the ugliness. It made him want to gag and all he could do was drowning it in liquor and destruction.

That was the reason why, when his uninvited guest showed up unexpectedly, Rick wasn't any less drunk that his other self. The only difference was that, even when he was that intoxicated, he still managed not to slip back into his hometown's speech patterns.

The moment he realised who his visitor was, a sharp, mocking smirk opened on his lips as he prepared to great his counterpart with some rude, witty jab. Hopefully something that would have been infuriating enough to get him to fuck off right away. He wasn't in the mood for company. Not even his own.

However, he wasn't given the chance to even start, as he was cut off by suddenly finding himself with his lap full and his forehead trapped against the other's. Confusion exploded inside his dazed mind, causing him to forget everything else. He didn't know what to do, what to think, how to feel.

The only certainty he had was that this was unlike anything that had taken place between the two of them. Everything was different. His counterpart's touch, his body language, the way he moved. The curl of his lips, his expression, the look in his eyes.

He couldn't tell if it was a good or a bad thing and that fact both irked and terrified him.

"What the fuck..." Was all he could muttered before his other self's words silenced him once again.

Hearing that accent in his own voice made his stomach twist with nauseous coldness, especially because it clued him on where his other self had been for a prolonged amount of time. Why would he go back there, to that piece of Hell on Earth?

Why, why, why.

He couldn't fathom a single explanation, a single reason. Or, perhaps, he was too burnt by it all to handle even mere speculation on the subject.

Before his building panic could properly grip at his throat, however, his brain seemed to finally registered what his counterpart was saying, and he found stunned and bewildered once again. This time, though, underneath the confusion, instead of uneasiness and dread, there was something warm smothering him in the softest way.

I'm thankful to have met you. Yer the best thing that's happened in a while.

The soft grazing of those fingers against his scalp weren't helping and Rick found himself stupidly wondering if he should worried about his heart. It was beating so loud, so fast, it felt like it was about to explode out of his chest.

And then came that kiss, so starking different from all the others they had exchange. Gentle instead of vicious, light instead of oppressing, loving instead of violent. No one had ever kissed him like that. No one had ever touched him like that, in any way. It stole his breath away and he couldn't stop himself from clinging to it like a dying man would to his one and last hope.

He was pathetic, but he couldn't bring himself to care, not right now.

"...Yes," was the word that escaped his lips, breathless and far too eager. He didn't even know what exactly he was answering to, just that he wanted everything the other was offering.

Just that he wanted this man.

"I'm really fuckin' drunk too, if I try to carry you, both our asses will end up on the floor," he went on then, voice shaking with laughter. "Like two stupid sacks of stupid potatoes!"

For some reason, that undignified image was hilarious. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the sudden euphoria that had filled him. He couldn't care. He didn't give a fuck. Not when he felt this good.

Despite what he had said, he stumbled on his feet, pulling his counterpart up with him, holding him bridal style. He risked tripping and falling at least four times before he could properly get on his feet, but eventually he managed and starting to stagger towards the living room.

"Labels are for losers. We're gods, love, we don't need 'em," he managed to say, slurring the words out a little more, as he focused on walking. "It's our...thing, it's ours. You want it, I want it...That's all it can be. Whatever we want, whenever, however."

He didn't know if they would make it to their destination, but it wasn't so important. Even if they had ended up sprawled on the floor together, with no movie or ice cream, it would have still been one of his best nights ever.

[chickenkurage]

CHAPTER 4 OF ATG IS HERE AND OH MY GOSH.... WHAT- NO.... NO NO NO NO NO NONOONOOONOBOOBOBO OH MY GOSH DJ AND ALAN IN THIS.....

FIRST OF ALL DJ WAS ACTUALLY WILLING TO HELP ALAN WITH HIS WEAPON BY GETTING A LOT OF MISSING PIECES FOR IT, BUT ONE TIME ENDS UP GETTING SHOT BY SOMEONE IS SOMETHING I ACTUALLY NEVER EXPECTED THAT WOULD HAPPEN TO HIM- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOSH.... YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH VICTIM AND DARK BOUNDING!!! LOOK AT THEM GO!!! ALSO A STATUE OF A CURSOR THAT RESEMBLES NOOGAI IS HONESTLY REALLY INTERESTING TO KNOW ABOUT!!! ALSO DARK IS GETTING INTO THE NOOGAI SITUATION BY WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! I THINK THOUGH BUT I WONDER IF THEY BOTH WILL LOOK THROUGH SOME BOOKS AND FIND ANYTHING ABOUT NOOGAI!!! MY FRICKING HEART.... NO..... OH GOSH NO, EVEN IF ALAN HELPED DJ RECOVER FROM THAT SHOT, HE STILL HAS THE AUDACITY TO SAY "DJ... you're worthless".... THAT EXPLAINS THE TAG OF DJ HAVING SELF ESTEEM ISSUES OH GOSH- THOSE WORDS DEFINITELY HIT HIM WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY TOO MUCH, IT LOOKS LIKE HE'LL NEVER LET IT GO PROBABLY, EVEN IF HE TRIES TO HIDE IT IF HE WOULD, ALAN THAT'S YOUR GOSH DARN BEST FRIEND AND THE BEST BROTHER YOU'LL EVER HAVE, GOSH I'M GETTING A LOT OF EMOTIONS.... THE FLASHBACK OF THESE TWO TALKING TO EACH OTHER ABOUT GODS IRL WHILE THERE ISN'T ANY IN THE OUTERNET, BUT OH MY GOSH THEIR FRIENDSHIP IN THE PAST LIKE.... THEY LOOKED SO HAPPY OH MY GOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IT ALL WENT SO WRONG.... AND DJ PRAYING FOR HIS BEST FRIEND BACK, EVEN IF HIS HEART LUCKILY DIDN'T GET SHOT, IT FELT LIKE IT DID BY FEELING LIKE IT WAS SHATTERED BY THOSE WORDS.....

*INHALES* MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMGEY!!! YOU ARE DOING A LOT ON ME WITH THIS AU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- DJ WHERE ARE YOU EVEN AT RNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN-

Chapter 4's new name "Doomed Friendship" DJ would always help Alan, and we know that, Alan is his best buddy, and he would definitely follow Alan even to the end of the world. And if making that weapon makes Alan "himself" again? DJ would do it a million times, just so Alan would have that spark back again :''), and the fact he did get shot trying to get the parts for the weapon just, makes it worst.

Victim and Dark bonding are really adorable, they really have that older brother and younger brother energy XDD. I mean, we can understand Dark. How uncanny and scary it is for a stick to "easily" use humans as his tools. How technically, Alan has so much power in his hands. He could start wars, imagine if he gets his hand on a world leader and start another world war. That's just terrifying honestly. That weapon they created, is a damn good one, Alan is basically a god at this point. And that thought just terrifies Dark.

Alan telling DJ was worthless.... that was painful, DJ wears his heart on his sleeve. And for someone he cares about, his best buddy, his brother, not by blood but he loves so much, tells him he is basically worthless...... That broke him.

And the religion and gods talk between the two of them when they were younger, and how DJ admits that he would believe in god, as long as "that" god gives him strength, and that god can be someone that he can ask help from when in need. And the fact Alan is the so called "god" in this, that's basically the opposite of what DJ wanted from a god. But the fact he would still search for his "god" even if that god doesn't want him...anymore.

And honestly, they were really happy, they USED to be happy :''). This may be really a doomed friendship from the start after all.

We all know, that's the day DJ heart broke. Heartbreak isn't real, but let's admit it. DJ would prefer getting shot in the heart than hear his "best friend" tell him he isn't no longer needed and useless.

DJ will appear more frequently.... since well...he's the real MC of this AU xPP hehe! Prepare for more angst to come, and DJ getting hurt. Maybe ATG DJ was actually the real counterpart of CS Alan after all ;) - S

[yippieitsarvensart]

OKAY I've gathered my thoughts and I am back with more octotrio headcanons!!! I felt kinda bad having such a heavy bias but then I realized most of us have a bias towards them and felt better XDD

Starting with Azul!! Azul does drag and is absolutely a drag queen, it makes SENSE!!! He is canonically based off a drag queen (Ursula is based on a drag queen and Azul is based on Ursula)!!!!! He's such a theater kid this is just a branching path of that, he loves attention and praise and the DRAMA!! He was made for this I KNOW it! Also also, he's totally been spoiled with land beds and comforts, like he's got the biggest bed and all the pillows and blankets and comforters, he has multitude weighted blankets for that sweet sweet squish, he's like the princess and the pea when something is out of place in his perfectly designed nest of comfort. Also I'm pretty sure this is canon, but like Azul is so freaking strong?? Like something rolls under a sofa at the lounge and he's like "ugh fine" and lifts it up with one hand and is like "well?? Grab the stupid thing, I have things to do" and people are just staring at him because WOAHHHH,,, STRONG! Azul let's Floyd do the squeezing because if he himself were to get angry with someone anf squeeze them, it would be FATAL. Like all ribs broken, spine snapped, didn't stand a damn chance. And now it's time to project againnn!!! So when octopi get bored/understimulated, they start biting and tearing off their own limbs because they simply cannot cope, and Azul is an octopus AND autistic so when he's understimulated he 100% starts biting his nails, his cuticles, his knuckles, until his hands are just messed up and scarred (why he prefers to wear gloves) and in his mer form his tentacles aren't safe either, he gets stressed or too bored and he just starts nibbling, someone get this boy a game or a puzzle STAT. Speaking of nibbles, his blood is blue!! In his mer form it's not super noticeable, but in his human form where humans with his complexion usually have warm pink or red undertones, his is a cool blue. When he's flustered or embarrassed he blushes blue! Do you SEE my vision it's GOD TIER!!!! His pupils are also rectangular like an octopus, sorry I don't make the rules (I'm not sorry and I do).

Next is Floyd!! Okay. So. His playlist is the BIGGEST mix bag of genres ever, he has all KINDS of funky tunes on there but the key ingredient is ENERGETIC!!! He needs music that's LOUD and CHAOTIC and he can DANCE TO, doesn't matter what it's about he just needs that ENERGY!!!!! Also this is random but, he's been humbled by bugs on multiple occasions. Like, he comes to land and he thinks it's so funny how people are scared of such small fry! So silly so stupid!! And then he gets stung by a wasp and his mood is ruined for a WEEK, nobody can tell him SHIT while he recovers, he's never been more upset in his life (lies). He also has beef with mosquitoes, like what do you MEAN on land there's bugs so tiny you can barely see them, can't even FEEL when they bite you, and they TAKE your BLOOD???? And they have the audacity to leave this big red itchy spot after they STEAL from you!!! He couldn't be more angry if he tried!!!! Not to mention the little fuckers have PREFERENCES and swarm him while Jade is left completely untouched!!! Azul gets some too but never as many as Floyd, he is so so bitter. OH OH ALSO HE WEARS DRESSES AND SKIRTS!!! They remind him of a jellyfish when he spins and they aren't constricting!!! He loves the flowy loose ones and loses his MIND when he can find a dress or skirt with pockets, it will immediately become his favorite article of clothing until he finds a new favorite next week!! He also loves using fun phone cases and phone charms, cool colorful shoelaces and beads, all kinds of stuff to express himself with fashion without the tight feeling of clothes!!!

It's JADE TIME BABY!! So, Jade is mainly appearance headcanons because I know in my heart he is alt as hell, like on campus he's all business and suits, but if you see him just going about his day on the island? ALT ALT ALT ALT!!!! He's punk as hell dude, custom jacket and big platform boots and all! He makes his own mushroom patches and pins, has wildlife conservation patches and mountain patches, frogs, deer, all kinds of fun land animals that he loves!! He also has slightly longer hair, but when he's not in business mode he ties it up in a small pony to show off his side shave on either side!! He has snake bites, dimple piercings, basically every possible ear piercing, a septum, eyebrow piercing, nose bridge pierced, he's got it ALL!!! He wears fingerless gloves too, or if it's a no glove day he wears tons of rings!!

TRIO HEADCANONS!! Okay so the gang all just decided to use he/him on land to make things easier for land dwellers and their silly little boxes of gender, but all of them either have no gender to begin with or a gender so complex and cosmic in nature it cannot be properly described/addressed. When they're alone though, Floyd and Azul will actually use she/they pronouns for Jade more often than he/him saying it "just feels right, I dunno". Jade agrees, but she doesn't really care what pronouns people use at the end of the day, just don't make her make your pronouns was/were.

BONUS RUGGIE??? Listen this is so random but so correct- Ruggie's taste in music mainly consists of female rappers. DONT ASK ME HOW WE GOT HERE, just know I'm right. He told me himself, okay? He's working and has his ear buds in and it's Megan Thee Stallion blasting, he told me so I know.

AAAND DONE (for now)!! Also if I maybe perhaps made a playlist of songs I think Floyd with listen to, would you like me to send it over? It'll be full of bangers, trust. Also like with all my ramble asks no proof read so God speed reading this SJSGSJSHDHJDVF

I SQUEAALLLEDDDDD EEEHEHEHEE THESE ARE SO SO SO GOOD >__<!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had to reread tjos over again so many times- not bc I didn't understand anything- but because of just how right you are I needed to try to absorb the info into my system... Love when people do long long rants like these I am such a listener and I love reading but responding always gets my ass... beats me down,... Me taking an entire 2 days to figure out how to word one (1) sentence. /hj I just think it's funny (update on this I've been typing for hours my hands are starting to cramp and I haven't even written that much)

I absolutely love it when people draw/write Azul to have square pupils, n'd other... octopus-like features yu kno... I didn't know octopi bit off their limbs?? (I'm guessing they also grow them back, I wish I could do that wtf???) Azul being so super strong also SPEAKS to me, I don't think u mentioned this but I also love it when people draw Azul to be plus sized (so real, exactly like god intended/silly) AND ALSO WITH SPLATOON STYLE OCTO-HAIR LMAOO I just remembered one of my friends draws Azul with that kind of hair and it made me laugh so hard /pos

FLOYD BEING INTO DRESSES/SKIRTS?? I'M GOING BONKERS INSANE I'M IN LOVE FOR REAL?? I NEED to draw them in more skirts now thank you so much for this... He's gunna look so cute for real... And also in game; For the guest room and friendship stuff Floyd likes cute and Unique things!! That's so adorable I'm screaming they're literally just a little (crazy) guy >__<//....... !!!!!!!!!! I can do so much with this information. slams fist on table. I'm in art block rn though and I'm so UPSET. LET ME DRAW. Also him having beef with bugs is so real and so me. I also hate mozzies AND YES THEM HAVING FUCKING PREFERENCES ??? HELLO?? LEAVE ME ALONE. crying emoji!

I love twins with opposite aesthetics, I always forget that Jade is (canonically?) into punk/alt fashion, whenever I go to draw him out of uniform I get stumped like. "was he the one who liked that fashion.. or someone else like am I trippin' did I imagine that..." But now I can draw F n' J in opposite clothing styles... Jade being punk/alt is so mecore like she's just like me for real. Also I really like mallejade as a ship/even just as friends but the goth/alt duo?? going out on dates and being so tall and scaring people so bad?? I already think Malleus loves wearing dresses that reach the ankles and tall dainty shoes... If NRC had a female uniform I think Malleus would own a set. Along with a lot of other characters but I don't feel compelled to list them all right now (the transfems are taking over the all-boys school!! oh no!!! /hj)

I often use she/they/he for the trio cuz I completely agree!! They are so gender non-conforming... they are so genderfuck... they are so all pronouns they are so pansexual?? they are so. weird little thangs. /aff The way they all use he/him on land just to accommodate HUMANS and their STUPID gender boxes is more of a Azul/Jade idea- Floyd being the one they have to convince to do the same. Even though Floyd doesn't care how people decide to perceive them, and they'd probably get he/him'd anyway, I like to think sometimes she causes problems by going "oh my god... you.. misgendered me?? how could you do this to me I'm. I'm so hurt. I actually use [insert very long list of pronouns INCLUDING neopronouns just to mess with people] :/// How could you not know that about me." Just a silly thing I think would happen hee hee...

Ruggie listening to female rappers is so real no I was also told my him in person he showed me his playlist... since we on the topic of music as well I think Malleus listens to like Radiohead, The Smiths, Horror Vacui, Male tears, sometimes Muse and Nirvana- He dips his toes into Death/Black metal/screamo sometimes due to Lilia's influence. He doesn't like it a LOT but he likes being close to people through things they like so he basically tricked himself into liking that genre of music... Adorable methinks I like to mention this a lot and I don't remember if I did last time but Floyd PTV + MCR liker + 6arleyhuman + Maneskin... And funky video game ost's !! if you let me keep talking I could probably assign most of the students a music taste because I know I'm right. Also Azul and Vil both love Lady Gaga. Vil likes Destiny's Child. Cater is a kpop stan and only listens to girl groups. Riddle likes Lawfey, Aurora and City And Colour. Idia likes songs that were popular in 2015-20 because of gacha videos on youtube, preppy anime songs and also video game ost's from his favourite games. ANYWYSSYDSHUY -- ANYWAYS YES YES I'D LOVE TO HEAR THE PLAYLIST??? PLEASE !!!! :DDDDD

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

I JUST FINISHED EPISODE FOUR AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Well technically I didn't JUST finish it I had to stressed-ly pace around my house for three minutes first xd

And then stare at a picture of an otter which was blessedly the first thing on my dash

Uh anyway :')

OVEIAIWNOHWNZLFKSMSHDBWKABWIDBAUWCNSMLQEZ????!?!!!? SOBBING SCREAMING CRYING SHAKING THROWING UP!!?!???!?!!!!!

SEB HOW COULD YOU D O THIS TO ME??? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO CARLOS?? MY BABY I LOVE YOU BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO RIGHT NOW 😭😭😭 GIVE ME A CIRCUMSTANCE SEB I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LIKE DID SOMEONE KISS YOU AND WE'RE CALLING THAT IT BECAUSE IF IT NEVER GETS EXPLAINED THAT'S WHAT I'M GOING WITH AND I CAN MAKE WHATEVER I WANT CANON THANK YOU VERY MUCH

ALSO HOW DID THIS HAPPEN SEB YOU CAN'T LIE AND YOU WENT TO CAMP THE SECOND TO LAST DAY

AND JARRED???!?!!!!? SIR WHAT ARE YOU D O I N G HER!????!!?!!!

Okay I'm genuinely struggling to breathe a tiny bit so I'mma take a second lol

Okay I'm back :) did some breathing and a physical exercise to work some of this out lol

Anyway as soon as Seb said he had something to tell Carlos I got SUPER nervous and I was pausing so much but as soon as I started to say it and I saw the subtitles I literally screamed and his for like 3 minutes straight 😭 xd. Y'all I am living my worst life right now lol xd.

WHEN I ASKED FOR SEBLOS ANGST THIS ISN'T WHAT I MEANT!!

But uh anyway I knew Seb was in a knight outfit (boy we had no idea what that promo pic meant 😭) so I was wondering if the pumpkin was someone he sent or MAYBE him, and then I was thinking a) it's Big Red (especially after interrupting Ashlyn and Maddox around the time I was thinking this) b) it's the person Seb cheated with or c) it's both (awful, worst possible option for anything about this situation). And THEN I was like okay so Jarred, is this the dancer, an ex, the guy he cheated with, or both Carlos's ex AND the guy Seb cheated with. Luckily it's just the dancer xd. Not great news, still, but, you know lol.

Frankie wasn't lying when he said these first few episodes were an episode of Housewives 😭

Boy those episodes really can Housewives 😭 xD

Anyway, uhh, I was depressed in the first half but hoping they'd talk and just not come to a total understanding yet, but then by the end I was screaming throwing up losing my mind :) also I'm pretty sure we don't get Seb next episode so :') because now I need to watch HIM beg lol, even it out xD

Also if we don't get Over Again till the last or second to last episode I freaking swear-

ANYWAY! This is not just a seblos post XD. This is an episode four post lol.

Rina is going THROUGH IT 😭😭. I gotta say Ricky I think you should make it clear that Miss Jenn wanted to switch Dani in lol, not you xd. And I also wish they'd both managed to tell each other about the various situations 😬. When Mack first mentioned it I thought Ricky overheard and I went o.o but xd. Also I know you were in front of everyone but Gina why didn't you just explain the mom thing DD:. Poor Ricky he's going through it for real :((. And with college and everything too :'( D':. Anyway they were cute for a bit this episode and they slayed but xdd 😭. I love them <33.

ASHLYN GIRLLL WHAT ARE YOU DOINGGGG!!! Like lowkey 👀👀👀👀 but also girl Big Red 😭😭💔. Unless it was him and Seb in which case I don't think I or this friend group would ever recover but also idk if there would be a need to escalate nonetheless lol- aUAGH ESCALATE THAT REMINDS ME OF SEB-

Whoops sorry lol 🤪 that was so crazy wild 😌

Anyway :D that SONG THOUGHHH!! It was a bop :DD!!! Also not Ashlyn crying when she thought Maddox wasn't okay 😭😭😭💔. Y'all I'm not okay, thank you very much <333

And 😬😬 there's confirmation that Mad and Mad are down - or, as Maddox said lol, bad xd. Sorry guys :(((

Kourtney honey DD:. I swear that's how I start her part every episode XD. At least it's not multiple y's on either word this time lol. Anyway, I'm glad she went out 🥰🥰. I was scared she'd just stay in :((. But while she's CLEARLY stressing, I'm so happy she went to the party and had fun with them :D. And I do think she should look outside of Ivy Leagues, I think something will definitely come from that in some way :).

And speaking of Kourtney SLFKGFJSHDK JET!!! Man is trying his best but it was HILARIOUS lol xDD. Also his moment with Ricky was great xD. But seriously my guy, nice, smooth lol xd. ~Fabric~. Also, little sus over there calling Mack and Ricky hot one after the other xDD. Anyway lol. Also it's really sweet that he helped Maddox with the prank to make it up to her :')) 🥰❤️. I love them so much your honor, thank you very much <3. Another point to that is Maddox's reaction to Ashlyn saying Emmy probably has a crush on him lol xD.

Miss Jenn DD:. I'm sorry honey :((. I'm sorry to Ricky's dad too, he's been great this season DD':. And he's such a MOOD too lol xD. But yeah, honestly, they just don't work great together :'//. And I mean I've wanted them to break up but it was still sad :'( 😭 and I didn't wanna see it I didn't deserve it xD. But nah I'm glad we saw it lol, it's for the best. I'll miss y'all though <33. But not too much xD. Oh and her scene with Ricky and the end was amazing :'DD. I think she's calling Mr. Mazzaraaaa? Idk but I think so and anyway I really loved the scene :'D. Also slay costume lol.

Slay costume EVERYONE y'all were all amazing :DD!!! Everyone slayed so hard they brought the house down 🥰🥰❤️😍🤩✨🥰.

Missing you EJ, Mr. Mazzara, Nini, and Emmy :)). Love you guys <333. Though from the picture on the next episode bit after finishing episode four it looks like EJ's gonna be in the next one :O!!! We love that for us :DD!!!

Anyway yeah xD. Everyone's going through it lol. But I hate to break it to you guys, Carlos is going through it more 😭 xD. Like y'all his boyfriend's been icing him out supposedly because he thinks Carlos cheated on him and when he's finally willing to talk Carlos finds out that Seb cheated on him, and that the lowkey creepy person who bothered him a bit during the night was the person he was accused of, in a documentary that was streamed world wide, is there and wants to be with him. Just. Wow xd. Leave this man ALONE!! Like in the angst department 😭. I mena I love it but come on xdd. Anyway lol!! They seriously are all going through it though lol xD.

Anyway!! This episode was absolutely AMAZING and I loved and despised it :DD. How could you do this to me :')). The music was amazing (y'all that first song was SO FREAKING COOL!!! I loved it it was wild :DDD)!! Both songs were so good, and COMPLETE opposites lol. Despite partially being about the same thing xD. Like storyline wise lol (as in at least a bit about Ashlyn and Maddox being sus). Anyway! The drama was off the CHARTS and it was just a really good episode all around :)). I did genuinely enjoy it lol xdd. Still though, I am going to kill someone <3. I don't know who, but somebody :) xd. And Carlos is death so he's in on it, he'll help me with it lol.

Anyway xD. It was great. I am so freaking scared for the next episode and episodes, thank you :')). But SO EXCITED!! Still dying though lol <333.

NEXT UP IS EPISODE FIVE!!!

[midnight-in-town]

Hi so I came across your Femto punishing both Guts and Casca meta and even tho I kinda like it I found myself at odds with a part of it.

I think punishing Casca and feeling mad she picked Guts over him and considered leaving him wasn't really a consideration at all. In the thoughts he has after the weird trippy hallucination thing they put him through during the eclipse his only thoughts are about Guts. How he was the only one who made Griffith forget his dream. And when he forgot this torture happened and his body was broken.

Guts was the one he risked life for by going to save him from Zod. Guts was the one who managed to get close to him despite his attempts to keep his distance from his men. Griffith was at that point after all only human. Humans need close relationships which he was denying himself and that led to his overattachment to the one he had which caused him to end up in the situation he got tortured in. He had to blow off steam he was so upset by Guts leaving and the concept alone made his fight with Guts more erratic.

But Casca leaving isn't reflected on at all during the Eclipse. Griffith said once that a true equal was what he considered a friend and while he was talking to a royal at the time that might still be true. Griffith who was human, and despite being in denial about it, craved friendship.

An equal who didn't leave him might be something he wanted. But Femto who has thrown away his humanity doesn't want a friend he doesn't want a equal. A power play is required to prove that Guts is beneath him. He needs to disempower Guts to feel empowered. To feel that Guts isn't a equal that Guts is beneath him.

The scene where he pushes down Casca is a parallel because it is also about power but in a different way. The sequence of events is Griffith asks Guts to put on his armor he wants to be able to put it on fight again. Guts obliges excited to see Griffith recover.

Elsewhere Casca is told he will never recover enough to hold a sword again. A demon attacks them rips off Griffiths armor and mocks him and his group over how he's already broken. Afterwards Griffith hears his group come apart as they come to terms about his condition. Casca berates Guts for expecting that recovery when it not possible which Griffith also hears.

Griffith then pushes Casca down I think because Casca used to be someone he was stronger than her. It's just a desperation to show he has even a bit of the strength he used to possess.

He manages to stay in the position she doesn't try to push him off he doesn't try to do anything and just puts his effort in maintaining position. Flopping on her and groping would probably be less physical effort but I don't think that what he trying to do . His mouth is open like he's trying to say something but no words come out. She hugs him pulling him close and as he's no longer holding up his own body weight his trembling stops.

I think its supposed to contrast with Femto later and his mentality in this moment vs that one.

The first scene with Casca is desperation to show he has even a bit of the strength he used to possess. That it'd not over for him.

The second one where he attacks Casca in front of Guts is to show no one is equal to him everyone is beneath him. Guts is beneath him. In this world where Griffith reigns Guts has no power to stop anything to do anything and he wants to mock and hurt Guts. That it's his time to rule.

When Griffith is rescued his immediate reaction is to lash out attack Guts. He is mad at Guts for leaving because in his mind Guts leaving led to this. But it only led to this because Griffith cared enough about him that he would be upset at not having Guts around. Its because they were friends. So when he sees Guts crying over him that anger dissappears and he puts his hands on Guts hand in a almost comforting gesture. He can't go as far with his anger or hatred because he loves and cares too.

Which is why that first scene with Casca is only her being pinned. He wouldn't go that far because even if he doesn't see her as a equal he still gives a shit. Its why he attempts to move to her when she attacked by demons after they escape with him. Maybe he wouldn't even consider doing something like what Femto does to her.

But that caring and giving a shit is the humanity he gives up. Femto still has emotions he had feelings Griffith used to have. If he didn't making Guts feel disempowered wouldn't matter. The idea of Guts as a equal in anyway wouldn't occur. Femto is just that anger and rage he felt when he tried to strangle Guts without the caring he felt when he put his hand on Guts hand.

Casca only mattered when Griffith cared about people who he thought he was stronger than. When he sacrificed that Casca ceased to matter. She was never a target of his anger or frustration. But Guts continued to matter. Because Guts was a target of that. He wants the target of his frustration to suffer, and he knows this will make him suffer.

Just my opinion thought I'd share. Still love your meta tho!

Well, damn, that’s a long ask. xDD Next time, just reblog and add your thoughts, I also answer that way, hahaha!

Also, not sure which post of mine you’re referring to, by the way. I’m thinking this one, but I honestly can’t be sure because I also reblogged posts on the subject?

Anyway, if I sum up your take: Griffith was out to punish Guts only and not Casca, because Guts >>> Casca in terms of significance as far as Griffith is concerned? 

Thank you for your input :) but see, I disagree, because this is exactly why I once said that...

I don’t understand why some fans somehow reduce Berserk’s plot to being about Guts vs Griffith, Casca often becoming some random secondary character. For me, no matter how you look at the series ever since the Golden Age, it just ain’t the case. :))

However, all I ever wrote was that Griffith punished both of them; I never implied that their “betrayal” amounted to the same significance for Griffith, because it’s indeed not the case.

After all, as you said, we know Guts always had a bigger impact on Griffith since the day they met...

...but, while we will never know for sure, I for one am quite convinced that if Casca (who was Griffith’s right-hand woman) was the one who had left in the same fashion as Guts, it would have triggered Griffith in a similar way. 

Because Griffith is a man of influence: he knows that and how to use such charisma on others. That’s why he totally means the words he said to Charlotte about what kind of people he would see as a friend. So he uses people’s feelings for him in a way that would serve the path to achieving his dreams. Casca herself said that, as a leader after he was gone, all she did was "try to protect the dream of someone who might not even be alive”. 

The Band of the Falcon lived and worked to help Griffith achieve his dream, because they saw him as special, since they had no achievable big dream of their own (kinda why Griffith said they’re not “friends”). 

So yeah sure, Guts’ actions would always leave a bigger impact on Griffith, as you showed he said it himself, but Casca falling in love with Guts and envisioning a future far away from Griffith’s schemes still clearly stung. 

After all, everyone in the group knew of Casca’s unrequited feelings for Griffith, meaning that Griffith obviously knew too and, instead of telling her it would never happen, he entertained the possibility so that Casca would entirely devote herself to him.

Take Judeau, as a counterexample: he too had some feelings for Casca, but he urged Guts several times to take her with him and away from the group, because he couldn’t stand her unhappiness. Griffith said nothing about her feelings, because he knew that’s how Casca would do everything for his sake. 

Still, Casca was not any random member of his Band so, when she emancipated from Griffith by falling in love with Guts, in my opinion it’s why...

...she also was on the receiving end of his jealousy. 

It’s distasteful but, otherwise, why did Femto rape Casca instead of killing her? Again, we will never know, but if Guts had left Griffith behind for a future with any other random girl, I think Femto would have just killed her in front of Guts. Raping Casca, when she used to long for Griffith’s affection, was revenge against both of them for choosing each other instead of him and his dream. 

You can see it in the way he stared at both of them so many times, coming to the realization that he was not at the center of their little trio anymore. So yeah, Guts > Casca in terms of significance since day 1 as far as Griffith is concerned, I never discussed that, but Casca was not such a random member of Griffith’s band either that her actions of emancipation would not taste bitter to him. That’s my opinion. :)

Additional points: I never said he was trying to grope her in that scene when he fell on top of her as she was changing his bandages, just that “he was trying to gauge or reenact Casca’s old devotion to him by showing some affection”.

And finally, Femto who was entirely reborn as a Godhand has no emotion left about Guts or Casca, he said it himself. Thinking he’s only anger and revenge would be confusing Femto with the Skull Knight or Guts as the Black Swordsman.

Friendly reminder that Femto is not human anymore so, while Griffith thrived on thinking that he didn’t bother with overwhelming bonds to anyone and that only his dream ever mattered, it is actually the case for Femto. 

I hope I answered your points. Thanks for reading and have a nice day Anon! :))

[lemonadebloodsworld]

Tw: ED (??), sh, depression, suicidal thoughts, abuse (??)

So yeah,

It feels weird to come back here even if it's a more recent account. The first time I made a tumblr account was when I was 13 and back then I was already really depressed because of trauma, my relationship with my parents and the fact that they were always saying that I faked being depressed and was just being dramatic and other shitty stuff.

Back then they thought I was a gay girl too but yeah I'm a bi trans boy and it makes everything so damn harder because everytime I try to talk about my mental health my mom just says that it's JUST because I'm trans and I should just be patient and wait to be 18 to start a transition while yes, dysphoria and the fact that my family isn't really supportive make me sad but my mental health has been getting so damn bad.

I've never really been a happy child, my parents divorced when I was 3-4, my mom found my stepdad who has always been an asshole to me and my little brother because we are not his "real" kids and would always yell at us and hit my brother and my mom has always been depressive and mentally ill (Ed, depression and trauma) so she is scared of him ig, anyways, she just never said anything about it, even when she noticed that we were really scared of him.

My bio father was supposed to take us at his place every weekend but after a year he stopped coming and dissappeared for 9 years. At the same time I started to get bullied at school by older kids and some kids in my class and I didn't have any friends because it was a shame for them to be friend with me.

At 11, I have been sexually assaulted by an older kid (he was 15 or something) leaving me with trauma.

At 12 I changed school and found friends, I was so unused to it and ashamed of my past that I spent my time lying to them so they'll like me and think I'm cool, I also started to smoke and drink in secret because I felt so much pain and the intrusive thoughts started to get loud.

At 13 my bio dad came back in my life because he owed a lot of money to my mom and wanted to use us to make my mom feel bad about it. I started self-harming lightly and depression started to settle in but I wasn't really understanding what was going on because the "hypomanic" phases and intrusive thoughts were getting more present causing me to lose the only friends I had and yeah I just didn't understand what the hell was going on. I tried to talk about my mental health to my parents but they told me that I was being dramatic and it's a normal thing to feel bad because I was an adolescent and questioning my identity (I came out as a lesbian back at this time) and decided to just punish me and take my phone away because I was spending too much time alone in my room and didn't do the chores.

At 14 I started to have a lot of anxiety and panic attacks while being in depressive episodes, I started an ed (feeling shameful for eating even a little amount of anything and purging, I don't want to give it any name because I have been diagnosed and yeah), I also began to self-harm more and deeper (still not bad, I don't want to lie for that type of stuff xd), I broke down one day and told everything to my parents (sh, depressive tendencies, smoke, suicidal thoughts etc) and once again they were like "yeah nah it can't be that bad, you just lie to have attention and have an excuse to stay in your room and just being stupid" but my mom saw my arms and thights and then was okay for me to go see a psychologist. So for a year I had the opportunity to talk with a professional who was really amazing, she prescribed me light sleep pills because of my insomnia while in depressive episodes and "hypomanic" (don't have a diagnosis but I have all the symptoms but then again I don't want to self diagnose because it could be wrong and be something else) ones but my mom always refused to give them to me. At the end of the year she wanted an appointment with my mom to talk about my mental health and the importance for me to go see a therapist to be diagnosed (bipolar disorder 2 (she was still questioning it) , anxiety disorder and depression or whatever, she just wanted me to have the help I needed) but then again my mom said no because I was surely just faking it all and I just had to make efforts to be happy. I was so tired of everything and just wanted to feel better so I started to steal my mom depression medication (mostly Xanax and calming pills).

At 15 I met my first serious girlfriend, I fell in love so hard with her and for the first month she really helped me to stop sh, pills, drinking and everything was great until she started to verbally abuse me using my dysphoria and fragile subjects I told her about (she would say that I'm annoying and selfish for always feeling bad and that u was too sensitive and not a real boy if I cried) once I wasn't agreeing with her, slap and hit me if I said something she wasn't okay with or when I would have anxiety attacks or talk to her about my suicidal thoughts while in depressive episodes and yeah she used me like if I was a dog, if she wanted something or think in some way I would have to give her or do whatever she wanted or I would get threatened, insulted or ignored for a long time or other icky stuff. After 6 months of making me feel guilty for not letting her touch me in a sexual way she one day decided to start taking advantage of me while I wasn't in the appropriate head space or without my consent and then making fun of my body and making comments about the way I look. She in fact, made me really anxious and feel bad and it made me start to binge eat, at the end of the year my weight was 78 kg, before our relationship I was 59 kg, people noticed it but just told me to stop eating and go on a diet.

At 17 (this year) I finally broke up even if she asked me to do it because she didn't want to be seen as the mean one for letting me while I was clearly depressed. It was hard but I could finally meet new people or get back with people she didn't wanted me to talk to (especially my amazing actual partner and my bestfriend) who helped me a lot realizing all the shit she did to me and they have been amazing at making me feel loved and cared for and to be honest I don't think I would be there if they weren't in my life right now.

Now my mental health is just fucked. Like I said when I broke up with my abusive ex I had gained almost 20 kg and it reminded me all the bully I've been through as a kid (they most of the time used the fact I was overweight to bully me) so I started to starve myself or purge if I felt like I ate too much (I started to count calories) I was at 78 kg at the start and in 2 weeks I was at 65kg, it was during quarantine so i didn't have any friend or people noticing what I was doing or see me fainting. I started to drink almost everyday and smoke a lot.

In June I got in a relationship with my actual partner and to be honest it's the only good point I can find this year. They (genderfluid) are an angel and I just don't know what I would do without them, they help me a lot even if they are struggling with mental illness themself and anyone has ever cared for me and made me feel so loved before. Today it's been 4 months officially and it makes me feel happy and I just want it to never stop. My mental health is at its worst, I've been having a lot of intrusive thoughts, i have a self destructive comportement, in September I started to sh again (a lot deeper) after 2 years clean, I often call them in the middle of the night (well in the middle of the day for them cause I'm in Belgium and they are in Texas) because of really bad dreams and suicidal thoughts, I am bullied and made fun of by the people in my class for being trans and having a different style (alt-grunge), I barely eat or purge if I try to have a meal, I have these "hypomanic" phases that make me getting really angry at nothing and do a lot of stupid shit because I feel invincible and better than anyone, almost godly and yet they never made me feel like I was a burden or like I should just stfu or like I was being dramatic and they are actually the first person believing me and not saying I fake everything.

I am struggling and it becomes so damn hard to live but I will do my best not to give up and just keep on fighting for them and maybe try to recover and seek for help when I turn 18. I already try to make little steps and stop self harming, drinking too much energy drink XDD so yeah let's just try and be positive I guess.

Sorry its actually so damn long hhh I don't even know if i will post It one day or keep it as a draft eheh I hate venting