#[ tbh i kinda ran out of muse for our other thread to the point where i couldn't bring myself to really continue it ]

[causalitylinked]

becoming fearless isn’t the point. that’s impossible. it’s learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it. Herja <--> Rindo {From here!}

        random quotes from tumblr. » still accepting!

    "'Learning how to control your fear', huh? That must take quite a while to truly master; in fact, I wonder exactly how you manage you do it, Kaoru-dono," Herja muses aloud while carefully regarding his gun. Of course, with Japan pretty much forbidding the average citizen to carry firearms, she never really managed to see one up close... hence why she had asked Rindo if she could end up examining it, if only due to the fact she was curious.

    "After all, a gun carries enough lethal force to kill someone, does it not? To that end, I bet being on the firing or receiving end of one must very nerve-wracking... therefore, overcoming your hesitation to pull the trigger is surely no easy feat," Herja adds, before carefully turning the gun around to study it at another different angle.

    "If you don't mind me asking, Kaoru-dono... what methods do you utilize in order to outwardly suppress your fear?" she then questions upon finally reaching the natural consensus Rindo must have taken very good care of it.

@enchantedbrew

[lachalaine]

Have you managed to stay away from drama? 

Mun Day !! 

Have you managed to stay away from drama?

more or less, i have been lucky enough to do so, yes. ithink the biggest part i’m thankful for about my being so selective in thepeople i follow is that i’m able to readily ascertain ahead of time whether or not imay have an issue with someone down the line, and luckily for the past twoyears or so – i haven’t had anything close to that issue.

there was only one very brief moment where i’d received twoscathing anons in regards to drama that was over pretty quickly. i’d had aroleplay partner before when i’d first started out with jackie that i’d grownto be really close with ( coincidentally enough, this is the mun that ran themuse of jackie’s ex-boyfriend ) and we were practically best friends, tbh. shewas an amazing writer, and in my eyes an amazing person as well, but she was ina really bad place that she’d felt she couldn’t get out of, and in the process of our friendship, i would later become her crutch.

the way this drama started is that for some reason, even if she was very anxious and stayed inher lane the majority of the time to the point that she was scared to interact with others, she’d always get this random as all hellanon hate from people, and it was never for any reason either of us could actually figure out. no matter if she’d changed pen names, no matter if she’d make newblogs, this anon would always, always find her. she’d originally told me it wasfor this reason that she didn’t like being on tumblr, because she kept gettingattacked like that, and i would try to encourage her to ignore it or turn offanon – which would work, for a time. but as soon as anon went back on, thesehate messages kept coming back. it got to the point where she just stopped turning off anon, so the messages would come through again and again and again and it would screw up her mood so much, i couldn’t understand why she didn’t just turn it off to give herself some air to breath. she’d explained it was because she was tired, but it was the kind of thing where it could be fixed even for a time, and she never did it. perhaps there was a deeper meaning, i have no clue. 

regardless, i really didn’t get it, and i’d told my one friend about the situation,and they’d brought up the possibility of perhaps she was sending them toherself ( which would in a way, make a fuck ton of sense as to why she keptbeing found no matter what she did ) but i was adamant that she wasn’t, and i really wanted to protecther so i pushed through on defending her for the next few months even if i could feel a sense of uncertainty hitting me that i’d tried my best to throughly avoid. 

well, those same few months later, and i started having myown issues with her that i’d begun to realize were the signs of her being avery, very toxic individual. i’mtalking guilt tripping, gas lighting, jealousy, manipulation, etc. it wasmessy. it was the worst. she not only fucked me up but she fucked my muse upand that’s why jackie is still in a state of recovery. all of jackie’s worst bullshit has been singlehandedly caused by this girls muse and i’ve never had any friendship be so overall fucking terrible in my life. this girl was all kinds of caustic and i’d beenmaking excuses for her the entire time that i’d known her. which isuppose in the end was my fault.

i do have the worst tendency to ignore people’s assholetraits because i think they’re better than that and i want to showcase that they can perhaps be better. all they’d need is a friend. 

i’m usually proven wrong because friendship does not actually make being an asshole go away. it just makes you a punching bag. anyway –

so after i’d finally lost my patience with her, i kinda tooksome time away from communicating, which i imagine she’d found a bit hard to deal with because we had talked everyday before that point. in any case, i was on my blog, and answeringasks, and then lo and behold –

your girl gets an anon. a very… kind anon. one that goesahead and asks me “i’m new to rp, i want to follow new people. would you haveany you recommend?”

and despite that this girl isn’t rping on tumblr on a usualbasis anymore because of the anons ( say three months ), i tag her in it. because i was still on that thin line of “she’s myfriend” and “she’s a jerk” and i’m not really the type to throw all that underthe bus unless i’m given a real, honest to god reason to drop a friendship. 

so i slip her into my recommendations amongst a grand handful of others, and suddenly – thehate comes in.

god knows i dread checking that blog anymore for the badvibes it gives me, but i remember it very particularly being hate along thelines of “why do you interact with that blog? the mun is a bitch and you coulddo so much better. she’s blah blah insult insult blah blah insult” and it cameacross as very patronizing. and i was still sorta kinda friends with her, so iresponded that she wasn’t like that, and we had our own issues of course but she’s not that badof a person ( still kinda blind to the bs but also i believe she was still good at her core - she was just a jerk ), and they went back with moreinsults, i lost my temper and told them to block me, anon disappoofed, and suddenly – for someone whohadn’t been on tumblr in for hecking E V E R —

she messages me out of the blue. about thirty minutes later on skype. askingif i’m okay. as though something had occurred that had suddenly worried her. 

which is kinda fishy if you ask me just for the sheer timingof it, but i never got the answer to whether or not it was her sending those messages, in any case, just sorta checking to see if i hated her yet. atthe end of the day, i cut ties with her fairly amiably and left it at that.

that was the one and only time i ever got a hissy anon and icount myself lucky for it. and now i just scour the blogs i follow just to makesure i don’t stumble on her ever again. though there was a moment a few monthsago where i found a new blog she’d made purely by accident, and i’d recognized and luckily i’dcaught on to it before i’d followed her back.

instant block. i don’t know if she ever saw my new blog again, but thankfully, all that matters is that we’ve both stayedout of each other’s social circles since that time. i was worried for a bit since i saw some my mutuals interacting withher, and i’d get a bit iffy whenever i saw her threads pop up on my dash, but gradually it’d seemedshe’s sorta disappeared again.

and i’m still dealing with the heartache her muse caused myown, and though it’s slow, her progress is steady, and jackie’s doing all the more better for it at this point for the lessons she’s been taught, and i’m glad. 

i’d learned a lot of what to avoid from both mun and muse, and it’s good growth for the both of us i’d think, at the end of the day. perhaps.

// @jauneybravo