#[ laboured wheezing hheheeeeh eee

[apostitudes]

morrigan goes through a lot of compulsive heterosexuality over the course of origins and still hasn't really cleared up her muddled feelings towards sexuality and how she views women by the time inquisition comes around.

aka me just spewing shit i feel abt lesbian morrigan in no coherent order. stashed under a cut for fairly liberal sex talk, though not explicit. plus, its so much longer than i thought itd be im so sorry

anyways, comphet morri. like, a lot of her comments allude to her just... not being very fond of men in general. she makes sweeping generalizations of men typical to women who experience comphet—viewing them as pathetic, easily-frightened, and only interested in submissive, alluring women (we all remember the "men only want to believe two things about women" speech) and she admires women with strong resolve (though her definition of such is typically self-interested, which is why wynne and leliana don't get the hero of ferelden treatment).

i don't really think she sees sex as anything other than a chore—she'll fuck a non-romanced hof/alistair/loghain for the sake of the ritual. it’s actually super easy for her to tolerate the idea of having sex with alistair or loghain BECAUSE they don’t like her. no strings attached (minus kieran, but ogbaby is why she’s doing this, right?). 

actually her whole... romance with the hero really cements the whole thing, tbh. for starters, the hero is the ONLY man in the group who is a) nice to her (unlike alistair) and b) not so forward with his intentions so as to set her off (unlike oghren and zevran, who does make passes at her). naturally, this translates into “he’s nice to me, men and women can’t be friends, ergo i am romantically attached to this man”. once a romanced hof has sex with her and starts attempting to call their relationship a genuine romance, she actually grows more distant. morrigan is half right when she says “oh, this is passion, the respect between equals” instead of love. minus the part where her friendship dialogue is infinitely more touching than anything going on in her romance scenes, do not @ me.

for the record, yes i am deliberately ignoring witch hunt because as far as im concerned she would have allowed anyone on friendly terms with her to go through the eluvian, romanced or not. the dlc was pretty much just to make up for the fact that morrigan didn’t leave you a note in awakening. change my mind (but dont ill cry)

her feelings toward het relations has a little bit to do with her upbringing—morrigan makes specific mention of flemeth bringing multiple men into her home, but nothing of women. anything she might have read in books would have been heteronormative, given thedas’ whole Thing (i see you, inquisitor “but we’re two women!” lastname). and she’s not close to leliana or zevran, so she doesn’t ever really get the chance to explore the idea of being attracted to someone of the same gender. as far as she’s aware, the concept doesn’t exist.

misc thoughts i’m putting here: morrigan’s advances on sten are made on sten specifically because sten is very much unavailable to her. she flirts with sten until he “reciprocates” and threatens her, then drops the matter like a hot potato. morrigan absolutely sees leliana with a male warden and thinks that she is so very much out of her league, although comphet brain translates that into “she likes attractive man, therefore you must pick a fight with her”. morrigan vc oh my fucking GOD i had a crush on leliana.

this changes sometime after morrigan gets settled into her study at halamshiral. not necessarily because of celene, rather the fact that she’s more traveled now than she was living in the korcari wilds. she kind of Gets that she likes women, but she’s never had to think about it beyond “yeah i do this sometimes”.

while i label morrigan as a lesbian i don’t think she’s at the point where she can Comfortably label herself as a lesbian, because a) “i had a child and the sex was kind of good, therefore i am not a lesbian” and b) “i have not had a relationship with a woman despite being in my thirties and therefore my attraction is invalid”. she wouldn’t label herself as bisexual either, it’s mostly her swinging wildly between labels out of fear. she doesn’t necessarily WANT to be straight bc there’s no reason for her to, but she doesn’t have a good grasp on her feelings and that irks her so she hasn’t and probably won’t have that conversation with herself.

tldr; she needs a fuckin girlfriend