#[ i'M CRYING ALREADY SHAI

[lunaetis]

@ervaurem asked :

"I hope you know what you're doing. I'm gonna be trusting you with this!" says Law, who doesn't even hide how nervous he is. ( law and eden shenanigans LEGGGOOO )

unprompted. || always accepting

─「エデン」─  the TRAILBLAZER was keeping her footsteps as light and quiet as possible, with the other following in-tow despite how uncertain be might seem to be. golden hues were kept upon her TARGET which happened to be a gigantic creature she already forgot the name of. golden hues were observing its movement.

                " didn't you say you fought a lot of monsters before ? " her line of vision flicked towards her partner-in-crime for a moment, jabbing her gloved thumb towards the creature with a shrug of her shoulder. " then that shouldn't be a problem for you, right ? and you were the one who said we need its core. " to which she assumed to be a glowing thing within its chest area.

                maybe taking this monster with just the two of them wasn't a GOOD IDEA, but it's not like bad ideas had ever stopped her before.

[lunamochii]

2:04

a/n; i literally wrote this out of spite so please expect grammatical erros and wrong spelling! Don't forget to comment your reactions and feedbacks! Also, pls reblog with tags!!

warnings; mature, smut without plot(or a lil bit of context), mdni

Messing with Sylus is all fun and games until he decides to put you in place and have you remember of who he really is.

"Hm, what's this? Already wet? But I barely did anything yet, kitten."

He got your body press up against the cold glass window that faces that city lights, his long and slender fingers tuck inside your mouth while his other hand is busy pumping your tight cunt

"Weren't you giggling back at the cafe by playfully running your hands around my thighs?"

"It w-was—"

You yelp when he suddenly plunge his fingers back in but this time instead of two, he inserted three fingers

"Uh-uh are you going to say your same pathetic reason again?"

He remove the his fingers that was in your mouth and squeeze your cheeks, tilting your head up so you can meet his gaze

"No! I was gwonna shay thawt— mwore- Sylus!"

He laugh seeing how you couldn't even finish your sentence when he starts to rub your clit with his thumb

"You're so cute, darling. Now, be a good girl and place both of your hands on the window."

You did as what he told and gave you a good hard spank and his name drips out from your lips

"Hmm let me hear more. C'mon...."

Aside from the sound of the running water from his bathtub, the spanking sound echoes throughout the bathroom silencing the other noises

Sylus moans out your name before plunging his cock deep inside you and your thankful that this window doesn't break easily because it is your only support on trying to balance yourself.

He put one of your legs up with you balancing on the tub as he relentlessly bully your wet cunt, his big calloused hands groping your breast and his lips leaving marks all over your shoulder

"So deep! Your cock is so deep inside me, Sy! Give it to me harder, please!"

"I knew you were a fighter."

He smirks and pulled you out from the tub. He made you face the glass window again and in one swift move he got your legs parted. The cool air brushes against your expose cunt making you instinctively close your legs but he got a firm grip

"Don't make unnesecarry movement. Wouldn't want to drop you, not that it would happen though."

He breathes in your scent and moans your name right on to your ear

"Please fuck me... I need your cock inside me, Sy. So bad, please."

"Damn, princess. When did you get so good at begging?"

He got his cock brushing against your cunt and you just want him to put it in

"Just so needy! Please Sy, won't you fuck me?"

"Don't come complaining that you can't walk."

Your nails dug deep on to his arms as he push his big cock in to your pussy, no matter how wet and stretch you are, his cock is always way too big for you. He watch how your boobs bounces and how your eyes droop with your tongue desperately licking your lips

"Face me."

When you did, he shove his tongue into your mouth and he got you moaning through the kiss. One of your hand move to grab on to his hair.

You close your eyes and just let Sylus handle you, you know that he won't let any harm come to you.

"I'm going to cum! Sylus! Fuck fuck!"

"Together!! Take my cock, take it!!"

You both scream each other's name as his cum filled your insides and your juices squirting out from you. Sylus didn't miss the chance and rapidly rub your clit making you cry out as he push one more orgasm from you before setting you down, letting your back once again touches the cold window and eats you out

"Holy shit— s'too much— Sylus!"

"One more— your scent is so addicting..."

He inserted two fingers and thrust it faster and his tongue flicking back and forth on your clit, you keep on moaning out his name and with that you began to ride his face and Sylus began to make choking noises as you push your hips down, both of his hands are now grabbing on to your leg

"Fuck fuck fuck!!"

You bit your lower lip and came undone on to his mouth, he lap your juices and made sure to drink it all. When his done, he place one last kiss on your cunt before standing up and hugging you tight

"Have you learn your lesson, kitten?"

He says softly while rubbing your ass cheeks

"Maybe.."

"Hmm~ such a naughty kitten. Guess, we'll go for more rounds until you understand."

You were about to retort when he stop you by planting a kiss to your lips

"I don't wanna hear more complains from you. Kneel down and clean the mess you made on my dick.

You look down and saw that it's still hard and standing proud. You gulp and slowly got on your knees, his hand resting on your hair grabbing a fistful of it

"Now, be a good kitten and clean my cock."

[sweetangel1111]

oh baby!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem! Reader. 

Summary: Reader found some pictures of bucky as a baby and ends up more in love than she already was. 

Before reading: English is not my first language so sorry for the spelling mistakes, Everything that is written here is with the help of the translator.

You was sitting on the couch using her phone when Steve walked in with a box in his arms. 

"Hey, Tony wanted to trash this old stuff, you want to take a look before you throw it all away?"

Steve smiles dropping the box on the table in front of her before giving her a smile and walking away. He nods again and says goodbye, you smile back at him before nodding as well,you put your phone aside and start going through the box, you open it inspecting what was inside before picking up a notebook, its cover had a red color with gold engraved letters almost blurring, You blow a little to disperse the dust and your fingers caress the golden letters and then you open the notebook after several pages looking for something interesting, you smile when you see several pictures among them some babies and what seemed to be Howard Stark with Steve and Bucky. 

With still a smile on your lips, you get up from the couch close the box and walk straight to the room you share with your boyfriend, without waiting for permission you enter the room in search of your beloved. 

"Bucky?"

You sit on the bed as you wait for him to come out of the bathroom, Bucky heard you and quickly came out to see what you needed. 

"Yes, doll?"

He smiles at you before walking over to you, you see him sit down next to you and take your hands.

 "Were you crying?"

he sits down next to you as he takes your hands and looks at your worried face. 

You let out a chuckle as he shakes his head. 

 "There's nothing wrong with me, just.... Look." 

You take the pictures next to you before showing them to him, Bucky smiles before taking the pictures in his hand and kisses your hundred.

"Where did you find them?" 

He raises an eyebrow as he continues to look at the pictures, he thought he had no memory of when he was a baby anymore.

"Steve handed me a box and I found them while going through them."

You shrug sheepishly, bucky laughs and pushes you onto the bed still holding the picture in his hand. 

 "doll, were you crying about that?"

You laugh and then deny as you stroke his hair falling over your face. 

 "No, it's just that you were SO CUTE as a baby!!! And even now, babe!" 

You let out a giggle and push him off turning him around, now you're on top of him taking over. 

 "you're so cute I cry, babe."

You say with a smile, bucky leans over to kiss you sweetly.

"that's not true, you are so cute and cuddly I can cry about it".

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

PS: I wrote it a long time ago, it's the first time i posted this so I'm embarrassed, I still don't know whether to edit it or fix things but this is how it turned out in the end. lol

Everything is here, it is written by me, I don't need anyone to translate it, so all rights reserved, if you see this same writing or similar to this please tag me!! It is my original writing.

Xoxo-shay 😽💋

[iamshay]

I miss camping. It's so refreshing to connect with nature and cook food over a campfire. I also love falling asleep to the sounds of crickets and waves.

Lately, I've been watching camping content because of how much I miss it. These Asian YouTubers have really cool camping equipment, and I'm definitely taking notes on what to buy. When it comes to camping, Norway has some of the best spots.

Hopefully, next year things will get better here once Trump officially takes office. I’m hoping he can help get rid of inflation so I can pay off my debts and start saving for a house and a car. Then, I can start working toward buying camping gear and IRL camera equipment.

If things don’t improve, Norway might not be for me anymore. I’ll need to start working on applying for dual citizenship in another country. I’m thinking about moving to Dubai, especially since most people I know have already moved there because of how bad things have gotten in Norway with rising prices.

Tax return season reports is coming up, and like I pay way too much in taxes just for it to go to Ukraine. People steal our money by crying wolf and playing the victim, while Norway lets its own citizens suffer just to seem relevant and flex about helping others. They need to prioritize their own people first. Instead, they allow illegal immigration and tolerate so many junkies, like the ones I’ve dealt with online. This is why I see those doing drugs as beneath me degenerate people.

In Dubai, you don’t see junkies or this kind of degeneracy. I miss being around my own people anyway people who share the same beliefs and opinions as me. I could easily stream in Dubai, and it might actually be better. I could create cool content, like riding cars in the desert or visiting exotic animals. I’ve already found a zoo and have been talking to someone who works there. They’ve been so welcoming and encouraged me to visit.

I just need to move away; I’ve been in this country for too long. I’m not happy here and don’t feel connected to it anymore. I have no passion for socializing with people here. Since my dad passed away in 2013, I’ve kind of isolated myself. Losing him made me feel like I lost my purpose, and being here brings back too many memories of him.

If I truly want to move on with my life, I need to get away from here. The happiest time of my life was my childhood, even though I lived in a war environment. I was surrounded by my own people who shared the same beliefs and didn’t act like animals the way many degenerate people do now willing to harm others for money and clout.

In Dubai, you don’t see that. It’s a safe place where, if someone harasses, threatens, or steals, the government takes action by jailing and punishing them. This is why people in Dubai are so happy everyone has their own money and success, so there’s no jealousy. People are too focused on their own happiness and lives to worry about others unnecessarily.

They respect and follow the law because they understand the boundaries and rules, which is what makes Dubai work so well. In contrast, Western Europe feels like a zoo. Honestly, even zoo animals behave more humanely than many people do here, as humans now act like wild animals.

I have so much debt to pay off, so it might take me a few years if inflation doesn’t go away. If Trump ends up being the worst president, it would be surprising because during his last four years, prices were low. Who knows maybe he could change for the worse this time. Maybe he’ll focus on revenge, causing other people to suffer just so he can go after his enemies and act like an asshole.

Anyways lovelies. I am going rest for today. No stream today either. On break atm.

Xo

Shay

[zalrb]

PLL 1x13 Review - As Per Anon Request

Saying "Is someone there?" in your own house and not, "Mom? Dad? Spencer?" is weird.

I don't remember when Piper told her piece of shit husband she was seeing other people.

Ali hated old people. Rofl.

Alison lied more than she breathed. And you were in love with her? WHY.

"If lying was a crime, we would ALL be in jail." I mean, for aiding and abetting, so yeah, what you did was a crime, Emily.

How long does this receptionist have Spencer on hold?

"Well if the bank finds out about your unauthorized loan, that's, like, a felony, right?" "It's only a felony if they find out." She just said that. You wanted to emphasize the "if" or you wanted to say "Key word being 'if'." Anyway.

Like Spencer is STILL on hold.

A broken leg takes at least, like, two months to heal, Hannah is already cast-less? She didn't even move to a soft cast??

The timing of this is so bad because FBI Lady effectively has just been standing there watching them on their phone saying nothing just so she could say something when Hanna gets out of the car to join them. They could've had them do small talk in the background.

They think Christmas is A and they just ... don't confront him?

"We go to dinner and a movie just like you guys." Omg, this whole thing is so 2010s.

Christmas isn't the villain. I don't CARE.

"The thing about Aria is ... she's way into older guys." LOL but it should've been "she's into way older guys" to really dig it in.

Also, Ezra should be in prison.

So, a dude who was/is accused of murder comes back to school and it's just "killer" written on the locker and one dude saying "murderer"? It's not parents clamouring about having a murderer in the school with their kids? Parents pulling kids out of school? Protests?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just feel like if A hits me with a car and then steals my mother's stolen money and then emotionally terrorizes me by making me eat cupcakes with pigs on it IN PUBLIC so I can get the stolen money back, then I'm hunting you down now.

It makes no sense to me that the jocks would make fun of her for eating cupcakes with pigs on it because for all they know, she bought them and ate them thinking they looked cute.

You know what, Emily's mom said that her being gay disgusts her and Emily brought Maya home to hang out in her room anyway. Kudos. Yes, she thought her mom wouldn't be home, but still though.

Aria and those stupid earrings.

So. Alison: leads Emily on and then makes her feel like a creep when she acts on the purposefully mixed signals. Encourages Hanna to be bulimic. Villainizes Spencer. Effectively ignores Aria. But it's omgggg she gave us friendship bracelets and made us feel SO special. Idk she sounds like satan.

So, none of them are questioning how A can be so elaborate with their psychological torture?

Maya wouldn't immediately notice that she forgot her bag?

Stop trying to make it seem like Ezra has the moral high ground with Christmas. It's NEVER going to happen.

I'm sorry, where are Toby's parents?"

"Are you and [Christmas] like friends now?" Aria to her brother is Elena to Jeremy about Damon is Serena to Eric about Chuck. All the placid, not-main-characters-upstaged-by-other-characters-on-the-show doing minimal effort with their brothers.

Mike. His name is Mike. I wanted to say Jake. There was a k in there.

Ezra started speaking and I looked at my phone.

"I love you" no you don't, Aria, you're just sixteen.

Nuclear. Nuclear. Nevermind.

"I didn't even get to say goodbye." "To who?" Exactly. WHO STARTS A SENTENCE THIS WAY. Because what should've happened for that to make sense is her getting off her phone, crying, hyperventilating and they're like Emily, what's wrong. "I-I didn't even" etc. etc.

Although I am glad they didn't try to do that because Shay can't even pull off speaking.

Nary a tear.

i'M DeVaStaTeD. I'm devastated watching this.

oh my god, who are you, seasons 4-6 Elena?

"Well, A tried to kill me." Seriously. I know Hanna has a magically healed leg, but are you forgetting that you saw your friend get hit by a car? Like she rolled onto the windshield and everything, ma'am.

"Only because she thought you saw her." LOL SO WHAT? That is NOT a response, Spencer.

LMAO Alison's hand dropping to the ground. Omg, this shouldn't be funny.

The endings are so abrupt.

[yourtouchismidas]

hiii i was thinking about a blurb about teenage gigi getting into a fight with her best friends and non of them showing at her sleepover, but Matty and the guys insist of having the sleepover instead, making her extremely happy <3

omg it's giving the best day by taylor swift second verse and chorus and i'm living for it.

i think maybe gigi is just thirteen, and she is in that age where she is navigating transitioning from a child to an adult and she's awkward and sad and she drums for long periods of time in her room and listens to moody music, but still occasionally is caught playing dolls with her sisters, making up elaborate stories.

since starting secondary school, you and matty have been slightly concerned about some of the girls she is hanging out with. she still has her friends who she moved up with from primary, but she talks more about claire now and a girl called neveah and another called isla. claire has been round for tea once, and she didn't say please or thank you at the dinner table and matty overheard her make fun of gigi's bedroom, asking why she still had a taylor swift poster up in her room, and if she was a baby.

but you both let it be. because she is finding her own way. and you know, with gigi's nature, if you said she shouldnt be hanging out with those girls, then she would want to do it even more. she begs you to let all three of them sleep over, and because she has been to all three of theirs now you feel its your turn so you relent. you pack shay and valley off to george and charli's for the night, and the twin's go to matty's mum, as gigi says that her and her friends will probably want to stay up late and be loud.

then gigi comes home from shopping in town, where you dropped her off to meet the other girls before the sleepover, and she is alone. she bowls through the door and slams it and runs up to her room before you even register she is home.

you're on the phone with denise about the twins and so you gesture at matty to head up, which he already is doing.

he knocks gently on the door, where he hears sad music inside. she doesnt answer so he lets her know he is coming in and then opens the door. she is lying in the middle of her bed, bag slung down, and staring at the ceiling.

"you okay baby?"

"yep," she says.

"where are your friends?"

"not coming."

"why?" he says. he sits down on the edge of her bed. she doesnt move her eyes from the ceiling, where there are still patches from the glow in the dark stars she took down recently. matty still has them in his bedside table, in case she ever wanted to put them back up.

"they hate me," she says.

"no they don't love," he says. "how could they hate you? you're wonderful."

this when she breaks and starts crying, although she pretends she isn't and quickly wipes her face with the back of her arm.

"what happened, baby? talk to dad."

"we played this game where we had to pick out an outfit for one of our friends, and i got claire and i picked her something nice but then she got all mad at me and said it was babyish and that i was trying to make her look like a baby like me. then i said she was being a twat and she got all offended and was like, i dont have to hang out with you you know, and then i said, well dont then and she was like, well i'm going home and she did and i thought the other girls would come with me but they didnt either, they all went to claires. without me."

"oh dear," matty says. he hates claire and her stupid little nose and the dots she draws in the corner of her eyes and the way she tuts when something isn't good enough. "claire doesn't seem like the nicest of girls."

"she's so nice. she's so nice most of the time but then she'll randomly do shit like this. and you just... dont know when it's gonna happen. like. it's like a puzzle i cant solve."

"its not your job to solve, babe," he says.

"what am i going to do?"

"you dont have to hang out with her you know. rosie and gemma are nice. and..."

"no i mean, tonight" gigi says, crying. she rolls over and puts her head in her pillow. "i'm supposed to be having a sleepover. and the girls are all at nana's or george's now. and i'm going to be alone."

she wails. matty puts his hand on her back.

"baby you're never alone. you've got me."

he goes downstairs to update you, while gigi cries, and you book cinema tickets and a reservation at pizza express and you send her the confirmation emails over text. you wait to hear the music go off and the door crack open and then she appears, not really saying anything, and you ask, "you ready?"

"mum and gigi and dad's night of fun!" matty says.

"i look like a mess," gigi says. so you take her upstairs and wipe her face with a hot towel and then put some make up on her and some cute slides in her hair. she picks an outfit and she looks perfect, matty thinks, halfway between an adult and a little girl, which is what she is, and that's fine, no matter what fucking little shits at her school think.

you all go and get pizza and gigi laughs as matty curls spaghetti into his mouth from above it and rolls her eyes. you sip coke and share popcorn in the cinema, gigi wedged between you, watching a PG13.

when you get home, matty makes a fort in the living room with loads of pillows and fairy lights, and you watch another movie on the telly, while you paint gigi's nails and then she paints yours and matty's. you dont mention her sisters the entire night. or her friends. it's just the three of you.

at the end of the movie you lie back in the fort and look up at the fairy lights.

"thanks," gigi says, "you're my best friends really."

she then tells matty to get a grip when he tears up about this.

"these lights remind me of when i had those stars in my room. i took them down because claire thought they were for babies. stupid right?" she chuckles. then "i wish i still had them."

that's what you do until bedtime, the three of you, standing on gigi's bed, listening to taylor swift and fixing the glow in the dark stars to the marks in the ceiling, finding the right one to the right mark like a jigsaw. after, you all climb under gigi's duvet, and fall asleep, tucked up together, with the stars looking down over all three of you.

[red-doll-face]

Hi!! I am genuinely obsessed with snow angel, it's soso good and beautifully dark, especially the latest chapter. I know ~technically~ I shouldn't feel bad for Arthur but I do!! 🥲 i have 2 questions if you don't mind!

Firstly, I LOVE the art in your banner. Did you draw it, or did you commission it (and from whom?!)?

Also, do you have any writing tips to share? I'm trying to get my diction and tone something similar to yours but it's hard for some reason 😮‍💨 Basically, how do you do your dialogue and characterization so well?

Thank you!! 💝💘

Ugh a fellow dark Arthur lover in the inbox got me ☺️☺️💕💕🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️💓💓 hello shayyyy thanks so much for coming to let me know that you liked snow angel 🥺🥺🫶🫶🫶 yesss I feel for Arthur too he’s so sweet when he wants to be and all he wants is to take care of reader 😭😭😭

As for the art, yes I did paint it myself !!!! I thought it would be a bit much but sorryyyy I love Arthur and I am his snow angel fr fr 😫😫😫🥵🥵😩😩😩 thank you so much I worked really hard on it !!! Writing tips below the cut 😖😖😖

Hm my tips for getting Arthur’s voice are to read cutscene dialogue to get Arthur’s vocab and responses down. I use a transcript of all rdr2 cutscenes to get a better idea of the kinds of words he uses and how he responds to things (usually sarcasm or corny ass jokes LMAO) he’s so funny though, omg he would have me cracking up why do more people not laugh at his jokes in the game 😔😔 i have the link saved that i use on my laptop but im on mobile rn so dm me if you would like to use it !!! Also YouTube videos are p good; i like to use them to get good descriptors for landscapes, or how his voice sounds and little details as well. I like the ones with just Arthur dialogue and cutscenes as well as the “movie” rdr2 style videos.

Getting into Arthur’s head is just boiling down his actions and what they mean in the context I suppose?? I think an important part of characterizing Arthur are his motives and what he would have to be motivated by to do something and how he would do it. I think you can easily get stuck in “what would Arthur do” land and it’s actually kind of boring there sometimes because lots of people are already doing that and it just feels like weird canon but not ??? Like we’re supposed to be having fun here. It’s more like “Arthur can do whatever you want him to, but how would he do it and why” that is more important.

As for diction, I love love love reverse dictionary, I also have a link for the one I use (dm if you would like it, I have it bookmarked in my laptop) but it’s great if you’re noticing that you just use similar words a lot or you can’t find the word you’re looking for. You can type “strong wind” and it’ll give you other words that mean the same thing that you can use like building blocks to create a new sentence.

Setting the tone in my writing is understanding how a character is feeling. Get into how they are feeling and it’s a lot easier, in ch11 when Arthur is miserable, I try to reflect how miserable he is in how everything around him is described and really have him mull over the reasons he’s miserable, that’s what people do when they’re in the pits right, very bad at distracting himself effectively… but when reader comes around he’s on her like white on rice he’s glued to every aspect of her physically, the way she talks, the way she breathes. He’s soooo obsessed and it’s sooo cute 😳😳❤️🫶🫶🥰🥰 so I try to get a good sense of where characters are emotionally.

I hope that these help and that this is what you’re looking for !!! Hit up the dms for more if you’d like??? I’m always down to give some advice, I find talking it out with another person is also very helpful for my writing… thanks so much for the compliment I am sobbing and crying 🥲😭💓��🥹🥹🥹🥹 ugh Shay out here making my whole dayyyy 😌😌😌

[btsqualityy]

Hey can we have a drabble of the parks being distant and snappy cuz of the miscarriage. Maybe some arguments, visit to docs and tears concluded by lots of cuddles. Thanks shay 💗

Warnings: mentions of miscarriage

"So, you look to be doing well Y/N," Dr. Choi said as your appointment reached it's end. "Physically, you aren't carrying any lingering scars from the miscarriage."

"Wish I could say the same for my emotions," you joked dryly, making Dr. Choi smiled sadly.

"I do have some referrals to therapists, if that's something you're interested in," she said.

"Uh, I'm not sure," you grimaced. "I'll have to think about it."

"Alright, that's totally fair," Dr. Choi sighed. "If you and Jimin decided that you wanted to start trying again though, you are able to physically."

"Alright, thank you," you murmured quietly. Once your appointment ended and you made it back home, you trudged upstairs to find Jimin sitting in an easy chair in your bedroom, his notebook on his lap as he wrote furiously.

"Hey," you spoke up and Jimin looked up at you.

"Hey," he replied shortly as you sat down on the bed. "How'd your appointment go?"

"Dr. Choi said I'm ok physically," you reported. "The miscarriage didn't leave any scarring or anything like that so we can try again whenever we're ready."

"Hm," he muttered before focusing back on his notebook.

"Hm?" You repeated with an arched brow. "You have nothing to say about that?"

"I'm happy that you're healthy," he said without looking up.

"You don't sound too happy."

"What were you expecting?" Jimin wondered as he looked at you again. "For me to throw you onto the bed and fuck another baby into you, right here and right now?"

"Why do you always have to be such a dickhead about things?" You demanded to know. "You don't have to be so crude."

"And why do you always have to be so insensitive?" He shot back. "You weren't the only one who lost a baby and you haven't even asked me if I'm ready to try again yet."

"The way you've talked since we found out we lost the baby, it sounded like you were," you shrugged. "Sorry I assumed."

"Yeah, whatever," he scoffed, getting up from the chair and walking out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

..............................................

A few days later, things had remained icy between you and Jimin. The two of you hadn't really talked and you had gotten used to falling asleep alone at night and waking up the same way.

You were laying in the dark, your eyes droopy but your body unable to relax enough to let yourself rest. Suddenly, you heard the door to your bedroom open and footsteps fall into the room. You held your breath as Jimin moved over and climbed onto the bed, wanting him to think you were asleep, but you couldn't help the gasp that escaped you when Jimin wrapped an arm around your body and pulled you close to him.

"I know you're awake but I just need you to listen to me," he whispered, waiting until you had slowly nodded your head before he continued. "I shouldn't have snapped at you like that and I'm sorry for doing so. I just....I'm so fucking angry still."

"I know the feeling," you replied.

"And I have no idea how to handle the shit," he added. "My heart aches for someone that I didn't even know. Plus, if things had been worse, I could've lost you and the thought of that drives me insane."

"Jimin-ssi," you whispered as you turned around so that you could look at his face, and you weren't surprised to see tears already streaming down his cheeks. "Baby, if you're hurting, you have to talk to me. Remember when you told me that we were in this together?"

"I remember," he nodded.

"Then come to me and we can cry together," you told him, a sob escaping your throat afterwards. "I already lost our child, I don't wanna lose you too."

"Oh jagi, you could never lose me," Jimin chuckled through his tears, tightening his grip on you.

"Promise me?" You requested, your hands coming up to cup his face.

"I promise," he swore. "I love you so much."

"I love you more," you replied, bringing him closer and pressing his head against your chest as you held him in your arms. The two of you stayed like that all night, crying together until you drifted off to sleep.

[ohbo-ohno]

book recs pls? U have amazing taste

im gonna assume this is half in reference to the lilith vincent book i mentioned earlier so i'll give you some of my favorite romances 💞 i tried not to rec a book i've already suggested here before, so some of my very favorites ever are left out!

the authors I'll read like literally anything by are Tessa Bailey, Lily Gold, Ana Huang, J.T. Geissinger, Elsie Silver, Harley Laroux, Rina Kent... and probably someone I'm forgetting tbh but those are some of my favs

also i got a little out of hand and these are kinda all over the place lmao, but here we go! my standards for romance are very low btw so don't judge my taste

Darker romances:

Sticking with Lilith Vincent - I love her books Brutal Intentions and (to a lesser extent) Pageant. Brutal Intentions is a step-dad romance, Pageant (the first of two books, I think the second is wayyy better) is like... dark, mafia, reverse harem, kidnapping, a whole lot tbh. Look up trigger warnings!!! I think she lists them at the start of the book

I don't particularly like H.D. Carlton (I very much so disliked Haunting/Hunting Adeline) but I fucking LOVED her book Does It Hurt? If you want fucked up characters, toxic relationships, noncon, and a pretty well-written subplot for a self-published romance I would recommend this one! (tbh I'm half convinced it's ghostwritten, I cant fathom Haunting Adeline and Does It Hurt? being written by the same person)

Sinners Anonymous & it's sequels by Somme Sketcher. Mafia romance. Age-gap. Kinda trashy but very fun imo. Also read Danielle Lori's Made series if that sounds neat to you!

M.L. Marian's Claimed & Tamed series. Each book follows a different man in the same family where the tradition is that men kidnap their wives. My favorite is Caught <3

Romcoms/Lighter stuff:

I like most Mariana Zapata books, but my favorite is either Under Locke or Luna and the Lie. I've read 7 of her books and they're all basically the same structure with the same characters, so if you read one and like the dynamics you'll probably like her others

One Percent of You by Michelle Gross is my favorite single mom romance of all time. Tattoo artist who hates kids falls in love with his over-worked neighbor who's a single mother of two. SO cute and soft

Bittersweet by Morgan Elizabeth. tattoo artist x baker, this is one of my favorite romcoms ever.

Sunny Disposition by Deanna Gray. Amnesia, college, hockey, roommates to lovers, this is a very soft and fun read that I enjoyed as a bit of a palette cleanser. Iirc it was a little long, but a good time

Other??:

When a Scot Ties the Knot by Tessa Dare. I don't like historical romance much, but this doesn't really feel like one to me! A woman makes up a soldier to write letters to so she can avoid getting married, and years later he shows up on her doorstep ready for their wedding. This is so much fun

Transcendence by Shay Savage - two words for you: Caveman Romance. This is told entirely from the caveman's perspective and tells the story of him meeting a woman who's very odd (because she's from the future) and their life together. It drags a little bit at times, but I think it's so so fun and the end had me crying

King by TM Frazier goes a little off the rails, but I had fun with it. The main character is called 'Pup' for like 90% of the book and that was enough for me. Our FMC has amnesia and is taken in by a local gang leader and the plot goes from there

Under His Heel by Adara Wolf - ok before I say what this is about, I cannot overstate how dark and fucked up this book series is. They're disturbing. I loved them, I've read them all at least twice, but they are deeply upsetting. It takes place in space in the far distant future and follows our main character Alex as he becomes an indentured servant for a sociopath named Captain Tracht. These books are a weird mix of porn and plot, but if you want fucked up smut and fucked up relationship dynamics, this is the holy grail

[merrycrisis-if]

okokokokkAYHSAHAHJA i had to turn off my notifs for your blogs for a few days to avoid all the spoilers bc i was literally so so excited for this update shsjsksjs

BUT before i talk about qiu i just wanna talk about shay for a sec because PleajsjeksSksja they’re the sweetest 😭😭 when they gave mc their band merch and said “you can have it for free because i like you so much” THAT WAS SO CUTE SHAY IS SO CUTE 🥰🥰🥰 also i love the irony in the breakfast scene of shay being the neighbor mc just met and the first meal they make for them is the closest thing that reminds mc of their grandma ugh i love shay’s spouse potential <33

NOW. QIU. THAT NERD HAS ME BY THE NECK!!!!!!!! i waited for this very update for so long and it cost me my emotional stability. i’m genuinely emotionally drained but it was so So worth it. that flashback took all of my energy. i wasn’t already feeling good about the grades scene and qiu unintentionally insinuating “we have the same grades but i need to do better” but when they almost said the L word i gasped SHDJSJ but yeah i was stupidly hoping that was just the incident

i thought i was prepared for it because i already knew it was gonna be sad. but mannnnn my heart was not spared from the heartbreak. qiu saying “we’re just friends” without stuttering <////3 but no matter how justified it is to be upset with them i just can’t pick the angry options because i Get it. i relate to them being a helpless kid incapable of making their own choices because of the pressure their parents placed on them. and their mom being so harsh like i know they’re all fictional but her words felt personal 😭 also qiu holding back their tears when they asked mc to leave………. pain

and the breakup. my god. when qiu was begging mc to not let them choose and said “please i can’t” istg i wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. i played both the breakup variation and pretending the whole thing with their mom never happened <//3 when qiu was like “so this is it?” and kissed mc’s forehead before walking away :((((( pls it truly fucked me up how they never had any labels but had to go through an actual breakup. but also the scene before the little going away party where qiu was like “do you want me to cry and beg you to stay?” :((((((( EVERYTHING HURTS! qiumancers are put on this earth to suffer

but qiu finally saying i love you and then the love scene before the goodbye :((( them being less calculated about it and just fully giving into their feelings really felt like a goodbye 💔 and when they were like “if we’re both still single let’s give this another shot” like qiu pls don’t make this harder for me and my mc 😪✋🏼

Omg HELLOOOOO ngl I re-read your ask (and your second one) like, at least 20 times. Thank you for sticking by merry crisis, and your messages truly never fail to singlehandedly make writing this IF worth it :P

I know you love Qiu but the fact that you enjoyed Shay's scenes too makes me so happy. Absolutely 1000% spouse material. Like excuse me they'd water the plants and cook and probably dance in the kitchen with ya.

Hehe I'm so happy that you enjoyed (ok maybe enjoyed is the wrong word) the "please I can't" moment, and the "so this is it" moment and the "do you want me to cry and beg you to stay" moment (OH and the last love scene!). Those were definitely the highlights of writing the flashback for me.

qiumancers are put on this earth to suffer

HAHAHA. Yes. But also.... a semi happy ending is possible, I promise :)

[dvar-trek]

February Romance Roundup

what a fucking month! most of these books were bad, but the good ones were so fucking good that i got scared to read anything else in case i had to knock them out of the top spots. mostly what i did instead was learn too much about real hockey players. i, uh. i don't want to talk about what my wikipedia history looks like right now. ANYWAY!

the best of:

there's a tie for first place. sorry. it's my roundup and i make the rules.

Season's Change by Cait Nary- book one in the Trade Season series. if i can convince you to read one hockey romance book, please let it be this one. the yearning. the fucking tenderness. fuck. a veteran player (who is Going Thru It after having been harassed off his previous team) catches feelings for his roommate/teammate, who is. definitely for sure straight don't even worry about it. they help each other, like, grow as people and rebuild their lives, and it's funny and fond and it made my fucking chest hurt. it is really nothing like the captive prince trilogy, but the vibes are the same. i always read my faves multiple times, but i don't even want to tell you how many times i've already re-read this book. i am so fucking soft for these characters i can't even tell you.

Unwritten Rules by KD Casey- bounced off of this twice before i got sucked in, and then it rocketed to the top of the list. another one that is so fuckign tender. two guys who love each so goddamned much, but break up because one of them is entirely unable to stomach the idea of anyone else in the entire world knowing that he's gay (like, including other gay people), and the other one is suffocating under the pressure of not being able to be out to even his family or closest friends. and then a year and a half after the breakup, they see each other again and it is. exquisitely painful. and they have to decide how to work through it. yes this is another sports romance. don't @me. (also, pro tip, pretty reliable way to make me cry: give me a story with people who are so fucking in love, but the love isn't enough. whether or not it has a happy ending, i will cry every time i talk about it forever.)

the rest of:

loved | liked | okay | didn't like

hockey

 ●Contract Season by Cait Nary (second book in the Trade Season series. obviously had high hopes, considering, as discussed above, the first one wrecked me, but it is simply not as good. country singer and hockey player who hooked up one time get outed. in order to try and keep this from torpedoing their careers, they agree to pretend to be dating for the cameras. the plot had some weird back-and-forths, like, they both just kept fucking up the relationship in the same ways over and over. also, one of them was named Seamus, went by "Shay" for short, but spelled it "Sea". authors, please do not fucking do this. i have 25+ years of practice reading the word "sea" and it was so much work to get my brain to read this with the intended pronunciation.)  ●Game Changer by Rachel Reid (book 1 in the Game Changers series. i had high hopes for this one too, because book 2 of this series is one of the most beloved stories in m/m hockey romance. however. it's not great. closeted hockey player fucks his way into a relationship for the first time in his life. but then after like, 2 fucking months, the boyfriend is like "if you don't come out, you have no integrity and also i will need to break up with you because i'm suffocating" which! the narrative treats as being the straightforwardly correct opinion! like, i'm sorry, queer couples have been dealing with not being out, or not being out to everyone, since forever. and the disagreement is not handled anywhere near as well as it is in Unwritten Rules. very difficult to take it seriously. idk. the writing is. fine. still on the waitlist for book 2, but 😕)  ●Winging It (2015 edition) by Ashlyn Kane and Morgan James (i'm giving myself credit for this even though i read the 2022 edition last month because it is essentially an entirely different book. the sex scenes are hotter than in the new edition, but it is otherwise weaker in every way. i give you permission to just skip this one.)  ●Crushed Ice by Ashlyn Kane and Morgan James (the newly released Hockey Ever After book 4. not as good as the first 3, but still basically enjoyable and funny. just features way too many things that are extremely unlikely. this one is about an incredibly uptight veteran player and his rookie who is. uh. well, his nickname is Trouble, if that gives you an idea. loved the characters, did not love the romance.)  ●Road Rules by Brigham Vaughn (nothing really wrong with it, but also nothing in particular to recommend it. novella-length story about best friends/teammates/roommates who start sleeping together even though they are both straight. and then it takes them basically the entire book to figure out that they're probably not straight, and also that everyone already thought they were dating anyway.)  ●Hockey Guys by Sarina Bowen (these books feature very different characters, but have basically the same premise (closeted nhl player starts an ill-advised secret relationship with another man that they maintain is casual even though they catch feelings way too fast) and the same weaknesses (incredibly awkward and unnatural dialogue, and sex that's still hot enough but pretty formulaic). every time i start a sarina bowen book, i think it's going to be so much better than it is. i don't know why i'm still doing this to myself either.)     ○The New Guy     ○I'm Your Guy

sports that are not hockey

 ●Dirty Players by KD Casey and Lauren Blakely (two baseball short stories in the same universe as Unwritten Rules. first one is about players on rival teams in the same city that have long-standing sexual tension. second one is about players in different divisions who have a one-night stand, and then end up traded to the same team. it is incredibly rare ime to find original romance novellas/short stories that still have good pacing, especially if there are sex scenes, and these both fucking nail it. not exactly groundbreaking works of fiction, but top marks for what they are.)     ○Dirty Slide     ○Dirty Steal  ●Top of Her Game by M. Ullrich (y'all i tried so fucking hard to give this a fair chance because i know how embarrassingly little femslash i have on these lists, but i only made it halfway through. which is better than i did on any of the other femslash books i tried to pick up this month. it's not even that bad, it's just not any fun. at all. Kenzie is a rookie soccer player who ends up on the same professional team as Sutton, her idol/celebrity crush. Sutton already has a girlfriend, and also has a bad habit of falling for rookies who worship her, but ? it's different this time ??? because Kenzie's not like other girls????? i don't know, man.)  ●Playing for Keeps by Riley Hart and Neve Wilder (story time: my mom grew up in china during the cultural revolution. foreign literature and anything that wasn't communist enough was illegal, and having it in your possession could get you arrested or worse. but my mom had a classmate whose dad had been a bookseller, and had a secret personal collection of great literature that he couldn't bear to part with, including shakespeare, tolstoy, dostoevsky, and verne. and this classmate used to smuggle in books that she would lend to my mom for one day at a time, and then return them before her dad noticed they were missing. so my mom read a lot of classics really really fast. the way she finished war and peace in one day was, in her words, by "skipping all the war". similarly, the way i got through a mediocre gay (american) football romance series was by skipping all the football. anyway, these are fine, but the writing quality takes a dive in the third.)     ○Rookie Move (rookie player ends up on the same football team as his older brother's best friend, on whom he has a long-standing crush. they get assigned to be road roommates—which, side note, football players make hundreds of thousands to millions of dollars a year, there is no way they make standard-contract players have road roommates—and start having casual sex, which obviously leads to no complications or emotions whatsoever.)     ○False Start (mid-career player gets traded to the city his ex used to play for (and still lives in). ends up moving in to his spare room until he can find a new place, and they start having casual sex, which is always a good idea, and of course leads to no complications or emotions whatsoever.)     ○Illegal Contact (rival players who grew up in the same town have hate sex that gets very intense and possessive very fast. and. as you might guess. definitely leads to no complications or emotions whatsoever.)

everything else

 ●String Theory by Ashlyn Kane and Morgan James (i'm just gonna link you the goodreads description because i honestly don't know what else to say about this book. it's fine. the sex scenes are nothing special. there's a fair amount of therapy-speak. honestly not sure how these writers produce romances of such incredibly variable quality.)  ●His Leading Man by Ashlyn Kane (tbh i have the exact same comments as above. here's the summary. nothing major to complain about or compliment.)  ●Winner Bakes All by Alexis Hall     ○Rosaline Palmer Takes the Cake (single mom competes on what is, for legal reasons, not the great british bake off. about what you expect from an Alexis Hall romance. sweet, so fucking funny, and a little awkward. the characters that suck really fucking suck, and the characters that you like are imperfect and lovable. doesn't quite measure up to my other Alexis Hall faves, but it's been a rough month. i'm grading on a curve.)     ○Paris Daillencourt is About to Crumble (takes place on the following season of not-bake-off. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. this book is very funny and well-written, but i found it so incredibly painful to read. the pov character has the kind of undiagnosed, untreated anxiety that results in him constantly crying and apologizing profusely for how much he sucks, while continuing to make life very difficult for the people around him. when i got past the halfway point and he still wasn't in therapy, i seriously considered stopping. if you are a better and more patient person than i am, you may still love this book.)  ●Roommate by Sarina Bowen (two guys in a small farm town rent a house together and fall in love. simply not very good! i don't think the author knows anything about the jobs she gave her main characters. it also does the thing where they both know they're into each other, but they won't just be together because ??? hand-wavey reasons ?? and then for other inexplicable hand-wavey reasons, they decide to just go for it. this is infuriating to me.)

thank you for participating in this roundup of highly variable quality! as a reward, please accept this special-edition photo of polwygle.

[readingandwritingandreading]

Quiz Time!

Hello Friends! I don't get asked alot of questions about my writing or process so I thought it would be fun to see how you guys think I do it while I work on the next chapters of Alpha Drew and Alpha Bucky!

Question #1

And the correct answer is!! SONGS! Congrats to whoever voted for that one! Here are the songs and the parts of it that really stuck out to me (as you can see, i have several works coming soon that i am already getting info for):

Hold You Up - Marcel Barthel x Kiya Bryant x Fabian Aichner

Hold You Up – Shane Harper

“The world is so broken and sometimes it leaves you cold. And at times you can't feel the fire to guide you home. The demons will haunt you and try to steal what you know. But the angels, they brought you, and they're gonna hold you up.”

Heartbeat - Ethan Carter III x Adalynn Strowman

Heartbeat – Carrie Underwood

“I wanna feel it like a kick drum, beatin' faster in your chest. I wanna feel you holding onto me and make me hold my breath. You pull me closer, my head on your shoulder Baby, we won't need a song. We'll make a fallen star wish, one more slow kiss. What are we waiting on?”

Yours - Dominik Dijakovic x Skye Simmons

Yours – Russell Dickerson

“I was one in a hundred billion A burned out star in a galaxy. Just lost in the sky, wonderin' why, Everyone else shines out but me. But. I came to life when I first kissed you, The best me has his arms around you. You make me better than I was before, Thank God I'm yours.”

The Day Before You - Ridge Holland x Lyssa Hutchinson

The Day Before You – Rascal Flatts

“I was ready to settle for less than love And not much more. There was no such thing as a dream come true. But that was on the day before you. Now you're here and everything's changing. Suddenly life means so much, I can't wait to wake up tomorrow And find out this promise is true. I will never have to go back To the day before you.”

Long Time Coming - Bucky Barnes x Carina Rivera

Long Time Coming – Oliver James

“It's been a long time coming down this road, And now I know. What I've been waiting for. And like a lonely highway I'm trying to get home, Oh. Loves been a long time coming.”

From The Ground Up - Drew McIntire x Cassidy Riley 

From the Ground Up – Dan + Shay

“And we'll build this love from the ground up. Now 'til forever it's all of me, all of you, Just take my hand. And I'll be the man your dad hoped that I'd be. And we'll build this love from the ground up. For worse or for better And I will be all you need, Beside you I'll stand through the good and the bad We'll give all that we have And we'll build this love from the ground up.”

Finally Home - Ari Levinson x Brianna Collier 

Finally Home – Kerrie Roberts

“And there's no more road Nowhere else to go, Nothing left to miss, Nothing left for this wandering soul When I'm finally home. The ultimate healing, Where hurt can't reach me. I won't need to find every answer, All I need will be found within Your presence.”

Rescue Me - Marcel Barthel x Sofia (Reese) x Fabian Aichner

Rescue Me - Chris Young

“What's a happy ending if I can't get the girl? What's it matter if I save the world?”

Cross Every Line - Marcel Barthel x Alina Lawson x Fabian Aichner

Cross Every Line – Chris Young

“If you were captured, baby, I would be relentless. I'd declare it war and run right out them trenches. Yeah, you'd hear my battle cry I'd let the bullets fly Wouldn't be an enemy let behind the enemy line I'd cross every line in the world for you I'd cross every line in the world for you Nowhere I wouldn't go, nothin' I wouldn't do I'd cross every line in the world for you.”

What If - Julius Creed x Unnamed

What If – Kane Brown w/ Lauren Alaina

“What if I was made for you And you were made for me. What if this is it? What if it's meant to be? What if I ain't one of them fools just Playin' some game. What if I just pulled you close? What if I leaned in? And the stars line up and it's our last first kiss. What if one of these days baby I'd go and change your name. What if I loved all these what ifs away?”

[cyarsk52-20]

The Very Dramatic Final Episode Of "Vanderpump Rules" Aired Last Night, And It's All I Want To Discuss

I'm still thinking about the "big reveal" in the final few minutes, TBH. Also, Tom Sandoval's comment about Ariana Madix wearing a T-shirt during sex is going to have me upset until at least 2055.

Posted 6 hours ago

Well, we made it. It's finally here: the last part of the reunion for Vanderpump Rules Season 10. This week, we finally get to see Raquel Leviss face the music — or just her other castmates — and the last five minutes promise to knock our socks off.

So I have my Peacock account logged in, my heart is beating fast, and my fingers are ready to type every single thought I have about this moment in cultural history so we can experience this together. All of that to say, the third and final reunion episode of Vanderpump Rules Season 10 aired last night, and it's time to GET INTO IT.

OK, I am immediately starting the episode — and I'm going with the uncensored version again, for obvious reasons. This is something I have only dreamed of being able to do since I began watching this show in 2013, and I am so excited to have this option now.

And for anyone who needs a quick refresher on what has already transpired, check out last week's recap here.

The episode kicks off — and we immediately get into a small recap from last week and a small preview for this episode. We see Ariana Madix crying and saying, "I can't think of two worse people, I can't," and then a tease of the big reveal of Raquel "telling the truth" at the end. And now it's finally time for Raquel to get on this stage and film with the rest of the cast. I am waiting with bated breath, quite frankly. She enters as Scheana Shay has to leave to go to a trailer 100 yards away because of the restraining order Raquel filed. SO dramatic, LMAO. But the shots of Scheana in said trailer? Already iconic. Here she is clutching a White Claw hard seltzer.

Raquel says she is "super embarrassed" and "not proud" of herself. She also acknowledges that she owes a lot of people apologies. Right away, we get into the girls trip and how the ladies treated her. I truly would not have been on Lala Kent's or Katie Maloney's side on this trip a mere three months ago. Raquel was doing extremely questionable things we now know, yes, but bringing galaxy lights to a hotel room was not one of them. Who cares!

I could've sworn the channel accidentally changed to a commercial for Lisa Vanderpump's Las Vegas restaurant, but no, it's still the reunion, and Lisa is selling it well. We learn that the reunion lights are modeled after LVP's restaurant. Listen, I could have done without this ad, but I will still visit next time I am in Vegas.

We then get a flashback to Raquel's panic attack in the car on the way to the girls trip in Lake Havasu, and I think we can all agree that this outburst makes so much more sense now. It was nice for the women to show up for Raquel in that moment.

At this, Ariana interjects to say that the word "selfish" does not cover a description of Raquel and that she's "subhuman," among other things. Raquel responds that she thinks her actions "are human." Tom Sandoval then attempts to interject to...defend Raquel? Argue with Lala because he hates her? Yell at a woman because he enjoys that? It's honestly unclear, and even though I side-eye every single thing this man has to say, I would still like to hear it, and Lala and James Kennedy seem incapable of allowing this to happen. They tell him to shut up every time he opens his mouth, which, while it's a MOOD, also makes for an odd reunion viewing experience.

Andy Cohen brings up the fact that Raquel brought up Ariana and Sandoval's relationship on camera to Ariana — even discussing their sex life — and called it "diabolical." Raquel says that it was "so hard for [her] to watch" and that they had only slept together once at this point, and she had been encouraging Sandoval to "reflect and see if he was really happy" and figure out what he really wanted.

From there, things escalate quickly. As Raquel is describing how she "just wanted Tom to be happy, blah-blah-blah," Ariana chimes in and tells Raquel to "fuck [herself] with a fucking cheese grater" and says she "wishes nothing but the worst things that could ever happen to a person on you." I feel so conflicted in this moment. It's beyond obvious why Ariana is upset — more than upset, really — and I would feel the exactsame way. But telling Raquel to fuck herself with a cheese grater is something I personally could have lived without hearing my entire life!!!!

After this, Tom Sandoval thinks it's an amazing idea to chime in and let everyone know, "The thing is, we don't live our lives by logic," and everyone starts laughing, including me, because what the fuck are you even talking about, Tom?? And also, more importantly, we know????

Also, it's important to note that we occasionally get shots of Scheana eating what appears to be Sun Chips in her trailer 100 yards away, and I would like someone to please frame these and send them to me and I will put them in a living room, thank you so much.

Raquel then interjects to say that Lala and James can't talk because they hooked up while she and James were together and "kept it a secret." Let's get this out of the way now: I completely agree that James and Lala should self-reflect about their actions a little bit more, but it is also most definitely not the same situation, and it's OK to acknowledge this, too. Which Lala does with several uses of the word "bitch" and even at one point the term "ho." Also, Tom Sandoval tries to do a James Kennedy British accent impression, and even though I HATEEEEE to admit this, he was not terrible. SUE ME!!!!

Lala's past is then brought up — Raquel says she was Randall Emmett's mistress — and Lala says she is not a mistress and she is "so fucking done with this mistress comment" because she "is not one." Which is interesting, because it feels like any time this is brought up, she absolutely loses it and refuses to actually discuss the fact that she was very much with a married man at the beginning of their relationship. She says that she was lied to for a very long time, he gave her a ring, and she believed he had been separated. And I believe that is true. But it doesn't negate the fact that he was married. It is OK to say, "Hey, I didn't know, but I know now, and I wish that things had been different." Instead, we get Lala yelling about how she is not going to tolerate this and it's like, if you are going to call out cheating, you have to expect this on some level.

Anyway, Sandoval keeps yelling at Lala, and then Lala says, "He hates me because I see him for who he is," and I agree with this. I also think Sandoval hates a woman who shares her opinions and dares to go against him in any way. See: Ariana, Lala, Katie, Stassi Schroeder, Kristen Doute, etc.

BTW, we also have to deal with LVP defending Garcelle Beauvais's son, Oliver (who was married when he made out with Raquel, according to his then-wife), and saying he's innocent or whatever. We absolutely did not need more of LVP defending questionable men, so I am moving on!

Annnnd now we're on to Tom Schwartz and Raquel, who claim they "always had real chemistry," which is so funny because I want to know when Schwartz felt the real chemistry and if it was when Raquel was clearly having a long-term affair with his bestie Tom Sandoval. Raquel is also asked about Katie's mom Teri's reaction to Raquel pursuing Schwartz and whether it impacted her. She says yes, but everyone laughs because, how did it impact you, girlie? You still made out with Schwartz in Mexico!?!??!

We have moved on, which is a relief because I honestly could barely keep up with who was saying what, and it's now time to discuss Tom Schwartz and Raquel making out. I have said it once and I will say it again: I am Team Katie on this one. You can disagree and be wrong, and that's your right. But it seems pretty clear that Katie asked Schwartz not to make out with a cast member in their group, and he blatantly disrespected this, and they both laughed in her face about it. And while I do see Schwartz's argument on some level, I think his past behavior as One of the Worst Husbands Ever negates anything he has to say on the topic.

Now we shift back to discussing James and Lala hooking up when he was with Raquel: I do wish both James and Lala would straight-up say that what they did while he was dating Raquel was wrong. It was wrong!!!!! Point blank, period. Raquel having an affair with Sandoval a couple of years later does not negate this at all. Raquel even says, "It seemed like she had no respect for me," and Lala says, "I still don't." Listen, Lala, this is my issue with you. You can resent her now because you have a reason to, but please stop pretending that you "knew all along." You may have disliked her, you may have questioned her character, but neither of these things makes sleeping with her boyfriend when you knew they were in a relationship together OK.

Raquel then starts trying to share that she believes Lala was resentful that she was getting attention from James when they started dating that took some attention away from Lala — and Lala calls Raquel "my love" before asking her to get "mentally evaluated." It's a moment that is probably meant to sound like an amazing read, but mostly it just makes me sad. I don't condone anything that Raquel has done, but I also can't help believing that she probably is really struggling right now. Someone who does this is struggling on some level. And when Raquel responds that she is being mentally evaluated, to a chorus of "thank god"...it's, in one word, dark.

Andy then asks Lala about why Raquel making out with Schwartz was "unforgivable" to her but no one really seemed to care when it came out that James and Lala slept together — and James says they should stop bringing up stuff from five seasons ago because they have so much to talk about now. AKA: I don't want to talk about the things I've done because we now have someone in the cast who has done worse and I want to focus in on that. And, like, I GET IT. But again, WHAT YOU DID WAS WRONG, AND IT'S OK TO SAY THAT. IF YOU DID, IN FACT, SAY THAT, WE COULD ALL MOVE ON. :)

James is then asked about throwing a drink in Schwartz's face, and he says that he did it because making fun of his DJ career is unforgivable, which is not meant to be funny but is actually very fucking funny. He then insists that Schwartz should apologize before being reminded that he has, in fact, apologized a lot and James has yet to apologize for throwing the drink, and James then delivers what I guess could be considered an apology.

We head into a break before seeing LVP tell James, kindly, to STFU so that they can get through the segments, and I am fully with LVP on this one. A James interjection every now and then is funny, but it's becoming incessant, and I WANT TO HEAR WHAT THESE RATS HAVE TO SAY.

We are back from the break. Tom Sandoval and Raquel being seen together at the Abbey is brought up. According to Ally, it was 1 a.m. and they were alone. The "Tom and Ariana being in an open relationship" rumor is then brought up, and the question is posed whether or not Sandoval started this rumor on his own. Ariana says that yes, she thinks so. Raquel also apparently told someone after Coachella in 2022 that Sandoval told her that he and Ariana were open, and Raquel's response was, "I would rather hook up with Ariana than him." I gasped, but you can't hear it.

Raquel is asked where she has been staying since this all broke, and she says she stayed with her sister before driving out to Tucson, Arizona, to be with her family. Sandoval says, "Yeah, we've hung out" when asked if he had seen Raquel since this all broke. Raquel reveals that she thought about skipping the reunion because she is so "ashamed and embarrassed," and that she is "so sorry to Ariana for betraying her." I mean, remorse is nice, to see. It's.......something......

Ariana then says, "My dog had just died, I cried in your fucking arms, and you thought, I should go fuck her boyfriend." Raquel does not argue with Ariana when she tells Raquel that she's "lower than the fucking lowest of low people." She also calls her a "psychopath" and a "dementor" because "I know you like Harry Potter..." LMAO, not a dementor! OK, that was funny.

Raquel admits that she is still in love with Sandoval — OMFG — and then Andy asks him if he feels the same, and he takes a massive pause before saying, "I'm sorry...yes."

Lala tells a visibly upset Ariana that "they both did this for you" and that Ariana will one day be grateful that they revealed who they are. Ariana then looks Raquel straight in the eyes and tells her, "You are nothing. Let that sink in. I know it's not hard for you to let other people's thoughts go in your brain because you never have a fucking original thought of your own; you are nothing." With this, Raquel walks off the stage in need of "a water." I'm sorry — maybe an unpopular opinion? — but this is not as fun for me to watch as I expected. It is very bleak! I know many of you may not agree, but watching a silent Raquel sit there as people tell her she's nothing is not nearly as satisfying as I would have once believed it would be. It's just...sad.

Andy asks about the support Ariana received, and Sandoval reveals that he was hurt by the fact that "people who were just as close to both of [them]" took to the internet to create funny memes instead of reaching out via text. I am screaming. This is such classic Sandoval: "Nobody texted ME to check in on ME after I cheated on and publicly humiliated my long-term girlfriend in a horrific way." I mean, my GOD, Tom.

Sandoval is asked about dressing up as Raquel for Halloween — Ariana helped him plan his outfit— and they all ask how the fuck he was able to do this because it is undeniably FUCKING WEIRD. He has no explanation, but his only explanation would be, "I am a disgusting man who definitely got off on this secret affair."

Ariana is then asked about her egg freezing — and she says the eggs are "just frozen" and not fertilized with Tom's sperm, and "thank god," because she "doesn't want that DNA mixed with [hers]." Andy asks Sandoval if Raquel is the only woman he's slept with, and he says yes, but Ariana and others interject to mention a woman in Chicago.

Oh my god. I just had to pause the episode and rewind to make sure I heard correctly. I AM ABOUT TO THROW HANDS, AND I DO NOT EVEN CONDONE VIOLENCE. I am shaking! OMG, this man is disgusting. Ariana says that Sandoval had actually slept with her while he was with Raquel, to which Sandoval interjects with, "Yeah, she kept her T-shirt on, it was really hot." YOU MOTHERFUCKER. YOU ARE LUCKY SHE EVEN SPOKE TO YOU. I am not going to dignify this disgusting comment with any more attention. Fuck that.

This was also my face watching this man open his goddamn mouth.

I am still shaking. Fucking Tom Sandoval. The audacity. Just the lowest of LOW. But now Andy is asking Raquel about the fact that people are calling her Rachel, and she reveals that her friends refer to her as Raquel and her family refers to her as Rachel. She says, "Anytime someone says your name out of the preferred name that you want, it's disrespectful, and Lala would know." Lala then calls her a "moron," which is not hitting the same way from someone whose real name is Lauren!

Sandoval admits that Raquel has met his family, but maintains that it was at the opening of (the wildly underwhelming) Schwartz and Sandy's. When asked when their relationship went from a "one-night stand" to a full relationship, Sandoval says that it became a relationship in "January" and that he told Schwartz he was in love during that month. When asked where they would be a year from now, Raquel says she doesn't know, and when Sandoval is asked, he can't answer because James is shouting about how they are both going to live "in a fucking house made of dog shit" or in a "poo-poo house" because they are both "poo-poo heads." I need James to eat a lollipop and take a time-out.

Schwartz then says that he told Sandoval he needed to tell Ariana so that it didn't come out. If Schwartz did say this, Sandoval clearly didn't listen. And with that, it is somehow already time for Raquel to leave the stage so that Scheana can come back and hopefully perform "Good as Gold." Just kidding, but I do wish. It's a bop.

Lala interjects to say that she's thrilled Ariana is away from Sandoval because he's toxic — and Raquel agrees, which is wild...girl, run, save yourself, etc.??? — before Sandoval interjects to say that "Lala doesn't love Ariana dearly," to which Lala responds, "I do love Ariana dearly, enough that I ate her cookie in the back of your car, and I'd do it again." LMAOOOO, LALA!! OK, 10 points for Lala. She won in this moment. I barely even heard anything after this because I was laughing. Sorry to whatever Raquel said.

We're getting close to the end here, and still no massive revelation. We saw ALL KINDS OF RUMORS, from Raquel allegedly being pregnant to there being alleged threesomes, to James and Raquel breaking up because of Sandoval, and more. While I have no idea what it is, I hope I am not disappointed. It's time for final thoughts from the group, which means we are GETTING CLOSE.

I am so excited for the reveal that I can almost barely clock anything else that is happening. Scheana says she doesn't want another child anytime soon, and Katie wants to avoid another marriage and perhaps wants to be a cool aunt. Normally I would probably care about all of this, but right now I NEED THE REVEAL!!! OK, BTW, now Sandoval is crying and saying that he is a human who made a terrible mistake and that he will always love Ariana and "cheer her on from afar." I genuinely wish I believed him. I will say this: I hope he works on himself. But considering that like a week ago, he was going off on Instagram stories on a female journalist over nail polish, my hopes aren't high!

Ariana's final thoughts are that she is grateful for everyone — except Sandoval and Raquel — for being there for him and that she "will not forgive him and will not be cheering him on from afar." Chills. Poetry. Etc. I am glad she gets the final word here. She deserves it and more.

Oh my god, OK, everyone, get in your position, the episode is ending. There are approximately five minutes left. IT'S ALL HAPPENING.

We see everyone walk off. Ariana leaves in a car. Things seem normal. And then we get WHITE TEXT ON A BLACK SCREEN. IT'S HAPPENING. It says, "Six days later, Raquel sat down for her final interview of the season." OH MY GOD, IS SHE GOING TO TURN ON TOM SANDOVAL??? A SOLO INTERVIEW?? NO COACHING??

OK, it's Raquel, and it's a talking head interview. She says that it's important for her to tell the truth and she "doesn't want to lie anymore." She says it's not worth trying to keep up any lies — including timelines — because it's already all out there and she essentially has to face the music. She admits that she maintained some untruths, or lies, at the reunion. When asked why she did this, she says she felt that it would be less hurtful to say that it wasn't an ongoing affair but, rather, isolated incidents.

When asked when the affair became a regular thing, she admits it was ongoing during filming and that the second time they hooked up, they were IN MEXICO FOR SCHEANA'S WEDDING. Which is why you definitely cannot convince me the Schwartz thing wasn't a cover. But moving on. The producer then asks if they had sex "multiple times" while in Mexico for Scheana's wedding, and Raquel says yes.

She says that she "doesn't remember how often it would happen" but it was a regular thing that picked up speed after they wrapped filming. 

She also says that she did meet Sandoval's mom in Los Angeles and his mother was aware of the situation, although Raquel denies that she went to St. Louis with Sandoval (despite the fact that production has a picture of Raquel and Sandoval in St. Louis — amazing editing). The producer tells Raquel that he can read her face, to which she responds, "I know, I don't have a good poker face," and the producer encourages her to just admit it, which is when Raquel finally admits that yes, she did go to St. Louis and she "definitely felt really guilty."

When asked about the Jacuzzi night — the infamous Ken Todd reveal — Raquel says that they did not hook up that night, but then says that he asked her to say that and he is the only person she has right now, so she doesn't feel that she can betray him, because then she would "really have nobody." It's so obvious this man manipulated her. It's sick.

With this, she starts crying and says that this is the one story that she and Sandoval agreed they would get straight, and that Sandoval wanted to lie about it because it was "a really bad look" to hook up with someone's boyfriend when they went out of town for a funeral. She says all this through tears, and it's both satisfying and horrifying for her to finally admit this.

Wow. I did not expect to see a one-on-one unplanned interview with Raquel, and while it was not the reveal I had built up in my head, it was a satisfying ending to an incredible season of television for me. I am sorry that so many people had to get hurt for this television show to happen, but my god, it was fascinating to watch.

And say what you want about Raquel, but I think she is possibly finally understanding the full scale of what happened and is feeling the consequences of her actions. I truly hope she can grow from this and find the confidence to realize that Tom Sandoval is not the answer, and that real change and growth are possible. 

Sent from my iPhone

[thewaywardbruja]

~ Thoughts In My Head ~

So I've got a lot going on in my head, none of it is particularly good, but I just wanted to type it out here because I need to get it out somehow.

I'm struggling a bit, with my mental health, this week, is a hard week for me, and I just dont know how to express how I'm feeling aside from crying.

Friday, marks - One Year since my Grandma was taken from me, and I know its only Monday, but I'm already counting down the days, I'm dreading it. We're away thankfully, at a car show but it doesnt make it any easier. I'm really struggling with my grief, and trying to hold it together.

I've also come down with something / my body is fighting something off, and I am the most tired, and exhausted I have ever been in my life and hardly have the strength to do anything. I have to keep forcing myself to do stuff, and then just want to sleep afterwards, its doing my head in literally. I dont feel like myself and the brain fog is really starting to get to me.

Its so bad that I ran my car into a brick wall two days ago, and I would never do that normally. Work has been extremely difficult, and standing in one place, and doing the same thing over, and over is just really starting to grind away at me. I've been thinking, and looking for another job, something different, and there just isnt anything around where we live.

I'm currently waiting for the results of my Lvl 1 Math test, hoping beyond hope that I managed to pass, but I doubt I did, I struggled so much with it, and the first time wasnt much better.

So, that means I'll be in another Lvl 1 class, for another 12 weeks, and ugh. My English GCSE's are coming up rapidly as well and I have no idea how I'm going to do on those either. I just know if I fail that as well, then I dont know what I'll do but the prospect of me joining the police this year is slowly slipping out of my fingers.

I mean my Leave to Remain Visa getting approved was good news, but its just been so over-shadowed by the anniversary coming up and me being sick that I havent really had much time to let it sink in and celebrate.

I hope soon I will start to feel better, and things will turn around but I'm not holding out much hope.

--

In other news, my witchcraft is taking off, I've had so many wonderful experiences - which have mostly been uploaded to my tiktok, that I am feeling so blessed and just wonderful about where my practice is taking me.

I found out that what was a Crow spirit, was actually Fenrir trying to communicate with me, and after using divination to talk to him, it felt wonderful to know that I now have two wolves at my side <3

I'm taking - this whole thing with Fenrir really slowly, and just letting it happen in its own time. He still makes me nervous. I asked him if we could have a spirit guide relationship - because I promised myself I would never bow down to no God again, ever - a long time ago. He said "Yes" <3 That made me feel a lot better as well.

White and I have been getting closer, and our bond has been getting stronger. After my amazing and wonderful reading I had the other day, I just feel so great, and liberated about everything I have been experiencing and feeling. <3

I cant wait to see what the future holds for me within Witchcraft. Its been so amazing, so far.

Friday marks one year since I found my path, and my practice and I wouldnt change it for anything <3 Its been such an amazing journey thus far <3 I have made so many amazing friends within the Witchcraft community as well, Jade, Sapphire, Josephine, ShyTyger (Char), Shay, Aphrodite, Jasmine, Naamah - just to name a few <3 You guys all rock and are so amazing, and I am so blessed to have you all in my life <3

So yeah. I dunno, just got a lot on my mind, and trying to make sense of all of it. I blame whatever is making my brain so foggy, its messing with my emotions and making me depressed as hell too. Yay Depression.

Hopefully things will start to get better, I'm trying to be an optimist about this... ( Bastille Joke... hah )

So yeah, I'll see you around <3

[zalrb]

PLL 1x19 Review - As Per Anon Request

Honestly, I feel like the opening theme would be more effective to play after the recap and before the actual episode starts.

Shay. Can't. Cry.

What IS this?

"He told her to come closer ... ... and she did." LOL, Great dialogue there.

There is no tension in these interrogation scenes it's so funny.

What is Spencer's jacket? Is she a nutcracker?

"Whoever said 'the truth will set you free' never met A." "Jesus. Jesus said it. It's from the bible." Emily, WHY was that necessary? Like ... what kind of contribution to the conversation is that? They don't actually need to know WHO said it.

"You know, sometimes telling the truth does more harm than good." "Who said that?" Not Jesus. "Alison." Clearly the opposite of Jesus.

"Hey, Emily." "Garrett??" "You're a cop now??" Who is this person.

I don't have siblings but beefing with your 16 year old sister is insane. You're a grown ass woman, Melissa.

"I don't want to go home until my parents get back." WHY WOULD THEY LEAVE? THEIR SON WAS ARRESTED ON SUSPICION OF MURDER AND THEIR CHILDREN HAD A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP UNDER THEIR ROOF. WHAT IS GOING ON?

"You never talk about your parents." OK but does he actually have any??

ooooooooh the convenient and contrived revelation of 214.

Hanna, why would you tell Caleb to come upstairs when you know your mother is home? And would it not make more sense to bring him food to the basement and collect dishes?

And Caleb really does act like this is house.

"I know guys like Caleb. He's a tough guy." HOW? HE JUST WEARS A BEANIE AND THEY ALL DO, IT'S THE 2010s! You are the actual criminal here, get a GRIP.

I swear to god if a plot twist is that Jenna actually isn't a high schooler and has been lying about her age I would be like, that is the one thing in this show that makes sense.

"What's her story about?" I know that Ezra is already crossing every boundary that matters but don't talk about another student's work to your child bride, you dick.

"I'm waiting for a manager to call me back." Are you not the police?

"Mr. Fitz isn't seduced by controlling characters" Aria, please. Also what the fuck kind of English teacher is Ezra? 1984, Animal Farm or Brave New World should be on that reading list.

20 dollars? You didn't even haggle.

"Jenna's glasses. This is her room." She just has a standing room at a motel she doesn't stay at or live at?

Hanna, you and your mom just had a conversation about Caleb because he left the toilet seat up in a house he's squatting in because he acts like he actually lives there and you don't even think to check to see if your mom is home first? Because she probably is. The plot's gotta plot.

"Mom?"

Remember when you stole money?

I don't even remember what Emily's side quest is.

Emily just deciding to move on from Maya is lol. Because she sounded happy in one phone call?

Maya was nothing like Alison. Alison is a psychopath.

"Welcome home, honey." I don't know if I just think Aria dresses more childish than the others because she's with Ezra and the clothes themselves are just regular clothes but the whole dynamic of them is like, she's clearly a teen, she dresses like a teen and you're an adult, or if it's that plus the fact that they just give Aria more girl-like clothes and by girl-like I mean, like, little girl-esque. It's obviously not Lolita fashion but you get it.

"But out here you're Dora the Explorer? You have any other personalities that I should know about." Her personality didn't change, Caleb, she just has other skills and interests.

Neither Hanna nor Caleb are good enough actors for this scene to be as poignant as it should be but it works better than anything else, so.

Are you two going to have sex in that tent.

I love that they probably couldn't afford a Pink song so they just have Paige butcher it in karaoke.

Spencer and Toby scrabble scene is my favourite scene of theirs so far. "Thanks for the 'g' I was waiting for it."

They need to keep it at that energy of meeting your match. The intense longing stares don't work imo.

So Maya gets cut off because she sounded happy one time but Paige tries to drown you and it's makeout time?

Spencer being the big spoon tracks.

"We might see people we know there." You're on a picnic in the woods everyone goes to, Paige. Caleb now lives in those woods.

Gossip Girl (and AtS) is the only show I can think of that takes place in a city, like a big city like New York. Can you think of any others?

"I like you too." Even though you tried to drown me.

If I ever did what Hanna did, the door would be locked if I tried to come back. Oh, the lives of teenagers in teen dramas. The freedom. The audacity.

"There's a chance that you'll never look at me the same way again." I like how his response is just "Aria..." like he didn't commit one way or the other, girl.

Also, he's a predator.

I hate how Toby speaks: It wasn't ... ... ... a complete wash. *speeds up* Tobehonest ...

Oh wow, the kiss happened way sooner than I expected.

Idk make up your mind. Is Toby awkward and hesitant or is she assertive?

Also, I feel like Caleb is supposed to have some kind of charisma and charm and if that was the case, instead of asking if he could take a soda, he would warm himself up to Hanna's mom by offering to help her cook dinner. Like, all of you can say whatever you want to say about Dean in Gilmore Girls but he learned the traditions of Rory and Lorelai, he knew Lorelai was important to impress.

Ezra and his serial killer eyes.

"Thank you for looking at me tonight the same way you did yesterday" You're sixteen, Aria.

I keep wanting to call Hanna's mom Melissa even though her name is Ashley.

*gasp* CaLeB wOrKs fOr A????

"Honey, they know that you were seeing Ian" so then why is SHE being questioned? SHE'S THE MINOR. Jesus Christ. And why would she be a person of interest just because she was "seeing" Ian? That has nothing to do with Alison if they don't believe that he was seeing Alison.

[yourtouchismidas]

hi there! could you write something about one of the girls getting sick and matty ends up catching it after looking after her and then the whole family is plagued except rg and she had to take care of all her babies (including matty lol).

matty notices that shay isn't herself at breakfast. normally she bounds out of bed ready to start the day. today she comes down stairs slowly, after everyone else, dragging her tattered blankie after her. the other girls are already at the breakfast table, matty plating up toast. you're at the book shop early, so he can go to the studio later and you can do pick up. shay climbs up onto the spare seat.

"you okay, lovey?" he says, pausing mid butter to look at his girl. she looks pale, he thinks. shay nods.

"uh huh," she says in a small voice. he puts some toast in front of her and she nibbles it. the other girls chatter around him while they eat. shay leaves half her toast on the table.

"right is everyone ready?" matty says, "we need to get off to school."

the other girls jump up and start running to put their shoes on, but shay moves slowly. so slowly, that matty grabs her, hands under her armpits and lifts her up to his face.

"whats up love?"

"nothing," shay says.

"you werent hungry?"

"no," she says. "didnt want toast."

matty puts her down and puts a hand over her forehead. she's hot.

"oh god you're burning up," he says.

"burning?" shay says, her eyes widening in panic.

"means you're not very well my love," he says, picking her up again and settling him in his arms. she goes to speak, but its almost like she can't be bothered.

"i'm not very well," she says, and starts crying.

"oh, i know," matty says, as she buries her face in his jumper. "no school today."

but he has to take her to the gates at least. you're out, so everyone needs to come on the school run, attending or not. the twins are old enough to toddle there with you all, and gigi has strapped their shoes on. so matty gets a fluffy blanket from the lounge, wraps shay in it, and asks gigi to hold the twins' hands as they all walk slowly to school. shay coughs in his arms, barely awake. he balances his phone in between his shoulder and ear and tells you that shay is poorly.

when they get back, he gets her out of her school uniform and into pjs, her lifting her little arms, lathargic. then he puts her on the sofa. he puts the twins down for a nap, trying not to worry that lexie feels a bit hotter than stevie. he opens the window for them.

he gets calpol from the kitchen, and has to wake shay up to spoon it into her mouth and then she falls asleep again. matty could go about his day. he could clean up breakfast, text george about later, do some writing. but instead, he scoops shay into his arms, goes into the twins room, and sits down in the rocker, watching over them all sleep, blowing cold air onto shay's face in an attempt to cool her skin.

you ring and tell him that you are on the way to pick up gigi and valley from school, and you'll be back soon.

"i'm not going to the studio," matty says, "not when she is like this. and i'm worried about alexa. she was hot when i put her down and her cheeks are all red."

"oh dear," you say, "we're in for a rough one."

when you get back with valley and gigi, matty can tell, valley is getting it. she looks pale. she feels fine, and insists on playing, but matty keeps telling her to watch some tv instead, and relax. the girls are their usual chaos, although lexie's eyes are rolling closed even though she'd taken two naps today already.

matty claps his hands to get everyone's attention. shay is still in his arms, still in the blanket, crying whenever he put her down so he ended up just bringing her with him everywhere.

"family movie night," he says, "no questions asked. let's go."

halfway through the movie, matty starts to feel off. he shifts himself under the weight of all his girls, thinking he is just warm from their feverish little bodies. but no. it's worse. it's much worse. he pushes his way out as gently as possible and runs from the room to throw up. when he's back, you're looking up at him.

"oh baby," you say.

"i know," he pouts, "ugh."

all of them end up in the master bedroom. matty, now pale and dressed in only a tank top and boxers, surrounded by his little baby girls, all snuffling in their sleep. his long arms reach around all of them, their heads lying on his chest. you make sure they have everything they need, then you let them sleep.