#[ headcanon. ]

[foulwitchknight]

Eddie leaves his rings as courting gifts for Steve thinking he’ll pick up his intentions. However Steve keeps giving back the rings he finds. It happens one too many times that Eddie falls into rejection sickness very close to his rut. Steve visits him worried and ends up helping him through it. The next morning while Steve is cooking breakfast he finds the ring that Eddie was going to use to ask him to officially court. He tears up when he realizes it’s engraved with ‘My omega’. He immediately goes to wake up Eddie calls him a dingus and tells him how he’s been waiting forever to be his.

[recitedemise]

𝗠𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗚𝗮𝗹𝗲'𝘀 𝘃𝘂𝗹𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗴𝗴𝗿𝗮𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗽 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘂𝗺𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘀, 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗠𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗽𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿. This lengthy headcanon will refer to canon dialogue from mostly Gale, sometimes others. Reader's discretion is advised. There will be in depth explorations into grooming, emotional abuse, heavy manipulation, and suicide.

First, let it be said that Gale, a mortal man, will always be the powerless one in his dynamic with Mystra. Of course, nearing forty years of age, he remains entirely responsible for his own actions, his own blunders and every hurt he'll cause, but it's important to remember who formed much of who he is: his goddess, his deity, and egregiously, his lover.

Mystra is power. Mystra is possibility. She knows what sway she holds over her Ioyal, vulnerable, and entirely mortal followers. In all ways that matter, they are but lambs she can steer and herd as she sees fit. She knows they can't deny her and knows they'll never want to. Gale's sheer servitude and complete devotion. Mystra, knowing that, used him to filth.

Gale: I was just... practising an incantation. Player Character: No, there's more to it than that. I know devotion when I see it. Gale: What can I say? She's—she's Mystra. I can't describe it, the need I sometimes feel to see her - to draw the filaments of fantasy into existence... Mystra is all magic. And as far as I'm concerned, she is all creation. Player Character: I didn't realize the depth of your devotion. Gale: Magic is... my life. I've been touched with the Weave for as long as I can remember. There's nothing like it.

Gale, orb in his chest, doomed to be eaten by the very thing he loves the most, still speaks so reverently of the goddess, of his lover that has left him to die. He conjures images of her memory—and she is all the while forgetting about his.

Minsc: Gale reminds me of vremyonni of my homeland. The man-mages of Rasheman. While the girl-folk go on to rule as wychlaran, Weave-touched boys were hidden away. Trained to work their craft in silence and secrecy. It is an old custom, not well-observed. In truth, I thought it born of caution after some catastrophe of wizardly men-folk of old. Now, I wonder if it was not done to hide them from Mystra, and the snares she sets for young and prideful boys, hm?

Tales of Mystra's treachery spreads far, leaving those familiar waters surrounding Gale's tower in Waterdeep. They whisper her name, afraid to utter it one time too many, suspecting, perhaps, that she'll show in their mirror like some Faerûnian Bloody Mary.

Talent rouses Mystra. She can see who uses the gift of the Weave and feel them, sampling whatever delight sings their veins as they pull from her domain. Not unlike a spider, she'll follows every tremor that strikes her as just a sliver more profound; and Gale, a prodigy, plucked the Weave's web to so garner her focus. And like some black widow scurrying, she surged down that ripple to prey on a boy. There, Gale, so impressionable, was just a mite older than twelve whole summers. He sat so stunned, beholding Mystra as she lured him into the cradle of her Astral domain. Bathed in her magic, pleasantly coddled within that glittering cosmos, Gale felt blessed in a way he'll struggle always to recount, no word, no language, fit to describe it. He felt chosen. He felt seen. And potently, to a child, he felt loved. Now, imagine a child experiencing something like that. Imagine what they'd think, how brilliant they must be when stood beside the rest. She told him he was gifted, made his heart swell not unlike a child's appetite for praise. She knew what she was doing by offering these morsels, by preying on a child's most delicate mind, and Gale, child prodigy, was already so awash in the idea that his value was in magic. Unfortunately, Gale, susceptible, had no way of squirming out of his goddess' grasp.

Reality: She's laid down the seeds to creep into his heart. When he's just old enough—seventeen's sufficient, she thinks—she stakes her claim and makes him hers.

Gale: My virtuosic talent once caught the eye of the goddess of magic herself, Mystra, who named me her chosen and her lover.

Gale is stunned when she takes him to bed the first time. (Is this really happening?) Mystra claims his mouth in a kiss, taking everything she knows he offers so willingly. Mystra, of course, is not so stunned.

Dream Visitor: An elder brain... one of the cruelest and most powerful creatures in existence, enslaved by mere mortals. Gale, tasked with Mystra's missive to sacrifice himself: This is it... I must do as Mystra commands.

Gale has worryingly low self-esteem beyond his magic. As already explored, his entire worth as a man hinged on and was built entirely off his talent as a wizard. He fought tooth and nail for any crumb of affection Mystra would offer his way, something she only gave him at all seeing his gift as a child. He wants her forgiveness. He desires it genuinely. He believes so firmly that he has wronged his goddess, buying into the idea that sacrificing himself will right his wrong. She holds such dominion over him, making him reduce his confidence in himself into a mere, trifling pittance; after all, she wasn't just his lover, but the patron deity he prays to. And regardless, Gale is a people pleaser, his initial acceptance of her missive coming as no surprise.

After all, Gale, at times, goes to incredible lengths to appease his audience. This habit, compulsion, impulse, whatever you want to call it, is a quality that was relentlessly exacerbated in his relationship with his immortal paramour. He wanted to content her, felt all he did was never enough, for as a matter of principle, he was oceans, leagues, and entire galaxies beneath her. Gale figures: well, how can a short-lived dalliance satisfy a god? He had to make her happy. Indeed, he'd done everything she'd ask. He'd bedded her how she liked, kissed her how she wanted, and of course, even said those words she'd said tasted best. She was his lover, a lover that never tended to his own needs and pleasures, and he fooled himself into thinking that's enough. He won't bend backwards for everyone, mind you, but if you're of the ones he would, he would stop at nothing to make you happy. After all, people pleasing is a way to keep oneself safe, a trauma response to sidestep discomfort, and though it achieves only a direly tentative peace, when that is all you've been fed, you will pursue it.

Gale did not want to lose Mystra; he couldn't bare the sting of it. And so, when Elminster visited him, Mystra's call for his death offered oh so callously, Gale, heartbroken, felt that part of him kick up. He couldn't endure the guilt, was so hungry for a chance to let his weighty heart breathe, even if it meant dying in the process.

At least this way, he'll finally do something right. At least this way, Mystra will forgive him, and all his friends will survive.

Gale: After I was afflicted with my condition, I locked myself in my tower for an entire year. I was inconsolable, wallowing in my self-inflicted tragedy. I'd given up on myself.

As a byproduct of people pleasing, Gale, too, is all too quick to accept all guilt. He self-deprecates, gaslights himself to a venomous degree, and twists his reality in so cruel a way as to make him the villain Mystra'd led him to believe. He self-flagellates himself, the first one in the world who will throw Gale of Waterdeep a mental punishment. Mystra's a goddess, after all, seen as utterly faultless, and twined so tightly with a being so mighty in esteem, Gale slipped into the role of the guilty often. When tied with anyone with grandeur like this, so immeasurable in their own self worth, it's important to keep in mind this: you are nothing but a prop in which to fulfill their ego. Gale was not Mystra's, not by a long shot. Rather, Gale was a tool, simply her mortal extension.

And he took every blow meant for her... a common and terrible habit for many people in imbalanced, ego-fueled relationships.

Gale's life beyond her wasn't something that interested her. She took most of Gale's devotion, manipulated his life to be her sole mantle of attention, for Mystra is not a goddess that shares very happily.

Indeed, long before his self-imposed isolation, this jealous deity did well at keeping him isolated.

Player Character: Picture kissing him. With tenderness. Then, with passion. Gale: I... I didn't think— Narrator: You perceive quick-fire embarrassment, trepidation, and finally... elation.

And so, cheated out of love, so reduced in his value as a man and lover both, suffice to say, Gale's slow to believe he can ever be loved. That's what happens when you're with someone so cold, consistent only in their infinite lack of respect. Gale looks at fondness, and he feels—confounded, to be sure. He thinks, is this truly mine to have? He doesn't know what to do, is nearly forty in game, and despite having lived decades devoted to one relationship, he feels, at the same time, entirely out of depth. To be frank, he greets it with embarrassment, like he's been caught red handed with something not his at all. He's like a child caught rummaging with his hand in a cookie jar, all this isn't mine to enjoy, not mine to indulge in, but he thinks, startled, but god, do I want. He wars with disbelief, uncertainty, and need, and in so many ways feeling utterly starved, with just a glimmer of affection, he falls fast into love.

Scenario: (And if properly romanced, it changes his world.)

Gale: In her (Mystra's) likeness, I used to read a thousand stories. She was beauty, wisdom, elegance, power... she contained universes. But now... it is hard to see any redeeming qualities in a lover who condemned you to death. I'd much rather gaze into your eyes than hers. Yours are capable of tenderness and feeling... No god could ever compare.

He says it with sincerity. There is such wonder, such love, and such awe in his eyes. He makes the act of kissing him feel like you've just reached into the trenches to but pluck him soundly from his ruin and despair. You think, Gale Dekarios, how unloved have you been all this time?

Gale: To know you love me for the man I am, and not the magic I command… none have loved me so purely before.

The answer is: entirely.

For so long, Gale thought love was simply being chosen. He knew nothing of being favored for the quality of his character, to be cherished and accepted even in those ways he fumbles and lacks. Again, his needs were seldom met, often treated with utter indifference by Mystra herself, and to meet someone so eager to treasure him, dote on him in a way his heart, his body is somberly new to, raptures his spirit and captures his soul. He's seen for who he is. He's... loved, desired for his silly quips, his easy smiles, and his growing affections. He bares himself to them, and in turn, they cradle his heart like something entirely precious. Gale thinks this has to be dream. He says, at times, you are more than I deserve.

Scenario: (But sometimes, he hopes too strongly and loves too greatly. As it always does, then, like he's once more wanted too much, he watches something beautiful slip right through his fingers. Of course, Gale Dekarios. Of course it does.)

Player Character: I didn't know you felt so strongly, Gale. Gale: Perhaps I should have done more. Been more charming, more flattering, harder to reach... but I was only myself, and sometimes that isn't enough.

They don't love him anymore. It breaks his heart. He hurts so much, so profoundly and deeply, and he doesn't realize that he breaks their heart in turn.

Unable to ever voice his feelings with Mystra in any way that amounted to much, Gale's a tendency to wallow, expressions coming off as potentially 'guilt-tripping' and even, on occasion, passive aggressive. Firstly: Gale NEVER means to manipulate emotions, and he's no intention of twisting anyone's arm, either. Fact is, Gale, never taken seriously when he'd bared his vulnerabilities to the Mother of the Weave, can end up saying just a little too much. He feels very deeply, and for most his life, seldom had an outlet for these weeping sentiments. He sometimes lets slip raw words and oftentimes heart-wrenching expressions; all the same, it's not so pitiful as to shepherd an outcome, but rather, is a gesture taken by a man so desperate to be heard. It may feel like scheming, but the truth is far, far greyer: feeling as though he's no right to share the depth of his heart, Gale simply lets it geyser out in a way he can't cork up. In ways he doesn't realize, he's adapted to this ache, passively reacting so his feelings can at least be seen and recognized—no matter how pitifully unwhole. With someone who values so little his thoughts... well, when he slips into these moods, one can hardly feign shock.

Situation: (And if no one shows him trust and tenderness, any true care in his character or worth, Gale gets swallowed up by how wronged he was.

He thinks: Let me be a god. Let no one hurt like me anymore.)

Gale: They only want us to serve them, pray to them...and ultimately, to die for them. But what if we didn't need them? What if we wielded their power instead and helped ourselves in all the ways they refuse to? I could make that happen.

Gale is not above anger, and as stated, he is not above pettiness; however, more than that, he is not above righting himself whatever wound he was struck. Gale, if not offered much by ways of affection, understanding, is made to believe that one idea that's lived growing in his mind: Gale Dekarios is far from sufficient; he has to be more. He has to be better. Gale, in such an unkind ending for himself, sips too desperately—and perhaps greedily, too, but desperately serves as a far better word—at that idea that he needs power. And so, wresting the Crown of Karsus for himself, he spites Mystra in his own way, becoming a god he feels is leagues better than she will ever be. Damn her thoroughly. Damn her ego, her power, and her endless indifference. He will serve the people, protect them, and in ways Mystra never could, better the world.

Situation: But as a god, he loses all sense of his kindness. Humanity. All who loved him leave him, and even Tara spurns the image he's become. With power, he's gained the respect he thought he always wanted... but in turn, he lost in even greater measure all the love he's known.

Endnote: But healing, knowing to forgive himself and knowing he's deserving of care simply for being Gale Dekarios will remain, always, the best path for him.

[idolbound]

As @breathandshadow mentioned, Meredith would almost certainly be haunted by the spirits of mages she has killed.

It is canon that the veil in Kirkwall is thin, and the transition between reality and the Fade is easier to achieve than in other places. Thus, I imagine that spirits do linger, and death follows Meredith.

Perhaps to some who are more sensitive to this, notice it wherever Meredith goes. It is perhaps why her presence is, well, not just intimidating but full of dread when she passes through the city.

With regards to Meredith's paranoia, she already imagines that apostate blood mages are "around every corner", as Orsino claims, and the thought of ghosts lingering in the Templar Hall, Meredith's office, the barracks, and her personal quarters amplifies her paranoia - even more so as the red lyrium sets in during Act 3, where the mere days before Anders destroys the Chantry, she actively paces the halls at night, investigating the shadows, trying to find what she feels following her every step of the way.

[sunhated-a]

There is a huge part of Muzan that hungers for the world. And, when asked, he will cloak his motivations with layers upon layers of malice. He will claim he wants to kill every living being, an echo of the bitterness he felt at being abandoned.

For all of his talks of grand conquest of humanity, his true motivations are painfully mundane. For all of his life he has been stifled and limited. Though he was born into wealth, he still lived as a bird in a gilded cage. One he could not escape even if he had been born ablebodied, fated to just be married off and carry on a lineage for a family name he cared nothing about, most likely.

He expected some relief when he was turned into a demon, but in reality he just traded one illness for another. Because though he possessed a healthy and immensely powerful body, he was denied the soft comfort the sun once provided.

He could never live as a man.

He was forced to become this. In time he would come to embrace and relish his demonic nature, but it didn't come naturally. It didn't come easy.

Even through it all, Muzan has never even come close to what he truly wanted. His near encounter with death left him with a deep fear. A fear so powerful that he's stopped prioritizing self actualization, and instead he works relentlessly towards self preservation.

[xluciifer]

Do NOT give Lucifer nicknames.

He absolutely hates it, especially if it's not somebody he either likes, cares about or trusts.

There's no Luci, Lulu, Lu, or whatever other nickname you come up with when speaking to him.

To YOU it's Lucifer, your highness, your majesty, my liege, etc.

Easiiiest way to get on his shit list because it shows him you have no RESPECT for him. And he'll very easily show why you don't want to be on that list.

[nectaric]

hc + eros

eros has old money rich, preppy pretty boy energy, and i mean that in every way possible. his relationship with his parents is incredibly complicated (with ares, moreso than with aphrodite), but he's always been well provided for. there's some really interesting undertones in his relationship with aphrodite that might make some people bat an eye, but the momma's boy allegations cannot be beat !!

he also has the arrogance and charm and nonchalant everyone owes me everything attitude. most things in life have been handed to him on a silver platter, and when they aren't, he can usually worm his way out of it with help from his mother.

not to mention this is the kind of stuff he wears

[foulwitchknight]

O!Steve is convinced that the time he’s spent around omegas and his pups and Robin has made him immune to puppy eyes. That is until he meets A!Eddie who has the biggest brown eyes he’s ever seen. One look and he has Steve catering to his every whim even before he even realizes he’s doing it. Steve thinks it’s a little pathetic that an Alpha he just met has this kind of effect on him and he tries extra hard to hide it because he knows Eddie doesnt feel the same.

[harpersoath]

ON REDEMPTION.

obviously, we are on tumblr dot com doing silly little roleplay so game mechanics are sort of 'winging it'. but, i do want to talk a bit on oaths, and sepcficially 'oath of redemption', as it is not a playable subclass in non-modded bg3, but it is dnd canon.

if you want my wild ramblings, below the cut you will find discussion on the oath itself, it's tenents, and some potential oath breaking actions using game mechanics.

OATH OF REDEMPTION, THE REDEEMER'S PATH

(from xanathar's guide) The Oath of Redemption sets a paladin on a difficult path, one that requires a holy warrior to use violence only as a last resort. Paladins who dedicate themselves to this oath believe that any person can be redeemed and that the path of benevolence and justice is one that anyone can walk. These paladins face evil creatures in the hope of turning them to the light, and the paladins slay them only when such a deed will clearly save other lives. Paladins who follow this path are known as redeemers. While redeemers are idealists, they are no fools. Redeemers know that undead, demons, devils, and other supernatural threats can be inherently evil. Against such foes, the paladins bring the full wrath of their weapons and spells to bear. Yet the redeemers still pray that, one day, even creatures of wickedness will invite their own redemption.

redemption paladin's are, in simplest terms: idealist pacifists who seek to understand and heal the world and those wounded by it -- especially those who turn to wicked means as a result of those wounds. they seek understanding and justice tempered with a lot of mercy, but not hand waving forgiveness. redemption paladins seek to teach those who have hurt to help; those who have sown cruelty to sow kindness; and only use violence and death when there is no better path to tread. this is a oath that prioritizes supporting, protecting, and peaceful diplomatic solutions.

the spells that this oath gives access to are ones that either a) protect or b) disarm, disengage, or incapacitate versus spells designed to cause extra damage. these include: sanctuary, sleep, calm emotions, hold person, counterspell, hypnotic pattern, Otiluke's resilient sphere, stoneskin, hold monster, and wall of force. the aura effect is one that allows the redeemer to protect others from violence, at the cost of their own health; and the channel divinities allow you to add extra bonuses to persuade those you encounter or rebuke those who would harm others -- redirecting their damage back on them as radiant.

OATH OF REDEMPTION, THE TENENTS

(simplified from xanathar's)

peace. use violence as a last resort, prioritizing diplomatic, peaceful and lasting solutions to problems.

innocence. all lives begin as a blank slate. it is the environment and forces around lives that pushes those onto the path of evil.

patience. change takes time, and you must walk the path alongside those you seek to help. though they may stumble, guide them and ensure they flourish.

wisdom. though everyone can be redeemed, it is a choice they must be willing to make. some cannot and will not make the choice, and cannot be swayed to a better path. in cases where those who refuse to make the choice to walk a better path cannot be stopped in harm through any other means, strike true for the greater good.

OATH OF REDEMPTION, OATHBREAKING ACTS

the list below is operating on bg3 game logic programming and mostly just off the top of my head to give you an idea! [only looks at Act 3, due to neyvin's timeline of oath changing]

Murdering non-hostile / non-combatant NPCs, or provoking combat with the 'Attack' dialogue option, if there are other options available.

NOTE: Does not break the oath if the enemy is hostile upon entering an area and no dialogue is prompted or the chosen dialogue incites the other person into initiating combat first.

Allowing Astarion to complete Cazador's Rite

Killing the spawn in Cazador's Dungeon, or leaving them. in the cages

Any option to seek to control the Netherbrain instead of destroy it (including Gortash's deal)

Killing the Gondians / Siding with Wulbren after the Foundry explosion.

Killing Viconia after the fight in the House of Grief

Extort Arfur for gold after learning of the explosive toys.

[recitedemise]

𝗚𝗮𝗹𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗲, 𝗶𝗻𝘃𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗱, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗼𝗿. Make no mistake, when you're signing up for any course taught by Professor Dekarios, you can expect a rigorous, trying, and extremely rewarding time. Gale, as an instructor with high expectations -- both for himself and for his pupils -- will never allow 'taking it easy' to feel acceptable. Slack on your coursework, and rest assured, you will be in for murder and a half of an exam-season crunch. When signing up for him, he expects you to take your studies very seriously. As such, with not a hint of interest in wasting your time, he will thoroughly test your abilities and challenge your limits. He does this out of care, both for the integrity of his field and the sheer love of learning, and when one chances on his seminars with his funny worded lectures, one would see easily his love for his craft.

He's animated and excited. He encourages participation and offers both spectacle and awe. He'd veil the ceiling with the stars or reanimate a small mouse to scamper about the floor. He's a man of bold actions and incredibly strong impressions, and as such, he aims as much as possible to captivate his classroom -- an endeavor, of course, that can both endear and frustrate. To most, his unparalleled zeal would feel borderline infectious. He may be a difficult grader and offers very little room to catch up when you slack, but his reputation to most would be challenging but fair -- and, to most who pass him, actually inspiring.

In fact, it isn't all too difficult to believe why students (and a great deal of them, too!) would like him. Beyond his fame, of course, he is also known to be an incredibly thoughtful man. Invested in his pupils, he consistently supports visiting him during any time during his office hours. If time permits it, too, he'd even offer a little 1:1 session. In fact, he'd even go so far as to pick out the interests and the strengths of particular students. If one struggles in illusion, for example, he may notice instead that they've a fondness for the clerical. In that instance, he would do his research to offer them prospects in that field that would offer more enjoyment, pulling up eligible courses and instructors he vets.

Overall, Gale is a difficult, sometimes unorthodox, controversial, and invigorating professor. And what's more, it doesn't seem he's a love saved for only wizardry and spellcraft, but a most genuine devotion to his students as well.

[nursewashing]

anya is an artsy, creative type. some of anya's hobbies include reading, drawing, photography, gardening, and organization / working on planners. some of these extend to her life on the ship as ways to pass time, but gardening and photography are best left to earth.

after returning from the tulpar, anya starts a little garden to keep herself busy. tending to plants calms her anxiety. it took some time to figure out what she could grow—after failing to keep a few varying houseplants alive, she realized that succulents and cactuses were the best match for her, and has a little collection of them around her house.

[xluciifer]

Lucifer has meticulous knifing skills.

Do with that information as you will.

[sunhated-a]

What mood will Muzan be in today? Let's see. We have:

Okay.

Annoyed.

Annoyed.

Irritated.

Stressed.

Irritated and stressed.

Good mood! ( You've won the lottery )

Wrath.

Happy. (Diabolical)

Hyperfixation.

Forgot what he was doing. (You may assist)

Forgot what he was doing. (You may NOT assist)

PURE MANIC ENERGY ( Dangerous )

Patient and affectionate care. (Hard reserved for loved ones.)

[gambieau]

i’m sharing this detailed assessment of remy lebeau’s mental health to provide a deeper understanding of his character. as many of you know, remy is a character with a rich and often difficult past. his personality and experiences are shaped by a blend of trauma, neurodevelopmental conditions, and even the impact of a surgery that altered his brain. this analysis offers a detailed look into how his mental health impacts his behavior, relationships, and decisions — considering his background, neurodivergence, and the impact of trauma. by examining these aspects, i attempt to create a more nuanced portrayal of remy, one that i severely miss in canon storytelling.

while these interpretations blend canon and headcanon, they serve as a grounding point for how i write remy and how he moves through the world. if you're interested in exploring any of these dynamics further in our writing, i'm always open to collaborating and discussing how they can be incorporated into our stories together.

neurodevelopmental conditions:

remy navigates the world through the lens of both autism and adhd, which significantly shape his interactions and experiences. his adhd manifests as challenges in maintaining focus on tasks that fail to capture his interest, often leading to impulsivity, restlessness, and a tendency to act without fully considering the consequences. while he can hyperfocus on activities that ignite his passion — such as honing his skills, nurturing certain relationships, or delving into specific intellectual pursuits — he frequently neglects other important aspects of his life. this dynamic creates a chaotic internal landscape, where he swings between extremes of vigorous activity and complete inertia.

remy’s impulsivity, especially, can lead to risky behaviors that endanger both himself and those around him. he often charges into confrontations without a plan or makes decisions that lack forethought. this impulsive nature arises, also, from a blend of his neurodivergent traits and the heightened emotional states triggered by his trauma. in moments of stress, he may resort to thrill-seeking behaviors as a means of escaping overwhelming emotions or asserting control in chaotic situations.

in addition to these traits, remy grapples with specific challenges related to attention and focus, such as difficulty maintaining concentration on tasks, susceptibility to distractions, and struggles with organization and time management. his hyperactivity manifests as restlessness and an ongoing need for movement, while emotional regulation proves to be a significant hurdle, exacerbating feelings of anxiety and stress. executive functioning issues complicate his ability to plan, organize, and execute tasks effectively.

remy’s autism further influences his sensory processing, communication style, and emotional regulation. although he is adept at masking these traits,he often grapples with feelings of social disconnection and misunderstanding. his tendency to intellectualize emotions and disengage from social subtleties can make him appear aloof or distant. while routine and structure provide him with comfort, his adhd often pulls him away from strict adherence to plans, leading to frustration and anxiety. he is known for subtle stims, such as tapping fingers, humming, and rocking. remy also vocally stims through echolalia — repetitive sentences or quotes from movies, social media, etc. 

trauma disorders:

remy’s life is profoundly shaped by the multiple layers of trauma he has endured, culminating in both c-ptsd and ptsd. his childhood was marked by abandonment, violence, and a relentless struggle for survival on the streets of new orleans. it fostered hypervigilance and a strong mistrust of others. these early traumas have instilled patterns of emotional dysregulation, and, as a result, remy often experiences a fragmented identity, feeling disconnected from his sense of self and grappling with conflicting versions of who he is — the charming scoundrel he presents to the world versus the vulnerable individual he conceals.

dissociation is a strong symptom of his c-ptsd, though not cause exclusively by it. he frequently feels detached from his body or experiences episodes where reality seems distorted. it hinder his ability to engage fully in the present. his disconnection from emotions and past experiences complicates his ability to process grief, joy, or trauma, often causing him to feel lost in his own life. additionally, remy struggles with emotional intimacy; after a lifetime of abandonment and betrayal, his c-ptsd prompts him to shut down emotionally. although he can project a charming facade, deeper feelings often remain hidden. he may appear level-headed in dangerous situations, a defense mechanism learned in childhood, where vulnerability was seen as a weakness. however, these repressed emotions can resurface later as nightmares or panic attacks.

in addition to c-ptsd, remy carries ptsd rooted in specific traumatic events that haunt him; the mutant massacre in the morlock tunnels, his experiences under sinister or apocalypse, those days lost in antarctica trying not to day — to cite a few. these experiences manifest as flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and nightmares, often compelling him to relive moments of betrayal and extreme danger. the interplay of c-ptsd and ptsd creates a constant state of tension for remy, where even minor stressors can trigger intense emotional reactions, ranging from rage to profound sadness or withdrawal. this relentless turmoil leaves him feeling overwhelmed and trapped within his own mind.

a significant aspect of remy's struggle is his hypervigilance; he is perpetually on high alert, scanning his surroundings for potential threats, whether real or imagined. this state of vigilance sharpens his skills as a thief, enabling him to detect even the slightest shifts in his environment. however, the mental toll of this constant vigilance leads to perpetual stress and fatigue. additionally, remy suffers from recurrent nightmares that force him to relive the terrors of his life, disrupting his sleep and making restful nights elusive.moments which escape him once awake, though his subconscious remains reeling in the aftermath. he also grapples with flashbacks triggered by certain situations, which transport him back to his childhood or formative years, especially during instances of physical violence or coercion. compounding these challenges is a deep sense of internalized guilt, exacerbated by his ptsd, which manifests as self-doubt and a belief that he deserves punishment, often extending to feelings of responsibility for his abandonment or mistreatment.

remy’s traumatic history has instilled in him a profound fear of abandonment, making him hesitant to forge close relationships. his rejection sensitive dysphoria amplifies this fear, causing even minor criticisms or perceived slights to feel deeply personal and painful. this can trigger intense emotional responses, sometimes leading him to overanalyze interactions and spiral into feelings of inadequacy. to avoid perceived rejection, he often goes to great lengths, even if it means pushing people away. this paradox leads him to sabotage relationships before they can deepen, acting out in ways that drive others away. when he does connect with someone, he swings between craving closeness and fearing it, resulting in anxiety and emotional upheaval.

personality development:

trauma has significantly shaped remy lebeau's personality, leading to traits associated with borderline personality disorder. his intense fear of abandonment, emotional instability, and pervasive feelings of emptiness are deeply intertwined with his experiences of betrayal and neglect. remy's tumultuous childhood has given him a profound sense of worthlessness and a belief in his disposability. this history fosters chronic distrust, making it difficult for him to form close emotional connections and compelling him to view relationships as fragile and conditional, always anticipating betrayal.

this instability can lead to volatile relationships, where moments of connection quickly devolve into conflict or withdrawal. when feeling threatened or vulnerable, he resorts to defensive mechanisms such as sarcasm or emotional detachment, shielding himself from potential hurt. despite forming attachments, remy has learned to suppress his softer emotions, presenting a charming façade that keeps others at a distance even when he deeply cares. however, in rare moments of safety he may allow himself to be vulnerable, often accompanied by feelings of shame or regret.

remy’s anxious attachment style, rooted in his traumatic experiences, manifests prominently in his relationships. his intense need for closeness and validation often clashes with a profound fear of abandonment. while he projects an image of self-reliance, beneath the surface lies a deep dependence on others and an aversion to solitude. this tension may lead him to avoid situations that force him to confront his emotional vulnerabilities, downplaying his need for connection.

remy’s internal fear of rejection makes it difficult for him to fully trust or open up, causing misunderstandings and conflicts that arise even without conscious intent. instead of verbalizing his attachment, he expresses it through actions — demonstrating commitment by helping marie or ensuring her safety — while avoiding direct discussions about his fears. this overcompensation reflects a desire to prove his worth without confronting the emotional aspects of the relationship. ultimately, his reluctance to engage in difficult conversations stems from a belief that addressing issues could jeopardize the connection, leading him to prefer silence as a protective measure.

emotional detachment & dissociation:

detachment refers to an emotional or cognitive withdrawal from certain situations, people, or feelings. while it serves as a protective mechanism against emotional pain, it can also hinder the depth of relationships and experiences. as aforementioned, remy often struggles to form deep emotional connections, even with those he cares about. his past experiences have taught him that intimacy can lead to hurt, prompting him to instinctively keep others at arm's length, despite his longing for connection. he may find it challenging to express his true emotions, opting instead for a cool, indifferent, or sarcastic demeanor in difficult situations.

rather than sharing his feelings of fear, shame, or anxiety, remy adopts a stoic or detached persona. he perceives emotional vulnerability as a weakness that could be exploited, a lesson learned from his childhood experiences of betrayal and mistrust. this guardedness is particularly evident in his romantic relationships; although he feels deeply for her, he often avoids meaningful conversations out of fear of rejection or abandonment. remy tends to compartmentalize his emotions and experiences, mentally separating his past trauma from his current life. this coping strategy allows him to navigate day-to-day life without being overwhelmed by memories of childhood abuse. however, this compartmentalization can be problematic, as repressed emotions may resurface during moments of stress or vulnerability.

dissociation represents a more extreme form of detachment, wherein an individual mentally disconnects from their surroundings, emotions, or even their sense of self. this response is common among those who have experienced trauma, providing a means to escape the reality of their pain. remy may experience moments of disconnection from himself or his surroundings, feeling as if he is observing his life from a distance. 

this defense mechanism, developed during his childhood, helps him cope with abuse or exploitation by mentally “checking out.” he often feels this numbness during stressful moments, conflicts, or instances of intimacy when emotions become overwhelming. in high-stress situations, remy might zone out, functioning on autopilot. this dissociative response can occur when he is reminded of past trauma, even if only subconsciously. remy may feel as though he is “playing a role” rather than being his authentic self. this form of dissociation detaches him from his true identity, causing him to adopt a more confident, daring persona. his transgender identity intersects with this experience, as feelings of dysphoria or disconnection from his body can reinforce his dissociative tendencies.

impact of sinister’s brain surgery:

perhaps one of the most defining moments in remy’s life was the surgery performed on him by mr. sinister, which fundamentally altered parts of his brain. this procedure, an exploratory craniotomy that affected both his amygdala and hippocampus, has had profound consequences on his emotional regulation, memory processing, and impulse control. the amygdala plays a critical role in processing emotions like fear and aggression, and the hippocampus is essential for forming memories and linking them to emotions. by tampering with these areas, sinister left remy with a heightened sense of emotional detachment, making it difficult for him to connect emotionally with past experiences and people.

this detachment manifests in a blunting of emotional responses, particularly when dealing with memories or relationships that should be significant to him. he experiences a disconnect between his emotions and his actions, which can make him seem cold or distant even when he's struggling internally. the surgery has also exacerbated his impulsivity, making it harder for him to control reckless behaviors or pause to reflect before acting. this is further compounded by his powers, which require him to channel energy without fully understanding the long-term effects on his brain and body.

impact of the hearing loss:

as one of the results of the brain surgery, remy’s had partial hearing loss. this fact can influence his mental health in several ways, particularly exacerbating some of his symptoms. remy feels even more anxious when crowded spaces are also noisy, trying to overcompensate by focusing on visual cues — that in turn aggravates his mental fatigue and feelings of hypervigilance, not to mention the sensory overload from attempting to understand both visual and auditory input. his hyperfocus on ensuring safety and detecting danger through non-auditory cues could also aggravate ptsd symptoms, leading to heightened stress responses. so he seeks solitude, which in turn reinforces his social avoidance and further promotes his feelings of isolation.

the additional mental load of dealing with partial hearing loss worsens some of his adhd symptoms. it might increase his distractibility in settings where he struggles to hear or create extra layers of frustration when his brain is already trying to compensate for executive dysfunction. depending on his mood, the situation may lead to perceived incompetence and low self-esteem. and, as someone who already grapples with complex identity issues, remy might see his hearing loss as a further complication of his identity. it is a further step into losing control of who he is, adds more vulnerability to his sense of self.

coping mechanisms:

remy’s relationship with food and cooking is just one facet of how he copes with his complex mental health landscape. however, this passion is tinged with a complicated history; growing up in a food-insecure environment, remy often associates food with scarcity and survival. this can lead to disordered eating patterns, such as binge eating during moments of emotional turmoil or restricting food intake as a misguided attempt at control.

he may engage in self-sabotaging behaviors, undermining opportunities for happiness or success as a form of self-punishment. despite knowing the harm in these actions, he continues down dangerous paths. remy finds solace in his powers and the thrill of his work as a thief, or even in casual sexual encounters. while these activities provide an adrenaline rush that distracts him from emotional pain, they also serve as a double-edged sword. the high-stakes nature of his lifestyle can lead to increased impulsivity and risk-taking behaviors, resulting in encounters that exacerbate his trauma.

another significant coping mechanism is his reliance on humor and charm. remy often uses wit as a shield, deflecting deeper emotional discussions with sarcasm and lighthearted banter. this strategy allows him to engage socially while maintaining a safe distance from vulnerability. however, this behavior can prevent him from forming genuine connections, leaving him feeling isolated even in the company of others.

remy’s partial hearing loss is a more recent challenge that impacts his mental health, although he manages it with a mindset focused on neutrality rather than optimism. he employs adaptive communication strategies — such as lip-reading, situational awareness, and, when necessary, assistive devices. this is less about pride or strength and more about maintaining his autonomy and clear communication. socially, he tries avoiding overstimulating environments, preferring to engage in spaces where he can rely on non-auditory senses and cues like body language and touch to navigate interactions. in moments of frustration, he uses neutral self-talk to accept his disability as a fact of life rather than as something to overcome or define him. 

in moments of acute distress, remy may retreat into solitude, preferring to deal with his emotions in isolation rather than seeking help from others. this withdrawal can lead to cycles of rumination, where he becomes trapped in negative thought patterns, reflecting on past traumas without a constructive outlet. his desire for self-sufficiency often clashes with his need for support, creating a tension that can spiral into greater emotional struggles.

while remy's coping mechanisms serve as protective barriers against the pain of his past, the maladaptive nature of some mechanisms also hinder his ability to form deep connections and fully engage with his emotions. recognizing the limitations of these strategies, he’s been seeking therapeutic support to explore and address the underlying trauma that shapes his behaviors:

medication management: to complement therapeutic approaches, remy's treatment plan includes a combination of medications to help manage his symptoms and enhance his overall well-being. a comprehensive evaluation by a psychiatrist helped identify specific medications that could address issues such as anxiety, mood instability, and emotional dysregulation. remy is on multiple prescriptions, such as sertraline to alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression, and also assist in reducing the intense emotional swings he experiences; lamotrigine, a mood stabilizer that helps regulate his mood and reduce impulsivity, by mitigating the extreme highs and lows associated with bpd, fostering a more consistent emotional baseline; quetiapine, an atypical antipsychotic, prescribed to manage symptoms of emotional dysregulation and impulsivity; used primarily to treat adhd, ritalin can help remy manage symptoms related to focus and attention. as part of his gender-affirming treatment, remy monthly injects testosterone to support his transition, a crucial aspect of his treatment to improve his body image and self-esteem. remy also supplements his diet with omega-3 fatty acids, magnesium, vitamins b and d. 

therapeutic approaches: given remy’s complex mental health landscape, a multi-faceted therapeutic approach is crucial. under the guidance of his therapist, jericho drumm, he participates in emdr, somatic experiencing, and narrative therapy, which help him process trauma and explore his personal narrative.

emdr can help remy process and integrate traumatic memories, reducing their emotional charge and helping him develop healthier coping mechanisms. focusing on the body's sensations through somatic experiences helps him reconnect with his physical self and release trauma by encouraging him to process emotions through bodily awareness, which could be particularly beneficial given his history of detachment. narrative therapy may aid him in reframing his life story, helping him separate his identity from his trauma. by articulating his experiences, he may find new meanings and strengths, fostering a sense of agency and resilience. in addition, remy also takes part in group art therapy, allowing him to express himself creatively and connect with others who share similar struggles. this combination of therapies provides him with a holistic support system, fostering healing and personal growth as he navigates his emotional landscape.

supportive relationships: building a reliable support system is vital for remy’s recovery. encouraging open communication with trusted friends or mentors can help him navigate emotional complexities. group therapy or support groups designed for individuals with similar trauma backgrounds can provide community and validation, fostering connections that reinforce his healing journey.

self-care: establishing a consistent self-care routine is also crucial. this might include setting aside time for creative pursuits, such as cooking or painting, allowing him to express himself and unwind. encouraging him to explore his culinary interests through healthy meal preparation could help him build a more constructive relationship with food. engaging in regular physical activity that he enjoys serves as an additional outlet for stress relief.

[foulwitchknight]

I Want You to Want Me: Part II

Eddie had known Steve Harrington was his mate for years and he can’t say he was thrilled about it. He’d bumped into Steve in beginning of Sophomore year and his heart sank when he heard him hiss out Watch it! Thankfully Steve had been too preoccupied at the time and hadn’t even noticed him. Eddie still took it upon himself to avoid him like the plague for the rest of the year so they wouldn’t interact. Thankfully they ran in completely different circles so it was was easy. Eddie just couldn’t see how they would work. He’d watched Steve strut around town and treat people like Eddie like shit. No way Steve would accept him as his mate. He kept hoping he’d made a mistake but the longing and restlessness he got when he thought of Steve confirmed it. He just accepted that it was his fate to watch Steve court then marry some rich Alpha while he ended up pining and alone. Times got rough and he decided to help out by getting a part time job at the country club in a town close by. The same one he finds out later was a favorite of the Harrington’s. It honestly made him panic. He didn’t think he could face the youngest Harrington without exposing their mate status. So imagine his relief when he found out Steve rarely came there. He started to relax little by little confident that he would never see him and then the Incident happened. Eddie had always hoped that Steve would change but the display that day made him realize he never would. Not as long as the Harrington fortune and social currency would protect him. With their mating exposed, Steve started coming around the club more. He would seek him out to talk or flirt and always left him fat tips. Eddie tried to keep it as professional as possible. It didn’t help that Steve started wearing things to draw attention to his neck and his physical attributes. There was no question that Steve was beautiful even more so now that he could see him up close. The biggest issue though was that he smelled like heaven. He’d been denying himself even a whiff of Steve’s scent for a long time and could hardly handle his now constant exposure to it. All he wanted to do was bury his nose in his neck and take a deep whiff. Or better yet bite him and officially make him his. He already smelled like he should be. He was secretly thrilled by Steve’s attention, but Eddie really didn’t want him to know that so he wore scent patches to hide his attraction. He could tell that Steve was disappoint by Eddies seeming lack of interest, but in the long run Eddie thought it was safer this way. Steve was better off mating with one of those rich “charming” Alphas he was always going with. There was no way they could be together so why try.

Part 3

[harpersoath]

also, if you try to give shadowheart over to mother superior post-selunite, or astarion to the gur / caz, or kill karlach for mizora, etc. neyvin will become hostile and fight.