#[ he doesnt Enjoy death but he's mostly numb to it

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

They would need so many nights to understand they're not just (recurrent) dreams

Plus since Bonten Mikey rarely sleep, it'd make their meeting-dreams even rarer (and that's without mentioning Izana's own sleep that must be rather messed up)

If Bonten Mikey sleeps he probably doesn't sleep for long either, so the first times at least are very short and don't help the fact neither of them figure out that that's 'real'

It feels a lot more like a nightmare

(Izana seeing Mikey but if he had (seemingly) turned out like him (or at least feel he turned out that way) & Mikey being haunted by futures, lives, where his loved ones are all alive and well and they grew together and why would his mind make him see Izana as an adult)

Manila Mikey was highly depressed and suicidal but he was still expressive - completely different from Bonten Mikey. So Izana has a hard time at first getting used to this level-of-depressed/numb/dissociated Mikey

(it makes him think at how it was after Shinichiro's death. And, well, how he feels since his Mikey died. it makes him think about Kakucho during that time)

(he learns Kakucho can keep living without him and is grateful for that. he knows he shouldn't, but he feels relieved when he learns Kakucho has a hard time keeping on living without him. it makes him feel Kakucho still care about him)

(learning Kakucho cant function well on snowy days is both sweet (that's bc he lost Izana and he can't bear to remember it) and bitter (it's snow. Kakucho loves snow. Izana loves snow. its not fair snow had been tainted with such bloody memories. It's not fair Kakucho can't enjoy snow anymore. And bc of Izana on top of that.))

Bonten Mikey knows about Time Leaps so he may be the one to figure those 'dreams' are somehow 'real'

he asks more about Manila and tries to remember what Takemichi told him all those years ago

he doesnt have that much to ask tho. he mostly stares and listens to Izana. he doesnt know what to say. but it feels good to be there, alone, at his brother's side in quiet, at least

Izana is so glad to have (another) Mikey he can interact with. Mikey is so glad to learn of a life Izana didn't die. Yes, even with all the terrible things he may have done. It's Bonten Mikey, he does so many crimes whatever Izana may tell him/confess to him don't shock/startle him one bit - he doesn't give a single damn

Also, I raise you, bc that's a thought I had for a while in the back of my mind,:

Mikey and OG timeline Baji meeting, BUT ALSO. Ryoko and OG timeline Shinichiro. Or, or, Final Timeline Mikey and OG Timeline Shinichiro

I just thought a dumb hc because I have insomnia and Tokyo Revengers is my roman empire.

Hear me out: I was thinking, what if Manila Izana (after Mikey dies) talked to Bonten Mikey?

(look at them, they are deffinitly not okay! 😭)

They need each other for comfort! I guess I don't need to explain why Bonten Mikey needs to have a sibling alive, right? I always hc that Manila Izana actually loved Mikey. In a twisted way mixed with guilt and jealousy, but I'm sure he loved Mikey.

How couldn't he? When Mikey probably opened to him after Emma's death. It's canon that he was always happy to have more family. I can imagine him completly broken, unable to sleep. Calling Izana on the phone, long night talks. This Mikey trusted Izana more than he trusted Draken, I'm sure Izana comforted him after what happened to Emma (ouch, ouch and ouch). While Draken pushed Mikey away (not judging, just saying that Izana used this for his own purpose).

Manila Izana, looked at this young Manila Mikey that trusted him, that loved him like an older brother even if they just met...And he hated himself for this, because he was liying to him. About Emma, about them being siblings (he never told him what Karen said, scared of losing him). He was doing the same thing that Shinichiro did to him: liying about being brothers, pretending to be a good big brother when he isn't (this is Izana's mind, not my personal opinion on Shin, he did what he could for his age and well, being our dear reckles Shin xD)

So... Izana hated himself but he loved Mikey. He lied to himself about it too, 100% sure. He kept telling to everyone, to Kakucho, to Kisaki, that he's only using Manila Mikey. Sano siblings doing denial? That's also canon!

But after Manila Mikey dies, he lost it. He looked like he was spiraling when Naoto and Takemichi died, tbh. He realized how much he loved Mikey after losing him. And he lost his brother. Again. He's freaking spiraling.

Exactly with this Izana at this point, is where I hc this, because I need healing for coping! (so yes, that means Izana had to touch rock bottom for being open to healing first,I'm so sorry 😔)

Bonten Mikey telling to Izana that he loved him, even after knowing about Emma, knowing everything... He loved him. Izana has being death for more than a decade and this Mikey stills loves him.

Oh, and Izana's reaction finding out how he died? Finding out his friends. No, his family... Did that memorandum to him that was Bonten? That Kakucho had the hanafuda where his heart was? Izana is uggly sobbing at this point, we all know it.

Manila Izana telling to Bonten Mikey that he loves him? That he feels guilty for what he did? For killing Emma? For being a bad older brother with Manila Mikey? (He feels guilty as fuck, specially if he found out at some point that Manila Mikey wanted to die) Izana loves him and wants to be a better brother this time? Hell yeah, Mikey is also crying because he has family again! (and I'm ignoring some minor things like curses, this is happening in a neutral and cursed-cleaned space in my mind)

Edit: I think Bonten Mikey would help to Manila Izana with his guilt. Because he blames himself for the way Mikey ended and seeing that Bonten Mikey it's also broken and even less there... Well, not saying Izana didn't have responsability on Manila Mikey, but he would see that it wasn't only him.

That made me imaging Izana saying "Wtf happened in your timeline for you to end like this?" And I just laughed for not crying because... Well, Tenjiku happened and we're all living it 😭

Since curses and time-leaping exists, my new headcanon is that this two talked in dreams, or something. I don't know, time magic or some angsty cursed connection. I don't understand the logic, I'm not trying to understand it. I just need to think that some nights, this two comforted each other in dreams. 🥹🥹

@just-sp-in-inginthevoid feel absolutely and completly free to add to this brain riot. Anyone else is more than welcome to add to, please.

[soulstarve]

failure to save someone from dying

Send my muse a fear you see them having, and they will rate it from 0-10 depending on how much it frightens them - accepting

     Wortox hummed nonchalantly, tapping his chin at thought at the question. A bit rude he found it, but he was willing to let himself apart of this bit. In the end, he merely shrugged and see-sawed his claws.

“ It’s never a fun prank to be had, seeing your companion perish, quite sad. ”   He dragged a sigh,   “ But death is the inevitable end to be had, if i stopped to think about it, hyuyu! I���d be driven quite mad! ”

     He snickered, if only because he was already a bit loony. But it was the truth, for once, he must say. Not to mention he’d already failed to save... He’d seen so many lives lost in his time, caused some and thrives off of it, even. It was his curse to bare, in the end.

“ Truly is a sad sad truth, mortals are so awfully vulnerable, aren’t they? ”   he murmured, mostly to himself,   “ Worse so when they refuse to let me help. ”

5/10`

[savnofilter]

Kinktober Day 9

Natsuo ➷ Midoriya ➷ Kirishima ➷ Fatgum ➷ Shinso  ➷ Tamaki ➷ Todoroki ➷ Bakugo ➷ Shindo ➷ Giran ➷  Dabi ➷ Shigaraki ➷ All For One 

☠️ warning(s): ⚠️ everything between both parties is consensual. ⚠️ 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕟𝕠𝕡𝕙𝕚𝕝𝕚𝕒, con/dubcon.

☠️ genre: smut, holiday special.

☠️ words: 260+ [about one minute each].

☠️ read more: kinktober(uary)

☠️ summary: instead of the original fic idea, i swapped it out with somnophilia hcs,,, enjoy.

Natsuo (x)

giving:

wellllll since i dont know much about him i dont feel like he’s really into it. Up to your choices tbh.

feel like once on a blue moon he’ll wake up and decide he wants his dick in you like a thermometer or just finger you until you wake up.

isnt really something you guys discussed, he kinda just admired how beautiful you are.

if hes ever feeling freaky-deaky mayhaps he’ll eat you out,,,

he fucking loves it when you reciprocate his touches, it urges him to continue and tease you more. 

honestly just being able to pleasure you himself is what gets him rock hard, he doesnt even want anything in return he just wants to hear your sighs and moans.

natsuo's first just cause ion feel like it's something he does every day, more like once in a while just to tease you~

receiving:

to dooont talk about receiving --, hes a sucker for waking up with his pp in your mouth. 🤭

he likes to flex it when it's in, pushing you just a little lower just to hear you gag a bit. 

"Sorry babe, couldn't help myself~"

…. well thats aight with me-

isnt big on full-on making you choke on him but if you wake him with the glawk glawk 3000 he’ll have a brighter day. 

hes a Todoroki so just know he has the gene being a sadistic teaser. 

if you wake him up with cock warming he will literally marry you while he destroys your guts.

he likes somnophilia 11/10. 

Midoriya (x, x)

giving:

Midoriya is mostly timid, already having the consent talk between you two but hes still nervous.

oftentimes he just grinds up against you and keeps you close, but sometimes his hands do wander in other places.

when he first starts to experiment, he likes to soft kiss your neck and rubs his hips against you softly.

he might squeeze your breasts here and there to tease you, hands snaking under your shirt to feel your warm skin against his calloused and strong hands.

like headcanon before, Midoriya doesnt like to do penetration until he knows he has your full-on consent.

hes sweet but dont expect him to go full on soft with you lol. 

forbiddddddd Midoriya chooses oral because this boi will go for how long it takes his tongue to get tired. 

and thats not very easy. 

he loves to admire your body so most often he does it out of the,,, love he has. 🥴

and hes a closet perv too. 

receiving:

if you give it to him -- instant NUT. no cap. 

he'll be like "H-Honey" and then tense up and just nut.

but ofc being the good s/o you are, you still continue because youre a good s/o like that. 

bonus points if you treat him like hes a dirty perv for liking it, also gets on his subside if you really wanna degrade him too. 

some times when hes awake enough he can have the dom energy but most times her cant help but be a pillow prince for you~~

and he doesnt mind either. he enjoys it. there's something down inside him that just helps him sleep at night that you use him for your pleasure and his. 

there's just a whole lot to unwrap here. ;)

Kirishima (x)

giving:

hm.

to place Kirishima in third being hes the type to stay up like an hour after youve fallen asleep and stick his cock in you so he can feel you grind up against every few times throughout the night. 

gives you a few encouraging thrusts before he does fall asleep just to give your body a bit of a head start. 

wraps his arms around your waist to ensure you cant escape him. 😳

of course since he is like this, somnophilia has been discussed between you two so he's not on full on creep mode. 

sometimes he'll wake you up by just pounding into you at full send. 

likes to tease sensitive parts of your body just to get you to wake up,,, bites marks littered on your skin as well. 

hes careless and the only thing he is really focused on is? hes not sure. he just know he fucking loves doing it with you too. 

best part is when he records and then faps to the footage later-

but what can he do, he likes to cherish every moment you two share ~

receiving:

oh please wake him up like that. 

he has no qualms if its him in your mouth or you taking him inside you he just wants it. 

when you wake up him like that he honestly feels like maybe there is someone up there. 

is such a moaner. 

he likes it when youre a little rough too, cant help but be a masochist when he wakes up smh. 

if you ride him please let him choke on your fingers -- better yet have your ass face his direction so he can do whatever he wants with your lower parts as well. 

even when you are giving he still wants to reciprocate as well, he loves to have your pleasured whenever you two get busy.

most times when you engage in somnophilia it has to be days when he has off. why? he might just go all day. 

pleasure him, but do it wisely. 🤧

Fat gum (x)

giving:

taishiro is the type of guy to like put his dick in your mouth lol. 

not even like get you slicked up or anything, just cock in mouth. 

probably gets you semi undressed before he gropes you like a creep, getting his cock hard before opening your sleeping mouth and slipping his dick into your mouth.

makes you choke on his cock to wake you up, enjoying it when you dont have time to hide your gag reflex and watch as you try and get use to his tip pressing at the back of your throat. 

half of the time, taishiro doesnt even wake you up. he plays with you just to get you wet and stinky.

sometimes he diddles himself and cums on you just to have you confused when you wake up. 

honestly beats Midoriya at being a closet pervert, but does he really try to hide it?

receiving:

hmmmmmm

he doesnt really care to receive it. 

sure it's a very nice surprise to wake up to but he prefers it when hes the one playing with you. 

likes it better if youre taking him with one of your lower holes just because he already has enough experience with your mouth wrapped around his cock. 

if riding him manages to wake him up, teasing him wont go on for any longer. he has no choice but to take over and just ran your brains out. 

when hes done flipping the script and you both are satisfied you more out of shape than him, he'll be like,

"Welp, crepe for breakfast?"

Shinso (x)

giving:

oral central

i cant think of shinso having his ding-ding be the first thing to tease you when you wake up with fingers and oral. no and's, no but's. 

he doesnt like to rush you up on waking up, more with the smooth process and it isnt really doing it for a reaction.

he just wants to toy with you.

honestly, like fat gum he does it so youre usually in a confused state when you wake up. horny but not knowing why and knowing full-well you didnt have a wet dream either. 

its not until a few more times of him doing it is when you realize it's his doing and that in itself has you in a blushing mess. 

not expecting that from him at all but not complaining. 😳

sometimes you dress just a little provocatively just to inspire him~

receiving:

if you dont wake him up with his cock in your mouth hes gonna have a bad day. >:(

jk, he respecs wamen. 

deadass do it once and he might just marry you. 

if youre doing a little under par from what you usually do, he'll just have to nudge yah a lil, push you on, use his quirk. 

"Fuck -- just like that kitten~"

WELL DAMN IF YOU DIDNT WANT TO SUCK THE SOUL OUT OF HIM ALREADY-

he doesnt really care if you wake him up like that, much appreciated but he doesnt really care. 

i mean if you do, just get ready for an early morning of face fucking… just saying. 

Tamaki (x)

giving:

yall aint ready for this one. 

some people may say, 'aw tamaki would wake up s/o and just cuddle her to death uwu<3", while yes he will, dont underestimate him.

to think of him in somnophilia is where we break the closet pervert ends. 

hes more of like, i really like my dick and i really like you so i’ll just go on and fuck you awake.

theres on lead up or anything, he’ll full on give you brain or just fuck you as if you are awake, apologising profusely once you do wake up.

“I-I’m s-sorry to wake you like this… I couldn’t help myself…”

he’ll never fully use quirk on you while you sleep though. thats a big nope from him.

when he sexs you up he wants it to be fully him… and only him.

(i mean its his quirk from him -- but you get the point!)

CEO of going till ya numb.

his favorite his sticking his dick into you and rutting into you like a dog in a rut. 

definitely is a groper. cannot and will not convince me otherwise.

he just really loves it when you moan out for him and make cute noises~ its all he needs to start off for a good day.

receiving:

well, it definitely is a pleasant surprise.

doesnt affect him like he does when he wakes you up but he appreciates your efforts.

most times when hes conscience enough he’ll just take over as if you werent trying to surprise him before.

honestly if youre looking for an early pounding thats the best time and way to get him into action.

since he sees it as teasing he cant help but have to pay you back.

he’ll be straight up clapping dem cheeks and he’ll just be like “you feel so fucking good” with the nicest sounding moan anyone can mumble into your ear.

yeah…. I encourage doing it to him. 

gets him nice and possessive giving you both a good time while he can live out his lil dom fantasies for the day.

//win win.

Todoroki (x, x)

receiving:

hes like a blushing mess.

if you couldnt see him as a sub before, well get ready for this.

catch him off guard and guarantee youll get a completely different Shouto.

he turns into a full on pillow prince, with no shame. As long as you focus on getting him off he’ll let you do what he wants.

if you especially focus on his soft spots that dont have to do with his nipples or the third leg between his legs that when youll get him puddy under your hands.

“Y-Y/N..~”

well shit, say your name like that and he might make you revert submissive behaviour too.

you treat him like a perfect lil’ prince whenever he does, wanting to pamper him anyways.

on a rare chance could you spark him into flipping the tables but thats more on a random occurrence more than anything.

note to self: sub Sho? surprise him.. ✍️

Bakugo (x, x)

giving: 

this one is kindaaaa tricky.

now, Katsuki wont do it often. but when he does it, he does it with uhh,,,, passion. if you would like to call it that.

he mimics all the spots you loved to be touched when youre awake just to see how long it takes for your body to wake up and realize that hes playing with you.

calculated in his actions, obviously. hes not some idiot who rushes, everything he does is precise whether or not you know it.

because of this, being able to please you is easy so his clear motive? not very sure….

maybe it's to see you squirm and wake up? mayhaps to see what pure pleasure looks like written over your face. who knows, all you knew is that he always had a smug look on his face when he was able to make you cum by the end of it. 

thats if…. he let you that is.

receiving:

sort of like Todoroki, you may just get him to be the whole bottom in the term, "power bottom". 

tries to hold in moans and groans but usually fails which makes him sooooo frustrated. 

if he gets too flustered he'll make you stop and give whatever you have him by tenfold. 

brace yourself for a long and bumpy ride, you may have to do it on days he isnt going to work that day because he'll sure rock you out of this world. 

best if done on holidays as well, itll leave you walking a lil awkward for a few days. 

and of course, that isnt okay for being on the job is it?

Shindo (x)

giving: 

ddjhvbjhvb

hes this high on the list for a reason.

ongggggggg he’ll tease the ever living shit out of you until he gets bored or decides youve earned it.

damn snarky wont even prep your body or anything, just straight out the cut uses his quirk just to get your senses all riled up. 

does everything on the scale of full on senses to just barely touching you. 

his teasing always wakes you up into a confused state that is wanting to more, shamelessly begging for him to continue.

he carries great pride in taking responsibility in getting you like this. but dont be mistakened! he will not go easier on you just because you woke up. 

you had only just felt the pre-course to the real action~

buckle up, kitten. 

receiving:

nope. if youre going to take advantage of him, he wants to fully aware. 

… for sadistic reasons more than consensual. 

Giran (x)

giving:

this old fucking man. 

likes to sneak in and just feel you up good. 

of course he doesnt want through his back out so yknow- im just kidding. 

giran will go to town if he has to. 

but most times, the old fart just loves to, "make love" to his darling. 

calls you sweet petnames in your ear as you sleep, just so you can dream about you too. 

he knows how to tease and play with you. he can finish the job without even so much as stirring you awake. 

hes studied you long enough and has played with you enough to make you finish as well. 

it's magic honestly, and his best part is leaving you with the mess between your legs and nothing but confusion written all over your face. 

how could he know that's your reaction although he leaves before you can wake up? 

simple. hes always has his ways~

receiving:

the few rare times he let's you into his humble abode is when you decide to treat him. 

really adament of sucking him off to wake him up just to see his early morning smile. 

him rewarding you with giving you the same treatment or dirty praise is all you need before you leave and act as if you werent sleeping around with a villain recruiter and his #1 sugar baby for that matter. 

when you surprise him in his study is the real kicker. 

youve been under his desk many times to be familiar with the spot and assume the position. 

you usually bring up breakfast or dinner (whichever time you arrive) and wake him up in the good way that motivates him to continue on with his stressful job.

surely, he can never thank you enough. if it wasnt for your efforts, he wouldnt know how to deal with himself~

Dabi (x, x)

giving:

✨ rise n shine, dabi's fat cock is here to wake you up. ✨

this asshole -- this asshole. 

has no shame at all. he knows full well what hes doing. 

likes to feel you up and just feel at you sometimes. hes so touch starved that he cant even help it. 

he ranges from teasing you till you wake up to full-on fucking your brains out. 

of course he enjoys it when youre confused but wanting more, your body more than ready to receive his hands. 

at some point, you just like to tease him for it too. usually he catches onto your game and plays accordingly. 

he cant help but feel blessed that someone he loves so very much could enjoy the same interests he does as well. 

just let him know you like it when he feels you up and he'll give it to you anytime you ask~

receiving:

would not recommend unless you want early-morning-face fucking.

like you wouldnt catch someone wake up from something like that faster than Dabi. 

you may wonder why, it's just his touch starved nature. im telling you, it responds to anything. 

no matter what position, how you do it you will get a positive reaction from him. 

tell me you cant imagine him moaning, "that's it, doll~ swallow my cock like the slut you are~"

IN A SLEEPY RASPY VOICE??? HELLO 🤧

this man is just a walking breathing example of what the word simp feels like. 

youre supposed to turn away because hes not the type of guy to fall in love with but most times like this is when you cant help it..

Shigaraki (x, x)

giving:

master diddler, yes he is. 

hes the type to not even stick his cock in, just like hump at you like a needy animal and just mark up your neck as if he hasnt had sex in years. 

is the type to use other parts of your body to get off just to avoid pleasuring you as he gets off.

youll wake up to his cum in various spots. between your legs, on your chest and even your armpits. if it has a place where his cock can fit its going there.

he doesnt give a shit if you fuss about it later, “why didn’t you cum inside” headass.

youll have to earn him using you like cocksleeve the proper way.

youre either a heavy sleeper or light because you can wake up as soon as he starts or wake up after hes done.

Either way, as long as he can see the pureness on your expression is all he needs to help his perverse needs.

Shigaraki isnt the person to use you during your sleep without having at least talked it with you.

yeah hes a creep but hes not that weird.

likes to whisper degrading stuff into your ear when you sleep just so you can dream about what hes doing to you, his hands not stopping a moment as he gets off to feeling you up.

just dont expect anything less then degenerate from him 

receiving:

you have to be a special type of breed to even think about touching him without him being in control.

the thought of you possibly being able to one-up him is a no-no.

he wont allow it.

if he even senses you thinking about it he’ll stir awake and glare at you as if there is no tomorrow.

but say you do manage to catch him off guard, this may be the only times you can really edge a moan out of him of.

so use your time wisely.

All for one (x)

giving:

ive said it once, i'll say it again. 

you just have no rights bro. im sorry. 

he wakes him sometimes and just goes, "this bitch deserves a rude awakening today". 

like okay mr fuckface. 

is the one that is always on x games mode, no softness for him at all.  

probably has you wear those kitten/mitten collar things like*cough cough* kakegurui *cough cough* even when youre carrying out errands for him. 

the point is honestly to keep you in place, and you cant help but like it anyways. 

some may dislike being viewed as a pet or anything less but you love it hence why you stay. 

plus, if you could runaway, would you be able to?

nevermind that, you didnt want someone else to replace you so youll stay his obedient bitch for now.. 😌

receiving:

you wouldnt. you just wouldnt.

[vmprwtch]

—    basics.

▸     is    your    muse    tall    /    short    /    average ?

alec’s height is deceptive. he’s 5′8 but his body is built so lean/long and he has such a haughty, proud sort of posture that he appears much taller.

▸      are    they    okay    with    their    height ?

he’s okay with everything about him, physically. he only lashes out at people who mock it to remind them how powerful he is, not because he’s insecure about his height.

▸     do    they    spend    a    lot    of    time    on    their    hair     /    grooming ?

oh yes. Alec is very into grooming. it’s definitely a major self care tool when it comes to easing his anxiety but he’s also just straight up concerned with his appearance. his hair isnt done up very special, it’s just sort of stylishly disheveled. his grooming is important and his outfits and everything else are a big deal to him.

▸      does   your   muse   care   about   their   appearance   /   what    others    think ?

he cares about his appearance because it is an external reflection of his power and status. he likes to brag, to make people feel inferior to him. he finds it easy but also important to keep constant. he doesnt care what people think about him though. he just enjoys the superiority and intimidation.

—    preferences.

▸     indoors    or    outdoors ?  indoors.

▸      rain    or    sunshine ?    rain.

▸   forest    or    beach ?      forest.

▸     precious    metals    or    gems ?   gems.

▸     flowers    or    perfumes ?    perfumes (+roses).

▸     personality    or    appearance ?     appearance.

▸      being    alone    or    being    in    a    crowd ?     being alone.

▸      order    or    anarchy ?  neither - power.

▸      painful    truths    or    white    lies ?   painful truths.

▸   science    or    magic ?     magic.

▸      peace    or    conflict ?     peace.

▸     night    or    day ?     night.

▸      dusk    or    dawn ?  dusk.

▸     warmth    or    cold ?  cold.

▸      many   acquaintances    or    a    few    close    friends ?      a few close friends.

▸   reading    or    playing    a    game ?   reading.

—    questionnaire.

▸      what    are    some    of    your    muse’s    bad    habits ?

besides cold hearted murder? definitely smoking. Alec smokes constantly and he loves it and its terrible for him. he also drinks quite heavily and definitely uses it to numb his pain and treat his mental illness. he also isolates himself a lot. like a ton. and thats definitely not good for him. he sometimes goes long periods without his meds to inflict harm on himself and enters into dangerous relationships. he’s self harming in those sorts of life choices rather than inflicting bodily harm on himself.

▸      has    your    muse    lost    anyone    close    to    them ?      how    has    it    affected    them ?

oh yes. one of two people he was actually close to, his mom, died when he and his sister burned at the stake. it left him with a soft spot for mother figures but also reluctant to ever allow anyone into his little family circle that included him, his mother, and Jane. it is all tied up in his experience dying but basically it has made him paranoid, distant, distrusting, and pessimistic.

▸      what    are    some    fond    memories    your    muse    has ?

his only memories of true pure happiness are few and far between. picking wildflowers in a field with Jane in their village; dinners at home with his sister and mother; one of his mother’s birthdays when everything felt happy and good; caius’s face when Alec mastered his power; Jane mastering hers; spending time with his sister throughout the centuries; when he killed the pope. theyre mostly tied to his few memories of human life or his collection of power.

▸     is    it    easy    for    your    muse    to    kill ?

incredible easy. he does so without feeling. he’s indifferent. to him, life and death are inescapable, both evil and blessed at times. an individual moves between them based upon their power and the power wielded by others. thats all. he doesnt feel bad for people dying and he doesnt fear it himself. he just wants to live out of pure animalistic survival instinct.

▸      what’s    it    like    when    your    muse    breaks    down ?

absolute chaos. he flies into a state of mind much like a wounded animal. its hard for him to differentiate between friends and foes. only Jane is truly safe. he fills with rage and panic and pain. his power will go out of control, blanketing his surroundings in numbness. he lashes out in every way he can with little organization, just pure power. he will often isolate himself in an attempt to numb himself once more. it’s rare that he loses control because he holds onto it so tightly, but it is ugly when he does.

▸     is    your    muse    capable    of    trusting    someone    with    their    life ?

in a strategic sense, he can feel safe letting someone protect him or work with him knowing that his power and strength is enough to protect him against them and mostly intimidate them into cooperating. however he is almost entirely incapable of truly trusting another person with his life. in a millennia, only Jane has received that honor. even those I ship him with have a great deal to work through to get to that point.

▸     what’s    your    muse    like    when    they’re    in    love ?

it’s highly rare, so there’s very little pattern to it. often more irritable to others but less venomous to the individual. that is to say, he wants more alone time and will be somewhat more tolerable to the person he loves. if he’s in a relationship with them, he opens up quite a lot. he finally lets his personality show as he only does with Jane. he becomes affectionate, almost clingy, possessive, attentive, protective, passionate. he begins to share himself in waves as he seeks to be known and grow closer and closer till they’re tangled all together.

TAGGED BY: @reignofolympus TAGGING: @agedrot @caremels @puerperditus @wldbirds @louisianahorror @lahote @heldrage @misbehavc @witchpyre

[talknerdytome67-blog]

Loss

What did it mean that there were no handbooks for me? That people asked me to be strong in the face of the biggest loss I'd ever experienced or imagined? At times I felt like I didn't deserve to feel so shattered, especially in the shadow of my parents' immense loss but losing a twin is like losing half of yourself.

When I was 22, my twin brother, who was my only sibling, died. He had huffed duster while driving resulting in immediate brain death causing him to hit a tree at over 90mph. That day wasnt like any other day because a few months earlier I woke up and knew he was going to die. Just not how or when. The day the phone rang and I heard my mom say dark, foreign words like car accident, unresponsive, drugs, life support was the most impactful day of my life. In the thickness of shock, I didn't realize that the rest of my life would be measured in before and after. Before, when my family was intact. After, when I would somehow be forced to learn to live without the person I was supposed to get a lifetime with.

"Be strong for your parents," said blurs of people at Trevor's memorial service. I nodded, but inside me, something twisted. I stood in a daze as people streamed by, offering their awkward words and hugs. Be strong for your parents? I thought. How can I be strong for them when half my soul just died and I dont even know how to be strong for myself.

After

I was barely breathing. I was barely standing there. I was numb and strong was the last thing I felt. One thing is for sure I felt angry at my brother for leaving me here. For abandoning me. It's funny how I found myself consoling complete strangers over the death of my brother and yet these very people werent there for him when he was alive and struggling w addiction. Why is it that no one seems to truly care about you until tragedy strikes and then suddenly your life meant so much to them. They say things like "I didn't see this coming" "Why didn't they reach out"

In the early months after Trevors death at 22, I existed in a heavy fog. Nothing was as I knew it. I'd been forced to abandon the little life I'd once known. My friends were living their lives -- going to college, working, falling in and out of love and lust. Meanwhile, my life had stopped and I no longer recognized the world around me.

My home was filled with the cloying scent of flowers just starting to die. It struck me just then how terrible it was that we send flowers to the grieving -- here you go, another reminder that nothing is permanent, that everything lovely will be lost.

My brother's absence was heavy in the house. Though he had died in Peoria, his room was still scattered with relics: the bed he had slept in for so many years, his skateboarding hoodies hanging like shadows in the closets, a handful of videos and books. Memories pinned to each corner. His beloved Ferret Ember waiting for her best friend who was never coming home.

Having always taken comfort in words, I scoured the internet for a book for someone like me -- a barely adult whose (barely) adult twin brother had died. What I found was unimpressive: There were more books on losing a pet than losing a brother or sister, especially a twin. A few books existed for surviving children after a death in the family, but they were for small children. One memoir documented a sister's grief following her brother's death, but it was out of print.

What did it mean that there were no handbooks for me? That people asked me to be strong in the face of the biggest loss I'd ever experienced or imagined? At times I felt like I didn't deserve to feel so shattered, especially in the shadow of my parents' immense loss. I felt guilty for missing him.

A few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant and my world took another 360* hit. I decided I needed to join a support group so I sat in a circle with a few widows and widowers, a woman whose daughter had died, and a woman whose mother had died. I was younger than any of them by at least 30 years, but I could relate to their shares: "I feel like I'm going crazy." "I'm so damned angry right now." "I can't sleep at night." "My anxiety is at an all time high"

Though the losses were different, the feelings were the same and we were all barely coping.

My parents, who adopted us at 2 would never be the same. Their pain was almost visible, as if a piece of their bodies had been cut out. I had lost myself, too, or at least the version of me that was unscathed by tragedy: an innocent version, who walked around in some parallel universe where her brother was still alive, ignorant to the incredible fortune of an entirely alive family.

My brother, my twin, my built in best friend. I miss Trevors big brown eyes. His loud laugh. He was the co-keeper of my childhood and my secret's. The person who was supposed to walk with me longer than anyone else in this life. The only other person who knew what it was like to grow up with our particular parents, in our particular home and our particular situation being adopted.

The future.

I cried for the nephews and nieces I would never have. I cried for my own daughter who would never know my brother, her uncle. How would I explain him? How would I ensure that his essence wasn't lost, that he wasn't just a figure in old photographs, a handful of stories? Suddenly i was the only person who could make my parents the grandparents they were soon to be.

I constantly grieve for all the hard times ahead when my brother wouldn't be by my side. When my parents begin to age. When my grandparents die. There would be no one to share these dark milestones with and no one to comfort me in the way he did with just his presence.

And so 3 weeks after his death Im now pregnant and despite feeling like I wanted to die from the pain and loneliness i had to stay alive. I suddenly was needing to stay healthy, to stay safe, to stay positive because I was bringing a beautiful baby girl into the world and theres no time to fall apart.

So I placed my grief on hold.

I felt like our family had been a four-legged table, and one leg had suddenly been torn off. The remaining three of us wobbled and teetered. We felt the missing leg like an amputee, each morning waking to the horrible fact that Trevor was gone and unable to stop the pain.

I wrote letters to my brother in those early months and years. At first, memories blazed through my head and I used the letters to capture them before they flitted away, gone forever: my brother walking towards me when he knew my heart had been broken and embracing me in a giant hug. The time I taught him to make snow angels in the front yard of our home, our bulkily clad limbs sliding in synchronicity under the cold afternoon sun.

Later, I wrote the letters when I needed to cry -- when the grief sat coiled and waiting in my chest, needing to be let out, released. I couldn't find the words of other bereaved twin sisters or brothers to bring me comfort, so I created my own.

One day, when I was lost in my sadness, my mom said, "You won't always feel like this. You'll have a family of your own. You'll move on." This seemed impossible in my 23 year-old new mom skin. I couldn't imagine this potential future where I lived a life my brother was no longer apart of.

But very, very slowly, I began putting my life back together. I gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl and I made the difficult decision to leave an abusive relationship and return home again. As time has gone on I notice my daughter has his love of music and animals and possesses the lighthearted spirit my brother had at the same age and I cant help but smile and think a part of him is in her.

Sometimes adult siblings aren't able to close the distance between them, all those shared experiences and time and space and relationships matter. They tether us, they twine our stories together. I pray that my children will one day remain close as they grow, and that they enjoy a long lifetime together and never take eachother for granted.

After nearly 9 years, the sharp shock and grief I felt in those early months and years are no longer constant but only come back in waves, especially around his angelversary or our birthday. It's hard to explain to people the survivors guilt I feel and the PTSD I acquired from watching him struggle to pass away after being taken off life support. It's hard to explain to people that the week of his death never gets easier to face and I tend to shut down and shut people out because I dont want to be a burden. I distance myself so my sadness doesnt spill into their lives.

Its taken 9 years for the pain to dull and for the words "your brother is dead" to stop pounding in my head -- but they did. Trevors absence is mostly a dull hurt, the ghost of an old broken bone that aches when it rains. I feel it more on holidays and anniversaries, when someone else close to me dies. Or when something funny happens and I go to text him and realize I cant. Because Hes gone.

I'll always wish he was still here. I'll always wonder what he would look like and what he'd be doing if he was still alive -- at almost 32, At 50. At 75. Who would he be today? Would he have gotten sober and started a family? Would his music career had taken off?

So with no other choice I continue on. Perhaps I am even strong, like those well-meaning mourners at my brother's memorial asked me to be. But my brother's loss will remain with me for my whole life -- just like he was supposed to.

I wish I knew how to explain to the people I love that the distance I create during anniversaries is done so they are not effected by my overwhelming sadness. I create distance because even after 9 years I am still learning how to cope and handle my grief and sometimes its easier to do alone so that theres no pressure to feel like you have to be happy and in a way continue healing.

I'm incredibly blessed with an amazing boyfriend who is patient and kind and incredibly handsome and perfect in every way. He has been incredibly understanding and supportive despite the distance I have placed between us lately and that's how I know hes who I am going to spend the rest of my life with if he'll let me.

I will forever be thankful for the time I had with my brother and the lessons he taught me but time doesn't heal all wounds and I am just finding ways to get by.

[actmale]

So I really need to get this off my chest. I learned about Griffin and the McElroys from a side sort of view (from a distance) just hearing about their good content. I didn’t really get into anything that actually involved their personalities (because amiibo corner is just a shitpost) until I learned about Cool Games Inc. which was suggested to me on youtube and I watched tons of bits and pieces and fell in love with both Griffin and N!ck.

I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts and so has my wife; we enjoy them on our long drives but it wasn’t until recently that we had any podcast we could listen to together. I decided to give Cool Games Inc. a go since I knew I liked the highlights so the whole thing couldn’t be bad. My wife and I both listened to it and loved it and joked and talked about it. It was something we could share between the two.

The night after talking about it with some friends and joking, the big N!ck “fiasco” happened. I was at work and I saw something my friend posted and looked into it and found out about the whole thing. I felt super upset to my stomach. My job is a lot of driving so I get a lot of time to listen to things, so music and podcasts have become a very important part of my life. Listening to so much music, however has given me a lot of sensory sensitivity problems, though, and this was a day I could definetly not listen to music.

I was upset for a lot of reasons. I was upset because I needed to listen to talking because of my sensory problems, but I couldn’t listen to CGI. I was also upset because in all honesty N!ck was becoming my favorite. But, also I was upset because I felt let down by him; there is so much I expected. I wanted to view all his content as though none of this had ever happened, but it had, and I could never have that be undone. It reminded me a lot of how badly I coped with the death of Satoru Iwata except this was a social death of a person, caused by their own actions.

I’m shitty and was raised as a male, so my entire life I have done problematic shit, and honestly I still do. I’ve been trying to undo it since I gained self awareness to how society acts, but I won’t lie and say that I’m cured; I’m still pretty shitty. This is most noticeable by my reaction to seeing evidence of N!ck’s actions. My first reaction was just “phew it’s not as bad as everyone made it sound, it’s just cringy flirting”. I felt this way because people I know and including me are capable and likely to flirt in such a manner. It was shitty and wrong.

So I put myself through the motions. People continued to point out hos behavior with the evidence and call it harrasment, so I asked myself. “Do I even know what ‘harrasment’ means?” and in all honesty I fucking don’t. I thought about it a lot, how all this was unsolicited and I thought about how my male friends still flirt. I sat there and thought about how they could also be harrasing women and I felt gross. My friends are harrasing women, likely, and that’s fucked up. I figured I was just too distant from the word and biased to judge and decided that even though I, as a person that was raised male, didn’t understand what harrasment was and how N!ck acted was harrasment I wouldn’t let that stop me from thinking what N!ck did was wrong.

I still had some negative feelings over N!ck’s content. I was looking forward to seeing it all, especially Car Boys and now I couldn’t or could I? I didn’t know. Just like I didn’t know what was considered harrasment, I didn’t know if it was okay to see his content. It left me messed up, because I love him and his content, but I had to not like him. Even after seeing posts that it was okay to watch and like his content, I couldn’t put myself to do it. N!ck’s content is so personality based, it’s as much him as it is whatever he is playing/doing. There is no way to fall in love with his content without falling in love with him. And, though, I couldn’t prevent the affection I already had towards him, I could prevent any more affection.

I kept up to date, every day multiple times checking over and over the tags for n!ck and polygon hoping for some consensus but also with great worry. With nothing said on the subject I was always worried If wake up one morning to the news that something terrible happened to him as if checking the tags more often would prevent something like that. I told my wife my worries and I aired my grievences to her, told her about my problems and my maleraised way of thinking and how shitty all this is. I felt shittiest however because I often wished this had not happened or that this had happened later, and thats probably the shittiest scenario. If all this had not come out or had happened later that would have been more time that the truth would not have been known, and more victims to what N!ck was doing. I felt shittiest for making this about myself and not the people that this is about.

I’ve been making do lately by listening to The Adventure Zone, partly at a friends request and partly from actively building a campaign for D&D. Today there was finally an update and N!ck has been let go and he made an apology. I read it, and let out a sigh. His apology was good in my eyes, he showed self awareness and he showed signs of atleast wanting to change. He was being let go and he is willing to change and I feel those two things are the best scenarios.

I have since looked at the reactions to what he has said and a lot of people are still angry at him and even more people are not accepting his apology. When I think about it, it really is an apology to the public and not to the victims. I guess this is just a thing that male shitty culture has numbed me to, bad apologies. So again, I have decided to not let my reaction and opinions take over me. Despite me thinking his apology is good I will side with people who understand better than I. He is not redeemed and his damage not undone. Just because I can’t see his flaws doesn’t mean I won’t treat him like he doesn’t have any. I will attempt to see hin flawed like other people do, even if I don’t fully understand it myself because that will help me understand and remove things from my personality that male culture has numbed me to.

I do rest easier however. I do feel comfortable seeing his content again, maybe because I hope he does eventually become less shitty as no one would hope he remains the same. I am still hoping with the coming time that he apologize better and do something more proactively good. I can’t say I don’t love the idea of N!ck but I will do my best not to like him. I am sorry that in this entire proccess I thought mostly of myself and held and still do hold bad views, but a public figure loved by many was treated justly when doing something wrong. I’ve never been more proud of justive being done properly, and victims being believed and treated well even by people close to N!ck. I hope this becomes a great “un-numbing” to shitty parts of male culture, so people like me won’t have to side with the oppressor or relate to them.

I still apologize to the victims for maki g any of this about me. I apologize for continuing to hold bad views and continuing to not understand the terminology and what’s going on. I’ve never been good with words and their understanding and using them well but that does not undo the problem. Being raised male and numbed to toxic behaviour does not make it okay and, though trying to help it, I will be the first to say I am not there yet and will never be. I will continue to better my views and try to understand. If literally anyone bothered to read all this, that knows me or doesnt, in the fandom or not, understanding or not, please tell me how you feel about this situation. It is hard for me to comprehend and put into words but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be put into them. And if there is anything you can say to help me better my thought process a future me and the people I am around will be forever grateful.

[nux-morbid-art]

fallout oc questionnaire

in case anyone wanted a metric assload of info abt max mostly doing this for my benefit

Which Fallout game are they from? fallout 4

Which faction(s) did they join and which did they destroy? Why? Max initially joins the brotherhood and becomes a dedicated railroad heavy post blind betrayal. He cant stomach the thought of destroying the brotherhood, bc of the squires on board and a fair amount of allies within their ranks. Instead he enlists the help of the minutemen to maintain peace btw the 3 factions, eventually the brotherhood leave as the minutemen grow stronger

What is their S.P.E.C.I.A.L.? S: 4 P:5 C:8 I:10 A:7 L: 1

Give us a summary of their backstory.  a rowdy teenager always in trouble, comes from a large extended family, low-middle class, pulled into the high school-to-military pipe. Spent his military career just trying to survive, trained field medic. Eldest of 3 siblings, has one younger brother and sister. 

What’s their full name and does it have a meaning? Do they have any nicknames and how did they get em? Maxwell Ortiz, named after his grandfather who he was very close to. Called Vulture in high school for his looks and morbid sense of humor, earns “Mad Dog Max” in the military

What’s their sexual, romantic, and gender orientation? Do they feel comfortable telling other people? Bisexual, Biromantic, Transgender male He doesnt try to hide who he is, but he doesn’t volunteer the information either. 

Do they have any mental illnesses? How do they cope? Max has bipolar depression and PTSD pre-war, and it doesnt exaclty get better after he thaws out Moslty he tries to keep busy. He deals w sensory overload by finding a small, quiet place to curl up and rest, favorite sensory stims for staying calm and focused are soft textures. he carries a small keychain stuffed animal he found in his pocket, and collects scraps of nice fabric and teddy bears. he’ll also run his hands thru his hair. he has an oral fixation and if he’s not occupied w a cigarrette he finds something to chew on, bites his nails, chews his fingers, picks at his skin too. 

Do they have any medical conditions? Is medicine/ treatment available for them? Max loathes doctors, his only regular visit is to refill testosterone. 

How much do they care about their outer appearance? What’s their “beauty routine”? How often do they shower/ bathe? Max neglects his appearance and hygiene and needs to be reminded to take care of himself. He loses weight and muscle mass quickly, noticing it can trigger dysphoria. 

What do they fear the most? He will tell you hes already lived through his worst fear, losing Maria and his entire family, but ultimately, he fears being alone and becoming a bad person. 

Their biggest flaw? Do they recognize it as a flaw? --ill get back to this one

What are they most insecure about? relationships w other people. he feels like trouble follows him and hurts the people he cares about, like hes the source of their misery and he cant figure out why they let him stay. 

What Wasteland threat do they fear the most? (ex. Deathclaws, super mutants, raiders) Max fears nothing. Bring it on

What’s their zodiac sign or which one do you think they relate to the most? What are their placements (if you know them)? (ex. Aries sun, Taurus moon, Aquarius Venus) Scorpio

What’s their Myers–Briggs Type? (ex. ENTP, ISFJ) ---ill get back to this one

What Harry Potter house would they be in? (ex. Gryffindor, Ravenclaw) probably slytherin

Which Pokemon Go team would they choose? (ex. Instinct, Valor, Mystic) instinct, he would love taking care of eggs and raising baby pokemon

Out of the nine forms of intelligence (rhythmic, spatial, linguistic, mathematical, kinesthetic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, naturalistic, and existential) which one(s) are they really good at and which one(s) is(are) their weakest? best: rhythmic, spatial, naturalistic worst: intrapersonal, linguistic

What natural alignment are they? (ex. Lawful Good, Chaotic Evil) chaotic good

Do they have any hobbies? What are they? Max likes to play music, he’s decent w quitar, keyboard, and drums other than that he enjoys taking things apart and tinkering. 

Do they have a favorite holiday? How do they celebrate it? He used to be rather fond of Easter, for family traditions. Food, family, kids running around and playing. 

What’s their favorite season? Spring for sure, it brings relief from the worst of his depression

Do they have a temper or are they level headed? Hairpin temper, ready to fight at any trespass 

Do they express their emotions freely or hide their true feelings? express freely but it takes him a while to figure out what they are.

Are they a leader or a follower? He will say hes no leader but takes the role naturally when he has to work in a group. 

How do they come off to others? What first impression do they usually make? comes off as rather cold and aloof. 

Do they prefer to travel alone or with company? Who have they traveled with if any? Current companion if any? prefers company by alot. he’s usually w danse, the two are joined at the hip. he also enjoys being w deacon, preston, and maccready. he gets along well w piper and curie. i’m not sure if he’d ever find cait, but he’d fall ass over teakettle for her. i’m not sure if he’d ever travel w most of the other companions. 

Would you describe them as selfless or selfish? Does it depend on the situation? He’s pretty selfless, he cant stand suffering and will do his best to correct it. High empathy. 

What do they find most attractive in others? Name at least one psychological and physical trait. (doesn’t have to be romantic attraction) Kindness, honesty, and humor.  Physically, he has a weakness for full, round asses and nice thighs, hands that reveal secrets about their owners

Do they flirt often? How easily do they fall in love? its rare for him to be comfortable enough to be flirty, but when he is he’s damn good at it. he does fall quickly but takes a long time to understand the feelings for what they are. 

What’s their love life like? Are they interested in anyone or in a relationship? Mostly monogamous relationship w Danse

Do they prefer to solve things diplomatically or using violence? He gives diplomacy a chance, but he’s not good at it. breaking noses is easier. 

What is their combat style? What range do they prefer? Do they sneak? medium-close range, horrible at stealth. uses explosives and fire to confuse enemies and funnel them to his longer range combat partner, good at making a lane for snipers

What weapon(s) do they always carry with them? laser rifle, small pistol and a sidearm, and several combat knives kept razor sharp

Their most prized possession? a small collection of photos and holotapes codsworth preserved. he has a family photo of him, maria, his parents, and siblings w their children all together the tapes are mixes of pre-war rock n roll made by maria. 

Their thoughts on power armor? ugh, if i really have to. 

Favorite armor/ outfit? light, armored jackets, t-shirt, and jeans

How’s their aim? Do their hands shake while pointing a gun? he’s a pretty decent shot, but not spectacular. steady hands. 

What are their thoughts on having to kill on a daily bases in order to survive? Does it take a toll on them? Or do they shake it off rather easily? He becomes numb to it. it comes creeping up on him on Bad nights, and thats where the fear of becoming an evil person comes in. 

Thoughts on death if any? (ex. Fear it, accept it) “I am not allowed to die. I have people that need help.” He is very tired, lots of thoughts wishing for death, to rest. Tries to survive, but. He doesn’t really want to. 

Do they move around a lot or prefer to have a place to call home? Both, eventually calls Railroad HQ and Diamond City home, but never stays in one place for long. 

What’s their favorite location? gonna be cheesy: in Danse’s arms

Their opinions on ghouls, feral and not feral? Not feral: theyre just people. they didnt choose this. they’ve survived unknowable pain, and deserve respect and understanding.  feral: killing them is mercy. he feels that they must have suffered greatly in becoming feral, and their bodies are probably still incredibly painful to live in, resulting in their aggression. 

Do they scavenge for their supplies or simply buy them? both, also a big fan of trading.  “whos fuckin idea was it to use bottlecaps of all the goddam-”

Are they the type to get distracted and go off to an unknown nearby location or do they stay on track? Stay on track, but very curious and enjoys exploring. will note locations to scavenge later if he cant get to them right away

How do they sleep? Are they picky about where and how or can they sleep basically anywhere? Max likes a tight, secure place to sleep. he’s usually between and wall and danse. if he feels like he’s in a fairly safe location, getting to sleep is easy, tho he startles awake rather easily and has night terrors. if someone tries to wake him suddenly, like with a loud noise or grabbing and shaking him, they are very likely to get hurt. 

What’s their favorite radio station and song? (post-apocalypse) Atom bomb baby, uranium fever, and rocket 69

What’s their favorite post-apocalyptic food? Are they a picky eater? Do they know how to cook? favorite: sweets, candy, and mutfruit Not a picky eater, but he usually doesnt have much of an appetite either. He eats what hes given, usually without thinking about it or really tasting it He has a fair amount of knowledge and skill in the kitchen, being always at his mothers’ heels in everything domestic. he loves his parents and was always eager to help.

What’s their favorite beverage? Do they drink alcohol? he’s rather fond of quantum for the nastalgia and energy-drink buzz,  enjoys alcohol, likes beer, will drink whatever hes handed, if given a choice he likes whisky and nuka cola. 

Do they have any tag skills? --ill come back to this

Anything they like to collect? (ex. Unique weapons, Bobbleheads) comic books, magazines, any printed media toys and stuffed animals, fabric that feels nice. 

Are they good at disarming traps or do they constantly miss them? always walking into them. if he does notice one before hand he’s pretty bad at disarming them, he usually just tries to set them off from a safe distance.