#[ havent talked to you in 5ever

[heartbreakgrill]

Delicate: Vessel (Sleep Token); Part 7; "Stay here, honey."

a/n: tehe hi friends! we havent spoken much so...the tortured poets department was literally written for daisy and oliver, that's all i gotta say. i listened to i can fix him (no really i can) and guilty as sin this entire writing sesh. i missed yall tho! i feel like i havent written in 5ever. anyways enjoy friends :)

“Jesus, just pick it up.”

Oliver squinted his tired eyes at his phone screen. His body was twisted around, his neck arching to try to read the contact name that was flashing across his screen. This was the fourth time they had tried calling him. I was snug against his side, occupying the rest of his strength. I went to move away a bit, just to allow him some room to answer the phone without being contorted like a pretzel.

He felt me tug back from his hold and immediately set the phone back onto his bedside table. The screen was faced up. It was probably just me, me and my stupid naivety- but I was touched that he set it that way. My stupid belief that I meant just as much to him as he did to me made it so. Trust, love. Two feelings I had when I was with him that were now more familiar than the anger and fear I used to be consumed by.

Oliver latched his other hand, now free, around my back. His fingers splayed out around my hip, nose nuzzling into the bare crevice of my neck. I sunk into his body, an anchor sinking into cold, salty sea water.

“Eh, fuck ‘em. They’re just taking time away from me and my flower.”

I snorted at the pet name, though I secretly (not so-secretly) loved. “You’re so cringey sometimes.”

“Cringey?” He reeled his chin back, glaring down at me with those icy hazel eyes. “Girl…”

“Girl!” My mouth widened as the word so easily fell through his lips. I fought against giggles that were winning. “Who are you? Where’s Oliver?”

His laughter was deep, steady, chest rocking beneath my head, “Shh, don’t tell anyone. I’m his twin brother, Isaac. Oliver is on a top secret mission. He said you’ll always be in his heart, but he must go, fulfill his duty as a spy.”

“What the fuck,” I stated, nuzzling my head in bare chest in hopes the escape his jokes. I let out a small sigh as I fed into his humor, “You don’t have to lie to me, Isaac. I know he’s off with his secret girlfriend. Just, if you can speak to him, let him know that I won’t cry over him. I won’t miss him. Besides, his twin brother’s kinda…hot.”

“Secret girlfriend? What are you even talking about?”

Maybe I wouldn’t have noticed it if I wasn’t trained to read body language. Maybe it would’ve gone over my head if I didn’t know him, the very shell of him, so well. I could have looked past it, could’ve turned it over in my head, blurred the lines, pretended like I didn’t know the way his eyes flickered, disruption taking over his hazel pupils, as he glanced, so minutely, to his cell phone.

And, maybe it was me. Maybe I was really that insecure. Maybe I was stupid. Maybe I’d never really learn to trust him, based on the entirety of our situation.

I think Oliver noticed the flicker that tilted at the corners of my lips because his face fell, just a bit. And he rushed to cover it up, “There is no secret girlfriend, darling. I promise you that.”

And he did what he was so subconsciously genius at- he manipulated the situation, moved on from it, by wrapping me up, pressing the tip of his nose to mine, and saying, “You are my one and only, Daisy. The only one I want. Need.”

I was stupid, like I always was, and kissed him.

We continued on that morning, laying around like we always did, in the early hours of the dawn, long before anyone would wake up. They had a show later, but Oliver didn’t care about getting rest. He wanted- needed, he claimed- to be with me. I guess his idea of resting involved fucking me and kissing me and feeding me with his ownership.

He always asked the strangest questions, always reminiscent of that first night on the roof. He asked like he was trying to memorize the nocks on my bones, prophesied my future in a romantically dramatic way. It was usually when we were laying around like this, silence comfortable in our breaths.

Today’s was formed as more of a statement, curious intonation, “Tell me more about your mom.”

It took me by surprise, like he almost always did. It forced me to slow my own thoughts for a moment, articulate my memories, and find delicate words. Mostly, I wondered, “Why do you wanna know that?’’

Oliver was forced to think now, but he didn’t have much of a response, “I don’t know. I was just…wondering, I guess. I mean, you’ve told me your dad’s an ass, but you had to have gotten your beauty somewhere.”

I knew he used that compliment in a much more meaningful way than the surface level allowed it to be understood. So, I blushed, tilted my head, “Well, I could talk for hours about her. Don’t want your ears to bleed.”

“Nonsense, my love. Your voice is music to my ears.”

I nuzzled my nose to his cheek. Then, I mustered up the courage to fight my sadness and began with, “She was…literally everything to me and Sam. She…dad left when I was 5. Sam, 12. Mom was, like…30? I think? So young. She opened up her own flower shop not long before he left. But, it wasn’t nearly enough money for us to live off of. So, we, like, moved into the tiny ass apartment that was above the shop. It smelled like Chinese food because of the restaurant. And, sometimes, that mixed with the flowers. And my allergies are terrible! And, not to mention, mom smoked. So…it was rough. Sam and I shared a room, so we were together more than we should have been. We were…we were so mean to mom. We, like…took out dad’s absence on her, the fact that we had to live in this shitty apartment. Meanwhile, she was just…this ball of light. She’d stay up till 3am, in the shop, blasting Taylor Swift, arranging flowers, writing this silly little poem book she hid beneath her mattress and thought I never found and read. She picked up shifts at the Chinese restaurant literally every day. She never took a day off, not even on holidays. God, she must have been fucking miserable. But…no matter what…she was, just, like…kind. I think…no, nevermind.”

I sniffled and cut my own words off, teary eyes shutting. I didn’t want to be all sappy and emotional in front of Oliver, especially not at this time of day. As I tried to steady my breathing, Oliver’s arms tightened around me.

“Hey,” he swept a hand to my cheek, drawing my eyes to his, “Daisy…keep going. Please.”

“I think Sam really misses her. He…he’d help her out, with chores, making dinner, getting the trash cleaned up when she’d be overwhelmed and forget about it all. And at the time he resented her. But, he was a teenager. He didn’t know any better. But he beats himself up over it. I just…wish he’d be kinder to himself.”

“And what about you?” Oliver whispered once I had let a pregnant pause of silence go.

I looked up at him, struck by the question, like always, “What…about me.” My eyes drifted as my mind wandered, “I…I’d sneak downstairs, far too often, watch her from the doorway while she danced, sang, drank cheap wine, tossed flower petals all around. She’d always catch me. I was a noisy kid. But, she’d never punish me. She’d grab my little hand, drag me into the room with her, play all our favorite Taylor songs.”

Oliver cracked a joke which burst a ray of sunshine through the sadness layering itself overtop the room, “God, now I feel terrible for making fun of you.”

I punched him in the stomach, closed fist splaying out into a gentle palm on his belly. “You should. She meant a lot to me and my mom. I…she’s why Sam got into music. She had this- this beautiful voice. She’d write songs, along with her poems, and record them on this tape player.”

“Where is it now? Back at your apartment?”

“No,” I shook my head, “at hers. We never really cleaned it out. Sam still pays the lease.”

“And the flower shop?”

“A stupid fucking smoothie bar. I was really hoping one of us would take it over, run it, keep her alive. But…it’s just not feasible. Too expensive.” I’d always felt guilty for that- not investing in mom’s memory. I felt like I’d buried her back in my hometown and sealed shut whatever conscious thoughts I had of her in her grave with her rotting body.

It was just too much. She gave us everything and the world failed her, killed her. Every ounce of light that had been in her eyes was completely spoiled by the time the cancer had taken over.

The thought made me shutter. Oliver noticed and brushed a soothing hand through my hairline. “We don’t have to talk about it anymore.”

“No, no,” I tapped his stomach, “we should. I never really…never really mention her to anyone. This is nice.”

Oliver kissed my temple sweetly, “I agree. So, tell me about these late night dance parties you’d have.”

And, so, we spent the next few hours talking about my mom. Her smile, the inky flowers she had wrapped around her elbow, the way she’d let me stand on her toes while we waltzed across the shop.

We talked and talked. I cried and Oliver wiped my tears. He told me he’d give Taylor Swift another try.

And I found myself falling further.

Then, it was suddenly nearing 8am, when I knew for sure my brother’s alarm would be going off. So, we finished quickly with whatever we’d been doing. Then, Oliver helped me get dressed, which took much longer than it should’ve with two people pulling one person’s shirt over her head. It was because he stuck my head through, then dipped his head to my stomach, tracing my abdomen with wet kisses.

I giggled and shrunk away from the ticklish feeling. He laughed and chased me with his strong hands, encasing my hips with his splayed fingers. I tried pushing his touch away, writhing like a worm, but he was able to plant more kisses onto my skin.

Then his phone started ringing again.

Our movements paused. I slowly pulled the shirt the rest of the way down, meeting his eyes as my vision was cleared from that blockage. His hands moved, passively, to his sides. His body language, that distant, distracted look in my eyes burned.

“Oliver,” I accidentally whispered, then, “just answer it.”

He knew. He knew it was a challenge, a probe at the situation. He knew I was testing him. And, if he failed, if he refused to pick up the phone and answer the call, I’d run out.

I think that- losing me, watching me walk away- was just something he could not deal with right now. So, he made up some excuse while slinking over to the phone, “Probably just someone from the label. Or a stupid spam caller. No big deal.”

I was still facing away from him, still small, shrunken in on myself, when I said, to no one but the air, “Please.”

He didn’t hear me. “Hello?”

I turned around to face him, watching the muscles on his face carefully, paying attention to how he reacted to whoever was on the line. After a moment, he pressed the speaker button, and held the screen towards my vision.

“Spam,” Oliver scrunched his nose as he hung up.

Intuition, maybe jealousy, nibbled at my skin like some flesh-eating piranha. I gave one shake of my head, easily falling back into the casual, comfortable air that was routine between us. I smiled, a joke on my lips to push us past the awkwardness, “So, what kind of top secret mission is Oliver on? Drugs? Or…war?”

“Oh, all of the above!” He dramatically replied.

“Well, you tell Oliver that I need to be getting back to my own bed,” I tapped his chest, awaiting him to let his arms loose.

But, he squeezed tighter, even wrapping his occupied hand around me, “No! Please! Stay!”

“Won’t you ever get tired of me taking up space in your bed?” I giggled at his hair, tickling my neck.

He hummed a rejection, “Never. This is, like, our own secret sanctuary. Here, in this room, we can be whoever we want.”

I focused on his eyes, touching my nose to his. Then, he kissed me before mindlessly reaching behind himself to set his phone back up.

Face down.

I felt like throwing up.

The feeling was worse when I was alone, leaving his apartment like I had just signed an NDA. I tried my hardest not to overthink things, but considering our precarious relationship, this was a very difficult thing to do.

Somewhat luckily, Oliver had been normal the rest of our time together, easy-going, non-suspicious. That’s how someone who didn’t have a secret girlfriend should act. So, why couldn’t I be satisfied with that?

(Why did he place his phone face down? Why had the look in his eyes told me something different, something worse-?)

It would have made so much sense to find out that he did, in fact, have a girlfriend. After all, he’d been telling me all summer how unavailable he was. This would make so much more sense than the mindless, kind of shitty excuses he had for not being able to commit to me. Was it, then, my fault for getting involved with him? For fucking a taken man? Perhaps I’d pushed myself onto him, forcing the situation. No, no, it couldn’t have been. After all, he’d sought me out numerous times.

And, if this were the case, I was supposed to then end things? As soon as possible? Find her social media, send a fucking hey girly text message, throw myself off of a bridge in the process?

The way he kissed me when I left, the way he whispered, “I’ll miss you. You should come to the show tonight. My shining star. You’d make it all worth it. Until then, beautiful,” against my cheek, his eyelashes fluttering against my skin- there was no way I was the side piece. He was too invested in me.

Maybe she wasn’t real. Maybe he didn’t have a girlfriend. No, really- he just couldn’t have a girlfriend. It felt impossible. He was too…too caring, too gentle with me. He treated me so delicately it…just-

“Shit! Sorry!”

I had not been watching where I was going once I left Oliver’s room, which was extremely irresponsible of me. Anyone of our friends, my brother for Christ’s sake, could be walking these halls, on their way to visit the very person’s I’d just vacated. It was worse this week because Oliver’s room was on a different floor than everyone else’s. I had no way of excusing myself if I was caught up here. All I could do was be careful and hide when I heard someone familiar.

Yet, again- I was fucking stupid. I was careless. Mindless.

And I had run right into Adam.

“Daisy!” He looked up from his phone, still safe in his clutches because I’d only knocked into his left shoulder. “Shit, sorry. I’m a clutz.”

I forced out a chuckle, trying to seem chill, like I hadn’t just been having sex- 3 times- by his best friend, boss, lead singer of his band, my brother’s best friend.

“Oh, hey, Adam! No worries! I have plenty of bruises to prove I’m even more of a mess. What’re you up to?”

If I could gain control over the situation, be the one to ask the questions first, maybe then I could worm my way out of it without being exposed.

Then, a distant, deadly memory blared through my skull like a freight train. Last week, backstage. Adam, telling me where Oliver was, encouraging me to go to him. A knowing smile.

Fuck. This hole was deeper than I could ever crawl out of. Maybe he- maybe…maybe. Maybe he forgot-

“Daz…” he knew. He knew. Adam knew. He tilted his head, flicked his brows, gave a smile that suggested I just give up the facade already.

Before he could go on, I interrupted him, “Listen- just…please, just…no lectures, okay? I can handle myself. I know you guys all think Oliver’s this, like, bad person. But, he’s not. And, like- even if he is, I can handle it. I got it. I don’t need to be told what to do or warned or treated like a child. I- Oliver’s…it’s, just…you guys don’t know, okay? We have…I know it seems, like shitty, to you, probably. But…it’s really good. We have fun and, and we like each other…and that’s all that matters. Your opinions don't matter.”

As I went on, Adam’s face contorted into one of confusion, shock. Like he wasn’t computing the information I was messily throwing his way. “Daz, I…are you guys not just hooking up? I thought- I thought you were just fucking?” He let out a breathy chuckle, one of slight uncomfortability.

“It’s…yeah, like…I can see why you might think that, but…we have feelings for each other. And we’re not together or anything, but…we’re…we’re working on it.” For insisting that I didn’t want to be lectured like a child, I sure was speaking like one, shrinking in on myself, fiddling with my fingers all shy.

“So, please,” I held my hands up all defensive, like he’d lurch forward and attack me or something.

But, Adam simply sighed. He pocketed his phone, crossed his arms, eyeing me like some art exhibit. I didn’t know what he was going to say and, based on the silence he gave me, I didn’t really want to. He was calculating his response. He was probably going to fucking lecture me.

“Daisy, I…” aaand, here we go. It was me and Max in the elevator, all over again. It was Sasha, across from me at the breakfast table.

“I’m not gonna tell you what to do. That’s just not my place, no matter how much you mean to all of us, how much I think of you like, fuck, like a little sister. You are an adult. You can make your own decisions, dude.”

I breathed out the air I was holding. It was a relief, a sentiment I needed to hear. I didn’t care if I was being stupid- I just wished people would listen to me for once and let me do what I wanted.

“But.”

I shut my eyes, a bit tighter, longer than a blink took, in an attempt to ground the anger that was growing in my fingertips. “But, what?” My words were short, scornful.

“But,” Adam sighed again, “I just want you to be happy. I’ve watched you, all summer, try to prove yourself. To Sasha, to Max, to me. To your brother, especially. And, worst of all, Oliver.”

“It makes me so disappointed to see somebody like you have such little self worth. To see you dilute yourself for others. You are…so kind. So beautiful. So pointed and smart and sure of yourself. But, you hate it. You hate that you’re like that. You want to turn yourself into some version of you that just doesn’t fit. Some girl who’s edgy, some girl who’s laid back and doesn’t care what happens. That’s just not you, Daisy. You are intense. And that’s good! You’re passionate, you know what you want. You just…you need to believe you’re worth those wants. Stop doubting your abilities to make it happen. Stop doubting that you deserve it. Just grab it.”

I hadn’t expected to be so humbled. His words were…truer than any cheesy line any therapist had sold to me for $200. It knocked the wind out of me, forcing me to take a step back, literally. I guarded myself from the rush of the tornado, an arm wrapped over my stomach, one nervously rubbing my neck.

What the fuck was I supposed to say to that?

“I’m…sorry,” I whispered in response. It was all I could think to say.

“Don’t say sorry to me,” Adam touched my shoulder, “say it to yourself. You deserve the entire world. And I hope you accept that soon. This shit with Oliver will suck the life out of you.”

All I could think to do next was toss my arms around his shoulders, clutching him to my body like a warm blanket. He hugged me back, just as tight.

After only a few moments, we pulled apart. Neither of us said anything else. Adam simply touched my head, lovingly offering me this brotherly smile, before continuing his way down the hall.

I finally made my way to the elevator, one singular thought on my mind: my own self worth.

Adam had been so shockingly correct. I…

I knew it, too. I’d known it this whole time, only making myself and thought smaller in order to make room for Oliver. I couldn’t keep doing that. I needed to prioritize my own worth while loving him.

Loving him.

I needed to…

We couldn’t keep going like this.

I loved him.

And, from the way he held me, kissed me…the lyrical remedies he spoke to me…he loved me.

He loves me.

I’d confront him about this intuitive feeling.

Tonight.

–

“And this one I got when we were in Australia last year. I had this idea of getting ink everytime we hit a new city. But it got kind of expensive. Plus, we’re always so busy now that it’s, like, do I wanna eat or get a tattoo?”

“Get a tattoo, obviously,” Sam scoffed from the couch, a hint of tease within his tone. He scrolled mindlessly on his phone, barely a part of the conversation, just a nuisance, really.

Ronnie met my eyes and rolled her gaze, “Anyways-“

I giggled at the interaction before returning my line of sight to her arm. She pointed upon another piece of art inked onto her skin, diving into the backstory for that specific moment in time. Though it looked, to any passerby, that she was simply splattered with random images, doodles, animals, symbols- there was meaning to each and every piece on her body.

Tonight’s show had been postponed until tomorrow due to the monstrous thunderstorm that knocked out the power on that side of the city. With half the town closed down and plenty of free time now on our hands, Ronnie, Sam, and I found ourselves in our hotel room. We had been laying around for the majority of the afternoon, random topics on our minds.

I was killing time until I could chase Oliver down in his room, make my big stupid love confession.

Having admired Ronnie’s tattoos for a while, I was glad to finally have some extra time to ask her about all of them. It was always nice to get to talk to her, especially this in-depth, about most anything. She was intelligent and, frankly, hilarious.

She finished telling me the story about the horseshoe around her elbow. Then, before she continued down her left arm, she paused, another thought having intruded her concentration, “Daz.”

I tilted my head in recognition of my name, encouraging her to go on. She gave a little grin, like she had some sort of coy idea floating around in her head, “You don’t have any tattoos? Right?”

I shook my head. “Not yet. I definitely want some. Honestly, I get a little nervous,” I sheepishly admitted to what was holding me back.

Ronnie’s expression positively grew. I understood, based on the context clues and the way she peered over at me, what she was getting at now.

“Half the city is out of power,” I raised my brows at her. I wasn’t opposed to the idea- I, myself, even had a little smile itching at my lips. I was just…a little scared, to be honest. I hated needles, like any average person did. Plus, the idea of something so permanent on my skin terrified me. What would I even get?

“I know a guy. He’d come to us.”

“I don’t know what I’d get! I can’t do last minute things like this. I’ll regret it forever,” I giggled, though what I was saying was true.

Ronnie sat up, grasping my hands in hers. She clutched on, begging from her knees on the bed beside me, “That’s the best way to get a tattoo. Get something stupid, something you don’t even know if you like, so you can regret it and hate it until you finally decide to love it! Plus, what a memory we’ll make, Daz! We’ve barely gotten to do anything together this summer, yet you’ve become like a sister to me. We have to do it!”

Sam came out of the bathroom, face half-covered in shaving cream, razor dangling between his fingertips. He met my gaze as I turned my head towards him, a relaxed, pleased look on his brows. “Daz…”

“Sam..” I returned his tone, awaiting his criticism, his claims of me being too good-two-shoes to follow through.

His brows rose more, “Daz! Come on! You have to!”

“Sam, really? I thought you of all people would hate this idea! You really think I should do it?” I was shocked, to say the least. Where was his chidness? His disapproval? The daunting argument always between us?

Nowhere to be found. It was like character development, magically morphing itself before my eyes.

“You have to! You said yourself, this summer is supposed to be about letting go, having fun, being dumb. So far, I haven’t seen you let go and be dumb at all. So, you have to check those off your list! What better way to do that than by getting an impulsive tattoo?” He pointed.

If only he knew just how dumb I’d been this entire time.

I think he’d have killed me if he found out even just a shred of the truth.

He was right, anyway. What I thought was letting go, not caring- it wasn’t. And I knew that now. It was exactly what Adam had been telling me.

Oh, well. Sam would soon know the truth, once Oliver and I talked through the relationship. I’d deal with that hill after the mountain.

Everything between me and Oliver was out of my control- yet, I was clutching to the situation with white knuckles.

The idea of a tattoo was a distraction, a shred of proof, to myself, that I could control something. That I could genuinely let go of fate for a moment or two.

Besides, I’d always hear that tattoo therapy was the best kind of way to get through shit.

“Fuck it.”

So, there I sat, still in my pajamas, fuzzy socks on my feet, on the edge of my hotel bed, arm propped up on Ronnie’s friend Frank’s stand he’d brought with him.

I didn’t know what I was getting. Ronnie convinced me to let her pick something out, but I only let her do so if Sam had approved it first. The giddy expression on his face and the squeeze around my shoulders that he gave me signaled that it was a good pick.

My knee was bouncing. Anxiety that I more than expected filtered through my system like a poison. I steadied my breathing, focused on the fidget ring I wore on my left hand. Frank was setting everything up on this collapsible tablet he’d unpacked from this wagon he stepped into the room with. Ronnie and Sam talked his ear off, laughing over old memories they all shared. I didn’t even know my brother knew this guy, but I guess he had this entire life I didn’t know about in the first place.

I kept to myself, fit with the quiet introduction I offered and the stress that bled off of my skin in droplets of sweat.

more pre tattoo shit

“You love it?” Ronnie stood behind me in the mirror,

cutest poolside

“What the fuck!” Max bounded through the door. He had a Sleep Token bucket hat on his hair and I nearly snorted at how goofy it looked on his head.

But, any tease I wanted to prod him with was curbed as he brought his complaints further into the hotel room. He spotted me after looking over the rest of the habitants. His offended expression didn’t lessen, though, like I thought it would once he fell into his usual routine of laughter and flirts. Instead, when he approached me, towering over my lounged sprawl across my bed, he noticed the black ink pooling beneath the dermal-wrap on my forearm. His brows shot up underneath the rim of the bucket hat that I was beginning to grow just a little jealous of.

I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t gotten into the boys’ music ever since the show. But I’d never admit that to any of them. Especially not my brother, who would’ve acted like the snarkiest prick because of his incessant need to be right, even though he was usually quite wrong.

“No fucking way!” Max climbed onto the bed beside me, crawling across the messy sheets by his knees. He stopped beside me and grasped my wrist in his hands.

The pull gently lurched me forward, forcing me to sit up. I dropped my phone to the bed beside me as Max dipped his head low, examining my new tattoo. I giggled at his wonderment.

“You got a tattoo! Without me! What the fuck! Daz, I’m hurt!” Max pouted, meeting my eyes with the puppy dog expression sinking in his brown ones.

Adam, Cyrus, and Oliver had shuffled into the room. The former two latched onto the tattooist’s conversation with my brother and Ronnie. They started bouncing ideas off of him as quick as one could blink. I wondered where they thought they could fit more ink on their already crowded skin.

Meanwhile, Oliver wasn’t being shy with how obvious he was, peering towards Max and I like we were a museum attraction. But, I was probably the only one to notice how his gaze first latched onto Max’s fingers, gripping my arm. Then, he moved his attention to my tattoo, trying to make out its shape from the distant angle at which he stood.

I felt it now, more than ever, since I’d confirmed the feelings in my gut and let them rise to the surface. Just looking at him, I knew it…I loved him so fucking much.

Though Oliver had averted his expression, his point of view, I knew what that first glance had been. I knew that burn in his gaze, the sickening claim in his pupils. Jealousy. So sickly sweet and insecure.

Suddenly self aware, if only because of that strange understanding I had of him, I slipped my hand from Max’s. I pulled my knees in front of my chest which expanded the distance between us. Though the movement was light, Max noticed it like noticed his own breaths.

His words stuttered for a moment, fading away as the proof settled in the room, “How’d you deci- decide….on…” He filtered his look from my face then over his shoulder, at Oliver. I had peered at the latter for a moment too long, a gaze which was easily noticed by my friend.

“On it,” Max’s tone fell off. Oliver didn’t meet his eye, his gaze latched onto my tattoo still. What had been an observational moment for Oliver turned into an avoidance of Max’s confrontation.

I was seeing through the smog now, the rose colored glasses just a bit dimmer than they had been before. And Oliver looked…he looked ashamed. Ashamed that Max was finding out, or ashamed that he had been with me? I would soon find out.

Max glanced back at me. I followed the curves on the sheets with a distanced glaze behind my lids, barren all the same. Then, Max looked to his friend again.

He waited for someone to say something. But neither of us would wave a white flag, nor would we confess to the guilty sin. My plan had been to tell Oliver how I felt, then tell everyone if I needed to.

And I didn’t really want to. Especially not Max. I felt like I’d betrayed his trust.

Max sighed, sitting up a bit straighter. He dropped a gaped, “Oh,” before pulling himself off of the bed, becoming a part of everyone else’s momentum.

My body paused, Oliver and I tangled in the poison ivy on the cream colored wallpaper behind me. He didn’t look at me, he didn’t breath, he didn’t do anything. He just stood there, anxiety bleeding off his healed scars like me.

I hadn’t expected him to jump onto the bed, proclaim his love for me, and tell the judgemental town folk that they just didn’t understand Romeo and Juliet. But, something other than his quiet treason would have been everything to my jittery frame.

I would have appreciated it if he had, at least, told Max to forget about it. If he would have shoveled some excuse off the tip of his tongue, defended me, us, the stupid love affair we thought was getting us somewhere.

But he didn’t.

He just fucking stood there, like he always did.

It made the confidence Id just built up waver a bit.

I was too anxious to really do anything, either. I couldn’t find the nerve to stand on my own two feet, let alone pull Max aside and try to excuse our indiscretions. The room was suffocating as the stress further settled in.

Max knew. Max knew.

He knew.

The cat would tear itself out of the bag any day now if I couldn’t get it under control today.

It was only a matter of a ticking time bomb. When would the seconds run out? When would the explosion shatter my skull?

I thought about running out of the room, tossing myself off the balcony.

But before I could find the strength to get my footing on the carpet of the hotel room floor, someone was saying my name. Someone was dragging me into a conversation, turning the room’s energy onto me and Oliver’s sad, pathetic, bubble of shame, anxiety, and ruthless obsession.

I snapped out of my fragile little frame like the chill girl that I was and answered the question Sam had asked;

“Do you remember mom’s joke? About the flowers?”

I rubbed my dried lips together until they morphed easily into a sweet smile. The anxiety was pushed back down, like it always was, as I played my old, now forgotten role, “Which one? She had that book behind the counter. She harassed customers with it. Said she’d been a comedian in an alternate timeline, but I don’t think so.”

Sam rolled his eyes gleefully. The room shared a laugh at the thought of some eclectic woman, chasing customers out of her flower shop with a thrifted joke book before her eyes. I remember one time she tripped over a pot and nearly fell onto the concrete floor, already sprinkled with petals and cut-off flower stems. She caught herself, but fell to her knees with laughter. Sam rolled his eyes from behind the counter, where he’d been doing homework.

But, I could see myself, 10, braided plaits in my hair, scurrying over from my seat at the window. I abandoned my book, something I never did, to bask in my mom’s joyous laughter, something I missed more than air these days.

I wonder what Oliver thought of this story, now knowing what he knew. I wanted to look for him, for a smile. But I kept staring straight, at my brother.

“I know, but it was, like- it was the one about the photos and the camera. Something, like…” he racked his brain, concentration on his blond brows. “Helping..plants?”

“Helping the plant photosynthesize!” I straightened up as the punchline lurched from the depths of my memories.

Sam and I laughed, louder than the others possibly could, as we shared a sacred vision, as blurry as my eyes, as fleeting as the smell of our mom’s perfume. She loved that joke.

I could do with a little bit of her humor, now more than ever.

The things she’d say, if she could see me now…

Regardless, I think she’d have liked Oliver.

“Well, don’t bother telling the joke,” Ronnie snickered, patting Sam’s shoulder.

I noticed the intensity of his bone, from just the longer of her fingers on his clothed-skin. But he easily hid that before it became obvious. I recognized that flinch…But my brain was too busy to really memorize the interaction, let alone evaluate it.

“You spoiled it!” Ronnie drew another laugh from the crowd.

The joking continued, though the topic moved away from our mom. My thoughts lingered on her, as Adam moved to the tattoo station, the artist having found a spare spot on his shoulder to put some symbol I couldn’t make out.

My attention turned to my arm, to the burning ink settling its way into the layers of my derma. Two thin flowers, stems rooted in nothing but my pink skin, no soil in sight, just the garden of my body. The petals shaped out the delicate curve of the pair of daisies, my mom’s initials written out to the left of the small bouquet.

I looked up when I felt someone’s gaze on my face. It was Sam, watching me admiring my tattoo with this awestruck way that only a brother who loved his sister could appear.

For the first time in a very long time, I felt the urge to break the distance between us. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and held him tightly against me. He didn’t hesitate to embrace me, even tighter. When he pulled apart, he pressed a kiss to my hairline.

“I love you, Sam ham.”

He punched my shoulder.

I was so scared to tell him about Oliver, though I was now realizing it would have to happen eventually. Adam’s advice- unsolicited, sure- had given me so much clarity. I was running, so much, so far, on broken ankles. Running from the truth, from myself.

I couldn’t anymore.

I went to say something else, but a phone started ringing in the room somewhere. It wouldn’t have been too halting if, when I passively looked over my shoulder, it hadn’t been Oliver’s cell.

He tugged it from his pocket, curiously reading the contact across the screen. As always, he denied the call and stuck it back in his pocket. He’d told me before that he thought it rude to answer it in front of others. Yet, as soon as he put it away, it began ringing again.

He went to deny it, again, when Cy called out a tease from his seat on the couch. “Dude, just go outside and answer it. Could be someone important.”

“It’s not,” Oliver muttered, denying it.

It was ringing. Again.

“Your mom?” Sam inquired, brows furrowed.

I knew Oliver’s mom didn’t call often, a small detail he’d told me once in a fleeting conversation about his family, a set of people he didn’t really identify himself with if only because of the distance between them all.

So, when she did call, he’d always take it. Couldn’t be her, but I couldn’t vocalize this knowledge.

Oliver shook his head, confirming my suspicion. Everyone else that I knew he spoke to was in this room.

Spam, probably.

Oliver denied the call. It was ringing before he could hide it away, shut it off, hell- throw it out the window.

Oliver huffed, loudly. Sam snickered, then, a knowing chuckle that told me he knew something I didn’t.

“Ooo,” Sam took a few steps towards his friend, who was still seated on the couch. He peered over Oliver’s shoulder, who quickly hid the phone. “That tells me all I need to know.”

“Shut up, dude,” Oliver’s eyes rolled over mine, shortly, quickly, ashamedly.

This was, really, where things did start to fall apart, if I had to pick a singular moment in time and stamp it.

This was it. The end of it all. My demise.

Our fate finally crawling from our throats.

Where I thought I had control, where I thought I knew exactly how to handle the situation, cure our disease…

There were cells multiplying beneath our pale skin.

Max, sat on the couch now, stood to his feet with a sense of urgency. He met my eyes as I glanced at him, right before things clicked in my head, right before Sam opened his mouth. It was like he could see the future, his intuition screeching like a siren. Once the bomb dropped, I noticed the panic in Max’s eyes and looked back to my brother, towards Oliver, who gazed at me again, as fleeting as that final look was.

“Ah, it’s your little girlfriend. Knew you two would get back together. How is Fiona these days? Still annoying as ever?” Sam seemed amused by the moment.

He was so unaware of the drama layered just underneath the careless air he easily existed in, so unaware of the panic in my body as I fled from the room. I made no attempt to make myself seem casual or fucking chill.

Max didn’t hesitate to follow me. He was on my heels, hot as the summer air just outside of the windows.

But, I ignored him as he called out my name.

The air in my lungs was burning, like I was going up in flames from the inside out. Maybe it was that pain, or maybe it was the choking tears flooding down my cheeks, but- my vision was blurring. I was dizzy. Short-lived muscle memory is the only thing that got me to the elevator doors. But, I couldn’t find the button. I slammed my fingers against the wall, only feeling the dry scratch of the decorative paper beneath my prints.

My lips wobbled like a child’s, blubbers that were supposed to be sobs flustering out from my tongue. “Where is it? Where the fuck is it?” I whispered to myself, pointer finger numb from how harshly I was jabbing the wall.

My harbors had gone up in flames. I was floating in deep, deathly waters with nowhere to anchor. Until- Max’s voice finally caught up with me. One gentle hand on the dip of my back, one carefully wrapping its fingers around my wrist.

I couldn’t resist, not that I really wanted to, as his towering, homely frame took me in, cradled me like the child I needed to be in this moment.

The elevator finally beeped, the doors opening like another set of warm, homely arms. Max guided us inside and peeled one of his hands away from me to press the button for the second floor.

I half-expected Oliver to chase us down, to lodge his body between the doors, grab me from Max’s arms. I wanted him to chase me out into the rain, flag down a taxi, meet me at the airport like some cheesy rom-com scene.

But, he didn’t.

In fact, he didn’t say anything to me for three whole fucking days.

[849]

hey, we havent really talked in 5ever because im super boring and have nothing to rly talk about, but jsyk i still care about u and hope ure doing ok in life

im glad ure getting into selfshipping its super fun! i just played mouthwashing recently and i enjoyed it so much im glad you did too

(sent to this blog cuz u have asks off on ur main hdjshfjsda sorry)

Sorry I took off asks on my main because I only gotten mean asks on there ;.;

but..

wala.... I don't know who this is but!! I am always down to talk if you are ok with it... I hope you are doing well too <3 I mostly been getting sick and visiting hospitals >_<

& YESSS I never selfshipped so I am super new to it but Anya.....she is my wife <3 (I have a blog specifically for us too @anyaazel) I'm super happy you liked it too!!! *frolics together*

[toestalucia]

monthly (<-lie) blog update✌️

uhhhhh im actually working on getting my stuff done over on akira since i have the least there (+ i wanna get more relations built for them......mhyk is 70% of my brain these days as we all know so<3), once thats done imma get through things here one by one. i need to get back into the habit of writing properly so...(salute emoji) one day u Will be jumpscared by a reply to something months old

either way i havent been too social lately but im trying to get back into that again too (life this n that you know how it is), idk how much ill like starter calls until im more caught up but i Do wanna get back to sending memes a Lot more. all this talk aside, my ask box is 5ever open etc. teehee

anyway i prob wont start uh today? had a terrible morning so i kinda just wanna play stardew n limbus a bit............maybe do a reply on akira if i got time.......either way<33333 i wanna feel more Present here so. ill be trying to do that

[loaksbitch]

HI POOKIE I HAVENT TALKED TO U IN 5EVER

RIGHT?? ITS BEEN 5EVER :(( i miss you tons / srs

[loathsome-jr]

@lezbianz

ok girlies we are at a sleepover. we know how many crush confessions you’ve given and received. now tell us how many people you’ve kissed

[bobatealie-archived]

hii we havent talked in like 5ever oops ,, anyways i dont have anything to talk about but hiii

^ me saying hello to you

WOWIE HIHII ERIN :DDDD it has been a long time,,, mainly bc im super on nd off tumblr nd am terrible at keeping in contact wabhdjsnbf

anyways !! UHMUHM HOW R U :]]

[wint3r-h3art]

Happy birthday Linda 🥰🥰🥰🥳🥳🥳 I know I say this a lot but I mean it every time when I say I love you and I am grateful the thot gods brought us together!! I'm so glad that the day I read Good Morning Shangqi I was feeling extra down bad and gave you my usual h word essay 🤣 bc it was the start to our beautiful, thotty friendship lol ngl I did get starstruck when you started DMing me about on the side just to talk more thotty business and even more starstruck when you said you were down to look over a fic I had in mind for a while (yes I am talking about Rolling Dice and Rocking Hips lol) But yeah, I owe it all to you for hyping me up bc after that, many more unhinged h word fics came to life :') On top of that, you introduced me to so many more amazing writers/supportive readers that are equally h word and down bad as us and I would now consider my closest friends even if we havent met in person (Thot Squad 5ever!!!) You are talented and passionate writer and I am more than proud to call you my bestie 💕💕💕 and now that the feelsy essay has concluded, may I present to you, some gifts that I believe are much tastier than cake 😛😛😛

JORDAN 😭 IM NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING BUT I AM CRYING!!!

I have to take a deep breath to read your lovely, lengthy essay and then breath again because THIS IS WHY I LOVE YOU 😭 thank you for not think of me weird, and overly-enthusiastic. Thank you dealing with my ever-changing hyperfixation 😭 ILYSM and I can’t say enough it 💛💛💛 we’ll definitely meet up soon…and We will get wasted together 😇😂

P.s so many -ussy imma cry

[caelin-ismycity]

1.) Your valid. The ripped off sleeve will forever bother me. 2) Matthew Mercer is one of the main reasons I love Chrom because Matthew is my lord and savior 3). This makes no sense you potato, how is being born with the symbol not patriotic enough. 4). Cordelia doesn’t like anybody unless their Chrom,or Robin??? and hes uncomfortable around because she’s too pushy with her love. 5.)… We don’t talk about that.

2.) valid as fuck matt mercer’s amazing

3.) thats like fuckin- thats like if your birthmark just so happened to look like the place you live in like that wasnt a conscious choice you gotta have that shit 5ever

4.) valid i havent finished awakening because someone COUGHCOUGH @dorc-ass COUGHCOUGH is taking eight years to borrow my copy so i dont know cordelia 1000% yet all i know is that she pretty

5.) we’re going to talk about that

[1billiongecs]

i want this 2 happen 2 me but i would be very sad when i die because my life as a rat would be over and all my friends would be gone

i would probably see so much loss as a rat i would be a completely different person when i came back i would have to live to survive completely on my own having to fight to survive and for food especially in a place like new york where yes theres tons of food but also tons of rats/pigeons and people going for it not to mention space its got to be very competitive to find shelter this would make it easier to me more people to make friends i suppose but still something to think about

when i did eventually make friends i would have to make sure they knew i was a human and as soon as i came back i would need to find them although i doubt i would be able to communicate with them it would be nice to see them again and have them around it would be difficult to decide where to live if im packing all my shit and moving to new york i most likely would have forgotten a lot of my *current* life and would eventually stop caring as much so im sorry i wouldn't care about you as much (havent seen u in 5 years and have a whole new life as a rat) so i imagine it would be hard to come back to this life it might be so hard to re adjust it might not be worth even taking the opportunity 5000,000 is a lot of money and so i guess that would cover most of my experiences for a long time but even with that money going to finding a place for myself and my rat friends i wouldn't be able to talk to them and i would be emotionally gone from my human friends/partner the money would be useless i wouldn't have to do anything ever which i already dont but it would be extremely difficult making my life back again all in all i dont know if i would do it i would love to be a rat in new york but to give up my current life and relationships for 5000,000 doesn't seem completely worth it for the emotional trauma

but then again i could just take the money kill myself as a rat and ball out 5ever

[vcdette]

moonlxghtbby: lmao it's 4:30 GO TO BEDDDDDD SIS moonlxghtbby: but wow i feel like i havent talked to you in 5ever

i’m sitting in bed rn askdjaskldjas

also lbh i probably didnt text u back bc communication ? don’t know her since i got an android akjsdakljsda but like i’ma IM u on stcrlets ok?

[ghostliied]

my url 😎

( ✦ ✦ — Send a URL ; accepting ✦ ✦ ✦ )

Opinion on;

Character in general: bitch, I MEAN BUTCH, is honestly a character that I never really followed 100% even when i was in the PPG fandom. like really. Blossom was always my favourite and she was a bit of a role model of mine when i was younger but… the RRBs have also been kinda like pushed far FAR back away from my mind too. like I can tell you that of all the ‘bad guys..’ HIM scared tf out of me but i liked them, and I liked the Gangreen Gang, AND from the 3 boys, I liked Brick the most. (lol and from what I can see, you interact a lot with all three of them – one of which i actually followed on the fandomless version of mimi but yes hello if you reblog this from me, tell them I said hello and im watching them lmao) (also aslo i lowkey liked sedusa but she’s not nearly as close as the others) anyway back to bitc– BUTCH. yes hi. um… Character in general… honestly. I really couldn’t tell you without bringing you up cause like he was def one of those characters that I didn’t really stop to think about. I’m sorry!!How they play them:*cracks knuckles* alright. SO. can i just say that the moment you told me that you had a PPG blog i instantly wanted to follow cause like???? PPG was my life??? I kid you not we had a cassette with Mr. Mime when i was young SO I WATCHED THAT EPISODE SO MANY TIMES. and whenever it was on I would drag my younger sister to watch the show cause it was my all time fav. well next to ATLA but REALLY whos counting. aNYWAY. Again Butch was one of those characters that I didn’t really care all that much about and its not cause like i hated him its more cause i genuinely didnt get to see MUCH of him. (mainly cause at the time we didnt have time to watch TV and I still kinda dont unless my S.O. is around) But you? honestly makes me want to rewatch the entire serious from beginning to end. Like I watched plenty of episodes (a majority of them) but I never got to actually WATCH them now in a correct timeline. which is unfortunate but you really do make me want to watch it again. You interpretation is very motivating to be honest. Very real. and honestly, I always love all of your characters. Butch definitely has some spunk in him and I could never have imagined blossutch until you told me and i instantly followed you and saw. And honestly. it’s so refreshing. You should know that I don’t often read other people’s threads, but I definitely read yours and pants’ threads. why? cause like… its NICE and you make butch very realistic, EVEN FOR a super powered being.The Mun: HLDHFDS hai Ryan. How are you? I just wanna say that yea we’ve probably been mutuals for a really REALLY long time but we never got to ACTUALLY speak until this year and i kinda wish we got in touch way earlier cause honestly? you’re such a great guy. like really. We have our moment where we don’t talk a lot but when we do its always ALWAYS packed with the best content. I’m very excited for your OCs and like adlhjkdf i know that im shit for small talk but still I’m kinda happy you told me some things that you said to me cause it gives me life and purpose and I’m genuinely happy that you enjoy my presence on the dash. (also im sorry im taking 5ever on these art asks I havent been able to use my tablet in a while so all art thingies on on hold. but yes anyway Ryan. You’re so wonderful and great. Super chill and I hope you know that you can come bother me at ANY TIME cause like. my discord is 100% up lol trust me Sometimes it just takes me a bit to reply cause im either sleeping or have no service in potato land.

Do I:

RP with them: Kinda? We have a couple of threads on other blogs. but Butch and Mimi no we don’t have anything super stable and plotted through.Want to RP with them: OMG yea??? alWAYS?? there’s never a day where I don’t want to RP with you. Like plehs. We can plot something. I honestly have come to like plotting. I can try to write something up. Im still iffy on doing ACTUAL replies on discord i can always plot but rping on discord is still a thing that I need to get my mind around. but omg yes please. I know ive been shit at replies lately but like I have very little motivation. you must know the feel too. but if you want. i would love to write a drabble too!! honestly i love to write and You one told me you like my writing so if you want, i can do le drabbles for you lets do the plotty plots so we can both have fun idk. im now rambling my bad…

What is my;

Overall Opinion: binch add me or give me your damn friend code so i can add you. k thnx.

**Note: Mun’s answer are all to be completely honest. Don’t send url if you don’t want brutal honesty

[moonraccoon-exe]

happy weekend, moonie, you bright little star!!! hows it going?? are you gettin some rest and treating yourself to some Good Shit tm?? this is kind of a pointless message shdjxncv but i just wanted to drop by and say hello!! i still havent gotten around to reading your ao3 stuff but heck i reeeeeaaally wanna but sCHOOL ;×; i wish i had more interesting things to say oops;; aNYWAY I LOV U 5EVER YOU aNGEL WJSJDKFLF -ciro, ur hecking nerd

*IS CALLED BRIGHT LITTLE STAR*

AKLSJDFALKSFJAKS LDJAS KLDSJFKLASFJASKFLAJS FLKAS JGKLASJDKLASJAKLSFJAKLJG ADA SKLDJAKLFJAKLSFJA GAKLSJDAKLSJAF GKDJFALKSJFA GKLADJFLAKSFJASK AGDKJLADJF

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKK(*ﾉ▽ﾉ)

A START!?!?!?!

A BRIGHT LITTLE STAR!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

IT MMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!?!?!?!??!?!?!?! (*ﾉ▽ﾉ) 

*SQUEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK*

*EXPLODES INTO A MILLION SNOWFLAKES*

*HAS TO GO AWAY FOR A GOOD WHILE TO CALM DOWN*

AKLJKLADJFKALSD JAKLSF AKLSFJ ASKLJADLKGJ AKLSDJ

CIROOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! CIRO, HOW DARE YOU TALK LIKE THAT TO ME, AKSLDJADF, I’M SO WEAK FOR CUTE NAMES AND YOU DARE THROW SOMETHING SO IMMENSELY BEAUTIFUL AT ME LIKE ‘BRIGHT LITTLE STAR’!?!?!?!? AHA AAAAAAAAAAAAH AAAAAAH, CIROOOOOOOO!! CIRO, HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO REACT, YOU, YOU- YOU, AAAH! ♡ ～(‘▽^人)

Bright little start….hnnngnnnggghghg

*rolls around hugged to its tail, blushing, and stupidly giggling for a good hour*

Thank you so much for such a beautiful, cute name!!! Aaaah, Ciro, you always- the way you say hi is always like being smacked in the face with a shovel but it’s like…a shovel made of cuteness so that’s okay! 

Bright little star alksjdlaksj aklsjas klajdf (*ﾉ▽ﾉ)  

*AHEM*

BUT ANYWAYS,

CIROOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

I’M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, SO SO SO SO SO, SO VERY DEARLY HAPPY TO SEE YOU AROUND, CIRO, BUDDY!!!

*hugs you* So good to see you around, Ciro! It’s been like a week and my ask has been quiet (at least regarding new asks), so I was wondering where everyone’s been, and it’s SUPER GOOD to see you around, dear Ciro!! It made me go uncontrollably bounce, I’m super happy to read from you! Thank you SO MUCH for dropping by, buddy, and as I said, you don’t need to have anything “interesting” to say; I’m ECSTATIC and hyped just by seeing your signature there, you havae no idea how happy you made me by just saying hi!!!

HEWWO BUDDY!! o(>ω

I guess I do am relatively getting some rest, yes! Two days this week I decided to sleep in until very late to see if I could regain some of the energy I lost and it more or less worked? And I guess it’s been cool and normal so far, so no complaints at all! I’d like to grab a few more snacks, maybe, but it’s okay that I haven’t grabbed as much as I’d love to because honestly all week long I’m eating snacks so that’s probably not the best thing ahahaha ;w;

But yeh, everything is cool! What about you, Ciro? Resting well, eating nicely, having a good time? I sure hope you are!!!ヽ(・∀・)ﾉ

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, don’t worry about my AO3, it’s not going anywhere!! AAAAAAAAAHH, I’m happy enough with the fact that you’re just considering reading anything from it, thank you so much!!! That means a lot to me and I hope that when you find some time to read something, you enjoy it and that it doesn’t let you down aksldjadkljad. My writing can get very unnecessarily descriptive so I hope that’s not a problem aah ;w;

But yeh!! School is IMPORTANT AAAAH, you hoomans need of that beautiful thing called knowledge and school and I’m happy to know that you study! It’s so bad and sad that it can get so time consuming, though, it’d be beautiful to be able to both study and have a good time for yourself aah ;w; 

But yeh, no worries! School and health first, aye, buddy? Do remember to not overstress or overwork, though! School is important but you’re much more important and valuable!! /o/

*GLOMPS AND STAYS HUGGED TO YOUR ARM*

DON’T WORRY ABOUT SAYING “INTERESTING” THINGS I DON’T CARE ABOUT INTERESTING THINGS I CARE ABOUT YOU AND THAT’S GOOD AND THAT’SS OKAY AND I LOVE TO SEE YOU DROP BY, YOU COULD JUST WRITE “HOE” ANDI’D BE HYPED AND SHOOK, YOU GREAT, BEAUTIFUL THING, YOU WONDERFUL- YOU

Indeed, pointless messages are SUPER SWEET because you’re not dropping by only when “interesting” or important stuff happens, you’re dropping by just becuase YOU WANT TO and that’s honestly so sweet and so pure and WHAT ARE YOU MADE OF YOU LITTLE ANGEL, aksdjlkdajgad, you lovely thing, thank you SO MUCH for this “pointless” message!!! Really, you have no idea how happy it made me, I was this little ball of fur jumping in circles and dancing like AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH IT’S CIROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *COMBUSTING BUT KEEPS DANCING* o(>ω

SO REALLY, thank you so, so, SOOOOO much, Ciro, buddy!! I’m SO HAPPY to have you around and to read a good and beautiful hello from you!! You  made me so happy Imma- bite you. But like, really softly. I don’t even. my teeth ain’t even sharp Imma just- a ritual bite of FRIENDSHIP OKAY 

*nyom*

Apldjaslfjgaskdjaskf jaklsjd alskfjdalkgda, N’AAAAAAAW, CIRO!!!  Thank you SO MUCH for dropping by just to send me all this positivity and love, it was like being smacked in the face in the best way ever, and I loved this so much!!! You wonderful you  ♡ ～(‘▽^人)

Anyways, that’s that, buddy! Weekend is going quiet, maybe a bit stressful in the sense of “I want to go blog and write for my old asks but I can’t aksjdakljf”, but nothing serious or anything. :3 What about ya? 

SAY WHAT

Imma send you MAGICAL AND STRONG RACCOON VIBES so that school can get more gentle to you!! So that everything goes fine and smoothly, aye? 

HAVE ALL THE MAGICAL RACCOON VIBES TAKE THEM AAAAAAAAH

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

Ciro my dearest, once more, THANK YOU SO MUCH for dropping by with this PHENOMENAL ask! I LOVE to hear from you, whatever it is you have to say!! Thank you for just appearing, I’m so happy and I’ve missed you!! Thanks as well for all this beautiful positivity and for the love, and thank you for being SO IMPOSSIBLY KIND AND SWEET WITH ME LIKE HOW ARE YOU EVEN REAL AOSKDLJAKLGJASDKLASFJ (*ﾉ▽ﾉ)

Thank you for everything, buddy, my dear!!!!

I LOVE YOU 5EVER TOO YOU SWEET WONDERFUL ANGEL MY HECKING NERD THAT I ADORE AND APPRECIATE SO MUCH AKLSJDALDJKDJG SGKJ YOU

*NYOM*

Here’s to wishing that you have a SPLENDID and MOST PHENOMENAL weekend, my friend!! Lots of raccoon hugs for you, the warmiest and fluffiest, buddy! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ

I’ve missed you, and I’m so happy to see you around again!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAYING HI!!! ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

[unfunkyufo]

uhhhhh so if you’ve been following me for 2+ years then you might (??? ) remember that in like july-august 2016 i cut a really important person out of my life because she hurt me, because i had unreciprocated feelings for her, and ultimately the way i thought of our friendship was really problematic and i needed all of it to stop. if i remember correctly she messaged me on skype like two christmases ago asking if i wanted to hang out or talk or smth i dont remember and i think i said “i dont want to do this anymore” or smth to that effect.  last year she sent me a message request on facebook asking how i was doing, and i never responded to that. and because of a variety of things that have been happening lately i’ve been thinking about possibly getting in contact with her again in order to explain things and gain Closure or whatever the fuck. just close this chapter of my life 5ever or see what else might happen

BUT ALSO this may or may not be the worst idea ever lmao. basically i would message her on facebook like “ik we havent talked in like two years but i feel like im ready to talk about why i stopped talking to you so if you wanna talk about that lmk, if not its ok” and then like see what happens from there i guess. 

is this ????? bad ????????????????????/ should i do it ?????????/? should i like fuckign stop and keep trying to move the fuck on with my life ??????????? pls give me advice lmao

alternatively i could also wait two weeks until i meet with my new therapist and just like try to fucking unload all of this during my intake lmao but that may be awkward/ a Lot

also heres a straw poll if you dont want to write anything lmao https://www.strawpoll.me/15681087

[richiebilleddie]

Bev x Richie but nothing like relationship wise. Just them bonding and being each other’s safe space from their problems w their boyfs, to their parental figures and like just life. I love seeing them be each other comforts

i know this took 5ever and im really sorry about that. i havent been in the best mindset.

feel free to request stuff here

-Richie and Bev aren’t dating, despite what people think. They hang out a lot, sure, but Ben and Eddie are almost always with them. They do bond over their mutual love for video games, and that stems into a deeper friendship than either one of them could ever imagine.

-Both of them are good at putting up a front while around other people. People see Richie as nothing more than an obnoxious irritant, but Beverly sees him as someone suffering from neglectful parents and ADHD, just as Richie sees past the rumors and Beverly’s confident front. They learn to lean on one another.

-Richie once comes to Bev, exasperated. Eddie had kicked him out for making a joke. “I swear, Bev, I’d never- I wouldn’t have said it if I had known!” Eddie was pissed because he made an -alright, he’ll admit- insensitive joke. Bev doesn’t judge him, or yell at him like Eddie did. She tells him what he did wrong and how to fix it. She rubs his back when he tears up because he’s scared of losing Eddie. She smiles when the next day, at their designated meet up spot, Richie has his arm around Eddie and the pair are talking to one another quietly.

-Beverly texts Richie one night to meet her at a diner. When he shows up, she’s already seated and the second he sits down she’s crying. The dam finally broken, she confesses to Richie about her abusive dad, and her mom stopping one night to ask, “does he touch you? Has he ever touched you?” richie feels helpless, because what can he do? Nothing really. He gets up from his side and scoots into Beverly’s side, pulling her into a tight hug. She sobs and sobs, and Richie just holds her. He doesn’t have the words to make it better, like Ben would. He has humor and- well, that’s about it. Richie pulls back and goes,

       “want to hear a joke? How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?”

        “How?” she asks, wiping tears away with the back of her hand. Her voice is thick from crying.

        “Shoot him before he hits the water!” he laughs. She tries not to laugh, but a grin breaks through and soon the two of them are cracking up.

-Really just Bev and Richie being best buds who understand one another and can be there when they’re needed.

Permanent tag list: @oureddiekaspbrak @prettyblossoms 

[cowboy-garfield]

Tagged by: @teacupballerina​ technically

Rules: Answer 30 questions, tag 20 blogs. (lol no)

Nicknames: Skit, Bird, Squid

Gender: female

Sign: fish

Height: 5′10′’

Time:  1:31 A.M. central  unu

Birthday: March 5

Fav bands: of Monsters and Men and Lord Huron

Fav solo artists: idk mike wazowski??

Song stuck in my head: the fujking SSSWarriorCats Intro https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXuVCDH0TUU&t=10s

Last movie I saw: unico

Last show I saw: Parks and Rec

When did I create my blog: like august 2014

What do I post: samurai jack, art memes, funny stuff, art, etc

Last thing I googled: lorem ipsum

Do I have any other blogs: @aarmyk​, my new art blog, @corvipoppen​, my aesthetic blog (I havent tagged a post in like 3 months oops), @rook-feathers​ where I put my book inspo and @corvicervi​ where I rb art refs. I have an old delta blog from when it was a fanfic but if you want that you’ll have to find it yourself bc there’s no way I’m tagging THAT

Do I get asks: s o m e t i m e s

Why did I chose my URL: my really old url was... ugh-- suchmewsochan and after that it was squidrawstuff. BirdAntlers just kinda struck me one day and no one else had it so here we are

Following: 

Followed by: I think mostly a bunch of victims hit by the Great Samurai Jack Hurricane of 2017 who stuck around-- 1665 rn

Average hours of sleep: varies

Lucky number: 8

Instruments: CHOIR BITCJ 5EVER

What I am wearing: sleep shirt. people who can sleep with pants are not to be trusted

Dream job: animator or author

Dream trip: *patrick voice* FINLAND

Fav food: Pho, mostly, but I will find a way to love literally probably every food ever tbh I’m surprised I’m not a whale

Nationality:  eagles bih

Fav song: either Little Talks or Ends of the Earth

Last book I read: The Plague Dogs (again)

Top 3 fictional universes I wanna join: pokemon is the one and only

Tagged: anyone 

[sanhasgf-archive-blog]

who of your mutuals do you ship with astro members & why🙈💖

oooo this is fun!!! okay,,,just saying i dont think i have any mutuals who stan mj or eunwoo so?? i Apologize ill just do the others🚶🏻‍♀️

jinjin: i have two for jinjin!! @jinwoostro and @sanhatation okay here’s my reasoning right🤢both of them care for him so much?? like they’re both always screaming about jinwoo nd hyping him up nd tbh jinjin needs someone who loves him as much as he loves himself nd thats THESE TWO👏🏼honestly once u start talking abt jinwoo to them they will go on forever so they emotional too sis u know like whom..😤jus like JINJIN🙏🏼🙌🏼

moonbin: @binsblush mi FAVE🙌🏼ally is so emo over bin its so funny jskskd on her blog shes soft but shes so emo trust me she stays up rlly late crying about him nd its so cute😷she deserves bin just as much as bin deserves her!! 💓💞🌹imma cry shes so soft nd angelic nd she also eats a lot?? binnies SOULMATE..join me on s.s binally🚢

rocky: @m1nhks hELL yea anouk is my DAUGHTER and she LOVES ROCKY SO MUCH ITS ADORABLE?? also shes a gemini which means shes rlly loud nd funny nd super caring nd rocky wld LOVE HER SO MUCH!!! 🌷💗✨rocky nd anouk SWAG say it w/ me ppl😩👏🏼her nd rocky the kinda couple to film everyone sleeping nd write “rocky + anouk 5ever” on their foreheads in permanent marker

sanha: imma be real i dont have many sanha mutuals either but @arohawe is one of th ones i DO HAVE i havent spoken w jamie but i kno theyre an angel nd love sanha a lOT which is just what arohas baby needs😤👏🏼

(i feel bad bc i cldnt do the whole group butfjdjkf i dont have a lot of astro mutuals??? djfkkdif idk why most of my mutuals r nct or aes blogs tbh so i just tagged th ones i do have,,,thank u for his angelic ask)