#[ forgive me still figuring out if i remember how to rp lol ]

[second-chance-stray]

(Split Ends) RP Log: Rising and Riylli help Baldur while Cravs is MIA

Days prior ----- Cravs is gone, but has left two letters for Rising, Riylli, and Lin to read over.

Mindred's letter To the party of Singing Gull: Thank you for reaching out - I will consider extending a loan to your cause. Please meet me at the office of Red Spice Emporium on Windsday at 5:30 pm sharp. Baldur will be waiting by the entrance of the Hawker’s Alley to escort you all to the designated meeting area. I look forward to speaking with you all. ~Mindred R.

Crav's letter Shit happened. Busy. I’ll meet up with you guys on the day we have to see Mindred.

Day of -----

Cravendy Hound - The two of you arrive right on time, but Cravs is nowhere to be seen. Baldur (B) is there to greet you at the entrance of the Hawker’s Alley. The boy gives each of you a casual nod, and then looks around. “Where's your third?”

(Riylli Aliapoh) Riylli tilts her head as she approaches the boy. "...Is Cr... Singing Gull not here yet..?" She asks, looking around nervously. "She left us a super vague note. Hope she's alright..."

(Rising Lotus) grunted, looking just as anxious about the matter as Riylli if not more so. "She'd said she'd meet us here, so she'll probably be here soon." She gave a nod, trying to hide the slightest bit of doubt in her voice.

(Cravendy Hound) Baldur shakes his head no. “Been keeping an eye on the crowd while I waited. Thought you’d arrive all together.” He looks around himself, similarly anxious, then sighs. “We’ve got a few minutes to spare, but we shouldn’t keep Miss Rot waiting long. You said she left you a note?”

(Riylli Aliapoh) Riylli put her hands on her hips and gave a huff. "Barely. Just said she was busy and she'd meet us here. Should... we go see Rot without her..?" She asked, looking up at Rising

(Rising Lotus) "Yeah, didn't say nothin' jus' that she was leavin'." she sighed, running her hand over her head and down her neck. "S-She's not going to jus' leave I'm-" she was interrupted by Riylli, remembering they were here to meet said lady. "Oh...I don't know, maybe? But she wanted to meet Gull, so maybe we should wait?"

(Cravendy Hound) Baldur crosses his arms. “She makes a bad first impression, skipping out on the meeting like this. But since you two are here...maybe we can just have this be a meet and greet?”

(Riylli Aliapoh) Riylli lets out a heavy sigh. "I... Guess..? Maybe it'll help with the mission?" She looked up to Rising again, before remembering their cover story and turned back to Baldur. "Er... Mission to advance her singin' career."

(Rising Lotus) Rising dragged her hand down her face, trying her best to collect herself. "Aye..." she shook her head quickly. "We ought to do somethin' before she decides not to meet with us. We'll jus' have to say that.." she took a few moments to remember the alibi. "..Gull, had some urgent.. singin' matters to attend to."

(Riylli Aliapoh) Riylli grinned. "We can say she had a bit to drink earlier but she's a total lightweight and couldn't make it. Probably not that far off from the truth even!"

(Cravendy Hound) “I’m sure Miss Rot would understand. She’s a business woman too, after all,” Baldur chimes in. He then begins to walk down the Alley, past vendors hawking exotic wares and savory snacks. Eventually, he leads you to a building emblazoned with crimson banners. The Red Spice Emporium awaits.

(Rising Lotus) Merely nodded and hurried to catch up with Baldur. "..Maybe we ought to not say she was drinkin' though..probably gonna leave a bad impression...even if it's true."

(Riylli Aliapoh) The Miqo'te shrugged and followed along, gazing curiously at the various stalls they passed on their way to the ominous building

(Cravendy Hound) Stepping into the building, the boy exchanges a few words with a Roegadyn clerk at the front desk, and then the trio is led into a small conference room. A petite midlander with greying auburn hair swivels in her chair to face you all with a tight smile. “Hello! This is Singing Gull’s party, correct?”

(Riylli Aliapoh) "Mostly! Gull couldnt... really make it unfortunately. But we were hopin' we could still talk to Rot and see if we can't work somethin' out anyroad!"

(Rising Lotus) Nodded along. "Aye, we're hopin' she'll be 'round soon at least, but we can get things started maybe?" she shrugged "We don't want to waste her time an' all, since she's lettin' us see her."

(Cravendy Hound) Mindred’s hair falls loose on her shoulders, and she’s wearing a neat red shirt that has her business logo embroidered at the pocket. At the news of Singing Gull being missing, she  pauses, shock flashing in her eyes for a second. Then it’s gone, and her smile is even wider. “Ah...don’t worry. I know how it is with celebrities. Always sending their lackeys to do the actual work.”

(Riylli Aliapoh) Riylli plops herself down onto one of the conference room chairs. "Tell me about it... Barely even left us a note either!" She said with an overdramatic sigh. "She's lucky we like her so much. How does this all work anyroad? I aint really all that familiar with loans to be honest..."

(Rising Lotus) "Aye, she's a right fine singer, but you know..." she turned her attention to Riylli as she started speaking, rubbing her temples as she brought up her unfamiliarity with loans. "...Well I'm fairly familiar with how they work at any rate." she shot Riylli a glare.

(Riylli Aliapoh) The Miqo'te tilts her head, not really sure why she was getting glared at all of the sudden

(Cravendy Hound) The woman laces her fingers together, elbows braced against the fine mahogany table. “You tell me how much you want, and I lay out some options...There are a couple forms I’ll need you to fill out, but given as your Lady isn’t here, you may mail them back to me at your earliest convenience.” She slides out a thin stack of papers.

(Riylli Aliapoh) Riylli accepts the papers and begins to flip through them, before realizing she really didn't understand what she was looking at anyways and hands them off to Rising

(Cravendy Hound) “These papers will allow me to follow up on Gull’s loan history, which I’ll use to determine whether I want to approve the loan or not. If all works out, I’ll have the money ready for you to pick up,” Mindred states. She looks at Baldur for a second, her smile unflinching.

(Rising Lotus) Rising was quick to try and take the lead. "We're lookin' for 'round..." she paused to take the papers from Riylli, trying to think of a believable number. "uh...twenty-five thousand was it? Most to cover...costs an' get her face..well voice.. out there more. I'm sure we'll be makin' it back quick though.." she started flipping through the pages.

(Cravendy Hound) Mindred’s gaze rolls back onto Rising. “Mm, I see. I’ll take note of that. This certainly sounds like a promising deal...so I do hope everything else falls in order.” She slides out her business card to Rising, and seems to be waiting for one in turn.

(Riylli Aliapoh) Riylli stares at the business card for quite some time, clearly trying to figure out what it was but not wanting to actually ask.

(Rising Lotus) "We'll have her look over these soon as we see her next, get it all figured out. You're a busy lady after all seems like." picking up the card and reading it quickly, she then realized what Rot was waiting for. "Oh, sorry...we are lookin' to make some more, caught us right after a show out in uh, Thanalan. Lots got picked up there."

(Cravendy Hound) Mindred chuckles. “Ah. Here, you can borrow this.” She takes a notepad and pen out from a sliding drawer underneath the desk, and presents it to Riylli. “Just leave me with some kind of contact information, so I can follow up.”

(Cravendy Hound) “Business can move fast. I’d like to be able to reach out to your party just in case.”

(Riylli Aliapoh) "...Contact..?" She asked, looking up to Rising for a moment. She wasn't so sure about giving them the name of Heartwood, still not entirely sure whatever they were up to was on the right side of the law. "Can I give you my linkpearl? My clan's a bit hard to find, so it'd be much easier that way"

Rising Lotus started to sweat as she saw the paper and pen placed before Riylli, fingers curling closed as she hope she put something not stupid. Her eyes narrowed at the answer, offering up the linkpearl was a classy move, but the mention of clans...

(Cravendy Hound) “Clans? Is that what you call your....singing troupe?” She gives Riylli an odd look, but accepts the linkpearl regardless.

(Rising Lotus) Rising was fast to butt in yet again. "Oh that's jus' what she calls our little.." she twirled her hand around "Group, like us together, but not what our singin' group is called! It's jus's Singin' Gull is all."

(Rising Lotus) "Jus' a Miqo'te thing, how she was raised, we're her clan. That's what it is."

(Riylli Aliapoh) Happily hands over her linkpearl, Rising able to spy a number of them in her pouch alongside that faintly glowing mcguffin. She looked up at Rising as she spoke. "Uh... Yeah, just a bit of Keeper lingo I guess, don't worry about it. Just contact me on that, and I'll gather up Gull and the crew to come handle the payment. Hopefully she actually show's up next time."

(Cravendy Hound) Mindred seems satisfied with this explanation. “I do not see many of your kind around these parts, forgive me. I did not know.”

(Cravendy Hound) hMMMMM THE mcguffin -eyes- )) (Riylli Aliapoh) (ITLL SEE USE ONE OF THESE DAYS I SWEAR) (Rising Lotus) also did she steal all those linkpearls?)) (Riylli Aliapoh) (I plead the fifth) (Cravendy Hound) djfkslfdjs LOL where do they phone to?? )) (Riylli Aliapoh) (To her! She keeps a bunch on her to hand out for jobs and such, since she's trying to build a reputation (Rising Lotus) Probably should stop doing bow things in the woods then xD)) (Riylli Aliapoh) ('Bow things in the woods' describes 99% of Keeper activities)

(Cravendy Hound) “May this loan go well, and both our gilpurses benefit. As soon as you send the forms, my clerks will be at the ready.” Mindred leans back and then directs her attention to Baldur, who had so far been standing guard at the door. “Baldur, I’ve heard you’ve picked up the axe. You should’ve told me that was what your most recent loan was for! Why, you’ll break this old woman’s heart at this rate.”

(Cravendy Hound) Baldur looks awkwardly to the side as Mindred continues, a loving drawl in her voice. “If it’s herowork you’re looking for, why didn’t you come to me? I’ve got just the problem...a troublemaker hounding my caravans as of late. Innocents in need of help. Do your father proud, why don’t you? That’s what heroes do.”

(Cravendy Hound) Baldur looks exceptionally confused, but Mindred cuts him off. From how he responds, you come to realize that she probably talks over him often. “Call it intuition, but I have a feeling you’ll really grow from this encounter. Now, run along and play.” She turns to Rising and Riylli. “Hopefully, I’ll be speaking with your group soon.”

(Riylli Aliapoh) Riylli's ears immediately perked up with undisguised interest. "Oh! I can help out with that! I do a bit of hero work of my own y'know!" She says, leaning forward excitedly

(Cravendy Hound) Mindred smiles at Riylli’s interjection. “Perfect. I’ll be sure to pay you both, then.”

(Riylli Aliapoh) The Miqo'te grins, ears wiggling even. "Sure! You can use that same linkshell to contact me for that too! I'm sure with me and Baldur on the case your caravans got nothin' to worry about!" She says, flashing Baldur a friendly thumbs-up

(Rising Lotus) Rising used all of her restraint to not smack Riylli's ears clean off her head. "Sure, with any luck we'll run into Gull along the way." she punctuated her sentence with a bit, strained smile. "I 'spose we ought to be off then, our singer has kept you waitin' but we won't!"

(Cravendy Hound) Baldur sends Riylli an uneasy look, though it’s not because of her. He gives Mindred a quick bow and then steps out first to hold the door open for Riylli and Rising. There’s something on his mind.

(Rising Lotus) Rising Bows as well, placing a hand on Riylli's upper back to force her to bow as well. "Thank you for your time mam!"

(Riylli Aliapoh) Riylli grunts a bit as she's forced to bow, but manages to keep any particularly offensive comments to herself as she rises and follows Rising and Baldur out of the room. "I was totally gonna do that already y'know! I know how to be polite!" She mutters to the Roegadyn once away from the loan-shark's hearing

(Cravendy Hound) Baldur doesn’t stop walking until you all are gooood distance away. “Um, well that went well for you guys? I guess?” He fidgets at the hem of his glove, then lets out a sigh.

(Rising Lotus) Making sure they were out of earshot from not only the people of Rot's establishment but also Baldur, she glare down to Riylli. "If you don't know anythin' 'bout somethin', next time keep your mouth SHUT." she said the last part sharply. "You know what people like her do Riylli? They break legs an' fingers! She's gonna tell somethin's not right." she brought her hand to her face "An' we still ain't seen Cravs, so much to plan for the fishin' trip, an' now this..." her breathing was growing a bit rapid as Baldur approached. "A-Aye." she pushes it all down for now "considerin' we can't find our star an' all."

(Riylli Aliapoh) Riylli looks up at the Roegadyn. "Pssh, so what, I do that too!" She says dismissively, before wandering off and up towards Baldur to give him a friendly pat on the back alongside a fanged grin. "It did! Sounds like you and me are gonna be workin' together soon too! I'll be sure to share all the tips and tricks I've learned with ya, don't worry!"

(Cravendy Hound) Baldur takes the pat like a champ, does his best to mirror Riylli’s positive attitude. But ultimately, that troubled look returns to his face. “Yeah, I’m really thankful you jumped in too actually. Mindred's got a habit of...well. Let’s just say she tends to teach by tossing someone into the frying pan without any safety guards.”

(Cravendy Hound) In a lower voice, Baldur adds: “Sometimes, I feel like she wants me to fail. Either that, or I’m shit at meeting her lofty expectations.”

(Riylli Aliapoh) Riylli raised an eyebrow. "Ah, that type huh? Don't worry, I'll keep you safe." She said, giving him a slightly gentler pat. She turned back to Rising. "Well, aside from the rough teachin' methods, she seemed nice enough to me? Maybe were lookin' for someone else on the list after all?"

(Rising Lotus) Rising rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Well whatever may attack ain't going to be much a threat with us there. Done this sort of work thousands of times. Bandits aren't a big deal." she rolled her eyes as Riylli brought that up so close to the lad. "Loan sharks act nice at first, once your indebted to them that's when they strike." she'd reply back in a hushed tone.

(Cravendy Hound) “Bandits at my level...seems pretty fast, is all,” Baldur says. He looks over a paper containing the job’s details. “Sheesh. Mindred’s putting us to work right away. You got time? Like...now, now.”

(Riylli Aliapoh) Riylli blinked. "...Wait, like NOW now, now? Uh... I guess I'm free. Ish. Supposed to be huntin' tonight, but whatever... I'm sure Ava'll understand." She shrugged, then looked over to Rising for her opinion

(Rising Lotus) Rising raised an eyebrow at that. "So you're suddenly not runnin' smack into things?" she managed to chuckle lightly, probably really needing a lightened spirit after the night so far. "We might as well, not like Gull is 'round here or nothin'.." she sighed, chewing her lower lip as she glanced around incase Cravs would finally make an appearance.

(Cravendy Hound) Baldur nods. “Yeah, NOW now. This is nuts, right? Like, I’ve never done a guard job in my life, but this is weird, right?” But the money was too good to pass up. He’d risk it.

(Riylli Aliapoh) Riylli nods to Rising and Baldur in turn. "If you wanna be a hero, you gotta be ready to jump into action at a moments notice! Try not to worry so much, I got protection spells to keep you safe and Rising there is a great meatshield. You just focus on learnin', we'll handle the rough parts!"

(Rising Lotus) "Like I said it should be fine. Let's get it over with, I've dealth with a behemoth in Dravania I'm sure whatever might attack it here won't be an issue." she would hurry forward, only to realize Baldur was the one that knew where to go.

The Job -----

(Cravendy Hound) Waiting at the road’s junction is a caravan (C), “Red Spice Emporium” painted on the vehicle’s canvas like a big target. It’s handled by two employees - one to direct the chocobos, and another to ride in the back. They’re expecting guards, but are surprised to see Baldur with you two. One of them gives the boy a proud pat on the back and then, you’re off.

(Cravendy Hound) The first part of the trip is uneventful. Just orange orchards and hills of grass - maybe the occasional stray goobbue at a distance. But at the halfway mark, a small canister tumbles out from the right and you see it only for a second before it goes off. A flashbang!?

(Cravendy Hound) Something attempts to hit when the flashbang goes off. Roll to defend!

(Cravendy Hound) lmao buildup? what's that xD )) Random! Riylli Aliapoh rolls a 211. (Rising Lotus) Random! 267 (Cravendy Hound) Random! 586 (Cravendy Hound) me sweating as I watch the time :-)  )) (Riylli Aliapoh) (I warned you!)

(Cravendy Hound) Whoever it was makes contact. You feel something hit you on your shoulder - a sleep dart? It’s fast acting, but with your combat experience, you resist for the moment.

(Rising Lotus) Good thing both of my shoulders are armored)) (Rising Lotus) kind of xD)) (Cravendy Hound) ayyy :D well one of them lol )) (Riylli Aliapoh) (Time to attack or are we still blind?) (Cravendy Hound) it was a flashbang so now your eyes are kinda blearly. can kinda see ))

(Riylli Aliapoh) Riylli was looking directly at the flashbang when it went off, learning a lot of new things about the world today. She tries to swing her staff blindly as she feels the dart hit her, only to realize quickly that wasn't going to help anything. Not able to do much else, she decides to cast stoneskin on herself to try and keep herself safe from whatever was inevitably coming next

(Cravendy Hound) Baldur hits the ground and crawls into the caravan for cover. “Someone’s shooting at us? Anyone catch them?” He looks to his right and finds one of the caravan’s employees, fast asleep. Shit.

(Rising Lotus) Rising had brought her arm up to shield her face as she saw the thing throw into the road, but still was a bit affected by the flash. The dart to her exposed shoulder caused her to shriek out, it didn't particularly hurt but she had a thing about needles now. She felt a numbness moving over her upper body. Cursing, she let her eyes readjust as she looked for their enemy.

(Cravendy Hound) More shots - from the north! At this distance, you see someone aiming a gun in your direction. Dressed in black and blue, their face is obscured by a wide-brimmed hat.

(Cravendy Hound) this is not necessarily ICly cravs but here's an outfit ))

(Rising Lotus) Catching a glimpse of their assailant, Rising grit her teeth and ducked  behind cover. "Riylli! North of here, get some rocks thrown in that direction!" she ordered, waiting for her distraction to press her assault.

(Riylli Aliapoh) Riylli nods, having arguments but not willing to waste time. She began to pull shards of earth and stone from the ground, launching them forward like small spears in the hopes of forcing the assailant to move and disrupting their aim. "Baldur, stay with the sleeping guards! You're on defence, got it?"

(Cravendy Hound) There’s a pause between the next barrage of shots and - while the bandit’s aim is good, you’d notice that the ammunition being used is all nonlethal. Sleep darts, rubber bullets, etc. Riylli’s hunk of rock forces the bandit to change positions, and now, she’s simply down the road. Far, but straight ahead.

(Rising Lotus) Their enemy was still a bit far away for Rising's comfort, but staying still wasn't going to help with the tranquilizer flowing through her veins. She charged forward, spear at the ready to run the gunner through, non lethal ammo or not.

(Cravendy Hound) Baldur doesn’t listen. Instead, he uses his axe to tear open a crate within the caravan, causing its contents to spill. The crate converted into boards, he tosses Riylli her own wooden shields. “Use this! I’m going in!” Makeshift shield held forward, he blindly charges up the road.

(Cravendy Hound) When Rising charges forward, the bandit takes an uncertain step back. The sight of Baldur also moving forward gives them hesitation. Then, without a word, the bandit tosses a gas canister in between them, and it begins to spew an obscuring gas.

(Riylli Aliapoh) Riylli blinks and instinctively accepts the board, staring at it in confusion for a moment before realizing Baldur had run off. "What part of protection magic don't you get!" She called out, throwing the board to the side and immediately chasing after him. She does her best to cast stoneskin on him as well, but casting complex spells like that while moving would prove to be rather difficult. "Would! You! Stop! Running!"

(Cravendy Hound) ahahha Riylli playing babysitter xD )) (Riylli Aliapoh) (Baldur is the newbie tank overpulling in dungeons) (Cravendy Hound) HE IS )) (Cravendy Hound) undergeared underleveled )) (Rising Lotus) Healer just needs to adjust)) (Riylli Aliapoh) (Riylli is gonna learn swiftcast after this) (Cravendy Hound) pffff ))

(Cravendy Hound) “This is what heroes do, didn’t you say?!” Baldur shouts back. The gas from the canister is starting to build - think of it at like 40% opacity.

(Riylli Aliapoh) "Don't listen to me dammit! I'm a bad influence!" She yells angrily, managing to very slowly build her spell as she begins to catch up with Baldur.

(Rising Lotus) Rising just passed the canister as it's tossed out, trying to keep her lock on the gunner while her vision slowly became clouded. She was poised to impale them if she made it, though the dart's poison slowed her running speed by a bit, gradually taking a greater toll.

(Cravendy Hound) The bandit seems distracted, or maybe confused. In his recklessness, Baldur chucks his axe at the bandit and grabs their attention. They easily move out of the way of the axe - but the attack succeeds in another way. From dodging the axe, the bandit takes a hit from Rising’s lance!

Riylli Aliapoh >> So! To phrase this in a way that can avoid spoilers: Does Riylli manage to recognize the scent? (Just say no if you dont want that revealed yet) Cravendy Hound >> honestly, you'd mostly smell a TON of alcohol ahah )) Riylli Aliapoh >> ITS CRAVS Cravendy Hound >> I NEVER SAID IT WAS )) Riylli Aliapoh >> Lmao!

(Rising Lotus) The bandit was lucky enough to only get grazed in the side instead of being full on shish kabobed, but it was still a clean cut! Once the distance had been fully bridged, she let go of her spear with her armor fist and aimed to punch the bandit in the face, even in her drugged state there seemed to be a lot of aggression behind that strike, the bandit could only wonder how Rising's day was going.

(Riylli Aliapoh) Riylli manages to finally cast her stoneskin spell once they had both caught up with the assailant, showering Baldur in aether in order to ensure he would come out of this skirmish uninjured. She would need a moment to recover after that however, the amount of charging needed for that spell being much greater thanks to Baldur's recklessness

(Cravendy Hound) roll for the punch? :D )) (Rising Lotus) Random! 3 (Rising Lotus) wow)) (Riylli Aliapoh) (wow (Cravendy Hound) that's impressive!)) (Riylli Aliapoh) (dont do drugs kids) (Rising Lotus) Hits her face lightly then passes out xD))

(Cravendy Hound) The bandit wobbles back, one hand at her bleeding side and the other with their gun at the ready. It would seem that the tranquilizer is kicking in, and they easily dodge Rising’s blow.

(Cravendy Hound) But when Baldur draws close, and when the kid and bandit lock eyes with each other, they both freeze in place. As if they’ve seen a ghost, or worse. A demon.

(Cravendy Hound) The smoke thickens, your vision grows grey with it. When it clears, the bandit is gone.

(Rising Lotus) The dashing and strong attacks had left Rising bereft of her strength, all the activity just pumping the tranq through her veins quicker. She stumbled back, swinging her spear in slow wide arc as the bandit vanished, hitting nothing and then falling to one knee, panting heavily.

Rising Lotus drops to her knee winded.

(Riylli Aliapoh) Riylli grits her teeth, falling to her knees. Her smaller size combined with the wasteful spellcasting meant the drug was taking effect much quicker than with Rising, though she was trying her absolute best to hold on. "Baldur... You good?"

(Rising Lotus) Rising was looking too hazy to ask about her teammates, she merely raised a hand to grip the dart still in her shoulder, pulling it out with a whimper and tossing it as far as she could down the road, which wasn't too far right now.

(Cravendy Hound) There’s something feral behind Baldur’s glare. An uncontrollable rage, deep rooted and cold. “That was...but they said....” Riylli and Rising momentarily forgotten, he simply stands here, consumed by something bitter.

(Cravendy Hound) Baldur snaps out of it and goes over to Rising. “Shit, you okay? Come on, wake up.” He shakes her in an attempt to help her. And to Riylli: "I'm good. You two...how can I help?"

(Riylli Aliapoh) Riylli was way too tired to deal with vague mutterings. "Hey! Focus! Are you okay!? Who was it?"

(Rising Lotus) Finally succumbed to the poison, collapsing in the road into a deep sleep.

(Cravendy Hound) While bracing against Rising’s weight, Baldur hesitates. His heart feels rooted to his throat, his blood burning hot at his temples. He hesitates. And then he finds his courage. “If I’m not crazy...if my eyes aren’t lying to me...”

(Cravendy Hound) “The one who killed my pa.”

(Cravendy Hound) Risings gonna have some nice, deep sleep tonight )) (Rising Lotus) Probably the best she's gotten in a while xD))

(Riylli Aliapoh) Riylli just stares at him for a moment before letting out a sigh. She proceeds to reach up to hand him the linkpearl from her ear. "We'll deal with that in the morning, 'kay..? Tell Ava what happened... Sorry if she yells at you..." She mutters, before closing her eyes and allowing herself to give in to the drug

[icarus-suraki]

If you're still doing them 72, 121, 136 :D

Suuuuure, and I'm feeling down, so...

72. What colour are your towels? Blue. Technically. I have a couple of light blue towels that I got...longer ago than I realized until just now lol...and they're technically "my towels" but I supplemented my supply with a couple of very old and slightly tattered towels that I snagged from the linen closet at my parents' house that actually, like, absorb water? Where the blue ones won't (yet, at least). I supplemented those with a couple of cheap white towels because I had some sweaters that were supposed to be dried flat. I don't have the sweaters anymore but I do have the towels and I throw them in the dryer sometimes to help a load along. And then I got a couple of dark brown ones for cheap because I was messing around with henna hair dye and I didn't want to stain my other towels. Oh, and I think I got a dark blue towel for Christmas one year, but see above re: light blue towels that don't absorb any water and are just rude like that. Hopefully these inferior ones will improve with washing. Also my bathmat is yellow. Because that's what someone gave me, I think. I'm not very aesthetic, I guess. I'm just functional.

121. Are you mean? If you asked my "Mean Girl" classmates in high school they would definitely say yes. My college classmates would probably say yes. Given how I would argue with my parents and the things I’d say to them, they’d say yes. And if you ask me, I'd say yes too.

I mean, I'm snappish and angry and depressed and impatient and "bellicose." I'm bitchy and a bitch and sometimes a super bitch and sometimes a Super King Kong Mega Mega Biatch. People irritate me. I'm a snob. I'm grumpy and crabby. I used to be fucking anxious all the time, which didn't help, though now I'm not really anxious at all so I have a hard time giving a fuck about anything. I'm way too quick with cutting remarks and takedowns and shit. I'm always thinking I'm the smartest person in the room or at least being a giant snob.

Yeah, I mean, looking back on me in middle school, even the latter part of elementary school, even earlier than that--like, I was 2 and a half and tormenting my baby brother or fighting over dress-up stuff in 4 year-old preschool. Girls in my classes in high school were always like "Why can't you just be nice?" And I was like, tch, what does "nice" mean, anyway? And they'd say "It means not mean!" And I hated them because I thought they were shallow but also because they got way more positive attention that I ever did. They had people who liked them and boyfriends and nice things. I didn't have any of that and I knew I never would, so I wasn't left with much. I always wanted to be the smartest person in the room but I never was. I was just a snob, so I ended up covering it up by being a fucking asshole. I think I would have counted as a bully on a few occasions. I wanted people to like me, but that shit wasn't going to happen. I ended up with a couple of friends, not that that was always pleasant. I started shit with them a lot, probably out of envy.

College, I was always trying to bring on the sharp comments and starting arguments for the sake of starting arguments (I still think I'm right on a lot of what I said). I was made the editor of the school literary magazine by default, which was a fiasco, and I was bitchy about all the submitted works. I had basically no friends because I hated the people I thought I was supposed to spend time around despite our being complete opposites from art to politics to religion.

"Ha ha, I got so wasted in college all the time! What was college like for you?" Well, I was a sarcastic little shit in my literature classes and full of myself because I got to skip Freshman 111 English, but I mostly remember being woken up at 2 in the morning because my roommate needed her bible and concordances because one of our hallmates believed in predestination and my roommate disagreed.

And then I can look at how unbelievably shitty I was to so. fucking. many. people. from about c. 2007 to c. 2014, at least (probably more like 2016 or 2017) when I was involved in first Livejournal-based multifandom RP and later Dreamwidth-based multifandom RP. Like I was, in popular parlance, "a fucking psycho." I would fight with anyone about anything. How the fuck anyone put up with me I do not know. Ev.er.y.thing pissed me off and yet I couldn't walk away. It's literally been the closest I've ever come to an addiction because the very thought of leaving upset me, and let's not even get started about my constant fear of my games closing or just dying. I needed my RP fix. I needed it! But needing it like that made me an absolute shitheel. People who knew me both in person and online at that time can probably vouch for how shitty I was at the time. There's a huge number of people I would like to apologize to--not so they can forgive me or anything, but just so they can hear that I'm sorry. Won't get that chance, I don't think.

And that overlapped with retail hell and graduate school. Retail hell will make anyone mean. Graduate school was first boring and then frustrating because I was definitely not among the smart set there. I mean, I got my MLS, though I'm not using it anymore lmao.

Hell, even applying for jobs after graduating, I was given feedback that I have a reputation for being "grumpy and huffy" with patrons in the library. So fuck me, I guess. I got a library job where, if the library system sat down, that library would be immediately plunged into total darkness. The "red-headed stepchild" if you will. And that was like retail hell with less cash. Was I mean? Sure, I guess, because I got called to the manager's office more than a couple of times--once because I got tired of a creepy dude talking to me, so I brushed him off to go on my lunchbreak, and he told the managers and I got in major trouble for being "dismissive" of this guy. So then I wound up standing there from 5:15 (when my shift ended) until 7:30 while this guy talked at me and told me shit like "never cut your hair because it's such a beautiful color" or tried to figure out what color my eyes are and creepy stuff like that. And all because I just didn't want to get fucking fired. Nice, huh?

I'm meaner externally now than I used to be. I'm putting that down to a lack of anxiety again. I used to be totally unable to contain my frustration and irritability with other people. Then I got to be afraid of what someone would say or do to me if I was irritable at them. And now I'm just like "fuck it, we're all going to die, climate change is real, why do I have to play by these rules?" I mean, in a hundred years, everyone I know will be dead. Whomst cares?

So am I mean? Fuck YES I'm mean. And I have been for most of my life.

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? O P E N and they must also be pushed ALL. THE. WAY. OPEN. Because of Boo Radley. "What?" I hear you cry. Here, I’ll let Scout explain.

Ever since seeing that scene in about 8th grade, I have had to push my door all the way open so far that the door is touching the wall just so no one is hiding behind it. Boo Radley is a sweetheart, so I don't want to vilify him and I actually feel bad about my whole response now, but I'm just not keen on having anyone standing behind a half-open door.

"And this is what you remember from To Kill a Mockingbird?" No, I remember plenty of it and I'll quote the opening passages with my mom in about late June when it's really hot and if you're from around here then you just about know all the characters personally, but I was briefly terrified by poor Boo hiding there--which says a lot about how people saw him, or didn't see him. It's actually a brilliant reveal, even if it did kind of unnerve me at age 13. (And now I watch horror movies like they're nothing lmao.)

Doors shut just feels kind of stifling to me. That's an easy answer.

You can ask the bitch who owns this blog stuff if you want.

[nikatyler]

4, 8, 13, 19, 26, 34 & 43 of the OC questions. Thank you!

4. A character you rarely talk about?

Basically my entire BPR lol. But that’s because I don’t see the sims in that legacy the same way I see many characters from my other two legacies. They’re...just sims.

Bianca and Zoey are often in the shadow of their brothers, even though I love their story arcs. They’re different. Probably the saddest, most heartbreaking I’ve planned in the whole legacy? And one of the most serious. They have some lighthearted moments where you can laugh, but overall, they’re definitely more on the darker side. Also, Bianca and Zoey are one of my favourite siblings relationships I’ve ever written. Their bond is so incredibly strong...yeah I love them. Moving on, I feel a general rambling about siblings and family coming and we’re not here for that now :D

8. Do you RP as any of your OCs? If you do, introduce one of your RP OCs here!

Answered before, forgive me that I’m too lazy to link that answer 😅

13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs?

The biggest, most obvious troublemaker would probably be Tyler. High school Tyler, I mean. He calms down after that. But yeah, as a teenager, he was quite wild.

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

The one that I first introduced as Diana/Deanna, then recently Sylvia, then Sylva for like a week, then her surname Wynter became her name and on Saturday Wynter became Wyntra. And who knows what it will be next month. I’m joking but not really.

Wyntra. Why is she important to me? I had the very first draft of her when I was 14. At that time, she was my age too and I adjusted it a few times, so when I was 15, the story was moved to when she’s 15 too, when I was 16, she was 16 and so on. (Not anymore though, I’m 20 and she’s stuck at 18 and that will stay, it wouldn’t make sense to make her older in the beginning of the story.)

My point is, she kind of grew up with me. She’s like a diary, if that makes sense. I look at her and think of how far I’ve come as a writer (there’s still a long road ahead of me and I’m sure it’ll show on her too) I kept her through all my writing changes. Whatever I did, my mind was always coming back to her. I took breaks and wrote something else but I always came back to her with an updated idea for her story...and all these updated ideas and drafts are now combining into something that I’m planning anxiously. This time, it’s finally coming together. I feel more confident about it than ever. I’m really figuring out what story exactly I want to tell and what I want to say between the lines.

26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will?

I have issues with names. I tend to use a lot of names starting with the same letters and often use name that sound similar, so when I notice, one has to go and I never like doing that but in the end, it's for the best. (I'm especially careful with this in my nonsims stories, not so much here.)

As for designs...I was sad when I decided in gen 4 that Tyler would cut his hair. I wanted him to keep the long hair. But other than that, not really? I’m working alone though, so I’m the one who has the final word...nothing is ever really against my will. Even the example I gave wasn’t exactly against my will - I 100% wanted to do it for the story, but my personal preference was different.

34. Do you have any twin characters?

Let’s see how many twins I have...I hope I don’t forget anyone important haha

Crystal and Claudia

Marie and Scarlett

Dylan and Aurora

Regan and Felix

Magnolia and Avery

Freya and Faye

Juliet and Dorian

[spoiler]

Some spares definitely had twins too, but I don’t remember their names. Shhh

43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess

Yeah. I like to write dorks like Tyler, Sunset or Claudia and on the other side, introverted characters like Isaac or Caleb R, to put it really simply. These are definitely the two “major” types, then of course each of them is slightly different, things overlap...most of my characters have to at some point deal with insecurities, anxiety or loneliness because guess what, somebody likes to project her own struggles onto them. (Not saying it’s a bad thing. Not always.)

As for looks, it doesn’t happen that often when I’m writing a nonsims story, but when it comes to sims...ooh boy. When creating a male character, it’s a struggle to stay away from long hair, not gonna lie. :D

Thanks for the ask ♥

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Two Hundred Ninety-Two: The Solution to all Problems ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: A Light Amongst Shadows ] [ AO3 Link ]

Sometimes, the solution to all your problems is a lot simpler than you’d guess.

When he was younger, Sasuke thought he knew what was best. Not just for himself, but for the world as a whole. An angry teenager betrayed by his village and let down by his friends, he sought change on a scale grand enough to encompass the world: tear down the shinobi system, wipe clean the kage, erase the borders that pitted friend against friend.

In the end, of course...he realized that nothing is so simple. It will take work - years, perhaps generations of it - to undo the damage done by those who came before them. This, even with his new power, is more than he as one man can do.

After facing a trial for his wrongdoings (and being cleared), he took to wandering the world for a time before returning, prompted by the resurrection of his brother. Though he’d left to try and gain a sense of scale to the world and its budding changes, Sasuke then settled on a new - and what he hoped would be his last - goal: to, rather than change the world...change his home. So, he returned, did his best to settle in...and find a way to cleanse Konoha’s shadows. He did so with the help of his tiny family, and their new allies in the Hyūga. The old council was ousted as the true minds behind the Uchiha massacre. Both brothers were fully pardoned. And with Itachi set to return to ANBU, and Kakashi working closely with them both, it seemed that Konoha was finally on track to face its past and get better.

...of course...they still had their problems. Dissenters forever convinced of Uchiha guilt would be ever-present. Sasuke’s slowly-mending friendships were still cracked and damaged. But one unexpected gain for him was a new bond: that with Hyūga Hinata. With a clean slate and a better understanding than most of his struggles, it was she who extended the first true olive branch to him. As allies and mutual friends of the rest of team seven, she was around him more often than not. Add in their aligning personalities, similar pasts, and shared uncertainties about their futures...and he soon found himself with a listening ear that didn’t judge. Just understood.

And eventually, well...he realized he wanted to be more to her than just a friend.

Their joint effort to help bring back the police force, finding a new purpose in keeping Konoha safe from the inside, only saw them grow closer as partners until, eventually, they couldn’t deny it anymore...and made the leap from friends to lovers.

It wasn’t easy. Sasuke was wary of his lingering reputation and those who still bore hatred against him. If someone were to try and harm her because of their bond...he’d never forgive himself.

But Hinata said it best: they both knew what it was to lose family. To nearly die. To realize just how short and cruel life can be, so...why not take happiness where you can find it?

So, he agreed...and they began to date nearly two years after the war’s ending. And less than a year after that, they were wed.

The house afforded to them in the nearly-empty land of the Uchiha compound wasn’t as large as the manor, but it suited them well. Both continued their work in the Uchiha-Hyūga police force. They worked well together, played well together, and overall had what most would call the perfect relationship.

...even if it wasn’t totally perfect.

They’d argue, but very rarely, and even less commonly to any serious degree. Though both stubborn in their own ways, they also knew better than to let a disagreement fester. And Sasuke learned early on never to take her or what she meant for granted.

No matter his bad days or his bad moods, she was always there to make them better. Something as simple as her smile could turn his entire week around. He knew just what she was worth. After so long of being alone, and turning his back on the idea of love, what he’d found in her was beyond special.

It was...everything.

Looking over a recent arrest report, Sasuke holds his brow in one hand, the other holding the parchment aloft. A criminal from Iwa managed to make it all the way to Konoha, taking his unlawful ways with him. Now with charges in multiple lands and villages, the handling of his charges is...a mess. Sasuke’s been talking all week back and forth with authorities in Tsuchi no Kuni, and they still haven’t reached an agreement.

At this rate, he’s almost ready to drop what’s charged here and ship the man back to Iwa and be done with it...but he knows that won’t go over well. He’s just so tired of all these nit-picking regulations and laws regarding cross-border criminals.

“Sasuke…?”

Glancing to his study door, he softens a hair as Hinata peeks in, looking reluctant to interrupt. “Hey...need something?”

“Just checking on you. It’s almost ten o’clock…”

His brows lift in surprise. It’s been four hours since he came in here…? His bracing hand lowers to drag down his face with a weary sigh. “...I’m sorry. I just can’t quite figure all of this out, and…”

“The Iwa case?”

“Yeah. I’m about ready to toss it rather than deal with all of this...bureaucracy.”

A sympathetic smile lifts her lips. “I’m sorry, Sasuke...I know this whole thing has been a mess. Is there any way to get some help with all of the regulations…? Kakashi, maybe?”

“He’s too busy for something of this scale. Multinational or not, this guy’s too small-time to bother the Kage with.”

“...well...I doubt you can solve this tonight, ne?”

“...probably not,” he admits with another sigh.

“Well...I thought you might be wearing yourself out, so...I made you a snack.” It’s then she steps fully through the door, revealing a tray of tea and senbei.

Shoulders wilt in relief. “...you’re the best, you know that right?”

Hinata just gives a soft laugh. “Well, I don’t know about the best, but...I thought you could use a little pick-me-up.”

“I have the most thoughtful, attentive wife in Konoha.”

“You’ll make me blush!”

Finally smiling, Sasuke takes a moment to stand and stretch his legs. “Never thought being a police officer would mean so much sitting…”

“Breaks are important.”

“I’d forget all about them without you. You made tea for yourself, right?” He gives her a telling look.

“I did, it’s...out in the kitchen. I didn’t want to b-bother you…”

“Nonsense. I’d enjoy the company, honestly. And a break in the silence that’s slowly driving me mad…”

Hinata stifles a giggle, nodding and fetching her own cup. They stand and have their break, Sasuke wanting to give his muscles a chance to shift positions. Small conversation, more just to let his mind focus on something else for a few minutes, floats between them easily. And as he listens to Hinata summarize her day off running errands, Sasuke just...watches her talk, only half paying attention as a thought strikes him: just how lucky he truly is. It’s a thought he has often, but it still manages to humble him every time. He has a wife he adores, despite being alone for so long. It’s so easy for her to help him relax, help him calm...feel at peace as he was never able after the massacre. She is his rock, his home, his inspiration. One word from her, and all of his problems just...fall to the wayside. If only for a time.

Realizing she’s lost him, Hinata slows to a stop, head tilting. “...Sasuke?”

“...sorry, got lost in thought.”

“Oh? What about?”

His lips twitch upward. “...you.”

In spite of herself, Hinata gives a small jolt, cheeks flushing pink. “R...really?”

“Just remembering how fortunate I am.”

She then softens. “...I do the same. All the time.”

“It’s a little hard to believe sometimes...isn’t it?”

“Mm…”

Finishing the last of his tea, Sasuke sighs. “...well, I’ll give this report one more crack, and then we’ll head to bed. Sound good?”

“Mhm. You’ll get it - I know you will.”

“Then there isn’t any doubt.”

                                                             .oOo.

     I'm about to pass out so I'll be brief OTL      Just some basic fluff in my typical canon verse. Which...honestly I'm thinking of majorly revamping, but I'm so darn busy idk when / if I'll have time for it. But talking with some friends and RP partners has made me realize how many holes the darn thing has, so...we'll see. But very little would change with this aspect (aka SH), so no worries there lol      But yeah, not...too much to say. I'm exhausted and dealing with a sore eye and jaw, sooo...I'm gonna go sleep lol - thanks for reading~

[rkwendy]

Five Times Around The Sun: A Rookies Fifth Anniversary Special

Dear Rookies,

First of all, I’d like to wish the roleplay a happy fifth birthday! I’m aware that not many roleplays live to make it this far. For you guys to make it, I’ll bet it’s some sort of achievement. And it’s all because of the work both the mods and the members of the community put into this. Let’s give ourselves a round of applause!

I warn you that this is more than 5,500 words long. So yeah. You are free to just skip over this if you wish!

There’s so much I want to say, but I’ve never been great at expressing my feelings. (Fun fact: my mom and I start laughing whenever one of us starts getting cheesy or emotional.) I never even properly celebrated either muse’s anniversaries despite them being in Rookies for more than two years! Forgive me if this gets too long. I promise I’ll do my best to keep this concise (Wow, big word!)

With this knowledge, please bear with me as I struggle to convey all that I want to say without cringing at myself.

I guess it’s safest to start sharing the story of why I opted to join Rookies in the first place. Like majority of what happened to me in terms of KRP, it was a complete accident. I have been in KRP since 2011 (if any of you have heard of ADiS, then… yeah… shifty eyes). I kind of stopped roleplaying because a job with a newspaper was difficult af. (I only went home to shower and eat. I was lucky to be able to sleep, lbr here) Anyway, I needed something to do once I resigned from my old job, and my friends got me back into KRP via a Kingsman-themed one, since they wanted someone to RP Infinite with them. I think some of you know which one it is. /cackles/

MOVING ON. This same friend also planned to join the Rookies and wanted a ship for their muse. We both ended up doing applications, but I was the only one who was able to submit because my friend ended up getting a job. Thus, my friend was never able to join the RP and I got accepted.

A little history time! Please bear with me, this is going to be irrelevant to you but I feel like I need to talk about this. Fun fact I probably never told anyone! Wendy was originally meant to be a Krystal muse. However, I had to make a few adjustments because there was either a Krystal reserve or there was a Krystal muse in the RP. I can’t remember which one it was. The muse was loosely inspired by Berry Good’s Johyun and NCT Dream’s Jaemin, who both used to be competitive speed skaters before they became idols. I changed the sport to figure skating because that is the sport I know best. Wendy was also based on several friends of mine, who were all a bunch of somewhat pretty overachievers. (Going to one of the top universities in the country enables you to meet these people, more on that when I talk about Johnny later on.)

I’m not going to lie, this was the first time I was in a directory that was this HUGE. (Not even ADiS was this huge. Min, please correct me if I’m wrong.) It was easy for me to get overwhelmed by the sheer number of people in the directory, along with concerns that my muse was just going to drown among the many way more interesting muses than what I had to offer.

It would have been easier for me to quit, since the reason I joined was gone. However, Jen ( @yujurk ) turned out to be one of my friends from my Indie RP days! Not going to lie, if it wasn’t for Jen, I doubt I’d have stayed in the roleplay at all. Jen helped ease me into the roleplay in all ways imaginable: by plotting with me, introducing me to muns from the same timezone, and answering any questions in case our good mods weren’t online.

As I was navigating and slowly finding my place in the RP, the third season of the MGAs happened! Not going to lie, I wasn’t sure I was ready for Wendy to be signed, but I thought I might as well do it for the lulz. I know I said this a lot, but the MGAs were probably the among the wildest things I ever put a muse through that I swore that I was never putting another muse through it. Despite that, I’m glad I put Wendy through the experience. It taught her a lot about herself, as well as how far she was willing to push in order to achieve her dreams. At this point, I would like to give a shout-out to Team Nova! Wendy and I can’t imagine having any other teammates besides Jungwoo ( @jungwooxrk ), and the former Luhan ( who is still around as @rksoojung and is still one of Wendy’s loves ), Mijoo, and Soyou (RIP muses). Of course, Wendy owes Ricky ( @rkrxcky ) a lot for leading her to where she is today. Thanks you guys.

After the MGAs, Wendy signed with Nova. I’d like to thank everyone in the Nova family, both past and present, for putting up with this tiny girl who claims to be their future CEO. After two years with the company, Wendy has become (hopefully) an even better vocalist and composer. Sure, her dancing and charisma can use more work — scratch that, a lot more work — but we will get her to a level that’s passable. After all, if she intends to inherit the company someday, she has to do well in the department Nova is known for. I never thought Wendy would last this long as a trainee, but here we are. She could have easily left during Royal Survival, but she didn’t. OOC, the event happened when I was taking TOPIK so RIP. IC, the reason was because she believes in whatever plans Nova has for her (if there are any LMAO). Although she’s having second thoughts now, she’s still determined to see it through. She intends to inherit the company from Hyun Bin, so she has to stay. LOL.

To Minju ( @jinkyungxrk ), thank you for being one of the first to welcome Wendy to the company and making it easy for her to adjust to trainee life. Ani ( @rkmiya ), Wendy and Sunmi have made it! Can you all believe it took Wendy TWO FREAKING YEARS to get comfortable enough with Sunmi to call her unni? And can you all believe it took us around that long to actually plot properly? JFC we are both such snails. Matt ( @rksona ), wherever you are, Wendy will always consider Dawon as one of her Nova best friends. After all, they’re both vocalists who signed pretty close to the same time. To my fellow KRP senior citizen MC/Jae ( @sujirk ) (IDK which you prefer so I’ll use both), it’s nice to know there’s someone close to my age who’s still RP-ing too, despite feeling like that Will Smith meme when finding out how YOUNG some of these children are. And here’s to Wendy and Suji getting to know each other and becoming closer. Maddy ( @rkkaeun )… Where do I even begin? Wendy likes Kaeun a lot and is excited to see how Kaeun will grow, and I feel the same about you too. To Chaeyoung mun ( @rkchaeyoung ) (Honestly, I have no idea how you like to be called, so I shall refer to you as Sowon and Chaeyoung mun for now, I’m so sorry!) and Sunny ( @rkmeiqi ), Chaeyoung and Meiqi are special to Wendy because they are simply the first fellow 98-line girls to join Nova. To Neo ( @rkyngsun ), we have yet to talk a lot and plot more, but I’m grateful that you’re okay with Wendy going all Regina George on your girl. This is going to be a slightly slow burn ship before these vocalists become gay for each other in a way. But I just hope we stick together for this crazy ride. And Nana ( @hyunark ), with Hyuna signed to Nova, Wendy’s even happier than ever, despite feeling some occasional salt at their beloved CEO. Here’s to our girls writing more songs together~

To the boys of Nova, thank you all for being the best boys you can possibly be. To Jess ( @rkhuidong ), thank you having Hui be kind of like a dad/older brother to Wendy. Thank you for assuring her that she did the right thing even if she was punished for it. To Chanel, (OMG this is mention number 2, Chanel!) Ricky is Wendy’s coach and kind of mentor, as well as the fourth-wall reality check. To Lex (you better get used to this. I have a feeling you’ll be mentioned A LOT), our kids have gone through so much, haven’t they? The MGAs, surviving Nova, and a lot more. Wendy cares for Jungwoo a lot, and she hopes they can tough this out together. To Joi ( @bambamrk ), Wendy’s always admired how cool and nice he is. She hopes he’s happy. To Fifi  ( @haknyeonrk ), Circe ( @rkmbin ), and Lulu ( @rksxngyeol ), Wendy would love to get to know your boys all so much better. To Rome ( @rkromeo ), (the now-gone) Jinyoung, and (old) Kihyun, you will always be honorary Nova Boys to Wendy, no matter what.

To Roe ( @rkhugo @rkyooa @suhork ), Wendy wouldn’t let me lump Hugo with all the other boys of Nova. After all, Hugo is special. I’m grateful that Roe entrusted Hugo’s heart in Wendy’s inexperienced hands. I’m honored that Roe actually agreed to have Hugo go through a slow-burn ship, especially when I’m aware that she isn’t the most patient of people when it comes to that. Thank you for putting up with both Wendy’s lack of affection and her inexperience when it comes to relationships, and all the things she fears. Thank you again for putting up with my snail’s pace replies, but I want you to know it’s because I want to give Hugo the replies he deserves. The muse for this ship is alive and kicking, and I intend to keep it that way. Both Wendy and I love you and Hugo so much, Roe. LOL I spent so much time talking about Hugo that I forgot to mention how much both Wendy and Johnny also care about Yooa and Suho, but they do.

Now I’m on the topic of thanks to, I think I should also give a special shout-out to the girls of rkredvelet. Though we don’t talk as often as I’d like, I have to admit you were among the first to plot with me when I was new here. You are all Wendy’s best friends for life.

To Rose ( @rkyeri ): I like seeing you tweet about dancing and your takes on things. I also learn a lot from you! Your comments in the KT groupchat crack me up a lot as well. You’re doing amazing, bb! On a muse perspective, Yeri is one of Wendy’s oldest friends, going back from their days in Canada. Wendy just wants Yeri to know that she’s proud of her for being one step closer to her dreams. She’s also asking when she can start printing the Anna slogan.

To Keith ( @rkjxy ): Hoy, bakla. Other than being a ray of sunshine to both Wendy and me, thank you for everything. Just as Wendy and Joy have fun together anytime, anywhere, I like to think it can become something like that for us both. I love our discussions about local stuff and fandom. May mapapagraduate na ako! /cries proud mom tears/

To Kyle ( @seulgirk ): One of the true MVPs of my life. Just as I honestly have no idea where Wendy would be without Seulgi, I don’t want to imagine what would have happened to me if you hadn’t helped me out all those times. Seulgi is practically Wendy’s person. (LBR, if Hugo had to be threatened by anyone, it’s Seulgi.) I also enjoy commiserating over watching winter sports at godforsaken timeslots (one of these days, I’ll understand hockey enough), as well as listening to to you/reading your tweets discussing your muses/muse ideas. And those puns of yours give me so much life.  

Anyway, next up, I’d like to give a shoutout to rkbrosquad!!!! Honestly, having you guys made life a lot more colorful for me, as well as both my muses. I’m not going to lie, this is probably one of the first group chats I was ever in, in terms of KRP. It’s like my muses gained a new family with this insane, but loving bunch. I also like how this chat can also turn into a meme dumpsite, a spazz area, and a tea corner if we need it. Here’s to more adventures with our muses and if distance isn’t an issue, I bet we’d all look for chances to meet.

To Jen, you are one of the reasons we have a squad in the first place. Without you, I bet I wouldn’t have stayed after the first week. Having a familiar face who’s been with the RP for a long time helped me get settled much more easily. It was your helpful self that inspired me to pay it forward for the future muns who’d enter the RP. So if anyone’s grateful that I was friendly to them, please direct your compliments to Jen for setting a good example! Other than that, you and your muses changed my muses’ lives completely. Shoutout goes to her mentor Jieun and one of her closest friends Soyeon.

To Lyn ( @rkavery @rkxsnn ), hoy mumsh. It’s refreshing to able to talk to more people in the same language. Not to mention, your muses always got up to the wildest antics that had both my muses and me laughing. I’m cheering for you both in rp and in real life. Alam mo ‘yan. And muse-wise, thanks for letting your former boy be the James Potter to Johnny’s Sirius Black (or vice versa). Johnny and I will miss your boy loads, but we also welcome your new girls with open arms. And also thanks for shipping with Wendy at some point, even if she ended up broken. (ULOL ang drama!)

To Shinobi ( @rkgray @rkkangjoon ): You are legitimately one of the sweetest people I have ever had the fortune to meet. You’re nice to everyone, get along well with people, and have the most awesome characters ever. Your ideas are just A+++. Gray will also always be the reason Wendy’s standards for men are so high, since in her eyes, Gray is perfect. (Gray will get Johnny’s love in the KT Boyz segment) Meanwhile, Kangjoon will be that handsome brother Wendy will be protective about because she thinks he deserves the best. Johnny will always thank Kangjoon for accidentally smacking him in the butt, which lead him to the best squad ever. #NEVERFORGET

To Nana: OMG! This is your second mention. All those posts of Hyuna and LE to send the group chat into a gay panic are more than welcome. It’s always fun plotting with you and your muses, no matter which one it is. Wendy is proud of Jihoon ( @jihoonrk ) in Convex, as well as looking for a chance to release some hilarious pre-debut shit. As for Hyuna, we all know how much Wendy admires Hyuna and loves her a lot. Here’s to hopefully getting to plot with Younghyun sooner or later!

To Maddy ( @aronrk ): Yes, this is your second mention too. Wendy and Aron have yet to thread together, yeah? LOL. Anyway, Wendy obviously cares a lot about Aron, Kaeun, and Nayoung. And I think it carries over to me caring a lot about you. It’s cool to talk to someone who works in the same industry as I do (rather as I used to) and have the same interests. Bonus points for living in the same timezone! (Aron will get Johnny’s love in the KT Boyz segment)

To Sammi ( @rkxminhee ): You are also one of the nicest people I have ever met. I love learning about girl groups from you, since I’m generally clueless about the ones outside of the Big Three or aren’t as well-known. I’m not going to lie, everytime I see Minhee, I think of you. I remember seeing Minhee post that she was in my country, and the first thing I thought was, “DOES SAMMI KNOW MINHEE IS IN MY COUNTRY?!”

To Em ( @borark ): You’re doing an amazing job as a momma to a cutie pie! Anyway, Bora is one of the coolest girls Wendy has ever known, just as I think you are one of my faves. We need a proper thread ASAP when we’re both not busy T_T

Bet y’all thought that was done, right? Nope. We still have a long way to go. Trust me, if you’re getting tired reading this, I’m even more exhausted writing it. We’ll all just have to deal with it. RIP @ us.

Back in 2016, NCT U, NCT 127, and NCT Dream had debuted. Back then, I was aware that Johnny, the SM Rookie who trained with SM the longest had yet to debut. So as a joke, I thought to myself, I’ll debut him before SM does. He came in a month after Wendy got signed at the MGAs. I figured I could handle two muses so LOL. He started as an NPC friend for Wendy who had a crush on Seulgi, and then I thought I could bring him in.

The first time I knew it was time for Johnny to graduate from NPC to actual muse was when I was watching a local drama called “On the Wings of Love.” One of the characters was a spoken-word artist, and I felt like it was something that suited the Johnny muse I had. I also wanted to bring in a muse who can speak Filipino, so I had an excuse to say PUTANGINA on the dash, as well as spread OPM to Rookies.

From there, Johnny just started becoming more real to me as a muse. Johnny was also based on several college friends of mine, who were all a bunch of insanely intelligent and talented people. He was inspired by a classmate who was actually a MYX VJ (local music TV channel) who was also taking up a pre-med degree. Johnny was also inspired by the guy who became our class valedictorian: a dork who was smart AF and could sing, dance, act, write songs, and was part of the debate team with me. One of my closest friends who I miss a lot was gifted with a superior IQ and an almost flawless memory, and she was also a CF model. All these people inspired me to bring Johnny to life.

Honestly, Johnny brought on a new series of challenges that I never thought was possible. I was less awkward when I brought him in, since I was already somewhat at ease with the community. The challenge was to make him want to be an idol. But somehow, fate let things happen and loh and behold!

From not wanting anything to do with the entertainment industry, Johnny finds himself immersed in it all. He would like to thank the former Jungkook muse (who might make a return as a different FC hint hint) for forging his application for that Samsung modeling casting. That started his interest and curiosity for modeling. However, he got his feet wet only when his teacher told him to go for it. But still, that forgery got him a start.

Then, the life-changing talent show happened. Johnny owes Hugo a huge-ass thank you for signing up him for that Hongdae talent show. He is now proud to be a KT (KermiT) Boy. I still have no clue how Johnny wants to develop from being a genius turned model to becoming the artist he can be. But I guess that’s what we will all have to anticipate.

I hadn’t planned for Johnny to fall in love. In fact, I was planning to make him an asexual hermit. Sure, he’s had crushes on Seulgi and Lisa, but he never dreamed those could amount to anything. He was supposed to be forever alone. (To Roe, that time Yukji tried flirting with Johnny will always be one of the most iconic moments.) However, Ten happened! Yay! Nine asked to plot so nicely, and I figured why the hell not? Okay, fun fact, the reason I planned for Johnny to be a hermit was because I was too scared to be called out for face-chasing. I’m relieved that Nine reached out first. And now they’re the cutest boyfriends. Again, I would like to apologize for my snail’s pace when it comes to replies. I will talk a little more about this later on. I promise.

Another reason Johnny has stayed alive for so long was because of all the friends he’s made over the time we’ve been in this RP. Honestly, every single one of these friends have made Johnny’s life more exciting, more colorful, and have taken him in directions he never would have considered if left to his own devices. I guess the long-ass thank you messages are now in order.

To rknctea:

To Nine ( @tenrk ): You go first simply because Johnny asked me to. Besides, I want to thank you and Ten for making Johnny believe that he’s capable of love and sexual feelings. Ten makes Johnny want to be the right person for Ten, and to be a better boyfriend. I don’t know whether I ever mentioned this, but Johnny sees Ten in his future. OOC-wise, I’m thankful that you brought us NCT typists together in the group chat. Not to mention, you make me laugh with all the stuff you link in there. In our DMs, I love how we both get soft together over JohnTen. Whether it’s plots for our boys or IRL JohnTen doing stuff, it’s always great sharing the feels with you.

To Yurim ( @rktaeil ): To one of the people I’ve known longest in RK (outside the brosquad), my experience in Rookies wouldn’t be the same without you. I’m glad you brought in Taeil. Although I reply at a glacial pace now, I’m excited to see what happens to Taeil. I still find it hilarious that you declared your NCT bias will be whose calling card you’ll draw. Anyway, the reason your barrel man has yet to come to you is because I will personally bring it to you when I fly there next year. If you have any other requests, please let me know anytime before I fly. (I will let you know when we’re arriving so we can meet.)

To Hunnie ( @yutark ): We have been through a lot during the time we’ve known each other. You point out things I don’t notice otherwise and work way harder than I do, just as Yuta shows Johnny perspectives that are immensely different from his own. I struggle coming up with ways to ruin my muses’ lives and to just write in general. I don’t know how you do it so religiously and so diligently on top of schoolwork. We also spazz over a lot of different fandoms together, and I’m happy that you’re a lot happier now. Also, welcome to the UAAP life. I’m glad you decided to watch basketball with me and that you’re somehow rekindling your love for the game. Game Two, here we come!

To Min ( @rkjaemin ): You would have gone first but Johnny insisted otherwise. Buwisit siya. We have been together since 2011 and I hope this doesn’t change at all. You knew me from when I was a total noob to the RP world, and have been one of those who saw my writing improve or deteriorate over the years. You are one of the loveliest people I’ve ever met IC or OOC. I’m happy you joined this madhouse called Rookies with me, and I hope this is good healing for you from work. I love you and can we please have dinner with the rest of the girls soon? Just as I will always be rooting for you and will be available to help, please tell your evil spawn of a muse that Johnny’s willing to help him too. Same goes for Wendy and Somi.

To Peach ( @rkhaechan ): When I first told Min to join Rookies, I never thought you two would find each other. But I’m glad you did. You make my girl so happy, and with that, I’m happy too. I will go down with the S.S. PeachMin. I better be invited to that wedding. Anyway, Johnny loves Haechan a lot, especially because he makes evil spawn Jaemin so happy. Haechie may be my new fave of your muses, but Soyou will always be special to me. After all, Wendy wouldn’t have lasted in the MGAs without your girl going all soccer mom on the whole team. Wendy hopes that Jihyun unni is proud of her.

To Jen ( @rkmxrk ): You are honestly one of the most fun people I have ever talked to. We can talk about fandom, winter sports, and just about how our days went. It doesn’t really matter. Long live KKT calls. Not to mention, long live being a professional enabler who convinces the rest of us to spend our hard-earned money on our faves. LMAO. One thing I also learned from you, is to be careful of what I say because you’ll have RECEIPTS. Just as Johnny looks after Mark and wishes for him to succeed, I wish the same for you. And Johnny’s proud that Mark’s finally getting what he’s been trying to say for the last few months.

To Fifi ( @jaehyunrk ), Dayo ( @rkxsicheng ) , Phil ( @rkdoyoung ), Grey ( @rkjeno ), Adri ( @rktaeyxng ): although we don’t talk as much, I’m still thankful that you’re all here. I’d like for us to get to know each other even better, even if I’m either a shy hermit, a lazy egg, or just awake when you’re asleep. But you all bring lots of laughter to the group chat, and I’d like for Johnny to plot with your boys too. (Or in Fifi’s case, Get Johnny and Jaehyun a new thread challenge)

To Lex: Damn it, Lex. I’ve lost track how many times I’ve mentioned you. I hope you’re enjoying your stay in the rknctea group chat. And I hope that somehow, Johnny and Jungwoo find their ways to each other.

To the KT Ent muses and muns:

To Carly ( @taeminrk ) : I was really planning to save this for later when I got to my thank you mods part, but I thought oh well. Anyway, I want to thank you for being one of the best mods to help me get settled when I was new here. As well as answering any questions I had, no matter how stupid they were. I’m glad I got over the initial intimidation of “OMG MOD!” to someone I can actually have fun talking to. I just hope Johnny eventually gets over that “OMG SUNBAE!” vibe Taemin gives out. Johnny always saw Taemin as the senior he has to impress and not disappoint. Trust me, Johnny’s trying but he feels like he’ll never be good enough for Taemin’s standards. LMAO

To Maddy: Johnny always thought of Aron as one of the coolest, happiest, and most talented people he’s ever met. Aron radiates sunshine in Johnny’s opinion, and he wonders how someone can be so bright all the time. Yes, Aron has permission to climb Johnny like a tree and Johnny will enjoy it.

To Shinobi: Johnny will always say Gray is his idol. Hands down. He can give Jongdae a run for his money. He will also go down with the old man ship of Gray and Huidong.

To Lulu ( @minhyukxrk ): Johnny’s rooting for his fellow twin tower and he hopes that Minhyuk will one day be the rich, talented billionaire he knows Minhyuk can be. Tall people unite despite this short revolution!

To Yurim ( @rkxkjd ): If Taemin is the strict dad, then Jongdae is the cool dad Johnny wants to be like when he grows up. After all, Jongdae is probably the muse who’s known Johnny the longest. These two go way back and are both nerds.

To Lex ( @rksungho ): Oh man, I gave up counting how many mentions you got. This is probably going to be the last. Sungho and Johnny are different as they can be, despite a somewhat similar skillset. Not going to lie, Johnny wants to get along with him, despite Sungho just being so angry at everything.

To Cherry ( @rkjimin ): We don’t get to talk as often as I’d like, but I’d like for that to change as soon as we’re both not busy. Jimin is a lovely muse, and Johnny looks forward to getting to know him better in the future~

To Hunnie ( @rksunwoo ): Sunwoo is special to Johnny, because they joined KT at around the same time. There has to be something to be said about two strangers who started a journey at the same time. Johnny wishes he was as talented and talented as Sunwoo. I like to think that Johnny and Sunwoo have a unique bond that only the two of them can understand.

To Shino ( @rkjinjin ): Johnny and Jinwoo, aka big guy and small fry. Just kidding. Though for real, Johnny is always impressed with Jinwoo’s talent and is grateful to learn so much from him. As for you Shino, having you around is lots of fun. I have learned not to say any silly stuff in the group chat unless I wish to be exposed. (Never forget: VORE TAEMIN)

To Hyunjin mun (T_T IDK How you want to be addressed) ( @rkxhyunjin ): You are the only KT Boy Johnny has no thread with. I’d love for us to change that ASAP. Please?

To the females at KT, Johnny loves and respects you a lot. He’d love to get closer with you all. For now, he declares Haseul ( @haseulrk ) and Jennie ( @rkjennie ) as his faves, because he’s closest to them. Johnny never thought he’d be a step-parent to a dog, but Ahyoung  ( @rkxblue ) somehow got him to do it, so she’s special too. He also sees Minji ( @rkariel ) as the older sister you don’t want to disappoint, while Yeri is the younger sister he finds hilarious. He’d also love to get to know Audrey, ( @rkaudrey ), Momo ( @rkxmomo ), Luda ( @rkxluda ), and Chungha ( @rkchungha ) better!

To Carly and Keith, and by some extension, Kate, Johnny has come to see Luna ( @rkluna ) and Jisoo ( @rkjisoo ) (and Eve ( @rkxeve,) by extension) as his lesbian moms. He low-key blames and credits them for being why he is the way he is today. You don’t get raised by two extremely opposite but equally bad-ass women and not be some mix of weird. He doesn’t get to talk to his moms so much, but he wants them to know he loves them a lot.

I can’t leave this without yelling at Lari! Baekhyun ( @rkbyunbaek ) is the best host brother Johnny could ever ask for. Both of us can’t imagine this boy living with anyone else but Baekhyun’s family. Johnny feels bad that they hardly ever see each other anymore, but that doesn’t change how much he loves Baekhyun. Johnny is actually going to be upset when he’ll have to move out of the Byun residence because he’s going to miss this host family a lot.

I’d also like to thank people I have yet to properly thread with (or seldom get to thread with) but talk to frequently OOC, especially on Twitter. There’s way too many of you to be tagged, but you know who you all are. I love how we can talk about anything, ranging from K-Pop to local showbiz, to current events, and more random topics.

Finally, I’d like to thank the mods, each one, having helped me in some shape or form. Kyle, Keith, and Carly, you all got long-ass love letters from me, so I won’t bother repeating myself anymore. To Sera, you truly are hard carry AF. Thank you noticing my hiatus messages and just being there in general. I’ve always told people you are great, and I’m glad my faith isn’t misplaced at all. To Bianca, thank you for answering my stupid AF questions during events. Because I swear even I would roll my eyes at myself for some of the things I ask sometimes. To Mira, you were one of the mods who welcomed me back when I was new. So I’d like to thank you for that. Wendy misses one of her mean girl friends~ To Razel, those graphics are A++++ Here’s to more talking about PH showbiz, food, and to us finally having a proper thread!

I bet I forgot so many people, but this is about how much I can write. Fun fact! I started writing this post at around 11:30am, and I finished writing this at around 6pm. If you made it this far, congratulations!

I’ll spare you all from my rambling, and I’ll just end it here.

My muses and I are cheering for everyone and their muses in their endeavors, whether IC or OOC. I would also like to apologize for the times I have offended you, whether I was aware of it or not. (I’m sure I’ve apologized if I was aware of it, but yeah.) I’m trying to be a better person than I was the day before. I don’t know what the future holds, but I’ll do my best to be a better mun to both Wendy and Johnny, as well as be a better member of this community.

With all my love,

Clara (rkwendy and rkjohnny)

[eloiseduval]

punching those feelings away

a/n: so this is not a challenge at all, I decided to explore eloise a little bit and give her some background. many thanks to ester for the rp with @clove-teasdale (ilysm) there are also mentions of nate. this takes place probably a day before eloise’s date with nate, which that fic will be coming soon. happy reading! if you want to lol

“So are you excited about your first date with Nate?” My sister asked over the phone, her voice eager.

“I am. He’s been pretty so sweet so far.” There was a knowing undertone that Giselle quickly picked up on.

“Wait, have you already spent some alone time with him? Besides your introductions.” I had kept her closely updated with the bigger things happening so far, but she also watched the Report as much as she could.

“I sort of burst in on him the other night in the music room.” I was walking around my room as I spoke to Giselle, happy to finally be getting a moment alone with her.

“What?! How did that happen?”

I took the next few minutes telling her the basics of that night, earning a few squeals from her, although I had to remind my eager little sister that we were barely getting to know each other.

Our conversation was normal until she changed the subject, her tone nervous.

“Elle… I feel like there’s something I should tell you.” I furrowed my eyebrows at her words, sitting on the edge my bed and fiddling with the skirt of my dress. Giselle was never one to keep secrets from me.

“What’s up?”

“It’s about Isaac.” My hands stilled at his name and I suddenly felt light headed.

“What about him?” My voice was surprisingly steady considering how fast my heart was racing.

“He’s getting married, Elle.”

Oh.

“Well good for him.” I tried to fake nonchalance, but I knew we could both tell how much her news hurt.

“Look, dad didn’t want to say anything even though mom and I both thought we should, so I just thought I would-” I cut her off, not wanting to hear any more.

“Giselle, I’m going to call you later okay? I just… I’ll call you later. I love you, bye.” I pressed end before she could respond and let out a shaky breath. Memories I didn’t want to remember were flashing across my vision, making me lay back on and press my hands to my eyes.

“You’re coming in half a beat early on the second verse,” I remarked as I pressed a button to speak into a microphone. I didn’t look at the musician on the other side of the glass in the recording studio, instead making some notes on my sheet music as I sat next to the sound engineer.

“No I’m not,” he insisted, evoking a sigh out of me.

“You are. When you come in, the drums have to speed up to catch up and-” my breath caught when I finally looked up at the singer standing in front of a microphone, one of his dark eyebrows raised.

He was cute.

I hadn’t taken the time to look at him when I came in late to his session, instead plopping down in an open chair and following along his sheet music to make notes. A business meeting had gotten cancelled with some investors, meaning I had some free time to listen in on a few sessions.

“Um- the drums have to speed up to catch up to you and the sound is off.” I managed to finish, clearing my throat. He pressed his lips together, but didn’t say anything, instead nodding once and motioning to start the song once again.

I watched him closely as I sang, liking the way his dark curly hair fell across his forehead, his smooth tenor voice gliding across the notes. As he approached the second verse he furrowed his eyebrows, closing his eyes for a moment, and waited the half a beat needed to keep in time with the drums. When he realized the difference he opened his eyes and stared at me through the glass, smiling a little as he sung and finished the song.

I merely raised an eyebrow at him with a proud smile as he took off his headphones and left the room to come into the sound booth. Swiveling my chair around to face him, I crossed my arms and swung one leg over the other, taking note of his sheepish expression.

“Okay, so you were right.” He admitted, sticking his hands in the pocket of his jeans. I nodded, not saying a word. He had a lean frame, but not too thin, and olive skin accenting his pale green eyes.

“Can I make it up to you?” I raised an eyebrow, not sure what he was getting at.

“What do you mean?”

“Can I take you out to dinner?” His question was so abrupt my eyes widened in surprise, his pouty lips smirking slightly. A throat clearing averted my gaze to my right, where I had forgotten one of the sound engineers was still sitting.

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that since your dad can be a scary man, and I’ll give you two a moment.” Jerry, who had been with us for a few years, flashed me a knowing grin and stood, leaving the room.

“So is that a yes?” Although he tried to seem neutral, I could see the eagerness in his eyes.

“You do realize I don’t even know your name,” I pointed out, rising from my chair to stand in front of him. He bowed suddenly, coming back up with a playful grin.

“Isaac Fisher.” I smiled at his actions, then extended a hand.

“Eloise Duval.” His eyebrows raised as he recognized my last name, but didn’t mention anything, instead grasping my hand and shaking gently.

“So is that a yes?” He asked expectantly, not letting go of my hand.

I smiled.

“Okay, they were definitely not meant to be together. She kept leaving him!” Isaac exclaimed, grasping my hand as we walked through the park. We had just went to a theater that showed old movies, Forrest Gump being the one we just watched.

“Jenny was always his true love, and she was just scared of her feelings. That’s why she always came back.” He merely smiled and guided us towards a bench. He sat down, bringing me rather close to him, our thighs touching as we sat.

“You’re a bit of a romantic,” he observed, keeping our hands clasped together.

I scoffed. “Giselle is more the romantic, not me.” He merely raised an eyebrow, to which I rolled my eyes.

“I’m only pointing out the truth.” He smiled, and leaned a little closer. My breath caught, something that tended to happen often in his presence. We had only been seeing each other a few weeks, but every date left me feeling more and more anxious to just spend even more time with him. At 17, he was an up and coming artist recently signed by our label, and a fantastic musician at that. Even though I wasn’t that much younger at 16, he never failed to tease me of my ‘youth’ when he got the chance.

“I know, I like that about you.” I smiled at his words and he leaned even closer, glancing down at my lips. He hadn’t yet kissed me, and I had been wondering when he would get around to it.

“Um- yeah well you know me, just always ready for the truth and-” he kissed me, effectively cutting off my rambling. I kissed him back eagerly, bringing one hand up to grasp his neck, my fingers brushing the soft ends of his hair.

I was happy.

“You want at least two kids?” I nodded at Isaac’s question, closing my eyes as my his hands combed through my hair. We were sitting in my backyard, him leaning against a large tree while my head was in his lap.

“I’d like a house full of kids. With lots of music,” I added, making him laugh.

“I like the sound of that.” I opened my eyes at his answer, staring into the warmth of his eyes as he stared back down at me.

“Happy birthday to you!” Everyone sang as I blew out the candles on my birthday cake, claps and cheers following after.

My parents eagerly cut into my 17th birthday cake, passing it around to all of the guests. I was about to grab a piece when an arm snaked around my waist, tugging me out of the crowded living room.

I immediately knew it was Isaac, and when he turned me around to back me up against a wall to give me a quick kiss, I easily leaned into it.

“Happy birthday you,” he said once he leaned back. I grinned, my heart racing.

“You couldn’t have said that in front of everyone out there?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Well… I hate to do this, but I have to go. My mom had a crisis at work and needs me to come help her out. Forgive me?” He looked remorseful, and even though I felt an unpleasant twinge at him leaving so soon, I understood. She was secretary to the mayor, meaning she often had to help put out some fires.

“Of course. See you tomorrow?” He nodded with a wide smile, giving me a peck on my cheek before squeezing my hand and leaving.

I smiled at his retreating figure and went back into the party.

“You’re going to cancel again?” I asked Isaac, crossing my arms in annoyance. This was the third time in two weeks.

“I know, I’m sorry I just have so much going on with the new album. I really need to put in a 100 percent right now. You understand?” he asked, giving me an apologetic look as we stood on my front porch.

I sighed. “I don’t want to sound like a needy girlfriend, you know I don’t, but I just miss you.”

“You don’t. And I miss you too, we’ll plan something soon okay?”

I gave him a wary smile and he kissed my forehead in response. “Love you, Elle.”

“Love you too.” I replied. He skipped down the stairs and waved from his car as he drove away, gone in a flash once again.

“Thank you so much Mrs. Fisher, I really appreciate it,” I said to Isaac’s mother over the phone before bidding her goodbye and hanging up. Since Isaac had been so busy lately, I thought I would surprise him with dinner and a movie at his house, like we had done when we first started dating.

I called his mother to see when he would be home for a few hours, come to find out he would be home in about half an hour. I took my chance and grabbed a movie with some leftovers, walking over to his house a few blocks away.

When I got to the front door, I lifted up the welcome mat where they kept the spare key, letting myself into their house. I expected to be greeted by nothing but silence, only to hear voices from the kitchen. As far I knew, no one was supposed to be home.

I walked curiously through the dining room, stopping by the cracked open door of the kitchen when I could recognize Isaac’s voice, but someone else was with him.

“Didn’t you say you would do it soon, Isaac? I hate living in secret like this.” The voice was distinctly female, light and pleasing.

“I know, I’m sorry Lena. I just don’t want to hurt her,” Isaac said, sounding sorrowful. I furrowed my eyebrows, not wanting to believe what I thought I was hearing.

What...

“I’m sorry it’s just… I want to be with you. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

My heart stopped cold.

I dared to peek in the small crack between the open door and the frame when I no longer heard their voices, only to see Isaac kissing a blonde, her back to me.

I yanked open the door, my blood boiling.

“Well if you didn’t want to hurt me I think you failed.” At my voice the couple sprung apart, Isaac staring at me in horror. I couldn’t even bear to look at ‘Lena.’

“Eloise, what-” He began, coming towards me, but I cut him off.

“If you think for a second that you can explain your way out of this, think again.” I could feel my throat tightening like it did when I wanted to cry, but I refused to shed a single tear in front of him.

“This isn’t how I wanted to tell you, I just-”

“I don’t want to hear it Isaac! I trusted you. And you broke that.” As I went to turn around and leave, he grabbed my wrist. His touch was sickening, and I reacted on instinct, slapping him clean across his face.

I heard Lena gasp as Isaac quickly let go of me, but I barely heard it, staring at the growing red mark on his cheek. I stepped up to him, keeping my gaze firm as I locked eyes with his green ones.

“Don’t you ever come near me again, you sorry excuse for a man.”

He let me go when I stormed out this time, practically running through his house and slamming the front door behind me.

The tears fell freely this time as I ran home.

~~~

“Are you alright, Eloise?” a voice asked. I sat up quickly and saw Harper standing near the doorway to my room, her arms full with fabric and her brown eyes concerned.

“I’m fine. I… I need a moment.” I stood up and brushed by her quickly, simply needing to get out of my room and take a breather.

I found myself rushing down the grand staircase to the first floor and out the doors that led to the palace’s gardens. The fresh air was already beginning to calm me down as I found the nearest tree I could and leaned against it, but my heart was still racing.

“Don’t be stupid, he’s the stupid one,” I muttered, chastising myself for my slightly dramatic reaction.

“So who’s the one responsible for making you upset then?” I whipped around at the sound of another voice, seeing Clove on my right leaning an elbow on a bench she was seated on, smirking while she rested her chin on her palm.

“Oh um- no one, I just-” I sighed, pressing a hand against my forehead, “an ex-boyfriend.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Oh?” It was funny how that one word laced with an innocent question managed to make everything I had been holding back the past few months burst out in a hurried ramble.

“My sister just told me he’s getting married, which normally is fine you know, I should be happy for him!” I gestured with my hands, exasperated. “But she’s the same girl he cheated on my with and I’m just more upset at the fact that I’m bothered by this, because I don’t want to be bothered by this. I like being here, I like Nate and teasing him when he gets all flustered and I don’t want to feel conflicted about Isaac because I want to enjoy Nate and-” I cut myself off, realizing that I probably just said too much. Although I hadn’t spent much time with Nate, I found myself already eager to get to know him more, but I didn’t exactly want to tell the whole world that.

Throughout my rant, Clove simply sat with a questioning look, but as soon as I mentioned “cheated” her slight amusement disappeared and her expression fell flat. She sat up to sit correctly and lean back against the bench, crossing her arms. After I stopped talking she sat there and simply stared, taking a moment of silence before speaking. “I see…”

I sighed, exhausted at bringing up something I thought I was done with and moved to sit on the bench next to her. “And I know he's a jerk. I broke up with him when I found out, and I never want to get back together with him. But it just... it hurts.”

She took a deep breath and released it slowly before saying, “Broken hearts tend to hurt.”

I let out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, the hard part is getting over it. Which I thought I was up until now.”

Clove stared ahead as she thought for a moment. “It’s a process. Getting over someone you loved is not the same as getting over someone you never cared about. This is one of those instances where the actual idiot gets the better hand.

I looked at the flowers in front of us instead of at Clove, a little embarrassed that I was still so caught up in this. “I just want to be over him already.”

“He didn’t deserve you if he had you in front of him and couldn’t be a decent straightforward guy. Half the time guys like him keep messing up, Eloise.”

I nodded. “I know I could do better. Am doing better, at least at the moment.” Being in a competition to be with a charming prince was certainly a step up from cheating boyfriends.

“But it still sucks,” she remarked.

I gave a short laugh. “Yeah. It really sucks.” I shook my head, realizing that this was probably the last thing Clove wanted to talk about. “I’m sorry I dumped all this on you.” Although I considered us somewhat friends after a game of chess and helping her see her dad the other day, this was a bit of a heavy topic.

Clove was silent for a moment, then shook her head. “It's fine, bottling it all up isn't recommendable either... I'm sorry your last relationship ended in a sour note, but...there's always room for learning something. Also, even if things don't work with Nate, he's not the type to hurt someone like that on purpose.”

“I may not know Nate too well, but I don’t think he would do that either. But thank you for listening,” I looked at her, offering a small smile. “I appreciate it.”

She finally smiled a bit. “Want to hit something?”

I laughed at the odd, but fitting suggestion. “What could you offer to hit?”

“Have you been to the palace gym?”

I stood in front of a punching bag while Clove handed me a pair of gloves. “Put them on.” I did as she instructed, raising a brow at the strange feeling. We had made our way to the rather impressive gym the palace had, Clove guiding me to an area filled with several punching bags.

“Gotta make sure you won’t break a hand,” she explained, placing herself behind the bag and gesturing for me to begin. “So who was the girl?”

I hit the bag once, unsure at the sport I had never tried. “I didn’t know her.”

“Is that all you’ve got? A bit more confidence, come on,” she reprimanded my weak punch. “You know his connection to her?”

I hit the bag harder as Lena came to mind, and how I later learned more about her, desperate to find some reason why he did what he did. “She was a backup singer for his album. He’s a singer.”

An annoyingly good singer.

“Singer huh? How good was she?” Clove held the bag tightly, eyeing me expression as I spoke.

I hit the bag another time, furrowing my eyebrows. “A beautiful soprano apparently.”

“Really? What about you?”

“Mezzo soprano, I have an in between voice.” Another hit, gradually getting stronger.

“Huh...was she better then?”

I stopped for a moment to shrug. “In certain ways.” I began to sweat as I hit again.

“That’s not a straight answer.” I gave her a look.

“Yes.”

Her expression was unreadable as she gestured towards the bag with her head. “You sure about that answer?”

I scowled, hitting the bag even harder. “Yes she was better.” Before, just talking about Lena or Isaac used to bring tears to my eyes, but now I just felt so angry.

“So that bothers you.”

“It really bothers me.”

“Because she was better.”

I nodded, hitting the bag more in between our words. I could tell by now what Clove was doing, trying to get me to open up, but I didn’t protest.

She clenched her jaw, but when she spoke her voice was calm. “So you weren’t good enough.”

I furrowed my eyebrows again, pressing my lips tightly together before responding. “No. I wasn’t good enough.” I hit the bag a little more aggressively at my words.

She pressed her lips together. “So...you got traded for a better card?”

Her words almost made my jaw drop, but I settled for giving her a look of disbelief. “If you want to put it that way.” By now I was panting, the exercise starting to get to me.

“Who’s fault was it, Eloise?”

I glared at the punching bag as I landed another hit. “Isaac’s. He chose to leave.”

“With a girl that knew very well he was dating someone else.”

“What a stellar girl she is,” I replied sarcastically. A corner of her lips lifted slightly before returning to her neutral look.

“Then why did you agree with me that you weren’t good enough?”

“Because he chose her instead of me!” My voice rose, and I could feel my temper coming out.

“No. You said he chose to leave. He didn’t choose her over you, that’s the whole point. He didn’t want to make a choice and then when you found out he couldn’t keep it up. Why is that girl any better than you?”

“Because I wasn’t good enough for him.” His face suddenly appeared on the punching bag as I landed another hit, though I didn’t feel guilty about it.

She shook her head, speaking a little faster. “Because she had a better voice? Because she didn't care enough about others and dated someone that was already in a relationship? Why is she better than you, Eloise? Tell me. Why are you measuring your worth on his choice? What makes him the wiser?”

“I thought I was enough for him okay? But I was wrong. I just wanted to be enough for someone, and it turns out I wasn’t and now he’s off with someone who is and it wasn’t me. Her stupid voice and her stupid choices don’t matter! I loved him and I thought he loved me too but I wasn’t enough!” I landed one final good punch at my last word.

There it was. All this time, I had been upset for how he completely shattered my self esteem, rather than the fact that he didn’t love me anymore. It had taken me all those months to build myself back up to who I was, but his stupidity still made me doubt my worth.

Clove’s brows furrowed slightly and she took a deep breath. “Yeah, you’re right, to him you weren’t enough…” She paused, letting go of the bag. I took my chance to wipe the sweat dripping down into my eyes with the back of my arm.

“That doesn’t mean he was right though,” she pointed out, giving me a sad smile, “It means he didn't appreciate what he had.”

I closed my eyes for a moment, letting out a shaky breath before looking at Clove. “No, he wasn’t right. I just…” I sat down on the floor and tugged off the gloves, “I don’t know how to stop feeling so bad about him.”

Clove tilted her head down at me, but didn’t say anything, instead walking to the back of the room and getting a towel. She came over, unfolding it, and promptly dropped it on top of me, covering my whole head. I sat there, a bit surprised at her actions as I heard her sit down next to me, before removing it and flashing her a strange look. I wiped my face and neck off while she stared straight ahead.

“That feeling probably won't leave just yet, but you push through it. You keep going even if it hurts. It's okay to express your feelings, don't get me wrong, but you can't let them stop you.”

“And I don’t want them to stop me. I want to move on and just be happy.” At least romantically. I would always be happy with my family and friends around, but I didn’t want my previous relationship to hang over my head anymore.

She pressed her lips together, but nodded. “And you will...eventually. Just don't justify what he did,” she looked over at me, “you weren't the one that wasn't good enough.”

I nodded, sighing. “I know,” I admitted, shaking my head, “Sometimes I just lose sight of that.”

Whether Clove knew it or not, her little intervention helped more than anything else the past nine months. Finally saying what I had kept bottled up for too long was another invisible weight lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t expect to be completely over Isaac in an instant, but now I knew that I was well on my way there.

She looked at me shortly before giving me a brief nod. “Understandable.” She was silent a moment before adding, “If you ever need anyone to punch a bag with, I'm your girl.”

I laughed at that. “Thanks. I um,” I picked at a loose thread on a glove, “I’m sorry if that was a bit... much. I don’t think I’ve ever talked about all of this before like that.”

She shrugged a bit. “I brought you here expecting to get you to talk about it so… You don't really have to worry,” she explained with a little smile.

I returned it. “Well it worked. You definitely knew what you were doing, though.” I gave her a pointed look.

“Knowledge is power?” She shrugged, attempting a joke.

I gave a short laugh, joking back. “I'll remember that.”

She nodded. “You know what else is power? Some food after exercising.”

I brightened, realizing that I was actually starving after being drained physically and emotionally. “Like baby carrots?”

She raised an eyebrow at my apparently unconventional food preference. “What?”

“Baby carrots. They're pretty delicious.”

“Baby carrots?” She snorted a little at having to repeat herself again.

I rolled my eyes with a smile. “Everyone is always so surprised when I tell them that. But yes, they're my favorite food.”

She raised both eyebrows now. “Oh, really? Baby carrots is your favorite food?”

“Number one,” I declared with a nod.

She laughed, standing up. “Alright, weirdo, let’s go get you some of those. I’ll get some normal food.”

I stood up with her and shoved her shoulder lightly, smiling. “My food is very normal!”

[watsonofagun]

HOW DO YOU RUN YOUR BLOG?

Speed: terribly slow at this moment because i just can’t get it in my head to write properly and it’s frustrating, but i write a bunch anyway on saturdays so long i have no other plans to hinder it. also usually keep everything in draft and then post them over time so i don’t get overwhelmed quickly but tbh it doesn’t always work. so uh, fastest is 3 days, slowest is 3 weeks.

Replies: usually match length and effort as best as i can, otherwise i’m usually more fond of things that give 2-3 paragraphs. writing matters a LOT to me, despite being a straightforward person, so i usually have ‘more muse’ for the medium-length threads. unless you’re Bree. or just threads like ours that are so full of life in all different aspects. that’s all i really want.

Starters: i’m terrible at them, hence i don’t do a lot of starter calls. especially since i’ve been around for so long and essentially ran out of things to start with, so i prefer if people could make starters for me or at least approach me on what they might like to do, in which case i can make the starter because i have at least something to go along with. and i very rarely approach people, unfortunately, mostly out of shyness, so..........

Inbox: i used to answer them straightaway because i like to keep my inbox clean, but i stopped bothering soon after because i realized it was keeping me from doing the proper drafts. so i’ll only answer when i have spare time during work, or outside work. learned to keep my priorities straight. nevertheless, it is always open to all including anons.

Selectivity: i gotta keep emphasizing on the fact that i’m not a mutuals only blog, because i simply cannot follow all 550 followers, and a fast-moving dash makes me very nervous. other than following being selective, i’m usually okay to write with anyone, as long as rules are abode and they don’t mind if i take forever. but if anything, i do get a bit selective on thread replying, because i need it to drive my motivation. it’s difficult to want to write if the thread feels boring or there isn’t much to go on with or it just simply isn’t making me want to give effort in the writing.

Wishlist item: my marvel au verse is tingling for threads even if there isn’t enough everett ross to go off with....... there’s also a bunch of unfinished threads that were either dropped or the partner disappeared which i don’t mind doing again, even though right now i can only think of those that are with mycrofts. also, things that are john-centric because he needs care too...... sometimes i feel like he always has to be the support figure to others who deem themselves to be of more importance, and really, after all that with sherlock and mary, it’s already clear that he doesn’t want to be a background guy who’s only useful when others need help. he wants to be MINDED. to be a PERSON. so forgive him if he has these angry episodes sometimes, it’s just...he’s been through so much and everyone seems to forget that and take him for granted and he needs to know that he is loved and that’s all i really want for him.

Honest note: i should have put the more passionate part from the previous point to here instead lol. but other than that, i’m terribly sorry if i’m the most horrible at IMs. 80% of my time on tumblr is actually at work, so i can’t usually talk with more than 2 people at the same time lest i forget to reply. not to mention my mood at work is usually bleh. and i prefer to focus on writing than to chat, so...i’m just not a chatty person to begin with. but if you want to rp, really, i’m all for it, drop me a starter or ask or IM and i’ll do my best to reply, if not, feel free to bug me, seriously. despite being old and cranky, i rarely get genuinely mad. i’m just tired and lazy most of the time.   oh, also about shipping with my muse, as much a casanova as he is, my preference is a lot more on the platonic or fluffy side, and that it takes chemistry first. but please remember as per rules that he’s not gonna marry anyone except mary (save in verses that are completely outside sherlock), so if his flirty bit does get him a girlfriend/boyfriend, the relationship will NOT last. in fact, my headcanon for him is that 80% of his relationships fall out within 2 weeks, so you really have to be very lucky in chemistry to last longer. yeah, i refer to Kat at this point, still blown away by their relationship.

Tagged by: i stole it off @quietresistance​  Tagging: eh, feel free to take

[wavemaker9]

also all the angsty ship questions for rustralia!! all or whichever ones you want. you're going down with me

i accept this sacrifice

sorry mobile people

1. do they have a lot of arguments? if so, over what?

they argue pretty rarely. if they do, it’s usually over basic shit. gender roles have been i think the thing they’ve really argued over the most? at least the pink crayon time but i feel there was another time. oh one time kyle and gil teased ivan about his written language and ivan got genuinely upset so kyle had to backpedal real fast and he actually apologized instead of doing his “learn how to take a joke” thing like he does with ludwig/gil. they make up pretty quickly if they do find something to fight about because they’re both so worried about seriously angering and pushing away the other

2. who apologizes first? in what way? is it hard for either of them to apologize?

whoops accidentally partially answered above. usually whoever started it probably. the one who upset the other is so worried they apologize as quickly as possible once they know the other is genuinely mad. usually they just say they’re sorry and how they didn’t mean to upset the other and give a lot of praise to the other as they can. prob not hard at all because it’s harder for the other to stay mad at them

3. which one has more insecurities? over what?

they both have so many. i guess i picture kyle having slightly more. that may be because kyle assumes the same, but basically like since he’s younger and doesn’t express his issues as much as ivan does so they build up. kyle still hasn’t learned how to deal with a lot of the shit ivan has with his additional experience. it’s also a vicious cycle with the expressing himself because he feels bad hiding the feelings because they build up but he also feels bad not hiding them because kirkland raising and all that. he also has worse immediate influences in his life. his season is objectively way shittier to him and like actively harmful to himand he lives with a creature who is constantly talking shit about him while ivan just has a couple normal pets. idk there are a lotta things i guess. over what though? over like everything, lol

4. who gets more riled up? do they show their anger? 

not really by each other i think but kyle gets riled up more probably. ivan gets upset by more things and his anger is probably worse in that he’ll allow himself to act farther on it if he lets himself at all, but when arguments start with him, at least that i’ve seen, he does that smiley false (and sometimes genuine) joy thing a lot which gets the person he’s upset with angry which amuses ivan so it probably doesn’t build as much. he’s also backed off in teh past if he saw himself getting really mad like with the language thing. you push kyle and he gets aggressive argue-y/sarcastic and that makes things worse and that makes him angrier usually and he doesn’t recognize the need to back off. the angrier he gets, the harder he fights. one thing he learned from summer was accidentally making himself angry instead of his target. 

5. how do they hide their pain when they’re upset? do they try to hide their pain?

as mentioned above, kyle tries to hide the pain a lot more. mainly humor and liquor. ivan might hide it in the immediate panic denial way sometimes but he’ll cry way more easily about shit if given the chance. alcohol works for him too. can i say the big answer is alcohol?

6. who tries to make up first? does it work?

again, whoever fucked up first, they usually make the first move to try and patch up whatever issues they’re dealing with

7. would they hate-fuck if they were mad at one another? if they had a falling out?

i don’t think it’d be a full hate-fuck. mostly i picture that cliche angry yelling to confession/apology to making out shit. if they were /really/ mad about something serious, i don’t think they’d be in the mood. probably both of them are chill with hate-fucking. kyle at least isn’t. about that shit, like super into it, but he’s fine with it in concept. his emotions and relationships always cross over spectacularly so he could easily roll with it in certain relays, but he doesn’t really view their relationship like that. his relay with ivan is actually one of the more nice and caring ones he’s had and he’s kind of settled into that so like them getting to the angry stage of actual hate-fucking just instills panic and a need to fix it since love is their primary emotion tied to their relay and that anger is so different that, like i said, it’s more just worry about breaking up than sex atm. kyle frustratingly loves a lot of people but ivan is not one of them, he straight loves ivan and that’s it, no anger to be found. if they did already have a falling out… see it’d still be like anger to passion i think. hate-fuck’s, at least the way i’m picturing it, are way too aggressive for them. at least this version of them. first rp thing i wrote with kyle had him end up hate fucking ivan, that was def a thing. thatwhole. fucking rp was a Thing though not thanks to the ivan that’s more a side thing, but this kyle and ivan are too gooey in how much they love each other, i don’t see them having the history they standardly have and then hitting actually /hating/ each other but still being dtf. idk idk. 

8. do they hold grudges? is it hard for them to let go/forgive each other?

yeah. kyle’s like the most obvious grudge holder like ever? kid wears his feelings on his sleeves and i’ve already mentioned his grudge with arthur adn then ludwig in hetalr. against each other, though, nah. again, they will forgive each other at the drop of a hat for shit they really shouldn’t. 

9. is there something big that could potentially tear them apart if it was revealed

i think the only thing they’ve ever disagreed on to the point where it threatened their relay was an rp idea where basically ivan was willing to sacrifice someone else to save kyle and kyle was 100% against that. it didn’t really threaten their relay at the time but it’d be the closest thing that would. kyle is so self-sacrificial and ivan is so hardcore focused on protecting those he cares about and that can cause a clash when they contradict. if ivan sacrifices someone else who kyle would rather live instead of him, kyle. kyle understands, but he’s still furious because it a, dismisses kyle’s expressed wants for wanting to save the other person, and b, betrays how bad ivan’s morals can get for what he wants in a way that kyle can’t easily forgive without at least some time passing. that was also mentioned in the hp au with kyle being furious with mel for saving him during the attack on that famous quidditch game. kyle never wants to live at the expense of someone else and even if it’s another person’s choice, he’ll blame himself, but he’ll be mad immediately at that other person for forcing that onto him. especially with someone who knows him as well as ivan tends to; he expects ivan to know he’d never want that and respect that, ivan’s always so good otherwise about putting kyle’s wants first and now when that actually matters ot kyle he doesn’t. he’ll move past it and understand it to a point given enough time, but he may never forgive them. 

another thing would be ivan genuinely trying to contain kyle to keep him from leaving. they’ve brought it up and kyle laughs about it because he never really considers ivan being serious about it. both because he wouldn’t consider anyone would do that (Again the overly self sacrificing sde) and also like anyone would genuinely be that upset and resistant against losing him (+ he figures there’s no reason in the world he’d ever leave ivan by choice). ivan actually taking steps to control kyle and force him to stay either against his will or at least against his expressed plans (one idea was them having to split for political reasons despite neither of them wanting to) would be jarring because again, ivan puts kyle’s priorities first so commonly he doesn’t expect ivan to suddenly not do that in a way ivan should know is a /huge/ issue for kyle.

I read “if it was revealed” and idk if the above covers that. i guess just revealing that ivan is willing to cross lines kyle doesn’t fully realize he will?? idk. i have no idea if kyle could do anything to make ivan wanna break up with him. 

10. if something already happened to tear them apart, what would make them come back together? is it even possible?

literally every ‘could they ever get back together’ question is ‘probably if not definitely yes’. even the above could have ways of kyle managing to at least accept it and get back together with ivan. mainly him being lonely. both of tehm are so willing to put up with a lot of shit to be wiht the other because they’re so lonely and finally found someone they click with so well that they don’t feel lonely with anymore. 

11. what’s their favorite pass time when they’re upset?

kyle does the standards. working out, playing video games, drinking. less standard for everyone if he’s really upset is the whole. like. self-damaging shit. both unintentionally and intentionally dangerous and directly lethal shit, it’s a scale. ivan probably drinking too. i don’t remember if this was a joke or a genuine thing but i remember the idea came up of a dart board with people’s faces on it who he’s mad at and i honestly still love the idea. i remember ivan rants about things he’s mad or sad about in his journal, there was the pics of gil with his eyes crossed out. just hanging out together tends to brighten their moods together, but drinking together probably ups things or just cutesy romance/sex shit. idk probably other stuff idk

12. who do they confide in when shit hits the fan (besides each other)?

doug for kyle which is all bad. occasionally may discuss it with nz or human friends but less so, especially depending on the situation like can’t blab about work problems in detail to human friends. mostly just tries to bottle that shit up. i imagine ivan talks to family about shit but there’s def his journal that he again will happily express all his problems to with no filter even if sharing the information. oh also doesn’t he have a therapist he talks to too?

13. is it hard for them to talk about their feelings openly with each other? if so, is there any way that can be resolved, even in the slightest?

it’s always hard for kyle to talk about his feelings while ivan’s super chill with it. kyle’s slowly learning how to be more comfortable showing his more ‘negative’ emotions like sadness to ivan, but he’s still ~~ about it. they’re that ‘you wanna talk about your feelings?’ ‘no’ ‘i do’ ‘i know ___’ ‘i’m sad’ ‘i know ____’ vine. 

14. who grieves more when the other is away?

both are very bad at being alone. ivan probably low-key grieves teh whole time and kyle just high-key grieves during his mood dips when he can’t otherwise distract himself

15. who misses the other more, or really thinks about them more?

both miss each other so much again. they’re always trying to communicate with each other because they’re again so bad at beign alone. they’re tied, always missing the other always

16. do either of them have a special item (an article of clothing, a necklace, a book) that they use when they miss the other? if so, what is it? what do they do with it (read, wear, look at, smell)?

they each have gifts and clothes from the others they like. they’ll steal clothes they very clearly can’t wear just to have that smell and touch that’s familiar. kyle made a book once with like pictures and an audio thing to talk about how great ivan is and also gave him a bunch of sketches he did of ivan as a ‘you make my life so much better and i just want you to know how much i appreciate it’ thing. ivan gave him a translated journal of all his thoughts about kyle and how great he was. i’m 95% sure kyle’s admitted in hetalr canon to looking at that journal a lot when he hits a mood dip. it’s so important to him. also kyle at least saves a lot of messages from ivan to read back through. oh, i rmeember ivan does too cause he was able to back up a lot of messages when aus!kyle deleted them all.

17. who cries more? who gets more emotional in general?

ivan. ivan cries more. ivan gets more emotional in general, too, but kyle is a close second. they’re both very emotional but ivan expresses it and lets himself feel it way more. kyle lets himself flip between 3 emotions that he feels at max volume and the other ones he buries in his backyard. 

18. do either of them have the other’s stuff lying around their house?

see 16 pal

19. how about teasing? do they tease each other while in a fight (whether it be with themselves or just general teasing)?

their chiller fights they do. like the pink crayon fight eventually turned into kyle sending ivan ‘duuuun duuunnn’ messages like it was jaws. ivan especially probably, he’s all about that ‘i’m going to act really dismissive and unbothered to bother your anger because you get angrier then and god is it funny’ so if they were like playfully fighting ivan’d definitely tease kyle a lot especially since kyle does let that shit set him off more and he’s so funny when he’s non-seriously mad

20. do either of them have any vices?

both of them do, have you seen them?? they have like. all of them. they have all the vices.

21. what’s the thing they miss most about each other?

just general company. again, they’re both lonely and desperate for companionship and they just miss having the other’s company and the good warm feeling of being around the other. it’s prolly why they’re so touchy feely when htey are together. hate being apart, even just by feet or inches. 

22. what’s their go-to breakup/angst song?

any that really highlight how devastated the person is following the break up, especially if drinking is involved in the lyrics. OH OH OH! idk if it’s specifically for rustralia but the go-to song for kyle’s early views on relays is Love Is Hell. Again (friendly reminder that Again was for a relay where it was pretty much entirely the other person’s fault but kyle still managed to blame himself because of course he did) or Perfect I’ve tied to other breakups of kyle’s, does that count? Trying Not To Love You isn’t so much angst as a lot of the others since the end is brighter but i picture it with rustralia a lot. Get Stoned is another non-rustralia but other-kyle-relay song but that starting line “Just hear me out: If it’s not perfect I’ll perfect it to my heart explodes” is so good for kyle in any relay. fuck now i’m just connecting through recommended songs for the vids from get stoned and there are a few tha’s probably good for kyle. oh i bet that shitty bruno marz song about catching a grenade or whatever. fuck there’s probably lots but i do not feel like spending 40 minutes slowly scrolling through all my songs on my phone. honestly these double as both songs about shitty relays kyle has/has had/thinks he’ll have as well as songs kyle’d likely listen to. never forget he’d mainly a modern/pop rock kinda guy at this point in his life and he likes most of marz’ shit including that just. terrible song. 

i went to check kyle’s feelings blog to see if i reblogged any songs to it and i forgot he reblogged the wtnv quote ‘he grinned and everything about him was perfect and i fell in love instantly’ what a sappy idiot. 

23. who’s more jealous?

ivan, but mainly because he’ll act on it. ivan will get jealous and get angry. kyle will get jealous and get sad. kyle loves ivan, but isn’t past the ‘he can do better than me’ mindset so if he thought ivan was interested in someone else. like that. fucking sucks and he hates it and he’s devastated but it’s whatever makes ivan happy. he’s always worried about that and will get relatively prickly about the idea of someone else making a move on ivan, but if was clear ivan was into it, he’d back down, he values ivan’s happiness too much. ivan, on the other hand, loves kyle and also isn’t really past the ‘he can do better than me’ mindset but instead of just accepting it, he gets anxious or on edge or prickly or just generally overly protective just as bad but doesn’t let it go. kyle can’t be happy with someone else if ivan doesn’t let him find out he’d be happier with someone else

24. who is the first to forgive?

i’ve answered this like three times now my dude cmon, it depends on the person apologizing like almost every time because it’ll be the other person. if tehy’re both partially to blame…. kyle’s self-worth is low and he justifies behavior for people he likes so probably him? yeah, yeah, that sounds about right. not that ivan is far behind though, again, they both forgive so easily.

25. what’s the one deal breaker for either of them (lack of communication, fear of commitment, etc)?

i honestly don’t know what ivan’s deal break would be, but i already mentioned kyle’s tends to be cases where his own wants/needs/expectations are blatantly dismissed in ways that cross lines for him on moral grounds. basically even outside of this relay, if kyle gets to a point (and from past experience lemme tell you it often takes either a big event or a long time of little ones) where he realizes that he’s not happy because this other person doesn’t value him and his wants as much as he does them and he actually reaches a point where he can acknowledge being alone would be better than this, he’ll finally move on. man does it take him a while though and some really nasty shit, he’s put up with so fucking much in the past. look at him still dealing with doug. summer he’s had that once or twice but always goes back to her. the one rp he reached that point after just. the worst shit. this kid will put up with so much just to not be alone. 

26. who would take longer to let go? do they ever really “let go”?

ivan. ivan probably never lets go, the stubborn guy. again, kyle’s accepting of things. there was one rp with khep about what’d happen if kyle and gil had a relay and gil died and kyle was dating someone else by the time gil came back and remembered who he was and that he’d been involved with kyle and everything. kyle refused to break it off with the person he was dating even if he cared about gil more, but he also expected gil to start dating other people too and when gil countered he wasn’t going to do that because he still liked kyle and wasn’t ready to move on and while he could accept kyle not taking him back he wasn’t going to start dating someone just because kyle wanted him to, it fucking like blew kyle’s mind. he literally had an epiphany at realizing the concept of doing something you want because the alternative, while expected and the ‘more right’ option at a glance, won’t make anyone happier than the other option. kyle’s all about self-sacrifice where it’s literally an expectation for himself even when it’d be more practical for him not to. if he felt letting go of ivan was needed. it’d take forever and emotionally kill him in the meantime but he could at least pretend long enough where he could mostly buy the act. ivan would not pretend. if he didn’t want to let kyle go, he wouldn’t.  

27. which is more afraid of confrontation?

both (with each other. with others, both are fine with confrontations under certain circumstances. kyle likes to throw himself into fights and ivan likes to watch fights, it probably accidentally encourages kyle being a little shit)

28. who’s the first to distance themselves (if either)?

kyle, kyle always. kyle distances himself to avoid hurting himself as his first reaction to anything, it’s what happened when they first started semi-dating. kyle put off dating ivan seriously for at least 2 months and kind backed off just a bit when he realzed ivan was romantically interested in him instead of just platonically/sexually. same with after they got engaged and kyle got scared about that & then the 2p event, kyle backed off hard after that. really in comparison between austin and kyle, kyle tends to criticize austin when given the chance for being so emotionally distant, but you really can see the start of what austin will do in the 1p2p au with how kyle handles some relay shit now. 

29. who’s more patient? is it hard to break that patience?

both are pretty patient with each other but i think ivan is a little more with kyle? it doesn’t really fully break his patience but he makes a stronger point of calling kyle out when kyle talks shit about himself. 

30. who’s the first to blame themselves?

*clint mcelroy voice* HA! no but seriously it’s kyle hands fucking down my dude. kyle is always prepared and eager to take the blame 100%. even if it wasn’t his idea or fault or even if he wasn’t involved at all, if taking the blame will help in his eyes in any way shape or form, he’ll do it in a heart beat, martyr in the worst way

31. who’s more likely to do something out of spite?

i wanna say both? they’re both stubborn assholes when they wanna be and if they were really upset about something, i could see them doing something to get back at the other for that reason. 

32. who would be the first to say they hate the other? would they mean it?

kyle but probably not. it’d hurt and he’d probably cave and admit he didn’t mean it and take it back, but he’d probably say it as an attempt to get ivan to distance himself from kyle for whatever reason kyle has to cut ties. or i guess i don’t know if he’d say those words but a part of him might come close trying to draw them out of ivan. it’s easier to break things off if the other person hates you so you can say you’re doing the right thing for everyone. alternatively, him genuinely upset and blurting out that he hates ivan before stopping and backtracking no no i don’t. i could never hate you but i’m not fucking happy with you right now, fuck. 

this is of course ignoring those playful cases where one of them is being super gooey in a teasing way or like being a smart ass or something like that. kyle at least will playfully say shit then, but he does while like, leaning into him or giving him a cheek kiss or some sign to show ‘i’m not serious, i love you, you bastard.’ both know how unsure the other is so if they ever do tease about that, they’re like really really focused on making sure the other knows they’re not serious. 

33. who worries more?

ivan. kyle ‘no worries’ brown. jk, kyle worries too. they’re like tied but ivan a little more. both are so worried about losing the other but again, kyle’s more pessimistic and accepting in the end. if something happens that makes ivan leave him, that’s what’s best for ivan. it is the worst thing ever and will crush his heart, but ivan comes first. other over self and all that. + ivan doesn’t look in any political danger of losing his country, so he’s relatively sure ivan’s okay in that way as well. it’s unlikely kyle would lose his country to put him in danger as well, but ivan can lose kyle in other ways. and like even if he can’t lose kyle via death atm, he still worries about that. he was very on edge when captain attacked kyle even when kyle insisted he’d have been fine. of course, if it were reversed, kyle’d have worried too, but i don’t think quite as bad as ivan? not that he wouldn’t have been worried a fuck ton it’s just like. kyle is a 9.9 and ivan is a 10, you know what i mean? ivan’s concern is some high key shit. 

34. what scent reminds them of the other?

kyle’s scents are probably more earthy, warm earth and the salt of the sea and burnt wood. ivan’s are more cool and crisp, the air after a cold snow and the fresh smell of evergreens in a forest. oh also of course sunflowers yeah? yeah. vodka/beer is tied to them too probably. probably others too but that’s just off the top of the head. 

35. do they have any regrets (regarding the other, or just in general)?

besides standard solo and then nation regrets because boy are there a lot, kyle regrets taking so long to listen to ivan and start dating him seriously and trust him about all this. i have no idea what regrets ivan has about kyle. maybe the same? it’s okay that you needed your time and i’m fine with it but i kinda wish you’d listened to me earlier too. also sometimes they tend to regret gifts if like one of them gets a big thing for the other and the other gets smaller shit. both have had one or two times each where htey were like ‘i fucked up and should have done more’ i think. kyle has at least. 

36. who’s quicker to walk away if a situation gets heated?

ivan probably. i’ve seen him walk away from shit he was mad about like the language thing with gil and kyle. kyle makes heated shit build instead of trying to resolve it. 

37. who is more prone to anger?

both, but it’s different types. kyle is more of the expressive instigatory childish anger while ivan is more the smiley you can’t tell but i’m plotting how to end your life or at least burn a bunch of pictures of you later today in my backyard kind of anger. kyle’s a low key often kind of anger while ivan is more high key but he doesn’t try to keep up the angering shit like kyle does. 

38. who cries more in an argument? do either of them cry?

ivan. kyle tries very hard not to but will sometimes cry. ivan is way more open about hte tears. it doesn’t help that usually arguments set one/both of them in a panic if tehy get bad enough of losing the other as previously mentioned

39. does it take a lot for it to get to the point of yelling?

yeah def but they can deffo do it

40. who sleeps on the couch? can either of them sleep without the other?

they usually don’t stay mad at each other that long. i feel if they were, kyle’d just head out for the night, crash at a friend’s house. again, always ready to distance himself if need be. if he’s still mad enough that they need enough space to not be in teh same room, he’s mad enough that he figures it’ll just be better to just be in separate buildings for the night. kyle’s an extremes guy, all or nothing really. of course before he leaves still tells ivan he’ll be back in the morning, doesn’t want that worry even when mad. if ivan’s mad, kyle’d probably sleep on the couch/in the guest room then I guess unless it was a big enough thing where it’d be easier to stay with a friend until things cooled down. 

41. who’s more likely to protect the other?

ivan but both of them but ivan is more likely to do /anything/ necessary to do so. 

42. if one of them gets injured, who worries more?

again, both but ivan prolly but only slightly. if it’s a big thing, again it’s 9.9 vs 10. kyle worries so much all the time but ivan is just so anxious and !!! about some shit. admittedly with smaller shit, kyle gets injured a lot so like all his friends and fmaily kind of get used to it but ivan still puts a lot of effort into making sure he’s okay. if ivan got a smaller injury, kyle’d try to figure out what he needs but. well. again, with how often kyle deals with injuries on himself, little ones that can heal easily, even on others are chill. he asks if ivan needs pain killer, bandages, something to clean the wound. gets him what he needs but he’s a bit more calm about that. he hates seeing ivan hurt but he knows he’s going to be okay in a little bit and so he tries not ot let it get to him. it’s one of the few things kyle remembers to think logically about since it’s for injuries small enoguh where he doesn’t fly into a panic. one contradiction to this is like mild injuries that are caused by the other. ivan wants to make sure kyle’s okay of course, but he enjoys kyle being in pain to a point so he enjoys it when kyle lets him do things like cut him during sex. kyle knows ivan likes it when kyle hurts him in ways like that during sex, but he feels so guilty knowing he’s the reason ivan’s in pain like this. again, back to the hate-fucking thing, kyle could be about that in the right situations, but he’s not standardly into pain during sex so it takes a lot of reminding himself that this is making ivan happy, that he’s hurting ivan but ivan litearally asked him to and could & would stop him if ivan didn’t want this any longer. it still makes him a little uneasy. he’s happy to do it for ivan but he is definitely not about it.

43. who would be more afraid of the other’s death/harm?

both of them are so afraid of it all the time always. they both know it’s unlikely for the other but it’s still a possibility in very rare ways and the very thought of losing the other like that is so bad. 

44. who ends up yelling first? are they always yelling when arguing, or do neither of them yell at all?

kyle does first, an instinct from some question that pushed a little too hard. if he full on yelled, he’d apologize unless it was a really bad argument, but just like quiet yell probably gets ivan to raise his voice as well

45. who would be more likely to save who?

both of them???? i remember the post was like ‘this doesn’t have to be a romantic ships so i understand some of these questions but they feel so weird for ships like this where they both love and care about each other equally and think a lot a like. 

46. who stays up at night brooding?

kyle but he’s just as likely to brood as to check his phone for the memes

47. who has more dreams/nightmares about the other?

both????

48. who comforts who after a bad dream/event?

both????

49. do they think about each other a lot? does it affect their performance/schoolwork?

yes, and prolly. kyle def, but no more so than anything else. let’s not forget his government started taking his phone from him because he wouldn’t focus in meetings. this fucking child. this fucking adhd-as-hell child. also the times in rp where they each called the other for phone sex at work.

50. if one of them were to come back after a long time, who would come to who? would it go well? would the other person take them back?

ivan’d probably come back immediately. kyle’d be tempted to come back a lot laer on, but he can never go through with it completely. he’ll be on ivan’s doorstep, but can’t knock or ring the bell because he thinks ivan won’t take him back which is bullshit because of course ivan would kyle, cmon, it’s ivan. 

[cupkayke]

For the fanfiction questions thing: 1, 3, 6, 11, 17, 21, 25, 27, 36, 40, 41, 46, 50 and 51 (I hope these aren't too many)

 Not too many at all! I like talking about myself lol.

Under a cut because longggggg.

1) What was the first fandom you got involved in?

Oh gosh, definitely Tokyo Mew Mew. I never wrote fanfics for it but I co-owned and then owned an Avidgamers RP site for TMM called MewUSA back in like 2004-2006. Avidgamers was a forum site engine that was pretty damn nice for its time (also FREE, that was a plus) and I spent HOURS creating characters, storylines, and layouts for it. There were TONS of individual in-character boards and I think we may have had up to 100 unique users at one point. The detailed characters/plotlines were BASICALLY fanfiction- I think I did an entire rp with myself between a few of my characters once- and it was a whole lot of fun. Some of the OCs from that site were repurposed into a longrunning rp I have with @liarino on AIM and I am FOREVER grateful that I met them through that site

Fanfic-wise, it was Full Metal Alchemist. I had a horrendous LITERAL self-insert OC fic called ‘Nice of Me to Drop In’ that was based on an RP I did with a different friend. Plot? ‘Fangirl of FMA LITERALLY FALLS INTO HER TELEVISION AND WAKES UP IN THE UNIVERSE AND FALLS IN LOVE WITH ALPHONSE’. The end. I never finished it but holy shitballs it got SO MANY REVIEWS. I’m surprised how many people actually enjoyed it- I did get some criticisms but despite the fact that it was so cringe-worthy that I took it down it still got sooooo much positive feedback. I sometimes wonder if people would still be reading it on ff.net if I hadn’t taken it down the last time I overhauled that account. I still have some Ouran oneshots on there that I wrote TEN FUCKING YEARS AGO that still get reviews. Dayum. 

3) What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?

I have to say it’s a tie between the Tokyo Mew Mew fandom circa 2003-2006 and the Ouran fandom from about 2006-2008. My experience with them was limited to RP boards but I had the MOST FUN running MewUSA and a long-running Gaia RP ‘Hosting the Hosts’ because of the warm response to the concepts. The TMM fandom especially was super creative even back in the day- there were so many fan mew mews because the formula was so easy and that was one series that I didn’t mind OCs because the concept was easily applied. In-universe, the creator could have easily made more Mew Mews. So the possibilities were endless. That’s also the fandom I learned the majority of my writing skills from, even if I did get called out a couple times for shitty RPing. I got better and I was so sad when the engine finally kicked the bucket. Aside from the RP sites the TMM fandom had sooooo many fansites dedicated to the show- my other favorite being Neko Tokyo. I think that site might still be up… 

Ouran was limited to that RP I ran but damn I never had one so fun. That group of writers was hysterical and I actually met one of them in person because by sheer coincidence she lived near me. She moved soon after we figured it out but she came back for a convention and we hung out all weekend. Unfortunately I don’t remember her name and I lost her phone number T_T I wonder where she is sometimes. I wonder where a lot of my fan friends from back then are. The problem with early 2000s internet.

Tho I think Boueibu will be my new modern fave fandom.

6) List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.

 Ohhhh dear. I’ll keep it to ones that I actually ship characters in because a lot of my early fandoms were MYSELF AS AN OC X HOT MALE CHARACTER. OTL. I was a weeb. Most of these are fandoms I’ve rped in rather than written fanfiction for, however.

Tokyo Mew Mew- PuddingxTart. I like to read IchigoxKisshu fanfics sometimes but that ship is highly problematic looking back on it lol

Code Lyoko - THROWBACK. JeremiexAelita. Adorable.

Ouran HSHC - I’m fond of HunnyxHaruhi (as evidenced by my mostly abandoned ff.net account) but basically AnyonexHaruhi is super cute. I think I read a fic once where Haruhi was in a relationship with ALL of the guys and it was actually super interesting. I don’t think I can find it again, tho.

Harry Potter - Drarry.

Walking Dead - CarolxDaryl FTW. and Richonne. I’ve toyed with the idea of writing fanfics for WD but never quite get up to it.

Mass Effect - Shakarian. Fuck yes. Fun fact I have an unfinished smutfic on the mass effect kinkmeme livejournal that I will EVENTUALLY FINISH ONE DAY AND PUBLISH UNDER MY NAME buuuut for now it will remain an anonymous abandoned fic.

Boueibu - …All of them? OTL I can’t pick one ship… tho if you force me… IoRyuu and BeppuMoto OT3.

YOI - I think everyone’s OTP is Victuuri.

11) Who is your current OTP?

Victuuri.

17)  Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite?

Since Boueibu is my current fandom- I immediately was drawn to Enatsu since s1 had a relatively large focus on them but I’ve kind of fallen out of actively shipping them. I like them as a couple and I think they’re def boyfriends material but they’re definitely a comfortable ship. Their personalities are just… drama-free, so their relationship to me just seems like a quiet background relationship. IoRyuu is a little more volatile and I really like ships where there is a lot of between-the-lines interpretation and potential for conflict. Also I just really like the Beppus

21) What was the first fanfic you ever wrote?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The aformentioned ‘Nice of Me to Drop In’ FMA OC Mary Sue Self insert fic. Definitely the first one I ever published on the interwebs. Although I think TECHNICALLY my very first one was a Pokemon story that I was writing for a little kid neighbor of mine back when I was like… 11. I think I had just gotten a computer in my room and I remember typing it up and drawing some cover art for it… it was basically an expanded version of the episode where Meowth and Pikachu were handcuffed together or something… except there were more Pokemon involved and ALL of the characters were friends. Like Brock and Tracey were both with Ash and Misty and all of the Team Rocket people were friends for some reason. Idk I was a weird child.

Ohhh maybe a tie for the FMA fic was a Code Lyoko one I wrote around the same time called ‘Desert Rose’. I can’t remember now which was published first because I deleted them all. Another Mary Sue OC fic but I actually am still kind of proud of how I expanded the Lyoko universe in my head. I came up with new areas to Lyoko and like a central region and how they all connected. Nevermind the fact that the girl with a CAT THAT COULD OPERATE THE COMPUTER was the main character and obviously I shipped her with Odd because YumiUlrich and JeremieAeilita were OTPs. It was weird.

25) What’s your most popular fanfic?

If the story was still up it might have been ‘Nice of Me to Drop In’ because that fic still haunts me. Buuut it’s either ‘Naptime’ or ‘Desire’, one of my two Hunny x Haruhi fics from my Ouran days that I left up on ff.net for posterity. I have no desire to go read the cringe and find out which one has more hits but I bet it’s the G-rated ‘Naptime’ cuz ‘Desire’ is a) the first M rated Hunny x Haruhi fic on ff.net EVER and b) really really bad porn written by like, 16-year-old me. Oops. It’s a smidgen OOC on the part of Haruhi if I remember right buuut I actually still stand by the idea that Hunny is not as childlike as he seems.

Oh dear maybe that’s why I like Yumoto so much. Similar character type. OTL

27) What do you hate more: Coming up with titles or writing summaries?

I feel like I’m horrendous at both but lately it’s titles that are giving me trouble. 2 of the 3 Boueibu fics I’ve written had different working titles that got changed the second the story went up to be published. I’m having a brain fart and can’t remember them but both ‘All the Pretty Little Horses’ and ‘Completely’ were titled something really stupid. And your giftfic was ‘?’ until I decided on the central theme lol.

36) What’s your favourite genre to write?

I don’t like reading romance novels but I love writing shippy stuff. Tension, build….smut

40)  What do you struggle the most with in your writing?

Pacing in longer works, definitely. Also just… keeping up with it. I am a horrible procrastinator and if I don’t actually have a deadline with external consequences then I never get anything done. I can’t set my own deadlines because I can always move them. I can’t get my family or friends to set them for me because I know they’ll forgive me if I fail (how horrible lol). I have tons upon tons of unfinished fics from fandoms past sitting somewhere in the depths of my word documents folder and about as many original short stories. I have so many ideas but because I get easily distracted and also because I am now working full time and suffer from typical adult exhaustion I can only put a fraction of them on paper. 

My inner critic is also a fucking bitch. I can’t get her to shut her face long enough to write a sentence sometimes. Again, I have to have a deadline looming before I can put her on mute most times. If I have infinite time, she doesn’t shut up and makes me rewrite a sentence 100 times because it sounds stupid.

41) List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading:

Ahahahaha… I don’t have 5 simultaneously because I can’t just… not finish reading something before moving onto the next one. I don’t also read things that are unfinished unless they sound REALLY interesting because I’m stupid impatient. But I guess for my current fandom (Boueibu) I’ll link 5 fics I read recently that I liked! 

1) Pink Blood - @magiccatprincess (okay actually this is one I’m going to read soon because it looked interesting… so it fits the question lol)

2) tuesdays - @vagarius (because how can I not love something written for me?

3) Liar - BlackJoker77 (A whoooole lot accomplished here in not a lot of words. Also, Yumoto character study/reading between the lines? Yush.)

4) ….. ok I ran out of ideas. I don’t bookmark anything OTL. I’ll come back to this question at another time with an ACTUAL answer.

46) If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why?

I’m most proud of ‘Completely’ at the moment- I really like how I pulled off Ryuu’s voice and it’s most definitely a scene I wanted to see written… so I’m happy that I was able to provide that scene

50) How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction?

It was basically an extention of RPing for the writing portion of it- ‘Nice of Me to Drop In’ was basically a cleaned up RP and when it wasn’t rping it was fan gratification for the other early fics I did. As a kid I used to (and still sometimes do) make up stories in my head when I was about to go to sleep, and a lot of them were episodes of my favorite shows that I wanted to see. So I’d put some of them on paper. And then it moved into the ~romance~ category; I was a hopeless romantic as a teenager and like a lot of teenage girls I was kind of horny so fanfiction was a way to explore my sexuality in the comfort of my own head, basically. I still like me a good smutfic and bonus points if it’s romantic AND smutty. My bf can definitely tell when I’ve been reading something naughty….

51) Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!

Okay, Imma do both! And I have 2 things to rant about because I can’t shut up.

Rant: This is more of a thing that I hate about MYSELF reading fanfics, but I hate that I get turned off of fics so quickly because of writing style. When I can push past beginners writing mistakes or mediocre quality writing I can sometimes find gem fics with plots/characterizations I find adorable, but more often than not I click out of fics after just a few sentences because I can’t stand poor writing. And I feel so elitist about it! Fanfics are free, fan-generated content. A lot of fanfics are written by kids or beginner writers. I have to keep reminding myself that not every fanfic author has gone to school for writing. They may not know the conventions of literature. They may not realize that they’re head-hopping in the middle of paragraphs. They may not know the proper way to punctuate dialogue (and I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW until grad school!!!!). If I let mistakes get in the way of content I may miss out on an up and coming writer. And lord knows I was horrendous when I first started. Everyone starts somewhere. I hate that it takes me so long to get out of teacher/writing student mode and truck through some writing that may not technically be the best but their heart is in the right place. 

Rant2: I don’t like how isolated fanfiction can feel sometimes. It seems like people don’t comment on fics as much as they used to, and I see these posts going around on tumblr about how authors LOOOOOVE comments and want more of them but then comments just… don’t appear. It’s not so hard to post one thing you really liked about the story, and even one thing you didn’t like. Comments help authors grow.I also don’t like how it’s so hard to find a beta reader or three to bounce ideas off of and proofread your work.

Gush: I love communities. I love the events fanfic authors put together. I love how when communities get tight-knit how everyone builds each other up and gives one another ideas. I just love fanfiction in general, really

aaaaaand SHEW. That was a lot. BUT DEF NOT TOO MUCH

[cinneira-blog]

I rate how languages sound.

Okay, so I was asked to do this rate X thing. I’m gonna rate how I personally perceive how different languages sound.

ACHTUNG! IT’S DAMN BIASED AND RUDE!

Languages that I’ve never heard are not mentioned. Standard varieties are implied unless stated otherwise.

IE.

Germanic.

English. Is everywhere, so whining won’t help much, I guess. Certain British accents are cool (e.g. RP and London). SAE is a potato. Scottish English sounds affected. Irish English I dunno, is it even English? Quantum computers might be able to decipher it.

Dutch. Throat disease.

Icelandic. Shit tier.

Faroese. 10/10, it has “ch” sounds, “ll” —> “tl” and other nerdgasm-inducing things.

Danish. Acquired taste.

Swedish. 9.5/10. Very cute.

Norwegian. 8/10, sounds manlier and a bit rougher than Swedish.

German. Sounds gay when spoken, decent when sung.

Celtic.

Welsh. Mongolian of Europe.

Irish. Russian backwards, seems to have been robbed of sibilants. Poor souls.

Breton. Sounds 100% like French, but actually is not. Weird.

Romance.

Spanish. LA is shit, EU is better, but not really. Although the variety where they pronounce “ll” as a “j”-sound is cool.

French. Throat disease.

Italian. Overrated, but still very cool. They speak too fast tho.

Catalan. Better than both Spanish and French.

Occitan. Second only to Italian.

Portuguese. BR is shit, EU is a bit better. Madredeus are 10/10.

Romanian. Blanda-upped something, 4/10, I guess. Hard to tell.

Slavic.

Russian. Very cool when sung. Spoken, it’s hard to tell since I’m a native, but let’s say shit. Girls nowadays sound too capricious and guys whiny and gay.

Ukrainian. Jokes aside, quite cute. 6.5/10.

Belarusian. Jokes aside… Wait, it’s not even cute.

Polish. Gone overboard with sibilants. Like, seriously. Also flat.

BCS. Tones, really? (Can’t remember if it was actual tones or pitch accent, doesn’t matter tho). Doesn’t suit a Slavic language at all, makes it a bit too sing-song-ish.

Bulgarian. Surprisingly decent, although would be better if they had more palatalised consonants (it would be Russian at that point tho).

Czech. Too soft, can’t compute.

Baltic.

Weird Slavic.

Hellenic.

Greek. Utter shit when spoken, a tongue of gods when sung. Seriously, what the heck? Go listen to Eleftheria Arvanitaki/Natassa Boufiliou or even Disney’s “Colors of the wind” in Greek first, and then to a random Greek League of Legends streamer.

Armenian.

Worse Greek with uvulars and a lot of affricates. When a Slavic speaker complains about unpronounceable consonant clusters, you know something’s gone very wrong.

Indo-Iranian.

A no for me. If you think that was too wide of a brush, wait until I get to American or Australian languages.

URALIC.

Hungarian. Cute, cute, cute. 9.6/10. My mother is fluent in it, and I still can’t forgive her for not teaching it to me when I was a larva.

Finnish. A cheap imitation of Quenya. I’m [not] sorry.

Erzya, Moksha, Komi, and other Uralic tongues of Russia. Sound like Hungarian (or Finnish) spoken with a thick Russian accent. Not fun.

SEMITIC.

Arabic. I’m not really versed in dialects of Arabic, so I can’t say which ones it were, the ones I heard. Most likely, Levantine or Egyptian. Sounds like choking. Worse when sung.

Hebrew. Better than Arabic when sung, indistinctly shitty when spoken.

Berber (Tamasheq). Pretty cool, go listen to Tinariwen.

DRAVIDIAN.

A no. Can’t stand retroflexes (yes, they regularly give me existential pain when I speak Russian or hear Swedish, I know, but still).

CAUCASIAN (NW, NE, S).

These are actual alien tongues. Almost everything about them save nominal morphology (even with that said, they are mostly ERG-ABS) is butt-clenchingly hard (I mean, the real, mean, savage kind of hard. All the usual language learner boogeymen like Chinese or Arabic are jokes compared to THIS. Almost perfect analysability, go figure). Alan Bomhard thinks NWC had intercourse with IE when IE was young. Supposedly, one of the reasons why IE is so troubled with irregularity.

Kabardian. Can vary between completely alien-sounding to absolutely, stunningly beautiful. Go lurk on youtube for some videos.

Chechen. Danish of Caucasus, but devoid of potatoes. Incredibly soft-sounding and melodic.

Georgian. Surprisingly, shitty-sounding.

TURKIC.

Turkish. Shit tier.

Uzbek. Even worse.

Kazakh. Very decent. I hear a Russian accent every time though.

MONGOLIC.

Khalkha Mongolian. Welsh of Asia.

Other Mongolian varieties. Sounds just as funny as Ukrainian to a Russian speaker. Jokes aside, far softer than Khalkha. Not like it’s a good thing tho.

TUNGUSIC.

Manchu. I don’t think it’s possible to find a recording of it spoken, but from what I’ve read about its phonology it seems VERY DAMN INTERESTING. Why would you die out tho.

SINO-TIBETAN.

Mandarin. Absolute shit tier.

Cantonese. Cantopop one love. (Hong Kong makes much better mainstream pop-music than both Japan and Korea). Even though supposedly all the lyrics are written in Standard Mandarin and then sung with Cantonese readings. Spoken, sounds a bit angry.

Tibetan. Weird, soft, palatal. The cadence is nothing like any variety of Sinitic. Old Tibetan must have been hilarious, just as Old Chinese (btw, google “fengshengbang Old Chinese reconstruction” or smth like that, you will be very amused).

KOREANIC.

Korean. Uhm. In K-pop sounds like shit regardless. Alternative stuff, though, is pretty cool. When spoken, makes think of relationships gone wrong, arguments in drama and stuff. 6/10. Nell’s lead singer is 11/10 tho.

JAPONIC.

Japanese. 9/10 when sung (they tend to fuck the prosody to accommodate for Western rhythms), 10/10 when spoken by females, 2/10 when spoken by males. The worst thing you can hear in your life is Japanese spoken with English accent. The second worst is Japanese spoken with Russian accent.

TAI-KADAI.

Shit.

AUSTRO-ASIATIC.

Shit.

AUSTRONESIAN.

Shit, with the exception of…

Tahitian and Maori. These are very well designed conlangs. I would like to shake hands with the creator, he seems to have great understanding of phonetic aesthetics. Easy to pronounce for a change.

AMERICAN LANGUAGES.

I mean, I’ve heard some recordings and stuff, but can’t remember the names of the languages. These are something I know very little about, maybe some day I’ll dig into that potpourri.

NIGER-CONGO

Too much prenasalisation from what I’ve heard. Like, really.

KHOISAN

Clicks lol. On a serious note, some of them are very cool, it’s just the clicks, they sound like impure audio or smth, I can’t help.

So, basically my top 5 would be (in alphabetic order):

Faroese

Greek

Hungarian

Japanese

Kabardian

Not even that much of IE-bias, wow. Next time I’m gonna do the same thing but with writing systems/alphabets/orthographies.