#[ cw | self:harm ideation ]

[st-riley-the-brave]

( ENGINEER RANT UNDER THE CUT )

((Today is a repeat of yesterday. If not worst. Been listening to my most depressing playlist because I don't have it in me to want to listen to anything happy today. Already drew scars on my arms and wrists, so I'm surviving as best as I can.

Right now I just want to eat, write, draw and sleep. Especially sleep, as I just don't have much in me right now otherwise.))

[st-riley-the-brave]

[ Update | I am okay ]

[ ((Made it home safe. Exhausted however.

Bad news is that the November depression hit in full force today. (This is on top of having been sick almost the whole freaking month.) I won't be feeling quite like myself for a while.

Good news is that while my wrists are covered in scars drawn with ink that'll wash off... I did not have a self-harm relapse. (Not out of the woods yet but, still. Given the hell that was work today, I'm sort of proud of myself.)

Also. To everyone that's check up on me while I recover and cry and breathe--and you know who you are... a huge thank you is in order. I hate feeling like crap... and sometimes I clam up because I feel like a burden speaking up. (Mind y'all, I'm 34 and I have more communication issues than you think!)

All of that said... I know I have replies to get to (especially @penniesfortheferryman @misfitvulpine @camillelafaye @whydvntwe @agentcoopxr @manfromtheepa and I'm sure I forgot someone else because today was a wreck). I'm gonna try and motivate to get them done before I collapse and sleep out of exhaustion. I'll be on Discord also so feel free to message me there (or here if you feel so inclined).

Oh. And this meme. Please. Because why not.

Anxiety and depression are a special kind of hell.

Lanterns up, StormLights. ~ Jenn)) ]