#[ and i mean. obviously his current dream also kind of changed alongside his personality ?? and his facade. like it fits that coping --

[ssruis]

Ruikasa posting that got away from me (again). You guys can’t be mean to me pandemonium is on engsekai in like five days. don’t blame me blame colopale.

Ruikasa is very interesting for me 2 think abt wrt rui and his hang ups bc Rui is very single-minded in going after what interests him - he taught himself robotics/engineering/a million other things, he pursued directing on his own, he would rather stick to his own paths and do what he wants to do instead of do what would make him more palatable to his peers

Rui: I wouldn't be expending my energy on something I don't intend on doing.

Tsukasa: Yes. That's the kind of person you are. You wouldn't be doing something if you didn't really want to...

Rui: right?

(Wonder Halloween)

(Area dialogue)

I don’t feel like hunting down every instance of kids around him going “we don’t want to play with you because it’s dangerous/we think you’re weird” I think I’ve done that enough times. But my point with those instances is that he valued what he loved over attempting to become someone who would fit in.

Desiring to connect with a person beyond the level of just friendship/wanting to know way more about someone is different than studying & learning a subject though, bc it’s

1) typically a two way street in that it’s reliant on the other person to want to share things and want to connect with you in return

2) also reliant on you not fucking up the relationship, which is pretty easy to do if you come out guns blazing like “hey you fascinate me & I want to know what makes you tick. And also everything else about you.”

Both points being something rui has zero experience with. Which is also why I think he opted to ask other people about tsukasa instead of talking to him directly.

(Kaito initial 2*)

(Area conversation)

He’s still very curious about Whatever The Fuck is up with tsukasa tenma but he’s obviously pursuing knowledge a little less intensely/overtly than he does for other stuff

(After talking about movie directing techniques) Director Ohara: … Well, that might not be useful to you as someone who’s aiming to become a stage director.

Rui: …No.

Rui: I’d rather be taught more specific techniques.

Director Ohara: …Huh?

Rui: What I want to create is a show that everyone can enjoy regardless of any limits.

Rui: In order to make that dream come true, I want to learn about direction in all kinds of media.

Director Ohara: …Oh?

Rui: That’s why I want to absorb any ideas and ways of thinking from any field.

Rui: All of the methods you know — please teach them to me.

(Backlight lens flare - TL haruka’s penguin)

All of that to say Rui is very clearly interested in learning more about Tsukasa, but also (imo) very wary of overstepping any social boundaries that would damage their current relationship.

He mentions that he tended to rely on shows to connect to other people around him in Pandemonium -

Rui: I had always thought that I could never properly understand everyone around me.

Rui: As I started doing shows at Wonder Stage with everyone, my way of thinking and feelings began to change.

Rui: Now, I am able to understand and connect with someone without relying on shows, and I’ve come to value the beauty of laughing alongside others.

Rui: that’s why — tsukasa-kun. Thank you for giving me the chance to change.

(Pandemonium - TL tsukasa’s #3 fan)

- which is also the event where he & tsukasa connect more *outside* of shows, and the event that both he and tsukasa acknowledge as an event that made them grow a lot closer. (more recent connect live, wrt them talking abt performing fixer, iirc. I hate to “source: trust me” but we’ve reached my limit for hunting down sources & it’s finding a tweet from forever ago where someone translated what they were talking about)

Anyways. Sorry. I just love that quote & what it says about Rui. I’ll spare you the “directing as a one way street/settling for the closest thing to a connection/laughing *alongside* others instead of providing a show for the audience to laugh at (ensekai if you change that specific sentiment I’ll be so mad)” thoughts. Back to the original point.

It’s interesting to think about how rui’s hang ups wrt friendships and his very intense curiosity/very determined pursuit of knowledge on the subjects that interest him intersect. Like. Before this point, whenever he was interested in something he could just go online and read everything he needed to know and satisfy his curiosity to his heart’s content.

Having to both navigate something completely foreign and pump the brakes on obsessively learning everything he can would be a novel experience for Rui. To say the least. “If I pursue this with as much intensity as I do with any other endeavor I am going to fuck something up (he is suffering)” kind of situation.

Being interested in a *person* is so much different & so much trickier and scarier to navigate. Especially with how much Rui values his relationship to Tsukasa as someone Who Matches His Freak.

and with Rui’s whole “I should be satisfied with what I have and if I’m not then it’s because I’m greedy/selfish” :

Rui: (… Geez, I really lack a backbone. When will the time come when I find myself satisfied with the way things are?)

(…)

Rui: (While working to make my dream come true, together with everyone, I will make their dreams come true. A way to do that — let me think of one.)

Rui: (fufu, how greedy of me.)

(Curtain call - TL Arven Oven & tsukasa’s #3 fan)

(Talking abt wanting to keep doing shows with wxs and his actions in OHE) Rui: Now that I think about it, I’ve been pretty selfish.

(World link - TL haruka’s penguin)

I think Rui’s approach to it would be very “I’m asking for more when I already have a great friendship I’m The Most Selfish Person Alive & must never say anything” which, tbf, would be his reaction wrt having feelings for literally anyone, not just tsukasa. However. Since this is a ruikasa post. unfortunately. I will say that what would be exclusive to Tsukasa is “he’s already given me so much and I still want more… I’m The Most Selfish Person Alive & must never say anything.” Rui is dramatic like that.

[deathbanchou]

⚡️ What is your best drawing?

SEND “⚡️” AND A QUESTION AND MY MUSE WILL BE FORCED TO ANSWER HONESTLY || accepting!

      “…Best drawing?”

   He sounds surprised and quickly falls pensive, caught off guard by the question – something he honestly has never been asked before. It wasn’t that his art hobby was a secret, really, but neither was it a widespread known fact about the former Boss. Not these days it wasn’t, very unlike it had been in his past. He used to carry around his art supplies proudly, even despite the mockery it sometimes garnered his way. Then… what had happened? Why was he no longer as open about his talent, the one thing he once loved so very dearly? It was only recently that he was able to – though perhaps not answer the question – at least speculate about it. Why his dream had changed.

   “Oh, it’s… actually something pretty recent.” Though his heavy makeup somewhat obstructs such subtle change in expression, his bashfulness still shines through. Like embarrassed or hesitant to go on. Perhaps it was no surprise. After all, his truthful answer to the inquiry remains extremely personal. In some ways, the entire subject was quite … delicate, to say the least.

   Mt. Iwato. The place many painful memories were buried within that summer day ten years ago. To have them back was neither pleasant or easy, such unbearable guilt it was – carrying the burden of the sin committed by a group of kids who knew not any better back then. With those memories, however, many uncertainties also gained some clarity. As such, Eikichi also finally understands his complicated relationship with his former passion. It was longing, a wistful feeling deep down; like there was something missing. Gradually, in the ten years that passed, every time he’d lift a pen and began sketching, something would eventually stop him from truly getting into it. A certain, inexplicable sadness, or even a lack of inspiration. He still felt inclined to keep up this hobby to a certain extent, as something that just came naturally to him; something he’s always been good at, but with the sad reality of most of his artworks being left unfinished. And so, eventually, he no longer yearned to become a mangaka like back then, instead focusing his energy towards his new passion; music and performance.

   Was it possible to remember something without acknowledging it? For a sorrowful memory to dwell somewhere deep in one’s subconscious, faintly making its existence noticeable by guiding its owner’s actions? It certainly seemed that way; the child within him, whose memory of those wistful feelings had disappeared for an entire decade, instead gaining the disguise of a distant dream, somehow longed for the one thing he always wished he could have done with his friends. To share his passion for art; to draw with them. Their little group of friends, calling themselves the Masked Circle, had a habit of choosing a leader each time during their meetings by a game of rock-paper-scissors, and the leader then would choose the activity for the day. The leader’s rules were absolute, and everyone would follow them. However, Eikichi (or Yellow Owl) never got to be the leader. This, perhaps – he now finds himself musing in retrospect, having regained those memories – may have been the very cause behind that odd, wistful and empty feeling that drawing would sometimes rouse in him. Such a naive thought, it truly was, but with so much heartache and longing associated, it may have made sense for a childish thought like that to persist, deep down. Even without fully acknowledging it until now.

   “Well… It’s something I did with my friends.” His voice is somewhat quiet, still reluctant to ‘spill the beans’. Rarely is such a silent and sincere side of him on display. He’s not used to being this vulnerable around strangers – let alone anyone outside of his tight-knit group of friends. It’s awkward, even though the answer itself carries a significant amount of happy thoughts. Not only had he regained his memories – though painful, also bittersweet – he also had his friends back. Finally, having been able to do what he for such a long time wished he could. Playing Masked Circle, ten years later and finally winning and having his go as the leader. And so, they all drew pictures together, just like Eikichi desired since a little child of six. With this, every single sad association seemed to as if melt away, in turn producing what the boy strongly felt was the best drawing he remembers making in full ten years of time. Like he had his passion back.

   Finally, he lifts his gaze and crosses his arms, his earlier, pensive state turning into something much firmer. Speaking now louder and with more energy, he gives an honest, solid answer – though still avoiding going into too many sensitivities or personal details.   

      “It ain’t so much what I drew, so forget about that… Sometimes it’s the feeling you get, when you do something you enjoy. And that time… I felt really happy and inspired. That’s why it’s the best piece I’ve done so far. – Makes sense, right?”

[papaerloy]

SBI ACTOR AU BRAINROT LETS GO.

This is just a list of stuff I´ve written down for an SBI/DSMP actor AU that´s been living in my mind rent free. I´m currently working on a oneshot for this AU so stay tuned!

list is under the cut because it´s LONG and I want to be polite to your feed.

SBI FAMILY WITH TECHBUR TWINS AND TOMMY ALL BEING PHIL AND KRISTIN’S BIOLOGICAL KIDS THANK YOU.

They’re all actors, or just big personalities in general-

Kristin is a little more lowkey, she’s had acting roles before, but she’s more like the backbone of the family that keeps everyone together, since life can be hectic when everyone’s eyes are on you.

Phil has his own TV show where he’s a winged adventurer who travels around a huge fantasy world, explores the massive structures and interacts with the deity’s and creatures inhabiting it! (Biggest moment in the series was totally The Battle For Endlantis)

Wilbur has been acting since he was a child, starring in a series called “Soot House” for most of his early to late teen years, before the series ended. (Disney child star Wilbur GSKFJSJHSHDEHSH)

Wilbur also absolutely still made his ARG.

Despite taking roles here and there, Wilbur quickly moved on to direct and act for his own series and movies, like a small series called “Earths Empires” that sadly didn’t last long, but he got to star his family and friends in it, so it was fun nonetheless!

Wilbur also loves music and later on goes to start Lovejoy with his friends, which he then focuses more on than acting, but still manages to juggle both careers. (I mean really? This man only doing only one thing? As if.)

Techno is a good actor, but he is even better at martial arts and has a nag for competition. Which is why he’s part of a competitive series called “Hypixel” which is a really random wacky series, that puts the actors in situations where they need to complete challenges and Techno is of course a beloved contestant because TECHNOBLADE NEVER DIES!

Technoblade is obviously not his real name, but the alias he uses in Hypixel. Yet everyone just calls him that now because he is very iconic with his long pink hair, golden crown and the pig mask he wears with his very royal looking dress style.

Since Hypixel lets the actors pick their own brand and looks, Techno honestly doesn’t change much from when he’s on screen compared to when he’s off screen.

Techno actually dislikes the attention outside of work and tends to wear different kinds of face masks with cool designs on them. (One specifically loved by the public is a light pink face mask with golden embroidered tusks on the sides, based off his Hypixel brand.)

Tommy was firmly kept out of the spotlight as much as Phil and Kirstin could manage. All of his childhood and also his early teen years, he never had any acting roles apart from like school plays and normal kid stuff...

It’s all due to Phil and Kristin realizing letting Wilbur be a child actor/star was a big mistake that they didn’t want to repeat. (The pressure was too great and it kinda fucked Wilbur over due to the harsh nature of the acting world.)

Tommy has always been interested in the acting world though, he wanted to be cool like his big brothers but had to wait... So instead he made his own little films together with his friend Toby! (Better know as Tubbo because that’s just what everyone calls him) Who just so happened to be in the same boat as him, regarding the whole “my family does acting but I’m too young and not allowed” thing.

The two of them just made silly little comedy skits, but they’d get a decent viewing on Youtube and were quite enjoyable.

( Tubbo is related to Schlatt, who is a well known actor as well. Just like Phil and Kristin, he didn’t want Tubbo to be exposed to the actor world too early. Mainly due to he himself going down a pretty harsh path, because of diving straight into it at an early age. He is better now and a really good dad! )

Tommy did eventually start appearing occasionally on Hypixel because Techno was on there.

Later on Tommy got his first role in an actual series, it was “Earths Empires” that was directed by Wilbur, mainly because Phil and Kristin thought it to be a good and safe place to start.

Tommy’s very first BIG role was when him and Tubbo were cast for a new series called “The Dreamer” (or something).

Tommy got to play a young and chaotic teen called “Tommy” (the writers liked his name, thought it fit the character well). While Toby’s character was named “Tubbo” (the writers found his nickname really endearing), who was gonna be Tommy’s best friend and partner in crime.

When being cast for “The Dreamer” Tommy once again got to meet the actor called Clay, who he had met in the past due to Clay having been starred alongside Techno a few times. This time, he was the person that was gonna play the character Dream in the series.

Clay was a man who seemed to be constantly increasing in fame due to starring in a series of films called “Manhunt”. Where he was a clever and agile man, who had to survive while being on the run from hunters who wanted to kill him. The number of hunters seemingly increasing every movie.

Funny enough the actors who played the hunters from the first “Manhunt” movies, George and Nick, also starred in the new series, but this time they would be Dream’s friends called George and Sapnap, Which was more close to their actual real life relationships as well.

The Disk Saga was a huge success and the series very quickly grew in popularity! Tommy was very happy to be one of the main characters alongside Tubbo.

Tommy’s own fame started to grow more rapidly after that, becoming a very beloved character and actor very quickly.

Of course the family was very proud of Tommy, but Phil and Kristin were still a little cautious, trying not to overbook his schedule and still let him be a kid outside of all this.

Wilbur was of course cast for the new L’manberg independence arc and OH MY GOD THE FANS WENT WILD.

Tommy and Wilbur’s brotherly bond shone through a LOT in their acting and the writers even changed the script slightly to make them more pseudo brothers, since their characters weren’t canonly blood related.

Wilbur was also a co-writer, along side playing the character that was dubbed after him “Wilbur”.

Wilbur´s character made Tommy super uncomfortable during the pogtopia arc and it made their life outside of work a little more complicated.

Techno gets cast into the series during the pogtopia arc as well and Tommy and Wilbur are both super excited to work with Techno on set.

Techno gets to keep his name as well because at this point the writers have let most of the cast keep their real names, so why not keep it going?

At the end of the L´manberg independence arc Phil joins (out of all the actors, only Wilbur knew he was joining the series.) and kills Wilbur as the second season ends with L´manburg in shambles and the fans projectile crying about it.

That is all I have for now! 

Also feel free to ask questions or like do anything you’d like with this stuff!

[patchofsunlight]

Pretty Eyes | Sokka x Fem!Reader

Hello! This is my first ever imagine and I have no idea of what I’m doing, but I guess that’s the beauty of it all, right? So here we go!

SUMMARY: Y/N and Sokka do not get on well. That changes, however, after one particular night.

WORD COUNT: 6k I’m not used to writing oneshots it got so long I’m sorry if the “keep reading” thingy doesn’t work

WARNINGS: there’s a bit of kissing at the end? also I think there’s one or two cuss words. there’s some angst and mutual pining, since it’s an enemies-to-lovers. Toph is Y/N’s best friend bc I love her. and bad writing! I think it feels kinda rushed and English is not my first language so I’m not really sure how to feel about this tbh

I hope you like it! Also if you want to request something please do just ask me what I write for and I’ll tell you!!

Y/N definitely did not regret leaving Zuko and joining the Avatar and his team. It was probably the best thing she had ever done, the first step to finally forgiving herself for all the years she worked for the Fire Nation and for all the pain she caused alongside it, the first step to letting go of all the hurt she held inside her heart.

But Spirits, she couldn’t take Sokka’s attitude anymore.

“We can’t let Y/N go to the city alone, it’s a three day trip! What if she tells her Fire Nation friends we are here?”

He was the only one who hadn’t warmed up to her yet. Toph had taken a liking to her almost immediately, which Y/N firmly believed was for the sole reason of spiting Sokka, but she didn’t exactly mind. Toph was the first person to treat her like a human being and not an enemy, and she was deeply thankful for that. The first few weeks with Team Avatar were difficult — the Water Tribe people didn’t trust her, Aang was unconscious, Katara was going crazy with worry for her friend, and Sokka accused her of being a Fire Nation spy every two seconds. Siding with the Avatar in the crystal cave had done nothing for her reputation, it seemed: she was still Zuko’s friend, still a bad person, still Fire Nation scum, among other endearing titles.

Katara came around eventually, while Aang was still recovering from his injuries. At one point, the waterbender told her she was the only one not pissing her off in the Water Tribe boat they occupied, which made her smile.

And Aang, well, he was a sweetheart. She would never forget the way the small boy laughed loudly after Katara told him how she punched Azula in the face after the Fire Princess hit him with lightning, kindly leaving out the part where Azula immediately gave her a nasty burn after recovering from the surprise of a fist to the nose. 

“Come on, Sokka,” Katara countered, rolling her eyes in annoyance, “we’ve talked about this.”

Then there was Sokka, who still pretty much hated her, even as they now hid inside the Fire Nation together. “You know I’m right, Katara. You should go with her to make sure she doesn’t turn her back on us.”

“You guys know she is right here, right? Are you ignoring her or something?”

“It’s okay, Toph,” Y/N touched the girl’s arm fondly, avoiding the glare Sokka sent her way. “You don’t need to worry..”

“No, it’s not okay!” Katara snapped, letting go of the shirt she was stitching up and staring at her brother angrily. “Why don’t you go with her, then, if you’re so worried?”

“That seems like a good idea!” Aang smiled brightly from his place beside Appa. “It could be a fun bonding trip!”

“No!” Sokka and Y/N said almost at the exact time before exchanging a very confused look. Something seemed to ignite inside him just as he turned to glower at her with rage in his eyes. “Why don’t you want me to go, firegirl? Is it because I’m right?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s because you are a jerk to her all the time, but okay,” Toph muttered. Katara bit back a snicker, taking the shirt from the ground and trying to focus on it again.

“Well, I’m going,” Sokka announced, crossing his arms, “since she’s hiding things from us and trying to go to the city alone.”

“I am not hiding anything! No one else wanted to go to the city so I volunteered, it’s not that deep.”

“Well, then why wouldn’t you want me to go?”

“I don’t know, Sokka, why do you accuse me of being a traitor all the time?”

“That’s got nothing to do with this! But you did betray Zuko, who was supposed to be your boyfriend or whatever—”

“Zuko was not my boyfriend.”

“— and once a traitor, always a traitor.”

“That’s enough!” Katara interrupted, annoyance written all over her face. “We chose Y/N to make the trip to the city and I can’t take being near Sokka anymore, so you two will leave right now to get us supplies, food and clothes. Do you understand?”

“I—”

“I don’t care, Sokka! Go get your things, see you in three days.”

------

Sokka wasn’t really sure why he hated Y/N so much anymore. Hell, he was even starting to think he might actually enjoy her presence, in a way. Not that he would tell that to anyone.

She was still the enemy, even while Katara laughed at something she said and Toph clinged to her, talking her ears off about whatever was going on through her mind. She was still the enemy when Aang asked to braid her hair and when she talked to Appa and Momo while she thought no one noticed. Y/N was still the enemy while her eyes shone with delight whenever Toph made a joke and while she smiled that pretty smile of hers at Aang, and she was definitely still the enemy when his heart skipped a beat whenever she accidently looked at him without that angry look he always managed to put on her face.

Yes, Sokka didn’t like her in any way. He couldn’t like her, he refused to like her. She was from Fire Nation. Even if the others accepted her, he knew the truth — Y/N would never be trustworthy, would never be one of them.

The caves they were currently hiding in were Fire Nation territory, and the trip towards the city was long, specially since they couldn’t use Appa. After two miles, Sokka was already bored. 

“Is your Fire Nation home close by?” he questioned, a hint of accusation in his voice. Y/N didn’t spare him a glance and, for some unknown reason, Sokka felt annoyed by it.

“No.”

“Well, then where is it?” he pressed, staring at her.

“Where is what?”

“Your Fire Nation home.”

“I don’t have one, Sokka. Are you done?”

The Water Tribe warrior scoffed and rolled his eyes, crossing his arms, “you don’t have one, firegirl? Yeah, right. I’m sure you lived in a big house where everyone did every little thing you wanted them to,” he watched as she sighed, her eyes flooding with irritation, “am I wrong?”

It was her turn to scoff, “shut up, waterboy.”

He raised his eyebrows, “waterboy?”

“Come on, the quicker we do this the quicker I can be away from you. We have no time to lose.”

------

They set up camp in the woods near a small village halfway to the city. While walking, they didn’t speak much besides Sokka’s stupid questions and Y/N’s dry answers — he noticed how she acted different now they were alone together, almost as if she had closed up on herself and, ignoring the stinging in his chest, he wondered if she would ever smile and laugh with him the way she did with the Aang, Toph and Katara. With a certain heaviness to his thoughts, Sokka concluded that no, she probably wouldn’t. Not that he cared, obviously.

“I can do first watch,” he let her know, watching carefully as Y/N yawned and arranged her sleeping bag on the hard ground.

“You sure?”

“Yes. I’ll wake you up when it’s my turn to sleep.”

Y/N nodded, falling asleep almost instantly as she laid her head down. When she slept, she didn’t look like a traitor as much as she usually did. She looked like a normal, beautiful girl he would really love to get to know better. But of course he couldn’t, because she was from the Fire Nation and would eventually betray them all, or at least that’s what Sokka told himself to avoid getting too close, too attached. Spirits, he had lost so many people that adding one more person in his care-about list was unthinkable, unreasonable and just all-around stupid.

Sokka wasn’t sure how much time had passed when Y/N started moving in her sleep, her previously peaceful expression now filled with anxiety and fear as she turned and tossed. He furrowed his eyebrows, staring at her curiously.

“No,” he could hear her mutter, “please, no. Please.”

“Y/N?” his voice was calm as he knelt down by her sleeping bag, recognizing the signs of a nightmare. “Y/N, wake up. It’s just a dream.”

“I’m sorry,” she cried out, her eyelids shut tight, “please. I’m sorry!”

“Y/N!”

The girl sat up suddenly, hitting her forehead with his. Sokka groaned at the sudden pain, bringing a hand up to his forehead and touching it lightly. Meanwhile, Y/N took in her surroundings, her breathing heavy. She could already feel a lump forming inside her throat.

“Are you okay?” he asked after a moment, finally noticing her panicked motions and moving forward to touch her shoulder but hesitating. Sokka would usually greet her with a mean comment, but he could see the nervousness on her face and it worried him. “Do you need some water?”

“No, I’m good,” she swallowed, trying to slow down her breathing. “I just—just got a nightmare.”

“I noticed,” the Water Tribe warrior smiled sadly, “I get those too.”

She hummed in acknowledgement, trying to wrap her head around the fact Sokka was actively being nice to her. It felt weird but had a kind of warmth taking over her chest that she didn’t mind one bit.

He scratched the back of his neck, staring at her while she kept her eyes trained on her own hands, “do you want to talk about it?” He noticed her intrigued expression and sighed, going on, “Katara always tells me that talking about nightmares makes them go away. So… Do you want to talk about yours?”

Y/N looked at him attentively, searching for some type of mockery or teasing on his face. Sokka seemed to blush under her gaze, but she was sure it was just the moonlight tricking her eyes. Y/N exhaled deeply, crossing her arms in a defensive stance and biting down on her lower lip as she couldn’t find any bad intention in his gaze, deciding to share some of the vulnerability he was offering her. “It was just something that happened some years ago. Before I left with Zuko, I mean.”

He nodded, leaning on his hands with his arms straight while sat beside her, “I never understood why you left with him, to be honest,” he commented, “he doesn’t seem like the fun type.”

Y/N let out a small smile and Sokka could swear his heart jumped inside his chest for some reason, “he was never the fun type, but he was still my best friend, even though banishment changed him. But I didn’t leave just because of Zuko.”

That was new information. “You didn’t?”

She shook her head, looking down at her hands again, “no.”

“Then why?”

Sokka observed as her entire body tensed and felt the immediate urge to apologize for the question and tell her to go back to sleep. Before he could open his mouth, however, she answered in a broken voice that sounded nothing like her own, “I couldn’t stay. My dad had just died in the war and my mom…” her eyes were full of anguish and misery, still watching her fingers lock and unlock, “she wasn’t doing very well. My nightmare,” she hesitated, inhaling sharply before training her gaze on him again, “it was about her.”

They looked at each other, lazy eyes studying faces with a new curiosity and innocence they hadn’t held for one another before. Something flashed through Y/N’s expression before she asked, averting her pretty eyes from him, “do you want to see it?”

Sokka furrowed his brows in confusion, “see what?”

Y/N let out a shaky breath before raising her tunic slightly. The Water Tribe boy felt his whole face flush with embarrassment but he noticed the marks before he could look away — something that must’ve been a horrible burn, the scar covering a great part of her right side, stretching from her bellybutton to just under her chest. “Iroh spent a lot of time changing mine and Zuko’s bandages in the first months after we left,” she smiled sadly and then put her clothes back into place.

“Your mom did that?”

“She didn’t mean to,” Y/N shrugged her shoulders, “it was an accident, but still. Whenever I think about it, I’m really glad I was born a non-bender.”

“You are?”

“Yes. Having the power to cause so much pain and destruction… I wouldn’t want that in anyway.”

Sokka hummed in understanding and appreciation. He knew she was a non-bender like him but they had never really talked about what that meant to them and to Team Avatar. He wasn’t aware she didn’t crave bending like he did, but it felt nice to hear her speak about it like that.

Showing someone her scar felt… Different, but not a bad different. Y/N had grown accustomed to hiding it all the time, even though she didn’t feel ashamed of it. It was just an ugly part of her that held too many bad memories that she intended to keep to herself. Letting Sokka see it was strange and she didn’t know exactly why she did it, to be honest. It felt right, though. Talking to him like they were friends felt right. Being around him like that felt very, very right.

“You should sleep, waterboy,” she punched his shoulder softly, ignoring her own thoughts, “I’ll keep guard for the rest of the night.”

He was quick to deny, “no, I’m fine, you should—”

“Sokka,” her tone was demanding, “you need to rest too. Come on, get some sleep. I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep again anyway.”

He would love to disagree but he recognized the look on her face. She wasn’t asking him to sleep — she was telling him to. For some reason, that thought made him smile.

“Okay,” Sokka answered quietly as he got into his own sleeping bag, “good night, Y/N.”

“Good night, Sokka. Sleep well.”

“I will. Thank you.”

“It’s alright.”

------

The rest of the trip was better than expected. It seemed like that one vulnerable moment they shared affected their relationship in more ways than one, and they traveled peacefully to the city and back. They even managed to spark conversation with each other in some instances.

Sokka would love to say that being in good terms with Y/N made him satisfied, but that would be a lie. Aang, Katara and Toph were really happy with their new dynamic, glad they could talk to each other without mean comments or accusations — Y/N and Sokka were the only ones inside the Gaang who still had to become friends, and now that they did, everyone seemed pleased and content.

Except Sokka.

Being around her was difficult. Now that he didn’t expect the worst of her all the time, he couldn’t ignore what he felt whenever she was close by, the sensations he once thought were just his way of feeling disgust and anger taking a different shape. He would catch himself smiling stupidly at her while she laughed with someone else and would feel his whole face reddening when she looked into his eyes. However, he remembered very clearly the last time he felt something like that, and it didn’t end well. He couldn’t have that again.

Avoiding her was even more difficult and he couldn’t keep it up for a single day. After finally being able to taste what a friendship with Y/N felt like, he couldn’t stop from craving it more and more. Instead of being away from her like he intended so he could get rid of whatever feelings he was gathering, he actively went out of his way to be near her, even when his mind screamed at him to just let go.

Sokka couldn’t get attached to someone like that once more. He couldn’t forget what happened to Yue — liking someone was not his cup of tea, it would end tragically and he didn’t want it, couldn’t have it, not again.

But a part of him entertained these feelings, these thoughts. It didn’t matter, right? She would never feel the same for him, so it was okay. He wouldn’t get hurt because he would never actually have her so there was no way to lose her.

Right?

------

Everything happened fast.

They didn’t think the Fire Nation soldiers would find them anytime soon and yet they still did. They were nearing the Day of the Black Sun and being found out in Fire Nation territory was less than ideal, to say the least. Y/N was just glad they had Toph, Aang and Katara to fight for them — they were truly amazing benders and there were many more soldiers than she would normally expect.

Everything happened too fast.

She had been taught from a young age how to fight with a sword and was slowly trying to teach Sokka too, even though teaching was proving itself to be harder than learning. They fought from the sidelines, hitting the soldiers the three benders couldn’t hit or see. One of them had a sword too and Y/N rapidly engaged in a difficult fight while also keeping an eye out for Sokka, who was fighting another soldier to her right.

She couldn’t deny the feelings growing inside her towards the boy. Weeks before, she would have straight up laughed if anyone told her she would fall for him, and now there she was. Y/N loved his smile and his voice and his stupid jokes and the way he called her “firegirl” with an endearing tone instead of the accusative one he used to always have when talking to her only weeks before. She loved how his cheeks flushed red when she looked at him for too long and she loved hearing him go on and on about his plans and theories. She loved it all so much she didn’t even mind Toph’s constant teasing: “Calm down your heart, Y/N,” the younger girl would say with a mocking smile, “it’s just Sokka!”

“Shut up, Toph.”

Y/N knew he would never feel the same, but a girl can dream, and dream she did. They would talk late into the night, guarding camp together and exchanging childhood stories. Being around him was very comforting, in a way. 

Everything happened fast.

She got distracted when the soldier battling against Sokka seemed to get the upper hand, even though Sokka fought back and took control of the conflict again easily. However, that instant was enough for her own enemy to attack.

The pain was unbearable but Y/N kept on fighting. There was blood running down her skin, staining her clothes, the wound to her ribs deep and distressing, but she couldn’t leave her friends like that. She manipulated her sword the best she could, ignoring the sharp pain felt with every intake of breath, taking down as many non-bender soldiers as possible.

They ran for Appa when there was finally an opening, climbing onto the flying bison and leaving the remaining Fire Nation soldiers behind them.

Adrenaline was responsible for making her able to endure the pain but now that they were safe and flying while Aang and Katara disguised Appa as clouds, her vision went out of focus and she stumbled, clinging to Toph’s arm in a last attempt to remain conscious and alert. “Y/N? Are you alright?” the girl asked confusedly, her brows furrowed in question.

“Yes,” Y/N was able to get one word out, even though her thoughts were getting messier by the second and black dots appeared before her eyes. “Just tired,” she muttered. It was true — she could feel exhaustion taking over her body and head, slowly making her slump over herself.

She felt like her body was on fire, almost as if she had been burned all over. The pain made it hard to concentrate, her mind trained on the feeling of blood soaking her tunic, every breath causing waves of agony to take over her. The stab wound seemed to be throbbing, unabling her of any coherent thought.

“You sure? You seem—Spirits! Katara, come here! Y/N was wounded! She is bleeding!”

A part of her brain registered a touch to her ribs, Toph’s small hands hanging over her with no idea of what to do. She could hear Katara’s voice from somewhere on her right but she knew Katara needed to keep up their cover alongside Aang. They couldn’t afford risking their disguise just yet, they were still too close to those soldiers.

(Or so she thought. She couldn’t be really sure, since her mind was clouded and she felt extremely confused, the black dots slowly taking over her vision until she saw nothing but unrecognizable shadows.)

Amongst the screams, there was Sokka. He had left his place guiding Appa and came running to her, horror written all over his face as he started to put pressure on her bleeding wound, following Katara’s instructions.

“You’re going to be okay,” his voice sounded weird, disconnected, out of place. Y/N wished she could see him properly. She had come to appreciate how beautiful he actually was, with his endearing smile and bright blue eyes. She really wished she could see him. “Stay awake for me, alright?”

“Waterboy,” she mumbled with a lazy smile before darkness consumed her entirely.

------

There was so much blood. Sokka could see how the water covering Katara’s hands was stained, he could see how soaked Y/N’s tunic was. He could see her, her skin so pale she almost looked dead. That thought alone made Sokka’s stomach turn over inside his body, his eyes stinging with anxious tears.

They did an emergency landing on a small island nearby, Katara trying to maintain their cover as Aang rushed to the reins Sokka had abandoned in his frenzy. Meanwhile, Sokka and Toph were screaming at each other in utter panic, trying desperately to help their friend somehow. His hands were still shaking and red from putting pressure on the wound like his sister had told him to. 

“What is happening?” he stopped pacing as he heard Toph’s weak voice, the small girl playing with her own fingers in nervousness. “Is Katara’s healing working?”

There was ringing inside his ears as he stared at his sister. He could clearly see tears streaming down her face as she exchanged the red water on her hands for the clean one Aang had put on a container and positioned nearby. His heart throbbed inside his chest, a million thoughts going through his head at the same time.

Y/N was going to die. He was going to lose her. He would never see her smile again and he would never hear her laugh again and she would never tell him stories about her childhood again. He would never watch her as she played around with Toph and he would never be able to peek at her as she trained her sword fighting skills anymore. He would never talk to her late at night and he would never appreciate the way her voice sounded again.

He would never feel his heart pick up whenever she walked inside a room again. He would never smile unconsciously just by seeing her smile again. And she would never know how much she meant to him, how much he genuinely liked her and everything she did.  He was going to lose her without even knowing if maybe, in a distant time, when the war was over and they were safe, she would want to stay with him, making him laugh and smiling that gorgeous smile of hers at him everyday. Sokka would never know if somehow she wanted him as much as he wanted her, with all his flaws and faults and fears.

He would never know and he would never have her by his side again and he wanted to scream until his throat was sore. He wanted to cry himself to sleep and pretend this was just a bad dream he would eventually wake up off hearing her beautiful laugh as she chatted with Katara and Toph during breakfast.

“Sokka? Please, tell me what is happening. How is Y/N?”

The Water Tribe warrior felt a sudden anger spark up inside him. He should’ve done something, he should’ve noticed she’d been hit, and so should the others. Weren’t they powerful benders? Couldn’t they sense everything through the earth or some other bullshit like that? Weren’t they better than him in every way? Well, they could have at least saved her.

“Shut up, Toph! This is your fault! You should have noticed she was wounded! You should have helped her before it was too late!”

He didn’t mean it. A part of him knew it was not her fault, but his brain was enveloped in pain and desperation and he just wanted someone to blame so he didn’t have to deal with the guilt forming in his chest. He was losing Y/N and there was nothing he could do about it.

Toph went from worried to pissed off quickly, tightening her hands in fists and sending a few rocks flying towards the sea surrounding the island, “how is this my fault?! I was fighting off a few soldiers too, you know? It’s not like I could have stopped everything I was doing and ran to her!”

He moved his arms around frantically, “you don’t even care about her!”

“I don’t care about her? She’s my best friend!”

“You obviously didn’t care enough to help!”

“Oh, you little—”

“That’s enough!” Katara’s voice sounded fragile but terrifying, averting her gaze from her bloody hands to glare at them. “I can’t concentrate with all this screaming!”

“Sokka started it!”

“I don’t care who started it!” she barked, her eyes burning with rage. “Get out!”

Sokka opened his mouth to oppose, feeling his entire body tense with the idea of being away from Y/N in such a moment, but didn’t get to as Aang took a hold of his arm and started to lead him towards somewhere else on the beach. Toph groaned in frustration before leaving in the opposite direction.

“You need to calm down,” Aang sounded serene while dragging his friend through the sand, “arguing is not going to get us anywhere. We need to be together right now to get through this.”

The Avatar turned to look at Sokka when he planted his feet in place, tears flooding his eyes. It almost seemed like Aang was telling him how they had to support each other through their upcoming grief.

He was going to lose her. Damn, he had probably already lost her. She was gone and she would never know.

“Sokka? Are you okay?”

“I—” he hesitated, trying so hard not to cry he could feel his head throb. “I don’t—,” he swallowed harshly, but the lump in his throat didn’t go away, “I can’t lose her, Aang,” his voice cracked miserably and he gave up on holding back his heartache, letting the tears fall down his face. A sob wrecked his body and a hint of understanding went through Aang’s eyes, the smaller boy coming closer to hold his forearms.

“You’re not going to lose her, Sokka. Katara is going to fix it and she’ll be okay.”

“No, she won’t,” it was getting hard to breathe between his cries, but if felt better than pretending everything was okay, “she’s gone. And I—I think I’m in love with her, and she’ll never know. She’ll die and she’ll never know.”

“Sokka—”

“This is what happens every time I have feelings for someone. I lost Yue and now Y/N too.”

“Sokka, your feelings for Yue weren’t responsible for what happened to her. She told you not to be afraid of love, remember? I’m sure she is proud of you for moving on and falling in love with Y/N, and if we lose Y/N, your feelings will not be to blame either. But we won’t, okay? Katara is going to save her, I promise. She will be fine and you will be able to tell her how you feel. Do you understand?”

Sokka felt himself crumble in pain, another sob escaping his lips as Aang hugged him tightly. He cried loudly, holding onto his friend for dear life.

“Y/N will be okay, Sokka. She is strong and she would never leave us like that, okay? Never. I promise.”

------

When Y/N opened her eyes, it was already dark. A tent had been put up around her, but she noticed the cold night breeze even before she saw the starry sky. 

She took notice of the neat bandages covering her stab wound. There was a soreness to her every movement, but the searing pain from before was gone. She exhaled deeply and tried to sit but quickly gave up at the ache that formed in her ribs. Lying on the sand, she breathed slowly.

“Y/N?” she turned her head towards the direction of who was calling her and found Toph’s grey eyes. The small girl seemed tired, rubbing the sleep of her eyes and furrowing her eyebrows as she called again, “Y/N, are you awake? I thought I heard something.”

“Hey. I’m awake,” she smiled softly, moving her arm the tiniest bit just so she could touch her friend’s leg. 

Toph immediately gave her the biggest smile, jumping up from her spot sitting down to try and hug her friend carefully, “Never do that again, you idiot!” a weak chuckle escaped Y/N as she tried to hug back, but it hurt too much. Toph didn’t mind. “You got us all so worried! Aang went crazy trying to keep everyone calm, Katara cried a whole lot, and Sokka got so nervous he screamed at me. He apologized, though, so I’m not angry at him anymore,” Toph widened her eyes in realization, “I have to tell them you’re finally awake! Wait here, I’ll come back in a second. Try not to get stabbed in the meantime.”

Y/N giggled at her words, sighing as she found herself alone in the tent. For a second, she let herself wonder: she wouldn’t be up and about for a while, that much was obvious. However, Team Avatar couldn’t deal with that kind of liability and she asked herself what they were going to do about it.

Aang was the first to arrive, hugging her so tight Katara started screaming at him to be mindful of her injuries as soon as she reached the entrance. They spoke briefly about the gravity of her wound and Katara scolded her for not telling them she had been stabbed sooner while Aang and Toph bit back their laughter.

“Y/N?” Sokka’s hoarse voice was enough to make silence ring through the tent, the bags under his eyes dark and unmissable. Y/N met his blue eyes, her heart clenching painfully when she noticed the bare sadness inside them. 

Katara cleared her throat, grabbing Aang and Toph gently and steering them outside, “we’ll be handling the supplies if you need us!”

“What? I want to stay with Y/N!”

“Spirits, Toph, shut up.”

The Fire Nation girl smiled at the arguing outside, averting his trained gaze. An awkward quiet settled between them — Y/N didn’t know exactly why there was such a heaviness to the air they shared, but it was too clear to ignore.

“I—” he hesitated, a crack to his words as he closed his eyes tightly. “You really scared me today.”

Y/N tried to sit up, frowning from the pain. Sokka immediately knelt down next to her to help and it felt too much like the night he first woke her up from a nightmare, saying soft words and treating her nicely. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled, holding onto his forearms for support, “I didn’t exactly mean to.”

“I know,” he muttered in response, sitting down in front of her. She crossed her legs under her and they stared at each other for a few moments, thick tension surrounding them. She couldn’t help but notice how close they were to each other, so close she didn’t have to lean in too much for their lips to touch. Slowly and unsurely, Sokka brought his hand up to put a lock of hair away from her face. Her stomach fluttered at the touch and Y/N sighed happily. “I was just afraid.”

She blinked in soft confusion that made his insides bloom with butterflies, “afraid of what?”

“Of losing you.”

She smiled, “You know Katara would heal me, Sokka.”

“I care about you very much, Y/N,” the words stumbled out of his mouth while she stared, “more than I probably should, but I do. You,” he shook his head, hesitantly taking his hand away from her face and wiping the tears that had escaped his eyes, “you mean a lot to me.”

His heart seemed to burn while she took his hand in hers, squeezing it delicately, “you mean a lot to me too.”

He exhaled deeply, frustrated to no end. “No, Y/N. You don’t understand. I—damn, I don’t even know how to say this.”

“I get it.”

“You don’t. You have no idea how broken I was just by thinking of not having you around anymore. I was so scared. I thought I would never be able to tell you how I feel about you,” he let out a shaky breath before leading his eyes back to her face, “I really like you, Y/N.”

“I really like you too.”

He groaned, “no, Y/N. I mean that I like you.”

“Yes, I understood that much.”

“No, I mean I—” he was interrupted by her soft lips on his, moving so gently he was sure he could die from the sheer tenderness of it all. Sokka was fast to kiss her back, bringing his fingers up to hold her jaw while her hands went up to his hair, a sharp pain running through her body at the movement and making her hiss. He moved away instantly, but her arms held him close. Their noses were still touching and they breathed heavily, eyes trained on each other.

She smirked, “is that what you meant?”

He chuckled weakly, rubbing circles on her jaw fondly with his thumb, “yeah. You’re way better at confessions than I am.”

Y/N threw her head back in laughter and he grinned at her happiness, “why, thank you.”

The couple gazed at each other, eyes sparkling with love. She sighed before leaning in and giving him a quick peck, giggling when his lips followed her blindly as she distanced her face from his. Sleepiness was catching up to her from the exhaustion of being hurt.

“Come on, waterboy. Lay with me.”

Sokka helped her lay back down, lying beside her and feeling his cheeks flush with delight when she snuggled up to him, getting into a comfortable spot with her head placed on his chest. He carefully positioned his hands on her waist, stroking her side absentmindedly. Her eyes fluttered close with satisfaction.

“Did Katara ask about your scar?”

“Not really. I think she was too worried trying to save me from death and all that.”

“Oh, I’m sure she was.”

She grinned, moving to play with his hair and exhaling contently, “I’m glad you’re here.”

He tightened his hold around her, warmth coating his every touch, “so am I, firegirl. So am I.”

In that moment, Y/N cared for nothing but the way his skin felt on hers and the sound of his heart beating under her ear.

so I asked @azucanela​ @beifongsss​ and @sokkascroptop​ on anon if I could tag them when this was done and they said yes so here it is? please give me honest criticism I have no idea of what I’m doing and I admire you all very much thank you!!

[plus-size-reader]

Strangers

Zuko x Plus size!reader

Word Count: 2008 words

 Warnings: none 

Summary: Reader runs into Iroh off the beaten path and decides to help him find his nephew, the ever mysterious Zuko. 

——————————————————————————————————

You had no idea what an old man like Iroh was doing out in the woods all alone, or why he was just sitting in the middle of the deserted rock land, but that didn’t mean anything. In order for you to question why he was there, you’d also have to question why you were there as well. 

...And you didn’t really want to do that. 

So instead, you decided to just enjoy the zen space that Iroh had created for himself. You two drank tea together, and talked about life and the things you were running from. After all, anyone traveling alone was surely running from something.

Although, Iroh made it clear that he wasn’t alone, not really. The way he told it, he was traveling with his nephew, who had lost his path somewhere along the way. 

It was clear to you in the way that he spoke about him that this nephew of his was very important to Iroh, and that inspired you. See, you weren’t really looking for anyone or anything out here, but he was and perhaps you could help reunite them.

All things considered, no one knew these woods better than you did and if his nephew was out here, Iroh had the best chance of finding him with you by his side. Besides, you weren’t exactly busy right now anyway. 

In any case, Iroh was happy for the company. For a young woman traveling alone, you had more spirit and care in your body than he was used to seeing in anyone nowadays. With the war surging on after so long, most people were cold toward others. 

For good reason. 

Though, you didn’t hesitate in striking up a conversation with him and for someone like Iroh, that meant something. Perhaps some of that positivity and freedom would liberate Zuko from the pain and fear that plagued him. 

It would be worth seeing, if nothing else. You were a good person, and with as few of those as there were, Iroh also found himself wanting to take you up on your offer to ensure your own safety. 

The two of you on the road together were bound to run into trouble at some point, but between the old general and you, any threat didn’t have a chance. If nothing else, it could present a good opportunity to prove that you shouldn’t be underestimated. 

All things considered though, the decision had been made and you and Iroh were on the road without much more conversation. The more ground you could cover before sundown, the better. Iroh had no idea what kind of trouble Zuko could have gotten himself into in the time since they’d separated. 

After all, trouble seemed to follow that boy like a hungry turtle duck with nothing else to do. It was drawn to him and nothing was going to change that. 

...No one knew that better than his uncle did and he was sure that you’d find out soon enough. 

“So, tell me about this nephew of yours? What is he running from? Surely he would want to stay with such delightful company if given the option” you hummed, walking alongside Iroh at the pace you two had established. 

The stones crumbled beneath your feet with each step, with which you could feel the entire pulse of the land for miles in any direction. Any sort of attack was unlikely due to the vibrations it would cause, but you didn’t bother telling Iroh that. 

Whatever it was that you two could run into, it would be fine. You were just much more interested in why he was out here in the blistering heat for someone who clearly didn’t care whether he was near or not. 

Whoever his nephew was, he obviously didn’t understand what a gem of an uncle he had, or else he would have never left him in the first place.

Anything could have happened to him out here, from bandits to a stray sabertooth-moose-bear wandering too far from the forest. His life was in danger at all times, just like everyone else's was, but still, Iroh only sat completely content. 

Someone as old as him had to know how dangerous the fire nation was, but you would have never known it from talking to him. 

“He is lost, but I have faith that he will find his path in time. I have simply chosen to let him find his way on his own” he allowed, that same distance but loving look crossing his features at the mention of him. 

His nephew was one lucky man, whoever he was, because Iroh clearly cared very much for him. 

You only wished you had someone in your life that cared for you that much. 

“I’m doing the same, in some ways” you tried, letting a second or two pass between you before continuing. You were really bearing your soul to a complete and total stranger but it felt okay. 

Something about Iroh reminded you of your grandfather when he had been alive. It was comforting, and it made you realize how much you missed your family in the first place. It had been so long since you’d felt that way. 

“My family was killed in a fire nation raid, and I guess I just never felt at home anywhere after that” you shrugged, not even phased as the words left your lips. It made you sad to think about but you weren’t the only one who had ever lost someone.

It was just a part of life, especially this close to Ba Sing Se, and it had been many years ago now. There was no point in mourning them everyday when you could live in their memory each day that passed. 

It just felt like a much better use of your time. 

Still, the words seemed to strike a chord with Iroh. He knew it was likely the war had affected you in some ways but he hadn’t thought about what that could mean when you found out the truth about who he was. 

It likely wouldn't go over well when you found out that he and Zuko were actually fire nation. Though, that news could wait a little longer to come to the surface. It was much better for you to feel at home for your time together than to hate him completely. 

After all, you seemed like a wonderful spirit and to break that so early would be a tragedy. 

So, he only nodded casually as you spoke, knowing how hard it must have been for you to admit to a virtual stranger. “I’m very sorry for your loss. I believe everyone has lost much in this war. Personally, I lost my son to the front lines” he informed, trying to prove his point. 

Talking about Lu Ten stung, but it was just the sort of thing Iroh knew needed to be out in the open. If you two were to be spending much time together over the course of this journey, it was better you knew something about one another.

...And to be fair, the journey you’d embarked on was nowhere near over. 

The commotion of the battle between a large number of strangers could be heard over the hill where  you and Iroh had been walking, and as soon as he heard it, the older man knew what it must have meant. 

It was the kind of commotion that he’d only heard like that since taking in Zuko, and he knew that must have been what it was. However, the last thing he was expecting when he rounded the corner was Azula. 

Somehow she must have been tracking them, and at some point ran into the avatar as well, which caused quite a bit of tension immediately.

...And you were caught in the middle of it. 

Not that you really minded. 

In the time that you had been traveling with Iroh since you met, you had grown pretty fond of the old man and if there was trouble, you weren’t going to let anything happen to him. Not to mention the fact that you found out pretty quickly that his nephew was in the middle of it all. 

Apparently Iroh wasn’t kidding when he told you all about his nephew’s wild temper, which you were getting to see up close and personal. 

You just had to hope he wasn’t so chaotic in casual conversation. 

No one could be, right? 

~ 

You were wrong. 

You had been very clearly wrong about your assumptions regarding Iroh’s nephew. As soon as you found yourself sitting across from him, you could tell that he was just as he’d been described to you. 

During the fight you had all been part of, Iroh had managed to take a strike of lightning which knocked him both off his feet and unconscious. Though, you weren’t too worried because he seemed to be alright. 

It was just going to take him some time to recover. 

However, his resting gave you a chance to get acquainted with his nephew, who you’d come to know as Zuko in the time you’d been sitting here. He was a complete and total stranger to  you but you couldn’t help but feel like you knew him after all Iroh had told you. 

“What are you doing here? How do you know my uncle?” he asked at first, giving you curious glances between looking at where Iroh was currently resting, sighing contently like a dreaming child. 

His body wasn’t quite ready to get up but that was okay. The two of you were going to make sure that he was alright, no matter how long he chose to sit there. 

“We met on the road, and he told me about his search for you and I decided to help him out” you shrugged, hoping that would be enough of a reason to justify why you hadn’t left yet. 

If nothing else, you now had to make sure that Iroh was going to be okay. 

You half expected Zuko to answer you with some sort of hesitance or dismissal but it never came. Instead, he nodded, thinking over what little information you had given him about yourself. 

There wasn’t much to talk about between two people who had just met each other but you didn’t let that bother you. There were very few people you couldn’t bond with, at least a little bit, and Zuko was no exception. 

“Iroh really loves you, you know that don’t you?” you hummed, brushing the older man’s hair from where it had fallen into his face, smiling at him as he rested. 

You could tell that no one had ever loved Zuko as much as Iroh did, and in that same vein, you could tell that the male in front of you didn’t really realize that was the case. 

But it wasn’t because he didn’t care. 

Zuko cared about his uncle very much, but he didn’t understand anything much more than his own desires and the things that had happened to him that were less than happy. 

He was miserable thinking about where he came from, his family, or the things in his past. However, you knew better than anyone that the past doesn't define you and you were determined to prove that to Zuko. 

It was all you could do for him, even with the little comfort between the two of you. 

“Of course I do. What kind of question is that?” he wondered, a little too quickly and aggressively for your taste. “It’s the kind of question you ask someone you just met, apparently” he grumbled, rolling his eyes at you. 

…Moody much. 

By this point, you were sure that Iroh’s description of Zuko had barely scratched the surface but you weren’t even bothered by it. In fact, it only increased your desire to get to know him better. 

No one was that one sided, and you knew that if you dug a little deeper, you would get to know who he really was. 

[jenonctcity]

Charia Kingdom - Masterlist

An NCT Dream Fantasy Series.

Charia Kingdom - A place that has equal amounts of sunshine and rain, hot and cold, rich and poor, and, humans and creatures that couldn’t be identified as that of human status. Ruled by the Lee family with a king whose cutthroat and unforgiving nature is feared by many. The poor not cared for by people who have everything, where disease takes the lives of those unfortunate enough to not have the funds to purchase medicine. A place where humans live among  creatures many would find terrifying. It’s no secret that Vampires, Werewolves, Wizards, etc live amongst them like normal people. Unless you murder someone, you’re considered normal. Everyone lives their own lives, whether it be a happy life, or a sorrowful life...

Mark Lee - Born into a family of renowned witches and wizards, there came a time for Mark to fly the nest. The nest being their comfortable home in the middle of the bustling kingdom. After the death of the castle’s witch, 17 year old Mark was brought in to take her place. He lives up to his family’s name and has impressed the royal family with his natural talents. Now 20 years old with the trust of the royal family and kingdom, shy, quiet Mark is given a new obstacle when a new maid is brought to work alongside him in the castle. Granted she’s mostly there to clean up his mess, but he finds she plays a much bigger role in his life than just that. With the new light in his life, Mark faces a new task at hand. Keeping her safe from the horrors of the castle. 

Perils Brewing - [S], [A], [F]

Huang Renjun - Being chased from the royal family’s castle at the age of 16 was never something Renjun hoped for when he was growing up. Having lived in the castle since his birth, his mother, the castles witch, raised him alone. After finding out a huge secret and confronting the king, the king has Renjun’s mother killed, leading Renjun to use the dark powers he never knew he had to curse the Prince of the kingdom. After a bounty is put on his head for his crimes, he lives his life on the run, burrowing away in a cabin far out in the depths of the dangerous forest. A place where many lethal creatures live. Now 19, Renjun has lived in solitude for 3 years, and never expected a girl to break into his home in the dead of night. The girl he encounters is on the run herself, but refuses to tell him why. The stubborn, mentally strong, and brave girl persaudes him to let her stay with him. Can he live alongside another being when he’s still got dark magic flowing through his veins and a huge secret heavy in his heart?

Running From The Dark - [S], [A], [F]

Lee Jeno - Being the crown prince of Charia Kingdom was never something that worried Jeno. He was raised by his mother to smile when talked to, and to have a kind heart so that he would rule the kingdom differently to how his father had. At 16, he’s unexpectedly hit by a powerful curse after hearing a ruckus going on in the echoing halls of the castle. It flips his life around, his new status as a werewolf being a challenge he hates with all his heart. It turned the kingdoms sweetheart into an angry, brooding boy. Now 19, Jeno has learned how to control when he phases with the help of the remedies Mark brews for him. The only thing he can’t control is bursting into a gigantic wolf every time a negative emotion takes over his mind. No one apart from the workers of the castle know that he’s a wolf, it being kept a secret from the public. He runs in the forest in his wolf form calm him down, until he comes face to face with a rogue wolf who threatens his life with her piercing glare. After imprinting on each other, Jeno has to learn how to balance his new love, his duties as prince, his burning rage, and a secret that is revealed to him that changes his life once again. 

Stepping Into The Moonlight - [S], [A], [F]

Lee Donghyuck - Donghyuck the cheeky, charismatic boy who wasn't born a demon. As a human Donghyuck was known for his greed and crimes. So when he died at the age of 19, Satan offered him an eternal life in exchange for completing tasks. At the age of 79 he was banished from hell for failing to take the life of someone he decided upon himself didn't deserve to die. For his sin, as punishment he was sent to live on earth forever. Being immortal and watching people you make connections with die from illness, old age, or suicide was a far bigger punishment than dying. Currently 128 years old, he’s seen many of his peers around him die in many ways, and every time it happens it chips away at his sanity and positive attitude. He swore never to fall in love, but upon meeting the princess of Charia, he can’t keep away from her. After falling in love with her, it’s becoming more likely that she will be ripped away from him sooner rather than later. With his emotions flipping completely, can he manage to stop himself from sinning to save the woman he loves?

Coming Soon...

Na Jaemin - At the age of 19, Jaemin was brutally beaten by a knight of the royal family and left for dead. He was found by a creature of the night and turned into a blood craving vampire. Many years later, he’s now 210 years old and lives life one day at a time. He’s rather peaceful for a murderous creature, only being considered dangerous when he’s starved of the only thing he needs; blood. Before his death, he was an orphan, abandoned with only a pile of letters telling him of his true heritage. Something that’s always planted in the back of his mind. After hunting one night, he hears screams coming from the kingdoms small hospital. There he finds a nurse being attacked by a patient. After defusing the attack, he has no other choice but to help the wounded nurse, not being able to leave her there half dead as he was once before. The addicting scent of her makes him keep her around despite the danger that he poses to her by having her in his home. He finds himself doing something he never would have dreamed of doing to keep her around. After finding out about his true heritage, she changes, for the good or bad? Will this be a love story, or a tragedy?

Coming Soon...

Zhong Chenle - Born as an angel in heaven, Chenle had always been obsessed over how humans lived on earth. But forbidden to step foot on earth he had to always watch from above. Turning 18 he decided to take a risk. A risk that lead him to be ripped from his family, forced to live his life on earth like a mortal human. He has his halo taken from him, but is plagued by the wings that have a heavier feeling on his back than what they used to in heaven. Living the life he always wanted, he’s a happy soul, rarely being sad even if he can’t leave the house as much as he would like. His wings are hard to conceal, and with fallen angel’s being a more than rare thing, he’s scared he will be killed for his wings. You’d think if he was killed he would go to back heaven right? Wrong. After being thrown to earth, he had no means of survival other than stealing to stay alive. One night he meets the hyperactive, bubbly girl who works in the local bookstore. A friendship immediately occurs between the two. He soon finds himself falling for the girl and has hopes of living the normal life he always wanted. As he gets used to living as a human does, will life pan out the way sweet Chenle wants?

Coming Soon...

Park Jisung - In human form, Jisung looks like the worlds softest boy. His shy, slightly awkward persona often tricks people into thinking that he couldn’t even fight off a new-born baby. So why has the royal family put this lanky, slender 17 year old boy in front of the castles main gate as its protector when the rumours are that a terrifying dragon is the guarder of the castle. Well, something not many people know about the boy is that he’s a dragon hybrid. And can turn into an overwhelmingly huge dragon that has even the bravest of knights quivering in their chain mail. So far no one has ever gotten past the boy, and he intends on keeping it that way. So when a girl who looks around the same age as him slips past him and is found stealing from the castle, he’s not too impressed. She’s locked away in the dungeon, and the curious boy has to meet the only person to ever get past him. She’s sentenced to death but after pleading with his friend Prince Jeno, her crimes are pardoned, but only if Jisung keeps her with him as his assistant. He encourages her to change her thieving ways, but will he ever be able to change the hard-headed girl he argues with daily? What if you add strange feelings of love into the mix and a promise that one of them doesn't intend on keeping?

Coming Soon...

(A/N: Hi! I’m so excited to for this series I hope you enjoyed the teasers! whose are you most looking forward to? I worked really, really hard on these so please let me know your thoughts and give it loads of love! Also as all of this series hasn't been written yet, things may change in the plots and summaries but it shouldn't be anything too drastic. Also this series will contain smut, angst and fluff. Obviously no smut for Chenle and Jisung, and each story will get warnings and categories marked on them when they’re published.)

[yodawgiherd]

Indecent Proposal

>>>Read on AO3<<<

Rating: T/M

Random thoughts go booom hahaha Another worthless drabble of mine....

Parties, now that was never Mikasa’s thing. High school ones were pain and college ones were not that much better. She would prefer to read a good book or something, but social standards demanded that she shows up to at least some. And Mikasa managed to survive them all, the crowning one surely being the party where she met Armin and Eren for the first time.

Unfortunately, her new boyfriend (damn that word felt weird) couldn’t make it to this one, because as a medical student he was quite literally swamped with schoolwork. But Armin did go, so Mikasa tagged along with Sasha, hoping to find at least some fun. And honestly, it was okay. The music was nice, the food (as Sasha claimed) was fine, and the drinks were plenty. Mikasa enjoyed herself – they played beer pong where she and Armin totally bodied the other pair, buzzed from the game she even danced to the music, swaying in rhythm. To top it off, she took part in a game of truth and dare and ended up kissing Sasha, to the great enjoyment of every male in attendance.

Even now, sitting on a couch and resting her legs because strutting around in her heavy boots was taxing,  a half-empty drink in her hand, Mikasa was enjoying this. Sasha was sprawled on the floor in a food-induced coma, Armin drank too much and was out cold in the bathroom. The party was ending, slowly but surely, people were leaving either alone or in pairs, and Mikasa was just thinking about waking her friends up when an unfamiliar figure sat down next to her.

“Hey there,” the guy said, “Liking the party?”

“Yeah, It’s fine, a bit dying though.”

He smirked, his eyes roving all over her body. Mikasa was not dressed provocatively in any way, and compared to the other party-goers she was definitely on the modest scale – her outfit was the usual long black top and skirt combo, black tights, and her trademark leather boots. Choker, necklaces, earrings, piercings, and rings on her fingers, Mikasa was in her comfort clothing, but apparently it was still attractive enough to be hit on. She might have been drunk, but his next words made that quite clear.

“It pains me to see such a beautiful girl on her own... Want some company?”

Mikasa almost told him to fuck off, her usual defense system, but then a thought popped up in her head. She had a brand new reason not to let herself be fucked randomly at a party.

“I have a boyfriend.”, she said sweetly, her black lips curled into a smile.

She, in her naivety, thought that it would be enough. Bzzz, wrong.

“Well, he’s not here now, is he?”, the guy shuffled closer, “But I am…”

Now that they were up close and personal, he studied her face more intently, obviously enjoying what he saw.

“Damn but you are so beautiful,”, he reached out, his hand coming dangerously close to Mikasa’s cheek, “Can I just…”

Too close. Too fucking close. Quick as a viper, Mikasa caught his hand before it could reach her skin, twisting it away. The entranced look quickly changed into one of surprise and pain when she kept pulling until he was forced from the couch and down to his knees.

“Don’t touch me.”, she whispered in that quiet voice that Sasha claimed sent shivers down her spine.

“Hey! Easy there!”, surprised that she subdued him so quickly, he tried to free his hand but to no avail, “I didn’t mean anything by it!”

Remembering that the last time she broke a boy’s hand for touching her caused all kinds of trouble, and also realizing that it was way out of line, Mikasa let go. He shook his hand, grimaced at the pain, and stood up, looking at her with a new measure of respect, a bit of fear sprinkled in.

“I’m sorry, okay? It’s not like I wanted to hurt you…”

He was right, of course, this was a college party, people came here to touch each other. But just the thought made Mikasa sick to her stomach, even more vile now when she was dating someone. She was… claimed? Was that a word?

In her defense, she told him so, and yet he still tried going for her, so Mikasa offered no apologies on her part. Instead, she frowned at the guy, showing that this exchange was over. Luckily for him, he understood.

“Fine, have it your way.”, he turned and left, but Mikasa caught what left his lips when he shook his wrist, “Freakishly strong…”

Suddenly not enjoying the party that much anymore, Mikasa woke Sasha up and collected the shitfaced Armin from the bathroom. As she was helping him down the stairs, she saw the guy who approached her currently engaged with another girl. Mikasa’s refusal did nothing to shake him because he was going to town. Their lips were glued together while one of her legs was wrapped around his waist, his hand sliding up the exposed thigh and under her dress. Ignoring the scene, she pushed past with Armin on her shoulder and Sasha behind, so she didn’t see the smug look he threw at her back.

After parking Sasha in their dorm room, she helped Armin walk through the silent campus to his. Letting herself in with the blond’s keys she took off his shoes and deposited him to the bed, looking over her friend. He looked fine, even passed out, so Mikasa marked her escort mission as complete. But just as she was about to leave and head back to her and Sasha’s place, her eyes wandered to the closed door of Eren’s room. It was late, so one could assume that he was sleeping, most likely exhausted from school.

Still… she wanted to see him.

It was most definitely caused by the party – the alcohol made her bold and all the groping and kissing she saw made Mikasa crave some for herself. She and Eren were still at the beginning of their relationship, a bit over two weeks since their short breakup, and after that outburst he respected her boundaries perfectly, even more than before. And yet her feet carried Mikasa to his door, opening it and slipping inside, silent as a ghost.

It was dark, but from the moonlight she could recognize Eren’s body on the bed, motionless peaceful mass. That was bound the change because the dorm bed was not big and when Mikasa slipped under the covers she had to rest half of her body on his chest, otherwise she would fall. Tucked beneath his chin, arms wrapped around the expanding and collapsing chest, she felt him slowly stir into wakefulness. Eren’s nostrils flared as he took a deep breath, his dreams invaded by Mikasa’s pleasant scent. Soon after his eyes fluttered open and now he was gazing down at her body, pressed so closely against his. Okay, he thought to himself, that’s one thing to wake up to.

���Mikasa?”, he tried carefully, unsure what to make of this.

Honestly, he was scared shitless that Mikasa might regret this in the morning and leave him again, that short period of not having her in his life was not enjoyable at all. He had to defuse the situation carefully.

“Yeeees?”, she drawled from beneath him, her voice uncharacteristically sultry.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

Pulling back to get a good look at her face, Eren took in the ruddy cheeks and shiny eyes, his brain finally remembering that she was at a party.

“You’re drunk.”

“I think so.”, she confessed, “Why are you asking?”

“Just making sure. Now let me repeat, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at your dorm?”

“I don’t want to, I want to be here with you.”, her hands slid over his chest, coming up to cup Eren’s head, “What do you want us to do?”

God damn it this was hard. He wanted her, with every part of his being, he wanted her so much. Mikasa was quite literally the most beautiful woman he ever saw and having her here in the bed with him, so freely offering herself, was a trial by fire.

But.

She was not thinking straight. She was drunk. They would both regret this in the morning. No, he would not betray her trust like this. He was not a monster.

“Look, you are intoxicated, so let’s not do something we would be sorry about.”, he stroked her cheek gently, “Okay?”

Mikasa took a shuddering breath, blinked a few times, and then it finally seemed to click for her. Her sexy expression got replaced by an embarrassed one, cheeks growing even redder.

“Sorry I…”, she began, but Eren didn’t mean to torment her.

“You can sleep here if you want.”, he offered.

Seeing her nod, he smiled.

“Let me help you out of the clothes,”, realizing what he said, his ears grew red to match hers, “J-Just so you are comfortable, of course.”

With a switch that turned on the light, Eren made Mikasa sit on the bed as he unzipped her skirt, helping her slide that fabric down her hips. After that his hands went to her tights, and despite their conversation Mikasa found herself enjoying his gentle touches. Closing her eyes and biting her bottom lip, she imagined what it would be if Eren’s hands weren’t careful but rough, if he yanked that offending fabric away in a heat of passion instead of this. Her mind filled with the images from the party, she would like to know how Eren’s hands would feel on her skin if he touched her there and…

“You okay?”, came his voice, making her eyes open, “You looked spaced out a second.”

“I’m fine, good.”, she stood up abruptly, now dressed only in her shirt and panties, “Need to use the bathroom first.”

Once there Mikasa made sure to remove her make-up as much as she could, as Eren would probably not appreciate having his bedding stained by dark colors. Taking out her earrings and necklaces, she cluttered them to a bowl alongside the rings. Finally, she unclasped her bra and choker and looked at herself in the mirror, the pale reflection staring back.  The pink dusting was still present on her cheeks, and Mikasa blushed even harder when she realized that she almost made a huge mistake. Her intimacy was still an unbreached territory and having a shot at it while being drunk was not something she wanted. So after coming back and crawling into the bed with Eren, she made sure to kiss him softly, murmuring a quick thank you.

He just chuckled, stroking her hip gently. And here, tucked into his body, Mikasa fell asleep happily.

Parties, now that was never Mikasa’s thing. High school ones sucked, college ones weren’t much better but hey, she met her fiancé at one of them. Now, a full-fledged adult, Mikasa was still required to attend some, because her job simply came with that.

It was customary to have a celebration when they wrapped a photoshoot, and because she was the leading girl for this collection it would be an insult not to show up. Unfortunately, Eren was busy with hospital work, so after toying with the idea of inviting Levi as her plus one Mikasa took Sasha. The girl was ecstatic, very quickly wheeling her way to the food table and getting busy there.

Watching her with a faint smile, Mikasa had to admit that she was growing fond of parties lately. The ones she had with her friends at the Third Wheel were amazing, and she thoroughly enjoyed them all. But this, being thrown into an unknown environment, was something else altogether. Sure, she knew some people here. She knew Kiyomi, Dot, and the girls she worked with, but that was still a small number compared to everyone. Hizuru was a big company, and when it threw a party it was an equally grand one.

So here she was, stuffed into a black strapless dress and those pretty high heels that Eren got for her. To annoy her boss Mikasa took her time and painted her face with the usual black makeup, even picked a choker to adorn her neck. It didn’t sit well with the overall vibe, but she liked it, too bad.

Her moment of observing wild Sasha Braus in its natural habitat was interrupted when a voice spoke up behind her.

“That’s an impressive tattoo you have.”

Oh, did she get noticed by a fellow tattoo enthusiast? Excited for a second she turned but her fantasy was quickly debunked when the man’s eyes immediately dipped into her cleavage. Nevermind.

“Why thank you.”, she replied with the sweetest smile she could muster, “It's a matching one with my fiancé.”

Mikasa put a special emphasis on that word, hoping that he will take the hint. And, once again, was left disappointed.

“Well, he’s not here now, is he?”

And he stepped closer, entering Mikasa’s safe space. She could tell him off, use her usual ice voice, but no, she was feeling extra bitchy tonight. Maybe it was because of the party, maybe because this asshole used the exact same words as that one from years back, but Mikasa was ready to play with him. She was tipsy, but alcohol didn’t make her more open to advances, it did the exact opposite. When drunk, Mikasa got even more territorial than usual.

“All right, fine, I’m game.”, she leaned forward with feigned interest, making his eyes slide down to her chest, “What do you have for me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you want me to cheat on my fiancé right? So why should I? What do you offer?”

“Oh baby, you have no idea.”, luckily for him he didn’t touch her, but his voice dropped low into a heated whisper, “I can make you feel so good that you will be screaming my name. And that boyfriend of yours? He will never know….”

“How?”

“How what?”

“How will you make me scream your name?”, she met his confused gaze with her unimpressed one, “Elaborate, please.”

“Uh… I mean…. I can do you really, really good and…”

“So that’s it? Simple sex?”

“I’d have no objection if you sucked me off first,”, his cocky smile was annoying and she could almost physically feel her woman parts locking, “If you are into that.”

If she was into that? Ooh, he had no idea what Mikasa is into. And it was high time to let him know.

“That’s a tempting offer, but I have a better one.”, she was the one whispering now, “What If I fucked you instead?”

He blinked a few times, eyes widening.

“What are you talking about?”

“I have a few toys that I like using, so why don’t we go and give them a spin.”, Mikasa was devouring him with her gaze now, “And that’s not all I offer. If you take me well enough, like the little bitch you are, I will let you worship me with your mouth. How is that?”

The man stumbled backward, shaking his head violently.

“N-No… I Don’t… I…”

Mikasa’s gaze was cool as she regarded him.

“What? Can’t talk? Then bark, dog.”

That was enough to give him the voice back.

“God, you’re crazy. I’m out of here.”

And he was indeed gone, passing Sasha who was just wheeling herself back with a tray full of food.

“Who was that?”, she asked, mouth full of pastry.

“No one.”, Mikasa reached over, grabbing a treat herself, “No one important.”

Fine, so even these parties like these could be fun.

Eren was still awake when Mikasa came home, waiting for her. It wouldn’t be fair to say that he had trouble sleeping alone, but he strongly preferred having her in the bed with him. What he didn’t know was that sleeping was not very high on Mikasa’s agenda, and when he stood up to say hi he was very quickly planted back on the couch with his goth girlfriend viciously attacking his mouth.

“How was the party?”, he managed to ask between the kisses, a feat worthy of respect.

“Fine.”, she responded, fingers tugging at his shirt.

Soon it was gone and she was free to splay her fingers on the warm naked skin.

“Are we doing something that we will both regret in the morning?”

“You bet.”, she giggled, and then her mouth was busy with kissing again.

And it went on and on until Eren was naked but Mikasa was still fully clothed, yet when he tried tugging the zipper of her dress down she denied him. She flipped them over, pushing Eren until he was standing in front of the couch with a raised eyebrow. All Mikasa offered was a single word.

“Kneel.”

He did so immediately, frowning a bit when he realized how quickly his body obeyed. Pleased by that, Mikasa put her legs on his shoulders, continuing in her instructions.

“Take off my panties, but nothing else. And use your mouth to do it.”

Eren did so, completely under her spell. Reaching over, Mikasa tangled her fingers in his hair.

“Do you want to worship me?”

His answer was immediate and automatic at this point.

“Yes please.”

A smirk on her black lips.

“Good boy.”

Lightly she pushed and he went more than willingly, head disappearing beneath the hem of her dress. And when his mouth truly went to work and Mikasa’s lips dropped open in a moan, her mind had a last coherent thought.

There was no way she would ever trade this guy for someone else.

[priorireverte]

Congratulations Emily!

Your application for George Weasley has been accepted. I feel like George is often a character who gets overlooked, or reduced to ‘twin and prankster’. You have definitely not done that, adding so much more to him in a realistic way that a war would. I’m very excited to have him around!

Please look to the checklist for the next steps and reach out if you have any questions!

OUT OF CHARACTER

NAME & PRONOUNS: Emily, She/Her

TIMEZONE: EST

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I am currently searching for a job, but that does leave me with some time on my hands for rping purposes! Trying to keep myself busy in a multitude of ways when the world is not helping y'know </3

ANYTHING ELSE: TW: rape, sexual assault

CHARACTER DETAILS

NAME: George Weasley

BIRTHDATE: April 1, 1978

DEATHDATE:  N/A

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY:  George identifies as a cis-man and uses he/him pronouns. He is fairly comfortable with these. George is hetero-romantic and asexual, although I would not say this is a term he understands or would use for himself. Whenever his friends would talk about their partners sexually, George would play along with the others, but definitely would look to change the subject as soon as humanly possible. It is simply not something he can comprehend about himself and he does best ignoring feelings that he may not yet understand. The only person he has ever even mildly revealed this to would be Fred, but George was not comfortable going into any major detail in regards to how he felt. At most it was an offhand comment here or there.

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Gryffindor

OCCUPATION: Shop Owner of Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes

FACECLAIM: I think I am going back and forth on this and I am also terrible at these—I believe I was debating between Caleb Landry Jones or Luke Newberry. But I think I finally decided to go with Caleb!

CHARACTER BACKGROUND

POSTBELLUM

They say there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. They also say that time heals all wounds. George has found out that hard way that this is all a load of rubbish. What they don’t tell you about losing the most important person in your life is that you never fully stop grieving. You can’t heal. Because healing involves forgetting. A bouquet of flowers from his great aunt was nice, but it’s not going to make George forget and it’s not going to bring Fred back. And George has no idea how to keep plants alive, anyway.

It seems like most others have been able to move on; start families, or careers, but George can’t seem to get past it, and he forces himself to deal with his loss head on every day by working day in and day out at that store that haunts him. He sees Fred in everything; from the letterhead on his desk that still reads “Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes, Proprieters Fred and George Weasley”; to the kids who come in and test the screaming yo-yo’s in front of him; or the mirror in the bathroom that is for employees only. He has buried himself in his work post the war, and quite literally expects to be buried in it.

While George will never fully get over the loss of his twin, he has since stopped having panic attacks in the bathroom and got a haircut, which he considers major progress. It has also helped that he has finally taken Ron up on his offer to help run the shop, which he realized he needed a long time ago, as the bills have piled up from all his discounts. [Happy to redact if Ron’s mun decides they don’t want to follow this plot!] He still snaps at his family more than he would like, but they know how suffocating they can be.

The news of the Returned may have been the happiest anyone had seen George in years. He cracked a joke and even went out of his way to visit his siblings, instead of making them come to him. To Hell with adjusting to his new life, he was ready. It seemed clear to him that those who died valiantly in the Battle of Hogwarts were returning—After all, if people like Professor Lupin and Lavender Brown were coming back, it was only a matter of time until Fred did too, right?

PERSONALITY: What are they good at? What do they struggle with? What are their strengths and weaknesses? 

Boys as loud as their hair, is what George heard Filch say about him and his brother once, and it lit up his face with a wide bright grin before he tapped Fred excitedly on the shoulder to share the good news. It was this unbridled optimism, this impractical belief that he could do anything that gave him the confidence and courage to follow his dreams. That, and having a partner by his side.

George was easy to get along with, because for most of his life his decisions had been made for him and all he had to do was saddle up and play along. Fred was always the one setting the wheels in motion, and George was grateful for that. He wasn’t shy by any means, but people just flocked to Fred, and by association George. They were known to light up any room they were in, and were always the first to enliven a crowd if it was too dreary for their liking. He liked having the same friends as his brother. He liked being a package deal. He knew Fred would always have his back so when he felt like he wanted to retreat, he knew Fred could carry a conversation or sort something in the shop without him.

Perhaps that’s why it’s been so hard for George to adjust to life on his own. Now all of that pressure falls on him and it feels overwhelming. He was never the business-savvy brother, leaving Fred to come up with price points while he worked on ideas for new products.

Now, it feels like half of himself is gone. Sometimes he feels like a body walking around and smiling because that’s what people are supposed to do, but the joy just isn’t there. The smiles are artificial now. He is trying, but few things can bring back that spark that his twin so easily transferred over to him.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY: What was being part of their family like? How did they grow up? What values did their parents/family instill in them?

His parents instilled in him and all his siblings a love and joy greater than most, and George was grateful for that. The Weasley’s weren’t well off by any means, but that only bubbled the creativity in the twins, especially when it came to ways to cure their boredom. He remembers fond birthdays he shared with Fred where they made their own cake scream or spent an entire afternoon perfecting exploding snaps in their bedroom, much to the dismay of their parents. The Burrow was unkempt and chaotic, but George loved it, squeaky floorboards and all.

He hasn’t been back in years, purposefully choosing to close himself off from that space. He knows his mother isn’t happy with his choice and that guilt eats him up inside, but that shrinking feeling in his heart is better than the burning feeling he would get of seeing his brother’s hand on that clock. Still, George loves his family endlessly, even if he hasn’t done a very good job of showing it these last couple of years.

HISTORY: What was their life before the end of the war in ‘98 or before their death? What was important and formative for them?

There was a time when George thought that the worst thing that could happen to him was having to de-gnome the garden after flying a car underage. Then there was a time he thought the worst thing that could happen to him was losing an ear. George and his siblings grew up in a loving, but shabby home. He loved his siblings and knew they loved him, even if he and his twin brother were always pranking them. They were carefree, and they had each other.

Fred was the one who first suggested the two go into business, and George was always the first to agree with his big brother. It felt like a dream, leaving the drudges of school behind and spending all day doing what he loved with the person he cared about most. They never fought. They had been a well-oiled machine since birth, so it only made sense that their business ran smoothly. The one knew where the others’ strengths and weaknesses lied. Fred was better at bargaining and he didn’t care what color the walls were, like George did. Growing up did not seem like growing up, because he had a partner by his side.

George was the one who first brought up going back to Hogwarts. Given their proximity to the Order of the Phoenix and Harry, fighting alongside them was their only option. Additionally, George felt they owed Harry for helping them start their business in the first place. He will always believe that the cause they fought for was noble and right, but he sometimes wonders if the victory was worth the loss. He doesn’t spend much time with folks of his past. George doesn’t want to, but a piece of him resents Harry. He would never tell anyone, but he wonders if they hadn’t gotten so close, felt it was necessary to fight alongside him, if Fred would still be here. He wonders If he wouldn’t fall asleep alone at his desk every night curled into a ball; he wonders if he would ever make a new product instead of staring, detached at the efforts that just remind him of his brother.

OOC EXPLORATION

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? I feel like finding a post-war trio era rp with a unique plot that is also para-based is me asking for too much, and yet here you are!! I have never explored Post-War George and I think his trauma is so fascinating and it could affect his life in so many different ways, as it already has. The addition of the Returned is asking for more ~angst~ and boy am I here for it :) In particular, I am interested in exploring the dynamics George has with his siblings especially, as I am sure some of them have very different reactions to him kind of closing himself off for a bit, and his guilt is obviously through the roof because of it. But also all characters tbh!!! I love for plotting out entirely too much backstory haha.

ANYTHING ELSE?  I made a mood board for George here! https://www.pinterest.com/ebateman64/ch-george-weasley/

And also some head canons!:

George has a hard time sleeping (he always has) but he actually enjoys sleeping in his office. The papers piled high, the Pygmy Puffs that squeak at night–the clutter and chaos actually feel like the most stable thing he has had in a long time. Immediately following the war, George stayed at the Burrow for a few weeks to be closer to his family, using it as an excuse to get any leftover stock that might still be in his childhood bedroom. But it was too troubling to sleep in that room. It was bare-boned, not only because he had taken most of his belongings, but because one of the beds was empty. After the first night, he slept on the couch in the living room instead.

While he barely feels the loss of his left ear these days, occasionally there is a ringing sound that fills his head and gives him migraines from the pain, major enough that he needs to lie down. This only happens occasionally, and he usually chooses to push through it by clasping his hand to his ear for a few minutes.

George actually used to care quite deeply about his appearance, however, that has definitely gone downhill in recent years. Some could say he is going to a “rugged” look, but it’s really just because he can’t be bothered to wash his hair. In the last couple of weeks, however, he has donned the old suit that he used to wear to work everyday. He can’t fill it out like he used to, but it gives him some semblance of hope.

[soveryanon]

Reviewing time for MAG168!

- Yay for Oliver! From the announced title I had suspected The End and/or him because of his veins/roots/tendrils/not-tentacles, so that one wasn’t misleading!

Most of the episode was an audio pun on “Roots”/“Routes”: both the veins, and the reference to a Corpse Road. I’m… not sure about the double-meaning, though (since usually, titles refer both the core of the “statement” and something happening in the metaplot) – obviously, the “roots” were The End’s, they were almost a character by themselves (we could hear them creaking in the background alongside the whispers, a reminder that… they could grow. They could invade other domains when they would need); and the system presented by Oliver could (as he explained) come out of his domain to invade others’ in the search for more victims, which is how this universe could potentially end… but is there an additional meaning that could apply in Jon&Martin’s discussion, or in Jon’s decision to not go after Oliver?

(Regarding Martin: jealousy associated to “roots” makes me think of Corruption, though I don’t subscribe to the idea that Martin is being supernaturally OOC right now (I see how he could potentially be led towards bad choices, but I don’t feel like he’s under an influence right now outside of his own feelings). But I wonder if one of the meanings of “roots” will make sense in retrospect…)

- I was a bit sad to not hear Oliver himself but:

* Jonny, once again, did an amazing job at nailing the intonations and inflections of Oliver’s VA for the character; so, yes, it wasn’t directly Oliver, but we could hear when it was him directly addressing Jon, when it was the “statement” form, and when it was back to Jon.

(* Though I have a tiny sliver of doubt regarding the final “Report ends” afterwards: was it Oliver’s, making fun of Jon’s “statement ends” in the same way that Simon did after he got compelled to blurt out his life story after Martin prompted him? Interestingly, Oliver hadn’t joked about the “statement ends” in MAG121, though he already knew a lot about Jon and his dreams back then, and made it obvious in MAG168 that he knew more than us about Jon’s current state and how he functions (calling him The Eye’s “archive”, and pointing out that Jon can “only take”, which… yeah, feel like that will be relevant later). Or was it Jon saying the “Report ends.” to gain back a semblance of normalcy and making light fun of Oliver’s way of organising his “report” and/or trying to distance himself from what Oliver was saying, reminding himself that it was a subjective statement and that whatever Oliver says is to take with caution since he’s above all an agent of his own patron, however convinced and convincing he may sound? I feel like it was Jon saying that “Report ends.”, given how his voice sobered up, but both could make sense in their own ways…)

* Funnily, it makes sense for Oliver to give his “statement” in this fashion! Because, so far, he had never directly communicated with an Archivist in a situation that would allow reciprocity: he gave his statement to the Institute, while watching Gertrude in the next room (MAG011); he gave his statement to Jon while Jon was in a coma, so unable to answer him (MAG121); and now, he gave his “report” about his domain through Jon, addressing it both to The Eye and to Jon (… but is there a difference at this point?). In all cases, he was unreachable. So now, it feels even more significant that the only person he has ever interacted with on tape was End-touched Georgie, and that she managed to exchange words with him…

- Given how Oliver gave this “report” to Jon, that the “I” was clearly Oliver… What does it say about the narrator of previous statements? Were the “I”s in those the domains or the Fears themselves, talking through Jon?

… If that’s the case, what is exactly happening with the tape recorders, who are gorging themselves with these new forms of statements and apparently freeing Jon from the weight of them…?

(And who was the narrator in MAG167 then? The Eye itself?)

- Laughing so hard because Oliver’s background (MAG011: “I’ve lived in London for almost a decade now. I came here to do my undergraduate degree at the London School of Economics. I ended up taking a position with Barclays shortly after graduating and did well enough there.”) showed so much in the way he organised his ~report~ (not a “statement”, not a “terror”, but a “report”, Oliver wanted to be SPECIAL, uh…):

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “Report to prevent future deaths. This report is being sent to: [STATIC FADES] The Great Eye, that watches all who linger in terror, and gorges itself on the sufferings of those under its unrelenting, stuporous gaze! And its Archive, which draws knowledge of this suffering unto itself. 1 – Coroner I am Oliver Banks, sometimes known as Antonio Blake, or doctor Thomas Pridchard. I serve The Coming End That Waits For All And Will Not Be Ignored. 2 – Coroner’s legal powers […] 3 – Investigation and inquest […] 4 – Circumstances of the death […] 5 – Coroner’s concerns […] The matters of concern are as follows. a) […] b) […] c) […] d) […] 6 – Actions that should be taken […] 7 – Your response”

Organised, classified, taking an example to illustrate… and even: doing something else than the subject of his report. It wasn’t a report “to prevent future deaths”. It was a report “about” future deaths and how they couldn’t be prevented. Oliver, please.

- Handsome Man Of Many Aliases:

(MAG011, “Antonio Blake”) “First off, I should admit that I lied to get in here.” […] ARCHIVIST: I had Tim look into it, as I don’t entirely trust the others not to have written it as a practical joke and slipped it into the archives. Unsurprisingly, he came up with nothing. Antonio Blake is a fake name and all of the contact details he provided were similarly fraudulent. It’s almost certainly a joke, a bit of hazing for the new boss, maybe? Best not to engage with it, I think.

(MAG121) OLIVER: So… My name is Oliver Banks. In my other statements, I used the name “Antonio Blake”, but I don’t really think either name has much meaning for me anymore. […] I’m Antonio. GEORGIE: Sure.

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “1 – Coroner. I am Oliver Banks, sometimes known as Antonio Blake, or doctor Thomas Pridchard. I serve The Coming End That Waits For All And Will Not Be Ignored.”

… jumped on the Apocalypse occasion to get himself a fancy title, “Coroner”. With the interesting point that a coroner goes back through time to investigate someone’s death, backwards, while Oliver reads the death forwards, as in how it will happen.

- I find the way Oliver referred to Jon really interesting:

(MAG121) OLIVER: Hum… Hello, Jon. Do you… m–mind if I call you Jon? I… I mean. You don’t actually know me, it’s just… well. “Archivist”, it’s so… formal, isn’t it? And I do kind of know you…?

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “This report is being sent to: [STATIC FADES] The Great Eye, that watches all who linger in terror, and gorges itself on the sufferings of those under its unrelenting, stuporous gaze! And its Archive, which draws knowledge of this suffering unto itself. […] Please, Jon, do not interpret this report as a ‘plea for mercy’ or a ‘call to action’.”

He used to go with “Archivist” (as a title) and Jon. The “Jon” was clearly a callback to the time he had visited Jon in the hospital (pushing towards casual sympathy? At the very least, reminding him of the last time Oliver had chosen to call him “Jon”, and why he had visited him in the first place), but calling him The Eye’s “Archive” is new on all levels: first time that Oliver calls him that way, and first time that anyone except Jonah called him that way.

(MAG160, Jonah Magnus) “Because the thing about the Archivist is that… well: it’s a bit of a misnomer. It might, perhaps, be better named “the Archive”. Because you do not administer and preserve the records of fear, Jon – you are a record of fear. Both in mind, as you walk the shuddering dread of each statement; and in body, as the Powers each leave their mark upon you. You are a living chronicle of terror.”

So, as much as I had a few reservations about the content of what Oliver was seeing/predicting… it’s true that he knows a lot, about Jon and about how he functions, what he is right now in the grand scheme of things.

* Also: once again, The Eye’s Archive. Not Jonah’s. Jonah is irrelevant. “The Magnus(’) Archive” is not applying to this season so far.

* … Interesting that, although Oliver had directly mentioned that the “Spider” had pushed him to come visit Jon in MAG121, there was no mention at all of any Web activity in this one, as if it was also irrelevant/wouldn’t be able to do anything noteworthy to change the planned course?

- I really love how Oliver tried to sound professional and respectable and kind of… objective about everything?, and at the same time, absolutely went into “My Patron Is Better Than Yours” territory:

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “Report to prevent future deaths. This report is being sent to: [STATIC FADES] The Great Eye, that watches all who linger in terror, and gorges itself on the sufferings of those under its unrelenting, stuporous gaze! […] I am Oliver Banks, sometimes known as Antonio Blake, or doctor Thomas Pridchard. I serve The Coming End That Waits For All And Will Not Be Ignored. […] I make this report under no “authority”, no “regulation” or act of law, save the hollow power and grim responsibility given me by the Termination Of All Life. […] a) When Danika Gelsthorpe reaches the end of her Corpse Root, she will die. This new world of Fear reviles death as a release, but the Coming End cannot exist without its reality. It is not a being of dangled promises and shifting torments; the certainty of death waits for all who travel the Corpse Roots, and that certainty… will be delivered on, without hesitation or consideration of any other factors. b) This place has a limit, on the fear that can be generated from them, as their pool is necessarily finite and ultimately, however slowly, it will be exhausted. To be offset, this consideration will require the acquisition of victims from other domains as replacements, potentially inciting… “bad feeling” between those domains. […] However slowly, the domains of Death will be removing sufferers from a closed system. However many thousands of years may be experienced in the meantime… eventually, this world will be left barren and empty. […] Even if such a fate could be avoided, as it comes closer and the other Entities grow in their awareness of their own end, the grotesque ripples of their own impossible panic shall glut and feed my master, gorging it to the point where, perhaps, it will even surpass The Watcher in prominence. […] The End does not fear its own cessation, for it is the certainty and promise of all life, however strange, that it will one day finish, and that includes its own stark existence. It shall be the last and, when the universe is silent and still forever, it shall perhaps, in that impossible moment before it vanishes, finally be satisfied.”

* That condescending tone towards the other Fears, and the fact that they do not truly deliver death (as it would mean losing their victims), but My-Patron-Is-Better-And-A-True-One so The End has to deliver what it promises. (Does that confirm that, for example, Richard-the-human-worm respawned or was still “living” in a way after Sam went through him?)

* … My-Patron-Is-Better-Than-Other-Fears so it will go after the others to get access to their pools of victims, to find new ones.

* My-Patron-Is-Better-Than-Other-Fears so it will feed from them since The End will come after their victims and dry them out of victims, and they can do nothing about it.

* My-Patron-Is-Better-Than-Beholding so it could grow even stronger than it even though Beholding is the current ruler and had reality reshaped to have it on top of everything.

* My-Patron-Is-Better-Than-Everything so it will celebrate its own death, since Ending Itself after having ended everything means that it will have accomplished its true purpose.

(* Bonus “I-Am-My-Patron”, so Jon killing him would just be fine in the order of things, too.)

Like. WOW, Oliver, wow. Really fond of your patron, aren’t you, down to making it like a “challenge” to The Eye.

- Confirmation that The End’s domain lies both in the fear of death (since Danika had served it her entire life), but Oliver insisted pretty much that it also requires actual death to function/to work with its nature.

… So, I’m torn about what degree of credence to give Oliver. On the one side: it goes very well with the message Jonny keeps repeating (including in his gaming streams or in The Mechanisms universe) that “all things end”, that nothing can last forever – it’s what Oliver directly told Jon, it works. It could be the programmed annihilation of this world, whether we (the audience) get to witness it or not: I’m still thinking that The Extinction could come into play and wipe out everything, but if no other Change/cataclysm happens, it could go this way, with this world gradually, slowly dying, because at the core of it, it contained its own doom (the Fears have free reign and can never be truly satiated, so they’ll dry out the whole world without caring about creating a long-lasting “ecosystem”. They don’t know how to preserve, only to consume).

On the other hand, Oliver was extremely adamant about the fact that it would happen, but… has no proof that it will?

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “In exactly thirteen stretches of the root on which Danika travels – a stretch being measured in the waves of nauseating terror that flow out of her with such rhythmic regularity – she will finally arrive at her destination. […] I watch, as with each motion, each laboured, reluctant movement along her path, Danika Gelsthorpe is painfully, and inescapably aware of what it is that lies at the end of it. She tries to move backwards, off to the side, any direction other than that unstoppable, inescapable forwards. But her limbs seize up with the attempt. She tries to stay still, but can do so only with the most incredible of efforts. To eke out another few seconds of stasis sets every nerve in her body aflame with agony and effort, begging her to scream, despite her jaw being set in a frozen rictus of sombre mourning. I see her relive the coming moment of her inevitable demise. […] When Danika Gelsthorpe reaches the end of her Corpse Root, she will die. This new world of Fear reviles death as a release, but the Coming End cannot exist without its reality. It is not a being of dangled promises and shifting torments; the certainty of death waits for all who travel the Corpse Roots, and that certainty… will be delivered on, without hesitation or consideration of any other factors.”

The “thirteen stretches” sound like a clear references to the 13 Fears used in Jonah’s incantation (the fourteenth, The Eye, being supposed to rule over the others) and/or the fact that it requires 14 “points” to work (thirteen stretches meaning that there are fourteen points between the beginning and The End), but what I’m more interested is that… there are still thirteen stretches for Danika to travel. What if there is actually no way to travel a whole stretch, because it keeps stretching and getting longer, just because death has to be a horizon that is, by nature, forever elusive, even though Oliver is convinced that it must be a reachable goal since he believes in his patron? (Plus: how come The End will be able to touch other domains when necessary? Wouldn’t it just collapse on itself and disappear on its own, without first putting a dent into others?)

I’m not sure! On the one hand, it works well as a programmed ending, makes sense, and Oliver and The End have displayed time and time again that The End deals in certainty (and Oliver kept repeating that word); on the other hand… as he said, he’s absolutely loyal to his patron, now. Of course he would feel like The End makes the most sense in this world, that the cycle it functions in will keep going, that the same rules apply, that The End will even surpass The Eye. It all feels very subjective. So… we’ll see.

(But given that uncertainty: it feels to me like precisely, we won’t get that scenario, we won’t know for sure that it would have worked this way, because something else will happen. Something that won’t prevent all things from “ending”, but in different circumstances than the current ones…)

- What about Georgie, in the order described by Oliver, though? Given that the rules have changed, and if people are only able to die in The End’s domain by fearing their death, what would happen if the last human standing doesn’t “fear”?

- That puts to mind Peter’s explanation to Martin about why, according to him, The End had not attempted to carry its ritual, and how it was distinct from The Extinction:

(MAG134) PETER: There are two Powers that, to my knowledge, have never attempted to fully manifest, never had followers set them up for a ritual: Mother-of-Puppets, and Terminus. The Web, and The End. The Web, I’ve never really been sure about: if I were to guess, I would say it actually prefers the world as is, playing everyone against each other, and so on. The End, on the other hand… The End doesn’t really need one: it knows that it gets everything eventually, so why bother. The End manifesting would not be a new world of terror; it would be a lifeless world. Devoid of everything. MARTIN: … Including fear. PETER: Exactly. It has no reason to truly attempt to enter our world, it’s… passive. But The Extinction… The Extinction is… different. It’s active. It will seek to create a lifeless world, in a way that none of the other Powers ever would. Some interpretations suggest it might replace us with something new, that can then fear annihilation in turn. But I and those like me would rather that did not happen.

Not that passive given that Oliver mentioned that his domain would go after others’ to get a new supply of victims, when necessary (and that it would the one to upset the current equilibrium), and that Oliver was actually participating in spreading in patron’s fear by warning about the end to come, but!

- Interesting bit is that The End and Oliver have a relationship with time that seems to tie present and future close together (“The moment that you die will feel exactly the same as this one.”), with The End being the only and absolute future possible, while Beholding… doesn’t. It has access to past information, to events currently happening, but Jon pointed out that his powers couldn’t access the future:

(MAG164) ARCHIVIST: She… thinks she’s going to kill Daisy. Like she promised. [STATIC DECREASES] But she’s conflicted. MARTIN: And will she? ARCHIVIST: I–I don’t know, th–the future, th–that’s… that’s not something I can see.

Nice contrast, which makes sense, but also: Jon is special, even for an agent of Beholding, something that Oliver seemed to imply (“But know that, even you, will all your power, cannot keep the world alive forever.”). What can Jon do, in this new reality, besides turning predators into preys and being untouchable for the monsters…?

(I’m also squinting at Oliver’s words, because it could imply… that Jon is currently the only thing keeping the world “alive”, right now?)

- … If Oliver is right, though, laughing forever that Jonah, who feared death the most, would have BROUGHT IT ON HIMSELF:

(MAG138, Robert Smirke) “I beg you, do not pursue this goal; if only a single lesson may be gleaned from my life of long study, and longer hardship, it is that the fear of Death is natural, and to flee from it will only bring greater misery. Repent of your sins, Jonah. Seek forgiveness. I am certain the Dread Powers cannot take a soul that keeps faith in the Resurrection.”

(MAG160, Jonah Magnus) “Why does a man seek to destroy the world? It’s a simple enough answer: for immortality, and power […]; to place yourself beyond pain, and death, and fear. It is an awful thing to know about yourself, but the freedom, Jon, the freedom of it all…! I have dedicated my life to handing the world to these Dread Powers, all for my own gain, and I feel… nothing but satisfaction, in that choice. I am to be a king of a ruined world, and I shall never die. I believe there are far more people in this world who’d take that bargain than you would ever guess. And I have beaten all of them.”

… since his invocation also invited “[all that] dies”. He could have gone with “all that fears to die” or something like that, allowing for a loophole, but he specifically called for all that “dies”.

Jonah.

Jonah, you’re so effing stupid.

(- Re: Jonah, it’s delightful that… he has not been mentioned at all by other monsters/avatars (Annabelle, Helen, the Not!Them) so far. Oliver didn’t either. When it comes to establishing who caused the apocalypse, they’re fully crediting Jon and/or pointing out his relation to The Eye:

(MAG164) HELEN: What would I have to gloat about? Much as I am delighted by this brave new world in which we find ourselves, I can take no credit for it. This was all… you!

(MAG165) NOT!SASHA: Well, of course you want to wallow in my shame like your voyeur master!

(MAG166) HELEN: And Jon, well… he is part of The Eye; a very important part. And he’s able to, shall we say… shift its focus.

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “This report is being sent to: [STATIC FADES] The Great Eye, that watches all who linger in terror, and gorges itself on the sufferings of those under its unrelenting, stuporous gaze! And its Archive, which draws knowledge of this suffering unto itself. […] Perhaps once it might have horrified me, or given me some sense of pursuing the ultimate release of the world that you have damned.”

And yes, obviously, Jon was manipulated into doing it, didn’t willingly and knowingly cause it! But it’s hilarious that they’re all “Who?” about Jonah’s whole existence; he… seems absolutely irrelevant to the whole apocalypse deal although he tried to take credit for it. I wonder in which state we’ll meet him and/or if he will be able to express himself in any way – so far, I’m banking on him either being the Panopticon (having merged with the building) or being wrapped in cobwebs.)

- Interestingly, Oliver seemed to credit some level of sentience to the Fears themselves?

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “To be offset, this consideration will require the acquisition of victims from other domains as replacements, potentially inciting… ‘bad feeling’ between those domains. […] Even if such a fate could be avoided, as it comes closer and the other Entities grow in their awareness of their own end, the grotesque ripples of their own impossible panic shall glut and feed my master, gorging it to the point where, perhaps, it will even surpass The Watcher in prominence. The others may take what actions they wish; they may plot and plan and tear themselves apart in an attempt to separate from the fate that they know they cannot escape; but they will fail.”

I could expect the avatars/monsters to panic and try to sustain themselves, but the Fears/domains themselves…? (And once again: that phenomenon is very reminiscent of the way Peter described his own fear of The Extinction, as something that could eradicate him and other Fears/avatars…)

- AHAHHA about the image that when Danika would have travelled through the “thirteen stretches”, she would reach the end/The End and die… because that suuuuuure seemed reminiscent of Jon&Martin’s current travels, having to travel through (13) domains in order to reach The Panopticon, without knowing what would happen then.

Not ominous at all.

- I am… really interested in Oliver’s mention that Jon now “may only take”, combined with the fact that Oliver directly called him The Eye’s “Archive”. Specifically since, in MAG121, Oliver had highlighted Jon’s ability to extract statement:

(MAG121) OLIVER: Sorry to go on…! I’m… I don’t talk to many people these days. Putting my thoughts outside myself, it gets a bit… mm… clumsy. Be easier if you could talk back, right? Ask me questions and just have it tumble all out. But no. It’s… it’s just me. Wish there was a better way, but… Touching someone’s mind, it’s not… as simple as that, is it? Doesn’t always make things clearer, y’know? Still. I gave the old woman a statement so, maybe I owe you one as well. That’s… how it works, right? Give you a terror, give you a dream. ’s not like I don’t have them to spare.

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “I make this report under no ‘authority’, no ‘regulation’ or act of law, save the hollow power and grim responsibility given me by the Termination Of All Life. With it, I may see and spread the hidden veins of destiny that wrap us close and draw us through the empty, yearning parody of meaning that we call life, knowing at all stages that the last and final point of this journey is a blank and futile end. […] Please, Jon, do not interpret this report as a ‘plea for mercy’ or a ‘call to action’. I would have offered it willingly, of course, but to do so is no longer an option. You cannot ask; you may only take.”

The circumstances in season 5 have changed, we’ve seen that in the way Jon is managing the new “statements”: he has to let them out, he gets liberated from their weight once they have “poured out of [him] down into the tape”. He can only delay the moment he does it for a very short while, he has to do it when they reach a domain. The only exception has been in MAG167, when he gave a statement about Gertrude and her assistants, which was (at least partially) prompted by Martin’s questions.

So we see a difference between “Archive” and “Archivist” as of now with the statements. We’ve also seen Jon using his powers to “know”, prompted (Martin asking him questions in MAG164) and not (Jon knowing about Annabelle’s phone call in MAG167).Witht the exception of channelling The Eye’s powers to turn a predator into a prey, his abilities now seem mostly passive, but I wonder if it will mean something more, regarding his status as an “Archive” (and if Annabelle is planning to use that)…

(… Concrete question too: is Jon still able to compel, nowadays?)

- There are some bits of Martin’s words that made me go “!” because it implies that he had discussed with Jon about these matters beforehand:

(MAG168) MARTIN: Okay… [FOOTSTEPS] I mean… Well, I don’t like this place. ARCHIVIST: Once again, Martin, that’s… [CHUCKLING] sort of the point…! MARTIN: Yeah, yeah, I know, alright, I get it, it’s just… it’s more than that. This place, what did you call it, the… th– … the “Rotten Core”? ARCHIVIST: The Corpse Roots. MARTIN: Yeah, yeah, that. Well, it… It feels… [SIGH] I don’t know, it feels like it’s– ARCHIVIST: Waiting. MARTIN: Yeah! [CREAKING SOUND] Waiting. [SILENCE PUNCTUATED BY THE WHISPERS] This is the one with the, em… the Death guy, isn’t it? ARCHIVIST: This is Oliver Banks’s domain, yes. MARTIN: … So it’s him who’s waiting. […] Alright, fine, yes, yes, I am jealous, alright? Yes, if you absolutely must know! ARCHIVIST: Because he woke me up. MARTIN: [SPLUTTERING] I was there weeks, and nothing. He talks to you for five minutes, and suddenly you’re back on your feet, and bouncing around like a, like a spring chicken! ARCHIVIST: [NERVOUS CHUCKLING] I mean, that’s really not– MARTIN: I mean, what’s so special about him, that you wake up for him and not me, hm? [CREAKING SOUND] Enlighten me.

* “Rotten Core” is MAG157’s title; it’s Adelard’s last message to Gertrude, that was put on Jon’s desk together with the tape of Martin&Peter’s conversation about going down in the tunnels, the association of the two prompting Jon to panic by realising that Martin was probably manipulated into something that didn’t actually have much to do with The Extinction. “Rotten Core” in itself never appeared in Adelard’s email (could have been the subject of it, though?) and, officially, we still don’t know who sent that statement to Jon (Jonah didn’t take credit for that one, neither did Martin or Peter, so… probably Annabelle). But Martin using the phrase seems to imply that he has been filled in about it – did Jon&Martin talk about The Extinction, since the end of MAG159?

* Martin already knew that the “Death Guy” had woken Jon up, so… Jon has explained what happened, too. Unless Martin heard the other tapes during season 4? (And Jon remembered about it and about the fact that it was specifically Oliver who woke him up: this is the first time he has acknowledged that.)

So! They have been exchanging information offscreen!

- I’m HOWLING at petty/jealous Martin.

I didn’t feel like it was toxic or dangerous or OOC at all – Martin [INORDINATELY PLEASED] Blackwood has… quite often been portrayed as incredibly petty and jealous when it came to Jon:

(MAG088) BASIRA: I just, I mean he was good company. Y’know, when he wasn’t being a paranoia machine. He was funny, you know? MARTIN: What, Jon? BASIRA: Yeah. MARTIN: I don’t think I’ve ever heard him tell a joke. BASIRA: Maybe you weren’t listening. MARTIN: Right. Well, I’m sure it’ll get sorted out when DAISY brings him in and you can probably talk to him then. Oh! Sorry, I forgot you’re not actually with the police any more, are you.

(MAG106) MELANIE: [CHUCKLE] Right, well… The jury’s still out on Elias. And anyway, Martin’s always been lovely to you. BASIRA: Hm. I dunno, I mean, you should have seen him when I turned up last year. I think he thought I was trying to steal his precious Archivist. MELANIE: Aaah…! I got the exact same, when Jon was hiding out and came to me with his “source on the inside” stuff. Martin was not impressed. BASIRA: Huff. That boy needs to relax. MELANIE: Or at least find someone else to fuss over.

When MAG121’s case number had been revealed (not in Early-Access, but on the public release), there had been many laughs about the fact that Jon had woken up on February 15th, and how much would it suck for Martin to think that his tearful begging from the trailer migt have happened the day before, on Valentine’s Day, only for handsome mlm Death Prophet Oliver Banks to waltz in and get Jon to wake up instantly? So I’m laughing very hard that yes, Martin is INCREDIBLY and irrationally jealous about it, about not having been able to be the one to wake Jon up like in cheesy romance movies.

… the part that does worry me, however, is how lightly Martin seems to be taking the whole “Kill Bill” thing, and how much of it was being jealous over someone Jon had “needed” help from (not so long after Annabelle made a dig at Martin for the fact that he wasn’t feeling useful to Jon right now). I feel like most of the exchange had Martin caricaturing himself a bit, or at least being aware of how silly he sounded, though? And it felt to me like his insistence towards Jon explaining his reluctance to murder was for Jon to, well, explain what is bothering him about it (outside of an ethical question, there is also the fact that Jon… might feel like if he were to do that to avatars, then other avatars/people would be entitled to do the same to him. Which, honestly? Fair. Jon attacked and wrecked innocent people for his own benefit in season 4. If they decided that, even though he has stopped now, he still has hurt people, still is a monster and still needs to die, the same logic could apply.)

There is indeed an absolute disconnect between Martin’s solution (“smiting”) and the tone/enthusiasm/casualness with which he offers it, and it could be rooted in his own feeling of uselessness, the fact he wants to take revenge over those who hurt him and Jon… So I don’t feel like he’s being supernaturally manipulated, but I’m definitely worried that he could take risks and/or make a veryyyy bad decision while trying to prove that no, he can be “useful”…

- ! Jon sounded SO FOND and so amused at Martin’s jealousy! His insidious “Martin~?” and audible smiles! “My husband is a bitch and I love him” feeling, overall.

I like that the exchange seemed well-handled for both of them: Jon naturally standing his ground and pointing out that Martin’s logic was absolutely childish (“Look, Martin: I am sorry you feel that way, but I’m not going to kill a man just because you’re jealous.”), without sounding accusing either; and Martin ultimately relenting (“Fine. I suppose that’s… reasonable.”). They were two idiots in love, Martin being a bigger idiot this time around, but! Idiots.

- Really curious about how Martin will react if they cross paths with Simon or Daisy. Would he encourage Jon to “smite” them too? Or would he be more ambivalent, a bit torn about it? Why has he reacted differently towards Helen – is it strategical, and he just wants to try to use her as long as he can? Is it because he identifies her as the woman he had seen in the corridors, and still feels guilty about not trying to help her then?

… I’m terrified of how he will react if they cross paths with Jared or Jude, however. Jared terrorised him and caused him to accept Peter’s offer, and Jude hurt Jon deeply, something Jon has a very obvious mark to show for. (Same with Jonah: I think that for Martin, it’s clear in his mind that they’ll “smite” Jonah once they reach the Panopticon. I’m not convinced that, after what happened with the Not!Them, Jon would want to do that anymore: if some monsters and avatars didn’t really have a “choice”, then what about Jonah? At which point did he go rotten, irredeemable? What’s the difference between him and Oliver, who’s currently diversifying the way he’s torturing his victims in his domain “for variety”? Is it only Jon’s personal feelings about whether someone helped him a little bit or ensured his personal misery?)

(- ;; Now that Martin has a connection to Oliver through his jealousy… What if Martin’s ending is to lose Jon and then join Oliver’s domain to at least get an exit and cease to be…?)

- I’m a bit more concerned about what is happening in Jon’s head. First off, the way he presented Oliver, as someone who had “helped” him… versus the way he used to describe his “choice” to wake up:

(MAG121) OLIVER: The thing is, Jon, right now, you have a choice. You’ve put it off a long time; but it’s trapping you here. You are not quite human enough to die, but – still too human to survive. You’re… balanced on an edge, where The End can’t touch you, but you can’t escape Him. I made a choice. We all made choices. Now, you have to– […] Make your choice, Jon.

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: My– [PAUSE] [INHALE] [SIGH] My memories of the coma are not clear. But I know I made a choice; I made a choice to become… something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I… I don’t know if I made the right decision; I–I’m stronger now, tougher, I can… … If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever… I don’t know if that’s a bad thing.

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] I don’t know, Martin. [FOOTSTEPS] I just, I don’t think he’s… [SIGH] I don’t know, I don’t think he’s evil. [CREAKING SOUND] MARTIN: Oh, yeah, sure, he’s probably a really kind, benevolent ruler of a hellish fear prison…! ARCHIVIST: It’s just… He helped me. Wh–when I was… He woke me up. MARTIN: Wow. What a hero.

Back in MAG136, Jon wasn’t sure he had made a good decision; it was put into perspective when we learned a few episodes later that, at this point, Jon had already attacked three people to feed, without letting the others know. Trolley problem: was it right, for Jon not to die, if it meant sacrificing three people (soon-to-be five) to sustain himself? Was it a “good” choice?

This episode, Jon unnaturally presented it as Oliver having “helped” him by waking him up, which, mMMM. Seems like he has made his peace with that choice – which, on the one hand, good because less self-deprecating (it’s normal to want to survive), but on the other hand, there would be reasons to still feel guilty for making it, given the consequences?

I’m not really surprised about Jon expressing a degree of sympathy towards Oliver, or at least pointing out that their degree of “choice” in their transformations bears similarities, given that Oliver’s story, his first dreams, the power inflicted on him, came with a gradual desensitisation and acceptance. Chronologically, Oliver’s story is that of someone who gradually stopped fighting fate and came to embrace his Fear-patron (a turning point being when he lost someone precious to him).

(MAG011, “Antonio Blake”) “It was there, sleeping on my friend Anahita’s sofa, in the depths of my misery, that I first started to have the dreams. […] These dreams have been a regular part of my sleeping for about eight years now. Even as life improved and I found a new job and place to live – believe it or not I now work selling crystals and tarot cards in a “magic” shop – they continued to crop up a few times each month.

(MAG032, Jane Prentiss) “How many months has it been like this? Was there a time before? There must have been. I remember a life that was not itching, not fear, not nectar-sweet song. I had a job. I sold crystals. They were clean, and sharp and bright and they did not sing to me, though I sometimes said they did. We would sell the stones to smiling young couples with colour in their hair. I remember, before I found the nest, someone new came. His name was Oliver, and he would look at me so strangely. Not with lust or affection or contempt, but with sadness. Such a deep sadness. And once with fear.”

(MAG121) OLIVER: And about two years before I came to your Institute, something happened – something I didn’t want to talk about. Didn’t even want to think about. I… [SIGH] I started to see them when I was awake.

(MAG042, Jennifer Ling) “The sign above didn’t have an obvious name, simply reading ‘Crystals. Books. Tarot’. He was tall, black and careworn, deep lines of worry etched into an otherwise handsome face. When he saw me looking at him, he began to walk up to me, still with that intense look. I took a couple of steps back, and asked if I could help him. He shook his head as if unsure what to say, then asked me what I was listening to. A chill ran over me as I realised he was staring at my ears. I said I wasn’t listening to anything, as I wasn’t wearing headphones, and asked him what he wanted. He shook his head again, and mumbled something about protecting my hearing. He turned away then, and started walking back into the shop.”

(MAG011, “Antonio Blake”) “This worked fine until I saw my father in the dream, walking down Oxford Street, the pulsing veins climbing up his leg and into his chest. I tried to warn him of course – asked leading questions on his health and how he was feeling, whether he’d been tired recently. I even went so far as to book him a doctor’s appointment, much to his annoyance. It did no good, though – ten days later the heart attack came for him and, despite the rapid response of the paramedics and how much of his medical history I had immediately to hand, there was nothing I could do to save him. He died on New Year’s Eve, and as 2014 ended, so did any hope I had of my dreams doing good in the world.”

(MAG121) OLIVER: Wish I… knew why I came here. I s’pose there’s only so long you can dream about someone, and not at least try to find them. That was it with the old woman too. That was different, though. Way I figure it? She stuck her nose in just about everywhere it wasn’t wanted and stirred up hornets. ‘Till all the precautions in the world couldn’t stop Death from finally catching her. If I’d’ve known more back then, I’m… not sure I would’ve bothered trying to warn her. Still. You live and learn, don’t you?

(MAG011, “Antonio Blake”) “I’m well aware that I don’t even know your name, and I have no responsibility to try and prevent whatever fate is coming for you. Based on my previous experience, such a thing is likely impossible anyway, but after what I saw I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t at least try. I did as much research into your Institute as possible, and arranged an appointment to provide a statement about some spurious supernatural encounter. Even then I was told that the Archivist only reviews the written statements once they have been taken, so here I am, pouring out my lunatic story on paper in the hopes that you might eventually read it. If you do see this in time and read this far, then to be honest I don’t know what else to tell you. Be careful. There is something coming for you and I don’t know what it is, but it is so much worse than anything I can imagine. At the very least you should look into appointing a successor. Good luck.”

(MAG121) OLIVER: Mmm… Let me tell you about how I tried to escape. […] It’s been almost ten years since I first started dreaming about the deaths of others, seeing those… awful veins crawling into them. Into… wounds not yet open, or… skulls not yet split. People who were about to die. Every night, I’d watch as they’d… sneak up and into folks about to choke on blood, or urging into hearts about to convulse. I’ve… come to terms with it. [DRY LAUGHTER] I’ve learned to live with it! […] And the worst part was that somewhere in me, I… I liked it! Underneath all that awful fear, it felt… like… home. […] I wanted to escape. I… needed to. […] At that moment, a sudden calm came over me. I understood it all. I could follow the line of the huge veins that encased the ship down into the water, leading off to a point almost a mile from the South-East. There. That was it. That was our fate. Where we would always be. Because I was going to take us there. Running was pointless. To try and to escape from my task would only serve to fulfil another. I finally understood what I needed to do.

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “With it, I may see and spread the hidden veins of destiny that wrap us close and draw us through the empty, yearning parody of meaning that we call life, knowing at all stages that the last and final point of this journey is a blank and futile end. I have no power to stop it, and even if I did… I would not do so; for to rob a soul of death is as torturous as its inevitable coming. […] And I shall help, ushering on this final, blank emptiness. Perhaps once it might have horrified me, or given me some sense of pursuing the ultimate release of the world that you have damned. But I am too much of my patron now and my feelings cannot help but reflect the shadows of… anticipation that lurk within the grave. […] And so the scope of my domain is yours…! Enter it and destroy me if you wish. I fear the annihilation you would gift me as little as I desire it. I am now, as the thing I feed, a fixed point, that has neither the longing nor the ability to change its state of existence. […] All – things – end, and every step you take, whatever direction you may choose… only brings you closer to it.”

[Dates-wise: Jennifer Ling left her statement in November 2013 and events were about the previous month; given Oliver’s reaction, he was already seeing the veins when awake back then. Jane Prentiss left her statement in February 2014, so she had met Oliver before he lost his father. “Antonio” left his statement in March 2015; Oliver visited Jon on February 15th 2018.]

It has been around eleven years, by the date of the apocalypse, for Oliver to reach this current state in which he describes himself as “The End that laces through every fibre of my soul” and “too much of my patron”. It only took Jon three years.

Though, overall, I was back at the feeling of the MAG140s episodes with the words/thoughts Jon has for victims and avatars:

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: A lot to think about. I… I feel… [FOOTSTEPS] No. I don’t want to destroy Oliver Banks. It wouldn’t do any good. I know that, and he never asked for this any more than I did. I feel badly for those that exist in his domain, o–of course, I do, but… At least, their suffering will be over, eventually. I can’t destroy everyone I cross paths with, it… [SIGH] No. If Oliver will not seek me out, then… I will leave him be. [TINY CHUCKLES] The avatar of Death… shall live. Martin’s going to be thrilled…! [SIGH]

* Stfu about deciding what is “better” for victims, Jon. (As a personal choice, yes, I would probably prefer the prospect of dying over eternal torment; HOWEVER, it’s not Jon’s place to establish what’s better for others, so Jon trying to rationalise his decision to go after Oliver? Nop, I don’t care, own up to your feelings, don’t scramble for excuses by saying you think it might be more ~charitable~ :<)

* Oliver who “never asked for this any more than I did” also explained very casually that:

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “Sometimes, for some small variety, I will allow Danika to brush against another root: the final fate of someone she loves. […] And with each one, she knows her steps forward bring closer not only her own end, but all of theirs. Time walks forward with her, but she has not the strength to stop it. Her fate draws ever-nearer, filling me with the joy of watchful fear, but also my own concerns.”

He’s not a passive jailor. Oliver is actively enjoying tormenting his victims in different ways “for some small variety”.

I thiiiiink more and more that Jon might now be targeting the whole Fear-system, and not (anymore) the individual avatars/monsters who were pushed and twisted by the Fears to become their servants, as he had begun to think about in the second half of season 4 (“I was so sure I’d find something up there. But instead, it was just another broken person trying to come to terms with the wreckage of their life.” about Manuela, lamenting over Jane, etc.) But that brings us back to that awkward stage where it feels to me like Jon is almost more humanising avatars/monsters currently hurting their victims, than the victims themselves who are just… there, and not extremely relevant.

(I’m reaaaally really really curious about how Jon will behave towards Jonah.)

- … I’m also a bit concerned that Jon deciding that Oliver’s victims at least get to die implies something bigger: that Jon is… giving up on the idea to reverse/undo this apocalypse. If these people die, they die, it’s over. Which means that, right now, Jon doesn’t think he has a better alternative to offer them. He had hopes at the end of MAG162, he got a few hints in MAG164 about how to banish the Fears; he… might already be giving hope of fixing things, without officially voicing it?

  MAG169’s title screams Desolation to me (+ bonus Agnes, with the way she got anchored to Gertrude and/or her death), and that could mean Jude (… which would be extremely interesting right now, given Martin “Kill Bill” Blackwood’s willingness to harm monsters/avatars; what could go possibly wrong with making him meet someone who physically hurt Jon, leaving a mark to show for it on one of his hands? So much). There is also a potential connection to the Distortion, and in way that could mean bad stuff (and Jon and/or Martin having to go through the door). Potentially Jon’s lighter being put to use, or Jon&Martin getting a clue about why Jon was gifted it?

Alternatively, if the meaning is more oblique and meant to subvert expectations: Vast stuff?

[kihyunswrath]

@all kpop fandoms in this shithole of a website

ugh my wrath for this entire MX situation is growing again especially after seeing this one fucking shitbitch twitter account going way overboard with their attempts to bully Wonho and what she said is absolutely irrelevant and I’m not about to bring that up now, but let’s just say this.

I am absolutely done with y’all. 

I’m not ok with this silence from Starship, this lying and covering things up, this forcing MX members to continue without breaks, this absolutely insane spineless cowardice Starship has been practicing, but at LEAST some of those things are kind of written into their work contracts and are indeed tied to legal stuff, WHEREAS.

WHEREAS other groups’ “fans” who are literally having fun at the expense of idols who are suffering unfairly, just because they now have one “threat” less to their own group’s success, was totally voluntary? THAT QUITE LITERALLY WAS AN EXTRA USELESS EFFORT YOU FOR CERTAIN DID NOT EVEN GET PAID FOR?

fuck that. your own favourite oppas absolutely loathe you all and probably hope they could smear pig shit on your disgusting faces and then walk all over you BECAUSE THEY KNOW THIS COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO THEM TOO. are you literally THAT deep in your own stinky asshole to even notice that whatever happens to one group happens basically to ALL of them? 

there’s not a single group out there, not even fucking angelic idol lords BTS, Exo and others who are doing good at the moment, who’s safe from being treated unfairly and inhumanely by their company or their worst bullies and haters. and the same goes to literally ANY and EVERY group that’s currently active or has ever been active. with 99% chance every single idol is suffering from mental illnesses, physical injuries, sleep deprivation, malnutrition and literal PTSD and if they don’t realize it now, they will after they’re done with their careers. AND I AM NOT FUCKING JOKING OR EXAGGERATING HERE, not in the slightest.  

this entire movement for Wonho became so huge at first precisely BECAUSE most of us do love and have loved other groups too and we have ALL seen so much suffering going on in the industry. we hoped our voices could finally bring some reason to it, that since we are the paying customers, we might try to show kpop companies and obviously Starship we are tired of this conservative, capitalist slave trade fuckery and that we are ready to fund better ways to manage things THE SECOND THE COMPANIES REALIZE THAT. this movement became so huge because we KNEW Wonho has been one of the kindest, friendliest and warm-hearted people to ever exist and now that we saw things happening to him, it for fucking certain means absolutely no one is safe. 

if you genuinely love and care for your own idols, whoever they may be, for fuck’s sake DO NOT BE SO NAIVE THAT YOU THINK your idols are somehow immune to being hurt. do not think they can’t be attacked and destroyed by literally anyone who just wants that hard enough. do not think your idols are not already scared shitless that this happens to them. do not think your idols are not already mourning for other friends and colleagues they lost, whose dreams got crushed, who disappeared into nothigness, who got punished for mundane bullshit every single person in this wretched fucking planet is guilty of. 

if you do not want to change your idols’ lives for the better, if you don’t want to advocate for better times, if you think bullying other idols is somehow helping your own favourite group become bigger THE ABSOLUTE LEAST THING YOU SHOULD REALIZE IS THIS: the only one you truly hurt with that is that group you’re rooting for. you may make other fans pissed off and that may satisfy you now, but i know that your short-sighted ass haven’t thought things through, so let me put it out there clear as crystal for you:

one day it’s your fav oppa/eonni who gets attacked, silenced, shunned, beaten up, paid less than what he/she deserved, taken down from his/her pedestal. it might drive him/her into madness, it might cause him/her to want to hurt himself/herself. and you will feel helpless, especially because there isn’t many to join to fight alongside you, because there isn’t anyone left who truly feels empathetic for you. 

that day does come, because this industry doesn’t give two shits about their idols, and every idol, if nothing else happens to them before, has an expiration date. and if not before, at least right after that they’re treated like absolute trash.

also maybe you haven’t educated yourself about absolutely anything ever, but no matter all the apparent competition you see happening in the kpop industry, it’s all a facade. all the people who actually gain money out of the industry are in the same fucking boat. that boat tries to present the economy, politics and culture of South Korea under a positive light, that boat is making anything Korean into a brand you’d want to keep supporting without thinking what lies underneath. the kpop groups fighting against each other is an illusion, because they are ALL playing the SAME FUCKING GAME. their companies. are. one. and. the. same. capitalist. force. 

so maybe think again before you start making bloody wars about which idol group is better than all the others. that’s ridiculously naive and plays straight into their hands.

now if you’re one of those people this post is actually talking about, hurry back to your tumblr and twitter and wherever and remove those “jokes” you made about other idol groups, those witty remarks you wrote, those edgelord insults you came up with and maybe, at the end, for fuck’s sake, stop pretending you truly care about absolutely anyone but yourself. stop pretending you’re a fan of absolutely anybody. just. full stop. 

[omgviolette12]

After Hours - Chapter 13

Previous Chapter

Summary: After sex, comes the bliss... right?

Chapters: 13/?

Words: 2800+

Warnings: None

Tags:  @milkymaidme @dangertoozmanykids101@alexakeyloveloki @little-moonbeam-666  @marvel-ous-fics@clovermariear@lynnesm@bitchyikes@moon-child-of-a-poet, @allthecraftandthings@bubblegumspitt @shockwavee @blondekel77 @nerd–nirvana @valdemarismynonbinarylove@nightrose64 @pastelhexmaniac @iistormii

If you’d like to be added, let me know. I’ve also posted this on AO3

A/N:  Sorry for the delay, still in the midst of final projects. Motivation to complete work/writing has been a bit slow, and I’ve been trying to think up new plot points. I’ve been stuck, lol. Anyway, enjoy!

----------------------------

Evelyn should’ve expected this, but she had no idea that she would be this sore.

 After the shower, they both became somewhat insatiable. It was as though Loki couldn’t get enough of her, and she of him. The taboo of their relationship spurred on their lust, the need to be connected to each other in every way possible great. So like he had promised, he fucked her into the late hours of the night.

  While she was grateful that her first time was far from terrible...she made a mental note to learn her limits. She thought the idea of getting fucked silly by the man she pined for would be a dream come true - but the effects on her body afterwards was kind of a bitch.

 Evelyn hopped and limped all the way to Loki’s car when they left his house early in the morning, wincing with every step. She attributed the amount of pain she was in due to the fact that she was simply not used to sex, and her professor’s size was considerable. 

 Perhaps the more they did it, the less pain there would be overtime?

Just the thought of a ‘next time’ in Loki’s bed was enough to set off another wave of butterflies inside her stomach. Whatever pain she was in right now, it was worth it.

 Loki, however, had long noticed Evelyn’s plight - in fact, he even had the gall to tease her about it, offering to carry her up the steps to her door like a princess once they reached her apartment.

 He sounded pretty serious about it too, so Evelyn couldn't help but blush even though she knew he was just messing around. It was going to be a challenge getting used to his playful side…

 Evelyn promised him that she'd stop by his office later on in the day, to resume her duties as his TA. Since she wouldn’t be able to attend the Monday lecture to help out this time around for obvious reasons, the least she could do was grade some exams. 

 She dreaded grading, especially since it was math( another reason why she skipped meetings in the beginning…) but now that the dynamic between her and Loki has changed considerably, she was actually looking forward to being productive in his presence.

  They parted with a kiss, and Evelyn made her way to her apartment door slowly. Now, she just had to try to walk inside like there wasn't a stick up her ass.

To Evelyn’s surprise and dismay, Candice was waiting for her on the couch, a cup of hot cocoa in hand as she watched her hop through the front door.

 Evelyn was secretly banking on the fact that she had left for work already, since Candice mentioned offhandedly that she took up more shifts at her hospital.

  But alas, the shit-eating grin that was plastered on Candice’s face meant that she must’ve called in sick to witness Evelyn’s limp of shame, first thing.

 “Well! I’ll be damned,”

 Evelyn stubbornly ignored her in embarrassment as she limped past the couch to head to her room, but Candice set down her mug to follow her, giggling like a fool, “He busted that cherry so hard he got you hoppin’ like a bunny! Sheesh...”

 "Not now, Candice…" Her face felt hot, desperately wishing her sister had some sort of filter.

 "Did y'all use a rubber? Did he hurt you? Because if he hurt you Eve -"

 Candice was going to badger her until all was answered, so Evelyn relented with a grimace, hoping she would leave her alone after she was satisfied,

 “ No! He didn’t hurt me...and yes, we used protection. Each time.”

 “Each ti- each time?! How many times did y’all fu- ”

 Evelyn cut her off before she could finish, “I’ll answer all the juicy deets later, okay!? I didn’t have time to shower before we left, and I wanna do that now. Please?”

 Candice realized she was being a bit overbearing, backing off a bit. Evelyn was extremely fun to tease and make fun off, but she knew her sister had limits,

  “Sorry, sorry. My baby sister never seemed the type to be interested in sex or anything before...so to do it with a professor of all people for your first time! And a kinky one! Don’t blame me for being interested and concerned...”

 Evelyn ignored the kinky comment, limping inside her room as she replied, “I mean, is the professor thing really that big a deal? I’m technically just a former student of his...”

 “Not really, you already know how my hoe phase was. Fucked a few teachers in my college days. But you have to be careful with these older men Eve, since you’re new to this sort of thing. Don't get attached. Especially if his dick game’s good, he will manipulate the hell outta you,”

 "...Speaking from experience?"

 "Yep. Found out this guy was a whole married man and I still went back to fuck. Good dick messes with your morals sis,"

 Evelyn had a hard time taking her words seriously since Candice lacked morals in the first place, but pretended to agree so she could leave her be,

"I'll make sure to be careful, okay? Can I shower now?"

 "Yeah yeah, we'll talk more later. Remember what I said, hmm?"

And with that, Candice left her room with a skip to her step.

 Evelyn didn’t bother processing her sister’s warning, going straight to the shower to relieve her sore muscles.

--------------------------------

 By the time Evelyn made her way unto the campus, the pain had lessened considerably. She still had to walk a bit carefully, but she didn’t feel as raw as before. While she showered, she also noticed bruises alongside her hip and waist - she even had to use more than a bit of makeup to cover the new ones Loki had ‘affectionately’ placed in plain sight on her neck.

 She was especially hard to bruise, so she was baffled at the amount she currently had.

 Evelyn thought that she should at least feel miffed about it, but somehow the thought of being marked as his, in any way, sent a thrill through her being. Even when he was rough at some points...

  I had sex just once and I’m already a deviant…hehe.

 Evelyn was quite busy daydreaming about the naughty events from last night, that she didn’t see the tall figure standing in her way as she headed towards Loki’s office.

 ‘Oof!’

 As expected, she collided straight into the person’s side, yelping in the process.

 “Oh shit - I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention…”

 She looked up apologetically at the woman in front of her - lithe and pale, with narrowed blue eyes that accentuated her intimidating presence. 

 Perhaps because she also had dark hair and sharp facial features, she saw a vague resemblance to Loki.

 “Obviously, you weren’t,” the woman replied curtly, before giving a tight smile,

“But, I’ll forgive you if you were to lend some assistance.”

 Her tone carried a sort of cold arrogance, as Evelyn shrunk underneath her stare. She even had Loki’s accent…

 “Uh...of course! How can I help…?” Although she was in a bit of a rush to get to where she needed to be, she did not want the woman in front of her to be any more pissed off than she already seemed to look.

 She showed Evelyn a map of the campus that was in her hands, pointing at the building she wanted to head to, “This map is much too complicated for me, and I’m trying to look for this building. I need to find someone, and this is where his office is apparently.”

 “Oh, I’m actually heading there!” Evelyn was glad that the woman pointed towards the science department - the campus was fairly large, and she barely knew half of the map. “If you don’t mind me asking, who’re you trying to find? I can show you to them directly…”

 She didn’t have to go the extra mile, merely walk with her to the building. But Evelyn had always been a people pleaser.

 “Ah, I’m looking for my brother. Are you a student of his, perhaps? I do know that he teaches here…Loki Odinson. Or Laufeyson, whatever he wants to go by nowadays.”

 “Brother? You’re Loki’s sister?” Evelyn asked in a surprised tone, voice elevated. He did mention he two had siblings during their date, but he never went into detail about anything.

 The woman looked at her oddly, a small chuckle leaving her lips, “Well, you certainly sound quite familiar with him.”

 Evelyn realized her mistake, hastily rushing to fix it. Loki was fine with Candice knowing everything, but she still wasn’t sure about his side of the family. 

 “Oh, about that...I usually just call all the professors by their names, haha…”

 “My brother really dislikes being referred to in an informal manner, so I find the idea of him allowing that unlikely.”

 “.....”

 Evelyn was momentarily speechless, akin to a deer in headlights. 

 “Uhm, you see, I -“

 “No need to explain,” the woman stepped closer, a bit too close for comfort as she scrutinized Evelyn’s face, “You’re his exact type, you know. Short, timid, pretty. He’s probably quite taken with you...” 

 As she looked her up and down, a spark of realization lit her eyes..

 “Miss...you’re stepping out of line here.”

She was assuming way too much, for just a minor slip up. And who spoke like this to someone they just met? 

 “Oh, It's just harmless teasing,” she stepped back, her smile starting to look a lot more natural. 

 She pulled out her hand for a handshake, “ Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Hela. Hela Odinson. And you?”

 Evelyn gave a momentary look of reluctance before accepting the handshake, “Uhm, Evelyn Monroe. Nice to meet you, I guess?”

 Hela’s smile became broader, “Let’s walk and talk, hmm?”

 Evelyn was very uncomfortable, but started to walk regardless.

 As they made their way towards Loki’s office, Hela, surprisingly, insisted on making small talk. Evelyn pegged her for the cold and silent type like her brother, but she was entirely the opposite. She asked general questions about what Evelyn did, her age, etc. But unfortunately, she also kept asking suggestive questions, hoping for another slip up on her end.

 “I haven’t spoken to my brother in a while, so I’m clueless as to how he’s doing. Does he treat you well, Evelyn?”

 Hela began adopting a familiar and warmer tone, softening Evelyn’s first impression. It succeeded in lulling her into a sense of minor comfort, “Oh, he treats me very well. I mean, he’s pretty nice to all of his students, most times...” 

 “Hm, that’s surprising. His personality is treacherous, so I expected the opposite.”

 Evelyn looked at her quizzically. For his sister, she sure spoke like she disliked him to a large degree.

 “Since I like you, I’ll give you a bit of advice,”

Hela turned to look at her then, meeting her eyes,

“Don’t get too attached to a man like Loki, especially if he thinks you’re a temporary plaything. He gets... annoyed, quite easily. You weren't the only one he happened to fancy so much in the past...so I'd know.”

….?!??

“Excuse me, but what -“ Evelyn started, but then the dark, pissed off voice of her professor sounded from behind them.

 “Hela,”

 His face was pulled into a tight scowl, trained directly at his sister, “ What nonsense are you spewing?”

 Loki appeared behind them suddenly out of thin air, startling the wits out of Evelyn. Before she could ponder the possibility that he had magical powers, she realized they just passed the lecture hall where his class was, on the way to his office.

 “I took time out of my busy schedule to see you, dear brother...one would think you’d sound a bit more affectionate. Hasn't it been a year since we last spoke?”

 “Slither back to whatever hell you came from, woman.”

 “Well, I suppose that’s close enough.”

 Evelyn looked back and forth between the two, the tension thick and uncomfortable. They were in the middle of the hallway and students still wandered about, so she decided to make an exit. She wanted no part in whatever mystery family drama that was unfolding...and she needed time to ponder over Hela’s words.

  I’ll ask just him about this later...

 “So...um. I’m gonna go ahead to the office, okay? Grade those papers...yippee…”

 She added awkwardly, slowly backing away.

 Loki looked at her then. She hoped his face would soften a bit, but it didn’t. 

“I’ll be there shortly. This won’t take long.”

His answers were short and clipped, so she knew he was pissed. 

She didn’t do anything wrong to her knowledge, so she blamed his mood all on his sister. 

 Before Evelyn left, Hela addressed her one last time.

“It was lovely meeting you, sweetheart. I’m sure we’ll see each other again…”

 “Oh. Uhm, yeah. Nice meeting you too…”

Evelyn didn’t waste anymore time, leaving the pair once she saw Loki’s worsening expression.

 ---------------------

Hela’s words from before repeated inside her head, filling her with a sense of paranoia. But, she had no reason to be paranoid, right? Loki said they were exclusive, after all. He said he wanted her to be his woman. No, she was his woman. And he made sure of that last night.

 Evelyn stubbornly pushed her anxieties aside into the far crevice of her mind, reassuring herself with his words. Although Hela was his sister, she and Loki clearly weren’t on good terms. She could’ve said that in order to sabotage their suspected relationship.

  God, this is giving me a damn headache...

 She settled in Loki's office, taking the stack of exams from his desk and got comfortable on the couch. She hoped grading and correcting complicated equations would fry her brain enough to stop the fretting, as she waited for him to come.

 Loki appeared after about fifteen minutes, and Evelyn bolted upright once she heard him enter.

 “Oh, Loki! I went ahead and started…”

She paused mid sentence when she saw his expression.

“...Grading…”

 Why did it feel like she was in some sort of trouble? The heck?

His face didn’t change much from when he spoke to Hela, so it made her nervous.

 Evelyn just opted to stay quiet for now. She’d ask about Hela later once he looked a little less pissed off. She was his girlfriend now, but she still felt his authoritative presence especially when they were on campus.

 Well, she was going to stay quiet, until his deep voice resounded inside the room.

 “I'm curious about something, Evelyn.”

  Uh oh. Why's he using that voice?

 "How did that...woman, know that we were involved with each other?"

 "Uh...woman? I mean, I thought she said she was your sister…?"

 "That isn't the answer to my question."

 Inwardly, Evelyn felt whiplashed. Everything was so dandy this morning and last night...so how did things take such a strange turn so quickly?

 "Look, when she told me she was your sister, I said your first name on impulse. That's literally it! She assumed stuff based on that one thing…"

 Evelyn put the papers on her lap to the side, feeling frustrated, "And…it really isn't that big a deal, right? You said that people outside the school could know. You were fine with Candice knowing, so why not -"

 He cut her off before she could finish,

"Darling, let me say this in a way that you can comprehend," 

  In...in a way that I can comprehendddd? Did he just call me stupid eloquently?

 Evelyn was stunned into silence as Loki spoke, and he moved to stand above her as she sat rigidly on the couch. "Such a simple mistake, regardless of who it was, is monumental. Your words weren't what gave you away, Evelyn. But your body language. You're entirely too expressive for your own good,"

 He sighed a disappointed sigh, moving away to pinch the bridge of his nose, "At any rate, I can live with Hela knowing...but for future reference, avoid her. At all costs."

 Loki looked at her then, eyes stern, "Do you understand what I'm saying? Or should I elaborate further?"

 Evelyn was honestly a bit speechless. She felt extremely put off and mildly hurt… that he spoke to her like she was a child, rather than his lover.

She really hated herself right now. Was she actually about to cry? He would seriously think she was childish, if this was how she was going to react.

 Tears wouldn’t do her any favors, especially once he was in this kind of mood anyway.

Why am I so fucking sensitive?!

She sighed shakily, swallowing the knot in her throat as she replied, "Yeah...I got it."

 "Good, then." 

 He moved casually to sit behind his desk, attempting to soften his tone with his next words, "You can work for maybe half an hour, then I'd like to treat you to dinner. Seeing that woman left an unpleasant taste… but spending more time with you should remedy that."

 She didn't reply, and only stared at the floor.

 "... Evelyn?"

 When she glanced up, he saw that her large, hazel eyes were shimmering with unshed tears.

”I’m... I’m going to use the restroom, okay? I’ll be back,”

 She got up quickly. And before he could properly react, she promptly went to exit the room.

--------------

A/N:  Your thoughts bring me joy, I greatly appreciate each and every one! Please let me know what you thought :)

[feuilly-cakes]

The Maze Runner (series) - review

Buckle up, this is going to be a long one. My thoughts on the series as a whole is that it’s an alright one, and you’ll soon see why the praise isn’t higher there. I’ll go book by book with my thoughts on each, so you can know exactly the way my feelings progressed to this point.

Book 1: The Maze Runner - 5*

I gave this book a 5 star rating, but honestly it's been nearly 2 months since then and I'm still not sure on that rating. Ideally, 5 stars for me means I got so attached to the characters I cried or had some other emotion, but that didn't happen here. Instead, I got a fantastic plot with a ton of mystery and a lot of terror, all with amazing writing but uninteresting characters. I won't say they are flat characters, because they aren't, but I didn't really feel a connection with them. There is only so much you can relate to a character who has no history.

Thomas is obviously the main character and so we see everything from his perspective, and we do see his emotions, his personality, his struggle. He spends a good portion of the book confused, angry, sad, frustrated. He's not a flat, boring character by any means, but for some reason I just didn't feel that connection I usually do with main characters. Maybe it's a side effect of the third person limited narration, or maybe he just isn't a character I can relate to, but I wasn't really interested emotionally in his character. I didn't need to be really, because the plot more than made up for it.

When it comes to the plot, I found no faults. It was fast paced and had me asking questions the whole way through, and most of them even got answered. Most of the questions pertained to how the Maze worked; How was it so high up that the box rose for half an hour? What was really around The Cliff and how were they seeing stars below them? How did the walls move? Was it actually indoors or not and how would that even work anyway? I love when I’m constantly asking questions and coming up with theories while reading, and this book was one huge question mark. Just the memories plot alone had me on the edge of my seat, and I wanted to know more.

If you only read books for the characters and their personal arcs, this might be a bit weak on that for you. If you love a good mystery mixed in with a bit of horror and sci-fi elements, plus a dash of dystopia (which I’m sure will become a big dollop in the next book) then this is absolutely the best thing to read. It’s definitely a 5 star quality, just in my personal opinion not a 5 star emotion.

Book 2: The Scorch Trials - 3*

Honestly, this was not anywhere near as enjoyable as the first book. Technically speaking it was a well written book, but personally I didn’t find it great, simply okay - average. Enjoyable to an extent but irritating to a certain degree. I kept reading because I expected something to be answered but all I got was confused. After watching all the films and powering through the first book I genuinely expected so much more from this and I was let down.

It’s darker and more gory than the first book, with some shocking scenes that kept me going. I did appreciate all the dream flashbacks from Thomas that helped put together what exactly he had to do with the Maze. Outside of these dreams I just didn’t know what was going on half the time and I felt frustrated by it all. His backstory was legit the only reason I was interested at all. I didn’t really care where they were going or their journey, l just wanted to know about his missing memories.

I understand this one was to set up the world a bit more and go into character development, but this was the most mediocre of middle book syndrome books. I can honestly say here I preferred the film.

Book 3: The Death Cure - 4*

Oh boy with this one. I have a very immediate reaction with lots of spoilers here on my goodreads if anyone wants to see that, but I'll summarise with the good spoilery bits cut out.

Well, my brain hurts.

This book honestly started out kinda meh, with some interesting tidbits thrown in. Then it got less meh, but more disturbing. Whether all of it was really that bad or whether it was bad because of the real world parallels right now I do not know, but I got a little bit messed up by everything that happened in Denver. The worldbuilding became more relevant here, we learn more about the Flare, the way people are living alongside it and/or with it, and the way Cranks are really treated. We get to find out about The Purge too, which I'll leave as a lovely surprise for those of you who haven't yet read, but what happened and my loud opinions are through that goodreads link if you want entertainment.

And on that note, let's talk Teresa. Full disclosure, I went into this trilogy already loving the films, and I still stand by that love. The treatment of Teresa in those films, however, was abysmal, and to read her actual character arc, well, I was enraged. Her arc in these books is fantastic, and the way she grows and realises the consequences of her actions is actually realistic, especially after all the trauma of the trials. We barely even see her and yet we see most of her character arc in this book. Simply getting her memories back wouldn't make her forget all the horror and go back to Wicked, and the way it was all handled was super satisfying. It does all make me wonder if perhaps she knew about the Brain thing, though. I won't know until I read that prequel story so until then I'll just have to speculate [currently reading that, still don't know]. On a similar note the Chancellor Page storyline was bizarrely different, and I had a shock when we get to interact (?) with her in the capacity we did.

Chapter 56 can choke. I knew it was coming okay, yet it still made me feel like I was punched in the chest. Especially after the previous scenes where we see things happen with a certain character in a scary way.

I can't talk about the Brain thing. It's disturbing to think about and I will be repressing the memory of that whole section of the book as soon as I can. It also kicks off a series of horrifying imagery and tragic events that hurt my emotions. All I can really say is that it's a strong ending to a trilogy, and if you're here you probably got past the travesty that was The Scorch Trials so this book will be a breeze compared to that, just be wary of the medical horror and the horror in general, since it's pretty graphic.

You may notice I haven't discussed Thomas, and that is because I'm too messed up by the Brain thing. The medical horror plus his reaction to the knowledge of what was about to happen knocked me flat emotionally and I may never get past that in terms of these books. No one has ever mentioned the Brain thing in any fan space I've been in, and that's for a good reason. Just know Thomas grew on me slowly just in time to cause me great distress. That is all.

Book 4: The Kill Order - 4*

I kind of loved this book, but as a friend. It basically shows the story of the Flare virus' bad beginnings in the world, with flashbacks to the solar flares that caused all the initial devastation. It was one hell of a page turner. It read like it was just meant to be a film, if you know what I mean. It does stand alone if you don’t read the prologue.

I honestly wasn’t expecting to get quite so many tidbits of information about the actual Flares event itself; to be honest I was expecting this to be a typical zombie kind of story that starts after the beginning and ends before the end, but it actually starts at ground zero on day 1 of the Flare (outside of the control group that is). I thought it was horrifying and fascinating to see how quickly it mutates and the effects changes, and also how the characters react knowing that they’ve probably been exposed to it from the beginning. Seeing the inside of the mind of one the earliest Cranks as they become infected was amazingly interesting after seeing how Newt acted in the Death Cure when he got sick.

The flashbacks to the Solar Flares and its aftermath were just terrifying. The imagery was horrifying and the whole concept of sun flares and then massive floods of boiling hot water put me right on edge even though obviously they were alive at the start of the book. Something that massively surprised me as I read was that the Flare virus had only been around for 13 years before the start of The Maze Runner, and it only took the government 1 year after the solar flares to decide to kill off part of the population. No other dystopian I’ve read can top that level of evilness from governmental systems.

Aside from the horror aspect, I was also mightily confused and a bit amused-but-also-horrified at the cult. If you’ve read it you know. If you haven’t yet then you’ve got a storm coming let me tell you. Although we see in Death Cure that Cranks form mobs with a common purpose and of course they they lose their minds, I wasn’t at all expecting to see an actual cult just casually thrown in. It just adds to the madness of the story and actually fit right in among the other craziness of what went down.

My one question is: is DeeDee Teresa? (She was! It was implied in the next book.)

The reason I didn't rate this higher despite my enjoyment was that it just isn't a book I would reread. It's like an action film or horror film that you really enjoyed and appreciated but won't stick around for too long.

Book 5: The Fever Code: 3* on Goodreads, 2.5* in my heart

This one was a slog to get through. It goes over Thomas' life in Wicked, from the first few days to the day he goes into the maze. I didn't like it very much at all. My biggest problem was the torture of a 4 year old only a few pages in. It ruined the rest of the book for me. My second biggest problem is that we never learn Newt’s name. The betrayal of it all is astounding.

I’ve got to be honest, I was only pushing myself to read this because I wanted to know about the purge. It doesn’t happen until pretty late in the book and nearly everything before that is terribly boring. Everything after that happens pretty quickly.

I appreciated that we get added context to some things that happened in the main trilogy, however, some things that happen take away from the story in a bad way. Dr Paige is one example of this, where in the main trilogy she only appears in a positive context to save Thomas and the other immune, while in this she does some truly evil things behind the scenes unrelated to the context of the trials (or so she tells Thomas. We don’t know how much of that was truth and how much was intended as a Variable but either way it contradicts what we know of her in the Death Cure). The huge reveal at the ending regarding Teresa is also out of nowhere and seems contradictory to the main books. How much of her actions were planned and how much were real? Why would she lead the gladers to escape if she was as this book said she was? Was it a change of mind or was this particular aspect a retcon that wasn’t intended with the original books?

This one felt like an unnecessary addition to the series and I’m disappointed by how it turned out. I expected more and got less. If it hadn’t picked up in the last 150 pages this would’ve been a 2* simply for the disappointment that equalled that of The Scorch Trials. This may be a bit harsh but I do believe the books should have ended after The Kill Order, and the rest be left to the imagination.

To end on a semi-positive note: it turns out The Brain Thing was actually mentioned to them, but it's unclear if Teresa picked up on it, as we know Thomas didn't. It all came out at a very inopportune time while they were killing a crank who knew about it. The Brain Thing isn't positive at all, but I was very excited to learn if they had any inkling and that was sort of answered!

[just-adashi-thots]

[pokemon au]:

here are their teams again & why i picked them (+ other pokemon they have that aren't sent into battles)

shiro:

salamence: the salamence line starts with bagon, a pokemon without wings that dreams of flying and constantly flings itself off cliffs to experience the rush of being in the air. its desire to fly is so strong that it literally gains wings via a mutation when it finally evolves into its final form. salamence is said to be overjoyed by its new found ability to fly and soars through the air with glee. idk that just screamed shiro to me.

starmie: it's rumored that starmie is an extraterrestrial pokemon, and it is known to send electrical signals towards the sky that can even reach deep into space, which sort of reminded me of the lions causing weird energy readings with their transmissions as they called out to the paladins. plus i mean it just looks like a star haha.

machamp: arm wrestling champion !!!

pyroar: lion !!!!!!

ampharos: the light from ampharos' tail is so bright that it can be used (like in gen ii) as a beacon to guide ships and planes to safety on their journeys. imo shiro is like a beacon, one who lights the way and inspires hope even when the universe is engulfed in darkness and the future looks bleak.

mimikyu: this lonely pokemon hides its terrifying true form by wearing a pikachu disguise so as to not scare others away and make friends instead. i could see shiro choosing mimikyu out of a crowd of pikachu to be his partner. it reminds me of his relationship with keith, how he saw great potential in and took care of a child who everyone cast as problematic and without a promising future.

adam:

braviary: it's a powerful and extremely altruistic pokemon that puts its own safety and life on the line and battles aggressively to protect its loved ones, earning it the name "hero of the skies" like tell me this isn't adam.

lucario: a very intelligent and loyal pokemon who has a strong sense of justice. those are three traits that i think characterize adam very well. plus, the steel/fighting type combo really suits him: strong, sturdy, steadfast, at times fiery, and certainly ready to throw hands when provoked (and sometimes unprovoked, too haha).

golduck: being the patient, nurturing, and compassionate person that he is, i can absolutely see adam caring for and loving a psyduck, which is a pokemon that's constantly plagued with terrible headaches. it fits perfectly with his background as a teacher and, to an extent, symbolizes the love, care, and dedication that he poured into his relationship with shiro especially post diagnosis and leading up to kerberos.

dragonite: it's described as an intelligent and selfless pokemon that will rescue people lost at sea due to say a shipwreck (golduck will also do this). it's cute and has a kind heart but will also beat the ever living heck out of you if you harm anyone or anything it cares about, which is basically adam in a nutshell.

clefable: it's an extraterrestrial pokemon just like starmie that's believed to have come to earth from meteorites, which explains their appearances in places like mt. moon in kanto). in the au, adam ends up studying meteorites when he's older, so i think clefable's a great fit for him.

gothitelle: a) i could see adam having a goth phase, and b) gothitelle has the power to see visions of faraway stars and the future, crying once it figures out the lifespan of its trainer. seasons 7 and 8 were pranks because adam is too powerful to have perished in a plane crash, so i'm imagining a scenario where gothitelle had a vision that adam would die much sooner in, say, a spelunking accident, but he ends up miraculously surviving with the help of his pokemon. the visions then change to ones where adam lives a long and happy life, which fills gothitelle up with joy and relief instead of sadness.

other pokemon they own:

shiro:

delibird: shiro found this funky little pokemon in the shoal cave near his hometown. delibird noticed when shiro first developed a crush on adam, and it decided to use present to cheekily give adam a gift as if it was from its trainer. shiro was downright mortified, and thr situation became even more embarrassing when the gift exploded in adam's face. adam was obviously pissed off (but shiro didn't that it was because adam had feelings for him, too, and thought that shiro was rudely teasing him about it). the gift giving continued, though, and adam grew to love them and the mystery that came with whatever was inside (including the one he received years later that had a ring in it). shiro and delibird have fun competitions to see who can get adam the nicest birthday present each year.

lapras: it was his mother's most treasured pokemon, and, when her health took a turn for the worse, shiro promised to cherish and take care of it for the rest of his life. whenever shiro is feeling anxious, like in the days before liftoff, lapras will sing to him, instantly calming him down. lapras remembers hearing the lullaby that shiro's mother would sing to her infant son; sometimes, it will sing a similar sounding tune, especially on days when they are both missing her.

yamper: shiro's newest friend and addition to his and adam's poké family. he first met this little fellow while on his and adam's honeymoon in the galar region. they play fetch, go on jogs (except yamper gets so excited and charged up that it zooms past shiro and ends up having to circle back when it notices that its trainer has fallen behind), and take naps on the couch on lazy days. they're stupidly cute together, and adam has only like a zillion pictures of them on his phone.

adam:

lunatone and solrock: these are the first pokemon that adam befriended as a child. he visited meteor falls numerous times alongside his mother, playing nearby while she worked. the two meteorite pokemon found him one day alone and afraid in the depths of the cave after having strayed too far from his mother's side; thankfully, they were able to guide adam back to his family. after that day, they continued to guard adam as he explored the various levels of the cave, sensing if he was ever in danger and keeping him out of trouble (no, little human, the waterfall is not a water slide please step away from there). when it was adam's time to start his new adventure as a trainer, he went to meteor falls to say goodbye to lunatone and solrock, but the two followed him out of the cave and refused to return, choosing to join this strange little human on his quest instead. they've been with him ever since and have saved his life on at least a few occasions.

minior (x3): minior might be a rare find, but adam somehow stumbles upon the locations where they have fallen down to earth from the stratosphere. he loves studying these fascinating little fellows, especially when he found out that they change forms and have different core colors. he currently has one red, one yellow, and one blue core minior (will he collect the full rainbow one day ?)

[atopearth]

Hakuoki: Edo Blossoms Part 13 - Hijikata Toshizo Route

It’s tough to see Hijikata having the time being so soft towards Chizuru to make her feel less useless when he’s already so stressed from having to be the only one capable of leading the Shinsengumi now… It’s hard to not, especially when Kondou had voiced that if he were the shogun, he would have fought with however men he had to the last one standing and then killed himself in honourable suicide rather than run away. Lmao when Chizuru got excited that she could be useful to Hijikata by being his blood bag, like I understand, but you’ve gotta have more use than that?! Lol. Nice that Kondou is back to bear some burdens with Hijikata now! Every time I see Hijikata in the Western clothes, I lament the loss of his long beautiful black hair, it suited him so well😭😭 He still looks good though so oh well… I was so touched when Hijikata told her to take out her kodachi, and then he took out his own sword and bumped the blades together, he recognises her! She may be weak, but to swear an oath like samurai that she’ll definitely not die and take care of Kondou in his place (since Hijikata’s getting reinforcements for the Kofu Castle fight), it was so nice to see how much he trusts her and believes in her. Seeing the both of them promise each other that they’ll both come out of this alive makes me happy haha.

I think I can understand better through Hijikata’s route why Kondou was so hesitant to retreat at Kofu Castle. He told Hijikata that he would never flee in adversity and would rather die than do that, so I think he didn’t think that he should escape even if they were outnumbered and clearly outclassed by the enemies as well. I think the main thing he didn’t take into consideration was that this isn’t the last battle and, he and no one should be sacrificed when there is still a chance to fight back in the future instead of wasting their lives here in a battle that they’re obviously going to brutally lose. And I think I can see even more why Kondou will choose to sacrifice himself to the army to protect the Shinsengumi. The deaths incurred here and his escape are already weighing so heavily on him to the point that he feels that he should kill himself to make up for all the men that had died senselessly, it’s pretty terrible… I…kind of wish that Kondou never found out that Hijikata turned into a Fury, because it’s just so saddening to see the pain they both have to bear because of that fact. Even if Hijikata doesn’t regret it, it doesn’t change the fact that he’s become the monster that the previous chief was, and Kondou would think that this was because he wasn’t there and was weak. Kondou is so soft hearted that it’s probably too much for him to bear. Everyone wanted to grant him the dream of becoming a true samurai and that’s why they were all here, and yet everyone is dying and suffering so much more than him, it must be hard to bear, especially when he doesn’t think that he is or should be the most crucial person in the Shinsengumi anymore…

I do like how Chizuru is like the one to keep Hijikata in check, so he can kinda have a break from the Shinsengumi stuff. Lmao when Hijikata said he’d cut her himself to get her blood when she was about to slice her finger, and then he goes for her neck! Like, Hijikata, she never gave permission for somewhere that close and personal! Hahahah, it was a good CG though😋🥰 Although I laugh at Chizuru being happy to be Hijikata’s blood bag, at the same time, I think I can understand her feelings. She’s obviously useless in terms of the greater picture, she doesn’t have the physical power, status or anything to really do anything impactful for the war etc, so being able to be the survival tool for a person that can actually change things is probably an honour in a sense. It’s really saddening to see how deflated Kondou had become, I’m sure Harada and Nagakura leaving made him feel like he was even more unworthy as the chief and that Hijikata should just lead everyone. I think I can see why he acted the way he did in Nagakura and Harada’s routes now. When you see how little confidence Kondou has now, how depressed he is, how tired he is and everything, why would he do anything to stop them from leaving? He doesn’t even think of himself as a person worthy of people following him anymore… Despite understanding Kondou’s sentiments before his surrender, I can’t help but feel so sad that everything turned out like this, especially for Hijikata. Having to let Kondou sacrifice himself for them and not being able to do anything because he was set on it, and knowing how much pain Kondou carries with him because of his poor decisions, it kills me. I wanted Kondou to have a chance to rectify his mistakes and lead everyone again, it’s so painful and heartbreaking to see him succumb to his guilt that so many people have died, Hijikata became a Fury and he feels that it’s all his fault. But it must be so difficult for Hijikata. Not only is the Shinsengumi already shattering, but the soul of the Shinsengumi, the reason Hijikata fought all this time, Kondou is giving away his life like this, it’s like, what’s the point of anything now if Kondou, the person they were fighting for is gone?

Sometimes, I feel like such a crybaby playing Hakuoki. But I honestly couldn’t stop crying when Hijikata turned his back to Chizuru and started screaming about…everything really. About how he didn’t do all this to have Kondou be captured like this in the end, he didn’t work so hard just to run away like this, he didn’t fight so hard for himself, he fought for Kondou, for recognition by people… It was honestly so heartbreaking to see Hijikata in so much pain. I feel so terrible that Hijikata always has to be the one to carry everyone’s dreams, all their burdens, all their deaths, all their grief, all their expectations, all their hopes… It’s just so devastatingly hard for one person to carry… It was so difficult to watch Hijikata lie to Okita that Kondou was fine. He knew that if Okita found out, he wouldn’t be able to handle it, he definitely wouldn’t…and that pains me. I’m not the biggest fan of Okita’s obsession with Kondou, but I feel like I can understand to an extent, and I can just feel Okita breaking the moment he hears about it. I honestly don’t know what I would have done if I was Hijikata, but I do recognise that him making this decision means that not only is he carrying the burden of the lie, he is also carrying on Okita’s future hatred towards him for not letting him know about Kondou. But Hijikata is willing to shoulder it as long as Okita lives, and that just makes me so terribly sad…

It must be pretty devastating for Hijikata, not only is Kondou gone, but he found out that the Katsu guy (who gave them weapons etc) sacrificed the Shinsengumi and them at Kofu Castle to cosy up with the Imperial Army. It honestly felt so chilling when Hijikata killed the guy in his group that tried to run because he thought Hijikata wanting to break through Utsunomiya castle when the latter had guns was crazy. Hijikata is so reckless and apathetic to the idea of death right now that I’m scared for him… But I guess it was understandable, since if they all decided to panic like that guy, then they’d definitely all die. At least the rest of the group found their courage and hope again when Hijikata managed to open the castle gate and charge through bullets fearlessly.. I think the worst was that he faced off against Kazama, barely survived, but then the castle ended up being recaptured by the Imperial Army after a few days. Their win was short lived and only temporary, it pretty much reflects their current situation…even if there are small victories for the Shinsengumi, it’s practically impossible for them to really win this war at all. I’m glad Chizuru scolded him for working the moment he could get up and move, seriously, he’s so reckless! Also glad that Otori told him off for his actions, and then Hijikata remembered that Yamazaki said the same things to him before. It’s nice to see Hijikata genuinely apologetic for how reckless and dangerous the actions he took were, with disregard to the consequences if he were to die. Needless to say, I was pretty heartbroken when Saito revealed that he had become a Fury as well. It’s saddening that all this weight and responsibility is pushed on to Hijikata, but it’s true that no one can be the pillar for the Shinsengumi besides him.

It’s sad to see Saito and Hijikata part ways, but it is inevitable. At least, everyone still has the attitude/mentality of being prepared to die for what they believe in, but not yielding and expecting to die. I think I like the Kodo in this route and Kazama’s the most (besides Kazama’s route ofc). He didn’t really hurt Chizuru here, and honestly told her his hopes of creating a kingdom where only the Yukimura clan will rule as he kills everyone else who caused the destruction of their clan alongside the Demons that didn’t help them. He knew it was reckless and that the Furies had no future, but he couldn’t help but do what he felt he needed to do as the only surviving adult of the clan. It was impossible for him to let go of that hatred and live on even if he was unlikely to succeed. He isn’t as crazy as the other ones in the other routes where he tries to force Chizuru to breed etc (or maybe he didn’t get the chance to haha), instead, it was shown that he was clearly conflicted. Conflicted between these emotions that he could never let go of, and wanting the best for Chizuru. I guess it’s one of the more believable ones where you could see how much he loved her, instead of the other routes where he would be going after her like a crazy guy and then suddenly he would save her from a Fury lol. I’m also happy to see the Sanan that just wanted a way to save the Furies from disappearing into dust, but also rational enough to understand that Furies were a mistake, and they shouldn’t let this mistake continue to destroy others. I legit cried when it was apparent that Sanan and Heisuke had reached their limits… It was so heartbreaking to have to see Hijikata face the death of his long time comrades like this, and hold their hands and hopes as they eventually crumbled into dust. It’s like every step Hijikata takes, he further carries the hopes of more and more people. He’s the only one they can rely on and believe in, but what about Hijikata? It’s so devastating that everything that has happened is crushing him on the inside, but it’s also because of everything that has happened that he won’t allow himself to be crushed.

It broke my heart when Hijikata left Chizuru behind and said he couldn’t make her happy😭😭 It’s true, and it’s also true that she could have a much “better” life by not following the Shinsengumi to Ezo, and I love how considerate Hijikata was towards her when he contemplated where she could go, but it still pains me to see Hijikata leaving her. It basically means this is the end, and that he doesn’t think that there’s a high chance of him coming back. I’m surprised that Otori really summoned her to Ezo, guess he was touched that she’s determined and thinks that Hijikata shouldn’t have pushed her away? I see, he thinks that Chizuru needs to be there to help with Hijikata’s mental health. I agree though, Chizuru has always been the one to give him little breaks and make him think about silly things outside of the worries of the Shinsengumi, I think she really brightened up his world in simple ways, so without her, I can see why he would lock himself in his room most of the time, especially since a lot of the time, Chizuru forced him to eat or have tiny breaks. Just her presence probably saved him. I thought Chizuru was so cool when she ripped up the orders for her to come here in front of Hijikata and told him straight that she shouldn’t have relied on them, she didn’t need that excuse to come here, she wants to be with Hijikata and that’s all, she doesn’t need any other reason to be here. I honestly was touched by her words even though I already knew how she felt. I’m so happy that Chizuru got through to him, and never gave up on him, I’m glad that her perseverance got to him. After all, it’s hard for Hijikata to voice to the ones in the Shinsengumi whether his decisions are correct and question whether he’s really doing the right thing…

With Hijikata having admitted his feelings, he’s really not embarrassed at all to say things to others so straightforwardly huh! I’m so embarrassed but happy for Chizuru that he’s obviously cherishing her so much! It was really touching to see Hijikata pour sake personally for his men, it really must have raised their morale, although it’s saddening to think that many of them won’t be able to keep their promise with Hijikata to come back from battle and get drunk with him instead of just being able to drink one cup. I’m glad Chizuru is there to motivate Hijikata and everyone else to live and come back, rather than to throw their lives away for their cause. They still have many things to do! They can’t die yet! Right after Hijikata nearly died from a fatal wound from a bullet, and Chizuru gave her blood to save him, Kazama appears?! Can you nottttt! But I’m impressed, Kazama followed what Hijikata had done all this time and in a sense had respect for him, he even took back calling him a ‘fake’ and acknowledged him as a true Demon. With how much pride Kazama has, that is definitely a great compliment. I just didn’t expect the title drop to be what Kazama named Hijikata as a Demon; Hakuoki huh? I never really looked properly at the kanji that makes up Hakuoki, but I see why there’s cherry blossoms and everything now, it’s kinda like it means that Hijikata is a Demon of lightly coloured cherry blossoms? I’m kinda sad that Kazama had to die in the duel though.. but it was nice to see everything resolved and them being able to spend the last moments of their life together even if it’s limited.

Overall, I enjoyed the first half, but I think the latter bits were rather rushed or anticlimactic in a sense with how the ending was handled. I feel like Kazama’s and Hijikata’s relationship was dealt with rather haphazardly and so quickly that I didn’t have much time to really digest how everything ended up. It was also rather anticlimactic that after following Hijikata on his journey all this time, we never really got to see the “end” of the Shinsengumi aside from a few lines, and we never really got to see his reaction to everything since he seemed so satisfied (after the dream etc) to leave everything to the others, it doesn’t really feel like Hijikata to not want to know more, I guess? Bad endings etc were pretty boring and basic usual stuff haha.

Otherwise, I enjoyed Hijikata’s route, it was nice, it was sweet, I liked how supportive Chizuru was the whole way and how she kept him sane by being there for him and trying her best for him. As someone who devoted everything to the Shinsengumi, I think Hijikata needed someone who would devote their all to him, since he never really had the time to really care for himself. I also really liked Hijikata himself and how he reacted and dealt with all the emotionally tolling events, I think the route really expressed how tiring and how mentally drained he was, yet how he continued to persevere regardless. It’s not one of my top favourites but I enjoyed it haha. I’m gonna miss Hakuoki though😭 I can’t believe I’m done with it…

Mini review Honestly, Hakuoki was better than I thought imo. I expected lots of Japanese history and lack of romance, and I did get that haha, but I think I underestimated how heart breaking the Japanese history was on me, because I legit cried in most of the routes and I felt like I could really feel the emotions of the characters and what they had to go through. Chizuru is a heroine with many flaws but I did enjoy how she connected and supported the guys in most of the routes despite it. I think she matched well with quite a few of them, and really, with all the responsibilities and everything the guys were shouldering, romance was definitely not a priority haha. However, when they properly incorporated the romance (unlike the Nagakura route lol), I think it worked very nicely and was sweet.

Here are my favourites to least favourites: Heisuke and Kazama tied, Souma, Yamazaki, Iba, Hijikata, Okita, Saito, Nagakura, Sakamoto, Sanan and Harada.

Best on romance: Heisuke, Okita, Yamazaki Best on plot: Souma, maybe Iba? Best balance between the two: Kazama

So honestly, I’d say Kazama is my favourite route, but dang did Heisuke tug on my heartstrings so much with his pain and his chemistry with Chizuru, so I can’t say I liked Kazama more hahaha. Souma showed the best perspective of watching over all that happened with the Shinsengumi in a personal yet outsider perspective as he’s not a captain, and I think I felt that I understood the flow and weight of everything in history best with his route, but it really lacked in the romance department haha. Okita and Chizuru were so cute and I loved them when he wasn’t being annoying about Kondou and Hijikata, and Iba was a bit obsessed with the protection part but he was still cute. I was so happy that Yamazaki could finally survive in his own route and how Chizuru and he worked together behind the scenes to care for the Shinsengumi and their goals, that was nice. So yeah, I’d totally play Hakuoki again in the future or if they do another port, I’d definitely buy it hahaha. 10/10 worth it, worth my tears, worth my love hahaha, the 120 hours I spent on this were well spent for sure. I hope they do an Amagiri route in the futuree😆

[nadziejastar]

What’s the relationship with Disney like? Disney’s attitude to games has changed in recent years to become focused on mobile and social games. Have you noticed their attitude change much?

The relationship with Disney has [remained] the same. Actually the contact person at Disney is still the same person from Kingdom Hearts 1, and Disney has given us lots of requests in terms of the Kingdom Hearts franchise and they did mention some smaller titles for other platforms, but our common, most important goal was to [complete] Kingdom Hearts 3. So it’s the same.

Oh, for sure. I get sad when I see Nomura’s old interviews. The above quote is from June 2013. He was so much more upbeat. KH3 actually had a plot back then, too. Sora would look for the ‘Key to Return Hearts’.  

Disney has changed tremendously since 2006. Obviously Marvel, Star Wars, Pixar, totally different style of animation. How your relationship with Disney and its properties evolved over the past 10 years or so in the context of Kingdom Hearts? Tetsuya Nomura: I can say that it has actually been increasingly difficult to get approvals from Disney. That's mainly because in the past Kingdom Hearts titles, the creator wasn't around anymore or the team that used to create those titles wasn't there anymore. There was just this one person that we would just have to go to and they would approve it and we'd be fine and good to go. But because we've been featuring recent titles, they still have existing teams for existing creators that are still working in Disney and still working on a certain title. That feedback process just has been a little bit more difficult than before. And each team would have a different set of rules and guidelines and they would say different things, or they would look at different things. It's just been a little different that how it used to be because Kingdom Hearts is a bigger title than it was before. I think that whenever we would bring our previous titles, a lot of people at Disney, and this is my assumption, but I do assume that they probably didn't know what Kingdom Hearts was. They'd go, "What's Kingdom Hearts? I have no idea." But now that it's become a bigger title, a lot more people have been involved in than before. In that sense the relationship with Disney has changed quite a bit. Emotional changes I don't really know if there has been any changes emotionally for me. But at least physically I can say those were the changes that we had with Disney.

After Versus XIII got cancelled, he became a lot more negative in his interviews. This is from June 2018. Five years later. Around the same time as Versus XIII, BBSV2 got cancelled. And also his relationship with Disney changed. So in a way, even KH3 was kinda taken from him, like Versus XIII was. Nomura was trying to dodge the subject of his emotional changes toward the KH series, but there obviously were some.

You've grown up as a person and as a designer alongside the players and it's been so long since the last Kingdom Hearts was released. How has your perspective on making the game changed over time? Do you still have that passion for it? Or is it just like you feel more of a responsibility to people to make it and end it?

I'm getting older now, so my body really can't take all that difficulty anymore. When I was younger I was definitely more aggressive and I was the one pulling everyone forward, but now there's a lot more energetic staff around me who are more aggressive, so I feel like I'm more like a sage now. Like I'm in the sidelines just telling people what to do. The Kingdom Hearts series has become a huge title nowadays and back then it was more like I was making it secretively in the corner, but now that a lot more people are involved I do feel that it's not my title anymore, it's everyone's title. And just talking about all this … It actually kind of makes me really sad.

This is another interview from June 2018. He said that with all the people involved, KH3 wasn’t really his title anymore and it made him really sad. At this year’s E3, Kitase said that the FF7 Remake was the first game in a long time that Nomura has been really heavily involved with. So, it sounds like Nomura wasn’t as heavily involved with KH3 as he was with past KH games.

Kingdom Hearts means a lot of things to a lot of people. For some, it represents their childhood or it's a story about friendship. What does Kingdom Hearts mean for you?

It's probably the title that represents who I am. When I was a starting as a developer, like I wasn't an industry veteran yet, when I was creating Final Fantasy titles with Mr. Sakaguchi, the father of Final Fantasy, and at that time, he said that Final Fantasy is a game that has everything in it. I don't think that there are that many people left in Square Enix that have actually worked with him on Final Fantasy. Of course, Final Fantasy is still continuing on--they still are committing to push out titles. But when I started creating Kingdom Hearts, that was when I kind of had this time away from Final Fantasy. And of course, I am working on a Final Fantasy title right now, but it was at a time when I was not working on a Final Fantasy title, and I really wanted to realize what Sakaguchi-san said about Final Fantasy, that it is a game that incorporates everything, to Kingdom Hearts. So I brought that idea to Kingdom Hearts. Currently looking at the newer Final Fantasy titles, to be honest, I don't think it really incorporates that idea of having everything. So I think that Kingdom Hearts, to me, is a game that has everything in it.

Nomura actually said that Versus XIII was more of his preference than KH. He enjoyed working on it because it was a break from the super happy, always positive KH universe. 

Nomura: "Kingdom Hearts is not too realistic, but I do want my players to grasp a sense of reality from it as well. For example, I'm sure you had friends when you were young, a good group of friends, but as you grow older things change and it doesn't always stay the same." 

And I think that’s why Lea is (was?) my favorite KH character. Versus XIII was a “fantasy based on reality”. I got the sense that Nomura used Lea/Axel to inject a lot of himself and his preference for realism into KH, since he was so different from other KH characters. He was an adult with a dark backstory. He and his best friend were human lab rats. His best friend later became a sociopath and is possessed. But he longs for the times when they were innocent and happy. Axel was very complicated. I DID get that sense of realism Nomura wanted to convey in his character. That’s why I loved him so much. There was such genuineness in his dialogue.

But I think what Nomura was doing with him and Saïx was so subtle it went over most people’s heads and they couldn’t appreciate it. It sucks because the subtlety made it even better. He basically lived inside the world of his memories. But he hid all of that from everyone (even the player) by smiling. Because he knew happy-go-lucky kids like Roxas and Xion wouldn’t be able to understand him. He was the most realistic and human character for me. He had a dark backstory, but he was still charming, intelligent, and funny. He had many layers. It was devastating to see him get dumbed-down and turned into a caricature of himself in KH3. Flat comic relief whose dark backstory was totally stripped from him. Just like that...poof. Gone. Now it’s all about Retcon X.

October 2014

“If I had to pick, I am a person more on the dark side like Xehanort and co., I harness the burning anger in my heart into what I create,” “Kingdom Hearts 3 current development explodes very much in this sense.”

When I first saw this quote, I had no idea what Nomura meant by channeling his anger into KH3. After playing KH3, I finally understood. That’s why there was so much breaking the fourth wall. Axel was Nomura’s mouthpiece. He was basically acknowledging that the story was crap, like during the scene where he reunited with Ventus and was commenting about how stupid the whole situation was. That B.S. ending? The result of Nomura’s depression. Things aren’t the same anymore. They’ve changed. The whole game just felt like it was phoned in. Nobody who actually cared about the story would do what they did with Kairi and also Lea and Isa’s backstory. KH3 was just so depressing for me because of that. Reading Nomura’s interviews just made it sadder.

2018 Famitsu interview

Tetsuya Nomura's cats were included. He speaks of how his cats cheered him up when he was depressed and how they inspire his work on Kingdom Hearts 3. -The reason he got these cats: Our family really loved cats and dogs, so we always had them in the house. For this reason, when I got a little depressed I was recommended to get cats.

I was really looking forward to Versus XIII when it was announced. Everything about it just sounded so cool. The story was supposed to be the saddest FF, but it would still have fun and humor in it. It was going to be like a road-trip. Noctis’s family was involved in organized crime, like the Yakuza. I still remember the tagline that was a quote from Hamlet. “For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Nomura said Noctis wasn’t going to be super serious like Squall. He was shy and awkward. Somnus is still an awesome song. The Noctis in the above picture just felt totally different from the Noctis in FFXV. They give off a completely different vibe. 

After I beat KH3, I was so disappointed with it, I started looking for a bunch of info on Versus XIII, since that game’s cancellation obviously influenced KH3 so much. I have seen a lot of stuff from people who claim to have leaked info about Versus XIII. I find this particular leak to be credible since the person correctly leaked the plot of FFXV six months in advance:

The game centered about death, ghosts and hallucination/dreams. Noctis killed the female protagonist before the game started but he didn't remember. Ardyn was Noctis ancestor and he was responsible of the crystals disappearing over time (the only one left was Lucis crystal). Regis died in front of Noctis because his bodyguards betrayed him. The protagonists had to leave the capital because their nation lost the war.

The game didn't focus on summons that much (they still existed) and instead there were actual gods which didn't appear physically. One of the gods was the main antagonist of the first FF game. Each nation was inspired by a different capital of the world. The empire was using ghosts as weapons. Ravus wanted to kill Noctis for having killed her sister. The game ended in another dimension which was supposed to be their version of the after-life.

This sounds a lot like what Nomura would do with a story, and is consistent with the info and trailers about Versus. I think I remember one where people were being turned into ghosts/monsters. The goddess Etro was supposed to be worshiped in Lucis. And I remember one of the things that interested me most about Versus XIII was that Noctis was able to see some light in the sky that others couldn’t, and it was due to having had a near-death experience as a child. That sounded SO cool.

I can believe the whole Stella being a ghost thing, because Tabata said they had to create Luna because Stella just wouldn’t make sense in the new story. The dreams/hallucinations part sounds cool to me, but is probably thought of as being “too weird” for a mainstream game. Also, the fact that the game ended in the after-life stood out for me. KH3 already had something similar with the Realm of Sleep. But they tried to connect it more with the after-life, even though Nomura previously said there was “no concept of death” in KH. This made me think he was still hung up on Versus while making The Final World. 

I definitely think that the original Versus XIII would have been a much more interesting game, since Nomura was SO passionate about it. The script was finished, too. It was jsut scrapped. The voice actor of Noctis, Suzuki Tatsuhisa, mentioned during the release date live stream that he still has the Versus scripts at home that he reads on his days off. And he said he couldn’t figure out how to move from the Versus Noctis to XV Noctis and struggled to find middle ground. 

He said he had a hard time getting into the character towards the end of the game, so he had to re-do his lines from the middle of the story again a few times to get it right. The fact that he still reads the Versus scripts tells me that he was really disappointed when Versus became XV. It sounds like he enjoyed what Nomura/Nojima wrote a LOT more and had a hard time masking his displeasure.

I stand behind what Sakaguchi said about big budget games development: it’s not worth it anymore. But they are also very disorganized. The staff -200 souls- had to work when the story still wasn’t completely defined. In fact, this story kept changing every 3 months and the definitive delivery date for the game was for the end of 2014. ---Roberto Ferrari

Sadly, the big budget style of production seems to be at the root of why Square Enix’s console games have been so soulless. KH is not for everybody, but it was a series that was made with passion. I actually enjoyed the handheld KH games more than KH3 because they felt like Nomura was able to do what he wanted creatively, instead of feeling like it was made to appease a focus group. I would give up the super fancy graphics in a heartbeat to get KH0.5 and the original vision Nomura had for KH3.

[junker-town]

Japanese basketball’s ‘Chosen One’ is playing in the G League

Yuta Watanabe may be toiling in the G League, but “Yuta-mania” and hope for the future of Japanese basketball are still alive.

Unlike most G League players, Memphis Hustle rookie swingman Yuta Watanabe has multiple media commitments after practice.

After most games, even away games, he’s surrounded by reporters. During a Grizzlies preseason scrimmage before the 2018-19 season, Yuta needed a separate press conference area to accommodate a group of approximately 20 credentialed Japanese media members. His whole world — the mob of reporters, the Japanese fans who comment on his YouTube G League highlights, the Linsanity-lite excitement in Japan that seems to follow his every move — already has a name: Yuta-mania.

In Japan, headlines refer to Yuta as “The Special One” or “The Chosen One.” He started playing with Japan’s senior national team when he was 16 and he was the first Japanese player to ever receive a Division-I basketball scholarship. He is the second-ever Japanese-born player to play in the NBA. The first, Yuta Tabuse, played four games with the Phoenix Suns during the 2004-2005 season.

Thousands of people packed tiny gyms to catch a glimpse of him during George Washington’s preseason summer trip to Japan in 2016. After each game, his teammates waited on the bus for nearly an hour as Yuta signed autographs and took pictures with swarms of adoring fans.

This past June, Japan added another star to the NBA ranks: former Gonzaga star Rui Hachimura, who went No. 9 overall to the Washington Wizards. Rui may have a brighter future, but Yuta ignited the nation first. Together, they’ve been thrust into ambassador roles for Japanese basketball.

But unlike Rui, Yuta’s life this upcoming season is unlikely to reflect the grandeur of their expectations. On a colorless, rainy February day in downtown Memphis, he is running late to our interview inside the Starbucks facing the FedExForum where the Hustle, the Grizzlies’ G League affiliate, have just finished practice. Two Hustle players push through the doors and head outside, still dressed for practice in team-issue hoodies and basketball shorts. They shield themselves from the weather and hop into the back of an old four-door sedan. Yuta, meanwhile, is being held up by a photoshoot for Dabudouri, a Japanese magazine.

Playing in the G League typically does not come with magazine photoshoots. The league is unglamorous, almost by design. Players earn five-figure salaries and travel by long bus rides around Middle America, giving them a sense of “The Grind”. The Hustle play their home games not in the 18,000-seat FedExForum, but in the 8,000-seat Landers Center in nearby Southaven, Mississippi. Even the G League’s team names — the Hustle, the Drive, the Wolves, the Charge — evoke hunger and hard work. Making it in the NBA must seem even more enticing during the second night of a back-to-back in White Plains, New York, and Portland, Maine.

Once he finishes his shoot, Yuta leaves FedExForum through the front door, jogging 100 yards or so through the rain to Starbucks alongside Geoff Langham, the Grizzlies’ communications coordinator. It’s a smaller Starbucks, and Yuta is 6’9 and dressed in obvious NBA player attire — a black Grizzlies puffer jacket, grey sweats, white Jordans. Still, the other patrons — an older man reading the comics in the Commercial Appeal, a pair of teachers lesson planning, even the baristas behind the counter — don’t look up. Geoff orders Yuta an iced vanilla latte, his favorite since he can remember.

In Japan, Yuta — along with Rui and their generation of up-and-comers — carries the hopes of an entire sport on his shoulders. In Memphis, he divides most of his time between three locations: FedExForum, his apartment, and the Landers Center. On a typical day, he goes to practice, gets a ride home, takes a nap, eats, and rides back to the arena to put up shots. Rinse, repeat. Every choice he makes revolves around the dream that all G-Leaguers share: making it in the NBA.

Professionally, Yuta is in a state of limbo. He has a two-way contract with the Grizzlies, meaning that he can move freely between the Grizzlies and the Hustle without having to clear waivers. He earns roughly the same salary as a mid-career accountant ($77,250). He regularly drops 20-plus points in G League games, displaying a Joe Ingles-esque lefty 3-and-D skill set. But when he is called up to the Grizzlies, he struggles for playing time, averaging 2.6 points and 12 minutes per game this past season.

Yuta’s career is in an awkward place, sandwiched between two opposing forces: Japanese adulation and American indifference. Japanese basketball fans — still a niche group, to be sure — gobble up content about him, hoping he’ll lead the national team to prominence. Looming over the sport’s future are the Olympics, which will take place in Tokyo in 2020. Supporters hope Yuta — along with a cadre of younger, up-and-coming stars — can use that platform to put Japanese basketball on the map. In the meantime, he’s trying to make it in the United States, competing for just one of roughly 360 full-time jobs in the most competitive professional sports league in the world, all while adapting to a new language and culture.

Yuta reconciles these two forces by taking refuge in what he can control. He responds with poise, grace, and a dogged belief in putting in the work and trusting the process. There’s a sense among the Japanese media that Yuta has it, whatever it is. He has the personality, the drive, the pedigree, and the talent to make it at the highest levels.

And if he does make it, he might change Japanese basketball forever.

”The Chosen One” refers not only to Yuta’s skills, but also his upbringing. His father, Hideyuki, played professionally in Japan. His mother, Kumi played for the national team. His sister, Yuki, played for the Aisin AW Wings of the Women’s Japan Basketball League. His parents coached him when he was young, explaining exactly what it took to make it in the pros. Yuta has known he wanted to play in America ever since he was seven or eight, when he watched Kobe Bryant lead the Lakers to multiple NBA titles.

As Yuta grew up, Japanese basketball received largely apathetic attention from the nation’s media and sports fans. As baseball flourished, and imports like Ichiro and Daisuke Matsuzaka took the Major Leagues by storm, basketball floundered. Games were barely available on television. Even Today, Bang Lee, a Japanese journalist for Space Ball Magazine and Tokyo pickup player — describes basketball as “probably the fifth-most popular” sport nationwide, trailing baseball, soccer, tennis, sumo, and perhaps martial arts. Japan lacks organized leagues and urban courts for pickup games. Until recently, it lacked a respectable top league.

Yuta injected excitement into Japanese basketball where there was none. His origin story plays into his popularity. The basketball talent coursing through his genes, his roots in the countryside, and his lanky 6’9 frame combine to make him the perfect folk hero for Japanese basketball.

He grew up in Miki, a small town in Kagawa Prefecture often beset by droughts. He garnered national attention when he played with the senior national team at age 16. He led Jinsei Gakuen High School to the finals at nationals during the equivalent of his junior and senior seasons, and realized that he could play Division I basketball in the U.S. His father knew Don Beck, a basketball coach in Japan since who had connections to American prep schools. Beck helped arrange a postgraduate year for Yuta at St. Thomas More in Connecticut.

During his prep school year, Yuta flashed enough 3-and-D potential to earn a three-star ranking from various recruiting services and an offer from George Washington. He stared down all of the expected challenges an immigrant might face: learning a new language, making new friends, creating a new life from scratch. He found a home in the gym.

”Basketball definitely helped,” Yuta says, “because even though I couldn’t speak English, I was able to spend a lot of time with my teammates, which helped me learning English a lot.”

During his time at GW, Yuta evolved from sixth man who provided energy and defense off the bench as a freshman, to the team’s go-to scorer and the Atlantic 10 Defensive Player of the Year during his senior season.

GW teammate Tyler Cavanaugh — one of Yuta’s best friends, and a power forward currently playing for the G League’s Salt Lake City Stars — remembers a shy Japanese kid who barely spoke any English. He says it’s important to acknowledge the leap of faith that Yuta took as an 18-year-old.

”Something people need to understand is how far he’s come and how hard it’s been for him to leave his home and come over to the States and not know any English,” Cavanaugh says. “I think Yuta gets misinterpreted sometimes. I think it’s the Japanese culture, but he’s very, very shy, very humble. Now you look at him and he’s in the NBA, and that’s a huge accomplishment.”

Yuta’s profile grew in Japan as he got better. Maurice Joseph, GW’s former head coach, remembers the exact moment when he understood how much Yuta meant to Japan. Joseph says after a game, a woman was trying to get Yuta to take a picture with her baby, but she couldn’t make her way through the throng that surrounded him. Eventually, she got tired of waiting and was close enough to toss her baby to Yuta. Yuta was startled, but he caught the baby. She snuck in next to him, and her husband took the picture. She grabbed the baby, bowed, thanked Yuta, and left.

”It was,” Joseph says, “the wildest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Yuta laughs when he recalls that moment.

”Yeah, I mean, my coach told the media that, but obviously over-exaggerated a bit,” he says. “She didn’t throw (the baby), but she kind of forced me to take it, and I didn’t want to drop the baby. There were actually a lot of fans around me and she knew that I’d have to take the baby and take a picture with it, so …”

According to Cavanaugh, Yuta has always been well-aware of his ambassadorial role.

”Yuta is like LeBron James in Japan,” he says. “After one game, we were all on the bus and there was a line of people waiting for him outside the gym to get his autograph and get a picture with him. We were waiting for like 45 minutes because he wanted to stay and he took a picture with all the people.”

After he graduated from GW in 2018, Yuta signed with the Brooklyn Nets’ summer league squad as an undrafted free agent. After a solid performance in Vegas, Yuta signed his two-way deal with the Grizzlies in July.

Across the Pacific, Japanese fans devour coverage of Yuta, whether that’s articles about him in the U.S.-based Kyodo News or Youtube videos of his G League highlights. Pull up any G League video of Yuta — such as this one, which chronicles a 32-point performance against the Fort Wayne Mad Ants — and scroll down. You’ll find that almost all of the comments are written in Japanese.

Yuta may be in professional limbo, but his success at GW and in the G League have done nothing to quell the excitement bubbling among his Japanese fanbase. He has no choice but to live with the hype.

When Yuta speaks, it’s clear he’s media savvy. He’s dealt with great expectations and national attention since he was 16, so he’s polished in an interview setting. With so much noise around him, so much pressure, he seems to focus only on what he can control. He’s quick to shoot down most of the easy narratives that apply to someone like him.

Does he miss Japanese food?

”I found a Japanese restaurant in Memphis. Sekisui. I get sushi. It’s really good, really authentic. I don’t really miss Japanese food here because I can eat it (when I want).”

Does he miss his family?

”Obviously, I’ve missed my family, friends, and everybody, but I can talk with them on the phone all the time. I feel comfortable here.”

”Yuta is like LeBron James in Japan ... there was a line of people waiting for him outside the gym to get his autograph.” - Tyler Cavanaugh, former George Washington teammate

Does he feel the pressure of being “The Chosen One?” Yuta is far too polite to roll his eyes, but it’s clear he’s fielded this question several times before.

”I don’t really feel any pressure. I can control only what I can control. I know they are calling me ‘Chosen One.’ (That’s a) big nickname. But there’s nothing that I can do with it.”

Yuta combats pressure by losing himself in his craft. His daily routine is simple and consistent. Just basketball, all the time. He never needed to drive at prep school or in Washington D.C., and he’s supposedly currently working on his drivers’ license. For now, he gets rides between the arena and his apartment from Austin, a Grizzlies intern. He’s living in a simple apartment, nice and clean. He’s not really into fashion or video games.

”I just love basketball,” he says. He’s almost apologetic, perhaps sensing that I’m mining for interesting off-the-court nuggets.

But basketball is what he wants to talk about. He’s a hoops nerd and he lights up when talking about old teams or current players. Yuta grew up a Lakers fan and credits Bryant for making him fall in love with the game, but he spends more time now watching Ingles film.

”I like his game and I watch him because I found similarities,” he says. “We’re both lefty, he’s a great defender, a great shooter. I try to, you know, steal.”

He also admires Tayshaun Prince, arguably the patron saint of lefty 3-and-D players and a current member of the Grizzlies’ front office. He lists that title-winning Pistons team — Chauncey Billups, Rip Hamilton, Prince, and the Wallaces — among his favorites, despite their victory over Bryant and the Lakers in the Finals.

After playing his college ball in Washington D.C., Yuta’s happy to live in a smaller, slower-paced environment where he can focus exclusively on basketball. He’s found a home in Memphis.

”I love Memphis,” he says. “This kind of reminds me of where I grew up in the countryside. It was a really small town, so this is actually good for me. This is where I feel more comfortable.”

He’s also found a good fit from a basketball perspective.

”That’s who I am, I think,” he says. “You know, I wanted to play with that Grit and Grind. I love how the team values that. I love how the Grizzlies value the defensive end. I just, I love it.”

During the preseason, Yuta further endeared himself to Memphis by displaying just how much American culture he’s embraced since he moved here. When all rookies were forced to participate in some light hazing by dancing to “In My Feelings”, Yuta hit the Shoot dance and shut down the gym as his teammates rushed the floor and mobbed him. You might know the dance from Fortnite, but it originated in Memphis (and its creator, BlocBoy JB, is taking legal action to make sure everybody knows).

I feel like Yuta Watanabe (@wacchi1013) won his team over with this one. The Memphis Grizzlies rookie was swarmed by teammates after putting a Memphis spin on the "In My Feelings' Challenge. Full video of the Grizz rookies dancing here: https://t.co/Fevr4bQqzT pic.twitter.com/cDICGzyBQy

— Sudu Upadhyay (@SuduUpadhyay) September 29, 2018

”First of all, I’m not a dancer. I’m so bad,” Yuta says, laughing at the memory. “I’ve never done that in front of a lot of people.

”I guess I had to do it. I didn’t even think about it, I just let my body move.”

When Yuta finishes watching film, he’ll sometimes watch Japanese comedies, or The Office, which is his favorite show. He started watching it after he’d reached a certain level of English. He has seen the whole series all the way through at least three times. He lights up when I ask him who his favorite character is.

”Dwight,” he says without hesitation. “Love him.”

Why Dwight? Yuta empathizes with underdogs.

”You know, usually, Jim’s always on top of Dwight, he always does something to Dwight. He’s the guy who always wins the battle. But that one time, the snowball fight? Dwight wins, and Jim was really scared.

”That kind of satisfied me.”

On the surface, Yuta seems like a typical favorite. He was raised for success, almost in a Steph Curry-esque manner, in a basketball family. He’s well spoken. He’s intelligent. He’s good looking. He feels like a Jim.

But the fact that he prefers Dwight may shed some light on his situation in Memphis. He enjoys the simplicity of his life in Memphis, his role as the G Leaguer who has to grind out minutes, the squad player who has to prove himself at the highest level. He’s found a way to shrink the pressure that surrounds him by simply enjoying the space he’s in.

A small but rabid generation of Japanese fans who grew up watching Michael Jordan now has disposable incomes. E-commerce site Rakuten has partnered with the NBA in Japan and sponsors the Golden State Warriors’ jerseys. Recently, The Athletic’s Jared Weiss attended a Rakuten event in which 600 Japanese fans watched Game 1 of the Finals on tape delay in Shibuya, Tokyo.

Basketball may be ready to take root in Japan. Yuta and Rui playing in the 2020 Olympics on home soil is a good opportunity to nurture the seeds of the sport.

The current hope is that Yuta, Rui, and naturalized citizen Nick Fazekas can lead the national team to uncharted success at the tournament. There are also some young guns in the system. Chikara Tanaka — a 6’2 point guard and a current sophomore at IMG Academy, a basketball factory in Florida — broke Yuta’s record when he joined the national team at 15.

Yuta doesn’t have time to keep up with all of the games back home, but he usually takes the time to look through box scores, checking the statlines that his friends on the national team put up.

According to Los Angeles-based basketball journalist Yoko Miyaji, Japan has been planning for basketball at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics Games for several years now. Japan’s top professional league, The B.League — created in September 2016 as a merger between two other leagues that “used to hate each other,” according to Lee — exists solely for the purpose of the 2020 Olympics. Japan needed a respectable league because FIBA had suspended the country’s membership in 2014.

”Yuta and Rui playing in the NBA will be just as big (as the Olympics). Them playing in the NBA will affect Japanese basketball in years to come.” - Yoko Miyaji, basketball journalist

”The 2020 Olympics are really big,” Miyaji says via email. “It isn’t just the actual games. It already has been a turning point since the basketball world in Japan has been focusing on getting an Olympic berth as a host country.”

(Japan received that berth from FIBA at the end of March).

According to Miyaji, Yuta and Rui in particular hold the keys to Japan’s basketball future.

”Yuta and Rui playing in the NBA will be just as big (as the Olympics),” she says. “Them playing in the NBA will affect Japanese basketball in years to come. Not just playing in the NBA, but also them helping the Japan national team be relevant in Asia — and maybe the world — is going to be huge.”

Daisuke Sugiura — a New York-based journalist who covered Japanese baseball stars Hideki Matsui and Boston’s Daisuke Matsuzaka in their primes — agrees.

”Even my mom, who has no interest in basketball whatsoever, knows who Yuta is,” he says. “Still, I don’t think he is as famous as some Japanese MLB superstars just yet. Although that could change next year if he plays well in the Olympic Games in Tokyo.”

The Olympics feel like a sort of litmus test for Yuta and the state of basketball in Japan. Which seems to ride mostly on Yuta and Rui’s shoulders. The situation feels terribly complex, and yet Yuta doesn’t see it that way. He’s focused on the controllable, and living out the dream he’s had since he was seven.

”It’s gonna be great,” Yuta says. “I’m really excited.”

Whether Yuta ever fulfills his “Chosen One” billing on the court, he has already won off of it. His approval rating in Japan — among both fans and media members — has to be close to 100 percent.

”I’ve been working as a sportswriter for a while,” Sugiura says. “I’ve covered a lot of athletes, and I’d like to tell you that Yuta is probably the nicest and most cerebral athlete I’ve ever seen. The guy is smart, polite, and humble. He knows himself and his place. His parents did a tremendous job.

”I know that we have to be objective and neutral as a member of the media, but it’s very, very hard not to root for him. You’d understand if you cover and talk to him even once.”

Given the current direction of the league, it seems like there should be a spot somewhere for a 6’9 multipositional defender with an improving three-point stroke. Miyaji says shooting was always his strength, his pride, the element of his game he worked the hardest before he started grabbing attention for his defense at GW. Yuta shot 33 percent from three for the Hustle this past season. If he can bump that up even a few percentage points, he should have more opportunities in the NBA.

Even his name seems conducive to success. The league has plenty of mononym stars: Dirk, Luka, LeBron, Steph, Klay, Kobe, Dame, Giannis. On the Hustle broadcasts, whenever Yuta makes a play, you’ll hear the play-by-play man scream, “YUTA!” When he dunks, the color man will often yell, “SURAMUUU DANKUU!!!” — the Katakana pronunciation of “slam dunk” — perhaps in reference to the manga series that Yuta enjoys.

Although Rui may enter the league to more fanfare in the States and is projected to be the better player, Lee says that Yuta is the one whom the kids look up to.

”He gives all the young ballers the hope.”

Rui’s entrance into the NBA as a lottery pick could, in theory, dim Yuta’s glow. So far, it hasn’t.

“If anything, (Rui entering the league) will increase Yuta’s popularity,” Miyaji says. “I haven’t seen his popularity diminish yet. Rui gets more coverage than Yuta, for sure, but Yuta’s [popularity] hasn’t decreased.”

However, Miyaji warns, “he might see less media coverage during the upcoming NBA season, especially if Yuta stays on a two-way contract.”

But success for Yuta and Rui doesn’t have to be a zero-sum game. The two are only direct competitors when the Wizards face the Grizzlies, and there is plenty of overlap between both fanbases. As Miyaji emphasizes, “hope” for Japanese basketball refers to both Yuta and Rui, as well as a group of younger stars like Tanaka. Yuta created the hope, and Rui can amplify it.

Still, journalists — and Yuta himself — try to inject doses of realism into the discourse.

”I have seen a few misleading headlines (in Japan), like ‘People in the U.S. are crazy about Yuta!’ which is simply not true,” Sugiura says. “But we mostly report the truth. Yuta is trying to get his minutes in the NBA. It’s not always easy, but he definitely has future potential.”

”Even becoming a two-way player is a big deal for Japanese fans,” Miyaji adds. “He’s only the third player from Japan to play in the G League, and it is a big deal (for Japanese fans) for him to play any NBA minutes.”

Miyaji emphasizes that Yuta understands his situation. He’s gracious with the media, and about what he’s accomplished so far. But he also gets that he hasn’t made it just yet. While Rui is guaranteed minutes and a chance to prove himself, Yuta is not. His position in the league is more tenuous.

Still, Miyaji says most people in Japan believe Yuta will be a full-time NBA player in the next season or two, especially given his size and versatility.

”There are media trying to follow and cover him, but it’s still mostly wait-and-see mode,” she says. “I feel like full blown ‘Yuta Mania’ has yet to happen.”

As you might expect, Yuta does his best to ignore the noise.

”I don’t know when I felt like I could make it,” he says. “I wasn’t sure if was gonna make it, but I’m sure I’m gonna keep working hard. I’m sure that my passion, my work ethic, everything was there.

“I just knew that eventually I’m gonna make it.”

At the end of his career, Yuta wants to know he did everything in his power to succeed.

”No regrets,” he says. “I don’t want it to be 10 years or 15 years (later) and look back on what I could have done. So I just want to do everything I can do every day so when I retire, I can say I did everything I wanted to do.”

Yuta can already look back without regrets for two reasons: first, he’s already accomplished everything he ever dreamed of, willing himself to a two-way contract in the NBA. He clearly enjoys the hell out of playing basketball for a living. Second, he’s already left an indelible impact on Japanese basketball, paving a path for younger Japanese talent. A path that didn’t exist pre-Yuta.

To that end, he’s mindful of his role as an ambassador for Japanese basketball. He hasn’t thought much about his post-basketball career, but when he retires, he wants to mentor the next generation of great Japanese players. He wants to help Japanese players challenge themselves in the States.

”When I was in high school, when I said I wanted to go to the U.S., I didn’t have any connections or any people to talk with,” he says. “It was really hard to find a school that I could go to. Fortunately, my dad knew somebody and that guy helped me a lot.

So I guess I want to help those kids who want to come to the U.S. Give them advice.”

Yuta’s college career didn’t get the storybook ending it deserved. In his final college game, GW lost to St. Louis in the second round of the Atlantic 10 tournament in a mostly empty Capital One Arena in his adopted hometown of Washington D.C.

With eight minutes left in the game and GW down by two, Yuta stole the ball and raced toward St. Louis’s basket. A Billikens player tried to block the shot, initiating contact. Yuta rolled his ankle and needed help hobbling off the floor. GW’s trainer wrapped his ankle and escorted him to a nearby tunnel.

”Prove to me you can run and jump,” he says. Yuta couldn’t. He spent the rest of the game on the bench, his chin bandaged, his ankle sprained as his team’s season came to an end.

”I’m really frustrated, but after I got injured, I was watching my teammates from the bench,” he says. “And they never gave up.”

After the game, he hobbled out of the locker room on a crutch, his ankle swathed in ice. He answered questions in English for the American media and in Japanese for the Japanese media. As he spoke, tears filled his eyes.

Later, after everyone had left the arena, he sent a message to Miyaji, saying he would answer additional questions. He felt he didn’t talk as much as he should have earlier because he was too emotional after the end of his college career.

This is Yuta in a nutshell. Even during a low point in his career, he inherently understood his role as an ambassador for the sport and a representative of his country. And he relished the chance to make a difference and to live within the world of basketball. Even if he plays the rest of his career in the G League, his current life — practice, games, an episode of The Office — is a good one for the kid who always dreamed of playing basketball in the States, “Chosen One” pressure be damned.

”I’m really glad that basketball is my job now,” he says. Then, he gets up to catch a ride back to his apartment, where he’ll eat and nap before returning to the Forum to get up more shots.

This article was reported in collaboration with Dat Winning.