#[ also i'm sorry I TOOK 200 YEARS TO REPLY TO YOUR DISCORD MESSAGE ]

[despairforme]

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad. 35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

“TALK ABOUT” MEME | ACCEPTING .

33 - Talk about what you do when you are sad.

     ❝ Sad? Who ‘da fuck ‘s SAD? I ain’t no fuckin’ bitch who gets all upset. ❞ — What a fucking bad lie. If there was ONE person in the fucking world who had an act for getting upset, it was him. He HATED that his mental state was so unstable, and that it took very little to knock him down. These days, he wasn’t even physically strong, so needless to say - he felt like shit. The thing was, he didn’t act much differently when he was sad. Hell, he had been sad for the majority of his life. Depression had always followed close in his footsteps. Sure, he never referred to it as ‘ depression ‘, because that made him sound like some emo bitch, but he KNEW that in reality - it was depression. It had been a while since he had tasted it, since he had been so HAPPY with Grimmjow. But - after all the shit that had gone down, Nnoitra had slipped back into his dark moods, even going as far as to get a touch of that old deathwish. But, THANKFULLY, things were looking up. Now that he had gotten to TALK with Grimmjow ( and let out his anger on him, maybe he should apologize for that? ), he did feel better. At least he didn’t have so many questions in his head anymore. He didn’t need to make up his own depressive answers either. So, what HAD he done during these days? Mostly, he had just laid in bed or on the couch, but that had been more because of his headache than anything. Or at least he liked to think so. He HAD gotten shot in the fucking head after all, so he needed rest. Hell, he should actually be in a rehabilitation program at the hospital, but they couldn’t afford that shit. In addition to the headache, Nnoitra’s right hand still had a weakness to it. This really worried him. The worry combined with that throbbing headache left him feeling sort of nauseous, which kept him from eating as much as he should. So - he had lost weight. Nnoitra knew from experience that he COULDN’T lose weight without it being a serious risk to his health. He was already underweight, so he had no kilos to spare. He knew that if he had been physically fine, but still feeling… Well - sad - he would’ve done what he always did. He would’ve gone to work every night, kicked ass and gone home again. It was hard though, to imagine being sad while he was dating Grimmjow. Fair enough, these past few weeks had been depressive as hell, and that was mostly Grimmjow’s fault, but ey - it was okay now. Nnoitra had no problem forgiving him. How could he not? He had been so fucking precious with that confession. A confession Nnoitra simply HAD to believe.

35 - Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

     The second question proved easier to answer honestly to. As much as Nnoitra didn’t like to admit his flaws, he KNEW there was a lot of shit he wished he could stop doing. BAD habits, so to say.  ❝ Jeez, where do I start? I wish I could stop leavin’ empty bottles ‘n shit in ‘da fridge. I know that really annoys Grimmjow. ❞ It was the first thing that came to mind. The NUMBER ONE thing he wanted to stop doing was always assuming the worst. It caused him an endless amount of unnecessary worry and suffering. After all, it was his own dumb self who had started to assume that Grimmjow didn’t care about him or their relationship. He had honestly thought that Grimmjow wasn’t happy with him, and that he didn’t even WANT to be with him. All because he had overreacted to Grimmjow’s actions. Yeah, overreacting was another thing he wished he’d stop doing. He also wished he’d stop being bothered about his skinny build. He wished he’d stop finding it so hard to say ‘ I love ya ‘ to his boyfriend.  ❝ I wish I’d stop bein’ so fuckin’ paranoid. ❞ He admitted, scratching the knuckles on his right hand. Yeah, this was actually a BIG problem for him, especially after getting shot. He KNEW it was because of actual brain damage that he was feeling this way. He hadn’t really understood what the doctor was talking about, but apparently the bullet had passed close to the ‘ fear center ‘ in his brain, so… Yeah. But, at the same time, the doctors had agreed that he would most likely make a FULL recovery. Nnoitra fucking hoped that included this feeling of anxiety he got if he went outside. Then again… He had only felt that way on his way home to the apartment. After that, he hadn’t even GONE outside, so maybe it wasn’t so bad anymore? He should at least try. Especially since he needed to get a birthday gift for his boyfriend.  ❝ I wish I could stop bein’ such a fuckin’ pussy when it comes ‘ta water. ❞ This statement left him with a snort. Being able to enjoy himself in the water would be cool, especially since Grimmjow was a big fan of the ocean. Nnoitra didn’t like it. He didn’t like being wet or cold - and he couldn’t swim. There were probably a MILLION more things he could’ve added to the list of things he wished he’d stop doing, but thinking about all this negative stuff was… shitty. He had FINALLY gotten through this bad period, so he would rather just focus on that.