#[ 99% is brain rot but thank you kindly ]

[weltenwxndler-archive]

I’m sorry, I just gotta pick your brain— Does Ren have any abandonment issues because of Dan Feng just vanishing from his life at the end? Does he feel abandoned by DF and/or DH?

i imagine so, he's been best friends with dan feng for as long as he can remember and he helped out of good will and because he loved dan feng as much as the others--though i like to imagine for him it was less looking up to someone and more curiosity, because they were all plenty different from him and for someone who loved creating, dan feng was rather interesting as a man and also as vidyadhara, as a creature based around life ending and then being recreated/reincarnated---but i digress, because he, too, was saddened and angered by a dear person's death. i like to think that he decided this quickly, obviously, but without so much as something like regret (probably wished for things to become peaceful again, he wasn't a die hard warrior (destruction was not for him))

but then he was suddenly thrown into a life and body he did not want, the man he loved being with was gone, jingliu pierced him through like swiss cheese and can you imagine the agony he must have felt? not just because he thought of himself as a traitor, but because he was utterly alone? and the death that he might have wanted at this point just didn't come? but instead it was dan feng? almost like he had also a hand in taking away another precious being.

he didn't just stumble upon elio the next day either. he must have felt utterly and bitterly alone, an agonising pain deep in his heart, taking root and that for all of eternity. there was no goal of 'i only have to endure this for 10 more years'. forever and ever was the new body's deal despite being able to feel pain, external and internal.

i also like to imagine that he enjoyed seeing dan heng again because deep inside he still reminds him of the past he had cherished and that caused him extreme anxiety which probably easily turns into violence because of the mara and his fears or having been alone for far too long.

that's also why when he can't pull through, kill dan heng, it probably just hurts him more because while his head is like: that's right, he needs to die, too, half of his conscience is like: but he's not dan feng, this wouldn't change a thing and probably even fears the emptiness that might follow. not that he'd put all this into words, he's sort of abandoned them. and maybe even part of his logical reasoning.

having dan heng say he'll go through this with him is also like a slap in his face. he'll probably just be abandoned again, thrown away like the useless friend he had been. i like to hc and imagine that he'd never have the heart to truly stab/kill dan heng, not because killing is too much for him or destruction is something he hated in the past (he's moved on and dedicated himself to nihilation by then) but because this person makes him feel things, still. things that aren't just hate and anger or other negative ones. deep inside he still loves his former dead friend (or whatever i like for them to have been cause shiptrash, hi) and he just wants that tranquility back, deep under the mask, the mara.

maybe he'd love to touch dan heng and actually feel something again. something that doesn't produce anxiety and violence. maybe he'd love to try and form a bond again, probably also with his hunter mates, but deep inside he could also just be stabbed through again, abandoned and left alone.