#@pichitinha marry me pls - tiff

[artificialqueens]

Searching, Waiting, Looking -Ch05- (Trixya) - Pichitinha

A/N: hi folks! My muse has been visiting me lately so this chapter came faster than expected – and I have half of the next one already! We’re past of the middle of the story with this one so I do hope you enjoy it and stay with me until the ending! As usual I am @pichitinha here and this can be read on AO3. Let me know if you liked it!

Summary: Of course Trixie will be the decorator to Shea’s wedding - with years of experience in her bag there’s no way she’ll leave her best friend hanging. Sure, she never intended for that to become practically a full-time job as the wedding planner alongside Sasha’s crazy best friend Katya, but hey, everything for your friends, right?

Chapter 5 - We all talk, but we don’t listen

One good thing had come out of Pearl’s visit: she’s now the official - free - DJ for the wedding. She’d been meaning to offer for a long time, apparently, but wanted it to be a secret from Shea and Sasha. Trixie’s heart is twice as big as Pearl promises she knows she’s good and that she really wants to give this to them so she obviously says yes. By the look on Katya’s face she’s in awe too.

Finding a DJ is then instantly crossed off Trixie’s list and even if she didn’t really put any effort in the task being completed, she feels a sense of accomplishment that is really wonderful. One by one the list is getting smaller and Trixie is more and more convinced that they’ll really manage to throw the perfect wedding. She really, really hopes they do.

She and Katya also manage to rearrange their schedules so that they’re mostly free at the same time for the next month or so which will leave them with enough time to do all of the initial appointments they had planned before Katya has to travel to Boston for a few days for her nephew’s first birthday. Trixie’s hoping to get a lot of things done by then, she doesn’t feel right at the idea of planning and doing things by herself while Katya is away.

That could be because she has way more fun when Katya is with her for these tasks, but mostly, she tells herself, it’s because they’re a team.

“So! Cake tasting!” Katya greets her as she opens the passenger door and joins her in the car, a wide grin on her cherry lips.

“Wrong, gift listing.”

“Ugh,” Katya fakes annoyance. “Can we put extravagant weird things on the list?”

Trixie looks at her briefly, considers her offer. “One weird item each and that’s it.”

“Yes! I knew you were fun!”

“Excuse me, I have been nothing but fun with you since we met.”

Katya looks at her then, a glint of something Trixie can’t recognize in her eyes although she can feel it’s warm, and nods. “That’s true, you have.”

Trixie blushes despite herself, focuses back on the road and they drive in silence for the next ten or so minutes except for the radio playing lowly.

“Are you excited for Boston?” Trixie asks when she feels that the silence has extended too long, even if it’s a comfortable one.

“Oh my god, you don’t even know! My nephew is the cutest thing, I can’t wait to smush him again. And mom always makes the most ridiculous parties unnecessarily, there’ll be more food than our family needs for like a month much less one afternoon. But it’s great, it’ll be great. I really miss them.”

Trixie smiles fondly, can feel the happiness and love in Katya’s voice as she speaks of her family, but feels something pulling inside her at the same time. She doesn’t want to, but it’s hard. “I’m happy for you. If you need tips for decorating, I’m your gal.”

Katya nods smiling. “I might take you up to that. You’d be horrified at my sister’s decorating skills.”

Trixie merely hums and smiles in response and even though she’s looking forward because they’re almost at the first store they’re supposed to go, she can feel Katya’s gaze strongly on her.

“What?” she asks.

“Nothing. You just seem a bit down.”

Trixie shrugs uncomfortably. “I don’t mean to sound… well, like I’m gonna sound, but I wish I had a family like yours.”

“How so?”

“I get along with them, don’t get me wrong. Especially now that I live away my relationship with my mom is always improving, you know, now that I’m no longer under her wings. But my childhood wasn’t exactly picture perfect and certain things just remain broken, I guess.” She sighs as she stops the car, looks earnestly at Katya. “That sounded more poetic than I meant it to. I’m just saying that as good as things are now, we’ll probably never be a close, happy family.”

Katya knits her eyebrows together. “My family has issues, too, Trixie.”

“Oh, of course, I didn’t mean- sorry.” She sighs again, closes her eyes forcefully. “I always get a bit more sensitive on the subject this time of the year. I’m sorry.”

Katya motions to her wrist, stops her from opening the door of the car. “Something in particular?”

Trixie gulps, sees the worry and questions in Katya’s eyes and decides that she’s way past pretending she can’t - or doesn’t feel like - telling things to Katya. “My dad left around this time when I was like eight. And my step-dad moved into our house around the same time a year later. None of these memories are particularly good.”

Katya’s mouth falls agape and Trixie feels bad for ever having said anything. It’s been almost twenty years, these things should resurface as quickly as they still do. She’s probably just ruined a perfectly fine outing with a friend.

“Trixie. I had no idea, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s nothing,” she downplays it, even though it sort of isn’t.

“No, it’s- it’s tough. I’m sorry you went through that.” She looks positively upset and Trixie hates herself a bit for deflating Katya so much when she’d been so excited about her trip home.

“It’s been a long time. My dad wasn’t a great man and my step-dad moved away a few years later, my mom recovered, we all managed to pick up our financial situation. All in all it’s been good. I promise.”

She isn’t exactly lying. They are all better now, good. Happy even. Or almost there, as Trixie tells herself.

“Okay.” Katya nods, apparently okay with ending the discussion. They exit the car and enter the antique store that Sasha had provided the address for. Trixie is absolutely not surprised at Sasha’s first choice of gift store and given Katya’s face neither is she - although she herself looks more excited to be in such a place than anything else.

“We’re not here to buy anything for us, this is gift listing.” Trixie tells her as Katya picks up one, two, three useless trinkets with wide eyes, enamored with the place.

“Not even one?” She asks with a pout, resembling a child.

“I’ll give you ten minutes once we finish running through their list,” Trixie offers as she shows Katya the paper she has with Sasha’s handwriting detailing what is it they expect from that store. It’s just a few things, the whole thing should take less than half an hour, so Trixie’s happy to let Katya indulge herself for a little while afterwards. She looks cute with the crinkles around her eyes as she smiles.

They move to the register to understand how the whole “making a list” works and true to Trixie’s expectation it takes them twenty minutes once she gives the woman behind the register her list. Despite the old nature of the store they have a website and they setup sheaandsasha.goodoldstuff.com and promise the list will be available there by the end of the day.

Katya takes fifteen minutes to choose what she wants to buy - which ends up being lots, several small useless trinkets that Trixie rolls her eyes at but smiles regardless, and soon they’re heading to the second store which turns out to be a regular place with proper house and kitchenware even though the third place is also weird, but the rest of the day goes by smoothly, no more mentions of either of their families or negative pasts.

Trixie still allows them to include an extravagant weird item to the final gift list though, on the last store, and somehow both she and Katya manage to separately choose two stupid decoration masks - she picks up a jason one and Katya a phantom of the opera. She truly hopes someone buys them, and knowing their friends, they probably will.

*

“How many flavors are we in for?” Shea asks when the four of them enter the fancy dessert store which Trixie has assured them is not as expensive as it looks.

“As many as you’d like and can handle. Their menu has around a hundred.”

“A hundred it is,” Katya declares moving forward, passing all of them at the door.

“You don’t even care for cake,” Sasha chimes in and Trixie quickly turns her head at that.

“You don’t like cake?” she inquires shocked.

Katya shrugs. “I don’t really care for sweets.”

“What?” How does Trixie not know that yet?

“Just not really my thing. I’m excited for the cake though, it’s their wedding cake and I’m gonna have a piece at the reception and it’s gonna be great.”

“How can you not like sweets?” Trixie asks still in shock as they all sit down, Katya by her side at the square table.

“Most importantly why did you come to the cake tasting?” Shea asks with a playful glint in her eyes.

“Because it’s a wedding thing, I’m the planner. I had to come.”

“False,” Sasha clarifies looking at the extensive menu.

“Sort of true actually, Trannika asked me to make sure Shea wouldn’t buy a weird flavor.”

“That was one time!”

“You bought her a coconut cake for her birthday. She’s allergic!”

Shea rolls her eyes and grabs the menu. “Fine. But there’ll be-”

“No raisins!” Trixie and Sasha say together and then they all dissolve into laughter.

“I like raisins,” Katya ends up confessing.

Trixie just groans as Shea high fives her.

They go through the menu until they’re happy with asking samples for about fifteen flavors which Trixie already thinks it’s too much but will try them nonetheless.

“So, how are things going?” Sasha asks both of them when they’re settled and waiting for the cakes.

“Good! We did the gift listing already and I started on the decorations and we’re-”

Sasha interrupts her quickly. “I meant with your lives, the wedding is not the most important thing.”

Trixie blinks then, surprised. The wedding sort of is her primary thing at the moment. And it’s not even hers.

“I am making myself a wonderful skirt with a shiny black fabric embedded with small red demonic eyes, it’ll be amazing,” Katya replies easily through Trixie’s haze, seems delighted at the horrible piece of clothing she’ll gift herself.

“It’ll be hideous, you mean,” Trixie offers. She looks to the other side of the table and fake-whispers as if it’s a secret. “I was with her when she bought the fabric, it’s truly horrendous.”

Shea raises her eyebrow and Trixie hopes for her to just not. Shea really ought to quit.

“Where did you guys buy it?”

Oh no.

“This fabric store really, really far away that Trixie took me to kill me before she changed her mind.”

She rolls her eyes and hopes Shea will let it go. “I was not gonna kill you, it’s just my favorite store and it happens to be out of town.”

Shea does not let it go. “You took her to Javi’s?” Her tone is extremely surprised.

“I did.”

“Why the surprise?” Katya asks confused.

“Because apparently it’s her favorite store and she never takes anyone there.” Shea answers somewhat smugly and Trixie would really love for her to shut up.

Katya looks at her, then, questioning but smiling, and she’s about to try to reply when thankfully about three waiters appear with several samples of cakes and glasses of water on several different plates.

They take their time explaining the flavors and then they’re supposed to try all of them getting sips of water - carbonated, which Trixie hates - in between to clean their palate and it pretty much kills any conversation they might try to have while there.

When they’re finished and Shea and Sasha agree on a cake - which Trixie and Katya are happy to sign off on as something their guests won’t want to kill them over - the sun is setting and they are fuller than they expected to be.

“Do you guys wanna come over and have some wine to try to push the cake down?” Katya offers as they walk to her car parked a couple of blocks away.

“Yes!” Trixie agrees immediately, as she had never been to Katya’s place and was really curious about it, but as she speaks she can also hear the other’s voices.

“That’s not how your stomach works,” Sasha says.

“We can’t,” Shea refuses.

“That’s fine. You coming, Trix? Or reschedule?”

Shea gives her a look and she considers how much she wants to see Katya’s apartment versus how much bullshit she’s willing to take from Shea.

“Reschedule? I probably shouldn’t be getting drunk today anyway, I’ve got an early appointment tomorrow.”

“That’s smart and responsible, how are we friends?”

They all laugh and gather inside Katya’s car and one by one she drops each at their place - Sasha, Shea and Trixie, as apparently Trixie lives the closest to her. It’s only when Trixie’s inside her apartment that she sees the text that Shea sent her, which considering the time she did as soon as she herself got home.

Shea: you know i’ll stop teasing if it’ll get you to do something, right?

She sighs and locks her phone again. The last thing she wants is advice from Shea.

*

If there’s one thing Trixie’s come to not expect, is to see Willam actually in the store, working, but that’s what greets her when she goes to work one morning a week or so later.

“Willam?” She’s partially sure her brain is making Willam up but to be honest why would her brain even bother?

“Hey,” Willam greets dismissively from where she’s sat, flipping nonchalantly through an old decor magazine.

“What are you doing here?”

“I work here,” she replies as if it’s obvious, doesn’t look at Trixie once.

Technically yes, she does work there. But that’s more of an honorary title than a proper job - Willam got herself a gigantic insurance check a few years ago after a car accident that left her completely unscathered except for a chip on one of her Louboutins and she hasn’t really worked since. She hangs out with Trixie at weddings a lot and pretends to help about as much as she actually does but mostly she goes for the free booze. Trixie doesn’t mind, usually, Willam is a fun person to have around and at the very least it grants her some company or someone to carry stuff around. Plus Trixie doesn’t have to pay her so that’s great.

“Right. I’m afraid I don’t have any tasks for you to do today, though.”

Willam gets bored, from time to time, and hunts down things to pass her time. Trixie usually asks her to do something very boring that she keeps putting off but she’s been so busy lately she can’t even think about anything to ask.

“Don’t you have to go anywhere? I can drive. I love driving.”

Willam hates driving and that’s a testament to how bored she is at the moment.

“Not really. I do have some phone calls to make, though? There’s that office party tomorrow and I need to make sure the flowers and other things I have arranged are okay.”

“Yeah, alright. Ain’t got nothing better to do anyway.”

Willam settles down with Trixie’s work phone and her little planner where the numbers and the arrangements are written and Trixie shuts her brain off to finish some manual decorations she’d stupidly decided to do.

She only comes out of the stupor when she clearly hears Willam’s voice say, “Hi Katya, this is Willam, Trixie’s assistant - sometimes out, sometimes in the bedroom. Who would you be?”

“Willam!” She’s out of her chair in a second, bumps her hip on the counter Willam is perched on and hisses for one second before grabbing the phone. “Are you insane?” She puts the phone to her ear to apologize to Katya but it’s silent.

“I didn’t call her, you idiot. I did see her name on your planner a lot though. Who is she? Are you finally getting some?”

“No,” she denies firmly, grabs her plannerfrom Willam’s hands. “Why are you snooping around? All you needed was on one page.”

“I finished and I was bored. Gossip with me, please, I need entertainment.”

Trixie sighs heavily. Why is it that everyone just assumes she’s banging Katya? Willam hasn’t even seen her. What the fuck.

“There’s no gossip or entertainment. She’s Sasha’s best friend, the one I’m planning their wedding with.”

“And you wanna bang her,” Willam concludes.

“No! Will you- why does everyone keep saying that? We’re friends.”

Willam shrugs. “You can fuck your friends, I do it all the time.”

“Well good for you but I don’t want to fuck her, so.”

“Then why does everybody say you do?”

Trixie would love to know that herself. “Beats me.”

“Do you guys talk a lot?”

Trixie doesn’t want to entertain Willam’s theories but she also thinks that maybe explaining this once and for all and making someone believe it would help her general situation, so she keeps talking.

“I mean, yeah. There’s lots of wedding stuff to take care of.”

Willam doesn’t buy it. “Do you only talk about the wedding?”

Trixie can feel her cheeks reddening. “Not exactly. We have things in common, she’s fun. We’re friends.”

She thinks back to how Katya’s quickly become one of her best friends but she bites that back. She’s probably already said too much for Willam’s inventive mind and may have dug herself into a hole.

“And do you hang out a lot?”

“Again-”

“Non-wedding related?”

They don’t really hang out unless their plan is to work on the wedding but they do get distracted from that often. Having lunch here and there means nothing, right?

She shrugs. “I mean, not much.”

Willam just nods and stays silent and Trixie thinks that’ll be the end of it. She’s wrong.

“How terrible would it be, though? If you guys hooked up?”

“Willam!”

“It’s a serious question. You’ve been single for a while, you clearly like her. Is she hot?”

“She’s- I don’t like her!”

Willam rolls her eyes. “As a friend or whatever,” she says as she makes quotations marks with her hands. “Really, Trixie, it’s fine if you’re attracted to your friends.”

“I’m not attracted to her and you know I’m not a huge fan of the whole sex without feelings thing. And why are we discussing this? I don’t want to sleep with her. You don’t even know her!”

Willam stares at her for a while and smirks. “This,” and she points at Trixie’s figure, “is why we’re talking about this. You are way too bothered by my questions. Why are you so stressed if you don’t like her?”

That renders her speechless.

“I’m- I’m just tired of people insinuating this, ok?”

“Who’s insinuating this?”

“Everyone! Shea, Pearl, Kim-”

“So literally the people that know you better than everyone else?”

Speechless again. Goddammit, Willam.

“That’s not- you’re twisting things!”

“Or maybe you like her and are in deep, deep denial? I’m just saying this because between meeting and going on a first date with your last girlfriend there was a five month gap. I know, Trixie, I was there.”

She was. And she pushed Trixie day after day to ask her out or make any sort of move. Insisted that she had a crush and had to act on it. And it annoyed Trixie to no end.

And she was right back then.

But she isn’t now - she can’t be. Trixie doesn’t like Katya and as wonderful as Katya is she doesn’t want to like Katya. Liking friends is never good. It only ends in disappointment, one way or the other.

Trixie knows that better than anyone.

“But you are wrong now, okay? I don’t like her and I don’t want to sleep with her and I just want to be her friend. Okay?”

Willam shakes her head so lightly that Trixie could have imagined, but she ends up agreeing. “Okay.”

“Can we drop this now? I have work to do.”

“Sure. I’ll leave you to it. You look like you’ve got some steam to let out and I don’t want to be in punching range.”

Trixie doesn’t reply, merely nods as Willam gets her purse and moves to the door. Once the little bell indicates that it’s open, Willam’s voice reaches her again.

“You know I mean well, right?”

Trixie takes two deep breaths before she turns around to reply, but Willam is gone by then.

She knows it. She knows they all mean well. They’re all just wrong. She doesn’t like Katya.

She doesn’t.

*

The week following Willam’s impromptu boredom-induced-work day goes by much as the one before, she has lots of her usual gigs to tend to and so does Katya so they limit their shared plans to a minimum, although they do see each other still, including one day where they plus Shea and Sasha visit a few caterers and decide on the best possible menu - the advantages of having two people who’ll eat anything plus two vegetarians, one of which is less than healthy -, and one day where Trixie takes Katya to a fancy music school so she can ask an old friend who owes her one to play the violin at the wedding - Why do you always take me to weird places? Katya had asked. Because you’re weird, Trixie had answered. Katya thought that was fair.

Now they’ve done everything they had planned to do before Katya’s trip where she’ll be away for little bit over a week and Trixie tries not to worry because all of their plans seem to be on track. Katya insists that on her last free day before flying to Boston they have lunch together - no agenda, just fun, you need to relax - and how can Trixie deny any of that, really?

What she doesn’t expect is that Katya means lunch at her house with her cooking.

“You can cook?” She asks when Katya calls to confirm and give Trixie her address.

“I can read and follow direct recipe instructions, yes.”

“Am I in for food poisoning?”

“You’re in for a delicious meal with great company and mediocre wine. Or mediocre company and great wine, I don’t know your wine knowledge or your tolerance levels towards me.”

Trixie laughs and feels her stomach twisting a bit. She’s overthinking every word she says to Katya since Willam had run her mouth and planted things in Trixie’s mind. She’s now paranoid that she’s acting like she likes Katya, that maybe she’s giving that vibe, and she doesn’t want Katya to get the wrong idea. She’s no idea what she would say if Katya went for it. Katya won’t, obviously, Trixie’s grounded by the knowledge that Katya is way out of her league anyway and that makes it easier. But she doesn’t want to give that impression. Because it’s untrue.

Katya’s company is one of the best Trixie can think of, but she can’t say it now, not when her head is going over and over the possibilities and how that might read and Willam’s voice is on repeat in her subconscious, tempting her, making her second guess herself.

“My wine knowledge allows me to make any company tolerable.”

That seems like a safe line and sure enough it makes Katya laugh. It warms Trixie’s heart because she loves making Katya laugh - correction, she loves making her friends laugh. All of them. Even if strictly scientifically speaking Katya’s laugh is the cutest one.

Trixie sighs as her thoughts diverge again. She knows herself better than Willam or anyone else knows her. And she doesn’t like Katya. She can’t like Katya. Katya is wonderful and would most certainly be a wonderful girlfriend, but to someone other than Trixie. Because Trixie doesn’t like Katya.

“Anyway, food should be ready by one, ok?” Katya is completely unaware of the stupid thoughts going on Trixie’s mind and she’s glad for it. She confirms and they end the call and Trixie’s left wondering how she got there, overthinking, worrying so much.

Now it’s all about Katya and Willam’s fucking words that make more sense than Trixie wants to admit - why does it bother her so much? She may lie to Willam but the answer to herself is that she doesn’t know. But the issue is a lot deeper and she knows it. When was the last time Trixie wasn’t worrying. Before the Katya… situation, there was always something. Her last girlfriend, her family. Shea.

She used to be so carefree. Is this what growing up feels like?

She occupies herself for the rest of the morning, tries to get rid of those thoughts and anxieties. She wants to have a fun, relaxing lunch with her friend and she doesn’t need to be distracted by thoughts. She doesn’t need to overanalyse everything - what if Katya’s wearing something pretty? Does she say anything? Would that insinuate something? Or would not saying something do so instead? These are things Trixie hasn’t had to worry about since she was probably a teenager and she loathes her friends a bit for implanting those thoughts in her head again.

When it’s time for lunch she does the only thing she can think of: she brings another bottle of wine just in case. They say that alcohol brings out only what you really feel, right? That’s exactly what she needs. To reassure herself she doesn’t feel what everyone says she does. Her and her true feelings only.

“I brought more wine!” she announces as soon as Katya opens the door.

“You think I’m serving you cheap wine, don’t you?”

“Well, I don’t know, my wine is definitely cheap.”

Katya grins. “It’s a match, then!”

Katya hugs her as she crosses the door and Trixie’s reminded of how good at hugging Katya is. She never halfasses a hug, none of the one-arm thing almost everyone does. It’s comforting and Trixie likes it. And she won’t let herself overthink it.

Katya’s place is exactly as Trixie thought it would be, there’s useless stuff all around but it’s somehow super organized and it’s small but welcoming and the decoration should terrify Trixie’s eyes but it somehow works, much like Katya’s fashion style.

They sit on opposite sides of her very small table and Katya’s made a vegetarian version of a shepherd’s pie which actually tastes amazing. Their knees brush from time to time and Trixie gulps more and more wine each time it happens. She’s feeling a little buzzed already and they keep drinking as they keep talking even as the food is long gone. Trixie was right, the alcohol is helping. She’s just enjoying the company.

They move to the couch when the chairs become a bit uncomfortable, but Trixie’s wine bottle accompanies them since Katya’s is empty.

“You okay, Trix?”

“Hm?” she asks around her glass, all too aware that they’re both in a mild drunken state already.

“You look a little spacey, I don’t know.”

Trixie shrugs, but her mouth runs off a bit with the help of the alcohol. “Did you know you’re the only person who calls me Trix?”

Katya’s eyes actually bulge a bit. “Really? Should I stop?”

“No, no,” she denies it faster than she can think about it. “I like it.” She does and it’s weird because no one calls her that specifically because she used to hate it. Thankfully, she doesn’t voice that last part.

Katya smiles lazily from where her head is perched on the back of the couch and it’s nice and calming. Maybe this truly is the relaxing afternoon Trixie thought she’d have.

“Can I ask you something?” Katya breaks the silence and something in her tone puts Trixie on edge.

“Sure.”

“Have you really never taken anyone to that fabric store?”

“Uh. No.”

“Why? And why me?”

Trixie herself doesn’t know the answer. “Never seemed appropriate. Now it did.”

“Hm.” She seems to consider a for a while, focuses on the lightbulb over their heads. “Can I ask something else?”

“You can ask things without asking if you can ask them, Katya.”

Katya laughs but readjusts herself so she’s almost entirely looking at Trixie and she feels compelled to turn in her direction as well, sips again at her wine for something to do.

“When I went to your apartment last time it looked like you wanted to kill Pearl. I thought you guys were good friends?”

“We are,” she defends herself immediately. “And it wasn’t that bad, she was just getting on my nerves that day.”

“She was so nice, though.”

“Yeah, she just-” Trixie stops and finishes her glass before pouring herself more wine. Maybe she’s regretting her alcohol idea now, but it’s too late to back down. “I had this plan with you and she appeared out of nowhere. I just don’t like impromptu things.”

“Right,” Katya says and also finishes her glass. Trixie might be wrong but it looks like she’s smirking a bit. Trixie won’t press it.

“My turn to ask you something.”

“Shoot.”

“Remember when we first met? You said that you mostly photographed weddings because they pay much more.”

Katya nods. “I did.”

“I may be wrong but you looked so sad when you said it.”

Katya just blinks.

“Well?” Trixie prompts.

“I don’t know what you’re asking.”

She does and Trixie can see it, it’s like she doesn’t want to talk about it, but she’s drunk almost an entire bottle of wine by then and just as she hoped her filters are wearing off. “Why do you not like doing weddings?”

Katya sighs, seems more displeased with the topic, but Trixie is even more stubborn when drunk so she won’t back down.

“I don’t dislike them. I’m just not a fan.”

“Why?” Trixie needs to know why Katya doesn’t like weddings. She doesn’t know why, but she does.

“I’m just, I don’t know, call it skeptical. Being with the same person forever? Seems like a lot, doesn’t it?”

“You don’t believe in being with one person forever?” Trixie’s heart is thundering for some reason.

Katya opens her mouth but closes it soon after. Whatever she was going to say, she clearly won’t anymore. She’s not meeting Trixie’s eyes.

“I just think it’s unrealistic. Don’t you?”

“Not if you find the right person, I don’t.”

“I think- I think I’m too old to believe in all that now.”

“We’re the same age, Katya.” She’s more and more defensive at each sentence said but she can’t stop.

“I just think that there was a time I believed in it. And that time’s gone by.”

Trixie wants to ask why, wants to press it and figure out why Katya doesn’t believe in forever or for the foreseeable future even. But she doesn’t, because her heart is beating fast and her blood is buzzing in her veins and she’s feeling something which she can’t place, but it keeps her mouth shut.

They’re silent for a long while after that, Trixie’s trying to put her thoughts in order. Her brain is not fully operating and contrary to what she thought would happen she wishes she was sober. She doesn’t know why Katya’s words sting so much - she doesn’t care, she shouldn’t care, it has nothing to do with her whether or not Katya believes in marriage or forever or whatever it is. Because she doesn’t like Katya.

Right?

“I wanna get married someday,” she whispers at some point, probably by the time they should already be trying to talk about something else.

Katya gives her the most intense look ever, her deep green eyes clouded by so much that Trixie couldn’t possibly try to understand, much less in her state.

Katya just raises her glass then, doesn’t break eye contact or change her expression. “Cheers to that.”

Trixie isn’t sure what any of this means, what their talk even was. She just clinks her glass against Katya’s.

“Cheers.”