#@ doc anon — sorry i didn’t get back to you sooner

[louislyrics]

x

[transpersian]

Addendum.

Follow-up to my original post about leaving the conflict. From my Twitter thread last week (2/22).

Sorry I didn't post it sooner; I literally just got out of six days in the hospital.

A particularly kind anon sent me an ask that clarified a few things for me, so I’d like to write an update to my explanation for withdrawing.

Last month, I had one of the worst mental collapses I’ve ever had, and that’s saying something.

I don’t want to get into the details because those are private. Suffice it to say that when I said my emotional needs finally exceeded the capacity of my support network, I mean that I spiraled into a place that I haven’t been in since June, with a few days of July to cap it off.

If you read my doc, you may remember that that was the worst of it. Endless BPD spiraling, all coping mechanisms failing one by one until freefall. I call this place “the pit.”

Friends gently coax me to not stay too long and I wryly joke back, “Buddy, I’ve got a vacation home down here.”

One highly unlikely happenstance after another throughout this has me finally returning to work after essentially eight months, if you count June (since I was unable to do anything despite being on the clock).

I have a good job that I’ve kicked ass at since September 2019. I had four YEARS of momentum built up into an ambitious project that was going to kick my career into its next phase.

That’s gone now.

I need to rebuild my career momentum practically from scratch now, and this mental collapse hit a couple of weeks into finally getting back to work.

Only this time, I didn’t even have the few supports that I did back in June.

I also have a lot of personal things to tend to aside from my own health. A family wedding and all of the drama that entails. Totaling my car in December. Parents divorcing. Loved ones who are entering new phases of mental and physical decay, and adapting to these heavy new paradigms.

I wasn’t exaggerating when I said that all of my friends who’ve been watching me go through this all this time have been trying to push me to find a way to get out.

“What does the end of this look like?” “We’re worried about you.” “I want my friend back.”

I never thought I’d have an out. I thought that no matter what I did, they’d blame me for all of it because it started with my thread. I thought I’d be looking over my shoulder for them and their fans for the rest of my life.

Initially, some people didn't realize that I was ready to go that far, and when some of my friends figured it out, it scared them (and rightfully so). We'd accepted my obsession as collateral damage that we'd figure out later, but it was still worrying.

I didn’t enter that conversation expecting anything, so when it went the way that it did, I have to admit that I was somewhat relieved. The fight is out of my hands now anyway and this is what everyone has been telling me I need to do.

So I did it.

I hope you can understand what I mean when I say that, in that moment, thinking about the fight and the cost, how rightfully worried my friends were about me, how long I’d been in it, and how much I was currently doing… the choice was clear.

Even my own side wanted me out.

I’m the DMZ now, and while nobody “owes” me their trust, anon was right: it would be helpful if people knew that this has been taking a major toll on me and my life. Most people directly involved are glad I’m out (even if they’re not necessarily happy with how it happened).

Has this affected my relationship dynamics with them? Absolutely. Some will flat-out never trust me again and I don’t blame them.

But I'm not okay.

I can't keep doing this anymore.

This is for the best and it was the right time for me to bow out. This is just… how it happened. Freak timing and happenstance. A perfect storm.

At the very least, try to imagine a scenario where I'm not betraying anyone beyond bowing out.

Because if I have another breakdown like last month, my income is just the first thing I'll be losing.

So...

I don’t know how much all of that matters to anyone, but I thought I’d put it out there. I’d love to be unblocked by some people, but it is what it is.

Don’t really know how to end this one. Hope it at least helped some people hate me less.

[crinkle-eyed-boo]

Hiiii I’m excited for Arise Fair Sun when ever you’re ready to share it :)

Any chance of a snippet?

Have a good day

Hiiiii Anon!

Sorry it's taken me so long to answer this! It was my first week back at work after my month long summer sabbatical and it..was a time.

I'm going to be a LITTLE protective of what I am CURRENTLY writing in Arise, just because I am getting to the good stuff and SPOILERS! But, I had chapter four open in my docs for reasons, so here's a little scene from that and it informs the scene I am currently writing.

“What are you talking about?” Harry asks, his mind reeling at Jade’s betrayal. “I’ve liked Louis this entire time? Don’t be absurd.” 

“Oh, Harry, I thought you knew,” Jade giggles, patting his knee sympathetically. “I thought it was just an unspoken agreement that we didn’t talk about your big ole crush on Louis Tomlinson, but come on now, you can’t tell me this is brand new information.”

“I don’t like him,” Harry insists. “That’s ridiculous. We’re always at each other’s throats. All we do is fight! All we’ve ever done is fight.” 

“Foreplay,” Niall chuckles. “Haven’t you seen The Cutting Edge?” 

“Look, I know Louis was a pain in the ass when we were kids, but I haven’t heard a bad word against him since he’s come back,” Jade says. “And you know I love you, Harry, but quite frankly, you were no picnic back then either.” 

Harry squawks in offense. 

“Don’t act so shocked,” Jade admonishes. “You know you’re no wilting flower. You’re capable of giving just as good as you can get. And you always did when it came to Louis.”

“This is fascinating,” Niall comments, popping some M&Ms in his mouth. 

“You two were always so obsessed with each other,” Jade continues, the words pouring out of her as if a dam has finally broken. “Always trying to one-up each other, always fighting for the other’s attention. And now that he’s back, it’s like you’ve picked up exactly where you left off.”

“Like no time has passed at all,” Niall interjects with a dreamy sigh. “Oh my God, I can’t believe I didn’t figure this out sooner.” 

“I am not obsessed with Louis!” Harry protests. “I’ve barely given him a second thought since he fucked off to San Francisco.” 

“Harry, you made me go see Turning Pointe with you on opening night even though we had been in tech rehearsal for ten hours,” Jade says witheringly. “Give me a break.” 

“Just so we could see how bad it was,” Harry says, the words lame even to his own ears. “And it was. Bad.”

“But you own it on DVD!” Niall interjects gleefully. 

“It was in the dollar bin at Duane Reade,” Harry argues, crossing his arms over his chest. “It looked a little sad.” 

“You made me watch it with you, just so you could bitch about everything it got wrong,” Niall continues, wagging his finger at him, “but then you cried at the end when Anya was invited to join the company after everything she’d been through!”

“Well, she worked very hard and she deserved it.”

Imma turn this into a tag game and tag @disgruntledkittenface @lovingstheantidote @kingsofeverything @indiaalphawhiskey @myfineline @alwaysxlarrie @infinitelymint @greenfeelings @jacaranda-bloom @littleroverlouis and @uhoh-but-yeah-alright to share something from what they are currently working on!

[gojology]

The Start of Winter Break. (18+)

𝑨𝒖𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒓'𝒔 𝑵𝒐𝒕𝒆 | I FEEL RLLY SAD CUZ I WANTED TO DO THE SUKUNA BUT I DONT KNOW THE STORY ON ALADDIN SO I OPTED FOR 2 INSTEAD IM SORRY ANON. anyways i wanted to feed u guys rlly well and actually took the time to write and edit. I’M REFORMED also writing on google docs is so hard?? (reposting cuz i think im shadowbanned)

𝑷𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 | Gojo Satoru x Female Reader

𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑪𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕 | 3798

𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 | Food Play, Nipple Play, Oral (Fem Receiving), Degrading Nicknames (I didn’t really proof read that hard but I know there’s like, a mention of one nickname along the lines of that.)

𝑺𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚 | It’s the first day of Winter Break, and you want to surprise Gojo with a cup of hot cocoa, instead, Gojo surprises you.       Blinking your eyes furiously, you adjusted to the dark room. Immediately, you breathe a sigh of relief. You didn’t have to wake up at such an early hour, and for once you woke up refreshed. It was finally the first day of Winter Break, you had overworked yourself, making sure that you were to spend the end of the year work-free and available for as many Christmas parties you wanted to attend.        Yawning, stretching as you did so, you look over your shoulder. There’s a slight smile dawning on Gojo’s lips.  His long eyelashes fluttered when he slept. He slightly snored, grabbing at where you once slept in his arms.   The room was unusually cold. You had always awoke to sunlight streaming from the window, realizing that could only mean that another day of work was ahead of you. But now, the room was dim, and freezing might you add. You couldn’t wait to snuggle with Gojo, this was perfect cuddle weather.   Tearing your eyes away from Gojo’s pretty face, you instead looked at the door. Years of photos with Gojo absolutely slathered the poor thing, past memories all flickering before your eyes. Pictures in Disneyland, bright colors in contrast with the rather dark clothes he always seemed to wear.   Once in a while, you would see pictures of Yuuji, Shoko, Megumi, Nobara, just about every Tokyo Jujutsu Tech School member there was, and even Utahime, celebrating good times with Gojo.      You didn’t find yourself in many of the pictures, but the ones you did find yourself happened to be some of your fondest memories.   Far more common were pictures of you, with ridiculous, shit, you’d even go as far as to say downright ugly faces while he told you a stupid joke were also taped sloppily, some photos were even slanted.    Gojo had made it a firm promise to take pictures of you when you least expected it, because that’s when he always found you the cutest.   You peek at Gojo’s sleeping face once more, a slight giggle rising from your throat that you struggled to silence. His mouth, slightly agape, was now drooling onto the pillow he oh so gracefully rested on.     Jerking your head up and snapping out of your Gojo daze, you realized that you were supposed to make your daily morning coffee for you and him today. You had chewed him out multiple times, telling him that the way he made coffee was nauseating. Usually, Gojo would always accompany the bitter drink with 8 sugarcubes, which was not your thing.   He always seemed to forget, honestly you couldn’t really tell with him, giving you a mug of absurdly sweetened coffee every morning. You always foolishly assumed that he had listened to you from the last scolding, so you would always sip it, letting the coffee coat your pallet, but promptly spit it out as soon as you realized how sickly sweet it was.     “Satoru! This is too sweet!”   “Honeybun, you’re the sweetest thing in this room, what do you mean the coffee could be too sweet? Not possible.” he would inquire innocently, tilting his head to the side.   You’d frown, shaking your head and muttering about the acts of distaste you’d do to him before Gojo bursts into a fit of laughter, pointing at you and watching you unenthusiastically look back. Most likely fuming silently, but you didn’t want to tell him that.   “You’re so fucking cute when you’re angry, (Y/N).”     “Satoru, I can literally not survive the day without coffee. Whatever you’re serving me is definitely not the coffee I want, and sooner or later I’ll be dropping dead.”     He would shrug playfully, as if he didn’t even understand the core concepts of what you were trying to tell him. But you knew he did, he just didn’t want to do it.    You would clench your fists, trying to look threatening. Your back straightening, and on your tippy toes even though you knew you could never be as tall as him. It never ever worked though, he would just continue to laugh harder, but that was just the routine.    “Then do it yourself, sweetie. I wake up at the asscrack of dawn just to make you a cup of coffee. I don’t know about you, but that’s the best show of love.”      “Oh I will. I’ll do it well.”      And so, you weren’t lying. The two of you began to take turns. You woke up even earlier than you did for work, and made him his coffee (with extra sugar, just as he likes it) while also making yours, making sure to relish the bitter and frankly delicious black drink, void of any sweetening. The next day, he would as well. He never listened to your sugar lectures though, making sure to add 3-4 cubes just to make you angry.    You had pretty much given up on all hope of ever getting your ideal coffee from Satoru, it was beyond him to even listen. Besides, you had grown to like the sweetness.   Speaking of brown sweet liquids, it was a perfect hot cocoa morning. The snow was beginning to pile up outside, pure white blanketing just about everything. You hastily threw on an oversized sweater Gojo owned, which you had found strewn on the ground.   You rolled your eyes, that guy was a mess. What would he do without you?   Trudging and stumbling your way into the kitchen like a newborn fawn, you flicked on the lights. As soon as the lights came on, you shielded your eyes from the brightness. Cursing as you pulled out a chair, your eyes slowly adjusting, pulling the chair over to the shelves and cabinets out of reach.   Now standing on the wooden chair, you grumbled. So much for being a good girlfriend, your legs ached for some reason, so every time you stood on your tippy toes, you winced.   Knocking down a bottle of vegetable oil into the sink, you were startled by such an incredibly loud noise. Your eyes widen and your legs tangle as you scramble, almost falling backwards. Grabbing onto the cabinet’s ledge, you breathed a sigh of relief as the chair stabilized.    This was a blessing in disguise, as the chocolate syrup came into view.   A feeling of triumph flooding you, you happily hummed gently pulling it out. Setting it down on the counter, you got down, moving the chair over to the right.   Standing back onto the chair, you placed a finger on your lips, slightly rubbing them. Your memory wasn’t doing you very well, forgetting where all the extra add-ons for baked goods were.   Your tongue stuck out to the side, swinging a random cabinet’s doors wide open. You had guessed correctly, sprinkles of various vivid colors stood idly, eye-catching colors on full display. A fine coat of dust had settled on the caps.   You coughed into your arm, now rummaging through the many sprinkles that Gojo would insist on buying because, “they were too cute to pass up.”      Sometimes, you swore the guy was a middle-aged Pinterest mom.   Yanking out a half opened bag of Jumbo Marshmallows, you did a small victory dance. Normally, Gojo would inhale the darned things, but he was asleep, and very soundly at that. Finally able to have your first taste of marshmallows in a while, you popped a couple in your mouth, practically melting.   So sweet.   Strolling over to the fridge while popping more marshmallows in your mouth, you lazily threw the bag onto the counter. Swinging the fridge door wide open, you shivered at the cold air, hauling a jug of milk out.   As usual, it was half full. Gojo would insist on eating all his cookies with milk, and if he didn’t have milk with his cookies, he would not eat them, stating that it was against his beliefs to even begin to stare at a cookie without a cold glass of milk at the side.   He was probably a 9 year old trapped in a 28 year olds body.   Humming a short tune, you poured the milk into a mug that Gojo had bought for you as a souvenir on a business trip. Painted onto it was a beautiful scene. Flourishing, vibrant flowers only half-heartedly concealing an undisturbed pond, deers frolicking around it. The mug was your favorite cup, and even Gojo, who most likely had the memory span of a goldfish when it came to unnecessary facts such as this one, knew it.   You flipped the chocolate syrup bottle upside down, smacking the top. Making a note to yourself to buy chocolate syrup the next time you went out. Strong arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you in closer.   “Boo.”   Startled, you twirled around, expecting a rather friendly home invader, or something along the lines of that. Instead, you were greeted with Gojo Satoru’s face. Satoru’s eyebrow twitches, looking at you with an amused expression.   “Scared? We’re on the same boat.” he snickered, “woke up to some loud ass bang.” Gojo sleepy whispered into your ear, ruffling your hair with his large, calloused hands. His chin now resting on your right shoulder.     “I dropped the vegetable oil on accident.” You ignored the light, fluttering feeling when he touched you.     “Gosh, you’re a clumsy one aren’t you, sugar?”       Scoffing, you whip your head back to the hot chocolate. An unhealthy serving of chocolate syrup was splattered inside the mug, already blending with the milk.   “Don’t turn your back on me, pumpkin.” whining playfully, tugging at your left shoulder. There was something about such a playful, childish Gojo that you loved. You wished you got to see it more often.    You pretend to be annoyed, looking at him, now standing up without the support of your shoulder, in the eye now. A flicker of mischievousness over his face, he looks down at you.   “How thoughtful.” kissing your temple, he yawned. “Making hot chocolate for me? Oh hey- you even got the exact same amount of chocolate I like.”   “Satoru.” hands on your hips, you were bemused. How could one even like sugar this much?    “This is an ungodly amount of chocolate syrup, and can NOT be good for you.”   His warm gaze stared back, a slight curve to his lips now. You swear you could die a happy girl now, Gojo wasn’t sleepy very often, so when he was, you made sure to relish it. Usually, when you were lucky enough to be in the presence of a sleepy Gojo, he was always softer. Giving you small, coy smiles. Your retort didn’t even seem to register in his brain in the slightest.   “I want it, though.”   You sighed, facepalming.     “Ooooh, marshmallows!” suddenly bursting with energy he never exhibited before seeing the sugary treat, his long arm extended over to the bag, tugging at it to get it closer to him before finally shoving 3 or more into his mouth.   “Satoru!” you yank his hand back from the entrance of his mouth, able to save a few, albeit a bit ugly and smooshed, marshmallows.   “Wha?” he rubbed his eyes, chewing noisily on the marshmallows he was lucky enough to get into his mouth.   “Baby. We need those marshmallows, here, can you microwave a bowl of them? Save a few for later.”   He nodded obediently, tugging a bowl out of the “washed dishes” section of the sink. Wiping it down sloppily with a towel. He dug his hand into the marshmallow bag, throwing a few handfuls into the bowl before carefully placing the bowl into a microwave, sneaking a few more into his mouth before jabbing at a few buttons.    “There.” he gave you a crooked grin and a thumbs up, walking back over to you, placing warm fingers against your cheek, suddenly jumping back.   “Holy shit, babygirl, you’re cold.”   About to respond, you too realized how cold you were. Lightly shivering, your hands seemed to be blocks of ice.   “Babe, can you go get an extra sweater-”   Hands under your sweater (well, technically his) suddenly, his warm, big hands massaged your breasts. You yelped, the hot contact against your cold skin was electrifying. His thumbs, rubbing over your nipples lazily, sent even more shivers down your spine. Quietly moaning, you looked back at Gojo, who seemed to thoroughly savor every little sound you made.   “Like that, lil girl~?”   “S-Satoru! Not now… I’m making you s-something!”   “Hot cocoa doesn’t take a chef to make.” he placed kisses on your neck, lightly suckling on your bare skin.   “I-I know, but just… N-not now.” you stammered, he was now tweaking your nipples, gently pulling them. He didn’t seem to register the request though, but instead was drawing lazily  on your breast.   “That better, missy?” he questioned, watching you catch your breath and gulp. Resting his chin on your shoulder once more.   “Mmmmm.” you responded, thoroughly enjoying his warm touch. Closing your eyes, enjoying the mystifying feeling his hands always gave you.    Loudly, the microwave beeped. Suddenly jumping up from the loud occurrence, Gojo cursed under his breath and jogged over to the microwave, swinging the handle open.   “Great news, (Y/N). I didn’t burn the marshmallows!”   Grumbling under your breath, and wishing all hell to the microwave for disrupting such an intimate event, you nodded, giving him a few weak claps for his rather stupid achievement. Gesturing for him to bring the bowl over, you pulled out a spoon from the drawer beneath you.   As soon as Gojo placed the bowl on the counter, he zoomed back to where he had left off, grabbing one of your breasts and squeezing it. This time, he was massaging one of your shoulders.   Your breathing was heavier when he did this, Gojo noted, watching as you struggled to mix the chocolate syrup and milk together. He did this for a while, eyeing the cooling marshmallow.   He swiped up a dollop, wiping it down your neck. Letting out a gasp by the sudden warmth, you assumed it was Gojo’s mouth. To your surprise, it wasn’t.   He licked the cloud of fluff, before straight up placing his entire mouth on it, lightly sucking and licking your skin. Your panties were getting awfully wet.   “L-love, we n-need the fluff to a-add the finishing touch to t-the hot cocoa.” you would mutter, trying not to collapse from the pleasure.   “You getting wet?” now lightly nibbling on your skin, his hand left your breast, dunking his hand underneath the fabric of your panties. He sneered, realizing the puddle that had seeped itself into the material.   “Aw, you’re absolutely wet. Fuck am I saying?” he swirled his finger around your entrance, lightly dipping one of his fingers in before he took it out. Whimpering, your walls clenched around something that wasn’t there.   “Anyways, let's get back to the hot cocoa!” innocently licking his glistening finger, he looked at you.   ‘What? Y-you can’t do that to me-!”   “Isn’t that what you wanted?” he chirped back, smiling devilishly.   “That’s what I wanted before-”   “Hush up, slut.” he rubbed your head with one hand, the other, stroking your cheek.     You didn’t realize how hot you got when he called you a slut, whimpering, the hot cocoa long forgotten on the counter as you leaned into his chest.     “Aw, you’re so cute.” tugging on your cheeks softly, you look up at him, while he looked down. Even though you were his girlfriend, you didn’t really see his eyes often. They were a brilliant shade of aquamarine, flecks of a darker blue were also sprinkled amongst the sea of various shades of blue.   “You want something? You’re giving me those puppy eyes.” Still pulling at your cheeks, he stared down patiently, unable to hide the smile on his face.   “I hate when you tease me.” you blurt out, surprisingly coherent, even though Gojo was pinching your cheek. Another flicker of amusement on his face.   “That’s not how you ask for something you want.”   He stopped pinching your cheeks, now staring at you. You couldn’t quite tell what he was thinking about, his face was blank, eyes cloudy.   “Mmm, I’ll give you one last chance before you get punished. Now missy, what do you want?”   You tugged at the hem of his pants, still making eye contact.   “You can’t have that, sweetie.” he straightened you back up, so that you weren’t leaning on his chest any longer. “It’s way too early.”   “Then what was the point of teasing me?” you groaned, clasping your hands together and looking at him. “Please?” you were sure to have your eyelashes flutter.   He laughed, shaking his head. “Sorry, princess.”   You groaned, getting down onto the cold floor, getting onto your knees, looking at his pleasurably entertained face.   “...What about now?”    He chuckled, rubbing your head again. “No, baby. I’m just not in the mood, but I can make a recommendation that works with me. Although, you’re really cute when you’re on your knees for me.”   You nodded, nervously anticipating whatever he wanted to do.   You didn’t need to wait, though, he carried you over to the table, like a princess, unclothing you quickly. Throwing his sweater onto the floor once again, you felt your heart jump a little. A small pile of clothing consisting of the sweater, your panties, and a t-shirt was crumpled up on the floor.   He cupped your breasts, leaning over the table to look at them. His expression softened, placing delicate kisses on each breast, making you gasp a little.   “So cute.” whispering, rubbing your nipples once again.   Your hands found their home in Gojo’s hair, now clenching onto his snowy white locks. He grunted a little as you pushed his head further into your chest, effectively telling you to start suckling on the now slightly abused domes.    “Just a sec, (Y/N).” extending his impossibly long limbs to grab the marshmallow fluff bowl, his long fingers danced at the rim, then pulled it closer to his chest. Yanking the spoon out of the bowl, he spread the lukewarm fluff on your body, you weren’t expecting such warmth, and you let out a yelp, realizing what he was slathering onto you.   “Satoru! D-did you forget what I said e-earlier?”   “Nope, I just don’t care.” sadistically grinning, he ducked his head down, the space between your breasts and his face non existent. He had practically smooshed himself into your embrace, your arms around his head. He was good with his tongue, you had to admit, too good.   Goosebumps grew on your skin, no matter how many times you two fucked senseless, he still had such an effect on you. His tongue swirling around your nipple, fingers rubbing and teasing the other. You felt his hot breath against your skin, and you couldn’t help but think how good it felt.     Strands of hair tickled you as he began to noisily slurp, before coming back up again. Your breast was glistening with spit, few thin lines of marshmallow fluff left over. He licked them up, before scooping up a few dollops of marshmallow fluff onto you, looking hungrily at the attention-starved breast, before diving back down. Fingers now giving the spoiled nipple almost close to 0 action.     He licked the hard nipple a few more times before sucking onto it, as if he was a baby. I mean, he probably was. Afterall, he was a manchild. Regardless, you found yourself heavily breathing, hugging his head like it was the last thing you’d ever do. His teeth lightly nibbled, making you jump a little. Now biting onto it, you squealed.   He glanced up, before going back down, licking the sensitive bud. You felt a rush near your lower regions, a familiar warmth rushed to your cheeks.   “S-Satoru! I think I’m gonna-!”   You weren’t even going to finish the sentence, the white, hot liquid pooling out of you as soon as you uttered a few words. Gojo’s attention was now focused on you, before looking down.   “Woah, lil girl. That’s a large mess. I didn’t know your pussy needed any attention.” he directed his gaze towards your pussy, spreading the folds and softly examined it.   “How pretty.” he muttered, he flicked his thumb on your clit, making you moan loudly.   “FUCK!” you threw a hand over your mouth, he laughed, his breath tickling you.    “You’re really wet.”   Without any warning before hand, he dove in between your legs, beginning to noisily slurp at your folds, dipping his tongue into your entrance.   You began to practically scream louder, you were fuzzy, your body, your mind, everything. Unable to cover your moans, you began to grimace at the stares your neighbors would give you when you went out for the mail. Gojo would laugh, telling you that, “He was just trying to show the world you were his.” and not pay any mind, cursing him for being so skilled, you struggled to contain all the noises you were making.   You felt his tongue tease your entrance playfully, flicking your clit a few times for extra measure, you were now wildly thrashing, and you knew Gojo couldn’t wait to ridicule you over dinner.   About to straight up shove his head closer into you, his tongue finally stuck inside of you. Letting out a sigh of relief mixed with added pleasure, he skillfully lapped at your juices. Noisily slurping away at you, he glanced up.    You were trying to sit up, but were struggling as you did so. The waves of pleasure sent you crashing back down onto the table.   You felt him exhale through his nose, tickling you once again. He closed the little space between you and his face, as soon as he was in contact with your skin, you wrapped your legs around his back, trying to close the distance that wasn’t there.   Now, his tongue was reaching you in places you’d never think he would. Flush, hot skin was sweating against the table surface, but you paid no mind, promising yourself to wipe the top later. Hair strands practically glued to the sides of your head due to the sweat, you whined again, feeling yourself close to cumming.   You were about to speak again, warning Gojo, but you couldn’t. Before the words could even spill out of your mouth, you felt yourself burst.   Gojo, seemingly unaware, was still lapping at your walls. You looked at him, breathing heavily. His eyes widened, and you felt him stop licking for a while, before you saw him gulp and stand back up.   His eyes twinkled a little in the light, and you straightened, sitting on the table, your heart still beating rapidly.   “You never told me you were gonna cum.”   You turned your head to the side, about to retort, before you realized the empty bowl of marshmallow fluff.   “Satoru! I told you to not use it all!” (resposting because i think im shadowbanned, please interact if u saw this!)

[noforkingclue]

Can i request 13th doctor x reader where reader is not a companion but travel through time via vortex manipulator? reader rescue the doctor and the fam from space pirate n the doctor gets that look when she saw reader in pirate outfit pick up sword to defend her. Doctor secretly loves to see u again but getting all awkward since the last time they met, they kinda having argument. What about is up to u. Thanks in advance. Hope u have a nice day.

Thank you anon! Hope you enjoy the story!

Title: Saving You Again

Doctor Who tag list: @v4n1r, @queerconfusionthings,  @yourneighbourhoodclown, @love-of-fandoms, @emilythezeldafan, @fabulous-jj-style, @theseeker945, @pleadingeyes, @kjaneway1, @truthbehindthemysteries, @im-a-muggleborn, @startrekkingaroundasgard, @huntheimpossible, @geocookie21

Everything tag list: @greenrevolutionary

“If I had a pound for every time I had to save you…”

“Now really isn’t the time.”

“If not now when?”

“When we’re out of here and you can tell me that you’re right and I was wrong.”

“Nah, last time thathappened you left before I could speak to you.”

The Doctor winced at the harsh tone of your voice and rested her head against the bars of the prison that currently held herself, Graham, Ryan and Yaz. They hung back awkwardly as you sauntered towards them and raised an eyebrow. The sword you currently held dripped with blood and she grimaced when you wiped it one you trouser leg.

“Nice shirt,” she said, “Very… billowy.”

“Thank you,” you turned around, “I always wanted a shirt like this.”

“Same but none of my previous regenerations liked that style of suited it. Maybe my next one.”

“Whenever that may be.”

“Hopefully not for a while,” she said, “You know the problems with regenerating.”

“Oh yes,” you leant against the prison door, “I remember you yelling at me the first time I saw you. What was it you called me again? Unscrupulous wasn’t it?”

“You killed that person.”

“And if I hadn’t you would’ve seen your next body a lot sooner than you would’ve liked.”

An awkward silence settled over you and the Doctor gave you a pained look. She reached between the bars and you stepped out of the way slightly. The fingers just brushed your wrist and you sighed.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, “That I hurt your feelings.”

“You said you never wanted to see me again.”

“I was angry.”

“I saved your life.”

“At the expense of another.”

“Don’t act like you’ve never taken a life before.”

“I’ve change.”

“You don’t say.”

The awkwardness intensified and you could tell that her human companions wanted to be anywhere else but there. The Doctor’s eyes never left you as you walked away from the cell they were in and started inspecting the dead body.

“Going to leave us here?” asked the Doctor

“No.”

“Then what-“

You held up the keys and raised an eyebrow. You threw the keys at her and the Doctor caught them. She quickly opened the door and you leant against a beam and studied her as she walked towards you. Neither of you said anything and her companions stayed away as she approached you.

“I missed you.” She said at last

“Really?”

“I tried looking for you.”

“I know.”

“Did you miss me?”

Yes, you had, but you didn’t say that. Memories of what the Doctor had said still cut deep and you weren’t sure if you were ready to forgive her. The Doctor’s shoulders dropped slightly at your indifference and said,

“I understand if you’re still upset at me.”

“If I’m still upset at you?”

“That you’re still upset at me,” the Doctor corrected, “But I really have missed you.”

You managed to hold your blank expression for a little while longer before you let out a small smile. The Doctor looked hopeful at the crack in your barrier and held out a hand.

“Join us,” she said, “You can travel with us. You can be part of my fam!”

“Doctor,” you put your hands on her shoulders, “Please, never call me ‘part of your fam’. If you do that for me we might see each other again soon.”

The Doctor blushed at the contact and you couldn’t help but smile. If you were being completely honest with yourself you had missed her. Travelling in a TARDIS was a lot comfier than travelling via vortex manipulator. You took a couple of steps away and pulled up your sleeve. The Doctor grimaced when she saw the device.

“It’s not good for you.” She said

“Neither is hanging around you,” you replied teasingly, “But I’m still doing that. See you around Doc.”

You gave her a wink as you disappeared in a flash. The Doctor stared at where you had been with a soft expression. You final words gave her hope that one day you’d return to her and things could be how they were before. She missed seeing you in her TARDIS, wrapped up in her sheets and giving her your sleepy morning smile. She shook her head and turned around and saw the amused and slightly confused looks of her companions.

“So,” said Graham, “Who was that?”

“You looked close.” Said Ryan

“Very close.” Said Yaz

“Just a friend,” said the Doctor walking away quickly, “I’ll introduce you more formally later. Right now let’s get off this ship!”

You had certainly made an impression on her companions, judging by the looks they were giving each other. If only you had agreed to stay just a little longer, she was sure that you would’ve all gotten along. Oh well, the future lay ahead and from what you had said there was the possibility of reconciliation between the two of you. She just had to wait and see what it held.

[anxiousnerdwritings]

hiya! it's me, the one and only knull anon!! ik you arent currently accepting requests or asks, and that's fine, but I recently written something for LexLuthor and I though I should share. this ask is in no way telling you to start posting again, or anything of the sort. remeber, mental health is always the most important thing! but I was thinking of you today and I was hoping you were doing good. so hopefully this piece will help improve your mood. again, you dont have to awnser this at all rn, only when you feel better!

ps, this has been spell checked by google so that's why it uppercase lol

~~~~~~

"How long do I have to wear this dress?"

"As long as the gala goes on, ___"

"Just call it a fancy party, or a luxurious gathering since its you-"

"Oh, do not get smart with me, ____"

Pulling at the top of your dress, you tried to loosen up the tightness of the neck area. It felt like a noose to you. Fortunately, the fabric was soft, extremely luxurious, and it covered every part of your body, excluding your hands and head.

Lex, on the other hand, was in some kind of fancy suit, that looked more expensive than the carpet in his penthouse. And his carpet was more expensive then your phone bill. Well, when you had a phone.

You didn't remember when he had found you, but you remember before. At least, bits and pieces of it. A home in a suburban neighborhood, a mom and a dad, a normal looking life for a kid like you. However, after a few months ago, it was far from normal.

You were given the finest things people would want in life, in return for… hanging out with lex luthor. It sounded weird at first, but you soon realized it wasn't a joke.

You werent treated as a prostitute, and not as a lover either: you weren't even legal. If you had to guess the relationship between you and Lex, it would have to be a father and daughter kind of relationship. Which also could explain why he wanted you to call him dad.

Back to this "gala", Lex actually would ban you from going to any party at all and left you with guards at all parts of the penthouse you were stationed at, sometimes even leaving you with Mercy. 

You didn't really know why he was letting you go out to this gala, but you had a few ideas. For starters, this gala was not just for anyone, it was for extremely rich people who had nothing better to do then sit around in a room. Which also explained the reason why everything looked the price of a liver.

Another possible reason was that a close colleague of your "dad" had seen you walking around in the penthouse. You never saw who it was but Lex advised you to stay out of sight when people were visiting.

Fortunately he didn't get as mad as you expected him to which was a good thing to be honest. He wasn't the type to tell you, more just reprimand you in a voice that just spelt disappointment. 

Anyway. It wasn't good to think of when he was angry with you. Right now you had to focus on the people who were trying to figure out who you were. 

Sticking close to Lex was easy, since he was 6 feet tall. Easily. And the fact that people wouldn't approach you when you were next to him. Only the people who you actually recognized either from voice or appearance were brave enough to even look in your direction.

The night was almost over when a man approached the two of you. At this point your feet were getting sore and when you asked Mercy for the time, she responded that it was almost 12: lex would definitely send you to bed as soon as you got home again. 

However, the man who approached the two of you was familiar. It only took a few seconds of going through your memories and seeing Lexs face turn to slight annoyance to realize this was Bruce Wayne.

He walked up to the two of you and smiled down at you. 

"Well, I didnt know Lex had a child. What is your name?"

You were about to respond when Lex interrupted you. "Their name is ____. And unfortunately, we were just about to leave. I hope that whatever you were going to ask can wait until later?"

Wayne's smile faltered a little, before it turned neutral. "Unfortunately, no, but it is a quick question. And one that I need to speak with you in private?" He looked at you, before speaking again, "No harm meant."

You were about to respond again, when Lex motioned to Mercy. "Mercy, could you take ____ back to the limo? I will be just a moment- oh, and do not let her out of your sight."

Mercy nodded, and taking your hand, she led you back to the elevator where the entrance was. All while everyone was focused on the two of you.

Wayne was the first to speak. "Shes not yours, is she?"

"____ is my daughter, and I hope you would have the decency to not spew this to the media. You dont seem the type of man to feed the media with info, especially not of a, young girl."

Wayne looked offended, and didnt even try to hide it in his face. "No. If anything, I was wondering why you, of all people, would be taking care of a child."

Lex did not seem offended. "Oh, but you have so many children, I thought it was a necessity." Lex leaned in a little towards Wayne and whispered, "And to be quite honest with you, it is none of your concern."

Wayne simply glared at Luthor before Lex started moving away from Wayne. 

"Well, I'm sorry to say but I believe I've kept ____ waiting for long enough. I'm afraid I must go."

He didnt wait for Wayne to say anything he simply stormed off to the elevator and left.

Wayne did nothing but walk over to the windows, where he was able to get a clear view of Mercy holding your forearm and opening the limo door while a few more guards stood near you. Lex appeared soon after with his own guards and ushered you in the car. 

Lifting his hand towards his ear, he commed his own children.

Whispering, he said "All of you better be following that limo when I get down there."

He heard Dick chuckle. "Oh, dont worry Bruce. I think the 4 trackers on that thing will be enough."

Bruce didnt say anything as he watched the limo drive off into the distance. Figuring it was time to dip, he left his wine glass empty at a table and left the room, and trying to figure out who was the strange girl he had just met.

~~~~~~

oof so now as I paste this here from google docs I feel like an asshole by sending you this so I just want to remind you that you can awnser this whenever you want! I might send in some more in the future but I want you to prioritize mental health over tumblr! your health matter, both physically and mentally! and dont forget it! with lots of love,

- knull anon

Sorry I didn’t see this sooner! This is really good!💖💕 I love the idea of Lex Luther and Bruce Wayne beefing over poor Reader. Having two extremely rich, intelligent and determined people duke it out just appeals to me for some reason.

Don’t feel bad, thank you for sending this in while I was gone🥰💚. It was nice.

[mickeymouse-moshpit]

street lights, people

A/N: In the biker AU I learned about through the amazing @maybege‘s Biker!Paz and Biker!Boba upcoming stories, I created a pediatrician!reader who falls in love (eventually, I’m talking a few parts here) with Biker!Fennec Shand. I use as much gender neutral language as possible, but reader is AFAB and uses she/they pronouns. Also hi, May! it’s me that anon who dropped by a couple times. I hope you all enjoy this, I'm sorry there isn’t more Fennec/peds!reader interaction, but I will have more in the future I promise!

P.s: let’s all suspend our disbelief when it comes to the judge doing strange things, had to have conflict somewhere

Summary: When the local pediatrician has to go to a hearing for one of her patients, she stumbles across Fennec Shand, the head of the local chapter of Bikers Against Child Abuse (BACA). 

Rating: T for now, E in the future (possibly) 

Warnings: References to past child abuse, domestic violence, NO descriptions of the actual acts

Chapter One: January 8th

“Okay, Seb. You look good, I don’t see any reason why you can’t go back to school on Monday.”

“Really, Doc? I can’t even stay out one more week?”

“Sorry, bud. I know another week of winter break would be nice, but you gotta go back to the real world. Sucks, but I got told nope too when I asked for Monday off.”

“Fiiiiiine I’ll go back.”

“Good, good. Mom, how are we feeling today?”

“Much better, things have been stable at home but I’m nervous that something is going to happen tonight.”

“Do you have BACA’s contact? If not, I can get Max to give it to you when you check out. They can swing by tonight after the hearing to make sure nothing happens to you and Seb.”

“Oh, I didn’t think of that. Do you think they would mind?”

“From what I’ve seen, they won’t mind at all. When I was in residency, there was a kiddo that the chapter there took day and night shifts for three weeks while the father was out on bail while the trial happened. If a kid needs it, they’ll make it happen.”

“Thank you, for everything. Will we see you this afternoon?”

“For sure, I’ve got to get all my notes signed then I’ll be heading over there.”

“Doc, will you sit with me after you’re finished?”

“Of course, Seb. Do you want me to bring anything with me?”

“Do you have any of those peanut butter cookies?”

“Seb! She’s a busy person!”

“It’s okay, and yes I do. I made them last night just in case you might want some today.” You smiled at him and he beamed back. “Okay you two, head on out and Max will take care of you. I’ll see you over there.”

Seb bounced out of the room, his mom following behind them.

You shook your head and headed out of the exam room and into your office, closing the door behind you. You unlocked your computer and pulled up his chart, finished typing up the note you had started that morning before he arrived. You read and reread the note, making sure it was as accurate and representative of Seb’s course since discharge from the hospital as you could make it without having seen him every day. Finally satisfied, you signed it and called CPS to make sure they knew it was done.

You leaned back in the black leather chair, pondering how much of your credibility you would lose if you showed up in the Winnie the Pooh dress you had worn because of the proportion of toddlers on the schedule that morning. You sighed and pushed yourself up and toward the hook on the door to your office and pulled down the suit that lived there. It was plain black but tailored perfectly. You cut an imposing picture when you paired it with the sharp white button down and simple black pumps that you wore when you needed a confidence boost. You slid the pants on, and ditched the dress before buttoning up the shirt and tucking it in. You put the jacket on, then your boots. The pumps would have to wait until you got to the courthouse, seeing as they were currently sitting on the passenger seat of your car. You gathered your things and made sure the computer was locked again before clicking off the lights and shutting the door behind you.

You stopped at the front desk where Max handed you the sealed manilla envelope that held the morning’s note before they went to lunch. You grabbed your overcoat, the soft wool soothing under your fingertips as you put it on over your suit. It had started to snow while you were in clinic, coating everything with fresh white powder. You would be more excited about it if you weren’t about to go have a hand in deciding a young kid’s fate. You shivered as you turned on the seat warmer and let the car warm up while you plugged your phone in and got your seatbelt on. You pulled out of the spot and onto the highway.

***

You sat for a moment more, closing your eyes and taking a few deep breaths, counting in and out. Satisfied, you made sure the document was in your briefcase before putting on your dress shoes and getting out. You stepped carefully, not wanting to show up wet and shivering from the snow. You smiled when you saw the few bikes parked outside the courthouse. You knew BACA had been working with Seb and his family as long as you knew him, but this was the first time you had been to the courthouse for a hearing.

You almost made it inside but skidded on a small patch of ice a few feet from the door. You would have fallen, but a couple of strong arms grabbed and steadied you.

“Whoa, there! I would ask where the non-skid footwear is but the more important thing, are you okay?”

You looked at the woman who had caught you, struck dumb for a moment. She was wearing a leather jacket with a charcoal grey wool sweater underneath. Her hair was pulled into a braid that disappeared down her back and she was wearing a smirk that made you blush.

“Sorry about that. I almost made it too, ugh! Yeah, I’m fine. I remembered too late that my boots don’t fit in my briefcase so had to risk it. Thanks for saving me.”

She kept one hand on your midback as you walked through the door.

“It’s no problem, just maybe wear the boots next time.” She let you go as you got past the mats that kept the floors from being too slippery. You nodded in response and walked to the stairs that led up to the courtrooms. You steadied your breathing as you walked up the marble. You pushed the door and stepped inside, sitting just behind Seb and his mom.

***

“… and plan for follow up in four weeks, or sooner if needed.” You finished reading the note.

“Thank you, doctor. You may step down. We will reconvene after a fifteen-minute recess.” The judged banged the gavel once and left for their chambers.

You made it down the step in one piece and headed for the door, grabbing your briefcase as you went. You wanted a drink of water and needed to give Seb his cookies before he had to go back inside. You grabbed your briefcase and sat down on the bench with Seb. His mom was a few feet away, whispering to the lawyer and social worker on the case. She looked worried.

“How’re you feeling, kiddo?” You pulled a water bottle and the baggie of cookies out, handing them to Seb before getting out your own water.

“I’m okay, I think.” He took a sip of water. “Mom’s worried, she won’t say anything to me, but I know she is.”

“She’s your mom and doesn’t have control over this outcome. That’s enough to make anyone worry. Are you worried?”

“I don’t know, a little. This time it was really bad, and I know we’ve got plans for leaving but it just hasn’t happened yet. I think something happened, but I don’t know. I don’t want to leave.”

“It’s okay to be worried, whatever happens, you two will take it in stride. You’ve got a lot of people rooting for you.”

“Thanks, Doc. And thanks for the cookies, I know mom wasn’t happy I asked about them but I’m really glad you made them.”

“No problem, Seb.” You took the cookie he offered and savored it, wondering what the new judge was going to say. They were new to the town, new to the case. You just hoped they would be fair.

***

You walked out of the marble building with a silent Seb and mom beside you. 30 days. They had 30 days to find a way out of that house or Seb would be sent to live with his grandparents two counties away and barred from seeing his mom until she was out of the house. You could have sworn you heard disgust when you heard the judge reference Seb’s mom. But the gavel had fallen and now there was an due date on the plan.

***

You considered yourself lucky that you had avoided any more stumbles between your car and the door of the pub. You swirled the whiskey in your glass and took a sip, savoring the flavors that washed over your tongue. You didn’t usually come here, but as you started to drive home, you found your mind running around and around the afternoon’s events and you couldn’t make them stop.

Unknown to you, Fennec was sitting in the same pub, watching you. She took a sip of the beer she had been nursing for the last thirty minutes since you walked in.

“I’m just glad she’s got her boots on,” she mumbled to Boba.

“Would you just go talk to her? You haven’t stopped staring or shut up about her since she walked in.” He was nothing if not an effective wingman.

“I don’t know, will she think I’m following her? She’s some new in town lawyer type that probably doesn’t go for that.”

“Shand, if you don’t go make a move, I’m going to go point you out to her myself.” Boba had done it before.

“Fine, fine.” She scooched out of the booth, leather jacket squeaking against the vinyl as she got up. She tugged at the sleeves as she sidled up to the opposite end from where you were.

“Another one, Fennec?”

“No, I want to buy her next round.” She nodded in your direction, wondering what it would be.

“Sure thing.” The bartender side stepped away out of Fennec’s line of sight and filled a glass with ice and club soda. He finished it with a slice of lime before setting it down in front of you.

“What’s this?” You looked up with your brow wrinkled.

“Lady with the braid over there wanted to buy your next round but I remembered what you told me last time someone wanted to do that.”

“Oh, thanks.” You looked in her direction, meeting her gaze. You gave a small wave to thank her and she disappeared into the growing crowd. You went back to your drink and finished the whiskey off. You felt a familiar hand on your midback as she sat on the stool next to yours.

“Good to see you’ve got appropriate footwear on.” There was her smirk again.

“Well, they just go so much better with a suit and slush,” you quipped at her. “I don’t make it a habit of falling into the arms of strangers, you know.”

“Oh, I’m sure, I’m just glad they were mine.” Your eyes widened ever so slightly. “And I’m also glad you accepted…whatever the hell that is. I’m Fennec by the way.”

“Inside joke with the bartender.” You winked at her before giving her your name.

“How have you been in town long enough to have inside jokes with Karga?”

“I’ve lived here two and a half years, that’s plenty of time, don’t you think?” It was her turn to wrinkle her brow. “What, didn’t think I knew what winter was or something?”

“I—I don’t know. I thought—two and a half years and you didn’t know the steps ice over?”

“First time going in the winter, usually I give my depositions in a conference room in the office building around the corner from the courthouse.”

“Dep—you’re not a lawyer?” You pressed your lips together as you suppressed a laugh. “From how you walked away from me I thought you were about to put away a murderer or something.”

“No, I’m a pediatrician. I work with CPS and do advocacy work for my kiddos in bad situations. This was the first time a judge actually wanted me to read my note into the record at a hearing, something about they wanted to make a decision today and didn’t want to wait on me.”

“Wait, you were there for Seb?” She set her hand on your forearm. “How did I not know? BACA is supposed to know all the people coming in for a case.”

“Not sure.” You took a sip of the club soda. “I didn’t even know I was going to be there until three days ago when I got a call.”

“Huh. Well, I have to say I’m glad you were there, even though the circumstances weren’t ideal.” Her thigh bumped yours and her hand came up to brush your hair out of your face. “And while I don’t think you should wear those shoes outside again, I’m happy I was there to catch you.”

“Me too.” You let out a small huff of laughter. “BACA head, yeah?”

“Yeah, just appointed a few months ago after the last guy retired.”

“I like women in powerful roles.” You held her gaze and you let your knee bump hers this time.

“Bye, Shand. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Fennec could hear Boba laughing as he strode out of the pub after clapping her on the shoulder. Wingman indeed, you were looking at your drink again.

“Hey, don’t mind him. He can be a dick sometimes, but he means well.” She rested a hand on your shoulder as you turned to face her fully. You tilted your head and you held eye contact for a moment.

“It’s okay, we’ve all got those friends, mine just happen to be working tonight.” You chanced a glance at your watch. “Which, I actually need to leave soon. I have to be at the hospital early in the morning to round or the residents will have my head. I would go tonight, but the whiskey and the afternoon in court make that a no go.”

Fennec rested a hand on your knee while she reached for a napkin and the pen you had signed the bill with. She scribbled something and folded it before tucking it into the pocket on your suit jacket.

“Text me when you get home.” She slid off the stool and pressed a kiss to your cheek. “See you around, Doc.”

[buckleysjareau]

when i’m walking in my sleep

anonymous asked:

Hii, i love your writing, just finished your new buddie fic. Loved it! If you have inspiration for a storyline like the following i would be so happy to read: Eddie taking care of Buck after the screw removing surgery.

I deleted the original post due to it not showing up in the tags, so sorry if you didn’t see it, anon! But here it is again :) 

trigger warnings for this: use of painkillers even though taken as prescribed, mention of an unspecified nightmare, and to be safe emetophobia as it’s mentioned

Eddie has always had the innate need to care for the ones he loves and the ones who need it. When he was five, he tried his hardest alongside his sisters to save an injured squirrel that ended up at their doorstep. He’d take care of his parents when either one of them was sick as he grew up. The need to help everyone never simmered, only grew when he joined the Army, boiled over when Christopher was born. Firefighting was the perfect job for Eddie, he got to feed his desire to help those in need and find the camaraderie within his team that he’d been missing since his Army days. 

Helping people helps him, so he really can’t stop himself from jumping at the opportunity to take Buck home after he gets his screws out when everyone else’s schedules are too busy. He cares about Buck a lot -- maybe too much and not in the way someone cares about their best friend -- so making sure he’s okay and comfortable after a surgery he knows Buck was scared shitless for, it’s not a big deal for Eddie. 

He finds that maybe he’s a little in over his head when Buck greets him with a loopy smile. He’s just a tiny bit in love with Evan Buckley, and having dealt with post-surgery Buck before, Eddie is sure his heart might burst with every zany grin and stage-whispered expression of appreciation.

Buck’s surgeon, who Eddie has met more times than one should have, strolls into the dimly lit recovery room with an amused smile. “Good to see you awake.”

Buck snickers. “You say that every time, Doc. Soon you’re going to have to stop acting surprised that I’m invincible.”

Eddie can’t tell if what Buck just said makes sense, a twenty-four hour shift with very little sleep does things to your common sense, but his doctor seems like he’s heard it before.

His doctor shakes his head, albeit fondly, as if it’s something he expects but can’t believe he’s hearing. “How many times am I going to have to warn you that you’re not invincible before you stop ending up in my OR?” Eddie suspects every time. “Hopefully, there won’t be a next surgery for you Mr. Buckley. The screws are out, everything should be smooth sailing after that, unless you decide to test that invincibility theory.” 

Eddie can’t hold back the laugh as Buck’s face displays his disbelief. “I may be stupid, doc, but I’m no idiot.”

His doctor turns to face Eddie as he facepalms. “I wish you all the luck and patience in the world taking care of this one.” He jests.

“You know I’m always gonna need it, Doc.” Eddie grins. “There anything I should watch out for or steer clear of with him?”

“You know, the usual; don’t let him walk without his crutches, make sure he eats before he takes his next dose of pain medicine we’re sending home with him, and keep him off the leg as much as possible. Elevate it, ice it if the pain gets too much, spare some time for your own sanity.”

Buck grumbles. “I’m not that bad, right? Tell him, Eds.”

“My mom taught me to always tell the truth.” Eddie teases but relents when the pout Buck gives goes straight to his heart. “Fine. You’re a joy to be around, Evan Buckley.”

“You heard him, Doc! I’m a joy to be around!” 

“Never said you weren’t, Buck, just saying your joy is here more than either of us would like.” He smirks. “Alright, alright, I’m sure Eddie wants to get out of here as much as you do so you’re free to go. Everything looks fine post-surgery and as long as you take correct care, it’ll stay fine. You know to call me if there’s an infection or it takes longer to heal than it should, you know the drill. I will see you in six weeks, Buck. Please not a second sooner?”

Buck sends him a sloppy thumbs up and thanks him, says he can’t promise anything but he’ll try his best and Eddie doesn’t want to think about waiting through another one of his surgeries. He’s fine with the aftercare, but waiting to see if Buck came out of each surgery alive is something similar to hell, he’s sure.

When the doctor leaves, Buck looks Eddie’s way. “Eddddieeeeee, my man, a little help?”

Eddie shakes his head and grabs the bag of Buck’s clothes before going to help Buck sit up on the side of the stretcher he was on.

Buck giggles. “My hospital gown is open in the back so don’t look. My ass isn’t really my best feature.”

Well that’s a straight up lie.

“Aw, Eds, thank you. Your butt’s pretty great too.” Buck grins like the compliment means the world to him. The implied compliment that Eddie definitely did not mean to say aloud.

The only thing that keeps him from hiding himself in embarrassment is that Buck is as high as a kite on his painkillers and most likely won’t remember even leaving the hospital. 

He prays the blush doesn’t show on his face as he helps Buck into his basketball shorts. He couldn’t tell you why he gets flustered every time he had to help Buck this way. They were adults, it wasn’t anything domestic, really, just… intimate. He’d help whenever and whatever way Buck needed, because if Eddie Diaz was anything, he wasn’t shy. He was never uncomfortable. Just flustered beyond belief. 

Buck falls back onto the stretcher dramatically after he’s got his shorts on, taking Eddie down with him. He’s laughing hysterically as he wraps his arms around Eddie’s body in a side hug.

“Hey, Eddie?” He looks up at him. “You’re strong. Can you carry me to your truck?”

Eddie lets out a surprised laugh. “I don’t think so, buddy. I can ask for a wheelchair?”

Buck snorts. “Being wheeled out is just embarrassing, man,”

“And being carried out isn’t?”

He responds with a whine. “You don’t have to be smart all the time, you know? My bones feel like they’ve been replaced by jelly, you won’t even try?”

Eddie fondly rolls his eyes. “You can lean on me, okay? I don’t have to carry you to not let you fall, Buck, I’ve got you.”

“You’ve got me?”

“Yeah, I’ve got you. Now, up you go.” 

By the time Buck is settled in Eddie’s living room, foot elevated under a pillow on the coffee table and more blankets than Buck could ever need by his side, they’re both exhausted. Eddie plops down next to Buck on the couch and doesn’t question it when he leans his head on Eddie’s chest. 

Eddie raises an eyebrow when Buck moans. “You alright?”

“I don’t wanna throw up.” He whines. “Make it go away.”

“You’re nauseous?” Eddie asks, already standing to get the trashcan from his bathroom for him but is stopped by Buck. “I’ll be right back, just gonna get you the trashcan just in case.”

Eddie has always hated pain medicine. He hates not having any sense of control of what he’s saying if he’s going to remember it the next day, he hates the nausea that comes with, and he hates that every time, without fail, it makes Buck cry.

His lip is quivering as he looks up at Eddie, and it’s just then that Eddie realizes how actually gone he was for Evan Buckley. 

“Don’t leave me.” Eddie probably would have teased him if Buck had been whining but he wasn’t. There was real fear in his voice, like Eddie would leave out the bathroom window or something. 

“So you’re not nauseous anymore?” He goes with instead, eyebrow raised and arms crossed. He remembers Buck calling it the dad stance, but if it gets Buck to let go of his shirt so he can grab something to stop him from vomiting on his floor, he’ll use it.

Buck shakes his head, stopping abruptly as he pales.

Eddie snorts. “Don’t lie to me ever again.” He reaches for Buck’s face, cupping his jaw in his hand and rubbing his thumb across his cheek. “Let me at least get you a bowl. You’ll be able to see me better in the kitchen.”

Buck finally lets go of the grip on Eddie’s shirt and turns to watch Eddie walk away. Eddie hates himself for the way he subconsciously walks to maybe impress Buck. Thanks to the painkillers, he knows that Buck thinks his ass is nice, he can feel Buck’s eyes watching the back of him, and Eddie prays that Buck is at least the slightest bit interested in him. 

What is he thinking? There’s no way Buck could be interested. They’re best friends, that’s all they are, it doesn’t matter how stupidly and pathetically in love Eddie is. 

Buck is half asleep by the time Eddie is back with a bowl that shouldn’t be missed. 

The second Eddie sits down next to him and hands Buck the bowl, he holds it to his chest and goddamnit why is this so adorable? 

“I doubt you’ll make it through the first minutes of it, let alone an episode, but you down to watch Avatar?”

Buck smiles tiredly, eyes refusing to open. “As long as you’re talking about The Last Airbender and not the creepy movie.”

Eddie chuckles. “You think Avatar is creepy?”

“You don’t?” Buck raises an eyebrow, still not opening his eyes, and gives Eddie a look that says he’s shocked no one else feels the same. “I read somewhere there’s a new one coming out in 2021, like, why?”

Eddie snickers. “I can kind of understand your fear of Child’s Play because it’s supposed to be horror, but c’mon, Avatar? I cried, if I remember correctly.”

Buck gasps. “Child’s Play is horror, thank you very much, and terrifying. End of discussion. Put on The Last Airbender so I can stop thinking about that thing.” 

“That thing has a name, Buck. Chucky. He’s your friend ‘til the end.” Eddie teases but opens Netflix on his TV, quickly selecting from his Keep Watching list. 

Buck doesn’t say anything after that and Eddie assumes he’s asleep, until Buck mumbles something. 

“What was that?”

“Would you stop being my friend if you knew I was in love with you?” Eddie hears him loud and clear this time but he’s stunned at what comes from his best friend, disbelief that he even heard him correctly. 

“Come again?” 

When Eddie doesn’t get a response, he turns and finds that Buck fell asleep right after he gives him a heart attack. 

Fantastic. Fan-fucking-tastic. Though he thinks he heard Buck loud and clear, it can’t be right. He dreamed of Buck reciprocating his feelings many times before, but that’s all Eddie could ever believe it was. Dreams. He hadn’t even known Buck was interested in men, let alone interested in him. 

Eddie doesn’t know how long he’s in his head for, but when he notices the sweat glistening on Buck’s forehead, none of it matters. He places the back of his hand on Buck’s forehead, fearing a fever due to an infection or flu, but he doesn’t have a fever.

Then Buck jolts and suddenly Eddie knows what’s going on. It’s not the first time he’s seen Buck in the middle of a nightmare, it’s not his first time dealing with nightmares, either, so he knows what to do.

He distances himself from Buck as far as he can and still is able to shake him. He knows from personal experience to never stay close when waking someone from a nightmare, the black eye he’d accidentally given Buck one night being proof. 

“Hey, Buck, you gotta wake up, buddy.” He shakes his shoulder lightly. “It’s just a nightmare, you’re not there.”

When Buck doesn’t wake up after a third try, Eddie tries a different tactic and scoots a little closer, grabbing Buck’s shoulder and shaking heavier than before. “Evan, Evan, wake up!”

Buck jolts awake, Bobby’s name on the tip of his tongue, swallowed by a scream. He can’t catch his breath, Eddie can tell he hasn’t fully grasped that wherever he just was in his nightmare was long gone and that he’s safe so he does everything he can to clear that fog. 

He takes Buck’s shaking hand in his own and squeezes. “Hey, Evan, you’re at my place, on my couch, nowhere near any danger. You’re safe, okay?”

He can practically see the fog clear from his mind, taking in his surroundings and squeezes Eddie’s hand in his. “Eddie?”

“Yeah, man, I’m here. Feeling calmer?”

Before Buck can respond, he winces and muffles a scream of pain by biting on his lip. Eddie jumps into action as Buck grabs onto the bottom of his cast tightly, as to squeeze out the agony he was feeling. 

Eddie checks the time. “You’re due for your next dose of your painkiller at least.”

But Buck isn’t listening to him. He’s too focused on the pain that Eddie can only now vaguely remember after getting the bullet removed from his shoulder. Before long, Eddie realizes Buck is mumbling something in between choked sobs and muffled screams of agony.

“Evan,” He tries to use his name again in hopes it’ll get him to focus on Eddie and not the pain. 

Buck’s face is twisted in pain when he finally looks at Eddie and not for the time, he wishes he could take Buck’s pain away. 

“I hate Freddie Costas. I hate him so much.” He sobs freely, still holding his bad leg like it’s a matter of life or death. “Fuck, it hurts.”

Eddie stands. “I’m gonna get your pain pills and an ice pack.”

Buck gulps the pill down with no water and Eddie has to stop himself from finding that oddly one of the most attractive things he’s seen Buck do. He also holds back a cringe, never one for taking pills in any way. 

As Eddie unwraps the beginnings of Buck’s cast, Buck starts to calm, his tears slow, his body relaxes against Eddie’s side. 

“I’m sorry,” He whispers. 

“Don’t be. Trust me when I say I get it.” He looks Buck directly in the eyes. “Never feel sorry about feeling things.” 

He doesn’t ask if he wants to talk about it. He knows Buck will talk about it if or when he wanted so it ends up being a useless question. 

It’s quiet again after that. The only sounds that could be heard around Eddie’s was their breathing and the air conditioner running. Avatar is paused on the TV and Eddie doesn’t make any move to unpause it. 

Then Eddie is in his head again.

If he heard right, why would Buck be into him? He wants more than anything for it to be true, but he couldn’t see how it would be true. But he knows he heard what Buck asked, knows he should be thrilled Buck loves him back, but the doubts eat him up. What if he was just asking in general, not personally? What if he thought he was talking to someone else? Maybe he’s exaggerating his gratefulness for taking care of him and he means it platonically?

It’s killing him not knowing.

Eddie clears his throat. “Hey, uh- earlier you asked- before you fell asleep, do you-”

He’s a stuttering mess, hasn’t stumbled over his words this much since he asked Shannon out in their senior year. 

Buck cuts in, putting him out of his misery. “If you’re asking if I remember asking you if you’d still stay my friend if you found out I was in love with you, then yes, I do remember and I’m so sorry.”

Sorry for what? I’m sorry I was just loopy, it was just a question, I’m not actually in love with you? 

Buck swallows hard. “Do you hate me?”

Eddie’s eyes widened completely at the question. “Why would I hate you?”

“Because I’m in love with you and continued to be your friend without telling you as such?” 

His heart is racing a mile a minute because Evan Buckley loved him back and he’d had no idea the entire time. He shakes his head with a smile and unshed tears burning his eyes. “I would be the biggest hypocrite if I hated you for that.”

It looks as though Buck hadn’t heard right as he shook his head, but he hopes he understands. 

“Come again?” Eddie can’t help but snort at how similar Buck and him are sometimes. “Why are you crying? Don’t cry!”

“I’m crying because I love you and I just found out it’s reciprocated, okay? Give me a second here.” He lets out a mix between a laugh and a cry. “Holy shit, you love me!”

Eddie’s mind is reeling. The more the shock wears off, the more joy and excitement he starts to feel. 

“You love me!” Buck grins and leans forward, stopping to look Eddie in the eye and ask for permission -- which he eagerly grants -- and soon, what Eddie dreamed of since the Grenade Incident is happening. Their lips touch and Eddie Diaz tries not to be a cliche, but it’s a whole show of fireworks, kissing Buck. More than he could have ever imagined. 

It’s an hour later, and they’re laying in Eddie’s bed, bodies pressed up against the other. Eddie hasn’t felt so secure in years, can’t even remember a time when things felt right until then. Lying next to Buck, things feel light for the first time since he doesn’t know how long, and the feeling of security is what lulls Eddie to sleep. 

Until Buck starts to sniffle and then Eddie is wide awake again.   

“You okay, Buck?”

Buck shakes his head rapidly with a pout. “No, I have to pee.” 

He tries to keep in his laughter, he really does, but the shock and amusement outweighs his ability not to laugh at things that aren’t funny to other people. 

Buck sniffles once more. “Why are you laughing?”

“Because you’re adorable and I love you.” Eddie’s lips quirk into a soft smile. “Now, c’mon, up you go.” 

Buck grumbles. “Love you too.”

When he’s done, Eddie turns back to get his crutches and gets the surprise of a lifetime when Buck reaches out to slap his ass.

“Hey!” 

“What? I did tell you you had a nice ass.”

“Oh my God.”

[snarkwrites]

headcanons for being Derek Morgan's roommate (Criminal Minds)?

Ahhh I love me some Derek. I mean... who doesn’t though? Bearing that in mind, I honestly went the platonic friends with little spicy moments route here. It is what it is, I just really hope you like them!

[ tag squad ] - if you want to be tagged. add yourself to my doc or tell me. otherwise, you’re not getting tagged.

@kyleoreillysknee 

[ tag list doc | masterlist | about page | ask box status : open, accepting anons, taking headcanons for characters/oc’s (nsfw or themed or whatever) and fake fic titles, of course. send them in! i don’t bite.. i mean unless you ask me. ]

┎ At first, he did flirt with you a little. This was before you answered the ad for his apartment’s spare room. When you showed up at his door, he joked that it was destiny. You brandished the paper slip you’d torn off the flyer he put up at the bar you + the BAU tends to frequent. “Sorry, it’s more like... A roof over my head. But it’s cute that you believe in destiny, sir.”

-- “Derek. I’m not that old.” - this may have lowkey turned him on just a little though. He’d absolutely die before admitting it, but yeah.

┎  You moved your stuff in later that week. And it didn’t take long at all for the two of you to sort of fall into step with each other, despite your crazy work schedules. One of you or the other always has left overs waiting in the fridge after a long night and there’s always coffee brewing first thing in the morning.

┎ You two have seen each other naked so much by accident now that it really doesn’t even faze either of you anymore. But that first time, whew... You were so rattled / flustered that you nearly bought the entire damn shower down. Which of course only had him tossing you a cocky wink.

┎  You’ve met his team mates. And they seem to be under the impression that sooner or later, you two will make thing official. They don’t realize that you two are basically just two platonic friends who happen to live together and happen to enjoy flirting and testing each other on occasion. JJ is hell bent on there being something going on between you two. It’s hilarious, the amount of times one of them has teased him and he’s merely shrugged it off.

-- but that goes without saying, this is undoubtedly the most STABLE of any kind of relationship you’ve been in. And yeah, Derek pouts and does the intimidating thing when your date shows or he knows you’re getting ready for one. And you do it right back to him. You two depend on each other’s ‘better radar at detecting bullshit people’ when it comes to matters of the heart.

┎ Game night with the team is always fun for at least a dozen laughs. And with you two both being natural born flirts, you’re not really doing anything to discourage your friends ‘thinking’ about you two.

┎ You fight over the radio. A lot. Derek prefers jazz and smoother r&B and you like stuff like The Weeknd or pop. 

┎  He is the BEST person to help you deal with sadness of any kind. He likes to snuggle and he’ll gladly do so.. After bringing home a pint of your favorite ice cream and a few of your favorite horror movies. You two love picking apart the plots. Derek also likes to analyze the villians / killers / paranormal entities and you always wind up picking arguments with him in laughter, to ‘test him’, as he puts it. 

┎ You’ve almost kissed before but both of you looked at one another and went “NAH.” before laughing and bumping noses just before you pulled away from being so close. Which made it even funnier to you both for some reason.

┎  You steal his clothes anyway. Because you can and you like his dress shirts.

[lostinthewiind]

Hey there! First of all, congrats on nailing your atonomy lab! Second of all, I would like to request some johnny martin fic if that's okay. I really enoy the way you write his character. Hope you have a lovely day

I love my sweet mama Martin! He doesn’t get enough love :) 

Guys, buckle up, this is gonna be feel-central. I tried to think of something happier, but this idea just won’t leave my head. I know you probably wanted something happy anon…I apologize. 

Warnings: death, loss, sadness - like seriously guys I really went hard on this one and I’m sorry 

Red-Tinted Snow

You could feel everything, and at the same time, nothing at all. You were numb but the cold snow pressing against the back of your neck was making you shiver to no end. Your eyes fluttered open and closed as you struggled to stay awake; you had to stay awake.

Another mortar went off beside you and cold, hard, frozen dirt shot up into your face. The soil hitting you felt like hail and it stung. You could feel the snow and the dirt, but somehow you couldn’t feel the fact that half of your lower leg was missing and that a large chunk of tree shrapnel was protruding from your opposite thigh.

You stared down at your wounds almost as if you were an observer. Those couldn’t be your legs, could they? You would feel that, right? You should feel that. 

Your chest heaved up and down in a rugged, uneven rhythm. This couldn’t be happening. You were supposed to make it through this. He had promised you would make it through this. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be.

As the attack came to an end you could hear the faint voices of your friends in the background as they checked on each other. Sooner or later someone would find you. You hoped it would be sooner because even though you were indifferent to the major injuries, the red-tinted snow around you was a sign that you were not in good shape. You were bleeding out fast.

Funny, you always thought bleeding out would hurt more. 

Your shaking intensified from both the cold and the blood loss and you suddenly felt like you were going to throw up. You were dying in the middle of a fucking forest and the only thing you could think about was how gross it would be to throw up all over yourself. 

“Y/N?!” a voice echoed through the trees. 

You heard the calling and you heard the footsteps, but you couldn’t do anything about it. You couldn’t speak. You were going to pass out soon, you were sure of it.

“Y/N?!” the voice called again. It was louder now. He was closer now. “Y/N where the hell are-”

The screaming cut off and you felt a pair of strong arms wrap around you from behind. “Y/N.” Martin dropped to his knees behind you and pulled you into his chest. You couldn’t see his eyes but you knew he was staring at you — staring at your legs, or more accurately, the slight lack thereof. 

“Help…” was all you could muster as you let your weight sink into his embrace. He was warm. He was safe. Johnny Martin was always there for you when you needed him.

“MEDIC!” Martin bellowed, his voice ripping through his throat before he turned his full attention back to you. You were so pale. You were so cold. 

Martin felt his heart drop at the sight of the blood — there was so much blood. How could there be that much blood? He hadn’t left you alone for that long; how had you lost so much blood? 

“You told me I would be okay.” your words were barely audible, but Martin was close enough to hear every last squeak that left your lips. “You…promised.”

“You will be.” Martin pressed his face against yours, his forehead resting on your temple. “You will be.”

Your eyes fell to look at your legs again. Somehow they looked worse the second time around. “I don’t look okay,” you commented. “Johnny…am I going to die?”

Before Martin had the chance to answer another body leapt into the clearing. Company medic Eugene Roe skidded to your side, his hands already digging around in his bag before he had even come to a full stop. “How you doing Y/L/N?” his tone was calm and collected as if he were simply chatting you up and not saving your life. 

“How the fuck do you think she’s doing?!” Martin snapped, his arms tightening around you protectively. “Her left foot and half of her fucking calf is missing, Roe! She’s bathing in her own blood! Quit the fucking small talk and save her!”

Your shaky hand slowly worked its way up to cup Martin’s face. “Don’t yell at the boy,” you told him. “Please…he’s doing his best… and it’s loud in my already ringing ears.”

“I’m sorry.” Martin pressed a kiss into your dirty and tangled hair. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry…I’m sorry.”

As Martin mumbled apology after apology into your hair, you started to feel a tingling sensation. Lifting your head as much as you could, your half-open eyes followed Eugene’s every movement. 

You watched as his hand went down to your leg, and as soon as he touched you, all the pain that had been missing filled you at once. You let out a blood-curdling scream and screwed your eyes shut as excruciating pain traveled up your legs and into the rest of your body. 

“What the fuck did you do?” Martin’s wide eyes searched the medic for answers. 

“I have to clean the wound the best I can before I bandage it up.” Eugene was dealing with your missing leg first, completely ignoring the decently sized sliver wood sticking out of your flesh. “It’s going to hurt, Y/N, I’m sorry. I-I don’t have any morphine.” You had a death grip on Martin’s arm as Eugene continued to tend to your wound. You were freezing but you were sweating. Your skin was almost as white as the snow and your eyes were sunken and full of fear. You didn’t want to die. You weren’t ready to die.

Was anyone ever ready to die?

Tears welled up in your eyes as you stared up past Martin at the dead treetops and bright blue sky. You didn’t want to go without saying goodbye to everyone. You didn’t want to go out like that; crying a pool of your own blood. You had spent years training to be one of the best and bravest soldiers in the USA and here you were, crying. 

You weren’t supposed to be weak, but hell, you thought you were dying, and dying was scary. 

“Don’t cry.” Martin wiped your tears away with his thumbs and directed your gaze back at him. “Don’t cry. You’re going to be okay. I promise.”

You shook your head as you felt your mind begin to swim. “Don’t…don’t promise me things you can’t promise me.” 

“I can promise you this,” he demanded, his eyes frantically searching yours for the hope and optimism you usually kept there, but they were missing. “Roe’s gonna get you all fixed up and then you’re gonna be okay. Right doc?”

Eugene looked up from your leg, his hands covered in blood and his face expressionless. He made sure you weren’t looking before he locked eyes with Martin and shook his head. He couldn’t say it out loud, he refused to, but there wasn’t much he could do. If you were going to live, you needed to get to an aid station as soon as possible. 

Martin swallowed hard before forcing a smile and looking back down at you. Your eyes were barely open at that point and you had become a complete dead weight in his arms. He couldn’t watch you die. It would destroy him. 

Standing up, Eugene exhaled. “I’m gonna go get a jeep. Stay here.”

Martin didn’t say anything, but as the medic disappeared into the forest, he suddenly felt completely and utterly alone. “Y/N?” he shook you and sighed in relief when your eyes fluttered open again. “Don’t go to sleep on me. Stay with me.”

“I’m so tired.” your eyes pleaded with him to let you sleep. You had never been so exhausted in all your life and in Martin’s warm, comforting embrace you wanted nothing more than to close your eyes and let all the pain fade away. 

“I know you’re tired.” he lifted you up further and pushed away some strands of sweat-soaked hair that had fallen into your face. “Just hold on a little bit longer, okay? Can you do that for me? Eugene will be back soon…just, look at me. Keep your eyes on me.”

A faint smile flashed across your lips as your hand went back to his cheek — you hadn’t even noticed it had fallen, but there it was, right by your side again. “I could look at you all day.” you breathed out, a cough escaping after the fact. 

As you laid there in the snow, Martin gripping you like his life depended on it, you slowly felt yourself losing consciousness. There was no sign of Eugene, there was no sign of a jeep, there was no sign of hope. “If I die-” you started.

“No!” Martin gritted his teeth at the thought. “No, you don’t say that to me! You’re not going to die.”

“Martin.” you silently begged for him to let you speak. You had to say this. “If I die I want to-”

Martin thus far had been successful in holding back his own tears, but as you slowly slipped away in front of him he couldn’t stop it anymore. The floodgates had opened, the damn had broken, the switch had been flipped. “Please…stop…” a tear slid down his cheek as he pressed kisses to your face. “Please don’t die…I love you too much to lose you. Please…don’t leave me.”

Martin had never told you he loved you. As a matter of fact, he had never kissed you before either, but at that moment, he was doing all of the things he had been waiting for the right moment to do. The was doing everything because deep down, even though he didn’t want to admit it to himself, he was afraid this would be the last chance he would ever get. 

You felt little heat rush to your cheeks at the confession of love. “What happened to grumpy Martin?” you still managed to find room for a joke.

Martin cracked a small smile, his tear-soaked lips stretching tight. “Grumpy Martin loves you too…all of me loves you. Grump Martin needs you…all of me needs you. Please don’t die.”

Martin pulled you into him hard, your face secure in the nape of his neck. You could hear the faint sounds of footsteps and an engine, but you couldn’t hang on any longer. Using every last ounce of energy you had left, you open your mouth to speak and intertwined your fingers with Martin’s. 

“If I die I want to die in your arms.”

As soon as the confession left your mouth, your eyes peacefully fell shut and you relaxed into your final exhale. Once again, you didn’t hurt. There was no pain. There was no cold. There was no fear. There was no blood. There was no war. 

There was just you and Martin. 

When your grip in his hand loosened and Martin felt you become limp, his entire body tensed up. “Y/N?” he shook you once more, but this time your eyes didn’t open. “Y/N!” he screamed as Eugene ran up, the jeep behind him. “Y/N wake up! The jeep’s here. You’re going to be okay.”

Kneeling down next to your body, Eugene placed two fingers to your neck. There was no pulse. 

You were gone.

“Martin, she’s-” Eugene started.

“No!” Martin growled as he adjusted you, your head lolling to the side in the process. “No! She can’t be! Help is here…she’s going to be okay…she has to be okay.”

Eugene patted Martin on the shoulder before backing away and giving him some space and time with you. 

“No…” Martin sobbed as he buried his face into your chest. “You can’t do this to me…I love you…you-you love me. It’s not supposed to end like this. It can’t end like this.”

If there was one thing you learned in your final moments on Earth, it was that life sure had a sneaky way of hitting you with monumental things when you least expected them. 

Maybe things could have been different if you had gone with Martin to collect some more supplies for your foxhole. Maybe you would have survived the war together. Maybe you would have had a good life together after. Maybe you would have gotten married and had kids.

Maybe. But not in this lifetime. 

In this lifetime your pale body would lie in the snow and freeze with the coming nights. Your dog tags would be sent home along with a standard issued letter to your family. Your warm clothing would be stripped and given to soldiers more in need; alive soldiers. 

In this lifetime Martin would miss you every day and every night that he lived longer than you did. 

[bcbdrums]

Fic Idea you never asked for: Shego's powers begin to fluctuate and she's unable to de-energize it no matter how much she blasts out. It's to the point that her powers begin tail-whipping and melting things on contact, uncontrollably. Drakken's plant mutation is the only thing capable of absorbing and dematerializing the plasma's radiation safely. Question is; can he man-up to get close enough to handle the dangerous sitch or will he watch his side-kick's powers overcome her?

I’ll have you know Anon, this was a frustrating idea.  But once I finally figured out what to do with it, I had fun.  And I couldn’t help but make it Drakgo!  Hope you enjoy.  

(Also posted on AO3 and FFn)  Oh yeah, and I don’t know how to drabble.  9,000+ words.  

———

Meltdown

Drakken sat down uncertainly on the large sofa in the penthouse suite of the hotel in Midtown Manhattan. Shego had taken to the place immediately and had gone to her room, tired from the party she had said. But Drakken wasn’t quite ready to trust himself to sleep in the world of the good guys.

He flipped on the big screen TV and wasn’t the least bit surprised to see the local news showing clips from his award ceremony at the UN earlier that day. He frowned as the news anchor mentioned his real name, but only had a moment to be upset as the image shifted to his mutant vine wrapping around he and Shego. The reporter suggested with a horrible pun that perhaps romance was blooming between the former villains.

Former villains… He wasn’t sure he wanted to be a former villain yet. But he definitely owed Shego an apology for the vine incident. They’d been so busy with interviews and a catered dinner with ambassadors and a party that lasted far too long into the evening, that he’d barely had a moment alone with her since that moment on the stage.

He flipped off the TV, rose from the sofa, and crossed the suite to knock on her bedroom door.

“Shego? Are you still awake?”

To his surprise, the door opened in seconds and she stood not in pajamas but in her green and black harlequin suit.

“Yeah? What do you want?” she asked blandly, her hand still on the doorknob.

Drakken fidgeted. “Um… Do you…want to come out here?”

She lifted an eyebrow. “Why?”

He bit his lip. He supposed it was best to get it over with. “I wanted to say sorry for the flower earlier today. I didn’t tell it to do that. It just…it has a mind of its own.”

“Mhmm. Well, you’d better get that thing under control sooner than later.”

He expected her door to close after that, but she was still standing just inside the frame. She crossed her arms as she looked at him. Was he supposed to say something else?

“So…eh heh, yes. Sorry.”

Something in her eyes softened. “Look, Dr. D.—”

Just then a blinding light illuminated the inside of Shego’s room and the living area behind him. He turned and rushed to the terrace doors with Shego on his heels.

The penthouse suite they were staying in, courtesy of the UN, had a large terrace overlooking Central Park. They rushed out into the darkness and were met with a chorus of screams from people below and a scarily familiar sight in the greenery beyond.

“They’re back…” Shego breathed.

Drakken stared at the menacing red and black invasion robots of the Lorwardians in complete shock. It hadn’t even been a week. Hadn’t his plants stopped all of them? And hadn’t Stoppable killed the two invaders?

“But…but I thought I destroyed them!” he stuttered.

“Yeah, I think these are new ones,” Shego said, pointing up. They both tilted their heads back and saw the telltale reflection of a ship in low orbit around the Earth, fixed over their position.

“But why…how…!”

“Forget that. Come on, we’d better do something,” Shego said, grabbing his shoulder and pulling him to the edge of the balcony.

“'We’d better…’?” he said fearfully.

Shego rolled her eyes. “Doy, you saved the world last time. They’ll expect you to save it this time. Now come on!”

“Yaaaaaaaahhh!” Drakken wailed as Shego leapt off the balcony carrying him over her shoulder as she went. When they landed the momentum sent him rolling off of her. He came to a stop several feet away with several body parts throbbing. “That hurt!” he shouted as he stood and dusted himself off.

“If you hadn’t been flailing you could have landed on your feet,” Shego said, her hands already flared with her luminescent green glow. “You got your vine-thing ready?”

“Uhm…”

“Good, let’s go!”

Shego took off running and Drakken scampered after her. He watched in awe as she leapt with confidence toward the closest robot and sent a massive blast of her green glow at the joint of one leg. The joint melted and the bot fell to the ground with a deafening crash. He covered his head in fear, but then upon hearing another familiar blast he looked up to see Shego atop the fallen robot, a glowing fist thrust into its control center and effectively deactivating it.

“Come on, Doc!” she shouted to him as she jumped down and hurried toward the oncoming robots.

He swallowed his fear and hurried after her. This time there were two coming at them side-by-side. Shego pulled the same leg-severing move on one, and he nervously commanded his flower to attack the other one. The vine exited his body and yanked him forward until he was practically beneath the menacing invasion weapon, and he cowered in fear again. But then as if on instinct, the vine swirled around the legs of the bot and the alien device fell of its own accord. He stumbled back to avoid being crushed and felt a sharp pull down his spine as the vine was pinched beneath the heap.

“Flower, attack the control center!” he cried, pointing to the robot’s brain. The vine obediently unraveled from around the steel legs and wrapped around the saucer part of the bot until it was crushed. Again, Drakken felt the sharp pull down his spine. He supposed it made sense that his own vine had limits.

“Hey, what!? Dr. D., help!”

Drakken turned so fast at the sound of Shego’s cry that he hit his neck against his own taut vine and fell to the ground, feet up in the air. As he sat up he saw Shego struggling in an anti-gravity beam exactly like the one that had abducted him, pulling her up into a small ship that was hovering above.

“Eh, um. Flower, get Shego!”

The vine was still wrapped around the alien bot and though it was quickly unraveling, he could see that it wasn’t going to be fast enough. He jumped to his feet and ran toward the beam, climbing the remains of a fallen bot in an attempt to get closer to her.

His wide, frightened eyes locked on hers, equally wide and desperate. But it was clear in moments that he couldn’t get to her. He stopped and fell to his knees in despair just as the pink flower shot past his ear and up into the beam. He stood up, hope rising within him again as the vine stretched higher and higher. Shego reached down toward it, straining against the pull of the alien device.

Drakken felt the sharp pull against his spine again. The vine had reached its limit. But it was so close!

“Ngh, go higher flower!” he shouted, and even as he did he felt a searing pain across his entire back as the vine attempted to obey.

He fell to his knees and the vine, perhaps in self-preservation, began to retreat. This time as it re-entered his body he could feel the tendrils slinking against his muscles as they found their apparent places. But his eyes were focused on Shego as she became a smaller and smaller speck in the alien beam until she was gone. The beam deactivated and the ship sped away into the atmosphere.

Drakken stared in fear until the sound of one of the alien robots brought him back to Earth. He fell to the ground and crawled beneath the remains of another as one of them began walking over him, firing its weapons toward the civil defense forces gathered on the adjacent street.

He should help. But what if the things…killed him? He couldn’t remember the last time he actually fought anything without Shego.

But if they won, he certainly wouldn’t be seeing her again. He took a deep breath and crawled out from under the wreckage.

“Flower, take them down!”

———

It was less than an hour later that Drakken stood panting in a ruined Central Park, trees in flames and monuments shattered by the wrath of the Lorwardian walkers. But they had been stopped. He had stopped them.

Civilians and peace officers were surrounding him, praising him and clapping him on the shoulder for his good deeds. But his eyes were fixed on the stars.

How could he get to Shego? He could steal a rocket— No, then the world would turn against him.

Would the world give him a rocket? No, that would be a waste of time and manpower and…everything.

He realized he was being ushered toward an ambulance by two police officers, but he suddenly shrugged them off as he began pawing at his pockets for his cell phone. There was someone who could help. Someone who could do anything.

———

In a small motel in Middleton, Jim and Tim Possible slept soundly on the cheap sofa while Kim and her dad watched the news, the TV’s volume down low. Ann Possible opened the microwave and took out three cups of tea and joined her husband and daughter on the sofa, handing them their steaming beverages.

“I need to wake Ron,” Kim said, her brow furrowed in worry.

“Now Kimmie-cub, let’s wait for the next update. So far the only attack has been in New York.”

“That doesn’t mean it isn’t going to be another world-wide invasion!”

“Kimmie, please try to see it from our perspective. It hasn’t even been a week since those aliens kidnapped you,” Ann chimed in.

“And the reporters said that your former nemesis is there fighting them. They may not need you and Ronald,” James added.

“I know, but—”

The Kimmunicator beeped on Kim’s wrist, and she quickly sat forward and answered the call.

“Wade, do they need Ron in New York?” she asked before the screen had fully loaded her younger friend’s image.

“No actually, the alien threat has been neutralized.”

Kim’s eyes widened. “Oh.”

“But you do have an urgent call for help. I’ll patch you through.”

The image changed to reveal the silhouette of a familiar face, barely visible due to the wall of flames behind.

“Dr. Drakken? Is that you?”

“Kim Possible. They took Shego!”

Kim looked between her parents, who leaned in to watch the call.

“I don’t…I don’t know what to do. Except…ask…if you, my one-time foe… Can you…will you…help me get her back?”

Kim could make out the fear in his dark eyes. She looked up at her dad again, who had gone wide-eyed. She would need his help first if she were to answer Drakken’s call.

James Possible leaned in so Drakken could see him in the frame. “Can you get to Middleton?”

“Oh. James Possible. Yes, yes I’m sure I can.”

“Then meet us at the Middleton Space Center. It’s amazingly still intact.”

“Oh thank you, thank you! I’ll make this up to you, you won’t regret it.”

“See you when you get here,” Kim said, and hung up. She looked at her dad again.

“I guess you should wake Ronald after all.”

———

“The aliens known as the Lorwardians have not attacked again since the assault on Central Park early last night. World leaders are baffled as to why the attack was so localized, and the hero of the hour, Drew Lipsky a.k.a. Dr. Drakken disappeared almost immediately after single-handedly thwarting the attack. It is unknown where he has gone or why.”

Drakken switched off the radio as he landed the hovercraft on the helipad at the Middleton Space Center. He could explain himself to the world later, after Shego was safe. As he disembarked the craft, approaching familiar voices drew his attention.

“…Yeah, but what if the power doesn’t work, KP? I haven’t been able to…switch it on since graduation.”

“You’ll be fine, Ron. Maybe it just needs a big enough threat for you to use it.”

“Heh, I could definitely use some built-in responsibility…”

Drakken watched the blond teen rub the back of his neck shyly as he approached with Kim Possible. He looked as he always did, but Kimberly Ann was wearing that white and blue battle suit that made her almost a match for Shego. He supposed it was warranted.

“Hello, Drakken,” Kim greeted.

“Mm. Miss Possible.” He wasn’t entirely sure how to talk to someone he had hated for so long, and still felt a resentment toward.

Kim seemed to read him just fine. “My dad has the rocket ready. We need to put on space suits. Let’s go.”

She quickly turned and Stoppable looked after her for just a moment before following. Drakken fell in step beside him a moment later.

“What’s this I hear about your…monkey style not working anymore?”

“It’s ‘Mystical Monkey Power’ thank you very much. And…I’m sure it’s just fine,” the teen answered with less confidence than Drakken would have liked.

“Well, I’ve mastered my new plant powers,” he gloated, crossing his arms.

At that moment, yellow petals burst around his head.

“Sure you have,” Kim called back over her shoulder. “But let’s focus. Why just Shego? Why not you, or Ron for that matter? It was the two of you who stopped them, not Shego.”

“I have no idea,” Drakken said, shaking his head with a frown as he yanked out the petals.

“It’s clearly some type of revenge,” Kim continued. “But we won’t know what until we get there.”

“Maybe…they’re harnessing Shego’s power for some sort of super weapon!” Ron cried.

“Their weapons are already better than ours. That doesn’t make sense,” Kim said.

Drakken kept silent, wondering about that. He recalled watching tanks fire at the walkers in Central Park and having no effect whatsoever, except to rain sparks down on the landscape. But Shego’s power had taken them down effortlessly.

Perhaps there was something to the buffoon’s speculation.

———

It was less than twenty minutes later that the three of them, plus James Stoppable piloting the space ship, were approaching the all-too familiar menace of a large Lorwardian craft.

“All right, so we go in and look for Shego. Don’t get sidetracked,” Kim instructed once the ship had sneaked in via the garbage port and they had disembarked. James Possible stayed behind in case they needed a quick getaway. “Follow my lead and watch out for booby traps!”

They crept along familiar hallways, the Earth below a radiant blue and white as clouds billowed above its surface. Drakken swallowed nervously and paused to look out the window, hoping they would find Shego quickly and he could get his feet back on solid ground again.

Just then a beeping sounded to his left and above. He spun around and saw a camera bot focused directly on him.

“Drakken!” Kim shouted in annoyance, and with a flying kick she took out the small device.

“Aaaaahhh!” the former-villain shouted as a trapdoor opened beneath his feet and he began sliding down a narrow chute.

“Come on, Ron!” Drakken heard from above, and then the tell-tale whine of Stoppable as he was apparently pushed into the chute as well. Drakken felt a sense of relief knowing that at least he wouldn’t be alone to meet his fate.

He finally fell out of the chute, and moments later Stoppable landed atop him, definitely injuring his back. He blinked and noticed they were in a large room, dimly lit, with all manner of alien equipment pumping and sparking and creating quite the evil atmosphere. If the Lorwardians weren’t his enemy, Drakken would really appreciate it.

Stoppable started to stand, and in the process put a knee in the mad scientist’s back.

“Nygh, watch it!” Drakken growled.

“Hey, you’re the one who stopped to look out the window and got us caught!”

“He did nothing extraordinary. I was expecting you,” a familiar voice spoke from high above them.

Drakken and Ron looked up to first see Kim standing in a fighting stance in front of them, and directly in front of her was an extremely familiar green alien amazon woman.

“Warmonga!?” Drakken cried, scrambling backward.

“Alas no, Lorwardia’s greatest warrior is slain. I am Warmaven!”

Ron glanced down at his pet naked mole rat, who had crept up inside his space suit collar. “Warmonga…Warhok…Warmaven… You know, I’m sensing a pattern here.”

“No, you think?” Kim called over her shoulder.

“Warmonga was my sister,” the alien said, stepping past Kim and Ron with her eyes fixed on Drakken, “and you, blue imposter…” she whirled then and pointed a finger at Ron, “and you greater blue imposter, will pay for her defeat!”

“No, no see, you’ve got it all wrong,” Ron said, standing to his feet confidently, “I am the Great Blue!”

“Yup, Great Blue!” Rufus agreed from inside Ron’s collar.

“Bah! Warmaven will not be fooled so easily!” the alien said, turning and heading back into the room. “Lorwardia’s greatest warrior may have been defeated, but I shall avenge her and end your lies. And once you are gone, the inhabitants of your planet will become slaves of Lorwardia!”

The alien flipped a switch and the room was suddenly bathed in light. Drakken squinted and looked around, gasping when he saw the one thing he had been seeking.

Shego was in a far corner, strapped to an inclined table with some sort of purple goo gagging her. She was restrained at her wrists, forearms, and upper arms, as well as her ankles, shins, thighs, and waist. The ceiling above her was scorched and had a few holes where she had clearly made an effort to escape her bonds, but obviously those attempts had failed.

“Shego!” Drakken cried and started toward her.

Warmaven stepped in front of him. “Oh no, not until I tell you why I have taken her.”

Draken raised a brow, and Ron stepped up next to him. “You know, these guys could use some lessons in villainy. Though not from you, since you know, you always get stopped when you start ranting about your plan—”

“Hngh, Quiet!” Drakken shouted, causing Ron to jump back.

“How about we skip the rant and just get to the escaping,” Kim said, having sneaked around one of the larger pieces of machinery and now standing atop the pallet where Shego was restrained. She had taken off one space suit glove to access her battle suit and had morphed her hand into a scoop, which was ready and hovering above Shego’s hand.

The green villainess needed no further explanation and shot her glow into the scoop, where Kim expertly deflected it down where it impacted one of Shego’s ankles and released it.

Shego glared and hummed something behind her gag that Kim didn’t catch, and she started peeling away at the gag.

“Warmaven!” the battle cry of the alien sounded just as Kim pulled the purple goo off of Shego’s mouth, but not in time to protect herself. The alien backhanded Kim harshly and she hit the wall opposite and fell with a thud.

“KP! Are you all right!?” Ron shouted, running toward her.

“Free my hand, not my foot!” Shego snarled, her words coming out weak and followed by a cough.

“You shall be free, False One, as soon as my sister is avenged,” Warmaven said, approaching Shego.

Drakken felt a rising panic, that whatever the alien would do to Shego she wouldn’t be able to prevent. “F-flower, attack!” he cried.

The vine sprang from his back and Warmaven turned with a snarl as the vine began to rapidly wind around her. She reached her long arm forward and depressed a purple button on a console, and suddenly red lasers were firing from every corner of the room.

Drakken yelped as they hit him and his vine. The vine retreated instinctively as he dove beneath another console for cover, and found to his annoyance that Stoppable was hiding under there too.

“Warmaven!” the alien shouted her battle cry again, and Drakken looked out to see Kim Possible fighting the giantess hand-to-hand. He turned with a frown toward Ron.

“So where’s your monkey mumbo-jumbo, hm?”

“It’s Mystical Monkey Power, and I’m trying!” Ron shouted desperately. “I’m still figuring out how it works!”

The lasers stopped. Drakken crawled out from under the console and crept around its back until he was on the opposite side from where the fight was occurring. He quietly ordered his vine toward Shego. “Flower, free her! Break those bindings!”

The vine wrapped around and around the metal strap on her other ankle, tightening until it snapped.

“I said free my hands!” Shego complained through gritted teeth, a bit too loudly because Warmaven turned with a frown and kicked Drakken away and into another console.

He fell with a groan, barely registering the shocked gasps of his allies in the room.

“Dr. D.!?”

He blinked, his vision blurry and tried to pick himself up. But everything hurt now. He let himself fall to the deck again. Maybe in a few minutes…

“Hm,” Warmaven frowned as she hit Kim aside once again. “I fail to see why my sister and Warhok could not defeat you. You are weak opponents.”

Drakken felt an instinctual panic and forced himself to his knees, blinking rapidly in an attempt to get his eyes to focus. When they finally did he saw Warmaven standing right next to Shego holding a device that appeared to be meant to give injections.

“As I was saying, it is due to this False One that Warmonga was defeated.”

“Wait, uh, I think someone told you a different story,” Ron said, leaving Kim’s side and starting forward again. “It’s Drakken and I who have the cool super powers, we’re the ones who defeated you. You kidnapped the…uh…the wrong person,” he finished warily and dashed back to the far wall, where Kim was standing up again.

“No. It is only this one who has the power to defeat our technology. This power can only be given by the Great Blue. But she uses it against us. She is one of the False Ones and you will bear witness as she is destroyed!”

Warmaven set the injection device against Shego’s neck. Drakken jumped up, but stumbled in pain with his first step, falling to the deck again.

“Shego!” he cried as her face twisted in pain.

Drakken crawled on hands and knees, his eyes never leaving her as he watched a horrifying scene unfold. Shego’s eyes went wide even as her pupils contracted and she began writhing against the bindings. Pained gasps escaped her lips as her hands began glowing more brightly than Drakken had ever seen, and she closed her eyes tightly, her head beginning to thrash back and forth. When she opened her eyes again, they were glowing green and full of fear.

Kim and Ron rushed to Drakken’s side, the blond helping the mad scientist to his feet as the teen hero advanced another step on the alien amazon.

“What did you do to her!?” Kim demanded.

“She never should have had the power of the Great Blue. She will now be overwhelmed by it and destroy herself. And I shall enjoy watching her pain.”

Shego’s glow had become so intense that it was melting the restraints at her wrists simply due to proximity. In moments she was able to pull her hands through them and quickly fired at the rest of her bindings and fell to the floor, finally free. But where her hands hit the floor the metal alloy of the deck began to melt.

With a gasp she stood up and staggered toward the closest support beam, pain written on her face with every step. Her rescuers’ eyes went wide as they saw the deck beginning to melt everywhere her feet made contact.

“Shego?” Drakken said, taking a few cautious steps toward her.

She threw up her hands in a halting gesture to stop him, and even as she did so a faint glow began to envelop her entire body. Suddenly she fell with a cry, and she gasped in shock to see that her feet had melted through the deck and she was falling through.

She looked up at Drakken, and then to Kim. “Help me!” she cried weakly.

“There is no help for you,” Warmaven said smugly.

Shego growled and rolled away from where she had been slipping through the floor. Her entire body alight now, she rushed toward Warmaven in a rage, firing nearly continuous blasts as she went.

The alien leapt out of the way and cackled in amusement as the green blasts destroyed the defense lasers on the wall opposite.

“Do as much damage as you wish. You only have a few minutes left to do it,” Warmaven said as she ran through a door which closed soundly behind her.

Shego fired a long blast at the door, nearly obliterating it, but then with a choked cry she fell down to the deck, her body spasming in pain. Kim fired her wrist grapple to surround Shego, but the wire melted almost instantly on contact with her glowing body. She looked over at Drakken, worry written on her face.

Drakken thought he understood that look. But he didn’t want to. There was no way he would accept that Shego was… That they couldn’t save her.

“Hey, KP…” Drakken and Kim turned toward Ron, “Rufus isn’t looking too good.”

They all looked at the pink rodent draped over the side of Ron’s space suit collar, definitely looking sick.

“And come to think of it…I’ve got the tummy wobbles,” Ron said, suddenly gripping his stomach.

Kim likewise held one hand to her stomach and the other to her head. “Me too…and my head hurts.”

At that moment, the Kimmunicator beeped and Kim peered down at her wrist to answer the call.

“Kim!” Wade said, his eyes wide with panic. “The suit is picking up high levels of radiation! It’s 120 rems and climbing. You have to get out of there!”

“Radiation…” Kim said in confusion. At once, all eyes turned to Shego, who was writhing on the ground like an electrocuted snake, the deck melting everywhere her glowing body touched. She managed to roll onto her stomach and look up at Kim, her body shaking violently both from pain and the effort it took to hold still.

“Go!” she shouted.

Kim bit her lip, her eyes betraying her indecision.

“You heard her, you can’t help me. Get out of here!”

“Kim, you have to go now or you’ll all suffer permanent damage. Maybe fatal!”

Kim frowned deeply and took a step toward Shego. “I…I’m sorry!” she cried.

She turned and grabbed Ron’s arm, dragging him after her as they jumped through the hole in the door and followed after the alien.

“You too, Drakken! Go!” Shego cried through gritted teeth, attempting to turn toward her boss. She rolled away from him as the deck beneath her began to give way, her body spasming as she did so until she stopped in another clear spot and looked up at him again, her entire frame trembling violently. Then her eyes widened.

Drakken’s vine had sprouted at least four new branches and each one was coiling around his limbs tightly. Even his torso was thickly covered in vines and barely any of his face was showing, with just his nose and one eye visible and a tuft of his hair sticking out the top.

“Mmhmfm hmm fm!” he tried to say behind the vines, but they had completely covered his mouth.

“Ngh!” Shego grunted in pain. “Guess they are—hn!—killer plants. Tell them to let you go!” she cried breathlessly.

Drakken couldn’t speak, but he merely thought the command and obediently the vines started to unwind, but not completely. They still surrounded him but no longer restricted his movement, and he could speak again.

“I— I’m not leaving without you!” he said shakily.

Shego rose unsteadily to her feet and stumbled toward him, but she fell almost immediately into a nearby support beam and then staggered back against a console. Everywhere her body touched left melted and charred evidence of her out of control radioactivity.

“You have to go now!” she cried, staggering toward him again and collapsing, the violent writhing finally ended.

“I’m not as sick as the others!” he argued, and it was true. He only felt a very mild nausea and it had only just started.

“I’ll melt through anything I touch. I’ll destroy your ship and you won’t make it back,” she said, letting her cheek drop against the deck. “Please, Dr. D.! Please go!” she begged.

She stretched one hand toward him and then it fell to the deck as her eyes slipped closed. Drakken took a step toward her and then stopped. The vines were coiling tightly around him again.

He looked at the pink flower hovering near his ear. “Why aren’t I sick like the others?”

An answer spoke into his consciousness, that the vines were resistant to radiation. And with that, an idea struck him.

“Then…you get Shego! Now!”

The secondary vines released him again to the point he could move while the main vine snaked towards Shego, lifting her from the ground just as she was about to fall through the melting deck. He watched as the vine coiled 'round and 'round her until only her head was visible, her hair falling limply down her back as the vine lifted her body into the air.

“That’s better,” Drakken said shakily. “Now we…we have to find a cure,” he said, rushing through the hole in the door the way Kim and Ron and the alien had went.

On his blind race through the ship he spotted the escape pods and made note of them, knowing he would need one later.

James wouldn’t wait for him. James would make sure his daughter was safe.

He reached the end of a hallway and what looked like a type of elevator. It was small, but he managed to get himself and the vine-wrapped Shego inside. He chose the top level and waited anxiously while the elevator shot upward, the strange forces of the artificial gravity making his stomach more nauseous than the radiation.

He was rewarded when the elevator doors opened and he found himself at the back of the alien bridge. Warmaven sat calmly in a chair near the front where a broad window showed the vastness of the stars beyond, and a busy control panel flashed with all of its variously colored indicator lights.

At the sound of his intrusion Warmaven turned, and acting on his will the vines held Shego high above his head as he approached the alien confidently.

“Give me the cure!”

Warmaven actually looked afraid. She shook her head. “There isn’t one.”

“Give me the cure!” he shouted, raising Shego higher and closer to Warmaven’s face.

The alien shook her head again. “There is none!”

Drakken’s face slowly fell as he realized it was true. Whatever she had done…she only planned for destruction. Just like the apparent goal of their entire species.

He stepped around Warmaven toward the control panel, who was backing away in fear. And then, he gave a subconscious command to the vine that held Shego aloft.

In a move more quick and adept than he could have hoped for, the vine loosened and dropped Shego down on the control panel. The intense radiation from her glowing body immediately began eating through the ship’s controls.

“No!” cried Warmaven, but she held her ground. It was clear that she wasn’t immune to the radiation anymore than humans were.

A moment later, the ship seemed to lose its orbital integrity and began drifting. Drakken’s vine grabbed Shego again, the console a ruin beneath her, and then he ran for it.

Down the elevator again and back the way he had come, he chanced to see the familiar white space ship departing at high speed as he ran through the corridor. The Possibles had left him after all.

He stumbled suddenly and braced himself against the wall. He realized then that his head was hurting and he was more nauseous than he’d been before.

The radiation was getting to him.

Only a minute later he was in an escape pod and smashing buttons to get it to launch. It did, and the small craft rapidly left the Lorwardian mother ship behind to whatever fate would come to it after the damage he had done. Drakken pushed buttons more cautiously now that the craft was moving, discovering the ones he needed and turning the tiny craft toward a very specific destination.

A few minutes into the ride, he leaned to the side of the chair and threw up bile and scant remains of the fancy dinner he’d been served at the UN hours before.

The escape pod burst through the clouds and he guided it skillfully now down to his Alpine lair, still surrounded by flowers. He found that he was getting tired and figured it was due to concentrating on his vines both wrapping around him for safety and keeping Shego from touching anything in the escape pod.

She hadn’t even blinked since passing out on the alien ship and he was only a few breaths away from panic.

After landing, he raced into the chill of the lair and had the vines set her down far from his workstation. He ordered the vines already growing in the lair to take over the task of holding her and they immediately obeyed, to his great relief. There were so many more vines in the lair than he could create from his person due to the explosion earlier in the week, and he watched in fascination as they continued wrapping around and around Shego until she was sealed within a green cocoon, hidden entirely from his sight.

“Ah…she can breathe in there, can’t she?” he asked his flower.

The tiny bud nodded, and he sighed in relief as he turned toward his computer and began pulling up the formula for his plant mutagen. He mopped at his brow with the back of his sleeve and found it was ineffective. He impatiently scrambled out of the space suit, feeling more and more nauseous from the movement, but he was also too hot. He had to get out of it.

Once free he sat heavily in his chair and wiped the sweat from his face. He was definitely feeling the effects of radiation poisoning. But the vines…seemed to be absorbing most of it. It was the only explanation for why he wasn’t dead.

He stared at the formula on the screen, clearly resistant to nuclear radiation—and then it hit him. The aliens had turned Shego into a living nuclear reactor. And nuclear reactors overloaded unless the reaction was stopped, or the fuel ran out, or unless the radiation was absorbed at a faster rate than it was being put out.

He spun in his chair and looked at the vines again. It was working…but it wasn’t enough.

“Put…Shego in the hot tub,” he said, surprised at the weakness of his own voice. The vines obediently began gently rolling her cocoon toward the ridiculous hot tub she’d insisted on having in the lab and he rose and followed slowly, nausea overcoming him with his first step. But he had to see that this was done right.

When they arrived the vines had stopped short, and Drakken saw that the tub was frozen over.

“Hynghh…” he muttered, and slammed his fist against the ice. It cracked, and he hit it twice more before it broke entirely. Then the vines rolled Shego’s cocoon up and into the freezing water. “Make sure she can breathe!”

The instant she was in the water steam began rising. Somehow, the vines knew which end of the cocoon was up, and one of its narrow points bobbed just above the surface. Drakken realized the water would soon evaporate with the heat she was giving off and he would need to get the water turned on.

He turned to find the controls on the side of the tub, but another wave of nausea caused him to fall to his knees. As he pulled himself up to lean against the side of the tub he looked again at the thick columns of steam and was suddenly overwhelmed with despair.

Who was he kidding? The water would have to be inside her to help slow the reaction process, but doing that would kill her too. All he had done with the vines was slow the inevitable.

He wasn’t…going to be able to save her.

It was with that crushing feeling of failure that he passed out.

———

Drakken opened his eyes to pitch blackness. It was night in the Alps. He was freezing and felt horribly sick.

“Shego?” he whispered.

There was no response.

“Flower…ugh…find me some light.”

He was startled as suddenly his vine pulled him to his feet, and he fought against nausea as he felt the flower guiding him through the darkness. He noticed that each step was very slow and he wondered if that was for his benefit, or if his flower was sick too.

It was only a few minutes before his hands found the backup generator, which he turned on gratefully. Light flooded the lair, and he hurried back faster than his stomach would have liked to see Shego.

When he reached the hot tub he saw that it was still being fed water. The controls, which he had passed out before reaching, had been turned on.

“Thank you, flower,” he said quietly. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the leaves on his vine were white at the edges. He also realized that the vines which had been wrapped around his limbs protecting him were gone too.

The vines weren’t entirely impervious, he realized. And his eyes widened when he finally looked at Shego’s cocoon. The vines hadn’t moved from their place of surrounding her, but the outermost vines of the cocoon were shriveled and their color was a mixture of white and gray. The innermost vines that were closest to Shego had shriveled up as if mummified, and he could see through them to where she lie inside. He leaned forward and pried some of the vines back to get a closer look at her.

She wasn’t glowing anymore. But her eyes were closed and he couldn’t detect any movement from her in the water.

“Bring her out,” he said quietly. The discolored vines started to shift, but then halted abruptly. He noticed that the shriveled ones had no reaction at all. The radiation was overwhelming them.

With his own hands he grabbed at the cocoon and tugged on it until it rolled out of the hot tub, bumping into him and knocking him backward to the ground. It stopped its roll against his shins.

“Can I…cut these vines off her?” he asked his flower. It nodded. “It’s going to hurt you, isn’t it.”

The flower nodded again, and Drakken looked down in remorse. He understood suddenly that the vines that were most shriveled were dead, and that all of the vines he had created were somehow connected. And in saving Shego, he was doing them harm.

The pink bud slowly bloomed in front of him and then lightly lifted his chin up and turned his head toward Shego. And he knew it understood.

He searched around the lair until he found a saw and began cutting the dead vines off. The merely damaged ones slowly retreated on their own, until finally Shego was completely free.

She lay on the bed of dead vines, still un-moving. Drakken reached for her, and then hesitated. He took off one of his gloves and dangled it against her cheek, holding it there for nearly a minute. When he pulled it back and examined it, it was fully intact. She wasn’t melting things on contact anymore.

He replaced the glove and reached two fingers beneath her chin to feel for a pulse. Even through the glove he was surprised at the intense heat of her skin. Clearly there was more repair work that needed to be done. And faintly, beneath his fingertips, he felt the indication of life.

A great weight lifted out of his chest as he felt the pulsing of her blood through the vein, and he wondered if somehow, he had pulled off another unlikely miracle. Slowly, his own vines began surrounding her until they were just enough to lift her and set her back into the cold waters of the hot tub. He felt the great strain it was on the vines to accomplish the task, and the instant it was done he sat down against the tub and passed out for a second time, steam rising around him.

———

“Drakken? Come on, wake up Dr. D.”

Drakken gasped and lurched forward, suddenly awake at the sound of her voice. He turned quickly to see her sitting up, pushing her wet hair out of her face.

“Why am I in a cold hot tub…wrapped in your vines?”

Drakken quickly stood—too quickly, as he was forced to lean against the side of the tub when nausea immediately struck—and a moment later offered her a hand to get out of the tub. She took it, using it for balance while her other hand brushed away the vines until she could step free.

When she was out, Drakken silently called his flower back to him. But it didn’t move, the length of the vine remaining limp in the hot tub.

“What happened?” Shego asked, looking around at the dead and dying vines littering the floor. “I mean…how am I alive?”

Drakken licked his dry lips and spoke. “Warmaven…turned you into an overloading nuclear reactor. I put you in the water to slow down the reaction if possible. And the vines…absorb radiation really well. I apparently created them with a certain level of resistance…”

“But if I was an overloading nuclear reactor…how am I alive?” she asked again.

“Whatever Warmaven gave you…must have simply burned out. It does make me wonder, though. Perhaps your power is from a far milder and more controlled nuclear reaction…that occurs in you naturally because of the…comet, was it?”

Shego lifted her hands and Drakken expected her to power them up, but they stayed dormant. She gasped. Drakken looked at her quizzically and realized that her skin was somehow paler, and less green.

“I…can’t use my power,” Shego said, staring at her hands.

Drakken’s eyes widened to match hers. “Maybe…whatever the alien gave you…burned out whatever gave you your power to begin with.”

She stared away with unfocused eyes. Drakken watched as the bright, green pools slowly filled with tears until finally she sat down and leaned back against the hot tub, crying softly.

Drakken bit his lip. The only other time he had seen Shego cry was when she’d been under a form of mind control from Bortel’s moodulator. He wasn’t sure what to do, but finally settled on sitting next to her and setting a hand on her shoulder.

A few minutes passed until he heard her sniffle and she looked up at him, resting her head on her bent knees.

“How did you know what to do?”

“Ah…I didn’t,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck and feeling the limp vine just beneath his collar. “After I saw that my vines could carry you and we could escape, I just…guessed. Based on…what I know about nuclear reactions, of course.”

She frowned then. “Why did you bring me back? Didn’t you know you could have died?”

He looked away. He was beginning think that it was entirely possible…that he would anyway. But he didn’t tell her that.

“I couldn’t leave you,” he said, looking back at her.

A strange look came into her eyes that he couldn’t read, and almost too quickly she stood up. “You hungry?” she asked.

He felt too sick to eat, but realized it would be better if he did. “Yes,” he said. He stood up to follow her and then felt the tug of his vine, still limp from the hot tub. He began gathering it and carefully coiling it in his arms.

“What’s wrong with that thing?”

Drakken looked at the wet and discolored plant in his arm as he leaned back against the hot tub’s rim, nausea coming over him again. He met Shego’s eyes and saw the calculation there. He wasn’t going to be able to get this past her.

“I…I have radiation sickness. The plants aren’t…completely resistant,” he admitted.

He was surprised to see fear in her eyes. “What do we do about it?”

He hung his head. “Probably nothing. As sick as I feel, it’s…it’s probably fatal.”

He stared at the discolored vine again, thinking that her life was more than worth his. He realized a few moments later that she hadn’t said anything, and his ears suddenly perked up as he heard her quick, heavy breaths.

“That’s not an option,” she finally said. “I’m going to find some help,” she said, turning on her heel and stalking away from him.

“No, Shego…” he went after her to protest. He followed her out of the lair and into the living room. She was headed toward the phone, but on her way she stepped on the TV remote that had somehow ended up on the ground.

The giant TV flickered to life and they both turned at the startling noise, distracted from their current course by the image of the screen. It showed enormous framed photos of themselves mounted on a pedestal that was surrounded by flowers, and what must have been hundreds of people holding candles.

“The vigil for the world’s lost heroes, Dr. Drakken and Shego, continues here in New York the day after their second dramatic rescue of all mankind. The public memorial service is scheduled for next Saturday in Middleton, Colorado. And as the vigil continues, more testimonials from their friends, and loved ones.”

Drakken stumbled to the fur-covered couch, his churning stomach not allowing him to stand anymore, and dropped the vine next to him as he sat down. The vine began a slow, laborious retreat within him.

“With us now, Dr. James Possible of Middleton, to reflect on his friendship with Dr. Drakken.”

“Well we weren’t really friends, you see,” Dr. Possible said into a microphone. His face had lost all its usual joviality as he talked to the reporter. “In college he was the nerd. I know that sounds ridiculous, considering we went to M.I.S.T., but my friends and I thought that we were the cool ones and that he was just…a nerd. We teased him for no reason. I guess it’s…somewhere in human nature to put others down. I’ve regretted it for almost twenty years. And now I…I’ll never get the chance to apologize. To let Drew know he was every bit the scientist as any of us.”

Drakken felt Shego sit down near him and glanced over at her. Her face was glued to the screen where a helicopter showed continual footage of the candlelight vigil while the interviews were shown on the other half of the screen.

“My sister definitely marched to the beat of her own drum. Even when she was on the side of good, she was always a rebel. I worried she would influence our younger brothers. But they’ve all stayed strong through the years. I couldn’t say what caused her to choose evil. It’s a question I’ve never been able to answer. I keep asking myself…was it something I did? Could I have done or said something different? But…eventually I accepted reality. No matter how well you think you raise them, they’ll still choose their own path someday. I’m just glad she found a place she was happy.”

Drakken looked at Shego again when Hego had finished speaking. Her jaw was set tightly and her fingers were clenched into the fur-covered cushion.

Several more pre-taped interviews were played. The one from his mother made him cry, while the one from cousin Eddie made him cringe. All of Shego’s brothers spoke, saying mostly the same thing.

Drakken realized that nearly half an hour had gone by, and his vine was almost fully back inside him.

“We’ll close this special program tonight with a word from teen hero Kim Possible, who was the longtime nemesis of Dr. Drakken and Shego.”

“Shego was great,” Kim said, “There was this one time that a machine turned her good for about a week, and we hung out all the time. It was like having a big sister.”

“A much older big sister!” Ron Stoppable interrupted, leaning in front of the camera.

“Ron!”

“Yeah, Shego was pretty awesome,” Ron continued, standing in front of Kim now. “I always admired her for going after what she wanted in life, and not letting anyone shut her down, you know? And Drakken was the same. He wasn’t afraid to be himself, even after failing so. many. times. And he was totally comfortable with who he was. And he liked 'Snowman Hank’ which needs to be put back on the air this Christmas! You hear me, network executives!?”

“Anyway,” Kim said, stepping in front of Ron again, “I always felt like they had something good left inside them. And they proved it. And…and I’m going to miss them.”

Kim teared up at the last, and the news anchor closed the program with a final shot of the candlelight vigil and some unknown hymn being sung by a choir in the background.

Shego stood up and started looking around the room for a phone. “We need to get you to a hospital. Is the phone in the kitchen?”

She started for the door and Drakken lunged across the sofa, grabbing her arm to stop her. She looked at him in bewilderment as he stood to face her, his face grim.

“Shego. I would rather…d-die a hero…than dwindle for a few days in a hospital surrounded by strangers.”

He looked away bitterly. Of course he didn’t want his life to end, but…he didn’t have the choice at this point. He at least wanted the choices still available to him. “I’d rather just…spend the time here with you.”

He realized suddenly how that could have sounded and was glad he hadn’t been looking at her. His cheeks flushed regardless, and he wondered if she would hurt him for the idle comment even though he was dying.

Several seconds passed in silence, and he glanced up at her. She was staring at him with that unreadable look again. He felt a lump forming in his throat. Why did she have to make this hard?

“Please…d-don’t let anyone…dissect me for science, when I’m gone.”

She blinked once, and then the unthinkable happened. She started crying. Again.

He watched in confusion as she stepped toward him, her eyes sad and yet uncertain. She reached forward cautiously and grabbed at the front of his coat.

“Shego?”

A moment later her face was in his chest as her tears stained the front of his coat.

“I…I don’t…” she said quietly, her voice hoarse, “I don’t want you to die.”

He blinked. “I don’t want me to die, either.”

She stepped back suddenly and hit his chest with her fist. “Then why won’t you do anything about it!?”

“I told you why,” he said, his eyes pleading her understanding.

“Have you just…given up on living?” she asked incredulously, hitting him again, albeit weaker this time.

He blinked. “What else is there to live for? I’ve saved the world twice and I’m a lauded hero. It’s a good ending. I don’t want the world’s last memory of me to be as a lost cause in a sick bed!”

The vine finished its retreat into his neck and he shifted uncomfortably on his feet, feeling the mutant plant sliding amid his human anatomy.

Shego turned suddenly and stepped away, her arms wrapped tightly around herself.

“What if…you had something else to live for?”

“Like what?” he asked.

She turned to face him again, tears still on her cheeks. She was shaking again, the way she had when the alien contaminant had first entered her bloodstream.

“Shego, are you all right?” he asked worriedly.

She approached him purposefully and set her arms around his neck. His eyes widened in confusion. She stood on tiptoe and met his eyes fully. Her gaze was intense, and he found himself suddenly afraid.

“I know it’s selfish…” she said, glancing away for just a moment. “But would you live for me?”

“…Shego?”

She kissed him, leaving him completely stunned. He watched as the tears continued down her cheeks while her lips softly caressed his. Finally she pulled away, and he took a few cautious breaths.

“You don’t…have to make up feelings you don’t have, to convince me to try to live.”

“I’m not making it up,” she said, shaking her head. She stretched her arms further around his neck and pulled herself more tightly against him, and he felt her trembling. “I think…I think I love you.”

Drakken’s lips parted in a silent gasp. There was no lie in her eyes.

“And since…since you were willing to die for me, I think you might love me too.”

Behind them the big screen TV was showing aerial clips of the worldwide destruction caused by the first alien attack.

“What if…what if I die anyway?” he asked, his arms unconsciously wrapping around her.

“Then, at least we have right now. But I still want tomorrow,” she insisted, and kissed him again. The intensity knocked him off balance, and he fell backward onto the sofa and brought her with him. He brushed her wet hair out of his face and looked into her eyes, still pleading with him.

Slowly, the uncertainty melted out of his face and was replaced with a shy smile. Her own was confident as she stroked his jaw with her thumb, snuggling into him. And then she kissed him as if the world was going to end.

———

One month later, Shego walked out of the Mayo Clinic with Drakken leaning on her arm for support, smiling down at her as she gazed up at him adoringly. His hair was much thinner and there was less of it, and his plant mutation was no more, but neither of them cared. On her finger she wore a diamond ring.

the end.

[doinurmommy]

The Closet

Requested by an anon!

Trans!10k/Trans! reader How they come out. Reader can be any gender, it’s written neutrally.

My hands shook as I ran them down 10k’s side, terrified I would do something to mess up somehow. He leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to my lips, and another one to my jaw. 

“You seem nervous,” I whispered. 

“Yeah I’m always nervous when I’m around you,” his smile filled me with warmth, ebbing out my fears, for now. I raised a shakey hand to his jaw, brushing my fingers through his beard. He dropped his head onto my shoulder, breathing softly. “You seem nervous too. Got something on your mind?”

“No. The only thing I’ve got on my mind is you,” I pulled him by his shirt front, kissing him deeply. I brushed my hand across the back of his neck, smiling at the feeling of soft baby hairs. “I think I love you.”

“I-” 10k pulled back, a stunned look on his face. His hand rested gently on my thigh. “I think there’s something you should know first.”

My mind raced to all the things he could possibly tell me. Does he love someone else? Unlikely, but still a scary possibility. Is he bitten? Did he find out about me being trans? My worst fear in that moment was that he had found out and would want nothing to do with me. 

10k pushed back his hair as he took a deep quivering breath. “I wasn’t born like this,” he said, quickly adding, “A boy, I mean. I ... I wasn’t born a boy.” 10k’s shoulders shook, he looked close to tears. He rambled on when I didn’t say anything at first. I was too shocked to speak. I hadn’t expected this at all. In my mind it was more likely to see a unicorn than to ever meet another trans person again, let alone have it be the guy that I’m seeing. “I- I hope that this isn’t a deal breaker for you. I- I had no intentions of hiding it; I was just waiting for the right time and well this- this seemed like it.” 10k looked down at his hands, slowly crossing them in his lap. 

“Of course it’s not a deal breaker Tommy. You’re a boy and that’s that. That doesn’t change how I feel about you,” thick tears started to flow down my cheeks, I tried to hide them, I didn’t want 10k to think I was upset; I spoke quickly, “Sorry, I’m just so surprised. I didn’t expect this. I was so afraid that you would find out that I’m trans and not want anything to do with me, and I’m just so relieved.”

“What?” 10k’s eyes widened, mouth gaping. “How did you- How have you been getting hormones?”

“Doc.” We stated in unison, smiles cracked across our faces. 

“Doc’s been giving me my T shots since I’ve met him,” 10k added. 

>>>>

“I would’ve told you guys about it sooner, I just didn’t think it was a big deal,” 10k slammed a closed fist into Doc’s arm as he spoke, “Ouch! Hey! Besides, not my business to tell anyways.” He smiled, tipping his pipe. 

[fleetofshippyships-archive]

WIP tag meme

aaah, I was tagged over 2 months ago by @parkkate O.O sorry for not doing this sooner @parkkate​ XD I’ve been offline for a few months! Just now catching up on everything I missed! but I’m ignoring asks for now because my inbox is a mess

The Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous.

I’m gonna cheat and only do this for my drarry wips, since I post everything else on another account now, and tbh I have so many drarrys it’s still gonna be a long ass post XD

Oh man *sweats nervously* I’m a bit of a hoarder in all aspects of my life...I don’t even know where to begin! 

I’m not tagging anyone cos I was tagged 2 months ago and I have no idea who has and hasn’t done this and don’t want to be a pain. But if you wanna do it, go a head, and please tag me so I can be nosy and hopefully find someone with a wip problem as bad as my own so I can be less embarrassed XD

Also I’m putting this under a cut for reasons

1. 4th year au idea 

Sooooo, right off the bat, I often open a new file to jot down an idea even though I have docs specifically to dump ideas...and then at some point during the process of jotting down basic details of the idea...I start writing it....? This is one such occurrence...but I had to open it to check...and now I want to keep writing it XD

But also yikes it’s super dark

2. ... 4th year au idea

I swear, this is an entirely different wip and I am going ‘wtf’ at myself because wtf that’s confusing! I had also totally forgotten the existence of this before opening it....probably because of the name of it and the only reason I apparently have 2 files the exact same name is that one is a word doc and one is a libre office doc XD

3. drarry character death idea

Soooo, I need to stop turning idea files into wips without changing the names because I actually forget they are wips apparently

Also, I really want to finish this RIGHT NOW IT HURTS SO GOOD GIMME GIMME GIMME

4. Veela fic followup

LOL LOL LOL I’m rewriting my veela fic so I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to end up doing with this XD I might have to try and merge it with the re-write if the story has a similar outcome when I’m done. or maybe I’ll just turn this into its own thing....

5. Veela fic present tense

I really need to get back to working on this, this is actually the full re-write that re-doing the tenses spawned...I was binge writing this before my life went to hell but then my life went to hell and I went offline for like three months and didn’t do any writing or anything XD

although, the last time I looked at it I got the itch to change it back to past tense so who fucking knows what I’ll do with it now

6. Veela fic Draco pov

Curse my obsession with alternate povs of the same story and Draco for being such a good angsty pov

7. Veritaserum idea start

At least this one has ‘start’ in it so I know it is in fact a wip and not just an idea outline XD

7. Veritaserum

So, turns out I started that fic over in a new file and just left the old one lying around XD I do that too often. I should delete that other one...

Also...this better not turn into another ‘Amortentia’ with me unable to think of a fucking title and going with the file name because lame

This is also my first time trying to do god’s eye 3rd person instead of 3rd person pov...also first time trying to do this weird structure thing...I dunno but I like it XD

8.  CTS followup

9. CTS sequel

Two separate followups set at different times in the same story verse... I hate myself. I love them both. I can’t pick which one to stop writing so I’m gonna keep them both around and try and make them merge at some point...

10. MMB saying sorry

11. another erase the shame

12. next erase the shame

I work on followups and lose interest so often (usually because people bug me for followups and I get very ‘fuck you’ about it and stop writing them...but I keep them around and tinker with them every now and then soooo they’re still technically wips

13. Tea and Coffee oneshot series (Tea and Coffee, Coffee and Dark Marks, The Cottage Kitchen, next untitled one)

There’s also a present tense version of the first one of those *sweats nervously* first 3 are finished, of course, but my original purpose is lost to them becoming a long fic soo....gonna merge them into one long fic soon...once I decide what tense I like better......kill me now

14. Communion of the Soul (folder name)

This is the sequel to One Touch and this is spread across 5 files because apparently I did that and even though each time I got to work on it I have to figure out which file holds which part of the sequel timeline and which I feel like working on...I have yet to merge them into one file to make my life easier...

15. Crumbling Facade

ugh working on this always makes me want to re-write restraint and actually put in the major plot line, or what was supposed to be Harry’s major plot line before the relationship crap got away from me and I had to cut out all the plot stuff because by the time I got around to addressing it, it started reading like a completely different fic and I had to cut a huge chunk and end it instead, because back then I sucked more than I do now and couldn’t juggle

sooo...I still work on this in starts and stops and then get frustrated for having to stick to Restraint’s chain of events when I have better ideas now for working in Harry’s plot about his damn magic problem and ARRGEHGEHGFVEDHDBVUIOFNBFKDB EFBVJ

I should just let Crumbling Facade take me where it wants to take me and fuck Restraint

16. Potter’s Insatiable Heart

This is my longest wip at 130k XD and I’m stalling now because if I keep going with it where I was intending to go it will end up my longest fic and I’m getting intimidated by the length and how much work it will be to edit that long of a fic so I just go in and write a few paragraphs now and again, get scared of the length and move on to another wip XD

I also periodically binge read this bitch because I love it to death even though it’s severely flawed XD

17. Corset Drarry

oh boy, when I started writing this this I was weirded out by writing a kink I didn’t understand and kind of tailed off and left it...then I did kinktober for voltron and now I’m laughing at myself because corsets and lingerie is so fucking tame after that kinktober list and all the the crap I wrote for it XD

18. Music in the Periphery

Emily bugs me about finishing this a lot...I bug me about finishing it, progress is non-existent because I have a clear plan for it and when I have a clear plan I can’t write for shit

19. Saying Sorry (Round 2) (MMB)

I gotta kick that habit of starting over with something but keeping the first attempt and still working on it parallel to the second attempt, because then I wind up with 2 fics too similar to each other to post both and I’m completely unable to pick which one I like more *facepalm*

Also, MMB is dead if I can’t stop turning the next fic attempts into angst, I just look at that big fluffy mess and want to angst it all up

20. scrapped MMB ficlets - theo’s letter

not technically drarry thought the greater series is drarry...torn between making it mmb or making it its own fic for a rare pair

21. Weather the Storm

*cries* my 6th year war au, I have such plans for this, but the plans get in the way of writing =(

22. Soulmate AU (folder name)

fucking hell, this is 10+ files and I’m not naming all of them, current count is 5 completed versions 60k+ each, 1 incomplete alternate version, all of which I’m seriously unsatisfied with, none of which I can bear to delete, all of which I periodically go and tinker with, thus leaving them all wips i’m such a fucking hoarder but also I have never gotten over all the awful comments that were on the original soulmate fic on ffnet before my purge and now I can’t ever be satisfied unless it is perfect and wont result in such horrible comments again

23. Turnabout (folder name)

Once again, multiple wips in here of the same 60k finished fic I’ve been unhappy with since the moment I finished it and keep trying to fix by starting over and changing things here and there to change the course of the story. Honestly ready to hit the delete button with this one unless my latest attempt pans out, liking it so far buuuut I’m a mess about my writing so who knows

In the Ways that Matter was based off this fic XD

24. Dependency 

Oh boy, I abandoned this cos it was so dark I got too uncomfortable writing it...I’ve since started revisiting it after being in the Voltron fandom gave me a new tolerance range for dark content XD

Plan on posting this on anon if I ever finish it, obviously changing the title XD it stopped being relevant after the first 30k anyway 

25. Dependency V2

LOL light version of the above that removes most of the dark aspects while maintaining the core plot, but I’m finding it a bit dull XD not sure how long I’ll keep trying to chug along with it

26. *censored title*

hahahaha omg why is this in a different subfolder, this is actually one of the soulmate au ones only it’s actually a spin off au of the original soulmate one I from ffnet and therefore it’s new ground and I’m less unhappy with it

.....I’m probably going to stop working on turnabout today and work on this instead now

(censoring the name because I might post this on anon because I’m too scared to post another drarry soulmate fic under my own name)

27. Retrospection

Sooo, I’m always on and off this fic cos it triggers my anxiety and depression, but fuck that I want to write it so I keep trying XD

I’m also thinking of splitting the two main plots and only going with 1 and using the other to write another story....see if that eases how difficult it is for me to write without self triggering

28. Sequel to mornings

29. Sunrise (loose prequel to mornings)

30. Surrender

I had no idea what this was, opened it and then holy shit THIS BITCH, THIS SLOW BURN FRIENDS TO LOVERS PIECE OF BULLSHIT. I DON’T WRITE SLOW BURN! I DON’T WRITE FRIENDS TO LOVERS. I REFUSE.

but also I really really really love what I wrote so far and now I’m itching to write more *cries* making this list is leaving me with so many open files to work on

31. day 2 ass worship

32. day 3 sensory deprivation

*laughs nervously* the kinktober oneshots that starting turning into a long fic hahahaha cos I really needed more wips

33. Perception of Angels

*wistful sigh* one day I will be able to finish a heavily plot driven story full of fantasy elements and creatures and magic I made up, and when that day somes, Perception of Angels....or that timetravel war au drarry fic idea I have sitting around.....which isn’t on this list only cos I’m not stupid enough to start writing it

So that’s all the drarry files in my wip folder.... I also have heaps more for other ships and fandoms, but I’m keeping that separate =)

And...now I have some writing to go do, cos after 2 months of being unable to write thanks to the bullshit in my life, I started binge writing again 2 days ago =) and opening a few of these to remind myself what they were has a lit a fire under my ass

[raywritesthings]

So Much for Subterfuge

My Writing Fandom: Doctor Who Characters: Donna Noble, Tenth Doctor, Martha Jones, Mickey Smith, Jack Harkness, Keisha Jones Pairing: Doctor/Donna Summary: They've never been the best at maintaining their cover. AO3 link

And here’s another sentence prompt from anon for you all before I hit the hay. Probably should be noted this is post some Journey’s End fixit of your choice. Enjoy!

“Doctor?” A voice called.

He yawned and blinked his eyes open. “Hm?”

“Doctor?” Said the voice again. It was some ways off, he realized abruptly, just as he realized he didn’t quite remember falling asleep.

Not that he’d woken to an unpleasant situation. He was warm but not to hot under the shade of a tree. The sun was just beginning to dip past the horizon, and the scent of Donna’s shampoo was in the air. Mostly because his nose was in her hair.

Her legs were tangled up with his, and one of her arms had curled around his waist. In the early evening light she practically seemed to glow.

And as she was so near and still fast asleep, she had not been the one to call him.

“Doctor?” Martha’s voice echoed across the park again.

It was joined by Mickey’s. “Boss?”

Oh. Yes. The engagement party. Martha and Mickey had chosen to have an outdoor one to give some of the younger relations as well as the children of friends the space to run around, and it had been a splendid day for doing so. He and Donna had met a number of cousins, both Joneses and Oshodis, and several of Martha’s former fellow hospital interns, UNIT colleagues, and even her and Mickey’s clients. With that had come the questions and the denials of a relationship — though it wasn’t themselves they were lying to anymore.

“I just don’t want to steal their thunder,” Donna had told the Doctor as he’d watched her pick out an outfit that morning. “This is Martha and Mickey’s day. We’ll come back next month some time and tell them.”

“But won’t they feel bad we didn’t tell them the first time we saw them?”

“We don’t have to tell them we lied.” She had held her hair to one side and allowed him to step forward and zip up her dress for her. “We’ll just say it happened right after, make it sound like we were inspired by them or something. They’ll be pleased as punch.”

He’d pressed his lips to the back of her neck before her hair could fall back into place. “If you say so.”

As a result, the Doctor and Donna had been politely misinforming people about the status of their relationship through bouts of uncomfortable laughter.

They’d snuck off from the party for a bit of time to themselves which had been very pleasant, but settled down before they could get too carried away. Settling down must have turned into a nap somewhere in that time.

The others had clearly noticed at least his absence by now. That was not good. The Doctor carefully began to extricate himself from Donna, which involved, among other things, removing his hand from under her skirt.

“He can’t have run off. We’d have heard the TARDIS,” Mickey was saying.

“Donna should know where he is. Has anyone seen her? Jack?”

“Not since I last saw the Doc.”

Their voices were growing closer and he was still acting as Donna’s personal body pillow. This was really not good.

He shook her shoulder lightly. “Donna?”

She mumbled something into the crook of his neck.

“Donna, love,” he repeated a bit more urgently.

“I don’t wanna get up — you’re comfy.”

“Right, well, be that as it may, we’re being summoned. And unless you’d rather this be how the others find out—”

Her head shot up. “What?”

“I reckon we’ve got about a minute to make ourselves presentable before someone comes across us.”

“And you couldn’t have woken me sooner?”

“I tried!”

He had a knee on the ground and was about to spring up to standing when the patter of bare feet met his ears and five year-old Keisha Jones rounded their tree. She stumbled to a halt and gasped at them wide-eyed.

“Keisha. Hi,” the Doctor said. “Uh, if you wouldn’t mind, we’re just—”

The girl drew in a deep breath.

“Oh, sweetheart, don’t,” Donna pleaded.

“Aunt Martha!” Keisha yelled. “I found them!”

They both scrambled to their feet, the Doctor giving Donna a hand up. He’d only just straightened his tie — though he belatedly realized his jacket was sitting folded up on the ground — and Donna was smoothing a hand down her front to take care of the worst of the wrinkles when Martha, Mickey, and Jack all came into view.

“Thanks, Keisha,” said Mickey, patting the girl’s head. She giggled at them all and skipped away. “You two couldn’t hear us or something?”

“Oh, no, sorry,” Donna blustered.

“Must’ve been the tree blocking the sound. Very sturdy, these trees.” He patted the trunk, noticed Donna giving him a rather unimpressed look, and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“What was it you needed?” She asked.

“We’re doing the toast,” Martha said, lifting the two glasses in her hands in demonstration with a funny quirk to her lips as her eyes ran over them both.

“Oh, brilliant! Love a toast.” He darted forward to take her second glass and the spare one Jack was holding, passing the first to Donna. Then he nodded back in the general direction of the pavilion. “Well, shall we?”

“I think we shall,” Donna answered for him, hurrying away. Mickey and Martha exchanged a look before following, and Jack waited for him while he bent to retrieve and don his suit jacket.

“You know, I’m loving your new tattoo,” his friend remarked just as they were nearing the pavilion.

The Doctor frowned. “Jack, I haven’t got a tattoo.” He’d not had one for several incarnations now, he was fairly sure. Hard to keep track when sometimes they just came with the rest of it.

Jack smirked and — just to be more insufferable — winked. “Exactly.”

Before he could ask him about it, the Captain strode to the center of the group to give his speech that would lead into the toast. The Doctor shook his head and went to find Donna.

They stayed about an hour more and bid the happy couple goodbye with promises to see them again before the wedding. Neither he nor Donna was inclined to talk all that long considering the way first Martha and then Mickey had been watching them and exchanging looks with each other the rest of the night. Hopefully they’d decide it was all a misunderstanding.

Any hopes of that were dashed later in their bedroom as the Doctor undid his tie and the first button of his collar. He stopped as he noticed a reddish stain on the inside.

“What?”

Feeling at his neck, he came across nothing liquid, but his fingers came away similarly stained. Looking closer, he realized the color and texture was less reminiscent of blood and more of lipstick.

Donna’s lipstick.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

Rather than say anything, he merely turned around to show her.

“Is that…?” Donna began.

“My new tattoo, according to Jack.” The Captain must have had eagle eyes to spot whatever little bit of it had been showing above his shirt collar — but then, that was his area of expertise.

Donna had pressed her lips together, but briefly parted them to say, “Oops.”

“What’s done is done.” The Doctor shrugged, then continued to undo the rest of his shirt buttons. “Still, I wish Jack had been a little clearer in his meaning.”

Donna’s eyebrow raised. “How so?”

He stepped up to her, allowing a rakish grin as he reached behind for the zipper on her dress. “If we were going to steal their thunder anyway...I’d have liked to enjoy it.”

“Oh, you think you’re gonna enjoy it now, do you?” She did nothing to stop the fabric slipping down her arms as he dragged the zipper down, exposing her cleavage inch by slow inch. “I should’ve known better than to let you lead us off the path in the park.”

“Ah, but it was your mark that got us caught,” he reminded.

Her lips formed a pout he wanted to nibble at as she considered that point. “Suppose that’s true.” Then she pulled the open halves of his shirt down his arms before lowering hers to allow her dress to fall around her ankles with a single shake of her hips. “Want some more?”

The Doctor groaned at the sight. He was in love with an Earthgirl, and at this point he didn’t care who knew it.

[mint-kook]

Hey its girlfriend anon. Its been a while huh, I uh, I just got back home from the hospital last night? Weird thing happened where I tried to kill myself "attempted suicide by OD" is what the doc said. Apparently I'm a "smiling" depressive. Meaning I smile, laugh, eat, get up and work just like everyone else and you never see it. He said smiling depression is worse 'cause they actually have the energy to plan a suicide. You don't have to reply or read, I just need to talk before I lost my mind

2/2 P.s: can I just say, hospitals are fucking weird?! Like you think asking me a million times how I’m feeling and “what emotions where you feeling when you attempted to Overdose” is gonna make me better?? Idk what emotions I was feeling lady! I WAS HIGH! Plus the place smells so fucking clean Its gross. And the fact that I can’t have my own clothes? Like I’m away my original clothes weren’t in the best shape, but I prefer my ripped jeans to your weird outfit anyday

I’m honestly sorry I didn’t answer this sooner but I wanted to wait for a moment when I could actually sit down and talk about this. I’m sorry to say it but honestly I’m so happy that it didn’t work and that you’re still around and I’m definitely happy to say the least that you were brave enough to share something like this with me.

Now I originally did not know what “smiling depression” was, so I had to search it up and figure out for myself. As someone who suffers from anxiety and mild depression, I can say that I completely understand. I know what it’s like to have thoughts like that but I’m sorry to say I don’t know how to help completely. 

I do know that one of the major ways to get help is to have someone there to talk to and seek emotional support from, and this goes for anybody having suicidal thoughts or just needing to relieve some stress, you can always hit up my ask box or message me privately. I will offer as much support as I can from my position. 

P.S. I do know hospitals freaking suck. I had a fainting episode about a year and a half ago over the summer and I was there for several hours trying to get blood work done. I was hooked up to an IV and I was stuck in a hospital gown which I absolutely hated. I was so glad to finally get out of there because anytime I tried to move or get up thousands of nurses would crowd into my space and try to help. 

[snarkwrites]

i wish i were that anon because that is a really great title and you posting about it just made me think of the title for the sequel: "throwing stones." (it would most definitely have to be angst because how can anything titled that be fluff??????) anyway i'm done i'll leave you alone now 🖤

Bless you for this follow up title. I love you so so so much for it, you have no idea. This gave me the perfect opportunity to play around with more angst.The first part to this is [ here ] if you wanna read it. 

Tag Squad : ( for the SOA version ) @rampagewriting | @chasingeverybreakingwave | @kyleoreillysknee | @sassymox

( for the stranger things version ) @rampagewriting |

[ tag list doc - add yourself or I won’t tag ] | [ masterlist ] | [ keep ‘em comin - these are hella fun ]

                       STEVE HARRINGTON x CHARLOTTE (oc)

“You’re acting weird lately.” Nancy’s accusatory tone had me looking up from the textbook in front of me and across the table to her. I licked my lips and swallowed hard, studying her a second or two. “How so?” I finally asked, tapping my ink pen against the tabletop.

“Every single time Steve shows up, you get moody. I know what happened but he’s not like that anymore.” Nancy’s words came in a rush, tumbling on top of each other and I took a deep breath, letting them sink in and trying to think of a response. Any response but the truth.

Because I’m just not ready to wrap my head around that just yet, god no. 

I tried simple deflection first. Blatantly ignoring the fact that I knew perfectly well she was right and she had a good point. To pretend like I wasn’t fully aware that every time Steve and I were forced to interact now, thanks to the two of them dating, the air wasn’t so heavy with tension that I couldn’t breathe. That I didn’t get moody and snippy.

“I’m not. It’s just.. Finals. Dad’s having problems with bookkeeping down at the garage too so I’m helping him as much as I can there, too.. I barely sleep. I’m sorry?”

It wasn’t entirely a lie. Business for my father has been super slow lately and it’s worrying him, I can tell. Finals are getting closer too and to my shock, this year hasn’t been as easy for me as all the ones prior to. My grades are all over the place and it’s bothering me because I know that maybe I’m focusing a little too much on the fun and not my future. Because until this year? I really didn’t… Have a whole lot of fun.

Deep down though, I wasn’t sorry. I couldn’t handle being around Steve a lot. I did not handle it well at all. Because being around him lead to all those fucking pesky feelings I still somehow have to flood right back and given that Nancy seems reasonably happy, I just.. Didn’t want to ruin that.

And then there was the fact that lately, Jonathan and I have been talking more and maybe I feel a little bit guilty about that, too. Because I don’t know if Nancy’s ever told Barb this but she’s told me… She really did have a serious thing for him. As far as I know, that hadn’t changed. Until I got back from summer camp this year and everything pretty much had.

To sum it up, I know I hate change and I know I’m not handling it the best way.

My silence must have been too much, because Nancy cleared her throat. “You know you can tell me if something really is wrong… Right?”

I gave a soft laugh and nodded, twisting the pen between my fingertips as I leaned the chair back on two legs a little. “I know. And if there were, I would. I promise, Nancy. Nothing is wrong.”

“Then could you try being friends with Steve? For me?”

“I… Okay, yeah. Sure. I’ll try being friends with him.”

Jonathan walked into the library and I bit my lip, giving him a sheepish wave as he made his way over to our table, sitting down beside me and leaning in to whisper, “I swear to God I thought the teacher was never going to just shut up.”

Nancy looked from me to him and she bit her lip. I could see the brief look of hurt in her eyes and I swallowed hard, the guilt flooding me despite Jonathan and I only being friends. I smiled a little and spoke up. “It’s okay if Jonathan joins us to study, right? Because he’s a thousand times better at this math malarkey than me. He’s been a huge help.”

Jonathan beamed at my words of praise. Nancy, not so much.To an extent, I was dreading the conversation I knew we were going to have later that night. But then, deeper down, parts of me were kind of… well, I was more than a little too smug.

And that made me feel like the most horrible friend ever.

Steve peeked into the library, waving as he flashed a bright grin at Nancy. Nancy gestured him over and I tensed a little. I could feel Jonathan watching me when I did it, so I glanced over at him and bit my lip. He gave me this nod as if to say he understood and I swallowed hard, playing with my hair as I trained my gaze diligently on the book open between Jonathan and I now.

Steve plopped into the chair beside Nancy and broke the heavy, tension filled silence. “I’m having a party at my house this weekend. You two should totally come.” 

The pen shot out of my hands and I grabbed for it quickly. After settling back into my seat, I eyed Steve, shocked to find him already staring at me, a curious look in his eyes. And then a smirk playing at his mouth, almost a teasing one at that. “That means you too, Byers.”

Jonathan and I both tensed up a little because it didn’t take an idiot to see that Steve was up to something. We shared a look and Jonathan spoke up first, begging off. Saying he had stuff to do with Will. I pouted to myself a little briefly, but then I shrugged. “We’ll see. I mean, my dad is still kind of pissed about me sneaking off to Chicago with my aunt last weekend but maybe I can talk him into at least letting me stop by?”

I did it to appease Nancy. But I could tell that Jonathan showing up to study with me and me not having already mentioned that Jonathan and I were getting to be friends lately, well… I pretty much knew the damage was done.

And that bothered me a lot.

I did not want this to create even more tension between Nancy and I. She’s my best friend. We’ve been best friends since we were three. I didn’t want that to be another thing that changed this year.

,, but something tells me that it’s happening, whether I want it to or not.” as quickly as the thought came, I shoved it back out.

                       JUICE ORTIZ x HAZEL (oc)

“Don’t you have crow eaters to bother?” if I sounded tense when I asked the question it was because I’d had to watch them hanging all over him all night. And watch him, eating it up. And damn it, that was torture for me. Sheer hell. So I was frazzled by this point. And here he came, probably back to pick another fight.

As if the three arguments he tried starting earlier weren’t enough.

I reached out and grabbed for the pink Zippo sitting between us on top of the picnic table out back and I lit my cigarette, taking several long drags and letting them escape into the night air. Juice was just sitting there quietly and he really wasn’t saying anything. His gaze fell to his hands and he took a deep breath.

Heard Mayans have been given you trouble, Haze.”

I rolled my eyes. Goddamn Trager. I told him not to breathe a word to anyone about that one asshole who followed me home last night after trying to cop a feel when I was on stage dancing. He swore he wouldn’t and yet…

Juice makes exactly the second person to ask about the incident. Does no one in this goddamn MC know how to actually keep a secret?

I laughed at the passing wonder as it left my mind. Juice cleared his throat. “You know that club’s fuckin dangerous.”

“Yeah?” I eyed him for a few seconds, blowing out another smoky breath. Tearing my eyes off of him, I stared up at the sky. All the stars twinkling above. “If you came out here to lecture me, trust me.. Both my mother and Jax have been giving me literal shit fits for taking the gig at that club. It’s not going to change my mind. I want to dance. I’m not afraid.”

“It’s not you, either.” Juice spoke up, glancing over at me. “You weren’t like this.”

“I was still a fucking kid.” I said it through a jaw tightly clenched and then I sighed. “Why do you even care, anyway?”

He shrugged, not answering my question. Bold of me to assume he does in fact care, I guess . It hit me then just how much that bothered me. My shoulders slumped and I stared down at the bench my feet sat on top of. “I can’t believe you look down on what I’m doing too. You were the one who always said do what makes me happy, Juice.”

“But this? Really? Between that and the drinking so much. Don’t think I didn’t see ya slammin back shots earlier tonight with those bikers who stopped in from the Arizona charter.” 

“They were buying them, what the hell’s the point in letting them go wasted, huh? I’m not working, so it’s not like I was drinking on the clock.” I looked up, directly over at him. He opened his mouth, only to close it again.

“You play it safe, Hazel. You always have. For fucks sake, you fuckin walked away because there was even a small chance I might get hurt when I told you I wanted to pledge and Jax was talkin me up on it.” 

I took a deep breath, shoving my hands into the pocket of my jacket because they were starting to shake, it was taking that much to keep from blurting out the entire reason behind my decision back then. Or to tell him that I very much regretted my decision now. And that if life came with a rewind button, I’d gladly hit it and go back.

Instead, I shrugged. “Yeah. I did.” it was honestly all I could say. I slid off the table top, grabbing my pack of cigarettes and my lighter, slinking through the back door into the bar because my break was over.

And it took literally everything in me not to cry. Not to go track him down among the crowd, shove him against the wall and kiss him until I was light headed and his lips were bruised. Sooner or later, I’m going to crack.

I know this.

But until then, I’m just letting him have his anger and get it out. Because frankly, I deserve all of it. His concern for me out back of the bar tonight though… It was something I truly had not been expecting.