#??????????? anyway im fine but the last half hour of my stream was WEIRD

[the-one-who-lambs]

An announcement I never thought I had to make, I guess:

Please don't advertise my twitch streams on other websites, but especially not porn websites

[sourdeer]

Sourdeer's Toppadapops

(Best 10 Medias of 2024)

In the vein of my good fried @batcrooks I present information nobody cares about - My Favourite Things I Played/Watched/Read of 2024. Warning for probable spoilers in 'reviews' (streams of conciousness rambles) all 2 people who will read this :)

Best Singleplayer Game

Animal Well!

My Review: "ANIMAL WELL! well well this game was. so very good. i REALLY enjoyed it like, a LOT it is the game that leaves you hungering for more. It is like, hm. Not Surprisingly Deep but it uses the things in its toolbox so very well. I love a game that makes me Think and Plan and write things down on paper and not be so Overly hard that I can't bring my ideas into fruition. The perfect level of difficulty basically. I don't think I was ever frustrated by a puzzle until the like, VERY ending where I was running around trying to discover the Last Few Secrets. So for JUST PLAYING animal well i have to say it is excellent. Probably the best single player game I have plaeyd this year. the Aesthetics and Vibes are Imacculate, the music isn't STANDOUT but certainly Good Enough to Fit, and the gameplay is all like, mostly pretty Simple with some challenging moments that are mostly optional. A great chillout game that i DO MOSTLY BELIEVE catbrooks would love. I both enjoy the game having Meta Elements and yet Resent Having to Look Anything Up.The post game True Ending or whatever doesn't really, have a Payoff. its just extra Stuff you Can Do but only really via reading a guide quite literally in some cases. Which annoys me. i never like that. SO, the Actual Game? excellent, near flawless, fantastic. the optional Secrets? Not really worth it. I felt smart to figure out the few i did but i simply Dont like looking them up. And thats what i spent the last of the game doing so thats what is fresh on my mind. Animal Well is like a hybrid of Hollow Knight and Tunic, kind of. The Vibe vaguely unsettling atmosphere and sense of discovery of HK (except with 0 NPCs or explainations) and the kind of, secret filled 'oh you can DO THAT?' that Tunic sometimes imparted. I would say really it has taken the best Elements of both of them and made somethign Better than them both. Except it doesnt have Tunic's booklet...... that thing was incredible......" Runner up: Crow Country!

Best Multiplayer Game

Abiotic Factor!

My review: "after the first 4ish hours im really enjoying this! The Setting is VERY good - i'm kind of surprised afaik this like, Exact Idea hasn't been done yet. It kind of hits a very Current gameplay/aesthetic trend - kind of backrooms/analog horror/creepypasta. which is great for me because i LIKE those things when they are well executed.I also like how it very much feels like this is a spin off game where you just ARE in black mesa after half life kicks off lol.

the gameplay itself is good too! It is a Little overwhelming just HOW many recipies there are - i think maybe if they were split between different tables it would be Less 30 recipies at once for sure. but then youd have to MAKE them so probably NOT. its not a real complaint just a fot. i like the gameplay loop where there are Distinct Places to go. it kind of has a rougelite FEEL like it remind me of the feeling i wanted to get from the minecraft mod we played where you raided vaults.

anyway fun so far :)

after MANY more hours and i am kind of led to believe many more Yet - its VERY good. i really enjoy the gameplay loop and i think the resources are Fun and pretty plentiful that you never feel like 'ugh i need to go grind cuttign trees for 5 hours to build a house' which i suppose is because you CANT BUILD a house. there isnt any Base Building which is fine i think? it Works for the game they have made you are in a building you just need to find a good spot in that building to Live.

i like how fully comitted it is to being Weird and SCP Half Life. It MIGHT be just Early Access but i think they could have leaned More into the SCP-ness of it? Idk maybe just the journal is SO bad to try and look at that it makes me not Want to Learn about their Fun Scary Objects! Which is always my favourite part. I was thinking about how its a shame so many of the SCPs are Uninteractable (which might not even Be True could just be we havent got them Yet) but i guess that is potentially endless DLC and Update option so! Thats fun in theory

haigvng played ALL that there is to play (55 hours) i am VEry sd its over! the last zone hydroplant got a LITTLE exhausting. it was just a bit too confusing? and the enemies were HARD! but then i thought secuirty was a Bit Lame and Lacklustre so. cant have it both ways.

one of the very best games ive played this yearl, a very strong challenger fro V Rising for goty (coop)"

Runner Up: V Rising!

Best X Plays Game

The Roottrees are Dead! (Cat Playt)

My review: "really good puzzled GAME. slightly dampened that i was sooo so so tired by the end so got a bit grumpy at it but mostly very very good. I love Artefacts and Documents as a rule so just a treat for me."

Runner Up: Hypnospace Outlaw

Best TV Show

Severance!

My review: "i fuckign love this show so much it makes me soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo mysterypilled theorymaxxer. the work is mysterious. and important" Runner up: Silo S2

Best TV Show Thats Not Severance Which Doesn't Count Because I Watched It For The First Time in 2023

Arcane (Season 2)

My Review: "oooOUUGHG THE NARRATIVES! the WEAVES!!!!! you can fit SO much shit into a show actually . a fucken.... visual spectable. like it look SO GOOOOD. god this show really does it unlike any other and no other will every do it again. AND ITS FUCKEN!!!!!!!! LEAGUAE OF LEGENDS???????????? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT

it was so good I fully shotgunned it in 1 day 1 sitting just me and 6 hours of Good Shit.

my only 'complaint' is that sometimes it looks like one of those 2d puppet animation GIFs or rise fo the golden idol and its a bit odd and offputting. oh and the MUSIC LMAOOOOOO. that one tumblr post really was even truer than i could know. except when one time at the Apex it was just some random? chinese(??) ballad????? baffaling. to me. Well it seems like in the last rd they just decided to dtich the VEYR FUNNY OVERLY DESCERIPTIOVE SONGSD and have them in a variety of languages. because people around the world like LoL?? I dont understand this.... its so weird for a shwo that until the last bit was So bad at having a coundtrack lmao" Runner Up: Dungeon Meshi

Best Live Action TV Show

A League of Their Own! (RIP)

My Review: "i really enjoyed this im sad it got canceled :( its..... the longing. i enjoyed watchign it very much becasue im a silly little lesbian i cant help it"

Best Dropout Show

Gamechanger/Very Important People

My Review(s): VIP: "some are REALLY good some are PRETTY MID! Here is my tier ranking: Tommy Shriggly/Leighanna Jean Gruthers Marionette Conqui and Zonton de le Doll Princess Emily Denzel Vic's Ex Step Grandmother Kepl and Dr. Milk Martha Topps and Lucian Azathoth Professor Avery Goodman Jasper and Casper" Gamechanger: ":D"

"i LOVE the premise and almost every episode was extremely funny. this actually is true of BOTH of them they get to SHARE GC for longtime VERY BEST and VIP for best newcomer!" Runner Up: Smartypants

Best Book

A Deadly Education

My Review: "it was just so FUN!!!! i liked all the characters and I didn't get the very like, Foreboding Dread that Children of Time gave me. But honestly its just an easier funner read, I didnt have to think about SCIENCE and hurt my brain trying to imagine how their spider cities and tech worked. just have a Fun Time

it beats out the sequels because i think it was just the one i most enjoyed reading! the scholomance was the Coolest setting and the fun of a New World. the rest are still great but not my favroruite :)"

Runner Up: Children of Time

Best Film

The Martian

My Review: "this was such a fun film i enjoyed it all VERY much. I liked how it went Pretty indepth into like, How he survived it was also nicely comedic at times. There really isn't much I can critique about this film, it wzs just a real fun Film to Watch. Made me CRAVE SPACE like, i do Get it Space Is Cool. wanna play a space game about launching a rocket or something but i feel like they are never as Cinematic as a movie (obvously LOL) or theyre like, Too Techy which is a bummer. but the film was good!" Runner Up (And actual favourite but didn't watch it for the first time in 2024): Portrait of a Lady on Fire

[hansolmates]

remote learning (m)

summary; working remote sucks, and you would love a little relief. after buying a new toy to blow off some steam, you’re baffled when you can’t cum. however, jungkook thinks you’re doing it wrong, and shows you a thing or two. pairing; neighbor!jungkook x (f) reader genre/warnings; fluff, humor, slightly insecure mc, this is pure FILTH—use of a remote controlled vibrator, do not and i repeat DO NOT try foreplay during a zoom call in the event u get fired im not responsible, phone sex, jungkook’s a meanie in control, cum eating, doggy, and topping it off with some sweet missionary bc jk has purty eyes, unprotected (wrap the pickle before u tickle folks) excessive use of the petname [redacted] w/c; 5.7k a/n; this fic manifested bc of work. and i!! am!! frustrated!! i think we all need a lil jk relief so here it goes! as always ty to @chillingtae​ / @eerieedits​ for this FANTASTIC fic banner, please go check vivi out if u have taste okok part 2: distance learning drabbles; 01

if u like this fic pls consider giving it a like and a share💕💕💕💕

“Tomorrow morning, same time at 9AM. Remember to have your reports alphabetized and itemized,” your supervisor says, but the only thing you can focus on is the abnormal amount of bonsai plants in his living room. 

“Alright now it’s time for the union to talk COVID protocol,” you frown when Mr. Kim moves ownership of the Zoom call to your union rep, who pulls up a Powerpoint. You feel your eyes burn at the sight: an itinerary containing over thirty-eight slides. 

“For fuck’s sake—” 

You so desperately want to turn off the camera and flop in your bed. Since working remotely you haven’t been operating in the most ideal of workspaces. You live in a one-room apartment with a communal kitchen downstairs, so you really only have four square meters to stretch your limbs around between breaks. You’ve pushed your bed aside and shoved an office chair between the bed and the wall, leaving you to squirm between ten centimeters of space. You have no desk because well, the little rectangle space is prioritized for your portable stove and meals. 

The meeting drones on for another hour, until your brain melts to liquid and your limbs feel like Jell-O. Furthering your anxiety as they talk about protocol that never ends up happening, delays that continue to pile up, and the anger that’s been bubbling between the higher ups and little goldfish employees like you. 

When you finally shut off the camera and fling your laptop under the bed, you still feel unsettled. Probably because your work life and home life have merged together, and it’s hard for you to separate work and pleasure. 

Speaking of pleasure. 

Your hand blindly reaches under your bed, looking for the pretty pink oval you purchased last week. Cleaned and ready to use, the little remote-controlled vibrator sits plainly in your palm. 

Needless to stay you’ve been in a bit of a dry spot these past few months. With a fear to go out and meet someone new, you’ve been left with yourself and your fantasies. That’s fine, but lately your old vibrator isn’t cutting it. It’s unfortunate, you think you’re messing up your libido by buying toy after toy, but you’re horny and lonely. 

Linking your phone’s app to the remote, you ignore the messages that have been beeping your feed since early morning. 

[11:21] Jeon: let’s do lunch! 

[11:23] Jeon: hehe i feel like i belong in mean girls. Do lunch💁🏻‍♀️💁🏻‍♀️💁🏻‍♀️

[2:20] Jeon: u loozer. Come eat dinner with us upstairs @6

[2:24] Jeon: dropping off a snack for u 

Another element of feeling horny and lonely? Jeon Jungkook. 

You two shouldn’t have even met each other. You live off crumbs on the first floor while he and his roommates are livin’ it up on top in the penthouse. One day a few months ago he crashed into you while working out, having run up and down the whole flight of stairs at least three times before deciding to collapse on you between the second and first floor. 

Despite the black mask that hugged his sharp jawline, you had felt nothing but attractiveness ooze off of him. Under his hoodie was nothing but curved muscle. He smelled so soft and sweet despite the fact that he was damp with sweat. 

The rest is history. After that day he seemed to show up everywhere, jogging more prominently on your floor and doing exercises at your level’s gym. He says he likes you, likes your company. He’s wormed his way intermittently, whether he’s seeing you struggle with an armful of groceries or when he hears you screaming over an Among Us match (according to Jungkook, the walls are thinner on the bottom floors.) 

The idea of Jungkook doting on you doubly frustrates you. He seemingly appears as the perfect man, unaffected by the stresses of the world. Jungkook’s job lets him work from home anyway, and he definitely had enough room in the penthouse for his own office. He works out, probably has a girlfriend and enough friends for you to gradually phase out of this weird neighbor interest. 

So you ignore his seemingly harmless messages, focusing on getting the settings right on the vibrator. You feel your pussy jolt a little in excitement, watching the silver and pearl pink oval shake in your grasp. You smile a bit to yourself, immediately finding your iPad for your favorite videos and some pillows to support your back. 

Half an hour later however, that excitement soon goes sour. 

“Fuck,” you bite your lip, frustrated tears streaming down your face, “fuck fuck fuck!” 

This isn’t a set of explicatives out of pleasure, unfortunately. 

No matter what you do, you won’t cum. You can’t cum. Barely wet, hardly a drop glossing your folds. You don’t even want to bother getting out the lube at this point because you are so disappointed. 

The vibrator is going at the highest setting, one that your neighbors can probably hear if they were home at this time of the day. You cease to care at this point, because the job is undone because you haven’t come undone. 

You don’t know why this is happening. Maybe it’s because you’ve had the liberty to touch yourself in complete silence, now that your neighbors have been confined to their homes indefinitely. Maybe it’s because it’s been so long since you’ve relied only on your touch, that your body is tired of the monotony and needs more.

You bang the heels of your feet against your flimsy mattress, feeling whiny and utterly dissatisfied. Pulling the vibrator from your clit, you glare at the infuriating toy.

“You’re supposed to be helping me out of my dry spell,” you chastise, throwing the toy across the bed, sliding onto the carpet, “I get you’re not Jeon’s dick, but you gotta help a sister out.” 

With a sigh, you fall into a bout of exhaustion. Not from a round of orgasms, but from the week’s stress and no way to let it out. 

You wake up bleary and disoriented, practically melding through the mattress. The sky is pink and blue, washed in a sea of corals and purples. It comes from the incessant banging. 

“Stop it,” you whine more to yourself than whoever dares to disturb your sleep, pulling up your panties and a pair of navy dolphin-trim shorts. “Whoever you are I’m comin’ so stop!” 

Swinging the door open in two strides you’re met with a chipper Jeon Jungkook; looking all cute and sweet in his big hoodie and smelling like a rosebud. 

“It’s 6:30,” he narrows his eyes playfully at you, “dinner’s in the oven.” 

“You left your oven on,” you deadpan, turning around to grimace at the mess that’s your one-room apartment. 

“Yes, so we have exactly ten minutes before my kitchen explodes in flames,” Jungkook chirps, closing the door behind you. 

You don’t even bother to tell him to excuse the mess, ignore the pile of bras hanging on your vanity and the unpacked groceries that sit at the edge of your mini-fridge. It’s far too late to salvage your dignity and Jungkook’s too damn polite to call you out on your state of slob. Although, as you pull out a bottle of wine tucked in the back of your fridge you blurt, “I can hear your fingers tingling to clean up my mess.” 

When you turn around Jungkook stuffs his hands in the kangaroo pocket of his hoodie, supposedly to stop himself from cleaning up. With a pout he says, “Can’t help it, Jimin says I’m currently manifesting a strong display of Virgo energy this month. Whatever that means.” 

Jabbing your feet in a pair of slides you follow Jungkook out the door. The hallways are quiet and barren, yet the silence isn’t suffocating as you two pile into the elevator. Jungkook opens the keypad underneath the regular boring buttons, revealing a sleek little set of light-up buttons that have the code to the penthouse. Faaaannnnccy. 

“Tryna look?” he jokes, cupping his hands to block your vision. 

You scoff, “I’m sure it’s something easy like 0000.” 

“You’re wrong. It’s 1234,” he replies cheekily. 

The door dings open and you’re met with yet another door. Jungkook presses his thumb to the biometric scanner, and a pleasant ringer tings in response. 

The penthouse smells like a mix of tonight’s dinner, savory, combined with a cinnamon apple candle. Jungkook is a fan of scented candles, ever since he got a whiff of your lavender vanilla burner. 

“Where’s Taehyung?” you ask, more out of your own anxiousness than anything. Taehyung’s  your buffer, the hyper roommate being someone to distract you from Jungkook’s incessant aura. 

“Dunno,” he shrugs, flicking on the oven light to peer inside. You see the telltale signs of a mean lasagna, the shredded cheese on top crisping to a delicious-looking golden brown, “anyway, you’re my friend first.” 

As grotesque as it sounds, Jungkook always finds his way to worm his way under your skin and find homage there. “Possessive much?” you quirk a brow, folding your arms over your chest even though there’s nothing to hide. 

“What can I say,” Jungkook’s legs stretch out as he squats down to your level, “I really fell for you.” 

“Gross,” you try to convince yourself, ignoring the thudding in your chest, “you technically fell on me, weirdo.” 

Dinner is a quick affair. He cuts slices of lasagna and brings it to the couch, where you’re pouring glasses of wine in crystal glasses. They’re so clean and shiny you can see your reflection in the gold liquid. You grimace at the bottle, normally this would be poured in a mug or your sippy cup, tonight your liquid’s getting a high-end pour. 

You two pull up an old anime to fill up the room, but most of it is spent in playful banter. Jungkook prattles on about his day, showing you all the cool updates he’s achieved during work. An app developer. A very on-brand, lucrative job for him. You love your job but it isn’t nearly as exciting as Jungkook’s, so you just let yourself be supportive and ask questions when needed. 

When the subject of you comes up, you shake your head and stuff your face with another cut of al dente pasta.

“Not interestin’ Jeon,” you mumble, groaning at how delicious his cooking is. What can’t he do? “Is this oregano? Is the secret ingredient toasted oregano—” 

“You’re deflecting.” 

Your shoulders slump, “I’m not very interesting, I tell you everything I do during the week and nothing has changed since March.” 

“Oh, not everything,” Jungkook mutters under his breath. You furrow your brows as his hands stuff themselves in his hoodie pocket. Is he upset you won’t tell him about your work stress? “And you’re very interesting, I’ll have you know.” 

“Yeah?” a small smile tugs on your lips. You sink further into his cottonball of a couch, feeling utterly soft and meldable at his words.

“Very,” Jungkook gets up from the couch, looking down at you, “want something sweet?” 

The prospect of dessert has you excited. Jungkook really is the perfect man, so kind and knows exactly when you’re craving something for your sweet tooth. You move to get up, only for you to sink further between the two large cushions of the loveseat. “Help me, ’m stuck,” you pout.

Jungkook giggles, and holds out his palm, “Hand,” he says simply.

You immediately reach for his larger palm, and you gasp when you feel something cold and soft touch your palm. As if you’ve been burned, you tug your hand back. But Jungkook’s hand is massive, the large ink-painted palm curling around your own, and it’s almost painful the way he clutches your hand so fiercely. 

When he’s sure you’re not going to drop it, he releases your hand. 

Nestled in your palm, is the new vibrator you left on the carpet this afternoon.

“Jeon,” you laugh tonelessly, hating the way Jungkook’s neutral expression mocks you, “you found my USB? Thanks, I know—” 

“Know that you’re having a hard time coming?” Carefully extracting your plate from your lap, he places it on the coffee table before Jungkook cages you between the couch. You shrink further into the plush seat, “I tried being a good neighbor, but you didn’t answer my texts. I heard you when I tried dropping off some snacks before dinner. Didn’t know you were into toys.” 

“Oh, c’mon Jeon. It’s 2020 and we’re confined,” well, in this scenario you’re confined, “everyone has a sex toy.” 

“Hm, I don’t have one,” Jungkook bites the inside of his cheek, pretending to be deep in thought, “so, can you be my toy?” 

Fuck. 

It’s then that you feel the tell-tale signs of arousal. Your eyes widen, innocently surprised at the fact that Jeon Jungkook contained so much power in so few words. You snap your legs shut immediately, sealing any possibility of you dripping down your panties. 

“I heard how disappointed you were, doll,” his arms have no problems as he bends down so he’s eye-level with your crotch, “it was pathetic, really. You couldn’t even cum on your own? You need someone to help you?” 

“N-no,” you cross your arms defensively, frowning, “you–you’re being mean, Jeon.”

“And what, you’re gonna cry about it?” Jungkook smirks, now sitting on his knees. His hands run over the velvety fabric of the couch, making a beeline for your thighs. Gooseflesh rises to the surface, and he immediately presses down to iron out the little bumps that travel across your skin, “I do wanna make you cry, but not because you can’t cum. You’ll cry because of how good I’m gonna make you feel.” 

You gape, clutching the vibrator in your hand. 

A little bit of your sweet, cute Jungkook resurfaces, softening when he notices your lack of response, “If you’ll let me, of course.” 

You finally drag the words from your throat, “I-it’s been a long time since I’ve… been with someone.” 

He tilts his head, “Same here. I just figured we could break that spell together.” 

What are you going to say? No? A dishonor to your sexuality, that would be. Jungkook’s offering himself up on a silver platter, and even though you do wish it was a little more you’ll take the sex. 

You nod, forgetting to speak again. Jungkook chuckles. 

“I want to hear you say it, doll.” 

Doll. Like you’re his little fucktoy, malleable and bendable to all his whims. Fuck, why is that so hot to you? “Yes, I want to have sex with you,” you declare, your voice sounding more breathy than confident, “a-and, you can be mean. If you want.” 

His thumbs press little light indents in your skin, over and over as if fascinated by the way your skin is so soft and gummy in his grip. “Okay,” Jungkook doesn’t hesitate to pull out his phone, jabbing a few things that you don’t see, “let’s do a little test drive, then.” 

In seconds, the little egg vibrates in your touch. He puts it on the lowest setting, a soft buzz echoing in the large living room, then at a bruising pace that forces you to curl your fingers around it otherwise it’d fall. Your eyes flicker over to Jungkook’s, who’s focusing entirely on the way the pink and silver egg moves, dilated in interest. 

“Fuck, and you thought this thing was broken?” he asks, taking it out of your palm and turning off the app. 

“Maybe I’m the broken one,” you admit softly, wringing your shirt. 

Silence seeps. Jungkook looks at you, brows furrowed as if he’s annoyed. “Don’t ever say that,” when you don’t respond, he grabs your chin, and you gasp when he forces you to look at him, “you’re not broken, doll. Everyone’s body is different, and we’re going to discover yours together. Got it?” 

“Y-yes,” you reply immediately, mesmerized by his seriousness. 

“Good,” he slaps the vibrator back in your palm, “and in case you’re wondering, this goes inside.” 

“I know how it works,” you scowl, “but won’t you show me, just in case?” 

“You would like that, wouldn’t you?” Jungkook gets up for good, piling the dishes in his arms and walking to the sink. You immediately miss his warmth, “but I think patience is a virtue. I have a developer meeting with some clients in America a little bit, actually. So just wait for my call, yeah?” 

You frown, looking down at the vibrator in your hands. How much longer would you have to wait? 

It happens at exactly three in the afternoon the next day, at the start of your staff meeting. You’re so tired of the same information being thrown back and forth, coupled with Brian and Jae having to fight over some mundane subject in the itinerary that no one cares about. For goodness sake, it’s Friday! What else would you possibly need to be meeting about? 

You’re wearing a button-down dress shirt on top, no pants on the bottom. Your bare feet slap against the hardwood floor, antsy. It’s been a long day at work and your back hurts, you’re half tempted to dip out of this meeting and hope no one notices. 

Your phone buzzes on your bed, and you blanch. 

[3:01] Jeon: thanks for waiting, doll. It’s time 

[3:01] Jeon: put it in

Shamelessly, your vibrator sits next to your phone, cleaned and ready to go. 

[3:02] Jeon: need help? Answer my call

Making sure that your Zoom call is muted, you quickly answer the incoming phone call. Jungkook and you say nothing at first, waiting. The phone just ticks with the amount of time passing, one minute, two minutes, and so on. 

Mr. Kim drones unknowingly, “So when we do return to live instruction, expect a strict process when returning. PPE must be enforced so our response team will—” 

“How wet were you last night when you went home?” Jungkook asks languidly, speaking over your boss’ voice. 

Your eyes widen, flickering back and forth between the phone and the camera displaying Mr. Kim’s boring speech. 

“Doll, are you hard of hearing?” 

“N-no,” your lips barely move, eyes glued to the camera and plastering an expressionless face, “I heard you.” 

“Then give me an answer,” he says patiently, “how wet were you?” 

“Very wet.”

“Little more detail.” 

“Soaking wet,” you flush, thankful that your work laptop can only stream in 360p. “I haven’t gotten that wet in such—such a long time. My pussy was practically clinging to my underwear when I washed up that night.” 

A heady, heavy groan resonates through your phone. You feel that voice straight into your panties, jolting the nerves awake. 

“Fuck, you have a way with words, don’t you?” Jungkook chuckles breathlessly, “c’mon, touch yourself for me. Swirl your fingers around your clit, slowly.” 

It takes a second for you to position yourself, spreading your legs in a way that your coworkers don’t question why you’re moving so much. A quick scan over all the tired faces says that you’re okay. Shyly, you press your fingers against your clit, doing as he says. 

“Oh,” you say more to yourself than him, feeling the wetness already coating your fingers. This is earlier than usual. 

“What?” 

“I’m already wet,” you say, amazed, “I haven’t gotten wet this quickly in a long time.” 

He scoffs, “If you’re so wet now, shove it in.” 

You frown. You did tell him to be mean. But the idea of him telling you what to do, giving you all the porn-worthy experiences to accomplish has you relenting. Discreetly grabbing the egg from the bed, you bring it down to your panties. Swirling the cold metal around your clit, you coat it in your juices. 

It’s still a little too early to be putting anything in, but you can take it. Slowly relaxing, you slip the little egg in your pussy, wiggling it a little to make sure it’s secure. It’s a strange sort of pressure, and it pokes against your clit from the inside, but you enjoy the stretch. 

“It’s in,” you reply softly. 

“Good.” 

You wait. You listen to Jae make yet another speech about the importance of masks and gloves, and then Brian has to interject and say that gloves are literally useless because they spread germs around no matter what. Even though everyone else is muted, you can practically feel the misery seeping through the screen. For a second you almost forget about Jungkook on the line. Why isn’t Mr. Kim stopping them? This is the thin line stopping you from the weekend, unbelievable! 

“Eep!” you jolt in your cheap seat, the egg buzzing in your pussy. Your hands fly out, gripping the edges of your computer. 

It hits different when Jungkook is in control. Knowing that with a flick of his thumb he can have you careening, whining for more or less depending on how hard he wants you go. Your folds hug the egg, nestling it a fleshy grip as it brushes against your clit the more you squirm. 

“You look so pretty, trying so hard to hold in your moans,” Jungkook says wondrously from the other line. 

“W-what?” you frown, “you can see me?” 

And immediately, you go to your trackpad to fish between the hundred-and-one employees also in this call. At the very end, you see a very simple name with no mic or camera: Jeon JK. He’s here. 

“Worked in IT, doll. Know a thing or two,” he says, “now, tell me. What are you thinking about right now?” 

“Y-you,” you mumble shyly. 

“So,” Mr. Kim finally ends that part of the meeting, thank goodness, “what’s everyone’s plans this weekend? I’m going apple picking with a couple of my friends from college. Hoseok is a bright bean who loves to take long walks—”

What the hell. You squirm uncomfortably in your seat, hyperaware that Jungkook’s watching your every move. You make glossy, stubborn eyes at the camera, trying not to move when he jacks up the vibrator to a higher setting. 

Jae’s of course the next employee to unmute his microphone, “Well, me and the bae are going house hunting…” 

“Fuck!” you cry, moving the computer to the left so you can pretend you’re picking up something. But in fact you're leaning your head against your mattress, frustrated. “I don’t fucking care about your weekend plans, Jae! Shut the fuck up! You wanna know my weekend plans?” Jungkook’s laughing at you from the other line, but it only spurs you on, “my plans are fucking my super hot neighbor! He’s a hundred times more interesting than you and he’s going to make me come a hundred times this weekend—oh fuck!” 

Your fingers latch onto your panties, drawing random squiggles and letters between the fabric. You’re damp, soaked to the core. You need some sort of friction, a reprieve from this hellish week.

“You flatter me, doll,” Jungkook is definitely grinning through the phone, you can practically hear his shit-eating grin, “I think you deserve a reward. As soon as you put the camera back on your pretty face.” 

Quickly, you sit up to put the camera on you again. Once again, the employees are in a daze, listening to whatever the next person gabs about their weekend. Even though you can’t really see it, you’re sure Jungkook has a 1080p camera upstairs that shows off your blotchy face. You moan a little bit, lips closed as the egg buzzes against your pussy lips. 

“You’re so cute, doll,” Jungkook praises, “you look so professional, holding it in. What could I do to make you unravel? Hm, what if you imagined the taste of my cock on your lips? Fuck, I’d love to slap your cute little face with my cock, baby doll–”

“y/n?” Mr. Kim calls your name, and you freeze, “what about you? Any plans this weekend?” 

Jungkook doesn’t sound angry that your boss has inadvertently cut him off. “Answer him, doll. Be a good little employee.” 

Like a zombie, you move towards the unmute button. “I–I uh,” you shake your head, trying to formulate a coherent response, “I’m going on a date this weekend.” 

Jungkook jacks up the vibrator to high, and your legs are shaking. 

“Awh, a date!” Mr. Park unmutes himself, practically shoving the camera in his face, “how much do you like the lucky lad or lady?” 

“I like him uh—ah—” you pretend to think, covering a hand over your mouth to hide the fact that you feel your orgasm fast approaching, “I like him a lot!” you finally blurt, “I’m, uh, really excited to see him.” 

“Best of luck to you,” Mr. Kim says brightly, “so Jimin, any news on those investors you had dinner with this weekend? I heard a lot of positive things…”

You immediately mute your mic, and pretend to lag as you fumble around with the camera. Shoving the laptop to the side once more you groan into your sheets, “Fuck—fuck yes—” you moan, shaking your head as you dip your fingers into your panties. The vibrator still continues at its bruising pace, spurring you to a high you haven’t peaked to in months.

“Good job,” Jungkook says simply, “could barely notice that you have a little helper fiddling around your dripping pussy.”

“J-Jeon,” you cry, “I’m, ’m gonna cum.” 

“Yeah?” Jungkook eggs you on, “you’re gonna cum around that cute little vibrator? Gonna soak it in your juices?” 

“W-wish it was your cock I was soaking,” you whisper truthfully, letting your orgasm take you at the thought. Your folds flutter around the vibrator, bringing you to a level of sensitivity you’ve only dreamt of, ��Ah, yes, Jeon. It feels s-so good!” 

“Yes baby,” Jungkook groans through the line, “feels good, huh?” 

Mr. Kim interrupts for the last time, “And with that, I think our meeting is adjourned. Have a wonderful weekend! Stay safe and—” 

You slam the laptop shut, grabbing your phone and keys. “I’m going up,” you mutter impatiently, already jabbing your feet in a pair of slippers and locking the door to your apartment behind you. 

“I’m waiting,” he replies, eagerness trimming his voice. 

“Password?” you ask quickly, jabbing the elevator door shut once you step inside. Thank goodness you’re alone, you think as you pull your dress shirt further down your ass. 

“Did you forget already?” he teases, “I told you, it’s 1234.” 

Thankfully, the doors zip you up straight to the penthouse. The connection is always a little spotty in elevators, and you sigh longingly when you feel the buzz jolt and leave it’s momentum, quickly losing its rhythm between your dripping folds. Once you get to the top and the elevator doors open the second door immediately swings open, revealing a soft but aroused-looking Jungkook. He looks fresh from the shower, absolutely radiant and delicious looking. 

You don’t hesitate to run up to him, and Jungkook immediately cups his face in your hands, pressing his lips to yours. 

You’re practically on your tippy-toes, and you squeak against his lips when he hooks his arms around your shoulders, immediately lifting you up. You wrap your legs around his trim waist, not wanting to stop kissing him. He’s like the sweetest ambrosia, a taste you can’t get enough of. 

The connection to your vibrator has resumed, and you can’t help but grind helplessly under Jungkook’s clothed abs as he carries the both of you to his bedroom.

“N-need you to fuck me,” you bury your head in the crook of his neck, pressing quick kisses to his jawline, “I want you s-so badly.” 

“Hello to you too,” he husks, shutting the bedroom door with his foot. 

Jungkook drops you unceremoniously, and your limbs splay out on the fresh bedsheets of his feather-soft mattress.

“You look gorgeous like this, doll.” he sighs longingly, a hand going under your buttondown to press against your soaked panties. His hand lingers on the way your pussy moves in tandem with the vibrator. 

“J-Jeon please I can’t take it—” 

“Stop calling me that,” he snaps, hands leaving your skin.

You whine at the loss of contact, “Jeon, no. Jungkook. Kook, my Kook. Please, I need you.” 

That gets him going. His pretty chocolate brown eyes zero in on you, and he immediately shucks off his shirt and sweatpants, “How much do you need me?” he asks, pulling out his phone and pressing some buttons, “how much do you need your Kook?” 

The vibrator stops. You cry out in frustration, unsure if it’s because it’s off or because Jungkook’s taking too damn long. “I need you so much, Kook,” you warble with a pout, moving to undo the top buttons of your dress shirt to reveal your cleavage, “honey, you can have me all you want later today. I want you to slap my face with your dick, edge me until I cry, anything. I’m all yours, I’m your little doll. But please for now, I need to feel you inside me.” 

“Say no more,” his lips latch onto your neck, and you sigh at the skin-to-skin contact. His hand fiddles under your shirt, clutching a breast and slapping it so hard it bounces back and forth, “fuck, you’re so pretty.” 

His hand moves to your plain cotton panties, immediately shucking them off, “doll, you really are dripping,” he’s impressed, surprised when he has to untack the fabric from your glossy legs. He hangs the panties on his wooden headboard, a little ornament for him to jack off to later. 

His fingers brush over your folds, wasting no time to slip the vibrator out. He holds it between your faces, forcing you to stare at the pearly substance that coats the entirety of the egg. “Mm, tasty tasty,” he cooes, pink tongue darting out to lick a long strip across the oval. 

You tug him closer, pressing his lips to yours. He tastes a mixture of his own saliva and your arousal, and you grind helplessly against him. You feel how big his cock is, rock-hard and trying very diligently not to bust. He must have a crazy amount of control, and it drives you nuts. 

“Kook,” you frown, bumping your crotch with his.

“Impatient, good thing I am too,” he shucks off his boxers while you unbutton the rest of your shirt, “knees and hands, doll.” 

You don’t care how or what way he’ll take you. Fuck, he could bend you into an Auntie Anne’s pretzel and you’d comply. 

Arching your back so your ass is in the air, you wiggle around, hoping he’ll take the bait. That’s when you sigh, feeling the tip of his dick brush against your wetness.

“Soaking my cock already, baby,” he says, “you’re so good to me.” 

And finally, finally, he slips in. You don’t even care that it stretches you a little too far and too long, it’s been too damn long since you’ve had decent dick and Jungkooks far more than decent. 

He goes at a quick pace, finally showing how impatient he’s been all this time. Your moans and groans fill the room, a symphony of pleasure and pain as he stretches your walls to the brim. You hold a pillow to your chest, feeling woozy at the way his fat cock stretches you out. 

“F-fuck yeah,” the pace is hard, you practically feel it in your belly, and you love it. “You feel so fucking tight, baby,” he’s all up in your ear, kissing the lobe briefly, “I love the way you suck my cock back in.” 

“Kook,” you press your ass back, “harder, please. I’m your little doll, right? Y-you can fuck me however you want, as hard as you want! Please, ah—! Use me!” 

You cry out when he slips from your folds, immediately flipping you on your back. He wastes no time to wet his dick, lifting one leg over his shoulder to have you deeper. This position is far more intimate, and your noses are practically touching as he thrusts into you. 

You can’t believe you’re in bed with Jeon Jungkook. This must be a dream, a really great, really long wet dream. You crumble in his grip, and you lift a shaky hand to run through his thick black strands. 

“Why’d you make me wait so long?” you cry, staring right into his glittering eyes, “why couldn’t you come for me after your call last night?” 

“Why’d I make you wait?” he grits, crushing the flesh between your hip bones so he can have more leverage to pound into you, “why did you make me wait? Since March, I’ve wanted you. I told you I liked you, told you I fell for you.” 

“T-thought it was a joke,” you warble pathetically, breasts bouncing at his relentless rhythm.

“You think th-this is a joke?” for further emphasis, he glides slower, making you feel just how large and thick he is against your folds, “I want you, doll. Y-yeah, fu-fuck. Want to feed you every day, feed you lasagna, feed you with my cum, make you happy.” 

“I—I want that too, Kook,” you’re a pile of pink mush, and you feel your eyes prick from the overwhelming emotions that have washed over both of you. “Sh-shit, Kook. I think, I think I’m gon’ cum again.” 

“Good, you first,” his hand plays figure 8s with your precious pearl, seeping with arousal and coating his cock in delicious lubrication. 

It doesn’t take long for you to cum. You’re holding him as tight as you can, nails digging into his shoulders as you clench around his cock. Jungkook cums shortly after, and you keen at the sensitivity when his hot cum coats your walls. “Baby doll,” he exhales, thrusting lazily. The both of you feel your combined arousal drip between the two of you, onto your skin and onto his sheets, “y-you’re amazing.” 

His softened cock slips out of you, and his hands immediately reach over to swirl around the heady cream over your engorged pussy. You moan when he brings his fingers to your lips, “Open, doll.” 

It tastes salty yet sweet, and you suckle around his finger with a cute little pop. Jungkook grins brightly, feeling like he won the lottery. 

“Are my walls that thin?” you pout, pressing closer to him when he pulls the blankets to your chest. 

“Very,” Jungkook nods with a chuckle, tucking the two of you in, “now get some rest, doll. You presented a lot of offers to me earlier, and I intend to go through with them.” 

You smile into his chest, melty and feeling utterly sated. 

[gamerwoo]

Yixing: Side Job (Part 2)

Characters: Yixing x female reader (featuring Jongin, Sehun, and Junmyeon)

Genre/warnings: camboy au, barista au, crack, kinda fluffy, mentions of masturbation

Word count: 3,453

Summary: Your go-to to get off is your favorite camboy who goes by the name of Lay. Physically, he’s perfect, and everything he says leaves you breathless and wanting him to keep talking until you’re coming undone in front of your laptop. However, you notice that the new barista hired at the cafe down the street has a voice that sounds familiar…

Part 1 | Part 3

Coming home that day, you went straight to your room and flopped down on it face first. Your friend kept asking if you were feeling alright because you weren’t paying any attention at all the whole day. All you could think about was how Lay, your favorite camboy, was a barista just down the fucking street! And then that lead to the fact that he must’ve lived nearby, which was somehow even more terrifying.

There were three things you knew for sure: first, you weren’t sure you could ever watch another one of Lay’s streams; second, you were never stepping foot in that cafe ever again; third, Lay’s face was just as drop-dead gorgeous as his body.

No, not Lay. His name was Yixing. And you couldn’t get that out of your head for some reason. You knew Lay was probably some sort of alias, but you never expected you’d know his real name. It felt too...personal. You weren’t sure how you felt about it.

You spent the next few days trying to keep yourself as distracted as possible. You didn’t want to go watch any of his streams -- no matter how mentally and emotionally exhausted you felt -- and you didn’t want to build up the curiosity to go back to the cafe and see if he was there because some masochistic part of you wanted to go back and take in the fact that Lay was a real person that was right in front of you. But you wouldn’t let yourself do that.

It wasn’t until those few days had gone by that your promise to never return to the cafe was broken.

Jonginie: come keep me company :(

you: do you not realize what time it is???

Jonginie: but studying sucks and i need friends

you: sehun exists???

you: taemin exists????

you: jimin exists??????

Jonginie: sehun's getting laid, jimin’s at a concert, and the last time i invited taemin out late at night he got lost and i spent two hours trying to find him because he wouldn’t answer his phone

you: oh my god you big baby

you: where are you?

Jonginie: that little cafe down the street from your apartment :)

you: NO

you: NOPE

you: IM NOT GOING

Jonginie: ????

Jonginie: what the actual fuck is wrong with you

You couldn’t tell your best friend the reason you couldn’t go back to that cafe. You couldn’t admit that you watched a camboy and that camboy just happened to work there. You couldn’t tell him that the day before you ran into him, you donated $20 and called him Daddy as you begged for him to whip his dick out. You just couldn’t admit any of that.

So what excuse did you have to work with?

Jonginie: i’ll buy you your favorite!!! :)

None. You had no excuses at all.

you: i’ll be there in 10 ig

So you got dressed and put on your proverbial big girl pants before you grabbed your keys, slipped on your shoes, and left the house with your phone in your pocket just in case. Only Jongin would ask you to meet him at a coffee shop at 8pm so he could study and not be alone, so you, being a female, had to keep your phone with you at all times and have your keys in hand just in case -- and not just to unlock your door when you got home.

Thankfully, the walk to the cafe was uneventful, but you couldn’t get your brain to calm down the whole way there. You were just worrying about if Lay -- Yixing -- would be there. You didn’t even know what you were so worried about the longer you thought about it. It wasn’t like you had to talk to him. Just say hello, order, and then say thanks and have a good day. It was so simple but your stupid imagination was acting like he would somehow know you masturbated to him on a weekly basis. 

Taking a final deep breath, you opened the door to the cafe and walked in -- you also made note to check their hours and you were surprised to find the cafe had such late hours, but it was probably because there was a college campus nearby. You glanced at the counter, offering an awkward smile to the bored-looking girl working. She seemed to be the only one working, in fact, since the cafe was empty except for Jongin and some other poor college student that was typing away furiously on their laptop. 

“Hey!” Jongin grinned as you sat down across from him. The table was covered with papers, his textbook, and his notebook that he was scribbling in. “You should’ve told me when you were closer by so I could’ve ordered for you.”

“It’s fine, I can order for myself,” you shrugged.

“Alright, here’s my card,” he said as he pulled out his wallet and handed his card over to you. “I’m gonna use the bathroom really quick.”

As you both got up, you stopped at the counter while Jongin went passed it to where the restrooms were located. You greeted the poor barista before ordering what you wanted and paying for it. But as you waited for her to make your drink, you started to get curious. You figured you had nothing to lose if you were never coming back here -- starting tonight -- so you softly spoke up.

“Excuse me? Um...w-when does Yixing usually work?”

The girl looked up at the sound of your voice, “Yixing? Uh, usually mornings, I think.”

You nodded with a quiet “thanks”, happy she didn’t ask why you wanted to know. She finished making your drink and handed it to you with a “enjoy” that wasn’t nearly as chipper as the one Yixing gave you, but that was neither here nor there.

As you went back to your table, you smirked to yourself. Maybe you could find away around avoiding the cafe, especially since this seemed to be where Jongin liked to study now. If you just came here at night, you’d be safe. It made sense anyway -- nighttime was when Lay liked to stream. If you just didn’t come in the mornings, you were safe. You could easily get your coffee and not run into the boy that didn’t know you’d seen him naked way more times than you could count on one hand.

“What’re you smirking about?” Jongin scoffed as he walked back over to the table.

You cleared your throat, scrunching your face before letting it fall back to its neutral state, “Nothing. Do your homework.”

-

The cafe was back to being a safe space now that you knew Yixing’s -- Lay’s; you never knew what to call him, honestly -- schedule. You showed up quite a bit to keep Jongin company while he studied. Sometimes his other friends would join which was always...interesting to say the least -- especially with Taemin. Sometimes it was just you and Jongin with him complaining about how he hated homework and wondering why he went to college. 

After a couple weeks, you had calmed down enough to be able to go back to watching Lay’s streams. You figured there was no harm if you didn’t really know him and would never see him again, so...why not? Plus, you hadn’t gotten a really good orgasm ever since you stopped watching him and you really couldn’t take it anymore. You had to give in because you were weak.

A month had gone by and you were finally over your fear of seeing Lay at the cafe.

While you were packing your things up to go home from work, your phone vibrated. You took it out to check, seeing Jongin was texting you.

Jonginie: can i stay at your place tonight?

Jonginie: i miss you :(

you: okay whats the real reason

Jonginie: .......my roommate’s drunk and obnoxious and i probably won’t sleep tonight

Jonginie: BUT I SWEAR I ALSO MISS YOU

Jonginie: please?? :(((((

If you were going to host Jongin tonight, you’d need something to keep you awake after you got home. Typically you were able to crash then and there and it would only be about 6:30. So after agreeing to let Jongin stay over, you grabbed your things and left work, deciding your next destination was the cafe.

When you entered, nobody was at the counter. There were only a few customers inside, already having gotten their coffees. Some were on their phones as they sat at tables, and some were working on their laptops. You didn’t really pay much attention to them -- or anybody -- as you walked up to the counter to order a coffee, looking down at your phone instead.

“Hi! How can I help you?” that friendly voice chirped, shooting ice through your veins as you all but froze on the spot.

Slowly, you looked up, almost whimpering when your eyes moved over the nametag that read Yixing. Your eyes met his as he smiled at you, showing off his dimples as he waited for your reply.

Internally, you were panicking. He wasn’t supposed to work nights! Why was he working? Why was he here? Why now? Why, why, why?

But externally, you shyly gave him your order before you paid for it.

Yixing turned to make your order as you went to wait by the pick-up counter. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of him even though you wanted so badly to look away and erase all of this from your mind. But your eyes followed him as he moved around, thinking about how good he looked even in his barista uniform. Maybe he’d do a barista theme for one of his cams...

‘Jesus, _____, stop it. That’s weird, don’t go there.’

You shook the thought from your mind, taking a deep breath to try to clear your thoughts. That was when Yixing walked over with your order, sliding it across the counter to you with his dumb beautiful smile that made your legs turn to jelly.

“Have a good day, _____,” he grinned, remembering your name from when you gave him the order.

And that’s when you said the worst thing you could’ve said to him other than admitting you watched his cams. Your stupid brain wasn’t thinking, and you blurted the only thing you could get away with in public, but would still probably not only send Yixing into a panic, but would make him think you were weird.

“Thanks, Lay.”

You were half-turned to leave when you realized, and you froze. Lay -- Yixing, Jesus; it’s Yixing -- froze as well, the smile dropping from his face as he just stared at you with an unreadable expression. His eyes were slightly widened, and his mouth was a little ajar, but you couldn’t tell what kind of emotion it was conveying. 

“Wh--” Yixing’s eyebrows furrowed the tiniest bit as he looked away at the counter before looking back at you again. “What did you just call me?”

You didn’t want to answer and drag this awkward conversation on even longer, but your legs also wouldn’t respond when you decided it was best to just walk away and not answer or look back. Your feet were practically glued to the floor, staring back at Yixing in silence as you looked like a deer in headlights.

“_____!” a familiar voice called.

Your head whipped around to see Jongin smiling at you as he waved, walking into the cafe. You almost wanted to cry from relief when you saw him.

“I was on my way to your place when I saw you were in here,” he chuckled, grabbing your arm. “C’mon, I told Sehunie he could come over to watch movies for a bit and he’s gonna beat us there. If he’s waiting for longer than 2 seconds, he’s going to complain all night and I don’t wanna hear it.”

Jongin dragged you away from the counter, forcing your legs and feet to finally move. However, your dumb, idiot self decided to look back over your shoulder to find Yixing still staring at you, watching as you disappeared out the door with Jongin -- who you now decided you’d owed your life to.

-

“You got here the same time as us, stop whining!” Jongin groaned as he pushed open the door to your apartment after he unlocked it.

Sehun followed in behind him, stating that the host should already be at the house before the guests get there, and that even arriving at the same time is impolite and “fucking dumb”. Jongin was quick to point out that it wasn’t a house, it was an apartment, so Sehun could take his whining and shove it up his ass. 

You walked in behind Sehun, still in a dazed state after what happened. Neither of them questioned your behavior since Jongin was chattering away the whole walk to the apartment, and then him and Sehun were bickering in the elevator. But in your head, all you were doing was replaying the incident with Yixing. How the hell did you actually call him Lay? How did you slip up like that? Just “thanks” would’ve been fine but no, you had to tack a name on the end of there.

Thankfully, the two boys were still oblivious to your spacey state even as the three of you sat down to watch a movie together. Sehun was on his phone for parts of it, but him and Jongin were still going back and forth throughout the movie. Both of them were critiquing the acting, the special effect -- basically anything that they could during the movie so you weren’t sure why they wanted to watch it. The only thing that interrupted them was Sehun’s phone dinging before he stood up and went to the door.

“A couple of friends wanted to stop by -- apparently it’s important so I said sure,” Sehun said over his shoulder as he went to go put his shoes on to go downstairs and let them in. “Hope you don’t mind, _____.”

You only half heard what he said, mumbling it was okay. But Jongin began lecturing the younger boy about how he shouldn’t have complained about manners and being polite when he just openly invited strangers to your apartment. But Sehun ignored him as he left, closing the door behind him.

You stayed spacing out on the couch, still replaying that awful embarrassing moment in your head. Sehun opening the door didn’t snap you out of it, and neither did his voice mingling with his friend’s. It wasn’t until you heard a third voice that your eyes went wide and your body went rigid. It was just a laugh, but it was one you recognized -- one that would probably haunt you in your dreams.

“Hey,” the way Sehun said the greeting made you and Jongin realize he wanted your attention, so you cautiously turned your head to see Sehun standing with a two shorter men -- one of which was already looking at you with those beautiful eyes that shot fear into your soul as of late, “this is Junmyeon-hyung, and this is Yixing-hyung.”

“I think I’ve met Junmyeon once before,” Jongin smiled. “Nice to see you again.”

“Hi,” you mumbled before you shot up from the couch and decided the kitchen seemed like a way better room to be in right now. “I’m gonna grab a drink.”

You scurried out of the room, hoping to go unnoticed. You hoped that even though Yixing was staring right at you that maybe somehow he didn’t recognize you as the person that called him by his camboy alias. You knew that was impossible, but you still hoped, anyway.

Entering the kitchen, you went to the fridge, hoping to just get a bottle of cold water to calm your nerves. But when you had the door halfway open, it was pushed shut. You stared at the ring-clad hand that was holding it shut, afraid to let your eyes follow the arm of it up to the owner, but you did so slowly anyway.

Yixing stood there with a raised eyebrow, but you couldn’t tell exactly what he was thinking or what he was feeling. He was showing virtually no emotion other than the quirked brow. He didn’t even say anything, and you were shrinking back away from his gaze, feeling like there was a weight pushing in on you.

When Yixing didn’t speak up, you said the only thing you could think of.

“W-why are you in my apartment...?”

To your surprise, he let out an amused chuckle, his eyes glancing away for a moment as he shook his head, “Sehun’s an acquaintance of mine. I thought that was pretty obvious when he introduced me. Of course, he did introduce me as Yixing and not Lay, so I could see why maybe it would be confusing to you.”

The smirk he gave you was teasing, and your cheeks immediately burned red as your gaze met the floor. You didn’t even know how to reply. Should you apologize? ...That was really the only option your brain could come up with.

“You watch me?” he asked, his voice soft but with a tinge of amusement.

You opened your mouth to reply, but nothing came out. Obviously you did watch him but you couldn’t bring yourself to verbally admit to it. How could you even admit to that? And right to his face in your kitchen while his and your friends were in the living room.

“You don’t have to panic,” he laughed softly, letting himself lean against your fridge door so his shoulder was resting against it with his arms crossed. “I mean, I’m the one who gets off on stream for everybody to see. I’m already aware that people watch me.”

“Still...” you mumbled, still unable to meet his eyes.

“You’re cute,” he giggled.

That made you look up, your eyes wide. Why did he say that? Literally what part of this made you seem cute to him? Or maybe he was just sadistic and found your embarrassment to be cute. Maybe he was into that. ...Then again, you recalled a stream where-- 

‘Not the time, _____.’

“You wanna know something?” he asked. “I came here on purpose.”

“What?” you blurted, looking absolutely horrified.

Now you were being bullied by a camboy. This was a new low in your life.

He let out a laugh that sounded so genuine, you didn’t think you’d ever heard it in any of his streams. He just looked so happy that you wanted to look at him laugh and hear him laugh forever.

“I swear it wasn’t just to torture you more,” he insisted before he explained, “but you called me Lay and I’d never had that happen before. I vaguely recognized your friend, and he said you were friends with Sehun -- when he was talking about the complaining, I realized it was the same Sehun. Him and my friend, Junmyeon are friends, so I texted Junmyeon and asked if he could do me a favor.”

“A...a favor...?”

“Alright, so maybe it was a little bit to tease you,” he giggled with a shrug. “I just-- You should’ve seen your face when the name slipped out! I don’t know, I guess I felt...intrigued. Why were you so scared anyway?”

“You wouldn’t be horrified if you had to admit to somebody you watched them get off on the internet?” you asked.

“Nah, seems like it would be more their problem than mine.”

“It’s still not at the top of my list of conversations I’d like to have.”

“What would be at the top?” he asked with a playful smirk.

“Not this...” you muttered.

“Yixing?” the other boy poked his head into the room before his face spread into a smile. He looked amused about something but you didn’t know what or why. “C’mon, let’s go.”

“Coming,” he nodded as the other boy left. He turned back to you, flashing a dimpled smile. “Come by the cafe tomorrow morning if you can. I’ll make you a drink -- my treat. Bye, _____.”

With a wave, he walked out of your kitchen. You didn’t realize you were holding your breath after his goodbye until you heard the door close and let out a sigh of relief.

Sehun and Jongin entered the kitchen, both looking around curiously.

“You and Yixing-hyung were in here for a while,” Sehun noted.

“Yeah,” Jongin looked at you with a crease between his eyebrows, giving you a questioning look, “did you two know each other?”

You shrugged, mumbling, “Kinda...”

[turtle-steverogers]

Grapefruit

Ship: Ralbert

Warnings: None except it’s shitty and unedited

Race poked his head out from underneath his blanket when he heard a knock at his bedroom door, “Come in!’

The door creaked out and a very distressed looking Spot entered, “Hey, dude, can you run to the store and pick up a grapefruit.”

Race stared at him for a few moments, trying to comprehend his request, “Okay, a few things. One, it’s 3:00 in the fucking morning, why the fuck do you need a grapefruit? Two, why can’t you go get it? Three, again, why the fuck do you need a grapefruit?”

Spot toyed with the hem of his nightshirt, “Uhh, I really want a grapefruit, because...I do? I don’t know, you know how I get during finals week, can you please just go?”

“Fine, I won’t question your weird cravings,” Race said, pushing his covers off of himself and grabbing his sweatpants from the floor, “But you’re gonna have to come with me.”

“I can’t, I needa keep studying. I’ll pay you back, please?”

“Oh my god, okay fine. Give me the money now, though,” Race said, heaving himself out of bed and pulling on a pair of pajama pants.

Spot reached into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled five dollar bill, “I mean, this should probably be enough? I don’t know how much grapefruits are.”

Race took the money from Spot, depositing it into his own wallet, “I’ll make it work,” He grumbled as he slid on a pair of sandals and got his keys from his bedside table.

“I’ll be back in a bit,” Race said, opening the door to their apartment, “Study.”

“Will do,” Spot said, sitting back at their kitchen counter and pulling his laptop closer to him.

Race drove to the 7/11 nearest to campus and prayed to any god listening that they sold grapefruits. The door jingled as he entered and Race was relieved to see that he was the only one there, save for the cashier- he didn’t want anyone to see him in this half-awake state. He scanned the aisles, frowning when he couldn’t find any grapefruits.

In a last ditch attempt to find what he came for, he approached the check-out counter. The cashier looked around his age, with bright red hair and hazel eyes. He was rather attractive and Race suddenly felt intimidated at the concept of interacting with the guy. He was leaning heavily on one hand and leisurely scrolling through his phone with the other.

He looked up with raised eyebrows when Race cleared his throat, “Can I help you?” He asked. He looked incredibly tired and Race felt a pang of pity for the guy. No one should have to work these ridiculous hours.

“Uh, yeah,” Race said, taking a step closer, “Do you have any grapefruits?”

The guy stared at him blankly for a moment before blinking and saying, “I’m sorry, am I delirious from sleep deprivation, or did you just ask for grapefruit?”

“Um, no,” Race said, “You heard right.”

The guy continued to stare at him and Race could almost hear his brain struggling to process his words. Then, the guy started laughing so hard tears began to stream from the corners of his eyes. Race chuckled awkwardly, unsure of how to handle the situation.

“I-I’m sorry,” The guy sputtered, “I’m so tired and I’ve worked the graveyard shift every night this week and it’s finals week, ya know, and then this hot guy comes in at god knows what time it is right now and asks me for a fucking grapefruit and honestly? That’s just how life’s going right now.”

Race blushed furiously, realizing belatedly that the guy had called him hot. It seemed like the guy realized it too, because he stopped laughing abruptly as his face turned the same shade as his hair.

“Yo, I’m sorry man,” The guy said, sitting up from his hunched over position, “I didn’t mean to, like, disrespect you or whatever.”

“It’s cool,” Race said, smiling reassuringly, “You’re good.”

The guy visibly relaxed and stood up from his stool, “Alrighty, well, let’s see what we can do about your need for a grapefruit.”

He led Race to the back of the store, opening a few of the drink coolers before letting out a soft, ‘aha’, and picking up a bottle.

“So we don’t have any literal grapefruits,” He said, handing Race the bottle, “But we do have grapefruit juice. Would that work?”

Race shrugged, “It’s good enough, thanks for looking.”

“Awesome,” The guy took the bottle back and walked back over to the cash register, quickly scanning the item and handing it back to Race, “I know it’s not really my business, but why do you need a grapefruit?”

“It’s not for me,” Race said, pulling out the five dollar bill and handing it to the guy, “My roommate gets weird cravings during finals week.”

“Ah, valid,” The guy said, taking his previous seat back on the stool behind the counter, “So I have one more question and it’s totally not a good question to ask, but I’m really tired and my judgement is off, so I’ma ask it anyway.”

Race laughed at the guy’s rambling, “Okay, shoot.”

“Wanna go on a date sometime?”

Race almost dropped the bottle of grapefruit juice in surprise, stammering impressively as he tried to get a coherent answer out, “Oh, wow, actually, uh yeah. Yes I would.”

The guy beamed and stuck out a hand, “I’m Albert by the way.”

“Race,” Race said, taking Albert’s hand and shaking it firmly.

“Well, Race, it was a pleasure to meet your acquaintance. Bless all the grapefruits in the world for allowing us to come together in this 7/11.”

Race snorted and pulled out his phone, passing it to Albert, “Truly bless the grapefruits.”

Albert passed his own phone across the counter to Race and they entered their information into each other’s contacts.

“I shall see you soon hopefully,” Race said, taking his phone back and pocketing it.

“Yes, hopefully you shall.”

Race offered Albert a little wave and left the 7/11 with a new bounce in his step. When he got back to his and Spot’s apartment, he found that Spot had moved to the living room couch and was feverishly flipping through his psychology textbook.

“Hey,” He said when Race entered, “Didya get the grapefruit?”

“Close,” Race said, chucking the bottle of grapefruit juice at Spot, “They only had juice so that’ll have to do.”

“You’re a saint, Racer,” Spot said, opening the bottle and drinking half of it in one gulp.

“Feeling better?” Race asked.

“Loads, thank you for getting it for me.”

“Anytime,” Race said, walking back to his bedroom, “Besides, it was worth it, ‘cause I got the hot cashier’s number.”

“You WHAT!?”

Race simply smiled to himself as he closed his bedroom door, hopping back into bed.

TAG LIST:

@bencookisagod

@we-dont-sell-papes

@suddenly-im-respecsable

@aw-jus-let-em-try

@well-the-kids-do-too

@spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn

@thatpoorguysheadisspinning

@labert-dasilver

@andthewoildwillknow

@the-newsies-justice-for-zas-blog

@sunshine-e-cigarettes

@have-we-got-news-for-you

@musical-shitposts

@thebroadwayaesthetic

[verdigrisprowl]

July 11 Blurr’s Horror Stream - ASOUE: The Ersatz Elevator

Neither Prowl nor the Constructicons were here.

Whirl was, though! He has returned to Cybertron. And of course, his first priority was horror movie night.

Blurr 9:11 pm ( okay. It sEEMS like I have good one. I think. ) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:12 pm ((\o/)) Blurr 9:13 pm ( just let me know if it's really bad. I have to leave one headphone off because my roommate demands attention 24/7 ) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:14 pm ((didn't you move to get AWAY from that)) Blurr 9:14 pm yeah but she's 'sad ' right now ] somethin' about her friend with benefits not wanting to be an item ??? ) I'm too cynical for this >>;;; ) Whirl 9:17 pm aight let me know when y'all are ready cos i need to paint A Word Picture for y'all)) Blurr 9:17 pm (I'm waitin' for everyone to be ready, too !) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:17 pm ((i'm ready to pop in and go whenever)) VProwl 9:18 pm ((idek if im gonna bring someone ic, go get started)) Blurr 9:20 pm /any. way. Here he is, horrific upgrades and all. Welcome to the pARTY / Whirl 9:20 pm ((ACK, WOULD IT BE easier for you to be IC if i stayed ooc?)) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:26 pm *Soundwave and Rumble drop in, though not before looking into the room with a feeler. It's been a long time. Who knows where certain medics might be roaming by now?* *Coast looks clear-ish. They'll take their seats.* Blurr 9:27 pm / wiggles claws at. He doesn't seem to have many people lingering on the ship this time- the crew is very busy doing their usual business./ VProwl 9:27 pm ((my IC or OOC ness is completely unrelated to anything Whirl does)) Blurr 9:27 pm / though who KNOWS where Ratchet is. Dude is a mystery / Whirl 9:27 pm ((okee dokee, i just wasn't sure, i didn't wanna throw a wrench in the works, sorry)) VProwl 9:27 pm ((prowl stopped coming ages ago. now i can only take constructicons and i don't feel like taking constructicons.)) ((they only come to SOUE to record it for prowl and right now prowl is in full Ask For Nothing At All Ever From The Constructicons mode)) ((so yeah unless i change my mind at the last second im probably only here to watch for myself)) Blurr 9:28 pm (( whenever y'all are ready, I'll start, btw. )) VProwl 9:29 pm ((ready)) Whirl 9:29 pm AIGHT, well, i'm sorry blurr and soundwave & co but there are less people to distract whirl you're going to get Full Force Whirl Presence)) I'm ready, just bout to drag me boy in)) Blurr 9:29 pm (( Do it. )) Whirl 9:29 pm *is just suddenly there in the doorway, blinking slowly. Whirl looks like he’s been dragged backward through a particularly dirty chimney, with most of his plating covered in soot and scorchmarks. Aside from a few superficial scratches and a cracked optic, he actually doesn’t seem to be wounded. The entire weapons array that used to be under his cockpit is just flat-out gone, replaced by a bevy of new accoutrements: a thick collar with the broken end of a restraining pole still dangling from it, two long serial numbers that have been enameled into his stabilizer fins, a handful of broken devices (which seem to be stasis locks and other neutralizing contraptions) cold welded to various parts of his anatomy, and finally, most noticeably, a partially-functioning mode-lock clamped onto his back* Whirl deep breath 9:29 pm Whirl 9:30 pm Any chance I could get one of you to do me a favor? ((A Word Picture is now complete)) Blurr 9:30 pm / snort / I DO owe you one, don't I? What happened to you, hnnh? Get stuck in a jail or something? Whirl 9:31 pm Got it in one. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:31 pm *Rumble's up on his feet in an instant.* //What the FRAG-- What favor?// Whirl bobs his head in tired greeting 9:31 pm Whirl 9:31 pm Could someone please get this fragging MODE-LOCK off of me because it's DRIVING ME CRAZY. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:32 pm *Soundwave lifts up both feelers. Come over, if Blurr doesn't go over there first.* Whirl 9:34 pm *will trot on over and hunker down a bit so Soundwave can reach it easier. ...not that he probably needs to because Endless Spaghetti Arms but still* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:36 pm [[Don't move. He'd rather not lose his tendrils.]] *They're going to poke around and beneath the mode lock to try to figure out how it comes off. Might be a little wiggly in there.* Whirl is now making the exact face that his avatar is making 9:36 pm ItsyBitsySpyers 9:37 pm *In about a minute he'll have it deactivated and pulled off.* [[Hmm. Do you want this?]] Whirl 9:39 pm No. God, no, by all means, just. Obliterate it. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:39 pm [[As you wish.]] *Soundwave hands it to Rumble, who is more than happy to punch it to pieces with a couple hits from a piledriver.* *...The ground might shake a little in the process. Sorry bout that, Blurr.* Whirl 9:40 pm *the VERY FIRST thing he tries to do is transform, but there's too many things stuck to him at the moment and he just kind of. Falls over. Lays there for a moment* *caught somewhere between modes* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:41 pm *...Soundwave snaps a pic, silently.*??//Uh. You - you alive?// Whirl 9:43 pm I can't be sure, but I THINK so. *shifts back, and with great dignity, makes his slow way over to the hammock and clambers inside. After a moment he just pokes his head over the side of the hammock* So. How you guys been? ItsyBitsySpyers 9:44 pm *Rumble kicks the junked mode lock bits side and sits wher ehe is.* //Pretty good, I guess. Been lookin' into the writin' classes we got on planet. Boss moved to Intelligence insteada the Security Forces. 'N he--// ItsyBitsySpyers 9:46 pm *Soundwave pings him a warning. Rumble resets his vocalizer.* //'N he been doin' good on business. Plus, we found them barnacles. Stickin' themselves to space slugs. Weird scrap.// //But that ain't important. HOW THE FRAG'D THEY CATCH -YOU?-// Blurr 9:48 pm / anyway pretend he zoned out because like I was gone / Whirl 9:49 pm *nods very slowly* Y'know what? Good. Damn good. I--*okay he deserves this yelling* I think someone was tailing me last time I got stuck. Went out to get some stuff for my ship and wham. ...okay it's actually a lot more complicated that "wham" but I got back about... maybe. Six hours ago. I'm a little out of it. Whirl in a sort of permanently half-zoned state, Blurr's in good company 9:50 pm ItsyBitsySpyers 9:50 pm *They both shake their head. They never thought they'd see the day.* Whirl 9:50 pm Hey, Teach? If you got any liquid snacks I'm starving. And I'm gonna eat them all. Blurr 9:51 pm Oh, there's plenty. /motions to table/ We just harvested an entire freighter Whirl 9:52 pm I should've called YOU to come get me. *peers resentfully at the snack table. How dare it be so far away. He'll get it in a second* So. I might... *trails off* Blurr 9:52 pm I can get it. I just invested in a new set of legs. Whirl 9:53 pm ((oh my god the sheer amount of innuendo in this is staggering)) Blurr 9:53 pm /smirks/ Oh, me? I would have ADORED to slaughter an entire jail. Whirl 9:53 pm Again? Damn, Teach, you don't waste time. So. *looks to Soundwave and Rumble* I might... be. In a little trouble. My official story is: I fell down a flight of stairs. Blurr 9:54 pm Waste time doing what? Investing in new legs? Whirl 9:55 pm Yep. Blurr 9:56 pm Well, these ones are more suited for me. The speed upgrades work better with these ones. Less burn in the legs, less broken gears. Whirl 9:56 pm BRB!)) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:57 pm //Musta been some damn important stairs.// ItsyBitsySpyers 9:57 pm [[What is it you require?]] Blurr 9:57 pm Stairs are unnecessary... Blurr 9:59 pm (( Olaf would be one amazing cosplayer )) Whirl 10:01 pm Just don't rat me out to the... I dunno. The space police, or whatever. God, the world changed since I was gone. Blurr? Being... RESPONSIBLE? I mgiht not be in the right dimension, after all. Blurr 10:01 pm / snort / Whirl 10:02 pm *he isn't ENTIRELY flippant about this, as much as he likes to pretend he is, and he's also not so oblivious that he doesn't know what he should do next* Hey, Rumble? Could I get you over here a second? Comm's out. ((time to do everything in my power to get salmonella)) Windchill 10:02 pm (( WHY you do this. Are you eating raw eggs. )) Blurr 10:03 pm My profession is literally stealing and piracy. Windchill 10:04 pm (( Oh. )) Blurr 10:04 pm Police are the last mechs on my speed dial list. K-Kyeheeheh. Well, except that one I bribed... / taps chinplate / Think I might have eaten that one, though. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:04 pm [[No mech will hear that you have returned unless you explicitly give him permission to tell them. At least, not from his work unit.]] Blurr 10:05 pm (( the fan. I can't )) VProwl 10:05 pm ((the water aside, i would kill for some salmon rn)) Blurr 10:05 pm (( mood )) Whirl 10:05 pm i bequeath my cosmic allowance of salmon to y'all)) ItsyBitsySpyers 10:06 pm //Yeah! Sure.// *Rumble wasn't sure if he ought to ask about the hammock, but now that he's been invited over, he'll trot that way - and up, if permitted.* Whirl 10:06 pm *just nods to Blurr and Soundwave, closing his optic. Please enjoy his genuine gratitude* Thanks. VProwl 10:08 pm ((eyyyy bob)) Whirl 10:08 pm *will absolutely help Rumble up and shift so he can get comfortable. He speaks very softly, garnering as much privacy as he can without comms* Sorry for not calling. I wasn't able to get a message out. Blurr 10:08 pm (( I would wear this costume for years ) Whirl 10:08 pm this would be a fantastic cosplay)) Blurr 10:08 pm ( the eyes bobble. I'm screaming ) VProwl 10:09 pm ((every time he says sallmun)) Blurr 10:10 pm ((( I can't. )) Whirl 10:10 pm kdl;de)) u right)) Windchill 10:11 pm *Appears to ruin the evening, sorry y'all.* Blurr 10:12 pm / wiggles claws in a wave. / Windchill 10:12 pm ((Plunger...harpoons? )) ItsyBitsySpyers 10:13 pm *Good thing it's Rumble and not Frenzy, or else there'd be no privacy whatsoever. Rumble whispers just fine, and Soundwave pretends not to still be able to hear it.* //Hey, nah. Nah. 'S okay. Jus' - glad ya ain't there no more, y'know? 'N anybody's sorry, it's me, on account of we wasn't no help to ya.// ((this food is so vile)) Blurr 10:13 pm ( blegh ) ItsyBitsySpyers 10:14 pm *Soundwave bobs his helm at Windchill.* Windchill 10:14 pm *Waves dramatically.* Blurr 10:16 pm Honestly, he's terrible at assassinating people. Honestly. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:16 pm ((those teeth are creeping me out)) Blurr 10:17 pm (( they're like way too white )) Whirl 10:17 pm So'm I. *shakes his head a little* Nothing you could've done. Nothing anybody could've done, except me. And I did it. *shifts a little--he might be curling up around Rumble just a little. Just a little* I gotta say, though, Teach--advice for life. Whirl raises his head when he senses Windchill, and gives a very nonchalant nod. "Sup?" 10:17 pm Blurr 10:17 pm Advice for life? You're giving /me/ advice? I suppose I'll listen to yours. VProwl 10:18 pm ((im remembering that post about how tfp starscream's human form would definitely be count olaf)) ((i can absolutely see him performing this song)) ((exactly this way)) Whirl 10:18 pm No, I was saying, the song is advice for life. I might be a little rattled but I'm well aware what it would look like if I gave you advice. Right now. SHINT)) Blurr 10:19 pm Aw, come on. Advice from you is probably the most logical advice I ever hear. Aside from... well. Drift's. His advice is pretty great. Windchill 10:19 pm *Squints at the crispy weirdo that looks like it might have once been...a Whirl.* Whirl 10:20 pm You can never tell him I said this--ANY of you--but... you're not completely wrong, Teach. Blurr 10:20 pm / smirks and wiggles claws in the air slightly / Of course not. I'm an educator, not usually wrong. /is wrong a lot tbh/ ItsyBitsySpyers 10:23 pm *Rumble notices and oh-so-slowly-and-carefully readjusts a leg so it's bumped up against Whirl a little more.* //Listen - Frenzy's still learnin' medic stuff. If y'need help gettin' all that slag off, we maybe could try.// ItsyBitsySpyers 10:25 pm //Welp, they're gonna die.// Whirl 10:25 pm Yeah, I might take you up on that. Most of it's not dug in, it's slapped on. Like... glued. But with metal. Except for the thing-- *wiggles one of his fins irritably* Looks worse'n it is. Blurr 10:25 pm You know, Whirl... I'm just saying. I've got a medic that really likes your anatomical makeup. He'd be willing to put you back together and then some. / Piston misses you / Whirl 10:26 pm Oh, PLEASE send Piston after me. I've got half a year's worth of pent-up frustration and I'd LOVE to get it out of my system. Blurr 10:27 pm Oye... no hurting my mortician. Despite his usually... eh. /shrugs/ weird? personality, he's actually quite useful. Windchill 10:28 pm *Sits his giant BUTT on the floor, finally.* Whirl 10:28 pm I'm sure to SOME folks. *peers peevishly at Blurr* Piston just better keep his distance. But in all seriousness, I'm not really hurt. Blurr 10:29 pm Yes, but Piston COULD help fix... everything else. Whirl 10:29 pm Oh shit, was that an earthquake? Oh, wait. No. It was just YOU. *zoops his head out of the hammock to stare accustingly at Windchill* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:29 pm //Maybe I oughta stick a pair of Windchill afts where my piledrivers go.// Blurr 10:29 pm K-Kyeheheh. Windchill 10:29 pm *Would retract his head sheepishly, but his collar doesn't allow it. He just bobs his head stupidly instead.* Don't be mean to me. Blurr 10:30 pm You know, it was an offer of absolute honesty. I wouldn't let Piston do anything... odd. He's a bit in a good mood- you're way off his radar. Whirl 10:30 pm You'd be too POWERFUL, Rumble. Windchill 10:30 pm ...This is true. Whirl 10:31 pm Being mean is just how I show affection. Blurr 10:31 pm It's the best way, honestly. Whirl 10:31 pm And... thanks, Teach. I think I'll let Frenzy handle that bit. But, if you're in the mood to hand out favors... mind if I crash here tonight? Windchill 10:31 pm *Shrugs.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:32 pm //Yer right. Can't get too strong. Don't want Devastator gettin' jealous of my strength.// Windchill 10:32 pm ...Why not? ItsyBitsySpyers 10:32 pm *Soundwave just huffs. Good thing the Constructicons weren't here to hear that.* Whirl 10:32 pm Well now we know what we need to do if we ever got to defeat Devastator. Blurr 10:32 pm /hums and drums claws together/ Well, I suppose we could spare a room. /snort/ Joking. K-Kyeheheheh. Of course you can! You can stay in one of the more suited rooms- furthest from Piston. Windchill 10:33 pm *We need to duplicate his butt and weld them to Rumble's hands?* Whirl 10:33 pm In all seriousness, though... *bobs his head at Windchill again; please enjoy a moment of sincerity* Good to see you. Windchill 10:33 pm Oh yeah? You look like poo. Whirl nods 10:34 pm Whirl 10:34 pm I fell down a flight of stairs. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:34 pm ((I FINALLY JUST FIGURED OUT WHO ESME'S ACTRESS IS)) ((that's been bothering me all night)) Whirl 10:35 pm she's been in a lot of stuff! Ella Enchanted, The 10th Kingdom)) Windchill 10:35 pm *Kind of just...looks Whirl up and down with his good eye. The other one is watching the show.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:35 pm ((yeah, Sally Peep, heh)) Windchill 10:35 pm Must have been hella stairs. I believe it. Whirl 10:35 pm ((she's such a patoot)) Whirl nods gravely. "It was." 10:35 pm Whirl 10:36 pm Actually I got caught. And had to bust my way out. Which, as you can see... did. But the stairs is my official story. If you don't mind, Teach, I was just going to. Not leave this hammock until tomorrow. VProwl 10:37 pm ((that baby is such a great actor)) Windchill 10:37 pm Ah. Blurr 10:37 pm I suppose. You could do that, too. Windchill 10:37 pm Well. Whirl 10:37 pm she really is, tbh)) Whirl is now going to reach over to those drinks Blurr brought near and start drinking. Just tossing his head back again and again. Like some kind of bobbing bird. LIKE A MACHINE. These snacks don't stand a chance. 10:39 pm Windchill 10:40 pm *Gasps with sudden realization.* Whirl...LIED to me about hella stairs. To my very face. Whirl 10:41 pm *doesn't stop drinking, even while he answers* NO. Surely not. Doesn't sound like WHIRL. Windchill 10:41 pm Yes it does. *Points accusingly.* Whirl pauses just long enough to look innocent. And then goes back to drinking 10:42 pm Windchill 10:43 pm *Slowly lowers his claw.* I'll forgive it...this time. Blurr 10:44 pm how merciful. Windchill 10:46 pm But ONLY, *he lifts his claw imperiously* because I missed the perpetrator of these foul untruths. Whirl finally finishes his marathon run on these snacks 10:46 pm Whirl 10:46 pm Yeah. You just missed him, too. Windchill 10:46 pm Shut up, butthole. Whirl 10:47 pm What's it saying? Windchill 10:48 pm Pure LIES. And hot air. Whirl 10:49 pm Hmm. I believe it. Windchill 10:49 pm Good, you can trust me. *Maybe.* Windchill 10:51 pm *But probably not.* Whirl 10:51 pm *DOUBTFUL* Windchill 10:51 pm *Smiles and flutters his lashes innocently.* Whirl *he un-zoops and retreats back to the sanctity of the hammock* How's the little wriggler doing? 10:51 pm Whirl 10:51 pm ...welp)) Windchill 10:52 pm Little? Whirl 10:53 pm Okay, fair, how's your gargantuan offspring doing? Windchill 10:54 pm That's more like it. She's fat. Whirl 10:54 pm Once I take care of my... whole. Everything, I'll try and swing by. Windchill 10:55 pm Eh, she'd probably recognize you, even looking like that. Whirl 10:55 pm Sadly, I didn't pick up any new and exciting foul language in prison. As unlikely as that sounds. Windchill 10:55 pm I'm shocked. Whirl 10:57 pm Yeah. Apparently I'm *huge claw air-quotes* "Too unruly" and "a danger to myself and others" so I spent a good amount of time out of it. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:58 pm //Puh. Jus' means they were big cowards.// *Mutter mutter.* Whirl 10:58 pm *snorts* More or less. ...but if you get locked up, I mean. Worse ways to spend it than unconscious. Windchill 10:59 pm I...guess? I mean, I can vouch for that. *Shrugs helplessly.* Whirl 10:59 pm *one-armed shrug in return* And speaking of unconscious I'm... probably not gonna make it through whatever you guys decide to watch next, so. If I fall asleep don't wake me up. Blurr 11:00 pm Piston might. IF you're lucky. Windchill 11:00 pm Good night, sweet prince. I'll knock you out right now if you want. Whirl 11:01 pm Yeah, well, it'll be unlucky for HIM. *hunkers down in the hammock* Thank you, sweet princess, but I think I'm good. And, yeah. I said it, and yeah, I'm gonna say it again, and if any of you guys give me slag about it I'll make you regret it but--good to see you all again. All of you. *Rumble gets an additional nudge* Windchill 11:02 pm You say that now. Blurr 11:03 pm / smirks and wiggles claws at Whirl / Good to see you, too. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:05 pm //No slag, promise. Not about that, anyhow. Gotta pick somethin' better.// *Snickers and nudges back.* Whirl 11:05 pm *snorts at Windchill--it's a genuine laugh. You earned it, big guy* I come back, Rumble, and already you're threatening me. *shakes head mock-dramatically* It's good to be... well. Not home. But whatever this is. Windchill 11:06 pm *More LIES.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:06 pm *Looks around.* //A ship, I think. Either that or a big ol' rusty bucket.// Whirl 11:07 pm Well I was referring to this dimension's Cybertron and surrounding affiliated areas but that works. Blurr 11:07 pm Excuse me? Windchill 11:07 pm *Rolls onto his knees. Turns out his giant butt offers little to no cushioning on floors.* Blurr 11:07 pm It's a /great/ ship. And right now, we're not very far from a quadrant that is radiating a power source that I simply /must/ have. Windchill 11:10 pm *Okay, hands and knees. Getting up is hard.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:10 pm //You 'n them treasures, pffff. Somebody's gonna trap ya with a fake one day.// *Whispering again:* //Psss. Whirl. Y'want the hammock all to your own self, or's it okay I maybe don't go?// ItsyBitsySpyers 11:10 pm [[Do you need help, Windchill?]] Whirl 11:11 pm Someone, please help Old Man Windchill over here. Windchill 11:11 pm Do NOT. Whirl 11:11 pm DO. Windchill 11:11 pm If I want help I'll ask. I'm a big boy. Whirl 11:11 pm Well OBVIOUSLY. Windchill 11:11 pm But it's funnier this way. Blurr 11:11 pm K-Kyeheheheh. Someone already TRIED to. They missed me, obviously. /wiggles claws/ Besides, this is the real deal. Something genuinely powerful and strong. Whirl 11:11 pm *and lowers his head to whisper back* I'd... like it, if you stayed. Blurr 11:11 pm It radiates across the wavelengths with extremely strong waves... plus, I think it might be something unique. Windchill 11:13 pm *Grunts and deliberately makes a spectacle of getting up, employing as many ungodly creaks as possible since he's been CALLED OUT.* *You must all suffer for it.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:14 pm *Soundwave just turns his audio receptors down. It's easier.* Whirl 11:14 pm Gnight, loser. I'll call you up when my comms are working again. Windchill 11:14 pm Who...me? Whirl 11:14 pm Yes, you. Blurr 11:14 pm /cackling at Windchill because wow how obnoxious, he loves it / Windchill 11:14 pm Fuck you, Whirl. But okay. Blurr 11:14 pm You know, Whirl, Blaster could get your comms working. You just have to deal with his ... idiocy. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:15 pm *He'll trust Rumble with Whirl on this ship for one night. May any wayward "doctors" be crab-pinched to pieces if they come creeping up with laser scalpels in hand.* Whirl 11:15 pm Not likely, you oversized antique. Windchill 11:15 pm *Gasps and clutches imaginary pearls.* Blurr 11:15 pm / Blurr will ensure none of them die overnight / Blurr 11:16 pm You know, you could all stay over , if you'd like. We won't reach the site until late tomorrow. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:16 pm *Rumble just nods and settles back in. He's not tired, himself, but it's kinda - nice. Been forever.* Whirl 11:16 pm Mmmmaybe. I'll come bug you about it in the morning. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:16 pm [[Ah, no. He has work. It piles up quickly as of late.]] *Up Soundwave gets, with less creaking and clanking than Windchill. He'll be on his way in seconds.* Blurr 11:17 pm Ah. I see. Well, whenever you want to visit. Windchill 11:17 pm *Appears to be thinking really hard if the sudden appearance of stress lines around his optics are any indication.* Blurr 11:17 pm ... You good? / he can't have a lift one eyebrow expression, but he can try. It just looks like murderous staring / Whirl 11:18 pm god bless blurr for trying omfg)) ItsyBitsySpyers 11:18 pm ((LOL BLURR)) Blurr 11:18 pm (( hE HAS ONE EYE OKAY )) ( GSDNBFKDAFN )) (( He just. He can't lift an optic ridge- he's missing that piece on the other side. So it just looks. So bad bfkjdsfbadsj ) Whirl bobs his head in farewell to Soundwave, Windchill, and Blurr. and hunkers back down. Whirl is sleep. 11:19 pm Whirl 11:19 pm that's why we lovim)) Windchill 11:19 pm I'm leaving. Blurr 11:19 pm (( I feel like Whirl gets his expressions )) Whirl raises a claw but doesn't open his optic. Clicks it like a castanet. 11:19 pm Blurr 11:19 pm ... Pity. Well, next time you'd like to visit, I'll clear the bridge for you. And if you're good at tearing mechs apart, maybe you'll get lucky and find us on a good day. Whirl 11:20 pm if anyone would, I feel like it'd be Whirl)) Blurr 11:20 pm (( Whirl and Drift for sure )) Windchill 11:20 pm *Shrugs.* I have worms. Whirl 11:20 pm he knows a thing or two about making do with limited facial expression capabilities)) Blurr 11:20 pm (( I feel like Drift kinda "I THINK he's confused but he might just be angry. Or both.' )) ItsyBitsySpyers 11:20 pm ((OF ALL THE RECORDINGS SOUNDWAVE COULD MISS IT WAS "I HAVE WORMS")) Blurr 11:21 pm ... That's... nice? Whirl 11:21 pm ((HAHAHAH)) Blurr 11:21 pm (( LMAOOO ) / squinting. Drums claws together / Well, have... fun with that? Windchill 11:21 pm (( I'm sorry it was spontaneous. )) I have ONE WORM, *this clarification requires yelling and the puffing out of chest armour.* *And it doesn't make it any better.* Blurr 11:22 pm Why are you yelling? I have one optic, not one audial. Windchill 11:22 pm Because I can and no-one can really stop me. Blurr 11:22 pm ... Bet? Whirl 11:23 pm *still doesn't open his optic, but calls out, muffled* I taught his worm to cuss. Windchill 11:23 pm I only gamble with my life. Blurr 11:23 pm W-what else are you supposed to gamble with? Windchill 11:23 pm ...Most folks settle for money or material goods. Pride, maybe. Blurr 11:23 pm ... Ew. Where's the fun in that? Windchill 11:23 pm *He has none of those so life it is.* Blurr 11:23 pm / glances at Whirl/ You what the who now? Blurr 11:24 pm We /motions to self and adjacent space around him/ are confused. Whirl 11:24 pm I taught his worm to cuss. She beeps. Zori was my accomplice. Blurr 11:24 pm Ah... much better. Windchill 11:24 pm Yeah. Only words she knows are cuss words. And "wub." Blurr 11:24 pm ..Huh. Whirl 11:24 pm *now DOES lift his head, briefly* I'm wub. Blurr 11:24 pm I don't think I've taught Oberyn anything new lately... except not to bite 'Buster. Whirl conks it back down and curls up a little more 11:24 pm Blurr 11:25 pm Well, I wouldn't want to keep you from your... worm. Windchill 11:25 pm Anyway. I'm gonna pretend to not know what tearing mechs apart on good days means, because it's convenient in the short term. My worm, yes. I must return to my worm. Blurr 11:26 pm Well... go on. / waves claws / I have relics to steal. Windchill 11:26 pm *Well, she'd be fine with Chill's better half for an evening, but MORE importantly:* Yeah. Whirl's not gonna get any rest with me here. I must go. *Have another dramatic wave.* Whirl 11:27 pm Joke's on you, I'm already asleep. *muffled* Windchill 11:28 pm You say that now, I'm leaving before I get REALLY obnoxious. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:28 pm //Somehow I ain't even tryin' to sleep 'n I been the quietest one outta all you.// *Muffled laugh into his arm.* Windchill 11:28 pm *It's for your own good, Whirl. Easier to avoid embarrassing you with physical contact if Chill's not there.* Whirl 11:29 pm Well, it's not hard to be the quietest one when I'm in the room. ...but I'm still asleep. Windchill 11:29 pm *He is thinking of u, it's just hard to tell.* I'm sick and tired of your lies. *Turns to leave for real, but blows a kiss over his shoulder.* Bye, suckers. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:30 pm //Seeya.// Whirl 11:30 pm Later, loser. Blurr 11:30 pm / wiggles claws/ See you Blurr 11:31 pm (( lemme know when I can close chat. )) Windchill 11:31 pm *Just for that you get a loud raspberry sound before he vanishes. His final revenge.* Whirl 11:32 pm I'm done! o7)) Windchill 11:32 pm (( same lol )) Blurr 11:33 pm ( kay i close room now ) Windchill 11:33 pm (( o7 )) Blurr 11:33 pm ( unless somoene is logging ) VProwl 11:33 pm ((i can stop logging when y'all stop making last-minute comments))

[sadrien]

prince of cats

chapter nine: for saints have hands

on ao3 || on ffnet  1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 

im so sorry i started college and forgot to update this

anyway this is the last of my prewritten chapters? so uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh please yell at me on tumblr to update thanks

also military time??? so 15 is 3 pm

enjoy!

From: The Cat Guy To: Marinette (the Neighbor)      Do you want to meet up?      Tomorrow at like 15?      I’ll send you the location, I’ll be there anyway, feel free to show up or not, either is fine

✦ ✦ ✦

Alya tells her not to go, Nino says to trust her gut. Alya glares at him and he shrugs and says “hey, she’s an adult, Al. She can make her own choices.”

Marinette has been standing outside of the apartment building for almost ten minutes, just staring at it.

She’s been here before, looking at an apartment on the seventh floor. It was nice enough, relatively close to her work and within her budget. It’s smaller than her old apartment, but it’s large enough. The main problem is that it’s unfurnished and she doesn’t currently own any furniture.

She texts Adrien and he lets her in and she takes the elevator up to the eighth floor. It’s strange, she’s pretty sure that this apartment is directly above the one she was looking at the other week.

She hesitates before she knocks.

“It’s open,” Adrien says.

Marinette opens the door and peers inside. “Hello?”

Adrien is standing in the middle of the empty apartment staring out the window. He’s wearing his long black coat again.

For some reason, Marinette wonders if this is real. It’s strange, like they’re stuck in some sort of limbo. The contrast of white walls against Adrien’s dark clothing. The bright afternoon sun streaming in through the window makes everything look a little hazy and fake.

He glances over his shoulder at her. “Hey.” He smiles and Marinette’s breath catches in her throat. He’s real.

“Uh…hi.” Marinette takes a step inside and closes the door behind her. “How…how are you?”

Adrien tilts his head. “I’m… I’m okay. A little tired, but I’m good.” She can see it in the way he’s standing and in his eyes.

“This your new place?” she asks, gesturing to the space around her.

“Just got the keys today,” Adrien says. He pulls the keys out of his pockets and shakes them. “It…took a while to find a place.”

“I know what you mean,” Marinette murmurs. “I mean…I was looking at an apartment in this building last week.”

He blinks in surprise. “You were?”

She nods. “The one just below this one, actually.”

Adrien rubs the back of his neck and laughs awkwardly. “That is a really weird coincidence.”

Marinette hums in agreement. She rocks back on her heels. “So…uh, how is Plagg?”

“Annoyed,” Adrien answers almost automatically. “He doesn’t love the whole moving thing.”

“I can imagine.”

Marinette takes a long look around the apartment. Adrien always kept his apartment very bare, but having absolutely nothing in his space is…strange. Even though his style was ‘minimalistic’, there were always things on the walls. Random things tacked up— notes and scrap paper and sticky notes and scribbles of equations. Reminders to himself and quotes from books he read.

She misses the bits of Adrien’s mind scattered around his space.

In the past month, she’s gotten used to not having him in her life. He left it just as fast as he entered it. Sometimes, she’d think ‘Adrien would like that’, but as the month went on, those thoughts became rarer and rarer.

When Nino and Alya picked them up from the café after the fire and brought them back to their apartment, they gave Marinette and Adrien new clothes and let them pass out in the bed. When Marinette woke up just before noon, Adrien was still sleeping, and Alya was curled up on the couch. Nino had gone to work and Marinette had begun to panic.

“I called your work,” Alya explained in hushed tones. “I told them what happened. Your boss had seen the news about the fire, they were very understanding and just said to call in when you woke up.”

Marinette started crying and Alya tried to convince her to go back to bed. She managed to get Marinette to shower away the smell of smoke and eat some toast. When Marinette was sitting in the kitchen, Adrien stumbled in with bleary eyes and smoke clinging to his skin. Plagg, who had been sleeping in the bed with them, trailed after.

Alya gentled pushed Adrien into the bathroom to shower as she made herself and him something to eat, and Marinette let everything sink in.

Adrien looked more alive when he sat down at the table fifteen minutes later. He took strong coffee from Alya and then took a call from his father in the hallway outside the apartment. Plagg meowed and scratched on the door until Alya let him out to join Adrien.

“He’s been out there for a while,” Alya said, raising her eyebrows and glancing at the clock when it had been over half an hour.

Marinette shook her head. “He never talks about his family. I mean, he works for his dad, but he’s never said anything more. I kind of assumed there was something there that he didn’t like to think about.”

Alya nodded. “Got it. Speaking of parents…”

Marinette squinted at the time. “I think they’re both taking lunch right now.”

“Your phone is on the nightstand,” Alya supplied helpfully.

“Mhm.” Marinette made her way to the bedroom and called her parents. She sat on the side of the bed as she explained what happened. She started crying again at one point, and could hear her dad crying too. She said “I’m okay, really, I’m okay!” at least a hundred times.

When she hung up, she laid down and stared at the ceiling. She would’ve stayed that way for a few more hours if she didn’t remember she had to call in work. When she was done with that, she joined Alya on the couch and they put on a movie. Adrien finished up with his phone call eventually and sat on the chair next to them. They stayed that way until Nino came home, and then they had dinner and resumed their positions, with the addition of Nino.

At the time, part of Marinette had thought that maybe this would mean Adrien would become friends with Alya and Nino.

But she’d been wrong.

Later that day, Adrien had said that he had a friend in the city who had a free couch and was offering him a place to say and apologized for intruding on Alya and Nino, even though they kept insisting he hadn’t. He promised Marinette that he would text him, Plagg lept into his arms, and they were gone.

It’d be weird for her to tell Adrien that she had missed him, but she did. Adrien was — is — a strangely grounding and calming force in her life.

Marinette can’t say she was lost without him around, but she definitely felt a little less secure. It was strange to not be able to knock on the next door over and talk to him. It was strange not having him ask her weird question about cooking or what she had always assumed were basic adult things.

She almost hadn’t come to meet him today, because Nino had been right all those weeks ago. She is afraid of getting hurt again. Because she gives herself entirely to her relationship with Adrien, romantic or platonic. He could completely and totally shatter her heart.

And she would let him.

But she did come see him, because he reached out first and she is so very very weak for Adrien Kersey.

“Are you still staying with Nino and Alya?” Adrien asks, drawing Marinette out of her thoughts.

She nods. “Yeah. I haven’t exactly found myself a place yet. I’m working on it, though. Soon. Hopefully.” She swallows back her insecurities. It’s a relief that she wants to be able to talk about these things with him already, but she doesn’t want to open up that much so quickly.

“You’ll find someplace, eventually,” Adrien promises. “It just…takes a while.” He gives her a careful smile, and she can see his apology in it.

Marinette caves. “You’re probably right.”

Plagg leaps up onto the window sill and stretches out, closing his eyes once he’s made himself comfortable in the sun.

They didn’t talk for two months, but Marinette can’t find it in herself to be that upset at Adrien anymore. She missed him a lot when they weren’t talking, but there’s no real point in wallowing in that now that he’s back in her life.

At least, he will be back in her life if lets him be.

“Do you like it here?” Marinette asks.

Adrien closes his eyes and turns his face toward the sun. After a moment, he nods.

That’s enough for her.

✦ ✦ ✦

“I think I found an apartment today,” Marinette says as she puts her stuff down.

Alya looks up from where she’s painting her nails as Nino braids her hair. “Really?”

“Yeah. I really like it.”

Nino raises his eyebrows and smirks. “Went well then?”

Marinette bites back a smile. “Yeah. It did.”

[clevercatchphrase]

2017 in review, and goals for 2018

If I had to describe 2017 in one word it would be... monotonous. Sure, there were plenty of ups and downs, but for the most part, especially the latter 6 months, I just felt like I was going through the motions, holding my nose to the grind stone, doing work and paying off student loans. 2017 blew by me, and I remember thinking each month passed by with unusal quickness. There's a strange sense of disociation with that, like I wasn't really connected to reality for most of the year, and instead watched it pass me by from a seperate temporal window. In a weird way it may have been a bit of a godsend as well. I hear 2017 was hard for a lot of people, but feeling so disonnected from the year may have protected me and cushioned the blow in a sense.

I lost a family member this year in early june. I knew it was coming ever since january as I hated having to watch them deteriorate and get worse and worse until they finally passed. The three months leading up to it and the three months after were particularly hard and left me feeling unable to write or draw or do anything productive. I still miss them terribly. I always will. But I hope I won't let it immobilize me as much this year as it did last year.

Anyway, Let's review my goals for last year and see what I've accomplished. I’ve a lot to say, so for brevity’s sake I’ve put it all under the cut.

GOALS FOR 2017 1) Finish my 50 billion fan fictions so I can get back to drawing Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha. HAHAHAHAHA. The depression I got halfway through the year throughly put a halt on this. I haven't even finished one of the fics I've started in 2016. I got close, seeing as i participated in NaNoWriMo this year to try and force myself to finish, but I still need to revise and edit all that I've written and the motivation is non existant. GOD, I have so many stories too, all of them still undertale fan fiction because I'm still not over that game. I'll list them all when I share my goals for this year later below. 2)Draw in 2 pages of my sketch book each week so I'll finish a sketch book in a year. I was SO CLOSE with this one! I filled out 95 pages! But you know what i discovered in august? I realized that my 100 page sketch book.... was actually 150 pages! Oh well! I drew more this year than I thought i would! Just because i didn't hit 100 pages, doesn't mean I didn't accomplish something! 3) Finish 14 out of the remaining 27 lessons on my duolingo course I went fucking above and beyond with this one. I hit this goal back in may, and then I completely finished up the danish duolingo course by november. I also passed my 1095 day streak which translates to doing duolingo daily for OVER 3 YEARS STRAIGHT. I still practice daily to build my vocabulary, and I know I can't speak it for the life of me, or follow along with fast speakers, but give me a few minutes and I can probably read it for you. Funny how that works, where I can understand danish if it's written out, but ask me to translate from english to danish and I struggle like a butterfly in a tumble dryer. 4) Become passibly fluent in ASL I have this box of 600 ASL flash cards, and this year I practiced two of them a day until I got through the entire box. I certainly learned a bunch of new words but I wouldn't say I was fluent yet. I certainly don't know all the grammar rules yet. I HAVE been able to sign with people at my job, though I do rely heavily on fingerspelling still. Most everyone I talked with seemed to know I was trying and they seemed really excited that I could understand them if they were patient with me. I put more of my focus on Danish last year, but now that I'm done with Danish, maybe I can focust more on ASL. My sister told me about this site similar to duolingo called "memrise" that actually has an ASL course, so you can bet I'll be looking into that. 5) Read the entire dictionary I did this! I kept two spiral note books and wrote down any words I thought were cool or interesting! I haven't gone back and re-read the words I wrote down, but maybe I will this year! It was exhausting. It was weird. I still can't believe I spent about 200 hours last year doing this. 6) Read one new book every month Much like my sketch book goal, I almost completed this one. I kept it up every month until October, and then I just... stopped. I read more than I thought this year, though I ended up usually waiting until the last week of each month to read, and I also cheated by counting the dictionary as one of the things I read (hey, it's a book, ain't it?) I also re-read old books that I know I like, so not entirely 10 new books were read this year. Reading 1 new book a month isn't one of my goals this year, but I hope to read more new stuff reguardless, 7) Actually use the tutorials and references I reblog Seeing as I barely did any digitial art this year, I can't say I did this one. 8) Do more art streams I think my goal was to stream once a month. I clearly didn't do this. I DID stream in 2017, I just didn't tell anyone. Idk why, I just... went live for people to see but didn't let anyone know I did. I also only streamed like... twice? sigh... So... out of the 8 goals I set, I would say I accomplished close to half. I read the dictionary, I finished my danish language course (which I'm counting as two completed goals) and combining the "read 1 new book a month" and "draw 100 pages in a sketch book" I'll count that as one completed goal. I went through all my ASL cards, though I'm not fluent, OH! I also wanted to pay off 6k loan that I had. I want to count this one as a success because I DID FUCKING PAY OVER 6 THOUSAND DOLLARS IN LOANS THIS YEAR. I got a surprise loan I had no idea about in june that was 1500 dollars, which threw me off. I managed to pay it off in 2 months, BUT IF THAT LOAN HAD NEVER EXISTED I TOTALLY WOULD HAVE FINISHED PAYING OFF THE 6K ONE. I've got a little over a thousand left to pay on the 6k loan now, which I will complete by the end of January. I'm so close to being under 10k in debt... GOALS FOR 2018 1)Go from being 5 figures in student loan debt down to 4 figures in debt (pay off 2 out of 4 loans) If everything goes according to Keikaku I'll achieve this by the end of June. This has to factor in things like updating my car registration in april, oil changes, tune ups, tire rotation, gas and food expenses, but as long as I don't get fired I should be fine! 2) Stretch Daily Not exercise. I never exercise. But it would be nice to increase my flexibility. 3) STOP TOUCHING YOUR GODDAMN FACE/ find an effective acne treatment I also want to try washing my face daily. Im fucking 25. I shouldn't have this many pimples. 4) Do another song comic I made A lyrictale for Undertale at the end of 2015 in ten days. I want to make another. I already have it scripted, now I just need to do it. 5) Do at least one art stream a month. Hey, maybe I can stream the next song comic I do. Sure, it'd spoil the song and story for everyone, but doesn't that sound fun? 6)Practice ASL I just started looking into Memrise and their ASL courses. They actually have A LOT, AND! THEY HAVE SIGN LANGUAGE COURSES FOR OTHER COUNTRIES! This year is gonna be fun. (Also, the only reason I want to learn ASL because of Undertale. I'll let you figure out how they are connected) 7) Sew 4 stuffed animals I started sewwing a Hobbes plush in the middle of last year. His body is finished. I just never did the head. The other three stuffed animals I want to make I will keep a secret because I love to keep people guessing. 8) Make two AMVs There are two songs I want to put to Avatar; The Last Airbender, and Avatar; The Legend of Korra. I have about half the footage... I just... need to rewatch the shows and put the clips together. Hey, maybe after I find all the clips I can do a stream of that as well. 9) Last but not least, finish my many, MANY Undertale Fan Fics. a. You Monster (34 out of 37 chapters are written, but only 29 are posted) b. Finish the "Of Two Minds" series (it's explicit don't look) c. Color Theory (A chasriel one shot) d. Something Left Behind (Terrible AU Idea #647) e. Let's Get Real (Self insert, joke, parody thing that will also be explicit) f. Game Day! (something about soccer games with Mettaton along the same vain as Field Trip!) g. Would You Like Fries With That (Nicepants because there's not enough of it in the world) h. Science Fair! (something with Undyne and school projects along the same vain as Field Trip!) i. One that is so horribly dark and fucked that I won't even describe it here. Welp! Those are my goals for 2018! What are your goals for 2018? Whatever they are, I wish you success and improvement, health and wealth! Stay safe this year! I love you all~

[emanresusi-blog]

Musings of schizotypals Pt. 1

L.G. - I have a sucky sensation inside. Now that I might break up (for my own mental health) with my boyfriend, I have a sucky realization. I have no friends. I have pushed people for years, stablished unhealthy relationships for years. Now everyone is gone, and I cannot retake relationships that I pushed away years ago. I feel lonely. C.B. - Maybe my impulses to criticize others are a way to avoid criticizing myself. I find myself wanting to tell people that no one cares about their stupid lives but now I realize that's just one of the negative things I used to tell myself. I stopped the stream of negative thoughts about myself. But the thoughts are still there, just waiting to be applied to something. I need to channel this inner critic into something more productive. I know it is a facet of who I am, just one that I misuse a lot. It must be able to do some good somewhere. Constructive criticism about myself and my behavior perhaps. I should meditate on this. I'm feeling good but strangely devoid of emotion simultaneously. Like, my outlook on life is a generally optimistic one at the moment even though I'm not specifically happy about anything. I told my friend that I felt like something more was developing in my mind towards her and she wasn't scared off, so maybe that's why I feel optimistic. At the same time, I feel oddly suspicious and paranoid about her as well. Suspicious of her motives in continuing to talk to me after I told her how I felt, and paranoid for her safety at times (she's blind and also the tiniest little bit naïve, in my opinion). Extending my locus of emotional openness doesn't come easily to me. I really bond with other people to the point that I feel a bit like I'm losing myself. I don't like that feeling, but I love bonding with individuals at the same time. I suppose I'm just a bundle of contradictory neurons wrapped in a skull lol A.C. - So I'm sat in my porch locked out bags packed after another of my alcohol induced binge dissapearing acts I know "only Self to blame" I was only out drinking and chatting nothing bad, but I guess I am selfish, selfishly anaware and selfishly inconsiderate with what I don't think through or when I act rash. Slowly I've become more of a loner and made a habit of losing things family, friends umm jobs, it doesn't feel normal or nice that I might just be a procrastinative, selfish/absorbed individual who can't really get any sort of balance in personal life. I care about making amends and living a normal family life it's just... I don't know. Everyone blames me and punishes me, I don't want a scapegoat for my mistakes but it's very confusing I think if I didn't do what I did I'd damage my self by suppressing it all inside would be worse that's not a justification just a thought. Maybe leading a stable life, to work full time, three kids and relationship is too much. S.C - I suffer from depression and anxiety...I feel sometimes that im different of others because i think i have a few particularities(including that i have only two friends).I often try to explain to some that i can catch thoughts & feelings from people that i know...In fact,from complete stangers too ...I just thought if someone here could uderstand me? And I would like to add that is it okay not to fear of losing my few friends?I am 14 and feel like a misfit..I can't recognize what i am and don't remember who i used to be. R.R. - I have a weird feeling that I'm gonna die soon. Lol. Awkward. 2 near death experiences for me and 1 for my mom. Meh. Now I'm walking around every day with intense anxiety, waiting for an accident to happen. 😢 C.S. - I'm not doing well. I'm emotional... I cried for like half an hour today and I usually don't cry. But I've been sick over something I can't talk about. Very paranoid and scared. Such ugly ruminating thoughts. Barely slept last night and I have such a headache but my mind won't shut off. For the first time in years I feel like punching myself in the head. I've been taking my pills regularly. I see the shrink on Thursday. Which means I have to get through two days of work... I've been mildly sick with a cold for the last week. Oh help! I just want to feel better. A.M. - Today I keep seeing characters from TV shows as people in public spaces (anyone else experienced this?) and there was a shadow man in my lounge. It's odd and not making me paranoid which is also odd. Usually when freaky brain shit happens paranoia activates. Side note; Who the hell puts dried apricot in a hot cross bun!? C.B. - Sometimes I have this urge to be rude to people I don't like. Or that I decide are, as narcissistic as this sounds, beneath me morally or intellectually. It makes me very nervous to confront people but sometimes I do it out of impulse. Like I have this parallel line of thinking that just criticizes the hell out of everything I see. I let it build up and then let it out when I reach a certain level of resentment at the world. Afterwords I feel no better. But it's like I have this good side and this bad side to me. The bad side is the worst me I can imagine: lazy, thoughtless, critical, apathetic, and cruel. The good side is the best me I can imagine: empathetic, supportive, passive, thoughtful. I realize that I internalize these values from my primary caregivers growing up, my mother and first stepfather. I can't see the value in my stepfather very well. Jung had this idea of the Anima and the Animus. One male and the other female. I've always identified my values with the feminine due to the fact that the only support I ever got growing up was from women. I never understood men. I never understood women either for that matter. But they were the people I tried to emulate growing up. I couldn't stand the thought of being like my stepfather or boys my age until I became a teenager. Then I copied my stepfather and began to hate a lot. To be cruel a lot. Because that's all I saw in him. These impulses must be that old behavior rearing it's head. I've always wanted to be my own person but I've never quite known how. L. G. - Okay so I am going to lay one of my biggest problems right now and see if you can help me even if it's just a Little bit because I have no clue :( I finished university last year. Everything fine. My father came to my room and asked me, "what do you want to do next year? you have to think it NOW" and clearly wanted me, pushed me to do oposiciones (this is how we call the process of studying to get a job in the public system). I did the course for oposiciones. I HATED IT. God damn how boring, bland, deadly! I cannot even study for it or understand what they do. But my parents are 100% into it and they don't even contemplate me leaving them. I have to act like I study on days like those because they are so into this, specially my father, who sees working in the public system as my only chance in life because I am schizotypal. You can ask me questions, I will answer if it hasn't been understood. Thanks for the help :) L.G. - This is a bit of a hard to ask question but I will ask anyway...do you have problems maintaining your personal care, etc...? Sometimes I do and my family makes shame of me :( although i think really I'm not that much of a disaster. I mean, now I take care of myself, it's not like when I was really bad where I wouldn't take proper care of myself. L. G. - Do you ever feel like you've got too much contained in your chest and feel like telling anyone about it? Like you had an urge to tell what's ailing you? I've got Friends to talk with but I have too much in my chest and everyone looks like a friend to me now... S.S. - Two things I learnt about myself recently 1 - I will never be able to do a 9-5 job. Because I am too impatient and get angry when someone tells me what to do. Also overthink everything and get bored with routine. The only thing I can do is my own boss and work from home alone.I need to be in control. 2 - I can't ever picture myself in a relationship. I recently met a woman a bit older than myself but we share lots of interests and get on well. But I'm beginning to feel smothered and under pressure to behave a certain way. I just want to be a free individual with no responsibilities. I wasn't born to be a pack animal, but to give others as much freedom as possible and for them to not bug me in return. C.B. - Anyone else feel really anxious when they talk to other people about personal issues? It makes therapy very difficult for me. I'm too nervous around my therapist to open up to him, to really talk about the issues I have. I always just spend the time in my "therapy mode" (where I act pleasant and nice and talk about minor issues to avoid the larger ones). I don't feel like anybody can really help me with some things, and that I would just be making whoever I was talking to feel bad. I want to be able to talk about my motivations, my relationships, my feelings but they make me feel pathetic. Sometimes I feel like less than a person, like I'm really just wearing a mask when I behave as a normal human does. Trouble is I don't know for sure who or what is under that mask. D.S. - Had an irrational mental breakdown in public again one of those crying and screaming in equal parts of anger, frustration and sadness... why am I so easily overwhelmed sometimes.. plus I look kinda scary afterwards.. the neighbors already peg me for weird as it is... all emotionally shutdown and stuff only secs later.. I dont know its always like that.. overemotional first and a few seconds later back to the void.. im done. Im turning 23 tomorrow and I just wish I could skip to my funeral instead.. yeah.. one of those days.. A.M. - Does anybody else wander through life aimlessly? Never really finishing things they embark on, barely following their interests and feeling as though they're waiting for something to shake enough life into them to align them with the dimension that is reality... Being a drifting alien is really getting to me lately, I didn't realise how meaningless I find everything or how far I have drifted from society. I am not referring to deppression btw. P.A. - There’s something that’s killing me inside and I would really appreciate getting it out in a post. I really hope I don’t sound like a total bitch. It’s to do with abandonment, which I hope some people here will understand. I feel so abandoned by my counsellor. It’s the closest relationship I have. I sent her a text a few weeks ago saying I was sad and I never heard back. It has been my psych ward “anniversary” and I thought she’d message me to ask how I am but no nothing. Now she’s just become a grandmother... I know because I’m friends with her son. They are all super excited and spending lots of time together. He is sending me photos of the new baby but it’s just making me even more upset. Why can’t I just be happy for them? I feel so bad and self-centred for feeling this way. I know this little girl will be spoilt rotten with love and I’m jealous, there’s no other word for it. I suspect this is triggering an ancient wound in me, a hole that I’ve never managed to fill. My friend wants to see me tonight but I’m just too upset to see him and I can’t explain to him why *hides under table* C.B. - Sometimes I feel like I am more comfortable being depressed than I am being happy. Being sad feels, I don't know, solid, constant, whereas happiness is a fleeting and ephemeral feeling. Because of this, I got used to lying to myself to make myself more depressed. Don't know if that makes any sense, but I used to love laying in bed and thinking terrible things about myself until I cried my eyes out. I guess I craved that sense of catharsis. These days, I realize that this isn't a healthy way of coping, but I still crave the cathartic feeling I used to get by working myself into a terrible place. I think maybe I crave intense release of emotion because I have a hard time letting go of emotions in the moment and I kind of bottle them up. I still crave that. It's odd, I suppose I'm working to integrate the disparate parts of my personality into a functioning whole. It's like the emotional part of me exists kind of parallel to the rest, separate but connected in form if not function. A.C. - I guess if you can't do anything consistently but your capable of being extremely creative which many are here. Your purpose in life is to create a masterpiece not stand in line and fit the system. S.S. - Got told I'm too much of a negative person earlier and that I should keep all my thoughts secret. But the truth is I only say about 10% of what's actually on my mind. I'm too truthful about my flaws. The last thing I wanna be is a fake who brags. I can't help who I am.