#????? I just got fucking roasted im

[helldritch6211]

If i re wrote red hood outlaws + arsenal n red would you want to see snippets of that or would you roast me on a pike?

[muchmossymess]

Thinking about how the different races think about teeth.

Hylians, sheikah and gerudo are probably just like humans, baby set and then adult set, mby with little fangs bc I just love that aspect of fantasy.

Zora regrow their teeth like sharks, just have them constantly cooking behind the scenes ready to drop in when one breaks off. I want to say they have more than one row in their mouths, and I will bc its freaky and cool.

Gorons have really dense teeth (not bone), bc they need to crunch through stone and jaw strength only takes you so far. But honestly I reckon their teeth are constantly growing, faster as children and slower as they age. The regular wear and tear keeps them generally small but sometimes you need to break off chunks to keep it manageable. (Kinda like nails? If you let them keep growing then they tend to curl and dig into your skin and cause all sorts of problems)

Rito... don't have teeth. Obviously. They maintain their beaks with various surfaces, cuttlefish if you're fancy, but like if it breaks that's pretty much it, either leave it or get a prosthetic. But teeth? That freaks them out. Wdym ur bones are exposed and sometimes fall out how are you okay with this?!?

[7amonathursdayinoctober]

Me (referencing misha collins): who's your prettiest friend? :3

My sister (doesn't know ANYTHING about the internet): not you

Me: >:0

[regularshcw]

i need to work on the bios soon buuuuuut

margaret is trans ( trans woman )

benson is trans ( trans man )

em is trans ( trans man )

fanny is trans ( trans woman )

penny is nonbinary ( genderfluid )

neu is nonbinary ( unlabeled )

rigby is trans ( trans man )

and pops' gender is ?????

[dragonsfell]

IZZY'S DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS CHARACTERS

ELI STOMWELD / Aasimar Monk of the Radiant Dragon / Featured in a completed Curse of Strahd / reached level 14 by end of CoS

Born to a family of half-wood elves in Waterdeep, whatever Eli had wanted in life was dashed out by the age of three when a DEVA visited the household. The deva had came from the Celestial Plane with orders from the god, Tyr, that Eli would be meant for great things. Touched to his forehead, the DEVA bestowed upon Eli great power. The child's eyes turned a glowing gold and his dark brown hair turned to pinks. As he grew, his ears changed from elven ears to feathered wings. By the age of 10, he was tasked with learning all that he could to become a great hero. People regarded him as one chosen by the gods. Eli hated this for his life had become anything but normal. Every day was learning what it meant to be good, and he was, and how to fight; being told he would be meant to be a hero.

Such a time would happen, when the Deva, who had always kept a watchful eye over Eli came to him. He told him that a great shadow was growing and should it would creep out of its dark places. This was how Eli had gotten to Barovia, on mission from his Deva, where he would make three others who had mysterious found themselves in Barovia. It was during a dire situation during the festival in Vallaki, when the party was losing, that another celestial gift bore upon Eli. A bright light flashed through the center of town square that stunned everyone in the vicinity. That bright light was Eli himself; glowing from within and out, as massive pink wings grew from him back (painfully) and he managed to sweep the party away while the Baroness was stunned.

With wings now permanently and already torn down by how depressing and in need of hope, Barovia was (it needed good people, a hero); he was only further torn by how much further down the chosen one path he was set upon. This only furthers his spiral when he starts to see in reflections of water, his Deva cloaked in shadow and chains and upon seeing this reflection, Eli would be met with the pleas of thousands begging for a chosen hero.

While all that they went through, his traveling companions grew stronger and changed, gave into some of the darker decisions to be made; their spirits were unbroken even after the first encounter with Strahd and his brides. Eli did not; because at every turn, destiny and purpose called him. It was Eli who ultimately dealt the final blow to Strahd, lifted the curse along with his companions. Eli was rewarded for this; his wounds and all scars he received are healed away, as if they never happened, and the next time that Eli would wound himself; his blood runs gold and his Deva comes to him, and tells him he has been further divined, bestowed the gift of immortality and chosen champion of gods; to fly to the darkest places forever and bring good and light.

It is not what Eli wanted; but now he is a wandering aasimar, trying to understand what will life be for him now; knowing he'll long out live everyone. that he must do good; not because he is good and choses, but because he was chosen. that was made celestial himself.

[voidimp]

yeah yeah okay maybe there is something to be said for eating healthier. whatever

[retrocognizantrecreant]

Quinlan would like you all to know that Galactic Basic Standard is actually the worst language with the worst grammar rules. That is all. Thank you for coming to his TED Talk.

[izzy-b-hands]

we didn't do anything wild last night, not even close, but today my body has declared war. Why body. what did i do :(

[ccaptain]

Send ''GROUP JUDGEMENT'' in my inbox for the screenshots of your muse being discussed in the group chat H:SR Kaeyas has with the other beings!

( ALL of those are gonna be funny because these four are a bunch of clowns. )

[luludeluluramblings]

Vigilante!Smalltown!Reader exhausted and cornered after a night of running from the Bat Family.

Bruce with adoption papers in his Batbelt: I'd advise you just come quietly. You're exhausted and we have you surrounded.

Vigilante!Smalltown!Reader: Maybe, but do you really think I don't have a plan to get out of this?

Bruce my precious baby has a contingency plan im so proud: You're to exhausted to use your abilities any more, but, by all means, try.

Vigilante!Smalltown!Reader taking a deep breath and making sure the entire family's attention is on them.

Vigilante!Smalltown!Reader pointing directly at Bruce: Catwoman tops him.

The entire Bat Family's heads whipping to look at Bruce at breakneck speed.

Bruce: There is nothing wrong with-

Vigilante!Smalltown!Reader: He calls her 𝓜𝓸𝓶𝓶𝔂~

Bat Family.exe has stopped working

Bruce: It was only one time-

Jason: It's fucking true?!

Stephanie: Ｂａｔｍａｎ＇ｓ ａ ｂｏｔｔｏｍ．．．

Dick: There is nothing wrong with being a Bottom.

Barbara over the comms: We get it, Dick. You're a switch. But, really? A mommy kink, B? Talk about issues.

Duke: Cass, can you confirm if he's lying?

Cassandra the human lie detector: He is.

Tim: You guys realize this means Wonder Woman probably topped him too, right?

Damian: So that's how Mother got him...

The entire Bat Family dissolving into a massive analytical debate over all of Bruce's previous relationships and roasting the ever loving shit outta him while Bruce continues to deny being a bottom.

Vigilante!Smalltown!Reader sneaking off: my work here is done

A/N: I may have cackled while writing this. It's terrible, but, boy oh boy, does it bring me delight.

A/N: I'm also in that weird place where I have a million ideas or none at all and either have very little time or motivation to write. No in between. Urgh.

A/N: I don't actually headcannon Bruce as a bottom, but as a dude who has tried everything at least once (or twice.) But y'all can if y'all want.

[love-belle]

i bet you think about me !!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which their post break-up era is just them shading each other on instagram and co parenting their cat.

or

for when you know they're thinking about you. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

social media au // lando norris x fem!reader

sequel - i'll be loving you for quite some time ⋆·˚ ༘ *

warnings - language. both the reader and lando are petty bitches having a petty virtual stand-off.

author's note - hello!!!!! so sorry for the wait, i've been busy with stuff :/// i really hope u like this <3 thank u so much for reading!!! i love u <3

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by carlossainz55, pierregasly, lewishamilton and 786,416 others

landonorris happier than ever.

8,927 comments

username THE CAPTION

username oh.

username no bc why did this hurt me.

username my heart can't take it what the fuck

danielricciardo unnecessary caption but alright.

-> landonorris i did not lie though???

username WHY IS THIS HAPPENING

username i haven't recovered from their breakup and now ur telling me that they ended on bad terms??????

-> username no they're fine!!!!!!! this is just lando being silly!!!!!!!!!!!!!

username no bc why THE FUCK is lando out here looking all fine while my girl y/n was seen crying in front of her mom yesterday

-> username weren't there rumours that they broke up bc y/n was committed to this relationship more than lando was????

-> username oh what the fuck

username "happier than ever" like we didn't see u and y/n all those years with eachother

maxverstappen1 👍

*liked by landonorris*

username nah bc if i was y/n i would be so hurt by this what the fuck.

-> username imagine going through a breakup after being together for more than 2 years and they post THIS after a WEEK like

lilymhe fake ass bitch

*this comment has been deleted*

username god i love lily defending her wifey

username LANDO HOW AM U SUPPOSED TO DEFEND U LIKE THIS

username no bc my heart's aching for y/n she doesn't deserve this

charles_leclerc need to talk to you real quick.

-> carlossainz55 just a friendly chat!

-> username oh they're maaaaaaad

username im a child of divorce what the fuck

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

yourusername i’ll think of something else your initial can stand for

*this post is not available*

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by lilymhe, carmenmmundt, danielricciardo and 789,979 others

yourusername blocking him isn't enough when i want to throw tomatoes at his head like he's a medieval criminal

8,926 comments

username PLEASE

username SOMEONE TELL ME THEY SAW Y/N'S LAST POST

-> username NO BC WHEN U TELL U MY HEART BROKE

-> username "i’ll think of something else your initial can stand for" do u want me to cry.

username bet lando feels like an asshole after seeing that post 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

-> username imagine fumbling so hard 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

lilymhe replace those tomatoes with concrete blocks and we're good!

-> yourusername alright slow down

-> username HELP

username y/n liking all the comments roasting lando but blocking all the ones who are hating on him is actually so personal to me

-> username like girl hates him but only she's allowed to do it

-> username my parents!!!!!!!!! divorced but parents nonetheless!!!!!!!!!

charles_leclerc i can arrange the tomatoes

-> carlossainz55 i can lock him in a room for you to throw tomatoes at him

-> danielricciardo i can stand by and record the whole thing for you to look back on and laugh

-> yourusername i adore each one of you wtf ☹️☹️☹️

username that prev caption hits hard knowing that lando got her a necklace with his initial 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

username THE LYRICS TOOK ME OUT OMG

username imagine breaking up with ur bf and seeing that post he posted after you posted a heartbreaking yet wistful post abt him like

-> username ngl that's gonna be my last straw

francisca.cgomes asking pierre to show it to him brb

-> yourusername LMFAOOO PLEASE

username this is so chaotic i CANNOT

username mother is mothering so hard after her breakup

-> username she broke free of the shackles 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

*liked by yourusername*

username babe it's okay me and our kids forgive u just come home ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

maxverstappen1 sending this to him

-> yourusername do it no balls

-> username pls she's so unserious i love her 😭😭😭

*liked by yourusername*

username i KNOW he looked at this post and cried

*liked by yourusername*

username me when they still post abt eachother but indirectly and with shady undertones 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😘😘😘😘😘😘😘

username i will get over a lot of things but i will never get over y/n and lando breaking up

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by pierregasly, carlossainz55, maxverstappen1 and 758,989 others

landonorris pov: you're better now 🤍

7,926 comments

username pov ur a liar.

username lando it's okay honey u don't have to lie

username he said this yk like a liar

maxverstappen1 not me watching you wipe your tears right now

-> landonorris LEAVE ME ALONE

username the way i've been crying since i found out and it's not even my relationship like DAMN.

username lando how does it feel to fumble a bad bitch like y/n 🎤🎤🎤

username no bc i KNOW the drivers reallllllllly gave it to lando after they found out about the breakup

username IS THAT Y/N'S CAT

-> username they're co parenting caz 💀💀💀

-> username it's weekend with dad ig 😭😭😭

danielricciardo pov: you're a liar ❤️

-> landonorris choke ❤️

username max and daniel really calling him out on his bullshit 💀💀💀

-> username as they should

username the way i fell to the floor when the articles first came out abt their breakup

username so y/n WAS committed to this relationship more than he was

username me having a nice day and suddenly remembering the fact that lando once said that y/n was everything he had spent his life looking for and everything he thought he'd never find

-> username I WAS HAVING A NICE WHY DO U DO THIS TO ME

username "pov: you found your soulmate" hahahahahaha!!!! im fine!!!! totally not going crazy over this!!!!!

-> username do u get deja vu

carlossainz55 lies.

-> landonorris blocked.

username need them back together again for mental stability i fear

username they're actually very happy together my delusions told me!!!!!!!

username no way they're just over like that when we could SEE how much they loved eachother like

-> username the articles being all "they had different priorities" NO MF THEY KEPT SAYING HOW THEY COULDN'T WAIT FOR THEIR FUTURE TOGETHER

-> username to the person who wrote those articles, drop the addy i just wanna talk :)

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by lewishamilton, francisca.cgomes, lilymhe and 779,189 others

yourusername when u know he's gonna think u every time he hears a taylor swift song and it'll make him want to CRY

7,532 comments

username the ultimate revenge

username the way i lit up whenever i see one of them posted but it's literally just them shading eachother like I CANNOT.

username LMFAOOOOO

carmenmmundt he'll listen to lover and it'll make him want to cry

-> georgerussell63 playing that the next time he walks in a room

-> yourusername thank u for ur service carmen's bf

username the way this whole thing is like a tennis match 💀💀💀

username ngl this is so entertaining

username couple weeks since they broke up and this is how their post breakup era is going

-> username when they're still so 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

username they're just being silly!!!!!!!! just a prank y'all!!!!!!!! silly y/n and lando!!!!!!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

danielricciardo can confirm that exile was playing when i walked into his driver's room

-> yourusername HELP OMG

-> username not exile LMFAOO

username why are u so pretty

username post break up glow be hitting different ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

*liked by yourusername*

username women become 1000000x more beautiful everytime a m*n disappoints them

*liked by yourusername*

lilymhe asking alex to make all the playlists just taylor swift babe we're destroying his peace

-> yourusername OKAY SLOW DOWN FOR A MIN

username y/n telling her fans to be kind and lando straight up to ignoring everything does tell u a lot abt them tbh but some people are not ready for that conversation yet

-> username the way y/n and him were FINE after their breakup until he posted with that caption likeeeee

-> username nah bc what if.............HE WAS THE PROBLEM

-> username men need to go back to war

lewishamilton can't wait to see you next week!! roscoe misses his favourite dogsitter!!

-> yourusername missing my buddy so much 🤍🤍🤍 see you both next week!!!!!!!

username the entire grid adores her i can TELL

username this is what he deserves

username no bc i know im supposed to sad that they broke up but them posting abt each other indirectly while having the other person blocked is so hilarious

username my y/nlando heart 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

username the grid still being close to y/n is so 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by lewishamilton, charles_leclerc, danielricciardo and 799,186 others

landonorris how i feel every time i hear a taylor swift song and my mind goes straight to her

7,931 comments

username NOT HIM USING HIMSELF AS MEMES

username so who's gonna tell him.

username people who follow both of them 💀💀💀💀💀

username lando...babe...

username no bc they DO shade eachother and roast eachother since they broke up but the fact that y/n tells all the ppl hating on lando to "shut the fuck up and get a fucking life" and lando straight up blocks them is so 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

username IT'S WHAT SHE WANTS

danielricciardo chuckles knowingly

-> landonorris WHAT DO YOU KNOW

-> danielricciardo NOTHING

-> landonorris WHAT

-> danielricciardo NOTHING OH MY GOD

username smirks

username good.

username yes cry abt it x

username the way "the 1" is literally them LIKE

-> username "it would've been fun if you could've been the one" 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

-> username CAN U HEAR ME CRYING

charles_leclerc this is interesting

-> landonorris ?

username lando being confused is sending me 😭😭😭😭😭😭

username y/n fr manifested this 💀💀💀

username IM GIGGLING THIS IS HILARIOUS

username someone send this to y/n

*liked by danielricciardo*

maxverstappen1 we get what you mean but please stop playing the 1

-> landonorris none can do sorry

username NOT LANDO PLAYING THE 1

username im so 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

username y/n is chuckling rn i can feel it

lilymhe this is interesting!

-> landonorris WHAT IS

username OH MY GOD

username them shading eachother while having the other person blocked is top tier comedy i cant

username the next race is gonna be so interesting I can't wait 🗣️🗣️🗣️

username PLEASE OMG

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by lewishamilton, lilymhe, carmenmmundt and 1,829,851 others

yourusername i bet you think about me

8,467 comments

username MOTHER

username ATE

username HOLY SHIT OH MY GOD

username step on me please.

username i KNOW he looked at this post and cried

lewishamilton as pierre taught me, slayed the house down with boots or whatever

-> yourusername LEWIS OH MY GOD

-> yourusername but thank u that means sm to me 💌

username SHE'S SO SVANAKDJDMKSJSJ

username iconic.

username taylor swift always right !!!!!!!!!!

carmenmmundt pretty pretty

-> yourusername yeah you you

username my bi awakening

-> username that's so real actually

username THIS IS PERFECT

username someone thank daniel for showing lando's post to y/n so that we could get THIS

*liked by danielricciardo*

username WOMEN

lilymhe marry me rn idc i loveeee u ur so pretty ahahahaha pls.

-> yourusername babeeeeee i love u sm we're absolutely getting married idc abt ur bf we're eloping

-> alex_albon it's not even noon yet give me a break

username carmen, lily, kika and y/n ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

username YEAH I BET U THINK ABOUT ME

username he DOES think about u

username no bc if i was lando i would be in my knees screaming crying throwing up for her to take me back

-> username real like how will u explain to people that u ended up fumbling a bad bitch

francisca.cgomes GORGEOUS

-> yourusername I LOVE YOU

username "i don't wanna think of anything else now that i thought of u"

-> username DIDN'T SHE POST THAT WHEN SHE ANNOUNCED THEIR RELATIONSHIP

-> username lord i am not strong enough for this.

username kinda missing them together ://

-> username i miss lando panicking in the comments section everytime y/n posted like homeboy was down BAD

-> username frrrr like he was down SO bad it was almost embarassing

username I JUST GASPED OUT LOUD HOLY FUCK

charles_leclerc can confirm

*liked by yourusername*

username I NEED LANDO'S REACTION TO THIS OMG

username both of their pr personnel are having a field day with this

-> username i would not want to be either of them today 💀💀💀

username exes beefing is so entertaining i swear im here for this petty bitch fight

[ellieslovr]

Isn’t It Messed Up? (How I’m Just Dying To Be Him)

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆ ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡Pairing: Ellie Williams x Abby Anderson x F!Reader

Summary: Listen to Sugar We’re Goin’ Down while reading this pls :D (aka im 2 lazy to summarize)

wc:4,002

warnings: cw: strap on sex, spit roasting, spit kink, size kink, possessive behavior, dumbification, voyeurism, masturbation, knife play, use of pet names,degradation kink, praise kink, overstimulation, face fucking.

a/n:IT’S FINALLY DONE AFTER LIKE TWO MONTHS HOLY FUCK.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆ ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆ ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆ ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡

Ellie could have any girl she wanted. She knew that. So why did she want the one most inaccessible to her? That being, her best friend’s girlfriend.

Sure, her and Abby had messed around before, but that all stopped a while before she got a girlfriend. This wasn’t Ellie’s only problem though. She liked Abby, but she also liked you too. The two of them were roommates, and they usually respected each other’s privacy.

That is, until now.

Abby had “forgotten” to inform Ellie that she’d need the room to herself for a bit, which led to Ellie splayed out across her bed, with one of the shirts you’d left drenched in your perfume. Having your scent filling her lungs made her feel dizzy, and she hurriedly shoved her hand down her pants.

She pulled up a link to some shitty porn video on her phone, but it was enough to do the trick. She was damn near dripping onto her bed sheets as she inserted two fingers inside herself. She was so close, and that’s when she heard the lock turn.

She quickly dressed and jumped up off the bed, and hid in the closet without thinking. Seconds later, you and Abby walked in. The taller girl was hurriedly kissing down your neck, urging you to shut the door. You did so, smiling as you turned around to face her.

“Babe, slow down. You’re gonna get whiplash.” She laughed, leaning down to pull your shirt off. “Shut up, you know I always get riled up when you wear that fucking skirt.” You rolled your eyes, but allowed her to take your shirt off anyways. Ellie couldn’t believe her eyes. Was this really happening?

She could barely see the two of you through the little slits in the closet door, but it provided her with enough to know what was going on. Abby tackled you to the bed, her lips pressed against yours. You pulled her closer, hands tugging at her hair.

She groaned into your mouth and slid her knee between your legs, urging you to grind against it. Ellie tried to resist the urge, she really did. But when you moaned, she slipped a hand beneath the band of her boxers. This was risky, she knew that. “Yeah, but it’s also hot.” The other side of her brain told her. She was more inclined to agree with that.

Her brain was too foggy to think about the potential consequences of her actions, your moans mixed with Abby’s were all she could focus on.

You let out a soft sigh as Abby kissed down your neck. “Alright, I’m losing my patience. Skirt and panties off.” She told you. Ellie held her breath as you pulled your skirt and panties down.

Abby licked her lips. “God, you’re so fucking wet.” She slowly ran two fingers through your folds, marveling at the way your slick dribbled down them.

She brought those same fingers up to her lips, and wrapped her tongue around them. “You taste so sweet.” She practically moaned, leaning down to kiss you.

While you were distracted, she slowly pushed her fingers inside of you, making you whine. “Shh, just gotta get you ready for my cock baby.” Abby cooed, pumping her fingers in and out.

Meanwhile, Ellie had one hand down her pants, and the other muffling her moans. She still couldn’t believe this was happening, it was like one of her wet dreams came true.

She had lost count of how many times Abby would complain to her about one of her shirts missing, only for Ellie to have that same shirt shoved in her face while she was on her bed, knuckle deep inside her wet cunt. She just couldn’t help herself, you and Abby plagued her mind in the best way.

Despite her feelings for both of you, she was happy when you two got into a relationship. The three of you spent a lot of time hanging out, usually smoking weed or watching movies. Ellie was certain there was no coming back from this though. She was positively fucked.

She snapped back to attention when she heard you whine Abby’s name, a desperate plea for her to fuck you. Abby had placed the strap around her hips, and was situated between your legs. “You need me to fuck you?” She asked, gripping your chin with one hand. You nod.

“Please Abby, need your cock. Need you to fuck me, please.” Your cries paused momentarily as Abby pushed into you. “Shit, you’re tight babe.” She grunted as she thrusted into you, sweat dripping down her forehead.

You moan as she speeds up her movements, the sound of her fucking your wet cunt echoing through the room. Ellie fucks herself faster, soft little whimpers escaping her mouth. Abby looked down at you, savoring the way your mouth formed an o with each movement she made.

She cupped the side of your face, and you leaned into her touch. “Bet you wish Ellie was here, huh? You want her to see how much of a whore you are?” She asked with a smirk on her face.

Ellie was floored. You both liked her back? Her brain was too clouded with lust to think about anything that wasn’t sex, so she continued to fuck herself.

“Mhm, want both of you to fuck me. Wanna be your pretty little toy.” Abby groaned. “Fuck you’re such a whore, wanting me and my best friend to slut you out.”

You cried out, clamping down around her strap. “Come on baby, fucking give it to me. Cum for me.” You do just that, back bowing as she continues her assault on you.

Ellie follows soon after, so lost in the throes of pleasure that she forgot to cover her mouth. The sound of someone else’s voice catches both you and Abby off guard, and she leaps up from the bed.

“Did you hear that?” She asked. You nodded. “Sounded like it was nearby.” Abby reached for her pants that had been previously discarded, and pulled out a pocket knife.

“Check the closet.” You tell her. She nods, readying the knife. You sat with bated breath, sheets barely covering your naked body.

She swings the closet door open, and you hear a familiar scream. “Ellie?!” Abby exclaimed, lowering the knife. The other girl had little time to cover herself up, so her pants were bunched down to her ankles, and her boxers were halfway down her thighs.

Abby subconsciously licked her lips, giving her a quick up and down glance. “Abby, I’m so-“ Abby glared at her, and she shut up.

“Didn’t realize you liked my girl that much.” She mused. Ellie shook her head. “I-It’s not like that, I swear.” Abby zeroed in on her, stepping towards her.

Ellie was trapped between the wall of the closet, and Abby’s body. “I think it is like that.” She replied, hot breath wafting across Ellie’s face. The shorter girl shivered. “I didn’t mean to spy on you guys, I swear.” She said.

Abby shot a glance at you, but your eyes were fixed on Ellie. She was a little less muscular than Abby, but still incredibly toned. Freckles trailed all down her body, and you could spot her happy trail peeking out from her haphazardly pulled up boxer shorts.

“It’s fine, Ellie. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she liked it.” Abby told her. You blush as Ellie flicks her eyes over to you, and nod your head. “I did. I like you a lot, Ellie.” You confess.

Ellie’s cheeks flush. “Really?” You nod. “I feel the same way.” Abby told her. Ellie could’ve sworn she died and went to heaven. Both of her crushes actually liked her back? “What about you?” You ask her, sitting up.

The sheet slid down your body, giving Ellie a full view of your chest. She nodded dumbly, before realizing you were waiting on a response.

“I like you guys too. A lot.” She replied. You breathed a sigh of relief, as did Abby. “I’m glad we got that sorted out. We can talk more about it after.” She told Ellie. The other girl’s eyes wandered over to you, looking you up and down.

“So, what do you wanna do in the meantime?” She asked Abby, eyes still locked on you. Abby chuckled and circled the bed, gesturing for Ellie to follow. “I think you know.”

Abby looped her arms around your waist, moving one hand up to pinch your nipple. You jolted, a gush of wetness following her actions. “You wanna join us?” Abby asked, absentmindedly toying with your nipple, rolling it between her fingers.

Ellie quickly nodded, and Abby raised an eyebrow. “Words.” She said, causing Ellie to blush. “Yes. I want to.” Abby grinned. “Atta girl. Clothes off.” Ellie slipped out of her boxers and shirt, adding them to the pile of clothes on the floor.

You let the sheet drop the rest of the way, and Ellie’s eyes widened. “Jesus.” She breathed. Abby laughed.

“She’s real pretty, isn’t she?” Ellie was nearly drooling at the sight of your soft skin. “Yeah,she is.” She replied. “You wanna touch her?” Abby asked. “Can I?” Ellie replied, addressing both of you.

Instead of answering her, you took her hand and guided it to the valley of your breasts. “Fuck.” Ellie muttered, gliding her hand up and down your chest.

You leaned into her touch, back arching slightly. Her hands were rough with callouses, which made you shiver when she brushed her thumb against your nipple. “You’re so pretty like this.” Ellie murmured.

“Ellie, please.” You cried as her hand slid further down your body. “Tell me what you need, baby.” Ellie replied. You hesitated for a moment, and Abby kissed the top of your head. “Don’t be shy babe, it’s Ellie. You can tell her.”

You gathered up your courage, and decided to just blurt out what was on your mind. “I want both of you to fuck me.” They seemed surprised by this answer. “Are you sure, doll? I don’t wanna overwhelm you.” Ellie replied.

Abby chuckled. “Trust me, you won’t. She’s got stamina.” Ellie nodded. “Alright then, how do you want us?” All of a sudden, Abby shot up off the bed. The two of you watched her as she opened the closet door, and pulled out a black bag. “I have an idea.” She told you two as she sat back down.

She opened the bag, and inside sat a brand new strap on. “I originally bought this for us.” She said, motioning between you and her. “I have a better way to use it though.”

Ellie looked at her quizzically. “How?” Abby opened up the packaging, handing it and a harness to Ellie.

“She said she wants both of us. You fuck her face, I’ll fuck her pussy.” Abby said bluntly. Ellie blushed at her forwardness.

“Are you sure about this baby?” She asked, glancing over at you. You nod your head. “I actually kind of like the overstimulation.” You admit, cheeks flushed.

Ellie smirked at this. “Yeah? Good to know.” You laughed, and she cupped your face in her hands. “Can I kiss you?” You nodded. She leaned in, and her lips brushed against yours.

You shivered and pulled her closer by her shirt, causing her to moan. Before she completely lost control, she pulled away. “You’re a good kisser.” She breathed, forehead leaning against yours.

You laughed. “You’re not so bad yourself.” “I’m gonna try something.” She told you. You watched, curious as to what she would do. She leaned down and pulled your nipple into her mouth, causing you to gasp.

She gently grazed her teeth across it, tongue poking out to lick at the bud. “Oh fuck.” Your voice quivered as you tugged at her hair, urging her to keep going.

Ellie slid one hand down to your stomach, dangerously close to your cunt. “You want her fingers, baby?” Abby asked. You moaned in response, and they took that as a yes. Ellie’s hand traveled down further, brushing lightly against your clit.

It was enough to make you jerk forward, with Abby having to hold you up for support. Ellie slowly pushed two fingers inside of you, reveling in the way your walls clenched around her.

“Shit, you’re so wet.” She grunted, her own slick dripping down her thighs. “Jesus Els, you’re soaked.” Abby teased, leaning over to press a kiss to her neck. She shivered. “Hey! D-Don’t distract me.” Abby grinned.

“Sorry. Continue.” You would’ve giggled at their banter if it weren’t for the way Ellie’s fingers were moving inside you. They were lithe and long, similar to Abby’s, but a bit smaller.

The callouses created a constant friction, one that made you squeeze your legs around her arm.

Yeah, you like that? Feels good?” Ellie asked. She was easily falling into her role, despite not being too experienced.

Ellie brushed her thumb against your clit, causing you to cry out. Without warning, she pulled her fingers out, and you whined in protest.

“Shh, I’m just impatient. Wanna fuck your throat.” She told you, brushing a stray piece of hair out of your face.

Your cunt throbs at the thought of having both of them at the same time, a fantasy you had relayed more than once to Abby as she made you cum numerous times.

“Greedy fucking slut, wanting to take two cocks at once.” She’d grunt, thrusting into you with her hand wrapped around your throat. You were shaken from your thoughts as Ellie attached the harness to herself. Abby did the same, and the two got into position.

“You ready?” Ellie asked, looking down at you. You nodded. She looked so good like this, towering above you. “Alright. Tap either of our legs three times if you need to stop, or if you want air. Got it?” She asked.

“Mhm.” You replied,eager to get started. Abby grabbed a handful of your ass and leaned down, pursing her lips.

She spat directly on you, watching as the glob ran down your thighs. You were plenty wet enough already, but you’d be lying if you said Abby doing that didn’t turn you on. Still, you decided to egg her on a bit.

“Gotta make sure this pretty pussy’s wet enough to take me.” She told you, large hands trailing up and down your thighs.

You laugh, accompanied with an eye roll. “Right, as if you weren’t fucking me ten minutes ago.” Abby raises an eyebrow at your tone and suddenly yanks your head back, forcing you to make eye contact with Ellie.

“Shut her up for me, will you Ellie?” She asked. You couldn’t see her, but you could hear the smirk in her voice.

Ellie licked her lips. “You heard her, baby. Open up.” You let your jaw hang slack, staring up at her with doe eyes.

You wrap your lips around the silicone, and slowly start bobbing your head back and forth. Although Ellie couldn’t actually feel it, your movements did create a slight friction against her clit.

Abby pushed into you agonizingly slowly, marveling at the way your cunt sucked her in. The two began to move in unison, with Ellie thrusting into your mouth.

“Shit, can’t wait to feel your mouth on me. You look so pretty like this, getting your throat fucked.” You moaned around her and Abby sped up, slapping your ass.

“That’s all she’s good for.” She said, fingers reaching down to toy with your clit. “Just a set of holes for us to fuck into, nothing but a needy whore.” You moan at her words, rocking your hips back against her.

Her eyes meet Ellie’s and she launches forward, pressing their lips together.

It’s a messy make out session, one full of teeth and tongues, but it just turns you on even more. Ellie moans into Abby’s mouth, while Abby uses her free hand to push your head down further.

You’re choking at this point, the silicone cock hitting the back of your throat. When they pull away, a thin string of saliva connects them. Ellie looks at you with a grin, pupils blown.

“Making us feel so fucking good baby, you’re such a good girl,” She murmured, running her fingers through your hair.

You melt into her touch and she coos. “There’s our pretty girl. Little bit faster babe, m’ getting close.” You speed up your movements and Ellie grips the back of your head, bucking her hips into your face. She cums finally, a string of curses leaving her lips.

Abby follows soon after, whispering dirty things into your ear as she coaxes you through your own orgasm. You assume she’ll pull out but she keeps thrusting into you, reveling in the hungry look on Ellie’s face as she watches.

She could see the faint white ring of your arousal on Abby’s strap as she fucked into you. Ellie reaches down and takes off her own strap, tossing it to the side. Her wet cunt was in full view,thighs soaked with her cum.

“Can I try something baby?” She asked. You nodded as best as you could with Abby continuing her movements behind you, albeit at a slightly slower pace. Ellie reached down to the pile of clothes and picked up Abby’s pants.

The two of you watched as she pulled out her pocket knife, and your breath hitched. “You trust me?” She asked as she sat back down on the bed and spread her legs.

You nodded. Of course you did. Ellie was someone who you trusted wholeheartedly, along with Abby. You knew she would never do anything if she thought harm would come to you.

“Alright, come here.” She said, patting the space between her thighs. You obliged, making yourself comfortable.

“You’re going to eat me out while I hold this to your neck. If you stop, I’ll cut you.” You shivered at her tone, and although you knew she wouldn’t actually hurt you, the danger was still there.

You lick your lips, and lean down between her legs. She nods towards you, and you lick a gentle stripe up to her clit. Her breath hitches, and the hand that’s holding the knife falters a bit.

The cold metal is pressed right against your neck, and Abby is behind you with her hands in your hair, guiding you as she watches the way your pussy swallows her.

You pull Ellie’s swollen clit into your mouth, and she jerks her hips. “God, you look like such a- oh fuck..” Ellie trailed off as you pushed your tongue inside of her.

You couldn’t believe you hadn’t done this sooner, you could’ve sworn you were in heaven, right here between her legs. “Oh fuck right there, don’t fucking stop.” She groaned.

You moaned as both Abby and Ellie tugged at your hair, while Ellie grinded her hips into her face. Your nose was bumping against her clit, and her chest was heaving up and down.

The salty sweat rolling down her body combined with the sweet honeyed taste of her dripping cunt drove you closer to your own orgasm. You began to grind against the mattress, until Abby stopped you.

“You don’t get to cum until she does.” She told you, gesturing to Ellie. You pulled away from Ellie with a whine, opening your mouth to protest. Instead of entertaining you, Abby shoved your face back between Ellie’s legs.

“I don’t wanna fucking hear it. Get to work and maybe we’ll help you, yeah?” You moaned, sending a vibration throughout Ellie’s entire body. Abby leaned over you and trailed kisses down Ellie’s neck, before sliding her tongue into her mouth.

Ellie moaned as you both continued your assault on her and before she could warn you, she had squirted all over your face. “Fuck, good girl.”

Ellie panted as she came down from her high. She smiled lazily as she slumped down onto the bed. “You gonna leave our girl hanging, Williams?” Abby asked with a smirk.

Ellie laughed, sitting up on her elbows. “Course not. Just needed to catch my breath.” She replied with a smirk of her own.

“I would’ve thought you’d have more stamina than that.” You teased, fingers tracing her abs. “Shut up.” She replied, pulling you into a kiss.

She slowly pushed two fingers into you using her free hand, and moved them in a scissoring motion.

“Oh fuck, right there Ellie.” She laughed, a cocky grin spreading across her face. “Yeah? You still want me to shut up?” She asked.

Meanwhile, Abby pulled one of your nipples into her mouth and rolled the other between her fingers. It was all too much, but in the best way.

You came with a loud cry, listening to the downright filthy things the two were whispering to you. You didn’t even realize you had fallen asleep until you woke up in the bathtub, surrounded by warm soapy water.

“You alright baby? You fell asleep on us.” Abby told you, running her hands through your hair. “Yeah, it just takes up a lot of energy. I’m alright.” You replied, leaning into her touch.

The bathtub was large enough to feasibly fit the three of you comfortably, so you were all almost fully submerged.

Abby was washing your hair, while Ellie was washing the rest of your body. They were gently pressing kisses to your bare skin, savoring the closeness of the moment.

“That was crazy.” You murmured into Ellie’s chest while Abby washed your hair. She grinned. “In a good way or a bad way?” She asked.

Abby finished putting the conditioner in, so you lifted your head up. “A good way.” You told her.

She smiled, wiping a few soap bubbles from your cheek with her thumb. “I’m glad.” She replied.

Abby cupped the water in her hands and began to wash the conditioner out of your hair, while you mustered up the courage to ask Ellie an important question.

You knew she would say yes, but it didn’t make you any less nervous.

She noticed you were lost in thought. “Whatcha thinking about?” She inquired. You avoided her gaze, and she raised an eyebrow. You decided to just ask her.

“Does this mean you’re our girlfriend now?” Ellie’s eyes widened, a blush forming on her face. “Do you guys want me to be?” She replied.

You nodded quickly, and Ellie’s eyes shifted to Abby. “How about you?” She asked. Abby nodded her head as well. “There’s no way this is just gonna be a one off thing. You’re stuck with us now.” She teased with a grin.

Ellie laughed. “Somehow I think I’ll manage.” She replied. You leaned in and pressed a sweet kiss to her lips, catching her slightly off guard. She kissed you back, running her hands through your hair.

You shifted to make room for Abby, who leaned in to kiss Ellie as well. You stood up on shaky legs as the two helped you out of the bath tub and dried you off.

Abby had somehow found the time to change the sheets and blankets, and had even run them through the dryer so they’d be warm.

As you settled into the bed Ellie laid to your left, and Abby to your right. You were already sleepy enough, but the softness of the sheets and the little kisses they were giving you helped lull you further into an almost dreamlike state.

“You can fall asleep baby, we’ll be right here when you wake up.” Abby reassured you. Ellie nodded. “We’ll probably end up falling asleep soon too.” She said, cuddling further into your embrace.

The two girls had placed their hands on your waist, where they lay entwined. They both pressed a single kiss to your cheek and you slowly drifted off to sleep, surrounded by love. It was perfect.

[astrolynnworld]

eiffle tower

pairing: matt & chris x reader

summary: chris sees the way you look at matt. so he gives you the opportunity to have both

warnings: smut! cheating, plot twist, exhibition, degradation, praise, language, oral, penetration, switch matt, dom chris, pig roast, little bit of aftercare.

a/n- the highly requested duo smut 😩

word count: 2,073

i love chris so much but .. sometimes i can’t help the idea of “what if i had chose matt instead”

he carries himself so well and despite the fact that they’re triplets.. i really do see him as another version of chris

the version that is more tame.

whenever he sits with us at dinner and he just looks so pretty and proper

just eating his meal, observing the conversation, sharing a joke here and there.

he’s not too loud or quiet, he’s the perfect middle ground of enjoyable.

and he’s so caring towards me when chris isn’t around

he’s cooking? he’ll serve me first. dropped my phone? he’ll pick it up for me. too anxious to speak up? he’ll talk for me, regardless of the fact that he also has anxiety.

maybe it’s because i’m his brothers girlfriend but i just sense the underlying message of care

often times then not, chris will catch me staring off into a haze at matt.

i always have to play it off as if i just got lost in thought.

i mean i did get lost in thought..

the thought of matt’s eyes rolled back as i strok-

“y/n??” matt snaps me back into focus

“mhm?” i question as i stand at the fridge door aimlessly

“i think you dozed off again” he laughs slightly, “did you hear what i said?”

i shake my head no softly as i take a seat on the chairs behind me

“you okay?” he asks while inching closer and putting a hand on my shoulder

i look up at him standing over me

“i’m fine” i mutter out

“you’ve been out of it a lot lately. wanna know what would help?” he asks rhetorically

you.

“what?” i say before chris walks into the kitchen

“a hot tub?” chris answers, acknowledging that he had heard a bit of our conversation

“you always wanna go to the hot tub” i laugh as i switch my gaze to him

“it’s not the worst idea chris has had” matt remarks

“i could be down for a hot tub” i reply enthusiastically now that matt is down

“i’ll go ask nick if he wants to come while you guys get ready” matt says

“wait im coming with” chris follows behind matt

i walk back into the bedroom and roam around for something to wear

shortly after, chris comes back into the room

“nicks not coming, he has a fever” he informs as he tries to grab his swim shorts

i nod my head and sit on the bed as i watch him change

“see something you like?” he flirts as he slowly approaches me

“a whole lot” i smile as i look up to him for a kiss

“alright love birds. we can go now” matt comes in fully dressed

i grab my bag and quickly follow behind matt

our go to hot tub spot was at the warehouse, which was only 10 minutes away from their house

once we get there, matt grabs his key card so he can unlock the gate to the pool

we trail around the side of the pool and make our way to the hot tub

they both take off their shirts before stepping into the hot tub

i could see the masculine structure lining in their backs

the broadness of their shoulders

the width of their arms as they lean back against the wall of the hot tub

i’m so lucky that i at least get to fuck one of them bec-

“wait! i forgot my headphones at the warehouse last time. i need to grab them before i forget again” chris says in a hurry as he gets out the hot tub and makes his way back to the house

“and bring some towels please” matt shouts after him

“watch him come back with none” i chuckle at his attempt

“no yeah for sure. kids gonna come back with a pepsi and forgot what he even went in for” he says as we share a laugh

“how do you even put up with him?” he says in a curious manner

“what do you mean?” i question

he starts to inch closer from the other side of the hot tub

“i see how you act, you’re not like him. you’re polite.. clean.. civil.. well mannered. how do you put up with him?” he says while fully towering me

“i- we- well because i love him” i nervously speak

“do you love him? because i see the way you look at me y/n”

i freeze in my spot

“you think i don’t notice but i do. you’d rather be with me huh? you’d rather it be me that you lay with every night right?” he taunts over me

“me who fucks you to sleep? every. single. night.” he whispers into my ear

“matt what are you doing..” i shyly whisper out

“say it baby. say you want me instead” he puts his nose to mine

i look into his eyes, “i want you instead”

he closes the gap between our lips with passion

sloppily pulling away and going back in for more as he wraps his hands around my waist

i feed into the passion, feeling a fire of energy ignite in me

“i KNEW it.”

i heard a voice speak from above us

i jump back from matt’s arms as i look up to see an angry chris standing outside the hot tub

matt starts to slowly back away as chris gets back in the hot tub and comes straight for me

he grabs my throat, “you’re such a slut. making out with my brother when i’m less than 30 feet away? you thought i wouldn’t find out or you just didn’t care?” he asks

i stay silent as i try to release his grip from my throat. only making him squeeze harder

“you know.. i had a feeling you were a slut. that’s why i put him up to this”

————————————————————

earlier:

“wait i’m coming with” i followed behind matt

after y/n walks back to my room i stop matt in his tracks

“i might need you to do a weird favor for me.” i speak hesitantly

matt was a great brother but i don’t know how deep that great would go for me

“what?” he asks

“i need you to tempt y/n into cheating on me”

“.. why the fuck would i do that?” he questions

“i’ve been seeing the way she looks at you recently. i need to know if she would or wouldn’t fold”

he can hear the genuineness in my voice. i wouldn’t ask him to do something like this if i wasn’t serious

i still love her..

i just needed to know if she likes him or not, how far she was willing to go about it.

“alright bro. i’ll try” he says before continuing to walk up to nick’s room

————————————————————

present:

i gasp as i start to find it hard to breathe.

he lets go of my throat and pulls my hair back so i can look him in the eyes

“you wanna fuck my brother so bad right?”

he pulls my head back to matt

“here. have him”

he turns me around and bend me over in front of matt

“bro.. i don’t know about-“ matt starts to speak

chris grabs my throat and shrinks down to my face, “tell him how much you want him baby. tell him how you want him to put it in. beg for it”

i silently stare at him in shock of his new aggression

“tell him.” he slaps my cheek

“please put it in matt.” i turn back and speak

“beg him for it” chris continues

“please matt, i beg you. just put your cock inside me”

matt slides my bathing suit to the side and slowly starts to align himself with my hole despite the water making it hard to see

“good girl” chris speaks before placing a kiss on the cheek he just slapped

matt lets out a heavy breath as he slides himself along my walls

i gasp as i feel the added pressure

“feels good doesn’t it baby? feels good to be a slut right?” chris speaks

i nod my head with my pout

“say it baby. say it feels good to be a slut” chris adds in

“it feels good to be a slut” i whimper out as i back into matts cock while he meets me halfway

chris traces his fingers against my lips, “who’s slut are you?”

“yours chris. i do whatever you say” i whine out as i squint my eyes from the feeling of matt’s cock hitting against my cervix

“mhmm. so good for me baby” chris says as he pushes his fingers in my mouth for me to suck

i can faintly hear matt trying to hold back his moans and whimpered pleasure as he feels my walls suck him in

the tightness of my walls clenching and pulling around him as he struggles to identify wether it’s the warm silky wetness is from me, or the hot tub.

shutting his eyes to focus on the pleasure

chris on the other hand, is so turned on by the idea of me getting slutted out for his pleasure

he likes the idea of another man being able to enjoy me like he does

i can see the bulge peering out through his swim shorts

i couldn’t let him go attentionless so i free his cock and start to jerk it under the water

he pulls away from me and slaps me once again

“did i give you permission to touch me slut?”

i pout and shake my head no

he places his cock on my cheek, “fuck. i could cover your whole face baby”

“please put it in my mouth daddy” i beg, tired of the teasing

“you want me to face fuck you baby? you wanna be a good girl and let daddy face fuck you?” he rhetorically questions

“yes please. please put your cock in my mouth and use me to your pleasure” i whine out before he shoves his cock in my mouth and starts to fuck into me

it’s like every time chris pulls out of my mouth, matt pushes into my hole. and when chris pushes back in, matt pulls out

it was a back and forth train of stimulation that sent my head into a spiral

i lost all my thoughts and all i could focus on was the whines and whimpers that poured out of my mouth into chris’s cock

“fuck keep moaning baby. it feels so good around my cock” chris whines out

“you’re squeezing- around my cock y/n.. fuck i don’t know how much longer i’m gonna last.” matt throws his head back as he starts to speed up the pace, sending me flying into chris’s dick

i know im gonna cum soon. i just feel so dirty, getting fucked and stuffed by two brothers in a public hot tub. it felt so nasty and so wrong, i couldn’t help but think of how hot that was

and imagining if someone caught us. how gross and nasty they would think i am. how much of a slut im being right now. fuck i’m gonna cum

i squeeze around matts cock as i let out my orgasm.

as soon as i finish i feel matt pull out of me, followed by trickles of warm liquid splatter all over my back.

“you’re such a fucking slut baby. you let guys cum all over you? you like when guys treat you like a fucking toy and use you to their liking?” chris continues to degrade

“fuck i’m gonna cum baby.” he finishes his final thrusts before coating my throat with his cum

he pulls out and i sit up in the hot tub with a fucked out expression, not being able to think for myself.

tears dry up against my face from not being able to breathe

matt starts to fix and play with my hair while chris wipes my eyes

“it’s okay baby, i still love you” chris says as kisses into my lips

i don’t respond. still trying to regain my sense

“we should probably get her back to the house” matt suggests

“yeah. let’s go” chris adds before he picks me up and carries me back to the car in a cradle position.

————————————————————

a/n- hope yall enjoyed 😘 i put my back into this one fr

taglist: @sturniologirlfriend @cutiepatootie36273 @secret-sturniolo @sturns-blog @sturniolo-2003 @mayaaatok @sturnswrites @mattsleftnipple03 @mattybswife @tropicasturn @princessbetsy123-blog <333

[paper-mario-wiki]

terrific accident:

recently, as ive been iterating and tweaking a brownie recipe i got from my family's recipe catalogue (my cousin collected all of the "family recipes" we had in our small extended family, typed them all up, and it amounted to a few hundred recipes. they printed out 5 copies in the form of binders full of laminated pages and they were passed out among my family members. my family's copy currently belongs to my sister. i dont know why i typed out all of this info, consider it extra exposition from my dialogue tree), and something ive been fixated on is melting the sugar lately.

in the process of melting it this time around, i added the butter far too early at way too low of a temperature and it ended up cooking with the sugar for a bit too long. when i tried combining it with the dry ingredients, i spent way too long working it with the rubber spatula (i was high while making them) and the solids were staying very distinctly separate from the liquids. it wasnt until my roommate came over and offered to stir it with a fork that the gigantic blob of gummy semisolid roasted molten sugar began to break apart and combine properly. as i stirred and the chunks began to fracture more and more and cool rapidly, for a while it felt like i was stirring shards of glass. after a while i thought "this is good enough", even though it still felt like i was stirring 3 parts pudding 1 part gravel, and plopped it in the oven.

what i believe ended up happening, funny enough, is i turned the base of the brownies into toffee. turns out, toffee is just butter and sugar cooked together. the only other thing i had combined them with is a splash of vanilla, so the liquid base was effectively just molten toffee and three eggs.

sugar spread out quite a bit, but not nearly enough to make it taste sweet, and as a result the chocolate part has a very soft bitterness to it, like dark chocolate. and in the base of it there's little chunks of, basically, toffee brittle, which is where the majority of the sugar is, but it doesn't take away from the acute bitterness since it's cooked to the point of not quite being burnt, bringing out an almost coffee-ish taste from it. and it's good! i just had it with some mint chip tillamook ice cream and im really, really rockin with it.

consider doing this if you make brownies! fuck up, i mean. maybe it'll be good.

[satorusugurugurl]

You made geto sound so attractive in the leisure streamer fic esp w all the tatts and piercings and rings 😵‍💫😵‍💫 will u ever do a separate Drabble w him in the same universe? Maybe not the same reader bc I like them w gojo but w another reader who maybe works at the cafe?? You don’t have to at all, I was just wondering! 🩷🩷 you just made him soooo sexy I’m obsessed with him 😌 (also sukuna was so funny im the king of the cafe!!! 🤣)

My Boss is a Hottie!

Summary: Geto Suguru is your boss, and you want him to put you in a million different positions; of course, you’d never say that out loud until your best friend Yuki pushes you over the edge.

Pairing: Boss!Geto Suguru x AFAB!Reader

Word Count: 3,372

Warnings Language, smut, pinv, unprotected sex, creampie

A/N: JENXMDJDKDK Thank you for the request! This is set in the same universe as The Leisure Streamer is a Hottie! I love Boss Geto! 🥴 bend me over the glass display case pleas!!

You stare down at the two coffee cups placed in front of you. Your best friend, Yuki Tsukumo, is watching you, smirking as you pick up the 1st cup and take a sip. You let the flavor sit on your tongue

Before swallowing, which you regret almost instantly. The espresso is bitter, and it tastes like rag water. You take a sip of your water before picking up the second cup, taking a sip of the nutty, almost chocolatey espresso, and sliding your mouth, making your eyes roll back.

“That is your stupid instant espresso from the supermarket.” You spit out as you jab a thumb at the first cup you, unfortunately, drank from. “That right there is my sweet Colombian beans roasted to perfection.” To emphasize your point, you pick up the second cup and take another sip of the delicious liquid inside.

“Holy shit! You can tell the difference!” Yuki reaches under the counter, pulling out a large brown sack of Colombian beans she picked up for you and Geto on her latest trip.

“Of course, I can tell the difference; I work with the self-appointed king of coffee, Ryomen Sukuna. I have drunk so much espresso you would think I would be more wired than I already am.”

Yuki shakes her head, patting the bag before stretching her arms above her head. “Sure~ blame your coworker for your sudden encyclopedia knowledge of coffee.” She shoots you a knowing smirk. “It’s totally not because of the boss you want to bang.” Your cheeks flush as you choke on your espresso, winning a cackle from your friend.

“That's fucking weird shut up!”

“Oh, you shut up! I can see the way you both eye fuck each other every time you’re near one another. Do the world the fucking favor and just fuck already.”

“There is no eye-fucking going on!”

Yuki narrows her eyes and looks back at her boyfriend, Choso, who is tinkering with the air filter for Yuki’s bike. “Cho, you’ve seen them, right?” her boyfriend looks up from his project at hand, streaks of grease on his face as he puts down the tool he was working with.

“Seen what?”

“My bestie eye fucking her boss!”

“Oh,” Choso glances between you and his girlfriend, “Yeah, I've seen it.”

You groan into your hands, shaking your head. “Nothing is going on between us! I swear!” Yuki cooed, placing another bag of beans on the table for you.

“But you want there to be!”

It was true you did want to be in a relationship with your boss. But there was one singular problem. He was your fucking boss! Sure, the two of you had known each other since college. Sure, you both got wasted together at bars and had cuddled on his couch countless times. He was the soul fantasy you dreamed about when you were diddling your skittle in the comfort of your bed. But things wouldn’t work out because he was your boss.

Yuki knew you had it down bad for him. And she loved torturing the absolute hell out of you because of that. She insisted that you could make it work, but you saw it as unprofessional. Plus, Suguru was so fucking hot. There was no chance in hell he would even go for a girl like you.

“You cannot look at me and tell me you do not want to see what he’s packing in those baggy pants.”

“No, I don't.”

“You're a terrible liar.”

“And you're being a terrible friend at the moment! I cannot fuck my boss!”

Yuki’s eyes dart behind you before smirking ever so slowly. “Oooh, so you do want to!” You clench your teeth as you down the rest of the espresso. “Oh, come on, just be honest with yourself! The truth will set you free!” slamming the cup down, you glared at your beaming friend.

“Fine! You wanna know, I’ll tell you! But don't bitch to me about said details!”

“Oooh, I wouldn't never!” she holds her hand. “Scouts honor!”

“I would be all over that man all day, every day, in the kitchen, in his car, on the counter. I would be in missionary, doggy, reverse cowgirl, the lotus! I would do the whole fuckin’ Kamasutra for Geto Suguru!” Yuki nodded as you took a deep breath. “I would gladly make that man a father of three! And you know the idea of being pregnant terrifies me!”

“Oh, I know!”

“I would suck that man dry! I would give him the best fuckin’ nut of his life! God, I wanna sink my teeth into him!”

Choso walked over, tapping Yuki on the shoulder. “Sorry to interrupt the horny confessions, but I found the problem; I need to borrow you away from Geto and your bestie.” Huh, you blinked, staring at Choso, who grinned at someone behind you. “Hi, Geto.”

No, there was no way Geto was behind you! “Oh, that's a good one, Choso!” a warm hand clasped your shoulder, making every nerve in your body jolt.

“Hi, Choso.” Your boss, the man you thought of when rubbing yourself under your sheets, squeezed your shoulder—making you want to crawl under the table and scream.

“Well, this has been fun! But I got shit to do! Have a great night!” Yuki was off without another word, tugging Choso towards the back of her mechanic shop.

Geto’s hand remained on your shoulder before his other hand gently massaged you. Heat pooled between your legs as he rubbed your muscles with the right amount of pressure. That soft, constant contact had you moaning, rubbing your thighs together to alleviate the throbbing you were experiencing. Oh god, was this just him being nice? Or was this his way of conveying his feelings?

You glanced up, biting your lip. Geto Suguru was a fucking hottie. The tail of his dragon tattoo ran along his forearm, moving towards his back, where the rest of the dragon was. Suguru’s other arm was an intricate sleeve of ocean waves and cherry blossoms. The black ink matched his painted black nails kneading into your shoulders. The touch of his hand left you hot and bothered, but the chill from the rings on almost every one of his fingers was a sharp contrast. His dark eyes were narrowed his pierced brow cock as he smirked. His long, luscious dark hair was in his signature half-up, half-down style, with bangs on his face.

“I-I got your beans, boss—haaaah—” you moaned, watching his pink tongue dart out over black lip ring. “Fuck.”

“Good job.” His fingers gently inched under the collar of your t-shirt up to the first knuckle. “I appreciate you, princess.”

Your breath catches in your throat as his fingers trace your skin. They feel good, so good you don’t want it to stop. So you gulp before biting your lip. You gently grab one of his wrists and lower his hand underneath your shirt to the second knuckle. Suguru's barrow eyes widened before he chuckled breathlessly, sinking his hand further.

“Fuck—”

You gasp out as Suguru’s fingers gently trace over the top of your breasts. “So, the girls are out. They're going to have a sleepover with Nobara and Maki at their place.” His words are silky smooth, like the espresso you had just downed moments before.

“Oh? So will you and Satoru sit around and play mindless, stupid video games like always?”

“Satoru is in Sendai with my new designer artist.” Suguru’s slid his finger deeper, fuck he was so close to cupping your breast. “He told me not to wait up.”

Holy fuck, was this happening? This was a moment you had dreamed and fantasized about happening for years. Ever since you started working with Suguru at a local shop before he invested in his own, he easily convinced you to join him, as his coffee shop was a cult. The two of you were always flirting with each other; having been friends for the last two years, you would do that to anybody. But over the last few months, the flirting became less playful and more apparent that you didn’t want to be friends. You wanted to be more.

So, is this your boss's way of initiating an interaction that doesn’t revolve around work? It seemed like it. And you were going to take that hook, line, and sinker.

“Oooh, are you asking me to keep you company tonight?”

“Only if you want.” Your boss's earthy, minty smell crept up your nostrils as he leaned beside your ear. “I think I would be lying to myself if I didn’t tell you; you have me curious.”

His breath tickles your earlobe, making you rub your thighs together harder. “And what exactly is that?” Your grip tightens around his wrist, and you resist the urge to shove his whole hand down your shirt.

“I’m curious to see if you were being truthful about everything you said. If you want to do it with me all day, every day. In my kitchen, my car, on the counter back at the shop.” Wetness coats the inside of your underwear as he whispers those dirty words you had said back to you. For some reason, they sound even hotter and more vulgar coming out of his mouth. “I want to put you in missionary, doggy, reverse cowgirl. Fuck I want to try stuff, I’ve never tried with another person.” His whole hand slides under your shirt, cupping your breast. “I say we buy a copy of the Kamasutra. We try every fucking position in there.”

“F-Fuuck.”

“So what do you say, Princess? Should we take this back to my place?” His teeth take your earlobe between his teeth, making you gasp as you arch your back. “Are you going to give me the best fuckin’ nut of my life?”

“Oh~ you bet your ass I am.”

Your boss chuckles deeply into your ear, releasing the sensitive lobe from his mouth. “Hit me with your best shot, Princess.”

Suguru regrets those words an hour later as you lower yourself slowly, backing up on his cock, as your bent over the empty glass display case in the shop. You had not given him the best nut of his life not once but twice so far. Once with your delightful, talented mouth and the second from you just grinding on him. He felt like a fucking teenager, and goddamnit, he fucking loved it.

There was some enchantment about you. You always drew him like a moth to the flame. Whenever you were, he knew it would be a great day. You were like his personal ray of sunshine, brightening his day wherever he went. Everyone teased him at the shop, asking him if he was going on a date with you, and you both were strictly on business. But lo and behold, he wanted to take you out on a date. He couldn’t bring up the courage to ask you.

It was hard enough for him to ask you to leave your job at the coffee shop you both met at to join him on an adventure of opening his shop. He thought he would say, but you agreed. He felt that there might be something there between you. That was both exciting to explore but also terrifying at the same time.

Now here you both were, your face pressed against the glass display case, with his cock buried deep inside of you, stretching you out with his fat cock. Suguru can’t help but grab your waist, squeezing it gently, savoring the moment. It wasn’t like he would let this be a one-time thing. He had just purchased the Kamasutra, which would be delivered the following day. This was the beginning of a very long and satisfying relationship. One that had started with friendship and was now turning into something more.

“Haaah fuck~ fuuuck baby.” Suguru groans, pressing you further against the glass case, watching as it fogged up with your heavy panting. “You have no idea how many times I’ve jerked off thinking about this.”

“Nnnhh,” you turn your head, looking back at him with a smirk. “Fuck~ I could say the same thing about me. Is that way you would have such long meetings in your office with nobody?”

Suguru pulls out, his eyes glancing down at the cock wet with your spit and arousal. “Yeah, it is.” He shoved all the way back inside of you, making you yelp. “Is that way you’re always late returning from your lunch break? Don’t tell me you’ve been rubbing that pretty little clit in your car.”

Your palms press against the cool chill of the glass underneath you. “Rubbing it~? Oooh no, but I do put my vibrator on it.” Suguru’s grip on your waist tightens as he groans out with a huff from behind you.

“You’re so fucking hot. Is that why you didn’t let me in your glove box that one time? You keep an emergency vibrator in there when you come to work?” His cock begins sliding in and out of your tight walls hugging him snuggly with each jerk of his hips.

“Oh~ I’m cumming alright.”

Suguru’s hips buckled, eyes going wide before he growled, shoving himself deeper inside of you, forcing your hips back. Being filled to the brim made your eyes widen as you hissed out a whine through your teeth. His thick pulled out before slamming back into you with such force your fingers grabbed the edge of the cool counter.

“God, you're such a dirty girl. I fucking love it!” He growled, snapping his lips forward, pushing you harder into the glass. “Next time you get all hot and bothered, come see me~ I’ll fuck you so good.” He leaned his head down, humping slowly against your ass with slow thrusts that hit every sweet spot inside of you. “You could even bring your vibrator~” his teeth snapped gently, tugging at your ear.

“Holy—” your eyes rolled back as Suguru’s hips had your clit rubbing against the smooth glass. “I-I’m dirty~ listen to—hnnngh!” His teeth tugged at your earlobe, silencing your retort. “Oh my god~! Ooooh, my fucking god Sugu!” You rocked yourself back against him, his kisses and nips at your sensitive ear and neck driving you mad.

A shaky chuckle sounded from your boss, “You’re sensitive, aren’t you, princess~?” You answered with an eager whimper and nod before looking back at him.

His tongue ran over his lip piercing as his ring-covered fingers slipped down, groping the fat of your ass. The cool metal, the way his slick cock slid in and out of you faster and harder, had your eyes rolling back as your walls tightened around his cock. Suguru growled; one of his eyes twitched slightly as your walls tightened around him, squeezing his cock with almost pained pleasure. He was drowning in you and your tight cunt.

Suguru pressed his whole body against your back, bucking into you; his thrusts were hard and fast, pushing you closer to your release. Suguru’s hands slammed on either side of your head, keeping himself up not wholly to crush you under his weight. His right hand slid up, covering yours with his own, his fingers intertwined with yours, holding your hand as he fucked his cock deeper into you.

“S-Sugu~!” You cried out, turning your head to meet his. “Suguru~!”

His lips caught yours, kissing you as he squeezed your hand tight, his hips buckling as he felt you getting closer and closer. Your walls hugged him, making you squeak as he shoved his tongue into your mouth. The chill of his piercing against your lips and his tongue wrestling yours for control had your eyes shut tight as you squeezed his hand back.

“Oh~ fuck- mmmm—“ Suguru’s orgasm was fast approaching, his once well-patterned thrusts becoming messy and frantic. “Fuck—cum with me, please, Princess.”

You kissed him harder, gasping against his lips, breathing hard. “Gonna cum~ Suguru harder~ harder!” Your grip on his hand is almost crushing as he does exactly as you ask. His hips bucking yours as hard as he can the display case, shaking under each frantic thrust. Your eyes shut tight as Suguru rests his mouth against your cheek, moaning as loudly as you were. His breath is hot, and his dress is messy, and you can’t stop it from happening. “C-Cumming!” You scream as your walls convulse around his cock, squeezing the loving life out of him.

“Fuck!” Suguru hisses out. “Haaah~ ooooh! Fuck that’s right cum on my cock. He whispered against your cheek as pleasured cries filled the room. “Yeah~ yeah fuck~ gonna cum~ you want it?” All you can do is scream out, nodding, legs shaking as your orgasm keeps rocking through you. That is what has your boss’ balls slapping against your clit as he fucks himself into his orgasm. “N-Nnngh!” Suguru's face presses harder against yours as his cock throbs with every spurt of cum he thrusts into you.

You blinked slowly, humming happily as Suguru stayed buried inside of you, his lips finding yours in a gentle kiss. This was everything you wanted, and more, like your dream, finally came true. Suguru sighed, nuzzling his face in your neck as his heart rate slowed.

“Remind me to thank Yuki for pushing your buttons the next time I see her.”

“Heh~ you and me both.” You wince as Suguru slowly pulls out of you, his hand sliding your hips to help steady you as you stand up. “Fuuuck, that was amazing.”

“Mhmm, you’re amazing.” Suguru wraps his arms around your waist. “Would you be opposed to round three in the shower? That way, I can thoroughly clean you up~”

Your arms snake around his neck as you bite down on your bottom lip. “I would not be opposed to that at all.” Suguru leans down, his lips inches from your own, as a chime sounds above you. Both your eyes go wide as you listen to stomping through the kitchen. Nanami storms through the back, his eyes dark with anger. The anger is displayed as Suguru struggles to pull his pants up while you shakily hide behind him as Nanami looks towards you both.

“Nanami! Turn around!”

“Oh, god, sorry!” Nanami flushed, turning away, giving you and Suguru a chance to readjust your clothing. “I-I didn't see anything! Sorry, I was looking for my idiot client!”

“He hasn’t come home yet,” Suguru says, clearing his throat and brushing his hair out of his face. “He was staying the night in Sendai.”

You peek at your blonde friend, blinking as he clenches his fists with a growl. “And he’s not answering my texts or calls!” What could be so crucial that Nanami needed to talk to Gojo at midnight?

“Did something happen?” You ask, wobbling on your jello legs as Suguru sprays disinfectant on the counter you just fucked on. “Did he say something stupid again, and you need to do crowd control?”

Nanami turns to gawk at you as Suguru wipes the display case clean. “You haven’t seen it?”

“Seen what?”

Nanami sighs, pulling up his phone and showing you both the screen. The number one trending headline on Twitter is Gojo Satoru, the headline: Popular Leisure Streamer Checks into a Love Hotel with His Girlfriend!” Underneath the article was a photo of a beautiful girl and Satoru at a receptionist's desk.

“Oooh shit.” You whisper, covering your mouth with your hand as you giggle. “Where’s his mask?!”

“My thoughts exactly!” Nanami snapped, dialing what you assumed was Gojo’s number again. “Geto, I hope you’re not too attached to him because I will obliterate him.”

Suguru sent a quick text before wrapping an arm around you. “I’ll miss him, but as long as my princess is by my side, I’ll live.” You beamed up at your boss, who was now much more to you. Fuck thanking Yuki; you needed to get her a gift basket.

Forever Tag List:

@darkstarlight82 @pandoness @nealeart @simp-plague @sugurubabe @chilichopsticks

[not-the-cheese]

one sentence(ish) summaries of every magnus archive episode PART 2

(eps 61-110) thank u for the funny comments and tags on the last part i love u guys

the rest of these may take a while as i've caught up to where i am currently in the podcast but i will finish them like in a month i promise

----

61. the thrilling sequel to man does not open coffin: man DOES open coffin.

62. surely this doctor can find an easier way to scam people out of money than putting them in a little book.

63. THE DARK ATE MY BROTHER IN LAW.

64. this is possibly the plot of laura croft tomb raider

65. mmm crumchy

66. what's the opposite of an unboxing video

67. as close to a coffeeshop au as you're going to get from this podcast

68. Doctors hate him! Man REFUSES to die from tuberculosis!

69. your college's psych department has the worst idea ever.

70. reverse death note

71. not even death will stop this woman from taking the british subway

72. man doesn't want to be low key racist in his last moments before getting eaten

73. police versus the second coming of dark jesus

74. lady is haunted by an ad for coffee

75. mike crew says "uh fuck it let's just put this guy on a skyscraper forever"

76. ryan from buzzfeed unsolved breaks into a train yard and suffers consequences

77. you're not a enough of a bitch to be my real mom

78. man gets harassed by his cousin and then exorcises him

79. you know that chase scene in scooby doo with the doors

80. stupid idiot motherfucking jurgen leitner

81. i have been personally victimized by the sequel to the hungry hungry caterpillar

82. pov: elias threatens to cancel you

83. mannequin takes matters into its own hands after people don't like its pitch for a new window display

84. a hoarder put newspaper on my friend's face :(

85. hey there's maybe a little man upon these stairs?

86. man gets got by a squiggly thing in the dark.

87. plumber is so oblivious to spooky happenings around him that it possibly saves his life.

88. guys i think this guy likes to dig

89. lesbian investment banker finds a new, less evil job: arson!

90. guy who turns people's bones starts a gym where he promises not to turn your bones! (he is lying)

91. i was stalked by lightning for 10 years and i all i got were these stupid scars

92. jonah magnus is a bad friend // another day another elias slay

93. ocd is no match for purple fuzz

94. let the bodies drop gently to the floor let the bodies drop gently to the floor

95. im so sorry my brain refuses to remember what the war ones were about but i think one guy got gently kissed on the forehead so that's pretty nice.

96. diversity wins! the not-quite-human delivery men who stole your identity and business are maybe gay?

97. man gets gaslighted by an entire town about a hole

98. 🎶mister sandman bring me a dream, actually don't, please stay far from me 🎶

99. another one bites the dust

100. archival assistants face off against the general public (they lose)

101. jon finally levels up high enough to unlock an eldritch horror's tragic backstory

102. LOCAL MAN MARRIES BUG

103. peppa eats a clown and they cover her in concrete instead of congratulating her.

104. pennywise stole my brother's skin

105. it's world war z baby

106. Something Big Is In Space.

107. man is interrogated about the time he saw thomas the train roasts people alive and also sans is there

108. actor is stalked by mask who liked his monologue so much that it tells its mask friends to come watch.

109. sometimes a family is just a serial killer's daughter and that guy who maybe killed some vampires

110. yeah man those spiders be eating

Part 1 |