#???? thats how LIFE is made. thats how YOU were born. its is a COMPLETELY. NORMAL. LIFE. CYCLE.

[sunoo-bby]

i honestly get so pissed when someone says something very slightly inappropriate and they have "god(✝️, ❤️,❣️, etc)" in their bio and someone else goes "and you have god in your bio?" "they way god is in ur bio...." like hello???

[nightmaredxydreams]

we've been seeing transramcoa shit and we need to make a public vent about it so people who identify as transramcoa or are considering it won't.

major tw. this goes into detail about csa, deeply.

ok so, im the host. i never knew i went through ramcoa until about a couple years ago, even with clues and shit. i only found out after i met someone else who did and i could relate to their story. so i did research on ramcoa and yep, i fit it in just about every way possible. i literally checked off every box on some list of signs youre a ramcoa survivor. then i realized... i had been programmed for whatever reaction the handler wanted, whatever they wanted me to do, i felt like i was a game and they were the player. i was always told "youre so naive and dumb" and finding out i was a ramcoa survivor made me feel even more naive and dumb. like i was to blame. i felt like if i wasnt so naive and dumb, i wouldnt have been programmed. and the more i found out about ramcoa, the more i discovered the programmed alters. and thats when the persecutory voice in my head got worse. i felt like i was faking ramcoa, faking DID and faking trauma entirely. i felt like i wanted it to be cool or as an excuse for me being "born broken and worthless" with all my trauma responses i didnt even remember the trauma to have. my mental health tanked severely. i was covered in cuts, suicidal, attempted many times, and was reaching out for validation in places i shouldnt have. i drove friends away who couldnt deal with my constant heavy venting. i felt like i was faking or had too much baggage to deserve a friend. i felt like i deserved ramcoa when i believed it happened to me. i became more insecure about my body (this went with the denial- id think i was too ugly to be sex trafficked and i thought i made it all up to be "cool" and "not a virgin" since the body is disabled and cant really have sex) and more hypersexual than ever. when i found out i survived ramcoa, i either felt like it didn't really happen to me and like i was faking or i deserved it when i thought it happened. most of the time i thought it didnt, because your brain doesnt want you to know you have that trauma especially if you have DID. your brain doesnt even want you to know you have DID. if you are a real ramcoa survivor you will feel severe denial it happened and... broken for no reason. like you never went through anything severe so why are you this way? then you deal with the realization it happened and you feel used, dirty, dumb, like a game or a robot, not a real human. trust me, you dont want to be a ramcoa survivor. is that not enough for you? well heres more on how the sex trafficking affected my body and relationships...

i was hypersexual ever since i can remember. i was a three year old child and acting out sexual touching with dolls and imaginary friends. i was only three years old and had shame that i did it, even though nobody knew i did it. i was so developmentally disabled i couldnt put real sentences together or communicate, yet i felt shame for sexually touching dolls and imaginary friends. living my life not knowing i was sexually abused and asked how i discovered my sexuality, i answered with "ive always liked girls sexually ever since i could remember" and had to have it pointed out to me thats not normal and its a sign of sexual abuse. i always thought it was a normal kid thing to be sexual that little. wanting answers as to who violated me when i was so little, i asked the people who lived with me at the time who answered with "maybe it was your step grandfather. you were never alone alone with him so it had to have been brief touches that were a second" when im alone in almost all my memories from when i was little. after getting told "well its maaayyybe him but it cooouuuld be your cousin since she sexually abused you when you were older" and relying completely on external validation to validate what was on my inside, i flip flopped around with it and some people thought my inconsistency about trauma was me lying when i truly didnt know what happened. i lost friends and was doubted by people when i was desperately seeking validation. now to what it did to my body...

i have bladder issues from being sexually touched causing me to have utis. i have uti like pain almost every time i pee. ive been raped with plastic (almost sharp) objects and feel sharp pains in my somatic flashbacks to being raped. i will literally be doing nothing and boom, i feel a sharp pain down there. my vagina rejects tampons or really anything that goes inside it. i feel like someone stuck something up my ass every time i get done taking a shit. i have sudden nausea that doesnt feel like it belongs to me out of nowhere. i have been fucked so much my body is fucked up too. i want hugs, i love affection and it makes me feel important and safe, but i feel like my body is too violated to be loved and i get anyone who touches me dirty and they should feel ashamed for hugging me and i should feel ashamed for letting them.

you don't want this severe mental pain. you dont wanna be like me. you don't want this life. and if you do, you're fucking sick. fuck you.

[sleephyuns]

The contents of her cup swirled around and around and around. A red-hued funnel of liquid, almost like a drain. It was fitting, since thats where Jeongyeon’s beautiful two-year relationship was headed to.

A week. That’s how long it had been since their argument.

Since then, Jihyo had been civilized with her, sure. But for anyone who knew them or how they functioned, this was far from normal.

Every day at home felt like a an office scenario, with Jihyo as her coworker. Taking turns in the kitchen, backs turned to each other with every task, tv time spent individually.

Even their long stretches of quiet silence lacked their familiar warmth.

And sleeping? Could she even call it that?

It’s not like she was barred from the bedroom. But the night she’d tried to climb back into bed with Jihyo, the guilt of seeing Jihyo’s back faced to her, the guilt of seeing the slight tension of muscles in her shoulders and knowing she’d been the cause of such stress, it threatened to swallow her whole.

At least sleeping on the couch meant she could manage a few hours of heavily disturbed sleep.

Maybe she was complaining too much, though. Losing sleep was a common occurrence, for a variety of reasons. And all couples had their disagreements, right? A week was far from the longest any two people had been on shaky ground.

Nayeon and Momo, for example.

They’d both had their ups and downs — many, many downs that they worked like hell to fix. But they were both made to handle such situations, and come out the other side of each trial stronger than before.

No matter what Jeongyeon said about their sickeningly sweet displays of affection, she really felt as though they were perfect for one another (as they were now).

With all that Jeongyeon knew about Nayeon in their years as friends, it wasn't a logical leap for her to put somebody like Momo with somebody like Nayeon. Not at first. But as she saw their relationship develop, fail, then reassemble itself over the years, she realized that a relationship could grow and change into something functional with time.

And time had served those two well. They were lucky to have each other.

Thinking about such things made her wonder: What did her own relationship look like from the outside? Had they changed in a similar way? Did her personality truly suit Jihyo’s?

Opposites attracted, didn’t they?

Jihyo was born for the city, despite where they grew up. She always longed for bigger and better things. You could say she had the air of a CEO in the heart of Seoul. The air of someone who chased after and got everything she could ever want. She was too hardworking to fail. Be it her projects, her career… or her relationships.

Jeongyeon, on the other hand, was — or at least had been before college — somewhat of an easygoing person in life. If Jihyo liked to take short breaks away from the fast-moving city into the quiet countryside, Jeongyeon preferred the opposite. It would be completely correct to call her wants in life “simple.” Go to college, get a good job, and make enough money to get a nice cozy house. Maybe retire somewhere close to the mountains.

But in her vision of a cozy house was Jihyo. And in the mountains, Jihyo was right by her side. In the air she’d breathe, in the creeks that wound around the rocks. She was there.

Jeongyeon loved her life on its own, but was irrevocably tied to Jihyo as well.

How many times had Jeongyeon stayed up late into the night with Jihyo, just to watch her for a few seconds more? And how many times had Jeongyeon let her gut feelings take the back seat for Jihyo’s sake? The answer to both questions was ‘too many for Jeongyeon to count.’

Jihyo had done the same for her too, of course. She knew that to be true. For every late night came an early morning, when Jeongyeon was plagued by anxieties for the day ahead.

Sweet words, a hug, a kiss. A few extra minutes in bed spent between the two of them, to keep her at ease. And on days where Jihyo just couldn’t push her luck with lateness, she found ways to be there all the same. A note on the fridge, a text, a quick call. Whatever she could do.

These things always balanced themselves out. The push and pull of their lives just worked that way. But things lately have felt a little…

“One sided?”

“Huh?” Part of Jeongyeon, the part that could still function properly, tore itself herself away from her thoughts, remembering that she unfortunately had to be a functioning human being at work.

“Should I print these one sided, or is it ok to use both? Or does it not matter at all?” Yubin asked, holding out the pet profiles for Jeongyeon to see.

Yubin was new to the job, having only worked there a few weeks, but was older than Jeongyeon by a few years. She had this air of coolness about her no matter what she did, even when she asked questions every few minutes.

“One sided but…,” Jeongyeon fumbled with the bottom button of her flannel, “uh- actually I think I want to take my break soon. Maybe now if I can.”

It was the one day of the week she was on front desk duty, when their usual clerk was out. So as long as someone else was manning the front to check clients in, she could take her break whenever help was available.

“Oh, your break?” Yubin walked up to the counter, prepared to take Jeongyeon’s place, “In that case, I’ll make the copies when you come back.”

That same part of Jeongyeon — that wasn’t stuck in a haze of deep thought — replied again, “Thank you. I really appreciate it. Thank you.”

She’d fastened every button on her shirt now, hands free to toss out her used cup as she prepared for the windy day outside.

This type of weather just meant she had an excuse to get more tea from her usual spot.

It wasn’t too far from where she worked, only about a 10 minute walk from the shop. A brisk walk could cut it down to 7 minutes, but she wasn’t in the mood for that.

It was a stroll and cool down type of day.

She wanted to relax, that was the plan. But the moment she walked off the block, a gust of wind slammed both halves of her back into one being.

She stumbled just a bit, both physically and mentally, unsure of… everything.

What a weird sense of dejavu, to be tripping over herself on the sidewalk again, thinking about a situation she seemed to have no control over.

….What was she even doing?

One foot in front of the other.

Go get more tea. Don’t think about your home situation.

Right.

Walk. Tea. Don’t think about home.

She repeated it over and over until the chant became the backtrack for her short walk.

Walk. Tea. Don’t think about home.

Walk. Tea. Don’t think about home.

Walk. Tea. Don’t think about home.

Walk. Tea. Get tea because now you’re here.

Oh.

The smell as she entered was so soothing, so comforting, that her problems could melt away. Cafes were really her style, someone — who she wouldn’t currently think about — had once. remarked. Jeongyeon whole heartedly agreed, a testament to how well they knew each other.

Maybe being a cafe owner somewhere in the countryside was in her far future. If she were to live in the mountains, she could drive down to work, serving any campsite goers as they came and went. The signal would be better further down, perfect for phones and laptops, allowing someone to work if need be.

Maybe a desk set in the corner for her… a special spot close to the service counter, where they could work side by side until it was time for Jeongyeon to retreat back to her home or… for any unspecified customer to head back to the city…

That wouldn’t be for some time, obviously. So the current Jeongyeon — who definitely wasn’t worried about anything or anyone — would have to be satisfied with the pleasures of more tea and a peach scone. Hopefully they weren’t sold out.

Then again, anything could happen during midday, depending on the rush.

She approached the counter to check behind the display case. Far enough where the cashier won’t ask for her order, but close enough where anyone wandering behind her wouldn’t think to get in line and possibly steal her treat away. That would give her enough time to truly see-

"Hey, Jeongyeon? Jeongyeon!"

A voice sliced through the clatter of plates and the hum of brewing machines, carving a path right to Jeongyeon’s ears. The secondhand embarrassment she might’ve felt at being called to couldn’t even compare to the feeling of unease suddenly bubbling in her chest. Another worry to add to the day.

There were two peach scones left in the case, though, so that was some sort of win.

“Hey, Jeongyeon. Funny running into you here. A little chilly today, isn’t it?”

The voice was much closer now, which left no option to play the ignorance card. She could only assume in some alternate dimension, where she wasn’t such a stickler for wearing a beanie to work every day, she wouldn’t have been spotted so easily.

Oh how she wished she could be in said universe. Or, at the very least, the ground of this one would open up and eat her alive.

“Hi Sana,” she mumbled, not yet turning around. There was still time for the ground to its thing. Maybe. Hopefully.

"I’m sorry, did I scare you? I tried to call out to you a little farther back, but you must not have heard." Sana giggled as Jeongyeon stood up straight, trying her best to look unbothered by the situation. Well, if Sana thought she’d scared her, she must not be doing a good job…

"Uh, no," Jeongyeon cleared her throat, taking all of Sana in, “no. Not at all.”

She was dressed rather fashionably today. The platonic ideal of casual fashion, in Jeongyeon’s opinion. She wore a long muted-brown coat, opened just enough that the gray and yellow plaid of her pants could be seen. It worked, somehow, but she assumed Sana knew that. No need to state the obvious.

When she’d finished staring way too hard at her black heeled boots, her eyes trailed back up to see Sana watching her, either amused by her staring or waiting for her to continue speaking. Maybe both. Probably both.

“I just, um, wasn’t expecting to see you around here.” But then again, she wasn’t expecting to see Sana at all. She simply knew her as someone who materialized on campus, in her apartment and sometimes in her thoughts. It was odd seeing her so far out of the imaginary boundaries she’d set in her head.

“I see, that’s fair,” Sana spoke more with her eyes than with her lips, “So… what are you getting?”

“Oh uh…

Jeongyeon released a quivering, awkward breath, stepping back to put more distance between them. Sana watched the movement, something mischievous sparkling behind her eyes as she did.

“I want to get a peach scone and vanilla lavender tea. Do you um… need a recommendation? I really think the lavender is good and… maybe the strawberry cake-“

“Oooh that sounds good! I come here a lot though, I was just curious!”

Sana moved on from that statement as if she didn’t just leave Jeongyeon dumbfounded.

She came here a lot? When? It had to be whenever Jeongyeon was off work, because she couldn’t remember seeing Sana once. Now she was wracking her brain for any sliver of a memory that might have involved Sana, as if she would suddenly develop a photographic memory and pick Sana out like a hidden picture puzzle.

“Hi there! Can I get a vanilla lavender tea, one of the bottled barley teas from the fridge there and…”

Jeongyeon’s neck nearly snapped as she looked to see Sana, placing her order before she even had a chance to. What the hell was her problem?

Sana turned to eye the glass case, then Jeongyeon right next to it. There was that twinkle in her eye again, as her lips slowly curled into a smile.

“-…Two peach scones please.”

Jeongyeon wondered if the cashier could hear her heart crash land into her stomach.

“That’ll be ₩30,000. For here or to go?”

“For here,” Sana nodded at the cashier, slipping her card into the reader. All while Jeongyeon stood there pathetically, mouth opening and closing like a fish. She couldn’t even call herself mad or annoyed. Just negative. Pure negativity.

Shouldn’t have mentioned the scone at all.

When Sana was done paying, she bounded over with her bottled tea and table number standee in hand.

What was she going to do now? Rub it in? Make sure Jeongyeon stayed until her food arrived? For what? So she could watch her savor the little bit of happiness Jeongyeon had left?

“Hey again!” Sana laughed, “Where did you want to-“

“Are you messing with me?”

“-sit…”

The words fell from Sana’s tongue, similar to every speck of Jeongyeon’s dignity falling to the floor. That’s where Sana’s gaze ended up, starting from the broken pieces and moving back up to Jeongyeon’s eyes, taking in her question just as much as she was taking in Sana’s.

“Did you… not want to sit with me? I admit, I didn’t ask you how long your break might be, but-“

“No I just didn’t think-“

Again. She was making a fool of herself again.

“No, no,” Sana tried to spare her, “Finish your thought.”

It was hard to finish a thought that wasn’t completed though. Many of her thoughts followed that trend, nowadays.

“I thought you… were just saying hi for a bit. I- I have the time to sit, but…”

But what was Sana’s goal? How could Sana not feel that uncomfortable nagging in the pit of her stomach, that would make her want to avoid Jeongyeon at all costs. Now she wanted to sit with her? Without Jihyo? That couldn’t be the case.

“The scones and the tea. That’s just for you, right?”

It was a stupid question that proved to be even stupider with the look on Sana’s face. Her one raised brow was enough.

“You think I got my own order along with your exact order, just so I could have it all for myself?”

“Uh, sorry,” Jeongyeon choked, “I guess I’m being silly.”

Sana nodded, actually nodded at that, but it was somewhat deserved. The awkward beats of silence that followed were deserved too.

Eight beats, in fact, which Jeongyeon only knew because of Sana’s hand. Eight times, she tapped her knuckles against her thigh before speaking again.

“What time do you have to get back?”

Jeongyeon’s flicked her wrist back, checking her watch. “I still have half an hour.”

The answer seemed satisfying enough for Sana, eyes lighting up again.

“Well let’s sit down before our food and drinks come.”

Jeongyeon let her lead the way, of course. They sat at a booth pressed tightly in the corner, right next to a window, giving them a view of cars and passerby. Being like this, Jeongyeon couldn’t help but think back on their first real meeting on that fateful rainy day.

It was hard to believe it hadn’t even been a month since then. With the stress of it all, a whole season could’ve passed by…

No, she couldn’t think about that. The passage of time would stress her out even more, and she was determined to relax in this cafe. Even with the stressor sitting across from her.

She looked up from the table at Sana, watching her fiddle with the standee, rocking it back and forth, tapping each end against the table. Her glossed lips, pulled tight as she hummed some unrecognizable tune to herself, sparkled in the sunlight. A good match for her eyes, her hair, her attitude. Everything about her sparkled. And in that moment she seemed so…

Harmless.

So absolutely harmless, and so far from the stressor Jeongyeon labeled her as.

As if she couldn’t feel any worse about this all.

Jeongyeon cleared away the guilt in her throat with a cough, gaining Sana’s attention in the process. “So… how’ve you been?”

A good question. A nice, normal question. Much better than talking about the rain, or a lack of it, and how that might affect their lives.

This time, thankfully, Sana heard her loud and clear.

“I’ve been alright. Just a little tired between classes and my dissertation,” Sana’s eyes slipped shut, a small furrow above her brow, “to make things worse, one of the street lights outside shines right into my bedroom window and… oh well.”

Jeongyeon watched Sana fidget with the cap of her tea now, unscrewing it, tapping it a few times against the table before taking a swig from the bottle. “It’s an easy fix. I keep telling myself to get blackout curtains, but I keep putting it off. There’s no reason to complain when the solution’s staring me right in the face.”

Jeongyeon hummed in acknowledgment, not agreement. No point in arguing against such a passive statement, so she just let it be. Though the topic sparked a thought within her brain.

“Are city lights not something you’re used to? Ah- well, I know you’ve been in this area for a bit, but you’re not from here, so…”

If the answer was yes, Jeongyeon could relate. Even after all these years, she still felt out of place.

Sana seemed to carefully consider the question, eyes wandering back outside to the passing cars, the busy people.

“It’s nice here. I wouldn’t exactly say I haven’t adjusted, but,” she spoke slowly, wistfully, “I do find myself missing home a lot these days.”

“Hmm… I get that.”

And truly, Jeongyeon did.

“Home is,” Sana’s eyes slipped shut for just a second, “comforting. My hometown, it’s not too far from the city. I can take the train there if I want. So I don’t exactly live in the middle of nowhere. Sometimes it’s quiet, sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s a bit of both.”

“And what about here? Is it too loud for you here?”

“Sometimes,” Sana laughed, “I guess I’ve said that a lot though.”

“Do you ever think about going back to Japan?” Jeongyeon quickly looked down at the table, pretending to be more interested with her cuticles than Sana’s face. Way to go, she thought. What a great way to sound like you’re trying to ship her off and away from Jihyo-

“Would you be surprised if my answer was still, ‘sometimes?’”

Now that was surprising. She looked up from her nails, and back at Sana’s face. This time, she met her eyes head on without shying away. Not that she wanted to when. Sana was being so honest with her. Honesty she didn’t think she truly deserved.

But maybe she wanted to be deserving.

“Um… well, with your past few answers, statistically,” Jeongyeon tapped the side of her head, pretending to be some mega-genius that she surely wasn’t, “I’d say no.”

That earned her a genuine laugh from Sana, a bit longer and louder than her polite laughter. A feeling bubbled up in her chest that she might label as ‘pride’ on any other occasion, but she wasn’t quite ready to confront that just yet.

She let Sana’s laughter fill the space between them, until they trickled off, twinkling away like the shifting rays of sun. “I’m happy here, for now. I have enough that makes staying worth it.”

Between both of Jeongyeon’s eyes, Sana’s gaze shifted. Left, right. Left. Right.

It made Jeongyeon’s stomach flip, with how direct she was with her staring. There was no way there her words lacked implication. She had to be referring to Jihyo, and oh god, she didn’t want to think about her too much when Sana was here or else she might worry again.

So instead, she let her own sight drift, looking out the window and away from the sun.

Out there, in the city streets, there was nothing to fantasize about. No random occurrence, no imaginary Nayeon to conjure up. Just everyday reality.

She heard Sana take in a breath. The temptation to shut her eyes hit hard.

“What about you?” Is it worth it?

“…huh?”

She could ignore the city for a moment if it meant understanding Sana better.

“Do you like it here?” Sana asked again when their eyes met, “You asked me, but I want to know how you feel about it.”

“Well…” Jeongyeon inched forward in her seat. She hadn’t been asked such a question in a long while. Not since her college years. By now, the city was a facet of her daily life. She knew this area like the back of her hand. It was a part of her, full of memories, both good and bad. And even if she were to move on to her perfect countryside, the city would still be with her, always.

Always in her heart.

“Well, I-“

“Table 11? 2 peach scones and a tea?”

She and Sana both jumped back and… when had Sana leaned in that close?

“Yes that’s us, thank you,” Sana spoke while Jeongyeon was still trying to process their proximity.

The sound of the plate scraping against the table stopped her thinking, and she looked down at the scone in front of her. Next came the cup of piping hot tea, placed right to its side. The steam rose, and Jeongyeon’s eyes followed, until she was staring right at Sana’s pleased face. Even as she chewed, she had a beautiful smile on her lips.

“Mmmmm….,” she moaned, “I see why you like this so much!” She went in for another enthusiastic bite, humming another tune Jeongyeon didn’t know. She could probably make any food look delicious with that attitude.

It sure worked on Jeongyeon, even though she already knew the beauty of the pastry. Was it possible, Jeongyeon wondered, to develop a fear of missing out on something you’d already had?

Jeongyeon finally took a bite of her scone, not as outwardly pleased as Sana, but still comfortably satisfied.

The glaze melted in her mouth.

Sana took another bite.

“I like this city,” Jeongyeon savored the peach flavor on her tongue, “I like it a lot.”

Sana loved the flavor too. “I’m glad you do.”

Going back to work soon would be a struggle, and going home would be double that. But for now, having a nice conversation in the corner of a cafe, things weren’t so bad.

[xukies]

1, 2, and 3 for Raiden :D

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

Ok my love for Raiden has Evolved over the years, when I got into MGS back when I was 13 it was almost entirely "oh fuckin hot cyborg guy with a sword whos just a complete badass" and while that's not an invalid reason to like a character a lot of the nuances of his tragedy never truly hit me until I got older and I'm like Oh I Know Now. Just his entire story of never truly having an identity and only ever being a tool for someone else and watching it break him down more and more until he eventually starts to find himself is so cool. Plus badass hot cyborg guy never hurts either tbh. Have you SEEN him flip a giant mech over his shoulder and the proceed to rip its arm off and fight it with its own machete limb like???? Tell me thats not the COOLEST shit ever

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

This kinda goes hand in hand with the first question but his story as a whole is so Fucked and tragic likeee watching the end of MGS2 where he throws away his dog tags and declares he's going to "find his own path" in life and live for himself only to see where he ends up in 4 and then watching him get his catharsis at the end of 4 only to be dragged into More Bullshit in Rising like from the moment he was born hes only ever been fucked by life and I'd give some "he keeps getting knocked down but gets back up again" speech but lets be real he was highkey suicidal in 4 LMAO I think the universe just needs to let that boy rest. I think I lost the question somewhere in here lmaoo tldr "favorite canon thing" just how absolutely tragic and miserable his entire life is, and how desperately he wants to just live a normal life with his family but he's been so deeply traumatized by the Everything (tm). Kojima went off with his anti-war metaphor when he made Raiden

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

Honestly this one is stumping me cause like I'm having a hard time thinking about something I dislike LMAO. At first I was like, maybe the way he treats Rose sometimes? But then I'm like, it works with the story and I wouldn't change any of it, even if he's kinda a piece of shit to her here and there it fits and I wouldn't say it's ooc? Then I was like, maybe how hamfisted the whole "ripper" thing was in Rising? But then I'm like, it 110% fits the tone of the game and it would NOT be the same if they didn't commit as earnestly as they did to the over the top insanity of everything that game is. It's dumb and excessively cheesy but that's what gives MGR so much of its charm and it for sure wouldn't be as loved and meme'd as it is today if they'd dialed it back lmao.

I don't know if I'd say this is a "canon" thing but I hate that we never got to see what happened to Raiden between 2 and 4. MGS:R was supposed to bridge that gap and it was such a huge important piece to his story that we're only ever told about and I feel like it loses some of it's impact when we don't get to see any of it. Raiden goes from the way he is in 2 to this complete character change in 4 and we just have to hear about what happened when it irreversibly changed his character from that point onward (it's not a bad change, I wouldn't wish it were any different, I just wish we got to experience it)

(Send me a character and a number!)

[kuroruhc]

PART 1 - Fire Force AU

First of all i would love to start with a little Story i have in my mind for a long time now. Its about Fire Force. More specifically. My Own Character Kuroru and Captain Obi. But this Story will be a bit diffrent. Its defenitly NSFW! Its about a time way before Obi were a Firefighter. It may not be a very good one either cause its Kind of sadistic and has pretty Classic Genderroles. It may even fall into Omegaverse at some point.

So i would be very happy if you will read it ^^

Even more if you would like it. But the World i Imagine is a bit diffrent from the Manga/Anime.

Diffrent cause there is a second "Race" that lives hidden in the World of Fire Force. I'd like to give them the Name Arden. They are Hybrids of Humans and Animals. And Yeah maybe you can already guess it? Obi is one of them. But let me explain!

In the old times before the Cataclysm. Humans wanted to make a kind of super Human. Humans with animalistic instincts. So they experimented. Thats how Arden became real. Humans with animalistic features. Some of them looked like normal Humans. But they cpuls speak with Animals and had their instincts. Others looked more like Furries. Others lookes more balanced. But they were seen like monsters. Monsters that were made by Humans. They believed they would get stronger and would want to rule the world. But it never got far cause the great Cataclysm came and the world burned down.

What not many people knew. Some Arden survived! And they got hidden away from the eyes of the world while the world of Fire Force became like we know it on the top.

But Arden didnt had a easy life. It was always important to hide who and what they are. Some needed to hide their animallike bodyparts. Others had it way easier and just needed to hide the fact that their instincts are more animalistic.

I think we got a picture now ~

Obi is one of the more unlucky ones at that part. He is a Wolf-Arden. He was born with Wolfears on top of his head and a Tail. He was more of the obvious ones as a kid. But as his parents died and human relatives took him in (Yes there were mixed at this time with humans that knew of their existence) they decided it was best for him to lose his animalistic parts that could show what he was. So they cut of his tail and ears. They tried to erase the fact what he was put of him completely. And so he grew up as a strong men that we all know, he kind of forgot himself what he was sometimes.

His hight and Hair makes it easy to hide that he has bit of his ears left over on top of his head. Just like it is with the littlebit left of his tail that he hides in his pants.

What do you think so far?

[gadunkie]

rant post about the online queer community

hey after going outside and talking to real life people for a while Ive come to the conclusion that most of the online queer community is just horrible for queer people. hi reddit today Im going to ramble on about how the queer space on the internet has somehow regressed back into separation under a more progressive and performative light. so after being on tumblr for like, fucking 7-8 years or some shit as well as experiencing other queer spaces on other social media platforms (twitter and reddit, mostly twitter) for only a couple years, Ive come to the conclusion that people are so caught up in their own asses that theyve completely misunderstood and forgot why the queer community exists. side note: I dont care how messy this post is or if the points made are all over the place, this is tumblr.com who gives a shit.

as far as Im concerned, a lot of non-queer and especially religious people really dont like us queers. unfortunately we were all born in a world where we suffer as a minority under laws and power that would really rather have us killed than working together. as such a collective of queer people started banding together under a community where we were finally allowed a space to be ourselves and live as people. the community consists of fags, dykes, transsexuals and whoever was in-between or outside of those terms. our relation comes from how we are rejected from living normal lives for simply trying to express romance or identity in a way that would finally make us feel alive. so it would only make sense to band together and make sure each of us finally have a home and a life we always wanted to live, surrounded by people who would finally accept us for who we are, right?

ya!!!11!!11one thats the whole point of the queer community, to band together and finally be treated as people. but the one problem that I see nowadays is that the current queer community just doesnt fucking do that. Im bad at formulating problems in an essay-like way so Im just gonna make a list of things and explanations underneath ok? :) :) :) 1. the queer community unfairly fetishes women: now theres nothing wrong with liking women sexually or romantically or whatever, in fact it doesnt correlate with the above sentence at all. Ive noticed in my time on using the internet, that queer people tend to hate or forget people who arent women. whether they are men, or nonbinary, or both, or none at all. women have a much larger audience than other queer people and its stupid. its gotten to the point where I forgot that the trans flag included women, men, and those who dont identify with either. I just got used to seeing them depicted with women or feminine figures that arent cis. I literally didnt make the connection until a few days ago that people other than women completely belong under that community as well, yet Ive seen so much trans discussion that only involve women and no one else. lets change that please, people who dont identify as women belong with the rest of the trans community. I feel ridiculous saying that because I shouldnt feel like I have to even formulate that sentence at all.

2. the majority of the queer community doesnt care about brown people: now there are a lot of online queer people who arent actively or intentionally trying to be racist but I cant help but notice that they tend to forget about brown people a lot, specifically black people now that I think about it a bit more. you guys remember when a new version of the pride flag came out and it looked the exact same but they added brown and black colors onto the flag? strange that at the same time the blm protests were also really popular and part of current events at the time as well, its almost as if it was simply a performative gesture to signify what should have already been obvious. even after those colors were added, black people were just forgotten again. Im not even going to sugarcoat it I dont think the majority of the online queer community would even care if black people just died, because they already dont. but this isnt just about black people either, anyone with darker skin tones, no matter the ethnic group, are either used for diversity gestures or completely forgotten about overall. it has been pointed out multiple times that tumblr staff has actively silenced or banned accounts belonging to brown people. actually the only time I saw tumblr even care about shadow banning was when they started doing it to trans women, what a fucking shit show. its so easy to care about people no matter their skin color its literally so fucking easy, why is it impossible for the majority of this community to do that.

3. why are we fucking separating ourselves from each other: hi Im sure youve noticed that Ive been saying the word "queer" over and over again. first of all, if it bothers you, grow up. the queer community have fought for decades to reclaim phrases used against us dont give it power again. second of all, I prefer saying queer over lgbtqia+ because it unites us all under one word rather than an acronym pointing out each little category of queer people. theres nothing wrong with trying to create an identity for yourself that means a lot to you and makes you feel more comfortable for yourself, but I have to argue and say that certain labels just seem pointless and belong under ones that have already existed before their creation. yet I dont blame people for using different ones than the labels that have already existed because I think we collectively failed to inform people that those labels can have multiple meanings. bisexual doesnt just mean you like cis men and cis women, it means you like anyone you want to. transgender doesnt mean you are now the opposite of your assigned gender, it just means that you arent cis. it also doesnt mean that you need to have surgery done on you or that you wear different clothes than the norm either. although I see the point of creating extra labels, I ultimately think they do more harm than good. we have to stick together to survive, any more individual groups then we are as good as gone.

those are the general points that Ive wanted to make anyway. I would love to type more but I have a feeling that the reading comprehension on this site wouldnt survive the first two paragraphs.

the last thing I want to say is that you should find more ways to be together than try and exclude each other, because while youre calling yourself a "foxgirl bi lesbian enby demiboy" there are queer people in real life being kidnapped and mutilated for simply trying to exist.

please for the love of everything that keeps us alive and safe, find ways to stick together.

[booblywooblies]

actually, on the topic of "the little girl you used to be" i have actually had a concept/philosophy since about 2019 about "the girl in the photo"

so for context: ive always been a little genderless goblin, ive always had bowl cuts and played with boy toys and sports and dirt and animals, i wanted to be steve irwin when i was a kid and i hated barbie. this carried on well into my teen years where i was still a tomboy and people thought i was a lesbian, i think it was really starting to hit me that id eventually have to start living as a woman unless i grapple with the fact that im trans (something ive been on and off thinking about since the age of 7)

so i was like okay, im a trans man and im going to transition, but until then i may as well try being feminine, like, yknow for fun, bc ive never really presented that way

this is where the MAJORITY of my "girl" selfies take place, ages 18-22 (i hit my gender performativity limit at 22 and started to have bad break downs about it so thats about when i gave up went back to normal but thats not important for now)

so during this time i was struggling with like, basically trying to look as appealing as possible, i learned how to pose my back and my face and angle my camera just right and i used filters and lighting and all kinds of stuff. i started to develop this idea of "the girl in the photo" she was never actually me because yknow i have a flabby body and half lidded eyes and a double chin and stuff, and because she wasnt me it didnt matter how fake she was so it was okay if i cleared up my skin with apps and edited my face to look less fat. she wasnt me, but like, at the same time she also wasnt *real*

not just in the sense that she was a false lookalike of a real person but she was also a dishonest representation of an identity that didnt belong to anyone in the first place, she was a figment of my imagination that i captured in images and presented to the (online) world as a character i sometimes played

ive actually considered fishing for funny replies on a dating site using old pictures of me and using the name "maisy" in a fake profile. bc when i was 18 i was on okc a lot, i never met up with anyone because they all saw me as the girl in the picture and it made me feel disgusted. but some of the messages i got were so bizarre and it was fun to make fun of them with my friends.

i still like the old pictures i took, they dont really make me feel dysphoric because, even my friends ive known since middle school have said "thats a completely different person, before and after"

and its like, obviously i am what youd consider transgender, i was born with a certain set of genitalia and i didnt feel the initial puberty my innate hormones caused for me was good for my well being (obviously everyones definition of trans is different but for me this is how it worked out for me) but theres something about this character i created for a handful of years of my life that feels like it was the biggest change ive ever made. me pretending to be a woman in appearances only was the most different my gender has ever been throughout my life. like its so simple to me that ive always been male, i was a little boy, a guy, and now im a man. you cant claim to know if you werent there.

[grand-theft-carbohydrates]

verdict: solid 8.5 on the GBS (girlboss scale)

ok i've been thinking about this all day and now im inflicting my thoughts on EVERYONE. not even putting it under a cut. this is a hostage situation no one leaves until i infodump.

what girlboss would be complete without the BFFs 5eva? you CANNOT mention An Lushan without also mentioning his partner in crime, the Ben to his Jerry, the Jay-Z to his Beyonce: Shi Siming. They were born just one day a part, fought on the frontiers together as young men, AND got equal billing for starting the bloodiest civil war in Chinese history! (its called the An-Shi Rebellion in Chinese!) now that's what I call #bestiegoals!

the Underdog: u cant help but root for him, in spite of the many, many, many atrocities. An Lushan had an absolutely bonkers rags to riches story. not only did he distinguished himself as a frontier commander of exceptional bravery, he also had incredible social intelligence and managed to play the Emperor like a goddamn fiddle. after he made himself Yang Guifei's adpoted son (despite only being one year younger than her) HE FUCKING REFUSED TO BOW TO THE EMPEROR FIRST (punishable by revoking your head privillages). what was his excuse? "oh in my Quaint Barbarian Culture (that u know nothing about) the son bows to the mother before the father" !!! ok!!! so this was such a BALLER move because a) it subtely showed off his "filial piety" e.g. he considers the emperor to be his own father (HUGE guesture of respect) b) his feigned ignorance paints himself as a pure-hearted buffoon with zero ulterior motives. his royal highness swallowed it hook, line and sinker and highly favoured him after that.

AND THATS NOT ALL!

he pulled the exact same trick again by refusing to bow to the crown prince! "oh im just an rustic country boob, idk what is a "crown prince."" and Mr Tang Emperor was like "wow UuU what an honest and trustworthy guy UuU im giving him ALL the gifts and indulgences UuU."

the absolute GALL. the 5D CHESS. my man was juggling matchsticks in a kerosene bath, tapdancing in a minefield and sticking his entire ass in a hornet's nest and he still kept winning!!!

he did ALL THAT and doesn't even come close to a 10/10 GBS. thats how stiff the Tang Dynasty Girlboss Competition is. tune in next time to hear my Very Normal and Subdued Opinions about Princess Pingyang and Emperor Wu Zetian (<- someone should really write an award-winning-YA-mecha-reimagining about her life. call it the "iron woman" or something. brb contacting my publisher!)

was an lushan a girlboss. discuss

[dualityvn]

me theory posting again? more likely than you might think

Demo Spoilers below

now that my ban on talking about this has finally been lifted since its now out in the open, lets talk about some things. so, the boys exist as two entities in one body, they both have their own thoughts, feelings, and motivations, but when those align, they can co-exist in the body at the same time. this can be painful (see that one 'bad' end) because Keith's body isnt built to hold more than one person at a time. speaking of, it is technically Keith's body, it was the one made by his parents that he would have inhabited alone without Tenebris' being there, and Tenebris has a different form that is entirely his own. they are not aware of the outside unless they are the person actively in control, but they can share thoughts and dialogue with each other when only one is in control.

now that we have that all established, which does answer like, all of my initial questions, we're gonna get off on a tangent. now, this hasnt really come up before, but one of my favorite things to theorize about is morality issues, specifically when it comes to controlling the narrative a person sees. and i see a Very Delicious moral dilemma with Keith and Tenebris and how Keith is like, the only person Tenebris regularly interacts with.

let me explain. like it or not, we are all a product of the things we interact with on a daily basis and the experiences we gain from those experiences. whether its the lessons we learned from our parents as children, or the interaction we have with our friends on a daily basis, the way other people interact with us is fused with who we are and how we react, even if just on a subconscious level. now lets apply this to the boys. Keiths parents hated Tenebris, and treated Keith coldly as a result. This would be hard on anybody, but especially young children who arent able to really understand the complexities of the situation they were in. this would also continue to be a problem, due to the nature of their inseparability making it hard for either of them to make friends, Keith having difficulties because of Tenebris' existence in his life and Tenebris having difficulties because he's not human, and also presumably because he's not around all that much. this makes socializing hard to impossible for both of them, leading to the state we see Tenebris in in the Demo.

Presumably, Keith is the one who has taught Tenebris everything he knows about humans/the human world/ human customs, but theres still a lot of holes in his knowledge as we can see demonstrated by Tenebris thinking it is alright and normal to just,, show up in our house. There are things that Keith has forgotten to mention because he thinks of them as pure common sense, common sense that Tenebris doesn't have because he never had a social support network to allow him to develop common sense. Keith can't be expected to have explained everything to Tenebris perfectly, especially when Keiths own understanding of the world might be a little skewed.

Lets not forget that they are Both Yanderes, Keith's twisted idea of love may stem from his abandonment issues, but its still there. and considering that Keith is the one who teaches Tenebris everything, its no small wonder that their combined "love" for the MC was enough to put them in sync enough to co-exist completely.

basically what im getting at here is that Keith is the epitome of an unreliable narrator and having an unreliable narrator as your only consistent source of information about the world leads to a very fucked up idea about the world. im not saying that Keith would lie to Tenebris on purpose, i dont even know if he could since they read each others thoughts, but if the lie isnt on purpose then thats a whole different game.

anyway, yeah, Thoughts. once again, congratulations on the demo release!!

I've missed your huge theory asks, Cacti.

But the funny thing is, Tenebris wasn't born at the same time as Keith. Yeah, he was also a "kid" when he entered his body, but he also got a small amount of knowledge from his own species. He started out with a few prejudices, if you can call them that.

In truth, the two of them being together kinda resulted in Tenebris getting better and Keith getting worse :') Since Keith did his best to teach Tenebris compassion and empathy, things that he did not have. But the struggles and trauma he suffered along the way tore at Keith's mind.

As for the yandere tendencies. Well I don't wanna spoil anything for you guys.

[thithesandofferings]

“Open Wide”- Ogami Shirou x Reader

TW: 18+ MINORS DNI!! Dom!Shirou/Sub!FemReader, Comeplay, Choking, Voice Kink, Rough Sex, Praise Kink, Degradation, lil bit Size Kink SMUT!!

This is bad .

“Look at you Alan, I thought you said Purebloods didnt get Nirvalys Syndrome? Let me put in into you, before you lose your mind”

Who says stuff like that to the enemy? Ive never seen Shiro this angry before. Especially to say words like that. He barely speaks at all most days. Only when he absolutely has to. This should surprise me or- or stress me out but-

It's so hot.

Link to my Ao3 for this fic= https://archiveofourown.org/works/25414948

This is bad .

“Look at you Alan, I thought you said Purebloods didnt get Nirvalys Syndrome? Let me put it into you, before you lose your mind”

Who says stuff like that to the enemy? Ive never seen Shirou this angry before. Especially to say words such as that. He barely speaks at all most days. Only when he has to. This should surprise me or- or stress me out but-

It's so hot.

“Hey you! Look alive we gotta go!” Michiru yelled, startling me out of a downward spiral.

She was right. I had to get out of there before the place was destroyed to shreds. I could barely think. All I could think about was Shirou splitting that evil bastard's mouth open and putting his power inside it.

I couldnt help but feel jealous.

His wolf had such a presence on its own, how could I not be affected.

I needed to get it together, there were still people that needed to be saved. I shook my head and ran after Michiru towards Shirou. She was chattering excitedly, but I honestly couldnt understand anything she was saying. My eyes were on him.

He must’ve caught something in my gaze because he turned his attention to me.

“You okay?” His voice was gruff from exertion and I had to take a calming breath from the shiver that coursed down my spine. He caught that too.

“I should be asking you that Shirou” I looked away, but with a sideways glance I grumbled that he was, in fact, amazing. He raised his nose a notch, almost an afterthought,  and I could see him take a deep breath.

With his penetrating gaze solely on mine, I could feel my pulse jump and my temperature rack up a thousand degrees, I had to look away. He scoffed, almost smugly, and slid attention back to Michiru, who was still talking and running around. Something about having Shirou howl to the town.

We watched as he changed into his silver wolf form again to howl into the microphone. It was a beautiful site to see. Seeing all the animals completely stop what they were doing just to howl with him. Alan had no idea what he had been talking about.

Shirou had the Howl.

Michiro and I could only watch in awe. We were born human turned animals so we didnt have the innate instinct to go along with him. It was such an eye-opening experience, so much so that I felt a little empty at not being able to do it. Shirou looked so regal, the urge to fall on my knees in front of him was an encompassing feeling.

Shaking violently at the thought, I had to blow out a long soul-suffering sigh. Michiru glanced with eyebrows in an “are you okay” motion and I could only just nod.

What is going on with me? Where are my thoughts?

I had hoped that thoughts of Shirou would leave. The attention was of us and finally life was, in all intensive purposes, back to normal. Michiru was able to hang out with her fellow friends, and I- was able to start my work in the office.

Except, I could get nothing done.

Shirou was constantly in my peripheral, working on whatever case was in that week. But when he wasnt there, he was in my mind whispering in his growling voice about the things he could do to me.

I was dying.

There would be times where I would stare at a research book, never turning the page, just staring. It was becoming so hectic that Shirou asked if I needed time off.

“I know its been hard for everyone” Shirou had said. He had been in that leather jacket again. Who wears gloves inside? Why was it so hot?

Its not fair.

“What's not fair?” I looked up from his gloved hands and I could feel my heart rate sky rocket in panic.

I said that out loud.

His gaze is so piercing, it felt like he was staring into my soul. He was leaning on my door frame, completely relaxed. His usual bored expression was placed with something that was almost- teasing? Not that couldnt be right.

But it had been the same expression and mood for weeks now. His casual bumps and grins were so much that Ive had to actively avoid him before I had a heart attack. I wasnt in control of my emotions half the time, so any sort of embarrassment would make me change into my animal form. Even through his cold demeanor, it still seemed like he was laughing at me. I'm sure he could tell that I was flustered, especially when he turned into his wolf form. It always made my blood pressure go up and something slick slide down my thighs.

Which is what was happening now.

Oh no.

I prayed that he wouldnt notice anything amiss, but the world wasnt on my side. He lifted his nose up again and sniffed. It was as if he was trying to find someone miles away, but when he finally looked towards me, his pupils were wide open. Alert.

“You never answered my question.”

There was a hitch in my breath at that tone. That growl that Ive been dreaming about for weeks.

I’m so fucked.

“I-i uhm… sorry what?” I could feel myself blinking rapidly. I couldn’t get my thoughts in order. This was getting ridiculous.

“You humans are very odd,” Shirou rose up from the door, and for a moment I felt relief only to freeze when he closed my door.

With him still inside. We’re alone.

“You even more so.”

He walked slowly towards my desk. Well more like prowled. There was intent in his walk.

I’ve never felt more like prey than right now.

“I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at me” He’s whispering now. His gloved fingers gently spread out to the edge of my desk and he leans over it.

He’s so close.

“I smell you all day. Its intoxicating.” One hand lifts up and brushes my cheek, I know he can feel the heat.

“You’re the first human that I have ever wanted”

I froze.

Hes been feeling the same? From his expression and the dropping of at least two octaves, it was definitely confirmed.

“I- uh I want you too” My voice was hoarse from emotion. He could hear it just fine it seemed because if his pupils werent blown out before, they sure were now.

Shirou visibly licked his lips and I couldn’t help but follow the motion. He watched me watch him and he grinned, showing his fangs in satisfaction.

“Good because I plan to devour you. Stand up”

I could barely hear the order due to his growling. His ravenous expression was drowning me. I was swimming in heat and desire.

“I wont ask again”

Shirous’ voice snapped me back into reality and with shaky sweaty palms I pushed my chair away and stood. He never told me to move so I just stayed there. He seemed very pleased that I didn’t move.

Not like I could, I was barely able to breathe.

He stalked slowly around my desk until he was behind me, moving the chair completely across the room. It crashed into a plant and I jumped, still not moving an inch.

I could feel his breath across my nape and goosebumps coursed down my skin. I could feel him smelling my hair, breathing in the sweat that I felt that I was pouring out. I tried to move away, embarrassed, but I could feel his grip tighten and him growl at my into my neck.

“Stay still” He whispered. “You can be a good girl and do that for me right?”

I froze at the pet name. I’ve never heard him call me anything other than my last name. I couldn’t believe how it affected at me. I could feel myself become even more drenched.

He could tell.

“Oh? You like that huh?”

I felt his leathered hands slide slowly underneath my shirt and palm my breast. I gasped, my head falling on his shoulder at the groping. This was getting intense fast. I heard something tearing and tried to glance down only to have one of his hands press lightly at my neck. Holding me still.

Shirou shushed me, keeping his hand curled around my throat. Murmuring something about not needing this or that, I felt fabric fall at my feet and my chest became covered in hot leather. I let out a choked moan, only to have his grip tightened.

“You’re gonna have to be a quiet pup, you don't want all your colleagues to know what you're doing right?” He was so mocking, I couldnt help but feel flustered with how demeaning he sounded.

I nodded knowing I couldnt say anything in this position.

“Thats right, good girl, now go on bend over the desk” He slipped his hands away and disorientation readily slid back into my head.

I laid over my desk, paper be damned, and wrapped my hands over the edge to hold on. I heard him growl in confirmation at the act and I preened at the act of pleasing him.

I’ve never felt this way. I was completely ok with him taking the reigns. I didnt have many braincells left, I could barely think. All I could do was just do.

Shirou hands caressed my ass in appreciation, his ungloved hand (when had that happened?) made a purposeful track up to my waistband, hastily taking them off. I was completely soaked and hearing him swear obscenities definitely didnt help.

“I can’t wait to knot you, pup” I felt his weight against me, his bare chest completely covering my whole body. He was so warm, degrees hotter than his normal, his breath hot on my cheek as he licked my face from chin to forehead.

“The real question is,” he says through licks down my spine. “Which form do I want to take you hm?” I shivered violently at the thought of Shirou taking me in my wolf form. Outside of Anima city it is forbidden to have any of those kind of thoughts. But you couldnt help that you constantly thought about Shirou fucking you in his wolf form.

I could hear his deep chuckle at my spine. He knew my answer.

I felt him nose my wetness and my breath hitches. It didnt last for more than 5 seconds and I could hear myself grown out against the desk.

“I would love to taste you, but unfortunately we dont have that kind of time.” There was a zipping noise and I tensed, gushing even more at the thought of what it could be.

“I would need hours to be satisfied from your taste” He is suddenly in my ear. “But I plan to fuck you like you need it.”

I could hear myself mewling at the thought. I’ve been wanting this for weeks. I cant believe someone like Shirou even wants to touch me. Shirou, cool-mannered and distant, wants to fuck me five ways to Sunday is honeslty an eye opening experience.

There is a clicking sound and I gasped. I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didnt feel the fingers. I could feel myself clenching around and my mewling became even louder. Colleagues be damned.

There was an surprised hum from behind me.

“You’ve been touching yourself?” All I could do was nod embarrassed. He cooed sweetly and added 3 fingers inside of me.

“What were you thinking about? Were you thinking of me? Tell me” I gasped in affirmations. I couldnt take it anymore. I needed inside of me now.

I felt like I was going to die.

“P-please Shiro, I need it.”

“You need what pup?” He grinned savagely and I felt something hard and hot against me.

I wiggled in frustration. Only to have him laugh and hold my hips still. Using his strength to make me stay still.

I was going to have bruises.

“Please fuck me Shirou” I whispered into my shoulder. I knew he could hear me. I felt my chest tighten at the gasp and growl.

“Good girl.” I shivered and gasped as he pushed the head in with a savage force of his hips.

“I wont hold back pup” He laid his furry chest against my back “You might be ruined for any one else.”

“I dont want you to Shirou, give me your all”

A growl was heard and then the most intense feeling of my life was radiating through my whole body.

He thrusted so hard that I could hear the desk screeching. The other colleagues, if they were still there, would definitely hear it. I prayed that they weren’t gonna check to see if I was okay. I wouldnt be able to speak anyways. I’m pretty much holding on dear life on the desk. There was no way I was able to explain anything.

Shirou didn’t seem to care either. The constant growling and heavy breathing that was coming from him was telling.

“Youre so tight, I cant believe all of me fit inside of you” He groaned and all I could do was tighten around him, which made him go even faster. There was a crack from the desk, but I ignored it. All I could concentrate on was the heat and his cock bruising my insides.

“Mine mine mine MINE” He stopped abruptly and pulled out. Only to pick me up effortlessly and turn me around, my back hitting the desk.

He entered me again and with that the world was crashing around me. I’d never come so fast in my life. Watching him in his wolf form growl over me as he pounded me into the afterlife, I wasnt gonna last long.

Seemed like he wasnt either, his thrust got more savage and I got louder. He took his right hand and placed it at my throat again to cut off the noise.

“Be quiet while I shove my knot inside you, I need to concentrate” It made me fall again, shivering while he grinded his knot inside me. He came with a roar, tightening his hands on my throat, cutting off my sound.

“Shhhh, good girl, you did so good” He whispered praises to me while he continued to grind himself inside me. He lifted his hand and I gasped dazed.

He looked up at me and caught my disheveled appearance and grinned.

“Dont move, I’m not done.”

I returned the grin.

“Good Shirou, cause neither am I”

[marsandsaturn]

lu lu

• a little birthday gift to my favorite boy, hbd eren yeager.

• might also contain spoilers, manga and anime but this is set in a modern world

• also my period might be coming so thats possibly why i keep writing fics with pregnancy. its the baby fever lmao

• fic’s song: la la lu - peggy lee — lady and the tramp

fluff ; sexual themes ; female!reader ; kind of self-indulgent 🏃🏽‍♀️

possible spelling errors and that’ll be fixed eventually

characters: eren yeager, y/n l/n, daughter and some brief characters mentions

march 30, 20XX

the brunette was jealous. jealous of the relationship between mikasa’s cousin and eren’s girlfriend. he would never admit it but he was jealous of them.

they were very similar in many ways. the attitude, the workaholic nature, being reserved and quiet. but the icing of the cake was a bigger bond that personality.

they two shared a birthday. levi ackerman and y/n l/n were born on december 25. given that the former was like ten years older, the latter was overly excited to that she has found someone with the same birthday as her because it was rare. in her life she has known like one person but they never kept in contact.

the girl intended to befriend the male and the male didn’t object. he was fond of her personality and saw they were very similar. if they didn’t look completely different from each other, some could even say they were twins. they sure acted like siblings.

but it wasn’t that he was jealous of their closeness, he was like that with mikasa. the two childhood friends were very close. he was jealous of the fact their biggest bond was that they shared a birthday.

sure it was childish but growing up, he never had anyone that he was close with share a birthday with him. his birthday wasn’t rare like levi’s and y/n’s, given that they were born on a holiday. a few of his classmates shared a birthday with him. even a few celebrities like NF, celine dion, MC Hammer, had his birthday, but he wasn’t close with them. he voiced his jealously towards his girlfriend who just softly laughed at him and told him that one day he could get a birthday twin. he continued pouting but kept that wish. and around july, more specifically towards the end of july, he went camping with the group, upon camping they went star gazing and for the first time he saw a shooting star, like the one in the movies and books and he immediately began to wish. he wished for someone very important in his life to share a birthday with. that same night, he and his girlfriend gave each other soft kisses and sounds of love. normally he wasn't one to give into the temptations of sex when others were around, especially a large group. but tonight it just seemed right. his girlfriend was not feeling the best in her appearance and he decided to make love to her to show her just how much he loved her and how beautiful she was. after a few rounds of love making, they looked outside to see the stars, there another shooting star had appeared, he made the same wish, hopefully waiting for a third shooting star to appear. after all his girlfriends lucky number was the number three, and wasn't there a saying that third times a charm. "angel, you are the most beautiful girl in the whole galaxy" he didn't know why he mentioned space, but he knew he always had a liking for space, planets, and constellations. he thought they were fascinating and beautiful, which is why he compared them to her. as the third shooting star appeared he smiled as he made the same wish that night.

•• now it was around august were students were preparing for the new school year. thank god he graduated college and was a famous twitch streamer. he majored in arts and minored in business. and thank the heavens that his girlfriend also had graduated just a few months ago. she was two years younger than him, but just acted more mature than him.

she majored in creative writing and minored in english literature. she worked from home and wrote on her computer so most of the time if he wasn't doing a art project for a client or if he wasn't streamer, he was cuddling with her. often they would engage in sex but the female hadn't been feeling well. she had bad headaches, and fatigue. as well as feeling like she was dizzy or needing to faint. commonly, these were also signs of low blood sugar, and low blood pressure, which could happen to anyone, but to take precautions she admitted herself into the hospital for a check up. it never hurt to go to the hospital and check if everything was alright, that was what the female told the brunette, but he was still worried. when she had came home later that day she had some news to tell him. eren was in a frenzy wondering if his girlfriend was alright. but the moment he saw her smiling with tears on her face, a gut feeling told him that he was completely fine and that the pain she was having was going to give them both something wonderful.

“angel, what did the doctors say?”

“i guess having a little yeager around here wouldn’t be so bad now wouldn’t it!”

he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. when he lost his mother he lost a part of himself. he started doing drugs and underage drinking, excessively. he hooked up women and with men, his father despite not voicing his opinion, dislike him he way eren was acting. the say eren brought home y/n, grisha knew that she was the one for him. now eren knew he wasn’t the best person to be a father, but he wasn’t going to make sure that he was the best despite he past flaws.

together the two young adults went through the hardships of pregnancy. from the morning sickness, back pains, cravings. to the doctor appointment and the very intimate nights. but the moment he and his girlfriend were informed that they having a baby girl, well his whole world changed. he started buying match baby clothes tor him, his girlfriend and daughter. and began thinking of names.

“y/n have you thought of any names for baby yeager?”

“not yet, lover, why have you?”

“no i was just asking”

the brunette had a name in mind but he knew that she should choose the name rather than him.

“eren, what the fuck are you thinking, spill it out mister”

“i have a name i like but i don’t know if you are gonna choose it”

“eren she’s your daughter too. if you want, you pick the first name and i choose the middle name”

his world also changed when they found out the due date. his baby girl would be born into the world on march 30, 20XX. his birthday. he may have shed a few tears but he wouldn't actually admit to the tears that were running down his face. for once he was going to share a birthday with someone he would love just as much as he loved his girlfriend. his own daughter was going to be his birthday twin. his little girl. this man who had anger issues and constantly pain was just crying at the thought that he was going to have two favorite girls now. •• finally after 9 months, his little girl was here. he was scared that the little one who arrive days before or days after, even almost a month before or a month after. his girlfriend originally wasn't supposed to be born on december 25 but somehow she was. but here she was, on his birthday, right out of her mothers stomach and into their arms. he couldn't really tell but her skin looked more pale but it was probably because she was just born. hopefully she'll get y/n's skin tone or possible his, either way his girl would be beautiful. now when deciding her name it was fairly easy for the both of them. the night they made love to each other towards the end of july last year, it was also the same night, it was also a full moon. the moon shined so brightly that whenever he saw it reflect onto his lovers face, his heart just swelled. in that moment he promised himself and his mother who was hopefully in a place of piece, that he would marry her. luna cortés yeager. luna—is an italian and spanish given name of latin origin. the name meant moon. cortés—is a surname of spanish and portuguese origin. it was derived from the old french, corteis or curteis, meaning 'courteous’ or ‘polite’ and is related to the english curtis.

“luna cortés yeager, born on March 30”

The first time he held her he cried. and his baby snuggled closer to him, trying to grab onto his t-shirt. he then returned luna to her mother who was resting after many hours of pushing the small bundle of joy out. eren admired his girlfriend for being strong during the whole labor. it had hurt his heart to see her crying in pain and shaking from anxiety, but he knew that in the end she would do it again. maybe not now, but possibly in a few years.

“happy birthday eren” she smiled sheepishly, cuddling her newborn and holding her boyfriends hand. he brought up a chair nexy to her and kissed her knuckles as if she were a queen. in his eyes she was the queen, and his daughter was the princess to his king. sure it was a bit cheesy, but at this moment he could care less. his fantasy of having his own yeager family and birthday twin came true.

••

eren looked toward the window outside and look towards the night sky. this time there wasn’t a full moon but the moon was still beautiful.

“mom, i hope you know i started a full on life with the person i love the most. granted, i love you the most, but i don’t think you mind sharing that title with y/n right?.” yeah carla didn’t mind. she knew that he would have to have a new person that loved the most. and she was glad it you.

luna “lulu” cortés yeager was a birthday gift eren yeager would never forget.

elizabeth actually finishing a fic? wow 😳 like like my drafts are unfinished work. like the mikasa disney fic that i have to rewrite because i hate how it turned out. but this is for my baby eren yeager

hbd my love, literally one of my favorite mc ever.

[yellowbluemoonshine]

The Wrong Way to Put Out Fire

I wanna talk about some details about Touya, Todoroki family and the different situtions Touya and Shouto had.

Touya is introduced us as innocent, nice kid who just wants to enjoy his father.

Thats actually first difference we saw between Touya and Shouto. Sometimes children fond of one of their parents more than other one. For Touya, he was daddy’s boy. Shouto is more like mommmy’s boy. (Even their clothes are parallels. Fire, ice. Daddy, mommy.)

And let me say this;

This marriage was wrong to begin with. Quirk marriage, the fact that Endeavour decided to put his ambitions on his children is wrong.

But as a first born, for Touya, his family was normal. Children dont magically understand what is right or wrong.

He simply saw that he got his father’s attention and it made him really really happy. Training was the bond he had with his father. Touya’s thoughts probably like; I am daddy’s son, my father is really happy when i become more strong etc etc.

Even he realize his family is different from other people, he probably simply thought that it might be different but its their thing. This is why we saw Touya as happy. Touya felt special when he got his father’s all attention.

And Touya saw his mother is okay with it. He probably saw that many times even when father being disrespectfull, mom doesnt seem to mind that much. This is probably why he starts to looks down on his mother too. Its just children dont respect adults who dont respect theirselves. If child think he can get away with it, they would simply do it. Mommy allows daddy to be the boss of the house, mommy allows daddy’s to be disrespectfull to herself so its ok to disrespectfull to mommy too. Thats how children think in those situtions.

What was Shouto’s difference then?

Shouto as last born, he never think his family is normal or this sitution is okay cause when Shouto is born, everyone in family already starts to break down. Mommy wasnt okay at all.

Endeavour put his own ambitions on Touya’s shoulders, he gave him impossible expectations which is literally name of the chapter. Wrong way to put out the fire. Those impossible expectations is abuse, btw.

Everything started cause Endeavour put out fire on wrong place, his family.

And after Touya failed, he was thrown away. Touya probably felt like; his father took him to the highest hill of the building, made him feel special but then threw him down.

Touya started to get the attention he had at first place to the point he started to burn himself over and over again. Look at how terryfying he looks when his brothers were born...

At this point, he understand he is replacable which made him question why was he born at first place.

Of course, Touya wouldnt listen Endeavour when he said ‘there is a life outside of being a hero’ cause Endeavour himself doesnt live his life like that. Children arent stupid, they observe adults’s actions too. Endeavour’s words condract with his actions thats why his words didnt reach out to Touya.

Touya was in a lot of pain to the point his heigh stopped growing (Look how he is shorter than his siblings), burns himself, his hair starts to change probably cause he used his quirk too much, he even starts to pull his hair which is sign of suicide. He was literally small kid who was mentally breaking down and he expressed his pain every way he can do but he was ignored.

Fuyumi-chan didnt understand him. Natsuo-kun doesnt listen him either. (Touya thought Fuyumi-chan didnt understand her cause she is girl but the reason she and Natsuo doesnt understand is they didnt have the same expectation at first place.)

And mommy is at fault too cause she is the one who allowed daddy to raised him like this at first place. She is the one the accepted this marriage, she is responsible too.

For a child, to be understood is very important thing but they didnt get it. He realized his siblings dont understand him. Even though, Touya was so mentally unstable to the point he attack his baby brother, his parents still didnt get him help or didnt specifically take care of him, instead they constantly ignore him. They kept telling him to forget what happenned and look other way.

This is exactly why Touya couldnt hold on something else cause in deep, he knows only way to be seen is prove himself.

For Touya, his mother didnt there for him. His mother allowed this to happen too. This is why his situtions are opposite of Shouto’s.

Touya thought family is normal, his daddy loves him, this is why training was fun.

This is why he end believing everything Endeavour taught him. Even he uses same words, literally in same chapter.

‘I live in different world from others.’

Shouto realized family isnt normal and father is the one who make everyone unhappy. This is why he hated training cause he realized father is forcing him.

For Touya, mother wasnt there for him and ignored his pain.

For Shouto, his mother was there for him, this is why she became his emotional support.

This is also why Shouto tried to protect mom cause Rei at this point was really in pain and she was reaching her breaking point. Mommy is there for me, i love mommy but dad make mommy upset, dad is the bad guy here.

Meanwhile for Touya, he didnt really see his mom as sad, he saw her being okay with sitution, thats why he probably think that the way Endeavour treat her as normal cause she accepted this sitution.

All those opposite situitons made them think opposite way. Not because one is good or bad, its just they had different kind of abuse. (Also hair symbolism is nice parallel too).

Though despite opposite situtions, they were also similar too. They were so cold child soldiers who only think about getting revenge from father, just opposite way cause Shouto has.

Touya waited his father to come forest to watch him but Endeavıur didnt come until Touya was burn to death.

Touya’s death wasnt just an accident but its both also suicide and murder. Touya was suicidal, he kept burning himself but parents didnt look at him and Endeavour is the one who push him this mental state. Even Touya says himsef;

 ‘After all, the only  thing he taught me was how to turn up the heat’

Touya had to burn and reborn to get daddy’s attention again but even after his death, he was hardly mentioned by his family. I mean if Dabi never become a villain, they wouldnt even discuss this case as family.

And i honestly dislike how Todoroki handle this sitution.

Rei says everyone is responsible but Shouto, Fuyumi and Natsuo were children, its not their fault. Rei is at fault for not being there for Touya and Endeavour is the most at fault for making Touya mentally unstable. I hate how children carry the mistakes of Endeavour, it wasn their fault.

And with their talk, they made it sound like Shouto is better than Touya cause look, he became a hero and he forgave them!

I mean, Shouto didnt have much choice cause Endeavour forced him to be a hero. Even Endeavour wasnt there, Shouto had emotional support (mom) and inspiration (allmight) to be hero, he also has strong qurik so no wonder he can be hero, you know. But Touya didnt have any of it. He didnt have emotional support, inspiration to be better or strong quirk.

Not even need to mention how both Early-Shouto and Dabi obsess with revenge, cold child soldiers who dont pay attention to people around them. Just Shouto was in better environment and then he met Deku and he started to heal.

Even Shouto saw himself in Dabi, how he could be like him but he was lucky to be saved. Even their wound smbolically shows their pain. For Shouto, it was boiling water but for Touya, it was very strong fire that will burn him to dush.

Yeah, Dabi is villain but even so. To Deku, Shigaraki is completely stranger but he still thoguht that he needs to be saved. Meanwhile, Todoroki family knew what happenned to Touya. They are personally involved with him but i found it weird it how they didnt mention about ‘saving him’.

I mean maybe thats what they will try eventually but still....i think heroes are good, villains are bad sitution contnues even in this sitution cause they say Dabi is the one who needs to be stopped and Endeavour is the one who take a hand.

Shouto needs to offer that hand to Dabi, not Endeavour cause the one who needs to be saved is Dabi/Touya, not Endeavour. 

Not to mention how Best Jeanist and Hawks coldy listen sitution.

I guess, even after this, they still dont really look at Dabi’s pain cause if they saw it, at least they would talk about helping him more than stopping him...what a tragedy.

Touya, after everything he had been through is still ignored, even by his own family, remind me of Tenko’s sitution :’))).

[princeanxious]

Trust is a Fragile, Fickle Demon.

Pairing: Analogical

Fandom: Sanders sides

Warnings: hurt/comfort, happy ending, mentions of childhood trauma, mentions of mental abuse, mentions of abusive parent, mentioned of past betrayed trust, trust issues, let me know if i missed anything!

Wordcount: 1.9k words

(A/n): this is sort of a short one, idk that im very proud of it, its written a little differently than I normally write so let me know if ya’ll like it? I tried!

Trust was something earned, gained, given, not expected. At least, to Logan, thats how it’d always been. The omega had learned young the mistake of trusting anyone so readily, a freely given token of connection that only served to hurt him in the long run.

Even now, Logan was aware his upbringing had been slightly rougher than his common peers. His therapists all readily, or subtly, pointed out that his alcoholic alpha of a single father who never should have been a parent to begin with was undoubtedly the root cause of many of his issues.

First of all of them was the lasting trauma of the emotional abuse he’d endured as a child and teenager. Never smart enough, never quiet enough, never clean enough. He was never enough, he was never going to be enough. He was a weak, broken, and useless omega in his father's eyes, and would never amount to anything more. And while he never wanted to believe it, often said he never believed any of it, he could only confidently say he didn’t truly believe even just part of it by the time he was 23.

Another was that he’d never been given any freedom to do as he pleased when he was younger. He never got to visit friends or do anything more fun than read at the library(and boy did he read any chance that he got back then). His first real social outing was when Roman, his then longtime college roommate and current best friend, had playfully offered for him to come join him to go buy icecream at midnight. But, that story is better saved for a different time.

All you need to know is that, that midnight ice cream became a bi-weekly routine, and the other omega learned more about Logan than he thought he’d ever get out of the closed off nerd that night. Perhaps one could even go so far to say that Roman was the reason Logan ever even dared to go to a therapist in the first place.

Logan had become very stunted from the childhood neglect he’d endured. Omegas had many self-soothing mannerisms built into their primal instincts to comfort themselves when stressed, like purring when upset(was well as when happy or content!) and nesting to decompress or hide in a safe zone when stressed. And well, Logan had pretty much stifled his purring by the time he was 14, and.. Completely stopped nesting by the time he was 9.

There had been no point, and both had become increasingly dangerous to do as he grew older. Anytime his father caught him purring, the Alpha would berate him for being ungrateful, seeing it as a weakness. And no matter how well he’d try to hide his safety nests, his father would inevitably find them and destroy them. Far too many afternoons were ruined when he came home to find his father in a drunken stupor and his newest safe haven wrecked beyond repair, and stinking to high heaven of alcohol and aggressive, angry alpha pheromones.

So he gave up. He gave up trying to make the nests in hopes for comfort, in hopes for a safe haven to hide away. The longest he’d gotten was hiding away in his closet for periods of a time before his father decided it didn’t deserve a closeable door anymore.

Roman had been horrified, and promptly dragged the other omega into his own nest in distress. They spent hours like that, Logan sobbing and tucked up tenderly into Roman’s protective embrace as the omega purred and crooned comfortingly enough for the both of them.

It would be Roman to encourage Logan to begin nesting again. They’d made a whole day out of it, going out and buying brand new nesting materials along with comfort food and rented movies. Slowly but surely, Logan rebuilt his nest for the first time in a little over 10 years, and he was in heaven. And day by day, every time he came home to it intact and undisturbed, Logan’s psyche was assured just a little more that the nest was safe, that he was finally safe.

And no one could really be surprised that Logan became viscerally protective of his nest, even more so than the average omega, at that. The first time they realized this, one of their mutual friends, a beta named Patton, had suddenly come close to his nest in excitement over the new addition. Logan had snarled loudly and aggressively before he’d even processed moving to guard his nest from the approaching threat. When Patton had taken multiple careful steps back in shock, Logan finally snapped out of the defensive mindset and realized what had happened. He’d apologized profusely, and was quick to try and make amends.

Patton understood the justified reaction after some light explanation and waved off the apologies immediately. Logan, though mortified at his own surprising lapse in control, was grateful that there had at least been no hard feelings in the end.

Safe to say, their friend group and subsequently any new friends made in the future would be warned, “Don’t approach, or touch, Logan’s nest.” And it was fine. Things were even looking up, Logan had started truly healing, and trusting people started to become a little less difficult!

So it would really come as a surprise to everyone, let alone Logan himself, when he started developing a small crush on the kind and patient(if a little anxious) Alpha who nearly daily visited the library Lo worked at to study. It was an honest shock, but, perhaps it wasn’t the worst thing in the world..?

Logan had never seriously considered dating another until Virgil came around, and the prospect of dating an alpha was frankly terrifying. But, Virgil was nice, he was caring and gentle with him, and yet unwaveringly respectful. He’d listen to Logan ramble about stars for hours and never interrupt him, only asking questions when Logan’s voice lulled or allowed him to speak. Virgil encouraged this, wanting Logan to open up and ramble and talk without fear of being shut down.

Roman had told Logan it was obvious Virgil was crushing hard on Logan, that they both had it bad for one another it seemed. Of course, nothing had to come of it if Logan didn’t want it to! But the thing was, he did. He did want something to come of it, if at the very least they could just remain friends.

It took a few more months, but Virgil eventually worked up enough confidence to ask Logan out, and the unwavering, almost immediate ‘Yes,’ had almost taken Virgil off guard. They wouldn’t share their first kiss for another few weeks, but neither of them minded.

Virgil slowly but surely was given the whole story, and expressed his own quiet outrage in the form of promising to never let that happen again, nor let Logan’s father near him again. It was a protective sentiment that almost scared Logan, but the protectiveness was born out of love and compassion, not selfishness and hate. So he let it slide, and contently tucked himself into Virgil’s warm embrace with a soft “thank you,” and the first very soft but very happy purr that he’d let out in years.

This alpha, he’d find him telling himself a year and a half into their relationship, this alpha was the one that would be allowed into his nest.

It didn’t bother Virgil personally, that he wasn’t allowed into his omega’s nest. No one was allowed near the nest except him, and even then he still got growled at plenty. He was completely aware that Logan had a deep instinctual fear of the destruction of his nest, sewn by the only parent he’d had growing up doing just that out of malice. Logan had made strides in his journey of healing though. The omega was confident in himself, and refused to be pushed aside or spoken over. Logan was highly independent, even during his heats, which made Virgil feel all the more love for him to be let into his omegas life.

Logan wasn’t dependent on him like society demanded he be, and Virgil didn’t mind in the slightest, because he knew Logan. He loved this omega and knew said omega loved him back. That was all that mattered to either of them.

It took another half a year before Logan finally tried breaking down some of his protective walls over his nest. He was tired, so tired of the separation. Having Virgil's scent heavily entwined with objects in his nest wasn’t enough anymore. At two years into their relationship, Logan’s instincts didn't feel the need to growl at Virgil for being near his nest anymore. He wanted Virgil in his nest, and that thought was jarring to realize.

And when he’d brought it up, Virgil had been quick to assure him that he didn’t have to force himself to let Virgil in, that Logan’s safe space was sacred and he never wanted Logan to feel pressured by anything to let him in.

Perhaps Logan kissed him soundly after that, and was reminded just how much he really loved Virgil. Virgil's insistence for Logan's comfort coming first only made him want to pull his alpha into his nest that much more.

But still, he agreed to take it slowly. Every day, Virgil would scoot a little closer to the edge of the nest, would hold Logan’s hand and stroke his hair, even sometimes daring to slowly lean over and kiss him with prior warning.

It took a full week to really prove to Virgil during their progress that they were ready to take this next step, that Logan truly and fully trusted Virgil and wanted him in his nest.

And when it finally happened, they’d made a little date out of the occasion, setting up snacks and candy, ordering take out and lining up a few documentaries to watch on Virgil’s laptop, getting into their nightclothes.

Virgil had been beyond nervous, and Logan understood why. They managed to soothe each other as everything fell into place, and Logan carefully walked Virgil step by step into his nest. With careful movements, they sat down and Virgil let himself be carefully arranged as he was leaned back into the nest. It took a second for Logan to finish tucking things against Virgil and pull a weighted comforter over them before he finally settled himself onto Virgil’s chest.

Despite their original nervousness towards the idea, everything felt right, now. Logan felt so unbelievably safe now that he was tucked into his alpha’s arms within the cocoon of his nest. It was amazing in its own right. And it takes Virgil chuckling lovingly for Logan to notice just how content they both are.

“You’re purring like crazy, L,” he murmurs with a smile, running his fingers up and down Logan’s rumbling back, “If you’re not careful you might fall asleep before we even get through the first documentary.” Logan just grins back, tilting his head to peck Virgil on the cheek.

“I see no downside to that, V, considering I’ll be falling asleep in my alpha’s safe embrace. What more could I ever want?”

Virgil flusters and hides his face in Logan’s hair as the omega laughs, hugging the other closer. Logan eventually does fall asleep in the middle of the second documentary, cuddled close and relaxed.

And really, there was no other place Logan would rather be.

[transmascjfk]

i'm,, trans and hc chihiro to be a male..

i'm sorry, but i don't quite understand how that's transphobic. could you please explain how chihiro is transmisogynistic? (sorry if i come off as rude - that's not my intention and i genuinely just don't understand, though i would like to!!)

What is transmisoginy?

"Transmisogyny is a distinct category of transphobia in that transmisogyny mainly focuses on trans women and other transgender individuals who demonstrate femininity, whereas transphobia is a more general term, covering a broader spectrum of prejudice and discrimination towards transsexual and transgender individuals. Julia Serano states in Whipping Girl that "when the majority of jokes made at the expense of trans people center on 'men wearing dresses' or 'men who want their penises cut off' that is not transphobia – it is transmisogyny. When the majority of violence and sexual assaults committed against trans people is directed at trans women, that is not transphobia – it is transmisogyny." "

Chihiro is written to mock trans women, to say that in reality trans women are secretly men, she is a man who is weak and uses being trans as a way to escape her problems, this is a thing that is also said to trans men a lot, that theyre just trying to avoid the hard parts of being a woman by becoming a man. Even if the writters intended it to be like that or not (which they probably did because transphobia is a big thing that happens a lot, obviously) it's still transmisogynistic. Thats that on that

This is a pretty common transphobic trope actually, the "Turns out this one character was actually from the opposite sex??!!", theres more examples of this in other games outside Danganronpa.

But also her experience is pretty different from other examples, her experiences are way too similar with trans womens experiences.

This is mostly for the cis people who call her a crossdresser and refuse to change their mind, on it, sit down.

Written by a trans man.

Don't tell me whats transphobic and what it's not transphobic if you're cis. Just sit down and read.

Tw: transphobia, transmisoginy, death mentions and blood in the pictures.

The game implies a lot of stuff with her dialogue, it doesn't straight up says "I don't want to be a woman anymore, I'm a man" like everyone claims it does.

[ Alt text 1:

Chihiro Fujisaki: I'm going to get stronger...and accept who I am... ]

[ Alt text 2:

Chihiro Fujisaki: Strong enough so that when someone says "even thought you're a boy" I'll be okay. I'll get better! ]

[ Alt text 3:

Chihiro Fujisaki: I wrapped myself in lies. I'm weak. I want to destroy that version of me forever! ]

[ Alt text 4:

Chihiro Fujisaki: ... I want to change. ]

[ Alt text 5:

Chihiro Fujisaki: I have to change. I don't want to be weak anymore ]

She goes to Mondo not because hes masculine, but because she admires him and his strength. She never once says it's because shes a man or because Mondo is a man.

[ Alt text 1:

Chihiro Fujisaki: Maybe talking to Mondo about it will help give me some courage... ]

[ Alt text 2:

Chihiro Fujisaki: I admire... your strength... ]

These dialogues can be read in two ways, the first one being the one the game tries the hardest to put in your head thats shes a man, all of this guessed by other people btw not what she herself says. Which is really transphobic, because she was written as a trans woman and then theyre like "uh no actually hes a man, because he was born as one but hes a coward so he started to dress as a woman to hide from his problems. Because thats what people do right? People who dress as their oppossite gender are so pathetic, specially men amiright? Ahaha"

Reading it in this way really weird, you're doing a lot of mental gymnastics because you would literally call her a trans woman with all of this if the rest of the trial, that consists of cis people assuming shes a man, didn't happen. And sadly you're following transphobic ideas by this. Because the canon is transphobic and transmysoginistic.

And the other way is just read what she says, that she just wants to be stronger and stop lying to everyone, basically about being cis, because shes not, shes amab (assigned male at birth) and thats probably what she said to Mondo, but most people when a trans person who already passes or is in their transition comes out many people tend to think "oh so youre your gender assigned at birth and not the one you claim to be?", because they don't get what being trans is and they think only "biological gender" is a thing. Basically, misgendering and invalidating the trans person.

I can guess all of this just because of how vague they decided to make her dialogue, not even showing how she tells Mondo about being amab.

What did she said to Mondo? "I'm trans"? "I'm a man"? "I was born a man"? We dont know, because they didn't show it and she died right afterwards and then everyone was like "Chihiro was secretly a man" to solve the case and thats it. A lot of people in the discourse get their information from Monokuma who isn't either Chihiro or even Mondo. Monokuma knows many things but he can't read minds to know if she was really trans or not, only she could say it but she died so she couldn't explain if shes trans or not.

[ Alt text:

A youtube comment by Gail Frisbee, posted 4 days ago, this comment was edited by the autor. The comment says:

"It's honestly increible to me when people try to argue that a scene in which a female-presenting character gets their genitals groped and then is posthumously referred to as a male from that point on can't be transphobic just because that character calls themselves a boy in some other side content later. It's on about the same level of intellectual honesty as claiming that Quiet from MGS5 isn't really fanservice because she totally breaths throught her skin you guys.

As it turns out, if you really dig down deep into the lore, Chihiro is a fictional character and the same people who wrote the genital investigation scene also wrote the lines that character says in the game as well. It's a shocking twist, I know." ]

Her fears of being outed and people founding out her secret (being trans) or being transphobic is used as a gross big twist. A trans woman being used as a mockery of trans people? Great totally normal (/sarcasm)

Read this post made by a trans woman. I'll be using this only part but it's still a great read.

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So. There is a lot to unpack here, but I want to start with something that specifically hurts me as a trans woman, and that's how the game flippantly uses real world horrors trans people face as shocking reveals and twists. You can go down the list for "worst nightmares" of trans people incluiding:

Threatening to be outed against your wishes

Outing yourself to a trusted friend and being met with rejection, or worse, violence

Having your body and privacy examined and invaded

Having your deadname used and being misgendered after death, when you can't correct them ]

Now, let's go to her backstory for a bit. I will be using the wiki for this. (Which sadly uses he/him for her 💔)

" When Chihiro was a child, he became the subject of harassment and bullying. He was always told to "be a man" and that he was "so weak despite being a boy", and because of that, Chihiro slowly but surely began to develop a "weakness complex". In order to escape the bullying, Chihiro began to dress as a girl so that people wouldn't bully him as a weak boy. "

This doesn't sound like a normal crossdresser, this sounds like a trans woman who was bullied for being different when she was younger, like many trans people, and then she decided to transition because she's a woman, she wanted to be more feminine and stop being seen as a person shes not. Specially after so many people tell her to basically man up when she doesn't want that, because shes not a man.

Have you ever heard of the classic stories of "since I was little i knew i was different, i was a boy who liked playing with dolls and was more feminine than the rest" or "i used to be a tomboy when i was little, i had mostly male friends, i liked playing with car toys and was more masculine than other kids" coming from trans people? This just sounds as these types of stories to me.

People also like to say that alter ego uses he/him pronouns and says shes a boy. Many trans people can misgender themselves for personal reasons too guys, she could've been trying to misgender herself because she didn't felt like she wasn't enough to be a real woman, this happens a lot to trans people. If people constantly tell you that you're not actually transgender or you just feel like you're faking it then you might actually believe it, thats were most "detransitioners" come from. And thats basically what they made her, a detransitioner.

Some of you might also don't get how shes trans because you think she doesn't perfect or exact trans stereotypes. Trans experiences can be similar on the feeling of not fitting in, dysphoria, etc. But trans experiences, stories, transitions and complete lifes can be very different, because we all (including cis people) live different lifes, experience, process and cope with things differently. So i can understand why you might not get her being trans coded at first, don't worry. But try instead of just not caring because you don't get it at the first try, to see what trans people say.

This whole discourse its mostly cis people talking over trans people about their own experiences (incluiding the dead trans coded characters experience) saying if theyre valid or not and denying stuff not wanting to learn anything, completely refusing to it because "In canon hes a boy" ok then in canon shes written in a transphobic way too but most of you don't care about that. You would rather call her a crossdresser than try to acknowledge how obviously trans coded she is and how thats used as transphobia.

The way most cis people act in this discourse is very transphobic to me to be honest, if you think you're a good ally but act like this then you should get more educated on the topic as a whole and about trans people too.

-the trans Chihiro flag to finish this up, she has a bit boobie! good for her! good for her.

[rosealine-bishop]

Greaseball Headcanons

Okay so, @marastriker and I were talking last night about some GB headcanons. Not all were happy. But Im of the strong belief that no one starts out being the way they are and that their circumstances change and make them the way they are. So, playing off of that, here are some headcanons I've got about GB. (Some HCs may be familiar because they're also on this post here since they and I also were talking about other things and got to talking about potential kids and how GB & Dinah + Electra & CB would be as parents)

Anywho, I've talked about the background long enough, let's get to the main post.

(Might make this a two parter because it genuinely gets so so long)

(also @sweet-dining-car this is the post I mentioned)

TW: abuse, alcoholism, death, violence

So, for starters, GB wasn't always the way he is now. (Even now he actually deflects and has created this persona of a meathead who can be a total dick, but genuinely he's just a soft and nice guy at heart) Back when he was a kid, he actually was the cutest and sweetest kid out there. He was always so nice to all the other trains, and acting as a protector for all of the other trainlets (even if he was the runt of the litter. He just wanted to be like his favorite super hero: Captain America)

He would always be seen trailing Poppa or getting the most upset and doing his best to cheer up Poppa whenever he was having a bad day or looked even the slightest bit upset.

On that same note, Momma to him was like a second mother and both her and Poppa were the perfect relationship. (yes in my HCs Momma and Poppa exist together and same for the Hip Hoppers and the Rockies)

Unfortunately, at home, it wasn't as good as he could imagine it was in the train yard. At home, his dad was the biggest homophobic and toxic masculine guy you can image. A raging alcoholic with gigantic anger issues. He would constantly beat GBs mom and sometimes GB too.

His dad believed that BECAUSE he was the runt, that constant abuse would make him stronger. GB used to be the biggest cry baby but through years and years of abuse, would learn to hide it and "be a man"

His mother would sneak in some vinyls she managed to get for GB of Elvis or Frank Sinatra or anyone else she could find and she would help him hide everything when his dad would get home from work.

GB has always had a soft spot for dining cars because his mom worked close by them and he would sometimes visit her at work when he was way younger.

GB isnt actually straight. He's bi but represses it and hides behind the toxic masculinity because he made the mistake of telling his dad when his dad had a good week and he was almost beaten within the edge of his life. (and since that day, the abuse towards him was actually way worse)

GB would hide any of the abuse behind clothing and sunglasses and a cool guy persona. He would use it to deflect and pretend that nothing was wrong at home.

Eventually when GBs parents split (which was close to him turning 18), his dad managed to convince the court that his mom was unfit to be a parent. (Him and his mom talked about it before and agreed that in the end if the court asks GB his opinion on where he wants to live, he would choose his dad and then go find her when he turns 18. Because that way it would be best for the two of them)

So, at 18 he left without telling anyone and went to go find his mom. However, he never did and in fact found out about the fate of his mom from a phone call, telling him that she was found beaten to death. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what had happened.

GB actually blames himself for his mother's death, but like a good son, uses whatever money he had earned to give his mom a proper burial.

When he has to go back to get her personal belongings, he takes all the photos and rips his dad out of all of them and hangs them around his small one bedroom apartment. He even managed to find some old recordings of his mom singing and some old home videos. (he cherishes those and will play them when he's sad so that he never forgets his mom. and in a way he always has a part of her with him)

He actually is really good at metal working (thank you mara for this headcanon) so he uses his skills to make his necklace from one of his mom's old earrings so she's always with him and in a way that necklace becomes his lucky necklace in all his early races.

Speaking of races, his first race outfit wasn't the best quality at all. He didn't have much so he created the whole outfit from scratch and he actually used to hide his face no matter what, behind a poorly made train helmet, to hide from the risk of his dad finding him.

The longer he was away from that situation, the more he actually would hide behind the early version of the persona that he has now. He's always idolized Elvis and he holds a spot close to his heart for the singer, that he started slowly changing his appearance to look more like Elvis.

He started working out so he would never be seen as weak ever again.

Eventually, he made a big enough name for himself that he would get interviews on TV every now and then and that's how his dad found out about him still being alive. At first it didn't really click in his dad's head but the moment GB started speaking, his dad knew exactly that that was his son. (Yes he sounded more like Elvis but a father never forgets his son's voice)

So, his dad, as an anonymous donor, asked a young CB to crash GB in the next race. CB, not one down to turn down money did just that. And yes, that whole interaction had put GB out of many races and caused him to pawn off any and all belongings to pay for his hospital bills because any small sponsor he had managed to get dropped him.

(No one wants damaged goods)

and while GB is back to normal, he every now and then when he's super stressed, will feel his bones aching, like a phantom injury and he will start limping slightly because he never fully healed from that.

But now that he knew about CB would go to him and ask him to throw races in his favor, sometimes paying in sexual favors, sometimes in actual money. Because otherwise, he felt like he could never be at 100% and would always lose any race after his accident.

He needed the sponsors and money so he would do anything to get back into the top contenders.

He has major daddy issues that he and Dinah have discussed before. She's probably the only one who knows about GBs true past (aside from Pearl and Poppa and Momma)

Because of his trauma, he actually hates hearing even the word "daddy" so one night when CB accidentally lets it slip during one of their sexual encounters, GB slaps him. Thats the only time GB would actually hit anyone.

On that note, GB actually wont ever truly hurt anyone. For all he knew, Rusty actually did crash and all the damage was from that crash. He had no idea the Diesels roughed him up.

But one night when him and Rusty talk and he finds out about what actually happens, Electra has to get his components (namely Krupp and Killerwatt) to hold him back as GB unleashes hell and yells at the diesels. Like there is pure murder in his eyes.

Yes, sometimes GB hurts other trains during races but after every race they get an anonymous donor paying for all the repairs and a letter along with it with a long apology and flowers. (Dinah helps him spell check it)

GB has only cried twice since he was a child. Once when he found out his mother died (and thats the only time he would turn to alcohol. Otherwise he swears off of it completely) and second when he found out Dinah was pregnant.

GB is 100% terrified of thunderstorms because it reminds himself of his old living situation. Often times you can find him hiding in the closet or under the bed, pillows over his ears and under many layers of blankets.

He would actually be one to collect Squishmallows and other stuffed animals because he never got to as a kid. But whenever he gets any stuffed animal, Dinah names them. However, when his kids are born, he gets matching squishmallows with Norma Jean and Presely and names them after his kids. (Thats probably the only time he gets to name any stuffed animal)

GB actually really really loves Dinah. On the yard he may be this dick towards her but the moment he gets home he apologizes to Dinah profusely and will do anything she wants to make up for it.

He would NEVER do anything to hurt her and when she's pregnant will go above and beyond to be there for her. He even went to Dustin to ask for advice and tried to ask him to keep the fact that Dinah was pregnant under wraps (unfortunately, Dustin, being the sweetie that he is, cannot keep it under wraps and eventually the whole yard knows. Poppa actually gives him some of the best fatherly advice.)

When he finds out that Dinah is pregnant, however, he has multiple night terrors about his childhood. He becomes extremely scared that he'd be like his dad and both Dinah and Poppa reassure him that he's nothing like his dad. That in fact, he has more of his mom in him than he realizes. (Dinah even says he looks more like his mom than his dad, even though GB doesnt see it. She's also not one to admit that she actually knows that its true. She's seen a few ripped up pictures in the trash of his dad back when GB and her first started dating.)

Dinah is actually the one who helps GB compile all of the pictures of GB and his mom into a photo album. This photo album eventually has pictures of Dinah and GB and then Dinah, Norma Jean and GB and then Dinah, Norma Jean, GB and Presely. So its just one big happy book about everything right in his life.

One day, he even finds Norma Jean decorating it and Norma Jean, being the little kid she is is worried that her dad was going to be mad because it looks like he had a bad day at the yard and she just touched something that he cherished, even if she was trying to make it pretty, but GB actually tears up at it because its the cutest thing he's seen and now that book is just that much more special to him. He actually gets the whole family to do hand prints on the back and then sign their name underneath (with an addition of him writing "One Big Happy Family" underneath it all)

_________________________________________________________

Okay okay this has to be it for this post because there are just so many more headcanons and I wanted to end it on a happier note. So if anyone wants to know more I'll create a part two but for now this is what we've got because good god is it long.

[anythingandeverything1d]

I’m having your baby..

Part 1: Congratulations

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Harry’s name and photo popped up on your screen as he called. “Harry?” you answered anxiously.

“Hey, uh do you have a minute?”

You walked into the kitchen looking for an excuse. You just weren't ready to have this talk yet. “Uhmm actually I was just about to-”

“(y/n) seriously we need to talk.” Harry sounded annoyed and you didn't like that. Normally on the phone with you he was happy and cheeky, telling jokes, and asking a million questions. This conversation just seemed so dry, so unlike him. It seemed like he was scolding you almost.

“I guess I have a minute...” you mumbled sitting on the barstool in the kitchen. “What seems to be the problem Harold?” you gave the attitude right back, not in the mood for one of his mood swings.

“Well I was thinking maybe we should talk about the things I’m currently being tagged in online. The articles about you. Specifically about you being pregnant. Don’t you think thats something we might need to discuss?”

You were twirling your hair through your fingers anxiously and wondered if he was doing the same...even though he sounded more mad than anxious. “I mean I don't know is it? If anyones pregnant, not saying I am or anything, but it's me and not you who's actually affected so what's the big deal? You can still go off and live your life, touring the world, singing, writing albums in complete isolation, and then hooking up with random girls you meet at the bar. Living your best rock star life Harry. You know what? I have a question for you. Why do these things, these articles, these tweets, and stories about me bother you now. It's been weeks, you haven't even called or texted. You probably haven't thought about me either. Actually, haven't you moved on by now? Isn’t it that time where you find someone new, someone better, someone more fit in managements eyes, someone your fans will approve of?” You bit down on your lip while holding back tears. This is not where you wanted this to go but here it was. There was no going back now. Harry had opened a door he probably hadn't meant to.

Harry sighed into the phone and cleared his throat before speaking again. “All I want to know is if you're pregnant and if the baby is mine. That’s it. It’s an easy and quick answer (y/n).”

“Fuck you Harry.” He was pissing you off now. He was acting like nothing mattered and like getting pregnant was your fault. “I am pregnant with your baby but guess what it’s none of your damn business.” you hung up and dropped the phone on the counter, tears rushing down your cheeks. Why did he have to be like that? Didn’t he think that this was hard on you too? Didn’t he understand that you were panicking. Panicking about having a baby, growing a baby inside you, caring for the baby alone, telling people that you were about to become a single parent, affording everything the baby would need. The list continued to grow things that just would not work out. Your hands drifted to your lower stomach to where the baby was growing. Something about it comforted you at the same time. It made you feel less alone, less like Harry had left, and more like a part of him was still with you and for now, that was enough to remind you that a baby is a blessing no matter the situation. You would figure the rest out eventually.. it’ll all work out...just give it time. These are the thoughts rushing through your head as the tears stopped. You were not about to let Harry destroy this moment for you. You walked upstairs and into the guest bedroom where you laid out the onesie and binkie on the bed. “This is going to be your room little one...I’ll make sure its perfect by the time you get here. I promise.” 

After calming down a little you went to bed and pretty much stayed there until noon which is when you called Luke and asked him to come over. You wanted to talk things over with a rational voice, and well he was the only one other than Harry that knew you were pregnant. His noisy truck pulled up to your driveway and he ran inside trying to avoid the rain. “Hey you.” he said setting a large bag of food on the counter. “I grabbed some Chinese food, figured you might be hungry.”

You smiled and kissed his cheek. “Thanks, I don't think I’ve actually eaten anything all day.”

“Well thats not going to help you grow a baby...” he was digging into a box of rice, attempting to use his chop sticks. 

“I guess you're right...I should probably look into what diet changes I’ll need to go through.”

“Isn't getting pregnant like an excuse to eat whatever you want whenever you want?”

“I mean kind of but no” you laughed and grabbed some chicken from one of the containers. “I’ll still have to watch what I’m eating so I don't get diabetes or get fat...I don't want to look terrible once the baby is here...I’m already getting all the hate for being pregnant let alone for being fat afterwards.”

Luke shook his head, dropping the chopsticks and using the fork. “Babies naturally cause you to gain weight, thats nothing to be ashamed of. Plus, I read some of those articles and I wouldn't say its hate. Most people are excited for you. And for Harry. I’m guessing he knows now?”

You nodded and dropped your head to the counter. “He knows. Doesn’t change anything though does it? He’s still not here, we are still not together, and he's still on tour doing whatever he wants.” Luke rubbed your shoulder and you looked up, more tears in your eyes as you thought about the situation again. You started crying and Luke squeezed your shoulder. You looked up at him sobs now echoing through your chest. “I just-I just miss him so much. I-I’m all alone too.”

“I know (y/n)...I know.” Luke wiped the tears and smiled. “It’ll get easier. I promise. I mean its only been a few weeks and I’m sure the baby thing makes you think about him a little more but you know what? If he’s not here to see this baby grow, be born, and live, then that’s on him. Youre going to be an amazing mother and Harry’s involvement or noninvolvement won't change that. And you are NOT alone. I’m right here with you, and I’ll be at every doctors appointment, meeting, birthing class, whatever you need me for. I’ll be there.” You smiled and Luke looked relieved. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too (y/n).” He hugged you tightly and you returned the favor, your chin resting on his shoulder. “Now, are you ready to down some of this food and watch a movie?”

You nodded and ate another piece of chicken. Luke returned to his chopsticks and the two of you ate pretty much everything. You stood up laughing and lifting your shirt. “I guess I have an excuse for looking a little chubby after eating far too much. My food baby is an actual baby too.”

Luke laughed and shook his head, “You never look chubby though.” 

You rolled your eyes and followed him into the living room. The two of you cuddled up on the couch and under loads of blankets. You decided to watch The Parent Trap, something you both hadn't seen in a while, but you quickly fell asleep, exhausted from everything that day. You snuggled into Luke and he tightened his grip on you. The next thing you know, someone is pounding on your door. Luke who had also fallen asleep sat up confused. “Are you expecting anyone?” You rubbed your eyes shaking your head no. He stood up and walked to the door, opening it a bit to look out. You glanced at the clock, it was almost 3 am, why was anyone at your door. “I don't think this is a good time..” you heard Luke harshly whisper. You stood up and walked over to the door. Your heart sped up, your stomach did flips, and your mouth dropped open. Harry was standing on your doorstep, dripping wet, and shivering. 

“Harry?”

“Of course you're here with him.” he shook his head and turned around.

“Yeah he’s my friend, why wouldn't I hang out with him?” you snapped back following him outside. The rain was pouring, instantly soaking your clothes. The wind blowing was freezing your skin but you were mad now. “When has me and Luke hanging out ever been a problem? I’ve known him since I was 10, he's my best friend, he's- he's like my brother.” Harry had stopped and was watching you. His lip was between his teeth and his hair covering his eyes from being so wet. You glanced behind you and Luke had gone back inside, giving you the privacy you knew you needed. “Why are you here Harry? It’s super late, its wet, and its cold and-”

He ran his hands through his hair, slicking it back so he could look at you better. “Why do you think I’m here?” You crossed your arms across your stomach and frowned. Harry sighed and stepped closer. “Theres no way in hell that you carrying my baby isn't my business. How could you even think that? How could you even think I wouldn't be here for everything, for the appointments and well whatever else you need. I know it wasn't our plan and I know we are going through something but I want to be here. For you and for the baby.”

You had tears in your eyes but thankfully the rain was washing them away. You nodded and looked down. “Harry-”

“(y/n) please...let me be there-here let me help. It’s my baby too.” He stepped closer and moved your hands away from your stomach. He got down on his knees, gently touched your belly and wiped his nose. He was crying too. Normally people crying made you uncomfortable and nervous, but Harry crying was one of the saddest things ever. He looked like a sad angel and that hurt you more than anyone would know. You instinctively reached out and touched his hair, wiping it away and wrapping your fingers in the curls. Harry looked up and smiled. “I cant believe it...theres a little baby in there. Its 50% you and 50% me..thats so crazy.”

You smiled and nodded, you had thought the same thing earlier today. “I uh- I have a picture. A picture of the baby. It’s inside if you want to maybe see it..” Harry looked surprised but extremely happy. He nodded and you led him back inside to the kitchen. Luke was sitting at the table drinking a cup of tea confused by the fact that Harry was in your house. “It’s right here..” you showed him the black and white image magneted to the fridge. 

“Its so tiny.” Harry looked in amazement and smiled. Luke was in the background mocking Harry and so you shot him a look. “Thats like our baby.” He wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you into a tight hug. Your nose burying in his soaking wet t-shirt. You wrapped your hands around him and smiled. It was okay to give in every now and then right? Might as well enjoy while its here? Harry wiped his nose again and you stepped back with a smile. 

“Are you okay?” you asked, your hand lingering next to his.

“Yeah its just a lot to take in..like the fact that I am going to be a dad..it’s just crazy.” Luke snorted and Harry looked over at him annoyed.

“I understand the feeling.” you touched his hand and his eyes shot back to yours with a small smile.

“I’m sorry I wasnt there for you yesterday...I should've known..I should've-”

“Harry...”

“This is insane.” Luke walked over annoyed. “(y/n) what are you doing? What happened to the ‘Im a strong independent woman I don't need him’ vibe?”

Harry shot Luke a glance to which Luke responded. “I am strong and I don't need him...” Harry looked upset, hurt flashing through his eyes. You continued on, “I don't need him but I want him here...I want him to be there for the baby..”

Harry smirked and nodded. “I want to be there. For the baby and for you. I promise...I’ll be there for everything if you want me to be...I just want to get to see the baby grow and become like an actual baby. Just tell me what to do. Tell me I can be a part of this with you..”

You smiled and hugged him. “Of course I want you to be a part of everything. This is your baby too.”

Luke stood up frustrated and gave you a look. You stepped out of Harry’s arms and towards Luke. He shook his head and laughed. “I’m gonna go. I’l talk to you later (y/n).” 

“Luke-”

“Not now.” Luke grabbed his jacket and then walked out, leaving you and Harry alone for the first time in weeks. 

Harry sat down with a pleased expression on his face and you frowned. You don't know why Luke was acting like that. You didn't even know what caused the fight but for some reason it really really upset you. Tears fell down your cheeks again and Harry looked concerned. He walked over and pulled you into his chest, “What’s wrong love?”

“I just don't know why Luke is acting like that. Like why is he mad at me? I didn't do anything.” 

Harry wiped a tear and smiled, “it’s not you...he just has to figure things out and come to terms with the fact that I’m here and I’m staying. It’ll be okay.”

“Promise you won't leave me?”

“Promise. I’m here for good- well for the next 18 years anyways.” 

“You better be.” you yawned. It was now almost 4:30 am and you were falling asleep. 

“I will be” Harry whispered. “Come on, lets get you into bed.” Harry helped you upstairs and pulled back the covers.  You changed into some dry clothes and walked over and climbed in. Just the way you liked, Harry tucked you in. 

You yawned again and he smiled, moving the hair that had fallen to your eyes. “I’ll uh-I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“Harry, wait.” You looked over at him again. “Change into something dry and get in..please? I just sleep better well not alone..” Harry nodded and dropped his wet clothes to a pile on the floor. He rummaged through your closet, finding the one thing Harry had left- by accident by the way. It was just a t-shirt but he smiled and threw it on, climbing into his side of the bed. You rolled over and smiled, trying to keep your eyes open. “Thank you for staying.”

He kissed your forehead and smiled. “Anytime love..” Your eyes closed and Harry scooted in closer, rubbing your arms slowly with his fingers. It was easy to say, you had the best night of sleep you had since Harry had left the first time. His scent, his touch, everything. It just made you sleep so much better and for that you were insanely grateful for that reason- and of course the fact he wanted to be part of the babies life. 

---

Part two, let me know what you think!

Part 3: Plum Sized