#???? thats how LIFE is made. thats how YOU were born. its is a COMPLETELY. NORMAL. LIFE. CYCLE.

[sunoo-bby]

i honestly get so pissed when someone says something very slightly inappropriate and they have "god(✝️, ❤️,❣️, etc)" in their bio and someone else goes "and you have god in your bio?" "they way god is in ur bio...." like hello???

[nightmaredxydreams]

we've been seeing transramcoa shit and we need to make a public vent about it so people who identify as transramcoa or are considering it won't.

major tw. this goes into detail about csa, deeply.

ok so, im the host. i never knew i went through ramcoa until about a couple years ago, even with clues and shit. i only found out after i met someone else who did and i could relate to their story. so i did research on ramcoa and yep, i fit it in just about every way possible. i literally checked off every box on some list of signs youre a ramcoa survivor. then i realized... i had been programmed for whatever reaction the handler wanted, whatever they wanted me to do, i felt like i was a game and they were the player. i was always told "youre so naive and dumb" and finding out i was a ramcoa survivor made me feel even more naive and dumb. like i was to blame. i felt like if i wasnt so naive and dumb, i wouldnt have been programmed. and the more i found out about ramcoa, the more i discovered the programmed alters. and thats when the persecutory voice in my head got worse. i felt like i was faking ramcoa, faking DID and faking trauma entirely. i felt like i wanted it to be cool or as an excuse for me being "born broken and worthless" with all my trauma responses i didnt even remember the trauma to have. my mental health tanked severely. i was covered in cuts, suicidal, attempted many times, and was reaching out for validation in places i shouldnt have. i drove friends away who couldnt deal with my constant heavy venting. i felt like i was faking or had too much baggage to deserve a friend. i felt like i deserved ramcoa when i believed it happened to me. i became more insecure about my body (this went with the denial- id think i was too ugly to be sex trafficked and i thought i made it all up to be "cool" and "not a virgin" since the body is disabled and cant really have sex) and more hypersexual than ever. when i found out i survived ramcoa, i either felt like it didn't really happen to me and like i was faking or i deserved it when i thought it happened. most of the time i thought it didnt, because your brain doesnt want you to know you have that trauma especially if you have DID. your brain doesnt even want you to know you have DID. if you are a real ramcoa survivor you will feel severe denial it happened and... broken for no reason. like you never went through anything severe so why are you this way? then you deal with the realization it happened and you feel used, dirty, dumb, like a game or a robot, not a real human. trust me, you dont want to be a ramcoa survivor. is that not enough for you? well heres more on how the sex trafficking affected my body and relationships...

i was hypersexual ever since i can remember. i was a three year old child and acting out sexual touching with dolls and imaginary friends. i was only three years old and had shame that i did it, even though nobody knew i did it. i was so developmentally disabled i couldnt put real sentences together or communicate, yet i felt shame for sexually touching dolls and imaginary friends. living my life not knowing i was sexually abused and asked how i discovered my sexuality, i answered with "ive always liked girls sexually ever since i could remember" and had to have it pointed out to me thats not normal and its a sign of sexual abuse. i always thought it was a normal kid thing to be sexual that little. wanting answers as to who violated me when i was so little, i asked the people who lived with me at the time who answered with "maybe it was your step grandfather. you were never alone alone with him so it had to have been brief touches that were a second" when im alone in almost all my memories from when i was little. after getting told "well its maaayyybe him but it cooouuuld be your cousin since she sexually abused you when you were older" and relying completely on external validation to validate what was on my inside, i flip flopped around with it and some people thought my inconsistency about trauma was me lying when i truly didnt know what happened. i lost friends and was doubted by people when i was desperately seeking validation. now to what it did to my body...

i have bladder issues from being sexually touched causing me to have utis. i have uti like pain almost every time i pee. ive been raped with plastic (almost sharp) objects and feel sharp pains in my somatic flashbacks to being raped. i will literally be doing nothing and boom, i feel a sharp pain down there. my vagina rejects tampons or really anything that goes inside it. i feel like someone stuck something up my ass every time i get done taking a shit. i have sudden nausea that doesnt feel like it belongs to me out of nowhere. i have been fucked so much my body is fucked up too. i want hugs, i love affection and it makes me feel important and safe, but i feel like my body is too violated to be loved and i get anyone who touches me dirty and they should feel ashamed for hugging me and i should feel ashamed for letting them.

you don't want this severe mental pain. you dont wanna be like me. you don't want this life. and if you do, you're fucking sick. fuck you.

[sleephyuns]

The contents of her cup swirled around and around and around. A red-hued funnel of liquid, almost like a drain. It was fitting, since thats where Jeongyeon’s beautiful two-year relationship was headed to.

A week. That’s how long it had been since their argument.

Since then, Jihyo had been civilized with her, sure. But for anyone who knew them or how they functioned, this was far from normal.

Every day at home felt like a an office scenario, with Jihyo as her coworker. Taking turns in the kitchen, backs turned to each other with every task, tv time spent individually.

Even their long stretches of quiet silence lacked their familiar warmth.

And sleeping? Could she even call it that?

It’s not like she was barred from the bedroom. But the night she’d tried to climb back into bed with Jihyo, the guilt of seeing Jihyo’s back faced to her, the guilt of seeing the slight tension of muscles in her shoulders and knowing she’d been the cause of such stress, it threatened to swallow her whole.

At least sleeping on the couch meant she could manage a few hours of heavily disturbed sleep.

Maybe she was complaining too much, though. Losing sleep was a common occurrence, for a variety of reasons. And all couples had their disagreements, right? A week was far from the longest any two people had been on shaky ground.

Nayeon and Momo, for example.

They’d both had their ups and downs — many, many downs that they worked like hell to fix. But they were both made to handle such situations, and come out the other side of each trial stronger than before.

No matter what Jeongyeon said about their sickeningly sweet displays of affection, she really felt as though they were perfect for one another (as they were now).

With all that Jeongyeon knew about Nayeon in their years as friends, it wasn't a logical leap for her to put somebody like Momo with somebody like Nayeon. Not at first. But as she saw their relationship develop, fail, then reassemble itself over the years, she realized that a relationship could grow and change into something functional with time.

And time had served those two well. They were lucky to have each other.

Thinking about such things made her wonder: What did her own relationship look like from the outside? Had they changed in a similar way? Did her personality truly suit Jihyo’s?

Opposites attracted, didn’t they?

Jihyo was born for the city, despite where they grew up. She always longed for bigger and better things. You could say she had the air of a CEO in the heart of Seoul. The air of someone who chased after and got everything she could ever want. She was too hardworking to fail. Be it her projects, her career… or her relationships.

Jeongyeon, on the other hand, was — or at least had been before college — somewhat of an easygoing person in life. If Jihyo liked to take short breaks away from the fast-moving city into the quiet countryside, Jeongyeon preferred the opposite. It would be completely correct to call her wants in life “simple.” Go to college, get a good job, and make enough money to get a nice cozy house. Maybe retire somewhere close to the mountains.

But in her vision of a cozy house was Jihyo. And in the mountains, Jihyo was right by her side. In the air she’d breathe, in the creeks that wound around the rocks. She was there.

Jeongyeon loved her life on its own, but was irrevocably tied to Jihyo as well.

How many times had Jeongyeon stayed up late into the night with Jihyo, just to watch her for a few seconds more? And how many times had Jeongyeon let her gut feelings take the back seat for Jihyo’s sake? The answer to both questions was ‘too many for Jeongyeon to count.’

Jihyo had done the same for her too, of course. She knew that to be true. For every late night came an early morning, when Jeongyeon was plagued by anxieties for the day ahead.

Sweet words, a hug, a kiss. A few extra minutes in bed spent between the two of them, to keep her at ease. And on days where Jihyo just couldn’t push her luck with lateness, she found ways to be there all the same. A note on the fridge, a text, a quick call. Whatever she could do.

These things always balanced themselves out. The push and pull of their lives just worked that way. But things lately have felt a little…

“One sided?”

“Huh?” Part of Jeongyeon, the part that could still function properly, tore itself herself away from her thoughts, remembering that she unfortunately had to be a functioning human being at work.

“Should I print these one sided, or is it ok to use both? Or does it not matter at all?” Yubin asked, holding out the pet profiles for Jeongyeon to see.

Yubin was new to the job, having only worked there a few weeks, but was older than Jeongyeon by a few years. She had this air of coolness about her no matter what she did, even when she asked questions every few minutes.

“One sided but…,” Jeongyeon fumbled with the bottom button of her flannel, “uh- actually I think I want to take my break soon. Maybe now if I can.”

It was the one day of the week she was on front desk duty, when their usual clerk was out. So as long as someone else was manning the front to check clients in, she could take her break whenever help was available.

“Oh, your break?” Yubin walked up to the counter, prepared to take Jeongyeon’s place, “In that case, I’ll make the copies when you come back.”

That same part of Jeongyeon — that wasn’t stuck in a haze of deep thought — replied again, “Thank you. I really appreciate it. Thank you.”

She’d fastened every button on her shirt now, hands free to toss out her used cup as she prepared for the windy day outside.

This type of weather just meant she had an excuse to get more tea from her usual spot.

It wasn’t too far from where she worked, only about a 10 minute walk from the shop. A brisk walk could cut it down to 7 minutes, but she wasn’t in the mood for that.

It was a stroll and cool down type of day.

She wanted to relax, that was the plan. But the moment she walked off the block, a gust of wind slammed both halves of her back into one being.

She stumbled just a bit, both physically and mentally, unsure of… everything.

What a weird sense of dejavu, to be tripping over herself on the sidewalk again, thinking about a situation she seemed to have no control over.

….What was she even doing?

One foot in front of the other.

Go get more tea. Don’t think about your home situation.

Right.

Walk. Tea. Don’t think about home.

She repeated it over and over until the chant became the backtrack for her short walk.

Walk. Tea. Don’t think about home.

Walk. Tea. Don’t think about home.

Walk. Tea. Don’t think about home.

Walk. Tea. Get tea because now you’re here.

Oh.

The smell as she entered was so soothing, so comforting, that her problems could melt away. Cafes were really her style, someone — who she wouldn’t currently think about — had once. remarked. Jeongyeon whole heartedly agreed, a testament to how well they knew each other.

Maybe being a cafe owner somewhere in the countryside was in her far future. If she were to live in the mountains, she could drive down to work, serving any campsite goers as they came and went. The signal would be better further down, perfect for phones and laptops, allowing someone to work if need be.

Maybe a desk set in the corner for her… a special spot close to the service counter, where they could work side by side until it was time for Jeongyeon to retreat back to her home or… for any unspecified customer to head back to the city…

That wouldn’t be for some time, obviously. So the current Jeongyeon — who definitely wasn’t worried about anything or anyone — would have to be satisfied with the pleasures of more tea and a peach scone. Hopefully they weren’t sold out.

Then again, anything could happen during midday, depending on the rush.

She approached the counter to check behind the display case. Far enough where the cashier won’t ask for her order, but close enough where anyone wandering behind her wouldn’t think to get in line and possibly steal her treat away. That would give her enough time to truly see-

"Hey, Jeongyeon? Jeongyeon!"

A voice sliced through the clatter of plates and the hum of brewing machines, carving a path right to Jeongyeon’s ears. The secondhand embarrassment she might’ve felt at being called to couldn’t even compare to the feeling of unease suddenly bubbling in her chest. Another worry to add to the day.

There were two peach scones left in the case, though, so that was some sort of win.

“Hey, Jeongyeon. Funny running into you here. A little chilly today, isn’t it?”

The voice was much closer now, which left no option to play the ignorance card. She could only assume in some alternate dimension, where she wasn’t such a stickler for wearing a beanie to work every day, she wouldn’t have been spotted so easily.

Oh how she wished she could be in said universe. Or, at the very least, the ground of this one would open up and eat her alive.

“Hi Sana,” she mumbled, not yet turning around. There was still time for the ground to its thing. Maybe. Hopefully.

"I’m sorry, did I scare you? I tried to call out to you a little farther back, but you must not have heard." Sana giggled as Jeongyeon stood up straight, trying her best to look unbothered by the situation. Well, if Sana thought she’d scared her, she must not be doing a good job…

"Uh, no," Jeongyeon cleared her throat, taking all of Sana in, “no. Not at all.”

She was dressed rather fashionably today. The platonic ideal of casual fashion, in Jeongyeon’s opinion. She wore a long muted-brown coat, opened just enough that the gray and yellow plaid of her pants could be seen. It worked, somehow, but she assumed Sana knew that. No need to state the obvious.

When she’d finished staring way too hard at her black heeled boots, her eyes trailed back up to see Sana watching her, either amused by her staring or waiting for her to continue speaking. Maybe both. Probably both.

“I just, um, wasn’t expecting to see you around here.” But then again, she wasn’t expecting to see Sana at all. She simply knew her as someone who materialized on campus, in her apartment and sometimes in her thoughts. It was odd seeing her so far out of the imaginary boundaries she’d set in her head.

“I see, that’s fair,” Sana spoke more with her eyes than with her lips, “So… what are you getting?”

“Oh uh…

Jeongyeon released a quivering, awkward breath, stepping back to put more distance between them. Sana watched the movement, something mischievous sparkling behind her eyes as she did.

“I want to get a peach scone and vanilla lavender tea. Do you um… need a recommendation? I really think the lavender is good and… maybe the strawberry cake-“

“Oooh that sounds good! I come here a lot though, I was just curious!”

Sana moved on from that statement as if she didn’t just leave Jeongyeon dumbfounded.

She came here a lot? When? It had to be whenever Jeongyeon was off work, because she couldn’t remember seeing Sana once. Now she was wracking her brain for any sliver of a memory that might have involved Sana, as if she would suddenly develop a photographic memory and pick Sana out like a hidden picture puzzle.

“Hi there! Can I get a vanilla lavender tea, one of the bottled barley teas from the fridge there and…”

Jeongyeon’s neck nearly snapped as she looked to see Sana, placing her order before she even had a chance to. What the hell was her problem?

Sana turned to eye the glass case, then Jeongyeon right next to it. There was that twinkle in her eye again, as her lips slowly curled into a smile.

“-…Two peach scones please.”

Jeongyeon wondered if the cashier could hear her heart crash land into her stomach.

“That’ll be ₩30,000. For here or to go?”

“For here,” Sana nodded at the cashier, slipping her card into the reader. All while Jeongyeon stood there pathetically, mouth opening and closing like a fish. She couldn’t even call herself mad or annoyed. Just negative. Pure negativity.

Shouldn’t have mentioned the scone at all.

When Sana was done paying, she bounded over with her bottled tea and table number standee in hand.

What was she going to do now? Rub it in? Make sure Jeongyeon stayed until her food arrived? For what? So she could watch her savor the little bit of happiness Jeongyeon had left?

“Hey again!” Sana laughed, “Where did you want to-“

“Are you messing with me?”

“-sit…”

The words fell from Sana’s tongue, similar to every speck of Jeongyeon’s dignity falling to the floor. That’s where Sana’s gaze ended up, starting from the broken pieces and moving back up to Jeongyeon’s eyes, taking in her question just as much as she was taking in Sana’s.

“Did you… not want to sit with me? I admit, I didn’t ask you how long your break might be, but-“

“No I just didn’t think-“

Again. She was making a fool of herself again.

“No, no,” Sana tried to spare her, “Finish your thought.”

It was hard to finish a thought that wasn’t completed though. Many of her thoughts followed that trend, nowadays.

“I thought you… were just saying hi for a bit. I- I have the time to sit, but…”

But what was Sana’s goal? How could Sana not feel that uncomfortable nagging in the pit of her stomach, that would make her want to avoid Jeongyeon at all costs. Now she wanted to sit with her? Without Jihyo? That couldn’t be the case.

“The scones and the tea. That’s just for you, right?”

It was a stupid question that proved to be even stupider with the look on Sana’s face. Her one raised brow was enough.

“You think I got my own order along with your exact order, just so I could have it all for myself?”

“Uh, sorry,” Jeongyeon choked, “I guess I’m being silly.”

Sana nodded, actually nodded at that, but it was somewhat deserved. The awkward beats of silence that followed were deserved too.

Eight beats, in fact, which Jeongyeon only knew because of Sana’s hand. Eight times, she tapped her knuckles against her thigh before speaking again.

“What time do you have to get back?”

Jeongyeon’s flicked her wrist back, checking her watch. “I still have half an hour.”

The answer seemed satisfying enough for Sana, eyes lighting up again.

“Well let’s sit down before our food and drinks come.”

Jeongyeon let her lead the way, of course. They sat at a booth pressed tightly in the corner, right next to a window, giving them a view of cars and passerby. Being like this, Jeongyeon couldn’t help but think back on their first real meeting on that fateful rainy day.

It was hard to believe it hadn’t even been a month since then. With the stress of it all, a whole season could’ve passed by…

No, she couldn’t think about that. The passage of time would stress her out even more, and she was determined to relax in this cafe. Even with the stressor sitting across from her.

She looked up from the table at Sana, watching her fiddle with the standee, rocking it back and forth, tapping each end against the table. Her glossed lips, pulled tight as she hummed some unrecognizable tune to herself, sparkled in the sunlight. A good match for her eyes, her hair, her attitude. Everything about her sparkled. And in that moment she seemed so…

Harmless.

So absolutely harmless, and so far from the stressor Jeongyeon labeled her as.

As if she couldn’t feel any worse about this all.

Jeongyeon cleared away the guilt in her throat with a cough, gaining Sana’s attention in the process. “So… how’ve you been?”

A good question. A nice, normal question. Much better than talking about the rain, or a lack of it, and how that might affect their lives.

This time, thankfully, Sana heard her loud and clear.

“I’ve been alright. Just a little tired between classes and my dissertation,” Sana’s eyes slipped shut, a small furrow above her brow, “to make things worse, one of the street lights outside shines right into my bedroom window and… oh well.”

Jeongyeon watched Sana fidget with the cap of her tea now, unscrewing it, tapping it a few times against the table before taking a swig from the bottle. “It’s an easy fix. I keep telling myself to get blackout curtains, but I keep putting it off. There’s no reason to complain when the solution’s staring me right in the face.”

Jeongyeon hummed in acknowledgment, not agreement. No point in arguing against such a passive statement, so she just let it be. Though the topic sparked a thought within her brain.

“Are city lights not something you’re used to? Ah- well, I know you’ve been in this area for a bit, but you’re not from here, so…”

If the answer was yes, Jeongyeon could relate. Even after all these years, she still felt out of place.

Sana seemed to carefully consider the question, eyes wandering back outside to the passing cars, the busy people.

“It’s nice here. I wouldn’t exactly say I haven’t adjusted, but,” she spoke slowly, wistfully, “I do find myself missing home a lot these days.”

“Hmm… I get that.”

And truly, Jeongyeon did.

“Home is,” Sana’s eyes slipped shut for just a second, “comforting. My hometown, it’s not too far from the city. I can take the train there if I want. So I don’t exactly live in the middle of nowhere. Sometimes it’s quiet, sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s a bit of both.”

“And what about here? Is it too loud for you here?”

“Sometimes,” Sana laughed, “I guess I’ve said that a lot though.”

“Do you ever think about going back to Japan?” Jeongyeon quickly looked down at the table, pretending to be more interested with her cuticles than Sana’s face. Way to go, she thought. What a great way to sound like you’re trying to ship her off and away from Jihyo-

“Would you be surprised if my answer was still, ‘sometimes?’”

Now that was surprising. She looked up from her nails, and back at Sana’s face. This time, she met her eyes head on without shying away. Not that she wanted to when. Sana was being so honest with her. Honesty she didn’t think she truly deserved.

But maybe she wanted to be deserving.

“Um… well, with your past few answers, statistically,” Jeongyeon tapped the side of her head, pretending to be some mega-genius that she surely wasn’t, “I’d say no.”

That earned her a genuine laugh from Sana, a bit longer and louder than her polite laughter. A feeling bubbled up in her chest that she might label as ‘pride’ on any other occasion, but she wasn’t quite ready to confront that just yet.

She let Sana’s laughter fill the space between them, until they trickled off, twinkling away like the shifting rays of sun. “I’m happy here, for now. I have enough that makes staying worth it.”

Between both of Jeongyeon’s eyes, Sana’s gaze shifted. Left, right. Left. Right.

It made Jeongyeon’s stomach flip, with how direct she was with her staring. There was no way there her words lacked implication. She had to be referring to Jihyo, and oh god, she didn’t want to think about her too much when Sana was here or else she might worry again.

So instead, she let her own sight drift, looking out the window and away from the sun.

Out there, in the city streets, there was nothing to fantasize about. No random occurrence, no imaginary Nayeon to conjure up. Just everyday reality.

She heard Sana take in a breath. The temptation to shut her eyes hit hard.

“What about you?” Is it worth it?

“…huh?”

She could ignore the city for a moment if it meant understanding Sana better.

“Do you like it here?” Sana asked again when their eyes met, “You asked me, but I want to know how you feel about it.”

“Well…” Jeongyeon inched forward in her seat. She hadn’t been asked such a question in a long while. Not since her college years. By now, the city was a facet of her daily life. She knew this area like the back of her hand. It was a part of her, full of memories, both good and bad. And even if she were to move on to her perfect countryside, the city would still be with her, always.

Always in her heart.

“Well, I-“

“Table 11? 2 peach scones and a tea?”

She and Sana both jumped back and… when had Sana leaned in that close?

“Yes that’s us, thank you,” Sana spoke while Jeongyeon was still trying to process their proximity.

The sound of the plate scraping against the table stopped her thinking, and she looked down at the scone in front of her. Next came the cup of piping hot tea, placed right to its side. The steam rose, and Jeongyeon’s eyes followed, until she was staring right at Sana’s pleased face. Even as she chewed, she had a beautiful smile on her lips.

“Mmmmm….,” she moaned, “I see why you like this so much!” She went in for another enthusiastic bite, humming another tune Jeongyeon didn’t know. She could probably make any food look delicious with that attitude.

It sure worked on Jeongyeon, even though she already knew the beauty of the pastry. Was it possible, Jeongyeon wondered, to develop a fear of missing out on something you’d already had?

Jeongyeon finally took a bite of her scone, not as outwardly pleased as Sana, but still comfortably satisfied.

The glaze melted in her mouth.

Sana took another bite.

“I like this city,” Jeongyeon savored the peach flavor on her tongue, “I like it a lot.”

Sana loved the flavor too. “I’m glad you do.”

Going back to work soon would be a struggle, and going home would be double that. But for now, having a nice conversation in the corner of a cafe, things weren’t so bad.

[xukies]

1, 2, and 3 for Raiden :D

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

Ok my love for Raiden has Evolved over the years, when I got into MGS back when I was 13 it was almost entirely "oh fuckin hot cyborg guy with a sword whos just a complete badass" and while that's not an invalid reason to like a character a lot of the nuances of his tragedy never truly hit me until I got older and I'm like Oh I Know Now. Just his entire story of never truly having an identity and only ever being a tool for someone else and watching it break him down more and more until he eventually starts to find himself is so cool. Plus badass hot cyborg guy never hurts either tbh. Have you SEEN him flip a giant mech over his shoulder and the proceed to rip its arm off and fight it with its own machete limb like???? Tell me thats not the COOLEST shit ever

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

This kinda goes hand in hand with the first question but his story as a whole is so Fucked and tragic likeee watching the end of MGS2 where he throws away his dog tags and declares he's going to "find his own path" in life and live for himself only to see where he ends up in 4 and then watching him get his catharsis at the end of 4 only to be dragged into More Bullshit in Rising like from the moment he was born hes only ever been fucked by life and I'd give some "he keeps getting knocked down but gets back up again" speech but lets be real he was highkey suicidal in 4 LMAO I think the universe just needs to let that boy rest. I think I lost the question somewhere in here lmaoo tldr "favorite canon thing" just how absolutely tragic and miserable his entire life is, and how desperately he wants to just live a normal life with his family but he's been so deeply traumatized by the Everything (tm). Kojima went off with his anti-war metaphor when he made Raiden

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

Honestly this one is stumping me cause like I'm having a hard time thinking about something I dislike LMAO. At first I was like, maybe the way he treats Rose sometimes? But then I'm like, it works with the story and I wouldn't change any of it, even if he's kinda a piece of shit to her here and there it fits and I wouldn't say it's ooc? Then I was like, maybe how hamfisted the whole "ripper" thing was in Rising? But then I'm like, it 110% fits the tone of the game and it would NOT be the same if they didn't commit as earnestly as they did to the over the top insanity of everything that game is. It's dumb and excessively cheesy but that's what gives MGR so much of its charm and it for sure wouldn't be as loved and meme'd as it is today if they'd dialed it back lmao.

I don't know if I'd say this is a "canon" thing but I hate that we never got to see what happened to Raiden between 2 and 4. MGS:R was supposed to bridge that gap and it was such a huge important piece to his story that we're only ever told about and I feel like it loses some of it's impact when we don't get to see any of it. Raiden goes from the way he is in 2 to this complete character change in 4 and we just have to hear about what happened when it irreversibly changed his character from that point onward (it's not a bad change, I wouldn't wish it were any different, I just wish we got to experience it)

(Send me a character and a number!)

[kuroruhc]

PART 1 - Fire Force AU

First of all i would love to start with a little Story i have in my mind for a long time now. Its about Fire Force. More specifically. My Own Character Kuroru and Captain Obi. But this Story will be a bit diffrent. Its defenitly NSFW! Its about a time way before Obi were a Firefighter. It may not be a very good one either cause its Kind of sadistic and has pretty Classic Genderroles. It may even fall into Omegaverse at some point.

So i would be very happy if you will read it ^^

Even more if you would like it. But the World i Imagine is a bit diffrent from the Manga/Anime.

Diffrent cause there is a second "Race" that lives hidden in the World of Fire Force. I'd like to give them the Name Arden. They are Hybrids of Humans and Animals. And Yeah maybe you can already guess it? Obi is one of them. But let me explain!

In the old times before the Cataclysm. Humans wanted to make a kind of super Human. Humans with animalistic instincts. So they experimented. Thats how Arden became real. Humans with animalistic features. Some of them looked like normal Humans. But they cpuls speak with Animals and had their instincts. Others looked more like Furries. Others lookes more balanced. But they were seen like monsters. Monsters that were made by Humans. They believed they would get stronger and would want to rule the world. But it never got far cause the great Cataclysm came and the world burned down.

What not many people knew. Some Arden survived! And they got hidden away from the eyes of the world while the world of Fire Force became like we know it on the top.

But Arden didnt had a easy life. It was always important to hide who and what they are. Some needed to hide their animallike bodyparts. Others had it way easier and just needed to hide the fact that their instincts are more animalistic.

I think we got a picture now ~

Obi is one of the more unlucky ones at that part. He is a Wolf-Arden. He was born with Wolfears on top of his head and a Tail. He was more of the obvious ones as a kid. But as his parents died and human relatives took him in (Yes there were mixed at this time with humans that knew of their existence) they decided it was best for him to lose his animalistic parts that could show what he was. So they cut of his tail and ears. They tried to erase the fact what he was put of him completely. And so he grew up as a strong men that we all know, he kind of forgot himself what he was sometimes.

His hight and Hair makes it easy to hide that he has bit of his ears left over on top of his head. Just like it is with the littlebit left of his tail that he hides in his pants.

What do you think so far?

[gadunkie]

rant post about the online queer community

hey after going outside and talking to real life people for a while Ive come to the conclusion that most of the online queer community is just horrible for queer people. hi reddit today Im going to ramble on about how the queer space on the internet has somehow regressed back into separation under a more progressive and performative light. so after being on tumblr for like, fucking 7-8 years or some shit as well as experiencing other queer spaces on other social media platforms (twitter and reddit, mostly twitter) for only a couple years, Ive come to the conclusion that people are so caught up in their own asses that theyve completely misunderstood and forgot why the queer community exists. side note: I dont care how messy this post is or if the points made are all over the place, this is tumblr.com who gives a shit.

as far as Im concerned, a lot of non-queer and especially religious people really dont like us queers. unfortunately we were all born in a world where we suffer as a minority under laws and power that would really rather have us killed than working together. as such a collective of queer people started banding together under a community where we were finally allowed a space to be ourselves and live as people. the community consists of fags, dykes, transsexuals and whoever was in-between or outside of those terms. our relation comes from how we are rejected from living normal lives for simply trying to express romance or identity in a way that would finally make us feel alive. so it would only make sense to band together and make sure each of us finally have a home and a life we always wanted to live, surrounded by people who would finally accept us for who we are, right?

ya!!!11!!11one thats the whole point of the queer community, to band together and finally be treated as people. but the one problem that I see nowadays is that the current queer community just doesnt fucking do that. Im bad at formulating problems in an essay-like way so Im just gonna make a list of things and explanations underneath ok? :) :) :) 1. the queer community unfairly fetishes women: now theres nothing wrong with liking women sexually or romantically or whatever, in fact it doesnt correlate with the above sentence at all. Ive noticed in my time on using the internet, that queer people tend to hate or forget people who arent women. whether they are men, or nonbinary, or both, or none at all. women have a much larger audience than other queer people and its stupid. its gotten to the point where I forgot that the trans flag included women, men, and those who dont identify with either. I just got used to seeing them depicted with women or feminine figures that arent cis. I literally didnt make the connection until a few days ago that people other than women completely belong under that community as well, yet Ive seen so much trans discussion that only involve women and no one else. lets change that please, people who dont identify as women belong with the rest of the trans community. I feel ridiculous saying that because I shouldnt feel like I have to even formulate that sentence at all.

2. the majority of the queer community doesnt care about brown people: now there are a lot of online queer people who arent actively or intentionally trying to be racist but I cant help but notice that they tend to forget about brown people a lot, specifically black people now that I think about it a bit more. you guys remember when a new version of the pride flag came out and it looked the exact same but they added brown and black colors onto the flag? strange that at the same time the blm protests were also really popular and part of current events at the time as well, its almost as if it was simply a performative gesture to signify what should have already been obvious. even after those colors were added, black people were just forgotten again. Im not even going to sugarcoat it I dont think the majority of the online queer community would even care if black people just died, because they already dont. but this isnt just about black people either, anyone with darker skin tones, no matter the ethnic group, are either used for diversity gestures or completely forgotten about overall. it has been pointed out multiple times that tumblr staff has actively silenced or banned accounts belonging to brown people. actually the only time I saw tumblr even care about shadow banning was when they started doing it to trans women, what a fucking shit show. its so easy to care about people no matter their skin color its literally so fucking easy, why is it impossible for the majority of this community to do that.

3. why are we fucking separating ourselves from each other: hi Im sure youve noticed that Ive been saying the word "queer" over and over again. first of all, if it bothers you, grow up. the queer community have fought for decades to reclaim phrases used against us dont give it power again. second of all, I prefer saying queer over lgbtqia+ because it unites us all under one word rather than an acronym pointing out each little category of queer people. theres nothing wrong with trying to create an identity for yourself that means a lot to you and makes you feel more comfortable for yourself, but I have to argue and say that certain labels just seem pointless and belong under ones that have already existed before their creation. yet I dont blame people for using different ones than the labels that have already existed because I think we collectively failed to inform people that those labels can have multiple meanings. bisexual doesnt just mean you like cis men and cis women, it means you like anyone you want to. transgender doesnt mean you are now the opposite of your assigned gender, it just means that you arent cis. it also doesnt mean that you need to have surgery done on you or that you wear different clothes than the norm either. although I see the point of creating extra labels, I ultimately think they do more harm than good. we have to stick together to survive, any more individual groups then we are as good as gone.

those are the general points that Ive wanted to make anyway. I would love to type more but I have a feeling that the reading comprehension on this site wouldnt survive the first two paragraphs.

the last thing I want to say is that you should find more ways to be together than try and exclude each other, because while youre calling yourself a "foxgirl bi lesbian enby demiboy" there are queer people in real life being kidnapped and mutilated for simply trying to exist.

please for the love of everything that keeps us alive and safe, find ways to stick together.

[theendofuno]

alright *cracks my fingers* its time to talk about uno T6

i was genuinely happy with how uno event story and just general phrases were made, so i was super excited to read his T6, i had previously took a look at a machine translation of the kr server but now that its on global i had to unlock it myself, lmao

i re-read this like 4 times already and im still. heavily uncomfortable with how this was handled.

so, heres the thing: Uno, at least on a very superficial point of view, was greatly handled. he's calm and he's trying his best to keep on track of what he wants to tell Sieghart. but its genuinely hard for him, he's in complete despair and needs his blood asap, he doesn't want to die, he doesn't want to disappear, and he still. tries to resonate. he still wants to explain himself and make someone understand that he's not a bad guy, he was just born with chronical conditions he have no control over.

its pretty obvious we're not getting an "official diagnosis" of Uno, but its also pretty obvious he's meant to be schizophrenic. which, i mean, im the perfect person to talk about it lmao. the word salad, the panic, the urge to be seem as "normal", the urge to spill out everything youre feeling in a vomit of words feeling the urge to overly-explain every step youre talking just so youre not seem as crazy. it resonates with me, a bit too much. it even hurts a little, lol.

so. i know Sieghart is this cocky annoying grandpa/uncle that makes everything be a joke, and yk, i like this type of character. what bothers me is that kog made him a blatant racist, and this is seem as a joke, and this gets WAY worse on his T version. i know its just a game and its not that deep but. why is Sieg T walking side by side with eugenics thoughts. why is he doing ethinical genocide with highlanders. thats so. weird.

anyway. the way Sieg talks with Uno was so. painful. its probably just a me thing but i was genuinely triggered reading all of that, and re-reading it just made me feel that even more. sure, its COMPLETELY understandable to not want a random man you met 5 secs ago traumadumping about his life infront of you, especially when youre mad asf (because you couldnt...kill people? i suppose?), but. why would you see this person, clearly mentally unstable, clearly not acting like someone his "age" would, and you'd call him dumb, weird, a monster, a bloodthirst creature and someone who you will kill just because of that. you know you could've just avoided him, pretended you didnt heard shit, just said "sorry this happened but idgaf man" or ANYTHING else. Uno literally told, with all words, he NEEDED Sieg or else he would DIE. and Sieg, instead of hearing the words, he just heard "lmaooo lets fight" and went for it. waoh man.

i totally know Sieg didnt knew Uno was 3 years old (or maybe even younger, considering we dont have confirmation of the timeskip. he could've been born a few months ago) and he didnt needed to know it to HANDLE THIS PROPERLY. yes, Uno attacked him first, completely fair to be mad lmao, not judging this part. but after he calmed down and started POURING HIS ENTIRE LIFE STORY OUT TO YOU, after you literally heard him saying that he considered suicide because he couldn't handle this chronic pain he've been feeling, you just stare down at him and call him a monster? and say you will be the reason of his death?

Uno didn't "not explained it well", he explained everything perfectly. it was a completely unecessary exposure, but, again. he was. completely in panic, he was in shock, he felt his body was giving up on him and he could die at any second. he SAID that. ill go on points, otherwise i might just. salad word this lmao

"My time is over. If i don't drink your blood...!"

one of the first things he said to Sieghart, he literally said "i need your help so i can live". hearing this probably is scary, but. lets be for real. Sieghart is +600 yo, seeing a malnourished weird guy telling you this should be normal at this point. you could say that he just interpreted it wrongly, but he was literally on a rampage to kill highlanders, the minimun he could do is to understand phrases properly lmao. Uno didn't said "i need to kill you", he just said "i need your blood", which, wouldn't kill him. weird request? completely, ngl. still, not a death threat.

"Who am...? Oh, I'm sorry. That wasn't very educated on my part. I'm Uno, and as you can see, i'm a highlander just like you."

this happens after Sieg completely ignores his speech and asks again who he is. this hits home, as saying youre sorry and aknowledging your mistakes its VERY hard, not to say impossible, specially when youre in some type of psychotic breakdown, so just seeing him trying to keep on tracks and explain better rather than just jumping to fighting Sieg is pretty neat.

(as a personal unecessary example, ive told a dear person on my life they should kill themself, because their presence was bothering me during an episode. i refused to understand i was wrong even hours after i "regained conscience" [for the lack of better term] because it made sense on my mind that should've been said and my reaction was understandable, and still being completely honest, i get why this is upsetting but i still dont think i had the obligation to apologize because of it.)

"But your smell...it's a mix of every type of blood"

this is not Uno speaking (no shit sherlock), but im adding this to the batch just because. this caught me a bit off guard. maybe its just a translation thing and the original speech its not like that, but. hm.

i know Uno's birth is not a common thing to happen, but for someone to say his blood its a mix of EVERYTHING, and not just something along the lines of "a bunch of highlanders blood mixed" kinda. implies that Uno is not an actual full highlander. not in a corrupted way, but in a...he might be something else. a void creature? a demon? mayhaps both? neither? he wasn't meant to be alive, after all.

"The smell...of [my] blood? NO!!! I am... Do you really think I drink blood for pleasure?!"

here's where the traumadump session starts. here's when it clicked, when he got the trigger he needed pulled. Sieg is not an ally, and he will never be. he doesn't want to help Uno to live, he is that terrible monster everyone told him he was.

and here's where he starts to breakdown completely. he was panicking at first, but now he's full on psychotic. he NEEDS everyone to understand he's not a monster, he NEEDS to tell everyone that he doesn't like being this, he NEEDS to be aknowledged as a normal person, just like anyone else. he isn't what the voices on his head tell him, he isn't his involuntary urges. he is a kid. he is a neglected kid who needs assistance. he just wants to live normally.

"Not exactly. I'm not here to fight for those false highlanders. But I still need your blood..."

"So, you need my blood? And you still try to say you're not a vampire."

i skipped a few dialogues which were along the lines of sieg saying he was pissed off and uno was helping he get even more mad, and uno saying he's aware but sieg wont be his predator but his prey, and then sieg asks if he's "the one the highlanders prepared just for him"

what we get here is, again, Uno trying to make Sieg see he DOES NOT want to fight, he just needs blood, his life DEPENDS on this. he WILL DIE if this doesn't happen, and Sieg just calls him a monster. we are not very far from reading uno being called a retarded are we. sigh

"You have no idea of my despair. Of the agony I feel every single day. I considered giving up, but... When you appeared infront of me that day... WHAT DID YOU EXPECTED ME TO DO???"

aaaaand hes broken. hes having a hard time differenciating realities (or universes, lmao), he's desesperatedly trying to justify himself and at the same time he's desesperatedly trying to keep himself intact, trying to not breakdown and go on a rampage. he knows this will never happens, but he still wants this to be peaceful. he literally just wishes to live, but he knows he's doomed to kill, or forever be in a chronic pain and chronic poor mental state if he doesn't kill Sieghart.

"Of course you wouldn't remember. You're from this world. That's kinda bothersome, but... Who cares? I heard you're a Highlander Killer here."

this happens after Uno attacks Sieg, and he asks "what are you talking about? did you even got the right guy?"

probably, after the attack, Uno got his mind straight for a split second and noticed what he was doing, that Sieg wouldn't understand his feelings, as he wasn't forced to go to a different world and put his life at risk, as he wasn't forced into leadering a cult full of older people who praised him simply for breathing. but then, he's just back to his painful psychosis, the voices on his head and the urge to not disappear.

"I wish for your blood... And you wish to end my life simply because I'm a highlander. Now that we met, nothing fairer than fighting, right?"

this kinda broke me. Uno will probably never forget the words Sieg said to him, even if he kills him and lives afterward, this will haunt his brain. he's a menance just by living, he's a disgusting creature for a birth he never wanted to happen. what he's supposed to do in this situation other than fight and either die and finally be free from the disgrace that is this world, or to kill him and turn into something unknown and scary?

Uno and we, the spectators, don't know what will happen if he finally gets Sieg's blood, we don't know what will happen to him. that is so terrifying. will he just stop feeling pain and having voices telling him bad stuff on his head? will he transtorm into a monster and becomes 3x worse? will his body not be able to handle "real highlander blood" and stop working, resulting on a meaninless death?

Uno can't have time to think about that. his impulsive actions put him infront of Sieghart, and he does NOT want to hear about Uno's thoughts and pleads. he needs to act.

"I think it's my fault, anyway. I shouldn't try to talk with monsters."

this. this is exactly what broke me. i stared at my screen deadpan for a few minutes, and this didn't left my head, i couldn't sleep because of this, to be completely honest.

after everything you heard, after everything you saw him do, your only thought is. to look at him and call him a monster? to say he can't explain things and that you will kill him? he literally started having a crisis infront of you, and you ignored every single word out of his mouth and insisted on saying he's nasty and shouldn't be alive.

again, this is most likely a me thing and just a personal trigger that no one else cares, but. as someone who tried suicide and heard EXTREMELY similar words at the age of 10, this. was triggering. and it's still triggering to type this out.

yes, i know this is Sieghart's personality, but i didn't expected THIS. he doesn't like other highlanders and wants to murder all of em, but the first time in OVER 600 YEARS one of them can overpower him and tries to use this to the advantage of HAVING A CONVERSATION instead of jumping into fighting, instead of seeing this as a sign he MIGHT be A BIT WRONG about his judgment he just. uses this as an excuse to be even meaner. even worse. cmon bro you'll be throwing slurs in the next world or what. this kid literally just spilled his entire life story infront of you and instead of walking away, trying to hold a conversation, trying to calm him down or WHATEVER you just keep offending him and putting gasoline to this flame that DOESN'T WANT TO BE LIT but got TRIGGERED INTO DOING SO. its genuinely paintful to read.

anyway. thats it for today i suppose. thats surely. uhm. something!

[grand-theft-carbohydrates]

verdict: solid 8.5 on the GBS (girlboss scale)

ok i've been thinking about this all day and now im inflicting my thoughts on EVERYONE. not even putting it under a cut. this is a hostage situation no one leaves until i infodump.

what girlboss would be complete without the BFFs 5eva? you CANNOT mention An Lushan without also mentioning his partner in crime, the Ben to his Jerry, the Jay-Z to his Beyonce: Shi Siming. They were born just one day a part, fought on the frontiers together as young men, AND got equal billing for starting the bloodiest civil war in Chinese history! (its called the An-Shi Rebellion in Chinese!) now that's what I call #bestiegoals!

the Underdog: u cant help but root for him, in spite of the many, many, many atrocities. An Lushan had an absolutely bonkers rags to riches story. not only did he distinguished himself as a frontier commander of exceptional bravery, he also had incredible social intelligence and managed to play the Emperor like a goddamn fiddle. after he made himself Yang Guifei's adpoted son (despite only being one year younger than her) HE FUCKING REFUSED TO BOW TO THE EMPEROR FIRST (punishable by revoking your head privillages). what was his excuse? "oh in my Quaint Barbarian Culture (that u know nothing about) the son bows to the mother before the father" !!! ok!!! so this was such a BALLER move because a) it subtely showed off his "filial piety" e.g. he considers the emperor to be his own father (HUGE guesture of respect) b) his feigned ignorance paints himself as a pure-hearted buffoon with zero ulterior motives. his royal highness swallowed it hook, line and sinker and highly favoured him after that.

AND THATS NOT ALL!

he pulled the exact same trick again by refusing to bow to the crown prince! "oh im just an rustic country boob, idk what is a "crown prince."" and Mr Tang Emperor was like "wow UuU what an honest and trustworthy guy UuU im giving him ALL the gifts and indulgences UuU."

the absolute GALL. the 5D CHESS. my man was juggling matchsticks in a kerosene bath, tapdancing in a minefield and sticking his entire ass in a hornet's nest and he still kept winning!!!

he did ALL THAT and doesn't even come close to a 10/10 GBS. thats how stiff the Tang Dynasty Girlboss Competition is. tune in next time to hear my Very Normal and Subdued Opinions about Princess Pingyang and Emperor Wu Zetian (<- someone should really write an award-winning-YA-mecha-reimagining about her life. call it the "iron woman" or something. brb contacting my publisher!)

was an lushan a girlboss. discuss

[dualityvn]

me theory posting again? more likely than you might think

Demo Spoilers below

now that my ban on talking about this has finally been lifted since its now out in the open, lets talk about some things. so, the boys exist as two entities in one body, they both have their own thoughts, feelings, and motivations, but when those align, they can co-exist in the body at the same time. this can be painful (see that one 'bad' end) because Keith's body isnt built to hold more than one person at a time. speaking of, it is technically Keith's body, it was the one made by his parents that he would have inhabited alone without Tenebris' being there, and Tenebris has a different form that is entirely his own. they are not aware of the outside unless they are the person actively in control, but they can share thoughts and dialogue with each other when only one is in control.

now that we have that all established, which does answer like, all of my initial questions, we're gonna get off on a tangent. now, this hasnt really come up before, but one of my favorite things to theorize about is morality issues, specifically when it comes to controlling the narrative a person sees. and i see a Very Delicious moral dilemma with Keith and Tenebris and how Keith is like, the only person Tenebris regularly interacts with.

let me explain. like it or not, we are all a product of the things we interact with on a daily basis and the experiences we gain from those experiences. whether its the lessons we learned from our parents as children, or the interaction we have with our friends on a daily basis, the way other people interact with us is fused with who we are and how we react, even if just on a subconscious level. now lets apply this to the boys. Keiths parents hated Tenebris, and treated Keith coldly as a result. This would be hard on anybody, but especially young children who arent able to really understand the complexities of the situation they were in. this would also continue to be a problem, due to the nature of their inseparability making it hard for either of them to make friends, Keith having difficulties because of Tenebris' existence in his life and Tenebris having difficulties because he's not human, and also presumably because he's not around all that much. this makes socializing hard to impossible for both of them, leading to the state we see Tenebris in in the Demo.

Presumably, Keith is the one who has taught Tenebris everything he knows about humans/the human world/ human customs, but theres still a lot of holes in his knowledge as we can see demonstrated by Tenebris thinking it is alright and normal to just,, show up in our house. There are things that Keith has forgotten to mention because he thinks of them as pure common sense, common sense that Tenebris doesn't have because he never had a social support network to allow him to develop common sense. Keith can't be expected to have explained everything to Tenebris perfectly, especially when Keiths own understanding of the world might be a little skewed.

Lets not forget that they are Both Yanderes, Keith's twisted idea of love may stem from his abandonment issues, but its still there. and considering that Keith is the one who teaches Tenebris everything, its no small wonder that their combined "love" for the MC was enough to put them in sync enough to co-exist completely.

basically what im getting at here is that Keith is the epitome of an unreliable narrator and having an unreliable narrator as your only consistent source of information about the world leads to a very fucked up idea about the world. im not saying that Keith would lie to Tenebris on purpose, i dont even know if he could since they read each others thoughts, but if the lie isnt on purpose then thats a whole different game.

anyway, yeah, Thoughts. once again, congratulations on the demo release!!

I've missed your huge theory asks, Cacti.

But the funny thing is, Tenebris wasn't born at the same time as Keith. Yeah, he was also a "kid" when he entered his body, but he also got a small amount of knowledge from his own species. He started out with a few prejudices, if you can call them that.

In truth, the two of them being together kinda resulted in Tenebris getting better and Keith getting worse :') Since Keith did his best to teach Tenebris compassion and empathy, things that he did not have. But the struggles and trauma he suffered along the way tore at Keith's mind.

As for the yandere tendencies. Well I don't wanna spoil anything for you guys.

[thithesandofferings]

“Open Wide”- Ogami Shirou x Reader

TW: 18+ MINORS DNI!! Dom!Shirou/Sub!FemReader, Comeplay, Choking, Voice Kink, Rough Sex, Praise Kink, Degradation, lil bit Size Kink SMUT!!

This is bad .

“Look at you Alan, I thought you said Purebloods didnt get Nirvalys Syndrome? Let me put in into you, before you lose your mind”

Who says stuff like that to the enemy? Ive never seen Shiro this angry before. Especially to say words like that. He barely speaks at all most days. Only when he absolutely has to. This should surprise me or- or stress me out but-

It's so hot.

Link to my Ao3 for this fic= https://archiveofourown.org/works/25414948

This is bad .

“Look at you Alan, I thought you said Purebloods didnt get Nirvalys Syndrome? Let me put it into you, before you lose your mind”

Who says stuff like that to the enemy? Ive never seen Shirou this angry before. Especially to say words such as that. He barely speaks at all most days. Only when he has to. This should surprise me or- or stress me out but-

It's so hot.

“Hey you! Look alive we gotta go!” Michiru yelled, startling me out of a downward spiral.

She was right. I had to get out of there before the place was destroyed to shreds. I could barely think. All I could think about was Shirou splitting that evil bastard's mouth open and putting his power inside it.

I couldnt help but feel jealous.

His wolf had such a presence on its own, how could I not be affected.

I needed to get it together, there were still people that needed to be saved. I shook my head and ran after Michiru towards Shirou. She was chattering excitedly, but I honestly couldnt understand anything she was saying. My eyes were on him.

He must’ve caught something in my gaze because he turned his attention to me.

“You okay?” His voice was gruff from exertion and I had to take a calming breath from the shiver that coursed down my spine. He caught that too.

“I should be asking you that Shirou” I looked away, but with a sideways glance I grumbled that he was, in fact, amazing. He raised his nose a notch, almost an afterthought,  and I could see him take a deep breath.

With his penetrating gaze solely on mine, I could feel my pulse jump and my temperature rack up a thousand degrees, I had to look away. He scoffed, almost smugly, and slid attention back to Michiru, who was still talking and running around. Something about having Shirou howl to the town.

We watched as he changed into his silver wolf form again to howl into the microphone. It was a beautiful site to see. Seeing all the animals completely stop what they were doing just to howl with him. Alan had no idea what he had been talking about.

Shirou had the Howl.

Michiro and I could only watch in awe. We were born human turned animals so we didnt have the innate instinct to go along with him. It was such an eye-opening experience, so much so that I felt a little empty at not being able to do it. Shirou looked so regal, the urge to fall on my knees in front of him was an encompassing feeling.

Shaking violently at the thought, I had to blow out a long soul-suffering sigh. Michiru glanced with eyebrows in an “are you okay” motion and I could only just nod.

What is going on with me? Where are my thoughts?

I had hoped that thoughts of Shirou would leave. The attention was of us and finally life was, in all intensive purposes, back to normal. Michiru was able to hang out with her fellow friends, and I- was able to start my work in the office.

Except, I could get nothing done.

Shirou was constantly in my peripheral, working on whatever case was in that week. But when he wasnt there, he was in my mind whispering in his growling voice about the things he could do to me.

I was dying.

There would be times where I would stare at a research book, never turning the page, just staring. It was becoming so hectic that Shirou asked if I needed time off.

“I know its been hard for everyone” Shirou had said. He had been in that leather jacket again. Who wears gloves inside? Why was it so hot?

Its not fair.

“What's not fair?” I looked up from his gloved hands and I could feel my heart rate sky rocket in panic.

I said that out loud.

His gaze is so piercing, it felt like he was staring into my soul. He was leaning on my door frame, completely relaxed. His usual bored expression was placed with something that was almost- teasing? Not that couldnt be right.

But it had been the same expression and mood for weeks now. His casual bumps and grins were so much that Ive had to actively avoid him before I had a heart attack. I wasnt in control of my emotions half the time, so any sort of embarrassment would make me change into my animal form. Even through his cold demeanor, it still seemed like he was laughing at me. I'm sure he could tell that I was flustered, especially when he turned into his wolf form. It always made my blood pressure go up and something slick slide down my thighs.

Which is what was happening now.

Oh no.

I prayed that he wouldnt notice anything amiss, but the world wasnt on my side. He lifted his nose up again and sniffed. It was as if he was trying to find someone miles away, but when he finally looked towards me, his pupils were wide open. Alert.

“You never answered my question.”

There was a hitch in my breath at that tone. That growl that Ive been dreaming about for weeks.

I’m so fucked.

“I-i uhm… sorry what?” I could feel myself blinking rapidly. I couldn’t get my thoughts in order. This was getting ridiculous.

“You humans are very odd,” Shirou rose up from the door, and for a moment I felt relief only to freeze when he closed my door.

With him still inside. We’re alone.

“You even more so.”

He walked slowly towards my desk. Well more like prowled. There was intent in his walk.

I’ve never felt more like prey than right now.

“I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at me” He’s whispering now. His gloved fingers gently spread out to the edge of my desk and he leans over it.

He’s so close.

“I smell you all day. Its intoxicating.” One hand lifts up and brushes my cheek, I know he can feel the heat.

“You’re the first human that I have ever wanted”

I froze.

Hes been feeling the same? From his expression and the dropping of at least two octaves, it was definitely confirmed.

“I- uh I want you too” My voice was hoarse from emotion. He could hear it just fine it seemed because if his pupils werent blown out before, they sure were now.

Shirou visibly licked his lips and I couldn’t help but follow the motion. He watched me watch him and he grinned, showing his fangs in satisfaction.

“Good because I plan to devour you. Stand up”

I could barely hear the order due to his growling. His ravenous expression was drowning me. I was swimming in heat and desire.

“I wont ask again”

Shirous’ voice snapped me back into reality and with shaky sweaty palms I pushed my chair away and stood. He never told me to move so I just stayed there. He seemed very pleased that I didn’t move.

Not like I could, I was barely able to breathe.

He stalked slowly around my desk until he was behind me, moving the chair completely across the room. It crashed into a plant and I jumped, still not moving an inch.

I could feel his breath across my nape and goosebumps coursed down my skin. I could feel him smelling my hair, breathing in the sweat that I felt that I was pouring out. I tried to move away, embarrassed, but I could feel his grip tighten and him growl at my into my neck.

“Stay still” He whispered. “You can be a good girl and do that for me right?”

I froze at the pet name. I’ve never heard him call me anything other than my last name. I couldn’t believe how it affected at me. I could feel myself become even more drenched.

He could tell.

“Oh? You like that huh?”

I felt his leathered hands slide slowly underneath my shirt and palm my breast. I gasped, my head falling on his shoulder at the groping. This was getting intense fast. I heard something tearing and tried to glance down only to have one of his hands press lightly at my neck. Holding me still.

Shirou shushed me, keeping his hand curled around my throat. Murmuring something about not needing this or that, I felt fabric fall at my feet and my chest became covered in hot leather. I let out a choked moan, only to have his grip tightened.

“You’re gonna have to be a quiet pup, you don't want all your colleagues to know what you're doing right?” He was so mocking, I couldnt help but feel flustered with how demeaning he sounded.

I nodded knowing I couldnt say anything in this position.

“Thats right, good girl, now go on bend over the desk” He slipped his hands away and disorientation readily slid back into my head.

I laid over my desk, paper be damned, and wrapped my hands over the edge to hold on. I heard him growl in confirmation at the act and I preened at the act of pleasing him.

I’ve never felt this way. I was completely ok with him taking the reigns. I didnt have many braincells left, I could barely think. All I could do was just do.

Shirou hands caressed my ass in appreciation, his ungloved hand (when had that happened?) made a purposeful track up to my waistband, hastily taking them off. I was completely soaked and hearing him swear obscenities definitely didnt help.

“I can’t wait to knot you, pup” I felt his weight against me, his bare chest completely covering my whole body. He was so warm, degrees hotter than his normal, his breath hot on my cheek as he licked my face from chin to forehead.

“The real question is,” he says through licks down my spine. “Which form do I want to take you hm?” I shivered violently at the thought of Shirou taking me in my wolf form. Outside of Anima city it is forbidden to have any of those kind of thoughts. But you couldnt help that you constantly thought about Shirou fucking you in his wolf form.

I could hear his deep chuckle at my spine. He knew my answer.

I felt him nose my wetness and my breath hitches. It didnt last for more than 5 seconds and I could hear myself grown out against the desk.

“I would love to taste you, but unfortunately we dont have that kind of time.” There was a zipping noise and I tensed, gushing even more at the thought of what it could be.

“I would need hours to be satisfied from your taste” He is suddenly in my ear. “But I plan to fuck you like you need it.”

I could hear myself mewling at the thought. I’ve been wanting this for weeks. I cant believe someone like Shirou even wants to touch me. Shirou, cool-mannered and distant, wants to fuck me five ways to Sunday is honeslty an eye opening experience.

There is a clicking sound and I gasped. I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didnt feel the fingers. I could feel myself clenching around and my mewling became even louder. Colleagues be damned.

There was an surprised hum from behind me.

“You’ve been touching yourself?” All I could do was nod embarrassed. He cooed sweetly and added 3 fingers inside of me.

“What were you thinking about? Were you thinking of me? Tell me” I gasped in affirmations. I couldnt take it anymore. I needed inside of me now.

I felt like I was going to die.

“P-please Shiro, I need it.”

“You need what pup?” He grinned savagely and I felt something hard and hot against me.

I wiggled in frustration. Only to have him laugh and hold my hips still. Using his strength to make me stay still.

I was going to have bruises.

“Please fuck me Shirou” I whispered into my shoulder. I knew he could hear me. I felt my chest tighten at the gasp and growl.

“Good girl.” I shivered and gasped as he pushed the head in with a savage force of his hips.

“I wont hold back pup” He laid his furry chest against my back “You might be ruined for any one else.”

“I dont want you to Shirou, give me your all”

A growl was heard and then the most intense feeling of my life was radiating through my whole body.

He thrusted so hard that I could hear the desk screeching. The other colleagues, if they were still there, would definitely hear it. I prayed that they weren’t gonna check to see if I was okay. I wouldnt be able to speak anyways. I’m pretty much holding on dear life on the desk. There was no way I was able to explain anything.

Shirou didn’t seem to care either. The constant growling and heavy breathing that was coming from him was telling.

“Youre so tight, I cant believe all of me fit inside of you” He groaned and all I could do was tighten around him, which made him go even faster. There was a crack from the desk, but I ignored it. All I could concentrate on was the heat and his cock bruising my insides.

“Mine mine mine MINE” He stopped abruptly and pulled out. Only to pick me up effortlessly and turn me around, my back hitting the desk.

He entered me again and with that the world was crashing around me. I’d never come so fast in my life. Watching him in his wolf form growl over me as he pounded me into the afterlife, I wasnt gonna last long.

Seemed like he wasnt either, his thrust got more savage and I got louder. He took his right hand and placed it at my throat again to cut off the noise.

“Be quiet while I shove my knot inside you, I need to concentrate” It made me fall again, shivering while he grinded his knot inside me. He came with a roar, tightening his hands on my throat, cutting off my sound.

“Shhhh, good girl, you did so good” He whispered praises to me while he continued to grind himself inside me. He lifted his hand and I gasped dazed.

He looked up at me and caught my disheveled appearance and grinned.

“Dont move, I’m not done.”

I returned the grin.

“Good Shirou, cause neither am I”

[marsandsaturn]

lu lu

• a little birthday gift to my favorite boy, hbd eren yeager.

• might also contain spoilers, manga and anime but this is set in a modern world

• also my period might be coming so thats possibly why i keep writing fics with pregnancy. its the baby fever lmao

• fic’s song: la la lu - peggy lee — lady and the tramp

fluff ; sexual themes ; female!reader ; kind of self-indulgent 🏃🏽‍♀️

possible spelling errors and that’ll be fixed eventually

characters: eren yeager, y/n l/n, daughter and some brief characters mentions

march 30, 20XX

the brunette was jealous. jealous of the relationship between mikasa’s cousin and eren’s girlfriend. he would never admit it but he was jealous of them.

they were very similar in many ways. the attitude, the workaholic nature, being reserved and quiet. but the icing of the cake was a bigger bond that personality.

they two shared a birthday. levi ackerman and y/n l/n were born on december 25. given that the former was like ten years older, the latter was overly excited to that she has found someone with the same birthday as her because it was rare. in her life she has known like one person but they never kept in contact.

the girl intended to befriend the male and the male didn’t object. he was fond of her personality and saw they were very similar. if they didn’t look completely different from each other, some could even say they were twins. they sure acted like siblings.

but it wasn’t that he was jealous of their closeness, he was like that with mikasa. the two childhood friends were very close. he was jealous of the fact their biggest bond was that they shared a birthday.

sure it was childish but growing up, he never had anyone that he was close with share a birthday with him. his birthday wasn’t rare like levi’s and y/n’s, given that they were born on a holiday. a few of his classmates shared a birthday with him. even a few celebrities like NF, celine dion, MC Hammer, had his birthday, but he wasn’t close with them. he voiced his jealously towards his girlfriend who just softly laughed at him and told him that one day he could get a birthday twin. he continued pouting but kept that wish. and around july, more specifically towards the end of july, he went camping with the group, upon camping they went star gazing and for the first time he saw a shooting star, like the one in the movies and books and he immediately began to wish. he wished for someone very important in his life to share a birthday with. that same night, he and his girlfriend gave each other soft kisses and sounds of love. normally he wasn't one to give into the temptations of sex when others were around, especially a large group. but tonight it just seemed right. his girlfriend was not feeling the best in her appearance and he decided to make love to her to show her just how much he loved her and how beautiful she was. after a few rounds of love making, they looked outside to see the stars, there another shooting star had appeared, he made the same wish, hopefully waiting for a third shooting star to appear. after all his girlfriends lucky number was the number three, and wasn't there a saying that third times a charm. "angel, you are the most beautiful girl in the whole galaxy" he didn't know why he mentioned space, but he knew he always had a liking for space, planets, and constellations. he thought they were fascinating and beautiful, which is why he compared them to her. as the third shooting star appeared he smiled as he made the same wish that night.

•• now it was around august were students were preparing for the new school year. thank god he graduated college and was a famous twitch streamer. he majored in arts and minored in business. and thank the heavens that his girlfriend also had graduated just a few months ago. she was two years younger than him, but just acted more mature than him.

she majored in creative writing and minored in english literature. she worked from home and wrote on her computer so most of the time if he wasn't doing a art project for a client or if he wasn't streamer, he was cuddling with her. often they would engage in sex but the female hadn't been feeling well. she had bad headaches, and fatigue. as well as feeling like she was dizzy or needing to faint. commonly, these were also signs of low blood sugar, and low blood pressure, which could happen to anyone, but to take precautions she admitted herself into the hospital for a check up. it never hurt to go to the hospital and check if everything was alright, that was what the female told the brunette, but he was still worried. when she had came home later that day she had some news to tell him. eren was in a frenzy wondering if his girlfriend was alright. but the moment he saw her smiling with tears on her face, a gut feeling told him that he was completely fine and that the pain she was having was going to give them both something wonderful.

“angel, what did the doctors say?”

“i guess having a little yeager around here wouldn’t be so bad now wouldn’t it!”

he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. when he lost his mother he lost a part of himself. he started doing drugs and underage drinking, excessively. he hooked up women and with men, his father despite not voicing his opinion, dislike him he way eren was acting. the say eren brought home y/n, grisha knew that she was the one for him. now eren knew he wasn’t the best person to be a father, but he wasn’t going to make sure that he was the best despite he past flaws.

together the two young adults went through the hardships of pregnancy. from the morning sickness, back pains, cravings. to the doctor appointment and the very intimate nights. but the moment he and his girlfriend were informed that they having a baby girl, well his whole world changed. he started buying match baby clothes tor him, his girlfriend and daughter. and began thinking of names.

“y/n have you thought of any names for baby yeager?”

“not yet, lover, why have you?”

“no i was just asking”

the brunette had a name in mind but he knew that she should choose the name rather than him.

“eren, what the fuck are you thinking, spill it out mister”

“i have a name i like but i don’t know if you are gonna choose it”

“eren she’s your daughter too. if you want, you pick the first name and i choose the middle name”

his world also changed when they found out the due date. his baby girl would be born into the world on march 30, 20XX. his birthday. he may have shed a few tears but he wouldn't actually admit to the tears that were running down his face. for once he was going to share a birthday with someone he would love just as much as he loved his girlfriend. his own daughter was going to be his birthday twin. his little girl. this man who had anger issues and constantly pain was just crying at the thought that he was going to have two favorite girls now. •• finally after 9 months, his little girl was here. he was scared that the little one who arrive days before or days after, even almost a month before or a month after. his girlfriend originally wasn't supposed to be born on december 25 but somehow she was. but here she was, on his birthday, right out of her mothers stomach and into their arms. he couldn't really tell but her skin looked more pale but it was probably because she was just born. hopefully she'll get y/n's skin tone or possible his, either way his girl would be beautiful. now when deciding her name it was fairly easy for the both of them. the night they made love to each other towards the end of july last year, it was also the same night, it was also a full moon. the moon shined so brightly that whenever he saw it reflect onto his lovers face, his heart just swelled. in that moment he promised himself and his mother who was hopefully in a place of piece, that he would marry her. luna cortés yeager. luna—is an italian and spanish given name of latin origin. the name meant moon. cortés—is a surname of spanish and portuguese origin. it was derived from the old french, corteis or curteis, meaning 'courteous’ or ‘polite’ and is related to the english curtis.

“luna cortés yeager, born on March 30”

The first time he held her he cried. and his baby snuggled closer to him, trying to grab onto his t-shirt. he then returned luna to her mother who was resting after many hours of pushing the small bundle of joy out. eren admired his girlfriend for being strong during the whole labor. it had hurt his heart to see her crying in pain and shaking from anxiety, but he knew that in the end she would do it again. maybe not now, but possibly in a few years.

“happy birthday eren” she smiled sheepishly, cuddling her newborn and holding her boyfriends hand. he brought up a chair nexy to her and kissed her knuckles as if she were a queen. in his eyes she was the queen, and his daughter was the princess to his king. sure it was a bit cheesy, but at this moment he could care less. his fantasy of having his own yeager family and birthday twin came true.

••

eren looked toward the window outside and look towards the night sky. this time there wasn’t a full moon but the moon was still beautiful.

“mom, i hope you know i started a full on life with the person i love the most. granted, i love you the most, but i don’t think you mind sharing that title with y/n right?.” yeah carla didn’t mind. she knew that he would have to have a new person that loved the most. and she was glad it you.

luna “lulu” cortés yeager was a birthday gift eren yeager would never forget.

elizabeth actually finishing a fic? wow 😳 like like my drafts are unfinished work. like the mikasa disney fic that i have to rewrite because i hate how it turned out. but this is for my baby eren yeager

hbd my love, literally one of my favorite mc ever.

[yellowbluemoonshine]

The Wrong Way to Put Out Fire

I wanna talk about some details about Touya, Todoroki family and the different situtions Touya and Shouto had.

Touya is introduced us as innocent, nice kid who just wants to enjoy his father.

Thats actually first difference we saw between Touya and Shouto. Sometimes children fond of one of their parents more than other one. For Touya, he was daddy’s boy. Shouto is more like mommmy’s boy. (Even their clothes are parallels. Fire, ice. Daddy, mommy.)

And let me say this;

This marriage was wrong to begin with. Quirk marriage, the fact that Endeavour decided to put his ambitions on his children is wrong.

But as a first born, for Touya, his family was normal. Children dont magically understand what is right or wrong.

He simply saw that he got his father’s attention and it made him really really happy. Training was the bond he had with his father. Touya’s thoughts probably like; I am daddy’s son, my father is really happy when i become more strong etc etc.

Even he realize his family is different from other people, he probably simply thought that it might be different but its their thing. This is why we saw Touya as happy. Touya felt special when he got his father’s all attention.

And Touya saw his mother is okay with it. He probably saw that many times even when father being disrespectfull, mom doesnt seem to mind that much. This is probably why he starts to looks down on his mother too. Its just children dont respect adults who dont respect theirselves. If child think he can get away with it, they would simply do it. Mommy allows daddy to be the boss of the house, mommy allows daddy’s to be disrespectfull to herself so its ok to disrespectfull to mommy too. Thats how children think in those situtions.

What was Shouto’s difference then?

Shouto as last born, he never think his family is normal or this sitution is okay cause when Shouto is born, everyone in family already starts to break down. Mommy wasnt okay at all.

Endeavour put his own ambitions on Touya’s shoulders, he gave him impossible expectations which is literally name of the chapter. Wrong way to put out the fire. Those impossible expectations is abuse, btw.

Everything started cause Endeavour put out fire on wrong place, his family.

And after Touya failed, he was thrown away. Touya probably felt like; his father took him to the highest hill of the building, made him feel special but then threw him down.

Touya started to get the attention he had at first place to the point he started to burn himself over and over again. Look at how terryfying he looks when his brothers were born...

At this point, he understand he is replacable which made him question why was he born at first place.

Of course, Touya wouldnt listen Endeavour when he said ‘there is a life outside of being a hero’ cause Endeavour himself doesnt live his life like that. Children arent stupid, they observe adults’s actions too. Endeavour’s words condract with his actions thats why his words didnt reach out to Touya.

Touya was in a lot of pain to the point his heigh stopped growing (Look how he is shorter than his siblings), burns himself, his hair starts to change probably cause he used his quirk too much, he even starts to pull his hair which is sign of suicide. He was literally small kid who was mentally breaking down and he expressed his pain every way he can do but he was ignored.

Fuyumi-chan didnt understand him. Natsuo-kun doesnt listen him either. (Touya thought Fuyumi-chan didnt understand her cause she is girl but the reason she and Natsuo doesnt understand is they didnt have the same expectation at first place.)

And mommy is at fault too cause she is the one who allowed daddy to raised him like this at first place. She is the one the accepted this marriage, she is responsible too.

For a child, to be understood is very important thing but they didnt get it. He realized his siblings dont understand him. Even though, Touya was so mentally unstable to the point he attack his baby brother, his parents still didnt get him help or didnt specifically take care of him, instead they constantly ignore him. They kept telling him to forget what happenned and look other way.

This is exactly why Touya couldnt hold on something else cause in deep, he knows only way to be seen is prove himself.

For Touya, his mother didnt there for him. His mother allowed this to happen too. This is why his situtions are opposite of Shouto’s.

Touya thought family is normal, his daddy loves him, this is why training was fun.

This is why he end believing everything Endeavour taught him. Even he uses same words, literally in same chapter.

‘I live in different world from others.’

Shouto realized family isnt normal and father is the one who make everyone unhappy. This is why he hated training cause he realized father is forcing him.

For Touya, mother wasnt there for him and ignored his pain.

For Shouto, his mother was there for him, this is why she became his emotional support.

This is also why Shouto tried to protect mom cause Rei at this point was really in pain and she was reaching her breaking point. Mommy is there for me, i love mommy but dad make mommy upset, dad is the bad guy here.

Meanwhile for Touya, he didnt really see his mom as sad, he saw her being okay with sitution, thats why he probably think that the way Endeavour treat her as normal cause she accepted this sitution.

All those opposite situitons made them think opposite way. Not because one is good or bad, its just they had different kind of abuse. (Also hair symbolism is nice parallel too).

Though despite opposite situtions, they were also similar too. They were so cold child soldiers who only think about getting revenge from father, just opposite way cause Shouto has.

Touya waited his father to come forest to watch him but Endeavıur didnt come until Touya was burn to death.

Touya’s death wasnt just an accident but its both also suicide and murder. Touya was suicidal, he kept burning himself but parents didnt look at him and Endeavour is the one who push him this mental state. Even Touya says himsef;

 ‘After all, the only  thing he taught me was how to turn up the heat’

Touya had to burn and reborn to get daddy’s attention again but even after his death, he was hardly mentioned by his family. I mean if Dabi never become a villain, they wouldnt even discuss this case as family.

And i honestly dislike how Todoroki handle this sitution.

Rei says everyone is responsible but Shouto, Fuyumi and Natsuo were children, its not their fault. Rei is at fault for not being there for Touya and Endeavour is the most at fault for making Touya mentally unstable. I hate how children carry the mistakes of Endeavour, it wasn their fault.

And with their talk, they made it sound like Shouto is better than Touya cause look, he became a hero and he forgave them!

I mean, Shouto didnt have much choice cause Endeavour forced him to be a hero. Even Endeavour wasnt there, Shouto had emotional support (mom) and inspiration (allmight) to be hero, he also has strong qurik so no wonder he can be hero, you know. But Touya didnt have any of it. He didnt have emotional support, inspiration to be better or strong quirk.

Not even need to mention how both Early-Shouto and Dabi obsess with revenge, cold child soldiers who dont pay attention to people around them. Just Shouto was in better environment and then he met Deku and he started to heal.

Even Shouto saw himself in Dabi, how he could be like him but he was lucky to be saved. Even their wound smbolically shows their pain. For Shouto, it was boiling water but for Touya, it was very strong fire that will burn him to dush.

Yeah, Dabi is villain but even so. To Deku, Shigaraki is completely stranger but he still thoguht that he needs to be saved. Meanwhile, Todoroki family knew what happenned to Touya. They are personally involved with him but i found it weird it how they didnt mention about ‘saving him’.

I mean maybe thats what they will try eventually but still....i think heroes are good, villains are bad sitution contnues even in this sitution cause they say Dabi is the one who needs to be stopped and Endeavour is the one who take a hand.

Shouto needs to offer that hand to Dabi, not Endeavour cause the one who needs to be saved is Dabi/Touya, not Endeavour. 

Not to mention how Best Jeanist and Hawks coldy listen sitution.

I guess, even after this, they still dont really look at Dabi’s pain cause if they saw it, at least they would talk about helping him more than stopping him...what a tragedy.

Touya, after everything he had been through is still ignored, even by his own family, remind me of Tenko’s sitution :’))).

[princeanxious]

Trust is a Fragile, Fickle Demon.

Pairing: Analogical

Fandom: Sanders sides

Warnings: hurt/comfort, happy ending, mentions of childhood trauma, mentions of mental abuse, mentions of abusive parent, mentioned of past betrayed trust, trust issues, let me know if i missed anything!

Wordcount: 1.9k words

(A/n): this is sort of a short one, idk that im very proud of it, its written a little differently than I normally write so let me know if ya’ll like it? I tried!

Trust was something earned, gained, given, not expected. At least, to Logan, thats how it’d always been. The omega had learned young the mistake of trusting anyone so readily, a freely given token of connection that only served to hurt him in the long run.

Even now, Logan was aware his upbringing had been slightly rougher than his common peers. His therapists all readily, or subtly, pointed out that his alcoholic alpha of a single father who never should have been a parent to begin with was undoubtedly the root cause of many of his issues.

First of all of them was the lasting trauma of the emotional abuse he’d endured as a child and teenager. Never smart enough, never quiet enough, never clean enough. He was never enough, he was never going to be enough. He was a weak, broken, and useless omega in his father's eyes, and would never amount to anything more. And while he never wanted to believe it, often said he never believed any of it, he could only confidently say he didn’t truly believe even just part of it by the time he was 23.

Another was that he’d never been given any freedom to do as he pleased when he was younger. He never got to visit friends or do anything more fun than read at the library(and boy did he read any chance that he got back then). His first real social outing was when Roman, his then longtime college roommate and current best friend, had playfully offered for him to come join him to go buy icecream at midnight. But, that story is better saved for a different time.

All you need to know is that, that midnight ice cream became a bi-weekly routine, and the other omega learned more about Logan than he thought he’d ever get out of the closed off nerd that night. Perhaps one could even go so far to say that Roman was the reason Logan ever even dared to go to a therapist in the first place.

Logan had become very stunted from the childhood neglect he’d endured. Omegas had many self-soothing mannerisms built into their primal instincts to comfort themselves when stressed, like purring when upset(was well as when happy or content!) and nesting to decompress or hide in a safe zone when stressed. And well, Logan had pretty much stifled his purring by the time he was 14, and.. Completely stopped nesting by the time he was 9.

There had been no point, and both had become increasingly dangerous to do as he grew older. Anytime his father caught him purring, the Alpha would berate him for being ungrateful, seeing it as a weakness. And no matter how well he’d try to hide his safety nests, his father would inevitably find them and destroy them. Far too many afternoons were ruined when he came home to find his father in a drunken stupor and his newest safe haven wrecked beyond repair, and stinking to high heaven of alcohol and aggressive, angry alpha pheromones.

So he gave up. He gave up trying to make the nests in hopes for comfort, in hopes for a safe haven to hide away. The longest he’d gotten was hiding away in his closet for periods of a time before his father decided it didn’t deserve a closeable door anymore.

Roman had been horrified, and promptly dragged the other omega into his own nest in distress. They spent hours like that, Logan sobbing and tucked up tenderly into Roman’s protective embrace as the omega purred and crooned comfortingly enough for the both of them.

It would be Roman to encourage Logan to begin nesting again. They’d made a whole day out of it, going out and buying brand new nesting materials along with comfort food and rented movies. Slowly but surely, Logan rebuilt his nest for the first time in a little over 10 years, and he was in heaven. And day by day, every time he came home to it intact and undisturbed, Logan’s psyche was assured just a little more that the nest was safe, that he was finally safe.

And no one could really be surprised that Logan became viscerally protective of his nest, even more so than the average omega, at that. The first time they realized this, one of their mutual friends, a beta named Patton, had suddenly come close to his nest in excitement over the new addition. Logan had snarled loudly and aggressively before he’d even processed moving to guard his nest from the approaching threat. When Patton had taken multiple careful steps back in shock, Logan finally snapped out of the defensive mindset and realized what had happened. He’d apologized profusely, and was quick to try and make amends.

Patton understood the justified reaction after some light explanation and waved off the apologies immediately. Logan, though mortified at his own surprising lapse in control, was grateful that there had at least been no hard feelings in the end.

Safe to say, their friend group and subsequently any new friends made in the future would be warned, “Don’t approach, or touch, Logan’s nest.” And it was fine. Things were even looking up, Logan had started truly healing, and trusting people started to become a little less difficult!

So it would really come as a surprise to everyone, let alone Logan himself, when he started developing a small crush on the kind and patient(if a little anxious) Alpha who nearly daily visited the library Lo worked at to study. It was an honest shock, but, perhaps it wasn’t the worst thing in the world..?

Logan had never seriously considered dating another until Virgil came around, and the prospect of dating an alpha was frankly terrifying. But, Virgil was nice, he was caring and gentle with him, and yet unwaveringly respectful. He’d listen to Logan ramble about stars for hours and never interrupt him, only asking questions when Logan’s voice lulled or allowed him to speak. Virgil encouraged this, wanting Logan to open up and ramble and talk without fear of being shut down.

Roman had told Logan it was obvious Virgil was crushing hard on Logan, that they both had it bad for one another it seemed. Of course, nothing had to come of it if Logan didn’t want it to! But the thing was, he did. He did want something to come of it, if at the very least they could just remain friends.

It took a few more months, but Virgil eventually worked up enough confidence to ask Logan out, and the unwavering, almost immediate ‘Yes,’ had almost taken Virgil off guard. They wouldn’t share their first kiss for another few weeks, but neither of them minded.

Virgil slowly but surely was given the whole story, and expressed his own quiet outrage in the form of promising to never let that happen again, nor let Logan’s father near him again. It was a protective sentiment that almost scared Logan, but the protectiveness was born out of love and compassion, not selfishness and hate. So he let it slide, and contently tucked himself into Virgil’s warm embrace with a soft “thank you,” and the first very soft but very happy purr that he’d let out in years.

This alpha, he’d find him telling himself a year and a half into their relationship, this alpha was the one that would be allowed into his nest.

It didn’t bother Virgil personally, that he wasn’t allowed into his omega’s nest. No one was allowed near the nest except him, and even then he still got growled at plenty. He was completely aware that Logan had a deep instinctual fear of the destruction of his nest, sewn by the only parent he’d had growing up doing just that out of malice. Logan had made strides in his journey of healing though. The omega was confident in himself, and refused to be pushed aside or spoken over. Logan was highly independent, even during his heats, which made Virgil feel all the more love for him to be let into his omegas life.

Logan wasn’t dependent on him like society demanded he be, and Virgil didn’t mind in the slightest, because he knew Logan. He loved this omega and knew said omega loved him back. That was all that mattered to either of them.

It took another half a year before Logan finally tried breaking down some of his protective walls over his nest. He was tired, so tired of the separation. Having Virgil's scent heavily entwined with objects in his nest wasn’t enough anymore. At two years into their relationship, Logan’s instincts didn't feel the need to growl at Virgil for being near his nest anymore. He wanted Virgil in his nest, and that thought was jarring to realize.

And when he’d brought it up, Virgil had been quick to assure him that he didn’t have to force himself to let Virgil in, that Logan’s safe space was sacred and he never wanted Logan to feel pressured by anything to let him in.

Perhaps Logan kissed him soundly after that, and was reminded just how much he really loved Virgil. Virgil's insistence for Logan's comfort coming first only made him want to pull his alpha into his nest that much more.

But still, he agreed to take it slowly. Every day, Virgil would scoot a little closer to the edge of the nest, would hold Logan’s hand and stroke his hair, even sometimes daring to slowly lean over and kiss him with prior warning.

It took a full week to really prove to Virgil during their progress that they were ready to take this next step, that Logan truly and fully trusted Virgil and wanted him in his nest.

And when it finally happened, they’d made a little date out of the occasion, setting up snacks and candy, ordering take out and lining up a few documentaries to watch on Virgil’s laptop, getting into their nightclothes.

Virgil had been beyond nervous, and Logan understood why. They managed to soothe each other as everything fell into place, and Logan carefully walked Virgil step by step into his nest. With careful movements, they sat down and Virgil let himself be carefully arranged as he was leaned back into the nest. It took a second for Logan to finish tucking things against Virgil and pull a weighted comforter over them before he finally settled himself onto Virgil’s chest.

Despite their original nervousness towards the idea, everything felt right, now. Logan felt so unbelievably safe now that he was tucked into his alpha’s arms within the cocoon of his nest. It was amazing in its own right. And it takes Virgil chuckling lovingly for Logan to notice just how content they both are.

“You’re purring like crazy, L,” he murmurs with a smile, running his fingers up and down Logan’s rumbling back, “If you’re not careful you might fall asleep before we even get through the first documentary.” Logan just grins back, tilting his head to peck Virgil on the cheek.

“I see no downside to that, V, considering I’ll be falling asleep in my alpha’s safe embrace. What more could I ever want?”

Virgil flusters and hides his face in Logan’s hair as the omega laughs, hugging the other closer. Logan eventually does fall asleep in the middle of the second documentary, cuddled close and relaxed.

And really, there was no other place Logan would rather be.

[anythingandeverything1d]

I’m having your baby..

Part 1: Congratulations

---

Harry’s name and photo popped up on your screen as he called. “Harry?” you answered anxiously.

“Hey, uh do you have a minute?”

You walked into the kitchen looking for an excuse. You just weren't ready to have this talk yet. “Uhmm actually I was just about to-”

“(y/n) seriously we need to talk.” Harry sounded annoyed and you didn't like that. Normally on the phone with you he was happy and cheeky, telling jokes, and asking a million questions. This conversation just seemed so dry, so unlike him. It seemed like he was scolding you almost.

“I guess I have a minute...” you mumbled sitting on the barstool in the kitchen. “What seems to be the problem Harold?” you gave the attitude right back, not in the mood for one of his mood swings.

“Well I was thinking maybe we should talk about the things I’m currently being tagged in online. The articles about you. Specifically about you being pregnant. Don’t you think thats something we might need to discuss?”

You were twirling your hair through your fingers anxiously and wondered if he was doing the same...even though he sounded more mad than anxious. “I mean I don't know is it? If anyones pregnant, not saying I am or anything, but it's me and not you who's actually affected so what's the big deal? You can still go off and live your life, touring the world, singing, writing albums in complete isolation, and then hooking up with random girls you meet at the bar. Living your best rock star life Harry. You know what? I have a question for you. Why do these things, these articles, these tweets, and stories about me bother you now. It's been weeks, you haven't even called or texted. You probably haven't thought about me either. Actually, haven't you moved on by now? Isn’t it that time where you find someone new, someone better, someone more fit in managements eyes, someone your fans will approve of?” You bit down on your lip while holding back tears. This is not where you wanted this to go but here it was. There was no going back now. Harry had opened a door he probably hadn't meant to.

Harry sighed into the phone and cleared his throat before speaking again. “All I want to know is if you're pregnant and if the baby is mine. That’s it. It’s an easy and quick answer (y/n).”

“Fuck you Harry.” He was pissing you off now. He was acting like nothing mattered and like getting pregnant was your fault. “I am pregnant with your baby but guess what it’s none of your damn business.” you hung up and dropped the phone on the counter, tears rushing down your cheeks. Why did he have to be like that? Didn’t he think that this was hard on you too? Didn’t he understand that you were panicking. Panicking about having a baby, growing a baby inside you, caring for the baby alone, telling people that you were about to become a single parent, affording everything the baby would need. The list continued to grow things that just would not work out. Your hands drifted to your lower stomach to where the baby was growing. Something about it comforted you at the same time. It made you feel less alone, less like Harry had left, and more like a part of him was still with you and for now, that was enough to remind you that a baby is a blessing no matter the situation. You would figure the rest out eventually.. it’ll all work out...just give it time. These are the thoughts rushing through your head as the tears stopped. You were not about to let Harry destroy this moment for you. You walked upstairs and into the guest bedroom where you laid out the onesie and binkie on the bed. “This is going to be your room little one...I’ll make sure its perfect by the time you get here. I promise.” 

After calming down a little you went to bed and pretty much stayed there until noon which is when you called Luke and asked him to come over. You wanted to talk things over with a rational voice, and well he was the only one other than Harry that knew you were pregnant. His noisy truck pulled up to your driveway and he ran inside trying to avoid the rain. “Hey you.” he said setting a large bag of food on the counter. “I grabbed some Chinese food, figured you might be hungry.”

You smiled and kissed his cheek. “Thanks, I don't think I’ve actually eaten anything all day.”

“Well thats not going to help you grow a baby...” he was digging into a box of rice, attempting to use his chop sticks. 

“I guess you're right...I should probably look into what diet changes I’ll need to go through.”

“Isn't getting pregnant like an excuse to eat whatever you want whenever you want?”

“I mean kind of but no” you laughed and grabbed some chicken from one of the containers. “I’ll still have to watch what I’m eating so I don't get diabetes or get fat...I don't want to look terrible once the baby is here...I’m already getting all the hate for being pregnant let alone for being fat afterwards.”

Luke shook his head, dropping the chopsticks and using the fork. “Babies naturally cause you to gain weight, thats nothing to be ashamed of. Plus, I read some of those articles and I wouldn't say its hate. Most people are excited for you. And for Harry. I’m guessing he knows now?”

You nodded and dropped your head to the counter. “He knows. Doesn’t change anything though does it? He’s still not here, we are still not together, and he's still on tour doing whatever he wants.” Luke rubbed your shoulder and you looked up, more tears in your eyes as you thought about the situation again. You started crying and Luke squeezed your shoulder. You looked up at him sobs now echoing through your chest. “I just-I just miss him so much. I-I’m all alone too.”

“I know (y/n)...I know.” Luke wiped the tears and smiled. “It’ll get easier. I promise. I mean its only been a few weeks and I’m sure the baby thing makes you think about him a little more but you know what? If he’s not here to see this baby grow, be born, and live, then that’s on him. Youre going to be an amazing mother and Harry’s involvement or noninvolvement won't change that. And you are NOT alone. I’m right here with you, and I’ll be at every doctors appointment, meeting, birthing class, whatever you need me for. I’ll be there.” You smiled and Luke looked relieved. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too (y/n).” He hugged you tightly and you returned the favor, your chin resting on his shoulder. “Now, are you ready to down some of this food and watch a movie?”

You nodded and ate another piece of chicken. Luke returned to his chopsticks and the two of you ate pretty much everything. You stood up laughing and lifting your shirt. “I guess I have an excuse for looking a little chubby after eating far too much. My food baby is an actual baby too.”

Luke laughed and shook his head, “You never look chubby though.” 

You rolled your eyes and followed him into the living room. The two of you cuddled up on the couch and under loads of blankets. You decided to watch The Parent Trap, something you both hadn't seen in a while, but you quickly fell asleep, exhausted from everything that day. You snuggled into Luke and he tightened his grip on you. The next thing you know, someone is pounding on your door. Luke who had also fallen asleep sat up confused. “Are you expecting anyone?” You rubbed your eyes shaking your head no. He stood up and walked to the door, opening it a bit to look out. You glanced at the clock, it was almost 3 am, why was anyone at your door. “I don't think this is a good time..” you heard Luke harshly whisper. You stood up and walked over to the door. Your heart sped up, your stomach did flips, and your mouth dropped open. Harry was standing on your doorstep, dripping wet, and shivering. 

“Harry?”

“Of course you're here with him.” he shook his head and turned around.

“Yeah he’s my friend, why wouldn't I hang out with him?” you snapped back following him outside. The rain was pouring, instantly soaking your clothes. The wind blowing was freezing your skin but you were mad now. “When has me and Luke hanging out ever been a problem? I’ve known him since I was 10, he's my best friend, he's- he's like my brother.” Harry had stopped and was watching you. His lip was between his teeth and his hair covering his eyes from being so wet. You glanced behind you and Luke had gone back inside, giving you the privacy you knew you needed. “Why are you here Harry? It’s super late, its wet, and its cold and-”

He ran his hands through his hair, slicking it back so he could look at you better. “Why do you think I’m here?” You crossed your arms across your stomach and frowned. Harry sighed and stepped closer. “Theres no way in hell that you carrying my baby isn't my business. How could you even think that? How could you even think I wouldn't be here for everything, for the appointments and well whatever else you need. I know it wasn't our plan and I know we are going through something but I want to be here. For you and for the baby.”

You had tears in your eyes but thankfully the rain was washing them away. You nodded and looked down. “Harry-”

“(y/n) please...let me be there-here let me help. It’s my baby too.” He stepped closer and moved your hands away from your stomach. He got down on his knees, gently touched your belly and wiped his nose. He was crying too. Normally people crying made you uncomfortable and nervous, but Harry crying was one of the saddest things ever. He looked like a sad angel and that hurt you more than anyone would know. You instinctively reached out and touched his hair, wiping it away and wrapping your fingers in the curls. Harry looked up and smiled. “I cant believe it...theres a little baby in there. Its 50% you and 50% me..thats so crazy.”

You smiled and nodded, you had thought the same thing earlier today. “I uh- I have a picture. A picture of the baby. It’s inside if you want to maybe see it..” Harry looked surprised but extremely happy. He nodded and you led him back inside to the kitchen. Luke was sitting at the table drinking a cup of tea confused by the fact that Harry was in your house. “It’s right here..” you showed him the black and white image magneted to the fridge. 

“Its so tiny.” Harry looked in amazement and smiled. Luke was in the background mocking Harry and so you shot him a look. “Thats like our baby.” He wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you into a tight hug. Your nose burying in his soaking wet t-shirt. You wrapped your hands around him and smiled. It was okay to give in every now and then right? Might as well enjoy while its here? Harry wiped his nose again and you stepped back with a smile. 

“Are you okay?” you asked, your hand lingering next to his.

“Yeah its just a lot to take in..like the fact that I am going to be a dad..it’s just crazy.” Luke snorted and Harry looked over at him annoyed.

“I understand the feeling.” you touched his hand and his eyes shot back to yours with a small smile.

“I’m sorry I wasnt there for you yesterday...I should've known..I should've-”

“Harry...”

“This is insane.” Luke walked over annoyed. “(y/n) what are you doing? What happened to the ‘Im a strong independent woman I don't need him’ vibe?”

Harry shot Luke a glance to which Luke responded. “I am strong and I don't need him...” Harry looked upset, hurt flashing through his eyes. You continued on, “I don't need him but I want him here...I want him to be there for the baby..”

Harry smirked and nodded. “I want to be there. For the baby and for you. I promise...I’ll be there for everything if you want me to be...I just want to get to see the baby grow and become like an actual baby. Just tell me what to do. Tell me I can be a part of this with you..”

You smiled and hugged him. “Of course I want you to be a part of everything. This is your baby too.”

Luke stood up frustrated and gave you a look. You stepped out of Harry’s arms and towards Luke. He shook his head and laughed. “I’m gonna go. I’l talk to you later (y/n).” 

“Luke-”

“Not now.” Luke grabbed his jacket and then walked out, leaving you and Harry alone for the first time in weeks. 

Harry sat down with a pleased expression on his face and you frowned. You don't know why Luke was acting like that. You didn't even know what caused the fight but for some reason it really really upset you. Tears fell down your cheeks again and Harry looked concerned. He walked over and pulled you into his chest, “What’s wrong love?”

“I just don't know why Luke is acting like that. Like why is he mad at me? I didn't do anything.” 

Harry wiped a tear and smiled, “it’s not you...he just has to figure things out and come to terms with the fact that I’m here and I’m staying. It’ll be okay.”

“Promise you won't leave me?”

“Promise. I’m here for good- well for the next 18 years anyways.” 

“You better be.” you yawned. It was now almost 4:30 am and you were falling asleep. 

“I will be” Harry whispered. “Come on, lets get you into bed.” Harry helped you upstairs and pulled back the covers.  You changed into some dry clothes and walked over and climbed in. Just the way you liked, Harry tucked you in. 

You yawned again and he smiled, moving the hair that had fallen to your eyes. “I’ll uh-I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“Harry, wait.” You looked over at him again. “Change into something dry and get in..please? I just sleep better well not alone..” Harry nodded and dropped his wet clothes to a pile on the floor. He rummaged through your closet, finding the one thing Harry had left- by accident by the way. It was just a t-shirt but he smiled and threw it on, climbing into his side of the bed. You rolled over and smiled, trying to keep your eyes open. “Thank you for staying.”

He kissed your forehead and smiled. “Anytime love..” Your eyes closed and Harry scooted in closer, rubbing your arms slowly with his fingers. It was easy to say, you had the best night of sleep you had since Harry had left the first time. His scent, his touch, everything. It just made you sleep so much better and for that you were insanely grateful for that reason- and of course the fact he wanted to be part of the babies life. 

---

Part two, let me know what you think!

Part 3: Plum Sized

[aprito]

hello <3 since i got these asks at the same time i decided to combine my thoughts on them in this post. yet another annoying sjw essay from yours truly on this blog 

before i get into these i think i need to preface why im like. i guess overly hyperfocused on a certain unproblematic base (same age au / platonic canon) for them and avoid the ped0philic content like the plague lol

tw for pedophilia ment, rape ment if that makes you squicky. ALSO THIS IS LONG AND RAMBLY

as i’ve mentioned a couple times already, ive been into the ship since i was 12, back when it was very very common to not only post untagged (nsfw) canonverse content of the two in writing and in drawing but also non con and the like, so you can imagine how bad my first impression online was. thinking back on it ...as a child i found it disturbing but didnt really register how problematic it really was?? (i know, but i also lived in the middle of nowhere and had no one explain this to me) 

skip to 2014 aka me coming back to naruto at 17ish and i had kinda become hyper aware of the fact that there was an increasing amount of people online who had come forward with explaining how fictional problematic content, mostly pedophilia, had been used to groom them into starting relationships with adullts. it was also a time where a lot of people didnt believe these victims, not registering how common it was for minors to be online friends with adults who had no boundaries and no qualms exposing them such content. not gonna get into my personal life here but i was lucky to not having gone through this myself. like... it kinda was my first time truly realising how fiction can EASILY be used to manipulate others irl (and yes i will not argue this, if you dont think fictional media can form and manipulate people’s opinions on attitudes, countries, cultures and virtues, pick up a book about the effects of propaganda media at least once please) 

i, being young, still liking the dynamic but not really the romance, would point this out here and there in the fandom and get into fights with grown adults in their mid 20s who assumed i automatically hated the ship(s) and tried to restrict their freedom of speech or whatever, heard everything from the “age of consent doesnt exist in naruto” to the “sasori looks like a child what does it matter” despite people clearly playing on him being older and experienced. it made me so upset that people were just consuming all this content uncritically and exposing children to it tbh?? not really just sos but a lot of minor/adult ships in naruto in general. and thats where i sat down and thought, i do not want to be a grown adult talking down to children that point out how unsafe the fandom is. theyre absolutely right in drawing these boundaries and calling out adults who defend the uncritical consumption and creation of this content. i do not want to consume or create content that predators could use to groom minors, and i absolutely do want to let younger people in fandom know that i am respecting their comfort zones and want them to have a safe and fun experience. after all, naruto is not an adult show and i think a lot of people forget that!!!! i am not perfect in that regard but its something that i, at the age of 23, am very passionate about and strive towards to.

and i guess thats where same age au was born for me and i have been sticking to it ever since. 

so finally we can move to the first question 

aside from the fact that we both dont like canon sos, i dont think it would work out even if i wasnt prejudiced to it anyways. in all honesty, 35 year old canon sasori is not a redeemable character to me, given the fact that he’s easily amongst the cruelest villains in naruto (torturing and killing and taxiderming people for his own fun personal gain, never for a goal that served anyone but himself. how do you redeem having over 300 corpses in your backpack that you felt absolutely no remorse for killing). sasori was legit one of the only cruel villains that didnt had someone else pull the strings, which sends a clear message on kishi’s part, who absolutely loves to redeem villains LOL.

being that old, he obviously had already been very manifested in what he believed in, even if it was shakey, to the point where the first crack in that world view (sakura and chiyo protecting each other) immediately had him give up on his life all together. that, in my opinion, is not a man who’s going to know what healthy relationships would look like, regardless of it being romantic or not. 35 year old sasori to me has the same appeal as an expired can of tuna and he’s probably very happy 6 feet under. he’s supposed to be a failed gaara in that sense that he had no one to look out for him and therefore was never going to experience anything but a bad ending in life. its fine that hes dead honestly, it wraps up his short character development the best IMO.

adding to that, seriously, sakura was obviously interested in knowing why he was that way, and called him out for being seriously fucked in the head, but it’s weird to me that people assume she had any interest in actively rehabilitating him, let alone starting a serious romantic relationship with him. sakura who’s not only very, uhm, immature and straight forward when it comes to her romantic viewpoints also, as a big bootlicker, wouldnt soil her standing in the village by starting anything with a disgraced and far too gone criminal like sasori. shipping that version of sasori with sakura intimately is still going to set her up for a huge power imbalance that would be difficult to handle imo, even if she was the one in the fight ultimately exerting her power over him. i would still look at it and think damn she deserves better than having to play therapist for man like that lol.

additionally, even if you ignored all of this, you cant really ignore that sasori had already known her as a child, and that had been his first and most impactful impression of her. i dont think that sasori would look at 35 year old sakura and see her as a grown woman and not the little green girl she was in the fight. plus, you easily fall into predatory comparison territory between the “childish” and “womanly” and i have seen way too often in fic just being boiled down to her now being fuckable. a lot of of ships do this and i would just like to remind yall thats it not normal for adults to want to start relationships with children they have seen grown up or known as a child when they themselves were fully grown adults. therefore, maybe if sakura hadnt met sasori before it would be less of a problem? but that also obviously defeats the point of the dynamic and the reason he died in the first place. so yeah, it sounds kind of doomed especially if you were to make it romantic. 

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE SECOND QUESTION

let me preface this that im not fundamentally against age gaps, even if im not super interested in it. after all, colorblind had a 5 yr age gap (with sakura being 21), even if, say, i wrote similar fics today i probably would make it smaller lol. i think it can be handled well if both parties have enough life experience to deal with it, and the author is cautious of where the age gap starts, i think a 10+ year age gap would be fine in a scenario where the younger party (i guess sakura) was at least 25-27ish, meaning she has completed most of her most formative life stages and probably had been in relationships before, meaning she would be able to handle it without having to fear a huge power imbalance. the older the younger party is the less the age gap is going to matter tbh .TsukiHoshino and AngelOfDeath10 both handle age gaps in their fics really well imo, so i do not mind reading about them.

unfortunately, a lot of people in this fandom think making sakura barely "”””legal””””” (18, not even 20 which is hilarious to me because the source material is obviously japanese) because they both cannot stand her being past her “prime years” of being young fertile and fuckable to much older men as well as thinking a 20 year old is automatically old enough to handle that type of relationship. ive seen a lot of unironic takes that believe it will absolve them of callout posts if they throw around age of consent and “shes 18 now suckers!!!” enough lmfao. absolutely hilarious. aging a minor up without aging the adult down seriously reeks of predatory “cant wait until youre 18″ narratives and thats why i find it similarly disturbing as straight up pedo shipping.

ultimately, sasosaku is and will always be a inherently problematic ship in canon, which is why i think it should always be handled a little more responsibly in fandom spaces, ignoring or outright excusing the main problem factor, which is sasori, isnt going to convince anyone that the dynamic in itself is well written and interesting enough to explore in aus, like giving sasori the redemption most of us wanted him to have by aging him down to a point in time where he was still realistically going to allow being positively influenced, similar to gaara. 

so really, what i think is well handled age gap and how most people handle age gap in the naruto fandom are two different worlds at times lol 

tl;dr

canon shippers have never been anything but gross when i was younger and i didnt wanna be like that, even if youre “smart”enough to differenate, actual creeps dont really care and might use your content to blur the lines, sasori isnt rly redeemable so romantic canonverse realistically wouldnt make much sense and is still iffy, age gaps are fine if they are handled well, but given that the dynamic doesnt really need the age gap to still work im not that invested on making that an essential part of my shipping experience.  

thank you for reading and hope this makes sense!

[raveneira]

Since Yashahime is such a dumpster fire Im just gonna rewrite the sequel to what I THINK would have been the better alternative to the whole SessRin situation and also some story elements that could really be improved and would make this series alot better.

For starters, if we HAD to go the SessRin route then I would make it take place 21 years after the end of final act, Kagome was 18 when she returned to the feudal era and 3 years had passed at the end of the final act which made her 21, Rin should have been about 11-12 at that point, if we count 21 years from then, Kagome would be 42 while Rin would be 32-33, meaning when the twins were born Rin was 18-19, I know that might make ppl a bit uncomfortable still but atleast she would be a legitimate adult where you can atleast say "alright...Im KIND of ok with this, I still dont like it but atleast she is technically an adult capable of consenting and not a literal child being taken advantage of"

Thats if they HAD to go the SessRin route, then I would atleast make it done tastefully where it doesnt promote pedophilia, plus the old gang being in their 40s wouldnt be that big a deal because they'd still be capable of fighting.

Now for my PERSONAL take on how the sequel should have taken place, SessRin wouldnt happen at all, because the beauty of their relationship stemmed from this ruthless cold hearted demon who hated humans, learned to love and care for a small child to the point of nearly crying when he thought he lost her for good, there are all different kinds of love and the love Sesshomaru had for Rin was pure and innocent. He was someone she adored as her savior and caretaker and she was someone he cared for and wanted to protect, to me that bond was far more impactful and meaningful than anything romantic or sexual building up between them, but simply two people whom the other simply cannot live without because they mean THAT much to eachother. Such a pure and sweet relationship did NOT need to be twisted into a romantic and sexual light. Rin could have continued to adore Sesshomaru and he could have continued to check up on her and bring her gifts as he did in the final act until Rin decided she wanted to travel with him again.

Now onto the rewrite, as I stated SessRin WOULDNT happen and their bond would remain as it was in the OG series, so who would be the twins mother? well if we HAD to go the half demon route to show Sesshomaru's development full circle, and we didnt wanna undo Kagura's death because it was a critical moment for Sesshomaru's development, there were several other routes that could have been taken.

1 Create a new character and develop her over the course of Yashahime through a series of flashbacks as we unravel the mystery of what happened to everyone through the girls travels. If you want to go the angsty route you could have her die giving birth and have Rin raise them as a sort of surrogate mother figure, kind of like Clementine with AJ.

2 Use an already established character, one possibility being Nazuna, a human girl that debuted back in the early OG series, she had black hair and black eyes but as we see from Yashahime, the girls clearly didnt inherit their mothers looks as in the OG series Rin's hair was black and her eyes are brown while Setsuna's hair is brown and she has blue/purple eyes while Towa has red eyes, features that neither of their parents have. They also have a random red streak in their hair for some reason. 

So based on this, Nazuna would be a good possible candidate as she was a teenager in the OG series and would be an adult by the end of the series when she would give birth. [Correct me if Im wrong about her age but she looks like a teenager, but if Im wrong then I would just adjust the timeline to where she would be an adult at the time she gives birth]

Another potential candidate would be Momiji, true she may have been anime only but since this is an anime only sequel she is a plausible candidate. She has red/auburn hair which would explain the strange red streak in the twins hair. Like Nazuna, she was a teenager in the OG series so she would also be an adult by the time she'd conceive and give birth.

Another candidate would be Kaname Kururugi, a game exclusive character, but the fact that they went through the trouble of creating a complete OC and fleshed out her backstory to such a degree and allowed her to build relationships with established characters, including Sesshomaru, its safe to say they could have incorperated her into the anime canon considering they already had an established foundation they could have just built off of and meshed it into the anime. Plus she has brown hair and blue/purple eyes just like Setsuna.

Now that we have all the potential candidates, who's the one that seems the most plausible? In my opinion, I would personally go the Kaname route because she has such a deep and fleshed out backstory and they actually took the time to even animate scenes specifically for this game, so she does TECHNICALLY make an appearance in the anime, just not in an actual episode. And just like Kagome, she could have grown fond of the feudal era as well and wished to go back and somehow found a way to do so at the end of the Final act or maybe a month or year later after Kagome returned.

So going with the Kaname route, I'll begin my rewrite.

Being as Sesshomaru hasnt seen her since she was 15 like Kagome and vanished for several years, when he finally sees her again she will now be 18-19 when they reunite and a relationship would start to build and ensue.

Continuing where the game left off, Kaname would continue on with her normal life as Kagome did and eventually graduate when she is 18. She would still often think about her time in the feudal era and miss all the people she spent time with and bonded with there, one person specifically being Sesshomaru.

^ A refresher for those who forgot the Sesshomaru ending.

As she comes home from graduation, another Doll Festival of Wishes is being held and it reminds her of Sesshomaru whom she wishes to see again, she goes and buys one of the dolls and writes his name on it as she did when she first returned home, thinking to herself that its no use and is probably a waste of time, but with what little hope she has left, she does the ritual anyway.

Afterwards she goes over to her father to help him with the festival, who like last time asks her to go get something from the storehouse. As she enters the storehouse, the hole in which she fell through before has been patched up, as she walks through the storehouse, she walks on the patched up floor which caves in when she walks on it and she is once again transported to the feudal era.

She once again lands in a forest not far from where Kaede lives, as she wakes up, she is greeted by Sesshomaru, who had saw her unconscious on his way to visit Rin and watched over her till she woke up. Overjoyed and also in disbelief, she hugs him which surprises Sesshomaru who isnt used to recieving this type of affection but he doesnt push her away, nor does he reciprocate by hugging her back.

As she lets go she tells him how much she missed him and everyone there, then, noticing Rin wasnt with him, asks him where she was, worried that something might have happened to her. He reassures her that Rin is fine and that he was just on his way to visit her at Kaede's village which relieves Kaname. She goes with Sesshomaru back to Kaede's village where she reunites with everyone much to their surprise but they are all very happy to see her again.

Anyway Im not gonna do a play by play step by step storytelling so Im just gonna mention the main story beats and you guys can fill in the blanks for yourself.

Anyway after the happy reunion and catching up, Sesshomaru prepares to leave back on his travels which saddens Kaname who had longed to see him again and only got to be reunited with him a short time. Reluctant to be apart from him again, she asks, or rather insists he allows her to come with him on his travels. He tells her that if she comes with him it'll be a dangerous journey for her, she replies confidently that she can take care of herself and promises to not be a burden to him. Reluctant but not willing to argue, he tells her to do as she wishes and flies off. Kaname hops on A-Un and soon follows, and the two begin their travels together.

Thats pretty much how'd we leave off the final act, atleast a month or two after, you can decide your own timeline.

As for what happened on their journey and how their relationship developed will be shown through a series of flashbacks over the course of Yashahime as we solve more of the mysteries.

In episode 15, we'd get the same flashback but with Kaname being the one to give birth to the twins with Rin, Kagome, Sango, and Kaede there for her as support. It is said that when Sesshomaru and Kaname found out she was pregnant, he brought her back to the village where she could have a safe pregnancy and birth. Of course Sesshomaru isnt the mushy type to stay there with her through her pregnancy, but he does visit from time to time when giving gifts to Rin but also goes to check on her and see how she’s doing, although he doesnt admit thats what he’s doing.

After the twins were born, everything plays out relatively the same, but instead of just taking the twins without a word to her, he atleast reassures her that he's taking them someplace safe from harm, although he cant explain to her right now what that harm is, Kaname says she trusts him.

As I said, things play out relatively the same after that.

As for Rin, what exactly happens with her? well if we MUST pair her off with someone, it should be Kohaku, someone she has an established relationship and bond with that is closer to her age. Whether or not they have kids I'll leave up to you to decide, but I like the idea of Kohaku having a little demon slayer son to carry on their legacy. It would be interesting seeing his bond with Setsuna since Rin would essentially be like a sister figure for the twins although they dont remember her, it would be interesting and sweet to see Setsuna develop a bond with their son who for the sake of simplifying things, we'll call him Korin.

Korin, if we want Rin to be an adult at the time she gives birth, would be 4 years after Kaname gives birth to the twins when Rin is 18-19, making Korin 10 in the present. Like the twins, Korin has no memories of his mother since she was sealed away in a tree for whatever reason, so the only mother figure he's ever had has been Setsuna, which would be an interesting dynamic to explore since it would be similar to how Sesshomaru filled a parental role for Rin who didnt have anyone at the time.

Moroha would NOT be this uncaring about her parents, infact she would be insanely curious, maybe even furious wanting to figure out why they abandoned her and vanished without a word since nobody seems to have told her anything that happened. She would want answers and wouldnt stop until she gets them. The OG crew if we MUST have this mystery drawn out, would tell her that it would be better if she found out the truth for herself and that any answers they give her wouldnt be the answers she wants. So Moroha's driving force in the story wouldnt be about some stupid bounty hunting debt, although she could still be a bounty hunter, but her main motivation would be trying to discover the truth about her parents and why they abandoned her.

Also this BS with Koga giving her up would NOT happen, it just wouldnt, that is BEYOND OOC for him to do and I will not be having it. Instead, Koga would be IN character and not let Moroha out of his sight, he would treat her like kin like the rest of the wolf demon tribe, maybe even give her special treatment because of her connection to Kagome. Koga would train Moroha himself, not going easy on her because he wants her to be strong enough to fend for herself, concerned because of her being a quater demon and having her demon powers sealed, he’s hard on her to toughen her up to not have to rely on it. 

If we must include Yawaragi, then she would be sort of a bodyguard assigned to watch over Moroha by Koga for when he cant. The storyline of the rat armor would still relatively be the same but instead of selling Moroha off to some shady bounty hunter which Koga would never allow or forgive her for doing, she simply introduces him to her as a long time friend, Moroha would take interest in the bounty hunting business as an opporunity for training, and potentially finding info on her parents since Jyubei seems to have alot of connections and intel that’ll be useful in her journey. Yawaragi instead of pursuing the key alone would bring Moroha with her when they are approached by the shady demon whos name I cant be bothered to remember, he blackmails her with the key telling her to fight Moroha if she wants it, Moroha scoffs at this telling him that she wouldnt do that and that they’ll both fight him together to get the key instead, but to her surprise Yawaragi attacks her.

Everything plays out relatively the same, Moroha is hurt at her betrayal and lashes out at her. Yawaragi, like in the episode uses this fight as one final lesson for Moroha, with full intention on dying by the end of it. Moroha is hesitant to fight her because she still cares about her as she was like a second mentor and somewhat mother figure to her. So to get Moroha to fight seriously she lies to her by saying that everything was a lie and that she never cared about her etc I wont go into a ton of detail, Moroha is reluctant to believe her but is eventually convinced when she attacks her full power, seemingly with the intent to kill her. This pushes Moroha to fight seriously as well, remembering what she taught her about using her clever thinking and successfully strikes her down. 

After this she goes over to her and Yawaragi admits to lying to her so that she would fight because she knew chances are the shady demon wouldnt have given her the key and since the rat armor was close to killing her anyway she decided she would rather die by Moroha’s hands rather than being crushed to death by the armor. Moroha would be devestated and guiltridden since she is the reason she was in the cursed armor to begin with, but Yawaragi reassures her that it isnt her fault and that it was her own negligence to see through the trap that resulted in this outcome. As a reward for defeating her, she gives Moroha her sword [yes Moroha wouldnt have her sword until now] and tells her to get stronger with it so that she wouldnt have to rely on her rouge, but win using her own strength. Moroha promises her that she will and Yawaragi passes away shortly after that. Everything plays out relatively the same after that.

As for the twins their motivations can mostly stay the same, but they also wouldnt be so uncaring about their parents, or specifically Towa wouldnt. Towa would be furious at her father and want to find him and maybe even kill him for abandoning them and causing them to be separated with seemingly no regard for their safety. Setsuna can maintain her non caring attitude, but given Towa's upbringing in the modern era, it makes sense for her to be furious at her birth father's neglect after experiencing what a loving home and father feels like.

As for what happened to Kaname, like I said you could go the angsty route where she died giving birth, or you could have her be kidnapped and used as a bargaining chip to blackmail Sesshomaru into doing the enemies bidding. You could have it where Sesshomaru was able to prevent Rin from falling into the enemies hands but not Kaname. Or maybe Kaname sacrificed herself for Rin, agreeing to go with the enemy in exchange for them sparing Rin, which is what leads Sesshomaru to sealing Rin in the tree to prevent them from potentially coming back for her. You guys can come up with your own conclusions there, these are just some scenerios off the top of my head. But for the sake of the rewrite we'll go with Kaname being kidnapped and used to blackmail Sesshomaru.

I’ll make an actual rewrite in a separate post with how I would PERSONALLY make the sequel, this post is just me tweaking and making slight alterations to the way Sunrise chose to write the sequel, the separate post would be how I feel the sequel could have played out instead for the better.