#>others_>art

[knotnotknowing]

shifting gears... I have no foundation in my life, no solid ground, with mind in clouds, it’s now imperative I gather every ounce of me to ground myself in what I lack, what’s missing is discipline.

... gotta file for unemployment, been had to, put it off for an entire month. feeling the pressure. pressed for time? in such disarray, from the beginning. beginning to tend to myself in areas that are much needed.

breathing. beating myself up just sets me back. internal conflict is a mother. read that again. we often say the way we’re raised, maybe we were lowered and never rose, and so what arises are all the things buried beneath from suppression and being repressed with every breath.

dissecting every length of myself can take lifetimes, instead, starting from where the lifeline commenced, addressing the source and getting to the core, each second, together again. separating myself from me and I, anxiety at an all-time high. coming down. here now? idk. I think I’ll feel it and not have reason to question it, who knows.

hunched over and typing this. tension collected in my shoulders and the side of my neck. I went right into cleaning off my bed to the degree that I could given the circumstances this morning, recorded it over ig live, considering uploading it on youtube to share in the process. no one tells you that recovery isn’t immediate. there was no way to prepare, yet, learning preparation can take off the brundt of stress and sets things up to buffer undue distress.

all the herbal teas and supplements I invested in, nuts and seeds, seasonings, and other dry goods either help with cleansing or alleviating both hunger and the pains, not sure which ones are which, just reaping the benefits of whatever I was studying before everything hit. still not in a place of comfort. my body feels weighted, to carry it is increasing sensitivity in a pressing way where I can no longer avoid myself. self-care is a serious matter and I let go of who I am to an extreme that left me disabled for a long interval, it was mostly mental. I can’t say that I’m all the way there, however, I feel more stable than earlier years, as far as cognition goes, I’m able to listen, read, and write for periods at a time without severe struggle. suffering only subtleties. I don’t have a full scope of the situation because coming out of psychosis is unlike anything I can ever describe. The residuals remain, so I’m probably recanting experiences where memories are either hidden, obscure or were pushed deep into recesses I have yet to come to terms with.

trauma is nothing to take lightly. healing is a process. learning myself through it all.

http://www.youtube.com/afroknotical

if you feel like donating or supporting a fellow creator, my cashapp is $afromagentic and here’s my paypal:

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[dennis3dots]

Brochure Cover Art for “9 Evenings, Theater and Engineering”, (1963) ~ by Billy Kluver_ Performances included pieces by John Cage, Oyvind Fahlstrom, Yvonne Rainer and Robert Rauschenberg among others_

[lemond]

Feature Name: Value Description { "tags": [ "tennis", "woman", "racket", "standing", "ball", "player", "dress", "holding", "court", "playing", "top", "dark", "young", "man", "swinging", "wearing", "water", "white", "game", "air" ], "captions": [ { "text": "a woman holding a tennis racket", "confidence": 0.3997059 } ] } Tags [ { "name": "tennis", "confidence": 0.991250753 }, { "name": "player", "confidence": 0.6669917 }, { "name": "dancer", "confidence": 0.521189034 } ] Image format "Jpeg" Image dimensions 538 x 540 Clip art type 1 Line drawing type 0 Black and white true Adult content false Adult score 0.05276341 Racy false Racy score 0.06842488 Categories [ { "name": "others_", "score": 0.01171875 }, { "name": "people_", "score": 0.390625 } ] Faces [] Dominant color background

"Black" Dominant color foreground

"Black" Accent Color

#0E0C09