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megacarapa · 2 years ago
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WTF MY OWN MUTUAL TURNING AGAINST ME
IN THE HOUSE OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR TUMBLR.COM WE DO NOT LET OURSELVES BE PEER PRESSURED INTO MAKING DECISIONS WE USUALLY WOULD NOT... I MUST SPEAK MY TRUTH AND THAT IS #SCRAMBLEDSWEEP
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chronologically-challenged · 5 months ago
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Okay, so here's a super long post as to why I thought this was the case:
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Right off the bat this kid ALONE made me think we were foreshadowing Siffrin was not human. Like??? From the sky??? Fallen angel? A god? Something else??? I was ready for anything tbh.
I understood IMMEDIATELY that Siffrin's wish got them stuck time looping. I know my wish tropes. But the question was... how??? Why did their wish do that when other people's didn't???
Done Heal. Do you know how much Siffrin getting a healing ability baffled me??? I didn't realize you could just... learn heal craft. Because Odile didn't have heal craft and it's established that she learned a lot of different craft types while Mirabelle, the blessed one, did. So I made the conclusion it was a blessed one thing, and so Sifirin learning healing REALLY threw me off. Especially since in game they didn't practice per say??? Just used their same moves??? And it made sense when getting moves of their craft type, but healing??? Why did he learn how to heal??? So I just thought they were slowly gaining powers over time. The next craft he learned being their opposite type threw me off too. Thought we were going through some atla shit.
Don't get me started on Loop. We'll get to them, but I thought they were an astral being sent to guide me back to remembering my past (HA).
Totally thought the Universe was bigger than the Change God. Like. Oh. The Universe. Of Course Gods Know About The Universe. Also, Siffrin having weird knowledge about stars that no one else does??? God knowledge coming in.
Speaking of which, Forgotten Country... you know how in many fantasy stories "forgotten realms" or other mysterious islands are actually home of Super Power Magic Please Do Not Touch or you get your Atlantis' where their old home eventually became home to magical creatures??? Yeah, I thought the Forgotten Country was like. A home to magical beings or something akin to that where they were close to that magic. Or just like. The place got nuked by gods idk. Basically I did not expect the Forgotten Country to just be. Like. An actual regular country that disappeared.
So this is how I got to the conclusion that Siffrin was a god. But why the change god??? From least to most important:
Design. Only characters with mostly white designs and the trapezoid cloaks. Plus the hat could easily be the equivalent of the round change god head.
Why??? Did Siffrin??? Get stuff??? At Change God statues??? The blessings at the statue??? The Key Knife??? Without the knowledge of the who phone who dis quest or wish craft, this LOOKS like someone using their own power of belief to forcibly change reality. Which... isn't exactly wrong for the blessings but still!!!
Okay the main reasons why I thought Siffrin was the Change God is two fold. Firstly, the Change God was repeatedly noted as lazy and that they didn't do much. But perhaps, instead of being lazy, they were gone? And we do have a sleepy little rogue in our party. so perhaps they're just resting? Secondly, Siffrin just seemed so... uninterested in the concept of change. At all. Repeatedly whenever it was mentioned at all, they didn't comment on it like it Did Not Apply To Them. So I thought maybe??? Foreshadowing losing faith in the concept of change??? After all, they say they're going to stay exactly the way he is. If Siffrin was the Change God that means he rejected everything he was no??? Essentially, because Siffrin was SO anti-change I thought that was the reason why they were a fallen change god.
Notably, I would say, after he lost his godhood, he became a wanderer without passion. Just. Nothing. After all, if you were a god and you lost all you were, who are you now? It wasn't until he journeyed with the party that they felt like they wanted to be something again. Thus, latent god powers activating and keep himself in the time loop.
Okay What About Loop.
I will say I did neglect Loop in my playthrough my poor darling. When there's a character that clearly has a bunch of secrets, I usuallly assume the narrative will take the time later to you know, tell me those secrets at a later point (You Cannot Do That With Loop Of Course. You've got to work to get Loop's story or at least know what steps to do).
That being said, do you know how wild it is being CONFIDENT that Loop is a little shit guardian astral being sent from the gods only for the closest answer being "The Universe" when they ask you who they are. Absolutely sent me. Did not think any of the answers were right.
And then I saw the "Me" answer.
And being a SU and TMA fan, this was not my first rodeo in identity shenanigans, so I went "......yeah okay wait, let me see both of their designs again" and this is basically what happened:
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In conclusion, I picked Me. Was unsure if I was right. But figured that Loop was probably either Siffrin from the past, an aspect of Siffrin, or Siffrin from the future intending to awaken their memories in their past self??? Something along that nature.
Anyway, once end of act 3 happened and I had my conversations with the King, I realized I was... very wrong. About many things. I had to go back and reevaluate pretty much everything I was reading to be much more down to earth instead of.... main characters secretly being gods. Before that I think I thought the game was heading in the direction of "realize Siffrin is a god, give up godhood temporarily to spend the rest of their mortal life with their loved ones, and then take those memories of being human to return as a new god" or something of the sort.
So yeah. Siffrin as an amnesiac Change God theory I had when playing (throws confetti)
I was very very wrong but I still do think that my theory when playing that Siffrin was an ammesiac Change God who got themself stuck in a time loop with their own latent power went hard ngl
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angry-geese · 3 years ago
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For Myself
Sukuna x Reader
Warnings: nsfw mention. mention of violence, blood, injury, and cannibalism. implied murder. starts off kind of dark but gets fluffier towards the end. gn!reader.
obligatory warning for my poor editing skills. if theres any egregious errors i'll get to them when i get home from work
Summary: some fluff where Sukuna comforts the reader while they're sick
Word Count: 2.4k
He's certain you would be more comfortable in his lap than on the floor. Even as he beckons you to sit, you refuse, turning your gaze away. You adjust your position to a more comfortable spot on your knees. The floor is hard and cold, but you don't have much longer to wait anyway. Sukuna has grown bored of the man standing in front of him. A peace offering, in exchange for not razing their village. A young woman, brought here against her own will. Her life to replace yours. It's nothing Sukuna wants, nor can he make use of her. She’s no sorcerer, likely no good in a fight, and too frail to be worth eating.
Worst of all, it insults you.
An insult to you, is an insult to Sukuna himself.
The man was only delaying the inevitable. Humans have a habit of doing that. They’re resilient, like cockroaches. You can squash, poison, trap, or drop a nuke on as many as you want to, but they’ll always come back.
He planned on killing him from the moment he stepped foot in the door.
And when he kills him, he makes sure to have the woman watch. She lays curled at your feet as you regard them both with cold eyes. Not a scream passes her lips. She’s either frozen with fear, or knows that moving is the worst thing she can do.
She begs for her life.
Sukuna leaves it up to you to decide.
It was an insult to you, after all. In a past life you could see yourself letting her go. There's many things in life you used to do that are no longer habits of yours. You were in her shoes years ago. Time has hardened you, made you cruel. If a past version of you could look at you now, you don't know if you’d recognize yourself. Not all change is bad. People are meant to change, and they’re going to do so.
You give her a minute to start running. After that, it's up to Sukuna with what he wants to do with her.
She takes the opportunity, thinking she has a chance to survive, and flees. The guards and servants let her. Your word is second to Sukuna’s. The only person who could overturn an order put in place by you is Sukuna himself. He usually doesn't. The resulting chaos from anything you do is good entertainment. And he has all the time in the world. Being immortal leads to a lot of boredom.
Sukuna would hunt her down before she could escape the estate.
Nobody got away from him. Not even you. Nowadays you’re much less serious about leaving but you still threaten it if he dares piss you off.
He'd never let you go. You know that. Try as you will, you're never getting free.
Not that you have anything to go back to. And you're rather comfortable here. Comfortable may be a bit of a stretch, but you're housed, fed, and protected. The basic human needs are taken care of. Sukuna cares about you in his own, twisted way. You may have first been just a plaything to keep his stomach full and his balls empty—a toy to be discarded after a day or two—but you've earned a place by his side. He wakes up next to you, he goes to sleep next to you. He's grown used to having you around. And you to him.
You're just as much his, as he is yours.
Everything about the man is selfish, and all-consuming. But when he is with you, he finds himself giving for the first time in his life.
He gets a servant to draw him a bath. He has the decency to scrub the blood off before finding you, and asking you to join him. His bloodied kimono is replaced with a clean one. It's black, the sleeves are wide enough to accommodate his four arms. Blood doesn't bother you, but he doesn't want to track it all over his house.
Something is wrong.
He doesn't remember you getting hurt, but you’re acting like you’re injured. He thinks back to this morning, how he had to drag you out of bed. How sluggish you acted.
Worry creases itself between his eyebrows.
Your mortality was something he knew of, but never gave much thought. There was no need to. The mortality of others was something he didn't care about. You weren't supposed to be kept long. You were merely a sacrifice, meant to appease Sukuna, and in turn he wouldn't raze your village. While young, and pretty, not good enough to save your people. He planned on fucking you, burning your village to the ground, then eating you. Not necessarily in that order, but that was the plan.
He's taken everything from you. Your home, your life, your family. Even as you were forced to face your fate, you never gave in, never lost your bite. You defied him and lived. You had a malicious streak in you. You were never as sweet and as innocent as the people of your village first played you up to be. Years later you still put up the same fight. It's a constant back and forth between you two.
You’d never be able to hurt him. As much as you'd scratch and bite, you'd never so much as draw blood. Harming the King of Curses was not an easy task.
His 'love' was much more material at first. As you got settled down, survived more than a week, gifts appeared. Jeweled hair pins and beautiful, expensive kimonos appeared. All made just for you. He'd never admit to being behind it. You were not complacent, but you were comfortable. You were his spoiled pet. That didn't stop you from clawing at his eyes whenever he picked you up when you didn't want to be touched. Being spoiled didn't make you nice.
None of his pets have lasted quite as long as you have. At least eight times the trees of his estate have shriveled and turned brown in winter, and the ground has hardened with frost. At least eight times they've bloomed and have had the life of spring breathed back into them, and the ground has thawed and turned muddy. You just did what you had to in order to survive. You've more than just survived. Some would say you’ve thrived. You would beg to differ. If you were the begging type.
He still views you as a pet. You’re human after all. Though sometimes it feels like you’re becoming more curse than human. Being viewed as an equal to him is impossible, but he values you. You're not something that can easily be replaced.
His hand touches your shoulder from behind. You don't flinch. You used to flinch. Then you started swinging. You're never able to hurt him. You're strong, but not that strong.
"She was far too frail to eat," you say, "I assumed you didn't want to keep her for that."
You don't eat human meat. Or try not to. Early on in your stay, before you knew better… It wasn't pork. Uraume was a wonderful cook, but not for anything you ate. Personally it's not your thing. Non-human meat is hard to come by around here, so you’ve stopped eating the stuff altogether. If you wanted it, Sukuna would make a servant get it for you, but you are content without it.
"You made the right call." He says. You always do.
He slips beside you, watching as you remove the intricate pins from your hair. You always loved your hair. Even at your darkest moment you took great care of it. It was a source of pride for you.
A wave of nausea rolls over you. Sweat beads in your hairline, rolling down your back, under the thin fabric of your—his—robe. You have little need for clothes. It doesn't get that cold here. Sukuna tears them off you anyway. Covering yourself up isn't necessary, but you do it out of modesty, and a sense of normalcy. You protest as he pulls at the fastenings of your robe, the flimsy fabric pooling at your feet. You have no plans on getting wet, you’d much rather go to bed. You’re tired, and you don't want to be bothered.
The tub is large enough to fit several of you. You guess it's fitting. The man is huge. He settles into the water behind you, pulling you to his chest. Try as you will, you’re not going to be able to struggle out of his grip. You’re too tired to put up much of a fight, though you do complain.
One of his sets of arms wraps around you, effectively trapping you in place. The other pulls a washcloth from the side of the tub, into the water with you. As much as you hate to admit it, the warm water feels nice against your sore muscles.
Sukuna is not a sentimental man. But with the way his hands trace across your skin, soft, lovingly, like he’s reading a book of braille, makes you think otherwise. He doesn't leer at the curves of your body like he normally does. His eyes scan across your body, looking for any sign of injury.
When he deems you clean enough, and your skin has turned a nice shade of pink from the hot water, he lets you go. You're the first to get out, drying yourself off. You never realized how cold the room was before.
He hauls you into his arms. You do little to protest, which worries him.
The King of Curses has no need for sleep. The bed mostly serves for asthetic purposes, though he's not opposed to fucking you across any flat surface, you seem to favor softer ones.
Much like the tub, his bed is large enough to fit several of you. You feel dwarfed by its size. The man is huge, he needs a bed to fit. You could sprawl out as wide as possible and never have any of your limbs hanging over the sides.
He follows you, silent.
He can't recall ever letting any of his pets share his bed before. Some have tried. Tried. He can't recall any of them surviving as long as you have, either. He finds himself irritated at the thought of anything bad ever happening to you.
He doesn't join you in bed.
He doesn't need sleep the same way humans do. He can, but if he were to decide not to, it would bring no harm to him. He used to never dream. It was something he did, back when he was human, but that time has long passed. But whenever he dreamed, he’d wake up next to you. Experiences like that made him realize just why humans like to sleep so much. Before he never woke up rested; he was never tired in the first place.
You shove the covers aside and crawl underneath. They smell like him. He snubs out the candle burning on the side table with his index finger and thumb. Though it's dark, there’s enough light in the room to make out his much-larger form.
You shiver, although sweat forms along your skin in a thin sheen. Sukuna knows it's not cold. He sits on the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping under his weight. The back of his hand presses to your forehead. You’re burning up.
You were warm before, but he thought it was because of the bath. He’s not really sure what to do. It's rare moments like these that he's forced to face your mortality. He knows you're fragile—compared to him—but he can't bear the thought of something bad happening to you.
One of his large hands moves to cup your cheek. It's just as warm as your forehead. The pad of his thumb runs across your cheekbone.
"Stay with me." You say. You stretch your arms out towards him, making grabbing motions with your hands.
You’re not one to beg. Even when faced with death, you look it straight in the eyes. Call it bravery, or lack of self preservation. He admired that about you. You ignored your mortality because it did not matter to you.
“What's the matter, pet?”
“I don't feel too good.” You say.
Though he doesn't say it, he can tell.
“I’ll get Uraume-”
“No,” your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him back towards your chest, “no. I’m okay.”
He settles down beside you in bed, on top of the covers. When he opens his arms, you go right into them. He makes sure to keep the blankets tucked around you. Sukuna runs warm naturally. You huddle close to him, trying to steal his warmth. Though your face feels abnormally warm, you shiver. His much larger body lays partially on top of yours, his head resting on your chest, ear pressed to your skin. He can hear your heartbeat. Steady, and alive. Something low in your chest rattles when you breathe.
He should get a servant to bring you water, or some tea. It occurs to him how little he knows about the mundane things humans do to make themselves feel better. Not that he ever needed to care. In all the years you’ve been by his side, he’s never seen anything like this happen. He can't decide, and instead calls for both. If you need medicine, he’ll get that too, but you don't seem to be at that point. Uraume knows more about humans than he does. He’s no doctor, but he’ll work. If he asks you, you’ll just say you’re fine.
He holds the cup up to you, beckoning you to drink. The glass is cold against your lips. Even as your hands wrap around it, he doesn't let it go. He sets the empty glass on the side table with a soft thunk.
His large hand smoothes over your head, brushing your hair out of your eyes. His nails feel nice against your scalp. Nothing about the man is soft, but when he’s left alone with you, moments like this are bound to happen. You allow yourself to be pet. The heat, combined with the weight of his body, threatens to lull you off to sleep. The ache in your joints keeps you from doing so.
When he kisses you, you taste like a curse.
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allandoflimbo · 4 years ago
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Ashens (Part 5)
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Summary: She falls in love with Bucky Barnes from the moment she sees him. Bucky, still in love with a woman from his past, hates Y/N and plans to make her life miserable. To both their dismay, they are assigned together to go undercover into The Capitol for six months. There, they develop a heartbreaking friend with benefits agreement. Dystopian.
Pairing: Bucky x Reader
Chapter Word Count: 5458
Rating: M for Mature, E for explicit. Enemies to lovers trope, sharing a bed trope, friends with benefits trope, temporarily unrequited love, heavy angry sex, heavy on the angst, and very strong language.
Full Masterpage | Part 4
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After you had made the mistake of outing to Captain Rogers about your plans to avenge your parents, he had wandered off somewhere, leaving you behind and alone with your thoughts.
You weren’t too sure if he was upset with you or if he sided with you.
It was really difficult to tell.
For all you knew, he could be preparing an arrest for you.
The longer you stayed in this clean tent, the more you started to suspect if this was some kind of new avengers compound. It was obvious this wasn’t a normal place looking for refugees, because there would be a lot more people.
But again, you knew so little. The only thing you were certain of is that you would milk your stay there as long as you could before continuing your trip back south. Not even the earth’s mightiest heroes would stop you. You would stay until your wounds healed and until you had enough strength.
You wished they hadn’t taken your pack away from you, but they had told you that it wasn’t of need.
That anything you needed they could provide you with.
You wanted your compass, the one Will had given you, and you wanted your damn spear.
It had only been a few hours since you arrived and you were already bored out of your mind.
As much as you wanted to wander around the camp and discover more of this mysterious place, you weren’t too sure if you were allowed that liberty. They hadn’t told you much of what you could and couldn’t do.
So you laid on your cot, playing with your bottle of antibiotics.
How had the Avengers manage to lose everything yet still keep certain things safe? You examined the opaque black bottle, noting that there was no writing on it anywhere. For all you knew, it could be some other kind of drug.
But they wouldn’t lie. They had nothing to gain from your death. Plus, you knew they weren’t infiltrated by Hydra like S.H.I.E.L.D once was. Hydra now only resided in The Capitol.
You’re twisting the bottle up and down and side to side when a motion from your peripheral makes you look up. Someone had entered the tent again.
Your eyes narrowed at the figure and your stomach lurched.
The man wore a black T-shirt, a leather jacket, jeans, and boots. If it weren’t for the silver sliver of metal as he rummaged through the medkit, you wouldn’t have known who this man was.
You always thought Bucky Barnes had longer hair.
This man didn’t look like the hot brainwashed assassin you had always seen on the news or in pictures. He looked younger, normal, dare you say; hot.
You felt a tight burning in your lower stomach as your eyes trailed down the bridge of his nose and along his perfect jawline; it was covered in a light layer of dark stubble.
You don’t know why you suddenly feel so attracted to him. You always harbored a small crush for The Avenger, almost every girl did, but it was always Steve that everyone wanted to kiss.
But now, after seeing both in person, you couldn’t fool your heart to not feel the way you were.
Bucky Barnes was exactly your type.
You felt your cheeks heat up and you forced yourself to look away from him. You tried your best to maintain your eyes on the bottle between your fingertips until the rummaging through the kit stopped.
When it did, you lift your eyes back up, thinking he had finally left so you could let the smile break out through your face.
Instead, you were met with piercing blue eyes.
Your eyes met for a long second. His face was blank and yours was surprised, but you knew you looked absolutely flushed. You felt it all over your body.
Thankfully, he quickly looked away again, and he seemed to have finally found what he was looking for.
He took it in his hand and turned the other way, walking out of the med tent.
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Steve had stopped by later that night and handed you a pair of crutches and he asked you to follow him. Who were you to say no to Cap?
You followed him close behind as you walked through dead foliage and passed some of the fire pits. It was obvious most of the agents (you weren’t even sure if that’s what they were) had gone to bed, so the sound of cicadas and crackling fire echoed in the cool air.
You both must’ve passed about seven larger tents until you ended up in front of a large black one.
Steve opened the entrance for you, pulling it to the side so you could go in before him. You looked at him hesitantly before managing your way inside. You were careful to not trip as you entered the heated area.
You heard a commotion, a husky and deep voice.
“I don’t want to be tied to a fucking child, it’s a joke. I spent two years, two —” the voice stopped as the source of it looked up from Fury and to you.
Bucky Barnes.
You felt the tent swing close behind you with a soft breeze and he snarled, his eyes meeting Steve’s above your shoulder.
“Bucky,” Steve greets his best friend.
You felt the tension heavy in the air as you looked away from that heavy blue gaze.
Jesus.
You heard rummaging of papers and then the heavy waft of air that smelled way too good. You looked back up only to see that Barnes was now gone.
Your eyes met Fury’s and it was then you noticed the others in the room, too.
If only Will could see you now. You felt the heavy tears deep in your throat as you remembered him.
If only he had survived just a few more hours, he would’ve been right there with you.
It almost seemed like some weird dream, but it wasn’t.
You were, in fact, in a room with Steve Rogers, Nick Fury, Sam Wilson, Wanda, and Bruce Banner. You were mildly disappointed, wondering where the others were. You felt slightly selfish for it and then you felt that pang as you remembered Black Widow’s and Tony Stark’s sacrificial death for humanity.
This tent was definitely a lot fancier than the others you had seen. From the outside, it would be hard to tell, but this one even had a large table and some tech you hadn’t seen in years, or even at all.
Now, you knew your gut was right, this really was the new Avengers Compound. How have more people not walked upon it?
“Miss, Y/L/N,” Banner says, motioning towards the large table, “Please take a seat.”
You maneuver your way to a random seat near the end of the table and lay your crutches on the side of it. Everyone else takes their appropriate seats, except for Fury who continues to stand, his hands in the pockets of his long coat.
You weren’t intimidated. No.
“So you want to go into The Capitol,” Fury says, pacing around the room.
You cross your hands on the table in front of you.
“What happened to your hand?” Sam asks, eyeing your bandage.
You clear your throat, feeling interrogated.
“I cut it while spearing for some fish.” Your eyes dart back to Fury and you wonder how much you should tell him. You had a plan, you didn’t want it to be ruined. This was your fight to win, “Yes, I do.” You tell him quietly.
“You’re quite ambitious to think you can take on a hundred thousand Hydra operatives on your own. You do realize that wall is guarded by eight hundred tanks, six fire missiles, two nukes, and five thousand men?” Fury says it like it’s the most factual thing in the world. You swallow thickly, not actually knowing that. He leans on his arms in front of you, “And what were you planning to do when, or should I say if, you got inside? How far did you have this planned?”
You wouldn’t let him scare you. You were bigger than this interrogation. “Please, mister Fury,” it sounded weird, but you didn’t want to be rude, “I respect you, but I don’t want to be taunted for my lack of cowardice.” You slip in, flustered.
His one eye trembles.
“Tell me.”
You take a deep breath.
“My family wanted The Capitol to be a place where people could depend on for survival. Hydra knew about it for years and they had it planned for years to take over. They made sure of that when they had my parents killed, right in front of me. I know the man that did it, and for years, all I’ve wanted to do is take back what my parents wanted, however, that is, and by doing whatever it takes.”
He looks at you, bored.
“So you never had a solid plan?”
Your shoulder slump over, embarrassed.
“No.”
A heavy laugh leaves his mouth and the other avengers also look simultaneously unamused, and slightly bored.
Steve, on the other hand, looks a bit more upset and something else you couldn’t quite pinpoint.
“She knows what he looks like,” Steve says, strong and determined.
“That’s not enough, Steve.” Sam mumbles, pushing his chair away from the table, “She’s just a normal girl, she doesn’t have anything to offer us that could possibly hold a guarantee that she could take on an entire city dictated on Hydra. There is nothing concrete about this,” you try not to take any offense to Sam’s tone as it angers you, “She didn’t even have a plan. Her motives are reckless." This ticks you off.
“My motives are reckless? My parents were killed in front of me. That is my motive.” You snap, “I’m not some child, I know what I want to do. I want to kill him.”
Wilson gives you a hard look.
“I’m sorry to break it to you, but that’s called revenge. We don’t do that here. We can’t just run in there and start shooting people up.” Sam explains.
“I’m not trying to shoot people up, Mr. Falcon,” again, it feels weird, “I want him killed. Especially if that means the rest of that place falls down with him. You think I was just going to —” you curse yourself for giving away most of your plan, but damn it, “You think I was just going to barge in there, find him, and kill him? Of course not. I would take the information I needed first.” “And by doing what exactly? And for what?” Fury asks. He turns to Steve, “She has the drive, the determination, and she knows what he looks like, but she’s just a normal young girl. She’ll die in seconds of stepping foot in the place if she were to run into a bad face. She has no skill, she doesn’t know what she’s doing, she’s not an agent, she’s not superhuman.”
“Maybe that’s exactly what we need to win this,” Steve says as he stands up from next to you. You hear the heavy gravel under his chair as it scoots back/ His finger is down on the table as he continues, “she could be the mole, she could get the insight we need, she’d fit in perfectly because she’s not enhanced. I think you are looking at her lack of abilities as a disadvantaged when it could be the exact opposite. We have all the other extra accessories, everything else Bucky and I have been working on for the last few years, and the materials Tony left behind. We have the plan, she would just be the chess piece. We can train her just enough to where if she needs to use certain tactics, she will be prepared. It’s obvious she isn’t afraid.”
“Bucky’s plan —” Wanda starts, retaliating.
“—is a good plan,” Steve cuts her off, “I know he worked hard on it. But this, this is better. And she knows who he is. This is an advantage that we need.” Steve’s eyes go back to you as they soften, “we can train you. Bucky can train you,” his eyes go back to his teammates, “It’ll be them both. It’ll be a dual mission.”
Your heart falters at the mention of Bucky’s name again.
Everyone considers it, mumbling pros and cons among each other until finally, it’s settled.
They were going to discuss it farther and then Bucky would join to see if it’s a go.
For some reason, you had a feeling it wouldn’t go down smoothly. Steve’s expression only confirmed that.
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They let you have your backpack back, which meant you could have your spear again. Its been two days since your talk with the team and you were starting to feel a bit excited.
It was like your fear of losing your fight for your parents was diminishing.
You had gotten close with Steve, which is something your old self never would’ve believed. He always seemed to seek you when you were alone or looked bored. It was his idea of building trust and communication with you. He was the one that handed you your backpack as you sat near the fire chewing on a piece of bread.
He sat next to you as he watched you sharpen your little weapon, amused.
You told him about Will that night and his face fell. You both started sharing stories.
He then started to tell you about how everyone here has lost someone that means a lot to them. You don’t know how it ended up in the general direction of relationships, but he let it slip that Bucky missed someone from his past, a woman.
This surprised you as your movements on your spear faltered.
He didn’t tell you much, just that her name was Daisy and she died when he had been drafted to England. Bucky was only twenty-three.
She was killed by Hydra. You asked him why he was telling you this and he smiled softly and told you that you should know that Bucky is also human.
You didn’t really get what that meant, but you nodded anyway.
“Look, Bucky’s tough. He’s got some issues when it comes to trust. He’s also got some inner demons. Very dark ones. He thinks he deserves less than this. He can be a bit brutal at times, but it’s his defense mechanism. I’m just saying this so you’re not afraid, but he’s a good man.”
“Okay.” Is all you can say to that.
You haven’t really met Bucky one and one yet, only sharing glances that made you feel things similar to what you felt in your teens.
A crush. You knew you were crushing hard the second you saw him. There was just something about him. The mention of Daisy made you a bit jealous, even if she was gone.
You also felt really bad for Bucky. It couldn’t be easy.
“I want you to do me a favor,” you look at Steve, intrigued, “when you both go over there, I want you to keep an eye on him for me. I want you to try your best to ease him into loving himself again,”
“I’m not a therapist, Mr. Rogers.”
“But you’re normal. He needs normalcy. Take it easy on him, be a friend. He’s been thinking about nothing but this mission for the last few years. When he’s there, I want him to think about the present. I need your help with that, too. Please.”
You give him a sympathetic look, his eyes are pleading and you feel for him.
“I’ll help you.”
Whatever that meant. Couldn’t be that hard, right?
Part of you wanted to help them, but part of you also wanted to still follow your own plan and tackle this whole thing on your own.
+ + +
That next morning the sun shined a little brighter over the camp. You had been left a note on the table next to your cot to meet the team in the same tent from the other day.
Days of the week didn’t exist anymore either.
There was no Monday, no Thursday, no Saturday. It was simply “day”.
You brushed your teeth (yep, they had it all) and before you knew it you were on your crutches, waddling your way over to the large tent.
There was loud talking before you even stepped foot inside, and you already knew this was going to be fun.
You took a deep breath and went inside.
Unlike last time, everyone was already sitting down. Their eyes shot up to you and their talking stopped abruptly.
Steve looked ecstatic to see you.
Bucky was sitting to his left, completely and totally unamused. Pissed, even.
“Sit here,” Wanda said with a small smile, motioning to the chair next to hers, directly in front of Bucky.
You gulped as his eyes trailed from you and to the chair.
You took your seat in front of him and tried to avoid contact, your cheeks already feeling hot just by his presence.
You smiled at everyone as a greeting and lastly, you decided to give Bucky one, too.
But he was turned away, his eyes looking down at the pen in his flesh hand.
Your smile fell, but you shook it off.
Steve said your name and began to speak, “We already briefed Bucky on the plan so we don’t need to repeat anything that was already said with you the other day.” He looked over at Bucky with a darting eye, who looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but there, “and he promised he would cooperate with the changes made to the mission,” you watched intently as Bucky aimed the point of his pen down on the table, “and agreed that we will go through with it.” The ballpoint of the pen snapped in half from the force of his hand and you flinched for a bit.
Steve’s face became stern as he watched his best friend.
“So we wanted to go over what exactly the plan is and then from there, we’ll start your training. You’ll train for two weeks, under my supervision and Buckys'. We’ll provide you your equipment and everything you will both need, then you will start your travel down south. That should be about three days. The mission itself when you get into The Capitol will take about six months.”
Jesus.
“Are you sure, we can’t stick to the original plan?” Bucky snapped, “Not that I’m not fucking ecstatic about spending half a year with a kid, who could possibly screw everything up.”
“Bucky —” Bruce’s tone was a warning.
“and what the hell is that on her neck?” He spat like venom.
Suddenly very self-aware, you brought your hand shakily up to the back of your neck, “It’s — a tattoo.” You stuttered out.
Bucky scoffed.
As your eyes met his, it was like the crush you felt towards him quickly changed.
You still felt undeniably attracted to him, but now you felt hurt at the fact that he obviously looked at you like you were scum under his feet. What did you even do to him?
You felt your real side begging to jump out of your mouth, the one that could show him how strong you actually are. You wanted to snap at him.
But some reason it was so hard, especially when he looked at you like that.
Like you were dirt. It hurt your feelings.
His eyes turned away from you and he looked up at Fury.
“Think about this.” He says to Nick.
“Take it up with Rogers, Barnes. This is how we’re doing this.”
Bucky practically seethed through his teeth.
“If she dies, that's on you,” Bucky spats, his voice strong, “If this mission is jeopardized, that’s on you. All of you.”
You try to keep your tears and dignity at bay, but it’s almost physically impossible when you start replaying the second you saw him for the first time and when your eyes met across the med tent in your head.
There was something there.
You couldn’t shake it, you weren’t crazy.
Among the rushing doubts and questions and different emotions swirling in your brain, two things were for certain:
One, you and Bucky would go undercover together for six months inside The Capitol. Alone.
And two, he couldn’t stand you.
                           + + +
Year: 1938
New York, NY
To an outsider, the way he went about it at times appeared shallow and womanizing. Although, to the contrary, he didn't want them for a night of lovemaking and then later throw them away like scrap.
It was rare that he would ever consider a girl interesting enough to actually bring home. (Rare to a man-whore, that is.)
It was seeing the joy on their face while they had a great time that brought him a feeling of satisfaction. He loved to show them a wonderful time.
Bucky loved sex, and he'd root to have it as much as he could, it was one of his favorite things. But he respected it.
He genuinely enjoyed that mental break when he was around them, not having to speak of the war.
He just wished Steve was similar and not always thinking about them damn nazis.
He loved seeing Steve relish in patriotism for his country and he definitely loved and respected how courageous he was, but if not being careful and without being realistic, he was bound to get himself killed. He wished that just for a second, Steve would lay back and have some fun like a normal young man.
He didn't understand why Steve didn't know that you don't always have to fight back.-
“James.” He answers low, in a husky voice.
It takes a moment for her to register that that is his name.
“James.” She whispers back like it’s a prayer.
She’s silent as she stares at his face as if she was allowing this moment, this feeling, and his name all to sink in at once at its own pace. She could feel herself trembling underneath his gaze and she wanted it to never stop.
He wasn’t batting an eyelash, but just staring into her blue orbs. It was as if the tremor that left her somehow entered his own heart because he pulled her in closer with a small gasp.  She hadn’t realized their hands were still tightly intertwined, and she swears she feels him squeeze when she pulls away.
Don’t.  
She wasn’t pulling away to get away but just leaning back on her heels to take a deep breath. She blinked wildly, her gaze drifting from his eyes to his lips and back again.
His eyes were pleading. This couldn’t be over. She pulls her face away just far enough to where she can finally take in a deep breath.
Bucky is about to pull her in close once more since their hands are still attached, but her hand is sharply removed out of his, leaving them both cold and empty. It was a harsh slap and what was once the sound of just their breathing and heartbeats, was now a yelling and the loud commotion of the club on an average night.
She literally feels like she was ripped out of his arms. Bucky’s eyes quickly dart up to the intruder and he’s about to say something when Daisy quickly backs away from her brother, her gloved hand going straight to his chest and pushing him away.
She takes a moment, but her gaze finally adjusts.
Her brother takes her hand and holds it against him, “Robert’s a sleazing liar, Daisy. If dad finds out about this, we’re both dead. Les’ just get out of here before they get onto us.” Daisy’s silent, her mouth still agape. Emotions from moments ago are still washing through her system and she barely has anything else left to react to her brother’s statement.
She could honestly care less bout what was supposed to go down tonight anymore.  
She looks over at Bucky. Her brother follows her eye flicker and looks back at Bucky and then back to her. He lets out an exasperated chuckle and points at Bucky with his thumb, “Who’s this? Another one of them twits, Daisy? Imma lay a hand on him. You know these guys want nothin’ but one thing. Let’s go. Now.” Her brother pulls her behind him.
Once he’s about to pass Bucky, he shoots him a dirty look.
“Suggest you get out of here, pal,” he says.
Daisy looks like she’s about to cry as she pulls up the side of her dress to not trip behind her brother.
He’s rough as he pulls her behind him towards the exit.
“Jimmy, you gotta wait. You’re gonna’ make me fall!”  Jimmy rudely lets go of her and watches as she takes a deep breath and dusts off her dress.
Bucky is still voiceless, trying to process his heart’s emotions and what the hell was going on.
Suddenly, Daisy runs back to a table by the lounge where she was sitting at previously and grabs a random straight pen that she remembered had been carelessly left behind by someone else.  She silently thanks heaven for it. Both Bucky and Jimmy look at her speechless as she grabs Bucky’s limp hand in hers and starts writing quickly.
Bucky winces at the object’s sharp edge against his soft skin.
“Hell. Come on, Daisy.” Jimmy rolls his eyes.
She closes Bucky’s hand and gives him one last emotional look that said too much yet not enough before she runs out with her brother.
Bucky looks down at his closed hand, heavy emotions still crashing through his body.
Slowly he opens it up revealing 5 small yet powerful words that he knew would change everything. He smiles softly to himself.
Brooklyn. 8.
-
His feet took him to a place he’d been to every day since he’s lived in Brooklyn. Although this time, this day, it was insanely different.
He couldn’t imagine that he had been awake right now. Everything felt too surreal. He couldn’t believe that he had the balls of steel to actually walk up to her.
Thank god he did because whatever was felt between him, he knew it was what he was looking for his entire life.
Daisy.
The sides of his lips twitched as he let out a long sigh. He walked back and forth between the same building in dumbo and ran a hand through his soft hair, pulling slightly at the ends.  He was trying his best to calm down even though he knew he had a good hour until it was eight. He wasn’t sure he could wait.
He didn’t know what to say when he would see her again. This was probably a stupid question, but did she like him? What was the commotion back at the club with her brother? What was she planning on doing with him when she met up with him?
There were so many questions going through his head and not nearly enough answers. He didn’t know if he was scared or anxious, all he knew was he wanted it to be 8 o’clock already. He was thankful that the rain had stopped a while ago; the pavement was now mostly dry but some mist was still dangling through the air by it being pulled up from the puddles by the wind. He found the driest corner of a building that he could find, and he sat there. He rested his arm on his knee and looked around.
Deep in the Hudson below was soon to be the bridge, what Daisy had been referencing to. He looked at the pieces of sharp metal rising from the deep river, up into the air. It was massive and terrifying.
When the wind would blow through the iron-steel it would make a haunting howling sound that sent shivers up his arms. He didn’t get it. It was only recently that people had expanded the city upwards.
There weren’t that many tall buildings in New York until a few months ago. It was only seven years ago that they finally finished the Empire State Building, and even that was some getting used to. He thinks they even made some movie about it.
He looked at the skyline from across the river, that beautiful building standing tall, lighting up the sky. A sense of sadness overwhelms him suddenly as he remembers the events of the day.
It’s not common that he gives himself moments to allow himself to reminisce and feel. He reaches into the chest pocket of his dress shirt and pulls out a small locket with a chain. He clicks it open, revealing a small beat-up black-and-white photo of his family. His little sister Rebecca stood in the front by his side.
He admired her cute short brown hair and her brown eyes. She was always a sweet little girl, anything would make her laugh, and her laugh was always genuine and contagious. Bucky frowns.  She was so heartbroken when her mom passed away. Seeing Rebecca sad was not something he liked to think about, ever.
Bucky frowned as he passed his thumb over her picture. He hasn’t seen her since they got separated back at Camp Lehigh before returning to Brooklyn one last time. He wondered how she was doing. He wondered if she knew about dad.
He feels a tight pang in his chest and sighs.
Two out of the three people he loved the most were all dead.
He looked back at the skyline before shoving the locket back in his pocket, refusing to look at his mother and father.
He took in the cool air and let the wind momentarily flick his hairs onto his forehead. He closed his eyes tightly together and took a deep breath.
Shit, for all I knew I could be next.
He hoped things would change now that he met Daisy.
Maybe he wouldn’t have just one person left that he could love.
Maybe God was giving him another chance.Present
Bucky watches you from across the field as you sharpen that damn spear, again.
He hopes you don't plan on taking that thing with you on the mission.
That thought only angered him even more. How could they do this to him? He had everything planned, he had put together a great team that would take on this mission. But, no, instead he has been betrayed again.
Not just that, but he was being told he would have to only one partner and that that would be you.
He won't lie, the second he saw you for the first time, he knew immediately who you were.
You were pretty and you held a certain aura that he couldn't pinpoint. It was obvious that you were what the people referenced to these days - a fucking millennial, Gen Z, whatever it was.
Your haircut, your attire, the way you carried yourself, and the fact that you had killed a man straight through the chest as if it was nothing.
He remembers when he was your age, eighty-some years ago.
Things were different.
People held more respect.
Sure, things were post blip and post-apocalyptic now, so there was the benefit of the doubt, but he still knew how people your age were.
You took everything for granted; your liberty, your food, your family. You didn't know what hell was.
What was wrong with you? You would die.
You shouldn't want to kill. Not when you could wait for this to be to be over and bask in the over glow of the win, living your life like you should.
He tried not to blame his horrible view on things on Daisy. He tries not to blame her for never wanting to find anyone else ever again. He tries not to blame himself for 'killing' a girl that was so pure.
He watches you as you sharpen your spear with a small smile on your face.
His jaw tightens and his teeth clench.
He was dreading this mission.
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echo-three-one · 4 years ago
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Whatever It Takes : RELOADED
Abducted in a decent hotel room. That's the summary.
Table of Contents
Previous Chapter : Lurking in the Shadows
Chapter 19 to another story made by Ray (echo-three-one) Comments and Reviews appreciated! I hope you enjoy! Love you all ❤️
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forgive the piccrew ;-;
Vlad the Janitor
Samantha Coleman
Happy Traveler Inn - Room 240
Moscow, Russia
"Room Service!" Someone knocked at the door and something in Russian followed. Samantha assumed it's the same thing but in Russian. She carefully eyed the three men whom she knew were secretly armed. They were members of Shepherd's secret force, the one he calls "Shadow Company".
She's tired of being held hostage, she just wanted to live a normal life. And if Alex was correct, she can't believe that she chose to forget him just to get another shot at a normal life. She felt stupid. And she actually missed him. Even with all the jumbled and altered memories, her heart reacted to his presence.
The three abductors looked at her threateningly as the janitors entered. She knew she wasn't supposed to act suspicious or she's dead.
"We don't need cleaning!" One exclaimed as he shoved the janitor to the door, out of surprise the two janitors immediately grabbed mops and brooms and began fighting the abductors.
Samantha described it as a scene straight out of the movies, the trio worked together, hitting enemies until they were knocked down by severe hits in the head. They quickly disarmed and bound the abductors.
The tall janitor approached her, his eyes felt familiar but Samantha was reluctant to accept help. She eyed his name tag which said "Hello I'm VLAD"
"Thanks, Vlad?" She guessed, Vlad quickly removed his hat and face mask.
"Aw come on, Samantha. It's me!" Alex smiled, behind him, Roach and Soap stood and looked happy to see her.
Samantha's heart skipped a beat. She was right. He did go to the ends of the world for her multiple times. That meant that whatever they shared back on her memory lapses were far too significant for him. She hugged him tight and he reciprocated it quickly. She wanted to kiss him already but in their situation, it was better to keep it for later.
"Here you go, Alex." Soap tossed him the abductor's uniform as they quickly changed from janitors to bodyguards as they escorted her back to safety.
"Ghost this is Alex. The package is secure. Prepare for exfil."
"Roger that, pal." He replied as they effortlessly exited the hotel, leaving a message to Shepherd that he should not mess with them.
The elevator ride was the most awkward place for Samantha. The tension between her and Alex were reaching new heights. Their eye contacts felt more intense and small grazes from their hands felt like small jolts of electricity. Her heart raced so fast that she bit her lip.
"Thanks for saving me guys. For a second I thought you were never going to find me." She breathed as Alex slowly locked his hand on hers. She felt her cheeks warm up as his touch sent her on an ecstatic feeling. Was he really like this to her?
"You're still our priority, Samantha. Disbanded or not." Roach grinned as the elevator dinged upon reaching the Parking lot. In front of them was Price, driving the van and Ghost slowly sliding the door open.
"Welcome back, Samantha." The masked man greeted them as they entered the vehicle.
~
Safe House 110197
Brazil
Alex somewhat expected familiarity or nostalgia from Samantha, but all she remembered was the name of the safehouse. The number combination was somewhat familiar. She felt guilty and frustrated once she stepped foot on the house, as none of the items rang something from her memory while Alex took effort in recalling everything they did during their stay there, things that Samantha didn't expect she'd do but wanted to feel all over again.
Amidst the stress of the things happening around them, Maxine and Francine were getting along as they prepared a little feast once they heard that Samantha's on the way here. Maxine cried as she hugged her best friend and Samantha couldn't help but also shed tears.
"I missed you. Are you okay? Did they hurt you?" She asked, those same words also came out of Alex's mouth earlier, guess she was that important to the two of them?
"I'm fine, Max. They didn't hurt me or anything. Shepherd was actually out to use me as a bargaining chip so that my Dad would help him." The room fell silent. This was what they needed to hear. Intel.
Before lunch was even served, they already gathered around the dinner table. Alex finally sat beside Samantha, and that meant Ghost was the only one without a partner.
Samantha discussed the case at hand. How Shepherd would give Nero an IP Address in exchange for blueprints of an EMP Nuke. He'll then use such machinery to combat Nero's assault as well as avenge 30,000 of his defeated troops in Afghanistan. He also has his own elite troop called Shadow Company, which were trained the same way as the 141, but they had strength in numbers.
The rest of the evening was devastating. Now that they had information on Shepherd, Price and Jack started to call in some favors and prepared for the best window to fight back. Ghost got a text from Agent Ryder of interpol that she was too late to stop the trade of funds and now Shepherd has put the remaining 141 as most wanted people. Laswell also called Price that the initial plan of creating a task force was not going to work considering they're already fugitives and they should be more careful outdoors. Everyone else looked like they saw this one coming, they already knew the risks of the things they've done and proceeded to live their lives.
Samantha caught a glimpse of Max and Roach sprinkling each other water while washing the dishes, Soap and France arguing about how the word 'whimsy' was supposed to be used in a sentence and Ghost was always on his command center. She felt that she was never gone.
"How are you holding up, Love?" Alex plopped beside her, giving her a glass of water. Samantha smiled and raised her eyebrows.
"I don't remember you calling me that." She questioned, as she noticed the faint smell of Alex that she began to admire.
"Of course you don't. That's why I'm helping you." he grinned, tucking her hair behind her ear. She giggled and inhaled once more.
"You smell good today… Are you still trying to win my heart? I thought you already did." She mused, blushing as she ran a hand across his strong inked arms. She was always scared of heavily tattooed men, but this guy was an exception to the rule.
"Well, I wore clothes from two different people today… so… but nevermind that reason. Is it working? To you…? Are you… smitten?" He wiggled his eyebrows in an attempt to be seductive and Samantha just laughed. Was it possible to fall in love with a guy whom you already love? If so, then she's all for it.
"I can't say for sure, Vlad." She teased as he quickly fished his wallet, revealing a letter inside a small ziploc container. He gave it to Samantha as she uncrumpled it and started to read the contents.
"What's this?" she asked, looking at her own writing, she started to feel scared and nervous about the letter.
"You left that note to me before you forgot me… I tried to keep it for as long as I could, to the point that I almost wanted to throw it away." he held her hand while she held the letter.
"My Dearest Alex…" She spoke softly. Her hands began to tremble as he gently tightened his grip on her, making her feel more at ease.
"...In a span of three weeks, you managed to make me feel love once again. You allowed me to realize that even after a horrible loss, I could still open my heart and feel the joy of falling in love." This was clearly her creation, she slowly turned to Alex as he smiled and nodded his head to continue.
"...I always told myself that no matter how painful it is, I'll never forget your face, your smile, your eyes and all those memories we shared together. I actually convinced myself that we were a happily married couple back in that safehouse, an illusion I made because my heart felt like it. It was a good feeling, and I want to thank you for it." She leaned on his shoulders, looked at him once more and mouthed "Sorry".
"It looked like I forgot…" tears started to well on her eyes and Alex smiled. He wasn't the crying type but his eyes were already starting to get wet.
"I can't help but think about a lot of things, one being that if we were destined to meet and not end up together, it would be better if I don't meet you at all. I'm sorry to say this but I do love you so much and I know I promised, but I think my heart couldn't carry the idea of you existing and not within my grasp. It's utterly heartbreaking." she sobbed, hot tears fell from her cheek and Alex immediately wiped them off with his thumbs as she continued reading, her voice was shaky.
"So, your office offered me a chance to alter my memories of meeting you, along with the memory that made Nero look for me. You were on a briefing and I wanted to talk to you personally, maybe feel your warmth one last time. I'd want to kiss you too, but I guess the world didn't want that to happen." She looked at Alex one more time, then their lips met, it was a small peck, their lips immediately parted upon contact. She looked back at her letter"
"So I took the offer, and by the time you read this, I'm already on my way home to resume the life I've lost. I'm sure Maxine misses me right now...
I know you'll agree to this because I feel you always want what's best for me. If our paths would cross again, I hope you'll remember me the way I remembered you before I take this operation, A good memory that's supposed to last forever.
Apologizing in advance if I don't remember you anymore.
Don't you dare forget about me,
- Samantha" Teardrops splattered across the paper as she folded it and reached for Alex's mouth, this time they went all out. Like teenagers who shared their first french kiss, sloppy, needy yet satisfying. They didn't care about their surroundings. All they both cares about was that they were within each other's grasp after a very long time.
"I guess you kept my word. You never forgot me…" She exhaled as they broke the kiss.
"It's because I can't… and I told myself that I won't." Alex replied as they kissed once again. This time, they could hear Maxine and Roach cheering in the background.
"Geez! Get a room you two!" A loud Scottish yell was heard from the distance. But despite all the noise, the two of them didn't mind.
~
Samantha was brushing her teeth when Alex snuck up from behind, wrapping his arms around her. She remembered how she admitted to the letter that they acted like a married couple, maybe this was always their thing for weeks. She was happy as they both swayed harmoniously, looking at the most handsome man in the world, hugging her.
"Do hmm haa hoo heemmmi hoo?" She mumbled while her hands brushed her teeth.
"We don't. But if we had one what would you think it'd be?" Alex mused, turning to her. He already knew what she meant despite it being inaudible. She spat the contents of her mouth and finished brushing her teeth before turning to him, all while still under his warm embrace.
"Have you heard of Way Back into Love?" she asked, Alex's reaction was a very wholesome smile.
"Like from that movie? Yeah." he chuckled, minty breath traveled to her nostrils.
"All I want to do is find a way back into love…" she sang softly, her singing voice made Alex smile.
"I can't make it through without a way back into love…" Alex sang or more specifically, said the words near the tune. Samantha giggled as they swayed to their little song.
"And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end" They sang together, Samantha doing it in tune while Alex sounded like he's narrating the song. They both were spinning around on the small area in front of the sink, enjoying the moments that they were together once again. Samantha wishing that she'll never get separated from Alex ever again.
Next Chapter : Undying Admiration
Notification Squad my Beloved
@enderio @whimsywispsblog @beemybee @samatedeansbroccoli @smokeywhalee @ricinbach
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twomoonstwosuns · 5 years ago
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thanksgiving break
back to you [series masterlist]
previous part · next part
pairing: professor!poe dameron x reader
warnings: smut (18+), swearing, age gap (reader over 18), everything consensual
word count: 4.3k oops
a/n: get ready, i’m turning this into a full series (my first ever series and i’m STOKED). it’s gonna be full of smutty, fluffy, angsty goodness. i’m making a tag list, hit me up if you want to be added. i’ll link the masterlist when i have it made. also sorry not sorry i got really carried away and basically just wrote a porno.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
You hadn’t seen Poe since that night.
You weren’t purposely avoiding him. In fact, you had caught yourself looking for him within a crowd of people, in line getting coffee, or walking outside between classes. Since his class was over, you had no reason to go to the building he taught in. And it would definitely be weird if you started showing up to his office hours without a reason.
Midterms were rough on you and everything after that just seemed to be getting harder. Studying for multiple tests and writing long papers took over your life for the month of November. Graduation was one semester away and you couldn’t take your foot off the gas, so you pushed yourself hard. Your diet consisted of energy drinks and whatever you could nuke in the microwave or get delivered late at night. Luckily, you weren’t alone in your stress. Your apartment-mates Karé and Jessika were in the same boat as you.
It didn’t help that you couldn’t stop thinking about your hookup with Poe, the way he kissed you, the way he sucked on your skin, and especially the way he fucked you just on the cusp of rough. It was good, so good, and you wanted it to happen again, which is probably why you were seemed to be looking for him everywhere you went. What would you even say if you did see him? Hey Professor, wanna fuck again? just didn’t seem like the right way to ask.
Thanksgiving break was a very welcome interruption.
You turned in the first draft of your thesis paper, the invisible weight on your shoulders lifting as you walked out of Professor Holdo’s office, wishing her a good break. Your phone buzzed inside your pocket and you saw your older sister Tallie’s name flash across the screen.
“Mom wants to know what time you’ll be home.”
You pulled the phone away from your ear, checking the time.
“Probably in like an hour, hour and a half? I’m heading back to my apartment now and have a couple last minute things to pack. Why?”
“She’s running to the store and wants to know what you’re making to bring to dinner tomorrow. If you answered your phone, you’d know that.”
You scoffed at her attitude.
“First of all, I don’t know what I’m making yet so tell mom I’ll just stop at the store myself. Second, I know it’s been awhile since you’ve been in college, but let me remind you that I still have classes the day before Thanksgiving.”
“Yeah, I got that. Sorry.”
Tallie’s answer was short, clipped. At this point you were seriously debating staying at your apartment during break and eating a box of mac and cheese if this was the attitude you were going home to. All you wanted was a relaxing break. You needed it. You deserved it.
“What the hell’s your problem?”
“Nothing. I just—it’s our first holiday since dad left and I’m more angry than I thought I would be.”
You stopped in the middle of the hallway, making students around you have to sidestep you. You shot them an apologetic look as they passed. You understood why your sister was giving you attitude and gave her the benefit of the doubt. You knew it was Wednesday but had forgotten the significance of the day. Today was the day your parents’ divorce would be finalized. You let out a heavy sigh.
“I get it. I’m angry too.” You said.
Another person coming down the perpendicular hallway caught your attention and when you looked, you saw him, the person you’d been looking for. You gave him a smirk as he walked closer and he gave you one back when he made eye contact with you. Everything your sister was saying was passing through your head without being processed as you discreetly checked him out. A black sweater with the sleeves rolled up to his forearms was accompanied by dark blue jeans and a brown leather bag hanging off his shoulder, the shoulders you had fond memories of holding onto as he pounded into you. Poe Dameron was effortlessly dreamy. You held a finger up, silently telling him to hang out for a second. Poe slowed his walking and took out his phone, lingering an appropriate distance away from you.
“Look, the way I see it, we can stay angry or we can not think about it and just have a good break. I haven’t seen you since the summer.”
“I know, I’ve missed you. We’ll have to do something before you go back to school. And you’re right about being angry. I’ll let it go, for you…and for mom. I hate it when you’re right, by the way.”
“I’m always right, I don’t know why you’re not used to it by now.” You heard Poe laugh quietly and you gave him a look. “I gotta go, but I’ll be home soon.”
You hit the end call button and looked back up at Poe.
“Hey.”
“Hey. Everything ok?”
“Yeah, um—“ How much do you tell him? It was just sex the one time, it’s not like you were dating. You shook your head, deciding not to burden him with your family drama. “It’s nothing, really. My older sister’s a little bit of a drama queen sometimes.”
“Ah. Only child; never had that.”
“Consider yourself lucky.”
The air around you was tense, wrought with sexual tension that could be cut with a knife. You couldn’t help but bite inside of your cheek as you looked at him. The way Poe was raking his eyes over you was nearly the same as the way he looked at you at the club. He wanted a repeat of that night too. The words were on the tip of your tongue and you could tell Poe wanted to say something too. You wanted to say them so bad, but you didn’t know who might be lingering behind doors or around corners, so you settled for small talk.
“You heading out?”
“Yeah, I’m flying out to my dad’s tonight. We’re doing friendsgiving with a couple of his Air Force buddies and a few of my friends who don’t have much in terms of family.”
“That’s sweet,” you said. “Is Beebs going with you?”
Poe chuckled. His orange and white corgi Beebs had become very popular when he had his laptop hooked up to the monitor in his class and everyone saw the adorable dog as his computer background.
“Unfortunately no, he’s getting dropped off at doggy day care. Flying stresses him out.”
You thought you ‘awwed’ in your head, but the way Poe snickered made you realize you had actually said it out loud. You couldn’t help it though. The way he adored his furry companion was too sweet. Poe looked around him before taking a step closer to you.
“Give me your phone.”
“Why?”
“Give me your phone.”
You gave him a look as you handed your phone over. He held onto it for a minute, typing something in quickly before handing it back to you. His fingers brushed over yours and your whole body felt warm. You looked up at Poe, his eyes on you as he leaned in.
“See you later.” He said lowly in your ear as he passed you. He was playing a dangerous game out in the middle of the hall like this, but you found yourself growing wet instead of caring. You bit your lip to contain your smile before looking back at him, your eyes landing on his ass that just looked too good in those jeans.
“Tell your dog I say ‘hi’.”
Poe threw his head back and laughed loudly. He turned to look back at you and winked. You walked away in the opposite direction, the smile never leaving your face.
》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》
Thanksgiving dinner ended up being a lot more pleasant than you anticipated. Since your dad walked out, you had expected his side of the family to be awkward towards you. You actually expected them to not come at all. But they showed up with unconditional support that made it clear they were on your side and were very vocal about their disapproval after several glasses of wine. It was reassuring in a way.
It was Saturday afternoon when Poe texted you. You were lounging on the couch working on homework with reruns on as background noise. He asked if you wanted to get together, to which you texted back embarrassingly fast that you’d love nothing more. You’d never admit to it to him, but you had been anxiously awaiting a text since the minute you got home.
He texted you an address to a hotel in the city. Confused, you gave your mother some excuse about going to meet a friend to get coffee and work on homework. With your backpack full of random books, you drove into the city towards the hotel. You nearly sped down the streets, the anticipation at having Poe between your legs again making you want to clench your thighs together.
You arrived at the hotel, texting Poe that you were in the lobby. He gave you his room number and you were having a hard time standing still on your way up. The thoughts that swirled around your head were sinful, and you were so caught up in how aroused you were that you almost missed the room. You knocked twice before Poe opened the door and pulled you inside He pressed you against the door.
“Hi,” Poe said, giving you a sexy smile as he took your jacket off.
“Hi.”
You grabbed the front of his shirt and crashed your lips against his. He wasted no time sliding his tongue into your mouth and tangling it with yours. He was half hard already and you wondered if he had been thinking of you. You groaned at the feeling, heat pooling in your belly at how good it felt having his denim clad cock rubbing against your clothed core. Poe lifted your shirt over your head, breaking the kiss to do it but immediately reconnecting your lips. He pulled you from the door, his hands warm as one hand splayed across your lower back, the other kneading your breast through your bra. He turned you into the room, walking you in.
You unhooked your bra, flinging it somewhere in the room and bringing your fingers to the hem of his t-shirt. You paused as he helped you lift his shirt over his head, staring at his chest. The sneak peek you got through his shirt on Halloween gave way to a broad, muscular chest, tanned and toned. A silver chain lay against his skin, a ring hanging on the end of it. You traced your finger down his sternum, hooking it around the necklace.
“God, you’re sexy.” You breathed. The look he gave you nearly made you melt. Poe grabbed the back of your neck, trailing his lips from the curve of your jaw back to your ear. He left a trail of wet, hot kisses and you nearly lost your breath when he ran his teeth over your pulse point.
“Easy—fuck—easy on the marks this time.” You said breathlessly. “I still have to see my family tomorrow.”
You felt Poe chuckle against your skin, bringing his lips back up to yours and gently biting your lip.
“Good thing it’s scarf season,” he smirked before darting his tongue out to trace over where he’d bitten.
He unbuttoned your jeans and dipped his hand inside, cupping your heat through your underwear. You were embarrassingly wet, everything he was doing was making your body temperature rise. The back of your legs hit the bed and Poe gently pushed you onto it, removing his hand long enough to scoot you back. He pulled your jeans down your legs, unhooking them from your ankles and tossing them into the piles of clothes on the floor.
“Well well, what do we have here?” Poe said with a salacious grin, running his lips over the small tattoo on your side. He ran his finger along your slit over your underwear, feeling you soaking through. “Fuck, you’re so wet.”
“Poe, please…”
“Please what?” He had a playful glint in his eye as he traced his finger along your underwear down to your inner thighs, avoiding the place where you really wanted him.
“Touch me. Please touch me.”
Poe practically ripped your underwear off and brought his fingers to your clit, pressing light circles on it. Your hips bucked up looking for more friction. Poe placed a kiss on your stomach and then on your breast before coming face to face with you. His eyes were nearly black with lust.
“Like that?”
His voice was rougher than you’d ever heard and it made you even more wet. You whispered out a ‘yes’ as he slipped a thick finger inside of you, pumping it once, twice before adding a second. “Fuck Poe, don’t stop.”
His thumb circled your clit as his fingers pressed inside you. You clenched around him, your orgasm blindsiding you and making your stomach flutter. Poe dragged his fingers out of you, bringing them up to his lips. Watching his tongue swirl around his fingers collecting your arousal made your pussy ache with need.
Your hands immediately unbuttoned his pants and he pushed them off with his briefs. You hooked your leg around his waist and pushed him onto his back, the underside of his cock against your pussy. You kissed him quick before making your way down to his neck, biting just above his clavicle.
“No bite marks,” his throat vibrated underneath your lips and you felt his breath catch as you palmed him over his briefs. “I’m teaching all day Monday.”
His reasons were as valid as yours, but you knew he was teasing as well. You kissed down his sternum, the metal of his necklace cool on your lips, and looked up at him from under your lashes.
“You could rock a scarf.”
Poe sat up, grabbing your face and kissing you hard as he flipped you back onto your back. You squealed at being manhandled that way and it surprised you how much you like it. Poe pulled away long enough to reach onto the nightstand and grab a condom. He tore the package open and you took it from his hand.
“Let me,” you said softly. You pumped his cock gently, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the tip and licking the pre-cum off your lips as you rolled the condom down the length. Poe thought he could’ve cum right on the spot. He pushed you back and lined his cock up with your entrance. He looked up at you, checking to make sure you were still good. You nodded and he sunk into you slowly, the both of you moaning as your back began to arch. He pulled out nearly all the way, the head of his cock remaining in side you and pushed in again at a slower pace, the month apart making you need a minute to adjust to his impressive size.
“Poe—god, so—“ A big swing of his hips silenced you, a victorious grin on his face. He grabbed your thighs, wrapping them around his waist and thrust into you. Your back arched when he hit that particular spot inside of you, the one that made the coil inside you start to tighten.
He sat back on his knees, scooping you up and hauling you into his lap. Your arms went around his neck to steady yourself as he rocked up into you and you caught a glimpse of a tattoo on the back of his shoulder. The new angle made him drive even deeper into you and when you rolled against his hips, the moan you released was downright pornographic. His large hands grabbed your ass, his fingers digging into your cheeks as he bounced you in his lap.
“You feel so good.” Poe’s mouth latched onto your breast, sucking marks onto the skin while his tongue flicked over your nipple.
“Fuck, Poe—I’m close—“
Poe increased your pace on his cock, slamming into you to bring you your release. Your eyes nearly rolled back into your head.
“Poe—“
“Look at me,” Poe grasped your hair, keeping your head in place. You opened your eyes. His eyes held a look of determination. “That’s it sweetheart, cum.”
You came apart in his arms, ecstasy taking over you and your moan sinful as your fingers tugged his hair. Poe tipped you back onto the mattress, grunting as he came. His thrusts slowed as you both rode out your highs, your bodies glistening with sweat as he collapsed on top of you. He was heavy on you, but it kept you grounded when you felt like your body was going to levitate. Your legs were twitching with pleasure as Poe rolled off of you. He caught his breath before getting up to discard the condom. When he came back, he slipped his boxers on and picked up his t-shirt, making no effort to put any more clothes back on. He pulled you up by your hand and slipped the t-shirt over your head. Your heart fluttered at the tenderness of the action. He was making sure you were comfortable since the blankets were bunched up and wrinkled underneath you and you had noenergy to move beneath them. You flopped back down on the bed and Poe lay next to you, looking at you with a lazy smile on his face.
“I think you nearly killed me this time.” You said, still attempting to catch your breath. Poe laughed, his eyes crinkling at the edges. He knew just as well as you that this time was hookup was different and much more preferred. While it was just as quick and deliciously filthy as it was in the alleyway, you both had more time to get to know each other’s bodies and what made the other tick, which you took full advantage of. “I meant to ask you, why are we at a hotel?”
“I may or may not have locked my keys in my apartment when I was rushing to get Beebs out.”
You laughed loudly, the smile never leaving your face as he told you the full story. At the end of it, you joked with him, telling him it was going to become your mission to steal his adorable dog. He then asked about your holiday and you asked about his. The conversation was easy and effortless, like you were friends; friends who had just fucked each other’s brains out, but friends nonetheless. You heard your phone ring a few times, but couldn’t find yourself to go find it. Talking with Poe was much more interesting than anything anyone on the other end could say. The conversation turned to the current semester, how things were going from both a student’s and professor’s point of view, and then it turned to Halloween.
“So, I’m curious,” you said, rolling onto your side and resting your head on your outstretched arm. “You were awfully quick to seduce me at the bar—“
“You were quick to say yes.”
“How long had you been thinking about this?”
“Awhile.” He answered, shrugging his shoulders when you raised your eyebrows. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“How many times have you thought about fucking me?”
The directness of the way he spoke was making you hot, making you wet and your thighs sticky with arousal. You hummed thoughtfully, trying to decide if you wanted to tell him just how long you had thought about him. Poe seemed to notice your hesitation and gave you a suggestive look.
“Tell me,” His voice was soft but demanding as his fingers playing with the hem of his t-shirt as he inched closer.
You stretched your other arm above your head, your movements cat-like as you stretched. His eyes followed and settled briefly on your chest.
“Probably like once a week since the first day of your class.” You admitted with a flirty smile. Poe rolled over onto you, stretching his body along yours and holding your wrists above your head with one of his hands. The other traced the curve of your breast, gently playing with your nipple. He rolled his hips against yours.
“Is that so?”
You arched your eyebrow, giving him a look that dared him to do something about it. He leaned down, his lips brushing over yours, when your phone started going off for the third time.
“Oh my god.” You were annoyed, both at the person trying to call you and yourself for not turning your phone on silent. Poe got off of you and grabbed your phone, handing it to you. You huffed in annoyance when you saw your sister’s name.
“Hello?” You pressed your finger against Poe’s lips, urging him to keep quiet. He gently bit the top of your finger before sucking it into his mouth. You clenched your thighs together.
“So get this, Chris forgot to tell me—“
Whatever she was saying about her husband, you didn’t hear. You were too focused on Poe, who had pushed his shirt up and started tracing your tattoo with his tongue. He then moved down and lifted your leg, settling it over his shoulder, and without warning licked a strip from your slit to your clit, making you gasp.
“You ok?”
You squirmed under Poe and he laid his arm across the lower part of your stomach to keep you in place. He’d proven to be good with his mouth, but this was an entirely different kind of pleasure.
“Yeah, just ran into the corner of a table.” You felt Poe smile against you and bit your lip to keep from crying out. He inserted two fingers into you, curling them in succession with every flick of his tongue against your clit.
“Short notice, I know, but do you want to do happy hour tonight? Say, 7 o’clock at Coakley’s?”
You glanced at the clock on the nightstand, seeing it read 5:30. Between the sex and the conversation, you had been there for hours without realizing it.
“Sure, sounds—“ You pulled the phone away from your mouth, biting your lip to silence a whimper as Poe worked you towards your orgasm. “Sounds good.”
“Are you sure you’re ok?”
“Yeah, fine, that table just really hurt.” You tugged his hair with your free hand and he eased off, removing his fingers just as you were teetering on the edge. You whined at the loss of contact as he nibbled at the skin of your inner thighs. “I’ll see you at 7.”
You made sure you were disconnected before throwing your phone aside and moaning loudly as Poe delved his tongue into your pussy like a man starved. He was quick to bring you back to the brink of orgasm. Your legs trembled against him as you came hard,the pleasure overtaking you and making you lose all train of thought. Poe withdrew his fingers, running them through his mouth and collecting the rest of your juices. He kissed your sensitive folds once more before crawling back up your body, licking his lips as he did.
“That was so cruel.” You said breathlessly, but the smile on your face showed you didn’t mean it one bit. You swiped your thumb on his chin, collecting what remained of your juices and sucking it into your mouth. He pressed his lips to yours, his tongue slipping into your mouth and letting you taste more of yourself.
“You have to get going.” He muttered as he pulled away, lifting himself off of you and pulling you up.
“I do.” You frowned, reluctantly getting off the bed. Your legs were still shaky with instability. “I feel like I’m always slipping out on you. But I can’t go to drinks with my sister smelling like I just spent the last couple hours having sex.”
You gathered up your clothes, making sure you were leaving nothing behind. You looked in the mirror above the dresser, trying to make your hair look somewhat presentable and making sure the hickeys you told Poe not to leave were completely covered.
“I’m being serious, you know.” You said, putting your underwear on. They were still damp and it made you tingle with the memory. “I’m going to steal your dog.”
“I don’t know about stealing him, but you’ll meet him when we do this again.”
You looked over your shoulder as you buttoned your jeans.
“Yeah? Again?”
“Oh yeah.”
“Good.” You slipped your jacket on and walked towards him. “Because this is a lot of fun.”
Poe stood from the bed and slipped his hand into your hair, pulling you into one last kiss. It was softer than the ones you’d previously shared. He pulled away and whispered ‘bye’ against your lips, pecking them once more before releasing you. You grabbed your purse and left with a wave and a wink.
He made you absolutely giddy. If someone had told you that you were going to have a sexual relationship with your professor, you would’ve laughed in his or her face. What made it so great for you was how natural your chemistry was. It was good, lighthearted, sexy fun, something that both of you craved during stressful times.
For the first time in awhile, you couldn’t wait to get back to school.
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duhragonball · 3 years ago
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So, Terminator 3.   T2 was such a huge hit that everyone just assumed a third movie was a given, but it took twelve years for it to finally happen.    The Wikipedia article has a section about the delay, but it’s really long and complicated, and I’m not that interested anymore.   The main takeaway is that James Cameron, who directed the first two movies, wasn’t involved in the making of T3.   Apparently, he really wanted to do it in 1995, but by the time the rights and everything got squared away, he got busy doing Titanic and Avatar or whatever else, and he decided that he’d already told the story he wanted to tell in the first two movies.   But he did tell Arnold Schwarzenegger to go for it if he got an offer.  
I guess the reason I’m explaining all of this was because I always thought Cameron did make T3, and the reason Linda Hamilton wasn’t in it was because of hard feelings over their divorce in 1999.  Which sounds kind of dumb now that I type it out.    A fan would think that, because they see actors appearing or not appearing in movies as the ultimate sanction, but for them it’s strictly business.   Arnold was in T3 because they paid him $30 million, not because he desperately wanted to play the character again.   According to the Wikipedia article, Hamilton wasn’t in the movie because there just wasn’t much they could do with Sarah Connor in the story.    Her role was to prepare John Connor for his own role.   This movie features him as an adult, so there’s nothing more for her to do.    Hamilton recognized this, and declined to participate.
I think T3 had a lot going against it, because it had so much to live up to, and fans of T2 had been waiting so long.   I think everyone wanted the T3 movie James Cameron might have made in 1995, but what they got in 2003 was this movie, which didn’t quite live up to the hype.   I’m not sure anything else could have lived up to the hype, though.    T2 had some mighty big shoes to fill.  
The big problem is that it’s basically the same plot structure as T2.  Two more Terminators come from the future and they fight over the life of John Connor.   After escaping the bad Terminator, John tries to stop Skynet from taking over and nuking humanity, and they end up having a final showdown with the bad Terminator along the way.  It really is the same movie in a lot of ways, so it just begs to be compared to T2, which only magnifies its flaws.  
The main difference is that John thought he already stopped Skynet years ago, so he’s horrified to learn that he only postponed the inevitable.    He goes to a lot of trouble to try again, but the audience probably already anticipates that this won’t work.  T2 was ambiguous about this, but T3 actually shows the nuclear missiles launching and destroying their targets.   So it’s kind of a downer to watch.   We even learn that Future John will die in 2032, because the good Terminator in this movie was the one who kills him, before he got reprogrammed to protect Present John.
The other difference is the addition of Kate Brewster, who’s fated to become John’s second-in-command and wife.   The bad Terminator was actually sent to kill her and other would-be Resistance leaders, until it discovers John and changes priorities.    Future Kate is also the one who sends the good Terminator back in time.   I never fully understood Kate’s purpose in the movie, since she’s basically a spare John, but I think they needed a viewpoint character.    In T1, Sarah was the viewpoint character, then it was John in T2.   But in T3, Sarah’s dead and John already knows all about this stuff, so there needed to be a new character with a special destiny.   The trouble is that I don’t think Kate gets a chance to digest this very well, probably because we’ve already covered this twice before already.  
I think this is the movie where the time travel stuff really went off the rails.  T1 was very consistent about establishing a predestination paradox.   T2 hinted that the future could be changed, but never made it clear whether it actually changed or not.   The value was in the attempt, not the result.   But the T-850 tells John that “Judgement Day is inevitable”, and that he only postponed it from its original date in 1997.  So they managed to change the future, just not enough.   Fair, but how does the T-850 know this?   Shouldn’t he be from the same altered future, where Judgement Day happened in 2003?  
Also, this movie introduces more Terminator varieties.   In the first movie, the T-800 is stated to be new in the future.   Then in the second movie, the T-800 admits that the T-1000 is much more sophisticated, because it’s an “advanced prototype.”   In this movie, the T-850 claims to be obsolete, and says the T-X is much more advanced.   So it sounds like Skynet was busily inventing better Terminators for these missions, except it shouldn’t have had time for that.   It lost the war and had to use the time machine as a last-ditch effort.  It’s weird enough that it used the time machine three times, but it shouldn’t have had years to do this.   The Human Resistance captured the time machine shortly after winning the war, right?   I really hope T4 explains some of this.
Roger Ebert called this movie “Essentially one long chase and fight, punctuated by comic, campy or simplistic dialogue."   The first 24 minutes are fairly dull, but once it gets rolling, it’s pretty fun to watch.    But he’s right.   When I watched all the DBZ movies in 2019, I realized that Movie 7 is just one big fight scene, with some slice of life stuff at the beginning to set things up.    T3′s basically the same, with very little else to occupy its time.   T1 had the relationship between Sarah and Kyle, and T2 had Sarah’s hangups and John’s bonding with “Uncle Bob”.   T3 really only has Kate and John hanging on for dear life as their protector drags them through the story.    It’s a fun chase, with lots of guns and explosions and breaking stuff, but there’s not much more to it.  
So what’s good about this movie?  What makes it really stand out?   Well, for openers, the T-X is pretty cool.  The T-1000 was going to be difficult to top, and I don’t think the T-X ever succeeded, but it wasn’t for lack of trying.   She has liquid metal on top of an endoskeleton, so she can disguise herself, but she can’t seep under doors and stuff like that.   Also, she has weapons built into her body, so she’s the only time traveler who could actually bring future weapons with her into the past.   Also, she can control machines, like when she hijacks a bunch of police cars and fire trucks to help her chase down John.   She’s ridiculously overpowered, and she does not give a fuck who knows it.  The previous Terminators at least attempted to keep a low profile, revealing themselves only when ready to attack, but the T-X just wreaks havoc all over the place.    She’s not worried about the authorities or a lack of firepower, or anything at all, so she’s free to execute her mission with reckless abandon. 
Second, I take some solace in John Connors personal crisis in this movie.  He was kind of chill about the whole thing in T2, because he got his mom back and he had a cool robot pal, and they seemed to have the whole Skynet problem figured out.     In this movie, Sarah’s dead, and he doesn’t know what to do with himself.  He can’t quite believe that Judgement Day won’t come, so he lives off the grid and tries to avoid everyone.   He doesn’t want the Future War to happen, but at the same time, his life has no purpose without it.   Later, he becomes despondent and says that he must not be the chosen one after all, because he’s no leader and he never was.  
Except, he is, and he has to be, and he becomes one at the end of the movie, when he finally accepts his fate.   There’s something very powerful about the shot of Kate holding his hand as he prepares to give orders to the other survivors on the radio.  They’re stuck in this dark future now, and they have to see it through together.  
I think, whenever I watched these movies before, that I never really “got” John Connor as a character.  In T2 he was a kid, so I just wrote him off.   He wasn’t John Connor yet, so it didn’t matter much.    In T3, he seemed extremely pathetic, and I took his lack of confidence at face value.   I thought he really wasn’t ready to lead, and he only ended up in that role by default.    But this time around, I see how in T2 he was the moral center of the good guy team.   Sarah was lashing out at everyone and the Terminator only cared about mission objectives, but John kept reminding everyone of the value of human life, and what they were all fighting for.   Even as a kid, he got “it” in a way that others didn’t.   In T3, he’s demoralized, but he still knows how to do this stuff, and how to lead.  He just doesn’t feel motivated until the final act of the movie.  
That didn’t stick with me when I first saw this movie in ‘03, but I’m older now, and less sure of myself than I used to be, and all the validation I get feels hollow and unconvincing.  Like John, I may be aware that I have the capacity to do things, but it doesn’t always feel like it’s enough.  That’s what T3 has that T2 doesn’t.   It’s that crisis of confidence that separates the two films, although it’s subtle enough that it’s easy to overlook. 
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babyybitchhhwrites · 4 years ago
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Endeavor x Reader 18+
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Title: Temptation 
Rating:  Explicit/R-18+
Words: 2761
Warnings: phone sex, public masturbation, slight daddy kink
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25758232
A/N: This is not a new fic. I actually wrote it sometime back in 2017 but I never uploaded it outside of Tumblr. I was only recently able to retrieve it from my previously nuked blog so figured I’d go ahead and post it here. : /
♥♥♥♥
Whether because of his age or due to his stubborn ass personality, Enji was not a big fan of texting. He much preferred to make phone calls or, better yet, speak to someone in person. Try as you might to convince him otherwise, it proved to be a hard habit of his to break. Although you couldn’t really blame him for being so stuck in his ways, not when they’d served him so well over the years, you likewise had your own method of getting things done. Texting was your main source of communication these days and you’d long since accepted that he just wasn’t going to get on board with it anytime soon.
Thats why you were so terribly shocked when your phone buzzed and you glanced down at the screen to see a message from the flame hero himself. This was so unlike him and concern that there was some kind of problem washed over you before you could rationalize it as being something mundane. Fearing the worst, you opened the text only to balk incredulously.
Come to my office.
Surreptitiously glancing up at Best Jeanist, you offered the blonde a reassuring smile when he shot you a questioning look. This was so not the time for Enji to start getting demanding.
I can’t right now. I’m out on patrol with my boss. Maybe later?
You waited expectantly for some kind of response, but it was just dead silence on his end. After about three minutes and your text still unread, you slipped your phone into your pocket with every intention of getting back to work. It went off again not even thirty seconds later and you heaved a tired sigh. Once more fishing out your cellphone, you disinterestedly looked over the new message.
I’ve been thinking about you.
Your eyes bulged before you could catch yourself. Suddenly feeling quite flustered, you quickly glanced around to make sure no one was reading over your shoulder before carefully constructing your reply. No one knew about your relationship with Endeavor and it would have been disastrous if it came out like this. It was a PR nightmare just waiting to happen.
Oh ~? I can’t wait for you to tell me all about it! I’ll be done around 5
This time Enji’s reply came much quicker and you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling at the thought that he was starting to get the hang of it.
I want you now. Not later.
Too bad he was using his new found texting skills to get you all hot and bothered while you were at work and your boss was standing not even five feet away.
You were halfway through typing a firm but gentle reminder that you were a pro too and you couldn’t just drop everything to come blow him under his desk when you got another message from him. Blinking in surprise, your eyebrows shot up when you realized that he’d sent you a picture. You didn’t even really give it much thought as you clicked on it, and suddenly your screen was filled with … the front of Enji’s hero costume. The crotch to be exact. And boy, was he hard.
Blushing like a school girl, you hurriedly tapped the picture away. Another text was waiting for you.
See what you do to me?
You gasped for air, swinging your head up to find Best Jeanist approaching you. Panic was quick to set in but, thinking fast, you rushed to say that you were going to use the restroom and without even waiting for a answer, you took off in the opposite direction. It was suspicious. It was incredibly suspicious, your behavior. He’d no doubt ask what that had been all about when you returned and you sure hoped he bought whatever petty excuse you managed to come up with before then.
Halfway down the block, there was a fast food restaurant which is where you decided to slip into. You refused to meet any of the employees eyes as you made a bee line for the bathroom where you promptly locked yourself into one of the stalls. Gripping your phone in a white knuckled grip, you jabbed at the screen rather aggressively and brought it up to your ear. Enji answered on the first ring.
“I’m so glad that you’re finally catching up to this century, but you can’t send me stuff like that when I’m at work!” You snapped, almost immediately regretting your choice in words. You were flustered and anxious though, and your panties suddenly felt uncomfortably damp, so you didn’t even try to take it back.
To your surprise, Enji actually had the decency to fall into stunned silence for a brief moment. Then he growled through the receiver and you could practically see his teeth clamping down on that pouty bottom lip of his. “Watch how you speak to me, woman. I wont warn you again.”
That certainly took some of the bite out of your scathing mood. “Look, I’m sorry but …” You tried to reason with him, noticeably calmer. “I’m on patrol with Best Jeanist right now. You can’t ask me to just drop everything like that.”
“I wasn’t asking.”
You choked in disbelief. “W-wha -”
He cut you off with a vehement huff. “Where are you?”
“In a restaurant. In the bathroom.”
“Good.” You caught the sound of rustling on the other end. “I felt like a damn fool taking that picture. This is much better.”
Your gaze darted to the stall door, still locked. “Enji, I can’t -”
“You will.” A tense puff of air filtered through the line, and you were sure he had his straining cock in his hand now. “I’ll even take you out to dinner tonight instead of just breaking you over my desk. Now be a good girl and start playing with yourself.”
Static electricity shot up your spine, making you shudder. A soft moan escaped your parted lips. Enji didn’t miss it, he never did, and he chuckled in satisfaction. The sound alone made goosebumps erupt across your skin and before you realized what you were doing, your free hand had found your breast. It was small and delicate compared to his massive, callous rough palms, but it was so easy to imagine. So easy to dredge up the most recent memory of how it felt when he fondled your tits. Your nipples responded quickly, pebbling against the inside of your bra, just aching for some real attention.
“This is risky …” You murmured, your voice a little lower. Huskier.
Enji snorted. “Maybe for you.”
You flushed red hot at that, swaying on your feet. He was right. You were the only one doing this out in public where anyone could walk in without warning while he was safe in his office. Your breath hitched even as you rushed to unfasten the top of your costume with one hand. It was a struggle, but with jerky motions you finally managed to free yourself and you yanked your bra down under the swell of your chest.
“E-Enjiiii …” You keened into the phone as you pinched your left nipple. Tugged it, gave it a twist. Nothing could compare to his rough ministrations though.
A pleased hum drifted into your ear, followed by a deliberately slow inhale. “Not like that. You know better.”
You screwed your eyes shut and leaned back against the stall door, groaning. “Daddy!”
“Thats it.”
Enji sounded so self satisfied and you could practically envision him reclining into his highbacked leather chair, spreading his legs wide as he languidly stroked his cock with his hand. Maybe he was alternating between showing the head some special attention, slowly rubbing around the slit at the top, or perhaps he was reaching down to give his heavy balls a nice squeeze. God, there were so many possibilities and somehow not knowing exactly what he was doing made your knees go weak.
“I’ve been thinking about that pretty little mouth of yours all day.” He spoke slowly, almost sensually, truly stoking your fire. “I wanted you to come crawl under my desk and suck me off while I work on this mountain of paperwork. Be my little cock warmer.”  
Your vision started to blur. “I want to, daddy. I want your dick in my mouth so bad. I wish it was you touching my nipples right now.”
He groaned, quietly. “Those perfect little tits of yours. Maybe I should have you squeeze them together so I can fuck them instead of your mouth.”
“Why not both?”
He issued a rumbling chuckle. “Smart girl.”
Your nipple was starting to get sore and tender, so you switched over to teasing the other one. “What else do you want to do to me? Please tell me, daddy.”
Enji made a thoughtful sound, as if he were in no rush to hurry this up. He probably wasn’t, in all honesty. “Well, first I want to take you over my knee and give you a nice, hard spanking for talking to me the way you did earlier. You know I don’t tolerate that kind of behavior.”
“And then?” You were quick to prompt him for more. Eager to hear his gruff voice saying filthy, humiliating things directly into your ear. “After you’re done spanking me?”
“Then I think I’ll play with that pretty pink asshole of yours for a while. You know how much I enjoy that.”
Its true. He was rather fond of fingering you after your behind was blistering red and sore. “I like it too …” You whimpered as you tugged on your nipple a little too hard.
“I know you do.” Enji’s voice dropped an octave, taking on a more carnal lilt. More predatory, hungry. “And I’ll force my fingers down your throat when I’m through. Make you clean up your mess. You’re such a messy girl, you know that?”
“Oh, god.” The words forced their way out of your mouth and you abandoned your chest in favor of fumbling with your pants. “I am, I really am, daddy. I’m so sorry.”
He moaned, clearly enjoying the needy desperation in your voice. “Thats what I’m here for. To keep you in check. Are you touching your clit yet?”
Practically tearing your jeans right off, you crumple them around your ankles and drop into a squat right there inside the stall. “Yes, daddy. I’m so wet, god. I wish you were here. I want you to fuck me in this bathroom so bad.”
“Next time. I promise.” His breath catches in his throat and you knew he was stroking himself faster now. “For the time being, I want you to dip those sweet fingers into your cunt and imagine its me stretching you out. Getting you ready to take me.”
“I’m always ready for you.” You practically sob, sending jittery fingertips skirting across your labia. You pause just long enough to smear your arousal, coating yourself with it, before slipping one digit inside your pussy. Its not nearly enough though and you quickly add another. You clench down on yourself tight. “Oh! God … please! I need you. I need you, daddyyyyy.”
Enji scoffs, sounding quite put out even in the heat of the moment. “Stop that whining. If you would’ve just done as I said, I could be fucking you right now.”
You’re so close to wailing in outright distress. “But -”
“No buts!” He barks at you. You were astounded to hear that familiar heat creeping into his voice even in this situation, when he was in the middle of jerking off at his own desk. “You had your chance. These are the consequences. I trust I don’t need to give you a refresher course on what that means?”
“No …” You pout up at the wall, still a little whiny but notably less so.
“Good. Now,” He pauses. Lets the anticipation hang in the air while you continue to thrust your fingers into your body. “I want you to rub your clit. Hard and fast. Do you understand me? I’ll know if you don’t do exactly what I said.”
Sucking in a haggard gulp of air, you pull out of your cunt and focus instead on that tight cluster of nerves with sharp, quick circles. The delicious friction leaves you openly groaning in the public restroom like you’ve forgotten where you are. The threat of being caught seemed like a distant memory though and it was hard to care about reputations or PR when you just felt so achingly good rubbing one out with Enji over the phone. Somehow the thought had never occurred to you before, so the resulting rush was nearly palpable. You could feel it scorching your veins with its intensity.
“Thats it. Such a good girl.” He sounded incredibly hot and heavy all of a sudden. “Who owns that tight cunt? Who does it belong to?”
“You! You do! Its yours, daddy, all yours!”
“I wonder how soaked your panties will be by the time you get to my office.” Enji somehow manages to sound thoughtful, like he’s working out an equation in his head. “Maybe I should tell you not to put them back on when you’re done. That bastard Best Jeansit will probably be able to smell you from a mile way, regardless.”
Trembling under the force of your quickly mounting orgasm, you strain your legs a little further apart. You just couldn’t seem to put enough pressure on your clit, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. “I - I’m close … I’m so close, daddy …”
“Then do it. Come for me, baby.”
You moaned in response, far louder than you should have, and the pace of your hand reached a frenzied speed. Teetering right on the edge, balancing precariously on your heels in a dirty bathroom, you just needed one little nudge.
Its a deep, low grunt from Enji that finally pushes you over the precipice into oblivion. The guttural sound echoes inside your ears for an eternity while you spasm. Throwing your head back with a strangled scream, you slam against the door so hard that the bolt rattles, and you don’t even have the wherewithal to be concerned about someone hearing you anymore. Not while your gushing pussy is on fire, ineffectually contracting around nothing and all you can do is ride it out to completion.
The orgasm is so intense that it leaves you momentarily shaken. Disoriented. Leaning heavily against the door, you almost drop your phone as you slowly stand up on shaky legs. Your pulse is still excited and jumpy but almost immediately you can feel the blissful high of endorphins swarming your body. You feel almost giddy.
“Wow, that was … actually kind of nice. Did you come too?” You ask, sounding out of it and a little loopy. You were sure to be on cloud nine for the rest of the day.
“No.”
The answer is so blunt and to the point that at first you’re not so sure you heard him correctly. “What?”
Enji sighs as more shuffling can be heard in the background and you wonder what he’s doing. “I think I’ll save it for later. That rude mouth of yours needs to be filled up with something, doesn’t it? Be here at five on the dot or don’t bother coming at all. Oh, and don’t put your panties back on. Throw them in the trash for all I care.”
And just like that, the line disconnected.
You stood there, stunned and feeling quite foolish with your pants pooling around your ankles. Twenty six minutes according to the call log. That was an awfully long bathroom break. Jeanist would definitely have some questions for you. But before you worry about that …
Smiling mischievously, you pull up your text log with Enji and open the picture again. The sheer girth of his engorged cock was really straining against the synthetic material of his costume, weighing heavy in the tight confines and leaving a rather mouthwatering outline on display. Overall, it left very little to the imagination and you wished you could make it the background on your phone. Sadly, you knew you couldn’t.
You gave his cock one last, longing look. It must have taken quite a bit of willpower for him to edge himself like that if he was this hard at the start, you mused. This certainly pointed towards an extra fun evening awaiting you when you got off work and your pussy tingled with residual excitement.
You saved the photo anyway, confident that you would still find some use for it.
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smokeybrand · 3 years ago
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The Cape and The Cowl
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A friend of mine posted a meme questioning who would win a fight between Doctor Doom and Batman. My gut reaction is to say it’s real bad for Bruce but, as i thought about it more and more, i kind of feel like its not so cut-and-dry. There is a lot of nuance that needs to be considered between the two characters rather than just a “smash the action figured together” scenario. Of course, there is the surface stuff like how would they interact generally? What would the catalyst be in order to incite said conflict? Why would Doom even see Bruce as a threat? If you think about it objectively, an all things are even, to Vic, Batman is just a crazy person losing his are on crime in a raggedy ass city. Victor von Doom is a the reagent of an entire country with a GDP that rivals some superpowers in the MCU. Like, the USA has diplomatic relations with a blip in Eastern Europe, because Doom has the military power to wreck he US in open aggression. Latveria will lose in a prolonged conflict, that’s just a question of resources, but that little country would absolutely inflict upon the US in a slow bleed. Imagine the War on Terror but with competent leadership and actual, discipline, military strategy. Why the f*ck would Doom care what the f*ck is going on out in Jersey? More than that. the similarities between the two characters is staggering.
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We all know the origin of Batman. We’ve seen that sh*t how many times now? It’s like getting a new Spider-Man joint and having to watch Uncle Ben die all over again. It’s trite at this point but so essential to the character, we need a refresher every time Bats shows up onscreen. That trauma informs everything he is, as it would if you watched your parents gunned down in cold blood as a child, and then laid with their still warm corpses for however long until the police came. What a lot of people don’t know is the origin of Doctor Doom. Being a villain, Doom rarely gets his motivations explored outside of some megalomaniac Dr. No type f*ckery. However, Victor von Doom is a person. He started out life as a happy kid and learned to be Doctor Doom, just like Bruce learned to be Batman. Doom is actually a refugee. True, Doom was born an aristocrat, but Latveria was overthrown when he was still young so he was never able to be raised in that level of opulence. His mom was also murdered before he was ten years old. Just like Bruce, Doom experienced a horrific truth that would color his world perspective for the rest of his life. Doom would eventually find his way to the US as he was brilliant. Like, unheard of intelligent and it would be his exposure to the US lifestyle, after years of conflict and struggle, which would make him realize how easy life could be if someone just did what was necessary. And then Reed happened.
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Reed Richards was, is, a fulcrum in Vic’s life. They have a relationship similar to Batman an Superman but the opposite. Whereas Batman values Clark’s perspective because it helps him keep perspective, Vic finds Reed to be absurd. He sees Reed for who e is and doesn’t understand why no one else can. Reed Richards is a reckless, excitable, short-sighted, glory-hog. He is. If you read the character with any semblance of realism, you’d see that. Ho many times has Sue comments on how she and the rest of his family, take a backseat to science? How many times has Reed, himself, sacrificed a relationship or to, in service to the solution of an equation? Doom saw all of that in college. Reed represents the structural issues of the world and it frustrates Vic to no end. In some continuities, the genesis of Vic going full Doom rest on an accident Reed commits because of that shortsightedness. It goes a long way to checking Reeds ego and he does become a better person for it, but it was at the cost of scarring Vic for life, both physically and mentally. Yet another example of the system, ruining Doom’s life.
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Bruce, after his trauma, has kept a strong support system. First and foremost, since day one, he had Alfred. Doom had no one. Bruce then built a family, adopting all of the children and surrounding himself with love. Doom’s one true love died and was dragged down to hell. We know this because he punches out Mephisto whenever he can. Also, his mom is down there, too. Bruce eventually met Diana and Kal, becoming fast friends and life long confidants. Outside of Catwoman, I think Diana makes for the perfect romantic partner of Bruce and that is shown in several continuities. Reed just reinforced Doom’s disgust with the machinations of the world, eventually further degrading Doom’s tenuous hold of his ability to trust in others, by psychically maiming him. The negative impact Reed had on Doom’s life is f*cking profound, man. I’m not saying Doom should have taken it as far as he did, but it’s hard to argue against trying to kill a dude who had ruined years of your work, destroyed you reputation, and physically maimed you forever. That doesn’t seem wholly outrageous to me. I think it’s called justifiable homicide? The only reason Doom stopped trying to murder Reed is because Valeria was born. Valeria became the first person Doom felt real affection for, since the death of his wife. I think Morgan le Fay could be another, but that might have just been a time-space booty call. Valeria Richards and her relationship with he Uncle Doom, is what gave Vic the strength to be better. Bruce had that love his entire life, even immediately after his darkest day. Doom went decades without it.
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Up until Valeria was born, all Doom had was his time spent as a destitute street rat, struggling to survive, to inform him about life and the world at large. That brazen cruelty for sure emotionally crippled him in a lot of ways, I'm not even going to start to defend his arrogance or superiority complex, but trauma does that. That's why i think Bats would eventually come around. They've both seen the absolute worst of the world and, in a lot of ways, go about righting those wrongs in the same way. If you pay attention, and the writer is worth their salt, you'd see that Latveria is an autocratic socialist paradise. Latverians are among the most literate, healthy, and happy people in the 616. Jobs are plentiful and crime is almost non-existent. Mans even cured cancer, which he made available to the world, if those people choose to make the trip to Latveria for treatment. The world of 616, at large, likes to paint Vic as this evil despot but, if you interview a laymen of Latveria, they’ll sing his praises. Most people forget that, before Doom returned for his birthright, Latveria was a whole ass occupied state. Think the relationship between Israel and Palestine. Latveria was basically falling into doorknobs for Symkaria and pretending that they weren’t in an abusive relationship. Doom showed up and changed all that. It was a bloody f*cking conflict, for sure, and i am certain Vic committed war crimes, but the end result was a free Latveria with a strong international presence. Doom is a hero to those people but a villain to other nations because of how he rose to power and, more importantly, how independent he made hi country from the world system. Doom did what was necessary to free his people, a march too far for Bruce and that’s why Gotham is the way that it is.
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People who don’t know the character like to paint Vic as ego-maniacal villain, and that was valid when comics were just "hero smash bad guy", but we've grown beyond that. Every pop culture interpretation of Doom, outside of the comics, has him as this stoic, arrogant, asshole, dictator bu that’s just not an accurate portrayal of how Doom is in a modern capacity. Vic is definitely an autocrat but he’s no dictator. He can be cruel at times to specific individuals but he is generally benevolent to his people. He doesn’t portray himself as a strongman but he does let it be known he’ll nuke anyone or anything if it means furthering his overall goals which, currently, is the safety and security of Latveria. His country isn’t a police state and his people are free to do as they please but their is a line, just like everywhere else in the world. Doom just has a shorter one and enforces that with extreme prejudice. I’m not going to sit here and say everything is great in Latveria, it’s definitely not, but it ain’t so hot in 616 America either. How many Civil Wars have they had? What about that whole  tidbit with Hydra Cap? There is nuance and gray nowadays, areas that both Bats and Doom comfortably call home. Batman is, objectively, not a pure hero. He is, at best, a chivalric anti-hero and similarly, Doom is more of an anti-villain than the mustache twirling, boogeyman, mastermind pop media portrays him to be. Batman and Doom are basically the same person, with the same motivations, only Doom is willing to go much, much, further than Bruce; A difference in method you an attribute to their respective upbringings.
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If Doom had the same support system as Bruce, he’d create miracles. We’ve seen glimpses of that throughout the years. Dooms last run culminated with him essentially obliterating an entire universe where he had the support necessary to build a proper utopia. Our Doom couldn’t fathom the choices made by this variant Doom because of how broken he is. If Bruce was alone in his formative years like Victor, he’d commit atrocities. We’ve seen glimpses of that over they years, too. There are various narratives that explore just such a tragic turn of events, explored in the Death Metal series of books. Dawnbreaker immediately comes to mind. Bruce and victor are the same side of the same coins. It's literally a crap shoot as to which side of the alignment chart either leans. And as if to inform my point further, we just recently had Joker War. That book went a long way to exposing the absolute necessity of raw force, in order to properly “save”Gotham. Joker was able to completely dismantle that entire city by attacking the machinery put in lace to make it run. He effectively proved that The Batman was part of the problem and would never be the solution because Bruce doesn’t go far enough. He puts out fires but never address the sparks which start those blazes. He doesn’t go far enough. He never will. His code won’t allow him to. But Doom can. Doom did. Honestly, if you really want to keep it real, what is Bruce's endgame? What does a healthy Gotham City look like? It looks a lot like f*cking Latveria.
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So to answer this question outright, i don’t think they even fight. The way this hypothetical was set up had three rounds: the first being a standard donnybrook, the second being prep time, and the last being god mode. To be perfectly honest with you, it wouldn't make it past the first round. If i had to say, with pedestrian or normie level understanding of he characters, Doom sweeps all categories. For Round one, Doom’s armor trumps all of Batman’s gadgets. For Round Two, Doom has more resources at his fingertips for prep. For Round The God Emperor Doom exists. He created several realities and killed a few Beyonders. Batman sat in a chair which gave him access to all the wisdom in the multiverse, and realized there were three Jokers. Doom all the way. My informed opinion as someone who adores both these character more than most would have me think there wouldn’t even be a conflict to begin with. I think they’d investigate the inciting catalyst, meet in person with intent to attack if necessary, size each other up until one of them made the proposal to just talk, they'd converse, and the fight would end with both of them walking away from each other with begrudging respect. Doom would admire Bruce's will and Bruce would understand the necessity of Doom's position in the world because, if you can make it make sense, Bruce will usually agree. Batman, for all of his shortcomings, is not naive to the world. He’s seen the same darkness as Doom. Doom, for all of his pompous arrogance, understands the struggle to maintain faith in those around you, even if that noble aspiration is misplaced. Bruce is one bad day away from Doom and Doom is a decades worth of days from being Bruce. They mirror each other and i think they’d see that, taking each other as cautionary tales before becoming collaborators. I don’t see them ever really becoming friends but i don't think they’d ever be true enemies.
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guigz1-coldwar · 4 years ago
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When it will be time.....
Sequel to the one-shot 'Let me fly away' :
Bell wanted to flee and Park decided it was better to join her instead of staying with the CIA. The two run away and tries to have a normal life but nothing can't be normal with Bell's state that started to decline.....
Warning : angst !
Words : 5800+
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Bell couldn't do it alone !
She wanted to fly away.....away from everything that has been her life for weeks. She was controlled by the CIA the entire time and that needed to end one day, She just wanted to turn that page over but there were still one thing that wasn't erased in her mind : love. She realized that her love for Park was so strong that she couldn't think one second to be able to flee without having her at her side. Even if she was seeing herself as a monster, Bell was showed that love can maybe save her from her loneliness. Her new free life needed someone with her.
She asked the CIA to never try to found her again because she know of their true motives towards her : they were never going to let her having a normal life, they were going to use her at her full potential against Perseus remaining followers and once it was all done, they were going to dispose of her because she will be someone who know too much about the CIA's dark moves but they were so blinded by their work that they couldn't see that Bell....lost everything in her mind after Solovetsky. That's why she fled, she has nothing to do anymore in this spy world. She asked them to never find her but to Park, she wanted to be joined by her.
She thought at first that Park was feeling betrayed and that she was going to be alone, knowing that Park was true in her loyalty for the British Crown but she was nonetheless surprised when Park arrived at the location she gave her : Park's loyalty was for the MI6.....not the CIA and the USA. She couldn't let the CIA find her first, Bell was the one she loved and nothing could've stand between her and Bell.....not even Adler. The two went on a long hug, having found each other again but Bell knew that choosing that free life can maybe not last long because of her state and the fact she was needed to be drugged to be stabilized enough to survive......it was a good choice for her even with the sad reality. Both know of that but now, it was time to move on to live that free life and profit of it.
With now the CIA in their tracks, knowing that they will never give up their researchs, Park immediately organized their escape from West-Berlin and for that, she needed help from the MI6, who agreed at full extents to make their escape. The MI6 were very trustful and believers for the two and they were obliged to help them after they discovered the details of Operation Greenlight and finding the american nuke hidden beneath London. That was all saw as a betrayal by everyone inside the MI6 and their relations with the CIA were greatly reduced : there weren't going to trust an organization that has put an nuclear bomb under their capital and the lives of their agents were primordial : Bell & Park needed to be saved.
The two spent 2 more days inside West-Berlin, getting hidden in multiple MI6 safehouses before they could finally leave the city alive, getting away from Germany once and for all. They didn't know exactly where they could start a new life as they had many options : France, Canada or even Australia but finally, the two decided it was better to get back to the United Kingdom, Bell wanting to discover the country that was supposed to hers, she was thanking the MI6 for making her dreams come reality.....and Park was happy about it.
They spent another day in London as Park decided to make a little tour for Bell for discovering the city of the Empire where 'the Sun never sets' while still protected by the MI6. Bell could finally feel free after all this time, having Park with her, to support her until the end. After that day, Park's superiors found them a place where the CIA could never find them....a place where they could start all over again : a MI6 safehouse at the south of England next to Dover. The couple agreed and the same day, they were moved to that location.
It was a very big house, given as a gift from the MI6 to Bell and Park for their services they have done for the Crown and after the two moved in, it was the beginning of their new lifes away from everything. The night, Bell was alone on the cliff overlooking the sea, she could see from afar the French coast and the city of Calais, it was so beautiful for her, feeling the cold along her body and hearing the sound of freedom around her.....she was happy and free, hoping that this would stay like this when the time will come. She was relaxing, thinking of something when Park arrived,
"You're good ?" Park asked, arriving to get to Bell's side,
"More than good, it's wonderful." Bell replied, spreading her arms and breathing the cold
"I knew that you will like the place." Park exclaimed, looking at the sea "It's making you feel free."
"All I wanted, Helen." Park was surprised to hear that as Bell never used her first name before and Bell saw through her look "I know, it's strange for you that I call you Helen, right ?"
"No, it's not strange, that proves that we will move on, not making the same things we have done with....the CIA." Pronouncing the last words was complicated as each time, anger could be heard in their voices "We both know that.....you decided to stop been drugged by them by fleeing..."
"I know." Bell cut her "I know that I'm not going to make it maybe at the end of the month or maybe another month because of my brain but at least, I will die as a happy and free woman."
"You know that the MI6 can help you with that." Park tried to say but Bell was unanime on the subject
"Helen, I....I saw that the MI6 were good to me but no....I can't, I don't want to suffer again." She admitted, sure of herself and her choice "Previous night, I could still see Adler injecting an needle into my eyes....and memories when he brainwashed me....I can't let this happen again." She crossed her arms "I'm afraid of needles now and I can't see myself back into that chair and on that strech, helpless."
"I'm so sorry about that." Park excused, still feeling herself ashamed of what happened to Bell "You know that I'm willing to stay with you at all costs." She added
"Really ? Even when...." She cut herself, taking a breath "When it will happen ?"
"Yes !" Park said, moved by her emotions.....that simple word was hard for her because she realized that Bell herself stated that nothing can't be done to save her. She will have to stay with her until the end. Bell at this moment, started to look at Park.
"Listen, I need to ask you something." Bell said, determined after thinking of what she wanted to do right now
"Anything." Park replied and after that, she was surprised when Bell get on one knee,
"I know that I'm not maybe good with that type of thing but...." She cut herself, to take something inside her pocket and then, she handed something from her hand.....a ring. "Before we find each other again few days ago, I decided to buy something with some money I stoled from the safehouse." Park couldn't believe it, Bell was literally asking to her, she was jaw-dropped by it and so surprised. "Leading me to one question : Helen.....
Will you be my fiancee ?"
Park was so moved by that gesture, Bell wanted to live as a real couple even if the laws was so restricting in the country and she bought a ring just for that.
"I know that the rights of people like us aren't recognized but I want to be with you until the end." Bell added, tears falling down
"I....I.....yes." Park replied "I want it." She then took the ring in hand and put it at her right hand, it was so pretty that Park started to cry too, causing Bell to got up and to put her in a hug....a big & recomforting hug, happy from Park's decision.
"I love you." Bell said
"I love you too." Park responded before they looked at each other and pull a kiss on their lips, cementing their new union. Park broke the kiss, a smile on her face
"Let's go home, shall we ?" She asked
"I'm following you, sweetheart." Bell said, causing Park to blush and to laugh, happy for that surname
After that, the two went back home and spent their first night in their new home. A first real good night for Bell, finally free. It was the beginning of something great for the two. Both decided that they couldn't pronounce their engagement and making it official by organizing something. It would be too hard to make some bribe and they both decided to keep it a secret for themselves even they chosed to publicly showed their relation when they were in town in Dover or either making a walk in the british countryside.
They didn't have financials problems as the MI6 were helping them to get over it, they were still giving protection to the couple because of the CIA still looking for them and hopefully, the MI6 were giving them money, allowing them to go to the store like human beings. They were now on trying to have a normal life without thinking to anything related to their old life during their times in Adler's team. That life was behind them for good and a new one were starting for them.
The first days went pretty well as Bell wasn't showing any signs of worries about her state, she was so fine and happy to feel free that she was well. Each day were giving her a smile because she know that she weren't a CIA prisoner anymore, she was a free woman who wanted to have a normal life despite that her days were counted and she wanted to pull the best of it before the time come for her. She know that one day, her brain is going to drop her and that she was going to die from that but she didn't care, the life the MI6 gave to her and Park was more important.
Unfortunately, their new normal lifes did take a worst turn when Bell state started to decline. One day, while having an walk in the city of Dover as an couple, Bell suffer from an panick attack in the middle of the crowd. Park was there to help her quick and Bell realized that she was starting to have a fear from crowds, they got back home and they tried the next day, to fight that fear but again, Bell had another attack, meaning that she couldn't go in public anymore, she decided to stay at home forever as Park was the one to go out each time they needed to go to the store and making a walk. Bell was now forced to stay in home, knowing that it was just the beginning of her end.
The nights were no longer the same : she was having nightmares all the times during her sleeps, causing her to cry each time she was waking up, always recomforted by Park at her side. It was breaking Park to see Bell in that state, she promised to stay with her until the end and even it was painful and torturing, she hold her promise. During the followings days, Bell was either sit on the couch when it was raining outside or outside, looking at the sea sit on a chair when it was sunny, she was awaiting for the moment to come as Park was still next to her.
But something came an morning when Bell arrived in the kitchen and was asking who was Park, giving the worst horror that Park could imagine : Bell was now facing memories loss about her life, she was at first forgetting simple things like why she was in that particular room or doing something that she has already done but then it was getting worst, she started to forget names and faces of people she knew, it broke her heart each time Park was explaining her everything and who was the woman that was at her side each morning. She had to write in a diary to not forget simple things and reading that diary each day was making her so bad.
Memory loss and a fear of crowd was making Bell so bad, meaning that her life was going to end soon and she was feeling so weak, her days was now filled of staying on the couch without moving for hours, looking at the ceilling or at the TV while Park was watching her closely, ready at any occasions. It was torture for her each time she had to leave the house, fearing the worst when she came back but Bell was still on that couch, her diary with her in case.
In an evening after staying on that couch all day, Bell was still feeling weaker when Park arrived with two cups of coffee in hands.
"Did I ask for an coffee ?" Bell said, confused, having forgotten that
"Yes, you asked me to make your favourite as always." Park smiled, hiding her pain. Bell took the cup anyway as Park sit on the seat next to the couch "How are you feeling ?"
"Bad....as always." Bell replied, taking a sip from the cup
"You sure that you don't want to go to bed, right now ?" Park asked, wanting Bell to feel better
"No, I...I....I want to stay here, just thinking." Bell replied, putting the cup of coffee back on the table, not finished "I'm awaiting now." She looked at the ceilling
"You don't need to....."
"Think about that ?" Bell guessed her words in advance "What can I think about ?"
"I don't know, me ?" Park wasn't sure
"Each time I see you, I'm happy and each time you got out of the house or even going in another room, I had to check my diary, fearing the worst." She took her diary in hand and opened the page where she wrote Park's name underlined multiple times and next to it, a drawing of Park's face. "See ?" Bell showed that page to Park "I can't forgot your pretty face."
"That's good, I didn't know that you were a drawner." Park exclaimed, amazed to see her face perfectly drawned on Bell's diary
"It's something I never thought too." Bell looked at her book "Can't even remember when I did it." She put the diary back on the table "I can't...." Suddenly, they started to hear the sounds of a car arriving near the house and something were off because the MI6 never come this late "Who's this ?" Bell asked, worried
"Don't worry, I will check." Park got up from her seat and joined Bell to give her a kiss on the forehead "Stay here, okay ?" She said before walking to get to the front door, wondering who can be coming that late.
She opened the door of the house and were a little blinded by the light of a car arriving in the yard and she couldn't see exactly who was driving and the passengers. When the car stopped, she realized in horror who was in that car : Russel Adler were driving while Frank Woods and Alex Mason were his passengers. She couldn't believe it : there were here, weeks after the events that lead to Park's banishment from the safehouse, the CIA found them. She was so angry but she was willing to get into a fight right now. The trio got out of the car and Park decided to join them, clenching her fists and jaw,
"I told you to leave us alone !" She yelled at Adler, facing him in an instant
"Hey, calm down, Park." Adler put his hands in front of him
"Calming down ? I can't with you in my sight." She exclaimed, full of anger "You hit me and you want me to calm myself down with you ?" She then look at Woods & Mason, the two even with what happened were still with Adler "What are you doing here, you two ?"
"Listen Park, we can explain that from....." Mason was going to start until.....
"Who are they ?"
Everyone looked behind Park, discovering Bell on the porch of the house, looking confused and talking to Park "Helen, who are these peoples ?" She asked again
"Hey, Bell." Woods showed his hand into saying hello as Bell approached them, curious,
"Who are you, sir ?" She asked again, she has forgetten their faces too
"Bell, that's me, Woods and.....it's Mason." He gestured to Mason, slowly realizing what was actually happening,
"Oh....Frank and.....Alex, right ?" Bell said, pointing her hand first at Woods then at Mason, both nodded with an little grin before she looked at Adler "And you, who are you ?" She was intrigued by this man who had scar on his face,.
"That's....Adler, Bell." Park looked down, stopping to clench her fists
"Ad-Adler ?" Bell started to said in horror "The Russell Adler ?" She looked at the man, realizing who he was. She then moved to face Adler and suddenly, she grabbed him by his collar and pushed him against the car.
"No, Bell, stop !" Park moved to separate Bell, she wasn't in a state to fight as Woods and Mason were moving too
"I told you to...." Bell wanted to throw a punch but then, she released Adler and she fall on all fours, looking so weak as the three mens were very confused
"Bell, it's alright." Park moved to got Bell back up, she didn't want that to happen but for her, Bell was getting worse every day and that move proved that to her "Let's get you back to the couch."
"Wait, Park, we're helping." Mason said, getting with Park, helping her to move Bell back to the house, also with Woods help.
They helped Bell get back on the couch as Adler was staying behind. For the first time in his life, he was looking worried about Bell's state but he wasn't showing it at all as he stayed behind. After the trio had Bell back, lying down on the couch, Park decided to get also on the couch, putting Bell's head on her legs to make her feel better as Woods and Mason decided to sit on the different seats of the living room and after a few seconds, Adler sit as well. The mens were looking at the two womens, wondering what was happening.
"How did you find us ?" Park asked, taking back her angry look
"Hudson's superior...." Adler replied, cutting himself before starting to speak again "He knew that the MI6 was hiding something and he forced his way inside to find you."
"He threatened my superiors ?" Park said, holding Bell and Adler nodded,
"He's willing to have Bell back under the CIA contr-....."
"No....not the CIA, I don't want that." Bell exclaimed, not moving "Not anymore."
"And you two ?" Park looked back at Woods and Mason
"We were forced to participate in the mission as Hudson's superior has threatened Alex's kid." Woods admitted
"You had a kid, Alex ?" Bell asked, she has forgotten so many things that she couldn't remember everything.
"Yeah, I told you that back before you left.....I'm sorry if you had to hear it again." Mason looked down, he was dead worried about Bell, now knowing her true self.
"So, they threatened your kid ?" Park added
"Yeah, those fuckers forced us to stay in the team." Woods affirmed, using his usual behavior towards his 'boss'
"And why are you here ?"
"Hudson ordered the three of us to get Bell back." Adler replied, getting comfy in his seat
"And you're willing to do it ?" Bell said, firmly
"We want to help you, Bell." Adler told her but for Bell, it was just another lie again, why the CIA would help anyone like her and hell, why the CIA is even helping ?
"Help me ?" Bell repeated, looking at Adler with wide eyes "You can't do that."
"And why we can't do that ?" Adler asked
"Because I'm dying !"
Bell yelled at him, using her strengh to do it as she was getting weaker each day and her voice was following the same thing. Bell started to have some tears falling from her eyes as the mens were shocked to hear that. Mason & Wood couldn't believe it at all but they realized in horror when they saw Park's face decomposing itself at hearing Bell.
"I'm dying and I'm just waiting for the moment to come." She added, angry and sad "I'm losing my memories and I can't get out of that house without having an attack."
"Bell, it's.....you can't tell us that." Mason exclaimed, knowing how it feels "You can be saved !"
"No, I can't and I think it's too late to talk about saving me." She started to redress from Park, sitting on the couch "My brain is going crazy each day."
"Bell...." Adler tried to say but she couldn't let him speak,
"I can't remember your names, I forget sometimes my own name and worst, I forget who is Park." She was starting to cry "It's the same thing each day."
"Bell, you can't give up like that." Woods tried to say, his voice were nearly cracking
"I don't want to be drugged again, Frank....I'm afraid of taking something that could maybe help me."
"Park, tell us that you can't believe her." Mason saw Park's face and realized that she wasn't able to do a thing
"I promised to stay with her until the end at all costs, I knew the risk and it's torturing me each day to see her like that but I respected her wish." She whispered long enough, giving a little smile to Bell "We got engaged." She continued to smile
"You....you....really ?" Mason said, sounding shocked of happiness
"Well not officialy but she bought me an ring, asking me to be her fiancee."
"It's wonderful !"
"Yeah but now it's so hard for me to hold on....."
"Park, I know that Bell....." Adler spoke up but again, cut by Bell,
"You don't know a thing about what I want." She started "You know only things that YOU want !" She added, raising her voice at the max she could have done "I can't....I can't forgive you for what you have done to me, Adler." She then got up from the couch as Park got close to her in case "Let me just....;fucking die, damnit !" She yelled but then, she calmed herself down.
"It's okay, Bell." Park holded her hand with Bell's one
"I....I need to go to sleep." Bell looked down "I'm tired !" She then looked at Park "I need you."
"Go...I'll join in a minute." She then released Bell from her hands as she was given a little kiss on the forehead by her before she started to walk slowly, not forgetting her diary, going upstairs, looked by the others.
"Park, tell us that it isn't true !" Mason said again
"Bloody hell, it's real !" She didn't shout at all, wanting to keep her calm "I can't forgive myself to have helped Adler doing that and look now."
"I'm sorry." Adler replied, worried
"Don't ! " Park looked at him in fury "You can't convince me too." She got up from the couch, needing to join Bell "I....I need to join her."
"And what now ?" Adler asked
"You can sleep here on the couch or in your car if you want as long you're not going to take Bell from me but don't come upstairs, please." She looked at the three of them "I need to be with her until the end." She whispered, leaving the mens in the living room as she got up the stairs.
She was feeling so bad right now : Adler was there in the house, she wanted to get him, Woods and Mason out of it but she wasn't willing to show her anger anymore, it will have been a useless fight she was going to lose anyway. She walked slowly to the bedroom, fearing like each time she was coming back at home, she opened the door of it, Bell was on the bed, lying down on it, looking at the big window of their room overlooking the sea.
Bell wasn't even under the blanket, her right hand was holding her face against the bed and she was still dressed up in her clothes, she was crying and she was getting weaker. Her diary were posed on the nightstand, closed. She knows that Park was there and she didn't move or even react. Park sit on the bed before joining Bell, putting her both arms around her, to recomfort her.
"How're you feeling ?" Park asked like each night.
"Bad.....worse." Bell replied, her voice lowered "Isn't it beautiful, right ?" She asked, gesturing at the view, changing the subject
"I know, you remember your proposal you make to me ?" Park smiled about talking about it
"Yeah, it's the only thing I didn't lose." Bell was sounding happy, didn't lose that memory was helping her a little about remembering Park everyday
"I'm still proud of that, I wanted big things for both of you." Park said, proudly
"Helen....I....I....I'm getting cold." Bell whispered "Is it....is it normal ?"
"Don't think about it !" Park reinforced her hold around Bel, pulling both women closer and closer until they were against each other, wanting to warm "It's going to be okay." Park added, closing her eyes, needing to sleep"Just....try to sleep, okay ?" She also whispered
"I love you, Helen." Bell said before she closed her eyes too to sleep
"I love you too." Park replied
The silence came in the room as both women start to sleep peacefully in their room, both in their own thoughts and it was so hard for Park right now. Each day were getting closer to the moment she was fearing the most and she was prepared to live that even it would so hard for her to get on....to move on after that. Bell was everything to her and she was going to lose her. She lost her family....her brother.....and now, she was going to lose Bell.
This night was very long and Park couldn't have one minute of sleeping without thinking of every moments she has spent with Bell during two months. She was loving her so much that she wasn't able to think one moment, to have her removed from her life. She wanted to help her to move on and that what she did : she helped her get a normal life she dreamed about but it was torturing so much that Bell wasn't going to make a whole life because of her state.
It was breaking her heart a lot and even she was saying to herself that she was going to be strong, she couldn't in fact. She promised Bell to stay with her and she couldn't return with the MI6 and working with the CIA again after what happened. She remembered the night before Bell left the safehouse : just them, looking at the stars as Bell was talking about getting lost around those stars......and she know that Bell will be among those stars soon.....
Park woke up first in the early morning as the sun were rising up, her arms were still around Bell, they didn't move a lot but then, she put her hand above Bell's heart......it wasn't beating anymore, the moment happened and it was finished for Park as she was continuing to hold her :
Bell.....was no more !
After all these days of a normal life, Bell died peacefully in her sleep, hugged by the one she loved, a smile on her face that was all white. She couldn't fight it and now, she was no longer alive. Bell was no longer here. Park wanted to cry all part of her body, thinking about what Bell said to her before sleeping. It was so hard for her to move on now and to get out of the bed. She didn't want to left her but she had to announce to the others the sad news. She got up from the bed and she gave a kiss on Bell's forehead.
She was shaking a lot as she walked downstairs to join the others. When she got down, Adler, Woods and Mason were at the table, having prepared the breakfast for the womens...
"Hey, Park !" Woods smiled, trying to forget everything from last night
"We prepared Bell's coffee : we know that it's her favourite." Mason was doing the same as Park was having a little smile until she broke it, she couldn't smile anymore "What ?" Mason asked
"She's gone !" Park whispered, starting to cry
"No.....no, it can't be....."
"She's gone in her sleep.....peacefully." Hearing this shocked the mans, Woods wanted to throw the cup of coffee he had in hand in anger but it wouldn't help him. Mason was going to cry too but he was holding on. Bell was someone very close to him during the times the two were together like Woods. They were her biggest friends alongside Lazar. Adler was.....for the first time, sad. He really wanted to help Bell but he knew that she wasn't going to be convinced. "She joined the stars !" Park added, looking at the window, her eyes full of tears
"Park, we're sorry !" Woods exclaimed silently
"I....I need to stay with her, that's what she wanted." She said before slowly making her way back upstairs, the mans wanted to stop her but they couldn't. Woods put down his cup of coffee on the table and put his hands on the chair in front of him, holding it with all his might.
"She's dead." He said, overtaken by the news "Alex, I can't believe it."
"I know, she didn't deserve that." Mason replied "She was a good person.....and she preferred to die."
"I'm feeling so ashamed." Adler affirmed, feeling guilty after all this time, he wanted to make amends with Bell and he never had the chances. "We killed her....I killed her."
"It's too late to change that, Adler." Woods almost yelled, angry about him....about everything. "You and your fucking mind games with Hudson !"
"I'm sorry." Adler put his head in his hands
"You can't be fucking sorry now." Mason added "She died by your fault, damnit."
"I know !" Adler almost yelled too, making an new silence between the guys, wondering what to do now. Mason got up from his seat,
"Maybe....maybe I can talk with Park for a moment." He said but no one responded, all looking down. He walked away, slowly getting up the stairs, leaving Woods and Adler in the kitchen.
Woods was remembering everything from Bell : her kindness towards the others, her humor and her brave spirit. He always thought highly of her and his best friend Alex was thinking the same but the two never thought about Bell's true identity and after they learned it, they were feeling so bad about her. It broke both mens hearts when Bell wasn't able to recognize them and when they discover that Bell was facing death and memory loss, it broke them further. Today, they lost someone precious....
Adler was feeling so bad right now, he was the one to be blamed for : he forced Park to follow him into brainwashing Bell, he was him who were drugging her food and drinks each time. He was so angry when Bell gave him her real thoughts about him but after some times, he realized that his anger was an big mistake from him and that's why he volunteered to get a chance to talk to Bell but it was obvious that Bell will never forgive him.
They couldn't cry, trying to calm themselves until.......
"WOODS !"
It was Mason screaming from upstairs, sounding so shocked. At hearing this, Woods started to run in the stairs, fearing the worst from his friend, he was followed quickly by Adler as he arrived next to where Mason were standing, he was looking at something horrible and when Woods looked at, he realized the horror too......Park......Park wasn't able to hold on.......she was in the bed with Bell, hugging her but now......Park was no more......
"No....not her too !" Woods arrived, getting next to Park and checking her pulse, she was dead too.
"She....she killed herself." Mason looked at the nightstand where he could see some meds, realizing that Park provoked an overdose to herself "She....she couldn't accept it." He found next to those meds a letter : a suicide note......
Please, let me stay with her, I can't be separated from her !
Helen
"I.....I can't believe it !" Adler was getting more worried and guilty
"Bell was everything to Park.....and she wasn't able to lose her." Woods put his hand softly on Park, with an sad look "I'm so.....sad....."
"I think....I need to get some air." Mason said, exiting the room, tears falling from his eyes
"I'm gonna call the MI6, telling them what happened." Adler exclaimed "They need to be given a proper funeral together !"
Mason exited the house behind, looking at the sea. It was so hard for him now to accept the fact that they just witnessed Park and Bell's death in the house they slept in. They just lost an friend....two friends who loved each other. Park wasn't able to move on and like she said, she wanted to stay with Bell until the end, she needed to die too. As he was looking at the sea, he could start to see Bell's ghost overlooking the sea.....and then, Park ghost joined her too.
He wasn't dreaming at all : he was really seeing them, like if they were alive. He still looked at them, knowing that he will be the last time he will see them. They both joined their hands together, looking at the sea and then looking at each other, Mason could hear them talking.
"So, it was time...." Bell voice was cracking
"Yes, I couldn't move on without you, Bell !" Park voice was also cracked
"It's okay !" Bell put her hand on Park face "Ready ?"
"Yes." Park replied
"Let's go join the stars, Helen !" She smiled before they pulled for a hug and then, they were gone from Mason's sight.
It was the last time he could see them, he was happy and sad at the same time because he know that they will be joining a place very peaceful and away from that terrible world. They leaved this world happy and together. Bell was so relieved to have Park at her side during all that times and now, her and Park were going to a place that was so wonderful and good for them, she lived a good life.....a good normal life with Helen Park, the one she was loving the entire time and now....
They flied away....to join the stars !
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adl-reborn · 3 years ago
Text
I just realized I forgot to post this here...
Tales of Metroville: Thought Experiments
Aston hadn't slept in 3 days. He had been researching non-stop to discover the ailment from which his friend, Phoenix, was currently suffering. You see, they both were invited to dinner by the president. In theory they both were to be debriefed about current affairs and of any unusual goings on that the two most powerful known mutants on the planet might be needed for. Aston, however, had no need of it - his clairvoyance had alerted him both to the topics of discussion and of all such events including many not on the agenda. Meanwhile, the normally quite outgoing Phoenix barely ate and didn't speak at all, and when they both returned home he locked himself in the master bedroom to do who knows what.
If ever there was a good time for Aston's comprehensive ability to read peoples' minds, this would be a good one, but it isn't so simple with Phoenix. Try as he might, Aston could never do this with Phoenix. Even after years of trying, Aston could only ever manage to read vague emotional states, but that only told him the obvious. Distracted by this, so too was he unable to clearly see the path ahead. And so his research continued. Depression, Anxiety, MPD, and many others. He read through the DSM5 until he reached the chapter on autism.
At this point he paused as his sleep deprived mind called back to his childhood. His odd behavior as a preteen had prompted a visit to the psychiatrist - a visit which he left with a diagnosis of "Asperger's Syndrome". It was described as a milder form of Autism - one which could lie undetected in many. Needless to say he was familiar with it and had recognized much of himself deep within Phoenix's personality, but ultimately the DSM did not help beyond providing a starting point...
Luckily Aston did not need to look far to find his answers. Where official medical documentation failed actually autistic people filled the void, and crucially the true nature of a meltdown and a new concept - burnout, were introduced to him. Additionally, Aston found himself unable to read many of the individuals presenting their point - a correlation which Aston surmised was due to a radically different mind, but finding that out for sure wouldn't be easy...
The only way Aston knew to read minds of a type he had never read before was through a technique he dubbed a "mental fusion". It's theory of operation was similar in principle to what many Trekkies call a mind meld. This was a technique Aston had only ever done once - by accident, he did this to his father on the day he ran away - a fight had broken out between the two and they had inadvertently fused for but a few seconds. In that time they could feel each other's thoughts as one, and Aston gained a roadmap of the human mind, but Aston was overwhelmed by this and ran off into the forest. It was an ability he had sworn to never use again...but his friend was in danger and he knew it.
Slowly Aston opened the door - inside was Phoenix, sitting in the fetal position rocking to soothe his frayed nerves. He held his legs tight against his belly and did not speak to greet Aston. Where Phoenix once stood a timid child remained. As Aston approached Phoenix turned and looked apprehensively in his direction. Aston could see in Phoenix's eyes that his distress was great. As Aston sat down close to Phoenix he was apprehensive at first, but a calming touch from Aston soothed him enough to stay. They sat like this for a while - Aston holding an obviously distressed Phoenix, but he knew what he must do and that it would be uncomfortable.
Slowly Aston moved his right hand to Phoenix's right temple. Phoenix became agitated for a moment and started shaking his arms but Aston calmed him with the left. Once positioned, he waited for Phoenix to calm down and gently positioned his left hand. With his hands in position a faint blue glow began to appear, glowing brighter with every second. Phoenix let out a yell..."I'm sorry..." Said Aston. They both yelled in unison as their minds became one. In an instant they both found themselves unconscious
One hour later...
Aston awoke but not in reality. His fusion was more complete than he had anticipated - he surmised he must be in a shared dream as they both were extremely exhausted. Aston, being a proficient lucid dreamer realized this straight away, but he knew if he could recognize this that the dream is important in some way. In the distance he hears a cry.
It is Phoenix - crying out for help. Alone in the distance. In this dark void he can see nothing, and conjuring a flashlight nor a vehicle has no effect. He continues to run in the direction of the yelling but to no avail - Phoenix remains out of reach. Aston calls out to Phoenix but there was no response........
2 hours later
Aston awakens once again - this time in the house but in his bedroom. Objects are not in their designated places so here too this is a dream. Aston proceeds to navigate to Phoenix's room. He lies on the bed staring at the ceiling unresponsive. As Aston approaches Phoenix apparates into a standing position and then runs up to Aston crying to which they both share embraces...
2 hours later
The sound of screaming pierces in Aaron's ear once again waking him. Again he is in Phoenix's dream - the same one as the first time. Aston remembered well how he failed to handle this dream the last time so he tries a different tactic. He calms his mind and senses Phoenix's precise location. Though they can not see each other, Aston knows he and him are now together. Aston sits down next to Phoenix.
"It's alright...I am here to comfort you." Stated Aston. What was once a cry became a whimper, and the once dark void is now illuminated by a dim yellow radiance. "I am here for you Phoenix, no matter your darkest hour nor your worst fears." The yellow radiance grows in illumination from Phoenix's chest. The two mutants once again embrace one another, and the once dark void is now pierced by a blinding light. "Do you mean it?" Replied Phoenix. "I'll let the actions do the talking..." Aston returned...
2 hours later
"So you finally found it"
Aston awoke once again - this time in a peaceful garden surrounded by a lake with small gentle waves. A fog obscures any view beyond.
"Welcome to my world" stated Phoenix to the now slowly arousing Aston. "I never thought I would see you here, but I figured one day you might show up." "What...is this place?" replied Aston, "it seems peaceful, relaxing even."
"This is my comfort zone" replied Phoenix, "I come here to escape the demands of the world when they become too much to bear." "I couldn't come here for far too long - we were too busy saving the world." continued Phoenix, "I thought I had lost it forever - in its place I only found darkness."
"That was your first dream, and the third. What about the second?" Replied Aston. "The house is where we always go when we're done for the day." Phoenix stated, "I thought maybe I could relax there." "It didn't work out as I had hoped...but at least you were there." Phoenix continued, "If I had been alone in there I don't think it would have done anything. I was just laying there, worrying about all of the drone strikes, supervillains, contingencies, space nukes. You know, all that crazy stuff they brought up at the meeting."
"It's all so stressful you know! And, it's kind of hard to explain, but the lights...they felt blinding, and the klinking of so much silverware on porcelain didn't help either. It felt like I was expending every last drop of my being to not explode from all of the stress!" "I...had no idea." Replied Aston, "I was just sitting next to you. I already knew everything they had to say but since you had said nothing I didn't know what to expect! Even now after fusing I still struggle to comprehend the sheer depth of your thoughts. To be honest the buzz from the busted TV was starting to get on my nerves though...you don't think..."
"I know what you're going to say - I was diagnosed with ADHD, not Asperger's." quipped Phoenix. "Since when have I ever lied to anyone let alone you?" Replied Aston. "I just spent 72 hours straight tearing the internet apart to figure out why you locked yourself in a room. Not because I wanted to get back to saving the world - we both know it doesn't need saving right now. I did that because I knew you were deeply distressed...but I couldn't understand why until now." "This is not a place for argument." Aston continued, "This is a place to escape to when the going gets tough. Just as I can sort of read your thoughts now you should be able to read mine. Look, and see I am not wrong. All you need to do is look at me, focus, and visualize my mind inside yours."
Phoenix was skeptical, but did as asked. To his surprise it worked - all of the research Aston had done up until the point of fusion was laid plain to see. Every disorder in the DSM5. All of the documentaries, YouTube videos, and articles read. So too was Aston's past - all of the struggle he had to endure. He had a fake ID in high school - not so he could drink, but to rent an apartment of his own away from his father's prying eyes in Metroville - far from anywhere he would think to look. His Asperger's was plain to see - a similar but less intense mirror of Phoenix's own past.
As he came out of the vision Phoenix embraced Aston. "Thank you, Aston..." He finally said, "I think you saved me...from my own mind." "It's no sweat, that's what friends do am I right? Sometimes the heroes of the story need saving too." They both stood up, and the dream ended.
Aston awoke holding Phoenix in his embrace. So too did Phoenix not long after. Aston now could see some of Phoenix's thoughts, but Phoenix still remained an enigma - further refinement would be needed to fully understand his mind. "Did you sleep well?" Aston inquired? "Yes...or at least better than I have in the past few months." Replied Phoenix. "I'm glad...seems you needed it." Aston stated. "No kidding...I guess I needed to not feel completely alone for once." Said Phoenix, "Say...that technique you used to get inside my head...I thought you couldn't get inside my head." "That's what I thought too...until I figured out just how different your mind is wired compared to the norm." Replied Aston, "I took an educated guess that you were Autistic - that led me to find out that your brain is almost 100x more complicated than a normal human, and I daresay probably more complicated than mine." "Does that mean I have the same abilities you do then?" Phoenix inquired, now intrigued. "Maybe..." Replied Aston, "You want to find out?" "Sure, but I bought pizza the last time we trained so it's on you this time." Stated Phoenix. "Gladly!" Replied Aston, "I think this will be fun!"
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alirhi · 3 years ago
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WF chapter 18
Title: Winter's Frost Chapter: 18/? Fandom: MCU Rating: R to be on the safe side Pairing: Loki/Bucky Summary: Loki never told anyone the real reason he became so obsessed with Midgard. Much better to let them think he wanted to hurt his brother than draw their attention to the one thing in the universe that makes the God of Mischief truly vulnerable.
"If I hadn't carefully orchestrated it myself, I'd be deeply embarrassed that I was defeated by this band of buffoons!"
Bucky shook his head, hiding a smile as he ran his fingers through Loki's dark hair. "Just because you're a genius doesn't mean they're idiots. They might prove helpful."
Rolling his eyes, Loki grumbled, "It took them three days and the deaths of eighty innocent people to even bother trying to assemble a team."
"And who killed those people?"
He tensed. "A building collapsed on them! It was hardly my fault. Though they were quick to assign the blame to me, of course."
"If a building collapsed on them, can you really blame The Avengers for not rallying in time to save them?"
"James?"
"Hm?"
Shaking his head, he framed his lover's infuriatingly pretty face with both hands and kissed him. "Do be a dear and shut up."
Bucky smirked. "Put my mouth to better use, then."
"Haven't I already?"
"Alright, that's enough!" Stark chose that moment to burst through the door he'd locked them behind so he and the other Avengers could argue uninterrupted. "Frosty, Manchurian Candidate, you're up. And quit slobbering all over each other! I didn't put you in here to make a porno."
"I didn't ask you to film us," Loki shot back, his playful smirk turning into a grin when he felt Bucky tense and shake beneath him with suppressed laughter.
"Can he even consent?" He glanced at Bucky. "Can you even...? Do you even know what sex is? Just how scrambled is your brain?"
"I've got a kid," Bucky reminded him, all amusement gone from his suddenly steely expression. "I think I've got a pretty good handle on the process, yeah. My memory's spotty at best, but I'm not a robot." Under his breath, he grumbled, "Just make sure Natalia-sorry, Natasha – sticks to English, and we'll be fine."
"No one will ever use those words against you again," Loki swore, letting out an irritated huff at Stark's pointed look and making a grand show of his reluctance to comply as he peeled himself off of his beloved's lap. "Well? What is it you need?"
"Information. What this Thanos guy is after, where he's going, how long we've got... We need to know what you know."
"In general? We haven't that much time." Bucky pinched his arm and Loki rolled his eyes again. "Pertaining to the issue at hand, I'm afraid I've very little to offer." Still, he and Bucky followed Stark back out into the main room, hand in hand, to face the rest of the rather tense people who still believed Loki had been trying to kill them only a week earlier.
"Why should we trust you?" Banner asked him point-blank before he'd even reached the table the others were seated around.
Loki snorted. "Oh, heavens, don't! Never trust anyone."
"Loki..."
Sighing, he gave Thor a snarky look and went on, "If I think there's even a chance your deaths will save my family, I will not hesitate to push any one of you in front of a blade or blast. My partner and daughter are my priority, first and always."
"For the record," Bucky piped up somewhat timidly, even adorably raising his hand like a schoolchild. He cast Rogers an apologetic look and mumbled, "Same. I love you, Steve – I barely remember you, but I love you like a very annoying kid brother. But if it ever comes to a choice between saving you or Eira, you're a human shield and I'm running very far away with her."
To his credit, Rogers laughed and ruffled his childhood friend's hair. "Even without your memories, you're still the same protective, pragmatic Buck. I wouldn't have it any other way. Anyone here take issue with parents prioritizing their child's life?"
Thor chuckled, looking uncomfortable. "I'll happily smack some sense into anyone who does. She's a baby; there should never be a second's hesitation."
"Speaking of shields," Loki cut in, hiding a surprised smile at the unexpected support and attempting to get the conversation back on track, "are we going to address the issue of HYDRA operatives within SHIELD's ranks as a group, or am I left to indiscriminately annihilate them all myself?"
"What?!"
"HYDRA infiltrated SHIELD?!"
"I keep telling you not to trust those shady government types."
"Fury's one of those 'shady government types' and he saved your ass, Stark!"
"Oh, did he? Is that what you call firing a nuke at New York City?"
"Fury didn't do that and you know it!"
"Um, no. I don't know that, actually. What I know is that your bosses tried to level Manhattan and I almost died on the wrong side of a wormhole to space, so trusting them? Not high on my list right now."
"For Frigga's sake!" Loki shouted, dropping his head into his hands. "No bloody wonder you people needed my help to 'defeat' me!"
Five incredulous stares – along with one embarrassed and one greatly amused – met this exclamation. Grateful that the stares at least came with silence, he began ticking points off on his fingers as he spoke. "Creating a scene in Germany so I'd be easy to find, allowing you to 'capture' me..." ensuring Thor's relative safety while getting him out of my way. Even with their gradually mending relationship, he'd never admit that aloud. Allowing the thought to pass by unvoiced, he skipped to the next: "Keeping that vessel you were on from falling apart or crashing before you could repair the turbine, setting up the portal in the most painfully obvious place on your little planet! Waiting around for you to catch up, ensuring Stark had safeguards in place before ejecting him out of a window so he wouldn't die – I quite like you, Stark. I would truly have hated to see you splattered on the pavement."
"Um... Thanks?"
Romanov was still staring at him as though he'd grown another head. He was tempted to do so, just to see if the saying proved true, or if her expression would actually change. "So you're saying you lost on purpose?"
"Oh, did you think five little humans actually brought down a God?" The mocking smile he gave her, and her sour look in return, brought him such immense joy that for a brief, shining moment, he almost forgot that the entire universe was in mortal peril. "That is adorable."
For the briefest of moments, he'd also forgotten about Banner. He cringed when from the other end of the table he heard a quiet, "Should I let the other guy out to play and see how 'adorable' you still think we are?"
"Even the beast won't be able to stand against Thanos," Loki pointed out, hiding his discomfort and getting back to the main topic. "And now that you have two of the artifacts he's hunting for, he'll be coming straight for you."
"No, we don't." Barton's tone started out casually dismissive, but grew more concerned as he went on. "I mean, they're here on the planet, but we don't have them."
Everyone seated around the table seemed to realize the full implications of the shit storm ahead of them at once. As expressions crumbled from bored or concerned to alarmed and then to an odd combination of panicked and weary, Romanov groaned. "SHIELD has them."
Loki was beginning to think he should simply glue his hand to his face. "I hate you all."
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moonlightreal · 4 years ago
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Fate episode 6
When last we left Elemental Academy, I was seeing doomful parallels to every Bad Ending arc in Higurashi.  And sadly, I like the three adults and my genre-savvy tells me they won’t all make it through this last episode.
How much of a downer will the ending be?  Who will end up screwing everything up? (my money’s on Bloom.)  Who’s for the chop?  (my guess is Silva and one out of Dane, Riven or Beatrix.)  Will we finally learn the red truth of what happened at Aster Dell?  Will we ever get the skinny on what the heck Burned Ones are?  Will the show finally give me the lowdown on changelings that I’ve been whining about since episode one?  Will we get the full story on Bloom’s destiny? (My money’s on no to at least three of the four.)  
And I suppose we’ll finally answer the question we started with: Good, bad or irredeemable?  
One last time, let’s dive in!
We pick up right where we left off, Bloom having a mental chat with Rosalind!  Rosalind says, ‘Do you have any idea how special you are?”
...waitwaitwait, is there gonna be a prophecy?  There’s always a prophecy!  A prophecy that the Chosen one would be born in Aster Dell and that’s the real reason Rosalind nuked the place.  Only she didn’t know which of the babies it was, she guessed Beatrix and she guessed wrong.
Am I right?  Sorry, I barely let the episode start, let’s get back.
Rosalind encourages Bloom to bust her out.  Bloom flames her eyes up.
Aaaaand we cut back to the girls in the corridor.  Terra wonders what they could be talking about and Stella teases that she once heard Terra talk about dirt for two hours.  I’m liking friendly Stella, but she faceturned faster than Tinx at the end of WoW!  
Terra’s also worried Beatrix may recover from being frozen and come after them.  Sensible, Terra!  But no, Beatrix will be gone when you get back, off getting the mysterious “him.”  I know how these shows work!
Ahahahaha! I’m right!  Beatrix is gone!  I swear I type these things while I watch, all guesses are genuine!
And then Dowling, Harvey and Aisha bust in.  Yeah girls, you might’ve not done this during a Burned One attack!  Harvey says “Not another word!” which nobody listening is why y’all gonna get the bad ending, and the girls follow him.  Stella resurrects her inner witch to tell Aisha, ‘Hope the brownie points you get from this will keep you company when you’ve got no friends.”  simmer down Stell, she was trying to protect people’s lives…  Aisha goes with the girls leaving Dowling to go after Bloom alone.
Rosalind is coaching Bloom on how to burn through the barrier.  Bloom’s grinning, because magic feels hot and dangerous and you just want more.  Then the barrier goes down and Bloom has a moment of worry about what she’s done before she… has a very caring moment, she grabs Rosalind assuming the older fairy will need water and food after being trapped for so long.  That is really sweet, Bloom.  But Rosalind says, ‘No.  I need magic.”
And here comes Dowling!  I assumed Rosalind would steal Dowling’s magic, but when the headmistress gets there everybody’s gone.
Opening!
Bloom and Rosalind come out a door in the graveyard out in the forest. Secret passage!  Dowling doesn’t know about it.  Dowling doesn’t know about lots of things, according to Rosalind.  Bloom really should be having second thoughts here.  Rosalind has an evil face!
Harvey reads the girls the riot act.  He’s wearing his army coat, the same kind Rosalind wears, from their soldier days.  He’s horrified about all the girls have done.  He turns to go.
And Terra jumps up, “You lied again!  About Rosalind, about everything, and you’re angry with ME?  You can’t punish me for not knowing something you didn’t tell me!”
Yes! Get ‘em Terra!  
Stella and Musa tennis-match look from daughter to father.
Harvey just says, “I suggest you all cool down!” and leaves without facing his daughter’s very sensible argument.  And he magics the doors locked.
Terra: ‘I’ve caught him in a logic trap and he’s used his magic to ground us.’
Stella: “That means you won.”
Then aisha heads for her room to “deescalate the situation by removing myself from it” and Stella calls her a rat of a teacher’s pet and Musa asks for a brief pause so she can get her headphones.  She flees into her room as Stella and Aisha get into it.
There’s Sam!  Hiding in Musa and Terra’s room!
Stella says everyone over five knows not to snitch, even terra knows not to snitch, and Terra gives her a look.  Aisha brings the logic: burned Ones, outside!  Bloom, kinda single minded!  Rosalind, an extra problem we don’t need right now!
Dowling checks the stone circle.  Nobody there.
When she leaves, Rosalind and Bloom appear.  So Rosalind is mind/light at least.  Rosalind puts her hands over the center stone and absorbs magic.
Bloom asks what happened at Aster Dell.  Rosalind makes a very evil face. ‘Everything Farah told you is true.  I lied to them.  I told then Aster Dell was evacuated.  It wasn’t.”
Bloom starts to wonder if maybe she released a baddie.
But rosalind has more to say.  ‘One of the fundamental tenets of the Otherworld is that only fairies can do magic.  The settlers of Aster Dell were the exception.  They were humans who drew on sacrifice and death.  Blood witches.”
Gee it’d have been nice to hear that fundamental tenet sometime before the last episode! 9_9  
So Rosalind saw an opportunity to wipe out the totally unforeshadowed witches along with the Burned Ones.  And Bloom was a fairy baby kidnapped by the witches.  Her fairy parents are still unknown. Bloom’s freaking out, but Rosalind just says, ‘You weren’t safe in the Otherworld, the power inside you was too great.  that’s why the witches wanted you, to use your power.”  and the Burned Ones can sense Bloom’s power and want to get rid of it before it’s used on them.
Yikes! Bloom realizes her presence is putting everybody in danger!
Rosalind: ‘Sucks to be special sometimes, doesn’t it.”  But now they can go after the Burned Ones!  And Rosalind has another trick to teach Bloom…
Hmm, so these Burned Ones were just… around?  And gathering because they sensed Bloom’s magic?  I assumed someone summoned them back after not being seen for 16 years.  
We go to the fighters at the barrier.  Remember how last episode Bloom drugged Sky and left him passed out at the stone circle?  Well Aisha found out somehow and told the teachers so Silva is giving Sky the “why did I find this out from Aisha?’ and Sky hits back with, “Why’d I have to find out about Aster dell from Bloom?”  But they’re in the middle of a siege situation here so Silva logically suggests they talk about that later.  
Another few specialists including Riven and a girl named Kat who knows Stella are watching Noura’s last video.  Kat thinks she knows where it was shot.  Silva says, “Let’s go.”  Just him and five students. Riven says, ‘Without fairies?  that’s fucking stupid, there’s six of them!”  and Sky shuts him down; order’s an order.  That’s the most twit-ish thing Sky has done this whole show.
They hear Burned Ones growling… but it’s coming from the direction of the school!  Yikes!  Everyone rushes back!
At Alfea, the lights, that were never bright anyway so we’d remember this is a dark show, flicker out! Terra says the electricity runs on magic and there are energy wells… Sam says he’ll go check it out. He Kitty Prydes it through the door, unbothered my the sealing spell.  So if he can phase, can Terra learn it too?
Spooky empty corridors!  Flickering lights!  Sam all alone!  Y’know Sam probably can’t do that trick Kitty does where an enemy launches at her and goes right through, because he can only phase through earth-y and plant-y stuff.
Yikes! It’s a jump scare!  Burned One right in Sam’s face!  It claws him and he goes down yelling in pain!
But he manages to get back into the girls’ suite to tell them there’s a Burned One loose in the school!
Back with Bloom and Rosalind, Rosalind’s encouraging Bloom to channel lots of magic.  “More!  Let the fire consume you!  Control limits you!”  bloom says she’s scared and Rosalind encourages her to embrace that feeling, to enjoy it!  “And with the right people around you...”
Bloom unflames.  “You mean with you.”  Bloom’s realized it!  “You want me to listen to you and trust you and let you guide me?  I just met you.’  and that’s not all!  Bloom realizes Rosalind left her on earth a danger to everyone around her, to hide her from Dowling. “Without any guidance.”
Rosalind: ‘The guidance you needed was love.  Farah couldn’t give that to you.  Vanessa and Michael could.”  Ugh, so their names are canon. And Rosalind knew about their baby and “gave them a second chance. And I gave you a hiding place from the monsters that wanted you dead.”  And rosalind says she’ll always look out for Bloom, and when this is over they’ll find Bloom’s birth parents.
I dunno Bloom, maybe ask a whole lot more about how she knew about an Earth couple whose baby had a heart defect?
It had occurred to me that Beatrix might be the other half of the changeling swap, if there’s healing magic that can fix things like that.  
But no time for that, Burned Ones are in the school and the girls are stuck in their room!  Bloom has to go help.  She asks Rosalind if she’s charged up enough to help help.  Rosalind says she can’t, “But you don’t need it.  BS, Rosalind, you could totally help. But Bloom runs off leaving the lady with the evil face all alone.
In the suite, Sam is getting worse, they can’t get out, and cel phones are giving up.
Bloom races toward the school.  She hears noises from every side… but there’s Sky!  At least bloom seems relieved he’s ok after she spiked his drink.  He doesn’t seem nearly as upset as he should be over that, but I guess we gotta save the school first!
Inside dark halls there’s Riven and Kat with flashlights.  They hear noises, but it’s just some students led by a male fire fairy with a handful of flames.  Kat goes with them to the “courtyard” which I’ve been calling the cafeteria, I guess it’s outside?  The big set with the arches and walkway overlooking it.
So Riven’s all alone to get the rest of the students from this area! He goes into the greenhouse… and there’s Dane!  And Beatrix lying asleep on a table.  Dane brought Beatrix here but she’s still paralyzed from the spell and Dane doesn’t know how to help her.
Riven just says it sucks for her and she’s not worth it.  Which true we’d be better off without her but also yikes, heartless much Riven?
Dane: “She cares about you and I know you care about her.  Don’t act like you don’t.”
Riven shrugs and turns to go and Dane grabs him.  Riven says fine, he’ll help.  Dunno why they don’t just carry Beatrix to where the students are gathering, that’d be safer for everyone.
Sky and Bloom are having the “you drugged me.” conversation.  And the “I trusted you, I told you things.’ and “you trusted me but you’d still have stopped me.’ and “you were gonna release a murderer and a crazy ex-headmistress.” and Bloom starts realizing everyone had reasons for what they did and Sky wraps it up, ‘just because they’re doing what they thought was right doesn’t mean that it is.”  
Back with the girls, Sam’s getting worse and something is banging on the door!  it’s Sky!  Did he just kick his way through an enspelled door?  Badass.
Sky and Stella look at each other and say hey.
Then we all head for the courtyard and comparative safety!
Dowling is magically sealing the beautiful arched doors with trees in them, she tells the boy fire fairy to get his compatriots to weld them shut, and everyone to start making barricades.  Silva’s handing out armor to fairies who want it.  Harvey has a whole chemistry lab set up with a lunch lady helping him.  Badass Marco is still getting treatment for his injury when the girls bring Sam in for help.  Sam’s in a bad way.  Harvey asks why they didn’t bring him immediately and Terra reminds him they were locked in their room.  Harvey flinches.
Dowling stands on the stage where we saw Luna before, as behind her fire fairies weld the doors.  She tells them the situation: Burned Ones in, power out.  But she got word to Queen Luna and the army’s on the way!  Everyone looks at Stella when she says that.  They’re safe in the courtyard… but if the Burned Ones get through before the army comes, they’ll have to fight.  Dowling does her best to be inspiring, “Let’s show them what it means to be Alfeans!”  But I just feel… the lack of history.  And I know, we have history. Feels like we don’t.  
Sky and Stella have a moment.  Bloom told him Stella ran away from home. Stella: “Home’s on its way here, so that’s fun.”  Sky offers to help her hide but Stella says she’d love to take him up on it but… ‘Breaking up was the right thing to do, we never should’ve gotten back together.  We are codependant at best, toxic at worst. This time I have to deal with it myself.”  yay Stella!  Grow into a better person!  Sky says she sounds just like Bloom and Stella jokes that that’s what he’s into these days.
Meanwhile Bloom is following Dowling trying to convince her not to be mad. ‘Rosalind isn’t the monster you think she is.”
Bloom, you just met her you said it yourself!
“She had a reason to lie.  The settlers of Aster Dell weren’t innocent. They were blood witches.  And my birth parents weren’t even there.”
Dowling just sighs and says “She certainly has a way of winning people over doesn’t she.”  Dangit, I wanted her to just kill the retcon and say, “there’s no such thing as blood witches, Bloom.”
Bloom goes with, ‘is your ego so fragile you can’t even consider for a minute you might be wrong about her?”  Dowling says Rosalind is just manipulating, Bloom says you’re doing that too, and Dowling sensibly points out Dowling could be here defending herself and also defending the school.
Bloom flinches from that logic but says Rosalind is still too weak.  
Dowling says the stone circle is the conduit to the magic of the land.  It supplies everything… like the electricity.  And the barrier.
Yup. Nice job breaking it, hero!  Bloom singlehandedly brings about the bad ending!
Bloom says the Burned Ones are after her, and Dowling had figured that out. Bloom says she knows how to fight them now, but Dowling points out, ‘you’re he reason we’re in this mess, you’ve done enough. Help the other fire fairies weld the doors if you want to.’
And she strides off, pausing to suggest to Aisha that the other water fairies could use her leadership.
Aisha had been coming to talk to bloom I think, but she changes her mind.
In the greenhouse Dane and Riven are making a medicine to revive Beatrix.  Turns out Riven is good at potions because he used to hang out with Terra.  ‘Look, I’ll deny saying this but she’s not the worst.”  
Ok, that makes Riven’s nasty remark to Terra in the first episode way worse.
Riven: “I might’ve led you astray this year...’
Dane: “you didn’t.  Beatrix is special.”
Riven: ‘You are gay, right?  I’m not blind?  I know when someone wants my dick.”
Dane: “I think you’re hot.  She is too, in a different way.”
There’s nothing like a cute threesome!  ...and this is nothing like a cute threesome.  But now the problematic element sits up and says, ‘You made the right choice.  Rosalind will be impressed.  When this is all over, you’re going to want to be on our side.”
Burned Ones growl!  Rosalind pulls magic from the stone circle!
And Sam is in a bad way.  There was a splinter of Burned One claw near his heart.  Dang, I should’ve put him on the list of people for the chop!  Musa tries to use her mind magic to take some of his pain, but it’s too much for her.
Harvey starts falling apart, stuttering that he can’t get the splinter out.  Terra encourages her father, and Harvey manages to pull the claw splinter out.  sam’s alive, but until the Burned One that tagged him is dead it’s only a matter of time!
The fire fairy boy says he heard they have the rest of the night and a whole day before the army comes. Too long for Sam, and if the Burned Ones get through the doors too long for all of them.  Bloom, who’d been watching in horror the results of her bad choices, sets her lips and strides out.
Bustle of students putting up barricades.  Sky is working with Badass Marco, then he turns and there’s Bloom with an apology.  “I should’ve been honest with you like you were honest with me and I’m sorry.” And she reassures him that the kiss was honest, and gives him another one for emphasis!
Sky: “If I still say I don’t believe you, can we do it again?”
Well Sky is the most sane and stable person here, he’ll be good for Bloom!  And immediately her catches Bloom’s glance and says, ‘whatever you’re thinking of doing… I’m here.”
And Aisha knows Bloom’s gonna try something, because Bloom always tries something and this time she thinks it’s her fault.  Stella tries the, ‘If only her friend hadn’t turned on her..” and Aisha feels bad and she’s sorry.  And here’s Bloom, come to get them! It’s the last episode, we all get to go fight!  
Sky’s not with them, he’s with Silva and Silva has a final confession to make.  Because he thinks they’re all gonna die tonight, he wants to tell Sky the truth about what happened at Aster Dell.  Because that was where Sky’s father died.  But Sky thought he died in battle…
Flashback! On the plains.  Silva is yelling that there were still people, the town wasn’t evacuated.  He wants to run and tell Rosalind.  This must be while the magic users are up on the cliff ready to call down lightning.  Silva says his friends think they’re only killing Burned Ones, but Andreas says Rosalind knows the truth.  And he’s going with what Rosalind said.  
Silva says ‘I know Rosalind gave you a sense of purpose, I know you’re indebted to her.” backstory there, but surely Andreas wouldn’t be on side for nuking hundreds of people?!  Silva says, orders or morals?  And Andreas… yep, he’s Team Rosalind.  he’s not gonna let Silva warn the others.
He does not say, “They’re evil blood witches, we’ll show you the evidence and then come back.” which is really the only correct thing to say here.
Punches are thrown!  The two warriors scuffle.  Then Andreas goes for his sword.  Silva draws his own.  And a few swings in, he runs Andreas through.  And races to the top of the bluff to stop his friends being accessories to a massacre.
Oof! What a thing for Sky to learn!  And before that, Silva says, Andreas really was a great hero.  Just… flawed.  As we all are.  That’s not much good and sky snaps, ‘What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?”  But he’ll have to work it out later because now the Burned Ones are breaking in!
Dowling and the specialists move to the front, Dowling saying, ‘Keep your emotions in check.  Runaway fear leads to runaway magic.”
In the clinic Harvey and Terra battle to keep Sam alive.  Terra goes to get help and finds Musa zoned out with headphones.  Terra begs for help and Musa says she can’t bear to feel somebody she cares about die, not again.  This Musa’s mother dies last year, and Musa was with her and felt everything.  Oof!  The two girls hang onto each other and cry for a moment then Terra says, ‘It’s ok.  I’m not gonna let him die.”  And, understanding, leaves Musa to her music. But headphones can’t shut out the sound of the Burned Ones banging on the walls!
In the courtyard terra walks right up past everybody and starts dismanteling the barricade!  ‘We’re hiding when we should be fighting.”  Silva tells her they’re gonna be fighting soon enough and indeed, here comes a Burned One through the roof!  The boy fire fairy blasts it and Kat is ready to skewer the thing when it… passes them?
It’s looking for Bloom!  Who was last seen sneaking out a trapdoor with Stella and Aisha!  The banging stops, and Dowling figures out Bloom has left to draw the enemy away!
The girls emerge from the secret passage in the graveyard.
Harvey calls Terra over as she is clearly headed out to fight, but he says she needs to stay with her brother, to help him hold on until the Burned One is destroyed.  Then Musa appears and takes Sam’s hand. She’ll help him as long as she can.
Outside Stella points out that her mom is on the way with a real live army, but Bloom says there’s no time for that.  Rosalind taught her how to stop the Burned Ones but she has to do big magic and she’s not sure how that’ll work.  She needs help.  Aisha will be there with her water magic in case the forest catches fire, and Stella can hide them.
Bloom: “Rosalind wants me to believe that she’s the person I need to get through this.  But she’s not.
Aisha pulls the water from the pond into a cyclone around Bloom.  Bloon lights up her eyes and lifts off the ground and… transforms. Transforms-ish.  Flames spiral around her arms and legs, and around her body.  Bloom’s clothes don’t change but fiery veined wings open behind her, first very large then dwindling as Bloom lands back on the ground.
The designers definitely could’ve watched PGSM to get this, if they then decided to tone things way down.  And why not change her clothes?  I’m sure they could’ve managed something.  As a live action transformation sequence it’s… ok.  They were trying for something cool and they had some good ideas how to get there, the fie spirals were good, but they needed to really run with it and they didn’t.  So it’s just ok.
And how the night did Rosalind know the long lost secret of how to transform?  
Burned Ones advance and Bloom blasts them with fire one after another.  When the last one is down, her wings go out.  And where the Burned Ones fell are… specialists?  People, anyway.
Dowling arrives and Bloom collapses in her arms, then Aisha and Stella rush over to help.  “We did it.’
Inside Sam suddenly feels much better!  Terra hugs Musa.  The lights come back on.  
In the greenhouse too, where Beatrix and the boys are ready to bring the bad ending!  I still smell a bad ending, because we just had a good ending but there’s twenty minutes more to go!  The boys say they should rejoin their classmates but Beatrix says they should wait to meet Rosalind and her dad, who have a plan.  ‘The two of you can be part of it.  This doesn’t have to end.”
Dane asks if it was her dad who sent her to Alfea and B says he’s technically not her dad… and here’s Rosalind coming in the greenhouse doors.  She and Beatrix recognize each other though they can’t have met.  B says the boys are her friends and Rosalind reads their minds.  I wanna say the boys are wondering what they’ve gotten into but… no, they don’t seem to be seeing anythuing wrong with this at all.
The girls are putting Bloom to bed, talking about the good ending they think they have.  Sam will be fine, Terra’s great at doctoring and she’s sad she missed seeing Bloom’s wings.  Tinkerbell is mentioned and I can just hear my friend cringing as they say Bloom’s wings were cooler than Tinkerbell’s.  Bloom’s parents call and Aisha talks to them, covering for Bloom.  She calls it her ‘one allocated lie of the week” which is weird.  Bloom’s awake and fine, she could talk to her folks.  Aisha says they’ve been having killer exams and the girls giggle.
Nobody says, ‘ohmigod the secret of wings was lost ages ago, what exactly did you do? help us all learn it!” which seems like a very obvious thing for everybody to be saying.
Also being all happy and going to bed while Rosalind and Beatrix are unaccounted for is a weird choice!
Silva and some specialists are scouting for her.  No luck.  They find Dowling with the bodies of the ex-Burned Ones.
Dowling: “Bloom transformed, Saul.  She spent one night with Rosalind and unlocked ancient fairy magic, magic we thought was lost.  She told Bloom the settlers of Aster dell weren’t civilians, they were blood witches.”
And Silva seems to believe it.  Which of course means he killed his friend for no good reason.  If it’s true.  But if it’s true why didn’t Rosalind and Andreas tell the others, present evidence of the blood witches’ crimes, and make a plan to deal with things aboveboard?  So why does Silva believe it now hearing from Dowling who heard from Bloom who heard from Rosalind well after the fact? But he does believe it and this is his awful moment of guilt.
Sky too is grappling with what he’s just learned, pacing on the lawn outside the school as the night ends.
Bloom finds him as the sun rises and I gotta say, I was not expecting the night to end!  Everyone heard Bloom “went full fairy last night.” Bloom says it was the first time she truly felt like herself.  She says, “I belong here.”  but she realizes Sky is in the same clothes as last night and asks if he’s ok.  He says he’s fine, which he isn’t.
Then Dowling comes looking for Bloom.  The two fairies go into the headmistress’ office.  Bloom’s feeling ok after her big magic, and suddenly she apologizes for all the awful things she’s said to Dowling.  “You found me when I was lost, brought me to a safe place, gave me guaidance.  Surrounded me with amazing people.  And I’ve been...’
Dowling says, ‘It’s forgiven.”  And Bloom hesitantly asks for a hug, or maybe offers one.  Dowling looks like she’s never heard of hugs before, then she stands up and she and Bloom hug.  Dowling totally gets teary-eyed.
Dowling: “When I became headmistress I made a decision.  To become a figurehead.  To project strength.  It’s what students your age need.  Admitting mistakes invites uncertainty...but not admittng them means people you care about have to ask you if you hug.”
Awwww, that was sweet!  Dowling says she should have been more honest and Bloom says she maybe needed time.
...are we maybe NOT having a bad ending?  I mean if Stella confronts her mum that would take up the time and we could end on a good note! Nobody’s dead yet!  But all that bad-ending buildup...
‘Cause suddenly we’re back on Earth and Bloom is going to tell them the truth!  Which, what good will that do them?  And do you even know the truth?  People told you lots of things.  And the rest of the girls are here to hang out over the weekend!  They head upstairs so Bloom can drop the “changeling” bomb in peace.
Music plays, Bloom speaks and her mother cries and looks at a baby book, ultrasounds and a newborn hospital bracelet.  They believe it too, the whole mad story of fairies and magic.  Of course Bloom summoning double handfuls of fire probably does a lot to convince them.
Sweet family montage, Bloom hugging her parents, the girls at the kitchen table, eating pizza.
Back at Alfea, Silva asks Sky where Riven is.  Sky just says he and Dane are probably off getting stoned.  When is this?  Did y’all not do a full headcount after the battle?  Sky is of course not happy with his mentor.  Silva just says, ‘one day I hope you’ll see everything I did was for your benefit Sky.”  Which, if Silva’s parenting produced Sky the paragon of decency and Andreas’ parenting produced Beatrix the occasionally charming also slutty obsessed murderer, good point there!
Here come some doomful black SUVs!  They pull around and out hop a bunch of soldiers who surround the two confused guys.
Queen Luna gets out and… arrests Silva for the attempted murder of Andreas of Eraklyon!
Yow! Poor Silva looks most confused.  But there he is, Andreas gets out of an SUV still wearing his specialist vest thingy.  Sky looks at his resurrected father in shock!
Dowling is looking over some graves.  Rosalind suddenly turns up!  Turns out the Burned Ones are a sort of zombie, they were human once so when Bloom turned them human again and dead Dowling buried them.  I hope she tried to find their next of kin and stuff too.  Rosalind knew about them.
Dowling: “Are there more out there?”
Rosalind: “Shit ton.”
Rosalind must’ve already met Riven, his speech patterns are rubbing off on her!
And then Rosalind delivers the prophecy.  There always is one.  Or in this case, “There’s a legend.  It’s a thousand years old. That’s how old the Burned Ones are, by the way.  They were soldiers from an ancient war.  The legend is about the magic used against them.  It created them.  it’s powerful.  It’s primal.  The Dragon Flame.”
Whaaaaaat? Really?  Come on.
And that’s what Bloom’s got and that’s why she could transform. Rosalind let the Burned Ones into the school to see if Bloom could do it.  Dowling’s upset about the danger to, y’know, everybody.
Rosalind: “there’s a war on the horizon.  The Burned Ones are nothing compared to what’s coming.”
And Rosalind says she’s taking over the school, pretty much.  We go back to the front yard where Silva’s getting hauled away in handcuffs and Queen Luna is giving the ordersy and there’s Beatrix watching and inside someone’s taking down Dowling’s portrait and putting up Rosalind’s.
Soldiers march into the greenhouse and Harvey and Sam smile weakly, smart enough not to try anything against six big dudes.
We learn that Andreas has been in hiding all these years because “I needed someone to raise Beatrix.”  Uh, wow Andreas is one obedient guy!  He also looks a little nutty.  I dunno, the very regal beard… it’s too much somehow.  Next to him Beatrix smiles at Riven and Dane who are I guess her loyal retainers now.
And then, infodump over… Rosalind straight up MURDERIZES Dowling!  Well first she suggests Dowling might want to run away and take some time off, but Dowling is having none of that so Rosalind kills her!  And then angry rock music plays as Dowling’s body sinks into the ground and flowers come up over her, making one more grave.
The girls return from their weekend on earth wearing the awful clothes from the trailer and discover… not the three adults they were expecting!
Well that was… something.  You got the bad ending all right!
So lemme scroll up and see how good my guesses were…
Nobody but Dowling died, so my death guesses were wrong.  And if she’s an earth fairy she might be able to heal herself under the ground or something, I mean weirder things happen in this kind of show.  Bloom did indeed doom the school by releasing Rosalind.  
We learned what I guess is the truth of Aster Dell, but... unforeshadowed blood witches?  Reeeeeally!?  That’s what you’re going with?  And we found out Burned Ones are ancient zombies created by the unforeshadowed Dragon Flame which Bloom has for some reason. You’re supposed to foreshadow the important stuff for the night’s sake!  That’s how things have weight in your story, that’s how you make the world feel real like the parts of it are connected to the other parts of it!  The lack of worldbuilding has been bugging me more and more, can you tell?
Anyway we get a season two.  I’m pleased because I’ve enjoyed plenty of aspects of Fate, but on the other hand… Fate has turned the already weird Winx fandom into a pit of radioactive rage-bees, and I won’t be sad to put that behind us!
So what about the big question?  Good, bad or irredeemable?
I expected to judge how Fate lines up as a Winx Club show, but it… just doesn’t.  At all.  None of the characters are the same, none of the worldbuilding is the same.  It’s apples to oranges.
But as just a show… I think I’d have to go with “bad.”  The way the world feels so flimsy, all the really obvious bits of Otherworldbuilding that just aren’t there until the end, or aren’t there at all.  All the Earth popular culture references.  Beatrix being stuck in a slut stereotype role.  All the drugs.  All the everyone’s lying to everyone about everything, it got really tiresome.  Those things knock the show out of the “good” category.
But there was a lot to like.  I have to say, all the actors did a really good job.  Given the semi-mess they had to work with, they gave it all they had!  Stella was so awful but put across that she’s terrible because she’s terrified.  Sky was a truly good person. Beatrix and Riven are objectively terrible people but both had moments of being so charming it was hard to hate them.  And Dowling, Silva and Harvey managed to hold up this flimsy worldbuilding and almost make it work.  The magic was flimsy but pretty and the castle and the forest are absolutely stunning.
So it’s not good, but there’s something there.  So it’s not irredeemable, though there’s a lot we have to wallpaper over with it.  I’m’a go with “Bad.  The show has charms but is in general bad.”  
At least that’s what I think after a five-hour marathon of the last episode!  We’ll see what occurs to me in days to come!
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gallagherwitt · 4 years ago
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Hey, writer folks, let's talk editing for a minute.
Lately I've seen some posts by a number of writers concerned about the editing process. In particular, what happens when your editor starts trampling your voice? Or when they start changing things that are clearly a matter of taste, not structural or grammatical issues? Or when their comments are rude or condescending? Or when you don't even recognize your own book anymore, and not in a good way?
Basically, what happens when you get your manuscript back from your editor, and you get that sick feeling in your stomach like "This is ruined"?
First, right off the bat, without even getting into whether the editor is right or wrong, it's a perfectly natural and acceptable reaction when you have some hardcore edits that involve massive revisions. This is especially true early in your career, but trust me, it doesn't magically go away. It's tough on the ego to see that manuscript you worked so hard on come back slathered in red. It's demoralizing. And it's okay if you feel that way!
You know what I do when I get a set of edits? I go through it one time and let my inner toddler go nuts. I mentally flail and push back and holler and roll my eyes and "oh my GOD that is BULLSHIT" and I eat a cookie. Then I put the manuscript aside. The next day, I take a deep breath and go through it again, and more often than not -- especially now that I'm mostly indie and I hire editors who I mesh with -- the comments and changes aren't so bad after all. So I 100% give you permission to do that if getting it out of your system helps.
THAT BEING SAID.
The inner toddler isn't always wrong. When I read through it the second time, if my eyebrows keep climbing until they touch my hairline, it's possible that something is amiss here besides my ego needing a nap.
So what happens when you and your editor disagree? How do you know if the problem is the editor or the manuscript? And how do you handle it? Well, that can be tough, and the answer usually comes down to communication.
But let me say this upfront: it's not just you. After 11 years in print, I'm creeping up on 200 titles in my catalogue. I have, shall we say, extensive experience with editors, and it hasn't always been good.
With one publisher, I had to hire a copy editor on my own to go through and undo all the errors *their* copy editor inserted, not to mention fix all the ones they'd missed.  That's a pretty objective problem.  If your editor is missing mistakes or ADDING mistakes, then you need a new editor. Period. Do NOT be afraid to go to your senior editor (or your agent), tell them what the problem is, and request someone new. If the problem isn't resolved or you're told "this editor does a perfectly good job," then consider that a sign that you and the publisher have differing standards on quality. You might have to grit your teeth through the process on your currently contracted book(s) (that's why I hired an outside editor for mine), but consider not submitting to that publisher in the future. If you're an indie author who hired your own editor, you can fortunately choose not to use them again.
Sometimes it's a personality clash or a difference in taste or style. Maybe the editor's method of communicating rubs you the wrong way. I had an editor who thought that since I'm fairly sarcastic with a dry sense of humor most of the time, that would be an effective way of communicating via comments in a manuscript.
Spoiler: it was not. I have a thick skin when it comes to writing, but if I feel like my editor is making fun of me, talking down to me, or yelling at me, I shut down. I can't work like that. Solution: ask the editor to do things differently or ask for another editor. DO NOT grin and bear it if your editor is communicating in a way that's hurtful or counterproductive. You're equal partners here, and you have a right to be treated with respect. It's okay to say so if you feel that's not happening.
I also had an editor who did line edits by making the change they wanted to see rather than putting in a comment about how and why they thought it should change. I really liked that because in comparing my original to the tracked change, I could see what they were getting at, and even if I didn't accept their change in its entirety, it was a good way to communicate the issue to me. For us, it worked really well.
But that approach had the opposite effect on another author, who felt like the editor was stomping on their voice and just changing things willy nilly.  Neither of us was wrong, it was just different people responding to different means of communication. In that instance, simply approach the editor, explain why you would prefer they made comments instead of changes, and see what happens. If they're willing to do so, great! If not, you and the editor might not be compatible. That doesn't make you a diva or them a bad editor, it just means you're not a good match. That's okay!
Also, if they've made a suggestion or recommended a change, and you disagree with it or don't understand it, sometimes just typing out your concerns in an email or a reply to their comment can resolve it. I can't tell you how many times I've been in the middle of explaining to an editor why I wanted to keep something the way it was, and I talked myself right into a solution to their comment that I was happy with. The solution wasn't always what they'd initially recommended, but the result was that the problem they'd pointed out was fixed.
Which is another thing to keep in mind: if your editor suggests you do X to fix a problem, but you don't like X, think about WHY they want you to do it. What is X fixing? One of my editors told me "There isn't enough tension in this scene, so I recommend cutting it by 10% to tighten it up." I tried. Lord, I tried. But there was no way I could cut anything without losing vital information. So I revisited the comment. The problem wasn't that it needed to lose 10%. The problem was there wasn't enough tension. In the end, I ratcheted up the tension....by *adding* 10%.
So sometimes it's just a matter of stepping back and asking yourself, is this editor stomping all over your voice and tearing apart your work in a way you disagree with? Or is it a difference in communication style? Are they trying to hijack my book? Or does their suggestion illustrate a problem which I can fix in a way that is more satisfying to me and more in line with my story?
Also, a lot of writers have come of age hearing that you toe the line and do what your editor tells you to, or else you'll get blacklisted for being difficult. And to some extent, sure, you CAN cultivate a reputation for being an unreasonable diva, but there is an enormous gap between diva status and being a professional asking to be treated accordingly. If you feel your editor is being rude or they're hurting your story, say so. If you think there's a lapse in communication somewhere, say so.
If you don't understand something, ask. When my current editor makes suggestions for significant changes, it's not unusual at all for me to email her first and say "I'm thinking of doing X, Y, and Z to fix A, B, and C. What do you think?" Or "You suggested A, B, and C, but I think if I do X, Y, and Z it'll work better because... What do you think?" And we'll go back and forth a little before I ever touch the manuscript. It works beautifully, and I'm always confident going into the edits that I understand what the issues are and how to fix them. You're not alone when you're editing! Your editor is there to help you and to work with you, and if they won't do that, they're not doing their job!
Seeing a pattern here? Communication is crucial. If you aren't comfortable with something, or you don't understand something, or the way the editor is communicating isn't working for you, it's okay to speak up. It goes without saying that you need to be professional about it, but don't buy into the idea that for authors, "being professional" means gritting your teeth and taking whatever your editor shells out.
And yes, if you absolutely cannot work with an editor -- if just thinking about looking at that manuscript spikes your anxiety like a tornado siren just went off because the comments are rude, the changes are uncalled for, or something is just OFF -- it is acceptable to say "This author-editor relationship isn't working for me."
Yes, you can break up with your editor.
Obviously that's easiest for indie authors. We just...don't hire that editor again. With publishers, it's a little more complicated, but it CAN be done!
In just over a decade, there has been one occasion where I stopped midway through the edits, emailed the senior editor, and said "I'm not working with this person anymore. I want a new editor." This came after a round of edits left me so emotionally wrung out and beaten down that I was literally in tears over it, and if you know me, you know that says A LOT. The first draft of my email basically said "You know what? This book is obviously garbage. Let's just cancel it." I felt that bad about the whole thing. But after talking to some industry friends, I pulled myself together, realized the book was not the problem, and I sent a firmly-worded but still professional email to my senior editor.
You know what happened? I got a new editor. We scrapped the existing edits, started over, and it was like night and day. The edits were still intense, but they were reasonable, and instead of feeling like I was being told to nuke the book from orbit and start over, I felt like I was course correcting. In the end, readers loved the book, and I continued working with that editor for a long time because we meshed so flawlessly.
If you find yourself in a situation like this, and you're not sure if it's just you, run it by some trusted writer buddies. Ask some long-published veteran authors. It's okay to say "Something about this doesn't feel right -- what do you think?"
Don't suffer in silence! Get feedback from a third party. Talk to your editor. Talk to your senior editor or your agent if you have them. It could be just a simple miscommunication. It could be that you and this editor aren't compatible. But if no one knows you're struggling, they can't help.
And honestly, if there's one thing I've learned in working with literally dozens of editors over the years, it's that most of them genuinely do want you to succeed, and they want you to be happy with your book. If they do, they'll also meet you in the middle and try to make the whole process work for both of you. If they don't, well, then that's somebody you probably don't want to work with again if you can help it.
To recap:
Talk to your editor if you have concerns or if something isn't working.
Talk to your senior editor or agent (if you have them) if you think a new editor would be the best solution.
If you're truly unhappy with an editor, you might be stuck with them for the duration of one book or series, depending on your contract, but beyond contractual obligations, it's okay to choose not to work with them again. (And if it's really not a good situation, push for a different editor.)
 If an author and editor disagree, the author is not wrong by default. Neither is the editor.
Communicate, communicate, communicate.
Remember that you are colleagues, and you should expect to be treated accordingly.
Sometimes calmly explaining to your editor why you disagree with or don't understand their comment can lead your thought process right to the solution.
It's YOUR book. In the end, YOU should be happy with it. Your editor should be on your side.
 You are not obligated to correct a problem in the manner your editor suggested. Most problems have multiple possible solutions!
It's totally okay to email your editor and ask for clarification, bounce ideas off them for solutions, etc.
So go forth and bravely tackle those edits, but communicate like whoa and trust your gut if something doesn't feel right!
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shadowfae · 4 years ago
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One of my friends a while back asked for the explanation of how Chaos worked in Lore (my Ranisson / AdventureQuest Worlds canon) and what it’s like in a hivemind, so I gave them an explanation over discord dms. Since I don’t feel like writing up another post about it, I’m just going to copy paste under the cut. Bolded was their second question. It’s not formatted for an actual post, being in all lowercase, but eh.
As always, I take questions if any are thought up. 
magic in lore works like a tiered triangle, in four tiers. the first tier up at the top is raw, pure, balance magic. it's very, very unstable and volatile, exceedingly rare, and kills most people to get near. i only know of three people who could use it, and only one who did so in a proper, balanced way. (his name was warlic. his magic ran in reverse - the more he used, the more he'd get. he was very very good at his job.) underneath balance on tier two are the two binding elements, order and chaos. they do exactly that, they don't really exist on their own but they can be used to hold other elements together. if met together without anything to hold, they cancel out. my theory is that if the two coexisted in a world properly and naturally, they'd remove all magic from the world entirely. hence why there are two versions of lore: the one i was in, and the one we called the mirror realm. (the mirror folks called us the mirror realm and they were the normal ones. as one does.) order existed in the mirror realm, chaos existed in ours. underneath them in the third tier are the eight 'pure' elements. they're called pure because people didn't know about the tiered structure until drakath's husband (he's important) figured it all out. you got water, fire, wind, earth, light, darkness, lightning, and ice. ice would be more accurately called chill, and fire more accurately heat. water's opposite is actually lightning, not fire. if you take one or more tier three elements and slap a tier two on it, you get tier four: every other element that exists. if you combine darkness and fire with chaos, then you get a type of death energy. bind them with order you'd get something else, change either element or hell, even the ratio of them relative to each other, you'll get something else.
that's how magic works. but it also works in tandem with people. the magic system was set up probably by lorithia, a creation-aligned goddess who's worshipped religiously but it's more cultural than religious tbh. she set in place three spots for mortals to take up regarding magic: the avatar, the champion, and the orb-bearer. the avatar of a given tier two or three element exists once, and only once. they're naturally immortal but can be killed, and once they're gone, you'll never get another avatar of that element without lorithia interfering, or something. their second in command is the champion: there's always a champion, or someone intended to become them. they hold the throne while the avatar's out, and while you can be both avatar and champion, avatars aren't that common and we don't know much about them, so. under the champion is the orb-bearer: the orbs exist for tier-two elements, and act as the conscience of the element. if you want to pick a fight with lightning itself, go find the orb-bearer and go yell at them, i guess. drakath's husband was the avatar of chaos. his name was daniel arkhane, and i refer to him only as the avatar because it's rude to say anything else. i'll specify if i mean another avatar, but literally no other one ever showed up in anything i had anything to do with afaik so i don't care about them. he became the avatar because for his final project in warlic's class at his university, he was handed a classgem (concentrated bits of tier two-to-four elements that tune your magic to that 'class', very similar to an rpg) of mysterious origin and told to figure out what it was and everything to do with it. except that classgem was pure tier-two chaos, which realized it was handling someone whose magic ran in reverse and who could probably handle balance magic without dying, and he ended up avatar. he took the natural chaos in the world and went about engineering it, seeing what he could do. he was pretty angry at sepulchure for trying to colonize his people (the lunaris sentinels, they're a canon thing) and killing his adopted mother, as well as everything sepulchure's ever done to drakath (it's like what dragonfable tells you, but with way more trauma), and he never got too far in it because sepulchure's raids dropped a building on him. the chaorruption i've got tells me his skull got crushed in, which i didn't need to know but okay sure. drakath is the champion of chaos. he took the avatar's research and went farther with it, until he had something past raw magic, that could actually take a form, and he went about using it and experimenting with what it could do. he wanted the war to stop, and figured if he had a classgem of the championship of chaos (as being the champion requires the classgem of the championship, and those fuckers teleport if they think they're not getting found), he might actually make it work. so he created a version of chaos magic that wouldn't kill you if it took you: it would just bind you to it. say you're a paladin, with a classgem of a paladin class, which is water-air-light bound with order? yeah, now he's binding water-air-light with chaos, and you're still a paladin but now you're chaorrupted. if you used raw chaos with water-air-light, you wouldn't get a paladin. idr what you'd get but it wouldn't be that. his version literally corrupted it magically. now, all the tier two and three elements can corrupt, if you tune them right. i've seen magicorruption from other elements and it's never fun, but drakath's chaos did it in a way that could be fun, if you were the right kind of person. drakath was, effectively, a uni student in his mid twenties who had seen too much and was basically a punk with anarchist leanings. so he needed an army to stop the war, and he needed to not get caught, and so he took those nobody would miss. those a moment before suicide, those who worked in swordhaven doing what nobody wanted them to do (gamblers, prostitutes, etc), those who were getting hurt. he took everyone that might be happier with him, and left nothing but a trace of his chaos magic - which was bright as fuck purple goop that sent you into a coma if you touched it and got infected when he didn't want you to. he made an army of the people nobody on either side wanted, and nobody save for a few adventurers noticed, because nobody cared. he also ended up with a few people from other worlds, because he wasn't the avatar and couldn't control it completely. (i showed up later. i have ranisson's memories and she has mine, but we're separate people who spent a bit of time swapping bodies for a bit. hence why we're now 'kin with each other. one of my longtime mutuals was also in this position. his name's lance and we're still bffs.) and then he went and chaorrupted alteon, straight up murdered sepulchure, and started an alliance between what was left of their armies as everyone turned on him. smug tall bastard. guy was 6'7" and already saved the world when sepulchure told him to gather all the orbs and he fused with the dragon of light to bind them to keep from basically nuking the world. that dragon was the aforementioned fluffy. he then lost the orbs in a volcano and we never went back for them, rip. but here's what chaorruption does to you: it's a hivemind, in the way that everyone's hooked up to a peer-to-peer database network. telepathy across the entire network. if you know a Fact, everyone knows the Fact. people know automatically what triggers those around them, without consciously knowing it: you just know not to bring it up if you get close to the topic. if you try really really hard, you can swap identities with others. this proved very useful when we had most of the army turn into drow (dark elves, who were virtually extinct) at the order of chaos lord vath, a pissed off drow who grew up with dragons after dwarves basically genocided his people. he wanted more drow like him and for a time we could make that happen for him, so we did. it also had the avantage of nobody knowing who the fuck actually just killed their little sister: all they knew is that a chaos drow did it, not that it was actually johnny mcgee who's actually a water draconian. we all knew who each other was, but nobody else did. it also meant that with our telepathy, we could and would confuse the fuck out of everyone. we could chatter and cross language barriers. didn't matter if you were yelling gibberish at me, i'd know through the chaos what you meant to tell me. if you explained some concept i'd never understood but another chaorrupted person would, then so long as i was actively using my magic and chaorruption, i'd be able to do it. not as well as the person who understood it normally would, but i'd be able to do a passing job. so what we'd do is yell everything at each other in various languages and out of order, and we'd know what was going on, and nobody else would. it really did reinforce the idea of chaos- if you weren't in the know, it was nonsensical and impossible to follow. we could change an entire strategy of attack in about five seconds, because the chaos was faster than we could be otherwise. the only way to defeat us was straight up overpowering us, which only happened if we couldn't move as fast as you could. it happened, but eh. so basically i'm very used to a hivemind and there's nothing quite like it. it's actually terrifying if you're not properly one of us, which is what minos went through in that fic - he was part of the hivemind, but he wasn't part of chaos, hence why it was killing him slowly from the inside out. if any of us had found him, we would've dragged him in to get initialized and he would've probably been fine. but ah, everyone i know who hears me talk about chaos knows it as this great, really nice thing, and i wanted to drive home that for everyone else, it was fucking terrifying. but for me? it was great, and it's such a huge part of what and who i am that i feel it'd be impossible to not notice if you knew what you were looking for, yeah?
"I'm curious though, does that mean that in the hive mind, you could change your appearance through chaos magic? Or was it a skill shared throughout the hive mind? I'm also curious as to what you mean by swapping bodies?"
if someone else had what you wanted, yes! you could kind of mix and match? like, if someone had straight snow white hair and yours was bright green and curly, you could take their hair entirely, but you couldn't get a light green or curly white hair, or straight green hair. but you could take just their hair and someone else's eyes. and if they changed their hair to someone's red buzzcut, you couldn't take their hair at all unless you own the red buzzcut, in which you can just swap with each other. if you wanted to make a triangle of swapping you could, but it'd take actual engineering of the magic versus just deciding to. and if you weren't using your magic actively you'd go back to your actual form, hence why if we died we'd transform back. and as far as the magic was concerned, your identity was just another feature. a trans guy and a cis girl absolutely could swap genders if they wanted to. but that part was kind of experimental, meant for those who generally had so much trauma they couldn't be themselves at the moment and needed a break, and there was bleedthrough. if you swapped to get someone else's gender, you were likely to get chunks of the rest of them, too. people absolutely tried to swap traumas and it kind of worked, though it wasn't very commonplace. and you couldn't just take, you had to give whatever you were replacing. so if you wanted to get rid of your curly green hair, someone had to take it, or you had to talk to someone who specialized in engineering (chaosweavers) to permanently alter you, replacing what you had with raw chaos. it wasn't perfect, but if you had raw chaos instead of something else, it would effectively spit out what a fully-chaorrupted person might look like. it had a template. spiky black hair, grayish-violet skin, bright purple eyes with white or black sclera, open sores with a layer of dragonscales underneath instead of flesh, purple blood, way too many teeth, around 5'8"-6'2", muscular builds with thick legs and upper arms. occasionally extra eyes. since this made for a better disguise than the drow thing usually did, a lot of people opted for that when they had traits that nobody they found really wanted. though if someone did eventually want the trait that the chaosweavers removed, odds were good they'd wake up with it unexpectedly and it'd be permanent unless the chaos was removed from them entirely. it was always fun to wake up in the morning and wonder if today was the day you rolled on that 5% chance you look different now. i don't remember if anyone was against it, but it was definitely unexpected, tbh
[and another tangent a few messages later]
people really liked their motifs in lore. like, morality was... surprisingly different. there was no "you're a good person" or "you're evil", because people referred to swordhaven as Good and shadowfall as Evil. you could be a kind, really nice person who was Evil, but by our terms, not necessarily evil. are you evil if you don't kill people, even if your friends all do and you're cool with it? are you good even though you throw people out of your city for trying to do illegal things just to survive? these aren't questions that you'll find in lore at all. your personal morality means nothing, it's what faction banner you're under. the only time that stuff matters is if you're an adventurer, because they only ally with who gets them the resources they want. (heroes are a type of adventurer, they have prophecies about them and are regarded as not real adventurers, because they didn't get a choice. i knew quite a few heroes who refused to say they were because the prophecy was secondary to their adventures.) adventurers are all over the place, but morality as a personal thing as we know it was... basically nonexistent? it was really different
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swellwriting · 5 years ago
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LOVER Pt.1
- I Forgot That You Existed -
Bucky x Reader/ The Winter Soldier x Reader
A/N: Welcome to the beginning of this journey, hope you are excited for the rest of the story, please let me know what you think, like/ leave a comment/ reblog and all that stuff it’s really appreciated :))
Word Count: 2.7k      Series Masterlist   Part 2
Warnings: Just violence for this chapter.
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Hydra had fallen and S.H.E.I.L.D had fallen with it, given they were truly one and the same in the end. But just because the secret was out, it did not mean that Hydra had gone extinct. They thrived working in the shadows and casting new light just made more shadows in new places for them to hide. Like rats they scurry from one safe place to another, making new hidden bases, moving back and rebuilding old ones. That was their dumbest tactic.
On their tails, they had the Avengers chasing them, and the Avengers weren’t easy to hide from since they seemed to be growing in numbers every day.
To make matters worse for them, because you just loved to make things worse for the organization that ruined your life and stole it from you in more ways than you could count, they had you, their very own prized “Asset Number 2” who was living just to continue to kill them all. You wouldn’t stop until you could safely say that Hydra was a thing of the past.
And any new organizations like Hydra that came up, you would put their fire out before they could burn someone else as they did to you, as they did to him.
You would search for intel, scan digital global maps, return to old bases trying to find where the disease of Hydra had spread to next. Hydra was right to call themselves by this name, Lerneaen Hydra being the type of monster that when you cut one head off, two more would grow in its place. It was tiring chasing after the “heads” but what else was their really to do with your life, with your abilities, work in a small town diner? Not a chance.
You consider for a moment what it would be like, serving drinks with a cherry fake smile, winking at men that made your stomach curl for an extra tip, and then bringing them out back and slitting their throats for trying to put a hand up your short uniform skirt? It would just never work out.
The explosive device you had set on the door goes off, blowing your hair back and spreading a bit of heat against your cheeks.
“That was a close one.” You thought aloud, feeling your face to make sure your eyebrows were still there. You had been looking into this specific base for a long time, you were tired of trying to figure out passwords and lock codes so you did a small heist of the local police department armoury and decided the loud and proud approach was more your style today. The alarms blared like music to your ears.
“That’s right, panic, scurry around like rats, grab a weapon, it won’t help you.” You say in a sing-song voice, purely for your own amusement, it had been a long while since you had had a partner to joke with.
You grab your .44 magnum revolver from your thigh holster, lean up against the wall and listen for nearing footsteps around the corner, you check and make sure you have all nine bullets loaded and when you hear the tip tap of the scurrying rats you duck down and peer around the corner, shooting upward as the men run towards you in blind panic. There were six of them, you counted each one as you put a bullet in their heads, even as they realized you were there and went to turn and run you were too fast.
You took a moment to admire your work because hell if you didn’t who else would?
The men wore bleachy white lab coats now stained in their own dark blood, “damn lab rats,” you say with a spite filled yet satisfied grunt as you spit on their bodies.
You look down the hallway, no one else seems to be there but you know better than to waltz down there with only three bullets left. You grab a grenade off your hip, pull the pin and hold it to your lips as you count to three before dramatically rolling it down the long hallway like a bowling ball until it hits the door at the end and stops.
You hear men begin to yell “grenade” but your timing’s too perfect, they don’t even finish the word before their lips are probably blown right off their faces.
“Strike!” You congratulate your self as you slowly stride down the hallway, a swagger to your step. Fuck a diner, this was what you were good at. You excelled at this.
One of the men wasn’t quite dead, you walk up to him, stick the heel of your boot into his chest where the skin is torn open and then kiss the blade of your knife before pushing it through his heart. You fake a frown as you watch the light leave his eyes.
“Awe just a spare, you ruined my streak!”
As if human lives were equivalent to bowling pins, but in your mind, the lives of Hydra officers were lower, even lower than an inanimate object, but can anyone blame you, they treated you the same way.
You skip down the hallway, twirling your knife in your hands until you think you hear a noise, holstering your knife you grab your prized AP4 gun off your back and hold it up to your line of sight, tired of the dramatics and wanting to see Hydra blood splattered on the walls of their underground steel hell box.
You find nothing and no one as you kick the door to the lab open.
In total there were only a few lab rats and couple meek soldier mice? Hydra must be feeling the pressure you’ve been putting on them lately, good.
You plug in your USB and start the download of all their files, this will help you figure out what Hydra’s up to and where their other basses might be.
You hear a noise down the hall, one expertly quiet footstep that only a super-soldier would notice, you should have checked the surroundings before you left your back so open, someone comes in and you raise your gun at them about to yell at them to drop their weapon, until you realize you are being held up by a man with a bow and arrow.
You laugh for a moment, he shoots an arrow as you lower your gun and you catch it, breaking it in half thanks to your super-soldier strength and laugh. Your laugh fades to shock when someone walks in beside him, his gun is covering part of his face but you recognize that metal arm, that messy hair that needs to be trimmed, his face as he lowers the gun a bit to look at you.
“Winter?” You ask, losing all of your focus as your mind panics and before you realize the stupid arrow guy shot again, right into your stomach, it feels like a sharp pain, it goes straight up your spine and into your head making your vision go blank and your stomach ache. You’re lying on the ground, when did you fall?
“Fuck,” you say but it comes out so quiet and you feel so weak, you squeeze your fingers to stay awake, to focus but something is wrong, something is so very wrong.
You hear faint footsteps.
“Someone already cleared out this base, I’m assuming it’s our gal there that you shot in the stomach without thinking.” Says a voice you swear sounds like Tony Stark, or at least how he sounds on tv.
“She was pointing a gun at me!” Clint defends and Bucky chuckles as he walks over to you, you’re alive and struggling on the floor, like an animal, helpless and visibly angry about it as you grab at your stomach.
“She’s not dead,” Bucky confirms as he grabs your hand, but he doesn’t look at you like he knows who you are, he doesn’t look sad to see you dying on the floor. And as the pain fills your body, as your head pounds against your skull, your eyes water, your mouth tastes tangy like metal you realize he has no idea who you are, your eyes go wide as you desperately try to speak to him, but you spit up blood which horrifies him.
“Impossible, I’m using those arrows you made me Tony, you said instant kill, that doesn’t look instant.”
“They are poison coated, Legolas, the poison should kill any normal person within seconds, seems our gal here is both a badass Hydra killer and a special enhanced. Barnes bring her on the jet, let’s nuke this joint.”
Clint instantly feels bad as he watches Bucky carry you away, how was he supposed to know you had killed those guys in the hallway, he came in after Nat and Cap who went into a different room, so he just assumed they had taken care of them. He looks at the small pool of blood you left behind on the ground and then grabs your USB, putting it in his pocket and hoping he can give it to you later.
You are only partially conscious, conscious enough to hear and to feel the pain circling your body but that’s about it.
You feel them lay you down and then strap you in, a safety measure, perhaps to keep you in place, or more for their own safety, you aren’t sure. You blackout from the pain, only waking up sometime later, you aren’t sure where or how long it’s been but the room is bright white, it’s filled with fancy technology on the walls and a nurse looks you in the eyes and then scurries away to get the others.
You blink a few times, sit up even though it sends shooting pain up your spine and to your toes, your brain feels numb, they must be heavily medicating you, and to achieve that they must know about your…abilities.
“We go into lots of Hydra bunkers, it’s not rare to find specially enhanced soldiers there, or traces of their past existence, but it is rare to find one who seems to be doing exactly what we were,” Tony says as the room quickly fills with various curious Avengers
“Do you usually shoot at them too?” You ask.
“No.” Tony answers easily while Wanda answers simultaniously, “yes.”
Tony looks at her, raises a playfull brow which gets him a shoulder shrug in return, and then turns back to you.
“Lets cut to the chase, you’re special. Another Super soldier by the looks of it,” he says as he flips through your lab results.
“I’m the same as Winter, same make, different model.” You joke as you gesture to your body.
“Winter?” Steve asks confused.
“Yeah, Winter, he is the only reason I even got shot, he broke my focus. I’ll never be killed by a dude with a damn bow and arrow.” You counter thinking that somehow answers who Winter is.
“Who is Winter?” Tony says, asking you again.
“How do you not know who he is? He was with you, in the base, on that jet. I saw him and blanked. The Winter Soldier, I’m exactly like him, he helped them create me, I am a copy of him.”
“Let me guess your name is Summer right?” Tony jokes.
“Spring, actually. Hydra is really creative, luckily they maxed out at two of us and didn’t run out of seasons.”
Tony chuckles at the nickname and speaks up, “FRIDAY, call Barnes to the medical ward.”
Then you just wait, still confused still in pain as the love of your life walks through the door.
“You didn’t tell us you knew our almost casualty here?” Tony asks and Steve listens intently, never having heard of “Spring” before now.
“I don’t?” He answers and your heart drops. You were right, your hunch from the way he looked at you before was right, it wasn’t that he moved on and didn’t care, it’s that he completely forgot, he has no idea who you are.
The Avengers, or at least the ones in the room, Steve, Tony, Clint, Sam, Wanda and Bucky, all stare at you with looks of confusion and some filled with accusation.
“So your story doesn’t work,” Sam suggests, instantly not trusting you, not that the others trust you any more than he does.
“It’s not a story, or an excuse it’s the truth. I was The Spring Soldier, Asset number 2, I was created by Hydra, I was the only person they found who could survive the half-assed knock off serum they created and used on Winter first. I was trained by Winter, he was my partner, my lover.” You say the last part quietly and they pretend not to notice as you look at your hands.
“You just don’t remember me, it’s happened before,” you finish.
“I thought you got all your memories back Buck?” Steve asks.
Clint chimes in, “How do you even know if you remember everything you…forgot,” but no one pays attention to him.
“I do,” Bucky assures himself aloud.
“I forgot you existed once too, and I’ve dealt with you forgetting me before too. After you left Hydra I couldn’t find you anywhere for years, they said you went chasing after some old friend, they couldn’t find you either.
I heard that you joined the Avengers and there were all these trials in the news and it seemed like you had moved on and I was tired of chasing after you so I thought it was my turn to forget, I begged a lower officer to perform the procedure, I thought to forget you would be hard, painful. I thought that it would kill me, but it didn’t. It wasn’t long before the memories rushed back. You should remember me too by now. What all do you remember, about the past?” You spill your guts, quickly running over your past skipping some of the darker moments. You ask the question as calm and collected as you can, masking the heartbreak as you search for answers.
“I remember Hydra, I remember the war and I remember Steve but not you,” he says so flatly like he isn’t bothered. As if he isn’t even trying to rack his brain for memories of you.
And he looks at you in this way that breaks your heart, behind his eyes there isn’t love, there isn’t hate, just indifference.
And it hurts because you want him back so badly but he doesn’t seem to care. As painful as the past is you crave it at this moment. Life with Winter was hectic and hard but it was worth it to be with him, this peaceful and quietness that lingered without him, without being part of Hydra was deadly. And then he had to twist the knife.
“I remember everyone I’ve ever killed, I remember everything the soldier did but I am not him.”
“Yes, you are!” You say raising your voice a little, like a wounded animal backed up against the wall.
“No, I’m not.” He says and he doesn’t yell but he says it like he’s so sure of himself and it hurts, a blow to the heart as if he’s stomping on the memories as if he’s ripping up pictures in your face. And he isn’t saying the words out loud, he’s not saying he doesn’t love you, but he might as well be.
As Bucky leaves the room in a rush the team gives you a new mix of looks. Tony looks at you as if you’re a new project, something begging to be fixed. Clint looks guilty and confused. Sam and Steve are both defensive, they had spent so long helping Bucky move on from his past, helping him believe he wasn’t the same person, that it wasn’t his fault and here you come, ruining that idea.
Wanda looked neutral, like she sort of felt bad for you but also didn’t trust you either.
The love of your life just walked out the door, leaving you behind like dust without a second thought, for what felt like the hundredth time, and you were stuck in a room of strangers who were all silently judging you and making their own opinions on you.
To make it worse you were handcuffed and strapped to this damn hospital bed. You had to get Winter or Bucky to remember you and you had to get the entirety of the Avengers to trust you and believe you aren’t a threat. What a fucking nightmare.
Part 2
Tag List: @finnofamerica @theseuscmander @fortisfiliae @theboywhocriedlupin @draqcnheartstrinq @carolinesbookworld 
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