#<3 just had a call with Tiff for like three hours at the perfect time and also a deep talk with Lara again

[doppelnatur]

S/o to man hating women who make an exception for me <3

[letterboxd]

The Package.

As the bonkers genre thrill-ride Shadow in the Cloud blasts into the new year, writer and director Roseanne Liang unpacks her love of Terminator 2, watching Chloë Grace Moretz’s face for hours, and the life lesson she learned from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’s Cheng Pei-Pei.

Roseanne Liang’s TIFF Midnight Madness winner Shadow in the Cloud landed with a blast of fresh genre energy on VOD platforms on New Year’s Day. It’s A-class action in a B-grade body, cramming plenty into its taut 83 minutes, including: a top-secret package, a freakish gremlin, a hostile bunch of Air Force dudes, outrageous stunts, dogfights and a fake wartime PSA that feels remarkably real.

Throughout, the camera is focused mostly on one face—Chloë Grace Moretz’s, playing British flight officer Maude Garrett—as she tackles all of the above from a claustrophobic ball turret hanging under a B-17 Flying Fortress, on a classified mission over the Pacific Ocean during World War II.

While the film’s tonal swings are confusing to some, schlock enthusiasts and genre lovers on Letterboxd have embraced the film’s intentionally outlandish sensibility, which “makes excellent use of its genre mash to create an unpredictable, guilty pleasure,” says Mirza. Fajar writes that “it felt like the people involved in this project knew how ridiculous it is and gave a hundred and ten percent to make it work. Someday, it will become a cult classic.” Mawbey agrees: “It really goes off the rails in all the best ways during the final third, and the last couple of shots are just perfect.”

Chloë Grace Moretz and her top-secret package in ‘Shadow in the Cloud’.

To most of the world, Liang is a so-called “emerging” director, when in fact, the mother-of-two, born in New Zealand to Chinese parents, has been at this game for the past two decades. She has helmed a documentary and a romantic drama, both based on her own marriage; a 2008 short called Take 3, which preceded Hollywood’s current conversation about representation and harassment; and Do No Harm, the splatter-tastic 2017 short in which her technical chops and fluid feel for action were on full display, and, as recorded in multiple Letterboxd reviews, established her as one to watch.

Do No Harm scored Liang valuable Hollywood representation, whereupon producer Brian Kavanaugh-Jones brought Shadow in the Cloud to her, thinking she might connect with the material. “It did connect with me on a level that is very personal,” Liang tells me. “As a woman of color, as a mother who juggles a lot.” She says Kavanaugh-Jones then went through the process of removing original writer Max Landis from the project. “He felt that Max was not a good fit for this project, or for how we like to run things. We like to be respectful and courteous and kind to each other…”

In several interviews, Liang has said she’s comfortable with film lovers choosing not to watch Shadow in the Cloud based on Landis’s early involvement. What she’s not comfortable with is her own contribution—and that of her cast and crew—being erased. While WGA rules have his name attached firmly to the project, the credit belies the reality: his thin script, reportedly stretched out to 70 pages by using a larger-than-usual font, was expanded and deepened by Liang and her collaborators.

Writer-director Roseanne Liang. / Photo by Dean O’Gorman

That team includes editor Tom Eagles, Oscar nominated for Jojo Rabbit, actor Nick Robinson (the titular Simon in Love, Simon) and Beulah Koale, a star of the Hawaii Five-Oh series. The opening newsreel was created by award-winning New Zealand animation studio Mukpuddy, after a small test audience got weirded out by the sight of a gremlin in a war film, despite well-documented WWI and WWII gremlin mythology. It’s an unnecessary but happy addition. The cartoon style was inspired by Private Snafu, a series of WWII educational cartoons scripted by none other than Dr. Seuss and directed by Looney Tunes legend Chuck Jones.

But the film ultimately hangs on Chloë Grace Moretz, who overcame cabin fever to drive home an adrenaline rush of screen craft, in which the very limits of what’s humanly possible in mid-air are tested (in ways, it must be said, that wouldn’t be questioned if it were Tom Cruise in the role). Liang would often send directions to Moretz’s ball turret via text, while her cast members delivered live dialogue from an off-set shipping container rigged with microphones. “I just never got sick of Chloë’s face and I’ve watched her hundreds, if not thousands of times. You feel her, you are her, she just engages you in a way that a huge fighting scene might not, if it’s not designed well. Giant empty spectacle is less interesting than one person in one spot, sometimes.”

Ambitious and nerdy about film in equal measure, it’s clear there’s much more to come from Liang, and I’m interested in what her most valuable lesson has been so far. Turns out, it’s a great story involving Chinese veteran Cheng Pei-Pei (Come Drink With Me’s Golden Swallow, and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’s Jade Fox), whose film training includes a tradition of remaining on set throughout filming.

Roseanne Liang on the set of ‘Shadow in the Cloud’.

That meant that, during filming of Liang’s My Wedding and Other Secrets, Cheng would stay on set when she wasn’t required. “In New Zealand, trailers are a luxury,” Liang explains. “I said ‘Don’t you want to go to the trailer that we arranged for you?’ ‘No, I just want to sit and watch.’ ‘Why do you want to watch it, you’ve seen it hundreds of times!’ And she said ‘I learn something new every time’. To Pei-Pei, the secret of life is constant education and curiosity and learning. Movies are her work and her craft and her life, and she never gets bored. If I can be like her, that’s the life, right?”

Speaking of which, it’s time we put Liang through our Life in Film interrogation.

What’s the film that made you want to become a filmmaker? Terminator 2: Judgment Day is the movie that is at the top of the mountain that I’m climbing. To me it’s the perfect blend of spectacle, action design, smarts and heart. It poses the theory that if a robot can learn the value of humanity then maybe there’s hope for the ships that are us. That’s perennial, and possibly even more pertinent today. It holds a very special place in my heart, along with Aliens, Mad Max: Fury Road, Die Hard, La Femme Nikita and Léon: The Professional.

What’s your earliest memory of watching a film? I have a cassette tape that my dad made for my grandma in 1981 (he’d send tapes back to his mother in Hong Kong). I was three years old and he had just taken us to see The Empire Strikes Back in the cinema. And he can’t talk to my grandma because I’m just going on and on about R2-D2. I will not shut up about R2-D2 and he’s like, “Yes, yes I’m trying to talk to your grandmother,” and I’m like, “But Dad! Dad! R2-D2!” So it’s actually an archive, but it’s become my memory.

What’s the most romantic film you’ve ever seen? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It’s not the sexiest, but it’s the most romantic. That last scene, those last words where she goes “But you’re gonna be like this forever and I’m gonna be like this forever…” and he just goes “okay”. That to me is one of the most romantic scenes I’ve ever seen. It is a perfect movie.

And the scariest? If it’s a horror movie, the most scared I’ve been is The Ring. I was watching it on a VHS and I was lying on a beanbag on the floor and I was paralyzed with fear. I couldn’t move, because I felt that if I moved she’d see me! Also, American Psycho just came to me this year. I caught the twentieth anniversary of that movie, which is a terrifying film, and again, possibly more relevant now than when it was made. The scariest film that’s not a horror is Joker. It scared me how much I liked it. When I came out of the movie, I was like, “I’m scared because I kind of love it, but it’s horrible. It’s so irresponsible. I don’t wanna like this movie but goddamn, I feel it.” Like, I wanted to go on the streets and rage. In a way we’re all the Joker, we’re all the Batman. That duality, that yin and yang, is inside everyone of us. It’s universal.

What is the film that slays you every time, leaving you in a heap of tears? This is a classic one, the opening sequence of Up. The first ten minutes of Up just destroy me every time. I also saw Soul a couple of days ago and I was with the whole family and I, just, if I wasn’t with the whole family I would have been ugly-sobbing. I had a real ache in my throat after the movie because I was trying to stop [myself] from sobbing.

Tell me your favorite coming-of-age film, the film that first gave you ‘teenage feelings’? Pump Up the Volume. Christian Slater! Off the back of Pump Up the Volume, I fancied myself as a prophet and wrote a theater piece called Lemmings. Obviously the main character was a person who could see through the façade, and everyone else was following norms. “No one understands me, I’m a prophet!” So clearly I have this shitty, Joker-style megalomaniac inside of me. It was the worst play, and I don’t know why my teachers agreed for us to do a staging of it!

Christian Slater and Samantha Mathis in ‘Pump Up the Volume’ (1990).

Is there a film that you and your family love to rewatch? We’ve tried to impose our taste on our children, but they’re too young. We showed them The Princess Bride—they didn’t get it. We literally showed our babies Star Wars in their cribs. That’s how obsessive Star Wars fans we were.

Name a director and/or writer that you deeply admire for their use of the artform. I have a slightly weird answer for this. Can I just give love to Every Frame a Painting by Tony Zhou and Taylor Ramos? They are my film school. I was thinking of my love of Edgar Wright, but then I thought of their video essay on Edgar Wright and how to film comedy, and his essay on Jackie Chan and the rhythm of action and then their essay on the Coen Brothers and Shot Reverse Shot. I must have watched that 30 times ahead of the TV show that I’m making now. I started out in editorial and Tony Zhou is an editor and he talks about when to make the cut: it’s an instinct, it’s a feeling, it’s a rhythm. I realized the one thing in common that I could mention about all the films I’ve loved is Every Frame a Painting. It’s their love of movies that comes bubbling out of every single essay that they made that I just wanna shout out at this part of my career.

Were there any crucial films that you turned to in your development for Shadow in the Cloud? Indiana Jones was something that Chloë brought up—she likes the spiffiness and the humor of Indiana Jones. Sarah Connor was our touchstone for the female character. For one-person-in-one-space type stories, I watched Locke quite a lot, to figure out how they shaped tension and story and [kept] us on the edge of our seats when it’s only one person in one space. In terms of superheroes, I came back to Aliens. Not Alien. Aliens. You know, there are two types of people in this world—people who prefer Alien over Aliens, and people who prefer Aliens over Alien. But actually I think I vacillate for different reasons.

Can there be a third type of person, who thinks they’re both great, but Alien³, just, no? Maybe that’s the best group to be in. We don’t need to fight about this, we can love both of them! I was having an argument with James Wan’s company about this, because there’s a rift inside the company of people who prefer Alien over Aliens.

Okay, program a triple feature with your film as one of the three. I don’t know. Ask Ant Timpson!

I’ll ask Ant Timpson. [We did, and he replied: “Well, one has to be the Twilight Zone episode with William Shatner: Nightmare at 20,000 Feet. And then either Life (2017) or Altitude (2010).”]

Thank you Ant! I used to go to his all-nighters as a university student. He is the king of programming things.

Jake Gyllenhaal in ‘Life’ (2017).

It’s strange that we never met at one of his events! Ant would make me dress up in strange outfits and do weird skits between films. (For those who don’t know, Timpson ran the Incredibly Strange Film Festival for many years—now part of the New Zealand International Film Festival—and still runs an annual 24-Hour Movie Marathon.) So what’s a film from those events that sticks in your head as the perfect genre experience with a crowd? It was a movie about a man protecting a woman who was the girlfriend of a mafia boss: A Bittersweet Life. Not only does it have one of the sexiest Korean actors, sorry, not to objectify, but also I actually screenshot a lot of that film for pitch documents. And, do you remember a crazy Japanese movie where someone’s sitting on the floor with a clear umbrella and a woman is lactating milk? Visitor Q by Takashi Miike. I remember just how fucking crazy that was.

Finally, what was the best film you saw in 2020? I haven’t seen Nomadland yet, so keep in mind that I haven’t seen all the films this year. I have three: The Invisible Man, which I thought was just amazing. I thought [writer-director] Leigh Whannell did such a great job. The Half of It by Alice Wu, a quiet movie that I simply just adored. And then the last movie I saw at the cinema was Promising Young Woman. The hype is real.

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‘Shadow in the Cloud’ is available in select theaters and on video on demand now.

[blissfulalchemist]

full clear for catraf xx

Thank you for asking Stella! Here they are for you all!

1. Who do the kids enjoy playing with the most?

Raf more so. Not that mom isn’t fun, but A. she’s shorter and so can’t lift them as high as dad can B. Dad isn’t always around (gotta love that military career) and so he’s seen as more of a novelty than anything. Outside of those two its Chance and Wes.

2. Who gets carried away with the baby proofing?

For Liz? They both do. It’s the first kid and so everything has to be perfect and ready and just SAFE! Danny? Well they kind of kept the house as is for baby proofing since it just made sense if they were gonna have another kid....and Liz showed some signs that she was gonna be a little out there. Raf though went a little more extensive in the touching up though. 

3. Who does the baby follow around more?

Liz followed dad around more when he was home, was it to annoy him a little? Yeah, but she just loved hanging around him too, especially when he played cello for her. She also loved to imitate his smiles and body language, she wanted to be a leader like him, so she just had to follow him like royalty did in order to best learn. Danny always kind of was Cat’s shadow. He was always the quieter one and just preferred mom’s quiet to Liz’s loud, he also liked to watch her cook and work around the house really, yes even corrected her when she wasn’t cleaning just right, though who is she to argue with him. Mom also just was fine with him drawing in her lap as she she did computer work or just any time she was sitting. 

4. Who is the one the kids call out to when they’re looking for something?

You would think Raf but no it’s Cat. Cause here’s the thing, Raf makes sure everything has a place and everything stays there, but who decides to move stuff around or leave a bit of a mess? Cat. So if something is missing it’s because she probably moved it and she can tell you a very specific area on where she placed it. She’s better at retracing her steps too so if she can’t remember she can find it fairly quickly. Yeah can’t tell you how many times she’s almost made Raf late cause she decided to put his keys somewhere else the night before and thought he’d be able to see it.

5. Who’s constantly up checking on the baby in the middle of the night (even when the baby is sound asleep)?

Cat likes to sleep with Liz and Danny as much as possible when they are babies so she can at least wake up to their cries easier, but her anxiety makes it harder to sleep and if she can wake up just a bit to see that they are still breathing then she can get some sleep still. When Liz was first born, Cat kept trying to run on 2 hours of sleep which was doing more harm than good so Raf bought the bigger bed to allow them to have Liz between them and then Danny. Raf would also check on them too but he also sleeps a lot more lightly than Cat does, as they get older he checks on them a little more, especially when he comes home late in the middle of the night. 

6. Who has their kids’ favorite movie nearly memorized on account on how frequently they request to watch it?

Cat would have the songs memorized and special lines memorized, while Raf would have the full movie script down. Its something he can do to try and feel closer to them and keep himself from missing them. He can know their exact reactions and be able to see in his minds eye the movie with them.

7. Who trails behind the baby to make sure they don’t fall? (And then has to console them once they inevitably do.)

Cat more so. It starts to feel like second nature to her to keep an eye on them. Being at the big family parties she always tried to keep an eye on the smaller kids to help in case their parent was farther away. Part of that community parenting aspect, so she does this to other’s people kids. She has eyes on as many of the kids in jeopardy verse as possible. Raf will watch but he’s also more the one that can stop them without even looking it seems. Especially Liz, he has a second instinct with her a lot of times.

8. Who knows to cut off the crust from the sandwiches?

They are both chefs they both remember to do this. If one does forget it’s Cat cause she rushed, but neither child is that picky.

9. Who started taking photos of the baby as soon as they were born?

Raf. Cat would have but she was a disaster and didn’t want pictures, he did not listen. Three pictures are sent to everyone as soon as humanly possible of both Danny and Liz. Cat soon takes the most pictures of them both, you could make a three hour length movie with just the first ten years of their lives for each child.

10. Who doesn’t let the kids go out in the cold until they’re bundled in layers?

This might fall more onto Raf. Look its not because Cat doesn’t care but she’s someone that doesn’t get as cold and feels that if you have one good coat you don’t need all these extra layers. She just makes sure they have coat, scarf, gloves, hat, boots, and appropriate pants. Raf will want them doubling up on layers at a certain temperature that’s a bit higher than Cat’s threshold for extra layers. 

11. Who has a harder time getting the baby to eat their food?

Raf does. They make their own baby food and snacks a lot of time and well....someone tries to make it healthier and therefore it doesn’t taste as good as the other. Cat is just slightly better at hiding the vitamins and minerals than he is. 

12. Who ends up having to hold whatever half-eaten snack the baby didn’t want anymore?  

Neither really. Cat does a lot of time but both she and Raf quickly figure out the right portion to give the kids and those two kids split their snacks so its easier. This makes Cat laugh because sometimes they only like certain things of a meal and so it makes it easier to share, just like she and her sisters. You could give them a corn dog and one could not and would not eat the hot dog part while the other could not and would not eat the breading so mom and dad would just buy one big one and boom there was snack/meal taken care of.

13. Who checks under the bed for monsters?

Cat brings the monster spray while Raf is the muscle to fight them away if the spray isn’t working. 

14. Who’s the “tooth fairy” that leaves money under the kids’ pillows?

Both are, but you can always tell who got there first by how much money was left under the pillow.

15.  Who is better at comforting the kids when they’re scared?

This goes to Cat more. It’s not that Raf is bad, he’s got his methods to make them feel comforted for more specific situations, Cat just is better with in the moment emotional comfort. Cat is primary first response team while Raf is more like the doctors once you get to the hospital. It works out really well for them and most of the time it doesn’t take much for the kids to be comforted by mom, so the second response isn’t needed until the morning when they can go to dad for a solution on how to fix what’s scaring them.

— BONUS

A. Who do they think their child takes after? In what ways do they remind them of each other?

There’s a running joke that Liz takes after Wes too much to actually be Raf’s but at the end of the day she’s more like Cat. Her personality and extrovertedness comes from Raf 100% but the qualities in which she believes in and are her core come from Cat above all else. Her wanting to stand up for those around her, willingness to give the shirt off her back to those in need, leaving the world a better place than one found it, determination, stubborn in their morals, and impulsiveness to do the right thing, all things that came from Cat, you just only really see it as loud as Liz when Cat loses that barrier of polite society. The music though came from Raf, Cat has a love for music and has to have it around, but the talent for it and ability to be a performer comes from Raf. Danny though, his core comes from Raf. That independence, leader like quality, thinking ahead/preparedness, analytical, sense of duty,  and loyalty to his family that’s all his father. The way it presents is more from Cat, he’s shyer and more willing to let others take the lead but still be the voice of reason, he also is a bit more attuned to other’s emotions that has become a learned behavior, and just is softer like her. 

B. What was their first night as new parents like?

A bit overwhelming really. They thought they were prepared but no one is really prepared. Neither slept much that night as it soon became little tiffs on who was getting up to do what and the next few days had them questioning if it was the right thing to do. Many of these thoughts came from Cat’s own anxiety and that neither didn’t have any kind of sleep and so their minds weren’t exactly the clearest. Once Raf’s parents butted in and made those two get some good sleep things were smoother sailing and so Danny was a lot easier as they felt like they knew more and had better systems in place. 

C. Did their relationship change once they became parents? How?

It did as things they agreed on and methods established proved to be unrealistic and so there was an adjustment in how their parenting styles would mesh again. This was also around the time Raf’s career started to take off again and so there was some slight resentment and worry on Cat’s end that they would be permeantly tossed to the side, things that went away as they found systems that worked and Raf continued to show her that he wasn’t just going to forget about them, that he was going to be there as much as he could be. 

D. What new traditions do they start as a family?

There was already some shared cultural traditions that involved family but one thing was as they got more friends and settled back in with the community(especially in jeopardy verse) were big dinners and music/talent nights. It was at least once a month and everyone was invited, it was food galore, laughs, music, and just a way to have everyone around to catch up. On a smaller scale the four of them have a wall that was mostly photos that were of Raf when he was somewhere new and family vacations that were firsts, soon when someone in the family visits some place new for the first time you take a picture and it goes on the wall. Going as a family for the first time also counts and they get spots on the wall. This makes Cat the most happy once Liz and Danny start moving out as she can see where they’ve been and see where they’re going. 

E. Are they honest with their children? Are there certain things they try to shield from them?

Neither Cat or Raf like lying and so they are honest in age appropriate manners. Cat really doesn’t hide her mental illness and explains it to Liz and Danny many times when they ask in ways that get more details as they get older, this is most important to Cat as she doesn’t want her kids to suffer in silence like she did so if it’s normalized to be talked about they can feel more comfortable coming to her or Raf if they start to have issues. Depending on the verse there are things that they try to shield the kids from but are discussed when asked in a way that feels appropriate for their ages. 

[crazy-little-cool-cat]

Hand in Glove - Chapter 28 | Ben Hardy x OFC

A/N: We’re getting closer and closer to the end here. The anxiety is strong. The creative juices are flowing. The hangover is mild but still real. 

Warnings: Implied smut, and the usual. 

Word Count: ~3.4K (disappointing, I wanted it to be longer) 

Chapter 1, Chapter 2,  Chapter 3,  Chapter 4,  Chapter 5,  Chapter 6,  Chapter 7,  Chapter 8,  Chapter 9,  Chapter 10,  Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14 , Chapter 15 , Chapter 16 , Chapter 17 , Chapter 18 , Chapter 19 , Chapter 20 , Chapter 21 , Chapter 22 , Chapter 23 , Chapter 24, Chapter 25 , Chapter 26, Chapter 27

“Bloody bureaucrats!” Annie barked, walking into Jamie’s trailer as he finished up his breakfast on Tuesday morning. “I hate everything!”

“What happened?”

“The amount of documents and appointments we need to hand out and set is just unreal!” Annie started ranting. “Also, guess what? Doesn’t matter if I don’t want a big wedding - we still have to exchange vows and -”

“Annie -”

“We need two witnesses.” Annie mumbled.

At that, Jamie smiled his best shit-eating grin and puffed his chest out. “Well?”

“What?” Annie avoided eye contact.

“Ask nicely.” Jamie’s smugness made Annie shudder. “Go on.”

“Will you be a witness at my wedding?” Annie looked down at the floor. “Please?”

“Try again. With more passion this time.”

“You know what? Fuck off.” Annie said and started to turn. She stopped when she realised that other than Jamie, she had no one else to ask. “Jamie, will you please be a witness at my wedding ceremony?”

“God, I love seeing you squirm.” Jamie chuckled. “Yes. Of course.”

“Motherfu -”

“Would you look at the time! I’m late for hair and makeup!” Jamie patted Annie’s back and left.

###

“We should ask Rami to do it.” Ben said, slightly out of breath.

“We most definitely should not.” Annie moved the phone from her right ear to the left, tucking it between her shoulder and her ear so she could start washing the dishes. “He’ll tell Lucy, she’ll tell Joe…”

“Gwil, maybe?” Ben suggested.

“Nope.”

“We’re kind of running out of options here.” Ben started to get frustrated with Annie’s stubbornness.

“Andy, maybe?” Annie suggested. “You’ve been friends since you were, what, two years old? I’m sure he’d love to be at your wedding.”

“He’ll snitch and tell my mum and dad, and they will tell everyone. Literally.” Ben sighed. “We’ll find someone. Don’t worry.”

“We need to have their names ready when we give notice.” Annie almost whined.

“Don’t worry. I’ll finish up here, come back, and we’ll find someone and give notice.” Ben said, suddenly rushing. “Annie, I’m late for something. We’ll talk later, alright?”

“Yeah.” Annie sounded a bit off. “Sure.”

“Annie, I love you and we’re going to do this even if we have to pay people to pretend to know us so they could act as witnesses.” Ben paused. “We’ll find someone. I promise.”

“I love you, too.”

###

Shooting for season three was the hardest work Annie had ever done. Not only were her personal life in constant whirlwinds, her character’s life was just as chaotic. After failing to produce a male heir for the king and losing her grasp on him - it was time for Anne Boleyn to meet her new lady in waiting and the king’s new crush, Jane Seymour.

Annie was quarantined on set for the entire day along with Mike and Clara to keep her company. There was no structured script for the meeting - Annie just needed to channel her inner Anne and react. Then, finally, it was time.

Annie sat at a cards table with Clara and Mike. They were playing Go-Fish for hours on end now as they waited. The director’s assistant showed up and started briefing them about camera locations and lighting directions. All Annie wanted to do was get this over with so Anne Boleyn could start falling from grace and lose her head.

While everyone fiddled about on set, the three Boleyn siblings felt like they were a bit stir-crazy. Annie started to dance a little jig, while Clara hooted ‘yee-haw!’ and Mike pretended not to have any association with the two lunatics.

“Places!” the director called and Annie and Clara both heaved a sigh of relief. Finally. One take. Just this one take and the day is done.

“Roll film!” the director called and put on his headset. “Action!”

The three siblings chatted idly when the door to Anne’s apartments flew open. 

“The lady Jane Seymour!” the herald called out. Anne’s entourage parted and created a hallway for Jane to walk through. A plump blonde young lady walked over to where Anne was standing, her eyes locked on the carpets under her. She curtsied deeply.

Anne looked down in disdain at the newcomer and scoffed. George, her brother, sneered at the timid creature at his sister’s feet. Mary seemed preoccupied with her own dress.

“Your majesty.” Jane squeaked out, eyes cast down.

Anne side-eyed her brother with a smug smirk on her face and gestured at the girl to rise.

“Welcome to court.” Anne greeted her dryly, a snarl curling up her upper lip. “Milksop.”

“His majesty the king!” the herald announced and the entire room bowed down. All except for Anne.

“Ah!” King Henry waltzed in and stood between his queen and her new lady, his eyes fixed on the blonde. “I see you’ve met your new lady in waiting.”

“Cut!”

The cast members exchanged knowing looks. This scene marked the beginning of the end. Annie felt tears pricking at her eyes and blinked quickly, holding them back.

###

“What in the bloody hell?!” Annie barged into Jamie’s trailer, yet again, after she changed out of her costume. “What kind of fuckery is this, James?!”

Jamie tilted his head curiously.

“Sources close to the two castmates say that the ice-cold silent treatment has finally been broken. They reported the two Greensleeves stars are sharing meals, spending time together off-set and looking very snuggly on location?!” Annie roared as she read from the article on her phone. “I know this is your doing.”

“You know me so well.” Jamie shrugged.

“What on earth is wrong with you?!” Annie shrieked.

“Unbunch your knickers, Annie.” Jamie said, his jaw clenched. “Or if you can yell louder, that would be best. That means I won’t be the one to leak our lover’s tiff.”

“Fuck off!” Annie hissed. “Do you even know the colossal clusterfuck you’re about to unleash with Ben’s mates?!”

“Yes.”

“Yes?” Annie repeated.

“Yes.”

“What the fuck, Jamie?!”

“You wanted to distract the world from what’s really going on, right?” Jamie asked, his voice calm and rational. “Stirring the pot is the perfect way to do that.”

“Does Ben know of this?”

“Sent him the link myself.” Jamie shrugged. “He sent me an audio note of himself, laughing hysterically.” Jamie smiled. “We’re all good.”

###

“She’s not bad looking.” Mike mused the next morning as he and Annie walked to set together after getting into costume and getting their hair and make-up done. “She’s just… plain.”

“See? Milksop.” Annie smiled proudly. “Best insult I could come up with, on the spot.”

“My God, woman,” Mike snickered, “you’re actually turning into Anne Boleyn.”

“Just calling it like it is.” Annie shrugged. “I’m sure Milksop won’t mind her nickname.”

“You’re evil.” Mike chuckled.

“Well, well!” Jamie rounded the corner and joined them. “If it isn’t my soon-to-be-headless wife and her incestuous brother!”

“Jamie, it’s too early for that.” Mike groaned.

“Mind if I steal her away for a bit?” Jamie asked with a wink.

“I… sure?” Mike frowned as Jamie took Annie’s hand and led her away with him.

###

“We should call Ben.” Joe was determined. “It doesn’t matter what the time is, he’s our friend and he needs us.”

“You’re overreacting, mate.” Gwilym yawned and sipped his coffee. “It’s probably just some bullshit article. He and Annie are just fine.” 

“How would you know?” Joe asked.

“I asked her.”

Joe blinked at Gwilym, his face blank of any expression.

“What are you giving me the stink-eye for?” Gwilym rolled his eyes.

“She’s cheating on him. Why would she tell you, one of his best friends, that she’s doing it?!” Joe’s hands waved about as he spoke. “Seriously. Come on!”

“You know what?” Gwilym huffed. “Fine. Call him.”

Gwilym and Joe sat and waited for Ben to pick up the phone, bouncing their knees anxiously.

“M’lo?” Ben’s sleepy voice came through.

“Hey, mate!” Gwilym looked at Joe for guidance.

“Hey. What’s going on?”

“We just, uh,” Joe started, “we just wanted to check up on you. See how you were doing.”

“I’m fine?” Ben rubbed at his eyes.

“Was that a question or a statement?” Gwilym rubbed his stubbly chin.

“I meant, I’m fine.” Ben blinked into dark. “Are you?”

“Yeah, we just wanted to let you know we’re here for you.” Joe intervened. “If you need to talk about it and stuff.”

“Talk about what?”

“Uhm, Annie…” Joe looked at Gwilym, confusion splattered on his face. “We saw the article.”

“Article?” Ben mumbled to himself, “what...? Oh. Oh!”

“Yeah, we, uh, we know.”

“That’s just a bullshit article, guys.” Ben sighed. “I talked to her about it. She promised it’s just tabloids looking for trouble. Relax.”

“Yeah?” Gwilym quipped.

“Mhm. It’s fine.” Ben yawned.

“That’s not what Clara’s been telling me, mate.” Gwilym pursed his lips.  

“Sorry?”

“Clara thinks there might be some truth to that so-called bullshit article.” Gwil added. “She says Jamie and Annie are very, very close and handsy lately. Not just during scenes.”

“Well, I trust her.” Ben rolled his eyes. “She’d never cheat.”

“Well, that’s true.” Joe agreed. “But just because she didn’t do anything with me doesn’t mean -”

“Look, I appreciate the concern and all,” Ben was more than done with the conversation, “but nothing’s going on between them. I know Annie. I can tell when she’s lying. If she said nothing is happening - I believe her.”

“So Clara’s imagining things?” Gwilym scoffed. “Really, Ben.”

“Maybe she’s jealous Annie started hanging out with Jamie again, I really don’t know what to tell you.” Ben yawned again. “Anyways, I have a super early morning. I’m going back to sleep. Miss you guys!”

“Miss you too, buddy.” Joe said. “Good night.”

“Night.” Ben hung up the call and fell asleep with the phone in his hand.

###

“What, you’re carpooling now?” Clara scoffed when Jamie and Annie got out of Annie’s car. “Are you joking?”

“My wheels broke down.” Jamie shrugged. “I live pretty close to Annie. She offered to help.”

Clara looked from Jamie to Annie and back again.

“Thanks for telling Gwil I’m cheating on Ben, by the way.” Annie locked her car and walked past Clara, nonchalant. “I really appreciate that.”

“I… Well it’s... “ Clara stammered.

“No, really.” Annie turned around, grinning happily. “Gave us a good laugh.”

“First of all,” Clara stalked behind Annie, “he asked me what I thought of that gossip site article thingy.” 

“Clearly you thought they hit the nail on the head.” Annie noted.

“Well, no, but you two are acting very…”

“Friendly?” Annie suggested.

“Nice?” Jamie offered.

“Snuggly.” Clara corrected them both. “And I know both of you for years now. When you two get snuggly, it usually means your genitals are snuggly too.”

“I’m engaged, Clara.” Jamie took off his sunglasses and placed them on top of his head. “You’ve got it wrong.”

“Why are you so defensive, then?” Clara raised an eyebrow. Jamie opened and closed his mouth, seemingly at a loss. “Whatever it is you two are up to,” Clara chastised them as if they were schoolchildren, “it’s wrong and it’s going to hurt those you supposedly love so much.”

Annie scoffed and rolled her eyes.

###

“I’ve missed you.” Ben kissed the top of Annie’s head in the airport arrivals hall. Home. For good. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“You’re home now.” Annie mumbled, one hand on the luggage cart. “I’ve missed you so bloody much.”

It was still dark outside. The cold air hit Ben. The familiar, faint smell of rain made him feel at instant ease. He was home, for good this time.

“Rors?” he asked while yawning.

“At your parents’.” Annie led the way to the car. “I have work tomorrow but I already told them I’m coming in late.”

They idly chatted as they walked through the parking lot towards Annie’s car. When Ben collapsed in the passenger seat, he inhaled deeply and closed his eyes.

“M’so tired.” Ben mumbled and placed a hand on the back of Annie’s headrest. “How’s Jamie?”

“Good, good.” Annie started the car. “Always alert. Clara’s mad at me.”

“How come?”

“She feels like I’m hiding something and I’m pretty sure she’s ninety-three-point-eight-percent convinced I’m cheating on you.” Annie sighed. “And I’m not confirming nor denying it.”

“Gotta stick to the plan.” Ben smiled lazily. “I’ll keep her occupied. Don’t worry.”

“Oh, yeah?” Annie glared at Ben through the corners of her eyes. “What’s that mean?”

“Oh, relax.” Ben chuckled.

###

Award season was not a fun time for Annie.

At first it was fine. Late nights with Clara, rooting for their men while watching the live broadcasts. Shrieks of joy whenever Rami won. Waking Rory up with said shrieks and then having to bounce-bounce-tap her to sleep again.

Then, Ben started asking Annie to join him on award nights. While she tried to weasel her way out of it, he insisted and she complied. She didn’t mind the pretty gowns and spending time with her soon-to-be husband; what bothered her was how utterly boring these award shows were.

Annie’s stomach growled loudly. Loud enough for Gwilym and Clara to look at her with raised eyebrows. Loud enough to make the people in the table next to them giggle quietly. Loud enough to hurt.

“Hungry?” Ben leaned over and whispered to her.

“What gave it away?”

“The dinosaur noise coming out of your body.” Ben smirked.

“Was it that loud?” Annie blushed.

“I think the people on stage might have heard it too.” Clara interjected, making Annie slump down in her chair.

“I brought candy.” Ben whispered in Annie’s ear and kissed her cheek, whipping out a Snickers bar from his slacks. “There’s more where that came from.”

###

This wasn’t Annie’s first time attending the BAFTA awards. She’s been here before with Jamie for their rendition of Hamlet (and lost), but the excitement still consumed her. Ben and Annie matched. He wore a glittery black dress-shirt; she wore a glittery black evening gown with a plunging neckline.

“You two make a stunning couple!” the interviewer on the red carpet said. Annie and Ben exchanged smitten looks. “Will you two ever tie the knot?”

“Sooner than you might expect!” Annie giggled as Ben pulled her closer by wrapping an arm around her waist. “Who said we’re not already married?”

“You’re certainly acting the newlywed part!” the interviewer laughed with a confused look. “Yet, there are no rings…”

“Ben! You’re holding everyone back!” Joe called from a distance.

“Sorry to cut this short. Lovely talking to you!” Ben winked at the interviewer and tugged Annie along by the hand.

Once they were out of earshot, Ben turned around and stood still. Annie almost crashed right into him.

“What the fuck?” Ben asked, his palms open and facing upwards, jaw clenched. “Have you lost it completely?”

“What?” Annie giggled nervously.

“Either you want people to know or you don’t,” Ben glared at his girlfriend. “Pull a stunt like that again and I’m sending out invitations to everybody we know, you hear me?”

###

After-parties were Annie’s favourite part of award shows, and the BAFTA after party was fun. Open bar, great music and great company. The BoRhap group hung out on the balcony. Drinks were flowing, conversation was great and Joe pulled out all the stops with his dance moves. It was only natural for Ben to whip out his phone and film it.

Doing a simple two step, Joe slid from right to left and snapped his fingers. He shuffled his feet and popped the button on his tux jacket open and started moving backwards, waving one hand to the beat. Moving forward, he did a little turn and bounced his shoulders, his body swaying in perfect sync with the beat, lip-synching to Drop it Like it’s Hot as he danced. Shuffling backwards, he then step-touched once to the front, once to the back. Flicking his coat-tails back, he danced his way over to a very amused looking Ben.

“Where did you learn to dance like that?” Clara’s eyes glinted playfully.

“My parents own a dance studio.” Joe shrugged once the camera was off. “It’s in my blood.”

“Amazing.” Clara laughed. “Truly.”

“Thank you!”

###

“Ooooh, don’t we look good together? There’s a reason why they watch all night long…” Clara and Annie sang, as they danced with each other. To appease Ben, who was still clearly pissed off at Annie for the interview slip-up, she knew how to make him forget all about it. The dance got frisky and handsy pretty quick.

“Yeah, know we'll turn heads forever; So tonight I'm gonna show you off!” the girls sang, stepping away from each other. Annie ran her hands down the length of Clara’s arms and held onto her hands. “When I'm walkin' with you; I watch the whole room change..” Clara pulled Annie closer in a spin and wrapped her arms around her. “Baby, that's what you do; No, my baby, don't play!” they swayed their hips together to the beat. “Blame it on my confidence; Oh, blame it on your measurements…” they rolled their bodies together, Clara’s hands running down Annie’s sides. “Shut that shit down on sight - That's right!”

“We out here drippin' in finesse; It don't make no sense! Out here drippin' in finesse; You know it, you know it!” Their bodies snaked and writhed together to the music, each girl throwing seductive looks at her man while Rami filmed them on Clara’s phone. Clara’s flowy red dress was a stark contrast to Annie’s glittery black gown.

###

“Finally!” Annie sighed when Ben unlocked the front door after four failed attempts due to being absolutely blitzed and the fact that it was dark outside. “Jesus!”

“Get in there, brat.” Ben muttered and nudged Annie forward before smacking her bum playfully. “You are a menace.”

“Me?” Annie wore the most innocent expression, batting her eyelashes and pouting her lips. “A menace?”

“Mhm.” Ben took off his jacket and undid his bow-tie, slurring his words. “Dancing like that. In public.”

“I have no idea what you’re referring to.” Annie giggled and yelped when Ben pulled her close. “Sounds to me like you were jealous.”

“Jealous?” Ben raised an eyebrow.

“Yup.” Annie placed her hands on his shoulders. “Super jell.”

“You think this is a game, huh?” Ben’s deep voice sent electric currents in Annie’s intoxicated brain, almost hypnotising her. “You think you’re so cute…”

“I know I am…” Annie purred, eyes closed.

“Yeah?” Ben smirked slyly. “You think I’m your little toy?” he bit his bottom lip. “I think you’ve got it all wonky.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. You’re my toy to play with.” Ben bent down and threw Annie over his shoulders. “And I’m just getting started. This is going to be a long, long game.”

###

“Ah, the dynamic duo!” Mike grinned when the girls practically stumbled together onto set the next day, hungover and frazzled. “Nice moves!”

“Ugh.” Annie shut her eyes tight. “Not doing this right now.”

“Out here drippin’ in finesse…” Mike sang teasingly.

“Children, are we ready to listen, now?” the director and scriptwriter approached the trio. “Girls, I don’t care how much you’ve had to drink, get it together for Christ’s sake.”

“Lights. Too bright.” Clara mumbled, fighting the urge to rub her eyes. “So tired.”

“Annabelle, we want you furious for this scene. Your husband gave your lady in waiting trinkets and she has the nerve to wear them in your presence. Go insane on her.”

“Not a problem.” Annie stretched her neck.

“Take your places, then. Let’s get started.”

Once the director called ‘Action!’, hungover Annie was gone and fierce, jealous Anne arrived. They shot the scene in ten takes, only because of changing camera angles.

###

“We have a second witness. And a third one, in case Jamie nopes out.” Ben beamed when Annie came home later that night. “Trustworthy, they know both of us, would never tell a soul. You love them.”

Annie pondered over Ben’s declaration for a minute, trying to figure out who these mystery witnesses might be.

“Annie, my love, do you need a clue?” Ben chuckled and warmed up Annie’s dinner in the microwave.

“It hurts to think today.” Annie admitted.

“Does it hurt to walk, as well?” Ben smiled cheekily. “Feeling a bit exerted, hm?”

“Yes.” Annie blushed. “I have bruises everywhere.”

“Good.”

“So, who are these mystery witnesses?”

“Rock legends and honorary grandpas to Rory.” Ben tried to hide his smile. “Also known as -”

“No!” Annie’s smile lit up the room. “No!”

“Yes!”

“Ben! I’m… I’m…” Annie blinked quickly, indicating she was close to tears.

“You’re welcome.”

###

TAGLIST:  @ramibaby​ @xgoingdownx​ @qweenly​ @violetpond​ @sweeterthancheese @drummerqueenrmt @westansstuff @justgivemethekeys  @blondecarfucker @cheeseedreams47 @deacy-dearest​ @pinkmarvel @onceuponadetectivedemigod​

[our-smooty]

Flowerbeds and Fertile Soil: Chapter 3

Fandom: Good Omens

Rating: Explicit

Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens, )Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer

Tags:  Kidfic, Mpreg kind of, they can choose to present however so idk, Crowley Has A Vulva (Good Omens), Crowley Has A Penis (Good Omens), Aziraphale Has A Penis (Good Omens), Aziraphale Has A Vulva (Good Omens), OCs Galor, parenting, using your snake form to avoid confrontation, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pregnancy, if I missed a tag lemme know

Summary: They could do anything, go anywhere, all without the worry of Above or Bellow making a fuss. Even so, they mostly kept to their little patch of Eden, their cottage and garden and the simple life they’d carved out among the locals. Aziraphale opened a book shop in town, where he only occasionally sold any books (and the ones he did sell, were all modern and stocked specifically for that purpose). Crowley focused his attentions on the garden, and if he occasionally helped their elderly neighbour with her disobedient willow tree, then that was a secret no one needed to know. Lately, however, they had both been feeling rather restless, unbeknownst to each other. Aziraphale tried reorganizing his store, changing the way he tied his bowtie and even ate pizza –something he considered to be far too messy for him personally. Crowley had branched out into birdwatching, and then car maintenance (the human way), and even reading. Nothing scratched the itch for either of them.

Ao3 Link

My Ko-Fi

Crowley spent the two days drinking, thinking, and wallowing, in that order. First, he got rip-roaring drunk, then kept going past that into a maudlin type of drunkenness. That led to the thinking, which had been much harder than normal, but also much more honest.

The sun was just coming up over the horizon and he watched as all of London was bathed in warm light. He was scared. He could admit that to himself easily, especially when he was so drunk. What he was scared of was a little more complicated, and Crowley had been thinking on it for the better part of three hours. Because on the one hand, he was worried about Heaven and Hell and the safety of any hypothetical little ones. He really was. But on the other hand, he’d said something during their fight that he hadn’t realized he’d been worried about.

Demon spawn were A Thing, and they were generally terrible. Sometimes a demon decided to have some fun on the mortal level and demons weren’t known for being the most careful of beings. Best case scenario was something that was essentially a demon, but mortal. Worst case whatever came out was some sort of writhing mass of demonic energy and hatred. Would that happen to any of his offspring too? Or would the angelic influences cancel it out? But the Nephilim had been somewhat monstrous too, so was it a lost cause from both ends?

And that was where the thinking transitioned into wallowing. Because he was also drunk enough to admit that he really, really wanted to give in to Aziraphale’s badgering, hang the consequences. They’d at least have some time before having to face what they’d done. Who knew how long demon-angel hybrid babies took to form, or gestate or whatever (Crowley only knew as much as he did from his time working on a London pediatrics ward. He was supposed to have been sowing the seeds of evil in the new generation, but he ended up delivering and caring for more newborns than anything else). 

But the guilt would be too much. He couldn’t bring a child into this world knowing it was doomed to be some sort of horror that never fit in. He’d love them, of course, whatever they were or would become but to imagine the difficulty of growing up in a world that would detest them... Well, at least Crowley had been fully formed and matured when it had happened to him. 

He ran out of scotch on the balcony by noon of the first day. But he wasn’t done sulking so he moved back inside and on to the brandy. Brandy was the perfect spirit to drink while tormenting his plants, though there were only a few left in the flat. They were his favourite, and he kept them here to avoid the angel over-indulging and spoiling them. 

“Yooooou lot,” he slurred, brandishing his spray bottle in one hand and the brandy in the other. “You don’t argue with me! Y-y-you’re all jus’ plants!”

A hydrangea, who had long exceeded it’s expected lifespan by several years and was one of the most verdant plants in Crowley’s collection, leaned towards him sympathetically. Most of these plants had been with him for years and had grown a kind of fondness for their tyrannical, but caring master. Crowley spared the hydrangea a glance over, inspecting it for blemishes. He found none. 

“Yoooou’re not compli--complicated, you’re not good or-or-or-or evil. You’re jus’ plants!” The while lily near the door shuddered, knowing things were really bad if the demon was repeating himself. Crowley never liked to repeat himself. 

“If you wanna have b-b-babies you can jus’ drop seeds!” His voice cracked at the end so he wet his parched mouth with some more brandy. “I like sssseeds, such ma-marv-maver--nice little thingss.” Four letter words, good Lord he was sloshed. Dropping the spray bottle and picking up the watering can Crowley deftly overwatered a nearby ivy. Luckily the ivy knew better than to wilt. 

“Like little things, like babiesss, an’ kids. Not sooooo much t-teenagerss but they’ve got ssspirit!” All the plants were leaning in now. Some of them opened up a few extra blooms, offering comfort in the way only plants knew how. “Alwaysss thought I’d make a shit p-parent though, an’ look how Warlock turned out…”

“Could be different, though, raisin’ one and not t-trying to make it, you know, not the Antichrissst.” Indeed he hadn’t been so much raising Warlock as he had been coaching him. And if he and Aziraphale were to do it together properly this time who knows what could happen? “Still can’t though. Angel n’a demon, probably be smited for even trying. Smote? Sssmitten?”

He pondered that for a while, letting the last few glugs of water drip out of his watering can and onto the floor. It was a lost cause though because all he could think about was tiny angel babies with their soft, fluffy hair and little grabby hands. “D’you think they’d look like him? I hope they do.” Crowley was idly swaying back and forth, lost in his daydream. “Hope they have his nose an’ eyess at least, mine are terrible. But m’wings are nicer so…” 

“I don’t wanna be sscared,” he said quietly to his favourite rose bush. “I want to--I want to give Azirahale what he wants. I want what he wantsss, and if I gave in we could both have it but I’m ssscared!”

The argument last night had left Crowley unable to sleep, but he was getting tired now. Maybe he should use his last day and a half--he checked his fancy watch; day and a quarter--to sleep this off. Tossing the spray bottle somewhere towards the wall--it would be back in its place the next time he went to use it--and heading towards his bedroom, Crowley realized he hadn’t yet texted Aziraphale like he’d promised. No matter, his phone was on the bedside table anyway. He could let the angel know he’d be back tomorrow, and they could make up. Nevermind how that was going to happen, since they both still had opposing views on the matter.

The first time he had come to stay at the flat after he and Aziraphale had a tiff, the angel had blown up his phone with calls and texts. Crowley had done the same the first time Aziraphale locked himself away in his study and refused to come out. They had since come to an understanding and formed a system of brief check-ins and hard time limits to ease each other's anxiety. They stuck to the rules, and it seemed to be a good way of letting off some steam and ending arguments, as long as they talked about it afterward. 

This time, Crowley had been a little lax in his following of their rules. It had already been nearly an entire day of no-contact and Aziraphale had been sending worried messages for at least six hours. To his credit there were only a few voicemails, which Crowley would listen to later, and not the deluge there had been that first time. They were all standard fare, Aziraphale calling in the morning after Crowley left, then calling back around lunch. The angel was doing a good job of keeping the worry out of his voice, but Crowley could tell it was there. 

Immediately Crowley sent off a text assuring Aziraphale he was fine and had lost track of time, complete with heart emojis, then fell into bed. As drunk as he was it didn’t take very long for him to drift off, even though he forgot to change into anything comfortable or get under the covers. 

Crowley walked into their cottage in time for tea the next day carrying a selection of cake slices. He didn’t really have anything to apologize for, but coming back empty-handed felt wrong. Plus the cakes might distract from the hangover Crowley had. He’d meant to fix himself up before bed, but hadn’t and now his head ached too bad to focus on any demonic miracles.

“I’m home!” he called out into the foyer, toeing off his shoes and kicking them haphazardly out of the doorway. The house smelled like old books and tea, which was better than burning food. The second time Crowley had taken some time to himself Aziraphale had decided to take up baking to soothe his nerves. It hadn’t gone well. “I brought cake!”

Aziraphale came around from his study and stood in the doorway, hovering. “Welcome home dear. Did I hear you say cake?”

This was the routine when Crowley returned. Whether in the right or wrong he’d come back bearing treats and Aziraphale would flitter about like he didn’t know if he should stay or go. Eventually, they’d both sit down and talk about what happened, which had twice led to Crowley storming back out and more often led to lovely make-up sex. He wasn’t sure what to expect this time, given the thing they were arguing about. There wasn’t much to talk about, either Aziraphale dropped it, or he didn’t. Crowley didn’t want to think about what would happen if Aziraphale didn’t drop it.

“Yeah, picked some up on my way over from that little bakery where they mill their own flour. Figured it was pretentious enough that you’d like it,” Crowley teased, none too eager to get to the heart of their issues. What if he and Aziraphale couldn’t move past this? What if this was the thing that ended them, not their former sides, or the Apocolypse, or their opposing natures? Crowley wasn’t sure he could survive without the angel in his life, but he also wasn’t sure he could concede on this particular issue. He also wasn’t sure if he could stick to his guns for too much longer, given what he’d realized last night. 

“Oh hush you. Take it into the kitchen I’ll be there in just a tick.” Crowley nodded and went through, surreptitiously glancing around their home. Aziraphale was prone to fussing with the layout of things when he was left to his own devices, just like he had at the bookshop. There he’d been able to justify it as a tactic to confuse customers and discourage book purchases. In the cottage, however, it was obvious he did it from anxiety. Everything looked to be in order though, so Crowley continued on and set the cakes down on the table. With a snap of his fingers, the slices were laid out on plates and the kettle was boiling for tea. 

“Early Grey or Twinings?” he called over his shoulder towards where Aziraphale’s office was. He could hear the angel moving about back there and assumed he was cleaning up whatever he had been using to preoccupy himself with while Crowley was away. 

“Twinings please, dearest,” Aziraphale answered, his voice muffled. Must be messing with his book storage, Crowley thought, pouring each of them a cup with shakey hands. He really wished he’d spent less time drinking and sleeping yesterday, and more time actually thinking about what he was going to say to Aziraphale. All he’d figured out was that they had to worry about a lot more than just Heaven and Hell’s reaction and that if Aziraphale kept asking, he might not be strong enough to refuse. 

“Tea’s ready,” he mumbled, taking his own and perching on the edge of a dining chair. Of course, Aziraphale still heard him and walked quickly into the room looking more than a little flustered. With an excited wiggle he took a seat and began to fawn over the cakes. “Take whichever you want, I’m not hungry.”

“Are you sure dear? That dark chocolate mouse cake looks right up your ally,” Aziraphale pointed out, digging into his strawberry shortcake. He was right, Crowley had bought that slice of cake specifically for himself. It would have been not too sweet and everything he liked in a desert, but the worry about what needed to be said had ruined his appetite. 

“Yeah, go ahead.” Aziraphale glanced down to his slice, then set his silverware down regretfully. “I said go ahead angel, I don’t mind.”

Aziraphale leaned forward a little, his hands disappearing under the table. Crowley knew from experience they would find their way under his thighs, crushed tight against the chair’s wood in an effort to keep them from flitting all over. Another habit from Aziraphale’s time with Heaven, where any stimming had been harshly discouraged. “No, I think we have a lot to talk about. And I want to apologize. Again.”

Crowley remained silent, knowing that Aziraphale had probably prepared what he wanted to say. As usual he was correct. 

“I was wrong to keep asking you about… it when you told me not to. I was being selfish, and not thinking about how you felt and terribly rude. And then you came back after I was so horrible and you came back with cake!” Aziraphale’s voice was getting louder and more high pitched as he went. It was obvious he was getting upset with himself but Crowley knew that interrupting him right now would only make things worse. “I got excited, and then I was pushy and I hurt you, dearest. I’m so sorry. I-I know I can be a little, well, tone-deaf but you said I was making you upset so explicitly and I just ignored you! How could I do that to you? Oh Crowley I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”

Aziraphale had begun rocking back and forth a tiny amount, quick little movements that he probably didn’t even notice he was making. “You’re right, of course. It’s so very dangerous, and I wasn’t thinking about it when you obviously had. I want to make it up to you, Crowley, if I even can.”

It hadn’t been what Crowley was expecting, given how persistent Aziraphale could be, and it was honestly a little disappointing. He may have been secretly hoping that the angel would be able to convince him, or had maybe thought of something Crowley had missed that would give them the go-ahead. But this was OK too, this meant they wouldn’t have to fight anymore and he wouldn’t have to keep thinking about it and they could move on. 

“Oh uh, yeah. Apology accepted angel. I’m sorry I stormed out.” Crowley was always quick to forgive Aziraphale, it was like it was impossible for him to stay angry at the angel. Though the way Aziraphale’s disrespect of his boundaries still stung, Crowley didn’t want to hold a grudge and make things worse, so he wouldn’t. 

“Thank you, dear.” Aziraphale stopped rocking but kept his hands firmly under his legs. Usually, this was the point where they hugged and made up, but his angel was still sitting, slightly tense. “Was your time away helpful?”

Crowley shrugged noncommittally. Aziraphale didn’t ask what he did when he was he spent time away after a fight, and he was immediately suspicious. “Sure, checked on the plants, slept for a while. The usual.” He left out the drinking. Over the last 5 years or so Aziraphale had grown concerned with the amount Crowley drank, even if he was an immortal being incapable of experiencing withdrawal. He had cut back, but times like the other night were another story. 

“Good, good.” The silence was back, and heavier. “And I assume that, from this point on, you do not wish to discuss that issue again?” The tentative nature of Aziraphale’s vice made it hard to hear if he was disappointed, or just being himself. Crowley cleared his throat. 

“That's probably for the best yeah.” But oh he wanted, wanted, wanted. It was killing him to deny them this thing that any old human could have easily. They could have anything else in the world, with their powers, but not this. 

“Alright, you won’t hear me speak another word about it. If you ever want to--well I’ll follow you lead dearest.” And Now Aziraphale was leaning over, one of his hands taking Crowley’s and squeezing. It was extremely warm from being tucked under his legs, but the demon still felt cold. “Now, if you’d like, I think you should try that ca--”

They were interrupted by an insistent knock on the front door. It was very rare for them to have guests and even rarer that they should drop by unexpectedly. The only other time anyone arrived was for deliveries, and even those were few and far between. 

“Oh, I wonder who that could be!” Aziraphale seemed all too eager to have something else to focus on, and to be honest Crowley was as well. He rose from the table, cakes and tea forgotten, and bustled to the door. Crowley stayed in the kitchen, trying to collect the unspooled pieces of himself. It was over, they had Talked, and now they could move on and everything would be just fine! Crowley repeated that over and over in his head, trying to drown out the wanting; just fine. He was so focused on not wanting that he almost missed Aziraphale’s sharp “oh dear!”. Almost, but not quite.

“Everything alright angel?” He was on his feet and sauntering into the foyer. Sometimes a particularly brave canvasser for some local church or scam organization would show up and Crowley had to scare them off. Often Aziraphale was too polite to do so himself, especially if they didn’t take to his subtle hints. Only once had the angel gotten stern with someone, and that had been when they tried to good old ‘foot in the door’ technique. In that instance, Crowley had had to save the canvasser form Aziraphale. 

That wasn’t what he found when he waltzed through the doorway. Standing there was Gabriel and Beezelbub in all their Heavenly and Hellish glory. They wore the same expression, of annoyance mixed with a large dash of disgust. “Oh shit.”

[spartanguard]

Happy Valentine's Day, love!! Hope I'm not too late to request some - ⚡️ - person a and b get into a fight before valentine’s, and both spend the entire day trying to make up with each other. (obv I'm walking into slight angst territory here but I trust you!)

Well, this took me all day. But here it is! It’s not TOO angsty ;)

⚡️ - person a and b get into a fight before valentine’s, and both spend the entire day trying to make up with each other.

canon insert | rated T | 2.2k | valentine’s day prompts

Emma had been looking forward to Valentine’s Day, which was still something she was getting used to, but in the good way. She’d never take for granted the fact that she had someone to celebrate it with forever—someone who was particularly prone to grand romantic gestures, even if she’d told him she didn’t need or want anything over the top.

(She was kind of hoping they’d have another little someone to share the day with, since Henry had left a few months ago and the house was feeling much too empty, but...no luck there yet.)

But her anticipation was replaced with apprehension when she came downstairs that morning, festively dressed in her red leather jacket, only to find Killian sneaking in the back door, head down.

“Hey, what were you doing out there?”

“Um, taking out the trash,” he lied, avoiding her gaze as he moved toward the coffee pot.

“You wanna try that again?”

“Don’t worry about it, love.”

Her mind flashed back to the time he was keeping the shears of fate in the shed out back, and then the situation with the dreamcatcher. They’d moved past both of those, and she trusted him, but something just felt...off. It wasn’t like him to keep anything from her anymore.

“What if I want to worry about it?” she countered, stepping toward him as he poked at buttons on the machine without getting anywhere.

“Is a man not allowed to keep anything hidden around here?” he threw back, just a hint of anger in his voice. “I promise you, Emma—it’s nothing.” I’ll…” he trailed off, rubbing his eyes. “I’ll tell you later.”

“Why are you being so evasive?” Tired of him toying with the coffee pot, she reached over and turned it on.

He tossed his head back, exasperated, and sighed. “I’m not; you’re the one seeing danger where there is none.”

“Well it’s nice that you’re able to not constantly be on guard. Sorry I can’t just shut it off like you can.” Not waiting for his reaction, she stormed off.

“Where are you going?” he called after her.

“Apparently, someone has to keep an eye on this town. I’m headed to work; I’ll see you later.”

She kind of didn’t care if the door slammed behind her. What the hell was he doing?

Killian gave a long, low exhale after the door crashed shut. It wasn’t the first meaningless, random spat they’d had lately; they were both anxious for their family to grow, and perhaps subconsciously, their lack of success in that area was getting to both of them.

He hadn’t meant to be short with her, but all he was doing was trying to keep her away from one of the Valentine’s surprises he’d prepared; surely, that wasn’t worth jumping down his throat?

But they both had a long history of betrayal, even between each other, even if they’d progressed far beyond that point. He couldn’t completely fault her suspicion. Still—it stung.

The coffee pot beeped as the brew finished, with one final gurgle that echoed in the silence of the room. Reluctantly, he pulled a mug from a cabinet and poured himself a cup, but then he realized: Emma didn’t have any yet. Or, judging from the untouched box of Pop Tarts on the counter, anything to eat.

She may have said she was going to work, but he knew she wouldn’t get that far without sustenance, so there was only one place she could be headed.

He dug his phone from his rear pocket, pulled up the number, and dialed.

Emma’s anger had cooled a bit on the walk to Granny’s—probably in proportion to her growing hunger and need for caffeine. She really hadn’t meant to go off on him like that; it was probably nothing. Maybe she was just more stressed than she thought? Or maybe just hangry.

The smell of coffee and maple syrup hit Emma as soon as she opened the door to the diner and her mouth was watering.

Emma had barely sat down at the counter when Granny was in front of her, setting down a plate in front of her. “One order of pancakes, with bacon on the side, for Mrs. Swan-Jones,” she announced. “And the coffee is almost done.”

“Thanks,” Emma replied, slightly stunned. “Am I just that predictable now?”

“Eh,” Granny shrugged. “I had warning you were on the way.”

Emma slumped over her breakfast a bit. “He called?”

“Yep. You two fight or something?”

“Yeah, something,” Emma sighed as she cut into the stack of pancakes. “It’s dumb.”

“So I take it he’s not going to be joining you?”

“No, probably not,” she answered. Granny slid over a mug of fresh coffee; Emma took a long gulp, even with it still being hot. “But...can you help me doing something for him?”

“Of course, darlin’.”

After a brief stop at the station, managing to slip in and out before Emma got in, Killian made his way to the docks. The weather was going to be dry enough to get some work done on the ship this week, and with today being unseasonably warm, he decided this would be the perfect time to start. He just needed to double-check some measurements before he bought new sailcloth and rope for rigging first.

That, and working with his hands would give him some more time to calm down from their tiff—or distract himself from his shame at losing his temper.

He wandered up to the quarterdeck when he got to the ship and was about to re-inspect the section where the ropes were getting worn, but before he could get there, a bundle sitting on the helm caught his attention.

Tied up with bright red ribbon was a hefty length of rope and what looked to be the exact cut of cloth he needed. A tag was hanging from the knot of the ribbon; it looked a bit watery, as if it had been laying outside overnight and was mottled by the morning dew. But in unmistakeable handwriting, it said “You put the wind in my sails. Happy Valentine’s!

He reached into his jacket pocket; sure enough, the notes he’d made with rough measurements listed was gone—but this looked like more than enough for what he needed. Perhaps he needed some lessons from Emma on being sneaky—though he certainly had a few surprises up his sleeve for later.

For now, he had to get to work, if only so he could get to those faster.

Emma couldn’t say she was looking forward to a day of working on her own, but Valentine’s was usually quiet enough that they’d decided to just have one person in today, and she knew how much Killian wanted to make those repairs on his ship. She just really hoped those notes of his were right; she’d erred on the side of caution and bought more when she hit the supply shop yesterday.

Hopefully, he was enjoying himself there; she probably would be bored out of her mind in the empty station, but she couldn’t begrudge him the nice day to be by the sea, especially if they needed a bit of time apart, as they apparently did.

She unlocked the front door and shuffled in like always, flipping on the light to the bullpen and then her office once she slipped inside.

The light overhead shined down like a spotlight onto her desk—or, rather, what was on it: a huge, gorgeous bouquet of roses in a stunning glass vase. Her jaw dropped.

Almost cautiously, she stepped toward them—this was still Storybrooke, after all. She plucked the card that was tucked into the center of the arrangement and was immediately awash in the light, powdery fragrance they gave off—there had to be close to three dozen stems there.

The card bore her name on the front in Killian’s flourishing handwriting. On the other side, he’d written “I gave you one of these on our first date; I’ve done a poor job of keeping up the tradition. Hopefully this covers it and then some. All my love, Killian.”

How had she found such a perfect romantic sap? She stuck her whole face in the flowers then, almost getting high on the scent. She caught a tiny whiff of something slightly musty, too, but familiar.

It smelled like the storage shed. Shit. She’d practically attacked him for trying to hide what he’d clearly intended to be a surprise. God, she was an asshole. She had to make this up to him. She had a few things planned...but what else could she do?

A few hours later, Killian was halfway up the rigging, setting up new lines, when a voice called out.

“Ahoy! Permission to board?”

He nearly jumped at the sound, which would have resulted in a rather unpleasant fall were his reflexes not still trained to grab the nearest piece of rope at the slightest jolt. But it was just Granny.

“Of course, milady,” he shouted back, then carefully made his way back to semi-solid ground. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“To your wife,” she replied, holding out a take-out bag. He could smell the onion rings from here. “She figured you’d be working too hard to remember lunch and wanted to make sure you ate.”

He took the bag from her; scrawled in Emma’s hand, on the top of the bag, was “Sorry :( I love you!”

“You kids alright?” Granny asked, concern evident in her voice. “I don’t like being the go-between.”

“We’ll be just fine, I think,” he said softly as he opened the bag, the familiar shape of a burger wrapped in foil inside. “As much as we appreciate your services, I don’t think they’ll be required much longer.”

“I hope so. If you two can’t make it, what hope is there for the rest of us?”

He had to admit, that kind of sentiment was a bit draining—that everyone only saw them through the lens of “True Love,” and not as a real relationship. But he daren’t admit that to Granny. Instead, he smirked and tossed back, “Why, Madame Lucas—aren’t the lovers lining up at your threshold?”

“Ha. Very funny. Eat up, and don’t break your neck. I’ve got a lunch rush to get back to.” She turned to head away, but he caught the pink blush rising on her cheeks.

Oh, his darling wife; however was he going to make up for the muck he’d made this morning?

As it turned out, they both seemed determined to apologize through various gestures throughout the day, both preplanned and spur of the moment.

At the same time he was discovering a fifth of his favorite rum in the ship’s galley—to go with his burger, of course—Emma found the recently replenished stash of her favorite hazelnut coffee (the good stuff) in the coffee cabinet at the station.

On his way home from the ship, he arranged to have a hot chocolate and bearclaw delivered to her from her favorite cafe in town (don’t tell Granny); upon arrival at the house, a delivery boy from the ice cream shop was dropping off a pint of his favorite flavor, rum raisin.

And then, around dinner time, Killian walked up to the house armed with their favorite dishes from the local Chinese restaurant—just as Emma was pulling up in the bug, laden with their favorite pizzas.

“Hi,” they both said, somewhat awkwardly, staring at the carry-out in the other’s hands. Then they looked up at each other and giggled.

“Shall we?” Killian said, nodding at the door.

“Let’s.”

Seamlessly moving around each other—like always—they set up the food on the kitchen counter, Emma got out the dishes, and Killian uncorked the wine they’d been saving for tonight.

He’d just opened the bottle, and she had just set the plates down, when they turned to face each other and blurted out simultaneously, “I’m sorry.”

“No, love, you have nothing—”

“Oh, don’t even; I’m the one who—”

“Emma—”

“Killian—”

They took in a breath at the same moment, then instinctively moved together, wrapping the other one up in a bruising hug.

“I’m sorry I got needlessly suspicious and defensive,” Emma said, voice muffled a bit by the way her face was pressed against Killian’s chest.

“And I’m sorry that I was cagey and snapped at you; it’s inexcusable.”

“I’d have done the same.”

“That’s why we’re true love, aye?”

“Something like that.” Emma lifted her head just enough to find his lips with hers, and press any other apologies into that. “I love you.”

“I love you, too—immeasurably.”

“Show-off.”

He kissed her again, then laid out a decision. “So, we have two options here: dive into this frankly ridiculous amount of food, or take this,” he explained, grabbing her rear end through her jeans, “to a more comfortable locale. Which would you prefer?”

The decision was easy for Emma. “The food will reheat.” And without any further prompting, jumped up to wrap her legs around his waist and reaffix her lips to his.

They continued to make up several more times that night, in various positions, all across their bed.

(And, the following year, they did indeed have someone else to celebrate with—baby Hope.)

[blatherkatt]

Title: The Mockingbird of Whitestone [Critical Role]

Chapter 3: A Very Close Call 

Summary: Twenty years later, Vox Machina–or as much of it as can get to Whitestone at the time–reunite. It’s not their first time doing so, and they don’t plan on it being the last. It should just be another reunion.

But something completely unexpected throws everything into chaos, and leaves Vex’ahlia struggling with emotions she’d thought buried, and Percy trying to piece together the fragments of a very confusing puzzle.

Canon pairings, focusing on Perc’ahlia; warnings for minor blood in a later chapter and a whole lot of ruminating on a canonical major character death.

Author’s Note: The blood starts being a thing in this chapter; the tags on Ao3 will probably be updated to “canon typical violence” starting here, albeit that might be a little overboard but i mean better safe than sorry. also im so sorry this took so long but in my defense this chapter kicked my butt its a behemoth

Rating: T

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The next day dawned bright and beautiful, full of sunlight and birdsong and a gentle breeze. What should have been a perfect day for the Spring Renewal festival was quickly soured, however, by a visibly exhausted guard dejectedly relaying the news that they still had no idea where the goblins were.

There’d been a very tense early morning meeting with the town leaders and some particularly concerned visitors about what to do, one which Vex had felt particularly twitchy all through.She wasn’t alone in that much, at least; she could see various shades of nerves and anticipation across faces all around her, even hours later as she carefully patrolled the streets, the kids (all of whom save for Crispin had insisted on going out to the festival) staying close as they’d promised to (for now at least) and Trinket in his full armor bringing up the rear, ever watchful.

The light but tangible weight of Fenthras in her hand was a small comfort as she waited for the other shoe to drop. This time, at least, she’d not be caught off guard.

The day trudged on, each hour with nothing new making her feel more anxious. Her rounds and the whims of the excited kids had brought their group to the street outside the temple of Erathis, where she gave them permission to step away from her side for a while to play some of the games that had been set up along the sides of the road there, so long as they all stayed together and kept Trinket with them.

She leaned herself up against the corner of a building, outwardly resting but inwardly on the highest of alert. Gods damn the blasted goblins, this was supposed to be a time to have some fun after the long winter, not—not all this.

Worst of all, her thoughts kept straying back to that first encounter, and how easily she’d let herself think that—really, it was ridiculous, twenty years went by and the first time a vaguely sneaky stranger showed up, she immediately got her hopes up that somehow he’d be back and everything would go back to a normal that wasn’t normal anymore. It was, she was…

She really wished the damn goblins would just attack already. At least then she could take out her frustration doing something productive, instead of being stuck here just waiting.

All the while, as she thought, her eyes scanned the sparse crowd. Not as many folks were on this road, as most of the attractions would be in the main square, but it was about noon and even out here there was significant enough activity. Off to one side she spotted the three tabaxi from the day before, the one with tufted ears attracting quite a few eyes as he juggled and cajoled; the rust-colored one sat behind with their cart, his body slouched but his single eye and both ears on constant watch. A couple guards were gently escorting a drunken (judging by how heavily he leaned on the guards for support) beggar off of the steps of the temple. A farmer holding a pitchfork and keeping a watch of his own nodded to Vex as her gaze passed over him, whilst two children, likely his own, cheered as they won a prize from a ring-tossing game.

Even with her senses on high alert, however, a human still seemed to almost melt out of the shadows. On a reflex, she jerked to grab an arrow, but relaxed on seeing that it was only Kynan.

He cleared his throat with a nervous smile, still a touch hesitant after all these years.

“Sorry, I’m a bit on edge,” Vex said, taking another moment to quickly scan for her children. They were crowded around a game of some sort, with Tiffany, too short to see over the counter, pouting and demanding to be told what was happening. All safe for now.

“S’alright,” Kynan said. Then, growing more serious, he said, “Anything happened out here?”

Vex shook her head. “It’s all been about as quiet as it can be, during a festival,” she said. “I don’t like it. Anything to report on your end?”

In the two decades that had passed, Kynan had proved himself time and again as very capable, elevated to the council as of five years ago, in charge of law enforcement and wartime movements. He’d been very much on top of things in this particular conflict, for all the frustrations that had come up.

Kynan shrugged. “Nothing violent,” he said, “But there’s been reports of thefts and a few people claiming to have spotted something.”

Vex tapped her fingers restlessly against Fenthras. “Any patterns to the thefts? The first goblin was raiding our larder, after all.”

“Not really. The odd coin here and there, a necklace, a child’s doll. Strangest things to have gone missing is probably a bunch of perfume, but other than that, nothing I’d think worth raising any real alarms over.”

Vex raised an eyebrow. “I think we can safely say that one’s just some thief. What would goblins want with a bunch of perfume?” she asked, dubious. “What would they want with cooking herbs?” Kynan shot back. “Ugh, you sound like Percy,” she said, rolling her eyes. “And the sightings? What’s come out of those?”

“Not so much goblins for sure,” he said, shifting his weight. “People are jumpy. We’ve been taking every report seriously, but every time it’s turned out to be someone in a green shirt, or a blanket hung out to dry that someone spotted out of the corner of their eye. Old Jenkins reported that he saw a bunch of them at his trash last night, but that turned out to be a bunch of bears and a badger, which, uh, was pretty weird, but it wasn’t the goblins.”

Vex blinked. “Well, at least we finally worked out what it is that he keeps seeing, I guess. The poor man’s always claiming some monsters are lurking around his house at night.”  

“Tiff?” Crispin’s half-panicked voice rang out over the crowd. Vex stiffened. “Tiffany!! Tiff, you’re supposed to stay close, where are—did anyone see where Tiffany went? I swear I only looked away for a second—” She could see him, drawing Arthur near him, looking frantically around and grabbing at someone’s shirt, could see Trinket rearing up on his hind legs to better see over everyone’s heads.

It was probably fine, Tiffany wandered off sometimes, but now was the worst time to be doing so, gods. She didn’t blame Crispin for a second, not with four siblings to keep an eye on at once, but—fuck it, time to worry about that later, she exchanged a wordless nod with Kynan and stepped forward, looking around herself as Kynan melted into the crowd himself to search for the toddler.

As seconds ticked by, and the little girl didn’t appear, Vex could feel panic welling up inside her, heard it matched by Crispin’s increasingly hoarse shouts. Where was she, where was she, where—There! One of the passerby moved, and Vex spotted her daughter’s dress, saw Tiffany talking to a small, cloaked figure.

One with tattered green ears.

Her hand found an arrow in her quiver on pure instinct. In that same, slowed-down moment, she saw the goblin turn, spot her with those giant, animal eyes, and jerk forward toward Tiffany, reaching out with those terrible clawed fingers toward her daughter—

The arrow was pulled taught against Fenthras’s string as easy as breathing, and with the familiar woosh of wind, sang forward, aimed to take the goblin right through its chest. Time seemed to restart, sound roaring back in as Tiffany wailed, and Vex wasn’t sure if her arrow struck true. Someone screamed, and as the crowd all reacted at once to the goblin’s appearance, someone ran into Vex’s line of sight again as she tried to push forward. She spotted the goblin thrashing in the grip of the vines of the brambleshot, saw Tiffany on the ground, sitting up, howling, saw the goblin somehow manage to wrench itself free of the restraining grip and dash down the alley just as Vex finally got to her daughter.

Fuck the goblin, she’d catch up to it later.

“Tiffany, are you okay? I got you, I got you sweetie, come here,” she said, scooping the crying child into her arms. There didn’t look to be any wounds, thank Sarenrae, she didn’t look to be hurt anywhere, no doubt she was just startled by the shock of getting attacked like that. She’d have the little beast’s hide for this, how dare it lay a hand on her daughter, how dare it invade her city!

Trinket thundered up behind her, nudging her back with his nose as she held Tiffany close, shaking with an intense terror and fury. The bear’s touch brought her back into now.

“Thank you, Trinket,” she said, softly, and then, louder, standing, she pointed down the alley, still hugging Tiffany tightly to her. “It went down that way! Go after it, I’ll be right behind you!”

The bear grunted and raced off after his quarry. For the time being, however, she pulled back. Kynan and a guard were carefully guiding anyone unwilling or unable to fight into the temple of Erathis. She saw Leo, Trissa, and Arthur herded inside, but Crispin was hanging back, still calling out for his sister.  

Vex darted over, shoving Tiffany into his arms—she was still crying, but she was alive, that was what mattered, she didn’t look wounded, no time to freeze right now—and pushed him towards the temple entrance. “Go, get inside, now!” she barked, before running after Trinket.

The trail was easy to follow, she noted with a grim satisfaction; she’d definitely landed a very good hit on the goblin, and a line of blood droplets clearly marked out where it had gone. The trail weaved back and forth, at one point evidently crashing into a corner; here, more blood had splashed down, too, and Vex spotted the back half of her arrow. No doubt the goblin had tried to remove it, and only managed to snap it in half.

Rounding a few more corners, she found Trinket urgently pawing at a wall. Near its base was a cluster of droplets large enough to almost constitute a puddle, and on the wall itself, a few telltale four-fingered handprints were visible on a drainpipe. Vex looked up just in time to see a tail disappear over the roof.

“Good job, Trinket,” she said, and then set about quickly climbing up herself, Trinket boosting her up as best he could.

The goblin was there, cowering by a chimney and hastily wrapping something around the arrowhead, which Vex could see poking out of its shoulder. It heard her climb up, and with a yelp, disappeared around the chimney just as Vex managed to fire off another shot, the arrow shattering against the stone. She swore, and gave chase as the creature dropped off the other side of the roof, somehow catching itself one-handed on a window ledge to slow its fall.

With a whistle, Vex directed Trinket to round the building while she scaled her own way down. The blood trail had been lessened significantly by whatever fabric the goblin had found, but Trinket had its scent now, there’d be no getting away this time. she’d teach the little beast to lay a claw on her daughter—

She didn’t consciously register that the trail was leading right toward the main square until she spotted the Sun Tree. Was there a bigger attack happening there? What else was happening? She couldn’t hear any sounds of a struggle from that direction. She’d lost sight of the blasted goblin, too; she could see people calmly going about their business, could see Percy talking to what must have been a group of visitors looking nervous.

Too late, she spotted the goblin streaking out of the shadows and straight for the big cluster of people talking to Percy. Vex shouted out a warning, but it was quickly drowned out by screams as the group split apart in a panic. People were fighting to get away, raising a small cloud of dust low to the ground, and stampeding in all directions. The chaos was too much for even Vex’s keen eyes to pierce, and by the time everyone had dispersed enough for her to get a good view, the goblin was nowhere to be seen.

Furious, Vex gestured for Trinket to come with her as she raced in—not that she really needed to, the bear was hard on her heels. “Track it,” she said to Trinket, and then, to the crowd, “Which way did it go? Did anyone see?”

“It poured something on the ground as it passed,” she heard Percy say, somewhere behind her, “I didn’t catch which way it ran, but what did—”

Trinket gave a pained bellow and shuffled backwards, pawing at his nose. As he did, as she turned, the smell hit her nose too; a clashing combination of powerful smells, largely floral and all incredibly strong. Unbidden, the memory sprang to mind of Kynan, just before, mentioning reports of stolen perfume, and realized—somehow, the blasted goblin must have been smart enough to realize it could be tracked by scent, and had worked out a way to make a, a scent bomb of sorts; the smell must have been so strong as to almost physically hurt to poor trinket, and with it scattered everywhere from the onslaught of rushing feet as that crowd had split apart in a panic, that overwhelming smell would be everywhere…

There’d be no tracking it after this. Poor Trinket wasn’t going to be in a condition to be tracking anything after this sensory overload.

It had gotten away again, the little bastard!

The scream that tore out of Vex’s throat at this realization was wholly involuntary. Not that she made any attempt to stop it—she swore, and raged, and tore at her hair, a useless font of angry energy with nothing to direct herself against until a pair of arms locked around her. It took her a moment to recognize them—Percy, trying to calm her.

“Vex, Vex, it’s gone, we can’t get distracted running around after just one, we have to brace to protect civilians from the main attack,” he said, his arms tight around her as she struggled. “It might be trying to lead you into a trap, just let it run!”

“It almost got Tiffany,” she gasped, and heard him take a sharp breath himself. “It nearly took Tiffany, Percy, I saw it try to grab her—I’ll fucking kill them, gods damn them, they almost—”

“Oh, Gods,” he said, hoarse. “Is she—?”

“Crispin’s got her, it didn’t get her, but it was so close, Percy,” and she felt the anger fading into horrified tears, and hated herself for how powerless she was to stop them.

“Fuck,” Percy whispered.

The temple to Erathis was a chaotic hive of anxiety. Townsfolk and visitors alike crowded around some of the city leaders, all talking over each other in hysterics and demanding answers. Off by Trinket, as far out of the way as they could get, the kids (minus Tiffany) were talking amongst themselves, looking various shades of excited, bored, and, in Crispin’s face, pensive. Percy, for his part, was trying to help with this, but trying to calm down a horde of anxious townsfolk was hard enough without also trying to soothe a distressed toddler. Maybe it was for the best after all that Vex had insisted on rejoining the hunt for the creature; Percy’d been concerned and argued against it, with how distraught she’d been, but at this point, being left behind was starting to feel like the more stressful option. It took nearly two hours of himself, Cassandra, Keyleth, and some of the priests repeating themselves to regain some semblance of calm. No, we don’t know where they are, yes, we’ve got all the guards and a good number of volunteers out searching, no, no one’s been reported missing yet.

(And what a close call that was—Gods, they’d almost lost Tiffany.)

Keyleth ducked out for a moment, saying she wanted to ask if the Sun Tree knew anything, and Percy, still juggling three very persistent worriers and a fussy child, just waved her off without really listening. He really wished Pike were here; she wasn’t a city leader anymore than Keyleth was, but she was so very good at making people feel more at ease. But she’d joined in the chase, along with Grog and Scanlan, of course. Trinket was the only other member of Vox Machina to stay behind, and that was on account of nursing an apparent headache.

Mercifully, Cassandra ducked in and gently lifted Tiffany out of Percy’s arms, allowing him to spend a few minutes focusing on reassuring the last few stragglers. The rest had settled down into groups clustered about the pews, or had formed larger bands for the sake of safety in numbers before heading off to inns or homes. A sense of unease remained, but at least it was a quiet unease instead of the chaos of before.

(He still kept an eye on Tiffany, even knowing she’d be perfectly safe with Cassandra. Even hearing about how close she’d come to being taken had left him shaken. He couldn’t imagine what Vex must be going through, having seen it happen.)

Finally, sending the last of the worrying folk on their way, he sat down on one of the few empty pews and took a moment to catch his breath and collect his thoughts. Hopefully, the searchers were making some sort of progress—it should not have been this difficult to track down and deal with a bunch of bloody goblins, for heaven’s sake.

The trick that one had used to deter Trinket fascinated him, despite how worried he felt. Somehow, the creature had known to concoct a scent powerful enough to cover up just about everything, and then to drop that scent right where a huge crowd of panicking people would spread it out very quickly, creating a sort of…olfactory smoke screen, and overloading the bear’s nose, to boot. That was a level of thinking he was not used to goblins being capable of.

…Actually, that just made the whole mess more worrying. Trinket had only tracked down the one scout, yesterday, just for one brief instance, but that was enough apparently for the goblins to prepare ways to shake him off, and so quickly, too. Maybe that was why they were proving so hard to find; perhaps Whitestone had been unfortunate enough to attract a particularly shrewd set of goblins.

It’d be right about average for this city’s luck, really. Ugh.

He was shaken from his thoughts by someone plunking into the pew next to him—Keyleth, with the same more laid-back air she always seemed to have after her…conversations with the Sun Tree.

“Did you learn anything new?” he asked.

“Um. No.” Keyleth ran a hand awkwardly through her hair. “He said he didn’t know anything, because he’s a tree. I mean, he did notice a goblin running around a few times, apparently, but only ever one at a time? Which I’m feeling pretty vindicated about, but I guess that doesn’t technically prove that there’s only ever been one goblin, but, still.”

Percy ran a hand through his hair. “Would it know if they were hiding nearby?”

Keyleth pulled a face. “Um. Probably? Maybe? He’s not super observant, honestly. But he definitely would know if a bunch of goblins passed through the main square at any point, and it seems like that hasn’t happened, so.” Then, looking at Percy’s face, she added, “I’m really sorry, Percy, I wish I could help with this more.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s—everyone’s doing their best, it’s no one’s fault if there’s a few dead end leads. You were a huge help calming people down, anyway. We’re all frustrated and scared, is all. Thank you for trying.”

“What about Tiff?” Keyleth asked. “Have you been able to calm her down enough to get anything out of her?”

Percy was taken aback for a moment, and looked back towards Tiffany, still quiet in her brother’s arms. “She stopped crying finally, but I haven’t tried talking to her about it, no. I hadn’t really thought to. Keyleth, she’s three. She probably didn’t really understand what was happening.”

“Yeah, but it’s still worth a shot, right?” said Keyleth. “I didn’t really think the Sun Tree was gonna know much either, and, I mean, he didn’t, but it won’t hurt to try. If she’s too scared to talk about it we won’t press her.”

“Fair enough.”

Tiffany was still sniffling when Percy took her back from Cassandra’s arms, but had stopped crying at last for the most part. As Percy held her and sat down, she rubbed one tiny fist over an eye and hiccuped. There were some mostly dried droplets of blood across the front of her dress, he noticed, but he had no doubt she’d been looked over very thoroughly and found uninjured. It must have been the goblin’s.

He took a deep breath to steady himself at the thought of how close that had been, and forced a gentle smile. “How are—are you feeling better, Tiff, dear? I know that must have been really scary.”

Tiffany nodded emphatically. “It was!!” she said, eyes wide. “I was jus’ talking to a, the shadow person I seed yesterday a few times, an’ they, an’ all the sudden they pushed me, an’ there were vines, and they were bleeding, an, an’ Mama was scared too!”

Percy blinked, confused for a moment. Right, Tiffany was young enough that perhaps she didn’t realize that the goblin had been dangerous. The arrow had likely frightened her more than her actual attacker. “Right, well, in the future you should…maybe be a bit more cautious about going over to people you don’t know when they call you over.”

“They didn’t do that, tho,” Tiffany sniffled. “They were just sorta hiding over by the wagon. But they—I saw them take a teapot, yesterday, an’ Mama said that, um, that we’d tell the shadow person that it’s not, it’s not nice to take teapots!! So I went to tell them that.”

“That was really dangerous, Tiffany,” said Keyleth, leaning over.

“Why?”

“Because it was…” Keyleth chewed her lip. “Do you know what a goblin is, Tiffany?”

Tiffany nodded. “They’re, um, there’s some in the stories Papa reads to me.” Before Keyleth or Percy could respond, though, Tiffany continued, “But, but they’re always mean an’ stupid, an’ the shadow person didn’t seem either of those things! They were just, um. They were really…um. They didn’t even notice me until I talked to them, and they, and they weren’t even interested in what I said about the teapot or anything, they kept looking all over the place instead! An’ they barely even said anything about the teapot, they just said a buncha other stuff.”

Keyleth tilted her head, but said nothing beyond a quiet, “Huh.”

Percy could think of a few reasons for the goblin to be distracted, and none of them were particularly good, but…perhaps they could work out more as to what the actual intentions of the invaders were, since Tiffany seemed so eager to talk about what had happened. Maybe he could get more of a bead on what sort of plan required goblins to steal herbs and, evidently, a teapot. Hesitantly, he asked, “What did the…the shadow person say to you?”

Tiffany sniffled, and seemed to think for a moment. “Um. They asked if, if I saw a…a weird man.”

That was…entirely unexpected. “…Did they? That’s…What do you mean by weird, Tiff?”

“Um. They said, um, a guy in a…a guy wif a coat, an’, an’ he was messy, they said, an’ that he talked funny.”

Percy looked across at Keyleth, who looked every bit as confused as he felt.

“Did they say why they were looking for this man?”

Tiffany shook her head. “Um! They also said the weird man was on the, was in front of the temple, but he was gone now! They wanted to know if I saw where he went, an’ I didn’t, an’ I said so.”

“And then did the go-the shadow person ask you to lead them to him, or anything?” Keyleth said, sitting down next to Percy. It was exactly what Percy’d been meaning to ask next. It’d make the most sense—maybe the whole thing about some man was a ruse to draw the child away from the watchful eyes of the many armed adults in the area.

“Nuh-uh,” said Tiffany. “They just sorta made a sad noise an’ then they, they said I shouldn’t talk to strangers wifout my parents around.” Percy couldn’t help but slowly turn to make eye contact with Keyleth as the toddler continued on, “An’ I said that my momma was real close so it was okay, an’ they said no it wasn’t, I shouldn’t be talking to them without a, um, an adult I trust, knowing that I’m talking to them. An’ then they asked where mama was, an’ looked around, and then they pushed me!!”

That was…Hm.

“…I mean. That’s. They weren’t wrong about all that, actually, that’s…very good advice, and I’m very conflicted about the fact that—you’re sure that’s what they said, Tiff?” Percy said, feeling completely lost.

Tiffany gave a single, adamant nod. “Yeah!! An’ then they got hit by an arrow, an’ I got real scared, an’ everyone started screaming!” She sniffled. “Why’d they push me like that? We were jus’ talking, an’, an’ they seemed nice!”

“It was…it was trying to grab you,” Percy said, but the words felt…wrong in his mouth, now. Suddenly, the puzzle pieces didn’t make sense. The gears that had looked to fit perfectly were entirely the wrong size, and it was entirely possible that what he’d thought to be a screw was instead a nail. What…what were they dealing with, here?

Keyleth shook her head. “I don’t know, Percy, this is getting weird…” She chewed her lip for a moment, and then, quietly, trying to keep Tiffany from hearing, she asked, “Is it—she is little, maybe she’s remembering wrong?”

“It wouldn’t be like her to make something like this up,” Percy whispered back. “Leo or Trissa at her age, certainly, and in a few days she may have a very embellished version of things, but right after things happen, she tends to be pretty honest.”

“It didn’t feel like a grab,” Tiffany pouted. “It felt like a push. I fell down on my butt afterwards an’ it hurt a lot.”

Percy tried to imagine the scene with the new information. Tried to fit it in with what he knew about goblins, and kept hitting walls. It didn’t fit. So, then, maybe…

He tried looking at it again, but this time, instead of thinking of the individual as a typical goblin invader, he tried just…thinking about their actions in the context of a normal person. And in that context, things started to make sense. They’d been going about their business when a very chatty, particularly bold toddler had demanded their attention. And then they’d…well, he still couldn’t quite make sense of looking for some strange man, but at the very least it told him that Tiffany’s shadow person had something on their mind.

The advice about strangers made a lot more sense, this way; they were very much busy and distracted and likely didn’t have time to be talking to a small child. They’d told her off a bit, and then looked around for the child’s parents. Perfectly normal behavior for someone who wasn’t seeking to kidnap and devour any small child they could get their hands on.

And then…

“So you told this person that Mama was near?” Percy said, to be sure. Tiffany nodded. “And then they looked around to find her…”

…And would have seen an arrow pointed in their direction, wouldn’t they. Ha. Now he was starting to see how the gears were meant to fit together.

It was a bit of a crazy theory, probably. But the truth was, so far, no one had really been attacked, except for perhaps Trinket a couple of times, and both were justifiably self defense. If Tiffany was right in her understanding of what had happened today, then…

“Keyleth,” Percy said slowly, “You don’t suppose it might have been trying to push Tiffany out of the way?”

“Of what?” Keyleth asked, but before he could answer, another commotion broke out. The goblin hunters were back, it seemed. And judging by the grim looks on their faces, they’d been unsuccessful again.

He ought to have been worried by that, but in the moment, his mind was buzzing. He felt at once like he’d worked out the shape of the thing and like he knew less than ever—there were so many pieces that were missing, ones that he didn’t even know how to START with, but even so, it was an explanation that felt like it fit. He needed to tell Vex, she’d be thrilled to hear there was some sort of lead on all this.

Somehow, Keyleth managed to get ahead of him, getting caught up in the knot of people forming around Vox Machina. Percy, with Tiffany still in his arms, couldn’t break through the crowd, but after a couple minutes of worried folk clamouring for news and Grog’s voice booming out his disappointment above it all, he saw Vex push her way out of the throng and make a beeline towards him.

The rest of the kids, who’d been off in a corner with Trinket, ran up as well, gathering in close as Vex took Tiffany from Percy and held her tight to her chest. There was a heartbreaking tension around her face, accompanied by the kind of exhaustion that comes only from great stretches of stress.  

“Did you beat the bad guys, Mama?” Arthur demanded, tugging on Vex’s tunic. Before she could respond, Trissa and Leo both tried to shout over each, asking for details just as loudly.

Crispin had been unusually quiet and withdrawn for quite some time, and now, whatever dam had been holding him back finally broke, the boy nearly in tears as his voice shook. “Mom, I’m so sorry,” he said, frantic, “I was—Trissa and Arthur were arguing, and Leo kept screaming that he was hungry, and I think Trinket was distracted by something else, and I—I’m so sorry, there was so much, I swear I only let her out of my sight for a couple minutes!”

“Kids, stop—Hold on just a second, please!” Vex chided the three middle children. One arm still firmly holding onto Tiffany, Vex stretched out a hand and gently but firmly made Crispin look at her. “Darling, listen to me,” she said, “You didn’t do anything wrong here, alright? A lot happened very quickly, I’m not angry and this isn’t your fault.”

“I’ll try and pay more attention next time, I swear—”

“You did your best,” Percy said, drawing Crispin in close and pressing a kiss to his temple. “Tiffany’s alive, and she isn’t hurt, it’s alright.”

“Yeah, but did you kill them?” Leo piped up.

“No, damn them,” Vex spat. “Couldn’t find hide nor hair of the little—ugh.”

“Aw, what?” Trissa complained. Crispin somehow managed to look even more distressed.

Percy, sensing a potential storm brewing if the conversation continued as it was—Trissa and Crispin would get into an argument over just about anything these days, with Leo egging the former on, and that was the last thing they needed right now—quickly stepped in. “Alright, kids, your mother and I need to talk privately for a moment. You can hear more about how things went later,” he continued over the loud whines of complaint from Arthur, Leo, and Trissa. “For now, just—One of you take Tiff and just…wait over by Trinket, won’t you?”

Thankfully, they did as they were told, albeit with a lot more complaining from most of them. Crispin took Tiffany with a nod, and helped push the rest to follow Percy’s instructions. As they left, Percy heard Trissa say, “You don’t have to be such a goodie two-shoes about it, Crispin,” and let out a deep sigh.

“I’m really starting to worry, Percy,” Vex said, falling heavily back onto a nearby pew and burying half her face in one hand. “The goblins have somehow managed to completely disappear, they shouldn’t be able to just up and vanish like this, and I hate not knowing where or when they’re going to turn up next! By some miracle, no one appears to have been hurt or killed yet, but it’s only a matter of time.”

“Maybe not,” said Percy, sitting next to her. She turned a tired eye towards him. “Keyleth and I talked to Tiffany about what happened, and it’s got me thinking. I know it’s a bit out there, but honestly, what she described didn’t feel like an invader at all, so much as just another visitor to the festival. She certainly never felt that she was in any danger—”

“Percy,” said Vex, but Percy didn’t stop.

“And, if anything, it sounded like the goblin was trying to push her out of danger rather than attack her. And if that’s the case, then it would follow that we may not be in danger at all, that we’re actually dealing with a, a harmless group of goblins. Which would go a very long way in explaining a lot of the weirdness that’s been—”

“Percival!”

Any further elaboration he might have had lined up died in his throat when faced with the hardness in Vex’s eyes. “I’d say that you can’t be serious, but I’d sincerely hate to think you’d make such a thoughtless joke in a time like this,” she said. “They’re goblins, Percival, of course we’re in danger! One of them tried to take our daughter!”

Some other eyes in the temple were looking at them, he noticed out of the corner of his eye. They weren’t quite in a full on shouting match, but Vex wasn’t trying to be quiet, either. He swallowed. “I mean, Tiffany was very sure that—”

“Tiffany is three years old!” Vex hissed. “She probably didn’t understand what was happening! You can’t go basing an entire insane theory on the word of a toddler!” She pressed her face into her hand again. “Gods, Percival, not everything is some bloody puzzle that needs working out, sometimes things just are what they seem on face value! People’s lives are at stake and we can’t afford to risk calling off our defenses based on a complete fantasy!”

“Well, but, I…”

“Well, why don’t you fight them, then, Mr. I Know How To Use A Big Pointy Stick?”

“Yeah, you’re the one with sword lessons, why don’t you use them, you big chicken?”

Vex and Percy’s heads both turned towards their kids at the rising sounds of Trissa and Leo’s voices. Gods, if they were egging on Crispin again—yep, sure enough, Crispin and Trissa had their eyes locked, Leo at her back adding on to whatever she said.

“There’s a world of difference between sparring with Aunt Cass or whatever guard’s on break and being in an actual fight, Trissa!” Crispin shot back.

“Oh, like you’d know,” Trissa said, rolling her eyes. “I don’t know even know how you’re my brother, sometimes. How’d Mom and Dad have such a big coward?”

“You want me to end up like our uncle?!” Crispin snapped, and Percy felt Vex tense beside him. “Or did you forget about what happened to him? Our parents weren’t living out some fantasy in a book, they were fighting for their fucking lives, and two of them didn’t survive!”

“Mom and Dad did!” Leo said.

“No they fucking didn’t, they just got lucky and were able to come back!”

Percy swore under his breath and got out of his seat, heading toward the kids. He could feel Vex doing the same.

“They all died, the whole group, at least once!” Crispin went on, “I’m pretty sure Mom and Dad both went down twice! And resurrection ceremonies aren’t a guarantee! I’m pretty sure they were just really fucking lucky—I know you know this, Trissa, you can’t just ignore it! All of them, Mom, Dad, fuck, something even managed to kill Grog, and they were all well fucking trained fighters, what the hell are we supposed to do?!”

Arthur started to wail.

“Stop it right now!” Vex said, getting ahead of Percy and planting herself right in the middle of the three arguing children. Percy knelt down and drew Arthur close to him. Tiffany didn’t look like she’d really understand any of what had been said, thankfully—they’d been careful to wait until each kid was old enough to handle it before telling them certain parts of the stories of Vox Machina’s exploits, and neither of the two youngest had been let in on the details Crispin had just laid out.

Judging by the stricken look on his face, Crispin was well aware of his mistake. The boy stammered an apology, but Vex waved it off and turned toward Trissa and Leo.

“Your brother’s right about one thing, neither of you two are anywhere near ready for a real fight,” Vex said, “Especially if you can’t even recognize that this is not the time or place to be fighting amongst yourselves.”

“But Mom, Crispin—”

“Is trying to protect you, like a good brother, and I’ll not have you antagonizing him over it.”

“We can—” Leo piped up.

“No. We’re going home.” A cry of complaint started, but was instantly cut short by a single look from Vex. “All you’ve accomplished with this is scaring your little brother, and you’re going to march back quietly and really think about what you’ve done, do you understand?”

Arthur, at least, was calming down into sniffles rather than outright sobbing. Percy kept trying to soothe the boy, unable to bring himself to look at Vex until he felt her hand on his shoulder.

“Did you hear me, Percy?” she said, her voice softer than it had been, but not much. “I’m taking the kids and Trinket back up. Are you staying down here?”

Percy swallowed. “Um, yes, I think I…there’s so much to do, you know.”

“I’m not angry at you, you understand that, right?” she said. “I just…I’d love for everything to secretly be fine, too, Percy, but it’s just not feasible. I know what I saw.”

“…Of course,” he said, standing. “Travel safe, all of you. I’ll see you tonight.”

He kissed his wife on the cheek, and stood by, quietly reeling as the rest of his family walked away.

It was funny how many things one could find to do when they were definitely procrastinating. Percy managed to busy himself until the sun had begun to set, helping out with arranging things, answering questions, doing whatever he could think of to keep busy. But as the last few people started heading to beds, and guards started up the first of the evening patrols that had been agreed upon for the time being, Percy begrudgingly had to accept that it was probably time to head home.

He’d thought that maybe his theory was a bit far fetched, sure, but he’d not been ready to be so thoroughly shut down for it. Normally that only happened when he was being dangerously stupid, which—well, alright, the town was in danger, fair.

Maybe it really was overly optimistic. It would be so much easier if this was all just a misunderstanding.

“Hey, Percy!” Keyleth’s voice right behind him nearly made him stumble, so sudden did it seem. “What’s up? I’ve been trying to get your attention for like half a minute,” she said, moving up to keep pace with him.

“Sorry, I’m just…distracted, I suppose.”

“…By the argument with Vex?” Keyleth said, and Percy winced. “Sorry,” she added. “Don’t mean to, um, rub dirt in the wound or anything, I just—things seemed tense.”

“It’s…my fault, probably,” he said. “She’s got every right to be stressed out, anyway. It’s been a bloody stressful day.”

“Yeah.”

A comfortable, if slightly awkward silence stretched between them for a few moments, as they walked. Eventually, Keyleth broke it by asking, “Hey, what were you saying before, anyway?”

“Hm?”

“When we were talking to Tiffany,” Keyleth said. “You were about to say something, and then we got interrupted. It’s been bugging me all day!”

“Oh, it was—I—it was nothing, Keyleth,” he said, hurriedly.

“It didn’t sound like something,” she pressed. “It sounded like you were onto something! Come on, what was it?”

“A lot of wishful thinking, apparently,” Percy mumbled.

“About what? Come on, this whole thing’s super weird.”

“You’ll laugh.”

“Promise I won’t?”

Percy looked sideways at her. She had that earnest look about her that was so very Keyleth, the one that meant she wasn’t going to give up on this. He sighed.

“Alright, alright, fine. I had a…theory, of sorts, that was forming. One which Vex very quickly pointed out the holes in,” he said, taking off his glasses for a moment to nervously clean them.

“Oh?” Yeah, he should’ve known that dropping that hint wouldn’t stop her from pushing on.

“It’s…I was thinking at the time that maybe the goblin pushed Tiffany because it saw the arrow pointed at the both of them and wanted to get her out of the way,” he said, feeling a fool for even saying it aloud again. He slipped his glasses back on, adjusted them on his nose, looking away from Keyleth as he continued, “And following from that, that maybe we’re not dealing with anything malicious. Which is…”

“Makes sense to me,” said Keyleth. “I’m not seeing the problem here, yet.”

Percy felt his jaw drop as his head involuntarily snapped to look at her.

Nope, no humor to her expression, just more of that sincerity.

“That’d explain what it said about strangers, too, actually,” Keyleth said, “because if it cared enough about her safety to try and push her out of the way, it’d wanna make sure she’s with her parents, too, right? Yeah! Yeah, that makes a lot of sense! Plus, no one’s gotten hurt at all, yet, and with this many vulnerable people here that’s super weird!”

“I—but—Keyleth, the idea of an entire tribe of goblins randomly showing up who just happen to be quite possibly the one single tribe of nonviolent goblins is—it’s patently ridiculous!” he stammered. Yet, at the same time, part of him felt vindicated—Keyleth may have been a bit foolish at times, but she was far from stupid, and their years traveling together had brought her much more down to earth. If she thought that he might be on to something…

“I mean, with the stuff we’ve all seen together, friendly goblins doesn’t sound all that weird,” she said with a grin. “But, consider this: maybe it’s not a whole tribe!”

“…Oh?”

“Sun Tree’s only ever seen one, I’ve only ever seen one, has anyone so far reported seeing more than one at a time? I mean, like, any reports that we’ve been able to confirm? I know there’s been a ton of false alarms, but. Actual, for sure sightings.”

“…Now that you mention it, no, not to my knowledge,” Percy said, feeling the gears start turning again.

Keyleth’s smile widened. “Right! And I really was searching the whole city yesterday, too, so I had a really wide view! It might be that it’s just the one that’s here, and it’s a nice one on its own, right? I didn’t get a good look at it the second time, but do you think it might be the same one?”

“I…didn’t get a good look at the one from today,” Percy said. “It ran by very quickly. Although…that in itself might be a sign it’s the same one. The one Vex found in the storeroom was very fast.”

“Okay, so, there’s your theory!” Keyleth said, bouncing on her feet a bit. “We’re just dealing with one goblin on its own that might not want to hurt anyone!”

“Which still doesn’t answer what it is doing here,” Percy said. “We’ve possibly explained what it hasn’t done, and that’s a start. But no matter how I go about it, I haven’t been able to make everything it has done make sense.”

“So maybe next time we see it we just try talking to it?” said Keyleth. “Although that…might be harder now. Vex apparently shot it with Fenthras.”

Percy winced. “Oh, Gods,” he said, “no wonder the thing tore past like a bat out of hell, then.”

“Speaking of Vex, though, it’s super weird that she got mad at you for suggesting this,” said Keyleth.

Percy shrugged. “I don’t know, Keyleth,” he said, “she’s really very certain that she saw the goblin attack our daughter. I’d be pretty peeved in her shoes, too. Honestly, I’m not even entirely convinced that she was wrong. There’s no real proof for this, it’s just one possible explanation. It may well be that we’ve only seen a couple scouts.”

“I guess,” said Keyleth, frowning, “But normally I feel like she’d…consider it.”

Percy stopped. Keyleth followed suit, looking at him intently as he thought. “Now that you mention it, she really didn’t even hear me out all the way. I’d hardly started explaining when she just…shut me down.” His own frown deepened. “She didn’t want to talk about the possibility of the goblins being unusual yesterday, either, and I’d not even considered that they might not be attacking at that point. You…you don’t suppose there’s something wrong, do you?”

Keyleth chewed her thumbnail for a moment. “She has been acting kinda weird since she saw the goblin,” she said.

“I…just attributed that to stress over the situation.” Percy folded his arms.

“Yeah, but I mean, even for that, she’s been…off.”

“Hm. I’ll…I might try talking to her, tomorrow, if I can,” he said. Then he allowed himself a smile. “Regardless, thank you for…taking me seriously on this, I suppose.”

She beamed. “No problem!” she said. “We probably shouldn’t bring this up with the others until we’ve got a little more proof, though, huh? Vex might, uh, not be the only one who reacts…badly…to the suggestion.”

“Scanlan.”

“I’m talking about Scanlan, yes.”

[seenashwrite]

Nash Recaps The Back Half Of Season 12 - Part One.

Pt. 1 / Pt. 2 / Pt. 3 / Pt. 4

[Note: these are lengthy & have lotsa images, just an FYI before you start]

Good news: soooo many CASPN notes for the S12 Side Deck, and I have re-named each episode with some of these brain droppings. Not-so-good news: my capitalization and punctuation were tossed aside for the following as I was droppin' said brainage in the moment. Rapidly. With much gusto.

And I'm kinda blunt. No, I'm way blunt. I'm cranky. I didn't care for this season. Too many irons in the fire and the writing wasn't robust enough or tight enough to pull it off.  But the best episode of the season is in this bunch, and I wax near damn poetic. I read back through it, and overall it’s entertaining terlit readin’. Hope you enjoy.

Oh, and blame @ilsawasanacrobat for this, there was mild encouragement on her part and that, as y'all know, is all that's needed to egg me on.

12.15 - "A Pregnant Bitch Named Ramsay"

jesus wept, this dragged, that there was maybe a 20 minute story, edits should've started with that painfully long intro; glasses always a plus; good dean/sam banter; handful of good crowley lines; Rando Chick + Rando Doggie Chow = Dean + Sam obvious comparison is obvious #anvil drop #treat your viewers like they're smart #they'll rise to the occasion

soooo done with sam being a lying liar, why they fall back on this shtick I'll never know - wait yeah I do: lazy  #waves at writer's room  

we'll give this one The *Look* Of The Episode.....

so.... largely 'meh', HOWEVER!!!!

Dearest writer who ended this round of said shtick/the episode with shot of Dean's resigned facial expression, to the answering phone with "This is Sam", and hard cut to black?

[chef's kiss] perfection, this is gooooooood shit, that's what I'm lookin' for  #not an anvil in sight #subtlety reigns supreme #believe people the first time #when they tell you #who they are

~ Skip this next one if you like the claire character/find the portrayal anything beyond mediocre, because I don't pull punches ~

12.16 -  "The Voting On Claire's Life"

I prepped dinner through the whole "this shit happened" montage and the two throwaway characters, I was glad they got attacked, heard them from the kitchen, despite having no idea what was said, still know they were very attackable

Oh dean, saying mick's repressing things, that's adorable you lil' kettle, make sure to hit the pot up with more advice later

dear set designer: stop using those bright yellow-railed utility stairs in locations so much, or else paint 'em, I only watch these episodes once but I still notice because they're Bright. Farging. Yellow  #that's the goddamn garage set #and we all know it

magda = one of those missed opportunities, re: too many irons; madga shoulda been off to jody's and donna's posthaste

yes, werewolf on loose, and 'tis true you and your brother were raised to be a team and avoid going off alone when possible but I know better having accumulated about 5 minutes of experience in the field, do stop treating me like a kid, oh very large experienced manly hunter who cares about me, I shall in my 12 year old wisdom take off down yonder path with ridiculous-looking headphones blasting shite music, whatever would be the problem with this decision

holy fuck, empathy and inner reflection, I mean, sort-of, because she's still making everything about her. how the situation she got herself into with magnificent stupidity and the repercussions it therefore spawned impacts her feels, though she's trying to sell it as consideration for jody but her million other actions are better representations of how much she considers jody, and as jody was prepared to love her zombie son and loved her adopted freshly un-vampired daughter without knowing what ripple effects that could have on alex, she would likely welcome a wolfed-claire in with open arms, were claire willing to fight but, ya see, she's not, not really, and does she honestly think being dead will be okey-dokey with jody, and blah blah blah, and were claire and I married in a past life, because she's got the whole obtuse husband routine down cold

can we just let it marinate for a second that this actress/character continues on while shoshannah stern/eileen - and the exceptional actress/magda character - did not? and I KNOW she costs more, her agent must be phenomenal, see below, RE: cast in golden-globe-winning and multi-oscar-nominated tv miniseries and movie, respectively

I loathe the claire character, and >50% of it comes via lazy development on the writers' parts,  but if you want to bask in more of that dead-eyed-dolly delivery, this chick plays Everything. Exactly. The. Same. Way. in "Big Little Lies" and "Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, MO", and I'm not being snarky or hyperbolic -  I'd reserved judgment throughout her tenure on the show, but at this point I'm less on the fence, she's gotten better material and been surrounded by pretty fucking high-caliber actors  in those other 2 than spn writers/casting have provided, so.... yeah.... and in real life, she's got a great personality, I've seen it in clips that go around of interviews or whatever, not a clue what happens when they call "action" it's like she immediately deflates - it was hooooorribly evident in the pilot for wayward, all those other gals - patience/kaia/alex - showed range and had light in their eyes and felt natural in their characters, then there was ol' faithful flat face over yonder.... the lil' kid actors, particularly the one playing her younger sister, in BLL run rings around her.... and sweet lord, she had to share screentime with frances mcdormand in 3BB, can you imagine? I'd be wearing Depends, and the kid playing her brother held his own pretty well [he is *palpably* nervous in his scenes w/FMcD] but I tell ya, with her, it goes from painful [spn] to cringy [BLL] to second-hand embarassment in 3BB, and real fast

but  speaking of SPN/WS writers, I am hoping for some maturity in wayward, like we've seen in alex, and patience is clearly already mature, just new to the game, and kaia I have a feeling is gonna rock our heads off...  occasional ptsd ripples are fine/justified, so are handfuls of learning-curve mistakes, but if I wanted to watch a show about whiny teens fucking up over and over again, then, um, I would #waves at showrunner(s)  #teens aren't one-trick-ponies  #go, like, talk to one #and if you're basing her off  #your own kids' behavior?  #bless your hearts  #legit  #what PITAs

what is UP with the the flashbacks and flashsideways at the end?! ugh. were not needed

y'know, Tiff @butiaintgonnaloveem told me, she TOLD ME not to bother watching this episode, and I did it anyway, and I keep having to get up and walk away and come back, it is taking me like three hours to get through this ass disaster OKAY okay I'm done you're all better than me, it's why I'm a pseudo-fan because.... because..... grrrr..... never mind, I'll channel it elsewhere.....

the awesomesauce was of course the plethora of quality "looks" between the guys and what is, dare I say, not only The *Look* Of The Episode, but possibly The *Look* Of The Season:

Bottom line - they could've accomplished the "hey there's mick get to like him better 'cause we're gonna kill him dead here in a bit" without the claire element; have I mentioned I loathe claire, I *loathe* claire, they have boned that character and didn't even take it out to dinner first, I mean, daughter of an angel, essentially? cool-ass chick hunter? I'm in, but this is what we got, and.... I'm stopping, I swear....

#pleasepickupwaywardsothatactresswillnotbeonthisshowagainatleastnotasoftenokthxbye

12.17 - "Ketch's Fierce Manspread on the Bedspread"

lady, shut uuuuuuuup, why is her blah-blah so looooooong

oh... oh, my.... well, golly.... to snitch a line from back when the scripts were tight and trippy: sweet Peter on a popsicle stick

but... but why? I don't get the need for this, it's.... [heaving sigh] damn this is stupid, and that's an objective not a subjective, and here's why: math, specifically the math on their acceptance numbers - and not counting legacies, they couldn't put legacies in this, I don't care what they say because the powers that be aren't gonna pony up their grandbabies, it's why rich elites' kids magically don't get drafted into military service - so just the plain ol' recruiting AND retention rates would have to be of such a high margin to balance out this "to the death" bullshit that there's no way it would be sustainable, the math doesn't follow; The Kingsmen* did this better; also, I appreciate giving the BMoLs a touch of "umph" because their primary shtick is almost fucking to the letter a re-hash of Buffy's arc with the British Watcher's Council, complete with speeches on how not everything out in monster hunting land is black and white, the pointing out of buffy's willingness to work with vampires and witches, plus poor man's Wesley, a.k.a. Mick [sorry dude - perhaps more time and you'd have risen to that level but them's big shoes to fill], so yeah, I'm glad for the punch of something insidious or creepy, but this was just eye-roll-worthy

* no, Nash - The Kingsmen did "Louie Louie"; you mean to say "Kingsman".... and what say you, Colin Firth?

Opening scene in impala w/the 3 of them flows smoothly, feels natural,  is delicious #good shit

dear dabb: is there a reason how everybody, and their mother, and their dogs, their minister, their bikini waxer, their accountant, and their under-the-table weed dealer knows that the winchesters are, um, unbeatable and unkillable to boot, except for the stuffily stereotypically-stereotypical british broad who's supposedly in-the-know about all things monster? does she even apocalypse? so, SO stupid. dabb, you & the S12 writers couldn't plot your way out of a graveyard even if death was co-piloting the backhoe

oh blah blah dickensian street orphan blah - stop fisting my face with useless backstory on mick. staaaaaaahhhhp. we get it. he's a soft-hearted sweetie, they thought they'd be gathering up a litter of wayward psychopaths, lucked out with a Ketch (probs more than one, tbh) and amongst them was cockney potter poor man's wesley wyndham pryce.  WE GOT IT HE'S ADORABLE HE'S DEAD MEAT

ah, so early we find you, The *Look* Of The Episode....

....which, that watermark  reminds me, a hearty #fuckoffriverdale  Pictured below: dean channeling me, when I'm thinking about how someone actually paid someone else for the oh-so-original idea of taking something cheeky-campy-fun and going all broody-angsty-dark with it like, say, Archie Comics.....

this chick playing dagon is tops, which is how I knew early on she'd be dead meat. hey, look! it's cousin oliver!

if they snuck something eerie into the sonogram then I missed it - and I checked - so if there was, it wasn't obvious enough. they ain't got a pair over in ye olde graphics hub, because if animators have no chill with sticking dicks into rando scenes in cartoons so that bible belt mommies get the vapors, the least they coulda done is given us a preview of the forthcoming creepy ass smile.  devil parasite teeth coulda been some stephen king shit right there

historically/more-often-than-not, the show make-ups and/or over-barrel-curls and/or lights [indoors] most of the women in such a way that they perpetually look 10-to-15 years older than their actual age, but my good gravy did they do right by shoshannah in the beer clink scene, hair and makeup and lighting on damn point, so refreshing to see, because our #deadmeat loaf needed a third yummy ingredient, I suppose ::sigh::

hey thanks for making crowley out to be a fucking idiot in that unneeded, added nothing, “why was it even in there?”, “I guess there were contract minimums to meet, so here we are” scene

that orderly, mannered, turn-by-turn, ever-so-slowly-rolled, dagon fling-away processional made me burst out laughing so hard that I woke up the dogs  hahahahahahaahaha  [wheeze] HAAAAAAAAhahahahaha   #when the nash nieces and nephews choreograph fight scenes in the living room

real talk? the mary and ketch dynamic has my support 1000%, that scene made me like them - together and separately - quite a bit. I had actually caught this scene in the midst of whatever I was doing the night it originally aired, and it was enough to distract me into paying attention, and also because I couldn't figure what was with the one-leg-out-up-and-bent post-coital lounging thing happening

well-executed execution, knew it was coming [both because t-bag giffage, and, um, hello see above, re: dabb & co ain't never met an anvil they didn't wanna drop], but even so - the timing was good, they didn't let his speech drag out too long, even though ol' girl's THE COOOOOODE speech was too long. still. they got-in/got-out fairly well

holy shitsnacks. THE CODE. THE LORE. #mindblowers #CASPN Crew feels me on this

12.18 - "A Goat Dude With A Name Like A Pirate's"

oh poor man's Jay Baruchel's about to eat it, ain't he? we were actually getting a cheeky lil' cold open here for once  :::sigh:::

GOAAAAAAT HEAD HAMMER STRIIIIIIIKE JERKY ZOOM IN YAAAAAASSSSS this is the show I signed up for. This. This right here.

give the very magnetic guest sheriff all the gold stars, he is phenomenal, every line delivery, the pacing, the proud-papa eyeballing of the taxidermy, ALL OF IT

it is exactly seven minutes and forty-eight seconds in, and I am actually adoring this episode STOP EVERYTHING IT'S HAPPENING I MIGHT BE TIP-TOEING NEAR THE FAN LINE

rando urban legend [nods], good.... diner banter, very good.... dean sizing up the utterly basic average waitress, annoyed sam tries to press on,  good good.... [nods again, reaches for snack, settling in] ah-HA! it's the first THE LORE of the episode, hey, should I be documenting those, too?  no. no, I don't have that kind of time

sorry, my dude

lookit the soft, pretty snow.... [sniffs]

his mjolnir is like a lil' repurposed beer stein.....

I just looked up who wrote this - he has written a grand total of 2 eps, this one, and the other he had to (I've no doubt) carry Dabb on: the wrestling one, which was littered with great moments, places for the guys to stretch their acting legs as it were, nice nostalgia/insight about their childhood that was just kinda floated out there vs. laxative-like exposition, had some fantastic crowley/cas dialogue to boot, and.....  and......

WHY IS HE NOT ALLOWED TO WRITE MORE THINGS, HE GETS THIS SHOW

Sam bringin' it home - I know we're not done yet, but I'm placing my bets now that this is, to be sure, The *Look* Of The Episode:

oh it's this dude. he's the goat. placing my bets there, too. I find his eyebrows off-putting. goat head = smart move. if he ain't the goat, then he's playing this way too weird. actually if he *is* the goat, he's playing this way too weird  #that's a director anvil #I don't blame the writers

Ketch brand sneery snark is so marvelous..... goooooood tension with the flashlight slow walk peek in grate...... the sound/music is on point...... this is the best episode of the season, easily. like, it'll have to whiff it hard from here on out for me to hate it....  YES KETCH YAAAASSSSSS that fucking telescope in a basement..... music here is nailing it, too, it's very jessica jones-ish..... and THANK YOU for just showing them bugging the place, no stupid exposition on here is where we're putting them, here's how we're gonna monitor the frequency bleh bleh bleeecccchhh

THANK YOU WRITER, YOU ARE GOOD AT THIS, SO GOOOOOOD WHEN WILL THEY LET YOU WRITE MORE OF THE THINGS

that family business line coulda gone hella cheesy anvil drop [whispers --- like the on-a-hunt one in wayward pilot sorry-not-sorry] but here it worked, great delivery, great ackles face pull, they hit the moment and it was gone as soon as it came, nicely done

god bless, even the *lighting* is great, the aforementioned grating basement thing, this red in the freezer, dry ice is a touch much but HOOVES ARE THOSE HOOVES OR JUST REALLY CLUNKY BOOTS

the continued hammer-and-sam interactions are not passing me by, I don't know why this is a thing, but I'm not fighting it

that fizzle crackle colt through-and-through tho.... LOOOOVE

did he just dissolve-fart into some paint that I swear to god I'd used for a bathroom I was being wishy-washy on regarding color so I went with this flat pewter neutral garbage? DID I PAINT THE BATHROOM THE COLOR OF MELTED GOD

and what exactly did the monster look like, hmm? WE DON'T KNOW IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT'S WHY IT'S BETTER  #it’s the Jaws under the water thing #the trick to making situations unsettling is #not showing all your cards

then..... and..... and.... and  then.......

THAT IS HOW YOU DO A FLASHBACK SEQUENCE

let us not forget that this episode also spawned the greatest outtake that ever outtaked #chupacabra

okay, so, to sum up......  I've seen the finale, so since I'm done here, this means 4 more to go, but lemme say now......

Best. Episode. Of. The. Season. 

plot to dialogue to casting to execution to set design to sound to costuming to lighting - granted,  minor quibble in that the villain played it a squinch too obvious - but this was as close to flawless as I've seen since earlier seasons, the most recent being.... my mind drifts to something in the 9/10 ballpark but I couldn't say what just now.... beyond this nightmare of a season and the molasses drag that was the darkness arc, for sure.  anyway. yeah. #good shit

Part two whenever I get around to binge-a-palooza again. I can do this. I might do this. Nah, I will. Eventually.

[clown-bait]

29 Neibolt ST (Monster Roommate AU) CH 11

WhoooOOOOooooo’s ready for some domestic monster bullshit?! So I head cannon that Penny is a secret plumbing expert from living in a sewer for centuries. Also finally introducing one of the main antagonists hope you guys like horror comedy because its about to get GOOFY AF. 

CHAPTER11

Party Prep

Pennywise had been insufferable all day. It seems like ever since he finally was able to get a date with Leech the clown was on cloud 9. Normally having him in a good mood would be a positive thing but when its mixed with an ego boost and pride he became a cocky asshole hell bent on showing everyone how fantastic he is. “What’s the matter Freddy? Jealous that I'm the one with a beautiful woman on my arm this time?” he taunted. They were both attempting to figure out the plumbing situation after Tiffany threw the rampage to end all rampages when Penny “forgot” to fix the problem overnight.

“You know I thought having you in a good mood for once would make things better.”

“You’re so jealous.” the clown sneered.

“I don't know why you're so smug, you know you're going to have to tell her you love her eventually now that you're dating and we all know that you cant handle feelings” Chucky said pretending to help so Tiff would get off his back. The girls were out shopping with Drac, leaving the rest of the boys to figure out the plumbing issue.

“I can put it off.”

“PFF famous last words Jingles this is a chick we’re talking about here” said Freddy

“Like you've ever been in this situation.”

“I’m not a commitment type of guy clown”

“Look Pennywise trust me, girls go crazy for that touchy feely stuff. You need to say something sooner or later or she's gonna end up stabbing you in the heart.” the doll said.

“Was that a metaphor or something that actually happened to you?” asked Freddy

“…..both”

————

“Ok what to get a homicidal maniac with the mind of a child.” Leech and the rest of the gang were down town attempting to accomplish the simple task of shopping for someone other than themselves.

The three monsters were struggling, they needed to surprise their enormous roommate with the perfect gift but it was proving difficult to shop for him since Leatherface never spoke. They knew the giant liked sweets and already had plans to bake a bunch of them once the boys figured out the plumbing issue, but they wanted to get him something special that wasn't just another chainsaw.

“Perhaps a pocket watch?”

“Drac sweetie the 1600s ended a long time ago.” Tiffany rolled her eyes

“We could just pool out money and get him an iPad like most parents this day and age”

“We all agreed this is going to be special Leech, you cant half ass it this time.”

The vampires groaned. “Why is this so hard! Lets just get him a giant pumpkin for Halloween or something they had some at the grocery store earlier”

“Ah! I got it a new hat!”

“Between the out dated advice and your half baked ideas it'll be a wonder if we accomplish anything at all….” Tiff sighed

They stood on the sidewalk of the down town shopping area overwhelmed and exhausted with each other.

“Ok, lets just go store to store till we find something. If we fail completely we can just get him a new meat cleaver or something.” The younger vampire said

“An excellent plan! Let us begin in the vintage clothing store yes?”

“Drac, we are here to get a gift not a new blouse.” Tiff said.

“I do not wear blouses”

“You totally do” Leech sneered at him with a mischievous grin. She’d been hanging out with Kruger and the clown too much.

“Do not think your sass can work on me apprentice. Your beloved clown may let you get away with being unlady-like but I will not tolerate such behavior.” The elder vampire warned.

“Ok he’s not my beloved were just dating”

“You lie to your own heart my dear. Open yourself to love!”

“Dracula's romance novel in the works aside, where are you guys with that any way?”

“I mean…. I guess I might love him? I don't even know if he's actually capable of returning my feelings since it took me screaming at him to actually get him to go on a date with me. He did call me his mate though, so progress I guess?” Leech blushed and fidgeted with her wig.

“You must make his heart realize its true feelings! He knows not why it beats for you!” Dracula sang out.

“I bet we can get him to admit it! Come on hun I got an idea! Drac! come’re!” the doll whispered something into his ear.

“YES! this is an excellent plan we shall begin immediately!”

“Aren’t we supposed to be shopping for a gift?”

“Like you said well find something along the way!”

———————-

Tiff pushed Leech into the nearest clothing store Dracula excitedly fowled behind.

“Guys I really don't need new clothes”

“NONSENSE! Your’s are in shambles my dear! Look at them! Your jeans are ripped and that tshirt is drab!” The elder vampire said grabbing garments off the racks.

“Excuse me but I happen to like ripped jeans and t-shirts thank you very much”

“TONIGHT IS NOT ABOUT COMFORT MY DEAR YOU MUST LOOK YOUR BEST TO WIN HIS COLD HART!” Dracula was getting carried away once again.

“Besides the club were going to would never let you in like that you need a wardrobe update…. and maybe some makeup to hide those dark circles.” said Tiffany

“Penny likes my dark circles”

Dracula sighed “We shall make a lady out of you yet my dear!”

————-

“Move Kruger, you're going to do it wrong” Pennywise grabbed Freddy’s face to shove him out of the way

“I worked in a school boiler room for years I know my way around pipes”

“Excuse me, I LIVE in a sewer I think I'm the most qualified here!”

Chucky rolled his eyes so hard he was worried they were going to fall out. The two had been arguing over pipes for a good half hour now. The living doll had been texting Tiffany out of boredom. (this is a rough translation as Chuck and Tiff communicate almost entirely in emojis)

“Babe save me, the clown and Kruger haven't made any progress. :’( “ he typed

“</3 aw poor baby were having a much better time.”

“>:( no fair what trouble are you getting into.”

“giving the baby vampire a make over for her big date tonight xoxo”

“omfg i should do that with the clown maybe it'll shut him up for a bit >:) ”

“YES! we have to get them together be home in a few hours <3”

“see you soon sugar tits <3<3<3”

“gross Chucky”

“ ;)”

Chucky put his phone away in his front overalls pocket to look up at the scene in front of him Freddy was shooting water into Pennywise’s face laughing as the clown roared and hissed at him. Tiffany had the easy job he thought to himself.

—————

“Alright how does it look, I cant see it so you'll have to help me out here”

“PFF you look like my grandma” Tiffany snorted

“Enough with your laughter girl doll, she looks like a true lady!”

“This thing itches and I can barely breathe.” Leech clawed at the fabric.

“BEAUTY IS NOT COMFORTABLE MY DEAR”

“Lets try something else hun. Something more casual and simple, less ballroom”

She grabbed a simple black dress tight at the top and pleated at the bottom a large belt around the waist. “all we need are some boots!”

“Wait Tiff I cant walk in heels!!”

———-

“Ok clown when she arrives at the party you have to offer her your arm and pull out her chair for her” Chucky instructed.

“Why would I do that? Leech is more than capable of doing all that herself I don't need to do that for her.”

“Its the gentlemanly thing to do idiot ”

“ Human customs are so strange.”

“Focus! Do you have anything to give her?”

“No?”

Chucky sighed “ok so human females are obsessed with jewelry give her something shiny and you'll pretty much be in the clear, don't you have like a giant pile of crap in the sewer? grab something out of there.”

“Shiny. Got it.” The clown was barely paying attention.

“Don't forget to tell her about your massive dick!”

“Kruger! You're not helping! Were trying get the clown laid here not punched in the face!!”

“But we've already mated several times?” Pennywise turned confused.

“No, no, no! This time its going to be different, this time you're going to be in love and its gonna be way more intense. Trust me.” the doll said.

“I don't love,,,”

“PFFFT THATS A LOAD OF HORSE SHIT” Freddy laughed loudly.

“Most importantly don't insult her and do everything you can to impress her. Do that dancing thing you do, chicks dig that”

“Look I don't see how this will be any different than the other times we've been together”

“It's a daaattee Jingles! Girls put special meaning on that word. You aren't just hanging out, you’re…. well you know” the doll raised and lowered his plastic eyebrows

“Wait if a date is just a fancy way to begin mating then why am I doing all this? Seems like a waste of time to me” Pennywise complained “I’ll just show up in her room like usual!”

“Clown its because girls fucking like it” the doll groaned giving up on this lost cause.

Suddenly the shower head turned on without warning, water blasting out of it with tremendous force. It turned and sprayed Chucky so hard he fell off the counter while a storm of toothbrushes and tools flew around the room. A screwdriver stabbed Pennywise in the eye causing him to roar in pain. Meanwhile Freddy was being strangled by Tiffany’s hair care appliances frantically trying to cut the chords with his clawed hand. Pipes unexpectedly broke apart and started spraying water everywhere, the cabinets banged open and shut, and the toilet had begun laughing at them. In fact the entire bathroom was laughing at them. The gang yelled and shouted in confusion “WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?” screamed Chucky

“MY FUCKING EYE” Penny howled in rage

“YOUR BATHROOM IS HAUNTED AS SHIT CLOWN” Freddy roared still wrestling with the hair dryer

The toilet laughed and spoke up “MOOOONSTERSSS??? YOU CALL YOURSELVES MONSTERRRRSS? LOOK AT YOU! PATHETIC WEAK SHELLS OF WHAT YOU ONCE WERE HAHAHAHAHA YOU ARE NO MONSTERS! BUT WE’RE HERE NOW, WEVE BEEN SET FREE AND SOON ALL WILL JOOOOIIINN USSSSS.”

“OH SHIT! ITS THESE ASSHOLES!” Freddy yelled

“YOU FUCKING KNOW THEM?” the clown roared trying to get the screwdriver out of his head his current form becoming less and less held together.

“LONG TIME NO SEE FREDDDYYY! YOU STILL OWE US FROM LAST TIMEE WE WERE- WAIT!! SOMEONE IS HERE! SOMEONE IS COMING! WHO CAN IT BEEEE? WHO CAN IT BEEEEEEEE? OOOOHH!! ITS………YOUR LOVEEEERRRSS!!! POOR POOR MONSTERS SOON WE WILL TAKE THEM! WE WILL TAKE THEM FOR HIM AND THEN WE WILL BE FREE TO TAKE ALL”

Everything stopped abruptly as if something was sucked out of the room. Appliances turning back to normal as if nothing ever happened.

“First of all you jackasses, Dracula is my roommate. We have an odd couple thing going ok?”

“Kruger! NOT the time” Chucky shouted.

“…..H eE Lp” Pennywise gurgled out barely maintaining a human voice.

The door opened downstairs.

“Hey boys were home!” Tiffany called up to them.

Leech climbed the stairs and made her way to her room but froze when she heard moans of pain and a large puddle of water coming from the bathroom.

“Jesus guys how'd you fuck up this ba- WHAT THE FUCK”

——————

“Hold still I'm going to pull it out.” Leech gripped the screwdriver in Penny’s head “ok on the count of 3” Pennywise’s good eye flicked up at her.

“One….. two… three! ” the clown gurgled and grabbed her hands and they pulled together. The tool finally dislodging its self from Pennywise's head causing him to howl in pain blood floating up from the wound.

“Shit Pen you ok?” she cradled the side of his face not caring about cutting herself on the razor sharp teeth splitting his cheeks.

“…H u RT” he managed to say starting to put himself back together.

She ran her fingers though his hair and kissed the top of his head. Pennywise winced at first but leaned into her touches shutting his one good eye and purring faintly at her comforting him. As powerful as the eldritch horror was he was a complete baby when it came to pain sometimes.

“We leave you alone for 4 hours and not only do you guys flood the bathroom again, you end up stabbed and strangled in the process. What the fuck happened?”

“It's a Kandarian demon” growled Freddy “someone read from that damn book again”

“How do we get rid of it?” asked Chucky getting up off the floor

“Find out who sent it”

“And just how do you know all this Kruger?” Pennywise asked finally somewhat back to normal minus his eye.

“I owe it money.”

-----------------------------------

YEAH EVIL DEAD MOTHERFUCKERS! So fun fact Evil Dead was the horror series that literally saved my life so it holds a very special place in my heart. And yes Ash is going to show up. Stay tuned for more deadite fuckery, including musicals, mutilation, and insults! Also bringing in a new OC next chapter who I think everyone will like! So get hype friends!

[uniquequotesonlife]

10 Best Movies of 2019 (So Far)

With the summer movie season winding down, we look back at the top 10 films cinema has had to offer this far into 2019.

The summer movie season of 2019 is over. While the heat continues to swelter, and school by and large remains out, the final weekend of new Hollywood blockbuster extravaganzas has sped off the scene like a getaway car. And given the box office receipts for most of the studio tentpoles this year, we imagine the whole industry is ready to put the summer behind them. Be that as it may, cinema remains strong, hence why we think is the perfect time to look back on the year so far. While many others like to take stock of the movie calendar at the literal halfway mark that occurs at the end of June, we prefer letting the biggest moviegoing season to wrap up and only start reflecting during the deep breath before film festivals like TIFF and Telluride kick off the awards season. Indeed, you’ll see below that this July and August have been unusually fruitful. Looking back at the first seven-plus months of 2019 reveals that, for whatever box office hand-wringing, it’s already been a promising time for new voices making an impact and legendary auteurs communicating with the changing filmmaking landscape. So without further ado, please join us in celebrating the top 10 movies of 2019. So far.

10. The Peanut Butter Falcon

Tall tales and the myths they build can be stronger than any river current in the American South. Many of the best works of fiction from that part of the country embrace such grandiosity, and The Peanut Butter Falcon is no exception. An infinitely sweet film populated with outsized personalities, directors Tyler Nilson and Mike Schwartz’s transcendentalist adventure was one of the biggest surprises out of SXSW earlier this year, and months later it still radiates an authentic breezy charm. Very much a modern day Huckleberry Finn for those labeled as disabled or special needs, the film crafts its own legend around Zak (Zack Gottsagen), a young man with Down Syndrome that society wishes to forget. Save for Eleanor (Dakota Johnson), his concerned doctor at the retirement home the state abandoned him in, no one really cares when Zak escapes to chase his dream of becoming a professional wrestler. Yet a dispiriting prologue gives way to the loveliest journey as Zak befriends Tyler (Shia LaBeouf) and hitches a ride with the good ol’ boy on a raft floating down the North Carolina Outer Banks. It’s a movie happily supplied with homespun love and wonderfully textured characters, including all three leads, among whom LaBeouf proves nigh unrecognizable as the reluctant Good Samaritan by way of Mark Twain’s St. Petersburg.

9. Luce

The best movies provoke discussion, and few this year will be as challenging as the conversations borne by director Julius Onah and screenwriter J.C. Lee’s Luce. A film based on Lee’s own play, the movie interrogates the idea of the American Dream and wonders if even when it comes true, how much of that is a manipulation by those who espouse skepticism of it. The film is about a star athlete and valedictorian named Luce (Kelvin Harrison Jr.). Actually, Luce was just what his parents (Naomi Watts and Tim Roth) made up after they adopted him from a war-torn African nation, unable to pronounce his birth name. Even so, he very much is their son and not only the apple of their eye, but that of his whole school. Perhaps this is why his teacher, Ms. Harriet Wilson (Octavia Spencer), holds him to a different standard than his other African American peers. It’s a story about a school-sized tinderbox of good intentions that threatens to ignite after Harriet finds illegal fireworks in Luce’s locker, all of which bubbles with the tension of a thriller even as it plays like a truth-searching drama. Luce is a Rorschach Test for both the characters and audiences to examine their own racial biases, and the hypocrisy of expectations. Nevertheless, the film exceeds ours.

8. Avengers: Endgame

It would be easy in more cynical circles to shrug off Avengers: Endgame as the ultimate fan service movie, and in fact it is. But after 11 years of world-building, and the even more impressive franchise-building occurring outside of its continuity, Marvel Studios’ 22nd installment is the grandest of commercial and long-form narrative achievements. By making a series finale to all the movies that came before it, including the cliffhanger in Avengers: Infinity War, Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige and his legion of collaborators, most notably directors Joe and Anthony Russo, and Iron Man star Robert Downey Jr., find the rare quality that most eludes traditional television storytellers: a fully satisfying ending. At three hours, Avengers: Endgame rises above almost anything else Marvel has ever produced and acts as a pseudo-manifesto for the studio. While many of the parts are lesser than the whole, the tight storytelling and tonal consistency over nearly two dozen films pays off with the kind of multi-tiered catharsis and spectacle that drives global moviegoers into theaters by the tens of millions. Not since the days of Cecil B. DeMille has there been an epic so brimming with familiar faces, but unlike the overstuffed Infinity War, this showmanship is wrapped in a bow of gracefulness. This is the ultimate Marvel Studios movie. With a renewal of the charisma and humanity Downey first brought to this enterprise, there is a creative spark shining bright here… and that leaves open the question of how Marvel can possibly repeat this high-note, both in terms of heart and gross, ever again.

7. Toy Story 4

Toy Story 4 didn't need to be made. The ending of 2010’s Toy Story 3 was the perfect conclusion to a saga that began the day a child named Andy first played with a cowboy doll called Woody. Yet we’re so glad that Toy Story 4 exists, as Pixar discovered a soulful epilogue to the characters who first made the studio the preeminent animation house of the 21st century. Essentially a coda to an already finished yarn, Pixar’s elegant solution to being required to return to the childhood daydream of Woody and Buzz Lightyear is to permanently wrap-up their shared journey in the most adult of ways. On the surface, this is another story about Woody (Tom Hanks) trying to teach a wayward toy its purpose, in this case a do-it-yourself Frankenstein’s Monster named Forky (Tony Hale). But Toy Story 4 raises a much more interesting question about what would make Woody want to move on with his life as a lost toy? Experiencing something akin to a midlife crisis when he crosses paths with old flame Bo Peep (Annie Potts), Woody is asked to change his perspective of what life is meant to be after reaching a certain age, just as a post-John Lasseter Pixar discovers a new and hopefully more inclusive identity. This movie does, after all, finally give Bo Peep depth and a humanity as heart-rending as anything to do with the cowboy that has a snake in his boot. Not bad for characters made of cloth and porcelain.

6. Midsommar

If you ever wanted a movie to burn down your toxic relationship, Midsommar is gasoline that comes with already lit flames. As Ari Aster’s heartfelt explanation of why some people do not belong together, this Swedish set film turns cult-based horror on its head and reverses everything you might expect from the director of Hereditary. Bringing horror out into the sunshine, Midsommar presents a world that is as shadowless as it is pitiless. Taking place almost entirely during the July rituals of an obscure (and fictional) Pagan commune, the film provides a set of antagonists who might kill you with kindness while displaying an egalitarian empathy as foreign to modern (and selfish) American traditions as their deadlier customs. This creates a striking backdrop to a potent allegory about why Florence Pugh’s Dani and Jack Reynor’s Christian really should have broken up long ago. Pugh is especially haunting as a young woman who’s in a state of perpetual trauma after hanging on to a worn-out band aid in need of tearing for six months. Her harrowing epiphany adds an insidious persuasiveness to cruel machinations that turn cooing Millennial intellectuals into horror’s new dumb American red meat. And the fumes produced by their roasting are quite beautiful, indeed.

5. The Farewell

Another film about the shock incurred by contrasting cultures, The Farewell is also a gorgeously realized portrait of a woman who feels drawn yet alienated by both sides of her identity. But whatever confusion she might experience is supplanted by an absolute love for her grandmother and the connection that elder represents to an ever-fading past. Writer-director Lulu Wang’s incredibly personal drama is equal parts hilarious and heartbreaking, all while never once making a single false step in its unusual path through grief—one that must be made in total silence. The Farewell centers on Awkwafina’s Billi, a 30-year-old New Yorker who was born in China and was only six when her parents moved to the States, leaving a vague impression of an idyllic childhood with her grandmother Nai Nai (Shuzhen Zhou). However, what exactly this feeling of severed identity means to Billi comes to the surface when Nai Nai is diagnosed with lung cancer… something that her family will not tell her of because in China, it is the family’s emotional burden to carry the knowledge of a seeming death sentence. Believing she only is suffering from a cold, Nai Nai is thrilled that her adult children from America and Japan are returning home for a wedding that is in reality a pretense for everyone to say goodbye—although not Billi. Her parents think she’ll crack and admit this pantomime. Thus she must crash her grandmother’s own living wake. Billi’s saddened homecoming is constantly juxtaposed by her grandmother’s glowing delight to have a full house again. Occupying the space between tragedy and joy, Billi’s Western apprehension to Chinese custom and her longing to reconnect with it, Wang finds a canvas to paint every shade of anguish and exhilaration offered by nostalgia and an unfamiliar heritage. Awkwafina also confirms she is a star on the rise by carrying this intimate tragi-comedy with a role that requires her to speak in English, in Chinese, and most impressively not at all, while still saying everything.

4. Us

Jordan Peele follows up his directorial debut with another horror movie that will be dissected and debated for a long time to come. More ambitious than Get Out, and arguably the most vividly photographed chiller in ages, Us is bigger but still razor-focused on its subject. A massive allegory about class warfare turning storybook supernatural, Peele imagines a conflict between the haves and have-nots in American society while noting that, at the heart of the matter, they’re the same exact type of people. With a deft touch and sense of humor that is as refreshing as it was in Get Out, Peele introduces audiences to the Wilson family, who have seemingly everything but are still envious of keeping up with the proverbial (white) Joneses. For patriarch Gabe (Winston Duke), this can be accepted as a point of obliviousness, but Lupita Nyong’o’s Adelaide cannot feign such innocence as she has seen the face of want and hunger—it was her own—and she left it to rot. Yet it rises for her again when “Red,” her doppelganger she once spied in a funhouse mirror, comes home with equally twisted doubles of her family. It is a tour de force showcase for Nyong’o, who gives an Oscar-worthy turn as both Adelaide and Red. Us provides a juicy parable as rich as the best Twilight Zone storytelling by Rod Serling that inspired it. The end might overreach, but the breadth of its vision and arm remains an inspiration.

3. The Last Black Man in San Francisco

You cannot hate a place unless you love it. This is a paradox that Joe Talbot and Jimmie Fails’ The Last Black Man in San Francisco posits with illuminating insight. An epic poem for the modern age of gentrification, this is a movie that focuses on a Bay City whose skyrocketing real estate has pushed the faces and hands that built its skyline to the fringes. It’s a fact of life encapsulated by an opening image of a young black girl going to school by the edge of saltwater so poisonous that city employees will only venture there in hazmat suits. Pushed literally to the edge of society, Jimmie Fails—a character played by the man who has lived this life and wrote the story down—dreams of reclaiming what was once his family’s birthright: a Victorian home in the Golden Gate area that his grandfather claims to have built with his own hands. It is now owned by a privileged middle aged white couple, yet when they enter into an inheritance dispute with relatives, an opportunity opens up for Jimmie and his best friend Montgomery (Jonathan Majors) to move in as squatters. This is a lyrical love letter to cities that no longer exist, and landscapes that once allowed dignity for those who toiled in them. Obviously it is Jimmie’s personal life story, but it is the insights of Montgomery, Emile Mosseri’s mournful score, and Adam Newport-Berra’s surreal camera setups that elevate Last Man’s song and verse into a celestial elegy. One which provides as much hope as it does despair.

2. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

The arrival of a new Quentin Tarantino movie always comes with debate and some degree of controversy. But when the smoke clears, Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood will be remembered as one of his very best. A film that demands multiple viewings, Once Upon a Time is the rare major studio movie that requires you to meet it on its own terms, a sad fact Tarantino is aware of and deconstructs with a surprising degree of wistful melancholy. An obvious love letter to the long-gone Hollywood of the 1960s, which by ’69 saw the studio system in its death throes, the movie is also a commentary of our own cultural moment where auteurs pursuing massive original ideas, like Tarantino, and movie stars not defined by what cape they’ve worn on screen, like Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt, are almost a thing of the past. Tarantino’s elegiac meditation is as much about his and movie stars’ own setting sun as it is the Hollywood movies he grew up on, but it is also an unimaginably ambitious and celebratory film that dismisses plot and audience expectations that have been flattened by a decade of formula. Here is a film that revels in just chilling out with morally ambiguous characters while also offering a vessel that connects the past and present via giddy historical revisionist madness. Starring DiCaprio and Pitt as fading TV star Rick Dalton and his stuntman Cliff Booth, the film champions the intangible alchemy between charisma and cinema, providing both with their best material in years. Pitt may, in fact, have never been better than as the smiling cowboy whose high noon is with a counterculture that is burying his and Rick’s livelihoods. Their journeys, meanwhile, are paralleled by the rise of a new star named Sharon Tate (Margot Robbie) and the youthful change she represents. The importance of Sharon, and her subtly interconnected world, is determined by how much you know of her going in. For those who do, she is more than just the idol of her age; she is the soul of Tarantino’s sweetest movie, both in terms of its ‘60s setting and its desire to divorce a lifetime of light from the specter of Charles Manson’s half-century of darkness. Unlike Tarantino’s last three pictures, this isn’t about revenge; it’s a bedtime yarn dreaming of salvation for Hollywood, for culture, and for a legacy that can live on past 26 years.

1. Booksmart

Despite her celebrity, Olivia Wilde has always seemed a little underrated as an actor. That should change going forward as Wilde also announces herself as a major directorial talent with Booksmart. A pitch-perfect comedy that writes a teen anthem for the next generation, Booksmart proves that the cinematic R-rated comedy is not dead, and further it can only get better as it invites new diverse voices to reconfigure the form. Among those voices accompanying Wilde are screenwriters like Susanna Fogel and Katie Silberman, and a fresh-faced cast that is more than game to refocus the coming-of-age narrative on the type of nerdy young women who previously might’ve been lucky to be in the fuzzy background, if included at all. Kaitlyn Dever and Beanie Feldstein make a banquet out of protagonists Amy and Molly, two Type A’s who are Ivy League-bound and think the perfect night before graduation is watching Ken Burns documentaries. But upon realizing that all the supposed flakes they wrote off in their senior class are also headed toward bright futures after four years of partying, Molly will make up for missing out by dragging Amy on an odyssey toward the perfect Gen-Z high school party. So there you have it, the 10 best movies of the year so far. Agree? Disagree? Did we leave something off? Let us know in the comment section below! Sourcehttps://www.denofgeek.com/us/movies/282640/best-movies-2019 Read the full article

[archivesdiveronarpg]

Congratulations, FRENCHIE! You’ve been accepted for the role of EDGAR. We’ve missed you and Everett on the dash, so we were ecstatic to see that you’ve got a bit more time on your hands and decided to come back to us, Frenchie! We’re so glad to have you back, and though I’ve already ranted and raved about your portrayal, I still loved reading it this time just as much as the first. Welcome back! Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within twenty-four hours.

                                                                          WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Out of Character

Alias | Frenchie

Age | 20

Preferred Pronouns | She/her

Activity Level | I try to get on everyday but with school and a social life, that can occasionally become more tricky. I can guarantee at least 3-4 times a week minimum.

In Character

What drew you to this character?

I enjoy the dichotomy he provides. Everett is a type character familiar to me, one that I love to play. His loyalty, founded in place of violence rather than love, provides tension I would love to expand on as he struggles between putting himself or those he cares about first. Of course, his own selfish nature typically prioritizes the survival of himself; however, it would be interesting to see if the interactions with other characters and the plot change this. His relationship with his brother also interested me. The fierce protectiveness he holds for Easton directly inhibits the self-preservation that is so fundamental to his being. I love the possibilities that pop up from being part of this sibling rivalry.

I feel like Everett can be a lot of things: the perfect son, a fierce captain, a loyal friend… a selfish prick, a pompous ass, a broken boy. The struggle to figure out who he is and how to present this to the world would be interesting to play with. Everett has always held the assurance that his actions resulted in a need for survival; but actions have consequences, and it’s time Everett faced his. Does he sacrifice his relationship with his brother in order to save himself? Or will the mercy provided by a moment of hesitation lead to his downfall? How far does his loyalty go? And what happens when such dedication gets bent and twisted into something no longer recognizable? Just how much is he willing to sacrifice in order to save himself – his morals, his friends, his family? I want to find this out as I develop him in the beautiful world you’ve created.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

Masks: The opulence of his birthright always provided Everett with unbearable privilege; the requirements of such came in the form of reputation. From a young age, Everett was compelled to conduct himself in a manner that was worthy of the family name he carried. It led to a trait of perfectionism. No detail would go unconsidered under the skeptical eyes of a child terrified of disappointment. His jacket would always be buttoned, his tie always straight, and his shoes always shined. There was no time for the trivial activities of childhood or true enjoyment; instead, Everett forced his passion into a mold crafted by this father. It was a mask well worn for many years.

However, a mask donned everyday erodes from the steady invasion of time. The practiced poise he had maintained over the three decades of his life has begun to unfurl like a loose thread. Huffs of irritation, previously silenced beneath the suffocation of a well-place smirk, began finding volume amidst his expressed emotions. Flares of temper, frequently contained to his devotion to his work, have started to curl his hands into fists before rational control regains authority over his actions. He loathes to think that he may begin entertaining such flirtations with a lack of foresight; for he knows the consequences such behavior can deliver. He saw such in his brother every day.

I want the mask he wears to become even more fragile. And at some point, Everett will either have to make the conscious decision to glue his fractured persona back together or crumble into dust. The consequences of the former could lead to him becoming more distant from the relationships he has formed, leaving him to drown beneath the weight of his own emotions. If he allows the mask to shatter, he will be forced to face the true image of what he has become. Facing his past transgressions and the unreserved regret he holds for such, however, could lead to him falling further into a pit of despair or realizing that he can finally emerge from his father’s shadow.

Mercy: The kindness Everett contains has always been a surprise for those who keep his company. Despite the crimson-stained reality he exists in during this time of war, Everett has always held onto a small shred of sympathy for those on the other side. He tried to push such emotional involvement on his inability to accept the two-dimensional reality war tried to paint, but he knew his tendency to hesitate when pointing a gun always led back to his brother.

His bastard brother, ruining their well-kept name like wine spilled on white linen, had never been provided with the sympathies of their father’s mercy. It never escaped his fine-tuned senses, the way others would curl their lips in a hiss of disgust at the simple sight of a child ignorant of his own station. Everett had never been able to protect him apathy reality held for his baby brother, nor had he been able to protect him from the revulsion felt by their shared father. Memories of damped slaps echoed through the cracked door of his childhood bedroom, the muffled cries of his brother calling for action on his part; however, Everett had been unable to grasp the courage required to trump his own desperation for self-preservation. However, now he has the ability to protect those gracious enough to claim the title of innocent. Tasked with the mirrored actions of his father, Everett chooses mercy.

This practice of mercy does not come without risks. Hesitation can allow someone the opportunity to gain an irreversible advantage. I want a moment of kindness, hesitation, or mercy to result in consequences that cannot be contained. Whether this hurts the Capulets or simply Everett himself, I want him to be forced to confront the tension constantly surrounding him: sacrifice himself or others.

As of right now, it would be easy to say Everett would never sacrifice himself… but as he develops through interactions with the plot and other characters, it would be interesting to see if this would change.

Loyalty: Loyalty can be a fickle thing when committed to a deficient conception. In Everett’s case, his loyalty remains stubbornly assigned to his father and the desperate need to gain approval. It is not a terribly compelling reason to join a war, and so the question emerges: how far is Everett willing to go?

Everett’s loyalty will always be firstly and foremost to himself. Selfish as it may be, Everett has always put his own well-being before the betterment of those around him. Although he is not content, he is not compelled to act by the suffering sounds of others. To many this may seem heartless, but he is careful to craft his self-preservation in a positive light; one hidden by a strong work ethic and circumstances that have yet to demand sacrifice. I want that to change.

I want this war to demand something he has never faced: sacrifice. Within the choices he will be forced to make, I want Everett not only question his loyalty but be required to admit the assignment of his loyalty. This could be the rage his brother feels for him coming to fruition in a conflict or confrontation, or it could be Everett being unable to justify his actions such as killing an innocent in cold blood. Either way, I want Everett to declare such loyalty and then face the consequences that accompany choosing a side, even if it is your own.

In Depth

What is your favorite place in Verona?

“Habits can be so very dull.” The raucous sounds of clinking glasses and overheard conversation left no room for subtle silence. “I’m afraid it would be far too difficult to choose a single location to designate all my time.”

In reality, they all seemed the same to Everett. Every pub had character, stained into the bar with the promise of a night only forgotten by the influence of a bottle. Of course, Everett didn’t visit such places to lose his evening. Instead, he sought out the affection they provided. Crowded places could be terribly intimate, for even the backdrop of a lonely bar stool could provide the company of the world.

What does your typical day look like?

“I dare say, it’s rather anticlimactic.” he paused, giving way to the thoughts presuming priority in his mind. Slender shoulders lifted beneath the wool jacket sheltering him from the biting wind the season provided.

“One would think commandeering an army would hold an excitement akin to a child on Christmas morning. In truth, the meetings and paperwork required leaves a bit to be desired.” Sharp eyes examined the papers littering his desk; diligence disallowed him the luxury of late mornings even when little was required of him. Much of the work was not his own, but his mistrust of the intelligence awarded to those beneath him inhibited his ability to let such matters go unsupervised.

“Were you expecting a war story?” he asked, lips twitching the suppression of a sneer. “Nothing is ever typical once someone chooses to get trigger happy. Don’t worry, soon the streets of Verona will be filled with as much excitement as it will blood.”

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?

“I’m surprised you don’t already know.” It should be easy for those with even the slightest sliver of intelligence to associate a Captain with his opinion on war.

“Both sides will squabble and fight until they tire themselves out, but evolution allows those superior to come out on top. It’s easy to see who hold the advantage in this little tiff: the Capulets. And once the Montagues manage to bury themselves in the ground, I’m sure another group will rise up with the same stupidity that awarded Damiano Montague the advantage of acquiring such courageous ignorance.”

Caverns appeared between his furrowed brow as a frown overtook his features. “It’s rather sad, isn’t it? The inevitability of war.”

In-Character Para Sample:

Tw: abuse

The soft clink of a shaking bottle meeting heavy glass danced together through the silence of the Craven household. One drink, two drink, three drink, four; each poured echoed off the dark hues that painted the walls leading up the staircase, passed the banister, and down the hall. The muffled noises, frequently accompanied by the community of laughter and friends, were stubbornly single in the darkened air of the night. Apprehension pulled his lithe frame taut beneath the heavy blanket draped over him; the weight providing little security against the events bound to unfold in the following hours.

The proud smile that stretched across his father’s face earlier that evening had given him hope for a quiet night. Canyons interrupting the smooth flesh of his father’s cheeks had been a source of joy frequently felt by Everett. However, this joy never lasted long when the persistent presence of his baby brother occurred. It wasn’t Easton’s fault, Everett knew and maintained the protective nature that came with every other responsibility of an older sibling.

The hour was still early when he heard the first staggered footstep moving passed his shut door. Ears listened for any break in the silence, waiting for the inevitable. The night weighed heavy on his patience. A small twitch of fingers and shifting of feet ran through his limbs as he fought the urge to pace the room. The silence, while reassuring in the security it provided for himself, was suffocating beneath the small confine of the room. Discomfort suddenly pulled his limbs taunt in their effort to keep still, the restless nature of the night burrowing beneath his nerves. The hour was still early when he heard the first crack of flesh meeting flesh. A harsh breath fell from his lips in an irritated huff. He longed for the courage to run to his brother’s aid; but the first and only time such action had occurred, Everett’s presence had only been a reminder as to the imperfections that littered Easton’s existence and resulted in a harsher beating now forced with the company of an unwilling spectator. Tired eyes looked to the window interrupting the painted walls of his room, the never-ending stream of light courtesy of the city provided an unconscious comfort from the oppressing darkness of the night. He was lucky, he supposed, that such comfort could still be awarded despite the harsh circumstances that followed the opening of a bottle in the Craven household.

Everett waited for the silence to once again take hold of the night. It was only once the muffled cries of his brother ceased with the retiring of his father’s efforts that Everett dared to venture from the safety of his room. He knew what he would find: the crumpled form his brother, bloody and bruised. Everett would run to his side, apologies falling from his lips and gentle hands itching to caress the vulnerable flesh with some type of comfort. “It’s okay,” he would whisper into the night, a surge of protectiveness running through every vein. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Extras:

Headcannons:

Relationships: Everett was never one for dating. Any previous relationship had been at the appointment of his father, entertaining the notion of a colleague’s daughter in desperate need of a date as their parents attempted to set the stage for a successful life. That isn’t to say he has never had interest, though, simply that it had never been of his own choosing. The freedom of becoming an adult, however, has granted him such choice. Instead of taking advantage such liberties, Everett found himself making excuses. Dinner with the obligation of entertaining another was always so taxing after a long day of work. Furthermore, why bother attempting genuine affection when there were so many more important things that demanded his attention?

Intelligence: Every attempt of obtaining admiration from his father manifested into a passion. A passing remark about the entertainment awarded by a day out on the golf course would result in trophies littering the walls. School was never an exception. Everett dedicated his time and passion to achieving marks that would be met with more than acceptance. No book went unread as he thirsted for the knowledge that would impress those above him. He wanted to unravel the world if only to see what exactly it was made of. The intelligence he acquired from such actions actively aided in the development of his strategic nature. Cautiously weighing every consequence, Everett is seldom one to simply “trust his instincts.” Instead, he questions his instincts until he has come to the most effective and efficient decision. His consideration, however, should not be confused with hesitation. Everett is decisively strategic, knowing when to be bold and when to bide his time. His sharp mind allowed him not only the approval of his father but also the approval of his superiors, making it easy to rise up in the ranks.

Scars: Everett was never one to entertain schoolyard taunts, allowing a lack of response to grate the nerves of an insecure bully far too bold for his own good. That changed in the flash of a moment with the involvement of his brother. Immaturity and ignorance were not wise combinations, yet they so frequently manifested in the youth of Verona. Everett would find himself fighting back with fists at the harsh slights thrown to the world regarding his brother and family name. Violence, as a child, seemed the only logical explanation. These juvenile conflicts, however, always remained a secret. Everett knew the disappointment that would grace his father’s face at the news of another troublesome child being forced upon him with a request for discipline. It was terribly unfair. Despite the etiquette that demanded a “fair fight,” Everett had found himself backed into a corner with the shadows of three older boys looming over him. A hit to the head allowed for little remembrance regarding the circumstances that left his cotton polo dirty with a blossoming bloodstain, but the sight of his own bruised knuckles allowed him to deduct that he did not go down without a fight. At twelve years old, Everett knew how to hide the evidence of his misdeeds. The only evidence that remained was the jagged scar tracing the vulnerable skin of his abdomen and the fierce protectiveness he held for his brother.

[tocinephile]

TIFF Hangover - 2018 Edition

Are you caught up on your sleep? (I’m not)

Do you have groceries in your fridge again? (Some...)

Have you gotten “We are the Champions” out of your head finally? (No)

Like every TIFF, the 2018 version was non-stop films, friends, fast food, and some celebrities in between. Here are some of thoughts/things/random stories from my 20th festival...

1. Fav films

It feels like I saw a lot of more mainstream fare this year, but then there might be an argument that TIFF programming is definitely more mainstream fare in recent years. 

My favourites were:

Widows (directed by Steve McQueen, co-written by Gillian Flynn) 

Hotel Mumbai (directed by Anthony Maras).  

Titles with less buzz that I really enjoyed:

The Other Story (dir. Avi Nesher) 

El Angel (dir. Luis Ortega)

2. Discussion-worthy misses

The redeeming factor of seeing films that you don’t particularly enjoy are when they are still discussion-worthy. A film doesn’t have to be to your liking for it to be thought-provoking and memorable. At a festival, you also have an opportunity to learn more about a film during its Q&A.

Vita & Virginia was an ambitious project, directed by and starting some powerhouse female talent. I found it went on a little long and made Vita Sackville-West look like an insipid socialite (I don’t actually know much about her as a person, so there is a chance that’s exactly what she was...). That said, this was one of my favourite Q&A’s in which they discussed unconventional relationships and being true to oneself.

Angelo was more of a theatrical presentation, scenes in the life of a Moor in the Viennese court.  Fascinating tale but it suffered greatly under the film’s narrative methods. 

3. Some Stats:

Films Watched: 31

Most films watched in a day: 5

Foreign language titles: 11

Asian films (support the Asians!): 3

Red Bulls consumed: 6

For a complete list of all the films I saw during TIFF18, please check out my Letterboxed. I hope to update with some notes on each film in the upcoming weeks.

4. Fangirl-ing

Over the years I have seen many a celeb, some of the biggest in the biz.  While volunteering we are not allowed to ask them for photos, autographs etc. On our own time, we can do as we please. That said, I’m not usually much of a celeb stalker, if I happen to turn a corner (or open a door - for Morgan Freeman!) and they’re there, awesome.  Otherwise I’m good with photos of them on stage, and if anything, tend to chase down directors and writers more often than I do actors.

That said, the two men in Hollywood that I love most were both at TIFF this year - Bradley Cooper and Alexander Skarsgard. I didn’t plan my day around their red carpet appearances, but it just so happened that Alexander showed up to the Q&A of The Hummingbird Project screening that I was at. I wasn’t going to pass up the chance knock a bunch of people out of the way to go after him to ask him to marry me. Kidding. Sort of. I pushed my friend Jerry out of the way, chased him down a theatre hallway, and asked for his autograph. If you ever wondered, he is even more perfect up close.

Hours later the same day, I was crossing the downtown core and passing the backstage door of the Elgin. That’s my theatre so I knew A Star is Born was screening inside. From across the street I could see Cameron Bailey leaving (a sign that the intros were done), so I decided to wait.  Lo and behold, the cars started moving into place for their pick-ups and I got to see Bradley Cooper as he excited the building (Lady Gaga too, but whatever...)

5.  Old Friends

A lot of my friends in everyday life I met at TIFF.  The handful that I see and talk to most often I’ve probably known for about 6 to 8 years. Even more that were part of a close knit group from 10-13 years ago. 

On day 10 this year I was grabbing some dinner when I heard my name. I looked up to find Mark, former Head Rep of the Elgin. We talked, we laughed, we reminisced, and it didn’t even occur to me that he actually left the Elgin ten years ago! Pardon the name-dropping, but if you’ve known me long enough to follow... in my head the original “Head Rep of the Elgin” was Hunter, then Mark, then David’s long and illustrious dynasty. It never occurs to me that most people don’t remember a time before David.

On day 11 I had already seen the People Choice Award winner and went to the documentary Walking on Water instead. It was there that I ran into my friend Christina Wong, whom I met in my first year volunteering at the Elgin in 1999. In 2004 we took a trip to Brighton, England together, still one of my favourite travel memories.

And of course there’s Christopher and Irene, the former being one of my oldest friends period. We met in 5th grade long before either of us knew what a film festival was. On a hazy day in the middle of the festival he invited me to a party for his Scotia compatriots, and it was a small miracle that I remembered to turn up at it 5 days later. It’s always a nice bonus to be able to squeeze these get togethers in.

6.  TIFF Partners-In-Crime

While it’s entirely possible to have a great festival by yourself, I find it beneficial to team up with friends. Not because I plan to talk through the movie, or even need a dinner companion between films. Sometimes it’s just easier to have someone holding your spot in line, or one person can grab multiple tickets while they’re at the box office. 

I find it especially helpful at the overnight ticket line, where Brenda and I have been teaming up for years. This year I did some shared duties with Tanya and Steven as well, and even our non-volunteer counterparts (the initial line up is combined with regular members and volunteers who are members) Pavo and Jason are now so well acquainted that we consider them part of the gang.

I have a gmail calendar that details my TIFF comings and goings, which I give shared access to about half a dozen friends, and it’s not TIFF every year until Jerry N messages me to say that he’s accidentally combined my calendar and his on his phone. 

For the actual festival this year, I don’t think I ever went more than 2 hours (or just slightly more than the length of a film) without messaging Jerry F. He knew where I was at all times for the 11 days (kinda creepy right?) , but my finest stalking moment came when Jerry mentioned where he was going to grab dinner. I was traveling from film to film, turned a corner, and noticed the restaurant he mentioned right in front of me. I went inside, sat down across from him, and started verbally responding to his text message.

Lastly we put technology to good use with our Elgin and Winter Garden Captains WhatsApp group chat, from sharing food coupons, to FYIs, to the location of the bottled water (after a three day drought... sorry guys), it was great to be in touch with the theater’s going-ons even when I wasn’t there physically. I quite adore our little captains’ team.

7. Best Celebrity Moments on Stage

You never know what’s gonna happen at TIFF. It’s fun to see celebs on stage, off script (or on - as was the case this year!), acting a touch more like themselves.

One of the most common things you encounter in a film Q&A is a long meandering jumble of words that you hope will lead to but never does turn into a question. Kudos to Jason Sudekis who called this out when he pretended to start sitting down on stage during a ramble in the Driven Q&A.  You are all of us Jason!

Kiera Knightley makes a well-timed quip when they discuss kissing Dominic West in a fat suit and fake facial hair.  She remarked that it was like “kissing a walrus”

Best of all was Bel Powley at The Breakfast Club Live Read (my first time being able to attend the live read!) where she recreated Alison’s famous sandwich.

While it’s often felt like a blur, we packed a lot films, experiences and good memories into 11 days. I have endless love for my TIFF family, film friends, fellow captains, and volunteers.  Soon as I catch up on my sleep, can’t wait to do it all again next year!

(Bonus for friends: if you are friends with me on facebook, my TIFF 18 album is now uploaded and my updates throughout the festival can be viewed on my timeline)

[dexterre-news]

The 3 Best Free OCR Tools to Convert Your Files Back Into Editable Documents

Believe it or not, some people still print documents on physical pieces of paper. Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software takes those printed documents and converts them right back into machine-readable text. We’ve found some of the best free OCR tools Free vs. Paid OCR Software: Microsoft OneNote and Nuance OmniPage Compared Free vs. Paid OCR Software: Microsoft OneNote and Nuance OmniPage Compared OCR scanner software lets you convert text in images or PDFs into editable text documents. Is a free OCR tool like OneNote good enough? Let's find out! Read More and compared them for you here.

No OCR program is perfect, so you’ll have to check the results and fix a few problems. Still, it’s a lot faster than typing the entire document back into the computer. Each of these free OCR software tools has its own strengths. All of them will get the job done.

The Methodology

To compare these tools, I took a screenshot of MakeUseOf’s Privacy page and saved it as a JPG file.

Then, I used that JPG to test out the following OCR services.

However, you could also scan a printed document if that’s what you want to edit.

If you go that route, it’ll work best if the page features common fonts, such as Times New Roman or Arial. Also, make sure the image is right side up before scanning it. Aim for scanned material with a file size of less than 2 MB, too.

Now, let’s dig in!

Google Drive & Google Docs

Google Drive has integrated OCR support. It depends on the same OCR engine that Google uses to scan books and understand text in PDF files.

To get started, save the picture you want to send through the OCR to your computer.

Next, open the Google Drive website and upload your file into the application.

Pro tip: If you’re a Gmail user, you can also attach the scanned document to an email. The attachment features a button that lets you transfer the file to Google Drive without leaving your inbox.

After putting the file in Google Drive, locate it and right click. Then select Open With and choose Google Docs.

Your scanned image then appears as a new, editable text document in Google Docs! Google will keep your original image at the top of the document, and automatically create editable text using OCR below it.

The combination of Google Drive and Google Docs did a pretty good job here. It struggled to understand the web addresses, but that was the case with all the tested tools.

Many free online OCR tools 4 Free Online OCR Tools Put to the Ultimate Test 4 Free Online OCR Tools Put to the Ultimate Test With advances in OCR technology, converting text and Images from your scanned PDF document into the editable text formats is easier. We tested a few free online OCR tools so you won't have to. Read More , like Free OCR Convert Images To Text Online With Free OCR Convert Images To Text Online With Free OCR Read More , limit your uploads. Google Docs is advantageous because it doesn’t have page upload limits.

Microsoft Document Imaging

Microsoft also offers support for OCR, but only for Windows users. Do you use a version of Microsoft Word from 2010 or older? It already has Microsoft Document Imaging.

Otherwise, you need to install SharePoint Designer 2007.

Okay, now before we get too far into this, it’s important to note that you’ll need to have Microsoft Word in order for this OCR method to truly work.

Microsoft Word is not a free program, I know. However, because this OCR method is SO effective, and because access to Word is so easy (go to any library or college campus) I’m making the executive decision to include this in our free OCR tools list anyway.

Moving on…

Install SharePoint by going to this URL. When you click Download, you’ll be presented with some options. Click the SharepointDesigner.exe field and hit Download.

After accepting the software license, choose the Customize option.

Look for the Installation Options tab in the top left of the box on your screen (this should be the default tab the program takes you to). Notice the drop-down menus to the left of many of the options.

Find the drop-down menus for Microsoft Office SharePoint Designer, Microsoft Office Shared Features, and Office Tools. Select the Not Available option for all of them. It includes a red X, making it easy to spot.

Expand the section for Office Tools, then locate the Microsoft Office Document Imaging option. Pick the Run All From My Computer option. Be careful not to select the similarly worded Run From My Computer entry on the drop-down instead.

Finally, click the Install Now button. It’s in the bottom right of the dialog box you’ve worked with throughout this installation. (Note: This installation may take a few minutes.)

You’re now ready to use the MODI feature!

The next step is to scan your document or save your image from the web. Then, convert it to a TIFF file.

Microsoft Paint is one example of a free TIFF conversion option. Just open your file in Paint and click Save As. Select Other formats.

Select the TIFF format from the drop-down menu and save the image.

Then, launch MODI on your computer.

Just search your computer for Microsoft Office Document Imaging and open the program.

After that, click File, then Open and find your image document.

Then, click the OCR button on the menu bar.

Once the program finishes the OCR, click the Tools menu and select Send Text to Word.

The program will automatically open a new Word document and paste your OCR text into it.

The result gives you editable text within a program you know well.

Having to download the supplementary software first might feel a bit intimidating. However, the process itself isn’t hard and Microsoft does a better job than Google Drive at recognizing text. For instance, this program had no problem picking up on the website URL for MakeUseOf.com, and it didn’t smush any words together.

One major downside, though is that MODI is not available for Mac computers. If you have a Mac, check out these alternatives.

Download: MDI to TIFF File Converter and SharePoint Designer 2007 (Free for Windows)

Maybe you’re only getting started with OCR tools and want an extremely straightforward, non-platform-specific option. A website called OnlineOCR.net meets those needs.

It supports over 40 languages, which is good news if your document contains one other than English.

Look for the blue Select File button on the left side of your screen. Because you can upload files as large as 15 MB, this service works well for graphic-heavy materials.

After that, use the drop-down list and select your desired output language. Look to the right of that menu and notice there are three choices of file formats. You can select Microsoft Word (which is the route I took), Microsoft Excel, or Plain Text.

The Excel option may be useful when working with a scanned price sheet that includes graphics. It’s also potentially helpful with any other source material that with numbers. OnlineOCR supports documents with tables and columns as well.

After tweaking the options, click the Convert button. Then, download the output file the tool spits out and, voila! Editable text at your fingertips.

This free tool didn’t work as well as the other two here, but since you can use OnlineOCR without registering it’s super convenient and easy. Plus, it did do a half-decent job recognizing the text from my image. It’s a smart choice if you want to try a tool without making commitments or providing information.

Also, this free option allows for converting up to 15 documents per hour. That benefit makes it appropriate for medium-volume OCR tasks.

The Verdict

Each of these programs has its strengths.

Google Docs can OCR documents without downloading anything to your computer, but you do have to sign up for a free account.

Microsoft Office Document Imaging is easy enough to use and extremely accurate, but it takes a little bit to install the necessary software.

OnlineOCR.net is a simple-to-use browser-based tool that doesn’t require registration and supports multiple languages.

With any tool, once you’re done with the OCR process How to Extract Text From Images (OCR) How to Extract Text From Images (OCR) The best way to extract text from an image is to use optical character recognition (OCR). We show you seven free OCR tools for the job. Read More , you may want to spell-check your document 8 Ways To Spell & Grammar Check In Microsoft Word Using Different Dictionaries & Languages 8 Ways To Spell & Grammar Check In Microsoft Word Using Different Dictionaries & Languages Microsoft Word's built-in spelling and grammar checking tools can be customized to meet your needs. You can even use AutoCorrect to speed up your typing. Read More . That’s especially true if you’re just starting out with a tool and don’t know if it’s accurate.

And, depending on your use, you may not even have to OCR documents at all. You can convert a paper book to an ebook How To Convert Scanned Pages Into eReader eBook Format How To Convert Scanned Pages Into eReader eBook Format Read More  without OCRing it, for example.

Which OCR software works best for you? Do you have a different favorite OCR program that we didn’t mention here? Leave a comment and let us know.

Did you know that you could also turn handwriting into text using OCR How to Convert an Image With Handwriting to Text Using OCR How to Convert an Image With Handwriting to Text Using OCR To convert an image of handwritten text into digital text that you can edit and search, you need an OCR (optical character recognition) tool. Try one of these OCR tools to digitize handwriting. Read More ?

Originally written by Chris Hoffman in March 2012.

[uniquequotesonlife]

10 Best Movies of 2019 (So Far)

With the summer movie season winding down, we look back at the top 10 films cinema has had to offer this far into 2019.

The summer movie season of 2019 is over. While the heat continues to swelter, and school by and large remains out, the final weekend of new Hollywood blockbuster extravaganzas has sped off the scene like a getaway car. And given the box office receipts for most of the studio tentpoles this year, we imagine the whole industry is ready to put the summer behind them. Be that as it may, cinema remains strong, hence why we think is the perfect time to look back on the year so far. While many others like to take stock of the movie calendar at the literal halfway mark that occurs at the end of June, we prefer letting the biggest moviegoing season to wrap up and only start reflecting during the deep breath before film festivals like TIFF and Telluride kick off the awards season. Indeed, you’ll see below that this July and August have been unusually fruitful. Looking back at the first seven-plus months of 2019 reveals that, for whatever box office hand-wringing, it’s already been a promising time for new voices making an impact and legendary auteurs communicating with the changing filmmaking landscape. So without further ado, please join us in celebrating the top 10 movies of 2019. So far.

10. The Peanut Butter Falcon

Tall tales and the myths they build can be stronger than any river current in the American South. Many of the best works of fiction from that part of the country embrace such grandiosity, and The Peanut Butter Falcon is no exception. An infinitely sweet film populated with outsized personalities, directors Tyler Nilson and Mike Schwartz’s transcendentalist adventure was one of the biggest surprises out of SXSW earlier this year, and months later it still radiates an authentic breezy charm. Very much a modern day Huckleberry Finn for those labeled as disabled or special needs, the film crafts its own legend around Zak (Zack Gottsagen), a young man with Down Syndrome that society wishes to forget. Save for Eleanor (Dakota Johnson), his concerned doctor at the retirement home the state abandoned him in, no one really cares when Zak escapes to chase his dream of becoming a professional wrestler. Yet a dispiriting prologue gives way to the loveliest journey as Zak befriends Tyler (Shia LaBeouf) and hitches a ride with the good ol’ boy on a raft floating down the North Carolina Outer Banks. It’s a movie happily supplied with homespun love and wonderfully textured characters, including all three leads, among whom LaBeouf proves nigh unrecognizable as the reluctant Good Samaritan by way of Mark Twain’s St. Petersburg.

9. Luce

The best movies provoke discussion, and few this year will be as challenging as the conversations borne by director Julius Onah and screenwriter J.C. Lee’s Luce. A film based on Lee’s own play, the movie interrogates the idea of the American Dream and wonders if even when it comes true, how much of that is a manipulation by those who espouse skepticism of it. The film is about a star athlete and valedictorian named Luce (Kelvin Harrison Jr.). Actually, Luce was just what his parents (Naomi Watts and Tim Roth) made up after they adopted him from a war-torn African nation, unable to pronounce his birth name. Even so, he very much is their son and not only the apple of their eye, but that of his whole school. Perhaps this is why his teacher, Ms. Harriet Wilson (Octavia Spencer), holds him to a different standard than his other African American peers. It’s a story about a school-sized tinderbox of good intentions that threatens to ignite after Harriet finds illegal fireworks in Luce’s locker, all of which bubbles with the tension of a thriller even as it plays like a truth-searching drama. Luce is a Rorschach Test for both the characters and audiences to examine their own racial biases, and the hypocrisy of expectations. Nevertheless, the film exceeds ours.

8. Avengers: Endgame

It would be easy in more cynical circles to shrug off Avengers: Endgame as the ultimate fan service movie, and in fact it is. But after 11 years of world-building, and the even more impressive franchise-building occurring outside of its continuity, Marvel Studios’ 22nd installment is the grandest of commercial and long-form narrative achievements. By making a series finale to all the movies that came before it, including the cliffhanger in Avengers: Infinity War, Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige and his legion of collaborators, most notably directors Joe and Anthony Russo, and Iron Man star Robert Downey Jr., find the rare quality that most eludes traditional television storytellers: a fully satisfying ending. At three hours, Avengers: Endgame rises above almost anything else Marvel has ever produced and acts as a pseudo-manifesto for the studio. While many of the parts are lesser than the whole, the tight storytelling and tonal consistency over nearly two dozen films pays off with the kind of multi-tiered catharsis and spectacle that drives global moviegoers into theaters by the tens of millions. Not since the days of Cecil B. DeMille has there been an epic so brimming with familiar faces, but unlike the overstuffed Infinity War, this showmanship is wrapped in a bow of gracefulness. This is the ultimate Marvel Studios movie. With a renewal of the charisma and humanity Downey first brought to this enterprise, there is a creative spark shining bright here… and that leaves open the question of how Marvel can possibly repeat this high-note, both in terms of heart and gross, ever again.

7. Toy Story 4

Toy Story 4 didn't need to be made. The ending of 2010’s Toy Story 3 was the perfect conclusion to a saga that began the day a child named Andy first played with a cowboy doll called Woody. Yet we’re so glad that Toy Story 4 exists, as Pixar discovered a soulful epilogue to the characters who first made the studio the preeminent animation house of the 21st century. Essentially a coda to an already finished yarn, Pixar’s elegant solution to being required to return to the childhood daydream of Woody and Buzz Lightyear is to permanently wrap-up their shared journey in the most adult of ways. On the surface, this is another story about Woody (Tom Hanks) trying to teach a wayward toy its purpose, in this case a do-it-yourself Frankenstein’s Monster named Forky (Tony Hale). But Toy Story 4 raises a much more interesting question about what would make Woody want to move on with his life as a lost toy? Experiencing something akin to a midlife crisis when he crosses paths with old flame Bo Peep (Annie Potts), Woody is asked to change his perspective of what life is meant to be after reaching a certain age, just as a post-John Lasseter Pixar discovers a new and hopefully more inclusive identity. This movie does, after all, finally give Bo Peep depth and a humanity as heart-rending as anything to do with the cowboy that has a snake in his boot. Not bad for characters made of cloth and porcelain.

6. Midsommar

If you ever wanted a movie to burn down your toxic relationship, Midsommar is gasoline that comes with already lit flames. As Ari Aster’s heartfelt explanation of why some people do not belong together, this Swedish set film turns cult-based horror on its head and reverses everything you might expect from the director of Hereditary. Bringing horror out into the sunshine, Midsommar presents a world that is as shadowless as it is pitiless. Taking place almost entirely during the July rituals of an obscure (and fictional) Pagan commune, the film provides a set of antagonists who might kill you with kindness while displaying an egalitarian empathy as foreign to modern (and selfish) American traditions as their deadlier customs. This creates a striking backdrop to a potent allegory about why Florence Pugh’s Dani and Jack Reynor’s Christian really should have broken up long ago. Pugh is especially haunting as a young woman who’s in a state of perpetual trauma after hanging on to a worn-out band aid in need of tearing for six months. Her harrowing epiphany adds an insidious persuasiveness to cruel machinations that turn cooing Millennial intellectuals into horror’s new dumb American red meat. And the fumes produced by their roasting are quite beautiful, indeed.

5. The Farewell

Another film about the shock incurred by contrasting cultures, The Farewell is also a gorgeously realized portrait of a woman who feels drawn yet alienated by both sides of her identity. But whatever confusion she might experience is supplanted by an absolute love for her grandmother and the connection that elder represents to an ever-fading past. Writer-director Lulu Wang’s incredibly personal drama is equal parts hilarious and heartbreaking, all while never once making a single false step in its unusual path through grief—one that must be made in total silence. The Farewell centers on Awkwafina’s Billi, a 30-year-old New Yorker who was born in China and was only six when her parents moved to the States, leaving a vague impression of an idyllic childhood with her grandmother Nai Nai (Shuzhen Zhou). However, what exactly this feeling of severed identity means to Billi comes to the surface when Nai Nai is diagnosed with lung cancer… something that her family will not tell her of because in China, it is the family’s emotional burden to carry the knowledge of a seeming death sentence. Believing she only is suffering from a cold, Nai Nai is thrilled that her adult children from America and Japan are returning home for a wedding that is in reality a pretense for everyone to say goodbye—although not Billi. Her parents think she’ll crack and admit this pantomime. Thus she must crash her grandmother’s own living wake. Billi’s saddened homecoming is constantly juxtaposed by her grandmother’s glowing delight to have a full house again. Occupying the space between tragedy and joy, Billi’s Western apprehension to Chinese custom and her longing to reconnect with it, Wang finds a canvas to paint every shade of anguish and exhilaration offered by nostalgia and an unfamiliar heritage. Awkwafina also confirms she is a star on the rise by carrying this intimate tragi-comedy with a role that requires her to speak in English, in Chinese, and most impressively not at all, while still saying everything.

4. Us

Jordan Peele follows up his directorial debut with another horror movie that will be dissected and debated for a long time to come. More ambitious than Get Out, and arguably the most vividly photographed chiller in ages, Us is bigger but still razor-focused on its subject. A massive allegory about class warfare turning storybook supernatural, Peele imagines a conflict between the haves and have-nots in American society while noting that, at the heart of the matter, they’re the same exact type of people. With a deft touch and sense of humor that is as refreshing as it was in Get Out, Peele introduces audiences to the Wilson family, who have seemingly everything but are still envious of keeping up with the proverbial (white) Joneses. For patriarch Gabe (Winston Duke), this can be accepted as a point of obliviousness, but Lupita Nyong’o’s Adelaide cannot feign such innocence as she has seen the face of want and hunger—it was her own—and she left it to rot. Yet it rises for her again when “Red,” her doppelganger she once spied in a funhouse mirror, comes home with equally twisted doubles of her family. It is a tour de force showcase for Nyong’o, who gives an Oscar-worthy turn as both Adelaide and Red. Us provides a juicy parable as rich as the best Twilight Zone storytelling by Rod Serling that inspired it. The end might overreach, but the breadth of its vision and arm remains an inspiration.

3. The Last Black Man in San Francisco

You cannot hate a place unless you love it. This is a paradox that Joe Talbot and Jimmie Fails’ The Last Black Man in San Francisco posits with illuminating insight. An epic poem for the modern age of gentrification, this is a movie that focuses on a Bay City whose skyrocketing real estate has pushed the faces and hands that built its skyline to the fringes. It’s a fact of life encapsulated by an opening image of a young black girl going to school by the edge of saltwater so poisonous that city employees will only venture there in hazmat suits. Pushed literally to the edge of society, Jimmie Fails—a character played by the man who has lived this life and wrote the story down—dreams of reclaiming what was once his family’s birthright: a Victorian home in the Golden Gate area that his grandfather claims to have built with his own hands. It is now owned by a privileged middle aged white couple, yet when they enter into an inheritance dispute with relatives, an opportunity opens up for Jimmie and his best friend Montgomery (Jonathan Majors) to move in as squatters. This is a lyrical love letter to cities that no longer exist, and landscapes that once allowed dignity for those who toiled in them. Obviously it is Jimmie’s personal life story, but it is the insights of Montgomery, Emile Mosseri’s mournful score, and Adam Newport-Berra’s surreal camera setups that elevate Last Man’s song and verse into a celestial elegy. One which provides as much hope as it does despair.

2. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

The arrival of a new Quentin Tarantino movie always comes with debate and some degree of controversy. But when the smoke clears, Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood will be remembered as one of his very best. A film that demands multiple viewings, Once Upon a Time is the rare major studio movie that requires you to meet it on its own terms, a sad fact Tarantino is aware of and deconstructs with a surprising degree of wistful melancholy. An obvious love letter to the long-gone Hollywood of the 1960s, which by ’69 saw the studio system in its death throes, the movie is also a commentary of our own cultural moment where auteurs pursuing massive original ideas, like Tarantino, and movie stars not defined by what cape they’ve worn on screen, like Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt, are almost a thing of the past. Tarantino’s elegiac meditation is as much about his and movie stars’ own setting sun as it is the Hollywood movies he grew up on, but it is also an unimaginably ambitious and celebratory film that dismisses plot and audience expectations that have been flattened by a decade of formula. Here is a film that revels in just chilling out with morally ambiguous characters while also offering a vessel that connects the past and present via giddy historical revisionist madness. Starring DiCaprio and Pitt as fading TV star Rick Dalton and his stuntman Cliff Booth, the film champions the intangible alchemy between charisma and cinema, providing both with their best material in years. Pitt may, in fact, have never been better than as the smiling cowboy whose high noon is with a counterculture that is burying his and Rick’s livelihoods. Their journeys, meanwhile, are paralleled by the rise of a new star named Sharon Tate (Margot Robbie) and the youthful change she represents. The importance of Sharon, and her subtly interconnected world, is determined by how much you know of her going in. For those who do, she is more than just the idol of her age; she is the soul of Tarantino’s sweetest movie, both in terms of its ‘60s setting and its desire to divorce a lifetime of light from the specter of Charles Manson’s half-century of darkness. Unlike Tarantino’s last three pictures, this isn’t about revenge; it’s a bedtime yarn dreaming of salvation for Hollywood, for culture, and for a legacy that can live on past 26 years.

1. Booksmart

Despite her celebrity, Olivia Wilde has always seemed a little underrated as an actor. That should change going forward as Wilde also announces herself as a major directorial talent with Booksmart. A pitch-perfect comedy that writes a teen anthem for the next generation, Booksmart proves that the cinematic R-rated comedy is not dead, and further it can only get better as it invites new diverse voices to reconfigure the form. Among those voices accompanying Wilde are screenwriters like Susanna Fogel and Katie Silberman, and a fresh-faced cast that is more than game to refocus the coming-of-age narrative on the type of nerdy young women who previously might’ve been lucky to be in the fuzzy background, if included at all. Kaitlyn Dever and Beanie Feldstein make a banquet out of protagonists Amy and Molly, two Type A’s who are Ivy League-bound and think the perfect night before graduation is watching Ken Burns documentaries. But upon realizing that all the supposed flakes they wrote off in their senior class are also headed toward bright futures after four years of partying, Molly will make up for missing out by dragging Amy on an odyssey toward the perfect Gen-Z high school party. So there you have it, the 10 best movies of the year so far. Agree? Disagree? Did we leave something off? Let us know in the comment section below! Sourcehttps://www.denofgeek.com/us/movies/282640/best-movies-2019 Read the full article