#<- what do you think it's for dunkass

[wildfire317]

@liveleaker @jaquesmes

Alright listen here you little inbred, KKK wannabe chucklefucks news flash neither of you are main characters and your barely even background characters so quit acting like you dumbfucks are worth more than the dirt under your toenails. Nobody in their right mind actually thinks your dumb racist, homophobic and sexist comments are funny or cute, you two just look like absolutely moronic dipshits with micro-dongs and chihuahua complexes. And another thing you living condom usage advertisements, Nobody wants your defective sewing needle sized, piss poor excuses for cocks that not even a rat could choke on or your rotting in the middle of a dry summer sewer smelling, flatter than a piece of paper asses any where near them and if you think they do your even less intelligent than a single cell organism. You both claim to be adults so goddamn act like it because as things are right now you're both acting like a pair of rocket propelled spaz maggots spring-loaded face first up the asses of psychedelic freakout weasels on idiot drugs. Also you want to call someone swagless and bitchless you might want to take a good long look in the mirror because I don't see a singular molecule of swag on either of you or a single bitch and I'm not surprised considering you both look like the kind of guys that order boneless, dry rub chicken wings and then lose a fight to a chihuahua. And by the way just because you pieces of dick-cheese started putting out at twelve and peaked at 15 doesn't mean you get to drag everyone else down the perverted dunkass tree with you. Also your 8 decade curse is the biggest joke in the history of curses from any religion it isn't even an actual curse, it barely even qualifies as a jinx and thats ignoring the fact that it's basically useless the way you attempted to use it anyways and was over all a monumentally stupid waste of everyones time so stuff that in your prison cell and sit on it. You two blithering, feculent, shit holes are such lame wastes of genetic material i would not be surprised if both of your probably absentee fathers wish they had worn a condom at the time of your conceptions which explains your blatantly fatherless behavior and I bet your mothers change the subject when anyone asks about you and envy people who have never met or heard of you. Your "your momma" jokes are the most pathetic I have ever seen, were either of you actually even trying or was that the extent of your creativity? Because they were the weakest, most uninspired and embarrassing "your momma" jokes I have ever had the displeasure of reading to the point that they barely even qualify, And don't even get me started on your insults because I have met 3rd graders who have better insults. Your "oh look at me I'm a terrorist" shtick is so stupid and pathetic i couldn't help but cackle at your waste of energy like what do you want a cookie? Because you don't even deserve the crumbs of crap after someone else ate a cookie so who even gives a barfing fuck about it? You jackasses are about as threatening as some mild flatulence. I hope you piss ant's have fun dying alone and unwanted and that every time you think you have to fart you end up shitting your pants, i hope that every time you go to put socks on they are soaking wet and ice cold, i hope that the next time you are anywhere near a lego set or box of thumbtacks you step on one, i hope that every time you go to bed both sides of your pillow are annoyingly hot and give you lice, and lastly i hope that every single time you go to walk past a piece of furniture that you bang your toes on it hard enough to break your toe bones. Isn't it funny how quickly your bullshit unravels when someone actually intelligent calls you out? Do the world a favor and delete all of your social media, go apologize to whichever trees are working their proverbial asses off to replace the oxygen you're both wasting and then sew your mouths shut you cowardly wastes of skin. Id say you could learn from this but then I'd sound just as stupid as you two. Sayonara you worthless, crotch-stained barf-puppets.

( @warringwarrioridiot @p1n34ppl3-c4t24 for your reading entertainment)

[autobot-ratchet]

Lost Light 4-6

Lost Light 4

they fucking figure out it's a ruse immediately lmAO like I said, Six-of-Twelve really just slapped together a fake alt mode for Rung

absolutely hilarious that out of the CyWhirlGate trifecta, Whirl is the one who's the best at communicating

ah yes, this argument lmAO it's funny, now I know that both Megatron and Rodimus are right about each other, Rodimus wants to get his revenge on Getaway as soon as possible and Megatron wants to put off his judgment at the hands of the Knights of Cybertron, but I remember when this first came out, I had full faith in Rodimus that he wasn't trying to brush off all this functionist universe stuff just to get out of here as quickly as he could. Granted, he snapped out of it quick but I was real loud about how I believed he never considered it in the first place lmAO rip to my past self, it's not your fault Roddy had a moment of weakness

honestly I'm impressed with how quick Anode and Lug became interesting characters, both as individuals and in terms of the overarching lore, like I said, blacksmiths are such a cool concept and also Anode is a likable person and she and Lug play off each other really well

“No one is telling anyone anything. Ever.” YEAH THEY SURE AREN'T, THAT'S THE PROBLEM

“I don't think you're trying to avoid your trial.” oh Minimus... honestly I think this also made me want to take Roddy's side even harder lmAO because I knew for certain that Megatron DID want to avoid it, he literally said so back when we first found the Necrobot planet, which made Megatron getting stuck here at the end of this arc even harder to swallow. It was definitely one of the things that tested my faith in this comic and made a lot of people bail

fhdasjk Roddy is so fuckin done with this shit and he is so right to resort to grade school tactics to stop Six-of-Twelve from monologuing, shut your fuck up, dunkass

honestly good for Whirl for letting Tailgate know what's up, somebody's gotta tell that guy what's going on

Lost Light 5

hfghjdk good on Nightbeat for at least trying to get Rung to open up but also don't take up the whole couch you ass

aww Rung honey...

good for Ratchet for managing to bluff successfully this time lmAO

also really love Ratchet smirking while Rung tells off the Functionist Council

love Cyclonus being a good leader to everyone, Roddy was right to put him in charge while the rest of the command staff are away

photonic crystal, that's what Rung coughed up. Also aww man, the fact that he started making them as a physiological response to an intolerable psychological burden... losing Skids tore him up bad........

“I woke up after being spiked” a HEE HEE HOO

“You're not accountable to them- You're accountable to your conscience.” “They ARE my conscience.” oooOOOUGFHDG *POINTS AT MEGATRON* HA HA YOU CARE ABOUT THEM... god and him specifically naming Rodimus and Minimus, not Magnus, Minimus

“If it's not the Decepticons, it's the Functionists... We can't help turning our hate outwards.” I've said it before but truly it is fucked up that Megatron or no Megatron, the universe was always destined to suffer at the hands of Cybertronians. Funny though that for this universe, Megatron is going to end the suffering before it extends beyond Cybertron

Lost Light 6

there we go, there's my boy Roddy coming back to himself. Shame he had to punch out the world's most rickety old man first but it's fine, he can take it lmAO

I'll be real, the entire time we were having that big fight on the Necrobot planet and using the spark flowers to generate the force field, I was thinking about this moment where Anode realizes she can use the flower with Lug's residual spark energy in it to bring Lug back, like. She's real lucky Lug's flower wasn't one of the ones that got blown up or used as fuel lmAO

Rung mass displacing himself to be big enough to punch the moon is still simultaneously really cool and extremely funny

I do like this little bit of dialogue between Clicker and Megatron, talking about how the opposite of functionism isn't lack of function, it's choice

oof, fucked up that Rodimus puts his trust in Megatron despite himself and Megatron ends up breaking it. Not on purpose, it's Terminus that tricks him into going to the wrong rendezvous point, but Roddy doesn't know that

man poor Roddy is just going through it right now, all these motherfuckers betraying his trust, purposefully or not

awww Ratchet hugging Rung is still so sweet, I like how it's the first thing he does, just makes a beeline for Rung and lets him know he loves him

see, now I can appreciate this moment of Megatron being able to do things over in the functionst universe, changing Cybertron the way he wanted to in the beginning, but boy was it easy to think this was the end of Megatron's arc and we were never gonna see him again lmAO This was definitely one of the things that tested my faith in this comic, I did not like the idea of Megatron escaping judgment for everything he did in his own universe, like yeah sure he's changed but he has simply done too much to justify being gifted a second chance like this without ever answering for anything he did. But now, knowing that he does come back, I can handle him being given this second chance and then coming back and answering for his crimes lmAO in fact I like that a lot, he gets to finally do the kind of good he always wanted to do without it affecting his judgment or erasing all the bad he did before

[marvus-xoloto]

Can perhaps write mallek and/or lanque with a sick troll s/o who is just completely fucking miserable when sick??

So sorry I'm late anon; I wanted to finish up my last WIP before getting into another. I hope you're feeling better!! I wrote a silly little Mallek drabble FOR YOU! I am also residenting absolute evil when I'm sick, so I totally get it <3 This was a super fun lil fic to write, thanks for the prompt!! EDIT: Sorry, I missed the troll part of this ask! I really don't write that for future reference, unless it's either a headcanons only post (i.e. not fic) or canon chara x canon chara.

Osmosis Jones Was Blue, Too | G | 1426 words | AO3 link

___

It's a well known fact that an object in motion stays in motion. What they don't tell you is: an object at rest is rarely allowed to stay resting.

You, however, have found your ace in the hole, your golden ticket: the word sick? Hell, even just the implication: it always brings the conversation to a grinding halt.

POLYPA: hey * me and tegs are * having movie night * POLYPA: subs * not dubs * YOU: Sorry Polypa, but I don't think that's a very good idea... POLYPA: i think it's * a great idea * POLYPA: do you know * how hard * it is to get * teg to agree * to * subs * YOU: I think I'm getting sick :(

Bam. Nipped that right in the bud.

VIKARE: ~ Heigh-ho old chum! ~ VIKARE: ~ How fares the winds your way? ~ YOU: Not great. I feel like teeth are growing in my throat and my nose is runny and dry. VIKARE: ~ Ah, yes, the dentification of the swallow collumn. We've all been there sport chin up.~ VIKARE: ~ And my word guy have I got some advice for you! ~ MSPAR: I think it's just, you know... VIKARE ~ Hey now chum why the sudden reticence? ~ YOU: The "s" word... you know... VIKARE: ~ What on Globgolyb's shifting seas man you put that word away. ~ YOU: I'm S VIKARE: ~Cease this at once. ~ YOU: i VIKARE: ~ Skies above! You don't have to do this!~ YOU: ck :( VIKARE: ~You WHAT!~ - VIKARE'S HUSKTOP HAS EXPLODED -

Second time proves the hypothesis.

Zebruh: ♦️ Good evening, my lovely, hornless friend. ♦️ Zebruh: I saw the video of you and the Grandmaster on chitter earlier this evening. Zebruh: Might I say you managed to look raidant. ♣️ Well, as radiant as one can next to the splendor that is Marvus Xoloto? ♣️ YOU: Gee, thanks for the neg. It's not just my legs that are running... Zebruh: Ahem. ♠️ Pardon? ♠️ MSPAR: Would you like a sinus infection, free of charge? Zebruh: Depends, ♦️ which sinus? ♦️ YOU: I'm sick, dunkass

Even though he seems to be feeling particularly conciliatory this evening, Zebruh hasn't responded to you in the twenty minutes that have passed since you dropped the dreaded S word.

But, ah here's the tricky part.

MALLEK: yo; MALLEK: sup; MALLEK: hey; MALLEK: i know you = there; MALLEK: i can see you through my viewfinder; you really need to update your passwords; MALLEK: wait; MALLEK: forget i said that; MALLEK: you = uh; typing a lot; MALLEK: i have a keylogger on your palmhusk; MALLEK: that = less creepy and invasive; MALLEK: right? YOU: No, not really. MALLEK: damn it; MALLEK: well i can see you through my viewfinder; MALLEK: and you look different; YOU: Yeah? Like what you see? MALLEK: did you secretly start the cyborgization process? YOU: Yes. That is definitely what's happening. MALLEK: without me :( MALLEK: actually can you ignore the frowny face; YOU: What frowny face? MALLEK: heh; MALLEK: so seriously; what = with the new look;

Ah. How do you drop the news without halting this conversation in its tracks?

YOU: Okay. YOU: Promise you won't freak out. MALLEK: "freaking out" =! in my vocabulary babe; YOU: I have noticed that trolls really do not like this word. MALLEK: uh-oh; MALLEK: = the word "intimacy" or "self-reflection?" YOU: Self-reflection is two words, Mallek. MALLEK: so; who = it exactly that you = getting intimate with; YOU: Besides you? This box of tissues is really getting a run for its money. MALLEK: heh; nice; MALLEK: i usually use a sock; YOU: OKAY?? That is not what I meant. GOD!

If you weren't flushed already from being sick, you are now.

MALLEK: okay; i = lost now; YOU: I just want to remind you that "freaking out" is not in your vocabulary. MALLEK: that = also two words; YOU: Yes. Glad we're on the same page. YOU: I am. YOU: Not. YOU: Unsick? MALLEK: what; YOU: I'm sick, okay?? And I'm miserable and nobody seems to care. MALLEK: i wish you would have told me; MALLEK: i could have spent more time with you; MALLEK: :( MALLEK: don't ignore that emoji; YOU: Sad face. Noted. MALLEK: should i get a hold of that rustie; MALLEK: you know; the one with the shovel? YOU: Unless he's the sole provider of benadryl and chicken soup on this planet, I think we can leave Fozzer out of this one.

And like that, the theory is concluded. Mallek does not text you back. You make a few silly faces into the view finder, but even that doesn't entice him to talk to you.

Frowny face. Not noted. Sigh.

___

You only realize you've been dozing when a knock at your door wakes you up. The fatigue is like a physical thing, a weighted blanket sewn into your body.

The knocking is mostly a formality; each strike against the wood pulp sends the door rattling forward a few centimeters. This unexpected guest must be a friend.

But, as you open the door, a scream builds up in you so intense that you just. Scream. There's nothing poetic about it. It's been a long time since you've seen ET, but you do know "aliens" and "the dominant population, now in a hazmat suit" is never a meet cute.

"Who is in here!" you shout on instinct. You grab a paper cup of water and throw it at the intruder. It splashes harmlessly against their hazmat suit.

"Whoa! Hey!" calls a muffled but distinctly masculine voice from within. It gives you pause for all of about five seconds; why do they sound so familiar? Until the six foot long forceps come out.

"Get the hell," you pause to wipe your runny nose on your sleeve, and then cough for good measure, "away from me!"

It doesn't work; the forceps are headed your way. They grab you expertly by your midsection, you you simply flail around until you flop on the ground. Like a rabid fish out of water. The intruder gets in your space. You stick your middle finger up at them.

Then you kick them square in the belly.

They makes a noise like "oooaauuugh," and then "damn, you kick hard. It's me!"

Mallek unzips the front of his ventilation hood; beneath he is wearing an n-95 mask with the zig-zag of scorist. How did he get that on such short notice?

"What are you doing here?" you ask as he zips his hood back up. If you weren't out of breath from your stuffed up nose, you certainly are now after the fucking alien escape olympics.

"If I tell you, promise not to kick me again?"

"No," you say through a wry smile.

"Well then, maybe this will explain it." He sets down a lock box of some sort, roughly the size of a six pack. He fiddles with the top for a moment before it lets out a beep, and then the lid opens with an outpouring of steam. He takes the forceps again, uses them to remove the contents, and then sends them your way.

A perfect, plastic bowl of chicken soup, a two pack of pink and green sludge that you suspect is Alternian day and nyquil respectively, and a cellophane package of spoon, salt, and pepper is thrust your way.

"I'm the sole provider of chicken soup and benadryl on this planet," Mallek says, full of lumpy pride in his ill fitting hazmat suit.

Oh, he wasn't freaking out because you're sick. He's freaking out because he isn't 100% your sole provider, and also anxiously desperate to prove how much you need him.

"Nerd," you say, throwing the cellophane wrapper at him. It sails about two inches through the air before floating pathetically to the fround.

Well, shit. You're floating pathetically down, too.

You eat your chicken soup on the group, Mallek hovering over you from six feet away. Every cough and sniffle sends him lurching for the door; you make sure to do it as often as you can.

About halfway through your soup, Mallek asks, "are you going to die?"

The only part of his face you can see are his eyes, as large and shiny as porcelain plates.

Only Mallek can out-drama you regarding your own illness.

"Yes," you say. His face crumples even as you smile.

"Is the soup helping? I made it myself."

"Hm," you slurp your way through a thought. Surely, for all the mess and nastiness in his kitchen, he must have invented some super strain of anti-sickess, alien mold by now, right?

Mallek keeps staring at you with his big ol' eyes.

You smile. "Feeling better already."

[post-cal]

Take a shower and rest. You desperately need it.

Bro: Bold of you to think you can tell me what I need.

As you reach for a piece of pizza your hand freezes and your brows furrow together.

Bro: Who ordered this?

With not enough energy in your entire body to figure out this mystery or delve to deeply into it you ignore the origins of this pizza and assume that you must have ordered it. Not like there's anyone else here to do it, is there dunkass? Still, it's starting to get to you just how many things you don't remember doing.

[callmearcturus]

pure finale speculation

okay here is my prediction, based on discord convos and my own vibes

jon: will give his opinion of what they should do, but also elect to recuse himself on the basis of "well, I doomed the world, so I'm not sure I should have a say in this." and then hopefully gets push-back from everyone else pointing out "uh hey dunkass that wasn't your fault, either blame jonah or blame annabelle but it wasn't you"

georgie: 198 totally changed my opinion on this, but I think georgie is gonna be on team "lets take the deal" on the basis of her being upset at having lost her people again, and being tired of the suffering she sees.

melanie: 100% team Fuck The Web's Deal, I think. a lot of her frustration in S3 and S4 was how she was trapped working for an evil entity, and I don't think she'll be less frustrated as a tool of the Web instead of the Eye.

martin: COULD GO EITHER WAY, AND HAS KINDA BEEN SET UP EITHER WAY.

on one hand, he has spent the entire season trying to reach out to the ppl trapped, he's the one who keeps trying to show dignity to everyone, iirc he nudged Jon towards making that one guy a Watcher, so Martin has a lot of empathy for the people he directly connects with.

on the other hand, Martin's also always been very good at the Big Picture Idea of things, and may balk at the idea of dooming a lot of other people for the sake of his own world. BOTH ARE TOTALLY FEASIBLE FOR HIM I THINK.

basira: given basira's entire worldview got upended and shaken up, I have no idea which 'side' she would fall on for the debate. someone proposed that this makes her the perfect tiebreaker, and I agree. either she goes in with an answer ready to go, or she hangs back and offers her opinion last.

what i really hope they touch on is the ethics of having such a small group of people making a decision for The Fucking World. like, it's heinously unfair that this comes down to five people, all of whom are not currently trapped in a hellscape. do they have the right to condemn everyone to eternal suffering and fear to spare other they will never meet? is that the "just" decision? the certain doom of billions of people vs the potential doom of everyone?

also, is Annabelle Cane just a fucking liar

i want everyone's hands to get dirty figuring this out. and i'm super excited for what a potential third option would be.

[hazyaltcare]

hello! i was wondering if i could request some positivity for a fictive of commie from centricide? we actually have a few centricide introjects, and we feel very ashamed of our source a lot of the time because its ""problematic"" or whatever? especially me, though. anyway, thanks! love the blog

HELLO YES SPECIAL INTEREST SOURCE

Hfhjsjs anyways yes hi um!! Your source is literally satire. And not in the sense that like "uwu its satire so you cant criticize it" but as in literally its obviously satire. If people think thats problematic then they just dont understand satire. People are allowed to criticize concepts by showing how fucked they are through comedy. Thats the entire point of satire.

Also you aren't problematic just for existing! You're allowed to exist and you're allowed to be you. Your source doesn't have to define who you are. I think its always worth it to go out into the world and seek out your purpose rather than accept a plan laid out for you.

Anyways, no matter what you do: remember you're not alone. There will be people out there who won't be complete dunkasses and will support you. You're not the "freak" they say you are. People judging you solely based on your source says more about them than you. Period.

Mod Haze (🧨Tate)

[hext00ns]

1, 11, 16

1) “Summarize your WIP in 10 words or less.”

Dunkass psychic teams up with detectives to solve crimes

11) “Which character do you have the most in common with?”

ngl ive always believed that every character has a part of me even if its not the best part. i think that can be said for a lot of writers cause you put your like soul into this kinda shit and it really makes it your own cause in their weird way all your characters are you. but if i had to pick one i think id go with Juno. theyre a weird mix of social anxiety and extrovert that i vibe with. stickers in their hair and a rat named noodle? how can one not vibe with a geeky mess of a psychic

16) “What would your characters be for Halloween?”

Rayna would go as some kinda “sexy ___” costume only itd be something stupid like sexy Micheal Myers where she wears the mask and the hospital gown like in dead by daylight. Juno would prob be like Shaggy Rogers from Scooby Doo or something i feel like Juno is a Scooby Doo kinda guy. Des and Farah would have matching costumes cause they’re that kinda gay. maybe like vampire and hellsing or something similar

[thiost]

tumblr user #6725: ugh this person fucking sucks

tumblr user #2802: oh no! ive been a fan of them for a while and id hate to support someone shitty. what happened, what did they do??

tumblr user #6725: ffcuk you shitty dunkass find out yourself what do you think i am some sorta god damnn genius ugh google is free this sorta shit is why im depressed

[dissociativediscourse]

Vitriol incoming.

(Not at OP, OP is impartial. This is all at anon.) Holy fucking shit. Let me get this straight. You want your community to bully us off of the internet, right.

You want US to take all of the responsibility for getting harassed and fucking forced out of our OWN FUCKING SAFE SPACES? You are absolutely disgusting. I doubt you’d have the fucking balls to say this off anon.

Yes, keep yourselves safe. If you are getting doxxed, if you are really, actually in tangible danger, you need to do what will keep you safe. But let me explain something to you: You deserve your own special kind of hell. All to yourself. You don’t give a single fucking shit or have a single ounce of actual understanding for what we go through and it’s obvious. You probably fucking pop a stiffie fucking thinking about how many of us have actually left the internet or died and want more. It’s not fucking cute, it’s really actually pretty fucking sad how shameless you are about putting your worst side right up and out there for everyone to see. Fuck you for being a dick and trying to use this as just another excuse to complain about how sad it is for you that the dirtynasty trauma people are still here. You literally just posted this TO BE A DICK. God forbid endos say one fucking thing in good faith. Oh, right, it’s because they take anything each other say at face value and if they say it’s good faith it HAS TO BE, RIGHT? No we are not an echo chamber ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 🤢

Because it is OUR FAULT, right? The childhood trauma survivors who are forced out of our own safe spaces and forced not to have them because of you? That you want to just give the fuck up? It’s OUR FAULT for not fucking protecting ourselves!

Let me fucking explain something else for you, buddy. We’ve BEEN protecting ourselves for our entire fucking lives. People like us have never once fucking had the pleasure of not having to. We’ve had to protect ourselves from actual life or fucking death. We have had to protect ourselves from shit that would literally make you cry and go run to cower and hug your fucking mommy, alright, sweetie? That’s why we’re LIKE THIS.

And I have no doubt that you are one of the little fucking entitled twerps sending that hate. I know you think you’re real clever, but you’re just a little piece of shit who never grew past the fucking entitlement of teenage egocentrism. You’ll always think you’re entitled to something or other when in reality little dunkasses like you don’t deserve anything except for a good old fucking slap in the fucking face.

Funnily enough when you harass, bully, and retraumatize someone OVER AND OVER who has been traumatized repeatedly already, they tend to not give a shit whether they’re mean back or not or how they’re seen for being fucking snarky back, so don’t pull some ooh look at the nasty twama peopwe sad uwu bad trauma people gonna be mean to me!! Gtfo over yourselves because the world is not About You. It’s actually evidently much better when it’s not, fyi.

Quit concerntrolling and YOU get off the fucking internet and get some help, babe.

tl;dr: Typical day for a person with DID attempting to have a safe space and community to go to. Wake up. Get harassed. Get victim blamed. Get entire community co opted without consent. Repeat. Fuck you.

Wish all the anti endos who are getting hate asks and doxxed by pro endos would get actual help and protect themselves instead of turning it into more syscourse. Like who in their right mind gets their ADDRESS sent to them by a complete stranger that apparently wants to kill and r word them and decided the best thing to do is make a post about how rancid endos are or whatever. If you’re actually being harassed like that and not just sending shit to yourself to fan the discourse flames, you’re in actual danger. Gtfo of tumblr and talk to real people who can help you.

.

(Read tags)

[alienonion]

notes from my first time playing dungeons and dragons

first off, @autistictimeknight makes a kickass improv dm.

second off, i will never regret the creation of my character, a chaotic good wizard elf thts a fuckboy and also a furry apparently.

direct quotes from the game will follow:

Me: Ok cool we’ve added a cat to our party, even though Micah doesn’t realize it’s a bobcat and thinks it a tabby. Friend not playing: You realize you’re a furry.

Me: Micah is not. Shut up.

DM: Roll for perception.

Me: 18.

DM: Micah realizes that he is, in fact, a furry.

 DM: All the guests at the trading center dislike you and the crowd is too thick to walk through.

Me: I roll to fight through the crowd.

DM: 20.

Me: I Parkour out of the crowd and out a window.

DM: Roll to land?

Me: 20.

DM: You land on both feet and do a pose like a dunkass. A few passersby give you a sympathetic golf clap.  

  Krista: Can I roll to bless this cursed rat skull?

DM: Roll a d8

Krista: 6?

DM: You are now the rat king.

  DM: You don’t have a perceptive passive ability.

Me: What does that mean.

DM: You’re stupid.

 Me: Can I look on craig’slist for a quest?

DM: Do you guys want to join this dunkass on a quest?

  Me: I found a great quest on craigslist! DM: Call it something else.

Alex: Keithslist.

 The quest:

Go get a stolen thing back from a criminal rich dude named Gay Jatsby with lots of obstacle courses n stuff theres also probably a fountain

 Micah Duncthaes Brakefield, chaotic good, Wizard. High Elf. fuckboy.

 Me: I role to mansplain. 14!!!

DM: *resigned sigh* You mansplain to Herc and to Lynn Withani the extensive knowledge you definitely got off the internet just now about Gay Jadsby’s criminal history and family.

 DM: Later you are gonna approach a dungeon, theres a button on the wall that you press. It sends and SMS text to your phone from and unknown number that just contains the Buff Luigi jpg and says ‘That’s how it is on this bitch of an earth.’

  DM: You already rolled to mansplain you are done here!

 Friend not playing: Roll to wear a fursuit.

 DM: You do not realize that Kenneth Willpee is flirting with you because you are a dunkass.

 DM: You have to roll higher than a 15 to Not wear a fursuit.

Me: Dammit.

 Fancy outfits for the party:

Hercules: silky pantsuit in light blue that brings out your eyes, backup clothes are in case things tear.

Lynn Withani: carefully tailored watercolor mountain painted dress.

Micah: sideskirt of white fox tails with a suit shirt w/ a feather in ur pocket, and a fedora with ears. Rolled a 9 so he didnt have to wear a full fursuit.

Shorty(the bobcat): a bowtie with jewels on it with a matching leash and nail polish.

 Micah, at some point, definitely: You have to be a Real intellectual to understand Mick and Shorty.

[candycryptids]

I got tagged by @allye-cat-draws and I'm intrigued enough to try :0!!!

Rules.

1. Post the Rules. 

2. Answer the questions given to you 

3. Make 11 questions of your own. 

4. Tag 11 people. 

Ok Their questions

 1. Who was your favorite powerpuff girl?

Bruh omg... That's a tough question.. but a bitch loved Bubbles, she was soft and sweet and could talk to animals and was basically??? Goals?? But also Buttercup is a close call for fave cos she was Butch as hell and an utter badass who took no shit. She was just also a dirty girl in one episode and I #couldntRelate

2. What is the weirdest dream you can remember having?

just recently I had a super stressful dream I was staying in a hotel room with two people I knew but not that well apparently, in my dream, and one of them ??? Uh, flung themselves out the window when I wasn't there, and died? And the Roomate was like "well she won't need this anymore" and handed me her room card??? But then we suspected it was actually a Homicide so we were like, gotta go investigate this hotel down the street, and as we were leaving I saw this lady with a floral print shirt on and her black hair up in a messy bun? She's Important later.

We search the other hotel but like, predictably don't find much? I think we were getting our friends because there was more of us when we went back but we saw that same Floral Shirt lady again (in the second hotel as we were leaving)and was weird but unremarkable so we left it alone and then we went back to the first hotel?(saw that floral shirt lady in the first hotel again, btw.) And we couldn't get into it again, because none of us had a keycard. Except my friend snatched my phone and was like "Hold on dunkass I got this" and pulled the room card out of my phone wallet? I don't have a phone wallet??? This is wild. So we open the room and all the furniture is PINK like the lovely set from animal crossing instead of neutral colors like normal hotel rooms. Also it was kinda set up like my classrooms I used to teach toddlers in? With a sink/counter/cabinets set into one wall facing into the square room, idk man. And some of the furniture pieces were clearly missing? There were silhouettes where they should be? Bruh it was weird. And one of my friends was like "Wait, I got it, what else is green and pays the bills???" And as they asked that, a family of three (wife husband little girl age 10) shows up, and is like, "uhhhhh we're supposed to be checking into this room," and we were like oh shit sorry let us just get out of your way, but the little girl kept staring at me? And I tried to go and explain to her what was going on but she kept backing away until she like, sprinted away down the hall and disappeared.

"BRAD BRADSON," by the way, is the answer to that earlier posed question, and we're like, freaking out trying to figure out how to contact the head of B.O.B HR and we see the floral shirt woman again. "hey wait haven't we seen you before?" "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESSSSSSS" and then I woke up. I never got ahold of Brad. It was so stressful.

3. If you could give your past self advice what would it be?

You think these people are your friends and they will do nothing to hurt you ever, but you're wrong. stay far away from the tall boy and your neighbors across the street. Trust me.

4. What about yourself makes you the happiest?

My.. uh..!! This question is tough, uhm.. I think my passion to make other people happy? I love kids? I don't want any but I like to make them feel safe and happy. Life is so scary and cruel..

5. If you were a gym leader in pokemon what type would you pick?

HOLY SHIT UHHH... Ghost??? Yeah! Ghost! I love Drifloon so much

6. What do you like to do if you’re awake at 3am?

Insomnia blogging, online window shopping, "1,000 DEGREE METAL BALL VS." video binging, manic costume/clothes designing/sewing, manic plush designing/sewing, manic mania

7. Have you ever had a crush on a friend and if so did you ever do anything about it?

Lol oh ya for sure but I never do anything about it but kinda just chinhand at them and smile a lot cos I'm Aro/Ace as hell and most of my attraction is aesthetic anyways, I just want to see the people I like be happy and comfortable

8. How willing are you to fight the mcdonalds clown?

I AM the McDonald's clown 😬

9. If sleep was optional, would you stay awake forever or would you still sleep occasionally?

Sometimes I sleep to pass time so I'd probably still sleep like, most of the time, but sometimes not needing to sleep would be an utter blessing tbch. (Insomnia is a nightmare tho)

10. What’s the best song to dance badly to?

Lights by uh, Ellie Goulding. It's a fuckin bop

11. If you could have a parlor trick type power, like changing your eye color, what would it be?

BRUH if I had a parlor trick power I'd totally get like, idk, uh, hair shifting??? The ability to change my hair's color and length at will??? That'd be BALLER

My questions now!

1. What kind of animal would you want as a pet, if like, there was a way to magically meet the requirements and also not have it kill you/die outside of it's usual environment

2. Is there a show/fandom/comic/book/anything like that that helped shape who you are as a person today?

3. Which game systems do you own? (Which is your favorite, and what's your favorite game on it?) (If you don't have any game systems, what's one you'd love to own??)

4. If you've listened to The Adventure Zone, what's your favorite Arc from it? (If you haven't, I recommend it, but what's your favorite podcast or show?)

5. Is there anything physically about yourself you'd like to change? (Either to alleviate dysphoria or just because you, like me, are a monster who'd be much happier with more eyes and more teeth)

6. What's your favorite Pokemon? (Can be more than one! Don't stress friend!) (If you don't have a favorite Pokemon, then Digimon? Or just an Animal?)

7. Do you have a dream cosplay you wish you could execute perfectly?

8. What's one thing you want to do before you die?

9. When you're feeling sad, what's something you do to help feel better?

10. Do you have any hobbies that are sort of unusual/that you'd like to learn? (Like, underwater basket weaving, idk)

11. This is a lot of questions to make up. You made it! Are you proud of yourself?

I tag... @cureaphrodite @plaguemd @zombiesockfuckingloveshomestuck @ulawan5 @indecisivehannahk @emma-kat-mce @lord-darth-tantrum @lonelycrystalgirl @humunanunga uhhh... And anyone else who wants to do this tbch >>

[ijestphobes]

i like how the same argument for john being straight is thrown around "he said it when he was 13! he said it when he was 16!" holy shit. he's 21, guys. he could be closeted, bi, hmm maybe he doesn't want to be called a homosexual you fuckin dunkass how dense do you have to be that you think you need a straight character in homestuck this one's an open letter to @isjohnegbertstraighttoday. dear ijest i dont know who the fuck runs your blog i dont know why you like to "make fun of the isxcis/gay/etc" format there is no point at all but you choose to do it anyway and cry "BUT THE CANON!" when people suggest that john could be gay have you ever seen a movie? a book? a tv show? that has a straight couple? there's lots for once we get a comic with characters that we can see how we want to see them they all don't have to be straight reconsider what you're doing

[astralune]

Aright so, let’s talk about this (without spoilers).

Controversial opinion: Mass Effect Andromeda is a good game.

Yeah, there’s some dunkass animations. This game probably has a few thousand hours of animation playing in it; regardless of how big a team you think Bioware has for this, the workload was absolutely prioritised into buckets for what got a got of attention and what got one pass and done. None of it is gamebreaking, and none of it reduces this game to trash. There are moments that are carried by nothing but the animation and those moments nail it.

Yeah there’s some sidequests that could be better. While Bioware’s said they’ve looked at The Witcher 3′s sidequests as examples, it hasn’t stopped them from also putting in some obvious filler fetch quests alongside the better, more narratively interesting or mechanically involved ones. Thankfully, most all of them get sorted into a different quest category, and it’s pretty trivial to identify them before you’ve wasted your time. 

Yeah there’s some dialogue that could be better. That’s always been the case though - everyone’s forgotten about Jacob crooning about the priiiize so quickly. But there’s a lot of good dialogue in there too, especially for the player Ryder - I’ve never felt as relatable to the PC in a bioware game as I have in this one.

It’s important to remember that the Andromeda Initiative is a civilian operation. You aren’t a military badass before the game begins. You’re a civvie, dropped into a role you’re not sure you’re up for doing, with responsibility draped over your shoulders. I can’t speak for you, but I found that relatable as hell. Ryder talks like I do sometimes. He reacts like I do a lot of the time, especially since I’m picking the emotional tone of my response from the dialogue wheel instead of insistently hewing to which of Paragon and Renegade I’ve chosen for this playthrough ahead of time.

It’s the first in (hopefully) a new series. Most choices in Mass Effect 1 didn’t feel meaningful until ME2 came along, and MEA feels like it’s setting up a lot of good hooks for DLC or sequels to come. That said, I wouldn’t be surprised if MEA ends up feeling like there’s limited branching / narrative control in the hands of the player; Bioware staff have talked in the past about the tens of thousands of plot states they ended up having to juggle and QA in ME3, so if they’ve decided to reel that in a little to keep shit under control for now, that’s fine.

The crew of the Tempest - your party members - will surprise you. I went in expecting to like some and ignore others, and was pleasantly surprised about who ended up my favourites, and that others were actually interesting, earmarked for future playthroughs instead of relegated to ‘never using them’. It takes time to get to know them, same as in every game. ME1 didn’t do much to endear me to Garrus, after all - ME2 picked him up and ran with it.

The game is gorgeous, with environments that were simply pretty to look at - check those screenshots above. The Mako Nomad is a dream to drive, especially after you upgrade it. The complaints about the time taken to move between planets is overblown - it’s designed to feel like actual exploration, and the Heleus Cluster is pretty, so if 20 seconds to have your ship fly through space between planets is a problem, then frankly, tab over to your web browser of choice and check your feeds for ten seconds.

The ending was, for me, pretty damn satisfying - a step up over ME3 and Dragon Age Inquisition both - and felt like it answered enough questions while leaving me wanting more in terms of DLC and sequels. Give me more to do in Andromeda, Bioware, I want it.

Ignore quests in the ‘Tasks’ category unless you really wanna do them, and don’t fret about 100%’ing everything. Go on an adventure in another galaxy against aliens that fight you and Environmental Hazard Level 4′s. Exhaust dialogue wheels and flirt with everyone you want shamelessly. Drive up 95 degree slopes with impunity. Have fun.

I should go.

[petepark]

this rlly is just a sdv au but,

stan inherits his grandpa's farm after he (fucking FINALLY he's like 106) passes away, but at the time he's young and everything is fine and "yeah i'm gunna pass on that, i just got promoted at work and I'd rather not move five hours away, thanks."

(theres also a conversation between him, his mother, and his sister that spans three days, and is basically just

stan: what the fuck, grandpa didnt have a farm??

sharon: y...yes he did?

stan: no?????

shelly: we went there when we were kids you dunkass

stan: :/ mooom shelly's gaslighting me and I dont appreciate it.

sharon: stan where do you think those pictures on our fridge came from?

stan: ....SHELLYYY MOM'S GASLIGHTING ME AND I DONT APPRECIATE IIIIT)

a few years down the road though things start going south, hes having a hard time paying for rent, he's been laid off his job, and his parents are in the process of getting a divorce and both keep trying to drag him onto their side (of which he is firmly on his mom's, but after so many years of "your [parent] is an asshole they're the worst :/" it gets tiring)

so he decides fuck it, let's move to south park. what's the worst that could fucking happen.

farm au farm au farm au farm au farm au

[callmearcturus]

One more thing, twitter banned Donald Trump for incitement to violence? Why not also ban Ali Khamenei? An individual responsible for the deaths of 1500 protesters back in 2019? Or Ramzan Kadyrov? A man who's administration had members of the LGBT detained in Chechnya? Or Louis Farrakhan, popular anti Semite? I don't like trump, you have got to realize, if you think this attack on freedom of speech will stop with people you disagree with. You're sadly mistaken.

“horrible fucking people who incite or directly do violence should not have a platform” and “oh my god fucking FINALLY all the nazis on twitter are getting kicked in the jeans” are ideas that are not contradictory, dunkass

and like: its not just trump, you realize? you want other Bad People to be held to the same standards as leftists who have been booted? conservative provocateurs are losing followers by the literal thousands. Trump, Powell, and what’s his face are the big three, but dude. dude. twitter is finally getting rid of some of the fucking nazis, and you’re concern trolling me around it?

bye.

[podcastmadness]

HELLO?? give me number 19

19. A kiss with tears.

“It’s okay, Egbert.” The words were rather sharp, considering the blood that accidentally splattered to the other mans face as he spoke. 

He felt himself swallow. He felt himself struggle to stay calm. He felt himself slowly drowning in his own blood.He felt himself feeling.

Long story short, it’s not okay.

Dirk could feel tears falling onto his face, onto his hands, from the oceanic blue eyes of the man hovering above him.The dazzling blue all he could really see through the blur of his vision. His ears, sharp as they were, twitched oddly as he listened to the choked back sobs of the always emotional yet emotional blueballed man. 

Why was he crying? Why was he hurting?

There was a sluggishness that was pulling at Dirk’s muscles. A tethering feeling as if he was attempting to move through quicksand. He couldn’t feel his hand as it settled to the others shoulder, he couldn’t feel his chest where he could hear Crow working on him; trying to get him... Get him what? What was going on? Why did people seem so concerned? It was just a stab wound. He’d be back.

He’d be back...

Where was his other hand...? Something registered in his shoulder--aside from the mind numbing pain as he bleeds out, throbbing and demanding his attention. Maybe someone was standing on it? That sounds about right. Blind eyes looking to the two people closest, as they were all he could see, as his ears flicker to pick up what was Dave and Rose talking about the probability of this being a permanent death. Rose talking about Just, Dave voting Heroic. God, why couldn’t he feel his hands? What was wrong? Why wasn’t he gaining feeling? Why did Crow sound so frantic?

“Help me find your face, dunkass.” Dirk grumbles before he moves his hand to cup Johns face, with some help, and a snorted out laugh from the man that know had his head on his lap. 

He could feel the tears on his face. They rushed past his thumb, a sensation he could register due to the oddness of having someone trust him with their tears.

“Eggbutt, he... I’ve stitched him up, but, unless he dies and resurrects... Which...” There’s a silence. But it was clear what he meant. 

Even the blind could see where he was going with this. 

From a distance, he could hear Dave snarl angrily, and the clattering of a dagger, if Dirk’s judge is right. Wet sounding so maybe the one the attacker stabbed him with? Possibly... There are so many variables. So little time to think about it as Egbert’s hand holds his tighter, applying pressure to keep him close, while the other held Dirk’s own face. Which, in his mind, was silly, as he was coughing up blood.

His chest rattled with every breathe, the noise distancing further from sounding healthy, from sounding human with each second that past and claimed as his victim. Slowly, he felt lighter, a feeling and sensation of bliss he’s had before. 

It’s easy to ignore John saying he can’t die for this, like this.It’s easy to ignore Crow angrily whispering about how Dirk pushed John and Crow to the side, and it’s his own fault this is happening. It’s easy to ignore the emptiness he felt in his soul.

Eventually, the paradox Strider looks up to meet those soul healing blue eyes. His own toxic orange ones bright, despite the paleness of his skin, and the sharpness of the blood that pooled beneath him. Framing him as if he were truly a hero. But Dirk? He was no hero. He was nothing more than someone who noticed fast enough. Who decided to smile warmly despite how cold he felt. 

Dirk just ran his thumb over John’s cheek before laughing, ignoring the burning coals that scorched his insides with each inhale. “Hey... Johnny? Smile for me... It’s always so bright, you know? Abrolutely wild, haha... See what I did there?”

It’s easy to ignore his own tears when he’s so incredibly numb. 

There was silence, and, before he could make another bad joke, he felt lips press to his. Hard and desperate, and full of tears. The angle was bad, a neck pressed to his face, and hair tickling what might have been his collarbone, but it was there. Lips stealing the last of his breath, to make him give one last smile, to match the one that tried to paint him with a color oppose to red, but what was he do it?

There was no longer a soul to kiss back to life.

Dirks hands fell limp.

The clock judged it Heroic.