#<- tagging those because this is where I most see Nikolai miss-tagged PLEASE I get my hopes up and see Nikolai Belinski x Reader and then-

[ultimisnikolai]

Modern Warfare Fans stop posting abt MW Nikolai in the Nikolai Belinski Tag Challenge PLEASE

For those of you unaware Nikolai Belinski is NOT the full name of the Modern Warfare Nikolai- It’s the name of the COD Zombies Nikolai (MW Nikolai and the two Nikolai Belinskis in the CODZ universe are completely separate characters). I try to filter out MW tags so I can see things about the zombies Nikolai as best I can but a majority of what I see is still the MW Nikolai and honestly. With no malice intended it is driving me up the wall because I’m seeing a character mistagged in my favorite characters tag to the degree where I see more of the mistagged character than I see the actual one. So please. Modern Warfare fans I BEG YOU. Stop tagging MW Nikolai as Nikolai Belinski. They are completely seperate characters.

[clairecrive]

"it’s been months since we broke up and i just found one of your old sweatshirts in my wardrobe and it’s making me miss you" nikolai x reader with a happy ending pls?

A/n: I can't help myself but give my best man a happy ending, sorry not sorry. Hope you like it x

Warnings: angst, confrontation, happy ending

Word count: 2K

Tags: @jupiterandbutterflies, @agentsofshield, @for-bebbanburg, @randomoutsiders, @pansysgirlfriend, @hannaxmaria, @vintagebitc, @story-scribbler, @crowssixof, @odetostep, @lizzie-he4rts, @korol-lantsov, @subjecta13-thefangirl, @gallysonegoodlung, @a-c-lee, @mriddlemethis (tag list form)

SHADOW AND BONE MASTERLIST

A knock on the door in the middle of the night wasn't something you were expecting to happen. Merely because you were not expecting anyone. Even though, to be fair, it wasn't that late. And considering how everyone's so busy these days, with the Darkling threat looming over your heads, everyone is required to put in some work to plan a strategy that will assure our victory. Or at least, to contain the damage that surely the Shadow Summoner had planned to inflict upon those who had betrayed him.

Sleep was a luxury these days, so really, you shouldn't have been surprised by someone calling for you. Sighing, you walked to the door wrapping your robe around your body.

When your eyes fell onto the person behind the door, you froze. Now this, was a surprise.

You definitely weren't expecting your ex-boyfriend to knock on your door in the middle of the night a month after your break up.

"Nikolai?" the surprise was clear in your voice as well as weariness. If he was here that meant that something terrible must have happened.

"Were you sleeping?" he shuffled on his feet. As if seeing at your door after all this time wasn't baffling enough, his insecurity certainly was.

You shook your head. "Has something happened?"

"Yes," he said rolling his shoulders back. You stood taller as well, bracing for the bad news. "it’s been months since we broke up and I just found one of your old sweatshirts in my wardrobe and it’s making me miss you," he added and pulled something from behind his back.

It was your sweatshirt indeed, one of your favourites, certainly the most comfortable one. One that you usually used to sleep but it was also the one that you had left in his rooms. The break-up had been sudden in the sense that it had been a long time in the making but the bubble had broken abruptly, leaving you no time to retrieve your stuff.

Well, you could have gone to him and ask for your things but you had spent the last month trying to avoid him.

"Nikolai-" now your words were tentative, a slight warning in them. There was a reason why things had ended, after all.

"No, please, just hear me out." There was no insecurity in his voice anymore, nor in his body language. You knew the man in front of him, painfully aware of how stubborn he was. And the truth was that you had missed him too. Being so close to him and yet so far away had been one of the hardest things you had to do.

So you relented. With a nod, you let him in your room.

You closed the door and when you turned around you saw him sitting on your bed. You took a couple of step towards him but decided to stand at a safe distance from him. Nikolai's eyes were on you and you shifted on your feet under his gaze.

"What's there left to say?" You spoke since he didn't. His presence was unnerving enough on its own, embarrassing silence wasn't a surplus you needed.

"I'm aware of why we broke up, what you think. But I need you to know that it was a huge misunderstanding." He said, squaring his shoulders.

You scoffed, crossing your arms on your chest. "Really? And you waited a month to clear the air?"

"It wouldn't have been fair to you for me to have this conversation before." He stated as if he was during one of his diplomatic meetings.

"Because all this time, you've still been flirting with her."

"I wouldn't put it like that..." He slightly grimaced, his eyes leaving yours for the first time to move to his hands.

"Courting, wooing, pursuing, whatever Nikolai. I don't care how you'd put it. I don't care about what you do with her either." Gesturing with your hands, you sneered at his audacity. He wasn't going to get out of this on semantics. Nonetheless, it was over and you didn't want to show just how aggravated seeing him with Alina made you. "It's none of my business." You shook your head and moved towards your window, giving him your back.

"Well, maybe you don't care but I do. Maybe what I have to tell you won't change a thing but I need to at least try." He raised his voice, frustration clear in his words for your attitude. But you couldn't care less, you had just started. "Because this past month without you has been hell and I don't want to spend another day without you." His voice trembled a bit at the end and you knew that it wasn't easy for him to be this vulnerable with you.

"Don't tell Alina that." You teased him in a neutral tone. Back still to him.

"Alina doesn't care, y/n. And neither do I."

"Could have me fooled."

"It would have been a political union." Frustrated, he pointed out. You turned around this time, scoffing at the implicit insult.

"That much I had guessed, Nikolai." You weren't stupid. And you knew Nikolai. As soon as the first wave of pain and betrayal passed, you realized that it must have been a strategic move on his part. Not that it made anything better.

"You...did?" He almost stammered, eyes widening in surprise.

"Of course," you sighed, "but it doesn't make anything better. So if this is all you had to say, I'm afraid it doesn't change anything."

"But- it changes everything. I don't love Alina, I never have." He insisted, standing up from the bed and taking a step in your direction.

"You would have still married her though, wouldn't you?" You pointed out with a rhetorical question that he still felt like answering.

"Well, I-"

"And you didn't tell me anything, did you?" You continued this time without giving him time to speak. "So yes, maybe you didn't love her. Maybe you loved me but would that matter once you were married to her?"

"I'll tell you: no it wouldn't have. Because as much as I loved you, I wouldn't have let you made me your mistress. And you and Alina are good friends, I'm sure you'd grow to love her with time." Your voice has hardened, failing at carelessly exposing an eventual love blooming between them. But Nikolai didn't notice. He was still at the second sentence.

"Loved?"He whispered. Past tense.

"Did you expect me to hold a torch forever?" Your voice softened at his reaction but still- you weren't going to be around forever. He had made his choice, after all.

"Of course not," Nikolai mumbled as he sat down on the bed again and looked down at your sweatshirt still in his hands. You couldn't see his face and you knew that it was a deliberate move. Never had you seen him to defeated and crestfallen. His shoulders slumped, his fingers fisted the material in his hands.

Sighing, you closed the distance between you and sat beside him on the bed. Maybe you had been too harsh but it was an instinct for you to be so defensive. Even though his betrayal had hurt you immensely, hurting him back was never your intention.

"I don't think I could ever stop loving you." You whispered. Eyes latched on your fumbling fingers, you heave a sigh. This felt like the confession it was.

"But you can't expect me to be fine just because you explained Nikolai. It doesn't excuse the lies or the betrayal." You continued, wanting him to understand. Now that everything was out in the open, it was best to speak heart to heart.

"Indeed it doesn't. And I'm sorry I've hurt you, it was never my intention." He agreed and apologised but you shook your head. What good was it an apology now? It wasn't a matter of forgiveness anymore. There was now a lack of trust and you didn't know how to handle it.

"How do you think I would have reacted? What if she said yes, uh? What then, Nikolai? Would an "I love you" fix everything?" Speaking no matter the lump of your throat, you turned to face him. His eyes were already on you. They were glossy and one of his hands reached out to yours to hold it.

"I knew she was going to say no. And I knew that it was a low move on my part considering that you're my whole heart but I couldn't have lived with myself if I didn't at least try," he confessed. You nodded because you knew how much he cared for Ravka's future and having Alina on the throne would no doubt have a positive impact on all fronts.

"Because having her on the throne would have been advantageous for us, for Ravka. It would benefit us in so many ways that I had to try, at least. No matter the sacrifice." The last word came out as a whisper, his eyes flickering between yours and you understood the underlying message. But that was exactly the problem.

"What hurt me the most, Nikolai was that you made the decision for both of us."

"I'm not a strategist but I understand the power Alina holds. It would have still hurt but if you had told me, it would have been different." You explained as his eyes filled with an emotion that you recognized as regret.

"I'm sorry, y/n. I never wanted you to feel like you don't matter to me. Because you do. You have no idea how much you do. And I love you, I really do." His hold on your hands tightened and you were surprised to see how his lower lip trembled a bit.

"I love you too, Kolya." You confessed, unable to pretend the contrary. "But I don't know where to go from here."

"You don't owe me anything, my sweet. I wanted you to know and now you do. That's more than I deserve." One of his hands came up to caress your cheek as he gave you a small smile. You actually leaned to him, missing the touch, the closeness.

You missed him.

And yes, he had made a mistake. Yes, he had hurt you. But was it to the point of no return? To be fair, you knew that nothing had actually happened between him and Alina besides the proposal. And sure, that was certainly enough on its own but in a way that meant that it hadn't actually cheated.

He had surely betrayed your trust and lied to you. But trust could be regained. And work could be done on your relationships so as not to have these communication problems again.

The question is: were you willing to put yourself through that? Because it was not going to be easy. And there was a chance that it wasn't going to work.

His eyes boring on yours, you hoped to convey your insecurity to him. You knew he loved you. And you dearly loved him too. Maybe you could give him a second chance. If love was there maybe it was worth it to put in the effort to make it work.

Scratch that- it definitely was.

"What about what I deserve?" You whispered as your hands wrapped around his on your face.

"Everything and more, my love." His eyes flickered between yours hopefully. Trying to see if he could find the confirmation in them of what your words implied.

"Well, I think that I deserve a prince." You stated with a small smile.

"Even if he's unworthy of you?" He insisted, raising an eyebrow but mirroring your smile.

"I guess I can give him another chance to prove himself."

"He'd be most grateful, my dear. But I'm afraid he'll never deserve you." His face got closer to yours, nose almost touching. He cradled your face in his hands, his thumb stroking your cheeks.

"Enough with the charming, Kolya, I'm already yours. Come and get me." You chuckled with a roll of your eyes before eagerly tugging him closer to you.

"As you wish." He said before he kissed you. Slowly at first, almost as if he couldn't still believe that it was happening. Then with the hold on your face, he pulled you closer angling your face so as to deepen the kiss.

Your old sweatshirt laid discarded on your bedroom floor. Forgotten for the moment as you caught up on your lost time together.

[chronicles-of-a-paper-heart]

Cait over at Paperfury created this tag and I immediately loved the idea. You connect books to colours, or rather to the emotions they’re commonly associated with.

She also allowed everyone to steal the tag and a wise kangaroo once said: The people want to break rules and be rebellious, they just want someone to tell them it’s okay.

So, here I am ‘stealing’ that tag for my very first #tagtuesday.

  BLUE – Book that made you sad

I went over to my bookshelves to see if I had any book on there that could get me to cry, I assure you that’s quite an achievement. I don’t usually cry while reading. But there was a book that recently managed just that.

Gregor and the Code of Claw. That book ripped my heart out. My best friend visited me a few months ago and we read books aloud to each other. She always pestered me to read that series but I only read the first two books before she came, so we read the last three ones together. Before we started the last one she told me that I probably had to read most of that book because she cried multiple times every time she read it. And oh boy do I now know why! So SAD!

RED – Bookworm problems that make you angry

Oh, where to start. First, I could copy every word on Cait’s list for this prompt. couldn’t agree more. Stickers on Covers (and what’s even worse, fake stickers that are actually printed on the cover. Still worse when they are A PRICETAG!! ON! THE! FREAKIN! COVER! (I’m still salty af about that)

Cover Changes mid-series! I don’t think I have to say a lot about this one. Everyone knows about the anguish, everyone suffers! In that same vein … when books from the same publisher, same, edition/cover etc. don’t have the same height. Like what do those 2mm give you?? Other than my wrath! It doesn’t look good on my shelves. And why do it?? It doesn’t even make any sense?

And when people try to police what others can read or enjoy. Like ehm, no?? You do you, and I can enjoy whatever the heck I find enjoyable? Why try to convince to have less thing to be happy about? You enjoy fluffy romance? Gritty crime? Ya? New Adult? Who cares?! (Sorry rant over. Just had this conversation recently and I just don’t get it)

  YELLOW – Upcoming book(s) you’d be happy to have right now

Well I tried to stay away from all those ‘Most anticipated releases’-post because I want to reduce my TBR and that doesn’t work if I constantly buy new books (of course I found ways to still get a lot of new books, sneaky Slytherin brain trying to trick me and my book buying ban!) But I still have a few for this prompt:

Vengeful by V.E. Schwab. I actually preordered this and I CANNOT WAIT! I need it now! The Cover is gorgeous, Vicious is one of my all-time favourite books and the little snippets we got, have me hyperventilating!

A Thousand Perfect Notes by C.G. Drews aka Paperfury. I wanted this the minute Cait announced it. It sounds so intriguing, heartwarming and -breaking and like everything I never knew I needed. And well, it’s from Cait! (Also, coverlove!)

Das Schloss der träumenden Bücher by Walter Moers (The Castle of Dreaming Books). He is one of my favourite authors and this is the third (actually the second part of the second book) book in The Dreaming Books Series and I loved that series, that world. But it gets pushed back and back and I NEED IT! The expected publication date is 8th October 2025. 2025!! That’s pure torture!

King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo. I mean, a book about Nikolai??? YES PLEASE! NOW! PLEASE! Enough said.

Oh and the last one I kinda need now, but I also don’t want it because I don’t want the series to end? Kingdom of Ash by Sarah J Maas. I am relatively calm right now, but I know that will change as soon as I start my reread. I love Aelin and those books helped me through a hard time so they’ll be forever in my heart.

  GREEN – Favourite unlikely friends

The first group of friends is probably not that well known, (I only know two other people who have read these books) and that is the group of friends in the Emperor’s Edge Series by Lindsay Buroker. They are all so completely different, one all stoic and serious, another one book-y and sad, another one extremely driven and chatty etc. And their little group grows with each book and still fit so well.

Also Harry and Luna, I love their weird friendship. It’s a quiet sort of friendship, but they still really help each other. I think they both needed each other.

Aaaand also The Raven Boys and Blue. Ronan and Gansey, so different and still so loyal. All of them.

  GREY – Books you are totally emotionless about

This one was actually quite hard. But I got a few.

First, I agree with Cait on Classics. Don’t really care either way for most of them. Same with YA Contemporary with the main focus on romance.

But as for specific books:

Fathomless by Jackson Pearce It was an okay plot, okay characters. Already forgot most of it. but I think I liked it while reading? But yeah, three stars. Don’t care for it much.

Twilight. I was obsessed when I first read them. I kid you now I walked around between ensemble (guitar) practices with the book in front of my nose and my friend guiding me so I wouldn’t run into walls or anything. but nowadays, I don’t really have any strong emotions about it. I don’t hate them, I don’t love them. I just don’t think about them most of the time.

Four by Veronica Roth is a short story collection that I probably should have read shortly after finishing the Divergent Series (which I really enjoyed) to actually care about it. But since I read that book a few years later … Couldn’t bring me to care. Meh.

Also, Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater. That book was the definition of meh. And I don’t know what happened. I love Maggie, okay? What went wrong?? It was just so bland (still great writing style though)

  PINK – Book ending (no spoilers though) that you love

Even the Darkest Stars by Heather Fawcett. I really liked that book. The setting is FANTASTIC and I really liked the characters and story too, but the ending was amazing! Made the book so much better! (Changed a few peoples opinion for the better if you read reviews)

Three Dark Crowns by Kendare Blake. I loved that book. Mainly because I loved Katharine and was already expecting the slower pace (which I think threw a lot of people of since it was marketed very differently). And that ending! I had to start One Dark Throne immediately!

The Raven King! That was a great ending. And one I certainly didn’t see coming.

  PURPLE – Book you never really understood

The Woman Behind the Waterfall. It’s not that I didn’t understand that book overall. But there were parts in it that just went over my head. I really like that book, and still think about it, but yeah. Didn’t get certain more magical realism type of scenes.

And I don’t get the hype about the Mortal Instruments Series. Honestly, I hated Clary! So! Much! And I don’t think I can suffer through three more books with her. I will give Cassandra Clare another chance with The Infernal Devices Books but … yeah. We’ll see how that one goes.

Oh, and Rick Riordan. Unpopular opinion time: I really don’t like his Percy Jackson Series and I don’t really get why so many people are obsessed with them? They’re predictable and just … I don’t get it.

  WHITE – Author you’re scared of (they are so mean to their characters)

I haven’t even read anything by him yet, but I’m still scared? Jay Kristoff.

Also, V.E. Schwab! Honestly! So mean! So great!

And Sarah J Maas. At least a little. I don’t think she’ll really kill anyone important off but I’m still a bit nervous.

Oh and maybe GRRM because I only have three characters I absolutely don’t want to die! (Spoiler? Kinda? If you wanna see it just mark it Dany, Tyrion and Ser Jorah (And maybe Sansa). The rest can die for all I care. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (Especially Jon Snow!)

  BLACK – Book you think is powerful and influential

The first book that came to mind is George by Alex Gino. It’s own voices and middle grade and such a lovely hopeful and important story. Especially for middle grade. If you haven’t read it yet, please do.

And I think Harry Potter was pretty influential. Don’t think I have to say anything about that one.

And maybe The Hunger Games? It’s so much more than the love triangle. It has so many political and moral statements/questions. And it kinda started the whole dystopian craze.

  ORANGE – Playful characters who are just too adorable

Now, that one was HARD. Apparently, I don’t read enough books with people that aren’t assassins or broken beyond repair (or both). But I still got three. Although I’m pretty sure a lot of you won’t know them.

Boots, Gregor’s two-year-old sister. She is just the most adorable thing in the world. I love her and I honestly would have read the Gregor books just for her. She is cute, and funny, and open-minded and just exactly like you would imagine a two-year-old to be like.

The Booklings. Just all of them. I general. They are so CUTE! and I want to cuddle them and put them in protective blankets and let know one near them to harm them. Pure cinnamon roles.

And maybe the Cheshire Cat (not from Alice in Wonderland, but from Madness by Maja Köllinger). It’s definitely more playful than adorable. But … oh well.

  And that was my list. this was so much fun and I’ll definitely do more tags in the future. What would your answers be? Are there any fantasy books with adorable, playful characters that you could recommend? I’m clearly missing something there! What was a book you didn’t understand or the love for an author you don’t get?

  Emotions in Colours Book Tag Cait over at Paperfury created this tag and I immediately loved the idea. You connect books to colours, or rather to the emotions they're commonly associated with.