#<- saw it called like that on imbd (insane)

[knopartt]

mila from the russian series "vampires of the midland" inspired by shortparis' music video of the choir version of the song яблонный сад (apple orchard) :)

[sean-likes-movies-blog]

Love, Simon and my first review (ᵔᴥᵔ)

(No Spoilers btw)

There’s a horrible trend in movies right now. And before I say what it is I’m going to need you to have an open mind because I know it’s something that most people feel so strongly about they don’t even stop to consider whether they are being misguided. But I’m just gonna come out (hehe) and say it... Call Me by Your Name was an ok movie at best.

Now I know what you’re thinking... “I loved it! You’re wrong! Call Me by Your Name is a universally beloved film! Just look at the IMBD score!” And you may be right, it may actually be a great movie. But I just found it to be so... incredibly... boooring. I was constantly resisting the urge to go on my phone and look at something more exciting. I even watched it twice because clearly I must be missing something, everyone tells me it’s amazing! But it just kept putting in a comatose state. (Also, I know Oliver is meant to be 24 but he looks so old and that just made the whole romance feel super creepy #PedoVibes)

It was funny, a few months ago I joined a conversation with some fellow films students (two gay guys and a girl) as they were praising the film. “Ohmygod it’s so good” “The music is insane!” “I bet it’s gonna win so many Oscars!” “Yeah, I actually found it to be... kind boring” I interjected expected roaring backlash. “Right!” “Yeah I thought so too” “It took me two days to watch the whole thing.” So I came to the conclusion that the only reason it is so popular is because Timothée Chalamet is a fucking dreamboat! (Especially in Lady Bird)

No I really came to the conclusion it’s “good” simply because it celebrates being gay. And that makes me sad. Doing what I do I know so many amazing people with wonderful and tragic stories that deserve to be explored in exciting ways! Anyway when I saw the trailer for Love, Simon I giggled like a schoolgirl at the concept of a comedy film about a closeted kid.

So I just finished watching it about 20 minutes ago (In future I’ll try to watch a movie at least twice before doing a review) and I kinda liked it. I didn’t love it, like it’s not the best movie ever but I enjoyed for what it was: A fucking teen movie! Holy shit the first 20 minutes of the film I wanted to rip my hair out at that cheesy fucking dialogue! THE FUCKING DIALOGUE! There’s an interaction with his mom near the beginning where I just wanted to yell; “NOBODY TALKS LIKE THAT” anyway you get over it pretty quickly and then you can kinda start enjoying the movie.

So the plot follows Simon who, you guessed it, is a closeted guy in his last year of high school. A blog post on this website, called Creek’s Secrets, where (and I’m sorry is this really a real thing in America?) students from the school can post gossip about other students and make the little rants, confessions or whatever their hearts desire for the whole school to see, reveals that there is another closeted gay kid at school, who calls himself blue. Simon and blue become pen pals when *gasp the inciting incident* this geeky guy sees Simon’s emails and threatens to out him if he doesn’t help him get a girlfriend... Yip, it’s a teen movie.

This results in Simon engaging in all sorts of cooky shenanigans to influence the love lives of his friends, all while continuing his correspondence with Blue, trying to figure out who he may be.

There are a lot of Cringy moments in Love, Simon. Like, a lot. And what filmmakers love doing is exploiting the fact that when something cringy happens in film, that cringe transports itself through the screen into the audience. There this one scene that is absolutely painful to watch and seems to last forever! But I guess that encapsulates young love right? Just a string of cringy moments.

Now the ending, the big climax. Personally I was able to predict it but I wouldn’t say it’s predictable. Though I do have a pretty big problem with it. The movie, for a brief moment ignores the moral high ground it tried to establish just a few scenes earlier in a ‘if our protagonist can do it then it’s fine. If you don’t know what I’m talking about I’ll explain now. WARNING: SPOILERS. PROCEED TO THE NEXT PARAGRAPH TO CONTINUE THIS SPOILER FREE REVIEW. Simon yells at Martin for taking away his choice in coming out but then emotionally blackmails Bram into coming out. Yeah yeah Bram did come foreword in his own free will but because he was feeling the cringe we were of seeing Simon on the ferris wheel alone and not necessarily because he wanted to. Oh and one more small gripe now that we’re in the spoiler section. The fact that they’re gradating soon is mentioned multiple times throughout the movie but never comes to fruition. The movie ends on ‘17 days till graduation’. So like, they don’t really get to have their high school romance? also, why does nothing happen to homophobic principle and those two kids? Probably some deep reflection of society bullshit.

In the end though, despite the cringy dialogue, Love, Simon left me with a warm feeling inside. It’s a feel-good movie while also telling an important story and bringing to light serious topics in a manner that in bound to open up discussion and broaden perspectives. Though I find myself being able to take teen movie’s less and less seriously because as you grow older you find that most of the issues dealt with in these films really don’t matter in the real world (Yes I know they matter to teens, that’s why it’s a teen movie). Yet I find this movie to far more progressive than Call Me by Your Name as it tell a far more grounded and relatable story (I don’t know about you, but I don’t have too many mysterious students staying with me and my family for the summer) while keeping it light and entertaining.

Overall I gve Love, Simon a 7/10. Still can’t get over that teen movie dialogue ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[horror-movie-blog]

HMB: Darkness Falls

Original Publishing Date: October 18th, 2015 

I don't remember much about this movie other then the frustrating pain it gave me while watching it. I don't know, maybe if I was in a better mood I won't have been so harsh, but I just watched this movie and everything about it was pissing me off. The story is a about a monster called the tooth fairy. I'm going to stop right here to talk about IMBD. One of the thing this good for nothing website "praised" about the movie is how original it was, like there hasn't been a horror movie about the tooth fairy. Guess what dipshits, like all fairy tales it has been made into a horror movie. The Haunting of Annabelle is a great example (not the movie, the movie was garbage). So no, the idea they're making the tooth fairy scary is not original, and even if it was, the movie does a poor job with it. Any ways, the tooth fairy was some woman who'd give children money if they gave her their teeth. Since that's not scary enough, her housed burnt down, which deformed her, resulting in her having to wear a spooky mask. Now, since the cool story tellers always have the villagers be the bad guys, the townsfolk start to shun the woman. When two kids went missing, they all came together and hanged her. But whoops, the children are alive and now the woman will come back as a spooky ghost. Cut to modern day, and we get a new story. An anti-social teen looses a tooth and gets a visit from the tooth fairy (yes, a TEEN who still believes in the tooth fairy). Tooth fairy kills his mom and the police think he did it. So already we have a clishe villain and a clishe plot, it can only go uphill from here. Cut to twelve years later, the teen's ex-girlfriend calls him to talk some sense into her brother who also saw the tooth fairy and is now afraid of the dark and is being clinically treated as insane. I love movies that paint therapy as a bad thing, you know what I'm talking about, when the main character believes that there's something supernatural going on and those snobby doctors roll their eyes at the idea. So to go back to the story, why did the ex-girlfriend call up her ex-boyfriend, a known nut-case, to talk sense into her brother? That doesn't make any sense. Okay, so the teen is on a crusade to warn people of the tooth fairy, but no one believes him. God dam it, stop making this story! It's the most overused story in horror! You'd know what would be more interesting? If they all believed him! I know it would seem far fetched, but with superstition still existing in modern times, I think it could work. So as I was saying, the teen is the troubled outcast, making this the, what, 35th clishe in the movie. So a power outage sends the whole town of Darkness Falls into darkness, what a coincidence. Because the tooth fairy fears light and prays during the night, this makes it easy for her to go after the boy. Soon everyone believes the teen and flee to the lighthouse, since it's a lighthouse. Turns out the ghost wants to kill the teen because he's the only surviving victim of her. So they have one of those climaxes where it looks like all hope is lost until hope is regained, and the monster dies and everyone lives happily ever after. So before I wrap up there's one thing I want to talk about that I wasn't able to address, that being music. Music is a great way to get into the atmosphere of the movie, but it shouldn't be used as the means to scare. If you take the music out of this movie there would be no scares. In movies like Insidious (I know I keep bringing this movie up, but it's good so shut up), the music is used to amplify the presence of the ghost, but what carries the suspense is when the ghost will pop up. In Darkness Falls we know when the monster will strike, so there's no suspense, meaning the only thing we are anticipating is when our ears will be blasted by terrible music. It's as scary as the popped paper bag trick. So in summary, Darkness Falls sucks, don't believe the IMBD comments, it's terrible. Don't waste your time watching this film, watch Hellraiser instead.