#<- putting that in the tags is absolutely kicking a hornet’s nest but oh well

[lycandrophile]

you're gonna detransition in 10 years.

so i get a whole decade of living happily in the body i’m creating for myself now, and then i get to go through the process of metamorphosis and rediscover the joy of chasing gender euphoria all over again? i’ll take it!

i know people like you only see detransitioners as rhetorical tools to use against trans people, but the truth is that detransition is just another kind of transition. why would i be any more afraid of that one than i am of the one i’m in right now? if i was afraid of transitioning, of taking matters into my own hands when the body i have doesn’t feel like home anymore, i wouldn’t have transitioned in the first place. i’m where i am because i truly love this process, because it brings joy into my life, not because i fear it. being human means a life of constant change; none of us are the same people we were ten years ago. i for one won’t run from that change — i intend to greet the person i’m becoming with open arms, however different they might be from who i am now, and i’m sure that whoever they are, they wouldn’t want me to make my life miserable now just so theirs might be a little bit easier.

one of the greatest joys in life is that all of us are capable of change, and capable of enacting that change upon ourselves. i’ve been lucky enough to remold and remake myself once and, should i find myself faced with the opportunity to do so again, i’ll embrace that as the gift it is. there is no greater honor than to be reborn by your own hand.

[teamhawkeye]

Top 10 Far Cry Songs

i wasn’t tagged to do this, but i saw @tomexraider‘s post and choices and it got me thinking and i wanted to make my list too!

i’m gonna totally cheat and break this down by the background score and the original soundtrack + licensed soundtrack songs, because having the pick just 10 out of all the FC music would be absolutely impossible for me. without further ado-

RULES: list your top ten songs from the Far Cry franchise and list your reasoning behind your picks.

score:

Far Cry 3 / Further (feat. Serena McKinney) - Brian Tyler (both of them) | Far Cry 3 (they’re nearly identical songs - one has a solo vocalist and the other has a violin solo - so i included them both. both so powerful: the first is at the start of the game and the second is played into the credits so they bookend the entire game for you. still give me chills)

Journey Into Madness - Brian Tyler | Far Cry 3 (the moment this one’s tied to - your first up close glimpse of Hoyt and the rush to get the information to save your buddy Oliver - is one of my favorites. So tense and urgent and makes you feel a little small after the high of “Kick the Hornet’s Nest” immediately preceding it)

Sloan’s Assault - Power Glove | Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon (i love the entire Blood Dragon OST for being synthwave/retrowave - that is absolutely my jam, synth, 80s, and 80s synth are my bread and butter. this one in particular is so heart-pumping and energizing)

Royal Reception - Cliff Martinez | Far Cry 4 (plays in De Pleur’s mansion at the very start and plays again if you play through the whole game and finally reach Lakshmana with Pagan. There’s just something very haunting about it - it’s mired in intrigue at the start, when you’re not sure where you are or just what you should be doing)

Lakshmana - Cliff Martinez | Far Cry 4 (absolutely stunning - both tragic and beautiful. it speaks of lost and eternal love and it’s both calming and sobering)

When the Morning Light Shines In - Dan Romer | Far Cry 5 (this one...this always feels like coming home. opening up the map and being greeted with this just brings a feeling of warmth and happiness and belonging to me)

The Blessing Just Takes Minutes - Dan Romer | Far Cry 5 (this is one of my favorite “battle” themes - it just speaks of high adrenaline and fighting hard to victory)

Their Thrones Become Electric Chairs - Dan Romer | Far Cry 5 (”YOU ARE BEING HUNTED/YOU’VE BEEN MARKED”...that infamous cue comes from this one. Very industrial, sinister, and foreboding - as most of the score in the Whitetails region is - but it’s absolutely invigorating)

Faith’s Bunker Theme (Walk the Path) - Dan Romer | Far Cry 5 (absolutely haunting. it perfectly fits the hallucinatory state of Faith’s Gate and the emotional state of having just beat Faith and trying to reach the Sheriff in time. never officially released, but absolutely one of the strongest tracks of the whole game)

Bold and Brave - Dan Romer | Far Cry 5 (the backend of John’s boss battle, after his plane gets shot down into his death cutscene. it’s equal parts sinister and tragic - which fits John so well - but there’s also such an undercurrent of energy in that first half that really speaks to Rook’s need to finally stop John)

OST + Licensed soundtrack:

Make It Bun Dem - Skrillex & Damian “Jr. Gong” Marley | Far Cry 3 (it’s iconic for a reason - such an incredible mission and objective is tied to it. always reminds you what makes Far Cry games so much fun)

Paper Planes - M.I.A. | Far Cry 3 (what an opener. FC3 has some of the best and most memorable music of the series)

Should I Stay or Should I Go - The Clash | Far Cry 4 (another great opener - and closer, if you like to get the Secret Ending a lot like i do, haha. such a promise of the chaos and fun of Pagan Min’s character)

The River - The Bombay Royale | Far Cry 4 (such a good song to amp you up for the face-to-face with Pagan after spending 90% of the game away from him and communicating via only radio. it just scales up the tension for the confrontation so well)

Oh John - Dan Romer/Hammock | Far Cry 5 (i’m cheating and putting two versions of it - you could even throw the Hope County Choir version of it in here too. it’s just such a upbeat and catchy song in its original form sung by - and the Reinterpretation version of it is so dreamy and soothing, i adore them both so much)

Oh the Bliss - Dan Romer/Hammock | Far Cry 5 (cheating again by throwing in 2 versions, but oh well. it’s such a beautiful song when sung by Jenny Owen Youngs and so haunting and captivating in its Reinterpretation version - perfect for Faith)

We Will Rise Again - Dan Romer | Far Cry 5 (i just love how beautiful this one is sung - major kudos to Meredith Godreau)

Only You (And You Alone) - The Platters | Far Cry 5 (this song has forever been changed for me after FC5 - it’s hard to explain to my parents why such a romantic and sweet song can make my hair stand on end when it’s played unexpectedly, haha. speaks to the impact it made by this particular song being chosen for such an important aspect of the story)

We’ll Meet Again - Vera Lynn | Far Cry 5 (forget John whistling it in The Confession for a sec - i’ll never forget beating FC5 for the first time and the shock of ending it with Joseph being right and he and Rook alone in that bunker as the screen faded to black and this song kicked in. it was an absolute gut punch - i wasn’t necessarily mad, just completely blown away and trying to process what had just happened. it was so powerful)

Disco Inferno - The Trammps | Far Cry 5 (”Burn, Baby, Baby” remains one of my favorite missions in FC5 - the absolute insanity of Sharky’s introduction is so outrageous and fun and represents everything to love about Far Cry games)

it hurt me to leave off some of my other favorites, but i did my best to keep things level and not have everything be solely from FC3 or FC5, lol. anyway, let me know what some of your faves are!

i’ll tag @starsandskies @seedlingsinner @josephseeds-rosary @lxmbert @foofygoldfish @chyrstis @weekend-writer @amistrio @minilev @fadedjacket @red-nightskies and anyone else who would like to jump in and make their own list - be sure to tag me so i can see it!

[nautilusopus]

I’M TIRED OF BEING NICE AND I’M GONNA GO APESHIT

Don’t mind me just sticking my face in this hornet’s nest at long last. 

Hot take for the day: Clotis complaining about the Cleriths' need to excise giant chunks of Cloud's character arc to make their ship work that won’t shut the fuck up about “childhood friends” for ten seconds are in absolutely no position to talk. 

OH ALSO Cleriths in turn have no fucking right to act so put-upon by the mean old Clotis when it is a well known fact that they start the most shit/do the most hating out of EVERYONE in this fandom combined. You fuckers literally have an anti-tifa tag. I had to block the majority of the VII tag when I first got to Tumblr because the vast majority of the damn thing was made up of hatemail, sent from you, to other people’s blogs showing any Tifa positivity whatsoever. 

OH AND ALSO I think we excuse a lot of the bad Cloti takes because in comparison the damage done to the story by them isn't nearly as bad as the damage done by the Cleriths trying to like... chop out 90% of Cloud's character arc, so we let a lot of garbage slide, but we really shouldn't. (Again I stg if I have to see one more fucking "childhood friends" post...) Clotis just as frequently come up with shit takes that warp the story to prop up their ship, it’s just concentrated in different areas.

Please stop attributing literally fucking everything Aeris does to Zack. Please. Stop it. Fucking stop it for chrissake I don’t care if it gets her neatly out of the way, weren’t you assholes dunking on the Cleriths for this like... last week? You don’t care how bad Aeris gets butchered as long as she’s out of the fucking way and she’s never allowed to make decisions or have agency of her own and it really goes to show how shallow your “oh but we’re the ones that REALLY appreciate the story and characters” lines are. Fuck, you don’t even really care about Tifa either given you spent the last, like.. decade calling Aeris a bland damsel and then every day I log into this blue hell and see another Cloud Saving Tifa gifset compilation.

Like... FACT: Cloud and Tifa were never childhood friends. If this doesn’t fuel your ship in the exact way you want, too bad. This is the story of the game. Stop snipping it out. Tifa never gave two shits about Cloud prior to meeting him in Midgar years later. The fact that the promise in and of itself is some juvenile nonsense that ultimately meant little to their relationship in and if itself is just part of the game. 

ALSO FACT: Tifa and Cloud love each other and it informs nearly every part of Cloud’s character arc. Whether or not you think it’s platonic or romantic, that’s your call, but his need for her validation kicked off his entire arc and is woven into nearly every part of hers, with them learning to be vulnerable and honest with one another being the culmination of both of them, and in and of itself is a reflection of the themes about identity and acceptance Cloud’s story conveys. To cut that out is to cut out the core of who Cloud is. 

ALSO A FUCKING FACT: Aeris can, should, and does have decisions she makes independent of the fact that she was Zack’s girlfriend at this point and YES this fucking includes her relationship with Cloud. The fact that acknowledging that threatens getting her neatly out of the way of Cloud is irrelevant to the fact that it’s a part of the story of the game. Zack being retconned to be responsible for everything she ever did or thought is NOT something you should be celebrating if you care about the story being coherent. 

Basically I’m saying you all suck and “oh at least the Clotis aren’t run by neo-Nazis” is a low, low bar and you should all be ashamed that’s our quality vetting point by now. 

And hey while I’m here most Aerti content sucks too because it’s “gay disaster” this “gay disaster” that, y’all are hugely projecting onto Aeris where she’s fainting and drooling over Tifa’s arms every three seconds. There are other types of character besides gay disaster. Shameful.

[confusedunit]

Universe of Unreality - Chapter 3

Chapter 3 -  "W-what...could he mean...?" It's time, for the cascade. Tommy feels unsettled. Bubby and Coomer are confused. Dr. Freeman remembers something. 

Tommy was sure it couldn't have been long, that they couldn't have been too far behind Dr. Freeman. But by the time they made it to the observation room, he was already long gone. As the three entered, the men in the room looked up at them, and they didn't seem happy. But they never really seemed happy in the first place.

"Ah, Dr's Coomer and Coolatta. And Bubby." The man crossed his arms, even as Bubby growled quietly. "Once again, you three seem to have found your ways to exactly where you don't belong."

"Ah, but we are here to supervise!" Coomer spoke brightly, a grin on his face. To anyone who didn't know him, it probably looked genuine. "Dr. Freeman told us about his experiment, and we heard over the Black Mesa Automatic Diagnostic and Announcement System that the test had been pushed forward! So here we are!"

"And yet, you're late. Just as Gordon was." He sighed, tapping his foot. "You used to be so punctual, Dr. Coomer. I think that boy has rubbed off on you."

Bubby leaned forward. "In case you were somehow unaware, there's been problems with the tram system all morning. Everyone's running late. Unless someone stayed and worked unapproved overtime?"

The man seemed more uncomfortable, at that. "We've changed up the test, we all needed to make sure that nothing would go wrong. It's not our faults that Gordon decided to sleep in."

"He's been sick! With a flu that probably was caused here!"

Hmm, Tommy took note of that. Bubby remembered the illness too. But thinking he'd just come back from that...that was a problem for future him. Current him needed to try to get Dr. Freeman away from the room, without actually being able to get to him. He wished, for a moment, that Benrey was there. The troublemaker could just clip through the walls and go mess with the VOX, make a fake announcement. But he assumed the guard was with Dr. Freeman, which may just be safer.

"Are you accusing us of something, Bubby?"

"N-no sir, he's just...concerned for Mr. Freeman!" Tommy nodded, opening and closing his hands as he thought. "I...I think we shouldn't do this test today...it's- it's dangerous enough as it is, with- uh- without health concerns!"

The man turned to look up at him now. "You have no idea what you're talking about, Dr. Coolatta. With all due respect, you don't work in Anom, you work in HR."

Ah, right into his trap. Perfect. Like a horse kicking a hornet's nest. "Act- actually, that's exactly why I- I do know what I'm talking about...!" He smiled brightly, as his words became a bit more focused, as if he was reading them off a page. He wasn't, of course. He'd memorized them. "Working conditions for an employee of 'Black Mesa' and other subsidiaries are required to maintain the highest of possible safety, including but not limited to; well maintained equipment, monthly safety inspections, meticulous count of specimens, continued health of people and animals and experiments one may come in contact with, and multistage approvals of any and all tests posed, including any updates or changes to test protocol, sample, or equipment."

The other two Sector C scientists looked nervously to the first one. The Science Team all grinned back.

"...Ah, well-"

"So as you can see, Mr..." He glanced at the man's name tag. "...Teasley, currently at least three of those requirements are- are being broken right now!"

Bubby crossed his arms, nodding. "Continued health of those one would come in contact with would include Dr. Freeman."

"He's been cleared to return to work, Bubby. That meets the requirement."

Tommy shook his head. "He is still unwell, even if not contagious. Putting him...right back in- into testing with the radiation, that's unsafe!"

"He is a grown man, Dr. Coolatta. He doesn't need your protection."

Oh, but he does, he wanted to insist. But he knew Teasley wouldn't understand. But it wouldn't matter anymore, soon.

"Actually, as far as I remember," Coomer spoke up. "No labs in Sector C have been properly inspected lately. Or Sector G, now that I think about it."

Teasley tensed up again. "We have one scheduled, and we've been given the go ahead on the test. That isn't a problem either."

"But the last two are. Meticulous count of specimens, and multistage approvals. I- I haven't heard of anyone getting any r-requests from your department!" He stared down at the smaller man. "We've b-been assigned all the paperwork, you know. E-even stuff that isn't...ours."

Teasley suddenly stiffened, staring right up at him. "We've gotten permission from Administration to conduct this test directly."

Tommy recognized that language. He doesn't like it. He narrows his eyes. "The Administrator would never approve of such a violation of-"

Teasley cut him off by taking a step into his space, lowering his voice. "The Administrator, isn't who you think he is, Tommy."

He took a step back, and he knew from the reaction of the men in front of him that his eyes had changed colors for a brief moment. He covered them quickly, hoping that his friends hadn't noticed the glow.

Pink, to grey, to white as chalk, means 'I am feeling quite the shock'.

It seemed like they hadn't, as they both moved forward to his sides. Coomer latched onto him, while Bubby moved a step in front.

"Tommy, are you alright?"

"What are you getting in his face for? What is your problem??"

Teasley stomped his foot, loudly. "That is enough! All three of you, get out of here before you make a mess of our equipment. It is our job to keep Dr. Freeman safe, and the fact that you've all barged in here is going to make us even later!"

Tommy let his hands fall, looking over at the man one more time. He had to try one last time. "But-"

"No buts! Everyone out!"

He felt shame, as the three of them left the room. They couldn't stop it, this time. They hadn't the other time either, but...at least they'd been there for him then. He sighed quietly, moving over to sit with his back against one of the walls.

Coomer sat on his right side, taking his arm once again. "...He will be alright. He is a strong man, for how young he is."

Bubby sat on his left, taking off his glasses to clean them. "He made it through before, he'll be fine."

Tommy pressed his palms into his eyes. "That was Gordon, not- not Dr. Freeman..."

"...Wait. Wait wait wait, Tommy...you know that?"

He tensed. "Uh..."

"If I may also interrupt, how do you two remember Gordon? I can understand why I do, however..."

The power flickered for a moment, and they felt as the machine started to rumble.

"...A conversation for a...a later time." Tommy said quietly, hands falling into his lap.

The others said nothing in return, as they all watched the door.

-

Dr. Freeman sighed, as they walked down the final hallway. "And they keep changing it! All the time!"

"wow, bro, that's like...super sucks." Benry gave a grin. "want me to beat them up?"

"Nah, man, that's like...my boss. I think. I've got so many I don't remember who's the highest up." He shrugged. "So we just sneak into the vents to break in. Or at least, we used to. I haven't seen him in a while...Hope he hasn't gotten sick too." He looked over to his friend. "You've met Calhoun, right?"

"uhhhh..." He seemed to think about this for a few moments. "...nah, don't think so. he cool?"

He smiled a bit. "He's a riot. He's the reason we aren't allowed to have Sector-wide bar parties anymore. Well, he and I. We got absolutely hammered one night, and someone decides to dare us to- well, I don't remember the details anymore, but I do remember that the surveillance system on that part of topside was busted for two months, and we only ended up with minorly broken bones. They scheduled him in different Sectors more often after that." He laughed. "Kleiner threw a fit, because no other guard knew how to get into his office through the vents, but they didn't really change their minds."

"huh. good to know." He glanced away.

"I think you two would get on like a house and fire."

"we'd what? huh?" He looked quickly back.

"It's a saying. Means you'd get along super well. Because houses burn easily?"

He blinked slowly, like a cat. "not human bro. don't know your...weird language."

He shook his head, as he entered the airlock. "I think it's called a...well I guess it's a metaphor, but I meant something else."

"malaphor." He stepped in after him.

"No, that's- what? What does that even mean?"

"like, you'll burn that bridge when you get to it. tommy says them."

The two scientists in the room decided, blessedly, to ignore the conversation, and just move to their stations.

"No, that's definitely a metaphor, what he says. But that's...your example isn't even one. There's crossing the bridge when you get to it, and burning bridges. Those are completely different things."

"but like, why not do both at once? 100% speedrun that shit."

"No, like, that would mean something entirely different, is what I'm saying." He shook his head as the door opened, waving to the two scientists. "Thank you. Sorry I'm late. I'll get right to work."

"they should give you an apology..." He muttered quietly to himself, standing right next to him.

Dr. Freeman took a breath, looking around the room. It felt like it had been ages since he'd been inside the test chamber, and being back...filled him with a feeling of ease. This was his stomping ground, his domain, the one place that his coworkers seemed to actually take him seriously. As sad as it was, it almost felt like home. Like it reached to him, pulled on him like a siren's call. He would feel the Resonation, hear the crystals sing, and he would almost feel at peace.

He was pulled from his thoughts by a small tug on his arm. "uh...bro? you good?"

He blinked slowly, looking over to Benry. "Huh? Oh, uh...yeah." He looked back at the machine. "Just thinking."

"what about?"

"The Resonance. It's..." He shook his head. "Look, they got...they got microphones. They'll call me crazy again. I'll...tell you later."

For a moment, the smaller man looked like he was going to say something, but the intercom cut him off with instructions.

Dr. Freeman moved through the process with ease, activating the bottom console before moving up the ladder to activate the top one. He went through the startup process with the observation crew, taking note of the unplanned changes. Increased power, larger sample...ugh, his data was going to be a mess. They'd have to run at least two more tests to actually get any usable data out of this. Well, at least he could organize what they were going to get later. Give him something to do at least.

He climbed down, giving a thumbs up to Benry as he passed his spot where he'd decided to sit on the floor. He moved across the room, to wait for the sample. As soon as it arrived, he rested his hands on the handle of the cart, trying to calm his breath. Every step he took towards the machine made his heart pound, and he didn't know why. Sure, this was the first test in ages, but everything would be fine. He was in control. It wouldn't mess up this time-

He stopped in his tracks, wracking his brain. What did that mean? They'd definitely never done this test before...they'd done smaller ones, but not one this big. Did something...no, the smaller ones had all gone fine, hadn't they? He'd been there for all of them-

He felt his heart skip again, before he shook his head and returned to his work. He felt his skin crawl as he got near, an anxiety he wasn't expecting starting to pop up. His own song, his brain, was screaming at him. Something was wrong. The song wasn't supposed to be like this. Not his. He took a steadying breath, just as he finally pushed the crystal into the beam.

The immediate cacophony was almost deafening, and he scrambled backwards. That was the wrong shade of green, and it was so much worse than the last time he'd seen it- His back slammed against the lift cage, and he gripped onto it like a lifeline, as he watched the colors pulse and shine. The wrong shade of green, and the crystal's song was upset. Not like before, when the only crime was pushing in the sample too fast, this was a song as if the crystal itself was distressed, faint waves of sound mixing with the Geiger counter in the HEV, mixing with his own song, and as he stared up into the glowing mass he felt a small bit of confusion, before a moment of understanding.

This wasn't supposed to happen. But...he could fix it.

He pushed himself to his feet and started to sprint across the room, not even flinching as the glass up above him shattered. He stumbled at a shake of the ground, but made his way over to the lower console. He'd done this before. He could do it again. And once it was all okay, he'd figure out why the hell he knew he'd done this before. A problem for a him that gets to be alive.

He looked up, and saw Benry holding onto the ladder for dear life, black and grey and yellow and blue orbs hovering around him. Once the smaller man saw him, he dropped, rushing over. "bro we gotta get you out of here, you don't got a helmet-"

"I'm not worried about the radiation. It hasn't killed me yet." He looked down at the console again, before returning his look to his friend. "Benry, I need your help."

"anything, bro, just-"

He tightly gripped Benry's upper arms, trying to ground himself. "I need your help. I can shut this down, but I need your help."

A few orbs seemed to pour from the guard's lips, a fragile looking gold. "wha?"

"There's a failsafe, here in this room. But I need your help to do it." He flinched, as the machine gave a worrying groan. "I don't have the speed to do it myself this time."

"this time? bro?"

"I'll...I'll figure out what that means later. More being alive now." He pulled away, rushing for the ladder.

"wait! what do i do?"

"Everything's numbered! When I tell you to start, you hit the numbers backwards! Hit one, then yell the number to me, and I'll hit mine! When I call out the number back, you move to the next!" He climbed up the ladder as quickly as he could while the world shook, stumbling along the catwalk to the upper console.

"uh, what-"

"On my mark, you start at five! And go backwards from there!" He held onto the console for dear life, glancing down. "Ready?"

Benry looked up for a brief moment, before he nodded. "ready."

"Now!"

A click. "five!"

He reached out to his own console, flipping a switch. He looked over at the machine, smiling faintly as he heard the crystal's song change slightly. "Five!"

Another click. "four!"

He pressed a button this time, and the machine's spin started to slow. "Four!"

A thunk, this time, before the click. "three!"

He twisted a knob this time. "Three!"

Another click. "two-"

An explosion shook the entire room, as the laser arched and burst off of the mass. He barely kept from toppling off of the catwalk. "Shit, Benry, you good?"

He was given no response.

"Benry??" He looked down over the edge of the catwalk, and felt his heart stop. Below, the lower console was destroyed, a burning husk of metal and plastic all that remained. The spot where Benry last stood was burned, part of the blast even having damaged the wall behind. There was no sign of the guard, or even of his helmet.

He covered his mouth with his hands, trying to calm down. The man had always insisted he wasn't human, that he'd be fine in any dangers. In that moment, more than anything else, he hoped that he'd been telling the truth.

He pressed a button on his own console, feeling sick. "Two..." He mumbled to himself, starting to lose balance. His friend was gone. He hadn't been fast enough, couldn't protect him...and now he couldn't even shut the machine down. But as he heard the song change more, the lights fading closer to yellow, he knew he could at least stabilize the beam. Maybe...at least then his work wouldn't have been in vain.

He entered commands into the console on autopilot, taking a step back once he was done. Minimal power, into the crystal, which would keep the machine from destroying itself, and seemed to have made the green energy minimal. It would give a stable amount of data. And according to said data, the power from the crystal would keep the machine self sustaining, if not actively feeding back into the grid. What a time to find a green power source.

He stumbled on his way to the ladder, dropping to the catwalk and crumpling over himself. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't exit the room without the bottom console to override the door, no one in the observation room was talking to him, and Benry...

He shook his head, trying to keep himself steady. But all he could think of was all of his friends. Would this be effecting anyone else in the facility? With the amount of power drain, the shaking, the explosions and the screams he'd heard...what had they done? How many people would...

He heard the song change pitch, and the laser arched again. An explosion hit the wall. The part of the catwalk under him gave way, and he fell through the air. He heard another change, and felt electricity strike through him, pain keeping him from screaming.

His last thought was, 'strange, my glasses aren't cracked this time', before he felt nothing.