#<- nbh goes for my irls on here too

[blu-engineer]

least favorite kind of person is the kind you can't walk away from without them getting upset

[ablednt]

I also don't think ableds on this hellsite realize that they don't fucking know what my needs are or what my "functioning level" is

All my mental energy goes into the posts I make. I only know how to communicate like this because I have to and also because this is written and I have time to think and only have to use my fingers to type.

IRL? I talk too slow and too fast, I stumble over words, I repeat things. I make all the "cringey" sounds like the howling noises or the weird humming autistic people do.

And much of my vocabulary is repeated things, quotes from media, saying the same words back to people, or saying simple word responses over and over (anyone who talks to me casually will hear thousands of the word "valid" because often my brain can't form other words.)

I also have little control over the things I say, such as the fact I say the fuck word in formal settings because I can't filter for occasion or my "tone" is entirely inconsistent and often has nothing to do with what I'm feeling. My words and mannerisms are not convenient and they are not the rehearsed and direct quality that I give here.

And that's when I'm verbal often times my mouth refuses to let me use it, sometimes my throat doesn't want to make the sound. So I either stay quiet or use an app or use text instead, it doesn't mean I have nothing to say and it doesn't mean that those words have less meaning than these.

I have yet to get my highschool diploma and I cannot travel alone, make and keep doctors appointments, do basic research, and in many cases make logical decisions. Despite being in my 20s I have less than a shred of independence and it's not super likely I'm going to get it if I try to do so in the way ableds expect me to.

The only privilege I really have in regards to this conversation on support needs and dependence is that I have enough ability to speak to advocate for myself and that's conditional, it's dependant on my ability to meet the constant pressures on me and to appeal to abled people enough they'll spare me for a little longer.

When I speak about this shit it's because I fucking experience it! Do not assume you know peoples needs based on tumblr textposts you absolute fuckwits/nbh