#<- mainly because I'm listing a lot of what doesn't happen and that alone gives away a lot?

[thevioletscout]

I'll do anything for thee, don't ignore me. This is more than a sick love story.

------------------------------------------------------

I drew Emery and his stalker again.

Okay so I found a tiktok user named glitzieguts who did some art of their OCs with this base and thought; "Oh that looks cool! I wanna do that!" and here we are.

Poor Edward's main method of solving problems for himself seems to be kidnapping. However, from what I understand he never kidnaps the player beyond burying them alive (and that's before the moon milk). Now this is most likely for very practical reasons, I can see that gameplay getting irritating fast.

However, for fan work it's acceptable! And I can definitely have fun with a potential AU scenario where Edward kidnaps Emery and keeps her as sort of a treasured doll. Hence the chains and rope.

OG Base, by cm_Yanggg on Twitter

[tohisprettyc00l]

find out you get bullied

A/n: Author stops writing comfort scenrios challge (Impossible)

Amity: As a person who has been the bully she's honestly more pissed. While she knows people bully others for many different reasons she can't help but project how she was feeling when bullying Willow onto your bullies. And she does not like her past self. She doesn't know quite how to comfort you she just hugs you while rubbing your back. When she confronts them she didn't want to be too mean. But Amity also does not take others hurting the ones she loves lightly.

Luz: Feels horrible that you had to deal with that. She is also pissed at the bullies. But before she can do anything to them she has to make sure you're okay. She tells you how perfect you are and that the bullies were clearly lying. She yells at them like a lot. Depending on how bad the bullying was she either has a sore throat or completely lost her voice.

Willow: She hears that! Which made her fume. Plants slightly crack the floor when you're telling her about it as she's trying to contain her anger. Once you were done she calms herself down and reassured you that you are amazing. She soon leaves to confront them. The next day not only are they not bullying you anymore, but they are also extremely nice to you.

Hunter: The (wo)man was too stunned to speak. In his eyes you're perfect so how anyone can be mean to you is beyond him. Also, the people in the Empores Coven weren't exactly the nicest to him. So if he has even a slight idea of what you're going thru he's super upset. When he talks to the bullies he subconsciously uses some of the fear tactics he learned at the coven. Which works, to say the least.

Vee:  She feels horrible. She's not sure how to help but tells you how much she loves you and spends a bunch of time with you. She is too nervous to go to your bullies. But Masha looks suspiciously like they got into a few fist-fights.

Raine: Imdeate hugs and cuddles <3. They bring you many blankets. They don't want to yell at the bullies right away. So instead they just lecture them. It's surprisingly the second most effective tactic only second to Willow's. While it might seem kinda lame (Because it was.) But imagine getting "I'm not mad I'm just disappointed"-ed by the former head of the bard coven.

Eda: she is not great at comforting you. But she picks you up and finds your bully. She pointed to said bully and asked if it was them. When you told her it was she just straight-up hexed them in front of them. Like didn't even try to hide it. Which is made slightly weirder considering that probably would have left you alone if the Owl Lady threatened them.

Emira: Oh she is mc-fucking pissed. But before that, she gives hugs you and rubs a circle on your back. Also maybe a massage. She decides not to confront them, she uses a bunch of illusions to mess with them. Does it make them think they're going insane? A little. But they also did psychological to you, so an eye for an eye as they say.

Edric: He is very sad. He lets you speak as long as you want. Once you're done he leaves for a second and makes a call to Emira and Amity. He then cuddles and watches tv with you. He also keeps complimenting you. Once Em and Amity come back it's pretty dang obvious they got into a fight. Mainly because despite being roughed up Emira kept laughing.

The Collector: Frist of all if you bully the Collector's friend then you're the biggest idiot in the world. When Terra was even slightly mean to King They turned her into a puppet. But they bring you a bunch of plushies and play with you. Once the Collector goes to the bullies you have to tell them not to hurt the bullies. He pinky swears to let you know he really won't. Well, whatever he did it definitely worked. But just to let you know, if it wasn't for you the Venn diagram of people who are mean to you and people on the missing person list would be a circle.

Lilith: Oh no, oh fuck no. Not happening. She gets Hooty to comfort you while she leaves. Side note Hooty is weirdly good at comforting people. Any back with Lilith she is pissed and yelling at the bullies. She is not above threats. Anyway, they won't be going anywhere near you for a while.

Gus: He was also A victim of Boscha's and Amity's bullying.  Very upset. Y'know what Emira did but? Yeah, he does that but all at once. Like that one scene with Bria's illusions. Listen he is not going to tolerate any more bullying.

[figmentof]

so i've been seeing a lot of people ask "what streaming service would want to pick up a show that only has one season left?" and i think that's a really valid question

now i'm not by any means a media analyst nor do i know the inner workings of the streaming industry but maybe my logic could help alleviate some of that anxiety

ofmd has a solid and very loyal viewer base. the ratings of both s1 and s2 have proven that, especially s2. s1 already outperformed in every way by running circles around MCU projects like Moon Knight and Loki, left both SW shows The Mandalorian and Book of Boba Fett in the dust, and did exceptionally well for a freshman series when going up against existing IPs. now we know that that alone was what got us s2 with max, but even then max/WBD went and slashed the budget by 40% 😬. BUT, even with this limitation and the pacing getting fucked up by rewrites/cut downs for the last three episodes, s2 still came through and delivered record breaking numbers, rave reviews across the board with major media outlets, and outdid their s1 performance that max officially listed ofmd as their max original flagship show. the unfortunate thing however is that none of this made a difference, we still got dropped last minute when the bts crew was already gearing up for pre-production

just because WBD/Zaslav doesn't respect or see the value of the show, doesn't mean other networks/streamers don't. a huge reason why i pushed for apple tv is bc they're a service that i've noticed cares about letting a show do their thing and not as much about viewership. apple tv did get a lot of attention and money from Ted Lasso though, and it was their flagship show for the three seasons it aired. i'm sure their 45 minute per episode season 3 was granted to them mainly because the show brought so much attention to their platform, so i think they'd absolutely do that for ofmd too what with it also being a feel good rom com with positive messages

ofmd also has a huge social media presence. the most recent and very successful example DJenks could use within his pitch is the astroglide incident. within an hour of astroglide tweeting about ofmd, fans are already photoshopping their product into screencaps, editing them into clips, and drawing fan art-- free advertisement delivered to them just because they gave us some attention. the fan tweets with astroglide reached thousands of eyes and astroglide was trending. any service that chooses to pick ofmd up isn't just getting a fanbase that would save them some budget in terms of marketing, but also help them market their lesser known shows too. and Casey Bloys said so himself, albeit very tone deaf and for all the wrong reasons, the twitter gays are the ones who have the power to bring attention to a show (queer word of mouth is no joke)

sometimes all a streaming service needs is a show to push people to subscribe, and i think a lot of these services have good shows but no one is looking for them. ofmd fans are pretty good at browsing through what a service has to offer but you need to give them an incentive, as would any business, that makes them want to spend money. i just think that picking ofmd up is only ever a win for a streamer and it would be stupid of them not to

of course, if you want actual insider knowledge with stats and more realistic talks of what might happen (cautiously optimistic!), you know to check out thecozypirate and meowzawowza_ on twt

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

⭐ What is your OC afraid of? Any crippling phobias or some such? How do they act when scared and what helps them calm down? Does anyone ever find your OC scary? Why?

For Jedi? :)

Thanks for stopping by! (From this jumbo OC ask game)

⭐ What is your OC afraid of? Any crippling phobias or some such? How do they act when scared and what helps them calm down? Does anyone ever find your OC scary? Why?

Jedi is terrified of the potential for evil people have. His father, Raissa, and even Atsila showed a darkness of varying degrees when originally he admired them for whatever reason he had. In general, he's seen how the others treat people like him. It's terrifying to know how quickly someone will turn on you for some superficial reason.

Jedi does have a couple phobias. As I'm refining the power system, I am likely going to give his father the replacement I have in mind for metallokinesis (since that's now a terrakinesis subpower), so far electromagnokinesis but we shall see. It's probably going to take him a while to fully feel comfortable around anyone with this power (which makes him uncomfortable because he doesn't want to hold prejudice).

Jedi is morally against quitting, hence why he's still here with Carmen. If he's scared, he will push through. Maybe he'll hesitate, but Jedi has learned to tough out his fears.

However, if he does get too overwhelmed and stressed, he mainly just needs to be alone with his feelings to battle them again. Maybe one understanding person to comfort him but no more than that, and any advice on how to deal with fears is not gonna get anywhere. He thinks he can get through it himself.

As for who's scared of him, a lot of the Alii kids who come here from Ceteri with no context as to what is happening are for a bit, but that's mainly due to the situation. If anyone finds Jedi scary, it's less to do with him and more to do with his situation. Rose, I feel, is a good contender for that. She hates being trapped, and Jedi is certainly trapped. She'd be scared of something like this happening to her. He clearly has his apprehensions toward everything, so what got him here? Why can't he get out? That's terrifying to her.

Thanks for the ask!

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

@nebula--nix @literarynecromancy

[bookofmirth]

Personally, I never saw Nesta to be verbally abusive towards Feyre. Mean and difficult 100%, but there was nothing Nesta was giving that Feyre wasn't capable of serving up herself.

As for the post about Nesta feeling the need to deserve love, I agree that love isn't something that needs to be deserved or earned. Though I can understand how the sisters would need to re-establish trust between them after everything that has happened.

My issue with Nesta's healing journey was how one-sided accountability had been. Nesta has some things to answer for 100%. But for every insinuation that Feyre or Elain or others have wronged Nesta, there has never been accountability on their end.

As mentioned in ACOSF, Feyre isn't perfect and has made her own mistakes. And in light of this, I don't think its fair to say that Nesta is abusive or that she alone needs to face reckoning for her actions.

And it doesn't just stop at Feyre and Elain. Does Rhysand get a free pass as well? Amren? Even Cassian?

I dislike Nesta's healing journey mainly because it shows that once a character has been designated as "abusive", everyone else is justified in their treatment towards them. And once "redeemed" those actions are forgiven and never addressed.

I've never had a problem with Nesta realizing that she has hurt others and that change needs to happen. But it was never fair to me that those who have hurt her can avoid owning up to their own part in the problem.

I don't delve into the whole "was Nesta abusive" discourse myself because I think the fandom throws that word around pretty casually without understanding what it means. Mainly in an attempt to discredit ships or characters they don't like, but nonetheless, that word is losing meaning in this space.

I do take issue with the idea that Feyre (or almost anyone else) was equally cruel to Nesta, though. She absolutely was not. Everyone is mean sometimes, yes. But Nesta was intentionally, purposefully cruel and came up with insults that she knew would touch on insecurities. They are not the same.

*This post is not anti Nesta, I enjoy her character for her complexity and I feel like I have a good understanding of who she is, especially after rereading acosf. However, I do not and never will excuse her behavior or try to act like it was something different than it was, just so I can show why Nesta would win the "Who Was More Right" war. If I had to choose a side, it wouldn't be hers, but then again I'm not in the business of choosing sides. Also anon, a lot of my response here are not to you directly, but about how I see people talking about Nesta in the fandom, and these thoughts have been in my head for a while now.

I've been having these thoughts about intentions for a while because that's the biggest difference in how I see Nesta's behavior, and how I see other characters'. It was rare that people (if they weren't supposed to be villains or evil) said or did anything with the intention of hurting Nesta. It was very, very common for her to say or do things with the intention of hurting them, though.

I just cannot stress this enough. Nesta INTENTIONALLY was cruel to people. Nesta INTENTIONALLY hurt people. There are so, so many examples of Nesta being intentionally cruel to people that I can't even list them all. She wasn't just mean. She wasn't just rude. She looked for people's weaknesses and used those weaknesses against them, often for no good reason.

You can come up with every reason and excuse in the world for Nesta to have acted the way she did, and none of it will be good enough for me because personally, no amount of reasons for someone's behavior would make me okay with that person treating someone else like shit. We can't control our feelings, and those emotions are valid, but that's not the same thing as our behavior.

Saying that Nesta needed to atone for her actions is a statement about Nesta. It's not a statement about anyone else, so saying "Nesta needs to atone" and then someone saying "well what about this other character", well that's a lovely red herring you picked up at the market but your statement about character B does nothing to discredit the fact that yes, Nesta needed to atone. She still does, because she and Elain haven't worked out anything between the two of them yet. TBH I think that Nesta still has work to do because a few actions don't make up for a lifetime of cruelty. In the post you responded to, I said that I think there is still ground to be made in terms of people trusting Nesta because they have had their support and their love thrown back in their faces over and over for years. You don't just get over that.

Part of owning up to her actions is realizing that her feelings do NOT excuse the way that she was treating people. IMO, saying "well other people were mean to Nesta too" is completely beside the point. Her healing was about her emotions, her actions, her consistent pattern of behavior for YEARS. It wasn't about other people. Her relationships with other people is certainly part of it, but not because there was equal culpability. There absolutely was not because other people did not set out to wound Nesta in the way that she intended to wound them. And it would be counterproductive to Nesta's healing if she were to point fingers (or even if the narrative were to), rather than look inwards at herself. Nesta needed to look inward to better understand why she behaved the way she did, because her actions were symptoms of deeper hurt - they were not (always) the result of what other people did to her. I think that's my main point. Nesta's healing is about Nesta in ways that other characters' healing arcs have not been. She has had some bad shit happen to her, yes. And she reacted in ways that were not only self-destructive, but detrimental to her relationships, too. No amount of "well what about when Feyre said this thing that one time" negates those facts.

[striped-carpet]

M. List

Childe/Tartaglia Relationship Headcanons:

A/N: Hi! I hope you're all doing fine. My birthday just passed and I've also been going deeper into the Genshin hole recently so I decided to write this. It's my first time writing for genshin so i'm kinda nervous,,

_____________________________________________

First off, i feel like it was made pretty clear that Childe cares a lot about his family

That being said, the ranking goes kind of like this;

1) Family

2) You

3) Work, etc.

I feel like he also wouldn't mind having kids. Doesn't matter if they're adopted or not

If you don't want any, he would be a bit disheartened but would accept your stance

Same thing goes for marriage

Outside of that, Childe cares about your happiness more so than his own

It's one of those situations where he goes "as long as you're happy, i'm happy"

If you ever feel guilty about this, he'll try to cheer you up and convince you that it's nothing to feel guilty about

Dates with Childe mainly consist of going to scenic locations and restaurants

His favorites are probably going on walks with you during the evening

You two almost always stop somewhere to watch the sunset

When these things happen, Childe likes to top off the evening with a chaste kiss to the back of your hand before you two head home

Speaking of home, he really likes to cuddle you when either one of you come home from a long day of work or something else

Childe makes sure that both you and the Fatui stay a decent distance from each other unless you're involved with the group

It's mainly just a safety measure since he would hate to see you get hurt because of him

He also does tend to get angry but makes sure to go find someone/something to fight in order to not risk potentially taking it out on you

If he ever did, he would realize what he did when his rage subsides and begin to apologize profusely while constantly asking what he can do to make it up to you

This happened once, and I can assure you that it never happened again

You want him to leave you alone? okay. You want him to fetch you that fancy snack you like? Already have it.

Sometimes it'll be really late and you'll be asleep until he wakes you up to ask you the most idiotic question you've ever heard

And you just lay there and stare at him like: "you really woke me up for this?"

And if you don't give him an answer he'll stay up even longer trying to find an answer

At this point you've learned to just answer him unless he's managed to piss you off

Sometimes this is cute, although it's mainly just annoying

He also really likes to take you to family events

His family likes you quite a bit, so that always makes it more enjoyable

Teucer absolutely adores you and almost always has you play a game some some sort with him

Childe joins in too, which eventually makes the entire family join in which is always a load of fun

This is getting kind of long, so all in all, Childe would be a very good boyfriend and tries his best since he would hate to loose you

_____________________________________________

Thanks for reading! Sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes and have a great day/night! :)

[cursingtoji]

nanamin + 6. 7. (Sfw list)

// @eru-lloyd

This is part of my 300 event 💖

Nanami

What’s his opinion on PDA?

How does he act when he's drunk?

I can see Nanami being opposed to PDA because for him it meant publicly exchanging saliva (he's traumatized by satosugu).

But once he engages in a relationship it's only natural to show people that you two are in love. His favorite thing is definitely holding hands, when you two are at a gallery or mall and you drag him by his hand he always melts.

Or when you two are in a public transportation and have to be very close he always give his arm for you to hold on to instead of the pole, when there's a sudden stop he won't hesitate to hold your waist.

Nanami would love to have restaurant dates with you because he feels it's the perfect place for you two to be intimate without judgments, so he will hold your chin and pass his thumb across your bottom lip to clean that whipped cream then proceed to suck that same thumb sexy af.

His displays of affection increase specially when he drinks, for sure!

If you're at a bar with friends he will try to not drink too much. The first couple of beers he will just sit next to you and complain about some stuff that happened that day, then he will start to loosen up and place his arm behind you caressing your shoulder and smile every time you laugh.

If he feels it's time to leave he will approach your ear and whisper: "Darling, let's go home".

You might think he looks a little sleepy, but in reality the alcohol just make him feel a little too touchy, so he feels the need to be alone with you.

On weekend nights where he drinks wine at home with you, that's the moment he feels more comfortable to voice his feelings or just share something from the book he's currently reading and discuss theories and opinions with you.

Overall alcohol and Nanami is a good combination, mainly because you get to hear pretty confessions of his love for you.

Things he doesn't regret when he wakes up in the morning.

a/n: yay @eru-lloyd thanks a lot for participating, i'm very grateful for you <3

[rendevousz]

not a lonely birthday

teen!actress!reader x platonic!jeremy renner

brief reader x marvel cast

req by @maximeevansblog : The reader (me ) is dating jeremy renner its the readers birtday, and jeremy renner spoiling her, taking to the hair salon and to the nail salon , and the trows a party for her, and he asks her to marry him, and a couple months later the reader is asked to been on say yes to the dress and alot of fluff please (i'm so sorry i couldn't write your exact request. i added the other cast too but it's still mainly jeremy renner so i hope you enjoy this still)

summary: you thought you were gonna have to spend your birthday alone but jeremy had other plans.

word count: 3296

note: i told her i couldn't really write romance because my blog is mainly teen!reader and she said i could just turn it into an x teen!reader so i did. i mean, i can write a non teen!reader but it probably won't be anytime soon so i'm not taking requests that aren't x teen!reader as of now <33

"are you sure you'll be okay?"

"yes, mum, i'll be fine here. i've been doing fine for the past two and a half months, what's another week without you guys gonna do to me?" you told your mother on the phone, rolling your eyes at her excessive, unnecessary worrying.

"we're so sorry about this, sweetheart," you heard your dad speak and you figured he must've been listening the whole time. your mum must've had it on speaker since the beginning of the phone call.

"you shouldn't have to spend your birthday all alone. i promise we'll make it up to you, honey." your mother spoke again and you groaned. "i keep telling you that it's fine. and what do you take me for, a loner? i've got the others here, mum, i'll be fine." you told her, a smile ghosting over your lips at how concerned she is of you.

your birthday was coming in two days and having a whole movie to film meant that you weren't allowed to leave the country for just a weekend to celebrate it with your family. so, they worked around your schedule and planned a trip to visit. unfortunately, your idiot of a brother managed to get himself into a skating accident and had to be hospitalised, affecting their whole plan of coming to celebrate your 18th birthday with you. well, not on the day of your birthday, at least.

"i'll make sure sarah'll bring you out to celebrate, okay? i'm so sorry about this, y/n." you could practically hear the pout in her voice and you held back the urge to tell her off for profusely apologising, you didn't want to receive a beating when she finally arrives here.

"i'll be fine, mum," you whined. "as i said, i'll be filming on my birthday too so i'll at least be with the cast then. it's never a dull day with them. and i'll be waiting for your gift from sarah on my birthday." you teased her. you knew she had a habit of getting birthday gifts way too early. for once, she was grateful for that because she had given sarah—your manager and also a family friend— your birthday present for her to safe-keep in case anything like this happened and she couldn't give it to you on your birthday.

"i'll give you permission to whack your brother once we come." your dad tells you seriously and you laughed. "thanks, dad. i'll be sure to remember it. anyways, i have to get back on set soon. i'll talk to you guys when i can?"

"of course, honey. have fun on set!" your parents bid you goodbye and you hung up with an adoring smile on your face. you missed your family and having been able to hear your parents' voices for a mere five minutes was enough to cure it for even just a little bit. sure, you were disappointed that you weren't going to get to spend your birthday with them but spending it doing what you love—acting— with the people, aside from your family and friends from home, that you love—the cast— didn't sound so bad.

"i'm so sorry about this, darling." you heard someone say, effectively breaking your train of thoughts. you turned to the source of the voice, meeting the hazel eyes of your manager and long-time family friend, sarah. she pulls you in for a hug that you groaned into but still returned. you rolled your eyes playfully when she let go. "i'm not upset, sarah."

"i know. but you're disappointed." she says softly, fixing your costume after the hug messed it up a little. "maybe i am, but it doesn't matter. i chose this life so technically i brought all of this upon myself. i signed up to have a normal life stripped away from me." you told her honestly, internally cringing because you hadn't meant to get that deep.

"y/n," her hands rested on both of your shoulders and she looks down at you with that stern mum glare she'd give you whenever you were being a little troublemaker. she was practically your second mum, having promised your own that she'd take care of you whenever you had to travel for filming.

"i know, i know, i'm sorry. i didn't mean it in a bad way. i love my job but it sucks that i have to be far away from family, you know?" you sighed. "i understand, darling. it's hard but hey, i'll be with you the whole day, okay? we'll go out and have a nice girl's day out together, do whatever you want. that sound nice to you?" she places a gentle hand against your skin, careful not to rub the fake dirt and wound makeup on your face.

"that sounds great, sarah. i have only a half day of filming that day, right?" you ask her, knowing she remembers your schedule better than you yourself do. "yup. anyways, they need you on set 3. get out there and make me proud, darling."

-

"and....cut!" the director called out and you dramatically dropped limp against the wire harness attached to your body, the wires holding up your weight so you didn't drop down to the floor but also didn't have to remain standing on your own.

you heard sebastian laughing, him being the closest to you in the scene you had just filmed. "you tired, y/n/n?" evans chuckled as he walked towards where you and seb were standing. "yeah, i just wanna sleep right now." you told them, standing up on your own when a crew member wanted to get your harness off.

"well, at least you get to rest now. you're done for the day right?" seb asked, the three of you now walking to the snack table together. "yeah but sarah wanted to take me out so maybe not rest but i'll get to relax. that's good enough," you say, peeling off a banana and taking a bite while the two men drank some water.

"she's taking you out later today? is there a special occasion?" chris asked and you smiled at him. "nah, nothing much. she just thought i've been stressed lately." you lied. you didn't want to seem attention-seeking for telling chris and sebastian that it was your birthday so you settled on a little lie.

"she's not wrong. you have been working hard and you deserve a relaxing evening off work." seb agreed.

"oh she's walking over here right now. are you going now?" chris asked, eyes trained behind you as he watched sarah coming closer. you turned around, meeting her frown-etched face and you blinked profusely in confusion. "i thought we're going in two hours?"

"y/n, i'm so sorry. some stuff came up and i have last minute errands to run all day," she told you, offering a guilty expression when your face dropped slightly. "oh.. i– um, yeah, it's fine."

"are you sure it's fine? i promised you though," she frowned. "it's fine, i know you have a lot to handle and it's totally fine if we don't go out today. i'll just take a nap and be on netflix all day, i guess." you joked but sarah didn't laugh. "sarah, it's fine. you know i've been wanting to catch up on a list of shows. when else will i be able to do this?" you assured her, trying to mask your disappointment.

"i have to go now. i'll make it up to you, darling, i promise." she gave you a hug before running off somewhere. you felt bad for her because she probably had to be running here and there all day but it didn't change that you were disappointed. maybe you really did deserve this for choosing this life.

"hey kiddo," you felt someone ruffle your hair and you were almost going to go off on them for doing that before remembering you had just finished your last scene for the day. an arm rested over your shoulder and you looked up to see jeremy taking over sarah's previous spot.

"um excuse me? do we not exist?" chris joked when jeremy didn't greet him nor seb. jeremy rolled his eyes at them, turning back to look down at you. "you did great today, kiddo." he complimented and you smiled, thanking him.

"wow okay, i guess we really don't exist, huh? c'mon seb, let's go somewhere else where people appreciate our presence." evans sassed, glaring at you two as both men strutted away.

"good riddance," jeremy said, dropping his arm so that you two were now face to face. "happy birthday, y/n." he says, handing you a little bronze coloured box. you gasped as you took it in your hands.

"how'd you know it was my birthday?" you asked him, eyes wide in surprise. "of course i know your birthday, kiddo. after all, you are my favourite co-star." he grins, gesturing for you to open the box.

you did and your hand immediately flew to cover your mouth in shock. "jeremy! you didn't!" you gently took out the necklace from the box, examining it closely. the charm was in the shape of your favourite animal and the chain was gold. this must've costed him a fortune.

"jeremy, you didn't have to!" you exclaimed, pouting at him to prevent yourself from bursting into tears right then and there. "kiddo, i love you a lot, how could i not?"

playing clint's adopted, eldest daughter in the films, as well as a member of the avengers, you and jeremy worked together a lot. he helped you a lot with practicing your lines and emotions for specific scenes and you bonded over so many things you two had in common. even off set jeremy still acted like your father so practically everyone knew how close you two were. if sarah is considered your second mum, you'd say jeremy is your second dad.

"so i heard sarah bailed on your birthday date today," he says as he helped you put on the necklace, smiling fondly when you looked down at it happily. "thanks a lot, jeremy. you really didn't have to," you hugged him tight, the man chuckling as he hugged you back.

"and sarah didn't bail. she just has errands to run all day. can't blame her, she's a busy woman." you told him. "yeah yeah, anyways, how 'bout i take you out instead? a birthday lunch and a day out with your favourite cast mate?" he wiggles his eyebrows at you, a smirk playing on his lips.

"you don't have anymore scenes to shoot?" you ask. "i do but i have plenty of time before then." he replies. you agreed happily and he tells you to meet him outside the set in an hour so you two could change out of your costumes.

-

"you ready for the best day ever, kiddo?" jeremy asks as you entered the passenger seat. "best day ever? then shouldn't we invite the rest?" you teased, buckling your seatbelt. "hey! i'm pretty fun too!"

you chuckled at his childishness. "i'm kidding, you are fun. now let's go already, i'm starving." you complained and he started the engine, letting you play whatever songs you wanted as background to your small talk.

you had lunch first at your favourite restaurant but not before you two had a debate of whether you were allowed to because you were supposed to be on a diet during the length of the movie shooting and him ultimately going 'to hell with that diet, it's your special day' and then dragging you in. after that, he said he had a surprise for you and told you to just get in the car.

when he finally stopped somewhere, you realised it was a pretty well known hair salon in town and you tilted your head in confusion. why would he bring you here?

"you said you wanted to dye your hair, didn't you? let's do it." he says nonchalantly, unbuckling his seatbelt before you both exited the car. "are you crazy? we're still in the middle of filming!" you exclaim in disbelief. this man was crazy.

"yeah but it's not like they can't just get a wig of your current hair and use that for the rest of the filming. scar and lizzie wear wigs all the time, you can too. now let's go dye that stupid colour you want!" he cheers, tugging you along with him by your wrist, into the salon. you chuckled at his antics, letting him drag you.

the next hour or two was spent with you worrying that your parents would kill you for this, or worse, anthony or joe. you knew it would be a meltdown for them if you came back with your hair a completely different colour.

jeremy assured you that the russos, as well as your parents, would not get mad at this but you were pretty sure you'd get an earful from both pairs. you made him promise that he would talk to both parties that he was the one who convinced you to do this. but once your hair was done, all worries flew out the window as you admired your new hair.

"you look great, kiddo. this colour looks good on you." he looks at you with a fond smile, trying to resist the urge to ruffle your newly done hair but failing. you pouted at him when he did so, reaching up to fix it again. "sorry, y/n/n, couldn't resist," he states, pinching your cheek.

"alright, next stop now, let's go!" he pulls you by the wrist once again and you let him, used to him doing this already. the next time he stopped, you damn right almost had another heart attack because again, this man was crazy.

he did not just bring you to a nail place. surely he isn't about to let you get your nails done, right? the russos would have your head and his too if you were to get them done and casually get back to the studio.

"no." you said firmly, crossing your arms over your chest as you stayed seated in the passenger seat. "c'mon, y/n/n," he whined, throwing a tantrum outside the car door as he tried to get you to leave the car.

"no, jeremy, they'll literally send me back here to get it off because in case you forgot, in all my scenes, i don't have fancy nails." you reasoned, noticing that jeremy has now moved to your side of the car and the passenger seat door has now been opened, the man continuing to make a fuss closer to you now.

"no they will not, i'll make sure they don't. c'mon kiddo, it's your birthday, let's have a little fun!" he says but you were still unsure about the whole thing. "i don't know.."

"okay fine i guess i'll tell you this now. they didn't want to tell you until later today because they wanted it to be your kinda birthday present but your avenger suit has changed. it's not like the one in the last movie, it's got gloves now! and the rest of your scenes excluding the last few ones are all in your superhero suit right?" your eyes widened at this new information, a smile growing on your lips.

"wait, for real? are you sure they're not just fingerless gloves?" he smiles down at you. "yeah. i planned this day well, okay? put some trust in me, geez," he sassed, moving out of your way as you finally exited the car.

"this better not be a joke, renner, because if it is, i'll have your head." you threatened jokingly. "yeah, yeah. oh also, can you just pretend to be shocked when they tell you about your suit upgrade? because i really wasn't supposed to tell you this." he scratched the back of his head awkwardly as you walked two walked into the nail salon.

the entire time, he awkwardly sat at the side, waiting for you to be done. when you were though, he quickly got up, as if he had been restless sitting down the whole time.

"they're pretty," he says as you walked back to his car. "yeah, i really like them. haven't had my nails done in a long time." you replied, getting in the car and waiting for jeremy to get in on his side. once he did, he immediately started the engine and started driving back to the set where he had to continue shooting and where you knew sarah would be waiting for you.

it was after many different topics and finally arriving outside the set did you decide to get a little emotional. "hey, i just wanna say thanks for today. i thought i was gonna spend the day alone watching netflix all day like some loser but you made this day really enjoyable. you have no idea how much this really means to me, thank you so much jeremy. i love you." you pouted at him, trying not to cry. "aw kiddo, of course. you're an important person to me. couldn't let you be a loser on your special day," he teases, bringing you into a hug where he didn't miss his chance to ruffle your hair.

once you let go, he kept an arm around your shoulder as you both walked in. he opened the door for you both and you almost jumped in place.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

your jaw dropped at the sight in front you. every single one of your co-stars, along with some crew members were wearing party hats holding up a banner that said 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Y/N'. sarah was in the middle, holding a huge birthday cake with a smile on her face. you slowly walked towards her, hand over your mouth in shock.

sarah gave the cake over to robert before opening her arms up for you. you gave her a tight hug. "you didn't have to do all this," you say, letting go of her. "jeremy and i planned this right when your mother called beforehand and told me they couldn't come in time." she explained.

you turned to jeremy who had been standing next to you the whole time, giving him another hug which he happily accepted. "you guys didn't have to." you told them, trying not to cry at the thought that these people loved you enough to do this for you.

"but we wanted to. and the rest wanted to join in too. now before you start bawling your eyes out, let's get this party started!" he cheered.

"but before that, make a wish, kiddo." robert tells you after evans finished lighting up all the candles. you closed your eyes, making a wish and blowing them all out. everyone cheered before walking away to grab food or to talk to others. or in your cast mates' cases, fighting over who gets to give you your present first.

"you knew it was my birthday!" you exclaimed when you locked eyes with evans, who was in the middle of a brawl with both mackie and robert. he laughed out loud. "yeah! i did! your lie couldn't fool me, child!" he says dramatically, before being pushed aside by robert.

you laughed as they continued to fight right in front of you about who you love more and therefore getting to be first to give you their gift. they even managed to slip in a few compliments about your new hair, while they were literally fighting. you watched in glee, realising that even if your biological family couldn't make it for your special day, you still had a second one to make it special.

taglist <3

@amourtentiaa @rqmanoff @abitofeverythinggg @andreasworlsboring101 @cay-writes-fan-fiction514 @teenwonder @sevenmorningstars @fleurlovesbucky

[vivalavi-daa]

Fav 2020 K-Dramas

1. Hospital Playlist

If there's anything I felt happy about in 2020, it's the fact that I've found my next ultimate fav kdramas. More than another, this kdrama feels like a home I could return to every time. Yes, hospital playlist is a slice of life drama that portrays the lives of people in hospital, but there's something about it that is so captivating to watch. I love how it realistically portrays the adults' daily lives & has no major villain of the story that heats things up whatsoever. Instead, I find it easy to emphatize with every character here, even with a patient who appears less than 5 minutes because this kdrama taught us that every life is worth it. And the friendship of the professors... it really has the power to bring joy & warmth to me.

(I also made a post about hospital playlist's characters study on my side blog. Here, if you’re interested).

2. Flower of Evil

Stories that revolve around someone who isn't capable of having emotions aren't nothing new in kdrama land. But this one, especially, is a gem. This one kept me on the edge of my seat because of how nerve wracking some of the scenes are. The suspenseful dramas, the mysteries, the romance...they're all so engaging to watch. I wasn't sure what to expect from the lead character and therefore it's exciting to see what was going to happen & to see how the characters would develop. And to be noted, I swear the cast who played the villain here gives off really scary vibes. He deserves an award for that alone

3. Mr. Queen

I'm not usually a big fan of Saeguk drama and yet here I am putting one on my fav kdrama list. I watched it merely to ease my boredom but then I surprised myself of how much I enjoyed this kdrama. The opening video was appealing & I love how entertaining Mr. Queen was. It became my weekly dose of serotonin (though it gets angsty at times). I thought the story's gonna be weird since it's about a man trapped in a woman's body in joseon era but heck, it was worth it; hilarious, and delicious (yeah, the cooking part) to watch. I've always known Shin Hye Sun is great at acting, but she truly nailed it in this one I swear.

4. 365: Repeat the Year

This drama is gold! It has a promising premise, and the rest of the story went better than I expected. It just never let me down. I thought it's merely about a time travel story, but turns out it's more than that. I never knew what to expect & every time I thought I figured something out, they always have a way to throw a surprise every week. This drama deserves more recognition imo.

5. When the Weather is Fine

This drama is a pleasant to eyes and heart. Watching it is like having a warm tea during winter days. I wasn't truly engaged with the first eps, but I slowly began to see how beautiful & heartwarming this drama is. Yes, the story pace is a bit slow, but I realized that it's important to make us understand each character deeply, what they suffer from, and how the characters slowly develop. It shows us that the journey toward emotional healing may take time, but it's worth it. Choosing to heal itself is a big step & deserves an appreciation. Another thing I highly praise from this drama is how it implicitly reminds us that if we do suffer emotionally, don't be afraid to ask for help, or to let someone help you.

6. Tale of the Nine Tailed

From the first moment I knew who would cast in this drama and what the drama is about, it's obvious that I'd love it. And I was right. The first eps had already got me hooked. The stories were amazing & funny at times. It has unique lovable characters that complete the drama. In addition, I love the mystical fantasy vibes and how they wrapped up urban legends in modern settings. Not to mention how adorable Kim Bum's character here. He & Lee Dong Wook's bromance is to die for.

7. Do You Like Brahms?

I watched it by chance, and then I fell in love the instant I watched the first eps. The drama is just beautifully done. It has soothing music & ambience and mainly revolves around good people. It's appealing how they portrayed the different perspectives between the lead couple--one who doesn't have talent but works hard to achieve her dream, and one who has talent but wishes he didn't have it. Though the lead couple has different dreams, I can't help but rooting for them... as I've never seen a relationship so awkward yet so real and so adorable before them.

8. Record of Youth

Honestly, it took a bit long for me to be completely enamored of the stories and feel what the characters feel. But as the stories developed, I began to cherish what this drama tried to show us: of how important it is to have good communication & to support each other in our family, of how everyone has different timings in life, and that everyone could have second chance in life. It's also refreshing to see the main couple here & how they interact; we could learn a lot from their communication & relationship. Overall, record of youth is one light & comforting kdrama that's perfect to watch while we need a short escape or need something to cheer us up.

9. Start Up

Honestly, I have a conflicted feelings towards this kdrama. It started off as great but...I have a hard time making sense of some of the stories afterward. And not to mention how we used to ship-debating every week it was a bit draining 😅. But to exclude it from my last year fav kdrama list seems wrong anyhow because I did love this drama. Idk, it gives off this positive energy that I needed to go through a crazy year. It somehow encouraged me to move forward & fight for my dream no matter what. The story's also quiet creative and relatable in nowadays world, while also educating us about the world of business.

10. Find Me in Your Memory

I started watching without any expectations and turns out it's really good. It's not hard to love this drama since it has likeable characters with interesting background (a guy who can't forget everything & a woman who forgets some of her important moments). The lead couple's interactions were interesting to watch. They have the kind of romance that grows slowly & when it finally reachs its peak, it burns. I loved every minute of it.

K-drama recommendations: 5/?

[capri-ramblings]

These two were conveniently requested together so I decided to make it into one whole post. Also I posted this awhile ago but it didn't show up smh so I'm reposting it aha. I'm sorry for the long wait and thank you for your patience! (*´ω｀*)

Please refer to Pinned post before requesting.

Green as Envy II

Idia Shroud

- Idia's type of jealousy is the quiet one, though I wouldn't say it's not unnoticeable.

- He's immensely more reclusive and spends his time locked up in his room.

- Being pessimistic and awkward, Idia gets Jealous over small things that he tends to over think about

- Like the time Ace gave you his blazer when yours got dirty during lunch break or when Cater takes pictures of you and has his arms over your shoulders

- He knows they're your friends and that being the social person you are, you're bound to be surrounded by people but he just can't shake off the feeling that you're trying to get away from him

- As if you're using his dislike of crowds so you wouldn't have to put up with your closet boyfriend

- He isn't the most interesting person after all. He plays games and is an avid Otaku. It makes sense if you didn't want to be near him

- With that thought in mind, Idia starts to distance himself from you. He makes sure you don't bump into him after classes and he makes Ortho swear to always tell you he's busy when you come over to Ignihyde

- He's frustrated and insecure. He isn't sure where he is on your list or how much you really like him and Idia has never dealt with emotional pressure well

- He lets the Jealousy fester inside him and it caves in his entire mood. Just thinking about you hanging with Ace and Deuce riles him up

- When playing games, he switches to the kinds that are violent just so he can lash out a bit of his tension. Afterwards though he just lays in bed with his phone in his hand, wondering why you never bothered to call him.

- Gradually,Idia just gets moodier and whenever he sees Ace and Deuce, his gaze turns dark. He doesn't hate them,it's just...He wished he could be as fun as they were.

- Consoling him is easy though, convince Ortho you know how to make him feel better and you already have access to his cave.

- He'll be very fidgety of course when you suddenly enter his room. Part of his mind actually thinks he's gone insane but then you start talking and it's just horrible.

- You said you were worried about him? Has he been troubling you all along with his insecurities? How? And why?

- He won't know what to say but he will apologize even if a small Jealous part of him says it's your fault for being so carefree with other people

- If you hug him and nuzzle your head against his chest, you'll make him melt and Idia will stop processing thoughts all together

- It doesn't take much to reassure him but you'd have to reassure him a lot so his jealous side won't get the better of him again

Rook Hunt

- Oh,you made Rook Jealous?

- Well,at least now you'd know why Leona finds him intimidating.

- Rook doesn't express his Jealousy like most would, his eyes flicker too subtly for you to catch how he looks at you attentively watching Trey beat the pastry batter. How his hands just lightly overlap with yours almost like in a dreamy state

- A Jealous Rook is a Rook who starts to realise how easily likable and attainable you are to others and it's a jealousy that runs deep in his veins

- He won't say anything that indicates his Jealousy nor would he act any different, but if you paid a bit more attention to how his body reacted when other males make you smile or laugh, you'd notice how still his gaze is. As if he was burning the faces of those people in his memory

- Rook understands with you both being young and filled with life that there will always be things that will garner your attention greatly but the fact that anyone could so easily take your hand away from his whenever he's not looking...It just gives this bad taste gurgling in his stomach.

- He won't do anything that could hurt you though but he will act more profoundly and take you away with him anytime he sees fit

- You and a lot of other people would see it as Rook being his usual self, but the reason he's pulling you away isn't because he wasn't listening to your conversation but because he couldn't stop listening to it. How melodic and happy your voice sounded talking to Riddle and Epel.

- Rook will start leaving you small, unexpected gifts be it on your bed or in front of the porch of your dorm. Anything to make you feel pleased because of him.

- To Rook, Jealousy is simply another expression of love, so he isn't inherently frustrated by it but it does get him in a certain kind of mood. He'd describe it as the very first feeling he had when he went hunting. A Dangerous thrill.

- He's not upset but if you shower him with more attention than most, it'll earn you a lot of his in return.

Malleus Draconia

- Sulking.

- There isn't any other way to describe it.

- Malleus will say he isn't Jealous and he has no reason to be but the way he looks at you and the people around you is obvious if you really look

- It's like a brief glint that shimmers in his green gaze and colours it slightly off than usual

- He'll frown too but with Malleus always looking stern, it goes unnoticed often.

- Despite himself, Malleus gets Jealous when he sees how hands on you are with those around you,how involved you get into their lives whether or not it's planned and generally how people seem to just flock to you

- Usually the jealousness comes and goes pretty quickly but some days it just lingers in his head

- He won't ever tell you that he has no time though and insist you're allowed to come and visit as you'd like but he seems so distant and too quiet for you to not realize something is troubling him

- If you ask him he'll just stare at you a bit too long before he sighs and shakes his head

- "Just thoughts." He'd say

- Malleus rarely gets the chance to be around people and have them like him so when he sees you doing it so naturally, it makes him kinda envious

- He's not typically riled up by the fact you're surrounded by guys though since he trusts you completely but he won't lie that he gets a teensy bit irritated when people act as if he isn't part of your life

- Eventually he gives in and just expresses how he feels, asking if it bothered you or not that he wasn't able to solve such a simple emotional conflict

- All you have to do is just reassure him that it's normal to not be able to handle emotional things alone and that he's just like everyone else

- Simple words of comfort and a warm presence is the natural remedy to soothe this young dragon after all.

Epel Felmier

- Epel hates feeling Jealous, so whenever he does feel it, he tends to brush it off as a small matter and refuses to acknowledge it at all.

- Similar to Riddle though, his mood will tip over more often and he tends to lash out

- Epel's jealousy stems from the lack of progress he makes in making himself a strong and dependable partner for you and even if it's a one sided feeling, it frustrates him a lot

- He knows you're always putting yourself in danger and the thought of you being protected by other guys makes him want to grow as tall as Floyd and step on people who would hurt you

- He gets slightly touchy like Riddle too, and whenever anyone else tries to pull you towards them he gets this dirty look on his face and when he speaks his accent slips

- Epel will actually go as far as to use his naturally soft features to manipulate you into spending more time with him

- He'd pout his lips and his eyes would look so sad, how could you possibly say no to helping him make notes for his potion class?

- He doesn't see the manipulation to be wrong since he's not hurting you in any way, and plus it makes him less frustrated too. So it's good on both sides.

- At the end of the day though, Jealous Epel is harmless and actually makes him more motivated and boosts his spirit into building himself up as a man but if his moods get out of control, all you have to do is tell him there isn't a man on earth that could ever take you away from the one already holding your heart.

Ruggie Bucchi

- Despite himself, Ruggie gets Jealous a lot and his defense mechanism is similar to Leona's,minus the physical proof of it.

- He won't start biting or marking you like the beast prince would but his words does get kinda condescending whenever he sees that you don't realize you're making him Jealous

- Ruggie's seen it all, you know. How some relationships turn bad quick and it was mainly the reason he stayed away from it.

- But life is unexpected, and now that he's in a relationship himself, Ruggie's survival instincts kicks in fast.

- Unlike most Jealous partners,Ruggie's senses heightened and he becomes more observant of his partner's action and gestures.

- He doesn't trust easily, so this comes to bite him in the back and it starts playing thoughts in his head that riles him up even more than he is already

- Ruggie won't say he's Jealous,nor will he make it obvious that he is. When you ask him why he seems tense though, he'll laugh if off and add in something like, "What? Are you suddenly becoming some kind of mood radar?"

- He'll purposely let his words take you aback and he'll admit that he wants to see you a bit hurt but if it gets too bad Ruggie just starts to avoid you by acting like he's too busy

- While he's aware that putting the distance himself he's giving way to the possibility of you leaving him, Ruggie's conscience knows it's wrong to hurt you just because he's frustrated.

- He does a lot of self reflecting and tries to put a bit more trust in the relationship,but of course it doesn't happen in a day,right?

- Dealing with a Jealous Ruggie is better when you're patient and give him his space so that he can have his own thoughts before you come to confront him about it

- He's a bit harder to reassure but once he sees how genuinely worried you are,Ruggie will go soft and just let you shower him with any sort of comfort he needs.

- Though honestly the fastest way to convince him is to let him know that you only want him holding you.

Floyd Leech

- Floyd's a handful.

- A Jealous Floyd? That's just a nightmare coming to life.

- With his unpredictable moodswings, Floyd is always getting Jealous over things that you will never truly understand.

- He'll tell you that he's upset and that you're the reason behind it but he won't tell you how to fix it

- "Ha? Figure it out yourself why don't you? I'm kinda pissed so I don't want to help you."

- His eyes turn sharp in a split second before it goes dim and dull. Like he's bored of watching you look at him with confusion

- This goes on for days and not even Jade could help you, and that's only when his Jealousy is still mild.

- An extremely Jealous Floyd consists of Jade helping you avoid him at any cost everyday for an entire month because if Floyd so much as sees you, he'll make you run until you're crying for a brief minute to just get air into your lungs

- It's never sure as to why Floyd could get jealous nor is there any indication of it until he comes out and say it

- Most of the time though Floyd gets over his Jealousy when he has you cornered and he sees how scared you are of him, how close you are to crying in front of him. It makes him feel like he really does matter a lot to you if you're in pain because he's Jealous

- Rather Twisted,Floyd doesn't really know he scares the living lights out of you when he's in that state but once he's over it though,he's all over you with hugs and smiles.

- Best advice for Jealous Floyd? Make sure you work on your stamina.

Jade Leech

- Jealous or not,Jade will always smile even when he's displeased.

- His speech mannerisms doesn't change at all but somehow, whenever he's near you, his polite demeanor feels sick and dark. Like a looming dark cloud during a sunny day.

- He'll reassure you that he isn't upset or in a bad mood but the smile doesn't seem to reach his eyes

- "Oya,how could I ever be mad at you?"

- You must've done something to make him like this but like his twin,Jade won't say what it is.

- It shouldn't be easy to make him Jealous but once he is,Jade will probably the most hardest to reconcile with.

- Depsite his polite composure,Jade isn't so forgiving and even when he acts as if he's always in contro, he's not.

- Maybe it was the way you're always around those Heartslyabul boys or how doting you are with your first year schoolmates like Jack and Deuce.

- Either way,even when he's severely upset,Jade enjoys seeing you stumble on your existence trying to appease him, though eventually he'll get over it and start acting normally again

- When faced with a Jealous Jade,it's probably better for you to try and not get him in an even worst mood. And maybe try to not get too happy around him either, he'll think you're doing it on purpose to spite him.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Amelia

Jac: Hi, sorry if this wasn't the right way to go about this, but I thought it would be more awkward/worse for you to stop the conversation if I approached you in person Jac: but if you're open to it, I'd like to talk Amelia: What is there to say? Jac: From my perspective, a lot Jac: but mainly an apology, if that's all I get to say Amelia: I already know you're sorry, it's been all over for ages, I don't need to hear it Jac: Well you don't know that, I never said it Amelia: you've never said a lot of things, I'm still well aware Jac: That's how miscommunication and misunderstanding happens Jac: you can still not need or want to hear it but you don't know anything that I didn't tell you Amelia: okay Jac: I can confirm any ideas you have, if you would like Jac: but the main reason I want to talk is to apologize for the ways I behaved, and treated you Amelia: well, say whatever you want to say then Jac: Alright Jac: I should never have started anything with you Jac: it was never fair Jac: and continuing it for how long I did was worse Amelia: No you shouldn't, neither should I Jac: I can see how it was harder for you to make a better decision though Jac: given your feelings Amelia: that's no excuse, and I'm not interested in giving myself an out Amelia: I should've made better choices because of how much I cared about you, it's worse if anything Jac: Okay, you don't have to, but I certainly don't hold it against you Jac: you were still coming from a place of care, even if misguided, I wasn't Amelia: it's not comforting Amelia: I was coming from a selfish place, I know that, whatever you think Jac: Alright, it doesn't need to be comforting, I'm just letting you know Jac: there's no need or reason that I feel for me to blame you Jac: but I need to say sorry, for that, and for how we ended things before that Amelia: No you don't, because I'm not just a fucking lose end for you to tie up before you leave Jac: That isn't what it is Jac: I owe apologies Amelia: you don't owe me anything Amelia: we ended things ages ago Jac: that doesn't mean anything Jac: I still wronged you and never owned up to those things Amelia: it means getting into it isn't something I want to do because I've tried really hard to get over it Jac: Then we don't have to Amelia: I'm looking forward, not backwards Amelia: and there isn't an apology I can give you that'll make anything I did okay or me feel okay about it either Jac: I'm not looking for an apology or anything in return Amelia: you should Amelia: because I wronged you too and never owned up to it Jac: I don't see it like that, it didn't feel like that Amelia: okay Jac: if it would help, then I'd accept it, but you've said it won't make you feel better so really, don't worry Amelia: right Jac: So, if my apology doesn't serve you either Jac: I'll leave you alone again now Amelia: you said you need to do it, so just do it, if it's that important to you Jac: only if it's going to reassure people, or give some sense of closure Jac: the latter being more what I was aiming for Jac: it's not going to be anything for me if it isn't for you Amelia: I'll get closure by not having to see you any more Jac: Neither of us is going to gone forever Jac: it'll certainly be easier, and less frequent Jac: but I'm not going to say you'll never see me again, that's just unrealistic Amelia: there's at least higher chance Amelia: my mum keeps me super busy with all her holiday traditions Jac: Fair enough Jac: I'd rather not be concerned about having to avoid anyone when I'm here Amelia: you'll be busy avoiding all of Jess' fan's and stalkers Amelia: I like his music, but not to that level Jac: That's fine, I can deal with that Amelia: good, he's worried about how it's gonna be for you all Jac: You don't need to tell me about my own brother Amelia: you don't need to get defensive about it Jac: I just don't need to talk about that with you Jac: it's not got anything to do with what needs to be said, if at all Amelia: we're not, we're basically done talking really Jac: If you like Amelia: I'd have liked for this conversation never to have been started but you know Jac: I can't do anything about that, I'm afraid Jac: Good luck and goodbye then Amelia: yeah, you too Jac: Thank you, I appreciate that Amelia: I'd never wish you bad luck Jac: Never said you would Amelia: I'm not a 🔮💎💫 gay, still don't even know that much about astrology Jac: Whoever you are, as long as you're happy with that Jac: it's certainly no business of mine Amelia: 😂 no and no Jac: I'm sorry to hear that on the former Amelia: maybe uni will fix everything, maybe not Jac: A fresh start in a new place can't hurt you Jac: and I'm sure you have other protections in place Amelia: 🤞 I won't be so dramatic Amelia: then it can't be as bad as here Jac: It's a change of scenery not a change of personality Amelia: rude Jac: I didn't mean it to be Amelia: it's a chance to grow up, I'm not 15 anymore and nobody there will have known me when I was Jac: That much is true Amelia: I'd say I'll see you around but if I do, I'll obviously act like I haven't Amelia: that's been working Jac: Whatever works for you Amelia: 👋 Jac: I'll be seeing you Amelia: no, you won't 👻 Jac: I didn't say I'd pretend or adopt the same methods you use Amelia: I can't make you Jac: No Jac: I've got no interest in burying my head in the sand Amelia: because you already did it for so long Jac: because I'm moving forward, not just looking Amelia: that's great Jac: It does feel it Amelia: good, you've felt like shit for long enough as well Jac: I guess so Amelia: okay then Jac: If that's all Jac: Bye Amelia Amelia: we still need a different word for it but yeah, bye Jac: Does it really matter? Amelia: doesn't it? that this time we actually mean it but it sounds exactly the same as the times we didn't Jac: There's nothing final implied by any goodbye Jac: it's just a way to end a conversation you don't want to have Amelia: but this time there should be Amelia: very anticlimactic Jac: I don't mean to be rude again but that really is your problem too, loquaciously and otherwise Jac: I'm not attempting dramatics Jac: I opened lines of conversation, you closed them, that's all this is Amelia: I'm attempting levity, if anything Amelia: but alright Jac: Why? Amelia: because you sound like you're giving a rehearsed speech Jac: just because I've put thought into what I'm going to say, doesn't mean it's any less valid Amelia: I didn't say it was invalid Jac: you're invalidating it Amelia: no more than you comparing me to an ostrich Jac: We're at very different places, clearly Amelia: you think you're so far ahead of me, clearly Jac: You're presenting me with avoidance as coping Jac: I'm not gonna say good luck with that, or good for you Jac: you can do whatever you like but I won't pretend I think it's brilliant Amelia: you're presenting me with patronising bullshit over any kind of real conversation Jac: I gave you the opportunity to air your grievances, you didn't want to Jac: I offered apologies, you did not want them either Amelia: I don't know if I'll ever be able to see you and not want to walk immediately off in the other direction, I don't need your judgment for it Jac: I'm not judging you, I'm not applauding or enabling, that's all Jac: I was never asking to be back in your life Amelia: you're asking me to accept your apology as if that will paper over every fucking crack and then we can just see each other out and about as strangers Jac: You don't have to, I was literally just trying to apologize and then see where you were at Jac: and I have Amelia: you've ❌ my name off your list Amelia: that's literally all this is to you Jac: Don't presume to know that Amelia: you're just going to walk away from this conversation with your closure and into your new life as a better person Jac: Well no I'm not, because you haven't given me that or accepted my apology Jac: just because I'm handling that rejection in a more measured, calm way, doesn't mean I feel any better than you, thank you Amelia: well take it, then you can continue to feel superior as much as you like Jac: I don't feel superior to you, I haven't said that once Jac: I'm sorry for whatever is making you feel that way Amelia: it's just your tone then, okay great Jac: If you're gonna tone police, then you will probably come up against much more resistance than I'm giving Jac: You feel bad about yourself, and I am sorry for how much I undoubtedly played into that Amelia: I feel bad because things are bad, and I don't have your certainty that a new place is just going to sort that out Jac: That must be hard for you Amelia: give me whatever other apologies you've got left to get this over with Jac: I really hope life improves for you Jac: it's sad to see Amelia: me too, obviously Jac: You should really talk to someone, if you aren't Amelia: I don't need to be told what to do, the uncertainty isn't total Jac: Simply a suggestion Amelia: my parents made it way before you Jac: I'm glad Jac: how's it going? Amelia: I'm not going to talk about it with you Jac: Okay Amelia: okay Jac: Enjoy the rest of your summer Amelia: you too Jac: 😄 Amelia: it can't all be apologies, you'll have to run out eventually Jac: What do you mean? Amelia: there's not an unending number of 💔 people Jac: Yes, but I don't really get what your point is? Amelia: take a break to take your own advice and enjoy the ☀🌳🌼 Jac: Of course Jac: it's not the only thing I have to do Jac: I'm plenty busy Amelia: undoubtedly Jac: sweet of you though Amelia: everyone will be thrilled I still have it in me Jac: I'm sure they all already know Amelia: based on what evidence Jac: You didn't disown all your new friends and stop talking to your family, did you? Jac: No, that was me Amelia: I don't have any friends so my family are the only people I have to talk to Jac: you clearly talk to my brother Jac: and, your family, so case in point x2 remains Amelia: I try not to x 2 Amelia: and I'm hardly sweet when I do, so no, my point remains there's no basis for that Jac: if you weren't capable of being sweet, it wouldn't be a try for not talking to them Jac: but sure Amelia: I'm capable of being selfish, like I said Jac: I'm aware Amelia: I need them, let's not act like any of what I'm saying is for their benefit Jac: Admitting you need people makes them feel good by default Jac: you could've convinced them that you didn't Jac: and that they're not allowed to need you Amelia: clearly I'm not capable of that Jac: it's not a bad thing Amelia: the ✔ or ❌ next to it is kind of irrelevant because it's what's happened anyway Jac: it's about how you feel about it Jac: I don't know why you're trying to convince yourself you were as bad as me Amelia: I don't know why you're trying to 😇 me Jac: Hardly Jac: there's just zero point being unrealistic about it now Amelia: exactly Jac: You were an awful friend to me Jac: and you stopped even that when I could have really used one Jac: that doesn't invalidate what I'm trying to apologise for Jac: and the fact that I took advantage of you and used you Amelia: I told you I don't want it Jac: No one is sainting you, is my point Jac: I really don't like you, at all Jac: that doesn't mean I didn't do wrong, that's the situation Amelia: I know you did, that's why I don't need it spelled out Jac: I'm not spelling it out Jac: I apologized, you didn't accept it Jac: now that's on you Jac: I've done my part Amelia: you're literally spelling that out Amelia: like I don't know what's happening Jac: you clearly are confused Jac: you've said completely the opposite of what I've said to you several times Jac: and I'm not interested in participating in that misunderstanding any longer Amelia: okay Jac: right, thank you Amelia: I accept your apology, you can go Jac: I'm not an idiot Jac: don't lie Jac: I'll still be able to move on without it Amelia: I'm not lying, I get that you're sorry and why Jac: No, the more I think about it, the more I don't want to do this Jac: don't bother Amelia: fine Jac: because an apology should be mutual, to work Jac: and I truly do not forgive you Jac: you actually talking to me again has only reminded me Jac: I'm sorry for contacting you, that was a mistake Amelia: it's alright, like I said, I get what you were trying to do Jac: there's no point pretending Amelia: no there isn't, what I did to you was horrific, don't forgive me Jac: there's windows of opportunity, sometimes Jac: and you had plenty of time Amelia: time doesn't heal everything Jac: and you prioritized yourself and your healing over me and the fact you've failed to do so Jac: yeah, that really disgusts me Jac: I can't help that, not yet Jac: I don't know when Amelia: I prioritised myself, I wasn't doing any healing, distraction isn't the same thing Jac: I don't even know if I'm able to forgive that Jac: but that's a me problem Jac: I can't care about you anymore, in any way, you walked out on me near a year ago, I need to do the same now Amelia: yeah you do Jac: fucking hell Jac: right Amelia: there's nothing else to say, I'm glad you're doing better but all I really did was throw myself into school Jac: there is so much more to say Jac: but you've made it clear how you feel Amelia: so have you Amelia: walk away, the last thing I want is any of this bullshit Jac: you've heard what you want, as per usual Jac: heaven forbid you have to deal with anything uncomfortable for you Amelia: fuck's sake Jac: because I really wanted to do this, you're right, it was all about me and how great this would make me feel Amelia: okay, it's not a walk in the park for you either Jac: how dare I try Amelia: I'm stubborn, not stupid Jac: so I'm not trying, yeah? Amelia: of course you fucking are Jac: and your solution is to not, ever Amelia: with you there isn't any solution Jac: fine Amelia: I treated you like shit, it doesn't matter how sorry I am or how hard I want to try Jac: Yes, it does Jac: it would Jac: that's such an excuse Amelia: no it's not, I am sorry but that doesn't and won't change anything Jac: you aren't sorry enough to do anything about it Jac: that's what you mean Jac: and like I said, fine Amelia: if there was anything I could Amelia: then I obviously would Jac: Okay, Amelia Jac: I can't tell you what to do Amelia: yeah you can, if there's something you want Jac: You don't have to serve what I want Amelia: I know that Jac: then just Jac: this hurts Amelia: it's been too long since I did the right thing Amelia: I don't know what to do Jac: Why haven't you been trying? Amelia: because I thought it would work, my parents just kept saying I needed time, to focus on studying, that once I get to uni things will be better Jac: it isn't going to just happen Jac: it's good that you've been studying but like you said, it's distraction Amelia: yeah Jac: but you'll never be over it if you ignore it, if we do Amelia: but trying to talk about it has only ever made it worse Amelia: we don't communicate well Jac: it can be different Amelia: can it? Jac: there has been time, distance Jac: the fact we're addressing it, that's different Jac: can we just, start this conversation again, try again Amelia: I don't get why you want to when you don't even like me Jac: because I loved you Jac: for a long time, that doesn't count for nothing Jac: I don't want it to Jac: and I don't want to dislike you Jac: what's the point of that? Amelia: okay Jac: I know you know and knew at the time that it was wrong, I get that, you aren't stupid and I'm not trying to keep saying the same thing over and over Jac: but I don't think either of us fully appreciated how hard it was for you to say no to me at the time Jac: and now I'm so ashamed of how much I used that to my advantage Amelia: I did so many things going really far back, to not say no to you, so I'm ashamed of that too Jac: yeah, it wasn't like it was just that, or it just started with that whole period of time Jac: I knew on some level Jac: and I used it, however unconsciously, I still did Jac: I don't really know why, except for the fact I could, pure selfishness, to get what I wanted Jac: it wasn't fair on you, but plenty of other people too Amelia: and I kept it going because I wanted to, even though I knew I shouldn't Jac: if I was any sort of friend, I wouldn't have put you in that position, of having to make that choice Amelia: if I was any sort of friend I would've put what I wanted to one side and actually tried to help you Jac: It's clear neither of us were in any position to help each other, after a point Jac: I just don't know when we got there Amelia: I didn't try hard enough, how can I say I loved or cared about you? Jac: I wouldn't let you Jac: but that doesn't feel true because I did let you in in those other ways Jac: which, again, confusing and not fair on any level Amelia: I don't think I can love or care about anyone properly, that's why I'm scared to go forward Jac: I don't think that's true, I'm aware that isn't comforting, or counts for much Jac: but if someone actually gave you the chance, and it was fair Jac: you can't base it on what we had Jac: it was bad for us both, and didn't work because of that Amelia: I'm not, I'm basing it on Is and Jess too Jac: We were all bad to Is Jac: it was like...I don't even know Jac: a way to make you fight for my attention? mutual bonding to leave her out? Jac: I'm not being vague purposefully, I truly do not know why Jac: I don't think we had much in common with her once we got older but still, we didn't have to do what we did Jac: and it's a whole different situation with Jess, I repeatedly told you to not be friends with him, starters, and obviously it's a reminder of me you didn't necessarily need Amelia: I just feel like I can't have friends, but what am I gonna do, not go? be the weird loner who doesn't get involved in anything? Jac: We were best friends Jac: and that blew up, spectacularly Jac: you're bound to have trauma Amelia: I have no idea if we were or not, maybe I was just 😍🥰 Amelia: because I can't pinpoint when that happened Jac: but we still were Jac: it can be both Jac: isn't it, ideally, when you have a s/o Amelia: not if I didn't treat you like it was both Amelia: which I obviously didn't because I had no issue ever saying no to Is Jac: maybe that was more about that we didn't treat Is like a friend Amelia: maybe Jac: I don't know Jac: I felt like we were friends Amelia: okay, that's a good start, I guess Jac: of course I did Jac: I know you loved me for a long time Jac: but does it discount the philia type of love Amelia: I don't know what that means but it sounds disgusting Jac Philia — Affectionate Love. Philia is love without romantic attraction and occurs between friends or family members. ... Pragma — Enduring Love. ... Storge — Familiar Love. ... Eros — Romantic Love. ... Ludus — Playful Love. ... Mania — Obsessive Love. ... Philautia — Self Love. ... Agape — Selfless Love. Jac: thanks, classics Amelia: oh well then I hope not Jac: I'm sure you can have more than one at play at once Jac: personal experience and general consensus Amelia: probably Jac: you can't go through life alone Jac: you don't need to Amelia: arguably I do need to Amelia: because I can't go through anything that comes close to this again Jac: I don't think it will Jac: and I'm not just being big-headed Jac: there's a lot of songs about it, more evidence Amelia: I haven't forgotten what you said about someone else taking advantage of me, even if you have Jac: I haven't Jac: I said Jac: particularly nasty things that day Amelia: it was an especially fucked up day for you Jac: yes, I haven't forgotten anything about that time Jac: if only Jac: I still had no right, to be as Jac: callous as I was Amelia: you wanted me to leave, it wouldn't have worked any other way Jac: yeah Jac: I needed you to Amelia: and I know you think it was a dick move for me to not be there after but it was for the best Amelia: you had Jesse, having me around would've just made shit worse Jac: I know nothing would have made it better, really Amelia: of course not Jac: I guess too much had passed between us at that point Jac: I didn't think we were there yet Jac: or that there was that point, arrogantly Amelia: that's why I decided for us Amelia: you had grieving to do Jac: I can see your thought process now Amelia: there's loads I should've handled differently but I'm not sorry for walking away then Amelia: it was bigger than me and us and that whole fucking thing Jac: It probably just hit me, that I had successfully isolated myself, at that point Jac: I can't blame you, I shouldn't Amelia: you can, if you want, there were loads of times I thought I should just get over myself and see how you were Jac: It just felt like you didn't care Jac: but complaining about that when that's consistently what I told you, well Jac: there was no way Amelia: I'll never stop caring about you Jac: Me either Amelia: but I'm not good for you Amelia: and even if I could've shown up and taken over from Jesse, it wouldn't have gone well or lasted Jac: but I never should have asked for the amount from you that I consistently did Jac: that's the truth Amelia: and I shouldn't have been willing to give you everything in exchange for nothing Jac: No Jac: but we don't have to go back, to fix this Jac: to be better Jac: we have to address it, not just push on Amelia: that's a relief because we can't go back or fix it Jac: Why do you think the latter though? Amelia: too much has happened Jac: but that doesn't mean stop and stagnate Jac: better things can and should happen Amelia: yeah, for both of us separately Amelia: you're way ahead of me Jac: I'm not Jac: but I agree Jac: but that doesn't mean we can't get us past this place Jac: like I said, that doesn't mean like it was before, or even a fraction of that, it can be what we want Jac: that's all I was ever suggesting Amelia: what do you want it to be? Jac: I don't want you to want to run when you see me, or for us to not be able to acknowledge that spending the majority of our childhood together means something for who we are now Jac: I don't have it in me to keep hurting you or the only way for that to not happen to be staying away forever Jac: maybe we still need time Jac: but maybe we can make a start Amelia: I can't imagine talking about ☀☁🌧🌨 with you, that's all Amelia: the feeling I had at Is' birthday party that last time was Amelia: I don't know, but I know I can't Jac: we don't have to pretend to be strangers Jac: there's no point in that Jac: setting boundaries this time doesn't have to equate to nothing to say Amelia: okay Jac: I know there's still chance we'll fuck up Jac: and I know you don't have load of reason to trust me Jac: but if we're both trying Jac: and at least communicating better than nothing Jac: surely Amelia: because I don't have the slightest clue how to set boundaries Amelia: or loads of trust in myself Amelia: but I'll try Jac: maybe it gets easier with practice Amelia: I'm not saying it'll go as badly as when I said I'd try to be friends with Savannah but let's aim for not Jac: 😂 Jac: the bars been set Amelia: I've got nothing if not realistic goals Jac: you did really well Jac: getting on the course you did Amelia: school's boring but not hard Jac: don't tell Delia Amelia: I don't think she'd open a message from me Jac: another congrats for her amazing grades? add it to the pile Amelia: not another declaration of love, how dare I? Amelia: our only conversation to date was her asking if I fancied her when I came out so she is waiting Jac: Oh my god Jac: delusion? wishful thinking? Jac: not her Jac: going to be so disappointed when she doesn't get swept off her feet by some Mr Darcy type at Uni Amelia: I like girls so obviously I MUST like her because she's head girl in EVERY WAY, it was simply a technically she didn't get the badge Jac: She's so tragic I'm breaking my rule of not shit-talking people to do so because Jac: yikes Jac: maybe she is THAT special, after-all Amelia: I told her it must have been SO hard coming such a clear 2nd to Savannah Moore at everything whilst having a bigger ego Amelia: but I think she thought that meant I fancied Savannah so Amelia: slightly awkward Jac: she might've just hated Sav more than you Amelia: we could've bonded over it if she'd been less Amelia: her Jac: Yeah, I'm really gutted for you both on that Amelia: I'm really gutted that she doesn't realise your grades were better Amelia: like maybe she can't count Amelia: it's all a dramatic cover for illiteracy Jac: do we call that innumerate or Jac: ha, we do Jac: ['cos did just google that] Amelia: Jess wasn't far off her grades and he don't care, she can honestly calm down Jac: The compensation is real with that one Amelia: 😏 Jac: I hope she has a great time in Bath Jac: I don't hope that Savannah is there too and she has to rekindle that 'rivalry' or anything Amelia: 😂 Amelia: that's so gay Jac: if this were a Netflix adaptation of a YA novel, for sure Amelia: Sav is too pretty for her, people would be up in arms Jac: not people like Delia Jac: aspirational, the ugly nerd girl gets the hottie Amelia: she does look like she could be royalty, maybe that's the plot twist Jac: fucking secret princess Jac: yeah, Savannah probably would have gone for that Jac: if Delia pretends to be a boy too, get Shakesperian Amelia: 😂 Jac: I've missed you Amelia: not that I've had much competition Amelia: I love Jess but he isn't very chatty Jac: he's been more of a warden than a friend, or normal brother Jac: not his fault, that was what he had to be but yeah Amelia: and less said about Darla the fucking better, to be honest Amelia: I wasn't 💔 when she finished school Jac: Well she was what I needed her to be Jac: naturally, as was everyone in that period Amelia: an enabler, yeah, she was Jac: she's got a fucked life Jac: and I didn't help her no more than she helped me so Jac: guess it makes us equal enough Amelia: I've missed you too, by the way Jac: Yeah, tah Amelia: not only because having your mum for a BFF is the coolest Jac: at least she does know all the good gossip Amelia: and I know how to cross stitch, crochet and knit, gonna be an amazing wife Jac: your future wife better love a handmade gift Amelia: I made you an oversized scarf but I also learnt my lesson about leaving stuff outside your 🏠 Jac: Perhaps a stray could have used it for a bed or something Amelia: okay, I'll leave it when I'm going that way Jac: I'm sorry Amelia: me too Jac: If I wasn't such a bitch, they'd have been really nice gifts Amelia: yeah, I'm a thoughtful bitch Jac: 😂 Amelia: 😉 Jac: Shame some passing gay 🤓 didn't rescue 'em Amelia: any passing gay 🤓 has probably already read them Jac: how much gay literature have you consumed, whilst not knitting like a 👵 Amelia: [a list lol] Jac: Oh God Amelia: I don't recommend most of it, wouldn't even to Delia Jac: I don't really do non-fiction, which you conveniently forgot when trying to bash me over the head with your moral messages and thoughtful bitch-ness Jac: maybe read a case study or two, but wouldn't recommend, it's not the most reassuring Amelia: at least I didn't hit you over the head with Shakespeare or Les Mis or War and Peace Amelia: and I didn't forget Jac: that's more assault than insult Amelia: the first 📖 was because it only took my 10 minutes to find my parents 🎁 and the 2nd was to put my 🎨 in to try and protect it from the ❄ Jac: [why I write non-fiction when I clearly meant fiction I've annoyed myself wid that lol just so we don't get confused on a re-read] Jac: and the stories were a total coincidence Jac: not like plastic bags are cheaper or more plentiful Amelia: not to me but I knew YOU wouldn't read them Jac: I can google a title and get the sparknotes, like Jac: 👌👌 Amelia: 👏👏 Jac: erm don't be rude Jac: you knew I'd do that, I mean Amelia: I didn't know anything about what you would or wouldn't do Jac: except that I wouldn't read them, obvs Amelia: yeah, well the wouldn'ts are a bit easier than the woulds Jac: be very obvious if I lobbed them back through your window Jac: don't even need your ma's keen senses to work that one out Amelia: you wouldn't come that close to my 🏠 Jac: unlike you, I have no reason to be anywhere near Jac: again, obvious Amelia: unlike you I don't need a reason Jac: sounds mildly stalkerish Amelia: 😕 you're right Amelia: I won't bother to delete it though Jac: Progress Jac: it's fine, there's been very little too stalk, accusing you of that lately would just be embarrassing for me Amelia: likewise Amelia: unless you really want to see what else I've been knitting that badly Jac: you don't have a etsy yet? Jac: slacking Amelia: I wouldn't gift it to you if anyone else would have it Amelia: I didn't say I was good, only that I technically learned how Jac: Charming Jac: you want me to walk around looking a state Amelia: it's the thought that counts Amelia: and I'm under no illusion you'd wear it Amelia: it's not chanel Jac: we're still a while away from me being able to wear exclusively chanel Amelia: 💔 Jac: I know Jac: all bitch no rich, according to you Jac: not the one Amelia: you wish I'd ever called you names Amelia: I can flirt better than that, thank you Jac: That's a development too Jac: I distinctly remember 😳 Amelia: rude Jac: but true Jac: and we aren't pretending to be strangers, remember Amelia: 😣 fine Jac: 😉 Amelia: how long did the 💄 even last once you'd thawed or whatever? Jac: not like I was doing much 💋 after Jac: not to say it was poorly timed but you know Amelia: because that's the only time you ever wear it, we're not strangers Jac: okay, yeah Jac: I've still got it though Amelia: maybe it's not a total 🤑 scam in that case Jac: it is still for special occasions, if not just 💋s Jac: plus, like you said, my brother is the only person I'm hanging out with and enough fans thought we were dating for a while there without trying that hard for him 🤢 Amelia: your family and incest Jac: can you not Amelia: sorry Jac: you're okay Jac: it is vomit-inducing though Amelia: yeah Jac: like didn't want to be 'outed' as his sister but the speculation is worse Amelia: loads of fans thought we were 😍🥰😘 after I went to one gig and that made me feel 🤢 too Amelia: happy to be outed Jac: ha, seriously Jac: it's so weird Amelia: I must not have wearing 👖 that night or something Jac: gays own denim, yeah? Amelia: your guess is as likely to be right as mine is Amelia: I'm the only gay I know Jac: bollocks Jac: there's loads of out kids Amelia: and I don't know them, my mum is my best mate, remember Jac: 1. you had a girlfriend and all her pals, however briefly 2. you claim to know/love my brother 3. so what are you talking about Amelia: 1. I've mentally blocked out that entire time period 2. he's not gay Jac: 1. fair enough, yeah 2. neither are you unless we are using it as an umbrella term so suck it Amelia: 👅🍭 Jac: 😋 Amelia: or 🍦 because it's ☀ Jac: that would constitute enjoying the rest of our summer Amelia: you did tell me to Jac: likewise Jac: are you going to go to any of these final-blowout-before-we-all-leave-forever parties? Amelia: I don't know Jac: Me either Jac: probably not though Amelia: if Jess wants to before I go, I might, but there's loads of other things I'd rather do instead Jac: cute Amelia: he is my sometimes boyfriend, ask the fans Jac: that's truly horrifying Amelia: maybe I'll be washing my 👖 Jac: write a song about it, boy Amelia: 😂 Jac: he would Jac: tell me I'm wrong Jac: you can't Amelia: he definitely would Amelia: as enjoyable as it always is telling you you're wrong Jac: more enjoyable than hearing his 💔 Amelia: yeah Jac: but not 🍦 Amelia: I'm very hungry right now so no Jac: I mean, go ahead Jac: but I'm never wrong Amelia: we're not strangers Jac: 😲 Amelia: you were wrong when you thought you could ✂ your own hair Jac: I can't wait to be somewhere no one knows that anecdote Jac: and there isn't photographic evidence Amelia: and when you told me my mum's 🌹 didn't have thorns because you wanted me to pick them for you Jac: well, that was just a lie, not being wrong Jac: surprised your mum didn't cut my hair with her secateurs after that, like Amelia: okay but I can probably go on and on all day if you want Amelia: ending on my forehead scar for dramatic effect Jac: you're the one that ❤s it more than ice-cream and indie pop Jac: anyway, I feel enough guilt and shame for the things I did wrong way more recently than that, if we're being real Amelia: yeah, I know Amelia: me too Jac: summer bummer Amelia: hey, we're trying Jac: true Jac: not that bad, is it Amelia: maybe we should go to one of the parties, do it right Jac: you think? Amelia: I might worry less about freshers if I can do that without fucking it up Jac: Alright Jac: if we find one with the least offensive cast of dickheads Amelia: if anything that sounds harder than not fucking it up but okay Jac: at least Delia won't be at any Jac: it'll be fine Amelia: I'm 💔 about the lack of goodbye 💋 so if you could just not mention her name Jac: 🤐 Amelia: thanks Jac: any time Amelia: and we can leave any time if it's the worst idea I've ever had Jac: now that's unlikely Jac: however boring it is Amelia: alright, if I'm the worst date ever Jac: nah Jac: you haven't forgotten how many boys I've dated Amelia: I've tried to Jac: 🤐🤐 Amelia: 🥀🥀 Jac: don't worry, I'm very aware how tragic it was, no need to pretend Amelia: I'm just wondering if they are or if they really think they did something 🏆⭐ Jac: They did me and that was the 🏆⭐ Jac: some people can get an ego over nothing, like she-who-must-not-be-named but the majority were clued in Amelia: no arguments from me, you were 🏆⭐ Jac: you weren't bad yourself Amelia: it's not a real compliment, it's an if I were dressed like a Shakespearean boy one, so I don't need any back Jac: no it's not Amelia: and I'm going outside, you'll be thrilled to hear Amelia: ☀🌳🌼 Jac: that's nice and all but why are you ignoring me coming out to you Amelia: because I don't know what to do with it Jac: okay Jac: that went well then Amelia: how did you expect it to go? Jac: thought you might be able to muster a happy for you or something Jac: what did your mum say when you first told her? Amelia: she asked me if I was sure, which I'm obviously not going to say Jac: did you tell her she was the first person you told? Amelia: no Jac: well maybe that would've been a better place for me to start Amelia: I don't think I should be the first person you tell anything Jac: it's not like you didn't know already Jac: that's the only reason why Jac: I'm not gonna make an announcement Amelia: and you weren't happy so I'm not going to say I'm happy for you Jac: alright Jac: don't worry about it Amelia: I'm not worried about it, if you're telling me, that's different from how it was before Jac: yeah, sort of what I'm going for Amelia: the fresh start thing, yeah Jac: right Jac: may as well give it a shot Amelia: you'll have loads of chances to get a better reaction than the one you got from me Jac: not going to get laid Jac: or join a GSA Jac: just also not lying and getting laid by dudes, that's all Amelia: okay Jac: unless there's a future king of England, that's just the kind of chance you have to take regardless Amelia: 😂 Amelia: I'll let you, Sav and Delia be 👸👸🏾👸🏼 it's not really the happily ever after I'm looking for Jac: not that it ever is really Jac: 📸🏎🚇💀💔 Amelia: Jess' fans are intense enough Jac: 🙄 yeah, can't wait for the complex he gets Amelia: loads of girls have already asked me out to try and get close to him, no thank you Jac: Ew Jac: another reason not to come out Amelia: you'll just get lads doing it instead Jac: nah Jac: lads aren't like that and he has like no male fans Amelia: not yet Jac: still Jac: gay boys aren't gonna pretend to be straight to clout chase Amelia: I was thinking more straight lads trying to be his mate and take his fan girls but sure Jac: why are you wishing predators on me just to prove boys are as bad as straight girls Jac: 🤨 Amelia: I haven't made any wishes Jac: hmm 👌 Amelia: you can have a clichéd good luck message when you actually leave Jac: I'll look forward to it Jac: you're so jaded now yeah Amelia: not that kind of 👵 Jac: I've only got the one so not much to compare Jac: ❌👵👴👴 Amelia: I'll cellotape 💰 to any cards I send you along with the 🧶🧣🧤🧦🧸 Amelia: leave you long rambling voicemails because I refuse to text and show up at every family function only to leave like an hour later Amelia: the full experience Jac: honestly, sounds like you anyway Jac: not a big stretch is it Jac: 😄 Amelia: I wouldn't do it if it was, selfish bitch that I am Jac: Obvs Amelia: 😏 Jac: right Jac: better let you go enjoy the ☀🌳🌼 as requested Amelia: don't worry, I'm a 👵 who can do a few things at once Amelia: not wearing my 🍦 or anything Jac: knitted bib would probably not work Amelia: my mum must've tried it when I was a baby Jac: she probably soldiered on as well Jac: like with the bob Amelia: 😣 Amelia: BFF or not, I won't be asking her advice on what to wear for my first day of lectures Jac: Bless Jac: the preppy look would be more her wheelhouse than freshers though Amelia: freshers is a banned word in our 🏠 Amelia: she thinks I'm going to go insane Jac: you aren't Delia who's never been to a real party in her life Jac: I'll send her some charcoal all ready, like Jac: DIY Amelia: she'd probably assume it was an early 🎄🎅🎁 and you were calling her 👿 Jac: she is that pessimist Jac: not gonna beat you with a switch, sorry girl Amelia: she'd at least need to buy you a drink first Jac: I'd need more than a single drink, tah Amelia: 🍾 Jac: that's the vibe Jac: [examples 'cos St Andrews so bouj with the champagne etc lol] Amelia: you'll fit right in Amelia: I don't know what Cork's vibe is Jac: You should check out the #s it can be really useful Jac: if you're not quite ready to dip your toe into the freshers whatsapps yet Jac: I'm holding off 'cos 😬 Amelia: me too, I feel at risk of a migraine just thinking about it Amelia: which would be about right when I haven't had as many lately Jac: alright, I get it Jac: massive pain in your 🤯 Jac: I'm glad you've got 'em a bit more under control though Amelia: I mean, you're not on my official triggers list technically Amelia: even if I was apparently always 😳 Jac: Yeah Jac: but that's easily dealt with Amelia: right Jac: better than an aspirin, anyway Amelia: true, I'm still shit at swallowing 💊s Jac: That gay Amelia: 😂 Jac: Might go to [this] hers Jac: they weren't that awful Amelia: and it's not that far if we decide to 🏃 away Jac: and her parents will only be down the pub or something 'til they call time, so no chance of it getting out of hand Amelia: my parents will be thrilled Jac: if you don't want them to join you on freshers Amelia: thank god she isn't reading over my shoulder right now, you'd have given her ideas Jac: no way she weren't already thinking of ways to 🔭 Amelia: one of many reasons I'd never go to Trinity Jac: Same Jac: can't imagine anything worse Amelia: UCC's website already makes the BOLD claim of being in the top 2% of universities in the world so obviously I have no need anyway Amelia: don't ask me how they worked out anything like that Amelia: 🤨 Jac: top 2% at what Jac: I love when they try to blind you with stats Jac: some of the websites are abhorent Amelia: Bath's would give me a migraine Amelia: because yeah I've looked at it Jac: don't remind me 💔 Amelia: I'll invite Delia to the party if you like, that'll make you feel loads better Jac: I AM thrilled that no one from school is going to st andys too Jac: 👀 anyone across campus, let alone her, nope Amelia: shit, now that you mention it, I really don't like my chances of not running into anyone quite as much Amelia: that'll be a great orientation depending who I get Jac: I think they're gonna announce it all at that ball thing they're doing Jac: if you're going to that Amelia: I probably have to now Amelia: to get a warning Amelia: 😬 Jac: just don't dramatically gasp or scream in horror Jac: the other person/people might be a bit offended Amelia: that'll be everyone else at me in a 👗 again Jac: okay, cinderella fantasy Amelia: thanks, yeah, I'm totally rocking some summer rags as we speak Amelia: I get it, if it's not chanel I might as well 🧹 the floor in it or with it Jac: at least you name isn't prefaced with ugly or evil Jac: r* Jac: 🐭🎃✨ Amelia: but I can't be leaving 👠 behind Jac: packing is so weird Jac: how do you even know how much to take Amelia: I just know I'm going to have to keep going back and forth because I haven't grabbed the right things Amelia: I don't envy you Jac: what are you doing for living your 1st year? Amelia: rooms are on a lottery so if I don't get one I'll have to stay here and 🚗 Jac: Oh Jac: that's tense Jac: I'll 🤞🤞 Amelia: scared as I am, I seriously don't want to live at 🏠 Amelia: what kind of fresh start is that? Jac: I agree, I mean, obviously Jac: I couldn't go much further Jac: you'd miss out if you had to commute, on all the student life Amelia: exactly, they also brag about having over 100 societies Jac: we love an option Jac: it'll be good Jac: even if you do 🚗 for a bit, you'll meet people you actually wanna share with later Amelia: 🤞🤞 Amelia: so are you going to the ball 👸? Jac: better than being stuck with total nightmare housemates Jac: I opted for a single room for that same reason Jac: only so nice I can be still Jac: I wanted to scream at Jude earlier but I had to just 🙂🙂 Jac: May as well, though everyone is pairing up and making that a thing, or going as a girly group and then that's another thing so Amelia: right? I've never even had to share a bathroom before, I'm too only child for this bullshit to be honest Jac: ^^ you wouldn't cope, soz Amelia: I'd rather sleep in my 🚗 than with nightmare housemates Amelia: fuck's sake, maybe I won't go to the ball and take my chances with whoever else is going to UCC Amelia: we probably won't ever run into each other anyway Jac: I saw Is and all her mates dress shopping in town the other day Amelia: did she see you? Jac: Thankfully not Jac: I was stocking up on some beauty essentials so I was far enough away for that convo not to happen Amelia: It's so weird to just see her around Amelia: she always looks good though Jac: Yeah Jac: she's gonna be really happy Jac: it's good Amelia: but it has made my mind up about not going, because there's no way I'm going dress shopping Amelia: and nothing online can be trusted Jac: We could've gone together Jac: pure solidarity thing, as we have no one else to go with Jac: apart from Jess Amelia: do you want to? Jac: I mean, yeah Jac: the last day was pretty anti-climatic Jac: at least this will feel like a proper goodbye Amelia: I'm aware I haven't really shone in this conversation so okay Jac: You don't have to Jac: but it could be alright, us three Jac: see it through to the end properly, you know Amelia: I want to though, when you put it like that Jac: Okay Jac: cool Jac: I'll tell Jess Jac: at least he has to have something approaching formalwear these days Amelia: maybe he'll let me borrow it Jac: the full 🤵🏻 moment Amelia: I guess, if it means I can escape the 🛍 moment Jac: you don't have ANYTHING? Amelia: no ?????? maybe ??????? Amelia: I don't know, it's not a house party Jac: 🙄😂 Jac: in fairness, every other bitch is finished by now Jac: so you aren't going to run into everyone Amelia: what are you planning on wearing? Jac: 🤔 Jac: I probably have options Jac: if I've worn it too recently is always the question Amelia: we're going shopping, aren't we? Jac: it sounds like we need to Amelia: alright Jac: When do you wanna go Jac: I've wrapped up work now so I'm pretty free most of the time Jac: when not packing, unpacking, repacking Amelia: tomorrow so I can change my mind AGAIN back to not going if all the 👗 suck Amelia: plus my mum is busy and can't gatecrash to volunteer any 'advice' Amelia: more importantly, where do we want to go? because I'll 🚗 Amelia: obviously you'll be wanting to look 🤑 Jac: I won't make you do Brown Thomas Jac: but could we do Powerscourt? Jac: 🥺 Amelia: you can't make me do anything anymore but because you've made such a convincing argument with 🥺 yeah we can Jac: Oh that's right Jac: we're both better people now Jac: I still love Powerscourt though Amelia: I don't want you to change everything about yourself, that's erasure not improvement Amelia: and I still love how your face lights up when you go there Jac: It is knowing which parts to cut off and which can be salvaged Jac: like  🌹 🥀 Jac: speaking of, the garden flower shop 😍😍 Amelia: like 🖌 too sometimes you want to leave the first brush strokes in and sometimes you don't Amelia: fine, I'll make you a corsage, don't feel like you have to 🥺 I've made a shit load of Christmas wreaths, it'll be a piece of cake Jac: exactly Jac: or what 🖌 stroke is going to be the one that's one too many Jac: or the painting that never seems quite finished Jac: by the way, if you do have to keep living here, please ensure my sister doesn't ruin my room Jac: there was talk of a mural Amelia: 😣 don't! I'm not going to miss any of those dilemmas when I have zero time for 🎨 Amelia: 😂 of course there was Amelia: Oh Jude Jac: Far too busy being Sherlock 🧐 Jac: I think she was just trying to get a rise out of me, so naturally I didn't give anything Jac: but God knows the eyesore I'll come back to Amelia: I'll find out if she was serious or not when I devote my time to spying on the state of your bedroom walls Jac: It can't all be murders at dinner parties Amelia: 💔 Amelia: now you tell me Amelia: I've been channelling Miss Marple all year for nothing Jac: 😅 Jac: she was a bad bitch Amelia: likewise 😎 that was the easy bit Jac: you're such a fool Jac: 😏 Amelia: you gave me another chance, I dread to think what it makes you Jac: what's it about beggars not having much option? Amelia: if you're financially fucked to that level we probably shouldn't go to Powerscourt Jac: Please, all I did was work this past year Jac: school and actual Jac: may as well blow some of it before I'm using it to eat rice every night at uni or whatever Amelia: stop flexing at me, thank you, I don't wish to see it Amelia: or you the return of my 😳 Jac: I don't know what you're talking about 💪 Jac: and I have fond memories of your 😳 too Amelia: past tense not present Amelia: 😎🍦 Jac: not even for old times sake then? Jac: 💔 Amelia: you can't even see me right now and if you're using your imagination there's loads of old times to remind yourself of Jac: but when I do Amelia: I couldn't possibly comment on tomorrow before it has happened Amelia: not a 🔮💎💫 gay, if you recall Jac: so sorry Jac: about your lack of powers Jac: be really good if being gay came with those kinda perks, tbh Amelia: very disappointing Jac: yeah, I'll bring it up with god when I get there, like Amelia: I'll bring it up with 👿 so all bases are covered Amelia: because I was a miracle and I squandered it, or whatever Jac: Hardly Jac: 1. your mum loves the gays and you having a baby will be such a trial she will live for the bonding 2. you've survived to go to uni that's like all they want Amelia: 🎺I feel so accomplished suddenly Jac: yeah, I know, making things sound as harsh as possible is my speciality Jac: but you actually should be Amelia: for what? Jac: Loads of things Jac: mainly getting on your course at the mo though, as that's all we can talk or think about Amelia: it's about picking the right subjects, that's all Amelia: like I said, school is boring but not hard 🧩 Jac: you still did that Jac: and that means you're smart Jac: or it would be both Amelia: you're the only one who didn't believe I had a plan or fuck to give about the future Jac: I was just trying to make sure you didn't give up Amelia: that went well Jac: yeah, I know Jac: okay, it was still rude to say, even if I had good intentions Amelia: you've been ruder, so have I Jac: I'm sure I don't even remember half the shit I said Jac: feel free to regale me with my worst hits if you wanna and I'll try not to kill myself, like Amelia: It's not as if I'd enjoy reliving it either Jac: it'd be alright if you did Amelia: not really Jac: I'm owed a lot worse than squirming for a bit from you Jac: but let's not then, unless you change your mind Jac: works for me Amelia: if I fancy 🎣 I know where you are Jac: I didn't take up old people hobbies too, I'm afraid Amelia: it'd be a bit rude to leave my dad entirely out Amelia: but actually his hobby is just sitting down in different places depending on the ☀☁🌧🌨 Jac: 😂 Jac: can think of worse Amelia: it's an easy one to take up when you get to Edinburgh so you're welcome for the great suggestion Jac: 🤞 there will be no time right Amelia: yeah, there is probably only so much distraction we can stand and we already got to the limit 🌠 Jac: I will have a garden though Jac: and there's the golf course Jac: those are old people adjacent Amelia: of course you'll have a garden Amelia: that's the biggest you incentive I've ever heard Jac: it sold the single bed over the double Jac: along with the more historic building Jac: was used to a single anyway before the basement Amelia: if you're desperate to stretch just go sleep in the 🌳🌼🌹🌷🌻 Jac: 😅 it's Edinburgh, not the Bahamas Amelia: obviously wear clothes Jac: I would manage that without your advice, thank you Jac: didn't go that mental post baby Amelia: I'll knit you a blanket and maybe some kind of onesie, it'll be fine Jac: just so dating really isn't an option 👌 Amelia: maybe if it's tartan the locals will be super into it Jac: nothing more endearing than a bit of mockery 💰🌈 Amelia: no 🌈 don't worry, I haven't fully transformed into my mother Jac: 😏 Amelia: at least you know you're getting a 🛏 Jac: yeah, that is shitty Jac: they famously charge more than any other uni for said rooms so Jac: there's that Amelia: 🤑 Jac: I'm gonna be broke forever 🎻 Amelia: until you straighten up and get that 🤴 Jac: at least some rich royal wannabe Amelia: I'll be a starving artist with no time to pick up a brush Jac: 🕵 Amelia: Miss Marple never solved student debt Amelia: I guess it's up to me Jac: she was a school of life type, aka totally unqualified, just nosy Amelia: and of 'independent means' aka 🤑💰💰 Jac: duh Jac: poor people weren't worth writing about Amelia: how would you know? you don't read any fiction Jac: exactly Jac: I've read the reports Amelia: because they can be trusted any more than the UCC website I'm sure Jac: data to back up the findings is key Jac: be interested to see UCCs Amelia: unlikely they have any Amelia: but I'll ask Jac: may as well get friendly with the staff Jac: start as you mean to go on Amelia: sweet of you to think about getting me a date Amelia: I don't think I'll start there though Jac: if you go for that cliche, like Jac: the fresh start thing we're doing might have to be reconsidered Amelia: I'm really cool with NOT Amelia: falling for your childhood best friend is enough of one Jac: you've read the books, I couldn't possibly comment Amelia: it's usually some 😎 new hs student which your parents have been there and done Jac: Yeah Jac: I don't think the hilarity of the situation escaped them Amelia: it's always really funny to hear about so clearly not Jac: yeah, from an outside POV Jac: having your parents live out a romcom just gives you unattainable and unrealistic expectations Jac: see Jude Amelia: okay, point taken Jac: now beyond unattainable for me Amelia: nothing's unattainable for you Jac: you're sweet Amelia: no, unlike Jude you set goals and work towards achieving them until you have Amelia: if there's something you want, you'll get there Jac: isn't ❤ meant to be beyond all that Jac: not something you can put in the diary or on a vision board, like Amelia: 😍 maybe Amelia: but love takes effort Jac: I don't know Jac: if I'll ever be ready Jac: so for now, it can take a backseat and that's fine Amelia: yeah, I feel the same way Jac: 🕮 Amelia: 🤓 Jac: *🤓🤓 Amelia: when I wear my glasses it's really not that far off Jac: you look cute in your glasses Amelia: 🤥 you do Amelia: I look like a kids book character Jac: what's wrong with that? Amelia: I'm not trying to bring back 👧🏻 Jac: I liked your hair too Amelia: maybe you need new glasses Amelia: I am going to do something different with it for uni though, I just need to decide Jac: you could never take a compliment Jac: 🟥 🟧 🟨 🟩 🟦 🟪 ⬛️ ⬜️? Amelia: I'll pack them all up in my suitcase and take them to Cork in case I don't like it Jac: just don't start with red then Amelia: I'd never get that out Amelia: even more persistent than you with the compliments Jac: your mum would also think the breakdown had begun so Jac: wouldn't Amelia: she hasn't had me sectioned yet, assumedly it'll take more than rebel red or whatever they've called it Jac: 😂 Jac: you know it's someone like Delia coming up with these names Amelia: they should poach my mum off my dad's reception, she has A LOT to say about what 🧵🧶 colours are named Jac: a new career would keep her busy Jac: empty nest is real Amelia: I did consider getting her a pet but if it's too cute, I won't want to leave Jac: you're so soft Amelia: is that another compliment or an insult? Jac: it's an insult, don't worry Jac: no need for 😳 Amelia: okay Jac: she can have one of the dogs Jac: wouldn't miss the one Amelia: and expose my dad's fake allergy? he's worked so hard on that lie Jac: such a move Jac: suddenly LOVES animals now you're gone Jac: I would Amelia: 😣 Jac: maybe I can convince him Jac: add him to my list, like Amelia: because that doesn't sound like you're about to seduce my dad Jac: only so you can have a dog Jac: excuse you Amelia: I don't want one THAT badly Jac: and I don't want your dad at all, tah Amelia: if you did you'd have kissed him instead of Valentina during your attempt to ruin my life or whatever so yeah, I figured Jac: I forgot who that was Jac: even your girlfriend had an 👵 name Amelia: funnily enough that wasn't why I went out with her Jac: Sure Amelia: at least I know she isn't going to Cork or any uni Jac: Colour me surprised Jac: I remember her being stupid Amelia: you barely remembered her name, she didn't make a lasting impression, clearly Jac: duh Jac: wasn't 😍 Amelia: I know Jac: were you Amelia: all the things you could ask me and you go with one about her? Jac: I'm not on a limit of questions, am I? Amelia: I don't know what you're planning on doing later Jac: got that much to say? Amelia: did you want unlimited quick fire questions? Jac: you don't have to answer Jac: but you haven't Amelia: I wasn't 😍 Jac: okay Amelia: it was just uncomplicated Jac: she was Jac: I get it Amelia: because she was blatant about what she wanted and why Jac: yeah Jac: that's what you needed at the time Amelia: no it wasn't Jac: wanted then Amelia: it was a bad idea in a long line of Amelia: the first distraction Jac: it was a better idea than the alternative at the time Amelia: the alternative was being single so no, that would've been a way smarter move Jac: I meant what I started that night Amelia: well yeah, but we're talking about my decisions and I wasn't going to do that Jac: that would've been too smart, I suppose Amelia: me kissing whatever lad you were with at the time would have been literally the opposite of smart Jac: that's not what I mean Amelia: I know what you mean Jac: it's not blame Jac: it would've been smarter for us all Amelia: yeah Jac: alas Amelia: 💔 Jac: you're alright now Jac: pretty sure you led with that Amelia: I wasn't going to lead with the alternative Jac: yeah Jac: Jude did the same Jac: totally thriving, not at all bullshitting Amelia: Oh great, it's been ages since you compared me to your sister, I've really missed it Jac: I can't help it if your approaches are similar and as blatant to see right through Jac: get better Jac: 😉 Amelia: it was your choice to bring it up to annoy me, which you could easily do better at Jac: well I'm not used to being nice Jac: it'll take me a while to be really good at it Amelia: I'm not used to you giving me a sober compliment, we're both trying new things here Jac: I complimented you before Jac: you act like I never did when we were friends Amelia: forever ago then Amelia: when you were nice Jac: rude but fair Jac: I was never that nice, actually Amelia: I remember you being nice to me Jac: ha Jac: you admitted it Amelia: that you were nice to me when we were friends, yeah, it's right there Jac: mhmm Jac: I see it Amelia: if you're about to accuse me of bullshitting, go on Amelia: be brave Jac: why would I? Amelia: I don't know, to be annoying Jac: I'm not trying to be annoying Jac: so nah Amelia: okay Jac: I'm gonna go to that party Amelia: are you telling me because you want me there or as far away as possible? Jac: I'm just telling you because Jac: but no, if I see you there, I won't run Jac: but if you don't wanna see me, there's the warning Amelia: I'm seeing you tomorrow, just you Amelia: why would I need a warning for seeing you at a party Jac: Parties are a trigger Amelia: lots of things are Jac: it might be different Jac: in person Jac: and I've not been to a party since all I did at parties was get blackout at them and not remember much of the rest so Amelia: I won't go if it's going to make it harder for you Jac: no, that's not Jac: I don't even know if I should Jac: like you said, I can't not join in at Uni, that's not what I want Amelia: you have to start somewhere Amelia: and Jess would go with you if you want moral support from someone who isn't me Amelia: because I'm well aware I've never been great at it Jac: people from school SHOULDN'T fawn after him Jac: the whole playing it cool, knew you before you blew up, moment of it all Jac: but still Amelia: yeah, there's probably a lot of things people from school shouldn't do, but that's a different conversation Amelia: and a long one Jac: maybe I can't be bothered Jac: none of the people will be at uni, that'll take away the need to get completely trashed Amelia: right Jac: fuck it Jac: you go Jac: I'll stay home and knit instead Amelia: 😂 Jac: how hard can it be Amelia: you'll see Jac: judgmental 👵 Amelia: a rare 👵 who is willing to let you make up your own mind Jac: alright ✌🌍❤🕊 Amelia: shut up Jac: you'reso woke Jac: 😂 Amelia: I don't know how well you'll knit, that's all Jac: I don't knit Amelia: not yet Jac: your ma has brainwashed you a bit Amelia: that's why I'm going to the party Amelia: to break her control Jac: 👏 Amelia: alright, no need to take the piss Jac: I'm not Amelia: it's a small and bound to be disappointing step, I know Jac: little bit Amelia: but I don't know where else to start so Jac: it's a good idea Amelia: then why doesn't it feel like one? Jac: how was the last one you went to? Amelia: depressing Jac: that's normal, isn't it Jac: parties are Jac: you reckon you're meant to be having the best time ever and you ain't, that's the mood Amelia: it's lonely Jac: yep Amelia: but anyway Jac: we're both totally fine 👌 Amelia: of course Jac: tomorrow though Amelia: send me a message when you're ready to get picked up or something Jac: Sure thing Jac: See you then Amelia: okay Amelia: 👋