#<- i haven't slept much. if things make no sense. that's why

[eviemonroeer]

The Monroe Effect: Chapter 36

Set during Season 6, Episodes 21 and 22 of ER. Spoilers if you haven't seen the show.

Warnings: Angst, Mentions of Drug Use. I think we've all been waiting for this episode....Guard your heart

WC: 4.2 k

ER story belongs to original creators, just adding on my own original charter.

Taglist: @pleasecallmeunhinged, @rainmg, @arigoldsblog, @queenslandlover-93, @hagarsays, @antisocialfiore, @snowflames-world, @guiltypleassure243, and @omgbrianab

MASTERLIST

I let out a huge sigh of relief as I clocked out and headed for the lounge. My whole body was aching, and I was desperate for a bath and a few hours of sleep. I hated night shifts with a passion, especially because it threw off things with Meghan. But we all had to do them. I was just glad that after four straight nights, this one would be my last for a while. 

Making my way into the lounge, past a pissed off Weaver and Chen, who gave me a quick hello, I smiled as a spotted Carter riffling through his locker. I walked over and wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head on his back. He jumped slightly. 

“Hi.” I sighed into him, relaxing into his body.

“Morning.” He replied, his tone short. 

“How’s Meghan?” 

“Happily babbling with Corrine when I left. She actually slept through the night.” 

“What?! Uh. You get all the luck.” 

“I wouldn’t have minded a late-night feeding.” Carter turned to me. He had circles under his eyes, the shear exhaustion radiating off him. 

“Oh my gosh. Carter. Did you even sleep?” 

“Barely.”

“Oh babe, I’m sorry. I thought that was getting better.” I cupped his face with my hand.

Carter shrugged and pulled me in. “I’ll be okay.” He kissed the top of my head. “Go home and get some sleep while she’s occupied.” He leaned down and kissed me, this time on the lips. I smacked my lips together, swearing I tasted alcohol. But that couldn’t be right. 

“Yeah, uh, I could really use a bath too.” 

“Remember the salts and bubble bath are under the cabinet.”

“I will.” I smiled, forgetting my worries. “I love you. Have a good day. Call me if you need anything.” 

“Love you too.” 

Carter threw on his lab coat, hung his stethoscope around his neck, and left the lounge without a second glance. 

Thursdays were my laundry day.

It probably would sound so stupid to someone else, but ever since moving into the mansion, I had to negotiate for anything normal. A couple months ago, I finally got the cook to back down and let me make family meals from time to time, and almost immediately after I arrived I worked it out to where Thursdays were the days I did Carter, Meghan, and I’s laundry. It just felt too weird having someone else wash and fold my own underwear. Millicent thought it was silly, but anything I could hold onto, I did so with a death grip.

I had already finished a load of my clothes and had just transferred Meghan’s things to the dryer. While most of Carter’s stuff tended to need to go out for dry cleaning, there was still stuff here and there I could do. Mainly underwear, pajamas, and socks, but occasionally I would get sweatshirts, jeans, and sweats from when we hung around the house or went out with Meghan. And today was that day. But as I loaded his clothes, checking first for stains, I couldn’t help but smell something off. It wasn’t on everything, but it lingered. Eventually, I found the culprit. It was a pair of gray pajamas. I gave them a good sniff and scrunched my nose.

Why did these smell like weed?

I was surprised when Carol called me later that afternoon. She sounded so much better than she had in a long time. It made complete sense when she told me where she was headed: Seattle. I knew. No matter how much I liked Luka, I knew her heart always belonged to Doug Ross. They were meant to be together in some weird cosmic way. 

I asked her if she needed help with the girls, but she assured me her mother could handle them before she brought them to Seattle. I told her I was happy for her, but that I was also very mad at her. I didn’t know what I was going to do without her. She had been my mentor, my boss, my friend for the last six years. We had had babies together; they were supposed to grow up together.

She told me it would still happen. That she was just a phone call away. 

I told her she better be ready to hear from me weekly. 

She laughed and made me pinky promise.  

I hadn’t seen Carter much after I discovered the smell on his clothes. He was taking more shifts then normal, spending less time at home with Meghan and me. It was starting to get rather frustrating. We were just two ships, passing in the night with a hello and a kiss before turning over in bed. He was going to have to stop avoiding me and have a conversation soon or there was going to be a problem. 

Right now, I put that aside and  was very much enjoying my day off with my daughter. I sat on the floor in the living room with Meghan as she did tummy time, staring at a black and white book in front of her. She was getting so strong and making it to milestones like a champ. I knew she was going to be a smart baby from the start; she would give Carter and I a run for our money. 

“Ms. Monroe, there’s a phone call for you?” 

I turned and looked up. “Thank you.” I said and took the phone from Henry. I put the receiver up to my ear as I rattled a toy in front of Meghan. “Hello?”

 “Gen? It’s Dr. Weaver.”

“Hi Dr. Weaver. Is everything okay?”

“Actually Gen, it’s not.” 

My heart dropped. Oh God, no. No, not again. 

“W-What’s going on?”

 “Genevieve I’m going to ask you something and I need you to be completely honest with me.”

“O-Okay.” I stood and walked a couple steps away from Meghan, making sure she was still in my line of sight. 

“Has Carter seemed......different to you?”

“Different how?” 

“Uh, agitated, restless. Not getting enough sleep.”

I scoffed. “Kerry, we have a three-month-old. Hell, I’m running on four hours right now.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

Something in her tone made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. “Uh, yeah. Sort of. Actually, a lot recently. K-Kerry, what are you saying? What’s wrong with Carter?” Kerry was quiet for a scary amount of time, so much so that I thought we had been disconnected or she hung up. “Kerry?”

“Abby caught Carter in the trauma room....... injecting himself with fentanyl.”

“What?!” I shouted, but quickly covered my mouth.

“We think that Carter might be abusing drugs.”

“No, no, no, no. Kerry this is crazy. Carter’s not using drugs. H-He can’t be.” I looked back at Meghan, every time he had taken care of her alone in the past few weeks running through my head. Then I thought about the laundry. “Carter wouldn’t do that. And even if he did, I would know. No, I would know. I sleep in the same bed as him for Christ’s sake.”

“Evie, it’s alright that you didn’t know. You are dealing with so much right now. It is not your fault.” She paused, taking a deep breath. “A group of us want to talk to him tonight and I’m hoping you can join us.”

"An intervention? Y-You want to have an intervention at work?”

“We need to get ahead of this situation. He can’t practice medicine anymore until he gets help. We’re already making plans for treatment.”

“O-Okay.” I stuttered. “I’ll, uh, I’ll be there as soon as I can.” 

I hung up the phone quickly, not bothering to hear anything else Kerry had to say. This couldn’t be happening. There was no way this could be happening. He was just tired; he had been having PTSD symptoms. But he said he was talking to someone. Had he lied to me about that? So much was running through my head. But before I believed anything, I needed to find proof. 

“Corrine!”

“Yes Ms. Monroe?” She answered, walking into the room. 

“Can you keep an eye on Meghan for me? I need to take care of something.”

“Of course ma’am.” 

 Once she took a seat next to Meghan, I quickly made my way upstairs. If Carter had brought something home, there was no way he would keep it somewhere I could easily stumble upon it. He was too smart for that. So that meant it wouldn’t be in our bedroom. That really only left the guest room where he kept his weights, so I went straight there.

A panic grew over me as I tore apart the room. I checked the bathroom, the closet, the weight stand. I even moved the mattress and checked under the bed. Nothing. There was only one other place something could be: the bedside table. I saved it for last because it seemed the most obvious. Maybe he wasn’t as sneaky as I thought.

I opened the bedside table, and I closed my eyes. “Fuck.” I mumbled. I shook my head and started looking at the evidence. Two pre-rolls, which honestly wouldn’t have been that big of a deal. But it was what was beside them that made me want to puke. An extra prescription bottle of pain pills I had never seen, with a different colored top meaning he didn’t get it from the County. And a vial and clean syringe I immediately recognized as being from the hospital. I grabbed the vial and turned it over so I could check the label. 

Fentanyl.

I sat heavily on the bed, my knees giving out. 

It was Christmas 1997. 

Millicent Carter was visiting County for the first time to check on the clinic she had been funding and had brought Chase Carter along to hand out toys dressed as Santa. You know, do good and look good at the same time. 

Chase had flirted with me; it was beyond obvious. He found ways to put an arm around me or make me smile. And I had definitely flirted back, touching his arm or his chest. He was a good looking young man, charming, fun. Chase had even given me a white teddy bear from the box of toys he was supposed to take up to peds. Plus, it made Carter jealous, so why not live a little and enjoy the attention? But later in the afternoon, when Carter had walked into the lounge covered in snow after saying goodbye to his family, he was seething. I was mistaken in thinking I was the problem.

“Hey, don’t be such a Scrooge.” I cautiously joked. “I’m sorry I flirted with your cousin, okay.” I held up the teddy bear and rattled it in front of his face. “If you want, I’ll give this back. Although it would make me bear-y sad.” I said the last part in a funny voice and laughed. 

“You can keep the bear, Evie.” His tone was neutral, trying to be devoid of emotion.

“Okay, seriously? You were happy before you went outside. What gives?”

“I just caught my cousin injecting himself with heroin in the back of my grandmother’s limo.”

I froze, my mouth hanging open and my eyes wide. “Oh.” I swallowed, not really knowing what to say. “I..... did not expect you to say that.” 

“What the hell could he be thinking?” He shook his head. “That stuff could kill him.” He scoffed and picked at his nails. He really was mad, and I did agree. It didn’t understand why someone would want to go through that, risk their life chasing a high.

What I didn’t know then was I would be in the middle of the same situation just a few years later. 

I felt like I was moving on autopilot as I walked in through the ambulance bay doors and immediately turned into the lounge. I didn’t want it to get out to Carter that I was there. Five heads snapped to look at me: Kerry, Mark, Peter, Jing-Mei, and Dr. Anspaugh. “Sorry I’m late.” I said, crossing my arms in front of me. “I had to put Meghan to bed.” 

“Thanks for coming Gen.” Kerry said. Mark attempted to stand, to give me the chair, but I shook my head. If I sat down, I didn’t think I’d have the strength to get back up. Reaching it my pocket, I grabbed the vial I had found and placed it on the table. Mark picked it up, studying it. When he got to the label, he closed his eyes and sighed. 

“I should have known.”

“Gen....”

“No, I’m his girlfriend. His partner, the mother of his child. I should have known. And I’m sorry I didn’t.”

“This not on just you.” Kerry said, taking my hand. “You have also been dealing with so much. No one is blaming you.”

I shook my head and pulled away from Kerry, crossing my arms. “So, what’s the plan?” I asked, my voice shaky and rough. 

“We’ve gotten him a space at a rehab that specifically caters to healthcare workers in Atlanta.” Kerry said, smooth and rehearsed. It had to be the second or third time she explained this. “We want to get him on a plane tonight. Right now, if possible.”

“Are you sure right now is the best place? Ambush him at work?”

“We’ve got to do something Gen.” Mark said. “And it needs to be now, or we might not get another chance. And if we do it this way, we can keep this mainly to ourselves instead of getting a committee involved.

I bit my lip and nodded. The group stood and left the lounge, heading to an empty curtain three. “Are you okay?” Chen asked, putting an arm around me. 

I wanted to laugh, to cry, or even scream. But I just shook my head. “No. No, I’m not.” I moved to the back of the room by Benton when Kerry went to go get Carter. I didn’t know if I was going to be able to talk or if I could even look at him. My ears were already starting to ring. Moments later the door opened, and as I took in Carter I started to see all of the things I had tucked away as regular problems: the circles under the eyes, the pale skin, the slight bit of sweat. How could I have been so stupid?

“Oh, God.” Carter chuckled, taking in the scene in front of him. He turned to leave, grabbing the door. “Give me a break.” 

“Carter, just listen.” Mark said, trying to stay neutral. 

He scoffed and turned back into the room. “No, I told you I am on painkillers for my back but I’m functional.”

“Dr. Carter!” Dr. Anspaugh exclaimed when he went for the closed door again. “You would be wise to be quiet and listen.” I raised my head and made direct eye contact with Carter. He shook his head, crossing his arms in front of him. The look of betrayal felt like ice in my bones. 

“My van is parked outside.” Mark began. “You have a ticket to Atlanta. There’s a drug rehab...... There’s a drug rehab center there that specializes in treating doctors with addiction.”

“Well, that’s great but I’m on prescribed painkillers and that doesn’t make me an addict and I think you all know it.”

“I’m not finished!” Mark yelled. It felt so odd to hear that tone from him. It even made me cringe. “It’s apparent to all of us that you have a drug problem. Therefore, we cannot allow you to continue working here or anywhere else as a physician. So, you have two choices: get in the van, go to the airport, check yourself in and when you come back we will support you in any way that we can.”

Carter shrugged and stood up from the wall. “Or I’m fired?”

“Yeah.”

“Everyone in this room cares about you.” Anspaugh added. “No one is judging you.”

“Yes, you are. You’ve already judged me.” He scoffed. “You have no idea what I’ve been through these last few months, but I’ve been here, I’ve showed up. I haven’t made excuses. I haven’t complained.”

“That’s not the point.” Kerry interrupted.

“No, that is the point. Can anybody tell me that, uh, that I have endangered patients? I mean, can anybody here say that my performance has changed? Hmm? That I’m some kind of liability?” His head was swiveling around the room manically, like a cornered animal ready to pounce. 

“John....” Chen started, hesitantly. I guess she would be the prey. “You put a patient into anaphylactic shock by giving her Bactrim when she told you that she was allergic to it.”

“And you almost killed somebody by leaving a guide wire in their chest.” He got right in Chen’s face, with a look that scared me to death. I had never seen him like this. “Is this about mistakes? Hmm? Who here hasn’t made a mistake? Hell, I saved your ass this afternoon.” He gestured to Mark. 

“John, you’ve demonstrated compulsive, drug-seeking behavior.” Kerry warned.

“When? Just tell me when?”

“I think mainlining fentanyl in the trauma room qualifies.”

“Well, I told you I didn’t do that. You want to call me a liar, fine, call me a liar, but I didn’t do that.”

“Okay, show us your wrists.”

“What?”

“Show us your wrist!” Kerry yelled again.

My eyes flickered to his hand and then down to his watch. The same watch I had given to him for his birthday, the day of our first date when I was still newly pregnant with Meghan. I thought back to all of those times he had been with Meghan alone, praying to God he hadn’t been high when I wasn’t there. That would kill me most of all.

“Are we looking for track marks?” He asked, his tone and face still manic.

“Yeah.”

He tsked and held out his arms. “Well, there, see.” He began taking off his lab coat. “Here, want me to roll up my sleeves?”

“Take off your watch.” 

He stopped at that request, the coat still partially hanging off him. He looked at Kerry, before taking a deep breath. “Uh, you know...... you know what? Forget this, forget it.” He balled up the coat and started for the other door. 

“This is your only chance, Carter.”

“Great, I quit.” He exclaimed and threw the coat at Mark before leaving the exam room. 

“Well, is that it?” Anspaugh asked.

“No.” Peter had been quiet the whole time, just like me. He grabbed his jacket and left the room, following after Carter. 

I felt my legs try to give out and caught myself on the gurney. Mark stepped towards me, holding out a hand. “Gen....”

“Don’t touch me.” I warned. 

“Gen.”

“I said don’t touch me.” I pushed Mark’s arm back and stood up straight as angry tears pooled in my eyes. “You lost him. You had one chance and you lost him. Now I have to go home and deal with this, alone.”

“Evie, you’re not a—”

“Yes I am!” I yelled, not recognizing the venom in my voice. I shouldered my purse and left the exam room, my brain working overtime to figure out what to do next. What was going to happen when he got home? Did I need to talk to him? Did I need to keep Meghan away from him? There seemed to be no right answers for the first time in so long. I had let it get this bad. This was my fault. 

I wrapped my arms tightly around my body and left the ambulance bay, hoping I could catch up to them; if I had Peter on my side, maybe it would be better. As I rounded the corner, however, my heart clenched as I saw Peter standing by Mark’s van, with Carter’s head on his chest. He was sobbing. I started walking towards them, but stopped, not knowing if he wanted to see me right now. But Peter must have heard me because he looked up and nodded me over. 

As I slowly made my way over, Carter’s cries become clearer. I put a soft hand on his back, which caused him to flinch and look up. But when he saw me, he broke down all over again and this time fell into my arms. “Evie, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry baby.”

I shushed him. “It’s okay.” I rubbed his back as Peter stepped away from us. I followed his line of sight to the van, and I nodded, a knot building in my throat. Peter returned the gesture and pulled the passenger door open before going to the driver’s side, getting in. 

“Carter.” I said gently, lifting his head. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too. I’m so sorry.” 

“I know. I know.” I slowly started walking us backwards as to not scare him. 

“I didn’t know how to live with all the pain. I shouldn’t have done it.”

“It’s okay Carter. It’s going to be okay. But I need you to get in the car. Please get in the car.” We were standing in the door opening at this point. I ran a hand through his hair and kissed him. “Baby, please get in the car.”

He hesitantly sat down in the seat, but he quickly looked up at me. “No-no wait. I can’t go. Can I please see Meghan?” 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” 

“Evie, please let me see her.” Carter cried, shaking his head. “I need to see her.” 

“No, Carter, you need to go.” I said, pushing his legs inside the car and closing the door. “I’ll tell her you love her.” I curled my fingers over the partially raised window. “We’ll be okay. I love you. You need to go.” I looked at Peter. “You need to go.” 

Peter nodded and turned the car on, the engine roaring to life. “Evie, please.” Carter begged. 

“I love you.” I said, swallowing and stepping back from the car. “I love you.” 

And with that, Peter drove off. 

As the car disappeared down the street, I sunk down to the ground, holding my knees as I stayed there, frozen, unable to move. Puffs of breath left my mouth as I sobbed and shook right out there on the sidewalk. But I didn’t feel the cold. It was the last thing on my mind. 

Suddenly, a jacket was placed over my shoulders, causing me to flinch. I looked up, seeing the broken face of Luka. He bent down beside me, looking just as exhausted as I was. “Rough night?” I asked, my voice so uneven with emotion, I barely recognized it.

“Yes. You too?”

“Yeah.” I used the sleeve of his jacket to wipe my face. “I really don’t want to be here right now.”

He nodded and grabbed me, helping me to stand. “Do you want me to take you home?” 

“I really don’t want to go home either.” 

“I think I know the perfect place.”

I made it back to the mansion a little after 6 AM the next morning. Corrine thankfully took care of Meghan for the rest of the night, and I found my baby still asleep in her crib when I returned. So innocent and small. Luka had graciously taken me to get something to eat and proceeded to let me get really drunk before I slept it off on his couch. He didn’t pry about why I was upset, and I didn’t bother him with his reason. I was thankful for the chance to just be numb for a little bit; I probably wouldn’t get another one. But now it was time to face the music and the reality of my new situation.

I changed clothes, brushed my teeth, and headed down to the dining room, baby monitor strapped to my jeans. Both John and Millicent were already seated, enjoying their coffee and newspapers, none the wiser about what had happened the night before. I felt like I was going to puke, but I had to be the one to do this. I had to be strong right now for the both of us. 

“Good morning, Genevieve.” Millicent said as a plate of food and a glass of orange juice was placed in front of me. “Is John still sleeping upstairs?”

I took a deep breath and looked up at the staff. “Could we please have a moment?” I asked. They nodded and left the three of us alone. Both Millicent and John were concerned by this point, putting down their papers and looking at me. “Genevieve, what’s going on?” Mr. Carter asked. 

I swallowed the lump in my throat and forced myself not to cry. “John isn’t upstairs. He’s in Atlanta.”

“Atlanta? What the hell is he doing in Atlanta?” 

“He never mentioned anything to us.” Millicent added. 

“It was not planned.” I said, gripping the dining table. “Mr. and Mrs. Carter, John is in Atlanta because he’s going to a rehab specifically for doctors.” 

 “Rehab?! What the hell is he in rehab for?”

“Carter was stealing fentanyl from work. A coworker caught him with a syringe, and I found another vial in a bed side table upstairs.”                   

There was a lot of yelling after that. 

[sports-on-sundays]

Hello hello, I am back with another request! It's with Oscar again but friends to lovers. Hear me out, the most cliche thing ever. Oscar loves her, she loves him but both too dense to realise it. They are out and about and another dude corners her and tries to make out with her, Oscar saves the day (make him protective and violent pls, make him punch the guy (side note: I would pay money to see Oscar actually punch someone, don't ask me why idk🙈)). So then he comforts her, takes her home and she asks him to stay. I will leave the rest of the convo to you🤗. Let there be a first kiss and cuddle I beg I am the biggest sucker for those bcs Oscar seems like the best guy to have your firsts with.

Holy hell that's a long ass request haha. Thank you for reading all that🤣 have fun with it and feel free to change things up a little bit if you want to!

be / OP81

Summary: Oscar x female!best childhood friend!Australian!reader - You and Oscar are finally forced to realize your feelings for each other.

Warnings: panicking, someone forcing himself onto another person, blood, crying, i did change up the request a little bit 🤏, feeling sick

Requested: Yes! And don't worry about the long request, I really liked it, and thanks so much for requesting! Long requests are better sometimes anyway.

Author's Note: Guys I'm starting to think I seriously need my very own Oscar Piastri....

"It wasn't even that funny-"

"It wasn't even that funny!"

Both you and Oscar look up to who it was mockingly imitating Oscar's friendly teasing, and your eyes set themselves upon Lando Norris, smirking obnoxiously.

"What's your problem?" you demand, crossing your arms, most of the laughter from Oscar's joke that he made fives minutes ago (yes, you were still laughing your head off at it) gone.

"What do you mean? I'm just kidding. It's just funny how your boyfriend can make the most dumb joke, and send you both into a ten minute laughing fit-"

"Boyfriend?" you and Oscar seem to ask incredulously in sink.

The smile falls off of Lando's face this time, and is replaced by a look of surprise and confusion. "Waaaait... So you're trying to tell me you guys aren't dating?"

Oscar blinks a few times in confusion. "Y/n and I are just friends. We always have been."

"Yeah," you add quickly, nodding. "I don't know why everyone thinks differently."

Lando's eyebrows raise in amusement. "Maybe because you guys act like you're mad in love...? Like, all the time? Or maybe the fact that you come to every single one of our races? Or maybe it's the way you look at each other with heart eyes, like the other one is the only one in the room? I mean, I don't know. It could be the way you're always giggling and talking and yapping to each other... But, oh, what do I and everybody else know?"

"Good question," Oscar deadpans. "What do you know?"

Lando shrugs, rollings his eyes, and struts away. As soon as he's gone, Oscar turns back to you with a little shrug and says, "Sorry about that. I guess nobody gets that two people can love each other as friends without feeling romantic feelings..."

You nod, shrugging. It makes sense to you, simply because that's how it's always been with you and Oscar, forever. The two of you practically slept in the same crib (not literally!). You always just assumed he's like a brother or something, and it doesn't pay to consider anything else. So you haven't. Too risky, and besides- that's not worth it to waste your time thinking about. You like things just the way they are, no need to change them.

"-Y/n?"

"Hm?!" you look up, snapping out of your pondering.

Oscar smiles at you, his brown eyes soft, like they always are when he looks at you. You smile back, eyes equally as warm as he says, "Did you hear me?" in amusement.

You chuckle, "No, sorry."

He nods, giving your shoulder a little pat as he stands up. "I've got to go now get ready for the race. First of the season. Wish me luck!"

"Luck isn't needed," you say with a little grin. "You've got enough skill alone to win it."

He grins. "I guess. But luck never hurts, does it?"

"Not at all." You stand up with him and give him a quick half-hug, saying gentler, "Drive safe, and bring it home. I'll be cheering you on."

"Like always?"

"Like always."

"Hey, Y/n?"

You look up from your phone, shutting it off. You're sitting alone, long after the 2025 season opening race, the Australian Grand Prix, has ended. You haven't seen Oscar since the race ended, and have just been sitting around, not wanting to go home until you have a chance to talk with him. And there he is, standing there, back in his regular clothes: a black sweatshirt, sweatpants, and sneakers, looking thoroughly sleepy.

You immediately stand up, smiling, saying simply, "It was a great drive."

"Well, I-"

"Hush. You scored points after what happened, and that's enough, for goodness' sake."

He smiles softly, and though his eyes say a lot more, he just nods and says simply, "Yeah, yeah, you're right. As always."

You nod promptly and say teasingly, "I know!"

He just rolls his eyes and says, already in a better mood just by talking to you, "Mum wanted you over tonight for dinner."

You grin, "She did, did she?"

"You know she always does, whenever I'm around, want me to bring you over. She adores you."

"She's the sweetest," you chuckle. "Well, I wouldn't mind one of your mum's home cooked meals."

Oscar nods, grabbing his coat, and saying, "I agree; that would hit the spot right now. C'mon."

You two make it to the car and get in, before you start heading to Oscar's mother's home. The car ride is mostly silent, but neither of you really mind. It's a comfortable, good kind of silence.

Towards the end of it, though, you ask simply, "So, that's the end of the first race week of the season. How're you feeling?"

Oscar shrugs, thinking for a few moments, before saying, "Hmm... I guess I'd have to say tired, but very hopeful."

You smile. "Good. You just need your beauty rest, huh?"

He glances at you with a cute little smile. "Right."

Dinner is nice. Warm, and reminds you of home, and your childhood, and everything good. And it's perfect for a rainy day like today.

Once he's finished eating, though, Oscar stands up, stretching, from the table, and says, "Well, I should be off to bed..."

"Oh, Oscar, you will give poor Y/n a ride home won't you?" Oscar's mother asks.

He looks over at you with a little smile and nods, saying, "Oh, right, of course."

You walk to the door together, but before Oscar opens the front door to leave, you gently grab his arm and say simply, "Osc."

He looks up from unlocking the door, meeting your eyes. "Hm?" he asks gently.

"You don't need to drive me home. I could get a cab or take the bus or whatever. It's all good. You've had a crazy week, as it is, much crazier than mine-"

"I mean, I was thinking maybe it'd be fine if I didn't drive you home, too, but you don't have to get a cab. I'm sure if I asked, my mum would be fine with you just staying the night or something."

You blink in surprise, but smile at the suggestion. "Oh. Well, I'd hate to bud in-"

He smiles. "You're family, Y/n. Don't worry." He takes your hand, tugging you back towards the dining room, calling, "Mum! Would it be fine if Y/n just stayed the night? We've both had a long day!"

"Oh, of course, honey! Tell her she can make herself just all nice and comfy and at home! Y/n's such a sweetheart, anyways. She's always welcome!"

Oscar smiles, looking at you. "You heard that, right?"

You smile back up at him with a little laugh. "Yeah, I heard that."

He nods, saying, "C'mon, let's go to my room."

The two of you head there, both of you knowing the way to Oscar's childhood bedroom from all the years you used to spend in there together. When you walk in, seeing all the dressers in the same place they always were, and all Oscar's old decorations from his karting days, memories seem to flood back, just like that, and both you and Oscar feel it. You crawl onto his bed, just like you always used to do, flopping down against his pillows, making yourself at home.

Oscar smiles and crawls in next to you. Just like he always used to do, too. "Last time we were both here was..."

"...right after you joined McLaren, right?" you smile at the memory.

"I guess so." He smiles down at you.

"I remember distinctly, one time, you had been gone so, so long, and I asked your mum if I could surprise you when you got home..."

Oscar starts laughing, clearly remembering it to. "Ohhh yeah. I threw open the bedroom door and flopped on my bed, even though you were on it. By the time I saw you and yelped, it was too late."

"Yeah, and I wrapped my arms around you and started tickling you," you say giggling.

He rolls his eyes, grinning. "I remember. By the end of it, I was gasping and near tears. God, Y/n, you know I was tired."

"I know. But I made you laugh and smile, didn't I? And I made you feel better, didn't I?"

"I mean, I was just happy to see you," he says, his gaze comfortably resting on yours.

"I was happy to see you. Do you know how much I missed you those months?"

"You miss me if you don't see me for a week, Y/n, still."

"Why do you think I come to every race that I can?"

"Because I pay for you to?"

You roll your eyes at that, crossing your arms, "I mean, yeah, but that's not the sentiment I was going for!"

He laughs, giving your shoulder a little playful tap. "I know, I know."

You sigh deeply, the sweet silence settling between the two of your for a little while, before murmuring, "And I hope you remember after that tickle attack, when your face was red and you were nearly crying from laughing, I gave you the biggest hug of all time..."

Oscar's face warms at that as he leans a bit closer to you. "Yeah... Yeah, I remember. You wanna know why that moment was special to me?"

"Why?"

"Because that was the moment I realized that there are some people in my life that never truly will leave me. Even if I leave them. And you're one of the best of them. That was when I learned what family is."

You nod slowly, thinking about that for a few moments, before saying, "That's... so sweet. I like it."

Oscar smiles. "Me, too. I like it too. I'm so lucky to have a best friend like you."

"And I so lucky to have a best friend like you."

Oscar smiles at that, nodding, satisfied, before letting out a big yawn, reminding you if a sleepy cat, before folding his hands up into fists and rubbing his watery eyes.

And, as if it's contagious, you let your own yawn, a few moments later.

Oscar smiles, this time more sleepily at you, before slipping his arm over your shoulders and pulling you a little closer to himself. You flop your head to lean against his shoulder, and murmur, "Time for us both to get the much-needed rest our bodies are begging us for?"

"Mmm-hm. Yeah. Whatever you said," Oscar murmurs as he drifts off, the hint of a smile still lingering on his mostly relaxed face.

And you both drift off, surrounded by that perfect warmth and tranquility that feels just like home.

A little under a week later, you're sleeping against Oscar in a very similar position, feeling like you're just as at home in China than you are in Australia, simply because of the person you're resting against, when you're awakened by the painful claims, "I ship it, the mechanics ship it, the other teams' drivers ship it, the fans ship it. My God, even my mum ships it! Literally everyone can see you're mad in love except you and her!"

You stretch, your eyes fluttering open, and murmur before you're even sure it's Lando's unwanted yapping torturing your ears, "Landooo shut uppp..."

Oscar gives your shoulder a squeeze, groaning to Lando in his perfectly alert awake state (contrary to yours), "Look at that, Lando, you made her wake up!"

"Oh, yeah, 'cause you'd hate for her to stop sleeping against y-"

"Lando, stop, it's not like that."

"How come every time a girl and a guy are friends, everyone ships them? I think that's society's problem," you comment as you rub your tired eyes.

Lando snorts, saying, "It's not every time. You guys are just obvious. And oblivious. You just need to admit it to each other."

"There's nothing to admit to each other, Lando," Oscar comments as he watches you slowly lean off of him, slipping his arm off your shoulders.

"Yeah, we're, like, brother and sister."

"Well, I wouldn't say that-" Oscar begins quickly.

"I mean, yeah, like-"

"We're more like just really close friends," Oscar finishes confidently.

"Yes, that's true, I agree," you say quickly, looking up at him. "We're family, but not brother and sister."

"Ah, so you're family, but it's not like siblings. What else could you be other than mad in love but just too dense to realize it?" Lando asks.

You just glare, crossing your arms, and Oscar comments, "I don't know, but it's not like that."

"Maybe it's just not like that simply because you both refuse to admit what you really want."

"Lando, I don't need you of all people being my psychologist. Could you just leave it?" you comment, feeling Oscar's eyes watching you.

Lando sighs (overdramatically), shrugs, and says, "Suit yourself. I'm just saying, you guys have got to get together soon, or else you'll drive yourselves and everyone else insane. We can all tell you guys just need to kiss already." And with that, he once again struts away.

As soon as he's gone, you whine, leaning your head into Oscar's shoulder, "I hate Lando!"

"Don't say that. He's just kidding," Oscar says gently.

You sigh. "I know... it's just..."

"Hm?" Oscar prompts gently.

"I don't want people thinking something that's not true."

"Who cares what they think? We both know how we feel about each other, and that's all that matters." But do we? Oscar's brain echoes.

"Yeah, you're right," you murmur, nodding, comforted by his words, not even picking up the way he stares forward, eyebrows knitted together, deep in thought.

You've heard what you think you want to hear, and that's all that matters to you.

The moment you see Oscar after his podium, after he stood on the first step, winning such a solid race as that, you run into his arms, causing him to laugh as he hugs you back, saying, "Hey, Y/n."

"I'm so proud of you!" you say excitedly. "Amazing drive- amazing!"

"Thank you, Y/n. It means a lot. I'm so happy you were here to cheer me on."

You grin up at him. "Me, too, Oscar. Me too."

He celebrated with his team after the race, you staying in your hotel, since Oscar promised you he'd like to bring you home with him to Monaco, and have a more low key celebration, without as many people. Besides, you'd like it that way better anyway. And this way, you can get some extra sleep and try to avoid some of the jet lag from the long flight to Monaco.

Now you stand in Oscar's bathroom back in Monaco, gazing at yourself in the mirror in your white crop top and silver skirt, knowing that when you step out of the bathroom, all you need is for Oscar to tell you it looks nice, and then all your worries will vanish.

And once you do, of course, he stands up from the living couch and says, "You look really pretty. Ready to go?"

You smile softly, sighing in relief, and nod. "Yes. I'm ready to go celebrate with the winner of the 2025 Chinese Grand Prix." You laugh a bit, and add as you head out to the car, "Oscar, you know I'm so incredibly proud of you."

He grins. "I know, I know." You know he loves your lavishing, even if he wouldn't admit it. He's never gotten enough of it; you're one of the people that appreciate him the most, you think, at least. You appreciate him a whole lot, anyways.

Soon you get to your destination, and the night starts off really fun, you and Oscar just sticking with each other, laughing, singing, drinking, and dancing. But after too long, the air becomes stale, the noise becomes too loud, and the drinks turn bitter. You're tired, and Oscar's off somewhere, swept away with his other friends. You sigh deeply, leaning against the wall, running a hand through your hair.

It's then that you feel a hand on your shoulder, and it makes you flinch. It's unfamiliar.

It's not Oscar's hand.

You look up to see a man around your age with tangled overgrown curly brown hair and dark, cold eyes. He's wearing a gold chain around his neck and a football jersey. It's then that he shows you his unflattering smirk and says in a thick French accent, "I'm Jordan."

You just kind of nod, showing a fake smile and crossing your arms, not really in the mood for any antics with any strange guys.

His eyebrows raise as he says, "Do you have a name, or am I going to have to give you one?"

Your lip immediately curls up as you look at him from the corner of your eye, still not tilting your face directly towards him. "You're not smooth. My name is Y/n."

"Pretty name for a pretty girl. A sassy girl, too, at that. I like that."

You bite your lip, rolling your eyes in utter annoyance at this guy 'Jordan.' "Good for you..." you murmur, trying to send him the message that you really don't want to talk with him.

Jordan just hums and steps closer to you. You glance up at him for the first time, really, feeling a bit sick from how close he is to you. You murmur awkwardly, "Could you please step away?"

"No, I don't think I will. I'm enjoying your reaction too much."

"Please, stop."

He roughly grabs your chin, forcing you to look him in the eyes. You swallow deeply.

"I really like your skirt..." he purrs, leaning in closer to you, completely ignoring your protests. His hand slips onto your thigh and grips it tightly.

"Stop... I don't care-"

"You don't, don't you? Well, what a shame... I reckon there's not much you can do about that..."

"St-"

He lips meet yours in a nasty, rough kiss. Your head pounds and spins as your knees begin to shake, panic of what's happening sinking in, your thoughts raging with anxious thoughts at the same time as your head being completely empty. You push at his chest, but he pushes his whole body up against yours, pinning you to the wall, further into a shadow.

You gasp, the panic sinking in deeper, and hardly register what happens next.

Oscar's familiar voice in all the chaos says in one of the angriest, coldest tones you've ever heard from his mouth, "Get your fucking nasty hands away from her."

Jordan tears his lips away from your mouth as Oscar grabs him, Jordan turning his head to look behind him, but before he has a chance to react, you watch as a fist comes flying across and hits him square across the face. He stumbles back and as blood begins gushing from his nose. For a moment, his eyes meet yours in shock, as if he expects you to help a dog like him, but it's then that you watch Oscar grab him by the collar and murmur in the darkest of tones to him, "I told you to get your nasty hands away from her, and you didn't. That's my girl, and no one dares to touch her like that. You better not think you can go on like this, and I hope this can be a reminder for you not to." And with that, Oscar throws another punch, hitting the guy in his eye. You slowly slip down the wall, still watching in shock as Oscar finishes him off by handing one more punch to him on his bloody jaw, before letting go of his collar, letting him fall to the floor, finishing with a yell, "The pain you're feeling right now is nothing compared to the pain you deserve!"

You watch as Jordan scampers up and, just like that, without even considering a fight, stumbles off, out of sight.

And then, everything hushed, Oscar turns, and his eyes meet yours. His hair is a little sweaty and messed up, falling over his forehead. For a moment, you see that remaining burning anger, but as soon as he takes you in, that vanishes, and is replace by the familiar warmth he seems to always look at you with.

And the moment your eyes lock, the tears start coming, and you break down.

Oscar is immediately by your side, pulling you into his arms, sitting on the floor next to you and holding you in his lap, gently stroking your hair. After a while, you hiccup, slowly leaning away, your body still shaking, and murmur, mopping up your eyes with your hands, "Os- Oscar... That was scary. I'm scared."

He gently takes your hand. "You don't have to be. I'm here. Are you ready to go home?"

You nod slowly, and Oscar helps you up, leading you out back to his car, his arm around your back protectively the entire time.

Once back in the car, as the events of what just happened replay through your head, you hiccup, more tears threatening to flow. Oscar gently takes your hand, murmuring in the dark of the parked car, "Tell me what I can do for you, and I'll do it. I hope you know I'll do anything for you to feel better."

You sigh shakily and just lean into him. He wraps his arms around you, holding you for a few minutes, before you lean away again and murmur, "Let's just get home..."

Oscar nods. "Good idea." He turns the car on and begins driving, and as soon as he does holds his hand that he's not using to drive out to you. You put your hand in his, letting the warmth from it fill you and comfort you.

As he drives, you suddenly say in the empty silence, "'That's my girl.' That's what you said."

Oscar just nods a little. "I know. I did mean to say that, you know."

You swallow, thinking for a few moments, before murmuring the simple question, "Why?"

"Because you've always been mine and I've always been yours, haven't I?"

You swallow. "I don't know what that means."

"Forget what it means. You're the most important girl- the most important person- to me. You're my girl, and I'm not going to let anyone be messing with you."

That feels right to you, and good to you, to hear that. And you're glad, in a way, that he's so confidently figured that out. It frees you to say back, "Well, yeah, then... I guess that makes you my boy, then..."

Oscar smiles very softly, giving your hand a little squeeze as you arrive at his home. Once you're both inside, before you have a chance to start worrying, Oscar says gently, putting a hand on your shoulder, "I want you to be comfortable. What do you need? I could get you something to eat, run a bath for you, get a change of clothes, all three, whatever else you need-"

"Oh, uh, don't worry about it-"

"Hush," Oscar suddenly interrupts, shaking his head. He moves to stand right in front of you, before gazing down into your eyes, and saying in all sincerity, "Look, I want you to be honest. I want to take care of you if that's what you need. I want you to be comfortable."

You swallow, nodding a bit, before murmuring, "A bath and a change of clothes might be nice... I'm not hungry, though."

Oscar nods, putting his hand on your back, leading you to his room. He opens his closet and says, "You can wear whatever you can find. I'm going to go run that bath for you; I'll call you when it's ready. I'll get a towel for you in the bathroom, too."

You nod, find one of his bigger McLaren T-shirts and a pair of black sweatpants, and head to the bathroom just as Oscar is calling for you.

Oscar smiles at you gently when you walk in and say simply, "Anything else you need?"

You shake your head 'no,' saying, "Thank you."

He nods. "Of course. I'll just be in the living room, you can come there when you're done. Call me if you need anything. And take your time, too."

You smile weakly, nodding. "Alright. Thanks, Osc."

He nods, leaving you to have your bath. You peel off your clothes and sink into the water, feeling its warmth surround you like an embrace. You let out a long sigh of relief as the water touches your sore, tense muscles, soothing them. After the night you've had, it feels good to just be. To just experience something genuinely good and calming, knowing Oscar is just in the next room.

Oscar. The way he stood up for you, was so protective of you, and beyond that, has been taking such good care of you... You know Oscar a good man... He was always a really sweet boy, and he's grown up to be a really very upright and sweet man. It was crazy- crazy- to see him go off on that stranger, and beat him up the way he did.

But somehow, it felt right. It was just proving he's good. That he cares so much about and for you, he won't let anyone hurt you without knowing the consequences of it from him.

How much does he really care about me?

The question almost feels good to ask, because you have a feeling the answer is one you like.

And then the way he so confidently called you his girl.

'That's my girl.'

Just looking back on it, for some reason, it makes your heart skip a beat. It's that chest-tightening nervous affectionate feeling you get often when Oscar does or says little things. Although this time, it's not little, and every new thing he does seems to make your stomach flutter a little more. It's a familiar feeling that you're sure you've gotten hundreds of times before with Oscar, but for some reason, you're only realising it now. Why, you have no idea, and what the strange feelings could mean, you have even less of an idea.

Soon, you finish your bath, and after drying yourself put on Oscar soft, comfortable clothes, no matter how over sized they are on you. Besides, you don't care in the slightest about that as soon as you inhale his familiar, comforting scent when you put them on. You go to the living room and see Oscar laying on the couch on his phone, now in a T-shirt and sweatpants, just relaxing. As soon as you walk in, though, he looks up.

"Osc...? Do you have a brush I could use for my hair?"

He nods, hopping up from the couch, and says, "Yeah, I do. Wait here, I'll be right back. Just get yourself comfy."

He leaves, and you shrug, taking his advice, and curl up on the couch, waiting for him to come back. He takes longer than you expect him to, but soon enough, he walks back in and sits next to you, saying, "Why don't you just relax, and I can brush it for you?"

"Seriously? You don't have to," you say immediately, secretly wanting badly for him to brush your hair for you. You love the feeling of other people playing with your hair- and if it's Oscar, even better.

He smiles at you. "I know, but I want to." And with that, to both of your delight apparently, begins gently brushing through your hair. When he's done, he slowly start running his fingers through it, starting from the bottom and going up to the top. You sigh, leaning back into him, and Oscar just simply loves it. After a while he says, softly amused, "You just seem to melt when my hands are in your hair."

You shrug, smiling a little, and say, "What can I say? It feels really good."

He chuckles that low comforting chuckle that feels just like home. "I can tell." After a few more minutes he says, "I found a hair tie I think you must've left here at one point. Do want me to braid your hair or something?"

You smile, glancing back at him, and say, "You can do that? I don't know if I can trust you."

He just smiles back at you. "You should. I'm good at it. Remember, I grew up with three sisters."

You shrug again before saying, "Well, alright..."

He chuckles softly again, before he gently begins braiding your hair, his fingers gently weaving through your locks, slowly, until he finally finishes and ties it on the end. Once he's finished, you turn around to face him.

He smiles at you.

You smile back, taking his hands in both of yours.

"You're beautiful," he suddenly says, looking right into your eyes. "I don't think I've told you that enough. Because I think it all the time, whenever I look at you."

For some reason, your friend saying that makes you blush. There are a few moments of silence, before you look down at your joined hands and murmur, "Crazy that the hands that beat up that guy are the same hands that just gently braided my hair."

Oscar shrugs, smiling a little. "They have different uses in different moments. And I don't regret what I did for a moment, not any of it. I would do the exact same thing if I had to do it all again. In fact, just thinking about it makes me really angry. But what matters most is that you're okay."

You sigh slowly, nodding, your head a bit dizzy at the thought of it all. "I'm just so thankful for you, throughout it all. You, like, saved the day..." you chuckle wryly.

He shrugs, nodding a bit. "I guess." A little laugh.

More silence.

You stare down once more at your joined hands. "But Oscar..." you begin hesitantly.

"Yes?" he prompts gently.

"...I'm sorry."

"Y/n... for what? You did nothing wrong-!" Oscar begins somewhat incredulously.

"It's just... You were celebrating your win..."

"Oh, Y/n..." Oscar begins, his tone softening. "Come on, now. Look up at me, will you?"

You sigh, doing so.

"It's not your fault, what happened," Oscar says. "It's that idiot's fault, and we both know that. What happened happened, and there was no preventing it. And if you're worried about me, don't be. I had a perfectly good time celebrating in China with my team. This was more that I wanted to do something with you, for you. But look at this right now. Here we are, sitting together, anyway. Isn't that what matters the most anyway; isn't that the point? So why don't we just make the most of this moment, right now, hm?"

You sigh again, nodding slowly, before saying, you heart almost feeling like it's being squeezed, "Okay."

"Hey," Oscar murmurs, his hand touching the bottom of your chin. "You're looking down again. Talk to me." He gently raises your chin.

You swallow, and suddenly, words that you hardly knew you even thought start coming from your mouth, and only now as you hear them in your voice do they even begin to make sense: "I guess it's just that... You're so caring and gentle with me, and protective. And we like each other so much and get along so well and we've known each other for years and... I guess sometimes I wonder about us... You know, our relationship, like, what even is it? I mean, I think we'd both readily admit we most definitely love each other, but I guess... well, I don't know..."

Oscar nods slowly, before whispering, as if it's some long kept secret, "You guess you just wonder in what way we love each other?"

You swallow, nodding. "Well, yes, exactly. Because... well, I don't know."

"Can I tell you how I feel about you?"

You study his face for a few moments- his handsome face- and nod.

"I feel about you the most deep feeling I've ever known, deeper than I ever thought I could experience. The love I have for you is beyond anything I could describe in a physical sense- it's beyond a romantic love or and family love or the strongest kind of named love I could think of. All I know is that when I look at you, I see fulfillment, and happiness. I see everything I've ever needed, plus everything I've ever wanted. I see a priceless jewel- the sort of thing that anyone would honor and protect with their life. I see beauty herself, on the inside and out. I see my best friend, my favorite person, the one I would spend any and every moment with, if I could. I see comfort, I see love. I look at you and know the great lengths I would go for you. I know it's all so cliche, but it is a love beyond words. It is. I just..." he trails off, before leaning in and whispering, "Are you crying?"

You sniff, looking away, your heart pounding. "No..."

He smiles gently, his hand leaving yours to reach up and wipe a tear away off your cheek with his thumb, "Don't cry."

"That's just so... sweet... and... everything I exactly feel, too, put into words..."

"Y/n..." he hums gently with a little chuckle. "I don't want you to cry, though."

"Don't worry," you say with a little hiccupy laugh. "They're good tears."

He smiles a bit, grabbing your hand again and giving it a squeeze. "Okay."

You swallow, before daring to ask, "What would the difference be, if you were my boyfriend instead of my best friend?"

Oscar eyes seem to light slightly at the question, and he says simply, "Nothing at all, except for one thing: we would be able to express that deep love for each other in different ways."

You nod slowly, swallowing.

Oscar leans in closer to you. "How does that sound to you?"

"I... I think it could be just what I need."

Oscar smiles softly. "I mean, I feel like... it would be nice to not just have to use my words to tell you how much I love you. You know, to be able to kiss you, or something, instead."

You find yourself smile a little at the words, nodding as pinkness gets to your cheeks. "Yeah... that doesn't sound so bad."

Oscar smiles, just gazing into your eyes. "Yeah?"

"It's just that... with tonight, with what happened..."

"Oh, I wasn't meaning we had to do anything tonight- just to think about. You know...?"

You nod slowly, before muttering, "But maybe... Just maybe tonight is the night to do it." You pause, before continuing, "You know, with all that happened, maybe if we just decided... tonight, let's just take a little step... it would help me to leave that. You know, it wasn't my fault... and I have someone who really does love me."

Oscar smiles. "And I really do."

You smile back, looking back up into his sweet brown eyes.

He slips his hand out of yours and gently brings it to your cheek, muttering, "Well, is it okay if I kiss you? Just a little kiss?"

You smile wider, feeling your stomach flutter at the sincere question. Nodding, you reply, "Yes, I reckon that is okay."

Oscar nods, his thumb stroking your cheek a bit as he leans in, his other hand gently touching your waist. His hand on your cheek shifts to cup the side of your neck, and he whispers, his warm breath on your ear, "You still okay?"

You nod.

And with that, he leans in, and, pulling you closer to himself, kisses you in the most perfect way. His adoration and love for you flows through the kiss, while still keeping it short and gentle. When he leans away, he whispers, "How was that?" with a little adorable smile.

You just sigh shakily and murmur, "I think you should do it again."

And he does without a second more of hesitation. His lips meet yours as he pulls your body closer to himself, lost in the kiss, lost in his emotions. When he pulls away again, he's pulled you onto his lap, but neither of you seem to care, both too swept up in each other's gazing eyes.

"I didn't realize for how long I needed to do that..." he whispers gently.

You smile a little. "I didn't realize how long I needed that from you."

He smiles back. "We'll call that both of our first kisses, okay?"

You nod. "Does this mean I'm your girlfriend now?"

"I like the sound of that."

You smile and throw your arms around him in an embrace. He pulls you closer to him, leaning back so that you can lay your head on him, and rubs your back, whispering, "I love you so much, Y/n. So, so much. To the moon and the stars and all the way back."

You smile up at him. "I don't know about the moon and the stars for me Oscar, but I'll tell you this: I love you enough to want to spend my life with you. I love you enough to want to grow old with you."

At those words, Oscar's arms tighten around you, and he chuckles, "See how sappy we suddenly get as soon as we decide to just give it up and kiss? My God."

You grin into his chest. "Yeahhh... But I don't mind it."

"Oh, trust me, I don't either." He shifts, moving you with him, making you both comfortable, so that you're laying together, cuddling.

"I really like this."

He hums. "Me too."

"You know we'll never hear the end of it from Lando if he finds out."

You feel the vibration of his laugh in his chest. "I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, let's just relax. I just want to be. Be with you."

"I think that sounds like exactly what I was made for. To be with you."

He smiles, and you shut your eyes, content to listen to his heartbeat and just be.

Just be with him.

[lily-jaxk]

MC Twin AU - RAFAYEL'S Muse [2]

"So, what do you guys do at the bottom of the ocean?"

"We do what humans do. Eat, sleep, play, fight."

"Sooo... you're not that much different from us?"

"No. Lemurians are totally better than you fleshy humans."

"You guys have flesh too!! Stop making it sound like an insult Ariel!'

"My name is not Ariel! Who even is that!? Is there another Lemurian you are talking to that isn't me!?"

"Pffft- You're such a silly fishie. Hmm, well, Ariel is a . . . . well the term is mermaid but I guess Lemurian works, from another world."

"What? That literally makes no sense."

"Well it makes sense to me so that's all that matters! Tsk, annoying fishie."

"Bratty human."

"are u awake yet :D" "wake up :((" "bubblleess" "bubblesss" "haaiiiii" ":DD" ":((" ". . . . rafayel?" "YES!! FINALLY! why didnt you wake up when i first texted you" "??? you do realize its like" "3 am in the morning" "oh is it? i haven't slept yet" "WHAT??? BITCH GET OFF THE PHONE!" "GO TO BED???" "nu :( I gotta finish this painting" "???" "come over :( now :(" "?? at 3 am ??? i don't even have your address so" "[Location Sent] come" ". . . wtf. ykw fine whatever"

You were exhausted, but you knew if you didn't listen to him, Rafayel would whine and bother you for who knows how long. What a brat.

A cute brat, but a brat none the less.

You push his door open and stroll in, adjusting the plastic bag you had in your arm. "Rafayel?" You call out, closing the door behind you.

"Over here." you hear, making you sigh and slowly walk to the living room, seeing the familiar man staring at his huge painting. You walk closer to him and place the bag down, then drag a chair to sit next to him as you open the snack packet. "Say 'ahh'"

"Ahhh-" Rafayel opens his mouth as he continues to blankly stare at the painting, allowing you to gently place the chip in his mouth. You turn to stare at the painting, cocking your head to the side as you try to make sense of the different colours. "What exactly are you trying to draw?" You question, slowly feeding your (no he wasn't yours snap out of it!) fish.

"It's a surprise~" He hums, turning to stare at you with a cheeky smile on his face, making you huff. "You shouldn't even be looking at it! Tsk tsk bubbles."

"Tsk tsk!? Don't tsk tsk Ariel!"

"I am not as stupid as that mermaid! Will you stop calling me that?"

"Noopppe!" You giggle, feeding him the last chip and crumbling up the bag. "Now, time for bed Ariel. Unlike you, I need my beauty sleep!"

It wasn't until you went back home to your bed that you pause, blinking with confusion. Did the Little Mermaid exist in this world? How did Rafayel know who Ariel was?

You shurg and snuggle closer to your plush. Eh, you think about that later.

Rafayel, you rediscover, is a clingy brat.

"Bubblessssss." He would whine on the phone while you're at work, making you sigh and struggle to explain to your friends that he wasn't your boyfriend.

"Bubblesssssss!" Rafayel would pout at you whenever he drags you out for an outing, his eyes watering as you glare at him for making you lose your concentration when you were trying to get a new plush.

"Bubbles...." He mumbled against your neck as you found yourself on the same couch in your sister's home, your twin sleeping on the couch across you two and Rafayel resting on you.

"Are you and Rafayel dating?" Your sister asks, and you freeze in fear. Because at the end of the day, even with the lingering touches the two of you leave each other, even with the way Rafayel's eyes darken as he stares at you, even with the way he brushed his lips on your cheek when he thought you were sleeping.

You . . . .you weren't his bride.

And it hurt. It tore your hearts to shreds.

So you do the logical thing, you run.

Whenever he called you, you ignored it.

If he was nearby, you push your sister forward and make an excuse and bolt it.

You run, because that's the only thing you can really do. You could definitely not fight him, with Rafayel being the fucking god of the sea. You couldn't hide forever, with him definitely having eyes on your sister meaning he definitely had eyes on you as well.

So you ran, because that was the only thing you were really good at.

"bubbles?"

"idk what I did wrong, but please just listen"

"I have something to tell you, can you come to the beach at 9?"

"Please. And after this, if you truly want me to leave, then I'll never speak to you again."

. . .

Yet, just like a fisherman at sea, you listen to the Siren's call.

You park your car near the beach, and let out a small sigh and cover your face. This was a bad idea. You had no right to continue to chase after him.

You should have ignored him, you should ignore him. But. . . . . but just this once would be ok right?

You let out a sigh, and step out the car, slowly walking towards Rafayel, who was standing at the edge of the beach, the waves licking his feet. He remains quiet for a bit as you stand next to him, but just when you open your mouth to say something, he opens his mouth.

"A long time ago, someone told me a story of a mermaid."

He glances at you. "The mermaid was the princess of the ocean, who longed to understand human culture. So whenever she got the chance, she would collect things like forks, knives, statues, dresses, anything about humans. Then one day, after saving a human from a sinking ship, she fell in love."

You blink. "Are you.... telling me the story of Ariel??"

Wait. Wait wait wait!

You drag out your phone as he continues, fingers flying across the screen. "She went to the sea witch and begged for a way to become human so she could be with the human prince, and in exchange, she gave up her voice."

"Where the fuck-?"

"She had three days to get the Prince to kiss her, or she would turn back into a mermaid and belong to the witch, though, that was only the-"

"Disney Version/Sugar coated version..." The both of you say, your voice fading as you see 'No Results' when you type in 'The Little Mermaid' and 'Disney'. You slowly look up at him, gasping and taking a step back when you realize how close he was to you. He grabs your arm and yanks you closer to his form, his eyes dark. Rafayel cups your face, placing his forehead against your own. "They told me that one day, they would tell me the true end of that story." He murmurs, raising your right hand to place a kiss on your wrist, and oh how it burned like the flames he controlled. "That all I had to do was find them again, and they would tell me the rest. That even if they don't remember, if there's a slight chance that they also get reincarnated, they would tell me the original ending, and agree to be my Bride."

He places a kiss near your lips, and you shudder with want. "[Name]. . . .my Bride-"

"Rafayel -"

"Please." Rafayel begs, and you choke. "Please. . . .tell me the true ending....so I can finally have you again in my arms..."

Taglist - @sleepydang @junrui @animecrazy76 @young-adult-summer @reni502 @irandial @codedove @nm4565natty @thissmartdumbass @shypotatoes013-blog @glitterykingdomangel @ri-eveowe @chewbrry @acaffeinated-constellation @dreamlesssleepsaga @paper--angel

if I missed anyone on the taglist, i apologize :(

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Rafayel | 18+

[bewarethegrim]

Roy and Jamie would absolutely accidentally fall into a total power exchange relationship without noticing. One day after 4am training, Roy, without thinking, tells Jamie "The blue headband." And without hesitation Jamie picks the blue headband from his collection that has gathered at Roy's.

And it's the little things, right? Roy is already in charge of Jamie's meal plan, so it just makes sense that he cook for Jamie, since he knows his nutrition plan better than anyone. Roy is already training Jamie privately in the mornings, and with his new role as assistant coach, it just made sense that he paid a bit of extra attention to Jamie and his workouts, and Jamie was known to overwork himself, so it just made sense that Jamie only work out while Roy was around, watching him to make sure he didn't over do it.

And one day on their day off, and Ruth had just picked up Phoebe who'd just spent the day playing in the yard with Jamie while Roy rested his knee and did reports, that something in his mind clicked.

Jamie spent almost every moment of his day with Roy now. He slept over at Roy's so he could sleep an extra 20 minutes before 4am training, and since he arrives to work with Roy, Roy brings him home- his home that is. And Roy tells Jamie to go stretch out while he makes dinner. After dinner, he has Jamie take a proper shower, and while he does, Roy lays out the clothes for Jamie to wear to bed.

And in all that time, months at this point, and at no point has Jamie asked for a night away (and isn't that an interesting thought, that Jamie would ask to go out, ask permission, like he belonged to Roy. And maybe he did in a way) But Jamie *hadn't* which means that Jamie had gone on a date or slept with anyone in months.

"Jamie?"

Jamie looks over from where he's sitting at the kitchen island, hands wrapped around a mug of tea. "Yeah, Coach?"

"Why haven't you gone out on any dates recently?"

And Jamie pauses. He looks, genuinely confused for a moment.

"You haven't told me I could." And Jamie says that as if it's a totally normal thing for your coach to decide when you're allowed to go out on dates.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Roy demands, feeling off kilter in this conversation.

Jamie shrugs. "Ever since I just let you decide what I do, life's just been easier, innit?"

Something dark and possessive curls in Roy's chest at that. He'd made Jamie's life better by being in control. He'd always been overbearing, especially in relationships, but maybe. Maybe they just hadn't been Jamie.

"Do you want me to start going on dates?" Jamie asks, something mischievous in his tone, but there was something else. Hope? No that wasn't right. Desperation, maybe. But for what, Roy didn't know.

"And if I told you no more dates? Indefinitely?" Roy decides to test the limits. How far would Jamie allow him to push?

Jamie shrugged. "Already been doing that, haven't I?"

And Jamie is so smug, looking so proud of himself. Roy has to take him down, just a little.

"What if I told you that you couldn't cum without my permission?" And oh, that's an interesting reaction. Jamie's eyes flutter and his cheeks redden deeply. He swallows before saying "Whatever you think is best, Coach."

And at some point, Roy has entered Jamie's space. He brings one hand, much steadier than he feels, to Jamie's chin. He's taking a risk, as calculated as it is.

"And if I told you only I could make you cum?" And Jamie melts, big eyes looking up at Roy like he held all the answers, and maybe to Jamie, he did.

"Please..." Jamie whimpers, his hands coming to wrap around the fabric of Roy's shirt.

And Roy has to take a deep breath, he needed to think rationally. He steps away from Jamie, and tries not to crumble at the pathetic sound Jamie makes as he does.

"Jamie-"

"Please Roy, I'll be good I promise? And I have been, haven't I? Doing everything you tell me to."

Roy is back, bringing Jamie close to his chest. "Yeah you have, Jamie. I'm not upset with you, never with you my good boy." He pauses. "Not anymore, anyways." He teases, and it works because he feels Jamie laugh.

"I just need to be clear, what we're doing, what we are. Am I just your coach? Or do you want more from me?"

This time it's Jamie who pulls back as he scoffs. "You haven't been just me coach in months." He looks a little bashful. "Always had a thing for ya, even when ya hated me and I lived to piss you off. You've seen the stupid poster in me room back home."

Jamie finally meets Roy's eyes, brave as ever, his boy. "I want to be your boyfriend, or partner. If ya want that too."

Roy smiles, letting Jamie nuzzle into his hand. "That is what I want, Jamie. More than anything."

"And to keep telling me what to do?"

And Roy laughs but nods. "Whatever my boy needs."

And a month or so later, Keely comes over and witnesses how they act with each other at home, and realises that oh my god you idiots are in a TPE relationship and cue Roy doing in depth research, printing out contracts and establishing safe words. Jamie happily does whatever Roy asks of him, just like he always does. And Jamie knows he could've said no at any point in this, in fact he had, when Roy tried to get him to eat mushrooms (he had limits!) but he knows the safe words makes Roy feel better, knowing how much power he has over Jamie. And if it makes Roy happy, Jamie is happy to do it.

[kunikuyu]

"A reward for someone so good." Hashira Series!

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Gyomei Himejima x Male! Reader

Warnings: Minors DNI, NSFW, read as afab reader, size kink, "calm" sex, faint, belly bulge, Himejima has feelings for the reader.

Summary: Pillar training has begun, much to your delight. Of course, as a hard-working and strong person, you can handle any challenge. Even if it's fighting a hashira. And in a way, they all see some value in you, and want to reward you for it.

You decided you would trust Sanemi (in which case, you were too tired to try and cut the ropes). You slept on the floor of that room and were woken up by someone mumbling while untying you.

"Ah, you finally decided to wake up? Lazy bastard." And you just shrug. If Sanemi wasn't going to untie you, you'd probably stay there until you gathered the strength to do it yourself.

Shinazugawa finally lets you go, but you can't walk at the moment. "..." He stares at you, hoping you'll get up soon. "You haven't realized my situation yet, have you?"

"I won't carry you in my arms, don't you dare ask."

....

You didn't even have to ask. He picked you up willingly and covered you with his haori (which only covered the bottom part due to your height). Fortunately, no one saw you in this situation.

Sanemi carries you to the room and offers you new clothes, next to a hot bath since you were covered in blood. He seems to want to apologize for being too rough last night, but he's too proud for that.

This is how he shows that in a way, he cares for you. Genya came to see you after your shower, and he seemed very curious to know why you disappeared last night and are now in Sanemi's room. You just laugh softly.

After some small talk and some things about the upcoming training and about Gyomei, Genya and Sanemi accompany you to the gate. You were already more recovered, and could probably get to Gyomei's training area with ease.

Genya says goodbye to you with a handshake and quickly leaves. Sanemi would finally apologize to you. "... Sorry for yesterday." "It's okay. Just make sure you don't leave me tied up next time." And so, you walked away while following your crow.

"Wait... WILL THERE BE A NEXT TIME?!" The older Shinazugawa screams and tries to reach you, but trips on a rock and ends up falling.

......

You finally arrived at Gyomei's training area. The few people who made it past Sanemi's training looked washed up. Himejima's training was very heavy, just like Genya said.

A hand subtly touches your shoulder, and you immediately recognize who the person is. "Himejima-san!" You smile, and the man almost twice your height smiles back. You weren't exactly short, but Gyomei was almost a tree, he was so tall.

"[Name], long time I haven't seen you. Namu." He says, voice deep as he rubs his hands together. The bulging veins on his arms made you blush softly. Maybe you have a thing for muscular men. And speaking of which, you've done a lot of missions together. It was almost a trio. Genya, Gyomei and you (since Tomioka stayed away from you in the past).

For a few seconds you wondered how Himejima knew it was you. But he's like a bear, his senses are extremely keen. "So, what's the training like?" Even though you already had an idea, you still wanted to be sure of what you were going to face.

"Your training is unique, please follow me. Namu."

.....

You obey the Hashira, and soon, you arrive at his mansion. It was very similar to all the others, except it felt more warm and comfortable. "Please sit."

Gyomei takes you to the farthest corner of the house, and sits in front of you. The difference in size was brutal even when he was sitting down.

He holds your hand gently and sighs, preparing to say something unusual. "Sr. [Name], I would like you to have sex with me. Not only that, but I propose that this be your test of strength." He was so straight to the point that it scared you.

Okay, you knew that was his personality. But it was on a much higher level. Seeing that you didn't answer him, but didn't move away either, he continues what he was saying. "On every mission we've done, I've felt something for you that I never thought I'd feel for a man. You are kind and pure, despite your personality being somewhat eccentric."

You had no words for it. You were normally the one praising people, and now you were being praised in such a kind way. You just squeeze Himejima's hand, as your body moves closer to him.

"...I accept this training, Himejima-san."

.....

He takes off all of his necklaces, and starts to unbuckle his belt. Before he even took off his pants, you noticed that his cock was already hard as a rock.

And when he took off his pants, you almost fainted. Seriously, your blood pressure has really dropped. That thing was huge, probably 44 centimeters. That wasn't even humanly possible! Now you're not sure if you agree with this training.

Himejima senses your concern, and quickly reassures you. "If you can't take it, I won't force you." And you just make a mumble of "ok"

He takes off his pants, and pats his hand gently on his thigh, to signal that he was ready. You quickly take off your pants too, and crawl until you are face to face with that monstrosity. It was quite heavy, and his balls felt swollen, as if it were waiting to release their load.

You try to sit on Gyomei's lap, placing the man's cock in your pussy. But it was almost an impossible task, it was too big. Only the head had entered and you already felt full. He throws his head back and lets out some low, hoarse moans, already feeling pleasure just from having contact with your body.

Little by little, you get used to the new sensation, and Gyomei's cock starts to slide inside you. Soon, (almost) everything was inside you, and you were already sitting on Gyomei's lap. He let out much louder, but still discreet, moans as he hugged your body. Your belly was swollen, and you could be sure that that bulge was the perfect shape of Gyomei's cock.

You massage that bulge and squeeze gently, making you and the other man moan again. He didn't seem to care if you weren't moving, he just wanted contact with you.

But you wanted to move, you wanted to go after your own pleasure. And so, you began to lightly move back and forth, riding the taller man. He starts to sigh deeply and moan some meaningless words, while you bite your mouth to keep from screaming. Every slightest movement you make makes his member hit your sweet spot.

Until he decides to help you with your movements. His hands held your ass, and without any difficulty, he made you move up and down gently on his slippery cock. That was as far as you could go without moaning loudly.

You just put your hand over your mouth to keep from screaming while he fucks you. "H-Himejima...Ah!~" It's all you can say, because you were almost screaming.

And this goes on for a few minutes. He makes calm movements with his body as he reaches the deepest point he could reach. You were already close to passing out, it was too much to handle and every time he hit your sweet spot, you could feel your blood pressure dropping.

"... [Name]-san... I feel like I'm about to..." You widen your eyes, already understanding what he meant. And it only took a few seconds for him to release his load inside you. As soon as his cum hit your deepest point in a warm jet, you passed out.

There was a lot of cum, it was even leaking and causing a bigger swelling in your belly. He notices your body going limp, and pulls you off his dick. He wasn't that experienced in having sex, but he felt like he shouldn't have such extreme concern, just take care of you and your body while you were passed out.

And so he does, giving you a bath, putting on clean clothes and lying next to you in bed, hugging you in a bear hug.

He was really happy with everything that happened. He really likes you, and sex only confirmed his feelings.

Bonus lines!

"I really love you, [Name]-san. We should get married, I want you to be my husband."

"... I see..."

[mullermilkshake]

The haunting of Toji Fushiguro.

Satoru Gojo thinks you're seeing ghosts.

Seance!Toji Fushiguro x Fem!Reader. Canon world of JJK,Stalking,Gore,References to breaking an entering,All characters of age, 18 in last year of jjk tech, reader is NOT under age when they meet Toji.

<<< For more Toji content, click this link to go back to the Masterlist! >>>

“There is no way you saw him. Trust me.”

Satoru Gojo tried to reassure you, but you were so sure you had seen him. He told you what he did to his body all those years ago, but you were not seeing ghosts, not like him. 

He had wreaked havoc on Jujutsu high when you were only a student, in your last year, just turned adult and almost graduated. He had stopped you in your tracks to find Gojo, he even said his fucking name in his voice you wouldn’t forget. So cocky, monotone without as much as a care or shame for what he was doing.

There was no perversion towards you, none that you would have noticed anyway. His act of violence went as far as arms length, he didn’t hurt you, or berate you, but he left because you were certain he didn’t see you as a threat. 

But as the years went by, there was always a feeling lingering on your neck, a tightness in your chest with invisible eyes that were never there to open when you looked. Being spied on was gross, the tension never left and was particularly horrible when you didn’t sense any cursed energy. 

That was why it unsettled you when you saw him. A fraction quicker than usual you turned your head and there he was by the large steel torii gate, larger than life itself with that eerie smirk you almost removed from your memory. But Gojo was certain that he killed him. 

You weren’t so sure.

But one thing was certain; ghosts were not real.

Your cursed energy was erratic, flowing unevenly to far lengths than you ever thought possible when you were a student, it didn’t move like running water but was more like the calm alongside the storm, the eye that didn’t answer to anyone in a natural disaster. It had a mind of its own and took far longer than it should have to control.

That was your drive to be who you were now, a dedicated teacher to support those who couldn’t control what they were born with, including heavenly pacts. That was your specialty, but even though you worked so hard and how far your cursed energy could go, it still didn’t help you to detect him. 

Toji Fushiguro.

“I really did Gojo. I’m not crazy.” You sat there, cradling a mug of tea, craning your neck back to stretch it. 

“I never said you were crazy, but you look like you haven't slept in a week.” Satoru was half right, his eyes watching you behind his blindfold as he slumped into his chair opposite. 

It was just the two of you in the room conversing and you had never told anyone else, but sometimes you questioned yourself if telling Satoru Gojo was really the best decision. But, he was right and incredibly wise when he wanted to be.

“I haven’t slept, I keep waking up in the middle of the night.” You yawned into your mug, the steam covering your glasses. “I don’t know why, I keep feeling something’s there, but nothing ever is, like the witching hour is fucking with me or something.”

“Maybe it's a ghost.” And he was immature too.

He was deflecting the main topic of conversation, you knew why and didn’t want to keep pushing it, but something didn’t sit right and he was the only person that could help, even if he would refuse to.

“Ghosts aren’t real, but stop avoiding this. I saw him, whether it’s someone else's cursed technique or something your guess is as good as mine, but I’m telling the truth. Fushiguro was there, watching me.”

“I’ve never seen a technique like that before, and why would someone want that asshole back to life anyway?”

“I don’t know.” You really didn’t but you wished it would stop. “I just have a bad feeling, I hate being on my own, I just- I hate it.” That was when the eyes on you were most prominent, most pungent in its sensation to make each individual hair stand up on your neck to attention, straight up from something you never saw.

Gojo didn’t say anything at first, but you knew he was watching you, most probably with concern, or just boredom, but you hoped it was the former. He never showed his emotions, but it was clear he cared about his students, but what ticked you off was his lack of concern for a bigger threat than just curses. Even if he didn’t believe you, he should have put in counter measures whenever he left for a mission. 

But he never felt the need to.

Even after all Toji Fushiguro did, the mark he left on him. 

You remembered that day like it was yesterday, the weather, the smell, the sounds of calm before the chaos, you recalled everything. And that look in his eyes when he stalked past you, that worm thing cooing and slithering around his neck like a grotesque scarf, spitting and drooling. 

“I’m sure we’ll meet again.” He had said, looking you up from your feet to your face, hand clutched around that odd looking knife you hadn’t seen since. 

Not one word was uttered from your lips, you hadn’t spoken a word to him, but then he was gone. The aftermath led you to be either complimented or offended that he didn’t even think you were worth fighting and you didn’t believe it was because you were stronger, no, he almost took Gojo’s life and that was no easy feat. 

So you sat there offended for the longest time.

You weren’t even worth the time.

Gojo yawned himself, stretching and laid himself down on the adjoining sofa. “I’m beat, it’s been a long day, go and sleep. Take my bed if you want, I’m only napping before class, but you look like you need it.”

You did, but you weren’t about to sleep in Gojo’s bed, there was something about your own, despite the lack of comfort of a solid night that you loved. The smell of you, laundry detergent that almost authenticated lavender in the room, so perfect you would forgive the broken sleep. 

You shook your head and got up, perching your hand on the back of the chair to tuck it in. “Nah, I like my own bed, I’m going home early, if you don’t hear from me tomorrow I’m probably dead from insomnia.”

Gojo chuckled and rested the back of his hand on his forehead. “Don’t say that, you’ll be fine, I know you’ll always bounce back. But honestly,” He sat up and looked towards the door you were going through. “He’s dead. You have nothing to worry about. Besides, I’m here, the best teacher in the universe, nothing can get past me!”

It was a lame attempt to calm your nerves to which you appreciated, but it still didn't help. You gave it to him though, “Thanks Gojo, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The walk home was longer, much longer to your weary form, trudging and mumbling to yourself, trying hard to think of anything. You needed shopping, that could wait until tomorrow after classes, those were important as the first years had a test coming up to decide what paths they wanted to take and be paired in teams for something… you couldn't remember.

Shit. “Why am I so tired?”

You were getting exhausted by the second, enough to fight the urge to lay down in the street and sleep in the summer heat, sweating more than usual under the sun's powerful rays. That’s why you were sleepy you thought, the heat was knocking you sideways. 

So far in fact that you never even sensed her presence. “So it’s you then.”

You turned with a delay, not registering at first that she was addressing you but there was no one else down the small side street to talk to. “Me? Can I help you?”

“It was you, you're the reason I lost my brother… I tried so hard to track you down, but all I had to do was follow him.”

She looked no older than her early thirties, similar to your own age, running on just as little sleep as you were aswell. The long beads in her hands swayed in the light breeze but she held tight like they would fly away at any moment. You stood there blinking at her. Was she on drugs? You hadn't a clue what she was on about and it definitely wasn't the lack of sleep confusing you.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what youre talking about.” You turned to leave, but she got so close to grab your arm, the tiredness made your skin ache, a tingling pressure. 

“Ouch!” Now you were awake and pulled away abruptly with two steps back. “Don’t touch me. I don’t know who you are, but you need to leave me alone.”

Her cursed energy enveloped her like a cocoon, so immense and powerful you certain she had cursed objects concealed on her person, so much energy like Gojo, but tightly wound and fattened to confuse you.

You turned again, but she moved in front of you, her eyes strained and hair out of place to match her clothes. “My brother won’t stop until he finds you… all he wanted was to kill Satoru Gojo, but now he’s out of control. And it’s all your fault.”

These two were idiots if they thought they would take Gojo on and win. “Kill him? That won’t happen, I’m sorry, but your brother probably isn’t going to come back.”

She became more dishevelled by the second, gripping her hair in her balled fists. “He won’t ever come back because he refuses to give my brother his body back… My granny Ogami doesn't even know what I've done!”

 “What; are you okay? Can I get someone to take you home?” 

“He won't give him back! It was only supposed to be the body’s information but his soul- it’s, oh shit…” Her eyes were as wide as headlights, looking through you, behind and down the road like she would cry at any second and those eyes were on you. 

“My body is special. I knew I came back for a reason.”

That voice. That… terrifying and gross voice. 

The woman stood on the verge of tears backing away from you, but you didn’t turn around to look at him, you froze in fear of being right, so right for once that you hated it. Being right like this often came with bragging rights for life, but you wished it really was a ghost behind you. 

Not Toji Fushiguro in the flesh.

“Please! I can’t control how this works, give back my brother if you won’t do as you’re told-”

The crushing noise came before your eyes could even register that Fushiguro was even in front of you, hands tight around the woman's head opened up like a watermelon, it was the same colour inside. Brain matter and blood vessels opened and sprayed across your face, your feet stayed firm where they were in fear that you didn’t even think to use your cursed energy. 

“Now she’s quiet, we can finally talk.” He turned towards you, white suit shirt doused in red and chunky parts and hair. “I’m happy you left Gojo where he was, can’t risk another run in with him since I was so lucky to find you a second time.” 

You didn’t dare look up, secretly hoping Gojo would arrive any minute and put a stop to this, but Fushiguro was clever, the bastard was so clever as now you were out of reach, your cursed energy stuck at its limit that it couldn't reach the school. Pulling your phone out to call for help would only piss off the man in front of you and you definitely knew everything that he was capable of. 

“Y-you're dead.”

“I was. I hate to admit it, but thank god for cursed energy, now I can start over.” He sounded identical, exactly how he was that day at the school, the way he looked you up and down played in your mind and your curiosity in all your crippling stiffness gave in.

There was no difference in his features with the same scar you recognised, but his eyes greyed over like cataract, dead inside but very much alive and he looked at you the same way though this time there was a hunger, a perversion that he didn't have before.

“Where do you think you're goin’?” You tried a small step back, hoping to edge away like he wouldn’t notice but he did. 

Fight him goddammit. Why won't you fight? You couldn't, like a defence mechanism, if you didnt move then he couldn't see you, but he touched you instead.

Your chin. His index finger made contact with you and you flared up, like an allergy, skin so soft but roughened with age and hard work. He was a dead man but your puny brain couldn’t comprehend it.

“You look so different to how you were when we first met.” His thumb brushed past your bottom lip making you cringe, “To think I was goin’ to kill you then, I’m glad I didn’t, happy I managed to find you.”

“Why- why did you look for me?” 

“By accident at first. But I wanted more when I did find you. I wasn’t interested until then.”

“When was that?” 

“A year ago.” It all made sense now, the lack of sleep, the eyes watching you, the unsettled pit in your stomach that made you want to vomit. All of that was Fushiguro and Gojo gaslit you unintentionally.

Fuck.

Why weren't you just walking away? It was due to his lack of cursed energy, even as he was, there wasn't an ounce that wasn't your own. Like deafening silence in an empty room and tinnitus at night, loud and impatient and confusingly aggressive. 

“You… you got into my apartment.”

“Yeah,” A strand of your hair fell through his fingers. “You should really update your system, anyone could have gotten in if I wasn’t there watching. Good thing I was brought back, huh? Who will keep you safe if I weren't here?” 

The difference in strength and raw power was what stopped you from moving at first, but if he would do something anyway, then it didn’t matter if you fought back or not. You were a sorcerer, it was your job to fight, to protect and you just stood in the middle of an empty street hoping Satoru Gojo would save you. 

How pathetic. 

Either way, you couldn't stand where you were, so you made a move. How you were able to get a hit on him was outstanding, a firm slap to break the distance it was almost deliberate, though he didn’t appear to be as quick as before, like a delay or required charge up. He stood in shock though, you could tell by his eyes and dilated pupils that he hesitated to move. 

“Is that any way to treat me? After all I’ve done to get to you?” 

“Murder is wrong no matter how you look at it. You murdered that woman.” Your cursed energy trembled with you, but it managed to right itself. “Whatever you are, I’m going to have to exorcise you. You’re dead and it’ll stay that way.”

You never thought you would hear such a sound as fucked up in your life, like a world without children’s laughter, or the moon dying and destroying the tides. Toji Fushiguro’s laughter fit into that category. 

He laughed at you, your own presence like he was underestimating you all over again. Just how he did back then. “You’re sweet thinking you could ever fight me off, but I’ll give you the courtesy to treat me kinder because I could do what I wanted and there isn’t anything you can do… Ask Satoru Gojo. But I'll treat you better than that if you let me?”    

“What the hell do you want?!” 

He smiled at your anger, your gritted teeth spurred him on. “You. I want you. You’re pathetic, I like that.”

He got so close to you in a blink, his hands either side of your head and cracked the concrete wall you were pressed up against. There was nowhere to go. “Yeah, I like that alot.”

“H-how,” Your voice tucked itself away in the pit of your throat, your legs gave up even bothering to move. “How are you r-real?” 

Toji Fushiguro leant in to your ear and whispered. “Fate finds a way don’t ya think? I told you we’d meet again.”

DISCLAIMER - Crossposted from my AO3 - I do not own any of the characters or anything from the anime. This is a work of fan fiction and is absolutely not representative of the views or intentions of the original creator(s).

Also please don’t post any of my work without permission thank you!

[rainix13]

It's Okay

hostage by Billie Eilish

masterlist

inspiration was this by @mommyownsmee

Natasha Romanoff x Agent!Reader

words: ~2k

description: after a few exhausting days and not talking about it, it gets too much to comprehend at last

Genre: angst / comfort (mostly comfort I think??)

Warnings: angst, mental breakdown, not really edited/proof read

It's litteraly 7am and I haven't slept yet, my brain is cooked

I don't know if anything makes sense

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𓅨⋆｡°✩✮ ⋆ ˚｡⋆｡°✩｡⋆｡✮ ⋆ ˚｡⋆｡°✩✮ ⋆ ˚｡𓅨⋆｡°✩

Sighing you entered your shared appartment, bringing the groceries straight to the kitchen.

"Baby?" the familar voice came from the office and despite your exhaustion immediately a smile makes it's way to your lips.

You hung your coat over a nearby chair and before you could even turn around, two strong arms wrapped around your waist.

"Hey Natty" you murmured, letting yourself melt against her. "How was your day?"

The redhead grunted in response and adds "Paperwork and recruits."

You chuckled, knowing exactly what she means. You had them just before they went to training with Natasha.

"How was your day princess?" She asks kissing your shoulder.

You turned around , letting your arms hanging loosley around her neck "Was goood"

"Mh, you look exhausted" she stated between to short kisses but you shooke your head.

"Not more than usual" You lied with a smile. It's an easy lie, a casual one. Not necessary but you didn't want to ruin her good mood. And Natasha bought it.

After another quick peck you pulled away completely. "I'm just gonna take a quick shower and then I'll make dinner, okay?"

"Okay, I'll finish my work 'til then. What are you cooking?"

"Pasta!" You shouted over your shoulder, already halfway in the bathroom.

As the hot water runs down your body it felt like everything just washed off. The build up exhaustion faded as you stepped out of the shower, leaving you with something raw. Something that made you balance so close to the edge of a mental breakdown even you began to notice it. You sighed, somehow hoping to get rid of that weight that makes it hard to breath. You looked up, in the mirrior meeting your own empty eyes. Natasha was right, you do look exhausted. Like something drained the last bit off energy from your body. And if you were honest with yourself, you'd know that that's also exactly how you've felt for the last few days. But instead you've drowned that in even more work and exhaustion so it couldn't surface. Not until now at least.

A familiar dizziness formed in your head and you had to sit down. Have you eaten today? Yes, you had a sandwich for lunch. Or was that yesterday? No. Nevermind, it was yesterday.

Stop that's not relevant, you want to breathe. Why did that exhaustion suppress everything else? Why does this come up now? Can your emotions chill for a second? Can your mind please chill the fuck out? Why is this happening now? You need to get up again. You've got things to do. Why do your thoughts feel so loud. Just shut u-

"You alright angel?" Natasha's concerned voice pulled you out of your own thoughts immediately. You eyes snapped up to her standing in the door looking down at you on the floor.

"Uh yeah. J-just sound zoned out a bit" you desperately tried to safe it but your voice was far too shaky to appear convincing. Even if you're voice didn't give you away, you're trembling hands probably would have.

Natasha said nothing, instead she walked over, pulled you on your feet and into a hug. Instinctively you bury your head in her chest, holding on to her as the dizziness came back almost immediately.

Your senses all focused on her now. The faint scent of vanilla mixed with her shampoo. How you felt her breath against your scalp, her hands on your back and in your hair. You heard her breathing. You closed your eyes, trying to let her presence ground you. Tried to let everything overtune your own thoughts.

"What's wrong hun?" the pure softness and concern in her voice were the last straw to make everything fall apart.

Hot tears almost immediately streamed down your face, you buried your face in her neck and clutched onto her shirt. An unwanted sob escaped you and before you realized it would happen, your body collapsed against the redhead. She reacted immediately, picking you up, holding you as close as possible.

Natasha carried you to your shared bed, laying down with you still in her arms. Her heart broke at how small and helpless you seemed to be. How broken your sobs sounded and how desperately you hold on to her. Like you feared she might disappeare if you'd let go.

"Just breathe, I'm here" she whispers. You try to follow her deep breaths and after a few tries you're starting to get there. Your breathing was still short and shaky between your sobs but less ragged now. "Overstim-" your voice broke off into another sob and Natasha tries to pull you even closer. "It's okay, I understand" You knew she did. It's not the first time you were at the verge of breaking down because people were just too much in that moment and it wasn't the first time Natasha was there to keep you in touch with reality. It was the first time you had a breakdown, especially that bad tho. The first time she had to see you like this and you didn't appreciate that. She wasn't supposed to see you like this, you're supposed to be there for her when she needed you.

While she got up and left you for a second, you went down that spiral, getting stuck in a cycle of 'Get your shit together' and 'She deserves better'.

But a moment later, before you can get too far with those thoughts on your own the redhead came back, helping you to put on one of her hoodies before she pulled you back into her embrace.

"What do you need angel?"

"B-being alone-" you choked out and Natasha immediately retreated. Not rushed but without hesitation until you held her back and she met your pleading eyes. "w-with you? i-if than m-makes sense" you asked unsure. Part of you didn't want her stay, didn't want her to see you like this. But the stronger part craved the feeling of safety and acceptance. Craved the way she could ground you and keep you in touch with reality. She nodded, getting back to you "Don't worry, it makes sense. We can be alone together," she reassured you. She was glad you wanted her with you. Glad you trusted her enough to be so openly vulnerable.

You were hit immediately with gratitude but when you tried to speak again you're choking in your own sobs again, slowly growing annoyed at your own inability to exist. Natasha noticed the way your muscles tensed at the failed attempt, she could almost feel you slip away again.

"shh it's okay. You're safe with me"

"I-I it's just too much suddenly. The past days were so exhausting a-and I don't know. I kept it going and e-everything went okay a-and no one noticed" you finally managed to say.

"I've got you, don't worry" Natasha said, pulling you even closer to her, if that's even humanly possible, for a short moment.

"It's just so sudden. I- I-"

"shh it's okay. Just breath, mkay?" she created just enough distance to look you in the eyes "In and out, yeah?"

You take a shaky breath, hands still holding on to the redhead's hoodie as if your life depends on it.

She just holds you tight, one hand softly combing through your hair.

She knows that you don't actually want to talk right now, that words don't make it better. She knows that hearing things would just add to the chaos in your head. So she just holds you, letting you breath her in until you calmed down again. You close your eyes and relax. Her even heartbeat, her scent, her hand on your back. All of her grounded you and finally shuts down the thoughts in your head. You knew she wants to say that she loves you and that it's alright. And she knew that you can feel everything she didn't verbalize.

You let yourself dwell in the feeling of safety as your own heartbeat normalizes again.

"Thank you" you mumured softly, taking a last deep breath before you untangle your legs from hers and want to get up.

"Where are you going?" Natasha holds you back and searches for your eyes.

"Making dinner, Nat. Haven't cooked yet" you explain and try to loosen the grip the redhead has on you but to your surprise she pulls you back, and wraps her arms around you, your back now pressed against her.

"It's okay, Nat. Just dinner" you softly argue, your voice still hoarse from crying.

"Stop being my over independent strong girl for now okay? I love you. Let me take care of you today" she pleads, her nose burried in your neck. You hate worrying her, adding to the stress she already has.

You sighed in defeat and nod "Okay. But I'm fine, really"

Natasha just huffed, picked you up and threw you over her shoulder. "Nat let me dooown"

But she shook her head "mmh no, your my little princess" You can hear the satisfied smile on her lips, making you giggle. "Nattyyy" You try to wiggle out of her grip, still laughing and finally she obliges. "Okay, okay stop moving"

She sits you on the counter, pressing a quick kiss on your nose. "You stay here, I make some pasta" leaving no room for an argument.

So you just watch her, sitting on the counter, dangling your legs. How she moved so effortlessly. In a strange way her calculated but simple movements like chopping onions or just stirring the sauce made you calm down even more. You began to feel the slight burn in your eyes from crying, the actual softness of Natasha's hoodie and how it smelled exactly like her. The stress began to fade, letting you breathe again.

After you ate you end up in bed again, watching some show you didn't really pay attention to. Your head was buried in Natasha's chest still craving every bit of comforting, grounding touch. "I love you" you whisper so quiet you're not sure Natasha could hear it. Any maybe that wouldn't be so bad because you know that she's able to detect the silent apology with it.

But of course she did. She pulled you closer once again, her hand finding it's way to your hair combing through it. "It's okay angel. Just...try not to overdo yourself, okay? You don't need to handle everything on your own" You sigh at the statement, burying yourself deeper in your girlfriends hoodie. "But I should. Especially when it's just fixing something that's my fault anyway. And it's okay. I can handle it ...most days" Your breath turned hot and tears welled up in your eyes again. "I should." You add, angry at yourself.

"That's not true" The redhead pulls away and cups your cheeks, forcing you to make eye contact.

"No one can handle everything on their own. We're a team, remember? You help me all the time. Patch me up. Mentally and physically. So why wouldn't I be here to do the same for you?"

"Because you already have your own stuff to deal with..." You mumble hesitantly. You don't want to be a burden. You don't want to annoy her with your stuff. Not when you can or at least should be able to handle it on your own.

Natasha sighs, pulling you back in. "Did or would you ever not listen to me or try and help me just because you have your own things?"

"No..." you reply not sure how to explain that it's different then.

"Will you tell me when it gets too much next time?"

You take a deep breath, tightening your grip around the redheads waist. "I'll try"

"Thank you angel"

"I love you" you said, this time not saying it as an apology.

"I love you too" Natasha answered.

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[shrimpsuru]

wowee I've developed a new interest!! I drew this on 0 sleep, so if it looks bad, don't say anything,,, I also wanna yap into the abyss about my thoughts while watching it and stuff- so If none of my rambling makes sense, then its also from the fact I haven't slept.

I have a lot of critiques with this drawing, and the longer I stare at it the worse it looks- and it's driving me crazy. Skwisgaar's guitar looks so dumb, but cut me some slack this is the first guitar I've ever drawn!! They're hard to draw!! _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):_ I also feel like pickle's fuck ass comb over looks a bit too thick, I'll fix that the next time I draw him. Give him the baldness he deserves. I'm not happy with how I drew everyone, I think Skwisgaar's hair doesn't look great and that I could definitely do better on just about everything lol. Next time I shall draw them much better, if I don't I'll spontaneously combust on spot.

I currently just started the third season, and I really like it so far! It's a fun show! My fav Is Toki (if it wasn't obvious), but everyone's pretty great. They're all so stupid and silly, I giggle like an idiot every episode. My dad loves the show and watched when I was little (the show came out just a little bit after I was born which is insane lmao) and has been rewatching it with me. His favorite character is murderface lol. My best friend also sat down to watch some with me (she was reluctant at first, but she admitted that she thinks its a pretty good show :D) and she really didn't like the pickles comb over. She said that he need's to let it go, which is fair.

While me and my dad were watching it, we got to the last few episodes in season two- tell me why the show suddenly became uncensored. Entire time things have been blurred, but all of a sudden murderface's dick is there for the whole world to see,, like c'mon man.... put that away... this whole time things have been blurred- but now that my dad's next to me you wanna show dicks and tits... okay dude.

that's it for my rambling, too tired to conjure up any more thoughts I'm goona go sleep. If you actually read any of this- that's very nice of you :3

[bbina]

you haven't slept a wink since you've read the notification on your twitter account that chenle, your boss zhong chenle, the one and only chenle that you work for, has quote retweeted your tweet where you called him hot and that he replied saying that you should be more professional on the job

it didn't even fully register that he even had a twitter account to begin with

but the more you stare at the godforsaken tweet, the more you click on his account hoping its some fluke or some random twitter account pretending to be him but no. his account is verified so of course it had to be him

why would you tweet something that you ask yourself? you thought you were on your private twitter account. in your defense, you were tired from the day before after being out and about for the whole day. the last thing you wanted was to let your exhaustion to take over your senses and believe that your boss was actually kind of good looking if he wasn't such a menace most of the time

but here we are

its the day after and the sun is up. kun had just texted the groupchat that you should head downstairs to the hotel's breakfast buffet

you wanted to ditch. you thought of all possible lies that you could come up with in such short amount of time such as sudden food poisoning or that you weren't hungry just yet, literally any excuse not to see your boss up close face to face, not even 24 hours later after your public declaration of your boss' looks but given that you were kind of your boss' responsibility at the moment and anything that could potentially happen to you during this vacation would be entirely on him and you didn't want to make things worse than it already was

maybe that's another excuse for another time

so what do you do? you swallow your pride and any remaining form of dignity you had left and showed up to the breakfast buffet downstairs with your head held up high

maybe it was just a fluke or a fake account that has too much time in their hands that they resorted into pretending and impersonating him on twitter. maybe you did just hallucinate the entire interaction last night. maybe, just maybe—

"good morning, y/n" chenle greets upon your arrival. he's seated at a booth in the dining area, snug against the velvet cushions like he owned the place. his sunglasses still glued to his face, "i hope you continue to act professional today onwards" he smiles

oh you are so fucked.

before you can protest to defend yourself, kun pops up from behind

"morning everyone" he greets, yawning as he plops down next to chenle. he then notices the slight tension between the two of you with the way chenle has been smiling deviously at you like he has something against you while you were standing before them with your mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water

what happened before he arrived?

"what's the matter?" kun asks, clearly confused

"nothing!" you say defensively. your hand flies to your mouth at the abruptness. you immediately bow and spit out apologies to kun

chenle bites back a laugh. he nudges kun with his elbow before he props himself on the table, looking at you like you're his prey

"it's nothing serious, kun-ge. i just appreciated the compliment y/n gave me"

kun looks between you and chenle again, still confused as ever but in the end he drops it

"i don't even want to know. so, who's gonna take the first bite?" kun nods his head towards the endless array of food displayed around the room

chenle happily slides out of the booth as he makes his way towards where the plates were at. not before he gives you a sickening smile that basically screams "this is far from over"

you can only watch him in pure disbelief that this will be your new life at this point. a life wherein your boss knows that you may or may not find him attractive

kun, being the ever so nice guy. he pats your shoulder as he urges you to come with him to the plate section

"don't get all shy with us now. you're now part of the team so ease up those tense shoulders" kun chirps, handing you a plate

".. thanks sir kun"

in this very moment, you wished you were kun's personal assistant instead

BUSINESS PROPOSAL ᝰ.ᐟ . . . PROFESSIONAL

✎ . . . things aren't going as planned the way you thought it was going to be. especially the part where you find yourself falling in love with your own boss– which was definitely not part of the agreed proposal.

[ PREV / NEXT ]

✎ AUTHORS NOTE . . . take a shot every time chenle reminds her to be professional

✎ TAGLIST . . . @mrkleelvr @jenodigital @https-dandelion @rik0shii @spacejip @yyangj3lly @multifandomania @taroddori @222brainrot @amouriu @defzcl @va1entinaa @carelessshootanonymous @onlywonb @flaminghotyourmom @do-you-remember-summer-127 @grimlinshere @yayayaiheardyouthefirsttime @hoeingthefuckup @meltinghershey @alwayswook @dutifullyannoyingstrawberrie @dudekiss3r @sibwol @planetmarlowe @doraemiz @morklee02 @httpsxnox @firydst @yuyita-rosier

[bteezxyewriter12]

Help Her Out

Pairing- Namjoon x Named Reader

Word count- 3.7k

Includes- Cock warming while masturbating?, blow job, masturbation help, pussy eating, cum eating, missionary, cock riding, dirty talk, squirting, multiple orgasms, fluff

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxminnie @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@borntowalkaway @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @seokwoosmole @meowmeowminnie @realisticnotes @effielumiere @svnbangtansworld @pinkies-things @insomniacatiny @marvelfamily3000 @amyz78 @blueie-things

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Masterlists 📝BTS Masterlist 📝Namjoon Masterlist

This is the Namjoon one shot fic that one the poll

Namjoon POV

"Well Joonie?", she asks as I stare at her in disbelief

"I don't....we don't...do things like this", I stutter

"Yeah well, we don't stand there and watch each other masturbate but here we are"

Yeah here we are

I came to her room to ask her if she wanted any food because I was ordering

I had headphones on and I just walked into her room

And to her naked on her bed, legs wide open, a vibrator against her clit

I dropped my phone as well as my mouth, my earbuds falling off and to the floor with my phone

I froze, not able to take my eyes off her smoking hot body

She squealed, threw the vibrator off the bed, snapped her legs closed and threw a blanket on top of her as if that erased me catching her

She yelled at me and I just stood there

She kept calling my name and I knew I should say something but I couldn't find the words

Then she said if I was just going to stand there I could at least help her out

I found words then and asked how I can possibly help

Her answer?

Cock warm me in her pussy while she plays with her clit and cums on me

Needless to say I'm even more shocked

"Are you gonna help me or not?"

"I uh...why do you want my help?"

It doesn't make sense

We've been best friends forever and she never asked me to do anything like this before

She never even kissed me

And when we moved in together to save on rent we made sure the apartment has rooms on opposite sides of the hall so we don't hear each other

This is coming out of left field

"Because you have a big dick and I haven't had dick in a long time and I need one in me"

Mind blown

"How do you know I have a big dick?", I ask, ignoring the part where she said she needs a dick in her

I have to ignore it or I'll get super horny

She rolls her eyes, "Hannah"

"Your best friend?", I shriek, "She told you?"

I slept with her friend once

She got mad at me for it, saying her friends are not fuck buddies for me

She said now Hannah would come here just to try to fuck me again instead of hanging out with her

I didn't think it was a big deal until she said then she would fuck Jin if our friends were free game

That was a hard no

And I got what she was saying

I knew if she fucked Jin, he would keep coming back just for her

From then on friends were off limits

I just didn't know Hannah blabbed about my dick

"That you have a massive thick cock? Yeah she told me"

"It's not massive", I scowl, "I can fit in a pussy without hurting the girl"

"Didn't say you couldn't", she replied, "She told me it was big and you knew how to use it"

I feel my face getting so red and hot

This is not a conversation I ever thought I'd have with her

"Look either you help me or get out so I can finish up here"

She's still gonna masturbate?

Fuck, that changes things

I don't think I can hear her moaning or well, knowing she's moaning without getting hard and taking care of it myself

I just don't know if I should cross this line with her

I mean I want to, so fucking much but I'm not sure I just want to be a dick to her

I always thought if I ever had sex with her we'd be...a couple

But then again this isn't really sex

It's just helping her get off

"Joonie don't take this the wrong way ok", she says, "Get out"

I don't want to

"No", I answer, not believing I'm gonna do this, "I'll help"

She tilts her head to the side, surprised, "Really?"

I guess she didn't think I'd say yes

I didn't know I'd say yes

But I am

"Yeah"

"Oh...ok", she nods, "Uh get undressed I guess?"

I nod, feeling so self conscious

Nevertheless I pull my shirt up and toss it to the floor

"Oh wow", she says, her eyes wide as she looks at me

"What?", I ask, my cheek heating up

"I just uh..didn't know you had those muscles on uh...your chest", she gapes, "Those uh...abs"

I mean she knows I work out so...

I don't answer, pulling my pj pants down, staying in my boxers

"Come here", she says

I slowly walk to the side of her bed, so fucking nervous

Keeping the blanket on her, she moves to sit at the edge of the bed, her fingers going under the waistband of my boxers

I swallow hard as she pulls them down, my cock half hard

It was fully hard when I walked in on her but the embarrassing conversation made it go down some

Her hand moves around my length, softly stroking me

"I'll help you", she says softly and I just nod

She leans down, her mouth around my head, her tongue licking as she sucks on me

"Oh my god", I gasp, pleasure rushing up my spine

She lets go, her tongue at my base, licking up my cock slowly, over and over, wetting my shaft

Her mouth goes back around my dick, sucking, taking more and more of me with each suck

I reach out and bury my hand in her hair to keep my balance because the bliss is so fucking good

Her hand starts moving, jerking the rest of my dick off as she blows me

My cock hardens fully in her mouth and hand, becoming so stiff it aches

After a few more sucks, she pulls away, her tongue against my slit, licking up the leaking cum

"Tastes good Joonie", she smirks, my mouth dropping for the second time today

Her hand keeps moving along my dick as she smirks at me

"Ready to help me?"

I nod, so ready

She lets go of me and lays back in her bed

I pull the blanket off her, getting in the bed, in between her open legs

This is so fucking weird and hot and awkward all at the same time

I gaze down at her tiny wet pussy and choke on air

So small

Her lips are puffy, her clit is swollen and throbbing, her hole leaking juice and clenching around nothing

All from playing with herself before

"Go in Joonie"

I nod, "Uh yeah, ok"

Holding my dick, I align to her hole and push inside

Her pussy immediately grabs on to me, sucking me in as I spread her wide open

"Oh my god", she cries, her body arching

Pleasure fills my senses as I watch her pussy lips open, her hole stretching, drenching me as I go in inch by inch

Her pussy repeatedly clenches down tightly around me, making it feel so euphoric just getting into her

"So fucking big", she whimpers, her pussy taking my cock perfectly, "So big. So good. Fuck"

I have never been in a pussy this tight before nor this wet

I bury deep inside her, bottoming out and stilling

"Yes fuck" she moans, her body shivering, "Is... Is that all of you?"

I nod, my skin trembling from her constant clenching, "Yeah"

She moves her hips, pushing down and wiggling, I guess making sure I'm all in

"Oh god yes", she gasps, her hands wringing the sheets under her

"What? Is everything ok?"

She nods, "Yyy..yeah. Your...ah...your head is against my spot. Feels good"

"Oh...ok", I say like an idiot

"Mmm", she murmurs, her hand moves to her clit, rubbing slowly

Her pussy tightens around me instantly and I can't help but groan at the spike in pleasure

Her hand moves faster, her pussy becoming wetter and throbbing faster

I move my hands to her thighs, holding on as I watch her

She is so fucking pretty, my eyes trailing down her body

She gives little gasps and moans, her head pushing back into the pillow

Her boobs wiggle as her arm moves, her back arching slight

Her tiny hole is straining around my thick length, clenching over and over

I know this is to help her but fuck it feels good for me too

Her body shivers, her legs pressing against the sides of my body, her moans louder

"I'm gonna cum on your cock", she whimpers, "I'm...I'm gonna...on your cock"

"Yeah", I answer, wanting that so much, "Go ahead"

"Oh fuck, fuck, fuck", she cries, her pussy coming, throbbing hard around me, sending surprising pleasure into my body, "Namjoon, oh god"

"Fuck", I whimper, the bliss from her orgasm surprisingly good

Like honestly, the best I ever felt

"Again", she whimpers when she finishes, "Please, again"

"Yeah ok", I agree

Her hips move, wiggling and grinding on my dick, my head rubbing her spot, her cries getting louder

Her hand stills, then moves, then stops, then moves again, almost like she forgets to play with herself because she's so focused on moving her hips

It's fine, I can help her

I push her hand away, replacing it with mine, using my thumb to rub her throbbing clit quickly

Her eyes open, a question in them

"It's ok baby. I got it", I assure her

She nods, her eyes closing, pleasure all over her face

Her hands grip the sheets hard as we move together, her breathing increasing

Her skin has a light sheen of sweat on it, her hair damp and she looks so fucking good

Her clit pulses against my finger and all I keep thinking about is sucking on it

"Oh fuck", she cries, her hips wiggling faster, her hand gripping my wrist, nails digging into my skin

I've never wanted a girl to cum so badly

"C'mon baby", I urge her softly, "Cum for me"

"Namjoon, oh", she shivers, panting harder

"Yeah baby, c'mon. My cock feels so good inside you right?"

She bites her lip, nodding, "Mmmm hmmm"

"So cum on it. I need you to. You want to so bad"

"I do!", she yells, "I do...oh fuck! Namjoon!"

Her body shudders as she orgasms, squirt pouring from her pussy, all over my lap, my cock and her bed

But I still don't stop rubbing her clit as bliss courses through me as I watch the beautiful sight of her orgasming

"Yeah baby fuck, cum for me just like that. Yeah good girl", I praise her, "Such a good girl, squirting just for my cock. Good girl"

When she stops, I pull my cock out, gaping at the mess of squirt and creamy cum she left on me

It looks so pretty and so fucking good

Laying down between her legs, I lay my tongue on her and lick slowly, getting all her cum on it

"Joonie", she gasps, her head up and looking at me

I swallow her cum, the deliciously sweet taste shocking me

"Gonna eat your pussy", I tell her, leaving no room for debate

I need more after getting that hit of her taste

"Yea..oh", she moans as I bury my face in her cunt, my tongue swirling and licking every part of her pussy I can touch

My face is so wet, drenched, her taste taking over

My tongue passed over her hole on its way up, spreading her lips open and rolling over her clit

"Joonie, yes!", she cries

I flick her clit over and over, massaging it with the tip of my tongue, feeling the pulses

God I fucking love it

Sliding my tongue down, I slip inside her hole, her pussy squeezing it tightly

"Mmm yeah baby", I groan, when I pull my tongue out, "Fuck, squeeze my tongue baby"

I slip back inside, her cunt listening and squeezing hard

I move my tongue fast, in and out, tongue fucking her, making sure I get as much as my tongue in as I can, her cunt creaming my face and mouth so much, I have to keep swallowing

Her hips move, grinding her pussy on my face and I'm so here for it

"Mm keep going baby", I egg her on, "Fuck my face baby girl"

"Joonie! So good Joonie", she moans, her hand burying in my hair, tangling in the strands, "Good tongue. Fuck good tongue"

I smirk, glad I'm giving it to her good

Switching it up, I latch my mouth to her clit, sucking rapidly on it

Her body arches, pulling my hair hard as she humps my face, screaming my name

Her clit spasms in my mouth, sending pleasure catapulting down to my cock, keeping me stiff as a rock

"Namjoon! Namjoon!", she screams, as I suck relentlessly on her, "I'm coming! I'm coming!"

Sucking hard once, she explodes, cream gushing in my face

I drag my tongue down, into her spasming hole, letting her cum around it

"Mmmm", I groan, squeezing her thighs hard, her delicious taste flooding my mouth

Her hips keep moving, grinding on my mouth to get her through her orgasm

When she finishes, I go to town, cleaning her pussy up

"So fucking good", I moan, running my tongue everywhere, "Pussy tastes so fucking good. My fucking favorite"

I make sure I get every single drop, then I move on top of her

I push back inside her, her soft moan reaching my ears as she takes my cock fully

"Wanna cum again?", I ask, reveling in the throbs of her pussy

She nods, her hands moving to the sides of my body, slowly moving up and down, "Fuck me Joonie"

My eyes snap to hers, my eyebrow raised in surprise

"What?"

"Want you to fuck me. Please"

"Are...are you sure?"

She nods, "Please. I..I finally have you, please"

Finally has me?

What is she talking about?

Did she want me before?

She couldn't have, she never said anything or did anything to hint that she wanted me

"Joonie"

Do I want to fuck her?

Absolutely

I'm already inside her, I might as well

I'm definitely not getting out

"Yeah Jo", I answer, "Ok"

She nods, her arms moving slowly around my neck, her legs wrapping around my waist

My heart is beating so fast as she lifts her head, her soft lips pressing into mine

My entire body wakes up from this one kiss as her tongue slips in my mouth

It presses against mine and I let out an embarrassingly loud moan, kissing her back deeply

I fall into her kiss, moving one of my arms around her waist, holding her against me

Leaning on my arm by her head, I start moving, pulling out then thrusting back in slowly

I moan in her mouth at the feel of her opening around me, the feel of her pussy sucking me in with every stroke

I kiss her desperately, my hips moving faster each thrust inside her, until I get a good pace going

Pleasure crawls along my spine, entering every fucking nerve, one of her hands gripping my short hair, the other digging in my back, her touch driving me crazy

Every inch of my being is on fire, I'm drowning in her and I don't want to be saved

She's taking over me, everything falling away until it's just her

The sound of her moans and her pussy squelching around my cock with each hard pound into her

The feeling of her utterly wet cunt soaking me and getting wetter each time I slide inside her

The feeling of her fingers in her my hair, of her fingers trailing along the skin of my back, making me shiver

The feel of her soft smooth lips, her tongue against mine

The taste of her sweet kiss

And it's in this moment with her that I realize I'm completely in love with her

I knew I liked her more than a friend but I didn't know I felt this deeply for her

I just want to be with her, make her happy, see her smile at me, feel her kisses, feel her arms around me

I want her

"Joonie, more baby", she whimpers against my lips

I move a bit harder into her, my head slamming into her spot with each stroke, her pussy fluttering rapidly around me

She moans, breaking the kiss, panting hard, her body arching into mine, her fingers digging into my back

Her hips start moving, meeting my quick hard thrusts

"Yes Namjoon", she cries, "Namjoon"

Her body shakes while she cums, her pussy working and squeezing my cock in a vice grip, pleasure washing over me as I watch her

I bury my cock inside her, letting her cum on my whole length, her hips moving and grinding on my cock, her cries of pleasure getting louder and louder

My god, she's so fucking beautiful

She shivers when she finishes, her beautiful eyes opening, looking at me with such desire

She pushes me back, sitting up with me

Climbing in my lap, her lips crash into mine, kissing me passionately as she takes my cock back inside her

Her arms move around my neck, clinging on while mine move around her waist, pulling her as close to me as she can get

Her hips move, rocking on my cock as we kiss

Everything feels so fucking good, I never want this to end

She gently pushes me back as I kiss her until I'm leaning against the headboard of the bed

Then she breaks the kiss, her lips moving to my neck as she starts bouncing on my cock

"Fuck", I whimper, feeling her cunt impale on my dick over and over, my lap soaked with her cream

She sits up and I'm hit with her gorgeous body as she leans back, one of her hands on my leg behind her

She moves hypnotically, her hips rolling down, her tiny hole swallowing my cock, straining the closer to my base she gets

"Fuck Joonie, you're cock is the best"

"Yeah?", I ask shyly

She nods, "So fucking good, I can't believe it. It's so big, so fucking hard. So easy to ride"

Yes well, she's doing a fantastic job of riding me, her pussy clenching as she moves, sending sparks of bliss up my spine

"You're riding me so good", I murmur, my eyes watching how much her cunt creams my length, "Your pussy is the best. So tight baby, so fucking creamy"

"Is that good?", she pants

"So good", I reply, eyes not moving from her swollen pussy lips petaling open for my cock, "Love seeing your cream on my cock"

"Mmm I can cream your cock all the time if you want"

Now my eyes snap up to her, her eyes already on me

"You can?"

She nods, "Anytime you want me to hop on your dick, I will"

My mouth drops in shock, not sure what to say

"This doesn't have to be a one time thing Joonie"

"It doesn't?", I ask stupidly

I'm just so surprised, I'm not thinking about what I'm saying

She shakes her head, "If you're mine, I'll ride you all the time. I'll suck you cock, fuck you so good. If that's what you want"

I nod my head so hard, like a bobble head doll, "Yes, I want that. I want you. I wanna be yours"

She smiles nodding, still bouncing on my dick, "Just so we're clear that means you're my boyfriend. There's no more sleeping with other girls anymore"

I nod again, "And it means you're my girlfriend right?"

"Right", she confirms, her pussy pulsing so good

"No more sleeping with other guys?"

She shakes her head, "No. Only you"

My god yes

"Ok baby", I tell her, "I'm yours"

"I'm yours Joonie"

I sit up, my lips attaching to hers, kissing her hard, my hands on her ass, squeezing softly

I help her bounce as she kisses me, her pussy feeling so exquisite around me

"Baby", I murmur between kisses, "Where do you want me to cum?"

I'm going to soon, the pleasure, it's just too incredible

I lasted so many of her orgasms, I'm not lasting another

"Finish inside my pussy", she tells me

"Mmmm", I moan in her mouth, so excited to fill her with my cum

Her cunt slams down on my shaft, sending her into an orgasm that has me coming immediately

I hold her down on me as her pussy spasms on my cock, sucking all my cum out

"Joanne, fuck", I moan, ecstacy coursing through my body

"Joonie", she whimpers, "Yes baby. Fuck, give me all your cock cum. Fill my pussy baby"

"Take it baby", I whine, "Fill your pretty pussy right up"

"Mmm yes Joonie", she moans, rocking on my length, her pussy milking me so well

As the pleasure ends, she stops moving, her arms wrapping around my neck, her lips against mine, kissing me slow and deeply

I wrap my arm around her, laying us down, falling into her kiss

I'm in heaven right now

Her soft lips against mine, her soft skin against mine, her arms around my neck, her fingers in my hair

It feels so right to be here with her, to have her in my arms

When the kiss ends, her eyes meet mine and I drown in them

"Namjoon", she says softly, her fingers running through my hair

"Yeah?", I whisper, hanging on her every word

"Joonie. I love you"

It takes a few seconds for my brain to process what she said and when I do I'm ecstatic

"I love you too Jo", I tell her

She smiles softly, "You do?"

I nod, "Yeah. I...I always felt more for you than just friendship but it wasn't until today, until you kissed me while we...that I realized I love you"

She giggles, "Well. I knew I love you. And you walking in today...I can't believe I actually had the balls to ask you to let me cock warm you"

"Yeah well you shocked me", I laugh

"I think I was just so horny, I wasn't thinking. I...I was imagining you and there you were and....my mouth just talked"

"I'm glad you just talked baby", I chuckle

"Me too", she agrees, "Now kiss me and don't stop"

"I can do that baby"

With that I lean down and kiss my girl

[redrosydiaz]

Ooo I need to know about practice kiss!!

erin hellooo!! hehe yesss, so funny how i have at least two of these exact flavor of fics in my wips folder rn.

this is one of those that i haven't actually started writing yet, so it's just an idea hastily word vomited into a google doc rn lol but!! i think it'll be a fun one to write!!

in this eddie has recently figured out that he's gay, but even after he comes out he still feels a little weird about it. not because he feels weird about queerness or how it applies to him, but because he can't exactly shake the imposter syndrome that stems from the fact that even though he is gay, he hasn't done anything gay yet. like he's appreciated men, sure, but he hasn't slept with any of them or kissed them or even really flirted with them. and so every so often he'll get those mean voices in the back of his head going like what if you're faking it? what if it's not real? what if you're just a broken broken man, incapable of wanting, of loving anyone?

and so, he's in one of these funks and ends up voicing it to buck, who of course is ready to kick eddie's inner demons' asses, but also who so kindly, so sweetly, so generously offers to kiss eddie so that he can banish those thoughts — or at least start to, anyways. and eddie, well, he agrees.

and so they kiss, and it is. spectacular, it is transcendent, eddie truly wonders if he's been kissing wrong his whole life because it's never felt like this. and he's like oh, well, i have because i haven't been kissing men. and so when they break apart, and eddie's a little dazed and reaching up to touch his lips and he's got a smile threatening to break out, and buck asks so? still feel like an imposter? eddie lets that smile loose and tells him no.

and so, naturally, after that he starts trying to date. or, pick up guys. because he's not so sure he's ready to date just yet, and also he's never really done the whole one night thing before, so why not explore that a little bit too right? and so they go to a club, a gay club — eddie and buck and karen and hen are there too, and maybe a few others. and they're all having a good night, and eddie lets himself get a little tipsy and he's so much looser than usual, carefree and joyful in that whole new kind of way that comes after discovering a part of yourself. he's having a great time, getting flirted with, and trying his hand at flirting back too, and it's— working. enough so that he ends up drawing this guy in, and they dance a little, and then maybe slip away to the bathroom or the alleyway or somewhere quieter. and they kiss — that's all they do, just kiss. but— it's not. it's not. it isn't bad, it doesn't feel wrong, not in the sense that kissing a man feels wrong, but it also does feel kind of wrong. and kind of bad. in a different way that eddie can't quite place. and so eddie ends up making his excuses to this guy and he heads back inside and he finds buck, who of course had noticed him disappear and so buck's all oh? wagging his eyes, ready to tease eddie, but eddie just shakes his head and is like oh, uh, nah, wasn't feeling it. just wanted to hang out with you guys. and buck's just like oh okay, maybe he just wasn't the right guy and eddie's like yeah maybe.

but then he tries it again. another night. another bar. another man. and it's still— it's not right. it keeps being not right. and slowly but surely those thoughts from before start creeping back in, like what if that kiss with buck was just a total fluke? what if i'm not actually interested in being physical with a man?

and so eddie, confused and unsure, goes back to buck and is like i need you to kiss me again. and buck is like uhhh what? and eddie's like please. kiss me again and buck's like hah. hah umm. you need more practice or something? because idk looked like you beat those doubts back pretty good the other night. and eddie's like it didn't— he— that kiss didn't feel the same. it didn't— i didn't— like it. and buck's like oh? well maybe it was just the guy, not everyone's a perfect kisser. and eddie's like no, it's not. it's not just him. it's been— every guy i've kissed since. it's— i'm—i just. i need to test a theory. and buck's like test a theory? and eddie's like yes. just—please? and buck's like well okay. because who is he to deny eddie anything?

and so they kiss again, and it is. once again, fantastic and wonderful and it's so right and eddie doesn't want it to stop, not now, not ever. but eventually it does, and the break apart and eddie goes oh and buck's like o-oh? did you— are you— was it um. a fluke? and eddie laughs, like this joyous, free thing because— because everything has just clicked into place. (perhaps there was a conversation between eddie and hen and karen about this earlier that cryptically hinted at this, but eddie only now just puts it together) and he's still holding onto buck and he tells him no. its not a fluke it's just— you. its just you. and buck's like me? i uh. what do you— what do you mean? and eddie's like it's you buck. none of those other kisses compared, none of them felt right because they weren't you.

and YEAHHHH just. eddie self discovery and in-love-with-buck discovery and maybe even a hint of subtle demi discovery via practice kissing!!!

(WHOOPS this got so long lol not me just word vomiting my google doc into this post too 😂)

wip meme

[fanficsbyme-causeimgay]

Imagine, if you will, you have been hiking. Regardless of your disability that gave you problems walking, hiking was an activity you loved doing.

Sadly, one day, that disability does not help.

You trip and fumble, rolling down a hill. Thankfully, you haven't broken anything, but you have lost your backpack that had the means to contact others to help you. Your phone broke, but even if it hadn't broken, you wouldn't have any signal.

Lying there in pain because of the many injuries you've sustained - as minor as they might be, they're still painful - you just see a shadow looming above you.

When you wake up next, you're in a cabin in the middle of the woods. The owner and sole person living in it is what can only be described as a lumberjack. Big man with thick arms and even thicker and strong voice that was a lot gentler than you'd expect from a man of his size. He helped you, he took you from where you were and brought you to his home - Here you have been for three days until now. He lives away from proper civilization, and although he has an emergency kit, he doesn't really use it, and some things have expired already. He can't exactly leave you here because it would take him days to get to the closest town, and you can't possible be by yourself for so long in the state you're in!

So he stayed.

As he lives alone and you're taking his only bed, he sleeps on the ground. At first, you felt really guilty about it - it is his house, so he should sleep on the bed! - but he keeps insisting that this wasn't the first time he slept on the ground and probably won't be the last. Still, you insist that at least you share, right? But it is awkward to share the bed with a stranger. So, why not become friends? That way the awkwardness will fade away... right?

You learn a few things about him. Very important things indeed.

He loves star fruits. His favorite color is green. He is an avid reader of what he explained to you to be scientific texts about soil and rocks (he went on and on about the differences between various types of rocks). He has taken to the art of woodcarving. And he also loves bears! He has made various small hand sized little bear statues that he has all around his house.

Talking about his house, although you have been mostly confined to the bedroom, you have seen a bit of it, mainly the kitchen. After a week of living together, you can finally move your body without too much pain or strain on your muscles, but walking still eludes you, cane or no cane. It is too painful. Maybe you tore something? Regardless, he sets you down on a chair he most likely makes himself and talks about whatever he wants as he makes dinner, and he is a good cook! He lives alone, so he has to be... Or make food good enough to eat.

He loves soups, too. "They're easy to make, hut hard to truly master." Is what he said when you asked about it... and it kinda makes sense.

One week turns into two, and you're starting to move around a little more, and that's when he takes you outside. It was cold, very cold, and that is when you find out he lives on top of a mountain. Without windows in his house ("I don't like them for... personal reasons."), you didn't really know you were higher up, but it was a beautiful, beautiful place... Miles and miles of forest as far as the eyes could see - and you could see your original trail too. It was two or so miles away and a steep drop down, too.

He sat you down by the porch and you two just watched the horizon as the sun set down before going back inside... it felt weirdly romantic.

Maybe that was when things started.

You began to help him with cooking - just small things. "Let me cut the potatoes for you." Oh yeah, he grew them and a bunch of other things too. He likes gardening, too... "Let me help you with that!" Or a good ol' "You look like you need some help."

And soft touches when reaching out for the same thing became more natural. Touches become more natural. Sleeping on the same bed becomes natural. Cuddling becomes more natural. And that was when you noticed it - He was gruff with it. He just told you: "I turn into a big bear sometimes." Like was the most common and perfectly normal thing for a big guy like him to do!

"Uhm, like, regularly?"

"Whenever I want to."

"...can I see that?"

And he shows you. He is big. He is brown. He is fluffy.

Secrelty, he is also extremely happy that you didn't freak out and tried to run away. He is even happier when you literally cuddle the fuck out od him.

But time, as always, moves on.

You were well enough to return to civilization. And he knew that, so he told you that the next morning, he would bring you to the nearest town. As a last farewell, he made a campfire, and you both sat together and watched as thunder rumbled above your heads. The dark clouds rolling in as rain would soon fall - and that is when he pulls out a simple guitar.

"...can I sing you something?" He asks, nervous. "I don't make any promises about the quality. It will probably suck."

"I would love to hear it." You say.

And he sings -

And when he finishes, you can't help it.

You don't wanna leave.

That night, you both did kiss, like real people do.

[lucy90712]

Something about dad gavi plzzz about future 😊

The sound of a baby crying woke me from my sleep although I don't think I was really asleep I haven't really slept in days. Only two days ago Pablo and I brought home our little girl Mila she's three days old and last night was just our second night at home alone with her. It's been a lot but  it's all worth it when I see her little face, there are times I just can't believe she's ours but she very much is. Having a newborn means lots of waking up in the night which is exactly why I haven't slept much but Pablo does his best to help where he can he will change Mila in the night so I can stay in bed even though I'm always awake I really appreciate his help. 

By the time I came to my senses Pablo was already getting out of bed to grab Mila from her bassinet in the bedroom. He tried to settle her but I could tell she needed feeding so he handed her to me after I sat up in bed. I'm still very much figuring out this whole motherhood thing especially the feeding I never know if I'm doing it right and I find it uncomfortable having to hold the a baby in such a particular way. Pablo must've picked up on this as he grabbed one of his pillows and put it under my arms so I could rest them and Mila on it which helped a ton. He's already proving to be the best dad which I knew he would be as he's already proved himself to be an amazing husband but it's different seeing him be the amazing dad I knew he would be. 

Pablo showed just how much of an amazing husband he is straight away as he held my water bottle for me so I could make sure I'm hydrated and he brushed my hair for me which come to think of it I don't think I've brushed it in days. When Mila was done feeding I got up to walk around to burp her and get her to go back to sleep. She doesn't like to go back to sleep she's a very active baby and like to just lay awake looking around which is cute but it means we never know what to do with her and if we can leave her be or if we have to watch her. 

"Let me take her I'll keep her entertained while you shower and do all your skincare and stuff" Pablo said 

"Are you sure?" I asked 

"Of course go and spend some time taking care of yourself you can’t take care of Mila if you don't take care of yourself so take your time we'll be fine won't we Mila" he said while Mila made a noise in agreement 

"Thank you you're the best I love you so much" I said 

"I love you too now go we'll be waiting for you" he said 

The shower was the best shower I think I've ever had I have showered a couple times since we got home but they have been quick showers just to wash my body and not to enjoy the peace and warm water. I also got to wash my hair and take care of my skin. Pablo was right doing all that made me feel like a new woman and I feel so much better and less like a zombie. As I just gave birth none of my clothes fit me so I stole some of Pablo's knowing he wouldn't care and I've been living in them for the last few days anyway. 

Once I was ready I headed downstairs to be greeted by the sweetest sight. Pablo had Mila in his arms and was stroking the hair on her head while whispering to her so I couldn't hear what he was saying but I just know it will be something sweet. For whatever reason seeing Pablo holding our little girl made me really emotional seeing him holding Mila after waiting 9 months to meet her and knowing he's already as in love with her as I am. Since giving birth my hormones have been crazy and I seem to have no control over my feelings so after watching Pablo and Mila for a few seconds I couldn't stop myself crying but this time not from sadness or pain like when I was pregnant but out of pure happiness. I wiped my tears as I went and sat down next to my little family who I already love so much. 

"Why are you crying amor did something happen?" Pablo asked 

"No nothing happened just seeing you with Mila made me emotional knowing how much you love her just makes me feel so happy" I said 

"We both love you so much too don't we Mila we love mama" he said 

"You know she looks so much like you she definitely has your nose" Pablo said 

"I'm glad she at least looks a little bit like me after I carried her for 9 months and pushed her out"  I laughed 

"You were so amazing in the hospital you know the nurses said to me they rarely see women as calm as you having their first baby" he said 

"Having you there helped a lot as my biggest worry was having to do it without you so I felt better just having you by my side" I admitted 

"I'm so glad she came on my day off and not when I was away" he said 

"Me too" I agreed 

We spent the next few hours just relaxing and I think I fell asleep while we had a movie on but Pablo won't tell me as he doesn't want me to feel guilty about getting rest when I need it. I really did need the rest as today a few of Pablo's teammates are coming over to meet Mila. We've had family come over the last few days but no friends have met her yet and Pablo wanted to start with a few of his teammates and I was happy to agree as I get along with all of them really well. When I fell asleep it was still two hours before they were coming over but now they are going to be here in less than 10 minutes. I haven't moved as quickly in weeks maybe months as I did when I realised the time as I needed to make myself look at least somewhat presentable and by that I mean put my hair up and put on some of my own clothes even if they felt uncomfortable. 

Just as I made it downstairs the doorbell rang so Pablo went to let Pedri in as we both knew it would be him arriving first as he doesn't like to be late to anything. Pedri came in and he had food that his brother had cooked with him for us so that we don't have to cook which I thanked him for and I made him promise to thank his brother. Not long after Fermin and Ferran turned up and they also had food for us so neither of us will be cooking for days. Mila needed feeding so I fed her while the boys caught up but then I gave her to Pablo so he could show her off. If there's something he loves more than his daughter it's showing her off he's so proud of her she's the best thing in his life and that truly melts my heart. 

"She's so tiny" Pedri commented 

"I wouldn't say that too loud in front of y/n she keeps telling me that she certainly didn't feel that tiny" Pablo joked 

"Well she's gorgeous takes after her mother" Fermin said 

"I would say I'm offended but I'm not because your right she looks exactly like her mother and she's gorgeous" Pablo said 

"How are you feeling y/n?" Ferran asked 

"I'm doing ok tired and sore as expected but I couldn't be happier" I said 

"And Pablo's being a good husband and father right?" Pedri asked 

"He's been great at taking care of me and Mila I couldn't ask for more" I said 

Once they were all satisfied that we were both ok and taken care of we got to enjoy some time all together and they each got to hold her. Of course they were all under strict supervision from Pablo and made so sit as still as a statue so they didn't hurt her which was definitely overkill but I know Pablo is only concerned about our baby. It was nice to spend some time with friends and talk about things other than the baby as much as we love her it's nice to feel somewhat normal again. They couldn't stay forever though as they have their own lives to live so they left us after staying for a few hours leaving the place silent as Mila was asleep in her bassinet. 

We haven't had any time alone since before Mila was born as someone was Pablo was either away or someone was at the house checking on us so it felt strange for it to be just us and for it to be so quiet felt odd too. Really we should use the time to get things done like the endless amounts of washing that comes with having a newborn or the housework which has been majorly neglected but neither of us rushed to get up and do it. Instead of getting up Pablo laid down on the sofa and pulled me down with him so we could cuddle. His arms fit so perfectly around my waist, while I was pregnant his arms didn't fit round the bump but now he can properly hold me in his arms and I can feel the connection I always feel when his arms are around me. 

It wasn't long before Pablo put a hand under my chin and leaned down to kiss me which made me realise we haven't kissed each other all day and maybe not yesterday either. Having a new baby really does change your life and your routine and right now we don't feel like ourselves but we'll get there and we will find the time to just be a couple again but for right now we need to soak up the little moments like this while we can. Kissing him felt good but the quiet moment to ourselves didn't last long as soon enough Mila was crying and needed attention so Pablo got up to deal with her while I waited for him to come back. 

As soon as Pablo came back he handed Mila to be so I could snuggle her while he heated up some of the food that his teammates brought over for dinner. Newborn snuggles are the best they are still so tiny that they just settle right in and let you hold them for as long a you want. It's like a reward for all the pain of giving birth and the struggles of pregnancy for me and for Pablo it's a great way to bond with her and to make me want another one already just seeing him with her. 

For the next few hours we just spend our time admiring our little girl until it was an acceptable time to go to bed. I fed Mila before handing her off to Pablo so he could go and get her ready for bed which he insists becomes our routine every morning and evening so I can get some time for myself especially once he starts to go back to training after the summer is over. It didn't take me long to get ready for bed and it wasn't long before Pablo joined me and I got to cuddle into his side as we both tried to get to sleep as quickly as we could so we can make the most of the time we've got before Mila inevitably wakes up needing one of us. Before we know it this newborn phase will be over and we'll be missing it so I'm trying to enjoy every moment of these newborn days while they're still here. 

[casscainmainly]

I may be stupid, but I js realized that like. Okay, so yk how people defend the undertones of cass being short because she was homeless for a couple of years and malnourished? Didn't the pit like, undo Jason's malnourishment, and that's kinda how he went from scrawny teen to behemoth?? And Cass, who has been dipped in Baja blast, would have also gotten like, un-malnourished???

Like i love the visuals of small character beat up a bunch of people no sweat as much as the next guy, but. Look at those genetics!! she's meant to be a tall girl cmon guys

It's 6am and i haven't slept sorry if this makes no sense

I honestly didn't realise people thought Cass was short because she was malnourished, I thought it was because she's a) drawn short usually I think and b) Asian 😭😭😭. BUT she is half-White, so I guess that doesn't matter. I actually have no idea whether the Pit reversing Jason's malnourishment is true; I think it's non-canonical, and just a popular fandom thing??? Idk a Jason expert can say if it's a real thing or not.

Anyway, I don't think the Pit would've made her taller to be honest (though I love the way you called it Baja blast 😭😭😭😭). But I wouldn't mind that becoming a fanon hc for her, yeah why not she's just really tall now. (I will admit I'm a firm tall Stephie B truther so I like Cass being shorter than her, but if you prefer tall Cass that is ALSO valid).

Okay but to do MATH according to fandom wikis David Cain is 6' 2" and Lady Shiva is 5' 8". Apparently the best predictor of a child's height is adding the mother's and father's height, adding 13 cm (5 inches) for boys or subtracting 13 cm (5 inches) for girls, and then finally dividing by 2. So for Cass it's ((6' 2" + 5' 8") -5") / 2 = 5 feet 8½ inches.

So Cass, if she hadn't been malnourished, would likely be 5 feet 8½ inches!!! (Assuming I did the math right 😭)

[mins-fins]

heart attack

&&. there's something hilarious about the beautiful doctor there to help with your terrible habits.

pairing: qian kun x gn!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: mentions of overworking, mentions of passing out & hospitalization

word count: 0.9k

notes: this….. THISSS💔💔💔 this drabble was very inspired by the thai movie heart attack (a movie that has no right being as cute as it is) kun fits the part so well because first.. doctor kun, and second.. kun is so amazing, i love kun, we all fucking love kun 😿 this is a early bday gift for user junjiie bc we all know he loves kun (happy early bday pookie ily) this is insanely self indulgent because i have slept less than three hours in these past five days and have been working myself to shit because.. med school!! yayyyyyyy!! im so excited!! (is not excited)

"so what's the matter with you?"

the usual roughness that would lace the voice of a medical professional is replaced by the softness you would feel of pillows, you glance up, meeting the eyes of the beautiful man before you. you stare, forgetting where you are for a moment, the exhaustion rendering you speechless.

but it's a whisper in your head that reminds you of where you are, and you flinch. "oh— i um.. there's these rashes appearing on my body".

"okay" he mutters, clicking his tongue and pen in unison. "and where exactly?"

"my arms, my neck.." he hums, pulling up your sleeve to check out what you told him. "also there are some on my fingers".

he bites into his inner cheek, much too close for the sake of your heart. he then glances up, examining your face through his glasses. "you haven't been getting any sleep" he snaps his fingers in your direction, letting go of you and turning back to his computer.

you respond with a dry chuckle, too tired to even try to add emotion. "and you know that how?"

"i can see it in your eyes, those dark circles aren't doing you justice" he sucks his teeth as he types out something. "what's your occupation?"

it isn't strange that he's curious, just answer the question.

you shake your head, mind all over the place. "i work in graphic design".

"ohhh" he doesn't exactly seem surprised. "freelance?"

you nod.

his eyebrows join together. "how does an editing job have you so tired?"

you let out a breath, too exhausted to allow a laugh. "it's a twenty four hour thing, if i'm awake at all times i function better".

"you're barely functioning now".

"well you're a doctor, you always tell people the obvious" you sigh, closing your eyes to try and recollect the many hours of sleep you lost. "i'm sure you aren't any better than me.."

"i'd be inclined to disagree".

you open one eye, staring at the pretty doctor who types away on his computer, catching you in his peripheral vision. (eyes you don't notice due to your lethargy making you less disposed to).

"when was the last time you slept?"

your throat goes dry, your senses reduced to the clear fatigue. you could simply lie, how would he even know? there's no way dr. qian is a psychic, that would be freaky, you're sure it would be nightmarish if that were the case.

there's an indecipherable glimmer in his eye, one that would scare you in regular circumstances where you were fully awake. it's as if he knows you're going to lie, your attempt at fib crawls down your throat before it can even escape your lips. "five days ago".

his reaction is serene, much too calm for your situation. "five days ago.. and how many hours did you sleep?"

your brain is foggy, you almost blurt the number 'six', but that's simply your default response when people ask. why would you ever lie to a doctor?..and the cute doctor especially?

you pause at the wave of your thoughts. what do you mean he's cute?

it's simply common sense, y/n. don't you like smart guys?

you would probably attribute it to your terrible sleep deprivation if it weren't true. you can't deny that the man before you is simply so attractive it should be illegal, he's absolutely gorgeous, how can a regular doctor be so beautiful? you might fall over, not from your lack of sleep, but from the eyes of the man who stares with such care.

"like.. three?"

your voice scratches as you recall the last time you 'slept', he hums, clicking his pen as he notes the information down. he turns in his rolling chair, scooting closer to you. "you mind if i see your hands?"

you can't even put up a fight, you're just about to give into your own exhaustion. you put your hands out for him, and dr. qian takes your hands in his own, examining the rashes which litter your fingers. he's close, so close, you can admire each of his facial features with amazing certainty. everything about him is beautiful, his cheeks, his eyes, the curves of his lips, it's all beautiful, it should be a crime for such a man to exist.

"that's an issue.. have you taken medication for sleep before?" you shake your head, and his fingers slip from yours.

"alright.. i'm going to put you on doxylamine" he mumbles, getting back to noting down your state. you begin scratching at the rashes on your fingers, and he snaps: "don't scratch it".

you move your hands apart rather quickly, his tone of voice intimidating you enough that you pause. he's much too convincing.

he points at you. "tonight, and this next month onward, you sleep before nine o'clock every single day".

you uncharacteristically snicker. "do you sleep before nine o'clock every single day?"

he raises an eyebrow, amused by the question. "i'm the doctor, i know best".

"of course".

"you'll end up dead if you keep going at this rate, take your medication, sleep before nine every day, then check back in with me next month".

"if i'm not available, can i reschedule?"

the question is simply meant to be comedic, you're just about to pass out, trying to sneak in a last minute joke before having to leave the office of the cute doctor. he leans his arm against the desk, smiling at you. "don't reschedule, i want to see you".

and you clearly weren't expecting those words, because your cheeks flare up.

see y/n? you do like smart guys.

[fatgirlonadate-blog]

21 Days - Day 15

Something inside of Xavier has shifted. You can’t quite define it or give it a name, but you can sense it, see it in every glance and feel it in every touch. He is not the same man he was yesterday.

What a difference a day can make.

The change isn't anything obvious—most things haven't changed at all. He is as shy and sweet and earnest as he has always been. He still blushes when you touch him, he still pouts when you tease him, and he is still playful and warm.

But the shadow behind his eyes, the hint of sadness in his smile, is disappearing. There is a growing certainty in him that was not there before, as if he has made a choice -some choice- and it has freed him in a way that seems to extend beyond just his secrets.

It's absurd, but you can't shake the thought that he chose you yesterday—that, somehow, you were always a choice he had to make. You don’t even know what the alternative might have been, but now, when he looks at you, the affection in his eyes feels complete, as if it’s here to stay.

Maybe his fevered promise not to leave again was truly meant for you after all. But that only raises more questions—had he been planning to leave you? And when did he leave the first time?

If you were the choice, then what was the other option?

He has remained tight lipped about this particular detail - unwilling to share any part of it. Other small secrets about his past have trickled out in fragments over the past 24 hours—never fully explained and always a little vague, but still unmistakably genuine. He’s trying to open up, and you’re trying your best not to push him. The rest will come later, you tell yourself.

In the meantime, you have a much more immediate issue to deal with.

There is no other way to put it - Xavier has become adorably, maddeningly clingy. He hasn’t let you stray more than an arm’s length since yesterday, and if he weren't so infuriatingly old fashioned, you're pretty sure he'd have slept with his cock buried deep inside you last night. Instead, he’d settled for holding you close, your back pressed firmly to his chest, with his hand resting possessively between your thighs.

It’s not exactly a bad thing; in fact, you love him even more like this. Every time he teleports to your side instead of walking, you can’t help but laugh, as if the seconds saved are simply too precious for him to waste. You marvel at the confidence in his touch now, the way he explored your body this morning like he owns it. And you fall even deeper for him every time he willingly gives you some crumb of information about who he really is.

You're savoring every moment with him and wish you could pause time and stay like this, just the two of you, forever. But you have a plan today - one that he cannot be a part of because it would spoil the surprise.

"Xavier," You whisper, trying to pull away from his insistent kisses, "I really do have to go soon. I have to check in with Jenna. In person this time. You know how she feels about being kept waiting."

Xavier acts as if he didn’t hear you, keeping you pinned firmly against the front door. His lips find a sensitive spot on your neck, biting gently before soothing it with a warm flick of his tongue. By now, he’s already delayed you at least ten minutes with those distracting, lingering kisses—reminders of just how skilled he is with his mouth.

"Xavier," you say more firmly.

He huffs as he pulls back just far enough for his blue eyes to lock onto yours, and the pout in them is nearly enough to break you.

"Why are you calling me that?" He asks, his forehead dropping to yours as he holds you to him, his nose rubbing against yours.

"What?"

"You usually call me Xav now. Or bunny."

A soft laugh escapes your lips at his confused, slightly pouty tone. "Xavier… Xav, I really need to—"

"But...," He protests, ducking his head to nuzzle his face in the crook of your neck again. "Let's go together. We're partners. I go where you go."

"It's supposed to be 24-hour surveillance, Xav. You know we both can't go. We already agreed on this yesterday."

"Yesterday was yesterday. Can't we make a new agreement today?"

The whine in his voice is killing you, but you really do want to surprise him. This birthday needs to be special; he deserves to feel special.

"Not this time, Xav."

Xavier's mouth trails down to your neck, each kiss sending a spark through you as his hands tighten around your waist, pulling you firmly against him. You have to bite your bottom lip to keep from moaning as you feel the insistent press of his hardness against you, even through the layers of clothing.

"Are you sure you don’t want to reconsider?" he murmurs, his voice a low, promising whisper.

His mouth is pure temptation against your skin, making it hard to remember why you need to leave. But there will be time for this later—hopefully endless time, forever, if you have anything to say about it.

"Bunny, please." You breathe out, threading your fingers through his hair to gently tug his greedy lips away from your skin. "I have to get going. I'm going to be late."

Xavier pulls back and fixes you with the saddest puppy dog eyes that have ever existed. "I can't believe you'd actually...leave me alone in this house."

"I'll make it up to you when I get home, I promise. And I won't be gone long."

Xavier sighs and nods as his arms tighten around your waist. He lets out a defeated groan, and mumbles, "How long?"

"It's just a few hours. I'll be back before you know it." You smile gently at the boyish sulk that has spread across his face as he continues to mope and press small kisses along your jaw.

Finally he gives in and lets out a heavy sigh that fans out along your skin. “Alright,” he grumbles, releasing his hold on your waist and taking a step back.

The small bit of distance clears your head just enough, and you shake it slightly, trying to dispel the lingering desire coursing through you. God, this man has you so wrapped around his finger that you can barely think straight.

You flash him a quick smile and turn to open the door, but pause, throwing him a puzzled look as he moves to follow you.

"Xav, you know you can’t come with me, right?" you say, a mix of amusement and exasperation in your voice.

He nods, pulling the door open and gesturing for you to go ahead, slipping an arm around your waist as he guides you through. "I know," he says with a grin. "I’m just escorting you to the station. I’m allowed to do that, aren’t I?"

It’s hard to believe that the man who used to vanish for days, even though he was just next door, now can’t imagine being apart from you for more than a few hours. It’s a clinginess you’re not used to—not from him, not from anyone—but oddly, it doesn’t bother you. There’s something deeply comforting about being wanted this much, and you can’t help but hope it never changes.

"I’ll miss you," you say, rising on your tiptoes to press a kiss to Xavier’s cheek as your train pulls into the station. "And try not to blow up the house while I’m gone, alright?"

He looks like he wants to argue, his hand tightening around yours, but then his eyes soften, and he gives you a gentle smile, slipping into his practiced, fake-husband role. “Come back soon, Mrs. Shen. Stay safe.”

He’s an exceptionally good fake husband. So convincing, in fact, that the word itself—fake—irritates you as it echoes in your mind on the train ride into the city. Your marriage to him is fake, yet with each passing day, it feels more real. The thought of it ending… It's almost unthinkable.

As soon as you step off the train and into the city, your plan for the day begins to unravel. The check-in with Jenna is mercifully brief, but her urgency to wrap up this mission leaves you tense and uneasy as you navigate sidewalks that are already too slick for comfort.

Snow in October is a rarity in Linkon, but here it is—thick, heavy flakes falling from the sky, dusting the sidewalks in a thin layer of white. It’s beautiful, but bitterly cold, and you're not dressed nearly warm enough for it.

You shiver as you wander from shop to shop, collecting things for Xavier’s birthday. A surprise party had crossed your mind, but inviting a bunch of fellow hunters to your covert mission apartment didn’t exactly scream discreet. So instead, you’ve opted for something simpler—something you hope he’ll love, even if it has the potential to set the place on fire.

But if it makes him happy? It just might be worth the risk.

The cake ingredients were easy enough to acquire, but the decorations were trickier, the items scattered throughout the city, rather than all together in one single shop. By the time you finish collecting everything for the perfect birthday cake, you're freezing and damp with snow. 

The warmth of the nearby cafe and the promise of something sweet was impossible to resist, and you sigh with relief as you dump your shopping bags onto a table and strip off your cold, damp jacket. A steaming cup of hot chocolate and three macarons later, your phone buzzes in your purse. You dig through the clutter of your wallet and keys to find your phone. It vibrates in your hand again as you pick it up and the screen glows with a notification:

(4) Voice Messages from Xavier

Xavier: Is it snowing there?

Xavier: We ran out of vinegar. Can you get some on your way home?

Xavier: Are you on your way back yet?

Xavier: Are you talking to someone outside right now?

You try not to smile at your phone like an idiot, but you fail as warmth floods through you at the sound of his voice. It’s amazing how a handful of words can make you feel so secure. There's something foreign but comforting about having someone care for you like this - someone waiting for you to get home. It's been a long time since you've had such a simple luxury, and you hadn't realized how much you've missed it.

You: I have to stop and pick up a few more things. But I'll be home soon.

Xavier: What do you want for dinner?

You're contemplating the least disastrous option as footsteps approach your table, and you glance up just in time to see a familiar face.

"Fancy meeting you here, miss bodyguard. There are easier ways to find me, you know. You don't have to stalk me." Rafayel smirks.

He slides into the chair across from you, meeting your wide-eyed gaze as he casually plucks a green macaron from your plate and takes a bite.

Has he always looked like that? you wonder as he flashes you a playful, disarming smile.

Seeing Rafayel is like looking at a masterpiece—he’s almost too perfect, so striking it’s hard to believe he’s real. You thought you’d grown used to his looks ages ago, that you had built up a certain immunity to it. But a few weeks apart have undone that, leaving you vulnerable to his effortless charm again.

Xavier is undeniably handsome, but Rafayel—even dressed simply in a sweater and dark pants—is goddamned majestic.

"Raf! Hey! Uh, what...what are you doing here?" You manage, surprised.

He's wearing his signature look of lazy amusement. His inky purple hair is slightly damp from snow, and he runs a hand through it as he takes another bite of your dessert.

"What do you mean? I come here all of the time. Shouldn't I be asking you that question? You're supposed to be locked away somewhere trying to catch a bad guy, yeah?"

"Oh, shut up. I haven't been locked away; the mission is just taking a while. I came into town today for a mission update." You say, and wave toward your bags, "and some shopping."

His eyes flick toward your bags, narrowing on the pastel letters spelling 'Happy Birthday' across the card that's peeking out.

"Mission update, hm? Interesting," he drawls as he pops the remaining bit of macaron in his mouth. "I'm surprised you escaped your tower, your highness. You haven't really bothered to respond to my texts for the past week. I was starting to think you'd been captured or that you got possessed by Wanderers or something."

"Uh," you stammer, quickly sliding another bag over the one he's eyeing, shifting awkwardly in your chair. "Sorry about that. I’ve just been... really busy."

Though his tone is playful, there's a hint of hurt beneath it that tugs at your heart, just as it always does. He’d deny it until he was blue in the face, but you know he can’t stand feeling ignored—and it sucks to know you're the reason for it this time.

He shrugs and leans back, draping his arms across the back of his chair as he casually crosses an ankle over his knee. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Secret missions and saving the world and whatever. Same as always."

The tired sound of resignation in his voice makes your smile falter, and you can only guess at what's really going on behind those galaxy eyes of his.

After countless late-night phone calls, you used to wonder if there might be something real between you and Rafayel. He was a flirt—that much had been clear from the start—and you’d brushed off his advances, wary of reading too much into them. But sometimes, when it was just the two of you, when the flirting grew a little more heated or the light touches became bolder and hungrier, you were almost certain there was something more. That he felt it, too.

But he never took it further, and the moment would fade as if it had never happened at all.

It doesn’t matter now, you remind yourself, tearing your gaze away to stare out the window. The sky has darkened, snow falling steadily against the glass, and your train will be leaving soon. Whatever might have been between you is just a memory now—one you are scared to dwell on any longer.

"We'll catch up when my mission is over, okay?" You swear, rushing the words as you stand up and shove your jacket on, reaching for the bags on the floor. "I'll come over, you can tell me all about your newest exhibit, and we'll make fun of Thomas together. I pinky promise."

"What?" His eyes widen, and he quickly stands, reaching out to still your hand as you go for another bag. "You’re leaving already? You just got here."

"Raf—" You sigh, guilt gnawing at you for more than one reason. Xavier is waiting. "I really do have to go. My train leaves soon."

His grip tightens around your wrist, his warm hand almost scorching hot as he stares at you with a rare flash of desperation in his eyes. It makes him look vulnerable for just a fraction of a moment, and something inside you tightens, torn between the urge to ease the ache you've caused in him and the need to put distance between yourself and old feelings you’d rather not think about.

"Let me walk you to your stop then," he says, his tone light and easy, but he's still holding your hand prisoner. His suggestion isn’t really a suggestion—it’s more of a demand.

"Fine," You say, rolling your eyes dramatically even as a smile forces its way onto your face. "But make yourself useful. Help me carry this stuff."

Rafayel grins and lets go of your wrist, bending to scoop up most of the bags. "Jeez, these are pretty heavy. I better get some kind of awesome reward for all of this labor."

A chill wind and swirling snowflakes greet you as you step out of the café, making you mutter a curse under your breath. If you’d known it was going to snow, you’d have worn a real coat.

"I hate snow," you grumble as you fall into step beside him.

"What do you mean?" he grins, bumping your hip with his. "Snow is like magic. Look around!" 

He gestures to the snow-dusted trees and buildings blanketed in white. "Each flake is unique, perfect in its own way, turning everything ordinary into something miraculous, if only for a moment. And...it also looks really pretty in your hair."

His enthusiasm is infectious, and his words make you feel warm despite the chill wind cutting through the thin material of your jacket. Maybe you don’t actually hate snow after all.

The walk to the station goes by in a blur as you catch up on the last two weeks: gossiping neighbors, Thomas, how cold the city is this year, his new exhibition, your boring surveillance work—keeping it light and casual.

It almost feels like nothing has changed—the two of you chatting, him cracking jokes and teasing you to get a reaction, and the way your stomach flutters every time he brushes against you. He doesn’t do that by accident; you're sure of it.

A pang of longing hits as you realize just how much you’ve missed this. Despite how he gets under your skin like no one else, his friendship means more than you’d ever care to admit. 

Yes, he drives you crazy, and your feelings for him are confusing—but he’s always had this way of making the world seem brighter, lighter, and somehow more beautiful than you could ever see it on your own.

"It's so cold. I’m frozen solid," you declare, setting your bags down on the bench outside the train station. You’re about ten minutes early, and the air is only getting colder. Your fingers sting with the chill, and you blow on them in a vain attempt to warm up.

Rafayel sets the rest of the bags beside yours with a chuckle, shaking his head, "You're right, it is cold. Too cold for my delicate hands." He pouts, his brows knitting together as he exaggerates a shiver and opens his arms wide. “Hold me.”

"Raf..." You laugh, amused and exasperated.

"Come on, cutie. Don't you know how body heat works?" He quirks a brow, stepping toward you. "You wouldn't let me freeze to death, would you?"

His smile is dazzling, effortlessly charming, and completely irresistible—the kind that melts your resolve into a mushy mess. It’s the sort of smile that can't be refused.

You reluctantly return his smile, already mostly deaf to the alarm bells ringing in your ears, and step into his embrace. “Okay, okay. Just for a little while.”

Rafayel laughs, a warm sound rumbling through his chest as he wraps one arm tightly around you, pulling you close. With his other hand, he tucks a lock of hair behind your ear, his cold fingers brushing gently over your cheek and neck. The sharp, clean scent of him—citrus and sea salt—fills your senses as you lean into him, soaking in his warmth.

The alarm in the back of your mind grows louder, more frantic, the closer you get. Yet the soft thrum of his heartbeat, syncing with yours, drowns it out, and the warmth of his breath against your skin is enough to silence the knot of warning you feel in your stomach. The familiar scent that clings to him wraps around you like a shield, blocking out even the smallest of doubts.

"Hold still," he says softly, his fingers threading through your hair as he gently combs it out. "You've got snowflakes in your hair."

A sarcastic remark hovers on the tip of your tongue—of course you have snowflakes in your hair, he does too, it's snowing—but the warmth in his eyes as he strokes your hair holds you silent. His fingers are gentle as he carefully smooths your hair back even as more snowflakes continue to fall, and he leans even closer to see his task clearly in the dim evening light.

Your cheeks flush as he moves closer, leaning into you, and a familiar warmth builds inside of you, making it hard to breathe evenly. You turn your head away from his hand, but he frowns and gently cups your cheek, tilting your face up to his.

"Hey," he scolds gently, "I'm not done. Don't move."

But his hand doesn’t return to your hair. Instead, he gently caresses your reddening cheek, a soft smile spreading across his face. "You're being pretty shy," he murmurs.

And you are. No sarcastic remarks or witty comebacks come to mind, not with the way he’s pressed against you, the softness of his touch on your cheek, and with his face so close to yours. The only sound you can make is a quiet hum that doesn't mean anything at all.

His eyes roam from your cheek to your ears and down to your neck, and he slides his hand along the same path. "Hmm. Your cheeks, and your ears, and even your neck...are all so cold. Do you want me to help warm you up?"

It’s not just warmth in his eyes anymore; it’s heat, and your stomach flips as he drops the tone of his voice to a low purr. The feel of his warm breath against the side of your neck makes your pulse quicken and your own breath catches in your throat.

"Is it working?" He whispers, his lips brushing against your skin as he speaks.

You nod, barely breathing, as the heat that has built inside of you threatens to ignite into a blaze, your body trembling as you press against him.

“What about here?” Rafayel asks, shifting to the other side of your neck. His warm breath caresses your cool skin before he nuzzles close, trailing slow, lingering kisses from your ear to your neck.

He’s never kissed you before; of that, you’re certain. Yet somehow, in this moment, it’s as if you’re reliving a memory. His warmth, his scent, his touch, the way his body presses against yours—it feels natural, achingly familiar, as if you’ve known it all along. You could lose yourself here, drown in the sensation, and never surface again.

You’re trembling, but not from the cold, as Rafayel pulls back, his hands gently cupping your face. “You’re so quiet,” he says, his voice laced with curiosity. “I haven't the slightest idea of what’s going on in that head of yours. Have my awesome heating skills truly rendered you speechless?”

All you can manage is a shaky laugh, more like a breathless gasp, unable to form a single coherent word as a wave of déjà vu hits you, overwhelming and intense.

"Looking at my bodyguard..." He pauses, a teasing smile tugging at his lips. "I can't tell if she's happy right now..." Leaning in, he brushes a soft kiss against the corner of your lips, then locks eyes with you. "Or maybe she's not?"

You stare, wide-eyed, unable to break free from the grip of the dizzying familiarity of this all— frozen in place by how deeply, unexplainably right it all feels.

"Raf, I..." You trail off, lost for words, unsure of what you're trying to express, but knowing you have to say something. Anything. That you can't do this with him, or that you need more of him. Or that, sometimes, two things can be true.

Before you can untangle your thoughts or find the words to express your conflicted feelings, he silences you with a kiss. It’s gentle at first, tentative—his lips brushing softly against yours. Then the kiss deepens, his mouth pressing to yours with an intensity that feels raw, as if the longing comes from the depths of his soul.

You’re drowning now, clinging to him as if he’s your anchor amid the waves of emotion and memory crashing over you. For a moment, time and space collapse, and it feels like this has always been your life, as if this is just one second in a lifetime spent with him like this.

But the brush of his tongue against yours snaps you back to reality, and you tense in his arms, your hand moving to the back of his neck to gently pull him away.

"What?" he whispers, breaking the kiss as he rests his forehead against yours. "Do you want me to stop?"

His voice sounds so tender and hopeful that it breaks your heart a little, and your stomach twists with guilt as you lean away from his embrace.

In another life, you’d beg him to keep going. In another universe, you’d be his completely—mind, body, and soul. You can feel the way his heart calls your name.

But not this life; not in this universe. In all of the world, there is only one call your heart answers to, and it is Xavier's.

“Raf,” you whisper, your voice soft and aching, “I’m so sorry, but—”

"I know what you're going to say," Raf cuts you off before you even finish, hurt replacing the warmth in his eyes, "Sooo you don't have to say it."

He drops his hands from your face and steps back, and the cold wind that cuts through you is nothing compared to the burning ache flaring to life in your chest.

He runs a hand through his hair, shaking loose a few snowflakes, and lets out a bitter laugh. “I guess things with the ‘fake’ husband aren’t so fake anymore, yeah?”

"I love him," you admit, the words escaping before you can stop them, leaving you stunned. You’d never said it out loud before, never dared to voice what you felt. But now it’s out, and there's no taking it back.

Rafayel laughs again, a choked sound that gets stuck in his throat, and looks up at the sky as if searching for an answer there. After a moment, he groans softly before his eyes return to yours, "Oh, that intense, huh?"

You nod, silent, unwilling to say anything more for fear of deepening the hurt in his eyes. The few feet of space between you feel insurmountable, and you itch to close the distance, to reach out and comfort him somehow.

Rafayel sighs, his hand motioning toward the empty air, as if Xavier were standing here, too. "Is he... is he better than me?"

"No, Raf," You groan, the ache in your heart burning even brighter, "He's not better. It's just...different. I can't explain it."

Rafayel looks away again, his lips pressing together in a tight line, before turning back to you with an uncharacteristic seriousness in his eyes. "Just...promise you won't forget about me, okay?"

Tears sting your cheeks, and the hurt, desperate sound of his plea is all the proof you need to understand that a broken heart can keep breaking.

"Oh, Raf, I could never forget about you," you promise, stepping closer. You reach for his arm just as the train pulls into the station, the loudspeaker announcing its arrival.

"I won’t," you swear, ignoring the blaring sound. "Never."

He steps back from your outstretched fingers, and his voice and eyes harden as he replies, "You will. You always do."

The train stops, passengers streaming past, and you open your mouth, trying to reassure him—but no words come. A wave of uncertainty hits as his cryptic words echo in your mind, and you fail to make sense of them.

The option to reach for him, to pull him close and comfort him, is stolen from you as he turns around and starts walking back in the direction you came.

"Get on the train," he calls over his shoulder, "Don't keep Romeo waiting."

You hesitate, your fist clenching as your heart and mind fight for control. Watching him walk away feels like losing a part of yourself, though you can't quite understand why.

You board the train with tears in your eyes, and search through your purse for your phone. You send a quick message to Xavier to let him know you'll be there soon, and try to collect the pieces of your heart as the train speeds toward home.

Xavier chose you yesterday. And today, you chose him.

This star isn't going anywhere.