#<- i dont support them btw but i think it's important i acknowledge that they were a source sadly

[tinycatlady]

Im gonna call myself out real quick here Peeps-

[kisaraslover]

Do you think Kisara has any hobbies besides sitting in Kaiba's lap?

Well i like to look at established Kisara to draw out more traits so first things first is the dragonic nature. I think Kisara deeply enjoys nature and solitude and sitting in the sun. I dont mean this like camping either, from ancient Egypt we see Kisara already has unusual resistance to exposure to elements, with something godly in her veins so i think she might be really zen watching birds to flowers to the sky and basking her place in all this. We all have a passing moments of "everything IS everywhere all at once, all is one, one is all" but i think it would be a constant presence in her. she swings between "oblivious to life weird ass woman" and "enlightened higher being" VIOLENTLY. Meditating would be grounding to her, in the opposite way to all other people meditating.

and then music. dragons are a kind of bird <3 dont look that up. i think Kisara has an uncanny aptness when it comes to music. one of those people who can pick up any instrument and play a simple tune on it. i dont think she has a remarkable singing voice at all though. embodies "people sing because they want to not because they are good at it" hums gently music she likes. if she tries to seriously sing along to a difficult song her voice cracks loserly. she laughs and continues yknow? its still Seto's favorite and if he catches sound of her humming before entering a room, he waits outside to listen for a couple secs. its his secret no one needs to know shhhh. ALSO the fic Paper Roses has piano player Kisara and the romance is served so well by Kisara giggling while placing Seto's hands on the right keys so.

making things with your hand is a very grounding practice for anyone struggling to stay in the moment and stay present and i just cant move past these very artistic but expensive looking hobbies from youtube shorts -tries not to cry about capitalism locking the public out of arts- so after getting that Kaiba Money she'd just go "i always wanted to try glass art btw" and seto goes "?????. thats. alright ok. go for it"

im really conflicted on many "hobbies" and what makes them hobbies but if we work with the basis "how you spend your day is how you spend your life" i think she'd really be the least online person. the activies above WOULD be very frequent but i think Kisara spends her most days, ironically enough, socializing. she'd be talking to employees (important business) or talking to employees (just chatting lol) out with friends of all kinds and trades, Mokuba and his friends or Seto and HIS friends, or most surreal one, Seto and HER friends. shes the kind of awkward person who listens more than they speak, with her own charms and difficulties, thankfully when you try enough you can find people you can get along with. very endearing on the line of strange, bringing out peoples protective sides which is why she would gather Mom Friends and Bossy Bitches and Protective Eldest Siblings faster than you can say her name. while i characterize both Kisara and Seto as kind of introverted, i think Kisara would be charged with a thirst to know and understand humanity (both result of godly roots and alienated youth) so if her luck turned around after meeting Seto i think she'd build quite the social circle, not even realizing how many people shes getting close to at first. Seto's socializing would be more acknowledging part of healing means creating support systems, opening up to people -to whatever extent he can- surrounding himself with people who he cares about and who care about him in return, and definitely less easier than her collecting friends.

SO YEAH! sorry for the LONG ASS reply, i think Kisara is adopted by many Extroverts and on the time off she goes into her workshop does fuck all (DEF made a wooden dildo to see Seto's reaction. mokuba laughed his ass off thinking it would perplex him. he took one look at it and said its a pathetic cock and he could nude model for her. no ones laughing now.....)

[thosch3i]

Hi hi! So the lost tombs and chronology all super confuse me. So tlt2 ended on a cliffhanger that was not resolved by tlt3 which is ultimate note, but now there is another tlt3 that I am guessing is made by the same studio as tlt2 (but not UN) that actually follows tlt2? And it has the same WPZ as tlt2 (but sadly different WX, ZQL though I’m sure these guys are great). You seem to know what you’re talking about so I’m hoping you can help!

UN also ended on a cliff hanger so I’m wondering if they’ll get a sequel from their studio that comes before tomb of the sea.

ahhh hello anon! yes ahaha the dmbj dramas are certainly very confusing--because they keep switching the screenwriters/entire production team between dramas. huanrui did tlt1 (2015), tlt2 (2019), and the sequel to tlt2 (2021). they're also technically the production company for un (2020), but linghe did like all the directing/casting/writing so its significantly different in tone and quality from the other dramas huanrui produced. npss (dmbj author) did sha hai (2018) and tltr (2020), with sha hai being in collab with linghe, so you can see lots of parallels with un and shared cast. (gonna add that i dont know much about the m9 because that’s not what im personally interested in, so i’m only going by stories with wu xie & the iron triangle.)

unfortunately, the dramas pretty have no continuity as a result of all the weird shit and multiple studios doing different dramas and messy stuff going on behind the scenes. the author's production company currently has all the rights back for filming future dramas, which is......imo, a good thing for book fans who love the author but a 😬 thing for book fans who like the original story more than what the author is now doing with it. I'll uh avoid saying too much opinion stuff though so no more on that 😅

that aside! yes 云顶天宫 “explore with the note” part 2......is the direct sequel to tlt2 and done by the same studio. unfortunately the writers are different and im not sure how much of the production team is the same either. idk how much you know about the novels so brief summary here--for the chinese version, the main story has 9 parts split among 8 books (though the official eng tls have each part being a different book) with some important content being as follows:

official eng title “cavern of blood zombies” (first time wx goes into a tomb, first t3j meeting)

official eng title “angry sea, hidden sands” (xisha seabed tomb, introduce a-ning)

official eng title “bronze tree of death” (bronze tree in qinling, wx & lao yang solo adventure)

official eng title “palace of doom” (heavenly palace on the clouds, introduce bronze gate)

official eng title “deadly desert winds” (golmud, introduce hei xiazi, desert, rainforest, tamutuo)

official eng title “graveyard of a queen” (the rest of that arc, wu sanxing & xie lianhuan reveal, jade meteorite, amnesiac xiaoge and escape, sanshu vanishes for good--also i think the official eng tl covers a couple chapters of the beginning of the next part too)

阴山古楼 (searching for xiaoge’s memories in banai, miluotuo cave, i think introduction of wu erbai)

邛笼石影 (auction/hotel iron triangle fight, introduce xiao hua & xiuxiu, wx & xh on the mountains alone while pz & xg go with granny huo)

finale (rescue from zhang family mansion, changbai mountain goodbye, 10 years promise)

after the main story are the main sequels:

zang hai hua (tibetan sea flower; unfinished & abandoned) covers wu xie a few years after xiaoge has entered the gate, searching to understand xiaoge’s past

sha hai (tomb of the sea; unfinished & abandoned) covers wu xie’s plan to wipe out the wang family, after zhh

chongqi (reunion: the sound of the providence) covers wu xie’s lung disease and how he recovers from that, set after they pick up xiaoge again from the bronze gate. thunder city and everything.

灯海寻尸&万山极夜 (still updating on wechat) don’t worry about this one since it’s still a WIP lol

btw between sha hai and chongqi there’s also ten years later (a short story) that covers how wu xie and pangzi pick up xiaoge from the bronze gate and take him home

the dramas Do Not Connect To Each Other At All, which the exception of tlt2 & tlt2 pt2 somewhat, but they go in this order:

盗墓笔记 / the lost tomb 1 (2015): covers part 1 but with major OCs and filler, and includes the auction scene from part 8 for some reason, so introduces xiao hua early.

怒海潜沙&秦岭神树 / the lost tomb 2 (2019) technically “explore with the note”: covers parts 2 & 3 but with major OCs and filler, introduces xiao hua & xiuxiu (and hei xiazi briefly) early. last couple episodes also cover the beginning of part 4. not a direct sequel to tlt1 despite being done by the same studio.

云顶天宫 / heavenly palace on the clouds (2021) technically also “explore with the note”: covers part 4 with major OCs and filler (and the same changes carrying over from tlt2). some episodes are identical to the last couple episodes of tlt2. works as a direct sequel only if you ignore the last couple episodes of tlt2 that take place in the snowy mountains. (those episodes of tlt2 were filmed after this drama was filmed, and im still not sure why they dragged the wu xie and xiaoge from tlt2 back to changbai mountain to film those episodes.)

终极笔记 / ultimate note (2020): covers parts 5-8 with minor OCs and minimal filler, also introduces xiao hua & xiuxiu early. the only adaptation that resembles its source material most of the time.

���海 / tomb of the sea (2018): covers the second sequel with major OCs and filler. includes some bits from zhh and the short story “three days of silence”.

重启之极海听雷 / the lost tomb reboot (2020): covers third sequel with major OCs and filler.

in addition there is the prequel series mystic nine (2016) and side movies for the dramas that the author produced. there is also a single standalone movie--time raiders (2016) that is....well it’s. very strange. it’s fully subbed on youtube if you’re interested?

the best way to watch the dramas is to assume each one is its own self-contained AU set along different points of the dmbj timeline because even the dramas the author himself worked on don’t have continuity LOL (and with the exception of ultimate note & sha hai most of the time, also assume most characters are pretty OOC from the novels).

i uh regret to inform you though, that ultimate note will not be getting a sequel unless the author magically decides to not care about making money anymore and sells the rights to film the finale to linghe or something ^^;;;; it’s....unfortunate bc un is the most highly-rated dmbj adaptation on douban by A Lot, but it’s an adaptation that the author had literally nothing to do with whatsoever.

more information on some of the side movies/stage plays/manhua/donghua here.

summaries of the main novel stories (currently through zhh) here.

edited mtl (some of which has apparently been looked over by native cn speakers) of the novels following where official eng tls end here. (there are many scattered extras as well.)

you can get the official eng tl books/ebooks on amazon or elsewhere(?), but if you have problems purchasing them or like you just dont wanna support amazon or something, dm me off anon. (also i dont want to be mean but frankly the official tls are kinda bad too ^^;;;)

a rough timeline (spoilers galore) for the dmbj novels here. (fair warning im not 100% sure how accurate all of this is--they put three days of silence as 1991 but looking at the info in zhh, it seems like it should have been before the 1950s...but it’s more than fine as a general overview.)

anyway i hope that was helpful in some way? dmbj is a Very Confusing thing to get into ahahaha, one of my twitter mutuals has made a few carrds if you think they might be helpful: book, dramas (slightly out of date bc it says heavenly palace hasn’t aired yet), ultimate note (got its own carrd by virtue of being the only adaptation aside from sha hai sometimes that most og book fans acknowledge lol ^^;;;)

also anon if anything wasn’t clear or if you had more questions feel free to ask again sorry ahahaha im kinda tired rn @.@ 

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se3, ep 12 (Part 1)

The aftermath of the curse lifting~ Btw, the timeline is super messy. Flashbacks & background stories aren’t this anime’s best tool, it’s always felt messy when they attempt that. more on it in my side notes below. Now into the ep~

-Yuki & Machi: ( Blossoming Love!):

I love that the author attempted different direction of romantic love with yuki/machi that suits yuki’s personality! Opposite to kyo/tohru who had the (from best friends to lovers/ from roommates of 3 years to lovers). Yuki & machi’s love is based on natural crush & while she isnt his best friend, she’ll be his lover & they’ll know each other after dating. Both types of love are realistic & have their own path of dynamics, which is clear with how yuki/machi will be interacting & how kyo/tohru are now interacting since becoming official. I’m still bummed most of yuki/machi’s “noticing each other” is supposed to be off-screen, it robbed me of seeing yuki interact in a normal teenage-boy crushing on a girl which contrasts his relationship with kakeru, kyo, haru & tohru. Now, we’ll start the “ official-boyfriend yuki” stage! Also, this jump to confessions didnt help machi have any uniqueness beside being saved by yuki’s words from her trauma. watching her interact with him normally would’ve added realistic depth to her being a normal girl with unique cute quirks differently from tohru, Isuzu, kagura or even motoko!. Oh well~ moving on & focusing on the meaningful cute confession. I loved that altho there were a hug & a kiss, it didn’t have “ I love you” statement. You know they (will) love each other so dearly, but they’re in stage 1 now, she just called him by his first name for the first time! cute! I love that the emphasis is on the “ first name” calling since this is a huge key to yuki’s identity & struggle. Also, It is cute she bought a gift to tohru! This is a set-up to a healthy relationship with yuki since she isn’t jealous from a precious woman in his life that isnt related by blood.

-Moving towards the future: Kyoru’s final stage of growth!

By Kyokoy’s grave Kyo & tohru had key moment of growth & healthy closure to their core character issues::

1- Kyo’s toxic habit of running from life became a desire to run towards life!: While this habit is rightfully excused by his trauma, it needed to be addressed once his curse broke. We know he stopped running & faced his dad, confessed to tohru, accepted her love, embraced his crazy desire for her & accepted he deserved to be loved! Even ran towards tohru, chasing her! However, all the above is him running to the good current life in his grasp. He needs to run to the far away future this time! Needs to plan for the good & accept that the bad is part of it. struggling is part of life & he’ll endure it together with her, while enjoying life’s rewards.

I love that kyo is the one who suggested moving out to another city/place, cuz kyo was the one NOT living. He was long dead & trapped in the cage of his guilt & self-loath. Tohru at least was living thro helping others ( which is not real living but at least it’s better). Kyo was “ Mom, why didn’t you kill me instead of yourself?” ,“ I’ll kill yuki & then kill myself, would that please you, dad?!”, “ I cant forgive me, I dont want you to forgive me, tohru”. Walking on a road of self-destruction & slow death. But now, with tohru he wants life!!! all of it!! travel, learn, see, struggle, fail, succeed, build their own future by themselves.

I love that kyo didnt take tohru’s approval for his plans for granted. He really didnt think she’ll accept right away. He didnt even want her to dedice quickly, He was prepared for compromising to a better solution for them both. They’ll work other possibilities “ if i’m gonna live in this world, I want to do it with you”.

I love that kyo was real abt the obstacles ahead & didnt want tohru to just follow him based on love. He wanted her to decide on her own as well. He also, left the door open for her to change her mind anytime & this screams support & understanding!! Very powerful!.

2- Thoru’s toxic habit of being ashamed to desire anything for herself, living for others & wearing a happy “i’m okay” mask while concealing her true feelings became confidence, self-clarity & honesty: The tohru who was smiling while concealing grief on the beach is gone, the tohru who kyo had to coax her to “complain, be selfish” se01,ep5, to “not hide worrying over a relative’s sickness” se02, ep14 “ cry if she needs to” se3, ep6, is now telling kyo her honest opinion abt his proposal, while thinking of her own self as much as him & even objecting to his sentiment abt her mom’s words!!!!

I love that tohru is now a confident free woman making her own decisions based on self-honesty & communication with her partner. She wasn't just “okay” with it cuz he wants it while putting fake smile, No more of that. Now, she’ll say her true feelings, she asked him abt his plans, tried to see if it is a spur of the moment decision or if he really thought abt it. She also inquired where’s heading, who he talked to, what he’s planning! She is deciding for herself after hearing him! ok, this is your plan? I like it. I’m going!  Very powerful!.

I love that like how kyo was realistic abt the plan having some difficulties due to starting away by themselves, she was also realistic that it is indeed sad to part with my friends, my hometown, & my mom’s resting-place, but i’ll choose ME now. “I” want to go with you for “me”. This is not a bind I’ll follow you wherever love story, this is realistic depiction of healthy relationship. Acknowledging hardships & accepting them saves you from being crushed by failure, you’ll endure it when it eventually happens & move on, cuz God knows we DO fail & succeed! Life isnt smooth sailing~ 

I love that tohru complemented him on his plan cuz she could see that is a sign of growth. If she’s gonna share her life with this man, it is delightful to see that he is thinking of a happier, healthier & realistic future! Cuz kyo was this destroyed man~ so destroyed he was pushing her away despite loving her dearly, now, he’s asking her opinion & permission to accompany him!

I love that tohru made sure to touch upon kyo’s last scar “ my mom doesnt hate you” This is a scar that wont go away even if kyo is mentally healthy. Cuz death is the ultimate truth. He can never hear kyoko’s affirming her love for him, he’ll have to trust in it based on their earlier interaction together. Tohru is powerfully & stubbornly taking away most of his pain by affirming her acknowledge of her mom. You might disagree kyo, you might still feel a bit guilty, it might haunt you sometimes. but me? NO. Never. Mom loved you. She meant ONLY good. Hopefully my determination heals you bit by bit, & it DOES. Kyo stands bravely, confidently & happily in front of kyoko’s grave & instead of saying “ i apologize for hurting you, or tohru, I’m sorry, forgive me”.  he tells her he’ll keep their promise & protect tohru for life! he literally proposed there in front of her mom & all. T_T

-Kyoko’s Words: ( Sometimes, you don’t get to know the whole truth & that’s okay):

Can’t describe how much I love this part. This is the most painful yet important lesson in furuba. Life isn’t a movie where the entire truth is exposed to the characters or the audience. Sometimes you live & die without getting to know an important truth, hearing a much needed confirmation, or getting a loved one’s forgiveness. There are things in our life that we just can’t get back no matter how much we tried. What we do, then? die? despair? throw away what we DO have in our hands for this lost truth no matter how important it was to us? No, we do the only thing we can. Live. Not just go thro life’s motion, but really live. Accept the good & the bad. This is so goddamn easy & difficult as hell too!

-Kyo not knowing kyoko’s words at that time was tragic. It was so tragic it sent kyo into a suicidal descent into the abyss. The wounds of his mom’s death that were slowly healing with kazuma’s care got re-opened & poured blood! The old destructive habits became full force, The toxic coping habits returned with its ugliness. I can’t kill myself literally? I’ll do it figuratively. trapped, caged, destroyed, eyes shut, ears closed, only seeing his pain. Kyo is us. All of us in any moment of true crushing despair. He could never bring the dead back, hear their loving words or ask forgiveness. Thro kyo, the author is telling us... I know. You had your moment of lost truth, didn’t you? I know. IT IS OKAY. live, my child. your pain is valid, let it take its course, but afterwards live bravely.

-Kyo’s path towards healing is: the ugliest cuz it hurt tohru of all ppl, the longest cuz he was the last one to move on, the bloodiest cuz he’ll never have the ppl he lost, the rockiest cuz he failed & failed, the most frustrating cuz he repeated his mistakes over & over, He couldnt even do it alone. needed intervention & support. He lost hope. completely. But it is okay even if you fell as deep as kyo: stand up. even if you never learned the truth: let go. even if you were the last one to learn or heal: it isn’t a race. Embrace life with its good & bad & continue as kyoko said “ you fought well”

-Kyoko’s parting plea to her daughter broke my heart into pieces. Death is ugly, but death is a truth that we can’t escape. The leaving ones is hurting as much as the ones left behind, but hopefully, the leaving ones will find a happiness a kin to the ones left behind. yuki’s "say a prayer & move one, one step at a time” is all you can do.

-Kyoko was: a gangster who hurt others (ugly path), repented, married & had a daughter (fulfilling path), widowed & left her daughter while grieving (ugly path), came back, repented & tried to raise tohru well, love her enough! (fulfilling path), died & left her young high school daughter all alone (heartbreaking path) but she accepted that the last path isn’t sth she can fight, prayed, & accepted her fate~

-Kyoko~~ “ you fought well”  while you were alive~ you really did! The Tohru you left behind helped a whole clan & hopefully readers as well! you tohru is loved by an entire generation of readers & anime watchers. Tohru is so precious & I can’t stop crying~

Side Notes:

Timeline is super messy & confusing. (a) Tohru’s hospital discharge, kyoru’s hug & curse break for everybody all happened at the (late) afternoon. While curse was breaking, akito was wearing her white kimono & she cried until tohru hugged her on sunset. (b) Before tohru’s hospital shigure’s face was scar-less. we first saw the scar in the afternoon & he was wearing his kimono.

Now the flashback, Akito wearing her outfit from her talk with the maid (which also happened while kyo was talking to his dad which is on the same day) & shigure wearing suit & it’s sunset time??????? How can the sunset happen before the curse break on the afternoon? She inflected the scars on the sunset, how did he have them on the afternoon of the same day?? both changed outfits which is even weirder??? Someone help me put things on order. Or is order not important? If the sequence of events isn’t important, then, why did it have to happen on the curse break day??? Shigure could’ve had his scars a day or two before tohru’s discharge.

Also the OP started in the middle of yuki’s scene which was so odd!

No big deal, but I still feel that yuki’s curse break would’ve been thematically powerful last ep. Especially after seeing The Zodiac Ruler come & collect the spirits. The legend would've been wrapped powerfully on the same ep where it was told. We see the zodiacs’ original story & we see its closure. It would’ve made tohru/akito’s hug more symbolic. An end of an era to akito & to them all. Real Goodbye to the zodiac animals, but now we had a goodbye & a half. lol.

Is yuki the only one seeing the cursed spirit? He looked down at it? I dont remember the others looking down where an animal would be? Is yuki’s curse special? different? He got all the ropes/bonds around him? I really thought yuki’s theme is all abt desiring to be normal & despising the “special” treatment that haunted him even in school. 

Momiji/ kagura /kyo interaction is cute!

Haru/Yuki/ Isuzu interaction is cute as well. XD

Kagura, girl, you used to have best fashion, what’s up with jeans under knee length dress?! lol.

I’ll be honest. It is a lost opportunity that machi weren't made to question how teen-tohru is yuki’s mom. That would’ve solidified her as a unique stand alone character if she were to discuss it with yuki. Tohru being yuki’s mom figure is not normal, otherwise yuki’s entire dilemma of figuring out his feelings for tohru would’ve become meaningless. Having machi quickly “understand” it is a bit weird. But it helps the plot move quickly, I guess. ( it reminds me of Arisa hugging akito when she confessed stabbing kureno without questioning anything, it is weird, but you get the message that “ we aint got time for that~ gotta hop on the next plot).

I love that furuba subverted the old anime-trope of the entire happy cast staying together in one city/place & living exactly like they did in their teens except being married now! XD. It is so realistic that each character is now moving on their path of life~

Tohru wore a ring in her foreshadowing vision! SHE WORE A RING! My baby girl is a grown woman now~ T_T. I love tohru so much!~

Shigure/ akito & the last banquet is in my review part 2. I’ve been editing out any thoughts abt Shigure from my previous posts. I needed to see the whole picture first. I think can now talk abt them, I’m looking forward to the comments of the next part cuz I really really need to see if I understood it or if i’m off.

[fox-steward]

hi. i hope you don't mind me asking this but i need some advice.

i was born female, and ive always been a tomboy, sometimes in the most stereotypical way. i was also a little lesbian who didn't know it yet. but after my younger sibling came out to me as trans, i started second guessing everything about myself.

for the sake of my sibling, who im closer to than anyone in my life, i learned about what theyre going through to support them and ended up getting taken in myself. i consumed all the yaoi and gay fanfiction they did, i read up on all the identities that were within the trans umbrella and eventually i started to think i wasnt a girl at all, but my infact a feminine transboy.

i never was able to transition on account of my family but the growing inner hate i felt for myself made me want to because deep down I knew that no matterr what i said or believed, id never be the cis gay boys i, essentially, fetishised and craved to be. it made me miserable, but i wanted to be accepted so badly that i stuck with it. but then i fou d your blog and others like it, and reading through it, whole reevaluating myself made me realise how misguided my mindset was.

despite realising that me being a tomboy is perfectly fine, i cant help but cling to that idea of being a boy, even though i have no idea what it means to "be a boy" or "feel like a boy". all i know is what the media portrays boys, feminine boys and gay boys to be like, and i clung to that idea for so long that i believed it to be my identity.

i just wanted to ask, if i can, how can i get over this mindset? i feel terrible because my younger sibling still identifies as trans without a shadow of a doubt, and my questioning of myself makes me feel awful, but i also feel bad because... i dont know who i am really now. how can i just be me again?

sorry this is long. any advice would be very very much appreciated.

it sounds like you’ve been through it, anon. whew! i just wanna acknowledge what a mindfuck you’ve been through, and it’s normal to feel no so great.

i actually think you’re grieving, strange as that sounds, but hear me out. being female is not easy, being a masculine woman comes with its own set of challenges, and imagining yourself as a “gay transboy” was an escape from all that. you could imagine a future for yourself where you grew up to be a gay man, not a gay woman. it’s worth noting relationships between men are the only sexual/romantic pairing that isn’t party to misogyny within the relationship itself.

it’s intoxicating to imagine we could have that ourselves, huh? it happened to me too, and i’m not even actually attracted to males at all, i was really just seduced by the idea of a relationship of equals.

but this. is. a. fantasy. one we as female people can never achieve.

so you’re grieving the vision you had for your future. your grief doesn’t care that the thing you promised yourself is impossible.

you’re undergoing another shift in the way you see yourself, the way you imagine yourself moving through the world. that’s hard, anon. being a tomboy, while absolutely lovely and perfectly fine, can be really difficult in our misogynistic society. it’s like that dworkin quote i’m about to butcher—something something absolutely excruciating to be fully aware of the misogyny all around us. you get the gist. and she’s right, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.

so idk, i don’t have any specific advice, but i do know a lot about grief. with grief, you gotta accept you’re gonna feel shitty for a while and absolve yourself of the responsibility of ~fEeLiNg HaPpY~ for now. i’m being flippant because happiness is a mirage anyway. we get pricks of joy, moments of brightness or laughter, flow and contentment, enjoyment, pleasure, and these fill in between other moments of discomfort or monotony or tedium or malaise or or or. and if we’re lucky we are aware when the good stuff is happening, so that we can pause and say, gee this is nice. and if you get enough of then and you’re aware enough as they’re happening, perhaps you can tie it up in a bow of hindsight and call it contentment.

tangent, sorry. practically, keep yourself busy and tire yourself the fuck out, tbh. when my wife left, i started just going and doing things, anything i didn’t actively NOT want to do. dancing, concerts, art class, bike ride, walk a friends dog, cooking class, sit in a field and listen to music.

just do anything. i know it’s hard during covid, but it isn’t so much WHAT you do but THAT you do. take the field example—you have to travel there (that kills time!) and maybe you walk or bike (that is physical activity) then you do the thing you planned to do (takes more time) and you have to travel home (more time and activity) then you have completed something you set out to do (an achievement/free endorphins).

i also took up running when she left (tire myself the fuck out) and that changed so much for me. with grief, rumination and sleeplessness plagued me; running took both those out of the equation. so my sleep improved, i got stronger and my cardiovascular fitness improved, i ate better, i got to see myself improve and achieve goals, got to build an identity separate from who i was in my marriage. so i cannot recommend running enough.

and as for identity, finding out “who you are”—identity is a trap. don’t cement yourself to any one thing because everything changes. don’t define yourself by externalities, just be open and curious about your inner life, your qualities (which are also able to change btw) and start to strengthen the ones you like, like training a muscle. i practice (literally practice) kindness and discipline, which are important qualities for how i see myself. i also practice at compassion and i like how these things make me feel and how i show up in the world when i’m practicing at them. what qualities will you train in yourself?

you’re not defined in relation to your sibling, btw, and they aren’t defined in relation to you. you can question transness while still loving them.

you’re gonna be just fine, anon. you have plenty of time. grieve the future you can’t have, even though it’s truly for the best, and cultivate a person in yourself you’re excited to be. good luck.

[muwur]

could i request an -oikawa-kuroo-suga- headcanons for a partner with autism/adhd? (autism and adhd in girls can be like, real hard to write if you dont have it or know someone who does so its 100% okay to say no wididnejfufhejrr) especially with like, being embarrassed about stimming in front of them or dealing with rejection sensitive dysphoria as a symptom 😗👉👈 thank yooooooooooou i owe u my liyef

haikyuu + s/o with autism/adhd headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for oikawa, kuroo, suga & tendou

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.3k words

a/n: i got u b! this is wut im here for, to help u feel a lil represented 😌 also ik u a special fren of mine so hehe here u go (happy birthday soon btw c; ily i hope you enjoy pls feel free to lmk if there’s smth youd like me to change ♡)! aLsO pLEASePLEAseplEASe anyone let me know if there is something I wrote in this that doesn’t sit well with you. as someone who does not have autism/adhd or has had much experience around people who do, i cannot portray it accurately. i do not intend to misrepresent anyone’s experiences. i love and care for you all; the last thing i want to do is hurt or offend anyone. thankfully anon + the internet were great sources for me to try to understand things better. tho that is not to say i can fully comprehend these conditions (cuz i never can unless i experience it myself)

n e ways, u r all loveli n i hope ur having an amazing day <3

just wanna preface that these bois would love anyone for who they are, and would do their best to support you in whatever ways possible <3

oikawa

✧ oikawa had been replying consistently to your messages before suddenly disappearing with no explanation,,,

✧ at first it seemed like nothing, but after several hours and follow up texts from yourself, you couldn’t help but think that maybe he just didn’t want to reply to you

✧ maybe he didn’t even like you anymore

✧ fear that every moment you shared together meant nothing settled in the pit of your stomach

✧ a while later you received a phone call from a very apologetic oikawa, who was explaining that he dropped his phone in the bowl of ramen he was eating and had to go to the store and wait for hours before finally getting a new one and--

✧ “a-are you crying? hey, what’s wrong? i’m sorry i was gone for so long. i’m here now.”

✧ will definitely come over immediately to give you reassuring cuddles

✧ “you mean the world to me. i never want to hurt you, and i never want to leave you, either.”

✧ makes sure to communicate very clearly with you to reassure you what he really means

✧ always reminding you how much he cares about you to reinforce in your head that he’s always going to be there for you

✧ does self-care days with you to destress because life is tough (*cue selfies with face masks and laying in bed for hours with each other’s comforting presence*)

✧ very quick to defend and protect you from people who hurt you. will ask, “excuse me, can i help you?” with a piercing glare that’ll get anyone to back down

✧ gives you constant reassurance about your stimming

✧ helps you interpret social cues and situations, gives you tips on how to handle your interactions with others and in under circumstances (as well as how to remain calm in your own mind)

✧ practices positive self-talk with you because he wants to help you see how great you are

✧ anyone who doesn’t see it is at a loss and is irrelevant, they don’t exist in oikawa’s book 💅

kuroo

✧ always educating himself so he knows how to be helpful

✧ unintentionally embarrassed you once by asking what you were doing when he caught you stimming once (which was when he found out about it)

✧ he was genuinely curious and meant no harm, and he apologized for bringing it up how he did

✧ however, he was glad he asked you so that he could be informed and reassure you that stimming is okay. he understands the importance of it and he’d prefer you have something to help you self-soothe. no judgment here, this is a safe space

✧ takes mental notes on all your favorite stims (verbal, visual, tactile, oral, proprioception, etc)

✧ even discovers new stims for you to try and buys you things to help with them (“here, this is a fidget spinner, y/n” or “you know they make CHEWABLE JEWLERY? they call it CHEWELRY. that’s genius. *typing on phone* what colors do you like, babe?” )

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings and find additional coping strategies (“let’s try this neat breathing technique i learned about today!”)

✧ saves you from overwhelming situations (ie. pulling you out of a crowd, shutting down really noisy things, giving you space to clear your head and breathe)

✧ ruffles your hair as a sign of affection and calls you cute nicknames

✧ helps you study, make plans, and stay organized. tries to keep things interesting and interactive so you don’t lose interest/find it boring

✧ when you’re having an especially hard time focusing, he’ll pull you aside for a relaxing break like talking a small walk, watching an episode of y’alls favorite show, sharing a snack, playing a game, looking at memes or tik tok, chatting, etc

✧ makes sure to validate your feelings first and acknowledge your concerns before giving you his thoughts

✧ helps you view situations from a different perspective so you don’t assume rejection from others. when there is some form of rejection, he’s there to help you cope with the emotions 

✧ gives you a lot of hugs when you’re feeling dejected and lonely, reminding you he’ll never leave your side 

sugawara

✧ he’s quite perceptive, so when he noticed your unease, he asked you about it

✧ embarrassed but not wanting to lie, especially to suga, you admitted to being afraid of stimming around him and that you had been trying to hold back from it (even if it was hard)

✧ his eyes immediately soften as he tells you that there’s no reason to be embarrassed about it

✧ he just wants you to be yourself and feel comfortable

✧ learns about all of your stims. totally supports and normalizes them (however, if they’re ever self-injurous, he’ll do research and consult expert help to redirect the behavior)

✧ will absolutely take good care of you, he’s not sugamama for no reason

✧ a great listener! always hearing you out when you talk about your passions and interests

✧ wants you to express yourself however you can because he understands communication may not always be easy (reminder that communication and expression aren’t always verbal!)

✧ praises you and hypes you up all the time, going on about how there’s so much about you he loves

✧ has the most soothing voice ever. will whisper you sweet, reassuring words to calm and ease your mind

✧ will even just hum for you. lit rally anything. the suga juke box varies from lullabies to funky fresh songs

✧ very patient and will support you when you feel upset, frustrated, and/or have outbursts

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings, but never pressures you. shares his own thoughts and feelings to help you open up, asks you thoughtful questions

✧ may be ultimate soft boi but gives anyone the look™ if they even just stare, and goes feral if someone’s ever rude to you in any way, calls them tf out and is #satisfied when he gets them to apologize

✧ also helps you study and be organized! good at creating schedules and encouraging you to stick with them

✧ constantly making sure you eat sufficient meals 😋 and get enough rest 😴 will nag you until you do

tendou

✧ MORE THAN HAPPY TO PROVIDE ALL THE STIMULATION YOU NEED, says it’s an opportunity to give each other mutual attention and bond

✧ but will also provide you an outlet for just relaxing and unwinding

✧ will talk to you for hours and hours about your favorite shows/movies/books

✧ BINGES THEM WITH YOU

✧ always treating you to your favorite snacks/flavors and discovering new things for you to try that will match your taste/texture preferences (only the best for u 😌)

✧ curious about how stims make you feel and asks you to describe those sensations to him  

✧ thinks it’s super cool when you can finish his sentences for him,,, cuz it’s like y’all on the same wavelength (you gellll)

✧ if anyone made you feel bad,,, o boy

✧ tendou would intimidate them to the point he would probably appear in their nightmares ffegjegk this is why you don’t fuck with this man or those who cares about 

✧ king of spontaneity and asks if you’re down to do the most random things

✧ “let’s buy a trampoline”

✧ *2 am* “you down for some fries and dip? and by dip i mean m i l k s h a k e s”

✧ of course he’ll never suggest things he knows you would be uncomfortable with. never puts you in a stressful situation and always makes sure you’re enjoying yourself

✧ invites you everywhere and makes sure you feel included. always by your side!

✧ squeezes your hand whenever he can tell you’re feeling anxious

✧ if you feel anxious about trying new things, he’s there to encourage you! recounts all the positive aspects 

✧ but if you’re really excited to try something, you bet he’ll match your excitement

✧ a very good listener. empathizes a lot with being misunderstood or seen as “different,” and is therefore a major source of comfort

✧ constantly showing you how to be yourself and that you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it, cuz that’s who he fell in love with

[nbapprentice]

Hi, I want to start off by saying I absolutely agree with your blog. Having said that, I feel disgusting and abnormal since I too am guilty of consuming incest media and porn without much thought. I am a minor who has prior trauma that led me down the rabbit hole to begin with. The fantasy vs reality thing scares me because I would never want anything like this in real life, the only reason I enjoyed it was because it was fantasy. What do you think of this? I don't support that stuff anymore.

See I see posts shaming people like that one that went even when I was 10, 11, 12 I KNEW that stuff was bad. But I didn't since the incest media was portrayed in a "healthy" manner and I was young and naive with prior trauma. I am definitely stopping all consumption and support for creators depicting any of this sort of thing. I think it's unfair to shame people who are still learning and WHO ACTUALLY STOP. Btw I am the same anon as before, the minor who asked a question here today.

hi, hello. first, i’m so sorry trauma pushed you into consuming more traumatizing content, and i am absolutely delighted that you’ve moved on, or at least are actively trying to.

i do agree this kind of stuff DOES require some nuance! it is disgusting to engage with this content, but it is important to understand WHY it happens, why so many people can be coerced and coaxed into engaging with it to better encourage people to either NOT do it to begin with, or MOVE AWAY from it if they are.

i want to be 100% honest here: i did this stuff. i engaged with this stuff. even at a point where i was old enough to definitely know better (the timeline is blurry but say?? 20yrs old?? 21???). i leaned EXTREMELY heavily on “it’s fiction and i dont like that irl!” but that mentality found its way into my perception of the real world, no matter what i said. what helped break me out of it was surrounding myself with people who would point out unhealthy things and that’d snap me into awareness. into “ah, that was fucked up, actually.”

most people, most posts, that are super harsh about this tend to be retaliation against people who are legitimately 25+yrs old, people who should know better, who likely know better but don’t care.

but i also do completely agree we need to encourage a softer discussion, where we need to not alienate younger people from healthier mindsets, because they are the ones most vulnerable to abuse and manipulation. we need to understand not everyone was in an environment where at 10 years old they were aware of boundaries (likely because someone in their life was violating theirs)

tl;dr you are right. we need to stop blaming people who are obviously being coerced and manipulated, be it directly or indirectly. we need to help guide them to healthier mindsets without shame or punishment. we need to acknowledge the bad we’ve done without guilt, bc guilt is self-serving and helps nobody.

(but there’s also ANOTHER tickling of nuance there - if we’re talking about adults who did bad shit during adulthood, or even teens who hurt someone else very personally, nobody is OBLIGATED to forgive. in fact, i myself lost a few friends bc of this and as much as it saddens me that i ignored and dismissed them, that that’s the memory of me that they’ll keep, it was my fault, and i would never expect them to forgive me because i’ve improved now. becoming a better person should be for its own sake, for our health and other’s, not for improving your public image)

[maychorian]

Hey:)i reread last chapter yofa, and first, i can't even begin to tell you how amazing it is. I loved the convo between tim and dick, it hurt so much, and what i loved about the chapter most was I think how it opened my eyes to Bruce and Tim's relationship (but that's for another ask, i could talk so much about it, but there's smth i want to ask you). I have been thinking about the convo between dick and tim, and... There's something kinda bothering me? (1/5(sorry, it kinda got out of control))

It’s really therapeutic to read about the issue of damian getting robin being really discussed, and hearing Dick apologizing to Tim. Poor baby deserved so much better, and deserved to hear it. And while reading the chapter, i can just feel the knots in my chest that had formed since I learned about the robin stuff resolve. But… At one point Tim’s like, ‘of course i forgive you, you didn’t have to ask’, right? And I’m sure he meant it, he knew he’d forgive dick, even before they talked.(2/5)

Why is it still so important to tell him about it? Why is this discussion 'being fair to myself(tim) ’? I’m not saying it’s out of character or generally not realistic, because it totally is. I really feel the words he’s saying, but i don’t understand why. Sometimes i really identify with the characters that just suffer silently, but in most cases, I’m like 'this person didn’t want to hurt me, they did it bc xyz’ (or i just ask why they did that), (3/5)

and often i tell people if i want them to change their behaviour, but i never say that i feel sad about it. And it doesn’t feel like I’m lying, bc they didn’t want to hurt me, they won’t do it again bc now they know I dont like it, and i don’t feel angry at all. But sometimes something is still there, and i don’t know why, and how to get rid of it. And dunno, tim seemed to be in the same situation, knowing dick would never do it again, (4/5)

knowing dick is sorry, and knowing he’ll forgive dick anyway. Why did he have to talk about it? (this ask got kinda out of control, really sorry about that. You really don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, i don’t even quite know why I’m telling you this, but it’s been a thing in my mind since i first read your last chapter) btw, i can’t express my love and respect for you and your writing! (5/5)

First off, do not apologize for sending me long, thinky asks about my writing or aspects of my writing. I absolutely love it. I really appreciate you sharing this with me, because I can tell it’s something very personal that bothers you a lot, and that’s hard. Even on anonymous. I admire your courage. Thank you for telling me about your feelings and thoughts.

The important thing about Tim forgiving Dick there was that he didn’t tell him that he was forgiven until Dick officially apologized and asked for it. At that point Tim said, “Of course, you didn’t have to ask,” but the truth is that Dick did have to ask. That was important for them to heal and grow beyond the hurt between them.

Forgiveness is hard, and it’s something I’ve thought about a lot in my life, because I’ve been deeply hurt in the past by someone who never asked forgiveness and never even tried. Forgiveness is really for two people: there’s the forgiveness that’s for you, and the forgiveness that’s for the person who hurt you.

(I’m going to put this under a Read More because I ended up writing 1000 words about forgiveness, holy moly.)

Part of healing from trauma, or abuse, or just a bad relationship, is accepting that you were hurt and then letting it go so you can grow as a person. It’s hard, and it can take a long time. You have to acknowledge the pain that was dealt to you and really let yourself feel it so you can understand yourself and understand that part of your past, and some people really struggle with that. But then, once you’ve understood and felt your pain, you need to be able to let it go. Dwelling on revenge or guarding your heart too closely will only make things difficult for you in the future. So you have to forgive the person, you have to forgive the pain, just so you yourself can grow and heal and be more happy with your life.

But that doesn’t mean you have to tell the person who hurt you! It makes me kind of crazy when some too-nice person goes up to a criminal or a murderer or something and says “I forgive you” when that person didn’t ask for it. Because that’s just giving them permission to keep doing what they did, to keep causing pain and trauma without remorse. It’s not helpful to that abuser, though it may be cathartic for the person who was abused.

I’m not calling Dick an abuser, by the way, far from it, but he did make a huge mistake and caused Tim a large amount of pain. He acted selfishly, doing what was easy for himself instead of what was right for Tim, his little brother, and that was wrong. He used his position of power over Tim and Damian in a way that was really quite cruel, even if the cruelty was unintentional and done out of thoughtlessness rather than purposefully.

So Tim had to acknowledge how badly he was hurt, and why, and figure out what to do about it. Therapy helped him with that. Realizing and accepting that his parents hurt him as a child helped, too. Tim is a very kind and supportive person, just by natural instinct. He doesn’t like making other people feel uncomfortable or guilty, especially those he admires like Bruce and Dick (and his parents, once upon a time). He prefers to support them emotionally instead of demanding support for himself.

So it would have been easier for him to just tell Dick “I forgive you” and be done with it. And it would have been true, in a certain sense. But that wouldn’t have been what Tim needed, and it wasn’t really what Dick needed either.

Tim needed to express his pain, and he needed to express it to the person who had hurt him. He needed Dick to acknowledge what he’d done with no excuses and no justifications. Because TIm is a logical and thoughtful person, he felt like he had to make all of the possible arguments on Dick’s behalf, shooting them all down one by one, until there was nothing left but, “You hurt me. It was wrong.”

So when Tim let Dick talk, there was nothing left for Dick to do but acknowledge Tim’s pain and ask his forgiveness. And that was what Tim needed Dick to do. After that, he could tell him that he forgave him, and there was finally healing between them and they could hug and move on as brothers, acknowledging the hurt but leaving it in the past, no longer hanging over them like a cloud about to burst.

Anyway, that’s the way I see that conversation between Dick and Tim. I don’t think I thought it out quite this carefully until just now, but I did think a LOT about that conversation for the whole time I was writing Year of Fallen Angels, trying to figure out what needed to be said so Dick and Tim could truly reconcile. So that whole long conversation was the culmination of about nine months of cogitating on my part, and I was really proud with how it came out. It feels right, even if it’s hard to articulate why.

I hope that helps. I don’t know exactly what’s going on in your life or with those moments with other people that you mentioned, where you forgive the person but still feel like there’s something between you. Maybe you didn’t fully acknowledge the pain you felt, or maybe that person didn’t understand just how badly they hurt you and truly ask your grace for their mistakes. Maybe there’s still some forgiveness that needs to happen in your heart, or maybe you need a little bit more remorse from the person who hurt you. Or maybe there’s something else going on entirely that I don’t understand at all.

But I hope that helps you at least think about it in a different way. :) Again, thank you for asking. This was really interesting to think about and put into words.

[artsy-post]

BRO yall some real ****

Ok so have you ever heard of the term "Pater Familias". It roughly translates to Landowner or Head of the house. Now you may be wondering "Why is this important"? Well I'll tell you.

During the Victorian era and pretty much now the man was/is considered the head of the household and moral leader of his family. This rule was STRICTLY practiced in Britain and if the man was the head of the house, what was the woman's job?

To love, honour and obey her husband, as her marriage vows stated. This way of life was pushed onto girls of all backgrounds and even made its way to popular literature to enforce it. For example a popular poem written by Coventry Patmore in 1844 was widely read by women that helped enforce the role given to them.

As grass grows taller round a stone.

She loves with love that cannot tire;

Man must be pleased; but him to please

Is woman's pleasure; down the gulf

Of his condoled necessities

She casts her best, she flings herself ...

And when, ah woe, she loves alone,

Through passionate duty love springs higher,

Virginia Woolf another popular poet once wrote that an angel is "immensely sympathetic, immensely charming, utterly unselfish. She excelled in the difficult arts of family life. She sacrificed herself daily ... in short, she was so constituted that she never had a mind but preferred to sympathize always with the minds and wishes of others. Above all ... she was pure. Her purity was supposed to be her chief beauty"

Now your probably still wondering "What the hell this has to do with Kuroshitsuji" or "Oh God this is about Elizabeth" well then yea.

I know people will that lizzys being selfish by having emotions and behaving like a human being, and how she doesn't care about Ociel even though you just read a fan translation that even came with pictures but go off i guess

Anyhow. This childs whole life and I mean her WHOLE LIFE revolves around marriage and guess what ITS NOT A FUCKING CHOICE ITS JUST HOW IT IS IN THE 1800's. I mean its not like she could just get a divorce like seriously who wants to marry someone who gets a divorce at 14/15. They'd probably think shes infertile, a whore, etc...

Look I know yall are all pressed about the situation. I am to. They're doing my mass murderer of a boy dirty. But taking it out on Elizabeth, I mean damn I can understand of you dont like her but 9/10 you never liked her. It wasn't because of how she's acting rn yall just need an excuse which is not needed cuz you can like and dislike characters, just don't make up some bullshit to support your claims.

Yes I know the twins been through Hell. Ociel technology went through more and btw they didn't see their parents be murdered they came across the corpses and yes there is a difference. But this does not give them the right to use people such as Elizabeth for their personal gain.

We acknowledge the mentality ill, we help them, we DON'T praise or put pity on them for their wrong actions because thats NOT helping them.

Long story short their all kids. Their all suffering rn. You are not in the situation nor could you psychically be in it so no you can't get mad at people for having feelings. You can't say "Well I would have done this or wouldn't have did that" because you dont know and its not really your choice how you react to things. Take a Psychology class if you don't believe me.

Im Out.

[decadentparadisekitty]

#Y'all hate terfs so much you don't even dare to speak about anything remotely feminist#If a terf says murdering women is bad y'all go actually murdering women is ok and anything else is terf rhetoric#Ever heard about this thing called critical thinking?#Where you don't have to agree with exactly everything someone says?#And you can tell bad things from good things?#When it's good to interact with different viewpoints to avoid ending up in an echo chamber where nothing is questioned?#Also. Be careful about hating on women. Our society is already misogynistic enough. J#ust ask yourself why you HATE them so much#Why we consider them as evil as nazis?#Could it POSSIBLY be the patriarchy trying to silence feminists in general?#I sharply disagree with terfs but I do not hate them and I can recognize that they do bring up important women's issues#That no-one else dare touch#Anyway yeah we shouldn't give terfs space but at the same time we should not silence women#Women who acknowledge that sex based oppression is real#But the HATE is the problem#And that hate is just misogyny tbh#I wanna see the same energy of hate towards misogynistic men but that's nowhere to be found :////#Not trying to defend terfs but just. Do some introspektion ffs#And Guess what I'm fucking trans myself and I still don't try to silence women#I don't tell them to get ovarian cancer and choke on my girl balls etc#PS you know terfism and radfeminism are different things right?#Your hate for terfs has become an anti feminist pipeline#And tbh of you think I support terfs by reblogging and writing this:#Congratulations! You have zero critical thinking or reading comprehension skills!#Also it's sooo interesting that y'all call yourselves socialist/leftist/radically left/marxist/communist etc#And acknowledge that a radically leftist framework and actions are needed for dealing with climate change capitalism and racism#But NOT when it comes to women's rights 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔#Btw this post really is performative activism#At its finest

dont hide this all in the tags pls

hey jsyk the post ab the woman who was killed for refusing sex work has a terf at the bottom. like a major terf/swerf. i’m not calling you out i just want you to know ab their rhetoric

Jesus Christ...Thank you for letting me know, I had no idea. I deleted it altogether. I don't fuck with that shit.

[anarcho-compass]

I thought ron paul wasn't relevant anymore and its his son now. Anyway I like his son but one thing I think a lot of people that like them share is distrust and they don't really worship them (I've seen people jokingly do that) but mainly I dont see whats wrong with wanting anarchy but also picking favorites of people running to change things from the inside. I especially see rand as a chance for people to understand shrinking the gov is good because you have to start somewhere.

Ron Paul was a huge deal to people, he was a real figure of change in liberty related movements. He's less a big deal now significantly, but he remains important to people.Rand is very relevant to "big L" Libertarians and Republicans who are (understandibly, cause they the same parties basically) wishy washy about their preferred identifyer in social media. He has a pretty hardcore current following, but it's nothing like his dad had. Rand's "just ok", and I find his half assedness on the military complex sickening. I don't think there's anything special about him. I don't see the logic in voting my fellow man to be under the ownership of a guy who's "pretty great- compared to insane psyhopaths and sociopaths". Voting is wrong and impractical no matter who's being voted for. I don't think he deserves credit for being an ok person just because he's decided to be a politician, that actually works against him because he keeps examplifying ignorace to the system just so he can play hero. The once or twice he pulled drama acts over votes he had 0 affect on anyway were so embarrassing. He's making a show of defending human rigts by insisting on voting "no" on bills or half assedly discussing them, but meanwhile the violent reality he's not scratching is unchanged and he knows it. You have to remember what it takes to run for politics, especially when you're so knowledgeable and invested in criticizing it.Politician worship is super common place in all voting parties, it's just less common in smaller ones (not sure the liberty leaning even makes the difference). Many people seriously hero worship Ron and Rand.Changing things from the inside has already been completely proven not to work, in every country in the world for close to a hundred years- much more in different frames. The reason people won't admit this is fear and intense attachment to ideas embedded into their culture and persona very intensely. And it's scary, I agree. But not taking the plunge to fully acknowledging the truth when you do kinda know is true, not trying to do right within your life, that's a scarier way to live.Voting people in to power is not "the start" of shrinking government. It's never been. America is such a clean cut example of this. You cannot vote the government away. The statistics of support in small government candidates is only positive as a statistic of people who will migrate away to not voting, since again- it's proven voting for small government does nothing.Do you cheer for people on the inside of North Korea for trying to make a difference from the inside? Do you cheer for those (who we know existed) who insisted to try and change a difference from within the government regime? What are these people actually doing with their passion while people are dying? What is Rand ACTUALLY doing as a politician that's changed anything? If he wasn't scared of change or ego frenzied, he could do incredible in every day by actually devoting himself to his ideology. Again, there are things he does that are good on every day, he's ok. But every single action he puts into politics is an action he could've taken to actual change- and someone with his background and passion should know this.This also goes for Adam Kokesh btw LOL.Sorry I wrote so long, I literally suck at short answers.

[jongsooyah]

I'm not even a Exol but I really really think kaisoo is real I mean no other otp is real as them (I'm huge jongin stan only though I love him so much) much support to kaisoo ❤️❤️ but how are antis blind like srsly these two keep getting more and more real their going strong #relationshipgoals #kaisoo it's sad to see people always hating on kaisoo 😒

i think it’s safe to say that there are quite alot of non exols who acknowledge KD rs. personally i’ve seen quite alot. kinda off topic but i also see there are quite alot of fanboys (ksoo’s fanboys–ksoo really has a lot of fanboys even some of his fansites run by fanboys) who ship kaisoo (ship as in support… like, it’s not just a kpop otp ship to them. they also know think KD is dating real).

antis are in denial that’s why they don’t see it. all they’re capable of doing is bitching about KD shippers openly to show off about how “good/mature” they are as fans (cuz getting validation from strangers online is very important uwu). 

their arguments are mostly about “why do I think/feel shipping KD as a legit couple is wrong!” which is…well, boring and it doesn’t contain much of logical explanation that could debunk KD (and even when they try to give “logical” explanation, it makes no sense whatsoever, like, there’s always a “hole” in their “story/narrative”). so let’s not give them any attention cuz it’s basically what they want. if you see them hating, just block them lol. 

anyways, i dont think we should feel sad that many hating on KD bc at the same time there are more people who love/adore/support them. clearly, KD appreciate it bc there have been so many times they showed positive reactions (ex; smile, intense staring etc) whenever fans show them KD banner/sign. 

and you’re right! KD is definitely a relationship goal i actually envy them and they’re definitely becoming ~stronger~ lol tbh i dont think they care anymore about keeping it subtle but that’s just me personally.

sorry for late reply btw. 

[therewas-a-girl]

i was sitting here, thinking: 

so first, we have the break up last year framed as if oliver was ‘’’’caught’’’’ between two ‘’’’impossible’’’’ choices, even though the narrative was so flawed and hole-ridden that its logic did nto hold up to the faintest breeze. and that he was basically set up to lose everything either way and felicity punished him for this impossible choice by leaving him, and the narrative punished him further by making him lose fucking everything, and making us feel bad for him. while framing felicity’s choice in zero context from her pov. 

all the while, it feels like her choices have to be defended, because the show doesn’t bother to do so with even a fraction of the the same amount of time it uses on oliver. this in the end, amounts to felicity being portrayed as unfair on oliver.

i never thought so - but the show did, and that is what id fed me, and reinforced with her apology in 5.20

but  there is something else that bugs me. 

so felicity had sex with oliver, then told him she couldn’t be with him, that it didn’t change anything, because the real problem between them hadn’t changed. that she felt he didn’t trust her. 

then after this, she tells him she’s sorry she walked without giving them the chance to hash it out - that she wasn’t ready for that right now. (which i understand btw. i understand that her understanding this is actually character development for her, and that she is emotionally aware enough to get this about herself.)  BUT... wouldn’t talking about it give Oliver the chance to show her that maybe he does trust her. that something has changed? 

i just don’t see the logic. she wants to have his full trust but she cant even talk about what happened with them yet. which translates in, she wants something but she isn’t ready for it? 

i would get that, but i think that’s me trying to rationalize a stupid choice of the writers, that dont rly care about the character making sense, but that bend felicity’s choices to their plot.

then, she seemingly is never ready and tries to move on with billy. (im so rageful over this oh my god because it doesnt make narrative sense at all - billy i mean. and just for the record, i liked the guy - which is why im so angry that he was just there because prometheus needed to frame olvier into killing him. aka another felicity line of narrative that is about oliver. its becoming increasingly clear - the way the story itself is set up proves this) without ever hashing things out with oliver or even telling him that ‘look here my dude, i know we left things up in the air in the summer, but im really never gonna be ready for that talk and i really think we should close this deal, cause i cant do it.’ 

but she did not do that. because that makes perfect sense. felicity ‘i am so confrontational that i cant wait five minutes for the party to be over to ask you about why you haven't proposed, and i cant give you space even though i know you yourself just found out about your kid’ smoak. that felicity smoak... doesn’t face oliver about this new resolution she made. doesn’t tell him. cause she is now, apparently, just as much non-confrontational as oliver is about all emotionally difficult decisions. 

where is the consistency, i just can’t find it. ‘am i missing the point or is it not there’: a saga on me and arrow’s writing. 

dont even get me started on the fact that this whole s5 arc was built around felicity losing billy and her reaction to THAT, instead of... idk, acknowledging the trauma and the hurt that she has been through, acknowledging its effect on her, on her understanding of the world, on the way she now makes her choices; acknowledging that she might have the PTSD that these fuckers advertised shamelessly and that was never shown. 

no... it’s just because of billy and the fact that he died. 

which is horrible that he did, but its also really fucking reductive of felicity’s feelings over it all - over everything. her shooting, her being shoved in a gas chamber, her losing a dear friend, her losing her father again, her feeling responsible for thousands of deaths. 

and then i see people being angry that this was about billy because - why billy right? he was insignificant! why couldn’t her emotional collapse onto herself, her isolation and change have been about OLIVER instead!!!!

like... do people even see felicity at all? 

i have no words. none. 

at the beginning of s5b, i was linked to an article promising felicity’s arc and its importance and how great it would be for her character. how important it would be for arrow this season - and i said to the friends who linked me that i was cautious, because i know how arrow works. arrow seemed to prove me wrong till 5.20, and i felt so fucking good to be wrong. it felt wonderful.

and then 5.20 happened 

im just sitting here wondering, does that ^ -- the dismissal of felicity’s arc as sth caused by ‘i lost my brand new bf pain’ and her change built on this flimsy excuse just so that she could tell oliver ‘yeah sorry, i judged you, you made the right call in doing what you did, i totally understand that now’, basically PROVING that that is how arrow sees their relationship... - proving that the whole framing of the break up in s4 as felicity being a non-compromising, blind judgmental douche and oliver being the one who was being punished for something he had no choice on; this whole thing was in fact, not accidental or a poor execution, but deliberate. ... -- does that really upset nobody, just because we have softcore porn images of olicity kissing? 

i saw no even ground between oliver and felicity in 5.20. i saw  felicity’s potential emotional depth being skewed and felicity admitting to all the blame in their break up. 

meaning that all that fantasizing i did about these two people being people that made mistakes - its not a lie, exactly. but it’s not the narrative the show supports. it’s simply not. 

‘arrow’s’ narrative is - -  felicity was wrong. she wasn’t emotionally mature enough, she hadn’t gone through enough ‘emotional pain/suffering’ to really be on oliver’s level, to really understand his choices, his reasons. she wasn't his equal. and she needed to be hurt and lost and alone so that she could understand him. felicity smoak, as she is, as she was conceived to be, is not enough, you see, for the emotionally complicated hero.

and this whole thing.. i wish i was smart enough to put into words why this kind of vision repulses me so. it reminds me of this article i read once about how fundamentally differently women and men gain their hero status in stories. how women are not allowed to just find the magic sword and go on an adventure. there has to be pain involved. and not the kind of pain that means you’re going places - but debasement, humiliation. negation of the identity the woman has, in order to grasp at something ‘higher’, something ‘more’ that she was not. some expansion of her mind that she was not capable of before. 

i find it so alienating, i cant even put it into words. 

it makes me feel the same way reading joss wheadon’s idea of the wonder woman movie made me feel: dirty. 

[dreamynightmare11]

I tried reposting it but couldn't add my reply to it so bada boom here it is. (Jus give it a like if you do see this so that I know you've read it..)

Hey Ty. It’s completely fine that you don’t talk to me or that we don’t talk anymore. There are a few people here on Tumblr who I clicked with because I found them to be nice, supportive and non-judgemental. And real. And honest about their issues.

About the support I give you, I give it because I know you deserve it and I know that your existence, your body doesn’t need any sort of hatred or negative energy by you. NO one’s body deserves that negativity. But I do understand that it’s not your fault. It’s just situations that happened in your life who are causing you to feel hurt and feel pain. And you know what? That’s fine. Feeling pain makes us human. As does crying. Feeling jealous. Getting frustrated. Just like laughing and smiling and hugging and cuddling and trusting people makes us human, feeling hurt makes us feel human too.

One thing I want to remind you is that I swear man, your worth is so much more than you think it is.

Your VALUE doesn’t decrease because of someone’s inability to see it. NOBODY’s value ever decreases because the people in their life are unable to see and acknowledge it. And I do know that relationships are supposed to be two-way but maybe, just maybe, those people have their own issues too. Their problems. Their breakdowns. And no I’m not writing this to say that your issues are smaller than theirs. Because we all got our own issues. Do you remember how in the past, someone once told you how much you’re worth to them, how much they appreciate your existence? I’m not trying to dig up past memories here, sorry if I do that. But what I’m saying is that IF you were worth anything in your past, then you are worth something today too. And you will always be worth something whether you’re a 6 year old kid or a 12yo kid or a 17 year old guy or a 22 year old guy or a 40 year old man going fishing and having the time of his life. So if you were worth anything years ago, then you’re worth something today. If you weren’t worth anything in the past, then people wouldn’t have invested their time and energy and patience and happiness ON you or WITH you. But see, they fvcking did. They did it because you fvcking deserve it, you deserve it just like every other person out there trying to navigate through life. Shit just happens sometimes.

It’s okay to be struggling and it’s okay to relapse. I’m sorry you had a year full of such crap. I’m sorry you lost friends, but don’t say that that includes me too because haha no that wouldn’t include me. One day you will understand why you had to fight so hard. The bad part is that I don’t know whether that one day will be this year, or next, or after 10 years. I ain’t no prediction person or astrologer. But trust me Tyler, one day you’ll look back and you’ll understand why you had to go through all the shit and pain you had to go through as a youngster. Andd you’re worth every ounce of effort other people put in you.

I just want to request you to try *not* solidifying yourself into loneliness. It’s in those dark times when the demon attacks our mind, steals our life away in front of our eyes and before you know it, all the effort and times you survived are suddenly worth nothing because then we have no one to communicate too. No one to talk to. The thing is that at some point, everyone is going to hurt us, Ty. We just have to find the ones worth suffering for. You maybe haven’t found this person yet, and it’s fine coz I mean you’re just 22 and you have so much more to live for. Unexpected turns and plot twists in life. But I think one way to release the hurt is by releasing people. The ones who truly touched your heart or caused you pain. Sure sometimes we’re unable to forget our past but sometimes we just need to release the burden of holding it in our heart. We might have to release people, events and things that happened in the past. Otherwise we remain stuck, sometimes forever but we can’t always move on without at least releasing something. Or maybe, release yourself. I mean emotionally & mentally, no physical context. You're like a Kintsugi, like so many other people. I wont define it, you can google it to see what I mean.

So I understand it’s hard. Very hard if you’re unwilling to do the following. But please, just please just try to start communicating with all the people in your direct environment. Maybe you will feel that your words don’t make sense but this time it’s *not* about your words, it’s about all the little efforts you put into start communicating with people around you. Now, you don’t need to be fake enough to go around and make jokes to your cousins if you don’t feel like doing that.

But let’s say, your mom/aunt/uncle wants to get the car’s gas filled? Maybe ask them if you can do it for them if they’re busy or have other stuff to do. That way, at least you won’t have an idle mind for destructive thoughts to breed in. Maybe if your cousin is studying a subject which u used to like in school, ask her what topic she’s in.

Where do you usually stay when you exclude yourself to loneliness? Are you in that place right now as u read this? Like RIGHT NOW? Well then, is it possible for you to leave it and maybe go somewhere else? Are people in your house watching TV rn? Excellent, u can try going there and joining them. You don’t need to talk if u dont want to. Just stay there and watch whatever’s on the TV, it’ll help u distract yourself. Maybe go get yourself a cup of water if someone’s in the kitchen. Are they cooking? Maybe u can ask them if they need your help with cooking. Just small random comments.

Then you can start saying longer sentences. You can listen to other people in your house talking about something and if someone makes a joke, then u can laugh. If someone is arguing about something, then innocently ask why they think that way about whatever they’re arguing about.

And one more thing which I think might really help you. I know that you might not have a stable relationship with your mom. But do you love her? Do you love her for giving you everything that you have and for raising you as a strong single mom? Do you, from your heart, hold love for her? If she’s living with you, then try finding a time when she’s alone. Not around people. Then go to her. Knock at the door and ask her if u can come in, because you want to talk about something important. Then go in and tell her to sit on the bed because you want to talk to her. You too sit, with some distance between you and her. Prepare yourself that *whatever* happens, you’re gonna talk to her about your REAL feelings and tell her what you think is going on in your life. Tell her that you want to apologise. You want to apologise for cutting communication with her for so long. Apologise for never telling her your real feelings and for not being open with her. THEN, tell her the reason behind it. Tell her how you actually feel about yourself. Tell her how u hate feeling vulnerable, and how you feel unable to go talk to people. Tell her how you sometimes feel like the words you say don’t make enough sense to other people so THAT’s why you have been excluding yourself from everything. Look into her eyes, not angrily but just expecting her to absorb whatever u say. Tell her that you want to try being open now and you need her help. Tell her that from today, you’ll remind her everyday that you love her and you want to request her to remind you too that she loves you. Tell her that you want to rebuild the mother-son relationship there is between you and her. Tell her that sometimes you might accidentally fall back, and to forgive you for that. Tell her how she herself makes you feel, not angrily but rawly, understandingly. With your true raw feelings, without hiding anything. Be raw, as if you’re just tired of all the crap and now you want to start loving again.

Not just to her, but slowly do it to everyone else in your family, to the ones you *do* love. Can be your cousin, nephew, uncle, aunt, and maybe.. maybe Kailey too? I dont know. And from now on, IF it’s possible for you, try not to shut people out. Especially when they come to you or communicate with u in anyway.

I’m not telling u to smile and be energetic again and full of life. But slowly, try investing time and patience and love in your relationships. Because though my 16-year-old self is quite inexperienced in this stuff, I think talking it out is one of the best ways to slowly solve things out. It’s gonna take time but just try telling your loved ones that you do love them from your heart. It’s gonna take time because it might just turn out to be a nice slow permanent change in life. And if you fail, bother not. You can give yourself some time and then start again.

Btw you don’t need to reply to this too, forreal u don’t need to. Jus maybe give it a like or something so at least I know you’ve seen it, that’s it. Hope I helped, best of luck for the journey

[no-besity]

Taking a break.

Woke up depressed and suicidal again. Fighting it but it's hard. Anyways... as much as I would like to magically fix myself and hammer out a bunch of great nutrition and fitness and weightloss... my brain needs attention more than my body does right now. I'm going to delete Tumblr off of this phone so I'm probably not going to be posting as much. I just need to refocus on mental health, at least for a week or so. I've been taking my meds every day - I only missed one day this week. It's not the medication that's making me suicidal, it's something else, and I need to do some serious self-consultation to figure out what it is and how I can fix it. I have some theories. All this free time in the Summer is really hurting me. I also need to set a goal or two completely unrelated to weight loss. My mental health was great when I was in school because I had something, multiple things, to work towards. Right now... my only focus and goal has been losing weight. My only value is weightloss, my only sense of accomplishment comes from weighf loss. So when I fuck up, or I don't lose, not only am I failing at achieving one goal I've set - but I'm failing at everything in life. That's my only focus. So instead of it feeling like I'm fucking up on one small aspect of my life, it just feels like I'm failing at everything everything everything, I'm failing at being human, I'm going to die. I can see how this isn't logical thinking but at this point I can't fully step out of it. I need to remember the other things that make me have worth as a human being. I'm intelligent. I'm talented. I'm empathetic. I'll try to make a list. This is the first time I've felt this desperately hopeless and depressed and borderline suicidal since before I finished therapy. I think that's one of the things that is scaring me. I've never come out of this on my own. I've never done this without a supportive mental health professional by my side, reminding me of reality and encouraging me to set goals. I have supportive friends and family members, but no one who really understands the intricacies of Borderline Personality Disorder - let alone the intricacies of *MY* BPD. Despite having a diagnosis I still have family members ask me if I think I was actually mentally ill, or if I was just a dumb teenager like everyone else. I was and AM and will always be mentally ill. I need to accept that I cannot be "fixed" - there is nothing to "fix" - I just have thought patterns that I need to pay attention to because they arent always based in reality. So today I'm going to start journalling again. Art journalling offline. I'm bringing my DBT books to work and re-reading them, I'm going to familiarize myself with the skills I need again. I think I'm even going to print off or recreate some DBT diary cards to track my mood and track the skills I'm using each day. Most important right now are the PLEASE ABC skills - assessing Physical Ills, Eating, mood-Altering substances, Sleep, and Exercise. ABC is an acronym for, well, I don't remember exactly but happiness-inducing activities, building mastery (achieving or working towards goals), and... I think C is coping skills but I'll have to look again? Anyways, yeah, that's my plan. I'm trying to be nice to myself by acknowledging I'm not just lazy and stupid - I have a verifiable mental illness that many people struggle with, but I also have the skills to succeed through it. I am trying to remind myself that the obesity crisis doesn't exist because people are lazy and stupid - it exists because shitty food, particularly sugar, is literally chemically addictive. These habits are not easy to break. I am not failing because I am struggling. My weight loss/gain/loss/gain history is totally normal. The struggle is motherfucking real lol, and if I was just being a lazy dumb fuck then I'd be the only obese person around - I wouldn't be part of an unhealthy majority. Anyways, those are my thoughts for today. I need to get dressed now. Btw thanks for the positive messages etc. I'm sorry I dont take them seriously but I do appreciate em.

[adorejoseph]

okay i'll kinda take it. but btw taylor tweeted abt womens march. dont get me wrong, im a fan of top and completely neutral to taylor. but i feel that a lot of top women, lgbtq+, poc fans need their support on these issues, especially since they have SO MUCH power on their audience. i am, personally, a woman and an lgbtq+ member & i want them to acknowledge me, you know what i mean? a lot of my fave celebrities supported womens march and you dont know how important it is to me.

​I understand what you're saying but like I said I think they remain neutral & don't speak about their political views so it doesn't cause conflict with fans / media / etc. There's nothing wrong with celebrities using their audience to bring attention to a certain issue. I think that twenty one pilots are one of the bands that do that the most but they try to focus on a specific issue (mental health). Just because they do that doesn't mean they love you any less or don't support you.

Tyler has spoken about being quiet about issues on twitter in the past. Here is a link to a tweet that might give you some comfort. 

Not everyone in the world will agree on everything. One person's opinion on something should not bother you because that's all it is, their opinion on that topic. So maybe they support it, maybe they don't. Either way they've been respectful by choosing not to speak out about it so no one gets angry or feels offended because no matter what they say, someone will get offended by it.

Just remember, they love you for who you are no matter what.