#<- for self organisation purposes lol

[starryknight-tarot]

𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽'𝓼 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓷𝔂?

pile 1 -- > pile 2

pile 3 -- > pile 4

my masterlist<3 . paid readings

Hello beautiful souls✨ we are back in the building with another tarot reading. Today we will be looking into your destiny, a general idea of what your purpose is on this beautiful planet. Remember to meditate, take a deep breath and pick whatever pile calls to you the most. Since this is a general reading, make sure to take what resonates and leave what doesn't. Art by @pop_KOME on Twitter (or X lol).

Pile 1:

Cards: Knight of Swords rx, Queen of Wands, The Chariot, Six of Wands, King of Cups, Eight of Cups, Five of Wands, Justice

Back of the Deck: Nine of Swords

Pile 1, your destiny is to be a leader. I feel a strong spiritual presence for this pile, I feel like you are very strongly protected by your spirit team, you may even have some powerful archangels in your spirit team. Also hearing some of yall may be an Aquarius and have heavy water energy in your birth chart. You are someone who has watched the people in your life be mistreated and conditioned to just suffer through traumatic experiences. But instead of following in the same path of suffering, you take action. Your destiny is to help the people around cope with life and make life feel a little easier. Some of you can do this just by being your true authentic self which encouraging others to do the same. Some of you are destine to be therapists, judges, lawyers, maybe even politicians. If any of you play Honkai Star Rail, you are giving major Natasha vibes. You are destined to run organisations that could literally save lives or make life a lot easier for people. I am also hearing some of yall could create something that would become really popular and almost in a way save people. Like, have you ever had a show or song or form of art that has shaped your life, taught you a lesson, or helped you from a really hard experience. Your destiny is to be that for people or create something that has that effect on people. I am seeing specifically Studio Ghibli so that could have an impact on you, or inspired you to create something. For some of you, your destiny is to be parent, but more specifically to help raise someone the right way(?). Kinda going along with what I was saying before, you may have had a really unhealthy home environment growing up and when it's your turn to be a parent, you will make it your mission to make sure your child doesn't have to go through what you went through, in a healthy way, of course if you don't want to be a parent then this doesn't apply. I just heard, "It's your job to call out the bullcrap." It's your purpose to stand up and say no when others won't or are too scared. You have a lot of influence on people Pile 1, and your purpose is to use it to help the people around you.

Advice Cards:

Align body, mind and spirit. Know that you are whole

Control is an illusion. Surrender and allow the Universe to guide you

Hold a positive outlook. You will see it when you believe it

To effect a change, you must be willing

Get clear about what you want

It is time to unclutter your body, mind, and spirit

Channeled Songs:

Pile 2

Cards: The Emperor rx, Eight of Wands, The Hanged Man rx, King of Swords, Queen of Wands, Four of Wands rx, Page of Cups, The Sun

Back of the Deck: The Devil

Your destiny is to be a shining light in the darkness. The small ounce of hope when everything seems to be lost. Now that is a big role Pile 2. I heard just now, "Your duty is to spread warmth." and "All you gotta do is slay all day." LMAO. You may currently or in the past have felt like everything is hopeless and you may have repeated very negative affirmations. I feel like it's a part of your purpose to learn about how powerful words are and use it to your advantage. When you finally start to use your words in a way that shows hope and positivity, is when you will fully align with your higher self and see all the beautiful things that life truly has to offer. This pile reminds me of another reading I did, it was Pile 4 of my what makes you so attractive reading so if you picked that pile, this pile is definitely for you. If you are interested and haven't read that reading then I would highly recommend it. I feel like your destiny to spread kindness. I am seeing a scenario where you are working somewhere and someone was having a bad day, but after talking with you for a short while, they are in a really good mood and feel amazing. I feel like your use of words and how you express yourself freely is your purpose. I feel like this pile is the most likely to be famous, I am seeing specifically a streamer. I feel like you are just someone that people could listen to talk for hours and it just feels so calming and relaxing. I am kinda picking up on when Among Us was really popular and there was a handful of streamers that were just majorly comforting for people, especially since that was when COVID was really bad. If you did follow thoses streamers, you may know Sykkuno, and I am saying this because I feel like you have a very similar life purpose as Sykkuno or you are just very similar to him. I heard you are like a safe place for people. I feel like your purpose is to make a domino effect for love and kindness. Like when you smile at someone, they smile, and then they make someone else smile and it just spreads. Some of yall may be into yoga or maybe even wanna be yoga instructors. You could also be a masseuse. Your destiny is to be a comforting presence and to show people another way to look a life. (I feel like this pile is very different from Pile 1, however there are some messages from Pile 1 that I strongly feel that may apply to you so if you did feel called to Pile 1 as well, please do read it)

Advice Cards:

Remain faithful to your ideal and find trust within yourself

Control is an illusion. Surrender and allow the Universe to guide you

Remove all resistances and move into a state of flow

It is time to challenge old beliefs

You can manifest your heart's desire

To effect a change, you must be willing

Channeled Songs:

Pile 3

Cards: Two of Pentacles rx, Knight of Pentacles, Strength rx, The Lovers, Page of Swords, Nine of Cups, Temperance, Three of Cups

Back of the Deck: Nine of Wands

There is some crazy beautiful messages for this pile. Your destiny is to see your dreams become a reality. I am getting that you are someone who has worked very hard for everything you have, I am hearing started from the bottom now we're here lol. Pile 3, all the hard work and love you have put into you goals and dreams are destined to shine brightly. You will be able eat the fruits of your labor. Honestly Pile 3, I just see good things coming towards you and it is so wholesome. I feel like there has been a lot of times where you've just wanted to give up and take the easy route of life, giving into words that say you will never achieve anything you strive to. But it is literally your destiny to succeed. Spirit is saying that all the times that have been rough and cruel have been so that when you finally get to relax and see your hard work flourish, it will feel even more rewarding. I feel like things you never thought would be possible for you will come true. Finding true love, a soul family that you can always rely on. I heard multiple people will fall in love you. Pile 3, its your destiny to go on a journey of self love, this journey may be a spiritual awakening for you, by connecting with spiritual, it can help you realize your true potential. I feel like all this love and success will take a while for you though, especially if you tend to put yourself down and don't acknowledge the work you need to do. I feel like some of you are really passionate about your dreams but fail to really push yourself and challenge yourself because of your insecurities. Don't try to be humble Pile 3, you are amazing and the world wants to see you shine! If you are procrastinating about the things you want to bring into your life and putting yourself down when you make mistakes, these blessings will delay and if it gets really bad, may never come. Mistakes are extremely human and we are meant to make mistakes to learn from them and improve even more. Believe in the power of your mind and creativity and the universe, and that's when blessings will manifest. Spirit wants you to enjoy life to the fullest and enjoy the things life has to offer.

Advice Cards:

Remain faithful to your ideal and find trust within yourself

Your spirit wings are unfolding. It is time to take flight!

Practice the pause

Keep the faith. Stay intentioned. Your perseverance will pay off

You are moving beyond your old form. Congratulations!

Relax and feel good. You deserve more joy!

Control is an illusion. Surrender and allow the Universe to guide

Channeled Songs:

Pile 4

Cards: Seven of Pentacles, Queen of Swords, King of Swords, Four of Swords rx, Four of Wands, Seven of Cups, Six of Wands, Page of Cups

Back of the Deck: Ace of Swords

You have some fun energy Pile 4. It is your destiny to enjoy the ride of life. To let life take the wheel and chill in the fast lane. This pile got so much swords cards, so yall could be an air sign, Gemini, Libra, Aquarius, or have a very air heavy birth chart. With the swords cards I am getting that it's your destiny to be free. You may currently feel tied down by people and burdens that just feel so heavy and tiring. But it is your destiny to escape from the shackles of these things and have fun. You are supposed to enjoy the things you have missed out on for so long. I feel like you have felt held back by societies expectations of you and changed yourself to fit in. But the universe wants you to express yourself and show us who you really are. It will feel amazing when you do. People are always going to have problems with you being yourself because your confidence makes them feel intimidated in their own lack of self expression. They are all just jealous of you, so don't let them hold you back from enjoying the things you are passionate about and from feeling the wind on your skin. For some of you, it's your destiny to be a cool parent or like aunt or uncle. I feel like you will have a strong influence on the people close to you, you will be like a role model for the younger people around you. It's because you show them how beautiful freedom and just expressing yourself without worrying about what others think of can be. I also feel like you will meet someone that is your divine counterpart. Someone that understands you better than anyone else will. This could be romantic but it doesn't have to be. This connection will be something everyone will be envious of. This person is someone you know you will grow old with. Your destiny is to enjoy with a smile on your face.

Advice Cards:

Expect good things to come to you

It's time to try something new!

It is important to ask for help

To effect a change, you must be willing

It is time to challenge old beliefs

Act on what you know

You are divinely protected. Remind yourself how safe you are

Channeled Songs:

Thanks for tuning in₊‧.°.⋆🫧•˚₊‧⋆.

[athena-swords]

🎊 Gifts for our NEW YEAR 🎊

PAC

Disclaimer: people I am doing this in all seriousness and all and no it's not for entertainment purposes but ya collective readings so take what resonates

Pile 1. Pile2.

Pile 3. Pile4.

Pile 1❄️❄️🤍

We keep this love in photographs, so if you wanna buy cameras or just capture moments please go ahead and buy it it will give you lots of joy pile 1 new year could be looking as just any new year coming but you know that things are gonna change and maybe the people you are close with now will have to move and you too to other places so cherish this moments.Are you all joining colleges??or like your graduation is being done anyway congrats wishing you absolutely the best .

Maybe you will take the road less taken which will have its own uncertainty but for sure it's gonna be so worth it ,okay first of all whatever type of exams or test you are planning for they gonna give you your desired or expected results and you could be seeing true faces of your close mates and if you feel that you get easily evil eye or affected by others energies don't worry your guides are there to protect you ,this year you could have on issue in financial matter you are being in open to receive energy I see a energetic shit around you and you actually coming into limelight (attention song being played)you definitely should check your solar return chart could bein fire asc sign ok

And I am seeing or more of sensing lot's of puppy love energy so ya talking stages could happen and you ending up liking someone all over just enjoy your "up in the poppy hills" movie vibe so here comes the end of a eventful year wishing you all the best guys take care 💓

Oracle cards: Give it sometime approx 3 to 4 months,the more you live the less you worry,luck is in your favour,My gurl is the prettiest,Be careful with the people you choose

Please comment on your 2024 wishes and reblog means alot

Pile 2❤️‍🩹🥀

Some of you could be getting married or just getting your"THE ONE" for you if you wanted to meet your soul tribe and have been manifesting some wholesome human bond well I am pleased to tell you , you're making some lifetime connections this year , lots of self care products buying specifically perfumes and scented products if 2023 has been the pain the upcoming one will heal all those wounds and the word hork you thought no one saw wanna check some parts of pile 1?? I would recommend there could be a message for you there

Look you need to stop procrastinating!!!like if we wand our desires to turn into reality we need to put some action okkk and studyyyyy like when you study just put your focus on it if need then gurl you have to read it again n ugh that's more tiring.being more organised and balance is always a gift for you this year and a quote for you is "sometimes rejection is protection in disguise"so just jio lol even if it's your lala world I just said a paradox bit don't come to me fantasy and reality just need a little balance and we are good with it.

If you love gloomy weather then congrats you could experience it alot this year.I think you tend to underestimate your intuition and when it turns out right you regret so this year all about working on this and believing ourselves more then others 💗💗

Oracle cards: make a priority list,oh lala it's a love story, it's a yes, please zindagi jiyo baba...,study remember it's "you reap what you sow".

Please comment on your 2024 wishes and reblog means alot

Pile 3📸🦋

My Roman Empire is..... Idk lol.So travels travels and lots of travels in the list 😸 are you planning to fulfill your bucket list or something kya pile 3 anyway you could start talking again with a dear one with whom you could have stopped interacting or cut ties.Having a reunion of some kind being on backpack this could be the highlight of your year sudden plans being made you shifting family dynamics being changed

You again starting to learn alottt like an instrument, occult knowledge,your ancestors, about the world human body and many moreee.Having watermelon with closed ones on a beach or family farm haa such a vibe and keeping your room clean so it does not look like a messy place

Honestly I don't want to touch this past but somewhere along the line if you started feeling that it's hard uk to be happy like genuinely feel so content of life and kinda just at the starting stage of depression well this year is gonna prove your fact so wrong love muah muah have my love ok💓💓

On a side note your Cooking is good please try more

Oracle cards: Are you pretending love,the fingers create magic , living life king size , friends are the bigger enemy.

Please comment on your 2024 wishes and reblog means alot

Pile 4🪴🦓

Headache ahh you could be having them a bit this year ya but but it's because of all the packed schedule you need to get done with which you will be doing for not overthinking about "this" situation of yours someone from past could come back now it's upto you what you will do with them (it seems romantic connection btw).

Do you put this "I don't care" attitude I see you gotta change this one as there will be things you have to be responsible for alot this year.Emotionally you could be working on yourself listening to podcasts and actually making opinions of yours not just blindly following whatever is being said .you confused about something?? honestly sameee sorry for this just that your biggest gift could be knowing yourself more and handling just how you show yourself to the world

Oracle cards: posh lifestyle,lose yourself a little bit, it's not worth it,it worth trying,you know the answer

Please comment on your 2024 wishes and reblog means alot

Wishing you all a very happy New year 🧿🧿🤍

Pls message me my ishman fam i need someone to talk about them 🤌🤌

[myfairstarlight]

Good day friend! I've been really enjoying your takes for bridgerton this season :D Would love to hear your thoughts about part 2, particularly Colin's character portrayal if you're at all inclined!

Well hello there dear, thank you!

And what a coincidence, because Colin's portrayal, always the polarising topic in this fandom it seems, has been on my mind ever since I finished watching part 2... I shall ramble here then! I hope you do not mind a long answer, dear reader, for my last analysis post was not a quick read indeed. And I will now also stop trying to sound like Whistledown.

So, overall thoughts? I think he was handled mostly brilliantly, actually. And thus still despite the pacing issues (but that's an overall issue I have with the show, not specific to this season). Controversial take, already, so let's break it down a bit.

I will try to organise my rambling, but this is pretty much my immediate thoughts after watching the season. Perhaps I'll make a more organised and proper post later, adding Penelope's side, like my friends to lovers love letter, but we'll see! So:

Colin's journey to self-love

Because just like Penelope, though we arguably see it less, Colin has his own journey to loving himself because the thing with Colin is that he's still so insecure. Yes, he's more himself in part 2 now that he realised he's in love, he no longer tries to pretend to be someone he's not, but he still struggles to prove himself, and we see it in those last two episodes, when the truth is truly out. People are harsh on him for being so caught up in what Whistledown wrote and constantly celebrating the idea that LW might meet her demise, almost like a child who just got some sweets, but as we've seen in his discussion with Eloise after the reveal, it's because Whistledown calling him out at the beginning of the season for his new persona poked at his biggest insecurity, and he's still stuck on that, even more so now that he learns Penelope was behind the words, the one person who always made him feel seen and in this case, made him feel too seen. To me, him bringing up Marina so insistently was him grasping at straws, clinging to the one thing he knows for sure was unfair so he does not have to face the fact that what Penelope wrote was the truth (sidenote, was a little disappointed they did not have Penelope say she did try to talk to him about Marina but he literally did not listen and did not care that Marina loved another). He is still trying to find who he is and for a moment, he thought he had it, thanks to the very person now making him question everything all over again.

And oh boy does he not cope well.

Hero complex and what it means to be the man of the house

Colin has a hero complex. That's news to absolutely no one, unless you have not paid attention, so I won't make a list of the instances in previous seasons again. But we see it right away in e5 as he stands up for Penelope in front of Portia, then constantly shielding Penelope as soon as Cressida is involved. Penelope even thanks him for it, telling her no one has ever stood up for her of the sort, which fuels his hero complex. In fact, it is Colin's protectiveness that leads him to learn Penelope is Whistledown since he followed her out of worry, and that leads him to the realisation that she may not need him as much as he thought she did (and in his mind, perhaps she even just pretended to need him, to love him). And that, along with discovering that secret, shatters him. His whole sense of purpose, the one thing he thought he could for sure provide? Gone, just like that.

Even more so later when he learns she may be richer than him lol

So he overcompensates. When Cressida's blackmail is revealed, he does not listen, he jumps on the opportunity to prove himself, to protect his wife even if he's still mad at her, no one can disrespect her and his family so blatantly. As the man of the house, he needs to do what he must. And then he fucking fails and makes things far worse. And you know what? How satisfying it was that for once he failed, arguably when it was the most important for him, to remind him that hey, don't get on your high horse, listen to your wife and your family, don't try to handle everything on your own! (A lesson that Penelope also has to learn at the same time! That's marriage baby!) I like that he gets humbled twice, by Penelope and Cressida, the person he loves most and the one he despises so, yet they both throw the truth at him - he's privileged, as a man, and as a Bridgerton. He gets to question himself, travel to his whim, be even reckless like he just was because he will always have unconditional love from his family, but Penelope had to hide a part of herself to be able to do something she likes, meanwhile Cressida has to resort to questionable means to avoid getting married off to an old man. They do not have the luxury that Colin has to just do things. And it pains him to face that.

I've seen the sentiment that part 2 has Penelope be more assertive than Colin, with the dynamic shifting again when it should not, and while it is true she is the one who seeks him out more, it makes sense, she is seeking his forgiveness all throughout the last two episodes. I love her, but you cannot argue she is not at fault here and Colin deserves to be upset and a bit withdrawn as he deals with the conflicting feelings suddenly assaulting him. Yes the entrapment accusation hurt especially since he was the one who couldn't keep his hands to himself, but with his history after Marina, it makes sense that's what his hurt mind decides to focus on that, to justify the fact he's still so upset (It does bother me he never apologises for that comment though, at the same time Penelope doesn't hold it against him. They, or the writers, probably forgot about it.) But I would also argue that him being so troubled, is a proof of love, he even says so to Eloise "you are lucky you've never been in love" because if he wasn't, this would be much easier to deal with. Despite it all, he loves her, he chooses her, he will protect her, he must. He decides to sleep on the sofa to still stay close to Penelope despite the fact he could just sleep in one of the empty bedrooms. He still reassures her during their wedding, with one look encouraging her to walk more confidently down the aisle, and he holds her oh so tenderly when they dance at the wedding breakfast. He's so upset, but he's still so much in love. Of course, unlike part 1, there's no urgency or desperation on his part, there's no Debling threatening to take Penelope away, or him trying to earn back her favours so of course suddenly his displays of love feel less outward. But again, they're arguing, no he will not forgive her so easily, and that's a good thing, yet he's still here to support and protect her, and that says so much because again, he could just leave, that would have no consequence to him as a man. And in kind, Penelope makes an effort to do better as well, no longer witholding any secret from him, and he sees that.

And deep down, he understands Penelope, we see it when he confronts Cressida and perfectly described why Penelope became LW without her telling him in such words beforehand, because he's had similar struggles, he just needs to admit it, and be okay to show this vulnerability with her.

Colin's writer struggles and jealousy.

Now, I must admit, this was the weakest and a bit disappointing part of his arc to me, which is why I'm writing it last. I wish we could have had more time exploring that, and not just being told so (hopefully in s4? Assuming the writers won't pull a Kate and Anthony and constantly have them leave for no reason). This, however, adds to the previous part and Colin's struggle to provide, be the man of the house.

Here his wife is, an accomplished writer, even if under a pen name, who may be richer than he, oh how it must have deepened his insecurity. After all, if he cannot provide protection, or financial stability, then what good is he to her? What good are his silly journals when compared to that damn column that has all of Mayfair on a chokehold?

And yet.

Is it not telling and precious that he kept all of Penelope's letters? And that they're the catalyst of reminding him why he loves her so much, and how her love for writing and her cleverness shine through and that it is unfair of him to expect her to give it up when he himself aspires to be a writer? Writing is what brings them together truly, the same way writing letters to each other was the precursor for him realising his feelings as well. He is at peace then, Penelope is Whistledown, and she shines with her pen, and Colin fell in love with her quill, long ago, he was just overcome with grief to realise Whistledown held the same brilliance.

And sure, Penelope does not need him to provide, but she loves writing so much, and it inspires Colin in his own writing as well. And I also think it's super cute that he was going through a writer's block until Penelope told him she's loved him for years and suddenly the gates were opened (granted, this was before the reveal but now imagine post-reveal, as he struggles to edit and write, Penelope comes up beside him telling him he's doing well and boom, he's determined to write again).

But, back to the topic at hand, most importantly... he offers her love and support, even through all this battle, he unconsciously kept caring for her, and that's what Penelope craves, just someone there for her.

And that? That Colin can absolutely be, and he will proudly take on the role of her husband rather than "the man".

So I think this about wraps it up! Colin is the definition of a sensitive man trying his best to tough it up, a third son who struggles to find a place in this world. But he found a woman who does not need him to be what he is not, the one woman who will love him not for what he can provide, but for who he truly is, kind and incredibly empathetic. The one woman who fell in love with him because she made him fall off a horse and instead of yelling because of a bruised ego, he laughed at his own expense.

And I just think Colin Bridgerton is neat.

Also as I hit post it's 2AM for me so if some of this doesn't make sense, that's why, don't hold it against me, thank you dear one <3

[bwoahtastic]

Went through old pack tag and I just adore that au. You once mentioned like omega dan in the tags and I’m on board. I feel like back then omega dan gives like all three vibes as Nico, Seb and Nando (not as severe tho). Like he’s all over the place like Seb, causes chaos (most of the time not on purpose he can’t control his body) like Fernando and knocking over a vase once a week or so, and then gets moody like Nico at times (people pleaser moment).

Plsss! Goofy little Dan who joins f1 and even Seb is a little baffled by him lol. He is just pure chaos or pure sadness there is nothing in between! He definitely gets scruffed a lot by the Alphas and mostly Michael lol.

He is also a very messy nester and sometimes feels self conscious when a very organised nester like Nico sees his nest, but Nico thinks it's so cozy and soft and all the Omegas like Dan's nests!

Also lil pup Max loves momma and papa, but auntie Dan he loves too! Dan makes him giggle.so much he is out of breath!

[reactionimagesdaily]

The Image Tags Masterpost

(As its own post thanks to a suggestion from @oregano-gremlin! gracias)

Every image is tagged with one of these tags, for organisation purposes! ^_^

(Also It’d be a HUGE pain to go back and re-organise them so, while suggestions for new categories/adjustments to existing ones are appreciated, I’m almost definitely not gonna follow through on any of them.)

(Also I am uh. Putting this under a read-more because it’s longer than I thought it was gonna be when it’s all laid out lmao)

#[undefinable] - for images that don’t really fit into a single mood, or have a mood that isn’t accurately represented by one of the other tags

#;_; - for images that are the big sad

#Hell yah - for celebratory, “nice”-type images

#Hell nah - for images that simply embody the concept of “no”, “no thanks”, “not for me”, e.t.c.

#Frick the frack off - slightly violent images used to tell someone to begone or that they are unimpressive

#Y’all are heathens - images that demonstrate disdain, confusion, or general contempt for your group chat

#Ah shit - images that convey “oh fuck”, “oh no”, “oh heck”, “oh shit”, and so on

#Depression time - for images that can be used to either show genuine sadness, or a weary sort of “oh God” that is less emotive and more resigned than an #Ah shit image

#Huzzah - celebratory images

#w h a t - images which convey just. total incredulity and bafflement

#F - for images that pay respects

#ooh-de-lally - images to be used for things that are exciting, spicy, or generally just make your eyebrow quirk up a bit

#Cursed - cursed images

#Wow - images that either convey a sense of genuine wonder, or demonstrate like. “yeah cool story bro”

#I LOVE YOU!!! - images you can use to show affection to any loved ones you are fortunate enough to have

#Welp - for images that aren’t very emotive or very specific, but rather channel that face you make when someone’s talking about something and you have no real idea how to react

#Genuine mirth - images that express, well, genuine mirth

#Contemplation time - I like to think this one is self-explanatory lmao

#Horny on main - not for NSFW stuff so much as stuff where it’s just a guy saying “hehe boobies” or whatever

#:) - happy pickturs

#Fear - fear

#Called out - honestly this one’s a bit inconsistent but it’s either for when you yourself have been called out (“you got me there”) or for when you’re calling someone ELSE out (“cool motive, still murder”)

#Free Real Estate - for images based off of those legendary seconds

#Gratitude amigo - images that say thanks

#Trans rights - because trans rights are human rights

#Disgustan’ - for when you need to express disgust with an image

#Disney - images @ that specific megacorp

#I am so great - images for when you’re proclaiming your own greatness (or at least an amount of self-satisfaction)

#Stole your meme lol - for those images you see everywhere on twitter indicating that someone likes your meme/image and have saved it for their own use

#Genuine reassurace - images that express, well, genuine reassurance

#[Music stops] - there are lot of parodies of the initial “music stops” image, and I have many of them

#Gweetings - images that say hi

#I will cause problems on purpose - images with those vibes

#Ambivalent - because sometimes you need to visually express how little you care

#Bog Moss - this is actually the tag for images that are like “mood” or “same” - I tag them ‘bog moss’ because of an inside joke lmao

#Mockery - bully your friends with this specific collection

#Please exercise empathy - for images that basically say “I don’t know how to expain to you that you should care about other people”

#Nice music - images dedicated to saying that specifically music is good

#Sic ‘em - for images that carry a similar energy to Mayor Tyler from Gravity Falls going ‘git ‘em! git ‘em!’

#Grooving - images that convey the emotion of dancing

#You are not immune to propaganda - I have no idea where that edit of Garfield came from, but there are LOADS of edits, so they all get their own category

#Think of the economy - for images designed to satirise people who prioritise stonks and the economy (which CAN be important, I won’t knock ‘em) over human life

#Silence! - you know that image of the crab lasering something? Yeah, there are a bunch of those, so they get their own category

#Genuine wrath - images that express, well, genuine wrath

#Pretty sus NGL - images designed to help convey suspect or suspicion

#Gotta go fast - images that go quick nyoom

#Ight Imma head out - parting is such sweet sorrow, as these images will demonstrate

#Case Closed - for image that indicate that some kind of mystery has been solved, or that some kind of question has been answered

#Not-okay cute things - for those images where it’s like, a plush toy captioned with “I can’t fucking take it”. those sorts of images. they have a category

#Oucho - for images that convey pain but aren’t quite in the realm of ;_;

#Ok boomer - Y'all remember ok boomer?

#Chillaxing - for image that surmize a specific chillaxed vibe

#Nice dub - using this one for pics of that one specific guy in all those pictures where he’s congratulating people’s Ws and Dubs

[bfdifan26]

please do list of every burner depression i love this show so so much you should do that

okay! thank you for enabling me. disclaimer im not a Depression Expert i pretty much only know what i go through myself. have fun

ok so roomy isnt a contestant but i do wanna talk about her. i feel like the whole thing with her literally being the room can be compared to something like a kid with depression not leaving their room and just living within a tight window of reality, only ever speaking to their parents and stuff. i feel like roomy can be related to that as she literally can’t leave. like executive dysfunction the character. also her personality, only caring about being nice and not hurting others, and by doing that not letting anyone know who she really is or how she really feels

okay onto the contestants now. rosey is a very interesting character, what draws me in about her the most is her almost refusal to appear vulnerable or overwhelmed by anything, always needing a guaranteed way to do something so she knows it’ll work. this can be seen as somebody with depression relying on things in their life that they know off by heart, things like routines and rituals they perform daily, having something to fall back on and feel some normalcy through. again she’s very similar to roomy with the whole social butterfly thing

spraypaint is tricky because we’ve basically only ever seen her be like Ahh im gonna kill you be scared. but i do think she has a reason to constantly be like that towards people. nobody is ever aggressive because they like it i dont think anyone likes being on guard 24/7. i feel like she relies on her knife alot, for example in the scene where she argues with playdoh after they run into eachother, she tries to just kill him right there instead of bothering to interact with him once she gets bored of him and decides he has nothing to say that she wants to hear (based but only because it’s playdoh)

kit seems to be very self confident unlike the majority of the other characters, but for the entire time, others have kind of decided what kit is like in their heads and settled on it, based off how she appears. that being limey seeing how relaxed and inexpressive she is and that making him think that she doesn’t care about things around her. with depression it can be easy to get tired of some things, but people then assume you don’t care about anything, and that you’re just apathetic, and/or constantly thinking you’re sad when like. thats just how you look Lol. that’s what kit and how she’s treated reminds me of

speaking of limey. he’s pretty similar to spraypaint, except he’s much more sensitive, or at least outwardly. it doesn’t take much for him to feel overwhelmed and like everybody is out to get him, and he’s always trying to counter this feeling by insisting to both others and himself that he has something up his sleeve that’ll make everyone regret thinking badly of him. he’s just a very defensive character and who can blame him. oh also hes very clearly hyperfixated on the idea of being a cartoony super villain or something. it’s a part of his identity he relies ALOT on, always falling into it especially when he feels threatened

pilly is very organised and on top of everyone else, and his only fault ive noticed is his detachment. he says to record outright that he doesn’t need or want friends, and purposely blends in to make sure he isn’t noticed and nobody tries to connect with him. i think this can be 2 different things; either he just straight up doesn’t like other people and finds them draining and just another hassle, or he really would like a friend but would rather not reach out from fear of being rejected. i think it’s the first one but you can never know

peanut is another character who’s very isolated except for him it’s nobody’s fault or deliberate choice really. we’ve seen that he lives in the middle of the country out on a farm, either living on his own or with his close family. my personal idea of him involves the second one and that also fits in with this. one of peanut’s very first lines is that he doesn’t care about what happens to him and is mostly focused on doing things for others’ sake. hes seen to be used to doing the dirty work for people and to be happy with it being like this. i think peanut relies on being a helping hand since well. that’s all he really knows how to do, and how to be wanted by others

to say polaroid is overshadowed by the other characters is an understatement both in the show and outside. like i think he’s the character with the least fanart, even including the one-time cameo dudes. its a shame because he’s SO good. his most noticeable trait first up is that he can’t speak verbally, and for others to acknowledge his words they have to put effort in which. unfortunately alot of people dont. like this hes ignored easily and often, being talked over, people dragging him around and ordering him to do things without listening to what he thinks first. but despite this hes so caring, seen with him encouraging pilly even after he threatened him with elimination (have i ever mentioned i love those two’s relationship so much) and comforting roomy and going with her to help with her fears

record is like. id say one of the most depression coded objects ever. she’s shy but not the stereotypical shy archetype, questioning people’s orders and sometimes even getting frustrated with others. she’s shown to have trouble explaining herself to others, feeling like she needs to in order to be forgiven for well. Literally just standing there. not much i can say about her that hasn’t been said /agreed on already

onto hanger my favourite… hanger is again, talked over by basically everyone. she rarely has the opportunity to ‘prove herself’ to others and when she does, the credit is taken away from her and it doesn’t matter how much she yells and argues, she can never be listened to. when this happens to someone it can easily feel like nothing you do will ever work and it’s just hopeless to even think of doing anything right or impressing anybody. i wouldn’t say hanger feels like that since we’ve seen that she’s very strong willed, but that’s just the thing. she HAS to stop herself from feeling that way because nobody else will, she has nobody else to rely on.

except erasey

erasey is similar to kit with the whole under expressive thing, as well as it being seen that they kind of struggle with motivation. they seem to have a kind of omnipotence that makes it so that they know what to do and how to do it, and if it’s even worth it to try. but apart from that they don’t do much else, that’s all that’s important to them. they only try to do what they absolutely need to

i hope playdoh cries again in burner 4

[hecatesbroom]

How I organise my (fic) writing in Notion

@this-geek wondered how I organised my works in Notion, and considering I'm nothing if not always happy to ramble about anything concerning lists and sorting my various things, here we are ;) thanks for giving me an excuse to talk about this haha

Under the cut because I have unfortunately rambled quite a bit (sorry!)

Okay so first off: I really only use Notion for my fic writing (I prefer to work on original projects in physical notebooks or Word, for reasons unknown to even me) and I only keep my first drafts in here. I move on to Google Docs for second drafts (again, who knows why I do this? I sure don't!) Anyway, onto the organisation:

This is what my main page looks like! I have some fancy sidebars I never really use, the to do list is horribly outdated, and I haven't updated that quote (from one of my favourite book series: The Locked Tomb) in ages, but I still think it looks nice!

The thing this is mainly about, though, is the part in the middle that says "all fics". This is what Notion calls a database. It's basically one gigantic collection of pages (in my case: fics) that you can add tags to and display in various different ways. I prefer gallery view because it allows me to add a picture to the overview if I want to. I used to do this for my Locked Tomb fics and it looked pretty fun:

The thing is that it's also a lot of work to find pictures to match your fics (and nowadays I'm more focused on writing than all the thing surrounding it) so my Golden Girls overview looks more like this! I still like the gallery view because it gives you a little preview of every wip :)

As you can see, there's lots of different tags under the titles. The stuff you see in this view is a quick overview (mostly to help with sorting, so all my posted wips line up, and the rest shows up according to which state of unfinishedness they're currently in)

When you click any fic in this view, you'll be taken to the actual fic, and its complete overview of tags & info! I like to keep track of a lot of things (when I remember to, anyway). Here's a little overview for the things I tracked for the finish line :)

Created: shows me the date I started the document (and therefore the fic). Very useful! I love this feature a lot

Fandom: is mainly there for organisation purposes! I set my gallery view to toggle per fandom, so it's all sorted into neat little sections thanks to this tag

Characters: pretty self explanatory

Type: I've got several categories here: "one-shot", "multi-chapter", "drabble", "ficlet", and (reserved for one AU in particular) "i honestly don't know anymore"

Status: again, there's quite a few options for this one: "plotting", "writing draft 1", "1st draft", "2nd draft", "finished", "posted", "hiatus" and "abandoned" (which I rarely use)

Quick summary: is where I play around with my ao3 summary whenever I'm bored and don't really feel like writing

Draft 1 wc: I usually just put the final word count for the first draft there, unless I remember to track individual writing sessions (in which case I add those word counts as well, like in the example above, because I love looking back on the process!)

Draft 2 wc: I tend to completely retype a fic into my google docs for the second draft. Once I've done that I put the end result into my Notion doc

Finished wc: after I've reread and edited my 2nd draft, and possibly managed to have it all get a little out of hand (like you can see in that doubled word count for the finish line, lol) I put the finished word count here!

WC goal: is just a fun way to see what my initial idea was for the fic (I try to set a goal when I've got a general idea of what I want the work to look like, and always end up exceeding it)

The rest of it is just my writing, basically! Scroll down from there and you get the body for the fic :)

I hope this was somewhat helpful! I'm not a pro at Notion by any means, but if you have any questions or need some help, feel free to ask! I'm happy to try to help out!

[tarot-by-e11e]

Hii sissy may I participate in your game

Cocoon game

Initials: g

Fav song : I guess I'm in love by Clinton

Fav movie : well it's a bl series ' cutie pie ' I can't get over the ep 14,15 lol I watched it 2 years ago and I specifically go and watch these 2 eps again n again whenever I'm feeling single lmao

Fav fictional character : kwon min ju from a time called you k drama . She expects a lot from world and she's doesn't get it and lastly kill herself but then Han Jun hee travels back in time and save her from dying and then she is in relationship with the 2nd lead male in drama . I don't know what to explain in this part , I hope this is okay 🤍

Thank you so much for organising such beautiful games for us 😊💗

(reminder: this is for entertainment purposes only) Hi G,

Thank you so much for participating in

my "COCOON" ask game.

I have yet to listen to that song! And a BL series, ooooohhhhh~ I'll try to watch this! I haven't watched that k-drama yet, so yeah for more watch list!

(Quick warning: This reading ended up being longer than I'd expected. Don't read this when you don't feel mentally prepared for a bit of potential call out, okay?)

The cards I pulled for you are:

King of Swords, Judgement, 6 of Swords

So one of the beliefs/patterns/habits you need to let go of to face the new chapters in your life by 2025 has to do with this "head over heart" rigid mindset. Now this can be self-imposed or brought about as a coping mechanism, pick and choose which interpretation resonates with you the most.

Now it doesn't mean that you should abandon all forms of discipline, it's more of a suggestion to learn to flow with the unexpected flow of life. You, of all people, know that you can't control everything and everyone according to exactly how you want your life to operate, thank free will and the possibility of the unknown for that.

So that means, you know that the only thing in your life that you truly have control over is yourself and how you respond to whatever life throws at you. You are also aware that you, like every human being alive, have bouts of unpredictable happenstances. So, shouldn't you allow yourself some grace and compassion when things don't follow through your life by your design?

There's nothing wrong with having rules and discipline my dear. But being too strict with things and people outside your control is borderline concerning, don't you think so too?

You are aware that every human being alive is living by varying belief systems and values, potentially differing from yours. It doesn't mean that the other person is wrong, it also doesn't mean that you're always right. It's just that, in this world, two different truths can both exist at the same time.

This concept might be new to you so let me give a bit of example.

Let's say you were dating someone you absolutely love and want to spend the rest of your life with. You do everything you can to encourage them to work hard and be ambitious to achieve their dreams. So you kept pushing and encouraging them, supporting them in any way you could. You just want to be the best supportive partner for them. You're so excited for them to fulfill their childhood dream!

But, down the road, one day, they opened up to you and said that they can't take it anymore and were adamant in breaking up with you. They'd say that you're not really listening to what they really feel and you're acting more of a parent than a partner and they just couldn't take it anymore.

Whiplashed by the turn of events, you couldn't understand what happened. What pushed them to reach this decision? Where did they stray off to? What did they realize along the way that made them think that?

Then you'd start overthinking: What did you do wrong?

Now this is almost an all too familiar scenario, so let's get into the other person's POV.

I opened up about my silly childhood dreams but I know it's too far-fetched to become reality, and I'm content as I am right now with my partner (YOU). I don't have the skills to make it in this industry and yeah, it comes with perks but I'm happy where I am. But it seems that they(YOU) mistook it as a goal in my life, so they(YOU) started to push me to do it. It's so sweet that they(YOU) are so encouraging with my silly dreams until they're(YOU) taking it too far. Now they(YOU) keep nagging me to sign up for this class and do those things, and keep berating me about my current progress. Why can't they(YOU) see that it's just one of those silly kid dreams that seems fun at the time, but I don't really wanna pursue this as a goal in life? Now they(YOU) get mad for me not showing up to do anything to this "kid dream", it's getting out of hand. They're(YOU) assuming that this silly fantasy is what I wanted in life, but they're not actually listening to what I have to say. This is seriously getting out of hand now. I though opening up about this kid fantasy would just be like those small talks that kids do in preschool when asked what do they wanna do when they go up and some kid in class would say they wanna be an astronaut because their costume looks cool. But it seems that partner(YOU) kept assuming that I'm serious about it. No, I'm not. But every time I opened up about what I really feel, they(YOU) always dismiss my feelings by saying "Ooohh you're just saying this because you're tired/ you haven't made much progress yet. You'll get over it." No, I'm not just tired of putting efforts on a silly fantasy, I'm tired of them(YOU) not listening to me and smothering me like a child. I'm their(YOU) partner, not their child/project. I seriously can't take it anymore. I've reached my limit. I can't take it anymore. I'm breaking up with them.

So you see, both of you mean well, but what both of you lacked were mutual comprehension and open communication.

This is what I meant when I mentioned that you are called to let go of control because let's face it, you have a tendency to behave like someone's parent, rather than be their friend.

And doing right by those you love and showing up for them in your own love language is great for you. But you also need to be aware of this crucial thing:

No matter how genuine and intense your love is for someone, people tend to appreciate that effort and sincerity in their own preferred love language.

So imposing YOUR love language on someone else will likely be misunderstood and unappreciated because you showed love in a way that YOU wanted it to be expressed. But you might have the tendency to forget that other people might prefer various love languages different from yours.

It doesn't mean that you loved them less, there was just a bit of... mistranslation in the form of love given. So, with the first card, you are called to let go of this mindset that "Everything thinks and has the same values as me" because let's face it, they don't.

I'm sorry with how harsh the first card reading is but as always, I'm just a interpreter and messenger in readings like that. Feel free to not claim it if you don't resonate. Just like everyone, you too have free will, never forget that. Okay?

So the next card is suggesting that you let go of this hyper awareness and over-analyzing habits. This includes reading between the lines and hiding meaning in every little thing that inconvenienced you.

It's giving, making "everything into a sign that ..(insert worst case scenario) is gonna happen." My dear, please, for your own sanity, stop catastrophizing everything.

You are not in danger. No one is out to get you. Not everyone is an enemy. You are not the villain in everyone's eyes. You are safe to exist as you are. No one is judging you. Okay? Give yourself some grace and compassion please. Stop worrying about things you can't control. Stop maladaptive daydreaming of worst case scenarios when something goes out of your plan. I repeat, YOU ARE NOT IN DANGER. Calm down and take it easy, okay?

Even if things fall apart, you will make it out alive and it will be in your favor. It's because the more you catastrophize, the more you tend to hyper-focus on everything going wrong, while you disregard everything that's going right. So please, for the sake of your sanity, chill the fudge down... Go take a solo trip for your sanity. You need a freaking vacation from your overthinking. Do yourself some good and treat yourself. You deserve it.

Last thing you are called to let go off is your cut-off game. TBH this was the loudest message from your last card.

Just because they've inconvenience you because they don't know exactly how you wanted things to turn out without you giving them clear instructions, it doesn't give you the right to berate them.

It seems that you're quick to lose your temper and refuse all logic beyond your comprehension. So with the last card, it seems that you're called to learn to see things in different perspectives and to learn to speak and communicate with compassion.

Now they are multiple videos on YouTube about it, so just pick and choose which one you feel called to watch and take notes of.

Channeled song for you is:

8th random shuffle from my dice throw

Last Intuitive Message to end this reading:

Now this song, I found it quite interesting because it seems that this is your Future Self saying good bye to the old you. It's like a revenge glow-up theme song for you.

I doesn't feel like it someone you've been lowkey controlling over that's sending this song. Though some lines tend to suggest it does. But overall, the song is like a glow-up villain era theme song for you~

It's like your Future Self is at that time of your life where you've matured and evolved in a way that makes you happy and proud of your own character development.

Thank you for taking the time to participate in my new ask game.

Feel free to head back into my ask inbox to send your feedback.

If you want an in-depth extended version of your reading, please head into my Paid Readings and purchase a reading with me.

Want to show me a bit of appreciation other than your feedback, I accept tips in my Buy-Me-A-Coffee link.

[needanaccount2readarcaneposts]

It's clear to me that the writers did not really put much thought into the AU beyond ~vibes~, but if I had to square it with Am*nda Ov*rton's godawful headcanon about Vi's death changing things, it might be something vaguely like:

Everything plays out pretty much the way it already did up until S1E1.

Vi dies in the heist; the rest of the kids are arrested.

Silco, who already has his cannery full of Shimmer & goons, sees the opportunity and jumps on it.

He makes the same pitch to Vander: "Join me and fight. I don't need to beat them. I just need to scare them." As in: rattle Piltover badly enough that it brings them to the negotiating table.

Crucially, Vander's motivations have now changed. In the main timeline, he rejects Silco's offer in order to protect his children; in good timeline, he now has a reason to accept: to save his children.

Together, he and Silco reach a compromise that takes advantage of the high-profile nature of Vi's death.

Between Silco's network and Vander's community-building, they organise city-wide labour strikes to bring Piltover's economy to a standstill. Mines, factories, docks, everything. These strikes are backed up by Shimmer - enforcers and strike-breakers sent to intervene get to FAFO.

After the first round of successful strikes, Vander's remaining children are released without charges, but now that Zaun has successfully mobilised and achieved something, and has Shimmer as a line of defence, the strikes continue. Demands may or may not include any combination of: reparations, workers' rights, profit shares, environmental protections, legal protections, self-determination (council representation? devolved government? full independence?), etc. etc. etc.

Unable to break the Shimmer-backed strikes and with a significant portion of their economy knee-capped, public sentiment in Piltover starts to turn against those Councillors unwilling to negotiate.

Eventually, the public and economic pressure wins out, and Piltover enters into negotiations with Zaun.

Without the yoke of Piltover's exploitation around their neck, this begins the process of kick-starting Zaun's own development towards what we see in episode 7 (with an assist from Heimerdinger who pops in approximately 4 years into this timeline).

Shimmer is still around in a limited capacity (you can see it here and there in some of the chemtech lanterns), but primarily used for chemtech and medical purposes (likely still a valuable export in this regard, boosting Zaun's economy independently of Piltover).

The notion that, "Silco just went and got his eye fixed in Piltover!" is... lol. Like it isn't a whole plot point in S1 that even with all the trade & knowledge exchange in the world, Piltover can't do shit for the kinds of chronic/degenerative conditions caused by toxic waste in Zaun, and that even in S2, an actual Piltover Councillor needs to use Shimmer for his pain management. BUT SURE, let's just say that because this is an 'everything worked out' AU, bodyswap Heimerdinger reconciled with Singed and they made super-mega-turbo medical advancements or some shit, why not.

TL;DR I resent the idea that Vi's death just made Piltover decide to ��stop oppressing✨ Zaun, and instead prefer to attribute it to her death being the catalyst for mass direct action, backed up by real force, in order to force concessions from Piltover.

Edited to add: I think this slots in well with S2, mess that it is, for a couple of reasons:

Going back to S1, it dovetails in extremely neatly with characters and their motivations as they exist in S1 Act 1, and how those characters' actions and choices exist in a web of cause-and-effect with other characters and the setting. Vi's death & the kids' imprisonment changes Vander's motivations (the lynchpin) -> Vander allied with Silco is able to moderate his plans -> both of them, as former miners-turned-revolutionaries, likely have a history of labour organising -> the domino effect begins to fan out.

Likewise, topside, it puts the Kiramman family under pressure because someone died on their property -> they have a history of philanthropy (sponsoring Jayce) and doing at least one (1) charitable thing for the undercity, so Cassandra is likely to lead the side of the Councillors arguing for negotiating with Zaun -> etc.

Good Timeline Vander is wearing a very similar fit to the exact outfit we see Silco wearing on the Day of Ash, has stolen his revolutionary manbun look, and has a Hound of the Underground tattoo (amongst others) where he used to wear his brace. To me, this visual language is intended to suggest that he set aside the guilt and fear that immobilised him (the bracer) and took up the cause of Zaunite liberation once more.

It allows for a parallel where Vi becomes the face of this movement, even though she never intended to be, just as main timeline Jinx becomes a symbol of the revolution without ever meaning to.

After making that essay about all my gripes with act three, I wanna delve into what rubbed me the wrong way about episode seven. Now, don’t get me wrong, it is my second favorite episode of the season (right behind episode four) but everything just felt off, and now I’m able to explain why.

It felt fake. Artificial. Too good to be true. Too polished. Everyone in Zaun was basically a Piltie lite and I hated to see it. I know Zaun doesn’t even technically exist, as it never did officially get its freedom, but Piltover and Zaun are known as twin cities for a reason. They are intertwined, yes, but also completely different. Zaun has its own vibe. It’s punk, patchwork, unpolished, mismatched. But also vibrant, brilliant, thoughtfully crafted and beautiful in its own way. It’s unique. It feels so real, and for the au to strip all that away and make Zaun feel like a shell of its former self was not it.

Zaun has such a rich culture. Not without its own host of flaws ofc, but what culture is perfect? And obviously there are political reasons for why Zaunites do things the way they do (it’s because Piltover’s oppressions forces them to get creative). While I resent the reasons as to why Zaunites have to be so resourceful and creative, I adore the things they were able to build in spite of their hardships. Makes me identify with Zaun even more. The au took all that away. Everything that made Zaun what it is wasn’t there, and I didn’t care for it.

Furthermore, the whole au falls apart if you stop and think about it. Why would Vi’s death be anything more than a drop in the bucket to Piltover? They had been oppressing Zaun for centuries? Vi is not only a Zaunite, but she was also a teenager. There’s a lot to be said about how teenagers aren’t really seen as kids by a lot of folks, and are “less innocent” and their lives are seen as “less important” (though ofc no one would admit that have that kind of bias). Plus when you consider that by virtue of being a Zaunite, Vi would already be considered “less than”, her life would not matter to Piltover WHATSOEVER. Best case, and I do mean best case scenario, they give Vander some financial compensation so he could afford to give Vi the proper funeral she deserves. But I’d bet money they never would’ve even considered doing that if I’m being realistic.

Also, that’s just a horrible message to send. Vi, the parentified child, who spent her whole life fighting like hell to protect her loved ones, had to die in order for not just her family, but her city to flourish. HUH??? That’s an awful thing to imply! Vi dying would NOT have lead to everyone else being fine. It would not have led Vander and Silco to forgive each other. It would NOT led to Zaun prospering economically. It would not have led to Zaun becoming just like Piltover in the worst of ways. That doesn’t even make any sense! Correlation does not equal causation, but those two things have no correlation to begin with! Obviously I know that’s not the message the writers meant to convey, but that’s what they ended up doing imo, and I don’t like that.

Lastly, why are we acting like Hextech is the problem? The oppressive system of Piltover existed way before Hextech came along, so why would its lack of being there affect things that much? Cause if not Hextech, some other revolutionary technology would’ve been invented that somehow only benefits some and hurts everyone else who isn’t as privileged. And yes, ofc I know Hextech only exists precisely BECAUSE of the systemic inequalities between Piltover and Zaun, but it is by no means wholly responsible for these inequalities. Responsible for widening the gap between Piltover and Zaun? Yes! Responsible for the existence of the gap in the first place? Hell no! And it felt like it was framed that way.

Anyways TL;DR I wasn’t a fan of the au episode because I felt like it unintentionally sent a horrible message and didn’t stay true to what makes Zaun, Zaun. It ripped out all its best parts and functionally turned it into Piltover Jr. and a fan of that I am NOT

[faebriel]

I would love you rambling abt your double life fic..

then ramble i shall nonnie!! :D scottpearl is so deranged i love them

both scott and pearl (it's more evident on scott's end because he's the pov character) are torn between bitterness and wanting. pearl is much more open with is - her want is present tense, while scott firmly considers his as past. she wants, he wanted.

but you can tell he cares (not in like, a positive compassionate way necessarily, but that pearl bothers him) in these brief flashes where he can't even suppress the hurt in his own head. there's a sickly kind of resentment to scott throughout his own telling of the events (or at least there's supposed to be lol) - it's not entirely unjustified because pearl has hurt herself to hurt scott in the past, but yeah. it's kind of like she's almost always on his mind, but he's just swallowing those thoughts up when they unsettle the 'comfort' he's found for himself. (also, scott has won one of these games before - it's strategic for him to keep note of what's going on with her even when they're not allied. especially because they're not allied.)

The thought is tempting. Too tempting. Tempting enough to bring Scott pause as he feeds his goats, eyes searching for somewhere to lay himself to rest before he summons up the common sense to tell them not to – they fall upon a suspiciously soft-looking mound of grass, right by the ranch’s borders, the kind threaded with tallgrasses and spotted with little flowers. It sits innocuously in a beam of sunshine, just warm enough to be cosy without making him sweat.

it's more of an implication than a theme per se but i think pearl subconsciously drawing scott closer to death (when she's not actively trying to freeze his and also her fingertips off) is a fun idea to play with. i mean, scott kind of mocks the curse in his internal narration when pearl and ren mention it, but he does subconsciously link her to letting his guard down and death. and is that because pearl is cursed? or is it just something the others believe so hard they manifest it into truth? anyway i love unreliable narrators and the worlds they live in

but yeah. scott does this weird thing where he resents pearl for getting herself hurt and waltzes over to her vase to tell her off and is snippy and rude but then just starts. cooking her soup. "you look awful," he tells her, sweeping her shit off the bench so he can cook. "go to bed." tells her that her base looks like shit while clucking over her spending so much time in the snow that she gets sick. he's sick of her but there's a very small part of him that's been extremely repressed (after she abandoned him, thanks) which feels bad for her.

Does he feel bad for her? Maybe a little, in the same way he feels bad for a drenched, feral cat hissing and spitting at him as he walks past. The kind of feral cat that has rabies, lethargic and clingy but foaming at the mouth. Their bite is poison. You’re not supposed to go near them. Scott doesn’t go near them.

i kind of think this paragraph sums it up best? he's not really fond of her, but part of him still does care (even if he refuses to acknowledge that part's existence beyond his own self-preservation). he openly calls her pathetic, but he's still metaphorically fishing around the alleyway to get the cat somewhere warm and dry. when she threatens to hurt herself worse than she already has been ("imagine what I could do on purpose...") scott is viscerally perturbed - not just due to the subject matter, but because it is pearl saying that (even though it's a fairly direct line from everything she has done up to now). and after that, he stops being so fucking snippy too. things get just a little bit too real for him and he reels it back.

(perhaps there's something to be said about how rabies is 99% lethal...)

they're not happy with each other but despite being split apart they are inherently familiar with each other due to their soulbond - like how they organise their chests the same way, and how scott instinctively feels 'safe' with his back turned to pearl even though he does see her as a hinderance and she's been self-destructive to lash out at him before. and he insists she eats, too. it's this complicated mush of self-interest (because of course scott wants to live best he can) and generosity to pearl, especially when he's quite confident she won't stand to receive his help - and in the end, she does reject his help. he doesn't just make her soup (GOOD SOUP!!), he makes her a whole freaking pot of it and leaves the whole thing with her - and she doesn't eat any of it. they're horrible

it's why finding the golden apple is such a throw-off for scott i think? he knows that pearl has been crying about wanting him back, but as far as he's concerned she's just proved that she doesn't care about him and got rightfully burnt for it. the extent to which she values his life only hits him when he finds the golden apple. she could split their soulbond right then and there and guarantee that scott doesn't win the game, making it possible for her to win as the only victor - and not having to worry about a soulmate's death causing her own - but she didn't. it fully hits him that despite how unwell (mentally as well as physically thanks) pearl is, and how she's hurt him on purpose, she doesn't want him dead.

and about two seconds later it hits him that he doesn't want her dead. what a nightmare

and of course. this all comes with the asterisk of not yet. but we're not up to the final session yet :)

(also one last small detail thing but scott just calls tilly "pearl's dog". he'd probably remember the name if he tried but tbh he doesn't care enough about tilly to actually try. for now)

[khodorkovskaya]

so i was looking for an exercise for my lesson with lucien the other day and i was looking thru my documents and stumbled upon this little story i wrote last year when i was procrastinating studying for exams lol. i don't remember if i posted it on here already but i read it again and it's so funny!

and btw fun facts: tania is my london bestie, ira is my manchester bestie, daisy is my oxford bestie. and i just realised that when tania talks about her first kiss she's talking about my zurich friend! the gangs all here lol. but yeah, hope you guys enjoy this fun little story about how 15 yr old me realised she was gay.

It felt like a ritual.

I remember sitting on the floor of my bedroom, surrounded by my schoolbooks and scrunched up pieces of paper, 1984 by George Orwell in my hands and my diary, in the middle of it all, negligently open at some random page filled with black-ink scribbles.

The History exam was coming up and the most efficient way to organise the chaos of my notes, according to my 15-year-old self was to, of course, dump it all on the floor, and sort it into piles. The pile by my bed would be for the chapter on Hitler’s rise to power, the one by the window for the Arab-Israeli conflict and the one by the book shelf would be the pile of scrap notes I would eventually throw in the bin. The sorting was off to a good start, but, soon after emptying all my folders, my drowsy mind wondered away and I could no longer concentrate on the task. I got up and took the brand-new copy of 1984 out of my bag. I had started reading it on the tram on my way from the bookstore and was quite intrigued. Dystopia was by far my least favourite genre and I hated this type of moralistic fiction all together, but 1984 was different. It wasn’t like The Hunger Games, that I had to force myself to read to keep up with the trends, or The Giver, that was part of the school curriculum. Reading this particular dystopian novel, however uninteresting it seemed, had a purpose for me. And that purpose was John.

John was an interesting purpose for sure. He was someone I considered a close friend, despite barely ever talking to him. And, since the start of Year 11, he was also my best friend’s boyfriend. He was about my height, which, me being the tallest person in the year, was quite an achievement, and had an incredibly deep voice for his age, which made him an unintentional authority amongst his peers. His favourite school subject was History, just like mine, and he would often get into long debates about it with teachers. Given his deep and loud voice, people just had to listen to him and, being an exceptionally good student made him even more respected. We were all sure he would have a future in politics some day and me and my friend Tania even nicknamed him “The politician”. Having picked up an interest in politics myself, I just had to get to know him better. I was dying to talk to someone about my newly found interest in the history of North Korea, and, out of the thirty people in my year, John seemed like the only one who would know anything about the subject. During our two-day Duke of Edinburgh hike in Valais, I had managed to find out what John’s favourite books were. Not surprisingly, they were 1984 and Brave New World. I rolled my eyes at how basic his choices were – a 15-year-old boy with an interest in politics obsessing over dystopian fiction, how typical! – but he was my only option, if I ever wanted to have long discussions about international relations with anyone I knew. And so, 1984 it was.

Reading had always been a difficult task for me and, after about five minutes, I couldn’t concentrate on it any longer either. I continued reading, but my mind was already far off, imagining how I would proudly tell John that I knew everything about his favourite book. In my fantasy, he would be slightly shocked, immediately asking me to hang out and talk about it after school. We could go to a park or a café and talk for hours on end and I would tell him about some actually good books like Without You, There Is No Us or Nothing to Envy, both of which were about North Korea and, unlike silly dystopia, were based on facts.

Thinking about John gave me a warm feeling in my body that I couldn’t quite explain. I wanted to daydream about him more and more, replaying unrealistic dreamy scenarios in my head over and over. I noticed that my heart started pounding the more I thought about him and I felt a sudden rush of adrenaline that made my hands a little shaky, as I was holding the book. The feeling was so familiar, yet I couldn’t explain it. I had felt it before, for sure, like when I wanted to be friends with my Physics teacher or when I, for some reason, would wonder what would happen if I became friends with certain girls I never really talked to at school. It probably meant that I wanted to be closer friends with John too. Or…

I opened my eyes wide and lowered the book on the floor. The sudden realisation made me weak in the knees.

…Did this mean that I was in love with John?

I had to tell someone; this was huge! But who would I tell? My best friend was his literal girlfriend! Or did it matter? I mean, as far as I knew, they weren’t having sex. And, if being at that posh private school a couple of years ago taught me anything, it was that serious relationships involved sex. If not, it was just friendship, just like my 6th Grade friendship with my “boyfriend” Vlad. But something told me, my friend wouldn’t approve.

I took out my diary and started writing.

“I can’t hide it anymore,” I wrote my secret in the tiniest handwriting possible. “I love John.”

Seeing it written on paper was thrilling. My hands were shaking uncontrollably, heart echoing in my ears, as I was coming to terms with my own confession.

“And I don’t just like him,” I continued. “I would straight up have sex with him. Oh my god. I love him so much. Why is he so hot?”

Immediately after writing this strange declaration of love, I folded the page into a triangle and taped it closed. It was a strange practice I had kept since childhood for writing my biggest secrets. My diary was a safe enough place to keep my thoughts, but in extreme cases like this one, I had to be absolutely sure that no one would ever find out. The chance of someone reading my diary without permission was small, but I couldn’t risk it.

There it was. My secret was out. Well, to my diary, at least. It was exciting. Thrilling. I was in love! John, my first ever crush – what an exciting milestone! I guess I wasn’t asexual after all. But it was strange that I had felt this feeling before. Did this mean I didn’t want to be friends with all those girls I had experienced similar emotions for in the past? Thinking about John, while having butterflies in my stomach was nice, but I had to investigate further.

Leaving the mess of my History notes on the floor, I started looking for my diary from 7th Grade in my chest of drawers. It was easy enough to find – a roughed-up grey notebook with a picture of an owl on the cover. The last time I had experienced that feeling was when I was getting extra help from my Physics teacher and, since everything was nicely documented in my diary, I could easily get to the bottom of this. By coincidence, when I dropped the notebook on the floor, it opened itself to another taped over folded page, another secret I wanted to keep safe from any intruders. ‘What’s in it?’ I thought, not remembering what I could have written all those years ago. After giving it a thought, I reached for the scissors, and cut through the tape. What I saw there – written in my own handwriting! – shocked me to the very core.

“I had a strange dream yesterday,” it read. “I think I was a man in the dream. I was with Katarina. She was on the bed, wearing a white knee-length nightgown. I stroked her stomach and thighs and spread her legs. And then… I think it’s called giving oral…? It was nice. She orgasmed and I woke up.”

It all made sense… My weird fondness for my Physics teacher in 7th Grade suddenly made sense… And so did my nervousness around Arina in 8th Grade, when we would walk to the bus stop together and I couldn’t stop myself from looking at her cleavage. And so did the endless scrolling on Katarina’s Facebook page, when I would look at photos of her in a bikini and feel a strange tingling at the bottom of my stomach. And so did the fact that when my best friend showed me porn when we were thirteen, I would look at the woman and never at the man. It all made sense. It all came together. There was a reason I felt weird in the girls’ changing rooms. There was a reason, why I wrote a story about kissing a girl for my English class assignment. There was a reason I never fancied any boys at school. There was a reason for everything! I was a lesbian!

But what about John…?

No, I couldn’t be a lesbian, I thought. All those instances I thought about and, even that dream, were just feelings of friendship! I couldn’t be gay. That was impossible. No way. I was normal!

I took my laptop and opened an Incognito tab in my browser.

“Am I gay quiz,” I typed into the search bar. No. That was ridiculous. Of course, I wasn’t gay. But, if my feelings for those girls weren’t love, that meant that I wasn’t in love with John. And I definitely was. And so, I was stuck in a contradictory dilemma. If I was in love with a boy, it would mean that I was a lesbian. But, if I wasn’t, why would I sexually fantasise about a friend? If only there was another option…

I could be bisexual, I thought. The definition did describe me pretty well, but, in practice, I was the polar opposite of what a typical bisexual girl was. It was a label reserved for “sluts”. The only bisexual I knew was my middle school friend Sasha. She was the first one in our friend group to lose her virginity, her nude photos circulating around the school when she was only thirteen. I wasn’t like her and plus, I had no proof that I was sexually attracted to either gender. The “straight” part would be easy enough to prove to the public; I was a girl, after all, so it was only natural to be attracted to men. But to me, the only proof was my desire to talk politics with John. As for being attracted to women, my diary had plenty of proof, but, since I had never acted upon any of my fantasies with girls, did they even have any value? In theory, the word “bisexual” sounded just right, but no one would believe nor accept me. I decided to wait until sharing these thoughts with anyone else. I was only 15 after all; I had plenty of time to figure things out. But, until then, it would be another one of my deepest secrets. So deep, in fact, that I wouldn’t even trust my diary with it.

---

My mum gave me a worried look, as I got out of my room to make myself a cup of tea.

“Are revisions going alright?” she asked in a worried tone, looking me up and down.

“Uhh… Yeah..?” I said quietly, realising that, after discovering not one but two crucial life- changing details about myself, I probably looked mad.

“Ready for the exam?” mum asked again, trying to calm me down. “What’s it gonna be on?”

“Arab-Israeli conflict,” I muttered, avoiding eye contact, as I made my way to the kitchen.

Despite what seemed like the biggest discovery of my life, I quickly forgot about it, once I got to school the following day. I had a crush on a boy after all; why would it matter if I was hypothetically attracted to women? And when you’re fifteen, the hormonal rush of being in love feels like the most important thing in the world. I was convinced that I was going to marry John and, if I was into him, he had to be secretly in love with me too. After all, love was a mutual feeling, right?

After being subjected to the despicable sight of my supposed best friend Daisy and John snogging in front of my locker as usual, I decided that this atrocity had to be put to an end. I had a new life purpose – a new mission! – and nobody was going to stop me. I had to let John know how I felt! How else would he know that we were meant to be and that I wanted to have sex with him? I had to be direct, yet discrete. In a tiny school like this one news spread quickly and, if I didn’t play my cards right, all the thirty people in year would know the secret that I had so carefully folded into a page of my diary the night before.

Brainstorming for ideas of how to let John know about the way I felt was a lot easier than I thought. The answer was in front of me this whole time. The book, the god damn book! The shitty dystopian novel I was trying so hard to get through had finally proven itself useful. I could do the same thing! Give John a piece of paper with the three simple words written on it, just like Julia’s note to Winston; direct, yet discrete, exactly what I was looking for. And, even better, I could simply rip out the page with the love confession straight from the book and give it to John. How clever! And, most importantly, how romantic! Christmas was coming up so John, officially being a part of my friend group, would receive a present from me. It wasn’t weird; we were friends after all and it was only expected of us to give each

other Christmas presents. I would then casually slip the ripped-out page into the bag and, after opening the present, he would see my confession. The plan was brilliant!

I felt like a genius. Even if John wouldn’t be so eager to jump into a relationship with me straight away, this confession would mark him for the rest of his life and that was exactly what I wanted. Back then it seemed to me that, if I was in love, it was going to be for life, so it didn’t matter if John wasn’t in love with me just yet. And I was willing to give him the time to grow and mature. What counted was that he would know about my feelings and that my creative confession would stay with him forever. But the way things played out, wasn’t at all what I was expecting.

After giving John his Christmas present and the ripped-out page from 1984 with the words “I love you” in the middle of it carefully circled in pencil, I waited for a reply. On the 25th of December, I finally got the awaited Facebook message.

“Thanks for the present jacky. Very cool!” it read.

And that was it. “Very cool”, huh? No mention of the page at all. No heartfelt message about how surprised he was to see my confession or, on the contrary, a “I don’t feel that way about you” type of rejection. Hell, even a “don’t talk to me ever again” would’ve been better than nothing! But there it was, the only reply John would ever give me. And at school, it was the same as before. It was like he didn’t even understand the confession. I mean to me, it seemed very obvious! I circled the words “I love you” in the middle of the page, God damn it! Was it that hard to understand? Or maybe, he didn’t notice the page at all, I started thinking. Maybe it had slipped out of the bag or he had accidentally thrown it in the bin with the wrapping paper. Maybe he never saw it in the first place. And what was I supposed to do? Walk up to him and say “hey, did you see the ripped-out page from 1984 in your Christmas present?”. What seemed like the biggest romantic gesture of my life had gone unnoticed; it was like there was no 1984 in the first place.

I started thinking that I was going mad. Did I make this all up? Did I never actually confess anything at all? I mean, frankly, who wouldn’t react to a love confession? If John was aware of my feelings, he would certainly say something about it, not act like nothing had happened. The only proof I had was the mutilated copy of 1984 with page 114 savagely ripped out of it, as if leaving behind a scar. But did I even put it in the bag with his Christmas present?

However soon enough, I got the confirmation that I was not in fact going mad. Daisy, my best friend throughout all of Year 10, knew. And there was no way we were going to remain friends after I had tried to sabotage her relationship with John.

And so, I was back to being lonely, just like I had been in middle school. And finding new friends in a class of only thirty people was going to be tough.

---

After Christmas I had quickly realised that my fear of becoming friendless was largely exaggerated. It wasn’t like Daisy was my only friend in the entire school. It was true that halfway through the school year friend groups had already been formed, but it wasn’t completely impossible to join either clique and talk to people you wouldn’t normally talk to at lunch. It was weird not to spend every break time with John and Daisy, but, after spending some time apart from them, I started to realise that my friendship with them wasn’t as great as I thought. A lot of the times John would go on and on about politics and current events and, despite being interested in the subject, it wasn’t fun; there was nothing exciting about hanging out with the two of them and I started to miss my old mischievous friends Aisha and Jessica from 7th Grade. Luckily for me, this school gave me some options.

The first person I thought of when I brainstormed about who I could become closer friends with was Ira. We took Art together and would occasionally hang out after school. During the October holidays we even went to Montenegro together, so, according to some, we were even considered close friends. What I liked about Ira was that she was unapologetically interested in sex. Despite being a bit of a tomboy and probably the quietest person in the year, contrary to everyone’s expectations, Ira had a long and elaborate list of sexual fantasies. She watched porn, read a lot of erotic fanfiction and had encyclopaedic knowledge of fetishes, kinks and anything sex related. Once you got to know her, the shy innocent-looking girl transformed into a real qualified sexologist – a high priestess of lovemaking! And talking to her about it was fascinating! Now that Daisy was out of the picture, I could spend more time with Ira. I had missed talking about sex after all and Daisy was always too prude to ever bring it up.

The second friend I had, but never got the chance to get close to, was Tania. She was also in my Art class and, just like me, didn’t seem to fit in with any other friend group. But, unlike me, or Ira, or Daisy, Tania was cool. She looked a bit older than the rest of us and had a lot of friends outside of school. Every weekend her Snapchat story would show her partying at her older sister’s flat, drinking Jack Daniels and smoking red Marlboro cigarettes with her Russian friends and, despite never being really interested in alcohol, a part of me really wanted to be a part of this clique. At school however, Tania was mysterious. She didn’t have a friend group or a best friend like everyone else, but it never seemed to bother her. She could effortlessly join anyone else for lunch and, being the prettiest girl in the year, would be welcomed by everyone. And after school, she would often invite the people she liked the most to her favourite place in the entire town – Starbucks. Being one of the few people who actually enjoyed coffee at that age, I would often come along, and we would gossip for hours on end. And, just like Ira, Tania wasn’t afraid to discuss subjects deemed taboo by Daisy, like crushes and sexuality.

One time after Art class, after Daisy had stormed off to yet another snogging session with John, Tania came up to me and Ira and gave us a mysterious look.

“Starbucks?” she said, raising her eyebrows. “Sure thing,” agreed Ira immediately.

“Uhh yes please!” I said, rolling my eyes, eager to talk about how much I despised John and Daisy’s relationship.

On our way to the café, Tania started to bombard us with questions. “Have you ever been in a relationship?” she asked.

“Yeah, when I was 12,” I laughed. “Doesn’t really count, I guess.” “Have you had your first kiss yet?” Tania continued her interrogation. Ira and I shook our heads.

“How do you think your first kiss will go?” she asked.

“I don’t really see it as a big deal,” I said honestly. “I mean to be fair, I don’t think I’ll be in a relationship any time soon, so it’s not gonna be this whole romantic thing.”

“Yeah, it’s not like losing your virginity,” Ira agreed. “Would you do it, if it was a dare?” Tania asked. “Sure,” I said. “It’s not a big deal.”

Tania sighed and gave it a thought.

“Because look,” she said in a quieter tone. “I was doing a bise to a guy and we accidentally kissed on the lips. That doesn’t really count, right?”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” I said. “I feel like it’s an awkward thing everyone has experienced. I mean I’ve accidentally kissed my family members on the lips a couple of times and it’s not like a first kiss, you know?”

“Yeah, same,” Ira confirmed. “I mean it depends how the guy reacted, I guess. If it was just an awkward slip up it doesn’t really count.”

“What makes it worse though is that my first real kiss, like with tongue and everything, was a dare,” continued Tania. “I feel like it doesn’t really count either, you know?”

“Why not?” I asked.

“Well, it’s not like I was dating the guy. We were just drunk and played truth or dare. I didn’t even tell him it was going to be my first kiss,” she explained. “Like… does that even count? Like… I’ve never been in a real relationship, you know…?”

“Well, neither have I,” I reassured her. “Who cares? We’re fifteen, it’s the perfect time to be single.”

“Yeah, but I feel weird,” Tania sighed. “You had a boyfriend when you were twelve, it still counts. And you,” she turned to Ira, “you went on a date with Chris in Year 7.”

“Come on, don’t bring that up!” Ira playfully punched Tania’s arm. “Ouch!”

“Yeah,” I stood up for Ira. “It happened when we were kids. Those weren’t real relationships. It’s perfectly normal to be single at our age. I mean come on, do you want to be like Daisy and John?”

Ira stuck her tongue out, mimicking the pair. We laughed.

As we got our overly expensive Starbucks coffees, we decided to play one of our favourite games, “Fuck, marry, kill”. The rules were simple; you would be given three people and you would have to say, which of the three things you would want to do with them.

“Ummm,” hesitated Ira. “How about Daisy, John and… Mr Gilbert!”

“Oh no,” I laughed. “Okay… Kill Daisy – sorry Daisy! Fuck John. And marry Mr Gilbert with his very attractive Swiss teacher’s salary.”

“Smart choice,” laughed Tania. “I’d have to agree.”

“I’d kill Mr Gilbert actually,” said Ira. “Imagine spending the rest of your life with an old guy at your house. ‘You have to pay attention’,” she mimicked the teacher’s voice and hand gestures. “Miss me with that bullshit! I’d kill him off and marry Daisy. I mean she’s my friend, so I wouldn’t mind her.”

“A year ago I would’ve said the same thing,” I said. “But nowadays she’s so annoying.”

“Don’t even get me started,” Tania rolled her eyes. “Ditching her friends to make out with a fugly loser. She’s honestly such a bad friend.”

“For real,” I nodded and took a sip of my caramel macchiato.

As the school was so small, when we’d tried all the possible combinations with the boys in our year, we had moved on to girls, the options “fuck” and “marry” being purely metaphorical of course. But, after my big discovery, the game made me nervous. I didn’t want anyone to know my secret and openly saying that I would fuck a girl would be way too suspicious, even if I didn’t mean it.

“Okay,” continued Tania. “How about Caitlin, Gemma and Lisa?”

“Hmm I’d say fuck Caitlin, marry Lisa and kill Gemma…?” said Ira without giving it a second thought. “I’ve never really talked to Gemma, so if one has to go it’s gonna be her.”

“And you?” Tania turned to me. I was getting nervous.

“I’d kill Gemma too,” I started out with the easiest option. “And probably fuck Caitlin…? I mean, if I absolutely had to, I would. I wouldn’t really want to fuck her because she’s cute, but not like hot, you know? But like if I had to, I would. But I wouldn’t. She’s not really my type.”

“Wow you’re really getting into this, huh?” laughed Ira.

“No, I get it,” reassured Tania. “I mean it’s if you had to, that’s the point of the game. Like you’re not attracted to girls, I get it.”

“I…,” I paused. “I think I am.” And that was my coming out.

---

Just like telling John that I loved him with a ripped-out page from 1984, the fact that I had told Tania and Ira that I was attracted to girls didn’t change anything at all. They quickly brushed it off and the topic was never brought up again, as if I hadn’t confessed to anything in the first place. My two most important discoveries ended up having no impact on my life whatsoever and, to the confusion of my dramatic fifteen-year-old self, the world didn’t stop or even slow down to acknowledge the importance of the findings of my inner world. What did have a lot of impact, however, was the development of my friendship with Tania and Ira and the presence of a certain mysterious substance otherwise known as alcohol.

Alcohol had always been something I was absolutely terrified of, the smell and taste of it reminding me of my dad’s lavish parties and, later, the blank stare of my mum’s new husband, who, without invitation, had moved in to live with us when I was fourteen. The thought of getting drunk made me nauseous and, as a child, I had sworn to myself that I was never going to drink this disgusting substance ever in my life. However, as time progressed, I had to come to terms with the fact that, just like sex, alcohol was something I had to accept, going into adulthood.

The summer before Year 10 was the first time that I had really gotten drunk. My cousin suggested to sneak out of the house past midnight and go drink beer with the soldiers at the military base hidden in the nearby forest. Loving adventure, I immediately accepted and, after making sure that everyone was asleep, we put on mascara and tiptoed to the small convenience store by the train station to buy a couple of beers.

“These are for the guys,” she picked up a sixpack of Baltika. “And these ones are for us,” she gave me a cute pink bottle with raspberries and passion fruit on the label.

The soldiers were more than happy to see us. Who wouldn’t be happy to see girls after a whole year of compulsory military service in the middle of nowhere? They showed us to the hole in the barbed wired fence and led us to the garage, proudly showing us the new paint job they had recently completed on a big and menacing-looking military vehicle. Looking back, there were so many ways this reckless adventure could have gone wrong, but ignorance was bliss and, luckily for us, the soldiers we stumbled upon were honest and well-mannered guys. They could probably tell we were so young, despite us trying our hardest to convince them we were eighteen, and were very polite and courteous. Sharing a beer with them while listening to their captivating stories about life in the army was fascinating and the presence of alcohol didn’t bother me at all. The sparkling raspberry and passion fruit drink was tasty and not scary at all. Maybe alcohol wasn’t as bad as I had thought it to be.

My prejudice had completely disappeared once I had started drinking with Tania. For my sixteenth birthday she had organised a surprise party for me and, after doing shots of vodka with her and our friends, there was no way I was going back to the boring strolls around the lake with Daisy I had previously called “going out”. In fact, there was no way I was going back to Daisy at all; Tania had not invited her nor John to the surprise, making it the final straw in our friendship breakup. Soon enough my Friday nights were spent sharing two bottles of rosé with Tania, while eating pizza and snorting snuff off the living room chair.

Although it was just tobacco, sniffing lines of anything felt thrilling. It felt like the beginning of a new life; I was entering into the booze-filled and rebellious age of adolescence I had seen in movies. Soon enough I was going to become the main character of a teen drama everyone’s loser parents were worried about, and I couldn’t wait to see what this kind of life had to offer.

[conscharacterscentralised]

💯 and 💙 for any OC(s) u choose!!

I’ll be doing the 6 main OCs for Operation Peridot (Caleb, Jason, Maribel, Lewis, Mina and Siân) as well as my deity OCs (Eris, Carina, Aster, Pyre, Vanta, Danielewski, and Unnamed) as they’re the only ones that 💙 applies to. Also sorry this is long lol, I love discussing my OCs (thanks so much for the ask!)

Caleb Booth:

💙: As a part of Operation Peridot, all characters involved with Iridium Orbs can utilise powers associated with one word. For Caleb, that word is contain. He mostly utilises it for self-preservation purposes (contain yourself) and for keeping his powers in check (contain it), but also is useful for binding powers together. He also uses it to seal objects away from him, or to seal himself away from the outside world as a form of shield.

💯: Caleb is a huge fan of panel shows (a subset of comedy shows often involving comedians, a fairly simple premise and a lack of meaning for points) with his favourite being one I made up called Sleight of Hand about truths and lies (though real life panel shows he’d enjoy are Would I Lie To You and The Unbelievable Truth); he is ambidextrous, initially left handed but when his corruption set in he started to use his right hand more to compensate; Caleb would never use any forms of social media due to fears of being traced.

Jason Anastas:

💙: His associated word is warp. He mostly uses it in the form of portals and distortions

💯: He joined the organisation when he ran away from home thinking his parents wouldn’t accept him for being trans, turns out they did now he’s got superpowers and a supportive family (woo!); his favourite food is anything breakfast related, especially eggs; his favourite place is in urban locations at 3am.

Maribel Ignacio:

💙: Her word is fire. She mostly uses it in an arson way, but has recently started to be more creative, such as boosting luck (you’re on fire!) and charm (you’re looking fire). She has also used it to make enemy guns go off (aim and fire)

💯: She is a keen gardener and really likes roses; her favourite video game is Super Smash Bros Ultimate (she mostly plays random but secretly she hopes for Roy/Chrom or Samus/Dark Samus to show up); tried to make her middle name Danger when she transitioned but her family wanted a more namey name instead, she went with Gaia “because if I can’t be powerful, I’ll be the Earth herself!”.

Lewis Ford:

💙: His word is stun. He uses it to stun people.

💯: He is the least creative person on the team, and the only person to only have one use for their word; his default pose in pictures is finger guns; his nickname “Fore” comes from initially being the fourth person on a previous team before joining up with Maribel and Mina but said team didn’t really get to know him outside of being the fourth member, so out of spite he’s always number four even when there’s less than four members.

Sae Mina:

💙: Eir word is chill. Ey mostly use it to freeze their settings and to make things colder, though ey also occasionally use it to relax and unwind (chill out) which can act as a local anaesthetic ala laughing gas.

💯: Eir name is written in eastern order (last name, first name) which has led to many people calling em Sae as eir first name when it’s not; Mina primarily uses ey/em/eir pronouns but does like ae/aer and she/her; once Mina and Jason were bored and combined their powers for a “drug trip” (in reality it was just them chilling out and relaxing to weird warped visuals but it did help them relax).

Siân Nevitt:

💙: Its word is bounce. She mostly uses it to deflect attacks and to run away (gotta bounce). She has also used it to survive long jumps down.

💯: Doesn’t actually like basketball or any sports despite what her word may imply; actually has blue hair but due to experimentations in her youth her hair turned silvery white with a purple corrupted streak (it doesn’t mind and thinks it looks cool); has way too many board games and jigsaws at any point in time.

Eris:

💙: Power to create gods and other godlike entities, domain over every world in existence. Powerful reality bender

💯: has existed for a very, very long time now and doesn’t remember her original family or purpose, has taken to rebuilding a new family to help; thinks the best thing mortals have created is cherry flavoured cola; his child self has once been brought back to haunt over a small town by transforming the residents into monsters unwillingly, but has since been freed from the curse and now has a new son… yay?

Carina:

💙: Messenger to Eris, can see basically anything with xyr third eye, can warp to any universe they please

💯: Favourite animal is a turtle, probably related to her enjoyment of the Discworld series of novels; uses Tumblr (it runs a blog dedicated to shipping the Milky Way and the Andromeda galaxies) and is cursed with the knowledge of what a Tumblr sexyman is; first became a god/deity by wishing on a star to join it and sometimes watches over past/alternate versions of herself and her family.

Aster:

💙: Deity of fluidity, stars and wishes. Can grant wishes within certain reasons

💯: Was the one to make Carina into a deity so technically he’s her dad, but also they’re siblings thanks to Eris doing the hard work… not like it matters because they’re technically unrelated; very aroace and very bigender; on account of her arms constantly melting, doesn’t really like doing super fiddly things like Legos and origami

Vanta:

💙: God of darkness, nightmares, etc. He has recreated towns, people and situations to torment humans in and to make them break and submit to his will. Not a very pleasant guy

💯: First became a deity by disturbing natural spirits who cursed him to be only a shadow for his hubris, unfortunately he thrived on being one; once tried to scare some deer by uncanny valleying himself into one and accidentally caused a national scare of deer disease and gave a 9-year-old boy nightmares (that boy turned out to be another OC called Xander); surprisingly not into horror, but is into high fantasy shows (like Game of Thrones), has consumed a very large amount of isekai anime that way. Extra fun fact: he has tried many times to usurp Eris as the full holder of power in the spaces between but has failed. Repeatedly. Not out of lack of trying, Eris is just better than him.

Pyre:

💙: Minor domain over fire and twins. Can set itself on fire at will

💯: It is the child that set Eris free of the curse, as a thank you it is now a god instead of dying alongside the curse that brought it back to life (it’s complicated…); doesn’t quite understand what being a god entails and thus mostly just follows their alive, non godly twin sibling in the real world as they solve mysteries and do cool stuff without him; due to the fact that both of them have orange skin and are not fully solid, Aster considers Pyre to be her successor and is trying to beef with it, Pyre doesn’t understand and thinks Aster is the coolest.

Danielewski:

💙: Servant of Vanta, but also holds minor domains over music. No special powers

💯: In real life he used to be called Daniel Lato and was a part time SynthV producer under the pseudonym Danielewski (mostly used Eclipse Studio synths like SOLARIA and ASTERIAN), but was murdered and brought back by Vanta; doesn’t require the mask he wears, he thinks it makes him look cool; his favourite book is House of Leaves, favourite game The Stanley Parable, favourite non-vocal synth producer/band Tally Hall (he especially likes Miracle Musical II)

Unnamed:

💙: Servant of Vanta, holds minor domain over writing. Has minor healing hands and can perform other weak spells.

💯: In life, her name was Esme Lin and she was a ghost writer, upon resuscitating Danielewski and forfeiting her own life to rebirth them as gods she went by Unnamed to reflect how she felt in life: unnoticed and unrecognised; her body is covered in magical scarring from her ritual; she and Danielewski frequently have dance-offs in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep.

(Quick note: both Daniel Lato and Esme Lin exist outside of their god forms in another universe, hence why I will not be tagging them in here, I will expand upon the still living Daniel and Esme in another post hopefully)

[darkestrellar]

Svern in his Darker Than Black verse is fun, because a core theme of the series revolves around "contractors" and the way they are viewed. (People who appear for all intents and purposes like normal humans, and indeed often were "normal" before becoming a contractor [often purely by chance] but are considered monsters lacking humanity in part due to possessing often highly dangerous superhuman abilities... but largely because they don't "normal" human emotions - cold, remorseless killers who act in their best interest at all times, with no loyalty to sentiment, operating purely rationally... sound familiar?)

This idea is challenged as the series goes through and introduces many different contractors, giving glimpses into their lives, pasts, and what goes into their heads, while repeating this "emotionless inhuman contractor" mantra, and yet questioning and giving hints whether this is in fact an accurate judgement to pass wholesale.

With these as the characteristic traits, in theory Svern would make a great contractor... nothing would really change besides abilities.

That's also really boring, though. And it misses out for some great added perspective, or commentary(?) on the whole "contractors are inhuman because they're weird" thing that the show has going on.

So, Svern is a normal human being. He's his usual self. That's really it. He joins up with an organisation that aims to prevent, uh, a project that would cause contractor genocide basically, because that sucks and he's again lowkey pissed at the whole "oh these guys are not human they're weird and dangerous (and so we hate them)" thing.

But you know, even there, he's looked down on because he's just a "normal" human, and therefore still an outlier. So he doesn't really like most of his coworkers either. Normal Svern situation. Nobody knows what's up with him. He's a regular guy (lol) who "behaves" like a contractor. He serves himself and his interests only. Although...

He does have a soft spot for "dolls", who are even more extreme in that they barely express emotions or desires at all (again, the belief being that they don't have any and are therefore not "really" humans, which is again challenged throughout the series). Dolls are basically used as utility by both pro- and anti-contractor organisations and are in an even worse situation than contractors because they don't have any powers to defend themselves and don't stand up for themselves.

To say Svern cares deeply about the mistreatment dolls face isn't wholly accurate either, him being him, but the attitudes on their lack of emotiveness making them lesser than human do grind his gears, so if he had to pick a personal agenda, it would be improving the situations of those ones that he can (like the two who he works with).

[badwithten]

Blood Thirsty | CHRISTMAS EVEL - STRAY KIDS ADVENT CALENDAR

PAIRING vampire!Bangchan x fem!reader

GENRE horror

WORD COUNT 2.5k

WARNINGS blood, violence (kinda, chan bites y/n neck lol), mentions of nudity, suggestive but no smut

SYNOPSIS It was your first Christmas with Chan and things were looking good. You had recently moved into an apartment with him, organised a Christmas dinner for all the members and had mistletoe hanging round every corner (any excuse to give him a kiss). But as Christmas gets closer, something about Chan seems off. His skin is cold and he won’t stop looking at you like a starved man who's just seen food for the first time. 

MASTERLIST

Chan was always a hard worker. Whether it was school when he was younger, the success of Stray Kids or his own self-improvement, there was constantly something he was working towards and he wouldn't rest until he achieved his goal. This meant you often spent nights alone waiting for him to come back from the studio. Although all was forgiven when you woke up to him holding onto you, head buried into your chest finding comfort in your warmth. You’d leave him sleeping, enjoying his company that you often didn't get much of due to his busy schedule. But recently you had been waking to an empty cold bed. 

Every now and again you would wake up by yourself. Either Chan was busy on schedule, staying in some faraway hotel or you'd wake with your phone blown up with apology texts about how he's staying in the studio tonight. Although you missed him during these times, you knew it wouldn't be long till you saw him again.

Things had been different the last month, instead of this only happening every couple of weeks, it happened every couple of days. He’d disappear with no explanation, but you could tell when it was coming. He would become very attentive to your every need, smothering you with love, cooking you meals and buying you gifts. It’s not that you didn't appreciate it, but it bought you sadness knowing what would come next. While he was caring for your needs, he would ignore his own, and refuse care from you. Soon he would become pale, his face losing any light it ever had. Instead replaced by the grey from under his eyes. His late nights at the studio would turn into early morning arrivals. Trying to sneak back into bed unnoticed but failing. Soon there would be no arrivals, just countless days without seeing him. He wasn't ignoring you, he'd still respond to your every text and call. But he refused to come home. Then when he did arrive it was like he was reborn, he was so full of energy and life, it was hard to believe it was the same Chan that left only days earlier. And then the cycle would begin again, his needs ignored while he treated you like a goddess. 

You trusted Chan very much, his love was rooted deep in your soul and you know he would never do anything purposely to rip it out. But when you contacted the members and discovered he wasn't disappearing to the dorms or the studios on his days away from home you grew worried. Maybe he was cheating? Maybe he had gone full Walter White, creating something more than music. Whatever it was, you weren't happy with him. Yet he always managed to avoid your questions, moving the conversation away from him and pampering you like he always did. But with the holiday season coming up, you refused to spend this time of the year alone. 

“Hey my darling” His voice, although surprising, was very welcome. You look over the back of the couch where you sat, book in your lap. Chan was just coming home after his few days out, wearing the same clothes as last you saw him despite seeming clean and well groomed. He dumped his stuff at the door and made his way over to you. First catching your face in a kiss, he practically moaned into your mouth, the wet kiss making up for any anger you had built up for him. His arms came down over your shoulders and he pulled away, head resting on your neck where he continued to place hard kisses. “I missed you” 

“Me too” Your hands held tightly against his forearms, scared to let you, afraid he will slip away into the unknown if you let him out of sight. After a long moment of holding each other, Chan stands, stretching out his back and going to attend to the mess he left at the door.

“Chris?” Hearing his birth name spoken catches him off guard, his lips pursing and eyes growing large in curiosity. “Can I talk to you? Please?”

“Yeah of course” He once again leaves his bag at the door, joining you on the couch where he folds up his legs and takes your hands. “Is something wrong?”

“You’ve been out so much lately and” He opens his mouth to defend himself but you hold up a hand, telling him to just listen. “And I’m trying to trust you and I’m trying to have faith. But it's getting really hard being here alone Chris. I mean this is our first home together and I spend all my time here by myself.”

“I’m sorry Y/N, I really am. I don’t mean to be this way, I just get so caught up in life” He looks truly sympathetic, but he always does and nothing ever changes. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise”

“Yeah, that's my next point” You chew at your lip nervously, knowing he's either going to brush this off with some half-assed excuse or tell you he’ll stay before leaving in a couple of days. “I want you here, no, I need you here for the holidays. I can’t stand being alone anymore and I understand you're busy. But all I’m asking for is December with no disappearances. Please”

“I’m not disappearing Y/N, I’m just work-”

“You know what I mean, please Chan, for me?” He melted under your touch, your voice soothing him after a day of stress. How could he say no to you?

“This is nice” The soft bubbles that held you didn't compare to the feeling of him completely holding you in the almost too-hot water. It was a scene out of a movie, you and your lover sat together in a bath, candles lit and a strawberry-scented bubble mixture covering your bodies. It was intimate, but not sexual. Both of you were exhausted and just needed the familiar touch of each other to ground yourselves. Your head sat against his shoulder, it allowed you a view of his face. He was at peace, a rare sight you needed to take in despite the ever-growing weight against your eyelids.

All he could do is a hum in response, the small weight you felt against your conscience was something he bore against his whole body. Yet you must've slipped away first, waking up wrapped in your rob and placed in bed. Next to you, he lay, body rising and falling with each deep breath. 

You pull yourself away from the comfort of the bed and to the bathroom. Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes and getting properly ready for bed. Starting with caring for your hair, then your skin and finally brushing away the grim of your teeth. When you return to the bedroom, you see Chan sitting up, fluffy hair a mess and skin puffy. He reaches out to you like a child. “You left me all alone over here”

“I’m not that afraid you're gonna leave” You smile down at him, sitting on his side of the bed and falling into his arms. He places a kiss on your temple, squeezing you against him. It seems that he's more afraid of himself leaving than you are. 

Your few days of grace are up. Despite spending every hour of the last few days by your side, he is once again exhausted. He goes to bed before you yet wakes up later. The more sleep he gets, the less he does, and the deeper the bags under his eyes grow. By the time you’re finished in the shower, he's tucked into bed, sleeping tight. Your nighttime routine takes longer than it normally would. You take in every part of him, knowing that tomorrow you’ll wake up and he’ll be gone. 

He always is. 

You have no alarm set for your day off, letting your natural clock and sun wake you. You roll over, finding comfort in Chan's arms, he notices your presence in his sleep and pulls you closer. You lay there for a moment, happy, but soon something else spikes in your stomach. You sit up and rub your eyes, in doing so waking us Chan. “You’re here?”

“What?” Barely any sound leaves him, with only one eye partly open. 

“I thought you'd be gone” You laugh, disappointed in yourself that you doubted him. “But you’re here”

“Hmm” He still can’t process what you're saying, rolling his tongue in his mouth and falling back into a deep sleep. You usually tell him off for sleeping in so late, but this morning you joined him. He was still with you. 

You weren't asleep for long when you woke, the feeling of eyes over your body pulling you back to the land of the living. 

“Hey” You smile up at him, catching him in the act, but he's shameless, continuing to stare you down. 

“Morning” He reaches down and kisses your forehead, before moving to your lips, tasting the permanent stain of your favourite lip balm as well as your morning breath. “Sleep well?” He leans back into his pillow, coughing slightly as his voice adjusts. 

“The best” You cuddle further into his bare chest, fingers running up and down his defined abs. Usually, you weren’t this needy in the morning, but something must've been in the air. “I need you”

Your voice is barely a whisper but he hears you, his hand rubs up and down your side. “Hmm? What was that darling?” You know he’s teasing, you usually try not to give him the reaction he wants in this scenario, but it's been so long that you can't help yourself. 

“Please” You're not any louder than you were before but he seems happy. Guiding you to sit in front of him, thighs over his hips as he sits up further. Your hands explore his exposed torso as if it's the first time, and his hands do the same, removing your shirt and connecting with your lips once more. It doesn’t take long for the makeout session to get more intense, soon his mouth is on your neck, sucking and nibbling away at the skin while his hands move lower on your body.

“Wait” He pulls away out of breath, his eyes wide and full of panic. He takes a moment to himself, gazes set on where he was on your neck just moments earlier. Eyes on your neck, eyes on you. He switches between you a few times, biting his lip as he does. “I can’t do this, I’m sorry” 

He groans, burying his head in his hands. Confused, you pull his hands away, taking his face in your own. 

“It’s ok, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to” You smile reassuringly. The awkwardness of the moment is interrupted by your stomach rumbling, you both look down. “I think it's time for breakfast, yeah?”

“I’m gonna jump in the shower first but don’t wait for me” 

By the time you’ve finished eating you find Chan still locked away in the bathroom. He reassures you he's fine, just enjoying the hot water, but you have your doubts. Leaving him be you start your errands for the day.

You return to a clean house, finding Chan over his laptop at the dining table. His eyes are so immersed in whatever he's working on that he doesn't notice you enter. You stay silent for a few moments, appreciating the glow he brings to your home. Crouching you place your belongings on the ground, quietly searching through the bags until you find what you are searching for. 

“Chan” You sing out to him, watching as he jumps in his seat.

“Hey love” He smiles despite being shocked, You stroll over to him, a mischievous look in your eyes, hands hidden behind your back. “What's going on?”

“Nothing” You're a bad liar, but this only irks him further.

“Really? Nothing?” He spoke to you as if you were a child, playing along with your games. Rubbing your arm, he tried to expose what you were hiding, but you pull away, a smile remaining on your face.

“Come here, I’ll show you” Taking a few steps away, you speak once again, your voice enchanting him. Standing up from the table, he follows you, each step you take away from him, he takes one towards you. Pulling and pushing until you're up against the wall, lip between your teeth, grinning at him. 

“Now, what was it you were gonna show me?” His hand finds your check, holding it softly. You jump at the touch, his hand cold to the touch. You decide for a moment if you want to tease him any further, but you can’t hold out that long. Instead, you hold your hand over his head, a fake mistletoe decoration now above the two of you. “Is that mistletoe?”

He laughs, his big smile and eyes scrunching the exact reaction you were looking for. “You're so cute”

“You have to kiss me now Chris!” He just looks at you, lips pursed together in amusement. ”Please!”

Just like his hands, his lips are frozen, melting against yours as the two of you move together, hearts beating as one. The kiss goes from sweet and little, to hot and intense much faster than you had anticipated. Despite pushing you away this morning, you had a feeling he needed this more than you did. He was hungry, desperate for you. His knuckles are turning white against your shirt. Occasionally his sharp teeth would catch your lips, making you gasp into his mouth. 

“More” You whine, pushing away his aggressive kisses and begging for him.  His eyes are dark, pupils expanding as he takes in your desperate state. “I need more”

Like a repeat of this morning, he moves from your mouth to your neck, starting with light pecks before it becomes sloppy and aggressive. But once again he stops himself, mouth hovering over your skin. Your hand finds his hair, gripping it tight. “Chan please!”

In your euphoric state, you think he's just teasing you, you don't sense the panic coursing through him. “I’m afraid of losing control Y/N”

“I’m yours Chan'' You want him to lose control, desperate to have the real him in your arms after so long of not having him. Another soft kiss is placed against your neck.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” 

“Let go, Chan”

As soon as those words leave your mouth, he loses any self-control he had, instantly baring his fangs and digging them into your neck. You scream out at the sharp pain. Even with all your strength, it's not enough to disconnect him from your neck. “Chris!” You cry out, tears rolling down your face. You begin to feel lightheaded as he sucks at your neck. Eventually, he steps away, hands still at your side holding you up.

Colour has returned to his face, but this isn't the Chan you know. His face is wild, teeth sharp and protruding from his lips.  Blood, your blood, drips from his mouth, but soon he licks it off of his chin. 

"I know it hurts, I'm sorry, I can't help myself" His voice soothes any pain felt in your neck, but not for long as he goes back in for a second bite. “You just taste so good my darling”

[blvcklizard]

So. I noticed something.

There is obviously a pattern going on with BSD's narrative, the way every enemy ability group (excluding the Port Mafia) fell apart by the end of their arc. And naturally, the same is happening to the Hunting Dogs right now, but the way it's happening is... greatly different from the other organisations.

The Hunting Dogs are from the bottom up self-destructive.

The Guild fell apart after they lost their war against Yokohama's organisations and Moby Dick crashed. The Rats did, basically, after Fyodor's arrest. They fell apart due to outside forces.

And even if you want to consider Fukuchi's betrayal an "outside force", at least in Tecchou's case, the whole thing could have happened on any other mission too. And while Tachihara said that he was okay with being a Hunting Dog, the way he acted during skyfall arc show that even if none of that had happened, at least a part of him would have still chosen the mafia.

The Hunting Dogs are falling apart all by themselves, and it fits the way they were introduced. They're supposedly five random soldiers thrown together to work with each other from now on (and the fact that two of them are former criminals plays into that whole thing even more). They aren't connected by being saved from terrible situations like (the majority of) the agency, by a sense of loyalty and duty (as seen in recent chapters) like the mafia, or even a collective purpose like the DOA. And sure, they get along (some more than others, lol) but ultimately, the only thing that connects them as a group are the chains the gouvernment put on them.

It fits the narrative, but almost all of those groups fell apart (and chances are high that it will happen to the Decay as well), so what's different about the Hunting Dogs? Why are they the only ones that are falling apart entirely on their own?

Partly because their leader is the problem in the first place, of course, as Tachihara mentioned in chapter 90, but... consider what it means for them.

The Hunting Dogs, the fangs of the gouvernment, are falling apart like they were meant to be from the beginning, but it's their own fault. Their own choice. They were never meant to act by themselves, but it's exactly what they're doing right now.

They're destroying themselves before the gouvernment gets the chance to do so.

[blockgamepirate]

DSMP anarchy ramble time again

Wilbur's character keeps sort of sneaking in these criticisms of anarchism that nobody addresses and it's kinda driving me nuts lol

point #1: no regulation of capitalism because "there's no government"

a) there literally is a government? Right? Quackity IS the government in Las Nevadas, or at the very least some kind of authority... also there are still definitely other hierarchical structures present like the prison and whatever you'd call Sam's role as the warden bc he's definitely more than just the warden, he seems to be operating even outside of the prison so basically he's just general law enforcement. It's a weird situation but it's not exactly anarchy

b) capitalism is antithetical to anarchism anyway; capitalism is not just defined as "trade" or "markets" (although those are features of capitalism, they also exist in other economic systems, such as feudalism), capitalism is specifically about private ownership of the means of production and wage labour, which makes it both hierarchical and exploitative. And anarchism isn't just "government bad", it's "coercive hierarchy bad", governments are just one form of it. So if you have capitalism then it's not actually an anarchist society in the first place, whether there's a "government" or not.

To simplify: capitalism is hierarchical because the boss has authority over the workers and because the owner of the business exploits the workers to make a profit.

(and yes this means anarcho-capitalists are full of shit, they try to argue that hierarchies are fine if they're voluntary but there's nothing voluntary about the fact that most people have to work for someone else's benefit under capitalism. Also capitalism requires some form of enforcement of property rights which might not require a government but does require some form of coercive power.)

An anarchist society could in fact have trade, though, because trading itself is not inherently hierarchical or coercive, even though it can be.

c) anarchism doesn't actually necessarily mean "no regulation", because anarchism is about the division of power and the process of decision-making more than it is about a specific type of society. It's about everyone having a say in things that concern them and their lives and their environments, which could mean that some form of regulation could be agreed on if some specific practice is deemed harmful

I don't know if ALL anarchists would agree with this because there are a lot of different forms of anarchism, some more individualist than others, but I think social anarchists generally would

point #2: anarchism doesn't provide a purpose/meaning/whatever the fuck he was trying to say

tbh idk if this one is actually even worth debunking, I mean you don't need a nation or a government or a boss to give your life a meaning and direction. It should be kinda obvious. You can still have community and you can find your own motivations. Tubbo just has trouble separating himself from his life as a soldier and a politician which are the kinds of careers that DO require a state to exist (but even then there are anarchist counterparts to those roles, there would still be need for community self-defence and for community organising, the difference being that neither gives you a position of authority)

I can't remember if there are any other concrete points he's made? These are the two that stuck to my mind, other than that I just remember him saying some vague stuff about disagreeing with anarchism. Maybe something implicit about countries providing security which is honestly just kinda hilariously untrue on the Dream SMP anyway, and also Schlatt was defeated by the people, Dream was defeated by the majority of the server coming together voluntarily to save Tommy and Tubbo, and the Red Banquet was interrupted by an alliance that literally included an outright anarchist. Governments and other authorities actually have a significantly worse track record of protecting people than just voluntary horizontal organising.

(Usual disclaimer about me not being an authority (hah) on anarchism, I'm just rambling. I'm also not really talking about the Syndicate or Techno here bc this is about the criticism of anarchism in general. And I'm aware that this is all c!Wilbur and I don't know where cc!Wilbur is going with this. Hell idek where c!Wilbur is going with yhis bc he keeps contradicting himself on a lot of things and his actual goals and opinions are still a little bit ambiguous.)