#<- THOSE are the lines that weren't subtitled. the story reads much differently when they're included.

[aropride]

tbh. i don't think false reports are as big of a problem as some people would want you to think. it seems like every man seems to know someone who was falsely accused, while every woman knows someone who was assaulted. and i don't think that's because false reports are an actual big problem. i think it's because rapists and abusers don't go around saying "yeah i did that." they're not gonna proudly claim the label. they're gonna say they were falsely accused. they're gonna say the victim was blowing it out of proportion. that it was fine for some arbitrary reason. that they were in a bad mental state. that they didn't mean to hurt the victim. that they had no way of knowing what they did was wrong. that it wasn't rape, the victim just regretted it after the fact. that they just lost control of their feelings. whatever. and their friends are going to believe them, because why wouldn't they? that's their friend, he's a great guy, and only truly evil people (not even people, monsters) can be rapists.

i think if people really understood how incredibly complicated & difficult & humiliating & frustrating reporting is. whether at a school level, at work, or to the police. how much time it takes. let alone the way every person you retell the story to is scrutinizing every word that comes out of your mouth and every slight change in your expression. how people don't look at you the same when you tell them. even if someone doesn't ever report and only tells their story to friends or on social media or whatever. they still will experience the social consequences of that. and those can be devastating. and i think if people understood that they would be less likely to believe the "false reports" narrative.

not to say that false reports never happen. i'm sure they do. but i don't think they're nearly as common as some people, especially men, will claim they are.

and if you ask me, i think a lot of the people echoing that idea believe it wholeheartedly, and i think some of those people are rapists and abusers. and they can't look at what they did and call it what it is. because they thought it was okay (they ignored clear signs of discomfort), because they were in a bad mental space (they just wanted to feel close to someone), because the victim was wearing a short skirt (they were asking for it), because they just got caught up in their feelings (which they see as more important than the victim's), it's not like they had a weapon or anything (a vast majority of sexual assaults don't involve a weapon at all), whatever. and so they say "false reports are a real problem." they say "i was a victim of false reporting. it ruined my reputation for a while, until she dropped the case." they say "my friend was falsely accused, he had to switch schools." they say "it's one of the cruelest things you can do to someone, to falsely accuse them of something like that." they say "the sentence for false accusations should be just as bad as the sentence for rape." they say "people are innocent until proven guilty," as though they are the us legal system and not a friend of someone who's been accused of abuse.

it's just... so frustrating that people care more about false allegations than they do about victims. and i wonder how many people with stories about "false allegations" against them are just avoiding looking at the truth.

(edit to add: i use gendered language in this post not to imply that all aggressors are men, but because most of the people i see using this rhetoric are men protecting other men)