#< want to use this tag because i think its geared towards disordered sys and i wanna get their takes on this

[cavityinmybrain]

maybe it is because i view myself and my system as “parts of a whole” but i’ve never understood the idea of locking away alters who are doing bad actions.

i have at least one part whose whole identity at this moment in time is parroting abusive rhetoric from my parents. they can be cruel and mean and sometimes they go as far as to purposefully trigger us in hopes that we spiral and crash. but i know that this part is 1. a part of me as a whole and 2. a part that was created for a reason.

suppressing a part of myself wont help this part, one that is clearly hurting and still living in trauma times. if i lock this part away im just telling them that what they feel doesnt matter and that i dont care about their attempts to help. my brain couldnt contend with the things my parents said and did to me, so it made a part of me that believed them and told the rest of me the same things. if i believed what my parents said, it didnt hurt as much when they said it.

this part of me lives in trauma time still. they think that this belief is still necessary to keep me safe, as evident by them getting louder when my anxiety is already bad. approaching them with compassion and understanding has helped 1000x more than any attempts i did at suppressing them.

im not saying its easy, and im not saying theyre completely on board with therapy and change. but this part doesnt yell abuse at me anymore. this part isnt as cruel.