#;; please just take this as compensation for my IC absence I am trying

[godsought]

;; ‘ We wonder if it’s loaded ! ‘ clicks it @ ghost repeatedly ‘ no. ‘ godseeker has gotten THE GUN. press A & pray for your life

[mymindwide]

Love me right

Pairing: Ashton x Female reader

Word count: 3277

Warning: smut with fluff, and the slightest of dom vibe. Foreplay in the shower.

Summary: A tour separated you and your boyfriend for two months and you missed each other. ;)

Author’s Note: just enjoy it, and you know, if you feel like, drop a feedback. :)

******

It’s been two months since he left for the tour, and today you can see him again. This whole situation is still new for you, since this was the first time you two were separated for such a long time during your almost one year being together. But new albums come with a promotional tour, that’s the circle of life in the music business. Although you had talked or sent each other messages or just random silly things you had found on the net almost every day, it couldn’t compensate for the lack of his actual physical presence, no wonder you miss him like crazy by now and secretly were counting the days until today. The one thing that somewhat eased his absence was the necklace he accidentally forgot on the kitchen counter the morning he left, so you took it home with you and never took it off your neck since.

You couldn’t wait for him to come home, but you have to wait a little bit longer because a few friends of the guys had organized a welcome party for them and some of the crew staff, so obviously first they’ll pay their duty there. The 5SOS ladies are invited too, of course, so you’re gonna meet him anyway, but deep inside a noisy, crowded party is the last thing you aspire to. You just wanted him and a calm, untroubled and quiet evening. But if you could endure two months, a few more hours will be nothing. You reminded yourself that patience eventually pays off and in this case the fruit of your patience will be your boyfriend’s company and attention, reserved exclusively to you.

You’ve been at the house for an hour now helping prepare the food and drinks, when you heard the noise of cars parking and loud young men entering the house looking for their friends and significant others.

Everyone “attacked" them at once, so you just quietly leaned against a pillar in front of the kitchen area, waiting for your time to come, watching as Ash greets and high-fives and hugs everyone, while his gaze searching the room desperately looking for someone. As soon as he found you he kindly pushed himself away from them and headed for the spot you were standing at, conjuring a smile to your face with it.

As he approached you, you felt his eyes on you, taking in the set you chose for today – the figure hugging tall waist skinny jeans and the white ruffled off shoulder blouse.

“Hey gorgeous” his hands wreathed your waist as he arrived in front of you.

“Hi, drummer boy” your voice barely above a whisper as you stood on tiptoe and wrapped your arms around his neck before your lips met in a long awaited kiss.

“Okay, love birds, everyone will have plenty of time to explore the depths of each other’s mouth” came the very witty instruction from one of the single guys. “Come to toast to the closure of a successful and crazy tour.”

With one last peck on his lips you unwillingly pulled away, your eyes still closed from the sensation. His lips rested on your forehead reassuringly; giving you the vibe he isn’t happier about this than you are.

And as you looked around you met similarly disdainful glances coming from the other girlfriends and wives, and that somehow filled you with satisfaction or leastwise with the soothing thought that you’re not insane or hissy for missing and wanting to spend time with your boyfriend who literally just came home from being away for two fucking months.

The loud instructor guy made the toast and you cheered them and drank to their health, and finally settled down to listen to some of those stories about this crazy tour. Soon the crowd divided into smaller groups, and everyone chatted with everyone and you yourself left Ash there to interact with whoever he wishes. You went and greeted the other three guys finally in person and had chats with their girls too. Maybe one hour has passed and there were hardly anyone you did not talked to at least a few words, but your own boyfriend. A few stolen glances, or small feathery touches here and there when you walked past him and his companion, or only tired and shy smiles in return to him kissing your cheek as he walked past you. But you started to have enough, started to get tired; not physically, rather mentally. You missed him and needed him, now that he was there, maybe even more, as your patience started to slip into thin air. You could have clung to him. I could have followed his every step. But you didn’t want to embarrass him, and certainly did not want the others to think what a clingy bitch he has. And since you are a very bad actress you could imagine that every emotion sat out on your face, your frustration growing stronger by every passing minute. You found it better to not look for the company of others, and just trying not to bother anyone with your mood, so you chose the silent isolation of the kitchen to survive. It eased your thoughts to the level you didn’t even notice Ashton coming to your rescue until he stood in front of you, cupping your face in his hands turning your head to meet his gaze.

“Are you alright, babe?” his thumbs caressing your cheeks, slight signs of worry showing in his eyes.

“Now that you’re here, I am” your hand has found his on your cheek, keeping it there as you turned your head to plant a longing kiss into his palm.

“Are you sure everything is okay?”

“It really is. I just… missed you.”

“I missed you, too. Do you want to go home?”

“Mhmm” you hummed, your cheeks turned a shade redder as you leaned your forehead against his shoulder, you are pretty sure he could sense the relief from your body talk.

“Baby, if you didn’t feel like staying you could have just told me... We could have spared a lot of time…” his lips curved into a cheeky smile as he whispered this last sentence that only you could hear it, and it made you look up at him.

“Now I got your attention” he grinned.

“Now?! I couldn’t take my eyes off of you the whole time, Irwin.”

“Yeah?” he seemed very pleased.

“Yeah. I just didn’t want to sit in your neck making your friends think I’m a clingy bitch who can’t even breathe without her boyfriend. I didn’t… want to be too much.” you changed the tone of your conversation a bit more serious.

“Well, we made our obligatory lap of honor, didn’t we? Let’s go the fuck home. We both need it…” he pressed his lips onto your temple while you cuddled him tighter and very thankful.

While waiting for your uber you said your goodbyes and finally headed for Ash’s to be just to yourselves. The car ride was quick as you weren’t that far from Ash’s house and pleasant as you looked down at your hands with your fingers intertwined; his long slender fingers lacing into yours during the whole route giving you a sense of security that cannot be compared to anything. You relaxed into his proximity and leaning against his shoulder your free hand lightly ran up and down on the back of his arm, fingertips caressing the skin from the bottom moon tattoo right above his wrist up until the black star, his skin showing its own appreciation in the form of goosebumps. You were wondering if he might just missed your touch as much as you missed his, when you felt his lips on your forehead breathing out a quiet ‘soon’ followed by a soft kiss, and that just answered your question perfectly.

Arriving home the driver got his payment and a correct tip and you walked into the safety of his home continuing the life where it was left two months ago.

Getting inside he turned to you and pulled you in his arms.

“Tell me what you need from me, love.”

“Your presence, your closeness… you. I want to feel you” you nuzzled your face into his neck leaving gentle kisses here and there while he wrapped his arms around you tighter.

“Let’s get wet first, shall we?”

“Great idea” after getting rid of your shoes, you headed for the bathroom.

“Bath or shower?”

“As much as I’d die for a bath with you now… shower. If I sat in the bathtub, I wouldn’t get out for at least three hours. And I need you a bit sooner than that” your lips found his neck again following a line along his jawline until you reached his lips, hands finding a way under his t-shirt to rest on his stomach.

He hissed into the kiss as he felt your cold fingertips on his skin tracing small circles, and pulled away a little.

“Strip. And get under that shower, ice queen.”

His comment made you laugh and with that permanent smile on your face, while Ash started the shower and set off the temperature of it, you got out of your clothes. He pulled away to let you in and you stepped in followed by a moderately stark smack on your ass.

“Strip. And get under the shower, you abuser” you turned back to face him with a wide smirk on your lips.

He put on a show for you as he took his tee off, revealing what your fingertips explored again a few minutes ago – that subtly toned chest and stomach, for you the most beautiful work of art.

“You like what you see, baby?” he smiled at you widely and you just realized as he asked this that unawares you bit on your bottom lip while watching him.

“Ashton…” you whined impatiently that probably sounded very pathetic as well.

“I hear you, love” he responded slyly.

But he took his time with his jeans as well, driving you insane as his pelvis, crotch and thighs got uncovered in the painfully slow process.

By the time he joined you, you already enjoyed the hot pouring water warming up your skin, the temperature actually set more to your liking than Ash’s and you were grateful for his consideration.

As soon as he stepped beside you, your whole playful mood has changed, now wanting nothing more than to be close to him, giving in to the feeling of someone taking care of you and you being able to take care of him.

“I see you looked after this” he stroked along his necklace still hanging around your neck.

“Oh yeah, here” taking it off you put it in his.

“I liked seeing it on you.”

“From time to time I’ll steal it, then” you smiled kissing his chest.

You poured a handful of your favorite shower gel in your palm and smeared it on Ash’s chest first, letting it flow down slowly onto his stomach following the stream with your fingers only to smear it there as well enjoying the feeling of his abs under your fingertips followed by his heavier breaths in your ear. You did this so many times before and yet now it felt new, your senses happily welcomed every familiar feeling and sign your boyfriend’s body provided you with. The massive shape of his biceps as you caressed and kissed his upper arm and shoulder, his broad back as you walked behind him to wash him there too, his slender neck with the condor tattoo at the back of it as your hands brushed along the two sides of it massaging a bit to help the tension release. Your hands slipped down his back to cup his fine ass cheeks – again something you love about his body and felt so good to do it again – before your nails went lower to scratch the back of his thighs making him moan louder. You pulled your hands back drawing the same track backwards just to slither them to the front, this time leading them down on his V-shaped cuts right next to his lower abs, not missing the chance to nibble at the skin just above his shoulder blades.

He turned around and you didn’t even have to look down, you felt the effect your touches had on him on your stomach as he pressed his body against yours when cupping your face in his hands to brush his lips on yours to engage you in a passionate kiss.

“I love you… so much” he groaned into your mouth trying to catch his breath after you got lost in your slow, hot kissing for minutes.

“I love you more, Ash” you pecked his lips one more time before you pulled away slightly.

“Can I?” he took the shower gel flacon in his hand and wiggled it a little in front of you.

“Please” you asked already turning your back to him.

He pushed your hair to the side and poured a small dose right onto your skin starting to spread it all over your shoulders and back. He followed the same routine as you did, pressing his hands a little stronger into your skin around the neck and shoulder area, pulling out appreciative and relieved sighs of you as he attempted to massage away the tense muscles in them.

“I’m gonna die in your arms…” you moaned from the satisfying sensation the work of his hands gave you.

“I’m not gonna let you” he smiled and started spreading soft kisses along your neck up to your ear where he nuzzled his nose to that sensitive spot, while his hands wandered to your front smearing the foam on your breasts as well before he cupped them and started to massage them.

“I still don’t see how this will help your case…” you whimpered as you leaned your head back onto his shoulder.

“You’re right, it won’t…” he took your earlobe in his mouth sucking on it as he squeezed your nipples between his pointer and middle fingers.

You arched your back pushing your ass against his crotch, his hard cock pressed between you demanding your attention and you intended to give it to him by reaching behind you starting to stroke him gently up and down. You both moaned from what you were doing to each other; his hand slipped lower to your smooth front stroking along your slit, pressing his middle finger deeper down only to find you dripping wet.

“Shit… I could cum by just feeling you this turned on…”

“And I could cum by just thinking about you deep inside me” at this you squeezed his cock harder in your grip.

“Let’s get out. Now” he commanded and already turned off the tap.

Super quickly you semi-dried yourselves and basically ran into the bedroom half-wet but fully aroused to fulfill your desire for each other.

He sat up on the bed and pulled you into his lap gripping your ass cheeks firmly. His arms wreathed around your waist, yours around his neck, fingers sliding up into his hair as his lips catches yours feverishly.

“Ride me. I want to watch you” he whispered in your ear and you didn’t need to be asked twice.

Placing your hands on his chest you pushed him down on the mattress before reaching between you to take his shaft in your palm to align him with your entrance and you slowly sat on him watching him as he watched his cock disappear in you. The sight in front of you has already given you a kind of satisfaction you always crave – seeing him lost in your pleasure, his eyes closed, giving himself in to the feeling only your joined bodies can offer.

You started moving on him, adding an extra pleasure factor to your love making with rising up enough that only his tip remained inside of you so he could see and you could feel his thick member shoved back in you with every downward move of your hips. You already started clenching around him, he felt it, you felt it and you both knew you won’t last long. His hands rested on your thighs encouraging you with gentle strokes but minutes into your game the intensity of your moves eased, your thighs started getting tired. You felt you need something else to finish, something more.        

“Ash… Baby…” you moaned his name as you leaned over him, lips brushing lips, your hips still working against his.

“Hmm…?”

“I need you… deeper. And harder…” you bit his lower lip gently.

“How much I missed you begging for more” he bit back starting a war between your lips that no one could win.

He slowly sat up to you and cupping your breasts he sucked your nipples into his mouth making you gasp on air. He paid attention to both of them, taking his time to play with them equally making you whine his name for the second time this night.

Keeping you close to himself he changed your position; you got under him and he pulled out of you leaving you with an empty feeling.

“Onto your belly” he whispered on your lips before kissing you again and guided you on your stomach by grabbing your hips flipping you over, you supporting yourself on your forearms. Stroking along your thigh he reached for your popliteal just slightly pulling your knee towards your hipbone for gaining a better access for his cock to enter you again.

“Yes, that’s it…” you whimpered as he thrusted into you, burying himself fully into your wet pussy, his hips flush against you, balls firmly pressed to your pussy lips.

“You missed this, don’t you?” he leaned over you to bite your neck while his hips picked up a quicker pace.

“I missed you” you whined in response.

“Oh, I can tell” he’s been very satisfied with himself as your body betrayed you with already clenching around him rhythmically. “Come on, baby, do this for me…”

He kept shoving himself into you with a constant pace and within moments you gave up; your abdomen trembled, your thighs shook as your orgasm washed over you, and he didn’t stop, just kept fucking you through the feeling, as he joined you a few seconds later to actually finish together while cumming deep inside you. He leaned over you snuggling on your back, soothing you with soft kisses on your cheek and temple, giving you both long moments to quench the desire and come down from this long awaited high.

“God, we needed that…” he said as he pulled out of you and lied back behind you wrapping his arms around your middle pulling you close to his chest.

“I think so, too” your hands slid on his squeezing them on your stomach. “I’d just like to stay like this forever.”

“We can stay like this for a while, for sure” he chuckled and nuzzled his nose against the back of your ear.

“What’s wrong with forever?” you yawned.

“The blanket. One of us should move and pull it on us.”

“I’m already asleep, so that leaves us with no one, but you, Irwin.” you grinned with your eyes closed.

“You talk pretty coherent in your sleep, you know that?” he laughed and you nestled yourself more into his embrace.

“I love you” you mumbled really drifting away into dreamland.

“I love you, too, baby” he kissed his love confession onto your neck, already reaching for the soft and warm material to cover you two.

[baneismydragon]

The not so secret diary of Gabriel Agreste

Because I needed some crack in my life. This is a gift for @geek-fashionista who requested my joke idea become a fic. 

And because writing ridiculous Gabe content cheers me up and I needed a good pick me up. (Hopefully this will get me back in the mood to finish the next chapter of Cut from the Same cloth. If nothing else it felt good to really sit down and write again.) 

Anyways- enjoy. 

The not so secret diary of Gabriel Agreste

(Edited and catalogued by Nathalie Sancoeur)

March 18th

So apparently driving 4 employees to a nervous breakdown in the span of 2 weeks is a problem to my board of directors. They claim it’s ‘not good for the company’. Also, apparently, backhanding one of them during the meeting for suggesting I ‘take a leave of absence to deal with the loss of your wife’ counts as assault.

To avoid charges, and more importantly a forced sabbatical, I have agreed to see a therapist. Hence this ridiculous writing exercise.  Oh well. At least it is only one wasted hour a week as opposed to several months of sitting in my house, watching them drive my company into the ground with their ineptitude.

March 25th-

My therapist says that I have a problem.

Of course I have a problem! My wife is missing. Honestly, I have to pay this man?

He says that I need to be ‘focused on healing and rebuilding a new sense of normalcy instead of lashing out at the people around me.’

Well perhaps if the people around me weren’t so incompetent I wouldn’t need to lash out so much.

Nathalie- does it count as attending my therapy sessions if I send a proxy in my place? Please investigate.

March 30th-

My therapist has informed me that I am developing an obsession, and that he is concerned that the loss of my wife and my need to get her back is driving me to an unhealthy dissociative state.

Well maybe that’s why it is so important that I get her back. Did you ever think of that? Then I won’t need to waste my time adjusting to my new circumstances, because everything can just go back to the way it was. It’s really not that complicated. For someone whose job it is to ‘help me cope with my grief’ he is quite the pessimist. He keeps insisting we discuss the possibility of if she never comes back. Thank God these sessions are only an hour long, I don’t need to get charged with assault again.

April 1st-

I told my therapist that his advice was working and that I have completely seen the error of my ways.

And Nathalie says I have a terrible sense of humor.

The crushed look on his face when I pointed out the date was priceless.

Nathalie- make sure we are having fish for dinner, Adrien will appreciate the humor even if you don’t.

April 9th-

I had the portrait artist come in today so that we could replace the family portrait at the top of the staircase. I pre-selected our mourning ensembles and Adrien was miserable the whole time. The artist asked me if he should take some artistic licence with our expressions. I asked him if he valued his commission. The finished work was a perfect testament to the state of misery in this house. Hopefully this will serve as an adequate reminder to anyone who thinks it’s acceptable to attempt to inform me that ‘things are never as bad as they seem.’

My therapist says this is yet another sign of my increased megalomania. I think that it isn’t my fault that more people don’t have the resources to afford appropriate decor for their homes based on the emotional environment. Given what I am having to pay out for these worthless sessions I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a half dozen portraits of his own scattered around some poorly decorated eyesore he calls a home.

Nathalie- please arrange for some new backlighting for the updated portrait. Either some cool blue tones or perhaps some purple.

April 14th-

Today my therapy session consisted of discussing my childhood. On the bright side I sketched out two new designs while I tuned out his prattle.

Nathalie- you owe me 20 Euro. I told you it would take less than a month for him to try the Freudian approach.

April 21st-

Yesterday was the runway launch of the new Spring line. Not some of my best work to be honest but still a far sight better than anything else released this season. Maybe the Italians will give me some competition this year at least.

One of the reporters asked if the line was being dedicated to my ‘late wife’. I ask him if he was going to dedicate this interview to his soon to be late career?

Of course Adrien heard the whole thing and has been in a mood ever since, although he didn’t let it affect his performance. Even as a child, he is more professional than a fair percentage of my staff. I am prodigiously proud of him. Now if only he would stop being so emotional. It isn’t good for him. He spent the entire morning and afternoon holed up in his room listening to angst ridden J-pop and ordering mint fudge ice cream from the kitchen staff.

My therapist says that I need to be making an effort to empathize with his grief instead of fixating on my own, and compensate more in my new role as a single parent.

Clearly the stress of this show has addled my brain because I stupidly attempted to follow his advice.

After a pre-scheduled family dinner I patted Adrien on the shoulder and told him that I promises that things will get better.

He stared at me for a few seconds like I had grown a second head, before hugging onto me like a barnacle and bursting into tears.

Wonderful.

I managed to send my own child into hysterics.

This is the sort of disaster that comes from listening to the advice of idiots.

April 22nd-

Adrien seems to have recovered from last night’s meltdown rather admirably. Thank God children bounce back from these sorts of setbacks. I am glad to see that my poor judgement in following my therapist's advice doesn’t seem to have caused any permanent damage. Now I can go back to the important business of figuring out how to bring his mother back instead of wasting everyone’s time with pointless platitudes. Really that is the much smarter approach.

It’s like I tell my employees- if you just fix the mistake you won’t have to spend your energy explaining why it was there in the first place. No one will care how many failures you went through to get there- all that matters is the end result.

Speaking of failures, what was I thinking when I chose the dining room furniture? It’s hideous.

Nathalie- remind me to set aside time to purchase a new dining set.

April 30th-

She has been gone for exactly 100 days.

May 9th-

Today is my 20th Wedding anniversary.

It was storming today. My therapist asked me how that made me feel.

I told him- wet.

I don’t think he appreciated my answer.

May 12th-

I have fired my therapist.

No the answer to my problems is not to ‘move on and accept my loss and just be grateful for each new day.’ What sort of idiotic attitude is that? If I approached my life according to the advice of this degenerate I would be designing pink sequins party dresses for some mass produced tween fashion label. Even worse, the toad-faced troll had the audacity to suggest that I should consider arranging for Adrien to have his own therapy sessions. As if my child needs any sort of support from a second rate psychoanalyst with delusions of grandeur.

Good riddance. Besides, 2 months of this charade should be more than enough to satisfy the board.

Nathalie- make arrangement for a private investigator to look into his business. Perhaps we can do the world a favor and get his licence revoked.

May 14th-

I have decided to keep this diary. I find writing about the stupidity of others quite therapeutic.

Nathalie please find a more appropriately color coordinated journal in which to properly transcribe my entries.   

May 17th-

I have hired a bodyguard for Adrien. He keeps trying to sneak out, and I can’t keep losing Nathalie for hours at a time while she chases him down. I don’t understand why he is so desperate to go out and meet other people. Hasn’t he figured out by now that very few people are actually worth meeting? Clearly the stress of losing his mother is clouding his judgement. I’ll arrange for Nathalie to get a few more of those arcade machines he enjoys so much to be shipped in. Hopefully that will help keep him distracted.

Meanwhile, perhaps I should up his modeling engagements. After all, throwing oneself into one's work does provide some temporary solace. It’s certainly the best plan I have come up with so far.

May 22nd-

Adrien’s new Bodyguard has caught him attempting to sneak out twice. Both times he sent me a text informing me that the incident had been taken care of and requesting an appropriate stipend for the installation of new security cameras.

This is clearly the best hiring decision I have made in years.

Adrien may be the closest thing to perfection in this world but alas, children will be children, so I am glad I have some competent staff to manage him until he grows out of it. I believe this teenaged need to rebel in light of our recent family tragedy is what the media refers to as ‘Emo’. I will make some calls to the main office to have more of our black pieces added to his wardrobe. And my ex therapist said I ‘wasn’t paying attention to my sons needs.’ Ha.

June 3rd-

Still no progress in my plan. This morning I woke up from a dream and I couldn’t remember if that is what my wifes laugh actually sounded like.

I can’t live like this. I won’t live like this.

June 5th-

Nathalie I will take dinner in my office. Also I am not to be disturbed for the rest of the weekend.

June 10th-

Feeling infinitely better today.

It has been uncovered that my recently disgraced ex-therapist was having an affair, and with a former patient no less! Clearly he was taking out his own frustrations with his own failed marriage out on me.

Unlike that hypocritical cow, I will preserve my family no matter what impediments I may face. I knew I was right all along. Still, it’s nice to have outside validation.

Nathalie- be sure to send a sizable bonus to the private investigator, as well as a nice fruit basket.

June 17th-

Adrien had a piano recital today. It was exceptional of course. I do wish he had chosen something other than Chopin. Really, is this emo phase going to carry over into everything he does?

I will have to send a message to his bodyguard to start monitoring his packages for hair dye.

Apparently he didn’t approve of me leaving as soon as his piece was over. I don’t see why. It’s not like I have any interest in the other performers and I already paid my admission so it’s no loss to the institution. Children can be so demanding.

Nathalie- make a note, the next time I am required to attend one of these functions make sure I have a tablet with me.

June 23rd-

Why have I still not replaced that dining room table?

July 2nd-

On the plane to London because apparently the instructions “just recreate the exact same show we did a month ago” are too complicated for my employees.

I am doubly glad that I hired a bodyguard for Adrien since he is ill and will not be joining us on this trip.

Hopefully I shouldn’t be gone more than a day or so.

July 6th-

Still in London. Apparently I underestimated just how moronic people can be. I miss my wife. She always knew how to get people to do what I needed them to do with causing them to burst into tears.

She also would have appreciated my puns.

Once I get her home I swear I am going to reward myself with an entire month of not having to speak to anyone whose surname isn’t Agreste.

Except for Nathalie, of course.

July 10th-

Finally home. Adrien has made a full recovery.

He spent all of dinner expounding on the merits of something called ‘MOBA’s. I’ve found it best to just nod and pretend like I understand what he is talking about when he goes on these tangents.

Nathalie- please get me the definition for the term Noob.

July 15th-

I am truly at my wits end. Between my lack of progress on my search for my wife and my constant set backs at the company I am for all intents and purposes trying to go up a creek without a paddle.

Nathalie is less than thrilled with me at the moment as I have taken to locking myself in the office with my cellphone and computer turned off. She doesn’t seem to appreciate having to slide notes under the door.

July 22nd-

Nathalie Sancoeur is the only person to whom I am not related by blood or marriage whom I would make an effort to save during a zombie apocalypse. (Adrien’s current favorite pastime is discussing how he would react to various ridiculous survival scenarios with his bodyguard, or more accurately at his bodyguard.)

She suggested that given my frustrations with some of my staff perhaps some personnel changes were in order.

There is nothing quite so satisfying as telling  a worthless employee that they should pack up their desk and go.

I am quite confident that none of the individuals fired today would survive a zombie apocalypse.

Nathalie- please give yourself a 2% raise. It might come in handy for purchasing supplies when we are under siege by an army of the undead.

July 28th-

Adrien had his friend Mllm Bourgeois over again today. He has asked if he can be allowed to attend public school with her this term.

I told him that if Miss Bourgeois is an example of the merits of a public school education I would sooner be tarred and feathered than let him within 50 feet of said institution.  

He seems to believe that going to school would allow him the opportunity to make new friends- so I suppose I can at least see the appeal. Though, after observing his interactions today I am amazed he doesn’t simply swear off friendship altogether.

Nathalie- look into putting together some sort of dossier of suitable young people with whom Adrien could potentially associate. Perhaps we can arrange to have some on call for social engagements in the future.

July 29th-

Adrien is not speaking to me today. He has locked himself in his room. Why is everyone in this family so sensitive?

Apparently ‘you can’t just buy friends.’

Clearly he has never been involved in politics.

August 2nd-

Adrien is still angry at me. Fine, if he wants to get into a petty game of who can ignore the other longer I will play his game. He’ll learn that no one beats me when it comes to the silent treatment, just like his mother did. The most she ever made it was 3 days. We will see if Adrien fairs any better.

August 3rd-

Upon further reflection, at the end of those three days I ended up with a broken nose when my wife punched me in the face. Perhaps I should rethink my strategy.

Nathalie- schedule a family meeting to discuss Adrien’s grievances. Tell him it will save time if he prepares a list of his complaints and proposed solutions for me to consult before the start of the negotiations.

August 6th-

Adrien is visiting with his friend Mllm Bourgeois so I am taking the opportunity to go through and organize my wife’s belongings. (The staff has been forbidden from disturbing anything but it is starting to get a bit dusty.) It is best to do this while Adrien is gone as I don’t know if I can tolerate another weekend of melancholy foreign ballads blasting from his room. Or worse that new Jagged Stone album I was foolish enough to order for him as a reward for winning his last fencing competition. I swear that man sounds like a beached whale screaming its way through a slow and agonizing death. I don’t know what Adrien sees to admire in it.

At least his attempted breakouts seem to have come to a temporary halt. Either the efforts of his bodyguard have finally tempered his resolve or he is secretly plotting some sort of elaborate scheme and is trying to lure us into a false sense of security.

I guess we will see how much he takes after me.

Nathalie- make sure all of Adrien’s electronic devices are equipped with GPS tracking.

August 8th-

Still slowly working my way through the cleaning process. The latest edition of some video fighting game arrived for Adrien so he has been conveniently occupied by that. It’s getting harder to face him knowing that I am still no closer to having an answer as to how to get his mother back, not that he asks. He has always been far too kind for his own good.  

Still, it is a parent’s job to do what is ultimately best for their children and for the first time in my life I find myself spectacularly failing.

No matter how many hours I spend locked in my office I am still no closer to a concrete plan.

At least Adrien has stopped trying to accompany when I am in there. It’s too hard enough coping with my own failure without my son having to bare witness.

I will figure out a way. I did not get where I am today without being willing to fight for what I want. And once I am successful all of this will just seem like a bad dream. Both for me and for my son.

August 9th-

I never realized just how much of a hoarder my wife was until I took on this project. How many souvenirs does one woman need?

There is an entire suitcase from our last trip to Tibet that she didn’t even bother to unpack.

I’ll take care of it tomorrow.

Nathalie- reschedule my lunch with the mayor. Until after the election if at all possible. 4 months isn’t an unreasonable delay for a man with my obligations.

August 10th-

It seems that there is some truth to the concept that one should actually OPEN the boxes one acquires. I now have in my possession a strange magical creature named Nooroo who seems optimistic in his belief that he can help me in my quest to restore my family. It seems I will have the chance to turn into some sort of super powered empath with the ability to grant powers to others to help combat the forces of evil in this world. Seems like a rather dubious power. Most people are insufferably dim and couldn’t be trusted with a butter knife much less magical enhancements. Still, it is the first positive news in months. I tried opening the other box with the peacock pin but after 10 seconds of the creature crying upon being awakened I have decided to simply return it to dormant and lock it in the safe. Perhaps it will be useful later but for now one miraculous should be more than sufficient.  

Nathalie- In light of my new associate we will need a few changes to the house. Additional security, new curtains,  as well as some additions to the kitchen inventory. I will upload a list to your PDA.

August 12th-

And Everyone told me I would never have a use for a secret lair. Well I showed them. I have asked Nathalie to arrange for a large shipment of butterflies to be installed for ambiance. I have also brought in a private contractor to hide the control panel. The last thing I want in for Adrien to stumble upon any of this and get the idea to become some sort of hero vigilante. Honestly I don’t know where that boy gets his ridiculous flair for the dramatic. It must be from his mother. Meanwhile I have decided to keep Nooroo dormant for a little while. He keeps wanting me to talk to him about my feelings. If I wanted to do that I wouldn’t have fired my therapist.

August 20th-

Lair is finally ready to go. I realize though that perhaps I should read the instruction manual that came with the miraculous before I attempt to utilize unpredictable magical powers.

Nathalie- please arrange for a large pot of coffee and my favorite armchair to be placed in the lair this afternoon.  

August 30th-

Apparently translating ancient codes with no resources or starting point whatsoever is, in fact rather difficult. I supposed I should ask Nooroo for assistance.