#;; can you not make me cry on a sunday like pls it's the lord's day

[cagenewman]

As a boy, Cage could distinctly remember the feeling of grief that had settled into his bones after losing his mother. What he thought would be just another day, just another sibling brought home from the hospital, his mother in her flowing dress, happy to show off the tiny bundle in his arms, had been an entire shift in the Newman family. There was no Victoria there to tuck him into bed at night, kiss his forehead, pat Moose on the head and say, 'goodnight, Cagey.' Older, wiser, more mature, losing his father hadn't hurt any less, years of friendship built up between them in end, fully knowing that he would not have been able to raise his son without his help, his support. Sitting in the room with his siblings as he left them, it had torn a new hole in his heart, and when he looked back on those moments now, tried to put himself in Shawn's shoes… imagined experiencing that twofold… Cage shook his head, letting out a small breath, "I know." Because there were things that Shawn would never forget, and things that Cienna would struggle to remember, and that was going to be hard. "I don't know if that makes it harder or easier." He took in a breath, lifting his head from where it was resting against hers to meet her eyes, nodding a little. "I just don't want to start crying," he admitted, pulling his gaze away to look out at the girls in the living room. "If I start thinking about my friends being gone, about how Shawn's going to blame himself, or Cienna's going to start asking questions, how they probably had big plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas… and they're not here, I'm not going to stop," he loosened his hand from hers, keeping his arm around her shoulders as he rubbed a hand over his face and let out a rough breath. But the wetness in the corners of his eyes betrayed him, and even though he clenched and unclenched his jaw, did his best to keep his voice steady, it wobbled as he spoke, "I need to help Shawn plan a service."

Lack of sleep was something that several were experiencing in the Newman household. Really the only ones who were getting any decent sleep were the two little girls sharing the dolls and small fake tea set between them that she could hear them chattering about from the other room. How could life be so cruel? To fundamentally change these children's life without a second though. It was true life didn't judge who you were, good or bad, if something was going to happen. She could see the heartbreak in Cage's eyes, wanting to take the pain away, he understood the loss of parents in a way she didn't. Her loss of parents was a totally different kind, Shawn's parents died and he knew he was loved -- oh he was loved by so many people that it was enough to bring an aching pain to her chest. One that she brought her hand up, rubbing against her lower ribcage, feeling the ache for both the kids. How she wanted to protect them from the pain but knowing it was inevitable that she couldn't. "Until she's older." she said, "And she's left wondering what they were like, does she have her mother's eyes, her father's smile." Hot tears slipping down her cheeks. Would they tell her about them? Show her photos? Of course. It just wasn't the same, those were fundamental cracks that would begin to form without even realizing they were there. "Shawn knows his parents love him, Cienna, she's so young." So was Shawn of course, "It's not fucking fair." she breathed out, her voice nothing more than a horse whisper. She knew Cage was attempting to be the man of the house, not showing his emotions, swallowing them as if he needed to be the strong one. "You know, not showing your emotions... Colton needs to know it's okay, he's trying for Shawn the same way you are for me." she said softly. "You know you don't have to be the tough guy all the time, right? I want them to know it's okay to feel this, or how else will we help them?"

[inskz]

lucky charm - lee minho

pairing - lee minho x reader

genre - college!au, best friends to lovers, very cliche fluff (lucky girl starring lindsey lohan kinda vibes???)

words - 4k

note - this is just a cute little drabble i wrote while im still waiting for my covid test results to come back so that i can leave my room and see the sun again 🤪 pls be careful everybody take care of your health 💚 enjoy!!!

- - - - -

“You must be kidding me,” you sigh when you see Minho’s hand has turned into a fist, his rock crushing miserably your scissors. Once again, you lost at rock, paper, scissors. And once again, you’re the one that is going to wash your best friend’s dishes that have piled up in is tiny kitchen sink throughout the week.

“Fuck that. This is so unfair,” you grumble, throwing the dishtowel in Minho’s stupid yet perfectly chiseled face.

You make a beeline for his bed, which is actually only a few steps away from the kitchen. Being a broke college student definitely doesn’t allow him to rent a spacious studio, let alone a two-room apartment. You throw yourself headfirst onto his uncomfortable mattress, whose springs always poke your back at night.

“Life is so unfair,” your friend mocks you, dragging out every vowel of his sentence dramatically.

No doubt, you would be strangling him at that very moment if you weren’t so busy playing dead, hoping he would forget about your pitiful existence.

But there is no way mister Lee Minho would miss out on an opportunity to have his gross plates cleaned by someone else. Grabbing onto your ankle, he drags you out of bed until you plop down on the dirty carpeted floor (Minho has the unfortunate tendency to procrastinate vacuuming too). At this point, you are fake crying, throwing a literal tantrum, like a 6 years old child would.

“Life is unfair!” you yell, your feet kicking in the air in pure anger.

At least it is to you. You can’t remember the last time you’ve been lucky. The only instance you got remotely close to it was when you found a four-leaf clover last summer. Well, only if you disregard the fact you stepped into dog poop  on your way to picking it. Oh and that you were wearing brand new white Converse. 

On the other hand, it seems like the boy has the whole crew of the Olympus gods on his side. Not one day goes by without his guardian angel manifesting its presence. 

Minho has always been the lucky type. The type to get an extra nugget in his box of 10. To find 20 dollars bills on the ground. To win every single Instagram giveaway he participates to (and lord knows how much he likes participating to them). 

But how can you be mad at him when he always happily shares his food with you, invites you to the restaurant without you even asking, and gives you his prizes, pretending he doesn’t need them? You don’t believe him when he says he see no use in a panda onesie or a waterproof bluetooth speaker. Deep down, you know it’s his way to silently love you. 

But well, you can still blame him for occasionally taking advantage of your misfortune to make you do his dreaded house chores, just like right now. 

Everyone thinks you are a bizarre duo. Even you can’t fathom how in hell you two became best friends, considering how awfully your first encounter went three years ago. 

On orientation day, he asked you for the time, probably because his phone was dead (or maybe because he was dying to talk to you?)

Without hesitation, you lifted and rotated your wrist so that you could see your watch. Little did you remember; you never actually owned a watch and you were holding a fancy 7 dollars iced coffee, which, of course, did not have a lid on because plastic is bad for the environment (duh). 

Minho couldn’t help but burst out in hysterical laughter when the whole drink spilled on your jeans. For your defense, you didn’t sleep at all the night before  since you were terrified of being alone in your new dorm room the first few days (weird stuff happens all the time in dorms, okay?). If he had asked you for your name, you probably wouldn’t even have been able to tell him. 

But Minho thought you were the funniest person on campus, and he really needed a clown like you to entertain him throughout his endless college semesters. That’s what he told you anyways. Not that he thought you were the cutest human being he had ever seen. 

Why would he when you are the literal definition of a mess: always having toothpaste stains on your sweater, bags under your eyes, messy hair, tripping and falling, missing buses, breaking things, losing stuff. 

Most of the time, you just forget your keys and Minho lets you crash at his place since he hasn’t got any roommate and he isn’t used to sleeping alone, especially without his cats. It surely isn’t because he loves waking up next to a very groggy but adorable you every single morning, no.  

Minho manages to bring you back to the countertop despite your reluctance. Positioned behind you, his arms trapping your body to make sure you can’t run away from your duties, he dips your hands into the soapy water, and you can’t help but squirm at the touch of an unknown substance sticking to a plate that has probably been soaking here for a week. You despise doing the dishes and your friend knows it.

You hear him giggle in your ear while he is playing with your arms like you are some type of marionette, making you to take the sponge and squeeze dish soap onto it. 

You’ve never been the kind to like proximity nor seemed to be Minho, but for some reason, you always end up glued to each other. You hate public displays of attention and pet names a little less when it comes from him. Or maybe you don’t hate it at all and actually crave it every single minute that goes by.

Before he has the time to come up with the Machiavellian idea to soak your pajamas in dirty water (because you know he would inevitably have at some point), you yank his hands off of you and start scrubbing angrily the dirty cups. 

Minho stays behind you anyways, observing your every move, his chin propped up on your shoulder like a curious little bird. To be honest, his presence is kind of getting overwhelming. But whatever, it’s not like his slightest touch makes your heart warm up in comfort or that he smells like fresh linen drying out on the porch of a cottage house on a sunny Sunday morning or anything. 

“You missed a spot. Here” he murmurs teasingly, his lips almost touching your earlobe, while he points at the handle of his hideous ‘world’s greatest dad’ mug Jisung gifted him last christmas. 

You know he has noticed the way you shivered violently at the feeling of his breath tickling your skin because he starts snickering loudly. 

“I swear to god if you don’t shut up and go seat on the couch, I’ll slap you so hard with this spatula you’ll regret you were even born,” you say, turning around suddenly to menace him with the plastic utensil. 

Of course, he isn’t afraid one bit. Right now, you really wish you could make the smug, but oh so attractive, look on his face disappear. 

“Alright, ma’am” he laughs, holding up his hands in surrender. “I’ll let you do your thing”. He lets himself fall onto his dingy couch. 

You can hear him humming one of his favorite songs above the sound of the water running. It would probably be getting on your nerves if his voice wasn’t so pretty.  

“Chan’s sick, so we’re not going to the gym tomorrow night. Do you wanna eat tacos? El Huero has even better deals than usual” he asks you, scrolling mindlessly through his phone. 

“Aren’t the deals supposed to be on Tuesdays?” You frown and scrub a little harder the frying pan Minho has burnt the night before while trying to make chocolate chips pancakes for diner, because why eat savory food when you can have dessert for every meal, right? It is one of the few advantages of living without your parents you both truly enjoy. 

“Yeah, that’s what I said. Tomorrow,” he yawns, probably exhausted after what you put him through last night. You forced him to catch up on the entire season of Love Island because you desperately needed someone to bitch with, and what better partner than Lee Minho.  

You take a quick glance at him and see him stretching himself across the cushions like a cat. You always thought there was something feline about his features. While you’re drying the mugs with the dishtowel, your mind wanders uncontrollably, thinking about his piercing eyes, his delicate nose, the corners of his lips that curl up a little… 

All of the sudden, your hands freeze. Minho is too immersed in TikToks to notice the stupor on your face. “Wait. Today is… Monday?” you stutter. 

Alarmed by the sound of your voice, his eyes finally leave his phone’s screen to look up at you. “Yeah” he repeats slowly as if you are the dumbest person he has ever encountered. 

And you truly are. You are pretty sure your heart has stopped beating. Minho’s “world’s greatest dad” mug you’re holding slips between your fingers and comes crashing on the floor with a deafening sound. The pieces are now scattered all around you, making you unable to make out what’s written on it anymore. Not a big loss, if you ask. 

“Y/N, you know that’s my favorite mug!” he exclaims, leaping up from the couch. “I’m sure you did it on purpose,” he mutters while he’s trying to collect the small fragments, in vain. 

But you’re too shocked at this very moment to pay attention to the glare your friend is giving you. To be honest, Minho has only two moods: glaring at you or teasing you.  

“My interview,” you finally manage to say, and Minho’s eyes go wide as he realizes the critical situation you’re in. 

You check the time on the microwave: 10:45. In 30 minutes, you’re supposed to be on the other side of town, being interrogated by boring businessmen that are going to decide whether or not you’ll be accepted for a paid internship in one of the most reputable music label of the country. Basically, decide whether you’ll live a happy and fulfilling life, working in the sector you’ve always dreamed of or end up miserable with a boring office job and a massive college debt. 

“Holy shit,” Minho whispers. You can see a wave of panic washing across his face for a split second, but, as always, he manages to find his composure back immediately. 

He has never been the kind to lose his cool, except to scold you when you forget the names of his cats and their respective coats’ color (which you unfortunately often did forget). 

“What are you doing? Get dressed!” He tells you when he sees you’re still standing there dumbfounded in the kitchen, like the famous Robert Pattinson meme, wearing an oversize Kermit the frog shirt with a dozen holes in it and his favorite Adidas sweatpants you always stole from him.

“No, it’s too late. I can’t make it,” you mutter, your breath short. You’re paralyzed, as if there is a 20lbs rock sitting at the bottom of your stomach, pinning you to the ground. 

This isn’t bad luck, you think. This is karma. This is what you get for skipping classes to watch telereality shows in your bed with your best friend and not even realizing it isn’t the weekend anymore.

“Miss me with that bullshit.” He runs to his closet and rummages through his drawers, throwing every piece of clothing that’s on his way to find an appropriate outfit that would fit you. 

“You’re gonna go do this interview even if I have to drag you all the way there.” He pushes you into his bathroom since you still haven’t moved an inch. 

You manage to brush your teeth and your hair, fighting through the nauseous feeling that is building up in your tummy. 

When you come back to the living room, Minho has found dress pants and a sweater that might not look utterly ridiculous on you. He lets you change in a corner, while he runs around the room collecting all your essentials. 

“You’re coming?” you ask him when you see he is already wearing his puffer jacket.  

“You really think I’m gonna let you go all by yourself when you’re literally not even able to put your shoes on properly”. You are, indeed, struggling with your laces, as if your fingers are suddenly made out of butter. 

Minho ties them up for you and you literally feel like he’s your babysitter. You know you’re gonna hear about this for months – what are you saying- years! But all you can think about at the moment though, is the fact that sneakers are definitely not appropriate for an interview. 

He throws your warmest coat at you, grab his keys, and by some type of miracle, you’re both out to the door in less than 10 minutes. 

You try to call the elevator, but Minho grabs your arm and leads you to the staircase. His hand never leaving yours, he runs down the stairs and you have no choice but to follow him as fast as you can. 

You can’t count how many times you missed a step and fell at this particularly slippery spot, between the 5th and the 4th floor, but weirdly enough, it doesn’t happen today. 

When you finally reach the ground floor, you exit the complex and Minho hops on his old and rusty bike that he had attached to nearest tree the night before.

“There’s no way I’m riding behind you on this death machine,” you laugh nervously. The memory of that one time Minho convinced you to seat into his bicycle basket (as if you could even realistically fit in it) and you both fell seconds after he started to pedal is coming back to your mind.

Sure, it was after a long night of drinking, you were both tipsy and it was the only way to get you home since you had spent all your uber money at the bar, but still! You’re pretty sure the bruise on your butt hasn’t disappeared to this day.  

“Hurry up,” Minho groans, ignoring your complaint. You unwillingly seat on his flimsy pannier rack and wrap your arms around his torso. 

You haven’t even left, yet you’re already holding onto his puffer jacket for dear life. A giggle escapes your friend’s mouth (which you think is very inappropriate in such a desperate situation) before he lifts his feet off the ground and starts pedaling. 

You try to ignore the loud squeaking of the bicycle drive by shutting your eyes tighter and rehearsing your introduction you have prepared over and over in your head. No matter how hard you are trying, you can’t remember what you are supposed to say just after your age (which, as you can imagine, isn’t really far into your monologue). 

By the way the wind is lashing your face, you can tell Minho has picked up the speed. His breathing is getting louder, his heartbeat faster and you can’t help but think you’re probably way too heavy for him to bike you around like that. Maybe he shouldn’t skip his gym sessions with Chan so often. Or maybe you shouldn’t have eaten the leftover pancakes for breakfast after all.

You find the courage to open your eyelids and are pleased to see you’re already halfway there, probably because every single one of the traffic lights you encounter is green, and your friend is going surprisingly fast. Is luck finally starting to smile upon you? 

Your mad race comes to a halt when you reach the address of your interview. You hop off the bike and so does Minho who, by the way, is a panting mess. He’s barely able to catch his breath, strands of hair sticking to his sweaty forehead, but he’s beaming at you when he realizes you’re just on time. 

“Go” he gasps, pushing you in the direction of the building’s hall. 

You walk up to the glass door but as your hands are about to push it, you pull a 180. Your friend sighs loudly, already knowing what’s coming next. 

“Wait. No. I can’t do this. I’m not prepared” you tell him frantically. “I’m freaking out. I think I’m gonna pass out.” You are now walking in circles, mumbling incoherently. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” 

Your heart is racing in your chest and your hands are getting clammy at the simple thought of failure. But guess what? You can’t fail if you don’t even try! One more good reason to just go back to bed and forget about your sad life for a good 8 hours, right? 

“Y/N, you’re the most talented person I know, you’re gonna do just fine” Minho catches you in his arm to stop your endless pacing. You would probably think this gesture is endearing if it wasn’t just meant to make sure you couldn’t run for your life.  

“No, I’m not. What if I throw up in front of everybody like that one time during the Romeo and Juliet musical?” You look up at him and his face is only inches away from yours. You’re sure you would be swooning at how beautiful he looks if you weren’t so terrified at this very moment.

“You were nine,” your best friend says, and you swear you have never heard him speak to you in such a sweet tone before. His voice is like honey and lavander but it doesn’t soothe you like it should. 

You manage to break free from his embrace to crouch down, in an attempt to slow down your breathing. If only you had data left, you could be watching those short relaxing videos on your phone. They always work. But no, you had to spent it all on online games, just one week into the month. You really are beyond help.  

“Y/N I know you’re scared, but if you miss out on this opportunity, you’re gonna regret it for the rest of your life.” Minho is lowering himself so that you can hear him, even though you’re curled up in a ball. 

“And I’m warning you, I won’t want to hear you complain about it,” he adds, this whole situation obviously starting to get on his nerves. 

If you were him, you would have probably left a long time ago. But this isn’t your best friend’s way of behaving. You know he would never abandon you no matter how annoying you could be (and you could be very annoying sometimes). After all, he is always the one holding your hair while you puke in the toilets when you had a couple too many drinks.

It takes all your willpower to stand up but there is no other way, you have to do it. You can hear the time ticking dangerously in your mind, as if your brain had turned into a clock.

“You’re right. Slap me,” you say, looking at him straight in the eyes, dead serious. 

“Wha -“

“Slap some sense into me. They do that in movies when people are panicking. It’s like throwing a bucket of cold water in someone’s face. But clearly we don’t have a bucket and we don’t have cold wa- “ you start blabbering. 

“What the fuck are you talking about? I’m not gonna slap you!” Your friend isn’t usually that horrified at the thought of beating your ass. In fact, he has felt the desire to rip your head off more than once, especially when you’d steal all the duvet at night, but at this moment he is just scared you might have actually lost your mind.  

“Just fucking do it Minho!” you scream, your hands clenching the front of his grey hoodie he always looks so divine in. 

Minho has never obeyed you, and this is not the day he is going to start. 

He puts both of his hands on the sides of your face and crashes his lips onto yours. 

You would be lying if you said you have never imagined the day your best friend would kiss you. It happens pretty much every single time you look at his cute pout a little too long. But one thing is certain, it isn’t like you pictured it to be at all.

You were convinced your heart would go so wild it would burst out of your chest and your head would spin so furiously you’d lose your balance. You thought your stomach would fill with butterflies to the brim and your whole body would be on fire.

But none of that is happening. On the contrary, every single muscle in your body relaxes under his touch. The way his soft mouth presses gently against yours makes you calmer, almost at peace amongst all this turmoil. 

Minho is kissing all your tension and stress away and you catch yourself letting a sigh of relief escape your parted lips.

As if you have kissed him already hundreds of times in your past life, Minho feels like home. He’s a safe haven you can always take refuge in during troubled times. Ever since the day you met, he has never left your side.

When he breaks away from the kiss, you notice your breath isn’t so ragged and your mind isn’t so foggy anymore. You’re serene. His cold hands are still cupping your face, slightly squishing your cheeks, and you feel like an idiot sandwich for asking him to slap you seconds before.

“That can work too, I guess…” you mutter.  

“You’re okay?” he asks, staring at you with the softest eyes you’ve ever seen.

You just nod, unable to say one more word, and sprint to the entrance, not wanting to make your interviewers wait any longer than they already have.

“Good luck!” You hear him yell just before the door closes behind you and you can’t help but grin from ear to ear.

- - - - - 

Thirty minutes later, you finally step out of the fancy lobby to find a very bored Minho leaning against a tree, patiently waiting for you.

“You’re still here?”

“Of course, I am,” he says, his mouth full of croissant. He gives you a large iced coffee he probably went buying to kill time. Your lips unconsciously curl up into a smile when you notice it comes from the same chain that the one you spilled on your lap on the day you first met him. 

“How did it go?” he asks you, sticking his buttery pastry into your mouth so that you can take a bite.

“Way better than I thought” you answer, right after you swallowed. You hate the way flakes would always get stuck between your teeth. But Minho is always there to warn you about it before anyone else notices, and even pick them for you if you can’t manage to, which, when you think about it, is kind of gross. 

There are two things the boy knows about you: you’re the greatest pessimist on earth and you’d rather die than admit you were wrong (especially if it meant he was right). So for you to even say it wasn’t that bad, means it went phenomenal. 

“I don’t want to say ‘I told you so’ but I told you so.” He smiles so wide you can barely see his eyes anymore. You have to look away, otherwise you know you might become instantly blinded by love.

“Maybe I could use some more of your luck” you mumble, staring at your shoes and kicking the red leaves that were surrounding your feet on this sunny autumn morning. 

“Really? And what makes you think I’ll share it with you,” he teases you, leaning forward to incite you to look at him in the eyes. 

“That.”

Your hand finds the back of his neck and pulls him in, in order to close the space that is still left between your mouths.

At first, Minho stiffens, taken aback by your bold move. But soon enough, he caves into your touch. He kisses you back fervently, like he means it. 

His fingers entagle in your hair, his arm wraps around your waist and his chest presses against your body. You’re melting in his embrace, submerged by a wave of bliss which he alone seems to know the recipe. 

It feels new, yet so familiar. Like it was supposed to happen, like it was written in the stars. 

He tastes like croissant and Americano. Like fortune and fate. 

And you can’t help but think you’re the luckiest person on earth.

Who cares about winning the lottery when Lee Minho is your lucky charm? 

[anoldfashionedlife]

COVID-19: Sunday, April 12

Easter.

I read an article from the February issue of 1843 about headphone use in public spaces: "Headphones have destroyed our sense of common purpose,” the author writes. "A bedlam of babble in a handful of headphones.” Now, I read everything in the context of a global emergency: if we can’t be together together, how can we be alone together.

I run to Times Square. I leave my house and run my normal route to and across the Manhattan Bridge. I run a few blocks down Canal to Broadway, where I turn right and head north. Broadway will take me all the way to Times Square where it meets 7th Avenue and a whole mess of other things. It's an arterial avenue that cuts through the city from bottom to top.

I run through SoHo, which is empty. SoHo hasn’t been a “cool” neighborhood for a long time, but it’s still popular with tourists. It’s also the closest neighborhood when I need something from a big brand like CB2 or Uniqlo and don’t want to pay for shipping or wait a few days for it to arrive.

I pause at Houston because I’ve always paused at Houston. There’s little traffic so I could cross, but it seems safer to wait for the signal. “Look both ways before crossing, even when crossing a one-way street.” Advice given to incoming freshman at NYU—patronizing and comical, but useful because bikes and assholes don’t always follow the traffic rules.

I get the signal to cross, and I cross to the median where I pause once more. Out of habit I wait for any cars turning onto Houston, not paying attention to pedestrians, but there aren’t any. Everybody has different criteria for “when you become a New Yorker.” For me it was the first time I didn’t hesitate to yell at a driver turning into me as I crossed the street: “Fuck you! I’m crossing here!"

I didn’t live in New York on September 11th—I was a sophomore in high school in suburban Indiana—but I’d read accounts of New Yorkers in the days after who came out into the streets for no other reason than to be with other people, to commiserate and to mourn. Union Square was one place where they'd congregate, not only because it was a public space but because it was the largest and closest public space to the World Trade Center not cordoned off by the NYPD.

When I approach Union Square I slow down to keep my distance from others, mostly people coming out of the Whole Foods. I cross 14th Street into the park and most of the people there are homeless men, sitting on park benches with no place to go.

On the north side of Union Square I run past a bucket drummer, a nuisance in normal times but now a sort-of beacon in a sea of silence. I can hear him all the way past 19th Street three blocks away, and if there wasn’t a light breeze I could probably hear him for another few blocks.

Between 22nd and 23rd the sidewalk widens. There is plenty of space, but I run into the street to keep as much distance from others as I can. As I pass between two parked cars I lock eyes with an Asian woman who, behind a mask, looks at me as though she’s caught her pre-teen son out with friends instead of staying home to study for the PSAT: disappointment mixed with anger.

Continuing up Broadway I skirt between the Flatiron Building and Madison Square Park. Broadway between Flatiron and the ACE Hotel is an interesting mix of Yuppie District—sweetgreen, Milk Bar, Opening Ceremony—and the 28th Street Flower and Bargain Districts, but everything is closed. I run past a homeless man huddled next to an access ramp and think about white flight. In the 50s and 60s we fled to the suburbs. Today we've fled to our apartments.

I run through Herald Square and notice that the garbage cans outside Macy’s are empty. Garbage cans in Manhattan are never empty; they’re almost always overflowing with the detritus of petty consumerism: plastic Starbucks iced coffee cups, Chick-fil-A sauce, Hop-On Hop-Off bus maps.

I think about one of my favorite bars in the city, it’s nearby: Keens is one of New York’s oldest steakhouses, but if you’re not eating there—which I’ve only done twice—you can still order a drink at the bar, and they mix a good Manhattan.

I continue up Broadway and run past security personnel guarding empty office buildings and police officers patrolling empty public spaces. I make it to Times Square, and I think to myself: there are too many people here. There aren’t many people, but it still seems like too many.

I read the displays. Disney says: “Thank you to all the healthcare workers and first responders around the world / We are grateful for you.” T-Mobile says: “Please practice social distancing.” American Eagle says: “We are in this together. We are stronger together.” Clear Media says: “Not all superheroes wear capes.” Sephora says: “To all the healthcare, emergency, and social workers: \ You have our immense gratitude \ Thank you. \ We belong to something beautiful.” Green Giant says: “To all on the frontlines, you are the true giants.” Below the ball-drop is an impressive four-piece vertical public service display: “PL \ EA \ SE \ Practice \ social \ distancing \ & help \ save \ lives. \ cdc.gov/covid19 \ Prevent the spread of germs \ Please \ Stay \ Home \ When \ You \ Are \ Sick \ Prevent the spread of germs \ cdc.gov/covid19.” Amazon advertises a new album from The Strokes called The New Normal. #nystrong

What isn’t missing from Times Square is the guy who walks around carrying an “end is near” sign: “Because of sin Noah’s ark was built. No one believed him. Flood came—they perished. End is near. Judgement day is coming. Repent today. Confess Jesus as Lord and Savior. Only way to heaven.” That he isn't at whatever off-brand church he belongs to on Easter makes his message a bit less convincing.

I think about another one of my favorite bars in the city: Jimmy’s Corner, an old-school bar with boxing memorabilia covering the walls. You’d think in a place like Times Square it was actually owned by Yum! Brands or something, but you can find Jimmy there most nights.

I leave Times Square and run east on 42nd Street. Bryant Park is utterly empty. No homeless men, no vagabonds. Nobody except me and a park employee tending to the garbage cans, replacing one empty bag with another.

The emptiness isn’t surprising, but I should explain why. Since its inception the Bryant Park Corporation has been particularly aggressive in keeping out undesirables. First by removing park benches and adding metal tables and chairs. William H. Whyte, an urbanist in the 1970s, championed them as giving park users a semblance of agency in public space without actually providing it.

More importantly, removing park benches eliminated a surface on which homeless people could sleep. Over time, more and more features were added: upscale food for sale, movie nights on the lawn in the summer, a skating rink in the winter, Fashion Week. Sharon Zukin describes it as “pacification by cappuccino.”

Urban thinkers and advocates have been asking this question for years: Who’s city is this anyway?

I run a few blocks east to Grand Central. Once inside I don’t break pace as I run down the ramp towards the main concourse. For some reason this doesn’t strike me as unusual until I reach the main concourse. Shocked, I stop and take in the sight of an empty, cavernous space normally brimming with activity: commuters catching a train upstate if they don’t live in the city, the subway if they do; tourists careening their necks up to the ceiling painted with the constellations; me grabbing a drink at The Oyster Bar or Campbell’s Apartment, just because.

I’m lucky that my friends and family haven’t been infected by coronavirus; the hardest thing so far has been weeks of quarantine. I haven’t cried during this pandemic—I’m no “boys don’t cry” kind of boy, but doing so seems like an admission that things won’t resemble “normal” for quite some time. But standing here, taking in the sight of my city hollowing out like this, I tear up.

I turn around and run back home. I run down Madison Avenue to Madison Square Park. I turn left onto 23rd Street and then right onto Park Avenue South. Left onto 18th Street, right onto 3rd Avenue, left onto 12th Street, right onto 2nd Avenue. I cross Houston and take Forsyth to the Manhattan Bridge back to Brooklyn.

Back home I put a bottle of sparkling wine in the freezer, but it doesn’t fit because it’s full of frozen food, so I put it in my oversized ice bucket that once graced the tables and suites at the Waldorf Astoria. I bought it salvage a while back and don’t use it as often as I’d like: it fits two bottles comfortably, but one bottle looks silly, like a kid wearing his dad’s tuxedo jacket. I was hoping it’d be a fixture of backyard barbecues this summer, but that seems unlikely.

For dinner I make Ethiopian food. The doro wat turns out quite well, but the injera that’s been fermenting for a few days is an utter failure. I eat the stew with rice.

[jornami]

A Winter’s Ball {Part 2}

Upon popular request I present to you... A Winter’s Ball Part 2

A/N: Yikes...okay so that anon asked me to “make it really angsty but with lots of fluff.” … Sorry, my darling

Request: may i request an alexander x female! schuyler sisters reader where the reader is the 4th schuyler sister. out of her, angelica, and eliza - reader connects the most with alexander at the winters ball. after the ball and many letters being exchanged, angelica and reader go to london where angelica gets married and reader has a better education. upon reader's return, she sees that alex and eliza are engaged and alex never mentioned it in his letters!! pls make it rly angsty but w/a lot o fluff

Warnings: historical inaccuracies, angst, mentions of religion, major character deaths, you heard me...plural…

Masterlist | Request! | Part 1

“This is a joke, right?” you said, hoping it was a prank. “Right?”

Eliza finally spoke up, “I’m sorry, but he makes me really happy.”

“He made me happy too, and before he was yours he was mine!” you screamed, tears welling in your eyes. “‘I’m sorry, but he makes me really happy.’ You're pathetic, Eliza!”

“Y/N, honey, please calm down,” you father said in a calm tone.

“No!” you shouted at him. “You gave him your blessing when you know I loved him!”

“Young lady, lower your voice!” you father said, his voice rising in volume.

“Father is right, Y/N,” Angelica began but you cut her off.

“Don’t you dare!” you shouted, pointing a finger at her. “You knew about this the whole time and you didn’t tell me. What happened to no secrets, Angelica?”

Angelica began to say something, but was at a lost for words. You looked around the table at your awestruck family.

“You’re all pathetic,” you spat and stormed up the stairs to your old bedroom.

You crawled under your covers and cried your eyes out. You had so many questions. How could your family keep a secret like this from you? More importantly—why? What happened between Eliza and Alexander while you were gone? You were pulled out of your thoughts by a light knock on your door.

“Go away,” you huffed.

“Y/N, it’s me, please let me in,” a honey-like voice belonging to your sister Peggy said.

“Do you have biscuits and jam?” you asked.

When you two were kids it was your favorite snack; it always made everything better.

“Of course,” you could hear the smile in her voice.

You got up from the warmth of your bed and walked over to unlock your bedroom door. You saw your sister with a basket full of biscuits and jam. You smiled at her and pulled her into your room, shutting the door behind her.

You two ate in silence for a little while until Peggy finally broke it.

“We’re gonna have to talk at some point, Y/N,” she said as she put jam on another one of the biscuits.

You didn’t answer her, you just picked at your nails.

“Forget it,” she sighed and began to walk to the door.

“You knew,” you deadpanned.

“Yes, but every time I tried to write to you one of them stopped me,” Peggy said as she sat back down next to you.

“They did not!” you gasped in disbelief and Peggy just nodded her head.

“Y/N, I know you loved him,” she began and placed her hand on yours. “but remember when I was pining over one of father’s coworkers’ son and he got married? You told me that everything happens for a reason and that if two people are meant to be they will find their way back to each other. And as a good sister, it's my job to tell you the same thing when you need it.”

You smiled and pulled her into a hug, “With all the rain clouds hanging above my head right now, I'm so lucky to have you. You're the sun that peeks through the clouds, my darling sister.”

As long as you had your partner in crime, you were going to be alright.

December 14, 1780

“Can you believe that in just a matter of minutes I'll be walking down the aisle to marry the man of my dreams?” Eliza gushed as Angelica put in her veil.

“Man of my dreams,” you wanted to say.

“I'm just saying if you really loved me you would share him,” Angelica sang.

“Ha! Never in a million years,” Eliza giggled.

“All done!” Angelica clapped her hands together.

“You look stunning,” Peggy awed.

“She really does, and all because of me!” Angelica agreed, praising her handy work.

“Thank you, but you must go if we want the ceremony to start on time!” Eliza told her sisters.

Angelica and Peggy rushed downstairs, and you started to trail behind them.

“Y/N, wait,” Eliza called after you.

“Yes?” you replied and walked back into the room.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“I'm fine,” you lied.

“No you're not,” she saw through your façade. “I've known you all my life, I know when you're not okay.”

“I'm fine, Eliza,” you smiled weakly and hugged her from behind.

“So you're not upset about Alexander?” she mumbled.

You sighed, “If I couldn't have him, I'm glad you could.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, tears pricking her eyes.

“Yes, darling, I'm absolutely sure,” you smiled at her reflection in the mirror. “No crying, until after the ‘I do’s,’ okay?”

She nodded and wiped her tears.

“You look beautiful today, darling,” you told her sincerely and placed a kiss atop her head. “I'll see you down there.”

You walked out of the room and closed the door behind you. Of course, you were upset that she was marrying Alexander. Maybe even heartbroken, but you loved Eliza more than anything in this life. You would choose her happiness over yours every time.

“Everyone give it up for the maid of honor, Y/N Schuyler!” John Laurens cheered, three sheets to the wind.

“A toast to the groom!” you drunkenly yelled, raising your glass.

“To the groom!” the crowd echoed.

“To the bride!” you yelled.

“To the bride!” the crowd boomed.

“May you always be satisfied!” you giggled. You were drunk off your ass and you couldn't care less. “Oh, and Alexander! If you ever break her heart, may the lord show you mercy because I sure won't.”

“Noted,” Alexander smiled and kissed Eliza's forehead.

You sat back down in your seat.

“May they always be satisfied,” you muttered to yourself and chugged the rest of your champagne. “because I sure won't.”

April 17, 1784

Angelica had walked down the aisle first. Then Eliza and Peggy after that. On April 17, 1784, it was finally your turn. Shortly after Eliza and Alexander’s wedding, you met a dashing soldier named John Grismore. He was no Alexander, but there was only one Alexander Hamilton.

“Ready for the first day of the rest of your life?” Peggy asked you as she tied your corset.

“Ready as I'll ever be,” you smiled.

Throughout the years, you watched Alexander and Eliza’s happy marriage. When they went on their honeymoon, when they bought their first house, when they had their first kid. You hate to admit it, but you often fantasized about doing all those things, and more, with Alexander. The Bible says, "Thou shall not covet,” and you spent years in an average marriage doing exactly what you were told not to in Sunday school.

August 25, 1792

If there was one time you didn't yearn for Alexander was in 1792, when Alexander published the Reynolds Pamphlet. It was 95 pages, tell-all, of Alexander’s affairs. When you and Angelica got news of the pamphlet, you two dropped everything you were doing, and rushed to your sister's aid.

Alexander greeted you at the steps that led to the front of your house.

“Y/N, finally, someone who understand what I'm struggling here to do,” he said frantically and lifted your hand so he could kiss it.

“I'm not here for you!” you gaped in disbelief and snatched your hand away.

“Angelica?” he said desperately.

“We're here for our sister, Alexander,” Angelica said calmly, the type of calm that has no place in a situation like this. “we'll talk later.”

Angelica ushered you in the house and you two walked into the living room where Eliza stood in front of the fireplace. She was tossing letters into the flames.

“I hope that he burns,” Eliza said coldly, a glassy look clouding her eyes.

Later that night, you walked into Alexander’s office with an oil lamp in your hands.

“Let's go for a walk,” was all you said and waited for him to follow you.

You two walked out into the open field in the front of their house.

“Congratulations, Alexander,” you chuckled coldly. “you have officially hit rock bottom.”

“Y/N,” he sighed pathetically.

“Let's review,” you said, ignoring him. “you took a rumor that a few people knew and refuted it by sharing an affair of which no one has accused you. What sense does that make, Alexander?”

“Y/N,” he said again.

“I'm going to tell you this once, so listen clearly,” you told him. “Eliza is the best thing in our lives, so never lose sight of the fact that you have been blessed with the best wife. Enjoy her while you still have time with her.”

You exhaled deeply and turned to walk back in the house, leaving Alexander standing there dumbfounded.

July 2, 1804

Another day you'd never forget was the day Alexander died. You, Angelica, and Eliza were all by his side when it happened. The next few week were extremely hard on all you, but Eliza finally decided it was time to move on to the next chapter of her life. Angelica went back to London, and you returned to Virginia. Eliza thought the first step to moving on was cleaning out Alexander’s study. She combed through letters for hours. Most of them were addressed to colleagues, but their was one that caught her eye. It was addressed to you.

My dearest, Y/N

I've been wracking my brain for months on how I should say this. Should I tell you in person or should I send a letter? I figured a letter would be more pleasant for both of us. I love you, and not in a sibling way. More of in a romantic way. These feelings are not new for I've felt them since the first day I met you. While I still love Eliza and she's the light of my life, it has always been you. I'll probably never send this in order to avoid a civil war between the family. But in case you ever find this, I love you, forever and always.

     Forever your conflicted and confused,

                                                               A. Ham

The guilt that hadn't plagued Eliza since her wedding day suddenly returned. She never told you, but she always felt guilty for marrying the guy her sister loved. It was selfish of her and she knew it. If she could go back and reject his proposal, she would, but it was too late now.

April 13, 1850

So there you and Eliza were; the final frontier. You and her were the only remaining ones. Peggy went first, next was Alexander, and then Angelica. Now, it was your turn. You lied on your deathbed, Eliza clutching your hand.

“My dearest Eliza, tell our story,” was the last thing you said to her before you took your final breath.

“I will, darling,” Eliza said, tears streaming down her cheeks.

What they don't tell you is that after you die, your soul doesn't immediately pass on to heaven. Your soul lingers in the room so you can hear your family's final goodbyes. 

“Y/N, I'm so sorry that I married Alexander,” she confessed. “I knew you loved him, but I married him anyway. It was incredibly selfish of me. I hope that in the afterlife you finally get to have the life with him you never had on earth. Make sure to tell him that I said hi.”

You opened your eyes and saw Alexander standing in front of you. He had an ethereal aura around him that made him glow.

“Alexander,” you smiled and hugged him tightly.

“Y/N,” he said, spinning you around.

You pulled away from the hug and kissed him passionately, something that was long overdue.

"She gave us her blessing, Alexander," you beamed. "The only one we ever needed."

[okeyouk-blog]

HOW I LOST MY GIRLFRIEND.

Take your time to read THROUGH PLEASE IF THERE IS ANYONE I WANT TO SEE AGAIN, IT IS THAT YOUNG MAN OF GOD WHO MADE ME LOSE THE GIRLFRIEND I LOVED SO MUCH. She loved me to the point that she was ready to be disowned by her parents when they wanted her to marry a rich politician's son and she refused. The love was simply so much...She visited me for a weekend and I took her to a program in a church where I was invited... The two Guest Speakers for the 1st and 2nd days were wonderful...We laughed and shouted Fire and even sowed seeds of greatness... And I took my girlfriend back to my house... But the guest speaker that came on the last day was the one that caused the whole program to turn sour for me... He did not wear any big shoe or expensive suit... His hair cut was even scattered... Unlike other guests, he did not have any escort or security But I noticed that the moment he climbed the pulpit, the atmosphere changed... He started singing this song: # "Something more than gold... Something more than silver... The Word of God in the heart of a believer, is something more than gold"... And within 5 minutes, I began to see something like a mist, like a thick cloud inside that auditorium... It was as if, millions of voices were singing that song at the same time. It was not long before I began to hear cries of men and women, boys and girls...: and yet, he had not opened the Bible... The church hall was tense... You would wonder if this was the same church we had been coming to for the past 2days... "Lord, help me"... "Forgive me Jesus... " " Don't leave me this way" "Jesus, I need You back... " " Holy spirit, break me... And use me... " These and more were the deep cries I was hearing from people around where I was sitting... The choristers who were backing up the songs were slain... Some of them did not know when they began to shout, through the microphone:" Lord, show me your mercy... "Some were shouting:" I need your revival, Lord... Will you leave me this way"? I was afraid to open my eyes... The Glory inside that house was too much... When i managed to open my eyes, I didn't see anybody standing... I was the only one on my feet... The pastor that hosted the program was on the floor, in front of the church, with his wife... The Assistant Pastors were with him in front of the church, crying,... The Preacher was lying flat, crying on the altar... Nobody could know who was the Preacher and who was the speaker...As a Preacher's kid, born inside the church, I have seen revivals... I have seen the move of God's power... But, never in my life had I seen such manifest Presence of God...And for more than 1:45 minutes, people were rolling on the floor, crying their hearts out... Yet, the guest minister did not open the Bible... I was still standing, looking around for my girlfriend... But I could not find her... When I went outside... I saw her, lying on the floor, flat, crying... As I tried to pull her up, thinking that something might have hurt her... I saw her blouse soaked with tears... Her voice was already cracked... She had cried her heart out...I did not care to wait for the service to close ... I managed to guide her back to my house... And throughout that short journey, on the road, she was weeping like a child... When we got home and she managed to sleep, right from her sleep, at short intervals, she began to sob, crying out from sleep... And before long, the pillow was already soaked... The encounter she had in the church followed her home... And it continued like that for 3 days... She was unable to eat anything... In one of those nights, as she was praying and crying, she burst into tongues... She was crying and was blasting tongues, for more than 4 hours... How can I forget? The morning of the 3rd day, she told me: "Felix, when that young pastor was singing that song... My eyes were opened and I saw Jesus for the first time in my life... I saw the kind of splendor I cannot explain... I saw His wounds... I saw Him on the Cross... I saw Him calling me to surrender my life to Him.... Felix, something has happened to me... And I am no more that same person." The more I tried to cuddle her, the more she was running from my arms... She asked me: "Felix , did you not feel what I felt? Did you not see what I saw? What I saw is worth more than the whole world. I saw a Crown that I cannot lose... Felix, i have to surrender to Jesus... I have to pack my things now..." Before 30 minutes, she had picked her few things and about to go... As she was leaving, we were both in tears... She told me: "FELIX, I know I love you and you love me too.... But I have to let you go. At this moment, I have surrendered to Jesus.... It will be better to lose you than to lose that Crown that I saw... " Tears had dried on our bodies and fresh ones were coming. I could not even stop her... The girl I knew before had changed... Her face was radiant... It dawned on me that that young man of God had made me lose the girlfriend I loved so much... And I was angry... As I rolled from one part of the bed to the other, alone, inside my room, from morning till night... I began to blame myself for taking her along to that program... Don't blame me... I was not born again then...Where else was I going to see another girl who would love me like her? I was furious... Yes, but deep down in my heart, I knew that she had met God... I knew that this was exactly how it used to be in 1980s and 90s... On my own, I began to tell God: "If I will ever become a Preacher someday, this is the type I want to be... I will love people to come to my program and lose their girlfriends to God.." And thank God, in the fullness of time, when it pleased Him to intercept me from a speedy journey to hell, I understood what happened those days to my ex girlfriend... Several times, I have seen that same thing she saw that made her lose me and not care about it. Friend, if you see what she saw, you will never be afraid to lose any man.... Apostle Paul said that when he fell and stood up on his way to Damascus, 'I saw no man'... Why are you afraid for us that we will starve if we continue with this 'criticizing' ministry? Why are you complaining that nobody will host us in his big auditorium and give us big honorarium? Thanks for your concern brother man... But we can tell the whole world that 'We too, like Apostle Paul, saw no man'... We did not see honorarium before we left all and embarked on this journey.. We saw a Crown that we must not lose on the last day... Many are already wearing their own crowns here... They have forgotten the encounters God used to give them when they first met Jesus... Lord, anybody can go... I don't want to lose the glory you showed me! ... We don't need too many friends...We don't need those who want to show everyone that they are succeeding in ministry, even when, they are not known in Heaven Our lives are better with fewer people whose eyes are still on that Crown... With the help of God, in our weaknesses and fewness, if it please God, we might be able to stop the mouth of lions... That was how that young man made me to lose my girlfriend.. My friends told me to give her some time that she will run back to me when memories of our sinful past will begin to hunt her... I waited for months and years, up till now, she did not come back... Together, with her husband, they are running a revival ministry in my country Nigeria... And she too is reading this post now as you are reading it... Aleluiah Man of God, I don't know the last time people listened to you and they went back and moved their things out from their boyfriend's house and that was their last days in sin? When was the last time you preached and boys called their girlfriends on the phone and told them: "It is over... I have met with Jesus.... And am gone",? In the last crusade where ministered, you came back with car keys... Laptops, I phones and landed documents... But there was no tears for repentance... Sinners came as Sinners, sowed their seeds as Sinners and left as Sinners. When again are we going to see you preach and men will start falling over another, even without altar call, asking God for repentance for their adultery? Your choristers are already singing with snared hearts... When are we going to hear somebody say about you, that: "This is that man of God that I heard and I left my sins and did not go back to them again? Sister, I don't know what they are telling you in your church every Sunday... I know you want to shun your evil ways, but the church you submitted to seems not to have a problem with your sinful lifestyle... From year to year, they don't preach against sin.... Only giving you 100 ways to make wealth, even when you are sinking miserably in sin and addictions... The abuse of the gospel of miracle visa, miracle marriage, miracle contracts, and fighting of enemies is what brought this demonic wind upon us... Jacob had all those things and yet, he was crying to God for an encounter... He had it and that's why we are still talking about him till now... Lock your self up this weekend and cry to God for that same encounter... If He has not shown up, don't give up... If my ex girl friend made up her mind to walk out from our relationship, there must be something she saw that's worth more than me... Today, she is happily married with wonderful children... That God she saw that night has not failed her... That thing she saw has kept her all these years... I know you are afraid of what will become of you when you cut some ties... Sister, stop playing church while you are feasting on your vomit... It's time to cry for an encounter... How long will you keep falling and rising and falling again?, It's time to cry for just one touch of Fire,... I am sure heaven will not shun your wet eyes and cracked lips. PLS SHARE TO INSPIRE OTHERS TO LIVE FOR CHRIST, COZ HIS COMING IS AT HAND!!!

[padsfood-blog]

1-200 :)

THANKS FOR ASKING !! 

200: My crush’s name is: Gabriel also know as my best friend yea

199: I was born in: 1998

198: I am really: a grumpy cat sometimes

197: My cellphone company is: “TIM” terrible actually

196: My eye color is: brown

195: My shoe size is: 38 i think is “9″ in eua ??

194: My ring size is: lmao i don’t know ?? probs P!ATD

193: My height is: 1,75 (( 5′9′’ ))

192: I am allergic to: anything i guess

191: My 1st car was: i wish i have my first car

190: My 1st job was: i wish i have a job too

189: Last book you read: probs the raven boys aka lily blue blue lily

188: My bed is: messy kkk

187: My pet: is a beautiful dog i love him :D

186: My best friend: i jerk but i love him, literally 

185: My favorite shampoo is: those who wash my hair kkkkkkkk

184: Xbox or ps3: …….. xbox duh

183: Piggy banks are: i don’t have one, i need money for that kkkkkk

182: In my pockets: nothing ya

181: On my calendar: test in 10/june D:

180: Marriage is: i’m not married, but iS BEAUTIFUL AND MESSY, BUT I LOVE 

179: Spongebob can: be a sponge ?? 

178: My mom: the best person i’ve ever met

177: The last three songs I bought were? i don’t buy i use spotify :3

176: Last YouTube video watched: reforma da educação no brasil

175: How many cousins do you have? a lOT I DON’T KNOW HOW MANY ???

174: Do you have any siblings? yea, one sister bro

173: Are your parents divorced? yea, thanks god

172: Are you taller than your mom? yea, actually i’m 

171: Do you play an instrument? trying learn guitar with a friend 

170: What did you do yesterday? nothing useful just tumblr and scream a lot bc i’ve nice grades 

[ I BELIEVE IN ]

i answer this one here !!

[ THIS OR THAT ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: both ?? i love :c

153: Drunk or High: none, i don’t drink so

152: Phone or Online: online

151: Red heads or Black haired: red heads

150: Blondes or Brunettes: bRUNETTES

149: Hot or cold: cooooooooooold stone, cooold stone

148: Summer or winter: winter bub

147: Autumn or Spring: spring always

146: Chocolate or vanilla: cHOCOLATE PLS

145: Night or Day: i’m a owl, night

144: Oranges or Apples: apples i guess

143: Curly or Straight hair: cURLY BC I’VE CURLY BRUNETTE HAIR

142: McDonalds or Burger King: BURGER KING

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk 

140: Mac or PC: pc ??

139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor ya

137: Coke or Pepsi: coke

136: Hillary or Obama: obama :c

135: Burried or cremated: cremated

134: Singing or Dancing: BOTH DON’T MAKE ME CHOOSE

133: Coach or Chanel: chanel ???

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who

131: Small town or Big city: small town

130: Wal-Mart or Target: ??

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: adam

128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure

127: East Coast or West Coast: i don’t know man

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: MY BIRTHDAY 4EVER

125: Chocolate or Flowers: CHOCOLATE, let the flowers live #

124: Disney or Six Flags: disney

123: Yankees or Red Sox: yankees ??

[ HERE’S WHAT I THINK ABOUT ]

122: War: unnecessary

121: George Bush: idk

120: Gay Marriage: bEAUTIFUL, U GO HONEYS 

119: The presidential election: all politicians are corrupt

118: Abortion: shouldn’t be used as prevetion, but i’m not against abortion ;~; so many children suffer from being abandoned

117: MySpace: wut

116: Reality TV: shit

115: Parents: i love them

114: Back stabbers: idk

113: Ebay: good sometimes 

112: Facebook: shit

111: Work: good bc money

110: My Neighbors: shit ³

109: Gas Prices: vv expensive

108: Designer Clothes: GOOD

107: College: AMAZING

106: Sports: I SHOULD DO MORE, BUT I LIKE ??

105: My family: I LOVE, AGAIN

104: The future: uncertain, but let’s go

[ LAST TIME I ]

103: Hugged someone: 13/04

102: Last time you ate: 3h ??

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: 10/2

100: Cried in front of someone: 12/04

99: Went to a movie theater: i don’t remember

98: Took a vacation: december-february

97: Swam in a pool: years ago

96: Changed a diaper: oh god 5 years ago

95: Got my nails done: two weeks ago ??

94: Went to a wedding: four years ago

93: Broke a bone: never

92: Got a peircing:  never

91: Broke the law: never

90: Texted: few minutes

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: Gabriel, my best friend

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my mom :c

87: The last movie I saw: falling skies

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: chocolate

85: The thing im not looking forward to: gym

84: People call me: lía

83: The most difficult thing to do is: kill someone

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never kkk

81: My zodiac sign is: virgo bub

80: The first person i talked to today was: my ally, bbygirl

79: First time you had a crush: well, when i was 10 years?? 

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: Gabriel, June and my mom

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: hours ago

76: Right now I am talking to: my ally and my best friend

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: be a goo writer and change the world

74: I have/will get a job: this year

73: Tomorrow: i will do nothing

72: Today: i will train for the film 

71: Next Summer: i will go in vacations

70: Next Weekend: i will study more

69: I have these pets: just a dog called morph

68: The worst sound in the world: a children crying in pain

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: lord, my dad

66: People that make you happy: all my friends and my family

65: Last time I cried: 13/04

64: My friends are: beautiful things in the world

63: My computer is: shitty and old

62: My School: *College is good

61: My Car: i don’t have one

60: I lose all respect for people who: are prejudiced and limited

59: The movie I cried at was: 13 reasons why dON’T WATCH

58: Your hair color is: brown

57: TV shows you watch: supernatural, falling skies, girl meets world, how to train your dragon and so many others

56: Favorite web site: w3school

55: Your dream vacation: LONDON

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: menstrual cramps

53: How do you like your steak cooked: well cooked

52: My room is: messy 

51: My favorite celebrity is: kaya scodelario, rowan blanchard, sabrina carpenter, karen gillan, emma watson && others

50: Where would you like to be: in bed

49: Do you want children: YEAH LIKE 2 A BOY AND A GIRL

48: Ever been in love: yeaps

47: Who’s your best friend: Gabriel and June

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girl friends

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: chocolate and that i’m in college

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my mom

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: nah, actually

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: nah

41: Have you pre-named your children: nah

40: Last person I got mad at: Dilton and i’ll still mad

39: I would like to move to: LONDON

38: I wish I was a professional: writer with a lot of money

[ MY FAVORITES ]

37: Candy: CHOCOLATE

36: Vehicle: bicycle

35: President: idk

34: State visited: são paulo hue

33: Cellphone provider: SAMSUNG

32: Athlete: i dk

31: Actor: shit ?

30: Actress: angelina jolie & amber heard

29: Singer: eD SHEERAN

28: Band: pANIC AT THE DISCO

27: Clothing store: c&a

26: Grocery store: idk

25: TV show: girl meets world

24: Movie: the perks

23: Website: tumblr

22: Animal: dogs

21: Theme park: play center

20: Holiday: easter

19: Sport to watch: swimming

18: Sport to play: swimming

17: Magazine: idk

16: Book: the perks

15: Day of the week: sunday

14: Beach: i don’t like

13: Concert attended: idk

12: Thing to cook: brigadeiro

11: Food: lasanha

10: Restaurant: idk

9: Radio station: idk

8: Yankee candle scent: pass

7: Perfume: mine

6: Flower: sunflower

5: Color: green

4: Talk show host: idk

3: Comedian: me bA DUM TS

2: Dog breed: none

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? yEAH

[ryki]

Katsucon 2017 Report!

So this was my first Katsucon -- my second convention overall -- and let me just tell you how much I loved it.

Friday I was Phichit from Yuri! On Ice. Saturday I was Lance from Voltron. Sunday I was Hinata from Haikyuu!!

I’ll break it down into things I remembered and loved, and things that I had problems with!

Positives!

The people we roomed with were -- for the most part -- a real pleasure to be around. They didn’t judge and were actually very kind about complimenting my first cosplay that I made -- granted, it was really only the jacket I made from scratch but they were so nice about it, giving me compliments and saying it looked good. ;; It made me feel really good that people thought my first cosplay was good and it gives me so confidence to keep going.

I would totally room with most of the people we roomed with for next year, and I hope that we made a good enough impression to be allowed back into the room next year, too! ; w ; Hopefully between now and then, I can work harder on making my cosplays better and getting better at make-up so I can show off more.

Most people were really sweet and kind to us and were more than ready to help us in the AA/DR and be patient with our requests. We had to wait a while for some AA booths but that’s expected considering that they had a lot of fanart for popular series! The artists as well as other con-goers were really patient and understanding when we had to leave booths or making way for us when we came to a new booth so it was really nice just having so many people be kind to us. 

I really liked the Voltron shoot, too! It was just-- it was so nice being around so many people with the same interests and feeling a part of something, like-- not to quote the show, but feeling like I was a part of something bigger. Everyone was so kind, for the most part, and it was just fun being able to meet and adopt people into our group. 

We adopted a Pidge or two and adopted them into our group (we were only missing Shiro, d’aw!) so it was really nice to meet them and they were such sweethearts and adorable that I’m glad we swapped handles so I could be friends with them. I can’t wait to be able to cosplay with them again, they really helped boost the fun!

The Voltron shoot was just so much fun in general and even if there were obvious disagreements (age, discourse) no one was disrespectful about it, at least not out-right. For a meet, the maturity of everyone was really good, so I’m really glad my first fan shoot went as well as it did. The rules were to keep it discourse free and I’m so glad that everyone stuck to that or I wouldn’t’ve enjoyed it like I did.Everyone was really mature and I’m so thankful that I didn’t feel self-confident at all.

(I’m still not over the time we did a cheerleading pyramid to actually ‘form Voltron’ where I shouted, “THIS ISN’T WHAT I MEANT WHEN I SAID I WAS A BOTTOM!” or something like that. Wait, I think it was, “THIS IS NOT HOW I WANTED TO BOTTOM!”-- Something as equally as dumb, LMAO. I made everyone laugh. [Heart eyes.] Boost my ego, pls.) 

We also had a really pretty Princess Peach (I believe that’s what they were!) ask my fiance and I to take a photo of us and I was so happy!! (We were Klance and Klance was their otp, heck yeah.) That was the first time someone who wasn’t always cosplaying Voltron asked for a photo of us and it made me feel so proud and happy. To the point we even asked them if they wanted us to pose, LOL. I hope they enjoyed the photo, they really helped boost my confidence as a cosplayer and I can’t thank them enough for it. 

We met a lot of adorable individuals, too. Logan, Jem, Britany, Robin, Rebecca, Jensen and a few others. They really helped me feel better about my cosplay and everything. It was just so much fun being able to actually spend time with our friends at a convention and actually feel like we were part of a group. 

(Anime Fest 2016 was great but it was mostly us following our friends’ friends around and not feeling part of the group, always being neglected -- though to no fault of our friends, we understand that people enjoy their cosplays and they have a friend group that’s closer to them but it was just... a lonely convention and we didn’t branch out much because we had no one to branch out with. Katsucon was different because we felt like we were a part of something. ;; I really adore everyone I’ve met through Kat.)

And it was so nice to meet old online friends (Nikita and Ash!!!) and being able to plan for next year’s convention to do group shots and everything, I just really loved feeling like I had friends (I mean, I do have friends but it’s different feeling like you can actually meet up with them, take pictures, hug and stuff than just online things. ;;) and loved that I could make plans with people and have hopes for next year.

There was a moment during dinner that Kieran noticed our rings and istg, it was exactly like that moment in YOI when realization dawned on them, LMAO. (Which is funny when you remember Kieran cosplayed Phichit, too!!!) 

We got a lot of merch this time too, and we even cried over our wallets for it. But it was so worth it. +w+ A lot of stores sold out on Friday and Saturday but we managed to get most of the stuff we wanted to get, which was really great. We didn’t get everything we wanted because of money and out of stock but we definitely picked up business cards to hopefully buy stuff later. All the artists and their friends were so precious.

There was one booth that was the mom of the artist and she was so sweet and cute, and really nice and accepting. She was a blast! I’d totally want to support her and her child again in the future since she was so sweet. ;-;

Negatives!

The bus ride, definitely, is my top negative!

This convention was really big so it was awfully crowded but people were really understanding if you bumped into them by accident or needed to rely on their tables (AA/DR). So when I was struggling walking in my Lance cosplay, they understood perfectly that I needed to a break or I was having issues. But it was really crowded and at some points, people got really pissy/rude.

Like the Reinhardt for example-- yeah, the really tall one that everyone’s fawning over. They were in the AA and if you were there, you knew that crowded places with small walk-ways (probably fits three people at most between booths) are not the best places for massive cosplays. But this person, lord give me strength, was so rude about bumping into people. They bumped into me while my back was turned into them and almost knocked me over if I hadn’t grabbed on to the artist’s table we were visiting. He turned around and, so rudely, said ‘ExCUSE me.’ as if I was the one who bumped into him. And I’m still pissed off about that. 

If you’re going to do giant cosplays, for the love of shared interests, don’t bring them into the AA or the DR unless you know you’ll have enough space to get around without bumping into people. And don’t be rude when you knock people over, jfc. What if the person you knocked over was an older person or someone with anxiety or fears or injuries? You don’t own the damn place, so don’t act high and mighty just because people fawn over your cosplay, jerk.

Another problem I had with this convention was bathrooms. Which, I get this all the time when I use the restroom. I’m not male passing but I’m still male, and just because I’m trans doesn’t make me any less than a man -- but some people don’t understand that. There were some people who were good about apologizing (I’m still sorry for being rude, D!) and acknowleding their mistakes, but to the jerks who literally tried to block me off from the bathrooms or who loudly stated, ‘Why is there a girl in the bathroom?’ -- Fuck you. 

You’re at a damn convention where people are cosplaying, crossplaying, crossdressing or trying to enjoy a safe environment without judgement based of their gender, you have no right to be discriminative or rude because you assume this or that about me.

There was also this one person who kept latching on to us and making me really uncomfortable; all they would do is talk about themselves and their interests while following us around and -- I understand it’s nice having shared interests but if the only conversation you have to offer is about yourself, what you spent, what you have, what you did, then I’m sorry but I’d rather not wander around with you. Especially if you keep touching us without permission, I don’t care if wasn’t inappropiately but please keep your hands to yourself. (It took us a good 20 minutes to find a perfect oppurtunity to ditch them.) 

Overall!

That’s all I can think of for now but!!! I had a total blast, despite everything and it was so much fun just being able to hang around with my friends and everyone. ; w ; We’re definitely going to be more active in the con area because of how rewarding it felt and how much fun it was. We might try to go to local conventions, too, but it all depends on our finances! (It was so fuuuun, I cry. ;; w ;;)

Thank you everyone who made this convention a good one for me, despite everything, and for your kind words and help. Y’all are the best, y’all are what make conventions fun, and I hope that good things come your way for allowing me to feel great, even if for a few days.

[christaindaily]

  Take your time to read THROUGH PLEASE: IF THERE IS ANYONE I WANT TO SEE AGAIN, IT IS THAT YOUNG MAN OF GOD WHO MADE ME LOSE THE GIRLFRIEND I LOVED SO MUCH. She loved me to the point that she was ready to be disowned by her parents when they wanted her to marry a rich politician's son and she refused. The love was simply so much...She visited me for a weekend and I took her to a program in a church where I was invited... The two Guest Speakers for the 1st and 2nd days were wonderful...We laughed and shouted Fire and even sowed seeds of greatness... And I took my girlfriend back to my house... But the guest speaker that came on the last day was the one that caused the whole program to turn sour for me... He did not wear any big shoe or expensive suit... His hair cut was even scattered... Unlike other guests, he did not have any escort or security But I noticed that the moment he climbed the pulpit, the atmosphere changed... He started singing this song: # "Something more than gold... Something more than silver... The Word of God in the heart of a believer, is something more than gold"... And within 5 minutes, I began to see something like a mist, like a thick cloud inside that auditorium... It was as if, millions of voices were singing that song at the same time. It was not long before I began to hear cries of men and women, boys and girls...: and yet, he had not opened the Bible... The church hall was tense... You would wonder if this was the same church we had been coming to for the past 2days... "Lord, help me"... "Forgive me Jesus... " " Don't leave me this way" "Jesus, I need You back... " " Holy spirit, break me... And use me... " These and more were the deep cries I was hearing from people around where I was sitting... The choristers who were backing up the songs were slain... Some of them did not know when they began to shout, through the microphone:" Lord, show me your mercy... "Some were shouting:" I need your revival, Lord... Will you leave me this way"? I was afraid to open my eyes... The Glory inside that house was too much... When i managed to open my eyes, I didn't see anybody standing... I was the only one on my feet... The pastor that hosted the program was on the floor, in front of the church, with his wife... The Assistant Pastors were with him in front of the church, crying,... The Preacher was lying flat, crying on the altar... Nobody could know who was the Preacher and who was the speaker...As a Preacher's kid, born inside the church, I have seen revivals... I have seen the move of God's power... But, never in my life had I seen such manifest Presence of God...And for more than 1:45 minutes, people were rolling on the floor, crying their hearts out... Yet, the guest minister did not open the Bible... I was still standing, looking around for my girlfriend... But I could not find her... When I went outside... I saw her, lying on the floor, flat, crying... As I tried to pull her up, thinking that something might have hurt her... I saw her blouse soaked with tears... Her voice was already cracked... She had cried her heart out...I did not care to wait for the service to close ... I managed to guide her back to my house... And throughout that short journey, on the road, she was weeping like a child... When we got home and she managed to sleep, right from her sleep, at short intervals, she began to sob, crying out from sleep... And before long, the pillow was already soaked... The encounter she had in the church followed her home... And it continued like that for 3 days... She was unable to eat anything... In one of those nights, as she was praying and crying, she burst into tongues... She was crying and was blasting tongues, for more than 4 hours... How can I forget? The morning of the 3rd day, she told me: "Felix, when that young pastor was singing that song... My eyes were opened and I saw Jesus for the first time in my life... I saw the kind of splendor I cannot explain... I saw His wounds... I saw Him on the Cross... I saw Him calling me to surrender my life to Him.... Felix, something has happened to me... And I am no more that same person." The more I tried to cuddle her, the more she was running from my arms... Felix, something has happened to me... And I am no more that same person." The more I tried to cuddle her, the more she was running from my arms... She asked me: "Felix , did you not feel what I felt? Did you not see what I saw? What I saw is worth more than the whole world. I saw a Crown that I cannot lose... Felix, i have to surrender to Jesus... I have to pack my things now..." Before 30 minutes, she had picked her few things and about to go... As she was leaving, we were both in tears... She told me: "FELIX, I know I love you and you love me too.... But I have to let you go. At this moment, I have surrendered to Jesus.... It will be better to lose you than to lose that Crown that I saw... " Tears had dried on our bodies and fresh ones were coming. I could not even stop her... The girl I knew before had changed... Her face was radiant... It dawned on me that that young man of God had made me lose the girlfriend I loved so much... And I was angry... As I rolled from one part of the bed to the other, alone, inside my room, from morning till night... I began to blame myself for taking her along to that program... Don't blame me... I was not born again then...Where else was I going to see another girl who would love me like her? I was furious... Yes, but deep down in my heart, I knew that she had met God... I knew that this was exactly how it used to be in 1980s and 90s... On my own, I began to tell God: "If I will ever become a Preacher someday, this is the type I want to be... I will love people to come to my program and lose their girlfriends to God.." And thank God, in the fullness of time, when it pleased Him to intercept me from a speedy journey to hell, I understood what happened those days to my ex girlfriend... Several times, I have seen that same thing she saw that made her lose me and not care about it. Friend, if you see what she saw, you will never be afraid to lose any man.... Apostle Paul said that when he fell and stood up on his way to Damascus, 'I saw no man'... Why are you afraid for us that we will starve if we continue with this 'criticizing' ministry? Why are you complaining that nobody will host us in his big auditorium and give us big honorarium? Thanks for your concern brother man... But we can tell the whole world that 'We too, like Apostle Paul, saw no man'... We did not see honorarium before we left all and embarked on this journey.. We saw a Crown that we must not lose on the last day... Many are already wearing their own crowns here... They have forgotten the encounters God used to give them when they first met Jesus... Lord, anybody can go... I don't want to lose the glory you showed me! ... We don't need too many friends...We don't need those who want to show everyone that they are succeeding in ministry, even when, they are not known in Heaven Our lives are better with fewer people whose eyes are still on that Crown... With the help of God, in our weaknesses and fewness, if it please God, we might be able to stop the mouth of lions... That was how that young man made me to lose my girlfriend.. My friends told me to give her some time that she will run back to me when memories of our sinful past will begin to hunt her... I waited for months and years, up till now, she did not come back... Together, with her husband, they are running a revival ministry in my country Nigeria... And she too is reading this post now as you are reading it... Aleluiah Man of God, I don't know the last time people listened to you and they went back and moved their things out from their boyfriend's house and that was their last days in sin? When was the last time you preached and boys called their girlfriends on the phone and told them: "It is over... I have met with Jesus.... And am gone",? In the last crusade where ministered, you came back with car keys... Laptops, I phones and landed documents... But there was no tears for repentance... Sinners came as Sinners, sowed their seeds as Sinners and left as Sinners. When again are we going to see you preach and men will start falling over another, even without altar call, asking God for repentance for their adultery? Your choristers are already singing with snared hearts... When are we going to hear somebody say about you, that: "This is that man of God that I heard and I left my sins and did not go back to them again? Sister, I don't know what they are telling you in your church every Sunday... I know you want to shun your evil ways, but the church you submitted to seems not to have a problem with your sinful lifestyle... From year to year, they don't preach against sin.... Only giving you 100 ways to make wealth, even when you are sinking miserably in sin and addictions... The abuse of the gospel of miracle visa, miracle marriage, miracle contracts, and fighting of enemies is what brought this demonic wind upon us... Jacob had all those things and yet, he was crying to God for an encounter... He had it and that's why we are still talking about him till now... Lock your self up this weekend and cry to God for that same encounter... If He has not shown up, don't give up... If my ex girl friend made up her mind to walk out from our relationship, there must be something she saw that's worth more than me... Today, she is happily married with wonderful children... That God she saw that night has not failed her... That thing she saw has kept her all these years... I know you are afraid of what will become of you when you cut some ties... Sister, stop playing church while you are feasting on your vomit... It's time to cry for an encounter... How long will you keep falling and rising and falling again?, It's time to cry for just one touch of Fire,... I am sure heaven will not shun your wet eyes and cracked lips. PLS SHARE TO INSPIRE OTHERS TO LIVE FOR CHRIST, COZ HIS COMING IS AT HAND!!! Ada care

http://christaindaily.blogspot.com/2017/07/true-life-story-how-i-lost-my.html