#; sometimes he puts his phone on do not disturb because his group chat blows up | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

obsidiancreates · 5 years ago

Note

Could I mayhaps suggest murder trio, except Anti needed some emergency advice so texted Wilf and Jimmy to show up asap & Wilford shows up in his suspenders and underwear and Jimmy in his clown makeup, suit jacket, and boxers (courtesy of the 7 year livestream) and Anti questions why they’re even friends (sorry if this is wordy and long, I had a rough day and your murder trio never fails to make me happy, anyway I hope you have a good day!))

(Gah, I am so sorry for the delay, Anon. I hope you have/had a better day today! Also, sorry about the Zalgo, the one I use now after the old one shut down is... a lot heavier, even on the mild setting. Non-Zalgo translations of Anti’s lines will be at the bottom.)

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Anti growls, pressing his pen harder and harder into the notebook until it rips right through the page. He screams in rage and throws the notebook across the room, glitching violently.

“Śt̛u͟p̨i̴d,͘ ͡s͢tup̡įd͝, ͏s̸t͘upi͞d!̴ ͡A͟ll͏ t̷hese͘ ̢id҉eas ͘are ͡F̸U͡ÇḰIN͡G͠ ͝S̨T̛U̷PI̵D̢!”

He stabs the couch a few times. “W͘h̕at̀ ̸the H̛E҉L͜L a͞m ̷I ̕su͟p̴p̡o͝śe͢d ͟t͟o do ͞f͜òr͠ t̕his a͘nǹi̸v̧er͜s͢ary͜,̀ ͠hu͠h? Second ͘e̢v̸er f͞uck͜i̶ng ̡ap͠pear͡a͢n̢çe͡,̨ th͢e͘ o̡ne w̴h͟e͏re Í l̨e̡t ̛th̀e̶m ̴k̵no̶w ́I̡ ̀W̕A͢S̢N̨'T͠ F͠UCK͠ING GOI̡NG̛ ҉AW̶A͝Ý ̴A̕N͝YTI͘ME ͟SOO̕N̷! A̸ND͢ ̀I ̡D̴ÓN'T̛ EV̨EN H̴AV̴E̷ ̧AN ̀ID҉E҉A͟ ͘FO͠R ̧W̵H͜AT̸ ̛T̵O͜ ͠DO͏!”

He screams again, shredding a throw pillow. He stole it from Chase while tormenting him a few months ago, during the whole bleeding-from-the-eyes thing. Remembering those fun times helped him calm down a little. He took a deep breath and pulled out his phone.

“T͢h҉r͝ee̷ h̡e̸a͜d͏s͏ ̨are̢ ̵be̴t̨t͏e̕ŗ th̴an on̸e̡,” he murmurers to himself as he types out the texts.

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“Wil, please.”

“But it’s hot out today!”

“I know, but you could just wear shorter sleeves. This is ridiculous and frankly disturbing.”

“To whom? We’ve all got the same legs!”

“That’s beside the point. You can’t just run around half-naked whenever you want, you have to run it by me first so I can warn everyone.”

“We live in America, Dark! I can do whatever I please!”

“I’m trying to be nice about this-”

Wilford phone chimes, and he puts a finger right on Dark’s mouth, squishing the demon’s face a bit. Dark just sighs, and Wilford’s hand stays put until he’s done reading the text.

The phone disappears and he moves his hand. “Sorry, Darky! Anti needs some help with his plotting!”

“No, Wil, we’re not done- and he’s gone.”

Dark sighs again. He turns to go to the kitchen. “You’ve already had enough Aspirin, just go with tea,” he mumbles to himself.

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Jimmy scoffs, offended, and glares at Knifey. “I do not look like a moron!”

Knifey, seemingly, stays silent.

Jimmy gasps. “That’s just plain rude!”

His phone goes off, the sound of Spooker screaming in terror alerting him to a new text message. He frowns at Knifey. “Alright, pause your insults for a second while I get this.”

He pulls his phone out and checks the text. It’s a group chat of him, Anti, and Wilford.

H̴aving̛ t̵r̴o͜úb̵le͘ ͞th̨in̨k̕i̶n̷g o͡f sc͡a̸ry ìdeas͠.̸ ̀Get̶ ͜y̨our as͠ses ͟ov͏e̴r̕ ̡he̛re͞ ̛NO͘W

Jimmy pockets the phone. “Okay, we’re going over to Anti’s so no more insulting me!”

“Yes, I know they can’t hear you! But still! Shut up!”

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Anti leaps off the couch when his friends arrive, both appearing in the living room at the same time. “Fi̢ńa̶l̨ly-̕”

He stops.

Wilford has no pants on, wearing only his shirt, suspenders, and a pair of underwear that is far too tight for comfort (namely, Anti’s comfort). Disappointed but not surprised, is the best way to describe how Anti feels. He should have specified to Wilford to wear some pants. Or shorts. Or a skirt. Or... anything other than just his tight-ass underwear (pun very intended).

Jimmy, though, is a bit of a shock.

Clown makeup, a suit jacket, and also pantsless. Unexpected, but again, not surprising.

“... W̴h͝y̕?”

“Why what?” Jimmy asks.

“We’re here to help you out!” Wilford says proudly.

“... T͞hánk͏s.҉ ̵Ji̵m̢,͢ wh͏at͠'͟s͡ w҉ith͠ ͢t͞h̨e͝.͏.͝.̕ a͏ll͘ th̷at҉?̀”

Jimmy scowls. “Oh, come on! You and Knifey?! Really?!”

Wilford looks at him. “I think you look great!”

“Thank you! At least someone understands style here!”

Anti puts his head in his hands. He mumbles to himself, “T͟h͢eśe͝ ̢ar͘e̶ t́he people͏ I ́r͘e͜ac͡he͞d͝ ͘o̕ut̷ t͏o ̷for̷ h̨e͢lp͢ wit͘h͝ ideas͘. ͢I̛ ŕȩach͜e͢d ̨ou͢t͝ ̶to ͜them̛ ͢f̢or͘ ͏h̀elp ̨wi͢t́h t̶hin͡k̀ing͜. When ̡d̕i͏d̸ ͡thís ͞b͠ęcom̧e ͝m̀y̷ ̕l̢if͢e?͢ ̵W͘hen͟ d͟id̨ ̷I̛ ̡g͠o̵ fro͏m b͝èi̢ng álo̸ne҉ ̀and t̨e̕rr͡i̶fy҉i̸ng̴ t͟o ̛f͏ri͝èn̢d͟s͡ wi̷th͟ i͜d͡i͠ơt dork̛s?”

“Hey, what’re you mumbling about?” Jimmy asks, poking the top of Anti’s head with Knifey. “Do you still need our help?”

Anti sighs and lifts his head. “Ye͝a͘h.͘ Y̡e͟a̢h, I̶ ̀dǫ.”

“Alright, let’s get on it! I think an exploding man could-”

“Wilf,͏ I̧ ̵h̀a͠ve̸n't̀ told̡ y͢o̸u ̀w̡hat I̛ ̡n͏èȩd ͢hel͡p̨ w̴it͞h ̀y͞e̷t̴.”

Jimmy holds up a hand. “No, wait, let him finish.”

Wilford grins. “Not a bomb, okay. A man who blows up! Fully naturally!”

Jimmy snaps his fingers. “I bet I could find someone like that in Little Butts! And we can use him more than once, too, with the respawning!”

Anti looks over at his notebook, lying on the ground. Maybe he should have stuck with those ideas...

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Zalgo Translations:

“Stupid, stupid, stupid! All these ideas are FUCKING STUPID!”

“What the HELL am I supposed to do for this anniversary, huh? Second ever fucking appearance, the one where I let them know I WASN'T FUCKING GOING AWAY ANYTIME SOON! AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE AN IDEA FOR WHAT TO DO!“

“Three heads are better than one.”

Having trouble thinking of scary ideas. Get your asses over here NOW

“Finally-”

“Why?”

“These are the people I reached out to for help with ideas. I reached out to them for help with thinking. When did this become my life? When did I go from being alone and terrifying to friends with idiot dorks?“

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

“Wilf, I haven't told you what I need help with yet.“

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(Also, mini headcanon, Knifey actually is sentient but can only psychically talk to Jimmy. It’s very frustrating for Knifey, because sometimes Jimmy is... kinda dumb.)

#Jacksepticeye #Markiplier #VenturianTale #Antisepticeye #Wilford Warfstache #Jimmy Casket #Darkiplier #The Murder Trio #The Murder Trio and Dark #fanfic #My attempts at fanfic

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ilytuan · 6 years ago

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Made With Love 「jinyoung」

genre › domestic boyfriend!au ︱ way too much fluff

pairing › reader ︱ jinyoung

word count › 1,773

warning › none

synopsis › #MyYouthJinyoungDay

Jinyoung’s eyes were glued to his phone, his eyes flickering between the impasse of text messages streaming in from the group chat with his fellow members. They could be really annoying sometimes, but Jinyoung loved them nonetheless.

He checked the time, realising that it was in fact, past midnight, meaning that it was now officially his 25th birthday. It would also explain the mass of messages they were sending, Jackson in particular, screaming and exaggerating about how old and mature Jinyoung was getting, and how much he loved him. Wang gae and Park gae lives forever.

But, not that Jinyoung would know. His mind was preoccupied with thoughts of his work, and the messages didn’t seem to be of his understanding. They were all of well wishes but Jinyoung was tired and while they only had good intentions, he couldn’t muster up the energy he needed to reply to them. He could make out some messages, mostly Jackson’s overload of crying face emojis and how he would buy Jinyoung some meat soon, so that they could eat together.

You were on your way home from a long day at work. There had been a fire alarm system installed that day and it went off one too many times, breaking you away from possibly every train of concentration that you had built up and effectively, leaving you to work over time to make up for it all. You had never been more glad to go home, though you were disappointed about the fact that you couldn’t spend the first minutes leading up to Jinyoung’s birthday with him.

The cake you had bought for Jinyoung looked extremely appetising, and you came to the realisation that you had only eaten a mere apple five long hours ago. Maybe Jinyoung would be up for a meal out? Or even a takeaway. Anything seemed to make your mouth water just at the mention of food and you would eat just about anything.

Your message to Jinyoung had sent an hour ago, right as you were finishing up your paperwork, but he had left it unseen, though it didn’t bother you much as you suspected the boys had definitely blown up his phone and yours was probably lost among the chaos.

Their love for him was truly admirable, and made you laugh at the thought of how much he seemed to hate them, though they were really his most cherished people on earth. Including you, of course.

Arriving home, it was eerily quiet, none of Jinyoung’s usual calm music playing or the night radio and news on. Strange. Had he gone out with the members?

You placed the cake down onto the kitchen counter, peeling off your painful court heels that had managed to dig into the back of your foot and make a cut, and shrugging off your blazer. All the lights in the house were turned off and thinking that he was gone, you pulled out your present for him from a hidden place, wanting to get it wrapped since you didn’t have the time before.

You left it beside the cake and ventured off to your bedroom to get changed out of the uncomfortably tight skirt you were wearing, startled out of your skin when you found Jinyoung fast asleep on the bed with a book in his hand, a candle being the only thing lighting the room before it flickered and turned to smoke from the force of the door opening.

He must be tired, you thought. He was breathing heavily, but he looked so adorable, curled up and everything.

Snaking some clothes from your dresser as quietly as you possibly could, you pulled the duvet over him and tried to sneak out, whispering a quiet ‘happy birthday’ that had him stirring awake slightly. In his half-asleep daze, he could just about make out your familiar figure and asked, “did you say something?” He was squinting to adjust to the dark, or maybe he just couldn’t open his eyes fully, but you smiled tenderly.

Not wanting to keep him up since he was obviously tired from having to work and practice so much lately, you shook your head softly, a gentle smile blooming that relaxed him and made him feel warmer, just from the feeling of something so domestic and simple.

“It can wait until tomorrow,” you said, meaning the morning as it was clearly too late, or early, to be discussing food or celebrating his birthday.

Shutting the door after blowing him a kiss goodnight, you clutched the pyjamas close to your chest, your own eyes seeming to be drooping too. Damn, this atmosphere was totally making you tired too. But, before anything, you really needed to eat.

Your notorious sweet tooth made an appearance as you searched the kitchen for some food that you could possibly heat up or cook without disturbing Jinyoung, but there wasn’t many options, much less to satisfy your cravings. A can of chopped tomatoes, some onions, cheese and if you squint, some slices of bread that you could salvage. Jinyoung’s birthday cake was looking really tempting, your mouth salivating at the sight and thought of its sweet and delicious glory.

Delivery places would probably be closing up soon, the clock nearing 1am and you didn’t want to be the pesky customer who ordered right as they were closing up, so you settled for some melted cheese on the two slices of bread that you managed to save. Jinyoung’s cake was not supposed to be eaten by you first of all people so, you placed it in the fridge and settled into his side after your stomach was settled a little bit, making a mental note to go grocery shopping tomorrow morning.

Fortunately, you were able to wake up before Jinyoung and go out to buy food and prepare breakfast for him like you had planned. If he had woken up before you, all of your plans would have been screwed but thankfully, he was out like a light, not budging until you nudged him awake to eat a few hours later. Damn, he must have been really tired. You wondered what from.

He looked so cute when he slept. It reminded you of all the times in the past whenever you went to visit him at the studio after he had excitedly called you to hear a song that he had been working on.

But whenever you did go, usually late at night, he ended up falling asleep on the couch before you arrived, with the song playing quietly on repeat and a soft smile embedded on his lips. He was so adorable when he slept, though it must have been because of how tired he was and how long he spent working on his songs. His dedication was one that you looked up to, even long before your relationship began.

It especially touches your heart when he says that he worked on it for you, excitement and adoration clearly laced through his voice and overpowering the obvious tiredness behind it. He needed to sleep, but he preferred to work on songs that he knew would bring a proud smile to your face. There was nothing he loved more than your smile, though he doesn’t admit it often.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Jinyoung’s honey morning voice broke you away from your thoughts of reminisce. Glancing up at him with reddening cheeks, you smiled sheepishly at him and shook your head to rid of the thoughts.

That was almost two years ago, and seeing him now, matured and even more skilled in song writing and producing, made you beyond proud of him. He never stopped working or trying to improve himself and now, here he was, still the exact same yet harbouring so much more talent and skill that many were envious of. Hard work definitely gets you places, you thought to yourself, a warm and small smile appearing on your face as you continued to marvel at him.

Jinyoung pointed his fork at you, “what on earth are you thinking about now? Don’t even think about calling me old or halfway to fifty-“ You cut him off with a kiss, stretching over the table and trying to keep your grip steady so that you wouldn’t fall over all the food and the table and make a fool of yourself. It wasn’t what you needed.

“I’m just proud of you.” The smile that appeared to grace his features mimicked yours from just a few moments ago, harbouring the same amount of love and adoration, maybe even more, and Jinyoung stood up, causing you to back away and stand comfortably again. Jinyoung stared at you with an admiring gaze, thinking back to the previous birthdays that he spent with you in a similar way. He wouldn’t give them up for anything.

Both of you had many differences and disagreed on many things but you fit together like puzzle pieces. Perfect for each other. Jinyoung leaned over the table like you did, and kissed you passionately, not caring for the cutlery clattering onto the floor or the glass of water that toppled over and soaked his trousers.

This was his birthday, and a special moment that only you get to share with him. He wanted to cherish it and hold it dear to his heart, though he had no doubt that you two would continue to do this for a long time.

Pulling away, he connected his forehead with yours, panting slightly from his actions and an angelic laugh spilled past his lips. It baffled him how you were still with him, and more full of love than ever.

All of his previous exhaustion disappeared the moment he looked into your eyes and he swears he saw stars twinkle and spark in them. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, no matter if he was turning 25, or 50, or even 90. His love for you would stretch over an infinite amount of years.

Remembering what had made him so tired in the first place, he pulled away and rushed to grab his phone, smiling shyly at you as an unfamiliar song started to play and his honey soothing voice entered your system.

He made a song for you, on his birthday? How much more sweet could this man get? Your eyes held so much respect and awe that he couldn’t stand it and put his forehead to yours again, forcing your eyes closed and both of you stayed like that, listening to his song in peace. God, you loved him so much.

#got7 #jinyoung #got7creators #MyYouthJinyoungDay #lovelovelove #got7 fluff #got7 fanfic #got7 scenarios #jinyoung scenarios #jinyoung fanfic #jinyoung fluff

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nananaptime · 8 years ago

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Green-eyed monster

Request: Reader surprise coups at a fansign bc they haven’t met for a while (work) but other members keep calling for reader, getting reader’s attention totally forgetting about coups so he got jelly.

Killing my best friend some more <3

Masterlist Rules

(Source)

Requested

Genre: Flufufufufufufuf

Word count: 1 785

Summary: Even leaders can be insecure sometimes....

I was surrounded by sweaty bodies everywhere around me, some pushing, some experiencing the same agony that I did, especially in the natural warmth we were bathing in. many of the bodies around me were decorated in paint, they had either written their bias’ name or the whole group. Nonetheless, I was one of the few that didn’t even look like a fan. Not because I wasn’t one, because I was, but because I didn’t have to prove to these boys that I love them with paint, they already know it.

The feeling of dying was creeping in on me when the line finally started moving. They had taken their time with letting everyone in and were a little bit behind schedule but that didn’t surprise me. Either Seokmin or Soonyoung or maybe even Seungkwan were probably causing the delay by fooling around like they normally did. I felt everyone around me, including myself, take a breath of relief once we entered the venue where the fan meeting would be held. It was like walking into a cool breeze compared to the warmth of the outside.

None of the boys knew I was here, not even my brother Jihoon. They had just finished their Asian tour and was ending it with a fan meeting in the same place they started. The tour had lasted three months and I was kind of missing my annoying, hard-working brother. I also missed my boyfriend, whom I would be seeing today too, and it was my personal goal to surprise him the most. Everyone was now sitting down in the available seats and some, for example, me, had to do with sitting on the floor. After a couple of minutes of waiting, they finally emerged from the ends of the stage and took their spots. They were sitting down in order of age. So at one end, we had Chan and on the other, we had my lovable boyfriend, Seungcheol. After their original introduction, the fans were allowed to start lining up and get their things signed and turning their dreams into reality.

It was my intention to spend as much time as I could with them so I allowed everyone else take the places in front of me, causing me to be the last one in line. The boys were as happy and polite as ever, however the same could not be said for some of the fans. While most of the people here made it their mission to be nice and not cause any harm to the boys, some others didn’t exactly care for the fact that the members were human and not robots. The guards had to escort at least five fans for being either rude and way too biased or overall expecting too much and getting aggressive once those expectations weren’t reached. The annoyance bubbled up inside me as soon as the first girl overstepped the boundaries. Said fan had expected to have more time chatting with Hansol but when she was told to move on, the aggression displayed was directed at poor Seungkwan, who had been waiting patiently at Hansol’s left side. Throwing down the photocard she wanted signed on the table in front of him, the fan scoffed and glared at him, leaving Seungkwan thoroughly confused and incredibly hurt. This kind of behaviour could result in idols believing they’re not good enough for the industry and leave a scarring impact on said idol. It didn’t take long before the guards escorted the girl away and the fan meet progressed as if nothing had happened. Minghao leaned towards Seungkwan to check if he was okay. Seungkwan’s nod indicated that he was and he waved Minghao’s concern away as he turned his focus to another fan that now sat in front of him.

Within the next hour, there were numerous fans who either overstepped or were close to overstepping the boundaries and I noticed the members getting more and wearier. Joshua, who was sitting on the other end of the table, repeatedly rubbed his eyes while trying to stay awake and even though he was so out of it and tired he still put on a big smile and greeted the fans with cheerfulness. Finally, the boys started to appear closer than before and I knew that I didn’t have to wait for so long to greet my friends once again. As soon as I stepped into view of Chan he instantly saw me, I have never seen him so shocked before and he almost forgot about the fan in front of him. He quickly signed her stuff while making some small talk and when she continued down the line to Hansol, Chan discretely shoved his elbow into Hansol’s ribcage, successfully gaining his attention and gestured towards me. Hansol had the exact same reaction as the maknae but was faster in shifting his concentration towards the fan. I laughed at their reactions and followed the movement of the queue. After a couple of minutes, I stood in front of the maknae.

“Y/N!!! What are you doing here? You surprised me.” The smile didn’t leave his face for one second as he spoke to me.

“That was kind of the point.” He laughed at that and I handed him the photocard portraying him. He gave me a joking look but signed it nonetheless. “What? I need to seem like a fan in order to avoid exposure.”

“Wha, when did you become so smart?” Oh yeah, now that we’re supposed to look like only an idol and a fan I’m not allowed to jokingly hit him. He knew that so he poked out his tongue at me and shooed me along to Hansol who also had his iconic smile on his face.

“Coups hyung is going to die.” He said as he signed the photocard.”How did you…”

“Omg Y/N!?” That, ladies and gentlemen and other, was Boo Seungkwan freaking out and getting so shocked that he almost fell out of his chair. I laughed at him and realised that the surprise aspect of this whole thing now was ruined. I could feel the eyes of the other boys and I didn’t even have to look at them in order to realise that they were trying not to blow my cover even though that was too late by now. The fans knew that I was related to Jihoon but most of them didn’t know what I looked like and none of them knew that I was Seungcheol’s significant other.

“Hi, Boo Boo,” I said as I moved on to him. He stood up and gestured for me to come closer, indicating that he wanted a hug. With a smile coating my lips I leaned across the table and wrapped my arms around his upper back.

“I’ve missed you so much, I need someone who can handle all of this…” He gestured towards himself. “… and they can’t.” He pointed at the other guys. Talking with the three youngsters had taken a while so I was the only one left in the venue so the guys had the freedom of rising from their seats and embrace me in a group hug.

“Y/N-yah, only you would surprise us like this.” Mingyu.

“Why would you attack us with these feels, I can’t handle it.” Soonyoung.

“Could all of you disperse so I can catch up with the only family member I actually ever see?” The guys were quick to move since Jihoon had a guitar available and anything could happen, but when he emerged from behind them he was wearing a huge smile and hugged me like his life depended on it. With a small laugh, I returned the hug.

“Have you had a good tour?” He nodded and dived into a story about how the fans were so supportive and that the new song was a huge hit and other weird but not unusual things the boys had done. Between all the fits of laughter and hugs I realised that one of the boys were missing, the most important one.

“Hey, where’s Cheol?” At that question, the guys looked around for him and when they didn’t see him anywhere they shrugged their shoulders. Concern replaced the happy feeling within me so I excused myself in order to go look for him. I made my way towards the back of the room where the idols were able to get their makeup done and get ready for either fan meets or concerts. The guards recognised me instantly and let me in. The room was not the cleanest one, with makeup covering most areas and clothes lying scattered all over the floor you would think a rainbow tornado just made a visit. In the midst of all the chaos sat my one and only boyfriend on the couch. His concentration was on his phone where he was playing some sort of game. As I closed the door he looked up at me but looked down again just as fast. What was that about? Quietly I sat down beside him and waited for him to talk which, eventually, he did.

“Why are you not out there having fun with everyone else?” He still didn’t look at me.

“Because I wanted to be with you but you weren’t there so I looked for you.” He scoffed at that and still kept his gaze on the device in his hands.

“You didn’t seem to be that interested in me when I actually was present.” That’s when I realised what was going on. He was jealous.

“I’m sorry, everyone got so excited and everything happened at the same time, it was kind of hard to get to you.” He glanced at me but he still didn’t budge with the jealous attitude. I shuffled closer and wrapped my arms around him while laying my head on his shoulder.

“You know I love you right? You and only you. Nothing will change that.” My words forced a smile to erupt on his face and he couldn’t stop himself from giggling at what I said. I smiled as I knew he was convinced. He shifted himself and wrapped his arms around my torso, making me lift my head from his shoulder and meet his gaze.

“I know and I’m sorry I get so easily jealous, I can’t help it, it feels like they’ll take you away from me.”

“That will never happen.”

“I know.” A small smile appeared and he pecked my lips. “And I love you too.”

We didn’t leave that room for almost two hours and we were not disturbed. How? You may wonder.

Well.

The guard was nice enough to lock the door.

#seventeen #seventeen scenario #kpop #kpop scenario #svt #carat #s.coups #seungcheol #choi seungcheol #music #love #fanfic #fanfiction #runninghoseok

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sweetlifetownsville · 6 years ago

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Hard Going Getting On Top Of The Hill: The Mayor's Magnificent Mount Louisa Make-Over Might Stumble At The First Jump

The most interesting rumour has just floated into the Nest. Its unverified (well duh, thats why its called a rumour) so well have to wait until the Astonisher plays catchup sometime this week. The Pie hears that the only two tenderers for the new stadiums ultra-lucrative catering contract , one being the incumbent Spotless and one being the Cowboys Leagues Club, have both been excluded for non compliant tenders to do with not paying award wages. So back to square one for the new stadium and where does that leave Spotless in the current stadium? For the answer, check the Astonisher around oh, say, next Friday, by when Lozza Lancini will have told iditor Jenna Cairney what she can say about this. Pell Mell Nothing has been quite as spectacular in the annals of fallen high flyers than that of George Pell, who has swapped his glittering Mardi Gras cardinals robes for prison drab, after being sent to chokey for six years (to serve 3 years and 8 months before eligible for parole) for what only be described as the most brazen, power-deluded child abuse imaginable. Indeed so brazen as to leave lingering doubts among some observers whether such things couldve happened as described, but an appeal will sort that out, after all, the jury knows things that we do not. Now Georgy Boy faces another biased jury his fellow inmates, a class of folk not known for their strict adherence to jurisprudence rules and who exercise their own summary justice according to their own morals and mythology. And Bentley reckons you never know who youre going to bump in in the Yard.

And The Pie says to those who say the term is not enough, rest assured, for a man of Pells pomposity, ego and age, he has been handed a life sentence of one sort or another. One imagines there is one person who will give Judge Peter Kidd the thumbs up.

Shifty Business Delivering on promises is a tricky business, especially when our mayor is in campaign mode. Today, we were offered this little bit of click bait.

But when we went through to the story, what we got was this

Uncanny how this is so ambiguous, like the Castle Hill upgrade itself. Now this is media sleight of hand at its clumsiest, making a highly speculative project sound like solid fact. Interesting because it simply that the TCC will start drawing up plans for what it would like to see at Mt Louisa and crucially for mayor Mullet is the quote: with construction expected by the end of the year. Community engagement started this week and will continue until the end of April. The Pie thought, well thats a nice idea, if conveniently timed to become a re-election boast, but hey, good for the huffnpuff crowd. Then this morning, (Sat) an email fluttered into the Nest. From Angela Sacilotto Councillor Jenny Hills grand plan for Mt Louisa is another political stunt with council elections due in March 2020. TCC do not own all of Mt Louisa. I own a 8 ha block right across the middle of the hill. I have told TCC I do not want to sell. Havent been able to verify Ms Sacilottos information, but she volunteered her contact details and phone number if The Pie wanted a chat about the matter (which for reasons well known to regular readers, is not a viable option since the recent operation.) But The Pie would guess there will be whole lot more to the meaning of community engagement when Mayor Mullet reads this. it is known that Jenny Hill does not like being crossed by people with legal rights who stand in the way of her grand visions, so this community engagement with Ms Sacilotto could involve nipple clamps, a car battery and wet towels . But That May Be The Least Of Her Problems Cant reveal too much at the moment, but our mayor is being officially investigated possible misconduct over her Adani links, particularly arising out of her trip to India. This will not be a revelation on her, because she has been informed of the issue by the Brisbane based investigating body, and what is officially termed overt inquiries are underway. Perhaps no biggy (but then again ) but not a great look for someone who once expressed her admiration for Ipswich Mayor Pisasale. What Dreams May Come, As Willy Shakespeare Once Said All this has led to The Magpie being told that Jenny, a Hitchcock fan, recently watched his classic The Birds, but when she went to bed, she had an horrific dream.

Serves her right for throwing darts at a much loved and protected Australian species. THIS WEEKS CONTENDERS FOR THE CODSWALLOP CUP Its a crowded field. Cmon, Really? Cmon now, seriously Jenna Cairney? Is this all youve got?

Listen, me dear old haggis-head, getting shocked by a menu may apply to a Korean doggy delicacy, a Vietnamese cockroach kebab or the price of a pie at the footy, but because this mob is adding burgers bloody good old Aussie burgers we Aussie snowflakes should be shocked? Do you not understand how insulting this advertorial pap is? One seriously has to question whether the decision makers who publish this clap trap have an IQ above room temperature. A Group Effort Where to start with this one, the inanity is of such magnitude that The Pie is tempted to inaugurate the Clusterfuck Cup as a separate category.

This mind-blowing little corker of an idea is called the Palmer Street Precinct Activation project, and involves wait for it a bit of new lighting along the street, and a new sign saying hang on again Palmer Street.

The plan was obviously to give re-election hopefuls a bit of sorely needed publicity (youd think on recent photographic evidence, Messagebank Walker and Ann-Maree Greaney are going steady). But for other reasons, the story raised both an eyebrow and a guffaw at the same time. Chef/restaurateur Matt Merrin, normally a sensible and successful man, made a right goof of himself when he (reportedly) told the paper the changes would transform Palmer Street into a world class destination. It will be something that visitors to Townsville can Instagram, take photos of and sell the message to the world. Its going to bring new investment back to Palmer Street (question: how does new investment come back?) Weve had many restaurants close over the last 12 months, this will inspire new restaurant owners and people to come back into Palmer Street and be part of the precinct it once was. A world class destination? Matt, a message from The Magpie, mate lay off the cooking sherry and exotic herbs before talking to the Astonisher (FFS, mate, youre even holding your glass crooked.) The story also informs us The dining strip received some upgrades during the preparations for the Commonwealth Games last year. Oh did it? Very similar upgrades in scale to the ones now proposed , as The Pie remembers. So in the year since that spruce up, two Palmer Street nose-baggeries have gone belly-up. But somehow, this one is going to usher in a new era? Hows that? But heres the best bit in the original story, Ann-Maree Greaney said the lighting would keep people, particularly women, safer that apparent admission that the council has allowed Palmer Street to operate without adequately safe lighting for years has now been removed from the story. What fucking planet are you from, you lot? Reporter Chris Lees, have you no dignity? Or sober judgement? Did TCC media gopfer Simpo Templeton have anything to do with this, its about his speed? Well, anyway Anthony, unlike the when at the Astonisher, at least in your TCC role you dont have to put your name to your cock-ups. 3. Off The Rails Then on Thursday, we had this little bit of fluffy irrelevancy.

But no sooner had this flimsy kite taken to the sky, than the Astonisher itself cut the string on Friday with this:

What city rail plan? There wasnt any, the original story was a campaigning thought-fart from the desperate Clr Jacob. Clever though, isnt it write bullshit one day and call it out as bullshit the next. Gotta luv the ol Astonisher. A Miscellaneous Magpie Whinge The Magpie is deliberately not talking about or seeking comment on the massacre in New Zealand, he has no words, certainly none that would contribute positively to this dark deed of pure evil. But coverage does prompt The Pie to vent about a favourite piece of nanny state demeaning idiocy can we please move away from the rubber-faced sign language person standing next to officials who are often making statements about deeply disturbing matters. Often signing involves grotesque and to the uninitiated completely inappropriate comical facial expressions. This presents the twin problems of distraction for the general audience and indignity for the subject of the media conference.The Pie doesnt know what the average deaf audience would be at any given time not many one would guess and yes, there are times like bushfire and flood updates where this information should be conveyed in this manner. But shit folks, heres a newsflash for more 60 years now, real time lower screen captioning has been available, or as all sports directors so slickly employ technology for a smaller, less distracting vision box to one corner. To currently give such a minority a so distracting and undignified presence is not necessary and lacks dignity, and disturbs concentration on what can be vital messages. Of course, nanny staters wont agree. Speaking Of The Nanny State Our evolving language, not always for the better, now features the term woke, as in are you woke to climate change? or any number of other social issues. It means are you alert to, but as so often happens, we too readily adopt the argot of the ill-educated as some sort expression of being cool and identifying with a group one wouldnt normally break bread with. The lovely thing about this nonsensical use of substitute language leaves it wide open for hysterically funny skewering and in this classic piss take Are You Woke? from a fed up Tracey Ullman. The Clock Is A-Ticking The Brexit imbroglio is increasingly hard to follow (or for The Pie, to care much about) but one of the cleverest pictorial comments the predicament of Theresa (dis)May(ed) comes from the Guardians Steve Bell.

And More Of The Same From Trumpistan A lot of attention continues to surround the tumble of democrats eager to take on President Trumpet at the polls next year. And the interest has been heightened by someone not running.

. The ducking, weaving and hilarity of the comments section runs 24/7, so give us of your best, folks. And if you like the blog, you can show your appreciation with some sorely needed financial support, the how to donate button is below. http://www.townsvillemagpie.com.au/hard-going-getting-on-top-of-the-hill-the-mayors-magnificent-mount-louisa-make-over-might-stumble-at-the-first-jump/

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opepin · 8 years ago

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june: week four

19: at around 2 am, i woke up with really hot and tingly feet and legs... i couldn’t sleep for a while. i had to wet my feet with cold water to feel okay again. i felt really dehydrated with a headache and just hot. x_x i disturbed kevin in his sleep and a felt bad too because he had to get up early to get to a meeting. blech. eventually i fell asleep with my feet outside of the blankets. i even tried sleeping outside but i didn’t want to leave kevin with my phone charging and an alarm going off at 7:15 am... well, i got out of bed kinda late. kevin was already out of the apartment and i just felt like crap. i think sleeping late and eating crappily during the weekend has to stop. i did a good job at the beginning of the weekend but after saturday, i knew i would sleep late. we were also cleaning a bit late yesterday so yeah...sigh. dave and phil and company were flying into new york today so work was a bit chill today.

i did a quick workout and showered to get rid of that icky feeling. i did some work and ate lunch. i got a pretty bad headache after the work day. i elevated my feet, watched an episode of ‘reign’ and waited for kevin to get back. we rested for a bit when he got back. both of us were feeling pretty bleh. then kevin went to cooking and i did some ab exercises. we ate dinner and then rested before showering. i spent some time thinking about how to assemble my team for bravely default’s group bosses. then i went to sleep at around 12 am. my head was hurting like crazy. i stayed up looking up information on physical therapy and whether or not i should make an appointment or not.

20: kevin and i slept through my alarm...and woke up at 10 am o___o my head still hurt like crazy and mother nature gifted me something for my birthday -__-” lol. kevin ate breakfast and then headed to work. i ate breakfast, took advil, and then went to work. i also called cigna to make sure ati physical therapy was in my network and then called them to make an appointment for thursday. everyone was super nice. i also spent some time trying to hunt down the swarovski dog figurine for my mom’s birthday...but they’re sold out everywhere @_@ omg. i’ll wait and see if they restock them. if not, i’ll buy it off another store. it was a pretty chill day because the conference was going on and i couldn’t do any testing. i tested a bit in the morning, got on the stand up, and then worked with whatever i had. i played some bravely default and then worked out. after working out, i went down to check the mail. there was no mail so i went back up and as i was putting away my slides, kevin opened the door?! he also had mail in his hand??? i told him that i just went down and he said he took the elevator to come up. IT WAS SO SUSPICIOUS.

kevin lied terribly so i found out that he hid my birthday present in the storage room and he was coming from there. he was so mad at my timing LOLOL. it was so funny. i always figure out what kevin is getting me for any occasion and he’s fed up with my “bad timing.” good times. then we relaxed for a bit. kevin was making noodles for dinner but then we realized we didn’t have our ground pork???? we might have left it at kam man? but i never bagged it or saw it in the bagging area? so confused. we had a meatless noodle dish but it was super flavorful with the sauce. i showered and then we ate dinner while watching chef john videos and then kevin cleaned up and i gamed for the rest of the night. i’m so close to beating the game!!! i only have just a few more group battles!!! i got into bed and looked up pretty little liars’ plot (idk why) and then went to sleep at like 12 am.

21: i’ve been waking up later than usual but i’ve been getting a good amount of sleep. :) i started work right away because phil sent me something to work on. i ate breakfast with kevin and then put on the newest episode of ‘world of dance’ and then worked while watching. i did a quick workout before stand up, got on a couple calls to help out customers, and then ate lunch. then at the end of the day, i did my oblique workout. it was day two of the conference so steve told us to take it easy. i showered after my workout and then got dressed. then i tried beating the “magic” group boss battle and i kept dying so i qq’d and then tried to nap but it was already 4:45 pm so i closed my eyes for a bit and then took the train to downtown crossing. a lady fell down on the train because of dehydration but she was ok. .__. i’ve never experienced so many things on the train! so many things happen on the ‘t’ in comparison to the cta. anyway, i waited for kevin because he was walking from work to downtown crossing... lol. i was grumpy when he arrived because he missed the train by like a minute but it was okay. :)

we got to sur la table and then started our master class on steaks! it was a more communal type of class where each side of the room gets to do some prep and then volunteers could grill a steak, cut it, sous vide, etc. our chef was deadpan funny (reminded me of barry) and we learned a good amount of technique and food science -- i loved it. i didn’t cook any of the steaks but had fun prepping. kevin got to sous vide one and also sear it with a blow torch after. kevin guesstimates we probably had $35 worth of restaurant steak -- i was so full by the end of the class. i think it went from 6:30 to 10 pm though x__X we didn’t start eating until 8:45 pm so i was starving. nancy, one of the kitchen aides also made us mango sorbet with vanilla whipped cream!! SO DELICIOUS. we got a 10% off coupon at the end of the class and the store to ourselves. we bought a le creuset bakeware set on the spot because i thought $100 was so cheap for it EXCEPT that le creuset bakeware is cheaper than the dutch ovens and etc. x__x so we’re returning it haha. it’s okay. we commuted home and then i did some cleaning and then went to sleep at around 12 pm. i was tireddd and my feet were really tired.

22: i woke up with another headache??? i don’t know why. i was really tired and my legs were sore. kevin apparently had a half day today so i planned to meet up with him after my physical therapy appointment. i ate breakfast, caught up with phil, and did a quick low-impact workout before heading out to my appointment. i got there 10 minutes early and filled out paperwork and then got right into my appointment. my physical therapist, bryan, was super chill and fun to chat with. he’s not 100% that it’s a fracture but he said it might be a fracture or broken bone in my right foot. he thinks that my other foot is hurting because it’s taking pressure off my right foot... so yeah. he heated my feet and put balm on them to help with the swelling and then we did some strengthening stretches! it was such an interesting experience :O then he sent me off with some ice (which i had to throw away because i was meeting with kevin for lunch -- i shouldn’t have asked him for some x__X i feel bad) and we scheduled more appointments and he told me to get an x-ray. i was feeling akjfnskjdf about it because of the money but this is the reason why i am building an emergency fund!! i’ll always keep on saving so i need to remind myself that.

i walked to yo sushi! to get lunch with kevin. i kinda got lost and i was hurtin’ a bit when i got there but it was all good in the hood. their fried rice is pretty good and their nori tacos are delicious. i also loved their mochi selection -- the passionfruit one is surprisingly tart yet creamy~ then we took the bus and train home and i hopped on a quick call with a customer and then called up my insurance and made an appointment with my pcp. okay, i’m doing the right thing and taking care of my body instead of worrying about the money. with insurance, an x-ray for my feet isn’t that expensive anyway. i got this. breathe. lol, i’m such a money worrier sometimes... i tried beating bravely default again with no avail. i might just battle the broken way now because i just don’t know how not to T_T then kevin surprised me with his birthday presents. he did get me the roasted green tea i love drinking at sumi (well, not the exact one because that one was sold out and i wasn’t expecting the EXACT one either haha). he also got me a log pillow <333333 it’s perfect for elevating my feet and i’m closer to becoming a real komala now. i love it! :DD thank you so much, kevin <3333

kevin cooked us veggie fried rice and then i got real frustrated with the game and rq’d ahha. then i did my physical therapy exercises and did some thigh workouts. i showered after and hopped in bed at 11 pm. i slept at around 11:30 pm. zzzz.

23: kevin decided to wfh so we’d be leaving to get to the bus to new york together~ it was a really chill morning. we had a weird eating schedule so i ate and kevin didn’t and then kevin got some food in him before we left to catch our amtrak ride to new york. oh, during the work day, i thought i was going to have to work over the weekend because we had a really important release to check in on but phil let me go free because it was my birthday and i also wouldn’t have anywhere to properly work (we’d be leaving the hotel at 12 pm and then wouldn’t have anywhere with a stable wifi connection). so we packed our last minute things and then headed out. i stopped by starbucks and got a trenta-sized original pink drink and then kevin went to get us sweetgreen bowls for our train dinner. it was a struggle finding seats at first because we sat behind a guy with really bad body odor and was talking on the phone so then kevin wanted to move and we ended up moving several carts down and finding a pretty empty cart (i didn’t have hope for a bit). then i ate my harvest bowl and it was deliciousssss. kevin liked his salad too. we stayed up for most of the trip. our stomaches started hurting a bit after eating the salad because of all the raw fiber...LOL but it was a nice ride to new york overall.

we walked to the nomad hotel and was greeted by the perfectly awkward hostess. i say she was perfect because the decor of the nomad is very noir and a bit creepy and she was kind of like that but soooo sweet and she gave us free water haha. there was a freestanding claw foot tub -- oh, she upgraded us to the atelier room as well, woot! yeah, so there was a bathtub, the room separator actually housed the toilet and the shower, and the bed was so comfy. we left our luggage there and relaxed for a bit before heading out to tous les jours to get some noms. kevin went ham and got like 3 things and i got a honey bun and a piece of decadent chocolate mousse cake. it was super rich. we were super full by the end of the night and walked back. we were conveniently located near k-town so we weren’t worried about access to food. we got back, showered, used the bathtub and then kevin gave me a massage (thank you :D) before going to sleep. mmm zzzz. i decided we’d be sleeping in until check out time at 12 pm because it was already 2 am and we were beat.

24: i’m going to preface this day by saying that me and kevin still don’t like new york city but we still had a fun time. we don’t like new york city overall because people just seem like they don’t know how to walk down the street politely (like can you not take up the whole sidewalk?), it’s so dirty (garbage bags everywhere), most people seem to have a snotty / miserable attitude (worker at tous les jours was literally just following us while mopping the floor and omg, prime example: a guy came out of the bathroom at smith’s while i was waiting to use it and he left the sink water running, didn’t flush, and peed all over the toilet seat, what the heck?), we seem to hit red lights every block we walk, and i think i would feel pretty lonely in this city because this city makes me feel like no one cares and i would feel stressed about not having a social life because the city is alive until the am all the time. it’s just one of those cities you either love or dislike i think... anyway, those are the few things about new york we don’t like and i don’t think we will ever live there.

so we kept to the schedule and we checked out at exactly 12 pm if not a few minutes earlier. then we walked a block down to get brunch at a place called, smith’s. it was aiight. i wouldn’t recommend it. then we walked to uniqlo to see if they had any of the nintendo shirts i wanted still in stock -- they didn’t. we stopped by a gamestop and think geek before and looked around and then decided to go to nintendo ny. it was a ways down and my feet started hurting so we stopped at kinokuniya bookstore on the way to the nintendo store. kevin called me weird in front of a group of people for collecting sonny angels and it hurt, tbh, so i got upset a bit and browsed the store on my own. then i found a fire emblem art book and showed him and he apologized. we bought a drink to sit down in the cafe area, i waited in line to use the bathroom, and then we continued our walk to the nintendo store. man, it was soooooper packed. we walked around people and then decided to rq this walking thing and went to the closest barnes and noble. kevin grabbed a table and got us fiji water and a venti passion iced tea. he read fanfic while i picked up ‘the elephant vanishes’, ‘milk and honey’, ‘crazy rich asians’, and ‘love and misadventure’ from the store and read the two poetry books before heading out to momofuku. the poetry books were great. i can see why people love ‘milk and honey.’

we took the train to momofuku and when we got there, there was already a small line. i tried seeing if there were any more momofuku sneakers on sale but kevin tried with his iphone and they were sold out T_T it wasn’t meant to be LOL. we quickly got seated and ordered pork buns, shiitake buns, and split a momofuku ramen. this experience was everything that i dreamed of! the flavors were full yet light and i loved the pork buns. 10/10 -- this wasn’t all hype. we ordered 3 banchans and took 2 to go because we were full. their potato salad is on point, the kimchi was on the sweeter side, and their mushrooms were so light! kevin couldn’t eat dessert right away so we spontaneously went into a nail salon and got pedicures! it was both our first times and kevin thought i was the only one getting it but i dragged him in with me. it was a fun and weird experience because the chinese ladies thought we were funny and lost but they were so nice. i just got a clear coat on my nails because idk what i was doing LOL. thank you for doing these things with me, kevin :3 i remembered seeing people with muji bags so we found the muji nearby and walked over there. kevin really liked the vibe. he bought me the hand shredder that i’ve been kinda wanting since forever haha. i told him not to get it for me because it’s kind of novelty but he got it for me anyway.

we walked to the spot dessert bar, got seated immediately (before the rush), and went along with their 3 dessert suggestion for 2 people. it was obviously a mistake because that’s 3 desserts for only 2 people!!! kevin also got a thai iced tea float lulz. we got the matcha lava cake, golden toast, and the yuzu eskimo. the matcha lava cake was delicious. the golden toast was too much...we wouldn’t recommend it because the deep fried toast is just too much. the yuzu eskimo was probably my favorite <3 we struggled eating it all but we did, and the couple next to us were like “you’re young, you guys can do it.” LOL. it was 9 pm and we didn’t have any place to go so kevin suggested watching a movie, and he suggested this earlier after we ate at momofuku too but the closest theater was an indie one and we weren’t about that right then. we walked to the closest amc and saw that only terrible movies were being shown: transformers, the mummy, and rough night. i looked up a bookstore that closes at 12 am so we walked there and they closed at 9:30 pm today T_T so then my final hope was going to this coffee shop that closes at 12 am, and omg, there it was. we were so tired from walking. i shouldn’t have been walking this much. my feet were kind of pulsating and pretty sore by now. the massage at the pedicure place helped a lot though.

we got a chamomile tea and then we unwound with youtube videos and fanfic. we stayed there until closing time. i used the bathroom there and both me and kevin said this was probably the most times in a day that we’ve used public restrooms...haha. we ubered to tous les jours to get some food for the train ride back and then chilled there until they closed. we tiredly talked about friends, life, etc. then we walked to penn station. we passed by the super busy madison square garden area and kevin got a kebab for $6 (rip off) and then we used the washrooms at the station and waited for our amtrak to arrive. we waited for about an hour inside. i was so tired that i wasn’t making much sense when kevin talked to me. i also gave his pokemon ridiculous nicknames LOL. we hopped on the train and then went to sleep right away. actually, it was hella cold so i put on all of the long layers of clothing i brought and then took out my contacts and went to sleep... kevin slept through pretty much the entire ride haha.

it was a super long and event-filled day with kevin. i’m a year older and of course, it doesn’t feel like it. i don’t regret going to new york city for my birthday and spending all the time walking and squatting at places because i got to spend it with kevin too. i think i would have been miserable without him. it was a good day spent. i’ll remember this day forever probably because i don’t think i would do this ever again, especially the whole not having a room to go back to for the entire day. xP i guess thanks for the interesting birthday, new york city! see you later!

25: i kept waking up on the train because it was either too cold or someone was talking -__-’ so i didn’t sleep very well. i was also blind and didn’t want to get up to use the washroom because i couldn’t put my contacts in without burning my eyes (forgot to pack glasses). so i toughed it out and when we finally got back at 8 am, kevin guided me to the train and we got back to the apartment! the first cart we got on, there was an annoying af homeless man that just kept banging his cup and saying weird shit to people. he was doing this on purpose because he kept in time with when he was banging his cup and he also said to me “wakey wakey” -___-’ i wasn’t saying anything but kevin wanted to switch carts so we did. when we got back, we both used the bathroom and then went straight to sleep after that. we woke up at around 2:30 pm and felt so skfnslkfnsdf. we’re never gonna take a 2:40 am amtrak train ever again -- it’s too red eye for us. i’ll also remember to bring a blanket or something too. i felt really tired and out of it the rest of the day. i watched videos, kevin and i argued a bit and i was just tired and overwhelmed so i cried and i think me not being able to walk properly is really getting to me. i really love being mobile and doing things on my own. i also like going to the office to work and exercising and etc but being in this state just really sucks. you’d think that because we went to new york and walked everywhere yesterday that i’m fine to walk and etc, but my feet started hurting like crazy after a while. sigh.

anyway, we talked about it and then kevin bought buns so we snacked on that. then i did laundry and did my stretches and iced my feet while watching the latest episode of love connection while kevin made omurice. we ate a really late dinner and then i waited for the laundry to dry. i folded the clothes and stuff asap and then brushed my teeth and went to sleep. i think it was around 1 or 2 am. lol my sleeping schedule. @_@;

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sweetlifetownsville · 6 years ago

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Hard Going Getting On Top Of The Hill: The Mayor's Magnificent Mount Louisa Make-Over Might Stumble At The First Jump

Shifty Business Delivering on promises is a tricky business, especially when our mayor is in campaign mode. Today, we were offered this little bit of click bait.

But when we went through to the story, what we got was this

But no sooner had this flimsy kite taken to the sky, than the Astonisher itself cut the string on Friday with this:

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sweetlifetownsville · 6 years ago

Text

Hard Going Getting On Top Of The Hill: The Mayor's Magnificent Mount Louisa Make-Over Might Stumble At The First Jump

And Jenny knows about the problem, but is blithely telling us its all go, when it may well be all stop. The Pie shares a most interesting email. The old bird can reveal that Mayor Jenny Hill IS under investigation by Brisbane authorities for possible misconduct and watching all the fumbling inanities coming over the next 12 months in the run-up to local council elections is going to be more fun than watching a blind man trying to get out of a door knob factory. To that end, The Pie this week introduces a new occasional award, The Codswallop Cup. No shortage of contenders. Also, our new white ele sorry, stadium, has hit more turbulence as it rises from the mud and Lozza Lancini will not be a happy chappy. Bentley has a say on George Pells new lifestyle And our regular gallery from Trumpistan. First, Hot Of The Rumour Mill The most interesting rumour has just floated into the Nest. Its unverified (well duh, thats why its called a rumour) so well have to wait until the Astonisher plays catchup sometime this week. The Pie hears that the only two tenderers for the new stadiums ultra-lucrative catering contract , one being the incumbent Spotless and one being the Cowboys Leagues Club, have both been excluded for non compliant tenders to do with not paying award wages. So back to square one for the new stadium and where does that leave Spotless in the current stadium? For the answer, check the Astonisher around oh, say, next Friday, by when Lozza Lancini will have told iditor Jenna Cairney what she can say about this. Pell Mell Nothing has been quite as spectacular in the annals of fallen high flyers than that of George Pell, who has swapped his glittering Mardi Gras cardinals robes for prison drab, after being sent to chokey for six years (to serve 3 years and 8 months before eligible for parole) for what only be described as the most brazen, power-deluded child abuse imaginable. Indeed so brazen as to leave lingering doubts among some observers whether such things couldve happened as described, but an appeal will sort that out, after all, the jury knows things that we do not. Now Georgy Boy faces another biased jury his fellow inmates, a class of folk not known for their strict adherence to jurisprudence rules and who exercise their own summary justice according to their own morals and mythology. And Bentley reckons you never know who youre going to bump in in the Yard. And The Pie says to those who say the term is not enough, rest assured, for a man of Pells pomposity, ego and age, he has been handed a life sentence of one sort or another. One imagines there is one person who will give Judge Peter Kidd the thumbs up. Shifty Business Delivering on promises is a tricky business, especially when our mayor is in campaign mode. Today, we were offered this little bit of click bait. But when we went through to the story, what we got was this Uncanny how this is so ambiguous, like the Castle Hill upgrade itself. Now this is media sleight of hand at its clumsiest, making a highly speculative project sound like solid fact. Interesting because it simply that the TCC will start drawing up plans for what it would like to see at Mt Louisa and crucially for mayor Mullet is the quote: with construction expected by the end of the year. Community engagement started this week and will continue until the end of April. The Pie thought, well thats a nice idea, if conveniently timed to become a re-election boast, but hey, good for the huffnpuff crowd. Then this morning, (Sat) an email fluttered into the Nest. From Angela Sacilotto Councillor Jenny Hills grand plan for Mt Louisa is another political stunt with council elections due in March 2020. TCC do not own all of Mt Louisa. I own a 8 ha block right across the middle of the hill. I have told TCC I do not want to sell. Havent been able to verify Ms Sacilottos information, but she volunteered her contact details and phone number if The Pie wanted a chat about the matter (which for reasons well known to regular readers, is not a viable option since the recent operation.) But The Pie would guess there will be whole lot more to the meaning of community engagement when Mayor Mullet reads this. it is known that Jenny Hill does not like being crossed by people with legal rights who stand in the way of her grand visions, so this community engagement with Ms Sacilotto could involve nipple clamps, a car battery and wet towels . But That May Be The Least Of Her Problems Cant reveal too much at the moment, but our mayor is being officially investigated possible misconduct over her Adani links, particularly arising out of her trip to India. This will not be a revelation on her, because she has been informed of the issue by the Brisbane based investigating body, and what is officially termed overt inquiries are underway. Perhaps no biggy (but then again ) but not a great look for someone who once expressed her admiration for Ipswich Mayor Pisasale. What Dreams May Come, As Willy Shakespeare Once Said All this has led to The Magpie being told that Jenny, a Hitchcock fan, recently watched his classic The Birds, but when she went to bed, she had an horrific dream. Serves her right for throwing darts at a much loved and protected Australian species. THIS WEEKS CONTENDERS FOR THE CODSWALLOP CUP Its a crowded field. Cmon, Really? Cmon now, seriously Jenna Cairney? Is this all youve got? Listen, me dear old haggis-head, getting shocked by a menu may apply to a Korean doggy delicacy, a Vietnamese cockroach kebab or the price of a pie at the footy, but because this mob is adding burgers bloody good old Aussie burgers we Aussie snowflakes should be shocked? Do you not understand how insulting this advertorial pap is? One seriously has to question whether the decision makers who publish this clap trap have an IQ above room temperature. A Group Effort Where to start with this one, the inanity is of such magnitude that The Pie is tempted to inaugurate the Clusterfuck Cup as a separate category. This mind-blowing little corker of an idea is called the Palmer Street Precinct Activation project, and involves wait for it a bit of new lighting along the street, and a new sign saying hang on again Palmer Street. The plan was obviously to give re-election hopefuls a bit of sorely needed publicity (youd think on recent photographic evidence, Messagebank Walker and Ann-Maree Greaney are going steady). But for other reasons, the story raised both an eyebrow and a guffaw at the same time. Chef/restaurateur Matt Merrin, normally a sensible and successful man, made a right goof of himself when he (reportedly) told the paper the changes would transform Palmer Street into a world class destination. It will be something that visitors to Townsville can Instagram, take photos of and sell the message to the world. Its going to bring new investment back to Palmer Street (question: how does new investment come back?) Weve had many restaurants close over the last 12 months, this will inspire new restaurant owners and people to come back into Palmer Street and be part of the precinct it once was. A world class destination? Matt, a message from The Magpie, mate lay off the cooking sherry and exotic herbs before talking to the Astonisher (FFS, mate, youre even holding your glass crooked.) The story also informs us The dining strip received some upgrades during the preparations for the Commonwealth Games last year. Oh did it? Very similar upgrades in scale to the ones now proposed , as The Pie remembers. So in the year since that spruce up, two Palmer Street nose-baggeries have gone belly-up. But somehow, this one is going to usher in a new era? Hows that? But heres the best bit in the original story, Ann-Maree Greaney said the lighting would keep people, particularly women, safer that apparent admission that the council has allowed Palmer Street to operate without adequately safe lighting for years has now been removed from the story. What fucking planet are you from, you lot? Reporter Chris Lees, have you no dignity? Or sober judgement? Did TCC media gopfer Simpo Templeton have anything to do with this, its about his speed? Well, anyway Anthony, unlike the when at the Astonisher, at least in your TCC role you dont have to put your name to your cock-ups. 3. Off The Rails Then on Thursday, we had this little bit of fluffy irrelevancy. But no sooner had this flimsy kite taken to the sky, than the Astonisher itself cut the string on Friday with this: What city rail plan? There wasnt any, the original story was a campaigning thought-fart from the desperate Clr Jacob. Clever though, isnt it write bullshit one day and call it out as bullshit the next. Gotta luv the ol Astonisher. A Miscellaneous Magpie Whinge The Magpie is deliberately not talking about or seeking comment on the massacre in New Zealand, he has no words, certainly none that would contribute positively to this dark deed of pure evil. But coverage does prompt The Pie to vent about a favourite piece of nanny state demeaning idiocy can we please move away from the rubber-faced sign language person standing next to officials who are often making statements about deeply disturbing matters. Often signing involves grotesque and to the uninitiated completely inappropriate comical facial expressions. This presents the twin problems of distraction for the general audience and indignity for the subject of the media conference.The Pie doesnt know what the average deaf audience would be at any given time not many one would guess and yes, there are times like bushfire and flood updates where this information should be conveyed in this manner. But shit folks, heres a newsflash for more 60 years now, real time lower screen captioning has been available, or as all sports directors so slickly employ technology for a smaller, less distracting vision box to one corner. To currently give such a minority a so distracting and undignified presence is not necessary and lacks dignity, and disturbs concentration on what can be vital messages. Of course, nanny staters wont agree. Speaking Of The Nanny State Our evolving language, not always for the better, now features the term woke, as in are you woke to climate change? or any number of other social issues. It means are you alert to, but as so often happens, we too readily adopt the argot of the ill-educated as some sort expression of being cool and identifying with a group one wouldnt normally break bread with. The lovely thing about this nonsensical use of substitute language leaves it wide open for hysterically funny skewering and in this classic piss take Are You Woke? from a fed up Tracey Ullman. The Clock Is A-Ticking The Brexit imbroglio is increasingly hard to follow (or for The Pie, to care much about) but one of the cleverest pictorial comments the predicament of Theresa (dis)May(ed) comes from the Guardians Steve Bell. And More Of The Same From Trumpistan A lot of attention continues to surround the tumble of democrats eager to take on President Trumpet at the polls next year. And the interest has been heightened by someone not running. . The ducking, weaving and hilarity of the comments section runs 24/7, so give us of your best, folks. 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