#; opp: andrew j whitehall
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all of the sex+romance headcanons for ELI
holy FUCK that was a lot. HOPE U ENJOY IT BRUV.
🌟 What is my muse’s sexual/romantic orientation?
ANDREW-SEXUAL. but actually pan af.
💦 At what age did my muse lose their virginity?
he lost his virginity in high school sophomore year to one of the guys on the football team when he was a hot ass popular girl. and then he went on to sleep with most of the other guys on the team too, but also the girls on the cheer squad too
😘 Would my muse have sex on the first date?
for sure, and has many times in the past before he met andrew. if he wanted someone, he never really saw any reason to play coy or beat around the bush
😊 Would my muse ever ask someone on a date?
eli is the most straight up person ever, so when he was still dating around, he was almost always the person to do the asking.
👍 Does my muse prefer to be asked on a date, or would they rather do the asking?
he liked both, really, but he never had a problem being the one asking.
😉 What are my muse’s fetishes/kinks?
put a bat up his ass. but actually like there’s a big ass blood kink that emerges after the first murder happens. he loves him some wax play, and he’s also into other kinds of pain play, except for choking as i mentioned b4. he’s into vaguely public sex too, still, even now; mostly just sex in nontraditional places. but like he really just loves doing whatever andrew wants to do, and he’s pretty much open to trying anything at least once before saying he’s not into it
💬 When did my muse go on their first date?
his first date ever in high school he went to the movies with one of the guys on the football team, and it was a double date with another guy on the football team and one of the cheerleaders he was friends with. the date was find and ended well and he had a nice time, but then he ended up sleeping with the cheerleader a few weeks later so they were the real winners in that sitch
💯 What is my muse’s ideal date?
at this point in life, his ideal date probably isn’t even much of a date at all, but more of like chilling with andrew in their lovely beautiful home with melody, making a nice dinner and then taking a bath together with any number of lush bath bombs. he does love going out for a nice dinner with andrew, and he’s also very into cute picnics in the park when it’s nice during the summer, but honestly he’s pretty lowkey especially now after so many years of being together. his ideal date is any date in which he’s around andrew
💗 Has my muse ever been in love?
YUP, HAS BEEN FOR ALMOST 30 YEARS AND STILL GOING STRONG. i think he probs had one or two relationships before andrew where he was in love with the other person, but he wasn’t really good at committing to relationships so they didn’t work out obviously
👠 What was my muse’s last serious relationship like?
you know, just the one that he’s had for nearly 30 years, no biggie.
👰 Would my muse ever get married?
i guess so…..
🌼 Would my muse prefer a big wedding or a small wedding?
the wedding that they had was completely perfect. nothing too big, surrounded by the people that they both loved, a celebration of their love. he wouldn’t have had it any other way tbh and he’s a big sap who still loves looking at the wedding pics and getting a little teary just thinking about how much he still loves andrew
🍬 Is my muse a sub, dom, or switch?
a switch, but he does like being the dom with andrew, espeically since he’s a complete pushover in every day life when it comes to him, so it’s really fun to take charge and boss him around when they’re having sex
🏩 What was my muse’s first time like?
it was a little awkward, like most first times, and it was definitely at like a high school party in someone else’s parents bed. he had fun, though, and learned that he super loved giving head which is always good to know. def didn’t have an orgasm, which was kind of a disappointment to him because he’s def one of those people who had already perfected the art of giving himself an orgasm by that point. they dated for a little while, so things got better, but this is definitely the guy that led him to being like “well maybe i should check out girls” and then he was like THIS IS GREAT
🎆 Is my muse into monogamy?
he is so, so into monogamy, even though he never really thought he would be
💕 Would my muse ever be in a polyamorous relationship?
i think it’s def something he would’ve tried if the opportunity and the right people had come up, but it didn’t happen, and now he doesn’t want anyone but andrew, so probably not something he’s interested in anymore
🔥 Would my muse ever be up for a threesome?
100% yes. he HAS before. idk if it’s something that he would do now, unless it was a thing that was discussed at length with andrew and they were both completely in agreement about what it meant, but i don’t think it’s something he would suggest now, because andrew is more than enough for him
👮 Has my muse ever had sex in public?
YES. MANY TIMES. AND WOULD AGAIN. they luv their dangerous sex. half of the fun is the potential for getting caught, and eli is super super turned on by that possibility. i mean, they have perfected the art of the quickie mostly for public sex purposes
💔 What was my muse’s first heartbreak?
he’s only had one real heartbreak and it was with this girl he was dating senior year of high school. they were bffs before and then started dating right towards the end and it was going to be great and they were going to try to make a long distance open relationship work, but then she got really freaked out over eli moving to chicago for college and not being able to see him or anything and she broke it off like right before graduation. he was heartbroken for like weeks, and it took a while to get over, but now he’s glad it happened since it meant that he was more than ready for andrew when he showed up his sophomore year
💑 What are my muse’s requirements for a potential partner?
literally everything that andrew is. mostly it has to do with supportiveness and willingness to listen, because eli is such an emotional and open person that really needs to be able to talk about things to feel okay. but literally at this point, if you asked him, he’d just say ANDREW
💋 How many people has my muse slept with?
A LOT OF PEOPLE. like definitely more than average, definitely double digits, but idk how many exactly bc i’m really bad at knowing how many is an excessive amount
👀 Is my muse the type to sleep around?
he was the type to sleep around before he met andrew, but then he slowly found himself having less and less desire to sleep with other people so he eventually stopped and just stuck with andrew. but before that he was like the damn queen of sleeping around, doing whatever he wanted when he wanted, and just having a great time doing it
👎 Would my muse ever cheat on their partner?
NEVER. he was all about free love before he met andrew, but now there’s no one he would ever want to sleep with besides him.
😳 What was my muse’s worst romantic/sexual relationship?
that first boyfriend that he had was definitely the worst in both regards, but mostly just because they were both inexperienced high school kids who were dating each other and sleeping with each other because that was what you did in high school and they were both popular so it made sense. it wasn’t horrible, but the sex definitely wasn’t fulfilling for eli, and the guy wasn’t very interesting
💲Would my muse ever date/marry/sleep with someone because they were rich?
nah, his fam is loaded anyway, and he’s way too much of a sap to ever successfully use someone for something like that.
👓 Would my muse ever lie for sex?
maybe he would lie and say he’ll hide all of the lemon bars from andrew if they don’t have a little morning fun, but he doesn’t mean it. he’s a horrible liar, it wouldn’t work.
👿 Would my muse ever blackmail someone into sex?
def not. even before andrew, it was all about doing exactly what you want, when you want. he wouldn’t make someone do something they didn’t want to EVER.
🎥 Who is my muse’s celebrity crush?
timothy olyphant he’s pretty damn obsessed with winona ryder and would probably melt if he ever saw her in person, like he’s been in love with her since the 80s. but also hugh jackman too.
🎀 Who would my muse sleep with if nobody ever had to know?
HE WOULDN’T CHEAT ON ANDREW, SO THE ANSWER IS ANDREW but he wants everyone to know that he’s sleeping with andrew sooooo
💍 Has my muse ever had a one-night stand?
he had a lot of one night stands his first year of college and he had a good time with them. he had a few more sophomore year, but then things changed when andrew came around and he got way less interested in that sort of thing, even if he tried to keep it going for a bit.
💝 Does my muse like Valentine’s Day?
eli fuckin LOVES valentine’s day, because he’s a big sap and loves doing things for andrew. any chance to be overly romantic is his favorite thing ever and so he’s one of those ppl who plans valentine’s day like weeks in advances. it’s not like a surprise thing usually, though, because he wants andrew to enjoy it as much as him, so i feel like it’s very much like a joint effort to decide what they wanna do, but then he throws in a bunch of cute surprises throughout the day, and probably leaves valentine’s on his desk in his classroom, or like has zeke deliver flowers to him and shit
💘 What are the ways my muse says ‘I love you’ without actually saying it?
it’s a lot about the way he says things, how comfortable he feels teasing and joking around with andrew. the fact that he would drop everything to do something for him and do it gladly. being able to sit around with him in silence, no need for any words, just existing together without feeling the need for words. cooking andrew’s favorite things when he’s had a bad day or just seems a little off. buying his favorite lush things as a treat. always texting him when sunny brings in his lemon bars and setting aside a few for him, even though he would never eat them himself. just being completely unselfconscious about his feelings for him, telling other people his favorite things about andrew, and when he’s around his complete inability to keep his hands off of andrew, even just casual touches. HE JUST LOVES ANDREW SO FUCKIN MUCH.
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📱 for Andrew and Eli
LAST 5 SENT TEXTS:
from eli: Sunny made his cruel 🍋 bars…from eli: So you want me to save like five or ten for you right?from eli: 🐶 🏞️ ❓from eli: also 🍆 🍑 😏 l8r plsfrom eli: 💕 💖 💘
LAST 5 UNSENT TEXTS:
from eli: Do you think a gallon of lube is enough for this bat thing?from eli: ….how much is too much lubefrom eli: I feel like we have to go unflavored on this onefrom eli: Maybe I overestimated myself….from eli: There’s no baseball bat emoji, there’s only a cricket bat, help me 🏏
LAST SNAPCHAT:
CONTACT NAME:
Babe 💗
CONTACT PHOTO:
RINGTONE:
time after time- cyndi lauper
CALLS:
to andrew: 10missed from andrew: 0
#chrysalis-writes#; answered#; ship: murder couple#; eli whitehall#; opp: andrew j whitehall#I LOVE THEM SFM HELP#also this is fun wow
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i guess it rains... ♡ for andrew ♡
[a murder couple 80s mixtape]
but really for @chrysalis-writes
"i know you're SUPER into the whole punk thing, but there's a lot of great other stuff out there that reminds me of you... ♡♡♡ eileen"
from a note accompanying the tape from eli about 30 years ago
[listen here]
#; ship: murder couple#; my stuff#; music#; eli whitehall#; opp: andrew j whitehall#in which i dont have photoshop so i couldn't do exactly what i wanted but the thought is there
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