#:) i haev plans do not wory

[the-unaliver]

Reader X Unaliver Fanfic

By be :)

Part 1: Planning (581 words)

Detective Ramírez is pissed. Like, pissed pissed. So pissed that even the yellowest of pisses would still crown him the pissiest.

He is staring at you while clutching a small red folder (a colour usually used to identify unalivers, you recall). 'So, y/n. You have been arrested due to shoplifting.' Ahhh, yeah. You just felt like picking that ATOMSTACK X20 Pro 130 W Laser Graviermaschine 20W Leistung mit F30 Pro Air Assist Kit 3 in 1 Offline wifi Bildschirm APP Gravur mit R1 Roller Gravieren von unregelmäßigen Gegenstände, for some reason, and hid it in your bag. Unfortunately the guy that owned the shop wasn't stupid and brought you to the police. Anyways.

Ramírez lets a tired sigh out, as he rubs his temples. He clearly does not want to be there. At all. 'Usually we'd just iniciate a long and very tedious process of lawyers, judges and so on, but I- really need someone's help today. I need someone as bland, boring, and normal looking as possible, and you are precisely that.' You do not know if you should feel offended or not, but you let him continue. A way out of prision? Yes, please.

He slides the folder over to you. You can see that, written over the red cardboard in ballpoint pen is the name 'Gregor Ansa'. A small picture of a random guy holds to it thanks to a paperclip. The guy looks like someone who'd sell insurance to old people, but there is some weird spark in his eyes as he smiles at the unimaginary camera, or fourth wall, or, well, you in this case. 'I need you to arrest this man for me.' Ramírez says through gritted teeth, tapping the picture. 'He is one hell of a slippery bastard, and, truth be told, I don't think I could stand even seeing him without it ending with me in HR again.' He does not elaborate.

You look back down at the picture, considering your options. One, either go to prision yet again, and risk your mortal enemy, the Rattler, spotting and killing you (well. She's everyone's mortal enemy, truth be told. But still.) Or, two, go through whatever plan the detective has, and go back to your cave.

'I'll do it.'

Ramírez doesn't even look relieved or anything. He nods in silence, and flips the whiteboard next to him with a flourish (you bet he had been waiting to do that). A rather elaborate looking scheme has been angrily scribbled onto it, with big blue bold letters stating 'GET HIS ASS: GAY BAR AND VIOLENCE'.

Ramírez, looking rather proud of his little scribbles, looks back at you with a frown. 'You are going to pretend to date that bastard and then knock him out the moment he lets his guard down. He may act all stupid, but, do not be fooled.' He grumbles. 'I am sure that damn fucker might be one of the smartest and most dangerous guys in this damn century. Maybe even more than the Rattler.'

Ok, wow, that's a rather- big statement. But sure. Whatever. Anything to keep out of jail.

You give the picture a final glance, before reading through the files the detective has given you.

The picture, yet again, stares back. You don't know why, but you feel like tonight's going to be memorable. And, judging by this Gregor guy's smile, he probably feels like it is going to be fun as well. Well. The picture does, at least.