#/they didn't give us that scene because we all know they'd end up kissing by the end of the night

[jaderavenarts]

Cracking open a cold one with The Best Man I Know 🥰

R* really told us these two are both silly drunks and didn't give them a drunk scene together 😔

[wenellyb]

How I feel about Buddie...

You guys have been warned, this is a long post.

I've always liked 911 and was a casual viewer but never got involved in the fandom or anything. Of course I knew about Buddie, but I personally never saw it. Buck and Eddie have always acted like best friends and do stuff best friends do. I have never seen any scene that could be interpreted as romantic, except maybe for the "you want to go for the title" scene. But to me it wasn't enough to ship them, especially since it was the only scenes in their hundreds of scenes together that could be seen as romantic.

That being said, I've always thought the ship was cute, and I understand it because who doesn't like a good friends to lovers storyline?

I just never got involved in the fandom because their behavior reminded me of the Stucky and Destiel fandom, which were chaotic experiences for me. Some people just don't know how to handle non canon ships and act entitled, complain to the showrunners and harrass the cast. I've always tried to avoid fandoms like that, but wasn't against the idea of Buddie as a ship.

The 911 Lone Star crossover episode for me was the confirmation that Buck was into men. To me, it was obvious they confirmed he was into men but hadn't set up a storyline yet. So naturally I thought... if they set up a storyline it will be with Eddie. There was no doubt it my mind.

So fast forward, a few years, I wasn't really watching season 7 and then I see all the fuss from Buddie shippers I follow, and it makes me watch the sneak peek video from 7x04 and I'm like....For sure Buck is being jealous right? (it was the scene where Eddie interrupted Tommy giving Buck a tour)

So I decided to watch the episode convinced this was going to be the episode where they confirmed Buddie, but I was also very cautious because Buddie shippers had cried wolf too many times before.

So I was careful, but I was also convinced that this was it: "Buck was going to get jealous of Eddie hanging out with Tommy and then confess his feelings or the other way around".

And that's actually what was happening until the end of the episode, we saw Buck get jealous, and most of us assumed he was being jealous about Eddie.

We didn't figure out until the end of the episode that it was all about Tommy.

And that's the beauty of that episode because you think you're watching something when in fact you're watching something else and when you rewatch some scenes you understand it, and that plot twist was written so beautifully.

So we have Buck and Tommy have a heart to heart in Buck's kitchen and they kiss. And what a kiss... the kiss itself was Nice but the look Buck gave Tommy after the kiss was breathtaking.

From that moment on, I was rooting for them.

But I still had Buddie at the back of my mind because I was thinking, what if this is all temporary and they're planning to break them up to set up a buddie storyline? So I shipped it but didn't want to get my hopes up.

This feeling got bigger when I started watching 7x05 and I saw the way their first date ended. I thought... this is it, we might not see Tommy again, what a shame. But then Buck talked to Maddie about his date and confessed it was with Tommy. And Maddie asked: "so tell me about the hot pilot", and I thought this isn't how they'd talk about a character we never see again. But I didn't know for sure.

Maybe they were setting up a Buck x Eddie storyline....

I changed my mind when I saw Buck's coming out scene to Eddie, the scene was beautiful and at that point I still was thinking Buddie was a possibility. But one line made me think that Buddie wasn't happening: "I can't stop thinking about him".

No writer would put a line like that and have Oliver say it like that with that look, if they were thinking Buck and Eddie would have a romantic scene in the future. And if you do write that, you would get a jealous reaction from the other character, not a "You should call Tommy".

And then I was conforted in my feelings when the writers doubled down and had Buck invite Tommy to Maddie's wedding. Buck could have just apologized and asked Tommy on antoher date, but no, he invited him to his sister's wedding.

There has been absolutely no hint of a romantic relationship between Buck and Eddie throughout the season. There has never been a sign of jealousy from Buck or Eddie's side when they were dating Tommy, Marisol. If they had been setting up that storyline, the writers would put some hints here and there. Instead, they shared meaningful scenes like best friends do.

I never had anything againdt Buddie as a ship, I was even open to it, but all the times I thought Buddie was going to happen, it was because of the fandom, not because of something I saw in the saw...To me Buddie is and will stay a fanon ship.

TL:DR: I don't hate the ship, I find it cute but the behavior of some shippers has made me want to stay away from the fandom. And when I thought Buddie might be happening, the writers showed us they had long term plans for Bucktommy.

[writer-in-theory]

TW: mentioned past homophobia (steve's dad), steve uses the q slur to refer to himself once (quoting his dad), this is a happy ending i promise y'all

When Steve sent the invitations, he never expected his parents to actually attend. He never expected them to actually see the envelopes, even. It had been a fleeting moment of impulsivity that had led to him sending them at all, figuring it would be better to get the hurt out of the way before the ceremony came and passed without either of the people who gave him life in attendance.

And yet, when the wedding ceremony was over and the party was starting, he saw her.

His mom.

She wasn't sitting in the front row of chairs where the rest of their family was. Eddie had tried to convince Steve not to leave two chairs open beside Wayne for his parents, but he needed to see it for himself. Those empty chairs needed to be front and center, a reminder that the only people worth caring about were the ones filling their assigned chairs. Steve's mom wasn't sitting in hers, but she was there, stood in the very back where Hopper was keeping watch over the whole thing, daring anyone who disagreed with the scene to get anywhere near them.

Maggie Harrington wasn't dressed as prim and proper as she could've been, the only way Steve had ever seen her. No, today she was in a simple sundress, hair flying wildly around her shoulders in a way that reminded him with painful clarity of where he'd gotten his appearance from. The same brunette waves, the same doe eyes now staring at him like she'd never seen anything so wonderful and terrible before.

Even as everyone got up from their chairs to convert the outdoor space into the after-party, she stayed at the edge of everything, exactly as she'd been on the fray of his life since he'd left Hawkins at 19 and never looked back.

"Go talk to her," Eddie spoke, notching his chin over Steve's shoulder from behind, wrapping his arms around his middle and interlocking his fingers over Steve's belly.

"I don't know what to say." Visions of the night he'd left flashed unbidden in Steve's mind—all the shouting from his dad, the crying from his mom, him begging his mom to say something, anything. Eddie picking him up from Robin's house after he'd called, promising they could go anywhere they wanted. They'd left for Chicago the same night, and Steve had never looked back.

"Hi is a good start," Eddie teased gently, pressing a kiss to Steve's jaw before stepping back from him. "You can do it. I'll be over with Gareth and the others when you're done."

It was Eddie's quiet support—his husband's support—that pushes Steve's feet to action. Before he could begin to think of what to say, he was standing in front of her. There was too much to say, nothing at all that could rise to his lips, so he said the first thing his mind could supply.

"You didn't RSVP."

His mom winced, hands raising then stopping, fingers clenching as though she physically stopped herself from touching him. "I know, Steven, I know. I'm sorry."

This was too much. It was all too much and Steve wished he'd never sent the invitation, that he'd just listened to Eddie's fucking advice because he always seemed to know Steve best, better than even himself. "Most people RSVP for events. It's the polite thing to do, proper etiquette and all. You taught me that."

"Steven, please," his mom tried again, voice wobbling enough that some of the anger began to leech out of him. And that, well that made him more angry. What right did she have to show up on the happiest day of his life? To choose now to make him confront everything he'd fought so hard to forget? "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for everything. I want my son back."

"It took you five years to realize you missed me? That's really great, Mom, we should really give you the Mother of the Year award for that one."

"Steven," his mom finally snapped, and again her expression could have mirrored his own, that familiar flash of uncontrollable anger and hurt across her eyes before it was reined back in to a disquieted coolness. "I am trying. I am doing the best thing I can to be the mother you needed back then."

"You think I wasn't trying?" Steve's voice was eerily calm, an even-tone that clashed loudly with the tears beginning to blur his vision. "Do you think I didn't spend my life trying to be the son you wanted so badly? I did everything perfect, exactly what you and Dad expected and it still wasn't enough. It would never be enough, not once you found out what I am, right? The sports were fine, and the friends, and even retaking my SATs so I could go to college, but none of it could ever make up for the queerness could it?"

"Steven, stop it," his mom begged, tears falling down her own face now. They were drawing a crowd in the way his fights used to in school. No one was outright staring, but all of them lingered nearby, ears turned to listen, eyes glancing by every so often to catch the scene. He'd like to think they were waiting for him, waiting to see if they needed to step in.

"Oh, I'm sorry, how could I forget Dad's exact words? It's fine if I don't act on it, if I find some woman I don't love and settle down. It's fine if I become like the two of you, marrying for reputation and making my kids fucking miserable."

That did it for his mom. He could see the moment the switch flipped, when the tears turned into something harder, more focused. "Steven, I did not come here to be berated. I came to apologize, for everything."

And that, well, that was new. Harringtons don't apologize.

"I shouldn't have let your father say all those things, I shouldn't have let you leave. I didn't...you can't understand, but I was scared," she tried, reaching out for his hand and wincing when he took a half-step back to evade her touch. "But losing you, not knowing where you were or if you were happy...that was the worst thing to ever happen to me, Steven."

"Good," Steve forced out through the tears, though he's not sure he believed it. He wasn't sure what he believed. "You should've said something then, not five years later."

"I know, I know that, and that is going to weigh on me for the rest of my life. But Steven, Steve, let me try again, please," his mom begged, and God he wanted to tell her to stop because Harringtons don't beg, they demand, but she kept going and going and it reminded him of himself. "It took me too long but...I got there. I'm here. I'm here, Steve, and I promise I'll try to be the mom you always deserved. I understand we can't get that time back, we can't have what it should've been from the beginning, but please, I want to see my baby's life."

Steve wanted to yell at her. He wanted to scream and throw something and tell her to get out. He wanted to spit every vile word he could come up with at her, to make her hurt the way his dad had made him hurt. And yet, this was everything he'd ever dreamed out, all those nights when he'd cried in Eddie's arms for his parents, for them to see the life he'd built for himself.

"I can't just..." Steve sighed, looking up to the sky as if the clouds might provide him with an answer. "I can't trust you, right away. I need time, Eddie'll need time he...he's pretty protective, you know."

"Good," his mom answered, pulling a small, tearful laugh out of Steve. "You deserve to have someone looking out for you like that."

"Do you..." Steve sighed, fighting the urge to mess with his hair lest Nancy kills him for it. He glanced to Eddie, seeing him with his chin tilted back as he laughed joyously across the space, hand gripped around a champagne glass. "Do you want to meet him?"

The smile that warmed his mother's expression was worth all of it. Steve had never seen her so open, so emotional. Maybe she really had changed, really come to every realization he'd wished she'd made five years ago.

"I'd like that very much."

It would take time. There would be good moments and bad, some where Steve wondered if any of it would work out and some where he'd laughed with his mom more than he ever had as a kid. Slowly, not-so-gracefully, they found a way to make it work. She came over for weekly dinners with him and his husband (who asked more than once if her pull in the Indiana statehouse could get them an official license), she called once a week and asked about his friends, his studies, the kids he worked with at his job.

And before Steve could even blink, he had his mom back.

[maidragoste]

hello, its your newest nuisance writing to you, but this time...

SPOILERS BELOW IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED YET, DO NOT READDDDD!! I IMPLORE YOU, DO NOT READ!!

....

ok, now that those cautions were taken I hope your day has been well and when you do watch the episode, I hope you I was gonna say find joy, but each episode I become crazier than the last and each episode is either 1/4 good or 3/4 bad.

like Aemond is becoming worse and worse before my eyes, Alicent doesn't even want to go back and is on a religious retreat like some sort of "find myself and meditate" regimen. Rhaenyra is hosting a game show called: "Welcome to the dragon games!! let us see who can claim a dragon and survive!!" Ooooooo!! And she's not even giving a waiver, smh. Like they were told nothing except that they'd possible claim a dragon, like if I left my job/life to die, don't you think I should get a notice?? Also, Ulf is the man he said he was lol.

Jace being man low borns can claim dragons is funny because they have about as much parentage as him lol. They're all bastards like himself, the only difference is those bastards parents didn't have the means to keep them like Rhaenyra did and on most occasions the parents didn't want them so Jace best count his blessings that his mom didn't leave him to the streets and that his grandfather was willing to turn many blind eyes because not everyone had that (Saera we're looking at you sis, because I know you have a multitude of babies running around).

Also, this dragon testing is like in Grey's Anatomy when Meredith and Derek were testing out cure's for tumors like it reminded me of that because in the beginning they had bad results and in the end, they did it and "weeeee, happy ending for alllllll!!" well....except those that died.... Maybe Rhaenyra watches Grey's when she's not kissing everyone on sight??

This episode wasn't bad, but like again, I think it's the writing like whomever is in the writing room needs to stop with the fillers because season 2 was clearly a filler to season 3 where the real events begin, like I get wanting a show to have many seasons, but it should have many seasons if there's cause for it. And I know that Fire and Ice is an unreliable narrator to the plot events so anything could be hypothetically cannon, but like, do we not take ideas from hypotheticals and fill in the gaps? This show is like watching one's own head cannon of events like if that's the case, let me have my turn to write up what's gonna happen next.

But, who am I lol, I'm not a film writer. Welp, thank you again for listening to my rant and you have yourself a marry day.

hey bestie i love reading your opinions of the show episodes. sorry for taking so long to reply i was busy

honestly as an aemond girl and an alicent girl it's painful to watch this season for me 😭😭

you are so right about the Rhaenyra thing. not only did she not give them any direction but she also wouldn't let them leave which is an idiotic move because she was supposed to be looking for a rider for silverwing too ☠️☠️

About Jacaerys in my opinion he is right to be angry and i understand his point of view. i really liked the scene of him facing Rhaenyra. But I admit that at the same time I have mixed feelings because in the book he is the one who comes up with the idea of the dragon seeds

I didn't watch Grey's Anatomy so I don't know what you're talking about lol

The episode was good but I feel like this was a season of transition and as you say instead of following any of the hypotheses of the book the writers are doing what they want 😭😭

I hope you're okay anon, thanks for writing to me 🥰💖

[patchesofuniverse]

I found this in my drafts - I wrote it after I finished Leverage: Redemption S1 and then most of the original series. Posting it now with the caveat that I never got around to watching the rest of Leverage: Redemption so I do not know what happened from there.

----------

It still amazes me that people who've lived through

- Sherlock, where the creators outright deny that their two male leads could ever get together, while throwing out constant M/M fanservice.

- FIFTEEN seasons of Supernatural, where women can't survive for very long because they'd threaten the fan-preferred M/M pairings, and one of the actors for the pairing straight up denies that his character could even be gay, shot down questions about it, and finally just "didn't want to put him in a box" following an outcry near the very end of the series.

- She-who-shall-not-be-named, who never so much as hinted that any character might not be straight, but then declared one gay when the series was basically done.

- and however many more queerbaiting shows

can look at Leverage and think the creators are trying to pull one over on us.

- "That means I would be thinking about you and Parker, which I never do!" in the least convincing tone, after lamenting the suave thief Parker is out with that night.

- Watching them kiss and nodding

- "'til my dying day" and "but you never, never need anything" "Yeah, I did" looks over at Parker and Hardison for a moment before looking back "And thanks to you, I don’t have to search anymore."

- Confirmation from the creator that the OT3 is canon.

- "Even numbers only baby" and "Age of the geek, babe"

- The hints in the show (Hardison being aware of how Eliot wakes up, "we built vents in the house", etc) and then confirmation that the three of them live together.

- The necklaces

- Hardison talks to Eliot AND Parker before making the decision to step away from the team. Parker's scene is more dramatic, sure - but Hardison checks in with Eliot too, and Eliot confirms his support before Parker drags Hardison off for their chat.

They haven't given us a kiss or the exact words, sure. Polyamory still isn't widely accepted in the US - it's very possible that they can't give us a big flashy display on screen because of executive meddling, or just that they have to consider ratings.

But what they've given us is in line with the characters they've created. They also never make it into a joke, aside from Hardison's "We're together" bit in The 12 Steps Job (which was season one). They don't make flashy fanservice out of scenes with Hardison and Eliot together, or with the three of them.

The Leverage PTB haven't queerbaited us with the OT3. They queercoded them. And then confirmed that they intended the things we saw on screen.

Part of me wonders if the idea that the OT3 are queerbait is the fact that Eliot's relationship with Hardison and Parker is more subdued than their relationship with each other. I think there may be folks who want to see them as a perfect, exclusive triangle where they all share the exact same relationship style. But that's not how polyamorous relationships have to work - and indeed, it's not how most of them work. Parker and Eliot have always had a different kind of relationship than Parker and Hardison. It's not unreasonable to think that, even in a committed romantic threesome, the three sides of the triangle would represent different types of relationships.

[buddiebeginz]

Would not tuning into the re-airing help? Like if they don’t get viewership on that episode do you think it would steer them in a direction away from BT? I’m so scared that all the positive attention that ship gets means that Tim is going to just give up on buddie and that sixe years of development and buildup is going to be flushed down the drain because of the people who jumped ship… would it be any good to just ignore the ep re-airing altogether? I’m already planning on not tuning in bc I’m going to be working at that time, but maybe trying to rally buddie fans together to boycott the ep and then get buddie trending on twitter?

I really don’t know if I will be able to handle Oliver posting anything about this though… it would really feel like a nail in the coffin for us to me

I don't think they're reairing the episode as some tribute to B/T. They've been reairing the s7 eps (since the season ended) so I think that's mainly why they're showing that one again. It also refreshes people's memories of what happened in the previous season leading up to s8.

I get why you and other Buddie fans are nervous going into s8 but I really wish you guys would calm down a little. Everything is pointing towards Buddie going canon. I know a lot of us have been waiting years for this to happen so I get being afraid to to hope and be let down. I know it sucks we didn't get more solid confirmation of Buck and Eddie's feelings in s7 but we still got sooo much.

If Tim wasn't invested in Buddie trust me you'd know. When you compare s7 to s5/6 you can see how drastically different the show is handling Buddie now. When Kristen was running things she made it clear that she was not on board with Buddie ever being a couple and you could see that with how little time together they had in those seasons especially compared to how much time was put into Buck and Taylor in s5.

Now compare that to B/T and how little time Tim allotted for them and how they were given next to no development. And what development they did have consisted of T*mmy being a dick most of the time. Meanwhile Buddie were in almost every single episode in s7 and with some really important scenes that further cemented their relationship.

I know that the B*mmy stans are loud and a lot of them make it a point to try and rub it in our face that their ship is canon and how they think ours never will be. The thing is they do that because deep down they know their ship isn't going to last. If they didn't think Buddie ever stood a chance and they thought the show was really putting effort into B/T they wouldn't care so much about things like us seeing Eddie as queer.

Back to 7x04 though. I don't think anyone should boycott it. That ep was about so much more than T*mmy. It was about Buck realizing he's attracted to guys and that he can act on that attraction. It was also heavily centered around Buck's feelings for Eddie and that's not a coincidence. It's not a misread or a mistake that Buck spends the whole episode where we finally learn he's bi all about Eddie and then ends up kissing a guy who we're told is basically a lesser version of Eddie.

7x04 was meant as Buck's bi awakening but also to give us a glimpse into how strongly Buck feels for Eddie. What I believe was meant to happen was by the end of the season we would have at least had indisputable confirmation of Buck's feelings for Eddie. That didn't happen though I think because they got picked up for s8 and decided to hold off on moving forward with Buddie until s8, when they'd have more time to flesh out their story. None the less 7x04 is still an important Buddie episode.

No one has to rewatch when it airs and I get it if people don't want to watch Buck with T*mmy but I still think people should rewatch the rest of the episode again at some point. If for nothing else than just to see how much it wasn't about T*mmy or B/T it was about Buddie.

This is why I made the post I did about getting something trending for Buddie when the ep airs. Because the episode is about Buddie. But also I'm sure B*mmy stans will be online showing their support for B/T. We need to be on social media more making it clear to Tim and ABC how our fandom isn't going anywhere and the love for Buddie is stronger than ever.

[kalinara]

I did think I would feel a bit more satisfied when an actor finally confirmed what, I think, most of us knew about Kylo Ren's intended arc in the Sequel Trilogy.

Blah, blah, the redemption arc wasn't supposed to happen. Kylo was supposed to be a villain throughout. Where's that Captain Holt vindication gif when you want it?

I'd agree, personally, that it would have made for a better movie if Kylo had remained the big bad. Adam Driver, I think, is the one who really missed out. I feel like he missed out on his chance to go full out, balls to the wall evil overlord. He'd have killed it, I suspect. And I say that as someone who isn't particularly a fan of the guy.

I do think though I get why they went with a half-assed redemption arc, though. I don't think it had anything to do with the Reylos (the kiss maybe, but I'd like to think they're smart enough to realize that rabid shippers generally don't go for the romantic - die for your love type of ending. At least not if the hot guy is doing the dying...)

I think it's because of Carrie Fisher's death.

They'd said for a while that the third movie was supposed to be Leia's, in the way that TFA was Han's, and TLJ was Luke's. Whether or not this made you optimistic probably depends on how much you liked the fates of those characters in those movies. I didn't hate them, personally.

I'm not going to speculate too hard on what the original story would have been. I certainly can imagine some pretty epic stuff with Princess Leia as the Big Good set against her son as the Big Bad. But...well...when you lose one of your primary actors before you get a chance to actually film anything...well, that limits what you can do.

I suppose that's why I'm willing to give Rise of Skywalker a bit more slack than a lot of folk. They were kind of stuck. Ultra-evil Kylo Ren is a more satisfying story with the set up they had, but it's also a tragedy. For what it's worth, the man does have a mother, who will grieve him if no one else does.

Except...we can't actually film the grieving, can we? We can't film the confrontation between despairing mother and lost son - whatever resolution was likely to happen. We can, at least, use some lost footage to TRY to build the relationship between Leia and Rey that needs to happen for that side of the story, but even then, we'll need Force Ghost Luke to help with the more reactive parts.

And of course, they need to write Leia herself out as gracefully as possible. In a way that doesn't require a lot of new footage and still gives the character a sense of accomplishment. Otherwise, you might as well have just blown her up with Hosnian Prime.

So...half assed redemption arc. With not-exactly-force-ghost Han to help there. I do feel like they could have done a better job with Kylo's part there. You know, made it look like he was at least interested in doing something OTHER than violating a woman's mind and terrorizing her for a good third of the movie. But well. No one's ever completely happy with things.

I don't know. In the end, I think the folks behind the Sequel Trilogy did what they could to give us a final, reasonably satisfying conclusion. There were fuck ups along the way (see: Finn, see: Poe. Though that fuckery started with TLJ, IMO) but, I think if we sat down and watched all nine movies in a row, and got to Rise of Skywalker's closing scene...I think we would end it feeling like we'd reached a workable ending to the Skywalker Saga.

Probably because we'd be too exhausted to notice the plotholes at that point. C'est la vie.

[quodekash]

All The Times They Haven't Kissed - Soundwin edition! - FINAL UPDATED VERSION 

(keep in mind this is subjective, it's just parts of the show where i reckon they couldve plausibly kissed but couldnt/didnt due to unfortunate circumstances)

(and as time goes on those "unfortunate circumstances" are more and more because they just. didnt kiss.)

before i begin, i just wanna point out that in episode 4, win says to sound "i want to see if your skills are as good as your mouth" and I just--

Episode 5: Sound literally singing a line of a love song directly at Win

Episode 6: fighting part 1 (music club)

Episode 6: fighting part 2 (across the student council table)

Episode 6: badminton: nighttime edition

Episode 6: MEDAL KISS

Episode 7: tied up part 1

Episode 7: tied up part 2

Episode 7: tied up part 3 (look, they had a lot of opportunity while they were tied up)

Episode 8: MOTORBIKE SCENE

when Tinn and Gun left the room in the middle of the night (they would've been sleeping side-by-side once they were gone) (this scene doesn't technically exist so i can't technically count it but I'm allowed to imagine so I'm counting it)

Episode 8: THE WATER SCENE??

Episode 9: THE WATER SCENE??????

Episode 9: "wait to hear it" (SOUND THERE WAS NO NEED TO STEP THAT CLOSE TO HIM, ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US???)

Episode 9: UMBRELLA SCENE

stepping closer, both hands on Win's heart, staring into the other's soul

Episode 9: THE SHIRT GRAB #1

Episode 9: THE SHIRT GRAB #2 (HJJHKFJHJJHFFK)

Episode 11: after the hug (they’re liTERALLY BOYFRIENDS AND WE WEREN’T TOLD ABOUT IT, SURELY THEY CAN KISS NOW) 

Episode 11: after the fight when they’re sitting on the rock 

Episode 11: we could’ve gotten an after dinner scene of them strolling along on the beach in the dark and they kiss or something but no they had to give us tinngun instead (and tinngun diDNT EVEN KISS)

Episode 12: WIN, YOU COULD'VE MADE YOUR "PUMPKIN" (his words not mine btw pumpkin is a literal canonical pet name for sound and its killing me) EVEN MORE FLUSTERED BY KISSING HIM (even if it was just a little cheek kiss I DONT CARE JUST DO IT PLEASE)

Episode 12: "what a f**king coward. i can't believe i used to respect him." you should disrespect him even more by kiSSING A MAN (win) ON THE MOUTH!! SCARE AWAY THE HOMOPHOBIA! (for all intents and purposes, this is a joke)

Episode 12: they almost certainly could've kissed at some point during that final chinzhilla scene. just to keep us on our toes, y'know?

So we've got 23 in total (still nowhere near tinngun but the number is still way too big), and the winner is still episode 9, with 6 Times They Didn't Kiss

now time for...

All The Times They Have Kissed

Episode 12: CHEEK KISS #1 (if you have questions as to why a cheek kiss has made it here, ill explain at the end)

Episode 12: CHEEK KISS #1

Episode 12: WHAT THE FLIP I KNOW I KEPT ASKING FOR IT BUT I DIDNT KNOW THEY'D ACTUALLY DO IT I WOULD'VE BEEN CONTENT WITH JUST THE CHEEK KISSING BUT NO THEY HAD TO GO ABOVE AND BEYOND AAAAAAAAAAAA

Episode 12: AND THEY WENT DOUBLEY ABOVE AND BEYOND AND FULLY KISSED TWICE

and sound's little teasing kisses afterwards? my heart🥹🥹

(so i know for tinngun i counted cheek kisses and stuff as not actually kissing, but with those ones tinngun could've feasibly mouth-kissed but they didn't. here, soundwin are in front of an audience, so obviously they wouldn't mouth-kiss, but cheek kissing is still a lot, AND it's the furthest that soundwin have gone. so that's why i think the soundwin cheek kisses should go in the times they actually kissed section, reminder that this is all very subjective)

(all the times other ships in the show haven’t kissed: tinngun and tiwpor)

[misscongeniality18]

I’d love to read a fic about Peter and Rose having the Zoe conversation and how that ended. Whatever interpretation or head canon you have for what that relationship was like, I’d love to read it!

Okay, wow, I honestly didn't expect to be stumped on my first request! I'll give it a shot though. I won't dwell too much on the character or personality of Zoe because we really don't know much about her other than what we heard from the few conversations of how the relationship ended, so I'll write a little scene about that?

Go Ahead and Watch My Heart Burn - The Night Agent

Synopsis ! Peter comes home expecting to find his fiancee there but discovers something else. Pairing ! Peter Sutherland x Zoe, Peter Sutherland x Cisco Jenkins, Peter Sutherland x Rose Larkin (just briefly) Warnings ! heartbreak, some language, angst maybe? let me know if I missed anything Word Count - 957

" I'll sit and watch your car burn With the fire that you started in me But you never came back to ask it out So go ahead and watch my heart burn With the fire that you started in me But I'll never let you back to put it out " - watch, Billie Eilish

I'm still taking requests, so give me what you got! I'll try pretty much anything!

Masterlist Request Guide

The first light of dawn was peeking over the horizon when Peter entered his apartment, illuminating the dark hardwood floors with streaks of orange and gold. He was just settling into the routine of his new job in Night Action, but the new hours were still taking a toll. All he wanted to do after a night shift answering a phone that never rang was to climb into bed next to Zoe.

He'd slide between the covers gently so he wouldn't wake her and press a soft kiss to her temple. Zoe would smile in her sleep, and Peter would wrap his arms around her, burying his face in her hair--carefully, because he still had a few tender scratches from the night of the metro bombing--for the precious few hours they'd be in bed together. It was one of his favorite places to be in the world.

He couldn't wait until the day they said I do.

After the metro bombing, Peter knew that he'd grown distant, and he wanted to change that. The Rome Tome brought up everything with his father and blamed him for the incident, and Peter threw himself into his work. He'd accepted Diane Farr's offer because it was a way to lay low and keep his head down while trying to clear his name and his father's, but that was difficult without any proof.

Something Zoe said during their few passing hours together yesterday struck a chord deep within him. "You're never here, Peter, what do you want me to do?"

All he had asked was if she wanted to get breakfast as a way to spend time together.

Hopefully, she'd thought about that moment as much as he did and was willing to make this work.

Peter loosened his tie and stripped off his jacket as he turned the corner to enter the bedroom, and when he did, he froze in the doorway.

Zoe wasn't there.

No matter, Peter thought as he continued to undress, maybe she had gotten up early to surprise him with breakfast tacos from their favorite spot down the street like he'd suggested yesterday.

Then he saw the note on his dresser.

Peter,

I am so sorry but...

That was all he was able to read as the engagement ring he'd bought for her slid from between the folded piece of paper. Peter caught it with one hand, and the ethereal way the light caught the diamond made his heart clench.

He knew what the note would say, but he still read it anyway, and he was right. Zoe couldn't handle the distance Peter had subconsciously put between them, so she went back to her family in Texas.

They were over.

Peter sunk onto the edge of the bed, staring at the words on the page. It was so brief, but it said so much. Zoe no longer loved him the way she used to. If she still did, there would be so much more to say.

The page began to blur, and Peter's throat tightened as a tear escaped the corner of his eye. He quickly wiped it away, clearing the ache from his throat with a cough. He didn't know why he bothered; no one was there to see him cry.

How could Zoe have left him with only a short note, or without calling or saying goodbye? Had he really driven her away?

Of course he had. He was too focused on his father's past and how it affected his own present and future. He was too focused on clearing both their names. He was too focused on anything but his fiancee.

His ex-fiancee.

Peter opened the drawer of his bedside table and slammed it shut after throwing in the note and ring. He'd deal with it later.

He stalked to the closet to hang up his suit jacket, but some of Zoe's clothes were still in there. Peter closed the door and let the jacket fall to the floor instead, followed by the rest of his clothes.

The shower he'd taken had lasted for well over an hour, and that was when he let the tears fall. The last time he cried was when his father died, over ten years ago, but somehow, this hurt even more.

The one person he'd chosen to spend the rest of his life with had left him, and Peter felt utterly alone.

He dragged himself out of the shower and flopped onto the bed, his eyes sore and puffy, his throat raw and achy. Peter cursed himself. Why was he crying? It was his fault that Zoe left, he should have expected this.

Peter grabbed his cellphone and dialed the number of the first person he could go to to lift his mood.

"Petey, what's up? Why are you up past your bedtime?"

Peter swallowed. "Um, Zoe left me, Cisco."

"Shit, man. That's fucked up." Peter could hear Cisco sigh. "Are you working later?"

"Uh, no. I'm off."

"Right, get some sleep, and I'll be over later. I got you, brother."

Peter felt his heart lighten just a fraction, but then his chest tightened again. "Thanks, brother."

The call ended, and Peter rolled over, turning away from Zoe's empty side of the bed.

He knew he would get over Zoe, but it would take time. He'd loved her too much and far too long to let her go as fast she did him.

Peter would be okay.

Eventually.

Someday.

He would still be in this mood for a long time, but all he could do now was go to work and answer a phone that never rang.

Until the day that it does, and he would meet the person who would make everything right again.

Not sure how I did for my first post since I wrote this at work, but hopefully I did Peter justice! This honestly broke me a little.

[young-anxiety]

so this is a personal post about some unrequited emotions and spiritual stuff the I've been struggling with for a while now I'm mostly venting but if you want to read and think you could help me out I'd be really really grateful

ok so a couple of things 1st I'm empathic to a degree I know there's a stigma around people who say they're empaths but I don't really know how else to explain myself I don't think I'm all knowing and I don't really talk about it with anyone and I honestly wish I just wasn't like this or could control it a bit more 2nd I'm also borderline and have adhd so that is definitely not helping at all and I have a really hard time telling the difference between reality and emotions

all that said there's this guy I've had a thing for for a while now maybe a year or so and like it's not and wasn't a little crush I care about him so much even though he hurt me profoundly and fucked with my job it was a 'love' at first sight kinda deal for me and these feeling became directly linked to my spirituality I'll try to explain the best I can but for context me and my family are all spiritual people my great (great?) grandmother was the village bruja and our beliefs are that of our hispanic culture though watered down quiet a bit

so the deal with this guy (we'll just call him z) and my spiritual views is that I asked spirit for something very specific and z was a very specific answer like he was exactly what I wished for and was trying to manifest for a long time and I believed that he felt the same for me there was a connection there no matter what happened it was obvious not only to me but to those around us me and z met through work and he eventually became my boss but that's not the point the point is that I was asking my spirit guides/ancestors about him and whether he felt the same and I was always told yes and to just wait because he's scared of his feelings for you so give him time which I did but I asked him once if I could kiss him while we were alone and he said no so I assumed that he didn't feel the same and that I was just wrong but spirit kept telling yes he does just wait just wait and we were still fairly close friends during all of this until we had a falling out and he ended up stabbing me in the back and forced me to leave a job I loved which is a story for another time

the falling out caused me to question whether spirit or the universe or guides or ghost or any of it was real because of how linked Z was/is to my beliefs I didn't really trust the advice guides would give me or what they'd say or anything like that up until I met Z because he was just such a concrete answer to all my questions and I came to just fully trust in spirit and believed that the universe was on my side, that it cared about me and loved me and was working behind the scenes to help me so when we had our falling out it completely shattered my entire world view and made me question something I had felt and believed in my entire life. it wasn't just about the boy it was about my world view and I went to a very dark place after that that I hadn't been to in a long time

so the thing is that I still care about him and I still love him and I still feel like he loves me and will come back to me no matter what. I stepped away from spirituality for a while after all that but came back to it anyway. I tried to make myself believe that life is it and that if there are spirits and things they don't care about us and that the here and now is it but it never really worked so I went back to it and I didn't ask about Z at all I didn't try to get advice or input or anything I just tried to focus on using spirituality as a tool for self improvement. I didn't let myself believe there was actual magic to it or anything and that it was all just my subconscious yada yada yada but Z kept coming back up in all of it and the message was never let go and move on it was wait a little longer he's coming back now that you've had some separation Z realized his mistake and wants you back in his life. I was really really angry about this because consciously I knew it wasn't realistic, he has or had a girlfriend and he was tho one who pushed me away and he had made no attempt to contact me or anything. In my final two weeks at the job we both worked at he only talked to me or looked at me if he absolutely had to otherwise he completely ignored me and I did the same back but I tried a couple of times to make things alittle better, not to fix it but make it so we didn't leave on such bad terms but that didn't happen and yet, I still felt/feel like he loves me the way I love him and that he's coming back to me

fast forward to today I've been hearing from. spirit that its all gonna happen very soon just you wait but I saw him tonight for the first time in a long time and I spoke to him just a casual hey and first off I'm pretty sure he's still got a girlfriend and he at no point after our hellos tried to talk to me at all and I'm just getting very tired of it all.

i keep jumping from wanting him and wanting to believe he'll come back to just wanting it all to be over and done with and I've gotten to that point a couple times but my feelings for him are still very strong I still care about him a lot and I still want him so so much. I love him, I'm in love with him and have been since we met. I know a lot of it if not all of it is probably me just convincing myself he wants me because I want him. I've done that all my life in one way or another, I let myself live in a fantasy and feel like spirit is part of it. I'm trying really hard to separate from that and see reality but its very difficult. I just want to be able to know for sure how he feels and by his actions I don't think he even cares but also he's just kind of a closes off person so idk. I kind of want to try and talk to him about it but because of how our friendship ended me reaching out via text or something seems like a bad idea and I don't think he'd even respond and what would I even say? our falling out actually has a lot to do with it too

quick run down I asked flat out "do you want to be my friend because I try very hard to be you're friend and you don't" and he responded with we're not real friends we're just work friends" and I was very professional about it. I pulled away from him and became distant because I was hurt! but I was never mean or unprofessional I just started treating him like my boss rather than my friend. I tried to remain very kind and polite to him but I was hurt and I'm sure at times I was a bit snippy but I had no ill will and His response was to get petty, to stop scheduling me all together and not even responding when I asked if I still had a job, my picture was removed from a white board with all other employees pics (including people who didn't work there anymore) other people seemed wary of me I was left out of import work group chats and just lots of subtle things. now I'll say it wasn't just Z one of my other bosses had a major hand in it all but the two were very close and just so many other details I don't want to get into but you get the point. I didn't do anything to deserve That kind of treatment. Was I maybe cold and a little bit he with those two specific people probably but no one else ever had the same kind of co.plaints Z and my other boss had including another boss of mine who I spent the most time with when working. but all that to say I feel you could understand why I don't want to be the one to reach out and if he did want me back in his life he would have to be the one to approach me anyway ya dig.? all that said I'm just really confused and frustrated. I don't know how to talk about this with friends because how do you explain "I feel we are spiritually connected and that he is in love with me the way I'm in love with him" without sounding like a completely deluded idiot? I just could really use some advice and possibly be able to talk with someone else who has experience with this kind of situation or just knows more about spirituality and magic and stuff than I do. either way I'm just so so tired of it and if he's not coming back anytime soon or ever I want to just be able to move the fuck on! why can't I just move on?

[eloignetoi]

My opinions and overall throughts about Netflix Wednesday because people (including me) are obsessed with it but there is very little content about it (beside the TikTok trend).

The show itself is amazing - not just because it's popular - but the storyline, characters and overall aesthetic are quite endearing. I loved how characters worked together and how sometimes they didn't:

Wednesday is not perfect nor horrible. She has many traits that fit the autism spectrum : obsessions, blank tone and facial expression, unique perception of the world - no she is not depressed, she isn't numb to reality nor sad, she simply enjoys what most people are scared of -, and her perception and understanding of social and emotional conventions are, well, unconventional. These traits make her uniquely enjoyable, but it also gives place for improvement and development in this new social environment that is Nevermore, and which we witness throughout although mostly at the end of the show.

Xavier is not a classic manipulative white boy. He is clueless and emotionally constipated (which I believe has something to do with his dad), and that can be annoying, especially when you know he could have been a lot more helpful with Wednesday's investigation as his dreams/visions seemed to complete hers. A certain tweet has made people agree that he is manipulative and annoying, which I don't really get. He is supposed to have flaws so that there's place for character development, just like Wednesday. But he always had good intentions. He did not manipulate Wednesday into asking him to the ball : considering his serious crush on her, I think he truly hoped she had changed her mind - one can hope lol - and teased her as a friendly joke. That's why he got so mad when he found out about her ulterior motives: he realized she never planned on being his friend. He was not being obsessive either. I mean, when you're in love with someone who's been the target of an attempted murder, I guess you try to go out of your way to protect them - and eventually forget them. That's what the painting was for (as he clearly explained it), don't act like you've never been in love or had a hard time getting over it. The one thing I do agree with is that he and Wednesday have no romantic chemistry, and I hope they are not going to try and force this relationship. If they do, I hope they'll make it right with a better atmosphere, context, chemistry, etc... and let's be honest, it would take a lot of changes and efforts. What would really work (with the atmosphere and context of the first season), would be a strong friendship, not only because they made up at the end, but also because they have many similarities and their powers could be very useful when put together. They would be amazing investigators.

When it comes to Tyler, I am surprised people didn't catch on his uniqueness. There were very little to no clue about his true nature, but he was definitely odd: the only normie kid rejected by his normie friends but without any outcast friend either. Troubled teenager who lost his mom, has a bad relationship with his father and a history of bullying (with Xavier), and the creepy scene in the Gates' mansion where his face suddenly appears in the light. After watching the end, you can also catch on the change in sound/music at the ball when Thornill smiles at him, like there's a form of dissociation from the rest of the crowd. Overall, I think the twist was rather unexpected. What I am really eager to see is what they are going to do with him: he was manipulated and experimented on to turn into his outcast form, but from there he also willingly killed people while enjoying it and manipulated Wednesday in the creepiest way (planning a date and their potential first kiss in the very crypt he knew they'd kill her, seriously...). I wonder if they are going to try and save him or push the monster hunting to the edge. After all, his mom apparently didn't kill anyone - I believe they would have mentioned similar deaths from 30 years ago (although that might be information kept for season 2 and it might have something to do with the normie death from 30 years ago that forced the Nightshades to disband). And I can't imagine his dad's state after all the revelations: the guilt he must feel for not talking to his son about his mom and not seeing he was being manipulated.

If there is a second season, I can't wait to see more revelations about Bianca and her mom, Xavier's dad, and just more of Ajax, Enid, Yoko, Eugene and maybe even Kent. And I'm not even mentioning the stalker, as well as the new possible mayor, principal of Nevermore and Thornill's replacement.

What I really liked about this show, beside characters, were costumes: the Addams' gothic style, perfectly modernized while still being close to the original comic/movie. And I loved Enid's colorful clothes (especially her amazing pink shoes in the last episode).

I do have a few complaints about the show:

Although dialogues are perfectly intelligible, everyone being at the same volume, I could barely hear any background music. I only realized it were here in certain scenes thanks to the subtitles, and it sort of loses the whole impact its supposed to have on the scene. So, if you have a hard time hearing (I am aware I don't have the best hearing), I would advise you to use headphones to really get the whole experience.

I'm also slightly disappointed by the style of the series. With Tim Burton as a director, I guess we expected a darker, more "crooked" style (with character designs or even sceneries), which we mostly only got from Tyler's Hyde form and Thing. I am aware Tim Burton doesn't have full freedom and, contrary to animation movies, has to deal with the material and physical limits of the real world (human face shapes, expensive makeup and CGI).

I think my last complaint would be about the length of the season: it was slightly fast-paced and therefore quite short in the end. So many things happened in only 8 episodes. I know productions now have to deal with many constraints, deadlines and even budgets, but I hope the success of the first season will give more time and money for the producers to have fun and add as much as they want to the final product.

Finally, I think it's just fair to write about Jenna Ortega's acting, which is absolutely amazing. Beside the no-blinking thing (which is really hard, not only because of the length of the scenes but also because of reflexes - try not blinking while moving your head around, or try doing it while keeping your movement natural), her posture is so straight yet remains natural. I'm also quite impressed by her capacity to control her full body - try staying as straight as her while falling, like in her vision scene after the kiss.

I also think it's important to note Gwendoline Christie's performance (principal Weems). Her facial expressions are to die for, with the slight eye movements whenever Wednesday or Morticia piss her off !

Emma Myers (Enid) also has some good facial expressions (at the ball, or with the homeless man who steals the camera) and her whimpers are so fun !

The expressiveness in this show is quite phenomenal and really participate in the story - big fake smiles (like Noble and Weems), odd expressions (like the woman who drives the hiker in the woods in the first episode, or Tyler's weird scene in the mansion), and the ambivalent, twisted meaning of Thornhill's actions and reactions that are great to rewatch after the twist revelation.

I have a few more thoughts about the choice to involve Pilgrims in the story (which is unique, hilarious and meaningful), but they're not fully developed.

I don't mistake my opinions for truths and I'd love to see more approaches to the series.

Also please note I'm French and English is not my first language. If you see any mistake or weird syntax/grammar, please inform me 😊

[luxshine]

Chapter Nine begins and Mike is an idiot immediately.

I REALLY dislike Mike. He's not my most hated character, but of the main group? He's the one I wouldn't mind feeding to a demo-dog.

And Eleven is a jerk to Max for no reason except writers really can't write a group with two girls in it without making them fight for a boy. UGH.

Billy flirting with Mrs. Wheeler was very uncomfortable. I am back on wanting him to die.

Steve just plain out said that he'd rather be babysitting Mike than having Nancy around. Good boy. Please keep remembering that for future seasons, as Nancy is a terrible girlfriend.

Why is El interested in Mike? I mean, yes, he's like the first boy she met and the first one to be kind to her but really? That's a disgusting trope. Let the girl meet other people before shoving her into a romance.

Hooper needs a parenting manual. Well, we all do, but Hooper right now? Is in urgent need of it.

Gotta give it to Billy's actor: You can hear the slurs he's not saying when he's yelling at Lucas. Seriously, he can't die soon enough. Why did he have to survive to chapter 9 and not Bob?

I LOVE that Steve is only a capable fighter when he is defending the children and only started losing when Billy cheated. As I said, the pokemon evolved! (I am going to end up drawing that, ain't I?)

Max RULES. I've said that Dustin is the owner of the only braincell of the group and that is true. But Max? She has her own brain and her own set of braincells and more courage than all the gang combined. I love her. I really hate that El dislikes her just because of the idiot girls must fight for a guy trope. And she drives like crazy! I really, really love her as a character. She deserves a better group of friends.

The fact that the kids disobeyed Steve but STILL took him with them, so nice. Even if he was going to yell at them.

I can see that Joyce does not fuck around when it comes to revenge. I like that in her too. People should listen to her more often and not just ignore her instincts.

I was joking about Steve being Dustin's pokemon but.... he kinda is. Dustin just... tells him to do things and Steve goes with it. I love that. Such an interesting arc, especially when Nancy is not around.

That last scene with Dart? Adorable. Pity Dustin couldn't keep a demodog as a pet to go with his Babysitter paladin.

WHY is Bill still alive?! I wanted him DEAD not Bob.

But Steve as Dustin's ride? Melt my heart damn it. To think a year ago he was his main bully, and now he'd die for him.

And Ok, Nancy won me a bit by dancing with Dustin. See, if she could get her threesome polycule in order, they'd be amazing parents for Dustin.

... Did they really used the Psycho Stalker song for Eleven and Mike's first dance? Like, REALLY?! Do they know what they did or were just... that dumb? (Although given her nickname for him, it was fitting it was the song to Max and Lucas's first kiss)

Ok. The series won me over this season in a way season 1 didn't do. Mostly by not cribbing every note from Stephen King's books as they did in season 1 and by giving Steve an amazing arc and character development. So... let's see if season 3 holds.

[sailboatshrunk]

to love a racecar boy (ode to 2nd place)

if i could give you anything you wanted, would you even take it? sometimes at night i see your eyes in the corner of my room, when cars pass by and their headlights shine through my window, i swear theres a reflection of green. i bought emerald earrings for $15 dollars at an estate sale because they reminded me of you. but i keep them in my bathroom. under my skin sink where i barely ever see them. 

i go to parties in a silk black dress that hugs my waist like it grew from my skin and people stare but they dont ask because what is there to say? "i loved him and he's gone. he's elsewhere. he's never more than fifteen feet away but that might as well be the circumference of the world. you could fit all the evidence our time together in fifteen feet and still have room for both our bodies" 

every memory we have together could be pulled out of my ears in a film reel, and then i would cut out each scene that takes place in different rooms of my apartment and stick them up like polaroids so everywhere i look you're there. 

you are stuck to my fridge with a canary squad magnet doing my dishes because it hurts too much for me to stand. you are in my taped to my bathroom mirror holding my hand while i throw up into my toilet, having told you i was hungover (but i wasn't. it's just easier to explain than "i don't know what's wrong with me but it's stuck in my chest and rotting my body"). you are in my bedroom, stuck to every wall, under all my pillows, piled in boxes under my bed. 

you are brushing my hair, stroking my chest, laughing in my face, stealing my blankets, putting your hand under my shorts, watching my TV, calling me baby, calling me bro, calling me by my last names like you can't fit your mouth around my first. 

i used to show my friends photos of you sweaty and red faced, staring at nothing, and they'd go "oh..." because they didn't see it like i did. you look hot in your fancy suit with your hair brushed, or walking around half-well dressed, just in case, but you look your best with that fire in your eyes, like you met the sun and it kissed your hand before it shot you back to earth and now that's all you think about. you look your best when you look like you see the same thing every time your eyes are closed, feel that pull in your chest like god has left a gift for you at the end of the world, if only you can get there. 

what you'll never know is that i see the same thing when my eyes are closed too. 

can you guess what? 

but you never took me seriously. it wasn't because i wasn't model-pretty, or because i wasn't used to the high life----it was because i wasn't hungry like you. like your friends. like the models or the businessmen or all those people you swore you didn't prefer. i don't know how to want what i don't want, though. i was born passionless. i was born under the full moon and immediately knew my life was just about getting by. 

it's not like i couldn't have done something, or anything i wanted, if i really tried, it's that i didn't think there was still time. the first time you started the rest of your life was the same time i was zoning out during math lessons, waiting until we moved on to english so i could catch a break. 

and that was the rest of my life, too. waiting to catch a break. 

when you left me you said, in your 'clinical operation' voice, in your 'eggshell' voice, in your 'omlet' voice, that "our interests just aren't aligned." what the fuck does that mean, i'd asked. what i wanted to say was that you're never going to find someone who cares as much as you, and i'm not sure you'll be able to find anyone willing to cheer you on as much as i had again. 

maybe if i had told you to shut up we would still be intertwined, on my bed, on my couch, in my bathroom. but i would be lying if i said i didn't love your passion, even if it burns up everyone around you. 

what i know now, from the magic of hindsight, from the magic of simple observation, is that there are people who care as much, a rare few who care more, and you're surrounded by them. i should have know i’d never be able to crack in. to carve out my own spot. 

when i was a teenage girl in rural america, feeling my skin sizzle underneath the heat of the sun, smelling barbecue right up my nose from miles away, i used to dream of europe. of low temperatures and old buildings and boys that had to be prettier than here, surely. 

ten years ago i had an accent. can you believe it? i hit my vowels like drum beats and dragged my r's down the block. 

i hadn't known that heartbreak is the same across the ocean as it is up and down america. to be honest, it never even crossed my mind. 

in the years passed since then my voice has flattened. occasionally i catch a hint of something else----something british, something french, something german----and it scares me.  

once, when i was 18, six months before i'd be gone for the old world, a girl who was on a cloud above us told me that i had the most beautiful eyes and that she was scared her parents were right and if she didn't clean up her act now she'd amount to nothing. 

when i asked her where she was from she said "nowhere, same as everyone else here." 

when i asked who her parents were she said "the faces of god." 

when i told her she should call them she said "i'll do it when im older." and then fell asleep on the floor. 

if any of this sounds familiar it's because i've done the same thing a hundred times since we started talking and only once since you left. 

i wish i could say we were exes. i wish i felt as old as i am. i wish i could call my parents, and tell them im sorry. late at night, when i see glimpses of green in the corners of my eyes, and i can smell your shampoo on the wind, i wish i could call you and tell you to come back. you never look at me how you used to, across the dance floor, down the table, meeting my eyes. 

do you hate me or are you indifferent? which is worse? months pass where your name bleeds from my lips, the aftermath of the cyanide pill i take when it gets too much. 

some people never lay in the road. crazy, right? we are not those people. 

some people aren’t allowed to drive for their entire lives. thats not you either. i’m starting to think it might be me. 

in the collection of memories in my head, within the tangled pile, theres a film strip where i’m in the passenger seat of your car while you’re driving with one hand on the wheel and one hand on my thigh. and i ask “is it weird to drive at normal speeds? in normal areas” because i want to know. but you look at me like i've said the wrong thing, like i've fed you something sour. 

“yeah.” you say, and then a beat later, you scoff. you put your other hand on the wheel and i want to ask what i said but we don't do that so i look out the window instead. then the film sputters to a stop. and the memory’s over. and i'm alone in my apartment, just like i have been for a while.

the distance between my bedroom and the outside world is a measly four-point-six meters. for some reason, everyone seems to look at me but you.

i think the bottom line here is that i still see you everywhere. is that i avoid your eyes now. is that i miss my hometown like a limb and i could never expect you to understand because you've never missed anything in your whole life except what you haven't had. is that you took your hand off my thigh to put it on the wheel. 

i think the bottom line is that i'm still in love with you and you’re still ambition personified. you’ll never stop moving away from me.

[little-tealing]

WAAHH THE ANGST THESE TWO GIVE ARE ASTRONOMICALLY GORGEOUS

(honestly, I need to catch up because the kr fandom is brutal with their spoilers and I'm not okay)

...maybe I'm just a little judgemental towards casey because I believe she's already had her chance to choose between what's "good" and "doing what's right."— a great example would be her denial when judging moriarty as a character (before the whole memory spiel); as a detective, she failed to comprehend to search for the bigger picture and focused solely on getting answers out of moriarty (understandable, she's human after all and just couldn't believe someone close to her would do such a thing) and didn't bother to tell people off when they'd hailed her as their saviour for "killing" him, especially when she already had her own doubts of being saved by him (as mentioned). She was so fixated on wanting to know what went wrong that she forgot to do the one thing she was passionate about— dig deeper, which again, is proven to be incredibly difficult with how witty and sly moriarty is. also how literally no evidence was left behind after the crime scene crumbled and got buried.

on another note, I personally like to think that casey didn't reveal his return to the public solely because she's already seen how his existence turned a kingdom upside down. not to mention, kunst auction house happened before the memory arc, so it's safe to assume that she still stood with her side of justice— especially with the whole, "I'll arrest you" thing.

opinion wise? casey is a well built character, but she lacks real and emotional responses to certain situations, while having completely logical ones in others (in terms of her character at least)— especially with the whole marriage arc; I know rudger probably doesn't care that she tried to kill him— but she did nonetheless, and I'd say that's pretty worthy for never wanting to show your face to someone again (especially if you believe what they did is right— post memory arc). She's trying to make amends but rudger clearly doesn't want the end of it, which is why I prefer the whole executioner idea thing— she's going to have to realise he's wrong (by law) eventually, whether or not he's saving people. (another interesting divergence that we could potentially see is casey siding with him over the “law” she swore to abide— grr, come on sayren, bring back my girl)

as for the acts of murder— she wouldn't have felt pity if she believed what he was doing was the right thing. rudger constantly takes up the role of being an executioner for people who he believes (and rightfully so) deserves it.

this discussion did make me realise that casey is no different, considering the fact she was so god damn ready to put an end to moriarty.

which correlates with the whole "bird cage" god thing— we've been told (as of the time this was posted) that rudger wants this barrier gone, and we (the readers) were told that the barrier in a sense was lumensis trying to control the development of humans; but I don't see why sayren would use such powerful language just to imply that he was trying to save all of humanity. looking at everything rudger's been through, it's starting to seem like he wants to destroy the gods and the world they've created, instead of lumensis alone.

then again, this is another thing that befuddles me— who is the antagonist of his story? does he even have one with all the possible endings that we've been predicting for? there's casey, surna, the heretic god, lumensis, the church of lumensis and there's even the possibility of himself. (credits to @/stonespears because *chef kiss* that idea of him just formatting his og life like a phone is 🤌🤌)(edit: the gist of this idea is that he returns to his og world with no memory of what happened)— honestly speaking though, although casey's one of the characters with the most screen time, I can't really see how she'd play a part in the life rudger has set out, especially when we already have characters with lesser screen time but a major role for suspense etc (grander, surna, rene). not jinxing this because I beg you sayren, don't offscreen my watergirl.

++also your annoyance is very relatable— especially as an mtl reader, I must say some comments on chapters make me want to pull my hair out/lh

(please keep talking to me, I love these kinds of conversations jebdkndksndnd :dies:— also, I sometimes get the feeling I'm not saying what I'm thinking, so I'm a little sorry for that jahaha,, )

+++ and omg thank you for rambling this much with me, you have no idea how much I appreciate it.

(⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)/♡

this entire conversation makes me want to start a discussion about machiavelli—because rudger babe, taking that name after pulling everything as moriarty was not a good idea; especially with the whole, "killing for a reason is killing nonetheless" idea (from the irl Machiavelli).

on casey selmore & ludger cherish:

the more i read into the novel, the more i wanna scream at the manhwa for missing out the context for caseys grievance over moriarty/ludger, and thus making the readers think she is annoying for it. despite their rivalry/bickering before moriarty was deep into the things™️, considering caseys personality, she still prolly saw moriarty as her best friend (or someone who gets her the most). and if my best friend suddenly changed 180° and became a notorious villain, yet still trying to save me when we were supposed to be nemesis, i as someone whose whole career is pursuing the truth would also wanna chase them into the end of earth and make them confess their reasons. ludger's assessment of casey obsessively chasing him out of her pride may contain a part of truth, but i find it unfair to say that's her whole deal. (if you are familiar with ace attorney, i dont think its incorrect to say their relationship after falling out is similar to phoenix wright and miles edgeworth after DL-6.)

spoilers for 268+: i personally dont think casey was at fault for falling for moriartys bit when for his whole life lying is his whole expertise and the gods also bless him with auto crits on deception.

spoilers for 356+: i do hate that casey was the one who ended up apologizing when between the two, ludger was clearly in the wrong. i suppose at the time it made sense since casey needed ludgers forgiveness for closure and full mental recovery, so i wont dwell much on this.

spoilers for 497+: since ch268, casey was the only one actively trying to mend their relationship while it became clear and clearer in ch497 that ludger was the one actively pushing her away. i think after the moriartys bit, ludger ended up seeing himself as someone who is irredeemable and one day poetic justice will become his downfall. based on ludgers past behaviors during their reichenbachs falls and now his last convo with casey, he seems to be building casey up to be his executioner. i dont wanna say this is end game foreshadowing or ludgers death flag but fuck if thinking about it doesnt make me screaming crying throwing up eating drywall.

[liyazaki]

a scene™: on rage, regret & yes- joy

I already wrote a tag novel on this but I can't get this scene out of my mind & it deserves a deep-dive, so- buckle up, kids.

the heartwrench started in earnest when Vegas stormed out of the bathroom and Kinn turned to- or on to- Porsche. look at the small but striking journey Porsche's expressions go through here:

I'm praying to the BL gods that we get some BTS commentary on this moment in particular because there's so much that could be happening with Porsche here.

maybe in his tipsiness he was just happy to have Kinn there before the reality of Kinn's rage hit him. maybe it was some of that gleeful sass in response to Kinn's jealousy that we saw earlier in the ep.

or it could have a darker meaning: is that little smile a knowing one? a confirmation of the doubts about Kinn's sincerity/intentions that have been brewing in Porsche since he found out about Tawan?

regardless, all are loaded/potentially devastating possibilities.

Kinn and Porsche then exchange slaps and verbal barbs, but it's much more than the sum of its parts. they both have so many fears, insecurities and lack of trust in each other (and themselves, too) that they've been carrying around since this intoxicating, terrifying thing between them started.

the powder keg was already loaded & ready to explode- the altercation with Vegas was just the spark that lit it.

I'm glazing over the rest of the argument to the aftermath because that's where things really get narratively delicious. I've always been a sucker for a good chase- the idea that someone not just wants but needs you to the extent that they'd pursue you- and Kinn's desperate need for Porsche to stay with him is on full, aggressive display here.

he moves so quickly after Porsche that it comes off as an instinct, not an intentional choice- a magnet chasing its opposite polarity.

there's this moment against the mirror where they continue to struggle against each other, but it couldn't be more half-hearted. the mutual stare-off is intense as they size each other up. Kinn is a brick wall of determination, but we all know Porsche could easily get out of his grip & that room if he wanted to. which way is he gonna go? the tension in this moment was palpable (all hail MileApo for acting their damn faces off).

and then, Porsche caves- literally. he curls into himself in a defensive posture against the mirror, clearly pissed about giving into this insufferable man he loves- but he does it anyway, because it's Kinn. one of the hallmarks of their relationship is how mutually weak they are for each other, despite all the reasons they "shouldn't" be.

once Kinn realizes Porsche is staying with him- at least for the moment- this deep, yawning regret paints his expression, tinged with a sort of loneliness (not surprising after the life he's led), replacing the rage. there's a different sort of tension here now- this feeling of walking the edge of a knife, knowing one wrong word or move could end the fragile sort-of peace.

Kinn's terrified in this moment: not just at the possibility of losing Porsche for good, but the past repeating itself. of how the world seems stacked against his happiness- maybe even how he himself (and what he's had to become/endure) stands in the way of it.

Kinn didn't wax poetic here because, in my opinion, he can't: he's in the midst of a total emotion onslaught, holding onto this man who's become so precious to him for dear life. but he has to say something, do something, so he goes for simplicity: I'm sorry.

we linger here for a minute, the camera purposefully moving in Kinn's direction then Porsche's, the mirror giving us a full 180 view. again, the ball is in Porsche's court. the choice is his.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: Porsche is a mirror, reflecting back whatever he's given (or not given), which makes the use of mirrors here all the more chef's kiss. Porsche also needs words to go along with actions, so as small as that apology was- it's exactly what he needed to hear.

he didn't want this fight, he didn't want that kiss from Vegas- he wants to stay with Kinn, be with Kinn, in spite of everything they're up against. there are so many layers here, but it's really pretty simple: it's love. stupid, wonderful, intoxicating love.

I love how slowly Porsche turns to Kinn here- it says "I'm not fighting; I'm not fleeing." and Kinn turns with him, again moving with him like he can't help himself.

and then: Porsche fully faces Kinn and my heart stopped. this isn't an expression we've seen him wear in front of anyone: it's soft but feels like a raw nerve. naked, vulnerable- it says, "you did wrong. I'm hurting, but I'm here. now show me how you really feel. heal what you hurt." Kinn strokes his hair with a breathless sort of wonder, not quite believing his luck that he's still there.

and then, the moment that shoots this scene into the stratosphere for me: Porsche doesn't move. this constantly-joking, light-hearted gremlin of a man doesn't do a thing to ease the tension- and he's so right for that.

he lets the silence stretch on, and Kinn takes his cue: this is his moment to demonstrate his deep remorse and affection for Porsche. so- he starts worshipping him. smartly, he doesn't move in for a kiss first- this would put them on too equal footing- not until they both get caught up in the heat together.

when they do kiss, Porsche grabs Kinn's chin and gently pulls him away, and Kinn nods to him in reassurance. I like to think he's saying it's OK to surrender, that he's safe with him- and once again, that was all the reassurance Porsche needed.

damn Tumblr's 10 image limit to hell because Kinn's expressions of pure, utter joy when Porsche touches him back is just incredible. Porsche mirrors (heh) that joy right back, delighted in his ability to make this man weak in the best possible way. it’s a beautiful, sexy sliver of happiness in the middle of the unstable chaos that is their reality- and really, their relationship.

and afterwards, when Porsche grabs Kinn as tightly to him as he can, Kinn in near-tears pressed against his shoulder? Porsche's face tight with his own emotions and empathy for the man in his arms? there's this feeling of inevitability; that they couldn't pull themselves away from each other if they wanted to...come what may.

POETIC CINEMA, my friends. poetic, smutty cinema.

[lunapwrites]

Pasketti and Welly Boots

I randomly got into a brief Wolfstar Raising Harry mood (I say, as if I haven't been reading all of @impishtubist 's posts) so here, have a fluffy scene.

"What should we have for breakfast today, Pup?" Sirius asked, tying his hair into a messy knot at the back of his head. Harry tapped his chin, humming to himself as if deep in thought.

"Pasketti," he said decisively. Remus snorted from his place at the table, face buried behind the newspaper.

(The crossword was set over in Sirius' usual place already -- he was a gem.)

"'Pasketti,' huh?" Sirius scooped Harry up and perched him on his hip. "You sure you don't want... bacon?"

He tickled Harry's sides, and the boy shook his head, giggling.

"No!"

"How about... eggs?"

"No!"

Sirius gasped in mock-hurt.

"Not even pancakes?"

"Noooo!" Harry moaned, and flopped over Sirius' arms like a particularly wriggly tea towel. "Pasketti!"

"You heard the lad," Remus said solemnly, safely ensconced behind the Prophet so Harry couldn't see him laughing -- but Sirius could see the telltale glint in his eyes. "Perhaps we can have pancakes for supper instead?"

"Yeah!" Harry squealed, his tiny fists flailing excitedly. Sirius pretended to scowl at Remus.

"Don't go giving him ideas!"

(He loved when Remus gave Harry ideas.)

"Not my fault you gave our three-year-old the power to make a decision today."

(He also loved when Remus didn't catch himself before he called Harry theirs.)

"Says the man who let him go about town in a backwards jumper and mismatched welly boots yesterday!" he shot back, archly.

Remus folded the paper, setting it down on the table in front of him, and raised an eyebrow.

"Says the man who took approximately a half dozen pictures before letting us leave the house like that." (Touche.) "Besides, it's important to let him have some autonomy, remember?"

(Low blow, referencing the half-dozen parenting books Sirius had panic-bought when they'd taken Harry home. But a double-edged sword when Remus had read them too.)

"It is," Sirius agreed, "which is why I'm going to ask Haz if he'd like meatballs with his 'pasketti' this morning."

"Yes please!" Harry cheered. Sirius pressed a scratchy kiss to his forehead.

"Only since you asked so nicely, little man!"

He wondered, sometimes, if James would have made his son spaghetti and meatballs for breakfast. If Lily would have let him wear mismatched welly boots to jump into puddles with. If they'd have joked around their kitchen like this, so full of love they could burst.

Maybe. Probably. But they'd never know now, so it was up to Sirius and Remus to make up the difference.

It wasn't perfect. Merlin knew they had bad days too, days where Harry was throwing fits about everything from his shirt being itchy to his feet not being detachable (that was a strange one), or worse: days when he'd wake up screaming. There were moon-nights and whisky nights and nights where he and Remus spoke in sheathed daggers, fingers dancing on the hilt -- try me, come on. Give me an excuse.

But they had been through the worst thing they could imagine and survived it, so now they had a new worst thing instead, something they had already gotten a taste of.

(Hours after they'd ensured Harry was okay, Sirius had caught Remus ugly-crying in the loo because he was the one who'd fed him grapes, and Sirius cried with him because he hadn't thought to stop him.)

It was worth it. Harry was worth it.

So they made 'pasketti' and took Harry for strolls after the rain and laughed at what an awful mess they all were at the end of it all, so full of love they could burst.

Sirius set a little plate down on the table with pasta and meatballs cut up into toddler-sized bites, and Harry grabbed his little fork without even looking up.

"What do you say?" Remus prompted. Harry shoved a forkful of pasta into his mouth as Sirius started to sit down.

"Thank you, Daddy."

Sirius froze.

He exchanged a brief, shocked glance with Remus, whose eyebrows had nearly vanished behind his fringe.

Act natural, his eyes screamed.

"You're welcome, baby," Sirius managed, barely, and sat.

And breathed.

In. Out.

(James was probably laughing at him from beyond the veil, the bastard. Lily too. Twats, both of them. He missed them so much. And he was grateful, in a guilty, twisting way, that they had given him this.)

He met Remus' eyes again, and smiled.

It wasn't perfect. It was theirs.