#/i strted and i couldnt stop

[romanarose]

Life update if anyone cares.

I only post this bc i was posting my depressing shit for months and a lot of people were reaching out in concern <3

cw sever depression, self harm, suicide, csa, SA, all the bad. but also lots of good <3

TLDR: Despite a god-awful semester, i got all a's and b's

Everyone thats been following me the last few months has seem my personal posts about how fucking awful things have been for me.

I've dealt with fact I can no longer deny that what happened to me was CSA, despite being on a milder side of things. That sparked an absolutely spiral. I didnt sleep for months which made things worse. School, I got an F on a midterm and i NEVER get F's on writing assignments.

Work had its complications and i quit and then rescinded that quit two days later. I was so constantly depressed in my dorm my roommate literally told me i needed to go to the basketball game with them bc i was sitting in a depression hovel none stop. I only went to services twice this whole time, one shabbat and once for Rosh Hoshannah.

I burned the ever living fuck out of my fingers, yall remember that one? lol.

In novemeber i had relapsed so severely on self harm i thought i had accidentally killed myself. I should've called 911. I thought I was bleeding out and/or going into shock. I then worked myself up more by going down pages of the internet about medical shook and people dying from it. that did not help my heart rate. I couldn't stand, I couldnt see straight for a while.

I could not afford an ambulance or a hospital stay as i am uninsured and only ork 25 hours a week. not a lot of money.

All this happened and I didn't miss work. This is not a brag, this is me not being able to makegood choices for myself.

Finally, thanksgiving break hit. Thank fucking god. I WANTED to use those 4 days of absolutely nothing to get to my TWO BIG RESEARCH PAPERS I HADNT STRTED YET but alas, I was SICK. I was so sick, in fact, and so hoped up on cough medicine for 3 days i was incomprehensible.

I was so physically ill, i couldnt even think about how mentally ill i was. I slept and slept and slept. And by the time sunday hit, I felt so recharged.

My failed midterm was so bad and so not me my professsor reached out to me. Im close with him (in a v appropriate way lol, hes a bruce springsteen fan too) and i felt comfortable telling him essentially that for a few months there things were severe, and I really should've gone in for a 72 hour hold multiple times and i was not safe. through a few lines of resources, I ended up back in therapy bc my school added a new therapist that is a woman (i stopped going last year bc i didnt like seeing a man)

I like my new therapist.

Anway, in about 2 weeks I wrote 2 12 page research papers, 2 book report papers, 1 science paper did 2 presentations, took 2 finals, wrote 2 more finals with essay questions, and at the end of it all, not only did I not fail any classes...

I GOT ALL A'S AND B'S! Which means my gpa is still high enough to renew my scholarship for my last year

I am so fucking proud of myself for accomplishing all this despite suffering so fucking badly. I havnt felt pain like that in years, just agony.

I had a down turn again over christmas bc my siblings were literally ass, upto and including making fun of me for not ating (i am multiple accounts of sexual trauma from several people, so im scared of dating), making fun of my eating, and my sister slapping me and my older brother hitting me. Was a bad time. But for right now, im in the place im staying for break (all january) im back at my old day care and they love me, and olive garden at this store has been going great

Im hoping next semester to be better, im hopful at least

Anyway, thank you so much to everyone who has supported my writing has supported me through these times. It makes me happy that i came her to share my silly little moon knight x reader series, not really intending on writing a whole lot, but next thing i know, i have friends and a lil community. so thank you <3

[neville-is-my-husband]

The next step

(Sry for bad spelling)

Only One person voted🥺

warning:smut.spiiicy🌶.aaand Yea watch it at ur One good.

Summary:You decide that your finally Ready to lose ur virginity and you want Neville to do it.

(Sry for bad spelling)

You were sat on the couch, with Neville Running around and tending his plants. He was so adoreble with the dirt smered on his face and his Hair all messy. You have wanted to ask him to take your virginity for a long time, so when he sat on the couch beside you, you told your self *its now or never*. "Neville?" You asked shyly " Yea?" He said in a sweet voice. Your heart was pounding."uhh i um i thougt that i uh...sorry" you couldnt get the words out of your mouth "dont Worry darling take your time" he said. You sighted trying not to studder to much "soo you know how we talked abt h-how we would only do IT when i-i was ready?" "Yea.." he said "weelllll im ready" a HUUGGGE smile appered on his face "u sure" he said "y-yea" u said "well when were u thinking?" Maybe saturday?"you said shyly "alr darling☺...but its getting late wanna go back to mine and cuddle?" "Ofc Neville!!"you said....

*time skip*

You were so exited you handsome boyfriend would finnaly take your virginety not that you didnt like having it you just wanted to know how it felt and step you and Nevilles relationship up. You wore a short red dress you had just bought just to spice things up🌶🔥. As you were on ur way to his dorm you couldnt stop thinking abt what he would think abt you body. But as soon as you opended the door all your worries went away. There was rose paddles all over the floor and candles were lit in the simmy dark room.Neville was sat on the bet with one of his prettyest shirts.you could already feel the tingeling between your legs.he had a huge smile on face pulling you towards him.

"You look stunning" neville said and it started to tingel even more."hm well thanks handsome" you said in your most suducive voice.he trew you on the bed and got on top of you "now your sure abt this,rhigt?""yea im ready"you said. He smiled and pulled his shirt of.he looked so good his handsome body rhigt above you turned you on even more(if thats possible) he looked at you and said"may i " like you were his queen and you adored that."ofc neville" said as he started to unbotton your shirt....

A couple minutues and kisses later you and him were only in your undergartmens.

He was so hot it was so hard to not rub agains him.

"Mmm you look soo good" Neville said.

This sended you over the edge you grabbed on to him and started rubbing against him.

"Someones desprate huh?" He said with a small smirk on his face.he slowly reached behind your back and unclapsed your bra. "Neville" a small wimper escaping your lips "aww look at you..you want me to touch you ,rhigt?" "Yes-yes plsss" you begged"alr then" he said as he pulled of your panties."be a good girl and spread your legs" you amedietly did what was told "mm so obidient" he wispered in your ear sending shivers down your spine. His head went between your legs and you could feel his tounge between your folds. "Fuck neville" you moaned his toung running across your clit.Neville slowly got uo and kissed you."sure you ready?" he asked again."yes Neville im sure" he quicly pulled his boxers of and lined up with your intrince.you winced as he slowly slid in "im sorry darling""no its okay"you winced. The pain slowly turned into plesure when he bottomed out and strted to kissed you."mm your so thigt" Neville moaned into your lips.

He slowly started moving and you could all ready feel the knoy in your stomac thigting "Neville!!"you moaned feeling your self realise."aww did sombody already come""im sorry neville" "its alr darling...cuddles?"

You better say yes to those cuddles!!!

This took me 2 days to write and i got tired while i was rhigting so im sry if its bad

Anywayyy i hope you like it!!!

Edit: this is soo cringeee.

[selfdestructionisbeauty]

My love story

Chapter 1: the start

When i was 17 i met a man that set my world on fire. I was just a teenager who constantly had crushes, still a virgin while he was married with 2 kids all by 23. I rember looking at him from my register thinking how a guy like that could never like or want me. God i remember like it was yesturday. April heat began early that year.our store would do certain charities and one of them was big summer raffle that required to sell donated goods most of the time it was outside and hosted by cashiers. The weeknd of my 18th birthday i got to be one of the lucky ones who got to spend their shift outside along with him. My heart fluttered with excitement as the front end manager introduced me to my new friend k.j. his skinny figure, tatoos, and piercings were what any emo girl could dream about. As me and him were talking we were discussing my rebellious urge to get a tounge ring he was trying to convince me not too but all it did was make me want one even more and tht night so i did it. It also started a whirlwind that would last about 5 years. I quit the store later that year ending my fantasy thoughts.

Prbely a year later, after i had my first real boyfriend even though that relationship came and went after it i felt revived i had dropped a bunch of weight and strted gainging some confidence after being picked on and bullied for most my life i started picking my head up. Maybe he noticed. Or maybe he did feel something that day. Whatever it was a shopping trip crossed our paths again and he made coments tht were suggestive. And i can remember the words as vividly as the day they were said “ look at you coming in here with your short shirt distracting us boys from work”. What? Me? Not some older taller cooler girl than me? I giggled and continued on my way. As i made my way twords the dairy dept we started chatting where he mentioned tht his wife and kids were going away to flordia and he wanted to “hang” i was still in confusement or shock. Thinking this can’t be real. We exhanged numbers where he gave me set of rules for having his number.i had to be sure if this was what i thought it was what i thought because it my head it couldnt be it .so i kept randomly dropping in where the flirting got more agressive and it became more clear as to wear things were heading.

We continued to exchange conversation where he told me beautiful things and i melted. No one talked to me that way at least no one like him. I started creating excuses to see him mainly going to the store. Grocery shopping could be a daily, weekly thing.counting down til the night we had planned to hang out. And then it was there.

At the time i was reckless. I just wanted to fuck without reason, become numb with whatever substance anything to shut the voices up bt instead of them saying give up, your worthless, they were saying let go.I wasnt thinking it would go anywhere i jst wanted to have someone i was never one of those girls that got tht. The satisfaction of having someone that you fantasized about even tho i knew it wasnt going anywhere. I wanted to be lke those guys who put notchs on their belts and i was.

That night in may with the fog looming over the island like most off shore towns eary like the set of a scary movie bt this fog was nothing but steam taking over . We met and sat in my car a long while befor he got spooked and decided to call it off even tho i was sad it was probley for the best and to my luck there was another boy waiting. A friend of mine i had cheated on my previous boyfriend with( reckless). So i decided to take my losses and head back to my kneck of the island. Slightly relieaved.

When i got to my other friends house he was drunk off whiskey. The only time he wanted to fuck me. I still never understood that relationship and i stopped trying, he was just a fix. Because of his state he wasnt able to preform and since me and him were still texting even after i left. He urged me to come back and of course i did. Sometimes i wish i diddnt because i would never know how determental it could be to free fall with the wrong person underneath you. I went back after i had a chance to stop what started but a new voice took place of the weak one ;a stronger one, a chaos inducing one, one that told me let loose and be bad and i was.

It was about 11 by the time i got back where we quietly moved to his basment apartment where we sat on the couch, he was smart. He kept it dark. Moved all the toys to the corner knowing those are things that could cause me to stop and turn back being 19 and at the time i diddnt know it bt now i do bt attractive.

It was akward.was it his first time doing this? Did he do all this time? Without warning our lips met lke it was an exsplosion of sorts a nuclear bomb going off. Signaling game time. The details are messy this was now 10 years ago. Some how our cloths disapeared and he was in me. It started on the couch. he grabbed and lifted me to the kitchen, then to his bedroom, fast paced, chaotic, no time, no tempo,just messy and all over the place. No ones ever. Not like that. Intense. Passionate. A scene you could imagine in a movie reguarding lust.

[datingadviceonreddit]

This is not a troll, this really happened. So i went to a club with my friends the other night. I'm the shortest in the group at 5'1. I'm a guy btw. The tallest in our group is a girl, she is 6'4. I always avoide hugging her because its awkward but when i arrived to the club, she was really excited to see me. I think she was drunk already, she ran up to me and gave me a face full of boobs. Cant lie, shes pretty hot and i got aroused. She was wearing heels tho making her like fckin 6'10 so it was awkward for me. To give you an idea of the size difference, the belt of her dress was literally up to my chin. Anyway, she kept talking to me and touching me the whole night. Seemed like she wanted to get with me but i thought no way that could be possible cuz of the height difference. The night went on and we went outside where it was quiet to smoke some weed. Before i knew it she grabbed my face and strted making out with me. I told her i was uncomfortable but she just said "shut up, i know you wanna do this. Dont fight it." She started undressing me and i tried to get away but honestly, i was really aroused. And keep in mind that i'm 5'1 and weigh 100 pounds. Shes not fat but probably almost twice my weight so there wasnt much i could do to stop her and she was being very forceful. She sucked me off and held my head to her chest. At this point i tried to pull away but she pulled me closer and i couldnt overpower her. She wouldnt let me go and told me to stick it in, while she was still holding on to it. She forcibly held me tight to her while she rode me until i climaxed. It didnt take long but it was really uncomfotable and i felt violated.. is that rape? Even though i climaxed and even tho im a man and shes a girl? Also, does it change anything if she is 17 (technically a minor) and im 19? Please help via /r/dating_advice

[irishxseahorse]

Year of the Woman [Sersh in 2018]

001. What is your proudest accomplishment of this year?

I’ve had such personal growth in this year, that’s my proudest accomplishment. That I feel whole and complete as the woman I now am, professionally and personally I have become in sync. I’ve gained such perspective for who I am,  the person I want to project into the world, and the purposes I feel here to fulfill.

002. What is the biggest life lesson you learned this year?

You don’t live your life for others, people pleasing only leads to your own guilt. You attract by virtue of who you are the people who should be in your life, those that shouldn’t be; find the soonest excuse to be step out of it or worse make you feel guilty for choices in your own best interest.  The road to true happiness is just being yourself to your fullest and speaking your own truth. 

003. What is one relationship (can be friendship) that has helped you survive this year?

Jack has certainly made it the most beautiful time in my life and I wouldn’t have my feet firmly on the ground without Gi, Lili, Margot, Brie & Taylor. [ @jocklowden, @itsgenevievegnt, @liliisms, @margotrcbbied , @thatlarson, @teylcrswift]

004. Who or what do you need to let go of in order to make next year even better than this year?

I think I’ve let go of it all here recently. 

005. What did you do this year that you’ve never done before?

Fell in love for the first real time, won a Golden Globe, wrote an essay in a published book, hosted SNL [yes that counts], did my first beauty campaign with a positive empowerment message, joined the board of Times Up UK and bought our own house. Oh and finally got to be on Watch What Happens! I’ve had a busy year of firsts. 

006. What are three resolutions or goals you want to make happen next year?

Further the campaign for equality, be the most kickass MOH to my bestie, write my first script under Slaney, make Jack grow his beard out further, and love and laugh just a little bit more. That’s more than three but they are all very important to me. 

007. Where did most of your money go this year?

Rest stops and convenience stores.

008. What song will always remind you of this year?

Girls Run The World-Beyonce

009. How will you be spending the last day of this year?

In Scotland with my boyfriend.

010. Who is the best new person you’ve met this year?

Lily @lllyjames, technically we finally ‘met’.

–

001. What relationship (can be friendship) has been the most fun to write for your muse/s this year?

Jaoirse is always gold for me. Beth amazes me, maybe it’s because we have written together for a while in different scenarios and she has known my version of Saoirse for probably the longest etc but she and Jack have such this view of Saoirse that she herself feels finally probably fully realized for who /she all is/ for the first time outside her parents. She’s not this or that, she’s all of it and he loves her for all of the crazy, funny, determined, and intelligent  self. She has someone finally not afraid to go toe to toe with her whose on the same level as her in all those previously mentioned areas, who unconditionally loves her and encourages her wild fucking dreams and adventures. My heart actually aches at how perfect a partner for her he is and that’s all Beth.  Sagi too because it is a completely opposite friendship by virtue of who they are. When Saoirse would be outspoken, Gen would be a little more reserved, and vice versa their humor in conversations I see switch and opposite yet they just feed off each other. [as probably me and Innie do but oh well it’s great inspiration] Gen is the one that sees, besides Jack, the absolutely goofy side of her and holds her to perhaps what an average 24 year old be like without all the expectations and notoriety. They are true ride or die besties. They can be that true /honest/ friend with accountability and a mirror to themselves when they need it. Im forever grateful I get to talk daily to these two amazing people who have also become two of my best friends in rl. Not to be cheesy too but all of her friendships I do enjoy, I think Saoirse is such a people-oriented person yet she can’t be false to anyone either. 

002. In what ways do you connect to your muse/s

Honestly naturally. That can’t be false to anyone, straight shooter I really recognize myself in. I really resonate with how incredibly socially conscious she is along with the goofy humor. She’s really quite intelligent and knowledgeable on social issues in America and Ireland more than I think people expect for her age or the quietness of her personal life. The having one career from young age and being somewhat sheltered from the adult world yet expected to carry herself as an adult from a young age I found myself relating to a whole lot. And yes the Irish-Americanness. I watch and read everything she’s in but after two years and having a lot in common with her naturally it’s autopilot by now.

003. What’s your favorite category to write for your muse/s? (angst, fluff, smut, etc.)

Fluff and smut, the funniest thing is she thinks she’s comedic and sexual pun gold. Im open to angst, don’t get me wrong, I’ve done a bit here and there, but not a lot because the journey she has expressed she’s on in her personal life over the past year and with her personality I see her as a resolve it quickly within herself or with the other person ;or just cut it out of her life if it causes unfixable strife. I think by virtue of who she is her life is chill and positive, and she likes to attract that; barring some huge unexpected event. 

004. If you could give your muse/s one gift, what would you give them?

She’s been really blessed this year Im going to be real, she did and was given a lot to be grateful for. But if there was one thing I could give her it be the Oscar for Lady Bird.  I don’t think she thinks she deserved to win over Brie the two years before nor did she want too despite popular ‘fan’ opinion, but Lady Bird was such a voice for young women and something so honest and real. Dont get me wrong Im very grateful she won the Globe but it was such a piece you saw her connect with and feel like it had an important message for women of all ages. I don’t think Frances would have minded losing to her or vice versa from their interviews post. 

005. What was your favorite event/moment/memory in HollywoodlandHQ this year?  

The Halloween away or Greece event. Something that took the muse outside their element and forced unexpected interactions. 

006. What muse/s have you enjoyed most seeing on this dash this year?

EVERYONE. I love most of all getting to see new people and new characters come into themselves or their storylines. I get excited for new shiny things I’m a goldfish ok? 

007. What is your favorite thing your muse/s have done this year in the group? (can be in the real world or what you made up)

Been this face for, not just a women’s movement, but the LGBT+ and overall equality moment; in not just one or two ways, but overall she let it seep in every area of her life and really become this crusader for the cause. She risked being excommunicated permanently from her own religion to stand up for women’s rights in Ireland and it was so badass. She’s been a strong badass all year and that’s just more of coming into her own. Also *supposedly* [yeah still putting it since neither of their peoples have confirmed it yet] really falling in love with her costar [and Beth and I called it before it was even a thing last year now they basically have wedding bands just saying, for hundredth time] but yeah I adore how Beth and I played that friendship to relationship out; steady and slow, but now they so committed head first for each other because they honestly got to know each other well, for worse or better, first. 

008. What would you like to see in HollywoodlandHQ in 2019?

I’d love, love to see more mix ups that encourage different unexpected interactions. 

009. What is a plot you would love to do with your muse/s?

Saoirse as a drunk but dutiful MOH. Honestly Im excited for the real movies and projects she has coming up . I would love for Jack and Saoirse to have their first fight over something completely little and stupid that probably lasts all of a hour. Hahaha.

010. Tag somebody in the RP and say something nice about them. It’s the season of giving.

@ariagrans You are such a beam of sunshine and you just lift the joy equation in your interactions.